• yesterday
Oh boy the Minecraft Movie is coming soon, let's check up on the absolute trash they've put out to promote it!

Apologies for bad audio around 4:15. My lavalier died, and I only had the one packet :(


X: https://x.com/_gergYT

#minecraft #minecraftmovie #minecraftfunny
Transcript
00:00You know, unlike everyone else on the internet, I didn't want to farm video after video just trashing on the Minecraft movie.
00:06Phoenix, I see.
00:07I made fun of the initial teaser back when that came out, but past then, I was just gonna wait till the film to actually release
00:13to THEN relentlessly make fun of it.
00:15In fact, to this day, I've still not watched any of the trailers, just because I wanted to go in blind.
00:21Well, that's what I wish I could say, but unfortunately, being in the position of a Minecraft YouTuber,
00:27I've had every frame of the trailers burn into my eyes against my will.
00:31Flint and steel!
00:33Chicken jerky!
00:35This is a crafting table!
00:37Ugh! I never asked for this.
00:39I wanted to give the film a fair shot by going in blind, but I can't have that, so it's fine!
00:44You wanna know my thoughts on the Minecraft movie?
00:47I think the film looks like utter scumwater, the kind of thing concocted by an out-of-touch film executive
00:52that somehow thinks that every game console is somehow called a Nintendo.
00:57But there is a silver lining, and that is, when there is millions and millions of dollars of marketing on the line,
01:04you do end up with some really strange stuff.
01:08Let's talk about it.
01:11Okay, so first up is one you might not have seen yet,
01:14and that is the new Minecraft movie, Children's Credit Cards.
01:20This is real, by the way!
01:22This is an Instagram advertising post by a company called GoHenry,
01:26which, by their website, is some sort of company offering payment cards to the kids
01:31so they can, quote,
01:32learn how money works.
01:34Mmm?
01:35Ah, yes, payment cards.
01:37Invented by the banks to make it easier for consumers to go into spending debt.
01:40But hey, I got this sick-ass creeper on mine!
01:44The kid's gonna love it!
01:45Okay, next up on my conga line of consumerist trash,
01:50we have the official Minecraft children's storybook,
01:53Uproar in Midport Village, by Penguin Publishing.
01:58Dude, check out this villager!
02:00He's seen some stuff!
02:02Now, you would think that being monetized on YouTube,
02:05I would be willing to pay the six measly dollars to just buy this book.
02:09After all, I am talking about it in this video.
02:13Luckily, the ex-account MCMovieUpdates published some of the pages for free!
02:18Oh, thank God!
02:19I was gonna sit here and poke jokes at a literal children's book like a total ass,
02:25but in all honesty, I don't have much to say.
02:28It's a children's book.
02:30I mean, could you imagine building your entire career off of reviewing children's media?
02:36How embarrassing!
02:38Some of the artwork is very generous to Jack Black's character.
02:43I assure you, he has far too little wrinkles.
02:46And you know, now that I'm looking at it,
02:48its art style kind of reminds me of a political cartoon.
02:51Here, I even made my own.
02:53Now, talking about desperately trying to make fat old men look better,
02:57they recently released a film poster for the Chinese market for the film.
03:02And if it isn't immediately obvious,
03:05look at the sheer amount of Photoshop they've done to Jack Black,
03:09just to hide his gullet.
03:11The dude barely looks human!
03:14Ironically, he looks like a blocky Minecraft character.
03:17I mean, that is incredibly generous.
03:19Can I hire whoever did this poster?
03:21I mean, I could use the work.
03:23And look, there's a few bad things you could say about China,
03:27but one positive is they certainly know what they like,
03:31especially in their movie posters.
03:33And now we move on to all the random-ass food products
03:36they've slapped the Minecraft logo onto frequently.
03:39Ooh, get excited, you consumerist cookholds!
03:42You can now chow down on Minecraft movie Oreos.
03:46Why they chose the famously circular snack for a block game,
03:50I'll never know.
03:51How about some Minecraft Poppy Soda?
03:54I've never heard of the brand,
03:55but apparently they've collaborated with the most famous game of all time.
03:58Don't know how.
