John and Shawna have been married TEN YEARS!!
Okay only happy Shawna and John content from now on. WHEW I hate when they fight. (Yes I know they're me but no they aren't. I HATE them fighting. But it's okay, sometimes you work through some by yelling at people you love, you know? As long as you don't say too many terrible things and ruin everything, you can always apologize and make up.)
Hope you enjoy!! Also LOL Jen is so frazzled 😂 poor thing.
Okay only happy Shawna and John content from now on. WHEW I hate when they fight. (Yes I know they're me but no they aren't. I HATE them fighting. But it's okay, sometimes you work through some by yelling at people you love, you know? As long as you don't say too many terrible things and ruin everything, you can always apologize and make up.)
Hope you enjoy!! Also LOL Jen is so frazzled 😂 poor thing.
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NewsTranscript
00:00Hey. Hey. Oh, sorry, I don't think you heard me. Hey. Hey. I have a surprise for you. What?
00:12Uh-uh. First, I'm going to need you to stop doing laundry. Ugh, no, I hate that. I have
00:16to. Hey. I do! I will agree to leave the load in the dryer, which I also hate, but at least
00:20it's not staring at me, but these I have to put away. Okay, just listen. I need you to
00:25stop doing laundry. But I just have... I will finish the load while you take a shower. Okay.
00:32Did you plan something? Did I plan something for our 10-year anniversary? It's not for
00:36two weeks! I like celebrating early as illegal. But I don't have anything for you! You have
00:42everything. In fact, on second thought, I am very, very offended that you didn't get
00:47me an early anniversary present, and I think that you should make it up to me. I can't
00:50believe you. You planned a thing? I planned a thing. Did you get a sitter? What, am I
00:55an amateur? Where are we going? Ah, nice try. No, really, I need to know how to dress. Slutty.
01:00Ugh, John. No, that is the dress code. I'm wearing fishnets. No, really, do I wear jeans
01:04and a t-shirt? A cocktail dress? Are we going to be outside because I'll have to literally
01:07wear a parka? Dinner, baby. Wear whatever you want. You're gorgeous and everything.
01:12How much time do I have? About three hours. I can take my time? Mm-hmm. You are good.
01:19Hello, we're here! Hey, guys. TJ, Dad said we could have pizza! Oh, yum! That's nutritious.
01:27Since when are you concerned about nutrition? Healthy meals build healthy bodies, John.
01:31You lived off hot Cheetos until you were 20. He still likes hot Cheetos. Excuse me, everything
01:35is okay in moderation. A.K.A. do what I say, not what I do. Why are you instantly combative
01:40the second I arrive? You started it! Oh, hello, Egg. Hey, Piper, who you got there? This is
01:45Popsicle. He is an emperor penguin. Oh, he looks cuddly. Yes, Egg. May you help me find
01:49his baby? He has a baby? Yes, Egg. He is an emperor penguin. Okay. All right, so bedtime's
01:55a little intense, so I wrote it down step by step. We've babysat before, John. You never
01:59put them to bed. How hard can it be? Okay, so no juice past 5 o'clock or they won't go
02:03to sleep. They can drink water. No, they can have juice, just don't give them any after
02:075. Mm-hmm. We do lights out at 7.15, but the second that you say the word bedtime, they're
02:11going to want to play and get rowdy, so start bedtime routine at 6.45. Oh, my God. If you
02:16do it any later, they'll get amped up and they won't go to sleep. You guys are so extra.
02:19Brush teeth and have them go potty before you put on PJs. If Piper gets toothpaste on
02:23her jammies, she'll cry until you change her. Okay. They each get one story. Max will pick
02:28out whatever he wants, but Piper has to have March of the Penguins or she'll cry. I'm sensing
02:31theme. Yeah, children cry. You might want to read a book before the baby comes. My motherhood
02:35experience will be my own. Thank you. Okay, after books, Max wants hugs and kisses, but
02:39no song. Piper will want three songs, Mary Had a Little Lamb, and then Rock-a-Bye Baby
02:43Twice. You are wrapped around her finger. No, listen, during bedtime, they will ask
02:48you for a million things. It's a ploy. It's an attempt to stall. Do not fall for it or
02:52they will not sleep. Okay. Really, they will con you. That's why I wrote the list. Got
02:56it. Why do I feel like you don't got it? I'm so excited. It'll be like we are the parents
03:00for the night. I'm regretting this decision. Hey, John, have you seen Popsicles Baby? Last
03:05I saw it was in the kid's bathroom. Cool. What's happening? Piper's stuffy is missing
03:09his baby. Oh, this is so fun. Hey, guys. Wow. Feel great. Thank you. Get a room. How
03:16are you feeling? Large. Yeah. Are you sure you're up for this? Yeah, I'm excited. I love
03:21the enthusiasm. Did you go over the list? I tried. Okay. They're really used to the
03:25routine, so it should be easy. See? Thank you. Mm-hmm. You ready? Yeah, let's do it.
