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PeopleTranscript
00:00It's not clean up last night, now I have a giant mess.
00:27I'm getting ready to go to Pilates class, I've not been to one in a while, I think this
00:46is a hot one.
00:47I think that.
00:48We're ready.
00:49Sweaters from Princess Polly.
00:50And then my mom, which is set from Set Active.
00:51Okay.
00:52I have not vlogged in so long.
00:53I feel like I say that every time.
00:54I keep meaning to get back on the weekly schedule, and I'm just too mentally unwell to do that.
01:11I just got done with Pilates, then we went to a coffee shop, I was with Sierra and Adelaine
01:15like I said earlier, so that was fun, we went to Stereoscope, which I haven't ever
01:19been there before, but got a matcha and a little yogurt bowl.
01:22I feel like it's rare that I have a morning or a day fully, completely to myself with
01:28no kids and nothing to do.
01:31Usually if I am by myself, I'm trying to fill my time with something, or I'm traveling.
01:36Being all the way alone is something I feel like I'm still just not used to, even though
01:39I'm single now.
01:40So, I've just never been alone, ever.
01:43So it's weird whenever I'm just by myself with my own thoughts, even though I was just
01:47with people, but for the rest of the day, I'm like, what do I even do?
01:50I don't know.
01:51My eyes also still hurt.
01:52I don't know what I'm allergic to.
01:54It's been probably almost two months that I've had really dry skin and chapped lips
01:58like under here.
01:59So I was like, I thought I got sunburned or something when I went on the Tarte trip, but
02:02then recently my eyes started getting all red and puffy.
02:06Then I stopped using a couple products and it went away, and then I still haven't used
02:10those products and it's back.
02:11So I don't know what is happening, but my eyes hurt so bad.
02:14Anyways, welcome to today's vlog.
02:16Today we had a fun little morning with friends, and then I'm just shooting and getting random
02:19stuff done for the rest of the afternoon.
02:21I feel like I've had a list of just random things I need to do, like order some clothes
02:24for the girls, and I need to order a couch for my deck, stuff like that.
02:29Just random to-do list things that I don't always have time to do when I'm with the girls,
02:33or I can't lock in and focus.
02:35We're hanging out in the car for a sec, because for some reason I just love to vlog in the
02:38car.
02:39I love to yap in here.
02:41I just posted on Instagram and I asked you guys for questions if we wanted to do a little
02:43Q&A segment.
02:44So we can get to that before I go inside.
02:46I don't know, I feel like every vlog is just me trying to get my life together.
02:49It just feels so chaotic.
02:50It feels like there's not a lot of stability or routine, and I do not thrive in an environment
02:56where I have no routine.
02:57But it's just so hard to navigate everything I'm going through, especially with little
03:01kids.
03:02This is just the reality of me feeling like I never know what's happening or what's going
03:05on.
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03:17I feel like I'm very particular about my finances, and I'm always going on and checking and making
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03:35You can also set a budget, which is nice.
03:37I probably should do that because I'm getting ready to pay my taxes and everything.
03:42I do have a link for you guys if you want to check it out.
03:44You can go to rocketmoney.com slash aspenovard.
03:45If you want to save more, spend less, and join over 5 million Rocket Money users, you
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03:52So that'll be in the description.
03:53It's super great.
03:54I love their app.
03:55Very easy to use.
03:56Easy to just see everything laid out right in front of you.
03:57So check out the link in the description if you guys want to look into that.
04:01Anyways, we'll answer a couple questions for our little car chat, and hopefully this will
04:04reset my aura for the day.
04:06I had a good morning, but I'm now thinking about like all the million things, like random
04:10things that I have to do.
04:11And I also had a matcha, and sometimes I try to drink this really slowly because if I chug
04:16a matcha or drink too much caffeine at once, then I get like very jittery and mad vibes.
04:21We're slowly sipping.
04:22We're having a little car chat.
04:23I feel like I haven't talked to you guys in a while.
04:25So I always get questions about what I'm reading.
04:27What are you currently reading?
04:28I love to read.
04:29I haven't been reading a ton lately.
04:30I should do that more to try and like get my screen time down.
04:32The book that I'm reading right now is The Crash by Freda McFadden.
04:35I love all of her books.
