Taskmaster (AU) - Season 4 Episode 1 -
Wasting a Man's Time
Wasting a Man's Time
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00That's a shocking start.
00:04Tom!
00:12Yep, that's it.
00:14Where's Tom?
00:22No!
00:24I hate you.
00:27Let me out of here!
00:30Hello and welcome to a brand new series of Taskmaster Australia.
00:44It's a new season and that means everything is bigger and better.
00:47And by everything, I mean my car park and my paycheck.
00:51And as a result, it must be said, everything else has really suffered.
00:56And despite complaints that the chocolate inside tastes a lot like polystyrene,
00:59we've got ourselves another trophy of my dome up for grabs.
01:05The five new faces vying for glory this season,
01:08each coming from different levels of fame and circumstance,
01:12all united by one thing, availability, are Dave Hughes, Emma Holland,
01:21Lisa McHugh, Takashi Wakatsugi, and Tom Ulettle.
01:27And once again, physically by my side, yet hierarchically well beneath me,
01:36it's lesser Tom Cashman.
01:38All right, I'd like our first prize task for the season, please.
01:46That's right, our first task is a prize task.
01:48Each of our contestants have brought in a prize and the winner of the episode will take home all five prizes.
01:53Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider to be the most misunderstood thing.
01:59Dave, what do you have for me?
02:00I have the ashes of my...
02:05No, of my dog, Barkley.
02:08So this is where we're back.
02:13Season four, let's kick it off with discussing your dead pet.
02:17Thanks for that, Husey.
02:18Yeah, but he was misunderstood.
02:20See, even though he bit a lot of people, he was a lovely dog.
02:24So you're just saying your dog was misunderstood, essentially.
02:27So you could have just had a beautiful photo of your dog, Barkley.
02:30Yeah, because I'm committed to this show.
02:33And Barkley would love that.
02:34So Barkley will go to the winner of tonight's episode.
02:41If I win your dog's ashes, I'm smoking them.
02:43Sorry, but I am.
02:47Alright, you're really putting it all on the line there.
02:51What have you got, Emma?
02:52I brought in the Commonwealth Electoral Act No. 17 from 1948.
02:59It's the part of the Electoral Act that discusses proportional representation in Senate elections.
03:07I hate to say this, but Husey's pet's ashes are now seeming less depressing.
03:13If you can look me in the eye and explain Senate preferencing to me,
03:16I'll accept less than five points.
03:19OK, well, I'm not sure I really can describe Senate preferencing.
03:22Yeah, because it's hard to understand.
03:23People don't understand it.
03:28So what have you brought in, Lisa?
03:30Maths.
03:31Maths?
03:32I've got a math.
03:33And I don't really understand it.
03:34126.
03:35How did I bring in math?
03:36That's not right.
03:37It's not right.
03:38You proved that Lisa's was good because you misunderstood it.
03:39Waka, what did you bring in?
03:40Yes.
03:41I bought a giraffe.
03:42Oh.
03:43I think giraffe doesn't have a long neck.
03:46It has long shoulder.
03:47Lower shoulder.
03:48You know what I mean?
03:49No, not really.
03:50One thing that the giraffe's known for is it has a really long neck.
03:51OK, here is shoulder.
03:52Yeah.
03:53How about here?
03:54It feels shoulder to me.
03:56Alright, alright.
03:57Here.
03:58That's neck.
03:59That's giraffes here.
04:00I think giraffes don't have a long neck.
04:01It has long shoulder.
04:04Lower shoulder.
04:06You know what I mean?
04:07No, not really.
04:08One thing that the giraffe's known for is it has a really long neck.
04:10OK.
04:11Here is shoulder.
04:12Yeah.
04:13How about here?
04:15It feels shoulder to me.
04:16Alright, alright, but here.
04:17That's neck.
04:18Alright, alright.
04:19That's giraffes here.
04:20All right, the hair. That's neck.
04:21Right, all right, that's giraffes here.
04:24Oh. The hair is shoulder.
04:25Yep. If giraffes wear shirts,
04:28that part...
04:33You know what I mean?
04:34I get that.
04:36Yeah.
04:37Most people would say it's got a long neck,
04:39but I think you've made a convincing case
04:40for it having a very long shoulder.
04:43Yes.
04:45All right, Tommy.
04:46I have brought in the skull of a red deer.
04:50It's misunderstood because people think
04:53when they see it at my house that I'm into hunting.
04:55Tommy, someone shot that.
04:57No, mine died of natural cause.
05:01All right, so what are you saying is misunderstood?
05:03Because it's not a good look.
05:06And I feel that's misunderstood.
05:09I feel like you misunderstood the assignment.
05:12I just love the idea because if Hughes wins this,
05:15he's got to go home and take this with him
05:18and then convince people that he's a vegetarian.
05:22But I'm not a vegetarian.
05:24I'm a vegan.
05:26He says that.
05:26Have you seen the skull on the wall?
05:30And the dead dog in the jar?
05:34All right, well, I should give out some scores, shouldn't I?
05:36I think so.
05:37Well, Tommy Little gets one.
05:38OK.
05:38I'm going to give two points to Lisa because I understand maths.
05:42I'm giving three points to Hughesy.
05:43I respect your dog at the same time.
05:45It's very depressing and I'm trying to create light entertainment here.
05:49Can we smile because he happened?
05:51I'm giving four points to Emma.
05:58I think we all have no idea what's going on when it comes to that section of the constitution.
06:02OK.
06:02I'm going to give five points to Waka because he made a good point.
06:06I think we've been misunderstanding the giraffe all this time.
06:08OK, Boy Wonder, time to earn your keep.
06:15I want a task.
06:16I can do that.
06:17And first up, it's time for our contestants to win at losing.
06:32OK.
06:33Where's Tom?
06:40Where's Tom?
06:43Tom?
06:45This is not Tom.
