I Built The Scientifically ‘Perfect’ Night Routine

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Transcript

00:00So recently I just got this, it's a sleep tracker.

00:03And they say if you love something, put a ring on it.

00:05And I love sleep.

00:07And ever since I've gotten this thing,

00:08my sleeps have been good, but not perfect, until tonight.

00:13Because I've curated the most insane nighttime routine

00:16that guarantees the best sleep of my entire life.

00:20Hopefully.

00:21The perfect night starts with what goes inside you

00:23for dinner.

00:24Anyone and everything else is fair game.

00:26Essentially, I am meal prepping for my dreams.

00:29So we're gonna go inside, pick up some foods

00:31that are optimal for my sleep.

00:38Even before this grocery haul,

00:40I got myself prepared for the perfect night's sleep

00:42by eliminating caffeine after 12 p.m.,

00:44getting my workout finished earlier in the day,

00:46and unfortunately, no naps.

00:49Kiwis look like kangaroo balls.

00:52Not that I've ever been that close to them, but just.

00:55But.

00:58I feel like the only time food has ever helped me sleep

01:01is when I eat myself into submission.

01:03So, in theory, a 10-pack of cinnamon buns

01:07should knock me out just as fast.

01:08But I have a feeling we're going more for sleeping beauty

01:11than food coma.

01:13Time to get some salmon.

01:16Salmon.

01:18Pick me, I'm the best salmon.

01:19I'm the best salmon.

01:20I'm delicious.

01:21Pick me, I'm the best salmon.

01:22I'm so delicious.

01:24Pick me, I'm the best salmon.

01:25Choosing between farm salmon and wild salmon,

01:28it's like choosing between a guy with a 4.0 GPA

01:31or a Hell's Angel.

01:32Like, I know which one is better for me,

01:35but I always end up opting for the other one

01:38because it tastes better.

01:39Farm salmon tastes better.

01:42I'm putting this back.

01:45Although the color is just substantially different.

01:49You know what?

01:50Maybe I'm gonna do it.

01:53Wild salmon.

01:55Walking by the pharmacy,

01:56it was really tempting to just grab a bottle of NyQuil

01:58and slam it before bed.

02:00Doing things naturally is always less fun,

02:02but then again, having working kidneys is fun too.

02:04I did read that dark chocolate apparently helps with sleep.

02:08However, there's also caffeine in it.

02:10So I'm not really sure what to do

02:12because I'm either gonna sleep like a baby

02:14or stare at the ceiling the entire night.

02:17And I don't wanna play blackjack with my sleep tonight.

02:20But it's chocolate though.

02:25Can't do it.

02:27We're getting 99 sleep score.

02:28Up next, cherry juice.

02:33Cherry juice is hiding from me.

02:44Tart cherry juice equipped, 11.99.

02:47This stuff ain't cheap.

02:49Definitely a lot more expensive than lean,

02:51but hopefully just as effective.

02:53If you don't know what lean is,

02:54it's what the rappers drink.

02:56Flexing on all the insomniacs right now.

02:59To complete the most wholesome basket

03:00I've ever put together,

03:01I grabbed some unsweetened almond milk and some white rice,

03:04then headed home to cook the ultimate dinner.

03:06Scientifically designed to knock me out

03:07faster than a rag of chloroform.

03:09Let the sleepy time feast begin.

03:12In theory, this meal should be so powerful

03:15at making me wanna sleep

03:17that each bite risks turning me into a narcoleptic.

03:20Also, as you can see, it is extremely early.

03:22It's not even 5 p.m. and I'm having dinner.

03:25Is that giving me anxiety?

03:27Yes.

03:28But there's a reason for it.

03:29Apparently the earlier you finish eating,

03:32the lower your heart rate is before bed,

03:34which helps you sleep better.

03:36I feel like I should be coming straight

03:37from a shuffleboard game eating so early.

03:40Like has happy hour even started yet?

03:42I have a feeling by 9 p.m.

03:44this mouth is gonna be in some trouble,

03:47which is exactly why I always chew gum in any locker room.

