The Baldwins S01 E03
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00:00Don't don't don't get wet on anything, please I would like to try to figure out how we're gonna get that off
00:05It will come off Alec. Let him be a kid. It's just face paint. It's the most romantic kind of hunch
00:13Stop stealing cookies
00:17I'm just trying really hard to have time with them individually. It's time that they can't get back
00:24I don't want to have that regret
00:27Let's go get this up and go clean the pool. We're going to shovel the food
00:30a lot of the way that he tries to control and the way that he behaves has to do with
00:37His OCD and since Alex trial in New Mexico is coming up
00:41It's become so much worse after Alec Baldwin is now charged with involuntary manslaughter
00:48He could go to prison for a long time
00:52That's a scary thing to go through especially when you have seven kids right behind you that you're supposed to maneuver through everything
00:59Do we all go do I?
01:02Stay with the kids. I don't know what to do, and I know any
01:07decision I make
01:09We'll have some very wrong things about it. How are you feeling about me coming with you?
01:14Let's not ruin our other person. I
01:17Want to protect her I don't want her to suffer she gets pulled into this and it's been tough on her
01:23Is our family gonna be torn apart?
01:25Love you
01:27if they can
01:28Convince people to find him guilty
01:32They will take him away right there
01:46I
01:48I
01:50You
02:07I
02:14Say that one person was killed and another was injured when Baldwin fired a pop gun on a movie set
02:20The movie's cinematographer, 42-year-old Halena Hutchins,
02:24died in this incident.
02:26Director Joel Sousa was treated at a hospital
02:28for unspecified injuries.
02:42Actor Alec Baldwin arrived for his first day
02:45in a New Mexico court where he faces charges
02:47for the tragic shooting death on the set of his latest film.
02:52He was joined by his wife, Polaria.
02:56I flew on Monday night and arrived in the early morning
03:01of Tuesday.
03:03And I was supposed to come back on a red eye on Wednesday
03:07night, but I realized that I can't leave.
03:13Alec needs me.
03:15Mr. Baldwin, would you like to say anything?
03:17I'm feeling comfortable.
03:19And he needed me for so many different things
03:21that I didn't even think.
03:23Just really, really vital emotional support.
03:28In the fall of 2021, a movie called Rust
03:34began filming at the Bonanza Creek Ranch.
03:38You will learn that this movie was a Western
03:40with a lot of gun action.
03:43You will learn that one of the rounds in that revolver
03:45was a real round.
03:47Good morning.
03:49This was an unspeakable tragedy, but Alec Baldwin
03:52committed no crime.
03:53He was an actor acting.
03:55And you will hear no evidence, not one word,
03:59that Alec Baldwin had anything to do with that real bullet
04:02being brought onto that set.
04:13This is critical evidence in the case.
04:15It was never disclosed to us.
04:16This is not the first time.
04:17It's not the second time.
04:18It's not even the third time.
04:20It's time for this case to be dismissed, Your Honor.
04:22The pivotal moment in Alec Baldwin's criminal trial
04:25seen here when the actor's legal team claimed
04:27New Mexico prosecutors did not disclose
04:30new evidence pertaining to the live rounds
04:32found on the Rust film set.
04:34The state's willful withholding of this information
04:36was intentional and deliberate.
04:38Your motion to dismiss with prejudice is granted.
04:45Your motion to dismiss with prejudice
04:47is granted.
04:48Your motion to dismiss with prejudice
04:50is granted.
05:15I want to know how you're feeling physically,
05:27mentally right now.
05:36I, how I've been feeling is I'm worried.
05:44I'm still worried.
05:46I am a faith-based person.
05:51I am.
05:52I'm Catholic.
05:53I prayed and prayed about this until I was going to pass out.
06:01So it's hard for me to talk about how I'm feeling.
06:07But I am very grateful to her, and I'm grateful to God
06:12and to my friends and my family who helped support me.
06:18We were really heavily impacted by this,
06:20and it's going to take a long time.
06:23It's going to take time.
06:42I have never been away from all of my kids
07:01for longer than going into the hospital and having a baby.
07:06When we had to go to New Mexico, I brought Carmen
07:09and I brought the baby because they're not in their day camp
07:12and then the baby just finished breastfeeding.
07:14So my friend came and took care of them
07:18while I went and took care of Alec.
07:21What did we do this week?