06:48Lose the van keys.
06:50You cannot leave the van.
06:55The keys that remain lost for longest wins.
06:58Tom will arrive to search for the keys in four minutes.
07:00Your time starts now.
07:03We'll just eat it.
07:04Obviously, I eat it.
07:07Can I just put it up me?
07:10Can I just put it up my arse?
07:18So it's the very first task for the season and there's no lesser Tom in it.
07:21I like this format.
07:23Do you think maybe we should do it like this from now on?
07:25Just you not being there?
07:26I feel like it's already an improvement.
07:29I disagree and also we've already filmed it.
07:33All right.
07:36Now, what a way to kick off the season too.
07:38Tommy Little straight away, he's discussing putting things up his arse.
07:42I wish I could also say that that was a once off, but that becomes a really common theme, Tom.
07:49But that's your comedy.
07:50That's what you do and that's why people love you because you just look at what everyone else has
07:53already thought and then you just say it out loud.
07:55But is that where you would look first?
07:57Because I've seen your act?
07:58Yes, because I've seen your act.
08:00I'd think, what would Tommy Little think?
08:02I'd think he wants to keep it basic.
08:03He would think of putting them straight up his arse and I'd just be up your arse in no time.
08:06And I'd be like, here they are, your comedy is predictable and so is the location of these keys.
08:16So just to be clear, losing the keys.
08:18That's right.
08:19And you can't leave the van.
08:20Mm-hmm.
08:21I'm going to arrive in four minutes and I'm going to look for the keys.
08:23Longest before I find the keys wins.
08:26All right, who are we going to see lose their keys first?
08:28One jiggles her key before it works.
08:30The other laughs when he sees keys being jangled.
08:32It's Lisa and Tommy.
08:34I just want you to know, it's not, it is going down my pants.
08:37Absolutely.
08:38But it is not going up my arse.
08:42It's accidentally gone up me.
08:44It hasn't gone up me.
08:46Oh, f***.
08:49Oh my gosh.
08:50I have got a couple of places that I want to put this.
08:52It's not up my arse.
08:53It's not up.
08:54It's on my gooch.
08:56Grow up.
08:58Lisa, please step out of the car.
09:06I said I wasn't allowed to.
09:07No, now you've made it.
09:07Your time is up.
09:08Okay.
09:08And where's the key?
09:10That's a trick question, because don't you have to find it?
09:12Where are the keys from?
09:13But isn't that the point that you have to find them?
09:15Yeah.
09:15Do you want to give me a hint?
09:16Why would it be in the front end of the car to be in the back end?
09:19Not in the back end.
09:21It'd be near the back end.
09:23It's near it.
09:24Where are they then?
09:25Are you in a real hurry?
09:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:27Why is that?
09:27So if you could just tell me where they are, that'd be.
09:29Do I really need to tell you, or do you have to find them?
09:32Do you want another hint?
09:33Yep.
09:33I'm quite ashamed.
09:35What have you done?
09:37Is it in your undies?
09:41Why would you guess that?
09:43That's something that would bring you shame.
09:44Oh my god, now I feel like I actually should tell you where they are.
09:47Yeah, maybe just a hint, just so I can find them.
09:49What do you need them for?
09:50Oh, just to start the van and use the van.
09:53For the next task?
09:54Yeah, exactly, stuff like that.
09:55It's in your undies, isn't it?
09:56What makes you say that?
09:58Because when I ask you the direct question, you avert eye contact and giggle and refuse to
10:03promise that it's not in your undies.
10:04Do you think I would put it in my undies?
10:06Yeah.
10:07Do you really want me to give them to you?
10:08Really important stuff.
10:08Do you want me to give them to you?
10:09Yeah, yeah.
10:09Seriously, Emma, I'm going to blow it.
10:11I'm in.
10:12Oh, okay, I'll give them to you.
10:14Really?
10:14Yeah.
10:17Oh, thank you.
10:20Was that a fail?
10:21Thanks, Lisa.
10:22Goodbye.
10:23How would you like to proceed?
10:24Could you just turn away and maybe I'll make the keys appear?
10:26Okay.
10:27And we can pretend they weren't in my undies.
10:29That sounds good to me.
10:33Oh, yeah, I found them.
10:34Oh, you found them.
10:35Oh, bro.
10:39What I like is Lisa McCune came in and you asked for the keys
10:46and she just said, here they are.
10:48So your reputation as Australia's sweetheart is intact.
10:51Is that what you worried about your image?
10:53No, I was hoping he'd put his hand down my top to get it.
10:57I was hoping he was going to say, get it off McCune, take the peel off the layers.
11:01That's the first time anyone has ever said that to Tom.
11:04Okay, so I just feel like you just politely asked for it.
11:10You just gave it up.
11:11Well, because he kind of was yelling at me like he wanted them back
11:13and I felt like he needed them for something.
11:15So I thought I'll give it to him.
11:17That was not yelling.
11:18Really?
11:18We're all thinking the same thing though, aren't we?
11:20They're both disqualified because they left the van and the keys left the van with them.
11:24So it's over for both of them.
11:27It's over for both of them.
11:28No, no, so you couldn't leave the van for the first four minutes
11:31while you were hiding the keys.
11:32After that, the search began and I asked them to leave the vehicle.
11:35All right, so, all right.
11:36Don't set the tone for being a snitchy little bitch from that one.
11:44Look at, look at Hughes, he's straight away day one.
11:47He's playing tennis and he's walking straight up to the umpire to have a chance.
11:50So, Tommy, you were pretty vocal about making it clear that the keys weren't up your ass.
11:58Yes.
11:59But then you were making all kinds of noises like they were up your ass.
12:02Yeah.
12:03What was that about?
12:04Yeah, I don't know if you've ever had keys right near your ass and then you've moved
12:07around a lot on a seat, but the wrong movement can end up with when they weren't up your ass
12:14being up your ass pretty quick.