03:50We have quite the odd meal.

03:53Salmon, rice, fruit, tart cherry juice.

03:56Kind of like a meal parents would make for their kid

03:59as the last resort before sending them to fat camp.

04:02But I'm starving.

04:06Oh.

04:07It kind of reminds me of that like,

04:10that fake wine I would drink as a kid

04:13pretending to get turnt on New Year's Eve.

04:15I love salmon.

04:17But that is not how I got the nickname, the fishmonger.

04:24Mm.

04:26I feel like I'm on the verge of getting dentures

04:27eating so early, but there's always a method to the madness.

04:30Bedtime is set for 10 p.m. sharp,

04:32meaning we have exactly five hours to prepare.

04:35Time to get to work.

04:36Up next, we have progressive muscle relaxation.

04:38And this is an exercise where you tense all of your muscles

04:42one by one, and then you release.

04:44It can stress you, help with insomnia.

04:47So I guess I was on the right track

04:48with my nightly Kegels.

04:49Also, do I have to tense muscles

04:51that I'd rather forget exist?

04:53I'm looking at you, Cavs.

04:55Anyway, I just pulled up a 20-minute YouTube video,

04:59and I'm gonna follow it,

04:59and we're gonna see how it makes me feel.

05:04I just realized my heart is a muscle.

05:06Am I supposed to stimulate a heart attack?

05:09To begin, I'll ask you to imagine a ball of light.

05:13The ball of light is about the size of a ping pong ball,

05:17and it glows yellow in color,

05:19a warm yellow glow like the sun at dawn.

05:23Let's move that ball of light up, up,

05:26up to your calf muscles.

05:29Move the ball of light right to this.

05:31Starting at my toes and slowly working my way up

05:33the entire body, I guess there is a point

05:35in flexing without a mirror directly in front of you.

05:37Despite my faces in these moments,

05:39it was extremely relaxing.

05:40Lucas is my goat.

05:42People who suffer from insomnia often report

05:44that practicing progressive muscle relaxation at night

05:47helps them fall asleep.

05:48Simply tensing your muscles and slowly releasing

05:51have been shown to reduce symptoms of depression,

05:53anxiety, and stress.

06:01Wow.

06:03That was a genuine yawn.

06:04That wasn't fake.

06:06I feel

06:09nothing.

06:11I feel distressed.

06:18Up next, we have journaling and writing down our worries

06:22to prevent nighttime overthinking.

06:25Do you ever just get in bed, end up staring at the ceiling,

06:28stressing about the work you have to do tomorrow,

06:30or stressing about really whatever I do every single night?

06:34And apparently writing it down helps with that.

06:37And when I'm home alone,

06:39I usually have two worries.

06:41The first one is someone's gonna break in

06:45and that someone is not gonna think I look like I lift.

06:50And I just wanna eliminate that thought

06:51as fast as possible.

06:52So,

06:55if I just write that down,

06:56like, I mean, I feel like I'm manifesting this shit.

06:59No matter what happens, though,

07:00I'm gonna get through it because I'm gonna be able to sleep

07:02through anything.

07:04I have a feeling that this is the night

07:07and Amazon delivery's coming at midnight.

07:10Like, if the doorbell rings,

07:12all of today's efforts are instantly undone.

07:16Making a to-do list is a process

07:18that's both satisfying and slightly alarming

07:20because, let's be honest, am I organizing my life

07:22or just procrastinating in a more sophisticated way?

07:26The answer, it remains unclear.

07:28Well, I just wrote down my to-do list for tomorrow

07:31and I have a feeling that this is where productivity

07:34meets wishful thinking.

07:35Regardless, though, the fact that I wrote it down,

07:38the fact that I have some sort of plan,

07:41I think that might help me tonight.

07:43Time for the next sacred step of this evening routine,

07:46a glorious hot bath.

07:47Whoa!

07:51Oh my God.

07:53Oh!

07:54Mm, I feel so yummy right now.

07:57A nice hot bath with a flavor bomb.

08:00Vegans can't convince me

08:01that lobsters don't enjoy any of this.

