Coronation Street - Season 65 Episode 1
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00THEME MUSIC
00:23Emma, let me load you up with this.
00:25Ugh!
00:26Yeah?
00:27Oh, my arms!
00:29I know.
00:30I'm gonna have arms like the Terminator after all this.
00:33Do you know, I had a mucky dream about the Terminator once.
00:36Did he say, I'll be back?
00:38THEY LAUGH
00:39Hi.
00:40Are we going in?
00:41We are, so don't put out down.
00:43I'll be off.
00:45OK.
00:49Hi, Granny!
00:51Hello, darling.
00:53Oh, hello.
00:55Hi, Adam.
00:56Hello. Is Sarah not here?
00:57Oh, she's getting ready. She's going out.
00:59So, I've got this one.
01:01Too much information, Mum.
01:03Hello, my darling.
01:06Hi, Mummy!
01:08You look amazing.
01:09Oh, thank you. It's just old.
01:11You look like you're going on a date or something.
01:14Well, actually, she's going...
01:16Mum.
01:17It's none of my business.
01:19Exactly.
01:20I'm meeting someone myself, you know.
01:22Oh, are you? Oh, cool, cool.
01:24That's really nice. Have a very nice time.
01:26I will do. I will do. You too.
01:28Cool.
01:29Lovely to see you, girl.
01:31Happy New Year.
01:32Happy New Year to you.
01:33Happy New Year.
01:39You're only going out with Carla.
01:41Well, Mummy doesn't need to know that, does he?
01:43No, but he thinks you're going on a date now.
01:45Well, good, because he's obviously out with a woman tonight, so...
01:48Yes, as are you.
01:51Oh!
01:56I think we should do a group prayer circle,
01:59like Madonna before one of those gigs of summer.
02:02Look at the state of it.
02:04Still, I think if we roll our sleeves up and chip in,
02:07we can get this place spick and span in no time.
02:10Joking, aren't you? It took about a week.
02:12Well, you'd better move fast, then.
02:14Do you not think we're biting off a bit more than we could chew here?
02:17Why don't I call for back-up? I'll go make a few calls.
02:20Thank you, Glenda.
02:22I've been thinking,
02:24and maybe we should try and get the family together.
02:27Right.
02:29You know, see if we can find a way through our problems.
02:32Yeah, but it's Glory Zone.
02:34I don't want to create a bad atmosphere in there,
02:37and I don't think Michael's exactly ready to roll out the welcome mat.
02:41Yeah, I know, but big picture.
02:43Take it easy.
02:45He loves you.
02:47And that's his overriding feeling right now, is it?
02:49He loves me.
02:51OK, yes, he is angry at you.
02:54Well, he's furious.
02:56Nuclear.
02:58But I can be very persuasive when I need to be.
03:02Never forget that.
03:04I know this is a very busy time of year for breweries,
03:07but I just wanted to check that my ale would be with me within the hour.
03:12Please.
03:14Oh, daddy's music to my ears!
03:16Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
03:18Bye.
03:20Hey, how did the work of bees?
03:22Yeah, everyone's pulled together. It's really quite lovely.
03:27Brian, will you do the honours?
03:29I'll get the rest.
03:33There we go. That's the last of them boxes out.
03:35You reckon a rye pig's ear of that?
03:37Put your back into it, Steve.
03:39Mary!
03:41Oh, Mary, I'm trying!
03:43Well, like Tracy says, I'm only a man, and men have little...
03:45Careful.
03:47Well, you missed a bit.
03:49Aw, I love this song.
03:51Me too.
03:53Makes me all whimsical.
03:55Me and all?
03:56Oh, we're dead similar, you and me, aren't we?
03:59Every time I hear it, I just want to scat.
04:01Come again?
04:03It's a style of singing.
04:05Do you know, I wrote to Abba when I was a kid.
04:07Yeah, I did. Asking to be in a group.
04:09Oh, she did.
04:10Did they write back?
04:11No.