03:59I've always wanted to drink a pink sheep's yellow liquid.
04:03You know, there's something weirdly funny to me about this wolf image
04:06angrily growling at the camera next to the word orange flavor.
04:10It kind of reminds me of those edgy protein powder bottles.
04:13But there is actually one more food product,
04:16and this one I actually managed to get my hands on.
04:19Let me introduce you to Doritos, a Minecraft movie,
04:23the Creeper Vinegar flavor.
04:27I mean, Creeper Vinegar.
04:29I hope these don't make my intestines explode.
04:36Okay, I'll eat the chips.
04:38What better way to eat these then?
04:41All right, which one?
04:43Let's go for this one.
04:50I don't want to come across as too white,
04:53but that's a very strong flavor, that vinegar.
04:58Yeah, this ketchup is spicy.
05:00Looking at the packet, this thing has like a thousand calories in it.
05:04Like that is disgusting.
05:05That's like a whole meal.
05:06God damn.
05:08Maybe Steve is fat after all.
05:10Woo!
05:11And if you seriously thought I was done with the random lifestyle products,
05:16think again.
05:17You can now get some official Minecraft movie branded bathroom beauty products.
05:23When I think of Minecraft, I think of hygiene.
05:26When I think of Minecraft, I think of a nice bubble bath.
05:29When I think of Minecraft, I think of cutting my gunk out of my toenails.
05:35Who is this for?
05:37Okay, let's look here.
05:38We have Steve survival rinse, diamond scrub soap.
05:43Oh, and by the looks of it, the soap even comes with a tiny pickaxe,
05:47presumably to dig out all the dirty, like,
05:49bacterial infested yeast out of your belly button, you goddamn animal.
05:54I mean, hell, with all the clothing options available on the Minecraft website,
05:57maybe we can see if it's possible to survive a whole month
06:00just living off Minecraft branded tat.
06:03You know, Minecraft to me was always a game about placing blocks
06:06and building and creativity.
06:08Am I out of touch?
06:09Do I just not get it anymore?
06:12Talking about Bedrock Edition,
06:13they've actually also released a tie-in Minecraft movie add-on pack,
06:18which through the gracious god, is actually free.
06:23Let's check it out.
06:24Oh boy, Bedrock Edition, Microsoft's favorite version.
06:28Here we have the marketplace where I can buy such glorious things as,
06:32uh, oh, dwellers.
06:35Ooh, for five pounds?
06:37Should be a free mod.
06:38Now, I was pretty excited because I thought this Bedrock add-on
06:41would be like a whole constructed adventure
06:44where you can take place of one of the characters in the film and save the day.
06:48But by the looks of it, it's just the normal survivor world
06:51with like some weapons and mobs added on.
06:54Well, this is of vital importance.
06:55We've got to try the mushroom hat.
06:57Boom.
06:58I mean, yeah, all right.
07:00Oh, this is what I wanted Minecraft to be.
07:02It's like a hunting simulator.
07:04Stay perfectly still.
07:06Eugh!
07:08That seemed pretty weird.
07:09It's like the animation didn't like properly play out.
07:12Okay, so a trident.
07:14Oh, no, tridents come from the chest as well.
07:17Yeah, that is totally a modified trident, 100%.
07:21Looking down at the weapons, we also have some battle axes,
07:25the book chuckets, and the staff of dominance.
07:29Now, I did do a bit of an experiment with the battle axe previously,
07:32and this basically just like acts as a weapon with a really bad attack animation.
07:36Okay, so the mobs it adds is the spear piglin, the general, the chef,
07:41the great hog, hammer, warrior, drum,
07:44and of course, who can forget a Minecraft movie add-on trainer?
07:48My favorite mob ever.
07:49Okay, well, the nether seems pretty much identical.
07:52I mean, so is the nether just the same, but there's like some new pigs rolling about?
07:57I mean, I guess it's all right for free.
07:59One thing I do like about bedrock is the fly speed is way faster.
08:03God damn!
08:05All right, let's try spawning in the great hog.
08:08And, uh, I mean, he's a big guy.
08:10He's pretty great.
08:12If I take off the mask, will he die?
08:14And the other one is malgosha.
08:17All right, calm down.
08:18You're going to an anime convention.
08:20Calm down.
08:21You're going to an anime convention.
08:22What's wrong with you?
08:23Oh, he's running.
08:26And he's falling in lava.
08:28Oh, there he goes.
08:30Good DLC!