08:03But what looks to be a Chernobyl spa treatment

08:07is actually a magnesium bath bomb

08:09with some eucalyptus in it.

08:11And I'm smelling hella mint.

08:13It doesn't claim to have mint in it,

08:15but nothing gets by these things.

08:17I smell a Sunday roast on a Wednesday.

08:20But overall, it's 4.7 stars for this bath bomb,

08:22so I got high hopes.

08:24And we're having the bath two to three hours before bedtime.

08:27The reason for the bath is that when you have the bath,

08:29it drops your body's internal temperature.

08:32And when your body is colder, it helps produce melatonin.

08:36So they say.

08:38But I'm boiling right now.

08:40This bath is perfect.

08:41It's so relaxing.

08:42You know those guys I was worried about breaking in?

08:44At this point, I think I'd just scoot over

08:46and be like, fellas, grab a loofah.

08:48There's enough space for everyone.

08:50However, I am starting to feel something I wasn't expecting.

08:55I'm putting so much pressure on getting the perfect sleep

08:58that I'm actually starting to get a little bit

09:00of bedtime performance anxiety.

09:03Like I'm getting, I'm so nervous

09:04that you would think that Shaq is waiting in bed for me.

09:07So I have a feeling that my sleep score

09:10is either gonna be perfect or awful.

09:13No in between.

09:14Because I've just been so focused on myself

09:16and de-stressing and calming down,

09:19I've had no desire to go on my phone.

09:22The vibrate function is too weak anyways.

09:25And let's not even talk about how hungry I am.

09:28Usually this is when I have dinner.

09:30It's 7.19.

09:32I haven't eaten for like over two hours.

09:38I'm so scared to try to go to sleep.

09:40I think it's gonna be a battle.

09:41But I might be proved wrong.

09:42There has to be something to it.

09:44It just makes no sense.

09:46Another benefit of the hot bath is that once you get out,

09:48it makes you look way leaner and more vascular,

09:51which just makes you feel better about yourself

09:54when you go to bed.

09:55In my dreams, I'm rarely the hero.

09:57I'm more of like the comic relief that gets eaten first.

10:00But I don't know, man.

10:02This might change things right now.

10:06Whoa, what?

10:07It is now time to get the sleep environment ready.

10:10Time to turn this into the ultimate sleep paradise.

10:14Welcome to the best ever one man slumber party.

10:19I don't know if I wanna go to sleep

10:20or invite the boys over for a pillow fight.

10:23Let me show you around.

10:25Nothing sets the bedroom mood

10:26quite like proper fire safety.

10:28And I've taken many, many risks in the bedroom,

10:32but candles is not one of them.

10:34We got the fake ones there up on the backboard.

10:37It's so cute.

10:39Over in the corner, we got the star projector going.

10:43Apparently the subtle movements of the lights

10:45can help soothe you to sleep.

10:49I can definitely see that.

10:52When you just stare up in the sky,

10:54it just makes you realize how small your problems are

10:58in this world.

11:01Whoa.

11:03Check how neat this thing is.

11:05It's not fire, don't worry.

11:06It's just smoke, it looks like fire.

11:09But it's a diffuser and I put lavender in it.

11:12And apparently the smell of lavender

11:14de-stresses you and helps you go to sleep.

11:17Just put a few little dashes in there.

11:21Smells like a nice, very personalized spa experience.

11:26I was literally so excited for this little sleepy paradise

11:28I created for myself.

11:30I feel like a fairy and this is where I belong.

11:32We're closing in on bedtime.

11:34I also set the house temperature to 65 degrees.

11:38I live in Canada.

11:39If I wanted to live in an igloo, I would just do it.

11:42That's like the perfect temperature

11:43for an animal that's capable of hibernation.

11:46It's been a while since I've slept

11:47in the fetal position crying.

11:50So we're going to see how that goes.

11:52Definitely not going to be expecting

11:54any sort of morning wood with that.

11:57But one thing's for sure,

12:00I have no excuse not to have the perfect sleep.