04:12On account of me sending the letter to Abba,
04:1448 Macintosh Crescents.
04:16Yeah.
04:17I did that because me mate Keisha, she said that's where the blonde one lived.
04:20Macintosh Crescents?
04:22Yeah, crumple.
04:23Turns out it was just some woman that looked like her.
04:25Keisha was a bit of an exaggerator, to be honest.
04:28A liar?
04:29Yeah.
04:30She told me that Macintosh Crescent was named Macintosh Crescent
04:33because it was where the Macintosh was invented.
04:35That's true.
04:36Guess what was invented on headscarf mute?
04:39Gloves.
04:40Correct.
04:41Give that man a coconut.
04:42Whatever happened to Keisha?
04:44Oh, she opened her own fancy dress shop, yeah,
04:46round the back end of Bolton.
04:48Yeah.
04:49I hired a costume off her once, give me fleas.
04:51What costume?
04:52Catwoman.
04:53But since when did Catwoman have a litter tray hanging off her bra or her skirt?
04:57What do you think it's too late for us to do fancy dress?
05:00Oh, I wouldn't go to Keisha. I don't even know if she's still there.
05:03Please.
05:04Go to the charity shop.
05:05Bet they've got loads of out-of-date stuff in there.
05:07We could have, like, a blood taste party.
05:10Yeah, and you wouldn't even need to get changed.
05:12Stop it.
05:13Right, come on, Gem, shall we bob over and have a look?
05:15They're open late today.
05:16Lord knows why.
05:17Well, take her 20 out until...
05:19Tell Evelyn that if she rigs us out, the first drink's on us.
05:22Sean?
05:23Oh, yes, yes, Gary.
05:25You were a builder, weren't you?
05:26Can you put our betty up, please?
05:27I will.
05:28Be careful with her.
05:29She's very, very valuable.
05:31Aw.
05:33There she goes.
05:35Aw, welcome home, Betty.
05:36Hey!
05:38I've got a feeling
05:41That tonight's gonna be a good night
05:44That tonight's gonna be a...
05:49Um, listen, Patsy, um,
05:52I need to talk to you about something.
05:54What's that?
05:55Eliza, are you free to give Alia a hand laying out the chat bombs?
06:01You might be able to have a couple yourself.
06:03Yes, please.
06:05Lovely.
06:10Um, for what it's worth...
06:13Look, I haven't even confessed yet.
06:15Good, because I don't think you should.
06:18What?
06:20You are the only family she's got now.
06:22I hate lying to her, but...
06:25Maybe it's best she doesn't know.
06:31Um, have you given any more thought to us?
06:37Eliza has to be our priority now.
06:42Focus on her, yes?
06:48Well, I thought you'd be out painting the town red.
06:52Has Didi reported me to the police, or what?
06:56I texted you.
06:57Did you?
06:58She's changed her mind.
07:00OK.
07:01Yeah, I reckon she thinks you've suffered enough.
07:04Losing the company money, that's a big one.
07:06I know, trust me.
07:08How can I trust you?
07:11I'm going to have to pay the workers out of my own pocket.
07:14I promise I am going to pay you back every penny.
07:17I'm selling this place.
07:19And after that, I am going to focus solely on Ediron.
07:22Yeah, well, you might want to rethink that.
07:26I'll write off the debt cos I'm a decent man.
07:29But you won't see any profits from the development.
07:32Our partnership is over.
07:41That's the South African. It's cheeky.
07:43Just like me, thank you.
07:45Daniel, what can I get you?
07:46I'm not stopping, sorry.
07:47OK, no problem.
07:50So let me get this straight.
07:51You've come to see me in person to tell me you can't come and see me?
07:54Well, I was passing.
07:56So what are you going to do instead?
07:58Er, I told Daisy that...
08:00Aw, isn't she busy tonight with her broomstick?
08:02Or is that Halloween?
08:03Harsh.
08:05Go on, then.
08:06Have your fun with that little piece of work.
08:08Oh, come on, Adam.