12:16You know what I enjoyed?
12:17You knew that they'd been like pretty much rested against his ball bag.
12:20And you're like, no worries, buddy.
12:22What's that about?
12:22A job's a job.
12:25So, what times are we looking at so far?
12:27Well, using my skills of deduction and personality profiling, I found Tommy's keys
12:31in four minutes and 34 seconds.
12:34Using my skills of asking for the keys, I found Lisa's in one minute and 26 seconds.
12:40All right, we need a break.
12:42Just enough time to hide some keys down your trousers and
12:45get your significant other to reach in and fish them out again.
12:48Back soon.
12:50Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
13:04It's a new season and our first episode, or ep as they like to call it in the biz.
13:09Yes, and we've already lost the van keys.
13:11Thankfully, they were lost by people very happy to tell me where they were.
13:15Up next, they already amused me, but can they elude me?
13:18It's Waka and Emma.
13:20All right, so I'm gonna hide the key and Tom's gonna look for...
13:26What?
13:26This is spanky and there's so many fake ones here.
13:35I could just chuck them, hey.
13:36I was just trying to trust my arm.
13:42No.
13:46No.
13:48All right.
13:55Where's the key?
14:02I don't know.
14:02Where's the key?
14:04In the van.
14:04In the van?
14:05In the van.
14:06Does that mean it's not in the van?
14:07Did you throw it out of the car?
14:08No.
14:19Nah, it's not doing a task.
14:21I love it.
14:22I love watching someone do tasks.
14:31I don't know why I feel bad now.
14:32You've left quite a few decoys.
14:35Don't get grumpy.
14:36It's nice to see you a bit distressed, I'm gonna be honest.
14:38Are you actually, I can't tell, are you trying to look?
14:40Am I trying to look?
14:41Are you like genuinely trying to look?
14:42Yes, I'm genuinely trying to look.
14:44Okay.
14:45When did last time you lost something?
14:47I'm usually pretty good at not losing things.
14:49Yeah, that's why you're not good at looking for...
14:53If it helps build my case, I think at this point I don't know where the key is.
14:57But why has that point changed?
14:58You're overthinking things.
14:59You gotta relax, man.
15:01You just said a very confusing thing.
15:03You say confusing things all the time.
15:04You can't say confusing things and then get mad at me for being confused.
15:07All the information you need is in the task.
15:11Did you find it?
15:12Yeah.
15:12Ready?
15:13I found it.
15:14I don't think so.
15:15The fact you might have believed me means it's near here.
15:18I love this task.
15:21Can you just tell me where it is?
15:22I reckon I'm gonna go back to the house.
15:25You're done.
15:26Yeah, I think I'm done.
15:27Oh, shit.
15:28Is it in here?
15:35You still looking?
15:36Yeah.
15:37Yeah.
15:37Any last hint?
15:38What?
15:39Please give me a hint.
15:40No.
15:59So, Waku, you found a pretty good hiding spot there.
16:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:01And I feel so bad.
16:04The longer it takes time, the more my heart hurts.
16:08That's weird, because watching it, I felt the exact opposite.
16:12The longer he took to fight it, the more I was just really relaxing and enjoying myself.
16:17All right.
16:17Emma, we got to see you go from loser to hero very quickly.
16:21Did you see the first time I tried to kick it and missed it?
16:23Yeah.
16:24What I liked was the crossed arms nonchalance of it all.
16:28I started to get really cocky.
16:30Like, it wasn't good for me.
16:31It wasn't healthy.
16:32Oh, we saw it.
16:32Yeah, yeah.
16:33The power went to your head very quickly.
16:36Yeah, and it remains.
16:38How are we going to judge this then?
16:40The time for Waka would be pretty clear.
16:42Waka lost the keys for 10 minutes and 38 seconds, more than doubling Tommy's ass-based efforts.
16:47But then, Emma, well, you only just now found out where it was.
16:55I still don't have the keys.
16:57So for the whole time that Emma was in the house doing other tasks, you were still looking for those keys?
17:02I went multiple times a day back to the van to look in the van for the keys.
17:07There is nothing I love more in this world than wasting a man's time.
17:10Well, what time are we looking at?
17:16Emma lost the keys at 10, 11 a.m. on the 26th of June, 2024.
17:21That was 82 days, 6 hours and 33 minutes ago.
17:24Absolutely brilliant.
17:29Okay, who's left?
17:30Well, Hughesy is known for losing it, but can it be car keys?
17:34It's Dave Hughes.
17:35All right.
17:37I need to lose these keys.
17:38I can't leave the van.
17:39Can I move the van?
17:42I can move the van.
17:47I've not driven manual for quite a while.
17:53Tommy, I'm not getting out of the van, man.
17:56A man with a plan and a van.
18:00This time the plan involves the van living.
18:04Here we go.
18:05We're out here.
18:07Sorry, Tommy.
18:08We're gone.
18:25So, Hughesy, you found a bit of a hack there.
18:27I know.
18:27I think my season just peaked.
18:30But that was wonderful, honestly.
18:32I felt like I almost drove home.
18:35For some of our younger viewers,
18:36I think putting keys up your ass would be easier than driving a manual.
18:39I can't believe no one else thought of that, though.
18:43So, yeah.
18:44I was the same with the ass thing.
18:48Did you get the keys back?
18:50He brought the van back at the end of his shooting days and gave me the keys then.
18:53So, the whole time he was in the Taskmaster retreat, there was no van?
18:57Yep.
18:59When Emma did her throw, I just leaned over and said, that's pathetic.
19:04I didn't know what was coming up.
19:06So, God, I can't.
19:07If I haven't won this challenge, I'm really going to be sad.
19:11Well, you didn't.
19:16That's pathetic.
19:22I was without Dave's keys for four days, two hours and 48 minutes.