12:03I feel like I'm one yawn away from a coma.

12:06I just feel like my dream is going to be so interactive

12:08and deep in more ways than one.

12:11But we're not done yet.

12:14As you can see, the red light is on.

12:16A black light would make this place light up

12:18like a Christmas tree.

12:19But we have a mini checklist that we need to get through.

12:21And this is really going to calm me down before bed.

12:24So let's get to it.

12:25Next step was to put on some white noise,

12:27but apparently brown noise works just as well.

12:29And I felt inclusive.

12:30Unlike white noise, brown noise has deeper, richer tones

12:33that some people find soothing before sleep.

12:37The brown noise is a little bit more intense

12:39than the white noise.

12:39So I'm going to put on some white noise.

12:42The brown noise kind of just sounds like my vent's broken,

12:46but I don't mind it.

12:46I do find it kind of relaxing.

12:48Next up on our checklist is to read.

12:50I don't read.

12:52It's not that I can't read, I can read.

12:54I just don't enjoy it.

12:56And it's a bit too late to watch the new season

12:57of Squid Game.

12:58So we're going to jump on to the next one,

13:00which is going to be legs up the wall pose,

13:04which is a yoga pose that helps calm the nervous system

13:08and reduce physical tension before sleep.

13:12I'm not used to my ankles feeling cold

13:13when I got my legs propped up like this.

13:18That is quite nice though.

13:24It's 9.30, 30 minutes to bed.

13:27I look like I should be on every single watch list

13:29right now.

13:30I'm looking like Dahmer at Woodstock.

13:32Speaking of Dahmer, nutmeg is actually a natural sedative,

13:36which explains why my uncle had so many bake sales.

13:40We are actually going to make a pre-bed cocktail,

13:43if you will,

13:44which consists of the nutmeg and some warm almond milk,

13:47because it has high levels of tryptophan and magnesium.

13:52Let's do it.

14:01It smells quite nice.

14:02And because I frothed it up,

14:03it has a beautiful foam on the top.

14:05It's like my own Starbees drink.

14:11Warm almond milk and nutmeg

14:15is what I've always imagined Santa to taste like,

14:18but I was sadly mistaken.

14:20When I met him at the mall,

14:23he was serving something up.

14:24This,

14:27it hugs your heart.

14:30It's very warm and comforting.

14:33And you know how I know what I'm doing is working?

14:36My brain feels heavy.

14:39It doesn't usually feel heavy before bed.

14:41Like it's ready to rest.

14:43Like I really want to go to sleep.

14:46I'm almost starting to slur my words,

14:48but I'm going to take my time with this,

14:50savor the nut.

14:53And right before we go upstairs,

14:55I'm going to take my supplements.

14:56Supplement wise,

14:57I'm taking this magnesium drink called Natural Calm,

15:01and then a full dose of melatonin.

15:10The magnesium that I've naturally produced

15:14throughout this routine,

15:16on top of supplementing magnesium,

15:20I've reached super physiological levels

15:22of magnesium in my body.

15:25I'm a non-natty sleeper.

15:28Then right before I finally made it to bed,

15:29I spent some time with my son, Bulba.

15:31Studies show that simply interacting with an animal

15:33is enough to reduce stress hormones,

15:35heart rate, and blood pressure.

15:37So I'm currently naked and only wearing socks.

15:40And yeah, it's weird.

15:43I can't be the only one that thinks

15:44that wearing socks to bed is psychopath behavior.

15:47But given the fact that the house is at 65,

15:51I don't think a sock is such a bad idea.

15:53But apparently by warming your feet,

15:55it increases blood flow and helps you fall asleep quicker,

15:59which is the theory.

16:01Now I know you guys are gonna think this is kind of crazy,

16:03but I'm not.

16:04Now I know you guys are gonna think this is kind of crazy,

16:07but we got honey in the bedroom.

16:08And when honey enters the bedroom,

16:10I'm usually stuck to the sheets

16:11and way closer to pulling an all-nighter

16:13than getting a full night's rest.

16:15Gotta love those Craig Bliss days.