04:37They're like mystery books.
04:38Some of them are more gory than other ones.
04:41Some are a little more mild.
04:42I've read all of them, but I kind of like those ones because I don't want it to be like
04:45too scary.
04:46But I, if I'm reading something, I need some type of like mystery to it, or I'm just not
04:49quite as interested.
04:50I'm currently reading The Crash.
04:51I think she has another book.
04:53I think that one might be new because I swear I read every single one of her books.
04:55Anytime I talk about books, people ask if I have a Goodreads.
04:58I have an account technically, but I don't ever like update it.
05:01I just don't think to.
05:02So yes, but no.
05:03But I'll probably finish The Crash this week if anybody has any suggestions.
05:06If you could move anywhere in the world, where would you go?
05:08I think I would be here.
05:09I really love being in Southern California.
05:11It's so convenient because I'm still very close to Utah.
05:13Like it's, the flight to Salt Lake is like an hour and a half, so it feels really easy.
05:16So I'm not like too far away from my family.
05:18And then I'm only a six hour drive from my hometown.
05:20I'm actually going to Salt Lake in two weeks.
05:22I'm going to go stay with my friend Josie, who has the Weekly Trash podcast.
05:26And then I'm only going for literally like a day, but you guys know the saga with my
05:30teeth.
05:31I got composite bonding on my top 10 teeth.
05:33I think like back in July, and I've gone back to the dentist like five times to have them
05:38made smaller because they're like very well done and perfect, but they're almost like
05:41too perfect.
05:42And I feel like they're still a little bit too big for me.
05:44They look the best that they have looked, but I now have like a little chip, which scares
05:47me because I feel like people say composite bonding chips and I didn't want to believe
05:51them.
05:52And now I have a chip.
05:53It's like very small.
05:54Only I notice it.
05:55It's like in between like these two teeth, but I feel like these still could all be made
05:59like a little bit smaller.
06:00So stay tuned for that.
06:02That'll be really quick.
06:03Why did I start saying that?
06:04Oh, I'm getting sidetracked.
06:05I don't know.
06:06If you can move anywhere in the world.
06:07Anyways, point being, I really love Southern California because I can easily go back to
06:10Salt Lake if I need to.
06:11Obviously it would be so amazing to live like somewhere in Spain or something like that,
06:16but it's just so far away.
06:17This really is like my dream place to live.
06:19Like I would love to live here forever.
06:21What are some of your favorite snacks you give to your kids?
06:23Okay.
06:24So for snacks with the girls, I always, I'm going to go to the pantry.
06:26I don't know.
06:27Literally the opposite of what I was going to say.
06:28I always will go to the fridge first because I feel like fridge foods usually are just
06:32like a little bit healthier.
06:33They love apples and peanut butter.
06:34They love carrots and hummus.
06:35We do like chomp sticks.
06:36Chomp sticks, obviously those don't go in the fridge, but it's like a jerky stick.
06:39Those are like, I think they're pretty clean.
06:41It's good protein for them.
06:42I love to do a cheese stick.
06:44You guys know if you've watched any of my TikToks or I've shown it on the blogs, but
06:47I'll always do like a snack plate for them.
06:49Any type of like berry.
06:50We'll do some pretzel.
06:51I usually buy the little cheese sticks, but then I just cut them up into like cubes.
06:54So they're like smaller pieces.
06:56But I'm always trying to go for like things in the fridge versus like really processed
06:59snacks.
07:00Even though we definitely have those too.
07:01Like we love go macro bars.
07:02They have the kid versions, which my girls love.
07:04I call them cookie bars though, because if I called it like a granola bar or something,
07:07they would not eat it.
07:08But because I call it a cookie bar, they do.
07:10I definitely still give them like processed food.
07:11Like they have that for sure.
07:13Like especially if we have a snack plate, they usually will have like pretzels or cheddar
07:16rockets or something from Trader Joe's.
07:18But I do always try to offer them like fresh fruits and veggies.
07:21They love bell pepper.
07:22They love cucumber.
07:23Is dating fun for you since you've never technically dated?
07:25Yes, it has been fun.
07:26Luckily, I don't have any bad experiences.
07:29Knock on wood.
07:30I've only gone on like a couple dates.