07:26We went to the park and played tag, and Edu won.
07:31I had a tag.
07:33And who won?
07:36We're not sleeping yet, right?
07:38No.
07:38They're not.
07:40They're not over here.
07:41Everybody be quiet so she thinks we're not home.
07:45Everybody be quiet.
07:46Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
07:51Who's going to be the quietest one?
07:52Me.
07:53I'm going to be the quietest one.
08:01They're coming.
08:12Dad.
08:13Dad.
08:14Dad.
08:14Dad.
08:15Dad.
08:16Dad.
08:20What I'm feeling, I'm feeling gratitude, confusion,
08:24exhaustion.
08:31To come home to these kids, they're so sweet.
08:33They're so sweet.
08:34And I just was happy.
08:36This is my life now.
08:37Dad.
08:41Dad.
08:42We need them.
08:44Pinky, wait!
08:46We made it home.
08:47We made it home.
08:47After everything we've been through, I said to myself,
08:51this is perfect.
08:52This is what I'm doing, is raising my kids.
08:55And I just feel like, it's such a privilege.
09:00Dad, I'm home.
09:01Liam.
09:02Liam, I'm home.
09:03I love you.
09:04I hope you have another kid.
09:06Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
09:08Don't cry.
09:09I missed you.
09:12As a parent, you're like to keep everybody together
09:14and especially going through hard things,
09:16you keep them together even more.
09:17It's like everybody huddle,
09:18everybody under my wings, you know?
09:23And I wrote, this is gonna sound so stupid.
09:27I wrote them all little letters, the ones that I left here.
09:31And I hid them and I told my friend where they were
09:34if something happened to us.
09:47This was not a win.
09:49This is just an awful thing that happened to people.
09:55There was an awful thing that happened.
09:57Mom, the baby went to Mexico.
10:03The hardest thing about this
10:07is that a woman lost her life.
10:10A son lost his mom.
10:12Helena didn't get to go home.
10:17And that's what makes everything so painful.
10:20We're coming back to something totally new
10:24where we just get to make more choices
10:27than what we made before.
10:29And now we can try to remember how to live again.
10:33And that is a dream come true.
10:37Just the privilege and the gift
10:39of being able to come home, you know,
10:41and be with my kids and my family.
10:44It's just a dream come true.
10:45It's just a dream come true.
10:46It's just a dream come true.
10:48And being with them.
10:49My kids are happy.
10:50That's all I care about, you know.
10:53And you just live one day at a time.
11:19You need patience to raise children?
11:20You need a lot of patience to raise seven children.
11:23A lot.
11:23And when you deal with what we've been dealing with,
11:25and have that on your plate, and have this city,
11:27I feel like I'm there with a big stone on top of me,
11:30a big boulder.
11:31Hand me that baby when you're ready, and I'll watch her.
11:34Come here, Donkey Kong.
11:37You gonna drive?
11:39Yes?
11:40Let me see this.
11:41Let me see this.
11:42You're gonna drive?
11:43Yes.
11:44You're gonna drive?
11:44Yes.
11:45You're gonna drive?
11:46Yes.
11:47You're gonna drive?
11:48Let me see this.
11:49You wanna close the door?
11:51Okay.
11:51And it has had such a painful impact on our parenting,
11:57because we just need more of everything.
11:59Donkey Kong!
12:01Donkey Kong!
12:03Where you gonna go?
12:03No, you sit with Daddy.
12:05And when the tank is almost empty,
12:06I mean, every time we turn around,
12:08it's a transaction that costs us something
12:10that we don't have enough of.
12:12And that's patience.
12:13Go with Dizzy.
12:14I gotta get your baby.
12:15Hold on, please.
12:16Go with Dizzy.
12:17Go with Dizzy.
12:18Hold on.
12:19No, no, no, no.
12:20Okay, hold on.
12:21You're gonna go-
12:22You drive.
12:22Mommy, you drive.
12:23Mommy, you drive.
12:24I'm saying who's the better driver.
12:25The kids have voted.
12:27Mommy!
12:28Mommy, you drive!
12:30Door's closed.
12:30Open it.
12:33Where do you go from a tragedy?
12:40I don't know.
12:43I guess everybody gets to find their own way.
12:48Pain is not something that any of us want to live with.
12:58So, little by little, we start to move into a place
13:01where we can try to begin to heal.
13:17What's this?
13:34Okay, sugar, eggs.