03:30Piper, Maxie, we're going. Bye, Mom and Dad. Bye, buddy. Hello, Mother. May you find Popsicles
03:35Baby? We can't find it anywhere. Oh, in the playroom under the art desk in between the
03:40Hot Wheels bin and the bag of broken cramps. Thank you, Mother. Wow. Greg, it's a white
03:46pom-pom ball. Oh, so it's not a tiny penguin. Nope. Tiny egg. Okay. Cheers. Can you believe
03:54it's been 10 years? Do you remember our first date? Coffee, which turned into lunch, and
03:59then drinks, and then bowling, and then we made out in the bowling alley arcade like
04:05a couple of teenagers, and you tried to take me home. Oh, you wanted to come home with
04:08me. I was not going to go home with you. You wanted to come home with me. But I didn't.
04:12But you wanted to. Missed opportunity. No way. I liked you, and I didn't want to complicate
04:17it before I could tell what it was. At least not that first night. Excuse me. I held off
04:21for a long time. Two weeks? You called me at 10 a.m. the day after our first date. You
04:26were not slick. I'm a man who knows what he wants. You're supposed to be cool about
04:30it. I even told you you were calling me too soon. I wanted to talk to you, and you wanted
04:34to talk to me. I was pretty thrilled. I was like, oh, I got him. Really? Oh, yeah, you
04:39were hooked. Yes, I was. So was I. Oh, I knew. You did not know. Yes, I did. What I didn't
04:44know was why you weren't giving in. I was actually on my period. What? You never told
04:48me that. Yeah. I also didn't shave. The countermeasures. I liked you. I wanted to see what it was.
04:54You had to hold yourself back from me. I did. That's hot. And I had to push you off of me.
04:59Well, that's just because Ty. What? Hey, guys. Oh, hey, Ty.
05:05Hey, guys. Dinner. Thanks, JJ. Oh, where's the pizza? This is lemon pepper chicken, Max.
05:12I made it special because it's so good for you. Where are the black parts? That's the
05:16lemon pepper. Max, it'll make you so strong and fast. If I'm slow, can I have pizza?
05:21Egg, may you get me pizza? Uh, maybe we should just give them the pizza. No, it's like poison.
05:27Lemon pepper chicken is so yummy, guys. No, thank you, JJ.
05:30Dada said we could have pizza. Max, don't cry. Popsicle, where is baby? Piper. You're
05:36not excused from the table. Piper. She lost the baby again. Ding dong. Happy Saturday.
05:43Grammy. Mom. Grammy, can I have pizza? Of course, sweetheart. Who said you can't have
05:47pizza? JJ, she gave me hot chicken. What? Mom, what are you doing here? Oh, I thought
05:52I'd pop over since my son has decided he no longer answers the phone. Where is he? Out.
05:57What? What about the kids? I'm watching them. Why didn't anyone ask me? I found it. Greg
06:02is here, too? Hey, Barb. I didn't know you'd be here. Apparently, no one wanted me here.
06:06Mom, stop. No one excluded you from anything. John and Johnna just went out for their anniversary.
06:10But that's not for two weeks. So? Someone should have told me they were celebrating
06:14tonight. Why? Juice? Egg? No, Piper. No juice. Oh, she can have juice. No, she can have
06:20water. Here, Charlotte. Barb, her name is Piper. I call my granddaughter by her beautiful
06:25middle name. Mom, John said no juice after five. I'm the Grammy. I can give them juice.
06:30Can I have juice? No, Max. JJ, you're mean. Great. Thanks, Mom. Oh, please. Hey, man.