07:32So I'm obviously very fresh into like being single.
07:36I have never dated.
07:37Like even in high school, I only went on like one actual date that I can like remember.
07:42I'm pretty sure I only went, there was like one time that somebody was like, I want to
07:45take you on this date.
07:46And I was like, okay, cool.
07:47So I have zero dating experience and now that I'm single and like allowed to do that, it
07:52has been so interesting.
07:54It's weird to like be allowed to do that because I'm single now.
07:56Like it's just crazy.
07:57But it has been really fun to like get to know new people.
07:59Hopefully I don't have any bad experiences, but I feel like it's kind of inevitable at
08:03that point.
08:04But I'm pretty picky with who I will like give my time and energy to.
08:06So so far, usually I can like pick up a vibe immediately and be like, yes, you are worth
08:10like going on a date with, or I don't really think we would vibe.
08:12Okay.
08:13I had so many questions asking if I'm on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives season two, which I
08:17think comes out May 15th.
08:18I think people ask me this because I've like posted about the show or I'll talk about it
08:22or I just put like the promo for season two just came out, the trailer, and I like reposted
08:26it to my story.
08:27I'm just a fan.
08:28I just know the girls on the show and I'm like so happy and excited for them that they
08:30have this amazing opportunity in this show.
08:33So I just love to support my girls and I'm not like a cast member or something.
08:37Season one was so good.
08:38I've watched it through a couple of times.
08:39I'm very excited for season two.
08:41Next one says, how has your relationship with your viewers changed in the past year?
08:46I picked this because my first instinct was to think like, oh, I don't really feel like
08:50it has.
08:51But then when I was thinking about it, it definitely has because I think the situation
08:54with my divorce being shared online when I wasn't the one to share it, like really shifted
08:59things for me.
09:00And I hadn't really thought about this in this way until I've been watching some of
09:04my old vlogs.
09:05Like sometimes I'll just go back and be like, wait a minute, was I always miserable?
09:09Because obviously I'm not married now.
09:10And I am at a point in that grieving process where I don't really look back with a lot
09:15of like good memories.
09:17Even people on this Q&A, they were like, oh, what are some positive things you took away
09:20from that relationship or from marriage?
09:22And to be so honest, why did this just get dark?
09:25Oh, I think my camera is getting too hot.
09:26I'm not at a point where I really look back with a lot of like positive memories.
09:30Obviously there's good things.
09:31Like I got my kids out of that relationship.
09:33But if you like take that out of it and just look at like my experience of being married
09:36for the past nine years, I'm not really at a point where I have a lot of positive things
09:40to like look back on.
09:41So then the crazy thing is I can go back and like watch and see like, what was I doing?
09:46Like, did I always feel this way?
09:48Not that I would have talked about that in a vlog because I did keep a lot of my like
09:51actual personal private life private.
09:53I know myself.
09:54And so I know I can look back at a vlog and see like, okay, was I really happy in this
09:57moment or was I not?
09:58Another tangent.
09:59Why am I telling this story right now?
10:00What am I talking about?
10:01Okay.
10:02For some reason, the camera like shut off because it said it was overheated, but it's
10:04not hot outside today at all.
10:06It's literally raining outside.
10:07We are moving our chit chat to my room.
10:09I just did my makeup and I'm going to curl my hair.
10:12I actually have this new, new product from K18.
10:15This is their volume spray.
10:18I really like their dry shampoo.
10:19I thought that this needed to be used on wet hair, but it says can be applied to dry hair
10:23or towel dried hair.
10:24So shake generously and apply from the roots.
10:27Okay, let's try.
10:28This is like third day hair.
10:29Maybe it's my hair is like a little bit greasy on the top.
10:32Oh, it smells so good.
10:33Smells like someone I know, but I don't know who it is.
10:35All I know is my hair is so flat all the time.
10:39I don't know if that's going to give us like a volume and texture or so quiet.
10:43It's never this quiet.
10:45First thing that I always do when I'm curling my hair, front section, I like to put it in
10:48a roller.
10:49I also usually use my Airwrap, but lately I've been into using just my curling iron.
10:52To achieve the blowout look, this is the one and a quarter inch one.