08:09I'd rather chew the curd with Attila the Hun.
08:11You know, I can't believe I'm going to be that sad sap
08:14who spends New Year's Eve on their own.
08:16But whatever.
08:17I'll maybe see you in the rovers later for a pint.
08:19Or not.
08:20Well, thanks for being so understanding, Adam.
08:22Yeah, the sarcasm on it.
08:25So your hot date is with a member of your own family?
08:29Wow, that's interesting.
08:30You do know that they make documentaries about stuff like that?
08:33What can I say? Busted.
08:35Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry.
08:37I'm going to have to get off.
08:38My ridiculous nephew's had some life-or-death incident at home, so...
08:41Oh, why? What's happened?
08:42I don't know. It's not making any sense.
08:44But he says it's important.
08:45Oh, honestly, don't worry about it.
08:47Well, I'll text you if it's not important.
08:49Oh, I do. It's fine.
08:50Happy New Year.
08:51Aw, you too.
08:52You look very gorgeous.
08:55For your information, not actually related, so...
08:58Well, looks like we've both been telling porkies.
09:01Oh, yeah? How do you know there's not some hot guy
09:03about to swing in and sweep me off my feet?
09:05Well, I hope not.
09:06Come on, let me buy you a drink.
09:09I don't know.
09:10Sarah, we're still technically married.
09:12Technically?
09:13Look, it's either me or your mother.
09:15Oh, case old.
09:24MUSIC STOPS
09:37Where's the fire?
09:38Oh, you didn't have any ketchup.
09:40I was having chips and, er...
09:41What?
09:42I've just blown Sarah out for you on New Year's Eve.
09:47Erm...
09:48Excuse me.
09:49Is this some kind of slippery slope?
09:51Because I've just been married to an alcoholic for 700 years.
09:54Half a bottle of wine hardly makes me Oliver Reed.
09:58You're so weird.
10:00How do you even know who Oliver Reed is at your age?
10:03I watch him on YouTube. He's the W.
10:05You're skating on very thin ice, you know that?
10:08Bit ableist.
10:09You can't just raid my booze cupboard.
10:12You know, I'm not a booze library.
10:14I'll buy you another.
10:15What with? You've got no money.
10:18I know what you need.
10:19Put them here.
10:24You need a job.
10:25Don't tell me. Catwalk model.
10:27That's how I've got an idea.
10:29Put your shoes on.
10:30Why don't you go back and see Sarah?
10:32Oh, no.
10:33You annoy me, I annoy you.
10:35Put your shoes on.
10:39Are you not getting dressed up, then, or what?
10:41I haven't had a minute.
10:42Oh!
10:43There you go. Enjoy.
10:47Pop your tongue away, love. I've got to talk to her.
10:49She doesn't mind.
10:50It took me a sec to work out who you were, though.
10:53I'm going to have one more, then, am I?
10:55Oh, we're going watching a box set.
10:57I don't want to say box set. It's not 1993.
11:00Maria's doing a pie of that.
11:02Ooh!
11:03Make sure she cooks those prawns through.
11:05That's one good thing about Tracey.
11:07She's a good cook, isn't she?
11:09Make sure she cooks those prawns through.
11:11That's one good thing about Tracey.
11:13What's that?
11:14Not very adventurous in the kitchen.
11:16Well, she's not very adventurous anywhere, but she does.
11:18And if I don't say box set, what do I say?
11:21Something streaming, something... I don't know.
11:23Just don't say box set.
11:25Yeah, get with it, pal.
11:26Oh, yeah, OK.
11:32That fancy dress looks hideous.
11:34Wine, please.
11:37More joking.
11:39Well done, by the way.
11:40For what?
11:41For getting the rovers ready and open for New Year's.
11:44Hmm.
11:45Well, thank you for the nudge.
11:47Any time.
11:50Could have been me and you, though.
11:52Stood behind this bar.
11:54Yeah, it could.
11:56And then you wouldn't have slapped it right in.
11:58Yes.