06:36Good to see you. How are you? We're good. You remember my wife, Julie? Of course. Hey,
06:41Julie. Nice to see you again. It was John, right? Yeah, John. I thought so. Hi, Julie.
06:48Good to see you. You look gorgeous. Your little bump is adorable. Where's Cooper? Uh, babysitter.
06:54Oh, I love that. Cooper is such a sweet boy. Julie, the other day, he gave me the biggest
06:58bear hug. Aw. Yeah. Remember that, Ty? Uh-huh, yeah. Julie, he ran right up. Miss Johnna!
07:04It was adorable. Do you guys have a regular sitter? Do you use, like, a service? No, yeah.
07:10Our niece. She's pretty reliable, at least. Oh, nice. Yeah, our kids are with John's sister,
07:15who you met at the park that one time. Remember when the kids played, Jen? She's a pretty
07:19unreliable babysitter. No, she's getting consistent. Jerry's out. We'll see. It's nice when it
07:24finally works and you get a night out, right? A little break. Yeah. Well, good to see you.
07:29We'll let you enjoy your dinner. Thanks. You guys have a good night. Good to see you, too.
07:32I'm sure we'll run into you at the park soon. That'd be—yeah, maybe. I'd like to sit down.
07:37Yeah. Uh, yeah, that pregnancy belly starts to feel really humbling as soon as it pops
07:42all the way out and you have popped. You must be doing a day. Exciting. Not until April.
07:48You're kidding! That's, like, ten more weeks. No wonder you're miserable. Oh, my gosh. That
07:56was rude. I'm so sorry. How annoying of me. You guys have a good night. You, too, man.
08:03Bye. Have a good night. Enjoy dinner. Okay, you guys, finish your juice and your pizza,
08:08please. We are way past bedtime. Oh, please. They can stay up on a Saturday. On satellites
08:13out by 7.15 or they have trouble sleeping. Of course, because no one sleeps when they're
08:17tired enough. Mom! Popsicle has lost his baby. Got it, Piper. Thank you, Egg. Why don't I
08:24hold on to baby while you finish eating? No. Okay. I'm stuffed. Can we watch Paw Patrol?
08:31Sure, sweetheart. No, Max. It's bedtime. No, I want Paw Patrol. Max, please don't cry.
08:37Maxie, come sit with Grammy. Mom, it's bedtime. Oh, stop. I'm too pregnant for this. It's
08:43fine. Grammy's here. Max. Piper. Do you want to walk upstairs or should I carry you? Or
08:50do you want to cuddle with Grammy a little longer? Mom! Yes, please, Grammy. Up, Egg.
08:55Oh, okay. Well, at least that's one. I'll take her up and get started. Thanks. Max,
09:01honey, I'm so sorry, but it's time to go upstairs and brush teeth. Jennifer, he's fine. Mom,
09:07he is not fine and you shouldn't even be here. Well, it's a good thing I am here or else
09:12Maxie would never get his teeth brushed. Maxwell, open up. Oh, my God. It doesn't have to be
09:19as hard as you make it, Jennifer. Maxwell, spit. Thanks, Grammy. Oh, my God. What was
09:25that? Right? That woman is awful. Why was she just staring off? Because she hates me.
09:31Why? I don't know. She literally said everything about me annoys her. What? You're so sweet
09:36and charming. Aw, she was at bunko pretending she didn't know me. I felt about this big.
09:40Whoa, I feel like I missed a chapter. Aw, I'm enstressed. Sorry. So you want to fill
09:46me in? That's it. She's friends with Alicia and she hates my guts. I just feel bad for
09:50Max and Piper. They like Cooper so much. Man, I'm, like, offended. Yeah, it brews the ego.
09:55I can't lie. Does Ty know? I told him. I kind of feel bad for him. He acts weird around
10:00her. Does he? Well, just less himself. He seemed himself. No, he's, like, funny and
10:05witty and engaging and kind of goofy and just, like, great. He's great usually. Yeah. But
10:10you saw him, right? He was subdued at best. I mean, I don't know. I guess you know him
10:14better than I do. Yeah, I guess. To me, he just came over and held a conversation. No,
10:18he came over and made polite chatter. That was not a Ty conversation. He is an absolutely
10:22delightful person when she's not around giving everyone the silent treatment. What? You really
10:27like him. Yeah, he's my park buddy. What? Just wondering if maybe I missed a few chapters.