10:55When I got my haircut, I had my like bang pieces cut pretty short and I do regret because
11:01why did I do that?
11:02I just want them to grow out.
11:03I think I told you guys that I got a bad haircut like probably back in September.
11:06I've had it fixed since then, so it's much better now.
11:08I've had it fixed twice.
11:10The first lady cut really short pieces like very far back on my head and so it looks like
11:16shaggy or something.
11:17It's like kind of 70s and I don't like it.
11:19So I'm desperately trying to grow those out.
11:22Just takes time.
11:23So I've been waiting.
11:24Anyways, if I do a blowout look on my hair, usually I'll take this and instead of like
11:28going backwards or forwards, I feel like I'll try to kind of go down, which is like technically
11:32going backwards, but I try to like lay the hair really flat and then really get the ends.
11:38I'm mostly just trying to like flip the ends under, but I'll do this because I really want
11:41it to be like not a beach wave.
11:43Oh, my hair is also kind of short.
11:44So see how it's like just the end.
11:46I'm not really trying to like curl it.
11:47I want it to look like a blowout.
11:48But I try to be like lay everything flat and then drag it down and like roll it up.
11:53And it's definitely loose and falls throughout the day, but that's kind of all I can do.
11:56Anyways, back to our yap session.
11:57What were we talking about?
11:58I know I was like in the middle of something when the camera turned off.
12:01Oh, how is my relationship with like what I'm doing changed in the past year?
12:04I feel like my answer is kind of sad because sometimes when I watch my own TikToks, I'm
12:08like, I'm so annoying and such a troll.
12:10I don't know.
12:11I feel like ever since my...
12:13Okay, wait.
12:14Also, some of these pieces I'll do like this so that they like flip outwards and then roll
12:18it up like that.
12:19Obviously, last year I had my baby.
12:21My baby's birthday is in two days, which is crazy.
12:24I cannot believe it's been a year.
12:25As we all remember, I posted that I had her and then filed for divorce that same day.
12:30It was not like an intentional move.
12:33The point is, then it got posted for some reason.
12:36Still don't know how, like whatever.
12:37I didn't say anything for a while.
12:39And then I finally...
12:40I was getting asked about it so much, so I was like, I just don't like, I don't know.
12:43I guess I can ignore it forever, but like eventually you probably kind of have to say
12:46something.
12:47So when I finally did say something, because I felt like I had to, I kind of just took
12:50it and ran with it and was like, if I'm not going to get my privacy, I'm going to milk
12:54this as much as I can.
12:55As I've said before, I wasn't initially planning to really ever talk about it.
12:59Like I wanted to just phase that part of my life out.
13:01I was never going to like be the type to make like a statement or something like that.
13:05Like I just wanted to move on and I genuinely didn't want to make it a big thing.
13:09But when it was made a big thing for me, I really took it and ran with it because I was
13:12just like, what else can I do?
13:14Like I might as well get everything I can out of this.
13:16And I doubled my TikTok followers.
13:18Now I make way more money on TikTok.
13:20So now I kind of feel like I have that toxic energy with everything that goes on.
13:26Because when I think about like privacy or anything like that, I'm just like, well, if
13:30something happens again, I'll just do that again.
13:32It kind of like skewed my view on everything and made me hard or something.
13:39I was never like scared of anything anyways.
13:41And I've always had really thick skin when it comes to things on social media.
13:45But now I'm just extra like, what about it?
13:47What are you going to do?
13:47Yeah, post about this, talk about that.
13:49I don't care.
13:49Do it.
13:50See what I'll do.
13:50I don't know.
13:51I kind of just feel like I wasn't really given a choice in that matter in terms of my
13:54personal information.
13:55Like yeah, I share my life online, but I don't talk about something.
13:58Don't ask me about it.
13:59I feel like I have developed a sense of really not giving, I don't know if I can swear on
14:05here, not giving an F, which is like I already didn't before, but now it's like in a more
14:10toxic way, like toxic for myself.
14:12Okay, next question.
14:13Can you tell us red flags to know you're not with the right person?
14:16You literally will just know and I feel like so many people know that but then they try
14:20to like convince themselves that they are with the right person and we like look past
14:23red flags and something that I've seen other people say if like you were talking to a guy
14:27or whatever and he was basically giving you like red flags and you just like weren't quite
14:31sure how big of a deal it was or something like that.