12:00Shame you're not wearing a rain mat,
12:02cos you might be wearing this in a minute.
12:05I'm only speaking the truth.
12:06The truth. You.
12:08Er, guys, let's have the agro. It's New Year's Eve.
12:11Can you take over, Glenda? I'm going to get changed.
12:13Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
12:15She's dressed. It's a big night for her.
12:17It's a big night for all of us.
12:19You know what? Forget it.
12:21I'm off. Happy New Year.
12:26Right, then, here we are.
12:28Clothes are a bit crusty under the old armpits, but...
12:31Yeah, the gutter's mock solid.
12:32Every time I move, I think I'm going to start a fire.
12:34I see that you've been to the charity shop.
12:37Yeah, I just got the worst thing I could find.
12:40It's Mary's.
12:42She made a considerable donation to Evelyn yesterday.
12:47Well, at least it isn't yours.
12:49It is, actually.
12:51From when I had a part in the lesbian prison drama
12:54Beryl Behind Bars with the Candlewick Players.
12:57Oh, I wish I'd had a front-row seat.
12:59I had the part of Goldilocks O'Hara,
13:02a serial killer with a penchant for tiddlywinks.
13:06Right, well, I wondered why I had a bit of, I don't know,
13:09stardust about it.
13:11So, er, so what's the theme of your fancy dress?
13:16Funky and groovy, Mary.
13:19Ooh, Brian, refreshing my glass.
13:23Something tells me I'm a trendsetter.
13:30What are you doing here?
13:35Come on, Glen, have our talk like a desert welly.
13:38Patience, and I'll get you crisped in a second.
13:41No, you're like Pavlov's dog to you lot, aren't you?
13:45Happy New Year!
13:47Happy New Year!
13:49Happy New Year!
13:51Happy New Year!
13:53Happy New Year!
13:55Happy New Year!
13:57Happy New Year!
13:59Oh, no.
14:01Oh, my...
14:08Ooh, Sammy, you're making me so unspeakable.
14:11I said tonight's a big hit, weren't you?
14:13Yes, it felt damn good.
14:15Hey, is Daniel still out there? I need to apologise.
14:18No, lover boy went home and a half.
14:20I was just out there moaning over you earlier.
14:23Yeah, he couldn't be more blatant if he tried.
14:25Was he, really?
14:27I wish someone would look at me the same way Daniel looks at you.
14:31He is a smitten kitten.
14:37We had words.
14:38Do you know, I could knock your heads together.
14:40Well, pity the poor beggar who tries with this hairdo.
14:43Hey, might you put round there, surprise him,
14:45start New Year off with a kiss?
14:47Like this?
14:48Yeah, it'd be funny.
14:49It'd be something to tell your grandkids.
14:56Very impressive.
14:58Pretty colourful. Bit quiet, though.
15:00It's ten o'clock on New Year's Eve,
15:02it's not our most bustling hour, is it?
15:04You know, I've been thinking for a while,
15:06I really must do something with my massive interest in women's underwear.
15:10I mean, that stuff looks great up there,
15:13would look even better on my bedroom floor.
15:15Think about it, though, Auntie C.
15:17What have I got?
15:19Halitosis.
15:21The gift of the gab.
15:22You really should stick me in your sales team.
15:24Mm.
15:25I've got a bit of a boy in there, actually.
15:27Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there?
15:30Did you just offer me a job?
15:32No.
15:33Trial.
15:34A week or something.
15:36And, er, no special treatment.
15:38And you go messing me around, you're out on your ear.
15:40You won't regret this, C-Dog.
15:42Did you just call me a dog?
15:44Come on, let's have a drink to celebrate.
15:55Well, one turned into a few, then.
15:57Ah, yes, I think you can say we're a bit of a bad influence on each other.
16:01You OK, Adam?
16:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:03I mean, who has a hen party on New Year's Eve?
16:05Maybe they get married tomorrow.
16:07Imagine the poor heads.
16:09Enjoy.
16:10Gosh, do you remember your stag day?