10:33What? When did you start knowing Ty so thoroughly? We goof off at the park when the kids play.
10:38I'm just saying he doesn't act the same when she's around. How often are the kids playing?
10:41Whenever we see them at the park. You take the kids to the park, like, every day, so
10:44are you seeing him every single day? No, not every day. Is it most days? It's some days.
10:49You're being evasive. How often? I'm not. We don't ever make plans, usually. It's just
10:53when we both happen to show up at the park at the same time. It happens, like, two or
10:56three times a week or sometimes more, sometimes less, just depends on the week. Huh. Then
11:00Bunko happened and Julie hates me, and so now I feel weird meeting up. Meeting up? You
11:05said it just happens. Well, you know what I mean. Not really. Is all this meeting up
11:08the reason Julie hates you all of a sudden? John! Maybe Julie clocked on that she missed
11:12some chapters, too. Are you serious right now? It's pretty weird that a random woman
11:15hates you to the point of social ineptitude. I agree, particularly because she is the mother
11:20of our kid's one friend, which is why it bothers me so much, which is why I told Ty I'm not
11:24comfortable being friends anymore. You were sure friendly tonight. I was making a point
11:28to Julie. She called me annoying, so I was being annoying. She doesn't care. She hates
11:32you. You were showing Ty what he's missing. John! Tell me I'm wrong. You are so unbelievably
11:37in the wrong. Shawna! I'm eating. Well, I can hear you. Shawna, come on. Hmm, trouble
11:45in paradise. They're nice people. Okay, guys, in your rooms, please. It's lights out. Egg,
11:51may you please give me Popsicle and baby? You don't have them? No, Egg. JJ, I'm thirsty.
11:56You can have a sip of water once you're in bed. Here, Mixie. Thanks, Rami. Mom, no juice!
12:01Jennifer, relax. I have done this before, you know. Mom, I need you to go home, please.
12:06No, I want to say hello when Jonathan gets back. Oh, you can't be here! Why? I want a
12:11story from Grammy. Max, you had your story. Popsicle, Egg. Not in your room. I'll check
12:16downstairs. Do you want to be Vicky or a dragon adventure? Ooh. No, Mom, no. Max had his book
12:23and it is time for bed. JJ doesn't like me. Oh, why is JJ being mean to you? Mom, I am
12:30not being mean. Oh, my God. You have to leave. Hey, have you seen Popsicle? No. Why? I can't
12:35find him. I looked downstairs. It has to be somewhere. Piper, did you put Popsicle in
12:39the playroom? No, Egg. Popsicle sleeps with me. Popsicle isn't on the list. Piper, can
12:44we find Popsicle tomorrow? It's bedtime. Do you want to sing songs? No, Egg. I think she
12:49needs him. I'm so tired. Jennifer, go sit down. Grammy is here for bedtime. Mom, you
12:54have to leave! Shauna, will you talk? I told you I need a minute. I said I'm sorry. It
12:59doesn't work like that. You can't say vile things to me and then expect me to drop it
13:03because you half-heartedly apologize. It just doesn't add up. It does. If you believe me,
13:08if you remember that you know my heart, if you trust me, it does add up. I met a dad
13:14at the park and I made friends with him until I realized that his wife is weird and now
13:18I don't want to be friends with him anymore. Oh, hello, Mother. May you get me Popsicle
13:21and baby? Oh, Piper, what are you doing up? I need Popsicle and baby. You guys are home
13:25early. Hi, Greg. Where's Jen? Jonathan, you're home! Dad at JJ wouldn't let us have juice
13:32and she didn't give us any pizza until Grammy came. What? Where have you been? No, let me
13:37explain. Max, Piper, come with Mama. Popsicle is missing. We'll find Popsicle, baby. I'm
13:41not tired! I know. Come on. Why are my kids awake? What are you doing? Mom came over in
13:45the middle of dinner. I didn't know you were gone. Why did you let her in? I didn't. She
13:49walked in. Jonathan, you haven't been returning my calls. Yeah, maybe I don't want to talk
13:53to you. What? Why didn't you give them the pizza? I made something nutritious. I gave
13:57them pizza. Oh, my God. The instructions were simple, Jennifer. Feed them and then put them
14:02to bed. This should have been a slam dunk. Sorry. Please don't yell at me. Really? With
14:06the tears? John, maybe we should talk to her. Greg, I like you, but this time you got to
14:09back off. It's okay. He's right. John, I'm sorry. I should have just stuck to the list.