14:34Just think to yourself when my future husband do this and if the answer is no like if you
14:38just know like no my future husband would not do that.
14:40You know that it's probably not the one but I genuinely believe that it's like a gut feeling
14:45to know if you're with the right person or not and I feel like so many people just like
14:48choose to ignore it because they don't want to be alone or maybe they're getting older
14:50and they feel pressure to settle down with a partner.
14:53I'm a very strong believer in trusting your gut with those things and I had to learn that
14:58lesson the hard way.
14:59If you can't like laugh and have fun and be best friends with someone like your partner
15:03that's definitely a red flag, but I also let's have a discussion.
15:07What do we think about the phrase marriage is hard or relationships are hard or whatever
15:11because I don't feel like they should be like yeah life can be hard and there can be compromises
15:15and things that you have to make but I don't really feel like relationships should be seen
15:18as hard.
15:19I feel like if it's hard you're just not with the right person.
15:21My relationship was hard and I know that I wasn't with the right person.
15:24So I don't know what the people who are with the right person would say about that but
15:27I just feel like it shouldn't be hard.
15:29Like why would it be hard?
15:30I don't know.
15:31I don't have good advice clearly like I messed up the first time.
15:34So what activities or toys do you give to your kids to keep them busy while you work
15:38or clean?
15:38I like to do quiet time.
15:40My kids stopped napping when they were around two so Elle still naps but the big girls don't
15:45and have not for literally ever but I love to do quiet time.
15:48My kids do a lot of independent play.
15:50So Elle takes two naps a day and usually during those naps that's when I try to get a lot
15:54of my work done.
15:56So we'll do quiet time and I start this from like such a young age.
15:58Like I just don't give my kids, they have a lot of toys and things to play with but
16:02I'm not entertaining them all the time.
16:04I make it a big effort to have them be creative on their own in finding things to do.
16:09So they have toys.
16:10I try to keep their toys kind of like minimal so that it's not overwhelming to them.
16:14I also like to rotate their toys so that every other week or so when I'm like getting new
16:17toys out, they kind of feel like they have something new to play with.
16:20I definitely am a big advocate for like you need to find your own fun.
16:23Like if I'm cooking dinner, you need to find something to do.
16:26Like come and play with the Tupperware or the pots and pans or you can come and like
16:30help me if you want to.
16:31Like kids think that stuff like that is fun.
16:32I don't see it as a chore or if you were doing laundry, my girls love to help me like separate
16:36the laundry and like take their laundry back to their room.
16:39They don't quite put it away yet.
16:41They will as they get older but also in terms of like actual things to do.
16:44My kids love crafts.
16:45We do a lot of crafts.
16:46I try to not do a ton of screen time.
16:48We definitely have screen time like every day but I like to keep it under an hour if
16:51I can.
16:52I'll kind of save that for when I'm like desperate or sometimes during naps like once they're
16:56done with quiet time, they'll be like, hey, we want to like watch a show.
16:58I'll be like, okay, we can watch one episode but they love crafts.
17:01They love coloring.
17:01They love stickers.
17:02So those are kind of a few of my like go-to things but a lot of the time I just really
17:07encourage my kids to like find their own fun because I cannot be the entertainment committee
17:12every single second.
17:13My mom encouraged us to find our own fun.
17:15She would say like I'm not the entertainment committee.
17:17We had a lot of screen time.
17:18We played a lot of video games as kids.
17:20We also were so creative and really good at finding our own fun.
17:22And I think that's just such an important thing for kids to do.
17:24Okay.
17:24I also had a lot of questions about the Ruby Frankie documentary on Hulu at the docu-series.
17:29People were asking my thoughts which I think is interesting because I don't know what thoughts
17:32you can have aside from like the whole situation is very horrible.
17:36I've had a lot of people ask like if I know Ruby or knew her and as a lot of you guys
17:40probably remember if you've been here for a long time, I do know her family, her sisters.
17:44My heart goes out to her kids.
17:46I think I don't know.
17:47There's just like no words to describe how sad the whole thing is.
17:50I definitely don't think this is the situation that like all family vloggers are in.
17:54Obviously all family vlogger kids don't go through what her kids have gone through.