19:26Ah.
19:27I shouldn't have driven it back.
19:28I should have sold them by then.
19:30So, that means Lisa's giving up strategy gets her one point,
19:33Tommy gets two, Waka three, Dave four, but Emma takes the task with five points.
19:40I'll also give you some episode scores.
19:42With three points each, we've got Lisa and Tommy trailing the pack,
19:45but out in front, it's Emma Holland on nine points.
19:50OK, what's next?
19:52This one goes out to all the Phil's and Angie's out there.
19:54It's about phalanges.
19:56Tommy.
20:10Ah.
20:12Hand.
20:14Well, most of one.
20:18This is very relevant for this task.
20:22Choose a finger and create an ad for it.
20:25Your finger must be chosen from one of the remaining fingers on this hand.
20:30For the purposes of this task, the thumb is a finger.
20:34Ad that proves your chosen finger is the best finger wins.
20:37You have 45 minutes.
20:39Your time starts now.
20:41Do you have a favourite finger?
20:42I mean, they're all quite handy.
20:43I just want to do the middle one, but the only reason I don't want to do it
20:46is because everybody thinks I'll do the middle one.
20:48Mm.
20:49And they're right.
20:51I'm going to go with the thumb.
20:52I'm going to choose the pinky finger.
20:54I think I'm going to go the pointer.
20:55It's the ring finger.
20:57Why have you all left the best till last?
21:01We might have to cast a finger.
21:03Pinky finger is the weakest finger, but very important.
21:07Make a promise.
21:08Now, look at this finger.
21:09This is a lovely, lean, long finger.
21:11This finger is the only one that can cause the death of Roman gladiators.
21:15A little bit of a come here tiger one again.
21:18Nice.
21:18I love an infomercial.
21:20I love a call to action.
21:22Ring for the ring finger.
21:23That's good.
21:23I need a telephone.
21:24Might just get another male one if we could.
21:29Jesus.
21:29So, someone got the choice of all five.
21:36And then someone had the choice of four.
21:37Three, two, one.
21:38Mm-hmm.
21:39Until we got to Husey, you had no choice, did you?
21:41I had no choice, which is often better.
21:43When you say often better, have you been in a situation like this before?
21:46In life, no choice, then you've just got to do it.
21:50So, yeah, choices are complicated because they involve choosing.
21:56OK, I suppose we just need to see some finger ads then.
21:59Who's first?
22:00First up, pulling the trigger on the trigger finger, it's Lisa McCune.
22:03Point the way you make my day, cause baby, you're my number one.
22:09Hi, I'm Lisa McCune and we are here to celebrate digital health.
22:15And to highlight just how important your point of finger really is.
22:21So, just think for a moment about the many ways you use your point of finger every day.
22:28How much easier is it to use your point of finger when operating your touch screen?
22:33Hitchhiking when the car breaks down.
22:35Beckoning that special someone.
22:38Showing someone the way.
22:40Diving deep to clear that pesky earwax or crusted over nasal mucus.
22:45It really is the easiest way to scratch your head or even your ass.
22:50Cause baby, you're my number one.
22:55Spoken by Elle McCune for Digital Health Australia Canberra.
23:02So Lisa, you would have done a lot of ads across your career, I'm guessing.
23:05So, what's the secret and why didn't you use it here?
23:08I think it's in five.
23:09I actually thought that my belief in the point of finger was really strong.
23:14I think I made a really good point there.
23:15I'm happy with the way that it came up.
23:17Bit concerned about a few details.
23:19How do you hitchhike?
23:22Is that, that's for like if you need to be picked up and that's for a cab?
23:26Well, see, you've been in showbiz so long that when everyone else was backpacking,
23:30you were probably saying to your chauffeur over here.
23:36So you probably haven't hitchhiked.
23:38How did you get a finger model?
23:40Like, you weren't like, you weren't...
23:41I auditioned, I asked.
23:42So you forced someone else to put their finger up their ass, didn't you?
23:44Yeah.
23:45To be fair to Lisa that that particular member of the crew volunteered.
23:50All right, at break time, I'm going to spend it peer pressuring some of the younger
23:53cars to pull my finger because it's just good fun.
24:08Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
24:10It's our season premiere where we're taking ad breaks from ad breaks.
24:15That's right, our contestants are making ads for fingers.
24:17So far we've seen Lisa's and it was a bit gross.
24:20Next up, let's hope her thumb ad is more agreeable than opposable.
24:23It's Emma Holland.
24:27Are you a Coliseum spectator tired of not being able to convey to your local Roman senator
24:31whether you want a gladiator to live or die?
24:34Are you a Roman senator who is tired of not being able to understand the gestures of your citizens?
24:39If only there was a finger that was bold, opposable and easy to comprehend.
24:43Introducing the thumb.
24:46With its very own ligament, the thumb is able to be used to communicate
24:49all kinds of desires for your favourite gladiator's fate.
24:52The thumb can go up for live, down for die or sideways for centrism.
24:57The correct political view.
24:58Don't be a Russell Crowe, be a Russell No.
25:01The thumb. Additional movements sold separately.
25:08I thought that was great. Short to the point.
25:10Great, we can move on.
25:11Yeah. Maybe because you're one of the younger cast members,
25:14you're good at making short, shareable content for online.
25:17I don't think I'd share that.
25:22Alright, so I thought it was very good, but unfortunately in Roman times,
25:25I think thumbs down meant thumbs up and thumbs up meant thumbs down.
25:28I think a lot of people believe that, yes.
25:29Oh, I wasn't alive then, I wouldn't know.
25:33Alright, who's giving us a good fingering next then?
25:35It's Pinky and the Brain. In that he used his brain to make an ad for a pinky, it's Takashi Wakasugi.
25:42I'm a pinky finger. I'm the weakest and the most useless finger. I cannot help people.
25:51What? Tom! Help! Tom!