14:14I was excited to try to be a mom, but clearly I have no idea what I'm doing. Him and peppered
14:19chicken for a toddler and a five-year-old instead of the pizza that was promised that
14:23you're parenting? Don't make fun of me. Oh, you're so sensitive. I tried to make her leave.
14:28I swear. Why don't we head out, John? Yeah. John, we good? Yeah. John, let me help you
14:34with bedtime. No, Barb. I don't need help. But you seem to... Shut the door, please.
14:39Well, Maxwell really seems to want his grummy tonight. Barb, the answer is no. Get out.
14:44Oh. Jonathan, your wife yelled at me. Go home, Mom. Oh, so you let her treat your mother
14:50like that. What are you talking about? Let her? It might be a foreign concept to you,
14:54but I don't control and manipulate the people I love. Not sure what you're insinuating.
14:58You control and manipulate everyone. It's abuse. Abuse? I'm the one being screamed at.
15:03I have asked you, I've begged you ten thousand times to treat us better. Now who's trying
15:09to control? Just because I do things differently than you do. You can do whatever you want.
15:13It doesn't mean there won't be consequences. Is that a threat? No. So that's why you won't
15:18take my calls. I'm getting the silent treatment. Talk about abuse. I haven't been taking your
15:22calls because I don't want to talk to you. I didn't ask you to come over because it's
15:25hard to be around you. Jonathan. It is, Mom. There's no room for anyone else around you.
15:30Don't be dramatic. No matter what's going on, you demand I pay more attention to how
15:35you feel than what I'm going through. My feelings matter too. There is no too. Your feelings
15:40are all there is in the world. I'm sorry. I'm such a monster. Get out, Mom. You weren't
15:45invited over. I don't know why you're here inserting yourself where you're not wanted.
15:50Making everything harder for everyone else. Get out. Jonathan. Get out. Get out of my
15:55house. Get out of my life. Get out. Are they asleep? Yeah, they were exhausted. Sorry.
16:03I was gonna come help, but I needed a minute. Sure, take a minute when you need a minute.
16:12Uh, I want to apologize again, but I feel like maybe you don't want to hear it. What
16:17are you apologizing for? Do you even know? This one requires a conversation. Please don't
16:22just throw an apology at me. Okay, so let's have a conversation. Shoot. Okay, well, first
16:27of all, I am sorry. You having this friendship has never made me think twice. So what was
16:32that? I don't know. I got jealous. I think that's obvious. No, I know it's immature,
16:36but you've said his name with a little bit of a smile and suddenly I wanted to rip his
16:41head off. My head? Yeah, while you were sitting right in front of me. Not cool. I know. So
16:46unbelievably disrespectful. Do you realize you were emotionally punishing me for something
16:50you made up in your head? Do you agree you made this up in your head or do you actually
16:55think I have something going on with Ty? No. Are you sure? I guess it would just be
17:03the worst thing that could ever happen, especially with my mom and stuff. I guess for a minute
17:08I was afraid it might be true. Do you need me to say it? No. There's nothing going on
17:14between me and Ty. I know. You cannot disrespect me like that. I know. I'm so sorry. God, we
17:21were having such a good time too. Yeah, we were. What an idiot. What an idiot. Giant
17:26idiot. How embarrassing. Missed opportunity. Oh, that hurts. It should. I shaved everything.
17:35You don't get to see any of it. Sad. Oh my god. It's so sad. I've never been so mad at
17:41myself in my entire life. You really think there's something with Ty? No, I was being
17:44an idiot. I actually really like Ty. I thought so. Did you really shave everything? Wouldn't
17:49you like to know? Yes, that's why I'm asking. I'm so mad at you. No, just kidding. You are
17:54a straight up wonderful person and I do not deserve you. Thank you. Sorry. Okay. I heard
18:01you yelling at your mom. Yeah. Yeah. I guess we're no contact. Are you okay? Relieved,
18:08actually. Wow. That's good. Yeah. Do you want to talk about it? No. Okay.