16:17But apparently honey can help promote

16:19the production of melatonin

16:21by giving a slight rise in insulin levels.

16:25So we're gonna have a little tablespoon.

16:27Honey for sweet dreams.

16:29And to be fair, Winnie the Pooh

16:32looks to have a banger of naps.

16:34Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

16:40The last thing I'm gonna do is the count to 300 technique,

16:44which is supposed to help you get out of your head

16:46while you're trying to fall asleep.

16:49Now I thought it was for something else,

16:50which explains why I only ever got halfway.

16:54So I'm just gonna go lie down, start counting to 300,

16:58love a little mental marathon before bed.

17:01But I really think I've done everything in my power.

17:04To set myself up for the perfect night's rest.

17:09So now we just wait for the long awaited score.

17:12I'll see you guys in the morning.

17:14One, two, three, four, 18, 19, 20.

17:23My dreams were vivid that night.

17:26I had a dream of donuts.

17:27I mean, I usually always do,

17:28but I think it's from the nutmeg in the drink.

17:30I also dreamt about Shaq.

17:32At least I think it was him.

17:33I was facing the other way.

17:34Maybe his presence in my dream

17:36is supposed to symbolize strength and success.

17:38It's crazy how I brought him up in the bath

17:40and it just carries over.

17:41Then because I've been playing

17:42the Nintendo Switch Mario Kart for so long,

17:44I dreamt I was actually in the game

17:46with Katie and Boba, of course.

17:48And it turns out Nintendo World

17:49is actually coming to Orlando this year.

17:52What kind of prophetic fever dream is this?

17:54Good morning, everybody.

17:57It is 7.37.

17:59I just woke up.

18:01I feel like it was a good sleep.

18:02I also did not get up to go to the bathroom once.

18:06Usually, I get up at least twice.

18:10All right, everybody.

18:11Time for the moment of truth.

18:13Let's open this app.

18:19Updating.

18:22That line cannot move fast enough.

18:30Oh my God, my heart's actually pounding.

18:37What?

18:39You know when you plan the perfect date

18:41and then all you get at the end of the night

18:42is a kiss on the cheek?

18:44So then you have to go home and rub one out.

18:46That's how I feel right now.

18:47I feel like I put so much in to this perfect sleep

18:50and all I got was a readiness to go to sleep.

18:54I don't know if you can see it,

18:54but I feel like I put so much into this perfect sleep

18:58and all I got was a readiness score of 86

19:01and a sleep score of 90.

19:05What the heck?

19:05I was expecting minimum 95,

19:08but let's find out a little bit more here.

19:11Sleep optimal, sleep efficiency, 93%.

19:14That's pretty good.

19:15I didn't even get grades like that in high school.

19:17Total sleep, eight hours and 17 minutes.

19:21Resting heart rate was a little bit high.

19:22I think that's what affected my score overall,

19:25to be honest.

19:26Everything else looks pretty good.

19:28REM sleep, two hours and nine minutes.

19:29Deep sleep was pretty good.

19:31And now take a look at this.

19:32I went to bed right around 1030

19:35and I was lights out until like 6 a.m.

19:38There's no white in between that period.

19:40Again, like I said,

19:41I usually wake up to go to the bathroom, nothing there.

19:44So that's definitely not like me,

19:46which is a pretty good sign.

19:47Overall, I'm happy with that.

19:50Readiness, something in the air.

19:51Let's take a moment to breathe

19:52in the refreshing scent of supremely optimal readiness.

19:56I feel like I'm one of those people

19:58that I could feel great,

19:59but then I see my score

20:01and then I will act in reflection to my score.

20:04I felt like a 95 readiness,

20:06but now I'm down to an 86.

20:08I think I'm gonna need an extra cup of coffee.

20:09Everything looks pretty good here.

20:11I don't know where the 86 came from.

20:17All I can say is that we're just gonna have

20:19to do better next time.

20:22Despite all my hard work,

20:23I'm still 10 points away from the perfect sleep.

20:26It's back to the drawing board,

20:27but some things will remain the same.

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