25:54Tom! Tom!
25:58I cannot be cool.
26:06No!
26:08I'm always dirty.
26:12I always get hurt.
26:14You're a cute dog. What's your name?
26:16Ah, ah, ah, ah!
26:20But I can make promise.
26:25Promise is very important.
26:28Let's make more promise.
26:29APPLAUSE
26:38Quite a journey, Wakka, that you took us on. Thank you.
26:40So do you think it's cool to shoot endangered wildlife, just to be clear?
26:45I think so.
26:49Were you aiming the gun at the shoulder?
26:54Shoulder, yes.
26:55Not neck.
26:56Alright, and also, one thing I did really respect that you did in your ad, which I quite enjoyed,
27:00was you picked your nose and then straight after that put it in the dog's mouth.
27:05I think we all enjoyed that.
27:07I'm now trying to think which scene we shot first.
27:11I like to think one led straight into the other.
27:15Alright, who's next?
27:16He chose the ring finger, but it's my time to propose
27:19that we watch Dave Hughes. It's Dave Hughes.
27:21Hi viewers, have I got a bargain for you.
27:25The ring finger. I have one left. Phones are here and they are ready.
27:32Are you sick of rolling the dice? You are! Ring now!
27:37See the shakka? You know why these fingers are down? Because they're being protected.
27:42It's the last one. Do you know what they say? They save the best to last.
27:47Are you drunk? Get on the phone and we will dial up the savings.
27:53We are running out of time. Now, got a ring now. It'll be gone. Before you know it's gone.
27:58Are our phones working? Have you paid the bill?
28:03Ring! For the ring finger.
28:05Hello. Yeah, you can have it. Sold it. Gone. You were too late. Sorry.
28:13But so you're advertising the ring finger and then at the very end you picked up the phone
28:21and you said, yeah, you can have it and you sold it. So then why would anyone ring at all?
28:28Yeah, I don't know. Now, you know what I've understood here just so far in this show that,
28:33yeah, it's a stiff competition. Some of these guys have got really good ideas
28:39and I... I'm feeling under pressure. You know something else I noticed?
28:46I mean, I think it was a very effective ad. Thank you.
28:48But you spent the whole time trying to sell a ring finger by pointing.
28:51Yeah. I think you were helping out Lisa.
28:52Yeah, look, I didn't know that Lisa was going for the pointer finger,
28:55but I'm happy that she gets a leg up because she needs it.
29:00You don't need to be mean. No, I was... No, no.
29:03Here he is, Captain Snitchy Poo, yeah?
29:05Yeah. I mean, you were pointing so off and I thought you were hitchhiking.
29:10Yeah. Dave used his index finger 17 times.
29:18All right, ad time. Take us to the break, salesman. Husey.
29:21Ring there!
29:23Hello, welcome back.
29:39Lesser Tom, why has everyone in the audience been locking pinkies,
29:42giving the thumbs up and asking if Husey's all right?
29:44Because we've been doing a task about fingers and Husey doesn't seem all right.
29:49Last to compete with his predictable choice of the rude finger,
29:51it's Tommy Little.
29:52G'day. My name's Malcolm.
29:55Ten years ago, my discus got stuck in the lawnmower.
29:59And I reached in with both my middle fingers to get it out.
30:02And now, I ain't got none.
30:05And you might think, has that affected your life?
30:08Yeah. Yeah, it has.
30:10The other day, I was driving in traffic and a bloke cut me off.
30:13And I said, watch where you going.
30:16And he just thought I was enthusiastically suggesting he turn right.
30:21The other night, I was with my Mrs. Karen.
30:23We were lying in bed. We'd been together for 20 years.
30:26And she Dutch ovened me.
30:28And I said, oh, you cheeky little thing.
30:33It was almost completely lost on her.
30:35I was at the sport, watching my favourite football team.
30:40And the ref made a horrible decision.
30:42Oh, and I said, you're all right, Maggie.
30:46He thought I was being encouraged.
30:48It's one of the most common ways to lose your fingers in the lawnmower.
30:52So, next time your discus is stuck, just leave it, yeah?
30:56Or otherwise, you'll be stuck with no medals.
31:00Like me.
31:00I'll be honest, Tom, I didn't remember doing that.
31:18And I thought maybe that was just because I drank too much.
31:22But no, I blocked that out of my memory.
31:24And I have no idea where that accent came from.
31:28Where were you from?
31:31I don't know.
31:34So, you reached in under a lawnmower.
31:36To get a discus, Tom, what don't you understand?
31:39Well, I'm sort of curious.
31:40Did you mean a disc, because under a lawnmower,
31:42there's a disc that has blades on it?
31:44Again, I'm not sure of the initial concept of the idea,
31:47but it appears like I'm talking for one you throw in the Olympics.
31:50What's under a lawnmower?
31:51That would have been one of those spiral things,
31:52and it would have made sense.
31:53Don't tell me what my skit was.
31:58Actually, if you can tell me what my skit was.
32:01LAUGHTER
32:06I think I have to give away some scores.
32:08Yeah.
32:08And giving away the least amount of scores is pretty easy.
32:11So, Tommy's on one.
32:13OK.
32:14Aww.
32:15Don't worry, I'm not happy about it either.
32:17LAUGHTER
32:19And Hughsy gets two.
32:20Yeah, happy with that.
32:21LAUGHTER
32:23Then I'm going to give three points to Waka.
32:25It was a beautiful story.
32:27I'm going to give four points to Lisa McKeown,
32:29because I'll buy anything that she's selling,
32:30because she's just so lovable.
32:32LAUGHTER
32:33And five points to Emma, because it was a...
32:35I mean, it was just a really good ad.
32:36I love that.
32:37APPLAUSE
32:41All right, shall we wade into one more?
32:43I think we shall.
32:44We're off to the dock for this one,
32:45for our first team task of the season.