16:12Which one?
16:13Of course I do.
16:15Oh, I don't even want to remember it, that went wrong, didn't it?
16:18You weren't a happy bunny, were you?
16:20Well, that would be putting it mildly.
16:22How about now?
16:23What, am I happy?
16:26No.
16:28It's my fault, isn't it?
16:29No, of course not.
16:30Don't be daft.
16:31I'm not blameless, Adam.
16:35You all right?
16:36Yeah, it's just, I wish they'd shut up.
16:40Do you want to go outside and get some fresh air?
16:43Bye.
16:45Guys, you haven't paid.
16:46Oh, sorry, I was just going to nip outside for a minute.
16:48Are you all right just to keep me company?
16:51You know what this place needs, don't you?
16:53Liquor paint.
16:54A glitter ball.
16:55Demolishing.
16:56Stripper.
16:57Now you're talking.
16:58Don't look at me, I do most things, but I draw the line at skin work.
17:01You know, I studied burlesque under Madame Citronelle in Paris, summer of 99.
17:07But sadly, I refused to revive my act without baby oil clackers and a crash mat.
17:12I'm sorry.
17:13I'm sorry.
17:14I'm sorry.
17:15I'm sorry.
17:16I'm sorry.
17:17I'm sorry.
17:18I said I've got baby oil clackers and a crash mat.
17:21Jenny, put some decent music on. I'm going to get them off.
17:23Oh!
17:28Did you speak to your brother?
17:30Mm, it's not budging though, but he will.
17:34No, a waste of time.
17:36Whole family hate me, understandably.
17:39Present company accepts it.
17:41But even my brother's cut me off business-wise.
17:44Look, you can't wallow, though, Dad. OK?
17:48Watch me.
17:50One person got you into this mess,
17:52that same person is gonna get you out.
17:55Happy New Year.
17:58Look at the time! Everybody outside!
18:00Oh, grab your coats, girls.
18:02Dianne, don't you want to see me nips or what?
18:04Oh, Steve, have some quiche. Right, grab your glasses.
18:07You can take them out, just don't smash in it.
18:09You got your coats? Come on, it's nearly New Year!
18:15Right?
18:17And then out again. Yeah?
18:20Yeah. Does that feel like it's worked?
18:22Yeah, yeah, much better.
18:25I just can't remember to breathe.
18:28It's the first I've had in a while.
18:33Come here. Thank you.
18:40You know I'll always help you if you need it.
18:43Really? Yeah.
18:46Happy New Year!
18:51Erm, is it nearly midnight?
18:53I think I'd better go and leave my mum,
18:56check that Harry's OK.
18:59Sure.
19:01Oh, my God!
19:04Oh, my God!
19:06Oh, my God!
19:09Look what you've put!
19:11You both can't show it down!
19:31Oh, you're not the pizza delivery guy.
19:34Who the hell are you? Er, who the hell are you?
19:39Your keys, I don't need them any more.
19:46Who was that?
19:48I'll tell you in a sec.
19:49What decade was she from?
19:51Ten!
19:52Nine!
19:53Eight!
19:54Seven!
19:55Six!
19:56Five!
19:57Four!
19:58Three!
19:59Two!
20:00One!
20:01Hooray!
20:07Should all acquaintance be forgot
20:12And never brought to mind
20:16Should all acquaintance be forgotten
20:21For all that I've done
20:24Feel free to harmonise if you feel like it.
20:26For all that I've done
20:29For all that I've done
20:35Happy New Year, darling.
20:37Happy New Year.
20:39For all that I've done
20:43How do you go, my Daniel?
20:45It didn't.
20:51We'll drink a cup of kindness yet
20:56For the sake of all that I've done
21:00Happy New Year!
21:01For all that I've done
21:04For all that I've done
21:08We'll take a cup of kindness yet
21:13For the sake of all that I've done
21:25Happy New Year, babe.
21:26Happy New Year.
21:28You're lovely, aren't you?
22:13Happy New Year.