17:58But as you guys know, I don't really share my kids anymore and I don't think that other
18:01people should be sharing their kids, but I feel like that's a separate thing than what
18:05went on with Ruby.
18:07I think there's another question.
18:08I screenshotted on here that said something about family vloggers.
18:11Do you think there should be a ban on family vlogging?
18:12I do.
18:13I don't think family vlogging should be a thing.
18:15I think there are definitely multiple different levels of sharing your kids.
18:19A lot of my friends will share like maybe a picture here and there but they don't share
18:23a lot like about their kid or their kid's personality or they're not like full-on recording
18:27their kid and having the kid be like in their content.
18:29That is obviously a very different thing at least in my opinion than full-on family vlogging
18:34where your child is like the center of the content or a huge piece and part of the content.
18:39I think stuff like that definitely has to go.
18:41As I've said before multiple times, I really regret sharing my kids in the way that I did.
18:45I kind of just have to let that go in a way because one, they don't even like look like
18:48that anymore.
18:49They don't act like that.
18:50That doesn't feel like it's them compared to who they are now.
18:53Also, just the fact that I know I can't really like do anything about it.
18:55I kind of just have to let it go.
18:56Now, I do it differently, but yeah, I definitely think that children should not be prominently
19:01featured in anybody's content.
19:03Okay, what is your favorite thing about dating girls?
19:05Girls are much better than boys.
19:07I think.
19:08I feel obviously this is like a newer thing to me.
19:10Dating in general for one, but I only had dated one person in the past and married them.
19:15So I didn't really get a chance to do this before I got married, but I don't know.
19:18It's just so much better.
19:19Like the thought of going meeting a new guy and feeling comfortable enough to like go
19:22on a date just is not I don't it's hard to like picture that it doesn't feel that appealing
19:27to me to meet like a new guy.
19:29Never say never but I definitely have had significantly more fun on the dates with girls
19:34that I have been on.
19:34The vibe is just so much better.
19:36Everything is so much more fun and it's so fun to have the freedom to like be able to
19:40explore that now.
19:40So what meals are you feeding L?
19:42I'm struggling to come up with new recipes for my 11 month old.
19:45I usually try to just feed my babies whatever I'm eating.
19:48I've talked about this multiple times before one.
19:49I try to keep the meals all really simple a lot of the time.
19:52I'm going for just like a straight ingredient from my fridge bell peppers steamed broccoli.
19:56Usually she's just having whatever I'm having.
19:58I don't want her to be picky.
19:59So I don't do a lot of just like specific baby foods and I also always do baby led weaning.
20:04So I have my babies feed themselves starting at like six months.
20:08There's a lot of information about baby led weaning on like TikTok or Instagram or just
20:12the internet in general that I feel like is super helpful.
20:14But my biggest tip for that is to literally just like feed them like whatever you're having
20:17just give that to the baby.
20:18Like if I make pasta or literally anything, I'm just getting that to L like every time.
20:22Okay, last one.
20:23How do you train heal from your grief?
20:25I know there's many forms you're going through I picked this one because I don't know.
20:27So another thing you guys can chime in on in the comments is do you have any tips for this
20:32because I don't feel like I'm healing from anything.
20:34I feel like I'm still like living through active trauma all the time trying to heal
20:39while everything feels really crazy and chaotic like doesn't feel like an option almost like
20:43it literally feels like I'm you know, what it feels like you guys know Spy Kids.
20:46I don't know if it's my kids one or two.
20:48I think it might be Spy Kids 2 when they're like falling in that volcano thing and they're
20:51just free falling for literally like forever and it just does not stop.
20:55You just don't even know what's going on and you're just like stuck free falling and there's
20:58literally just nothing you can do because you just keep falling down.
21:00That's what my life feels like right now.
21:02So I don't feel like I'm even in a place to like be able to heal from my grief.
21:06If anybody has any tips let me know because I know grief comes in waves and there's like
21:10phases to grief.
21:11I don't know which one I'm in it definitely feels up and down like there's waves of grief.
21:15I think when you're just still going through so much it's hard to feel like you're making
21:18any progress.
21:19That's kind of where I'm at with the whole grief thing at the moment.
21:32It's my.