32:47MUSIC
33:02Hiya.
33:02Hello, Thomas. How are you?
33:04I'm OK. How are you?
33:05I'm great.
33:06I like your umbrella.
33:07I like yours.
33:09Am I going to get wet?
33:10I think there's a non-zero chance that you get wet.
33:15Oh, hey!
33:16Is that Tommy?
33:17Em, is that you?
33:18Yeah.
33:19Hi.
33:20Hello.
33:21How are you?
33:22What are you doing?
33:23Just hanging out with Tom, making good conversation.
33:25That sounds like a lie.
33:28Oh, my God.
33:29Dave.
33:30Make one of your red things touch one of your...
33:32Dave.
33:34That's Dave Hughes.
33:34Hello.
33:35Dave Hughes.
33:36Oh, Lisa.
33:38How are you?
33:40My God.
33:41How are you?
33:42I'm great.
33:43What are you doing over there?
33:44Yeah.
33:45It's hard for your words to get through the rain.
33:49Yep.
33:49Hello.
33:50This is what I haven't seen you for a little while.
33:52It is. It's exactly like that.
33:53I have no idea what he's saying.
33:54Oh, my God.
33:57It's Walker.
33:57Hey, Walker.
33:59Hey, Walker.
34:00Emma.
34:01Tommy.
34:02Yeah, hey, brother.
34:03How are you?
34:04I'm good.
34:04How are you?
34:05Very good.
34:06Why'd they have to put me with Tom?
34:08Yeah, I don't know.
34:09I feel like he requested it.
34:11Do I read this out now?
34:12I think he's planning on with the task without you.
34:14Make one of your red things touch one of your teammates' green things.
34:20Make one of your red things.
34:21One of your green things.
34:22One of your yellow things.
34:25Touch one of your teammates' green or yellow things.
34:28You must remain within your designated zones.
34:31Also, every 30 seconds.
34:33You must wave to your teammates and introduce yourself again.
34:36Fastest wins.
34:38You have 45 minutes.
34:40Your time starts now.
34:42Let's do it.
34:44Now, just to be clear,
34:50did both teams have to introduce themselves every 30 seconds?
34:53No, only the team of three.
34:54Right.
34:55And that was just because there's three of them,
34:57they got an advantage and we needed something just to even up the...
35:00And it's funny.
35:03OK.
35:04Make your green thing, touch your red thing or your yellow thing.
35:06Sounds like a Wiggles after-party.
35:10Who are we seeing first?
35:12Call them romance novels because they need to be touching quickly.
35:14It's Wakka, Emma and Tommy.
35:16Hey, Wakka.
35:17Yes.
35:18It's me, Tommy.
35:20Hi, Tommy. I'm Emma.
35:21Hi, Wakka.
35:22I'm Wakka, Tommy, Emma.
35:23Hi, Em.
35:23By any chance, have you got frisbees?
35:26Yep.
35:27Do you want to go three-way in the middle?
35:29I can't tell you how bad at throwing I am.
35:31You ready?
35:32Yep.
35:32I'm Tommy, by the way.
35:34I'm Emma.
35:34I'm Wakka.
35:34Nice to meet you.
35:35Emma.
35:35OK.
35:36Let's do it.
35:37One, two, three, frisbees.
35:41Oh, my gosh.
35:42You guys are shit.
35:44I told you as soon as we started that I couldn't throw.
35:48I'm Tommy, by the way.
35:49I'm Emma.
35:49Nice to meet you.
35:50I'm Emma.
35:50I'm Tommy.
35:51What's wrong?
35:52I'm Wakka.
35:52Sorry.
35:53I'm Wakka.
35:53Hi, Tommy.
35:54Wakka, what are you thinking?
35:56Can you please throw something big?
35:59I've played baseball before, so I think I can hit.
36:04Well, that's all right.
36:05Wakka, what do you reckon?
36:06My God.
36:07Let's finish task.
36:08Come on, Wakka.
36:09Emma, my name is Wakka.
36:13Ah, shit.
36:15I reckon we use the duct tape to tape them like this,
36:18and then we can just, like, push them across the top of the lake.
36:22Emma.
36:22Yeah.
36:23I'm Tommy.
36:23Oh, I'm Emma.
36:24Nice to meet you.
36:25How do you know my name?
36:25I hadn't introduced myself yet.
36:27I'm Emma.
36:28I'm not Emma.
36:28Sorry.
36:29Do you want to noodle it out, and I'll see if I can fish?
36:31Yeah.
36:33Oh, .
36:36That's close to me, though.
36:37That was a great idea, Tom.
36:39I'm going to have to do more.
36:40Great, Wakka.
36:40You just keep throwing shit, bro.
36:43Ah!
36:43Oh, no.
36:46I reckon I'm going to get it.
36:47Oi, fellas.
36:50I reckon I might touch the ball.
36:51Oh, Em.
36:51Em.
36:52Em.
36:54Come on.
36:55Yeah, I think that's tough.
36:56Yeah.
37:00I'm Emma, by the way.
37:01I'm Tommy.
37:02Nice to meet you guys.
37:04How do you feel?
37:06Uh, like, closer together, but also very far apart.
37:09So, Tommy, despite Emma introducing herself as Emma over and over and over again, you kept
37:18calling her Em.
37:19What's that about?
37:20Oh, when you're friendly with someone, you won't be familiar with this.
37:23Um, sometimes you shorten the name a little bit.
37:28But Emma had just introduced herself.
37:30Is it, you're getting friendly very quickly?
37:31No, I, I was into it.
37:33No, I was into it.
37:39Now, Wakka, was it wise to try to kick a soccer ball with a gum boot on?
37:42Yep.
37:43That was also very sleepy.
37:45Do you remember?
37:45That was after the rain.
37:46So, it's a, I try, but.
37:48Can I, can I just say, Wakka just complained about the conditions being wet.
37:52Did you see what we had to deal with Wakka?
37:55Come on.
37:56Come on.
37:57Use his walk straight back up to the umpire's chair.
38:00It was wetter at my end of the court.
38:03Look how wet it is up here.
38:05All right, no team names coming to me just yet.
38:08I don't know.
38:08I enjoyed that, but I didn't, nothing really stuck out at me.
38:11Do you want to know how long they took?
38:12Not really.
38:15I think we should for the conceit of the show.
38:16Okay.
38:17So, Tommy and Emma worked together as teammates,
38:19while Wakka kept thinking he was one of his teammates,
38:22for nine minutes and 40 seconds.
38:27All right, so we're one part closer to finding out who's getting to take
38:33an Uber home with Hughesy's dead dog rattling around on their knee.
38:37Back soon.
38:51Hello, welcome back.
38:52We're in the middle of our first team task and there's exercise balls,
38:56there's noodles and all sorts of bonkers fun.
38:58Because we're crazy like that.
39:01That's right.
39:01Our teams are at the dock trying to get some of those things to touch.
39:04So far, we've seen a team of Tommy, Wakka and Emma.
39:06Next up, they may be older, but can they get gold-er?
39:09It's Lisa and Dave.
39:11Kate, Dave.
39:12Yeah.
39:13Tread the rope through the noodle.
39:14I was thinking we could just throw both balls in the water and hope they meet.
39:19Do you want to try that first?
39:21All right, this is to win the World Cup for Australia.
39:24Yeah.
39:25The Matildas.
39:26Let's go.
39:26Just channel Sam Kerr or Mary Fowler.
39:28I'm Sam Kerr.
39:30Kick it!
39:30That was pretty good and that is coming this way.
39:36Do you want this one too?
39:38All right, go on two.
39:41They're going away.
39:41I need to kick it now, I think.
39:44My God!
39:46Mel, where do I kick?
39:47You've given me too many options.
39:49Shit, it's too long.
39:50What am I doing?
39:51Where am I kicking?
39:52I'm giving you options, Dave.
39:54I'm going to go, what a kick.
39:55Oh God, I'm just going to kick it.
39:57One, two, no, I can't, ah, ah!
40:04Oh my God.
40:05I saved it.
40:06Come on, Dave, go!
40:09Oh my God, that was such a shit kick.
40:12Oh my God.
40:15I'm not thinking straight.
40:17I'm having a shocker.
40:18Do you have anything else to throw?
40:20No, I've thrown everything.
40:21But I'm going to make one gigantic long noodle.
40:24Dave, this is going to work.
40:25I can feel it.
40:26It's just time consuming.
40:28So you need to throw your boy out.
40:30Are you going to attach the boy to the front of it?
40:32Don't throw me out.
40:33I don't know.
40:35What is this?
40:36Is there a drone?
40:37And then, I'm just going to do it while he's not looking.
40:40Shit.
40:41I feel like I've got a controller here for something.
40:44I'm giving you options, Dave.
40:48Oh, but if I've got a drone.
40:51Oh my God, it's not moving.
40:53Okay, Dave, start chucking shit at it.
40:55Go.
40:56Come on.
40:56Come on.
40:57Come on.
40:58Come on.
41:02Get it over there, Lisa.
41:04Get that noodle to it.
41:06You can do this.
41:08Do it.
41:08Oh my God.
41:09You go, girl.
41:12Come on, you good thing.
41:13Hey, kick your soccer ball.
41:15I'm going to run up.
41:16Go, Dave.
41:17Australia up 1-0.
41:18There's a minute to go.
41:19I'm the goalkeeper.
41:21I've got to get the ball out of our area.
41:24Back to the other end.
41:27Come on.
41:27Yes.
41:30We did it.
41:32Dave Hughes, you're a legend.
41:33We did it.
41:34You did it.
41:36It's the A-team.
41:38The A-team.
41:39Don't get too cocky.
41:40Get that in your face, you other teams.
41:42Or one other team.
41:43He's getting cocky.
41:43Losers.
41:44You can't get cocky.
41:45Yeah.
41:46Yeah.
41:46I think he's getting overexcited.
41:48We did it.
41:52Oh my God.
41:56So you'd like to be called the A-team.
41:58I just thought we did a great job.
42:00My first kick was terrible as we all laughed at it.
42:03What about my second kick?
42:04It was incredible.
42:05It was a winning kick.
42:05It was a winning kick.
42:06It was a great kick, but also it was a timed task.
42:09So how long it took was important.
42:10You decided to commentate on your kick.
42:13So you stood back there and it was a great kick.
42:15But it would have been even better without the yap yap.
42:18Yeah, but for me time stood still.
42:21And it was just wonderful.
42:22It was so wet.
42:23And was that a remote control boat?
42:24I can't believe it.
42:25Yeah, so what happened was you found the remote control
42:29to a remote control boat that Lisa just off into the water.
42:34Did we have that as well?
42:35Did we have one?
42:35Yeah.
42:36Yeah, you also had the same thing.
42:37But in your case, the boat landed upside down.
42:41But if it had landed the other way,
42:43you fiddling with the controls would have made it take off.
42:45It would have made it work.
42:46Yeah, but we weren't aware that the boat was connected
42:48to the controls at any point.
42:49So I don't know why you're explaining that to people watching.
42:54That was very clear to everyone who's watching at home.
42:56Yeah.
42:57Okay.
42:57Well, I'm pretty happy with team names that Husey came up with there.
43:00So it's like the A team, which I think is great.
43:02I mean, you said you're the A team.
43:03You are the A team.
43:04That makes you the B team.
43:06But A in this case stands for aged, because we're a bit older.
43:12And with the other team, B stands for better.
43:14So it's the aged team and the better team will be the names for the whole series.
43:19Thanks so much for helping me out with thinking up the name, Husey.
43:22I really appreciate it.
43:23No, I will cop aged.
43:25I cop it every day, no doubt.
43:26But Lisa McKeown hasn't aged a day since 1997, mate.
43:29So I'm sorry about that.
43:30Thanks, A.
43:32It's on my back.
43:33So, well, I think we need to know, how long did they both take?
43:37The B team touched two things together in nine minutes and 40 seconds.
43:41Dave and Lisa, the A team, took 23 minutes and seven seconds.
43:44God.
43:46I thought we did okay.
43:50So it's up to you how to apportion the scores.
43:52Well, I feel like the better team gave the aged team a bit of a flogging,
43:54so I think I'm going to make it 55522.
43:57Okay.
43:57What?
44:00And in terms of episode scores, there's four people with scores,
44:03but almost none of that really matters,
44:05because charging away with it is Emma on nearly the maximum possible 19 points.
44:12Okay.
44:12Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show.
44:22All right, kiddo, who's going to read the task?
44:24Tommy Little.
44:25Hang the hangers on your rack.
44:29Before you toss a hanger, you must be wearing its T-shirt in the traditional way.
44:33You must remain on your mat, and your mat cannot move.
44:37For every hanger that misses, you must give a compliment to the person next to you about their outfit.
44:41Most hangers hung wins.
44:44You have 180 seconds.
44:46Are we ready to go?
44:48Yeah.
44:48Yeah.
44:49Yeah.
44:49Here we go.
45:02Oh, you.
45:02I love you, boys.
45:04Yeah, Lou.
45:04Come on, Louie.
45:05Come on, Louie.
45:05Oh, that's close.
45:08I love you.
45:08Oh, that's a beautiful shirt.
45:10Beautiful.
45:11Come on.
45:12You are gorgeous in orange.
45:15You are amazing.
45:16You are cool.
45:17You are cool.
45:18You, I love your...
45:20I love everything.
45:21Lisa, compliments.
45:22Dave, you're a great in green.
45:25Yeah!
45:26Come on!
45:28Come on!
45:30Here we go.
45:31Oh!
45:33You were fetching in orange!
45:36Oh!
45:39Hang on, what?
45:40One minute left.
45:41Amazing!
45:42Go!
45:43Oh!
45:44Oh!
45:45Yeah!
45:46Oh!
45:47That is so clever I'm going to do that.
45:50Yes!
45:51Yes!
45:52Oh!
45:53I can't win.
45:54Oh!
45:55Oh!
45:56Oh!
45:57Oh!
45:58Oh!
45:59Oh!
46:00Oh!
46:01Oh!
46:02Oh!
46:03Oh!
46:04Oh!
46:05Oh!
46:06Oh!
46:08Oh!
46:09Oh!
46:10Oh!
46:11Oh!
46:12Oh!
46:1310!
46:149!
46:158!
46:167!
46:176!
46:185!
46:194!
46:203!
46:212!
46:221!
46:23Oh!
46:24Oh!
46:25God, you're stunning!
46:26Oh, my God!
46:28All right, well, we've got to come back after the break and find out who wins the concept
46:34of maths.
46:35See you after the break!
46:37Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
46:52The t-shirts have not been hung and we're hanging on to find out who's going to win the episode.
46:58Okay, sweet curly-haired boy, give us some scores.
47:01Well, we had what is inarguably a tie, I would say.
47:04Contrary to what Husey was saying, there was nothing in the rules against sabotage.
47:08It's up to you how much we're giving all of our contestants.
47:10Well, I don't feel like they equally came first, I feel like they equally came last.
47:14So, I think everyone gets zero.
47:16Okay.
47:17That's actually...
47:19I'm allowed to say that's disappointing, aren't I?
47:22Yeah, yeah, add someone on the show.
47:24For you it's disappointing, but for viewers at home it's deeply satisfying.
47:27Some of them will be unhappy.
47:30You'll get emails.
47:32Now you've got to go make up an email address.
47:35There'll be no emails.
47:38And who does this mean won our first episode?
47:4116 points.
47:42Puts Wacker in second, meaning our winner with 19 points is Emma Holland.
47:45Alright, congratulations Emma, get up there and claim your misunderstood things.
47:55Well, there we go.
47:56What have we learnt?
47:57Well, we learnt that no matter what it is or where it's been, it's probably been up Tommy's
48:01arse.
48:02We learnt that Dave Hughes has a dead dog and a propensity for snitching.
48:06And those things might be connected.
48:09And most of all, we've learnt that Emma is the winner.
48:13Goodnight!
48:15How are we going baby cakes?
48:35We're going pretty well, Papa Strudel.
48:37Yes!
48:38Thomas!
48:39Competing for the Taskmaster Trophy are five comedians.
48:42Sorry, four comedians and Lisa McCune.
48:44Oh my gosh.
48:45Sorry, three comedians and Tommy Little and Lisa McCune.
48:49Sorry, sorry, I'll start again.
48:51Competing are five humans.
48:52Sorry, four humans and Dave Hughes.
48:54What up?
48:56You really are lesser in every way, aren't you?
48:58Oh no!
48:59I might have a breakdown.
49:00I might have a breakdown.
49:01It was almost probably the best task ever in the history of the show.
49:05Sorry, because I tuned out a bit in the middle.
49:09You dickheads!
49:11Yes!
49:12Thanks babe.
49:13Tommy, back up.
49:14So I shouldn't use logic, I should just go on how I feel.
49:17Absolutely.
49:18The way women do.
49:19Absolutely.
49:20The way women do.
49:22The way men do.
49:24I grew up.
49:25Well, I can't.
49:26I can't.
49:27I don't know why women do not be here.
49:28Before, let's do it.
49:29Thanks.
49:30I knew you were every day.
49:31I hadn't put it.
49:32I can say soй.
49:34I didn't call you.