13:36Butter, sugar, eggs.
13:39Carmen, come!
13:40Kids growing up in the spotlight is complicated,
13:44especially during a hard experience
13:47Hello.
13:48Hello.
13:48And I'm trying to be mindful of that.
13:50We really have to try to get them grounded.
13:54All right.
13:55We're making grandma's recipe.
13:57We're going to make grandma's cake,
13:59and we're going to make Lulu-friendly cake, OK?
14:02And they're going to be more or less the same,
14:04except we're going to do hers without the things
14:06she's allergic to.
14:09And then I'm going to have butter fingers.
14:11You're going to have butter fingers.
14:13Oh, my hands are so buttery.
14:16One day, I will not be here.
14:18So you have to learn this recipe,
14:20and you are going to have to make it.
14:22OK.
14:23OK.
14:23Sifting, sifting.
14:25But watch what you're doing.
14:26I know.
14:27OK.
14:28I had such a weird dream.
14:29About what?
14:30I had a dream that we moved.
14:31I'm not quite sure where.
14:33Where would we go?
14:33But like, we were never going back to the US.
14:36But when we said we're saying that, and we believed that,
14:38we were still going to the US.
14:39It was really confusing.
14:43OK.
14:44How are you feeling about everything?
14:46Like, you know, we went to New Mexico.
14:49Now we're here.
14:50Are you feeling?
14:51Come on.
14:52The boys are going to hear you.
14:53It's OK.
14:54No, they're not here.
14:55We went to Mexico.
14:56No, Carmen.
14:56Carmen, they're not listening.
14:59With our kids doing this, I think
15:00that there are some that understood.
15:02You know, Carmen, we chose to bring her
15:05to the trial in New Mexico.
15:07Because she's the kind of person where she doesn't see us.
15:10If she wasn't with us, she'd go crazy.
15:11Yeah.
15:12She was here with the boys.
15:13She needs it.
15:14She's young.
15:16She's going to be 11 in a month.
15:18But she's also very intellectually
15:20curious and seeking.
15:21And if she was here with just them,
15:23I think she would have really had anxiety.
15:25She would have been very, very anxious.
15:28But we were, like, really stressed out on our way,
15:30like, leading up to it.
15:32Was it hard?
15:33Yeah.
15:34Once I got there, I felt more calm.
15:35Like, when I was here, I was like, oh, no.
15:38But like, then when I was there, I was like, oh.
15:40What were you afraid about when you were here?
15:43That dad was going to jail.
15:46That the boys wouldn't say they're papa again.
15:49That's one thing about kids.
15:50They absorb so much more than we think that they are.
15:54And it's sort of this weird balance
15:56of being able to give them information
15:58because otherwise they're going to fill the information in.
16:01And then not giving them too much information to not make
16:03them more worried about things.
16:05One of the reasons, like, why I brought you
16:08was because I realized that the way
16:10that you deal with stress is a lot of times
16:11you have to see what's going on.
16:13And some of the other ones, it's a little bit more,
16:16it's better for them to get distracted.
16:18Yeah.
16:20And I just feel so bad.
16:22But me and my mom, like, talk together.
16:24We talk about everything.
16:25I don't think, like, she can't hide stuff from me.
16:28Even if she tries, she can't.
16:30It's impossible.
16:31But she just makes me feel better.
16:34And so I brought you because I thought
16:37that that was, from our conversations,
16:39that that was going to be the best thing for you.
16:42I don't know if I made the right choice.
16:43Yes.
16:44Yeah, you did.
16:44I did?
16:46And I would have long walks, and I'd talk with her,
16:48and I'd explain it to her.
16:50Whereas Rafa, through Marilu, we have them in a certain routine
16:54that they can kind of bury themselves in that routine
16:57and get a bit distracted.
16:58Yeah, sure.
16:59They have distractions.
17:00Nothing distracts Carmen.
17:01But no, but at the same time.
17:03She wants to be on every board of directors.
17:04It's the age, and it's the personality.
17:07I remember being really stressed and walking with you
17:10and trying to figure out, like, what am I supposed to do?
17:13How are we going to get through this?
17:15What's this going to be like?
17:17And we did.
17:18Yeah.
17:19I'm done sifting.
17:21You did a really good job.
17:22I'm so proud of your sifting.
17:25I'm so proud of your sifting.
17:27I'm so proud of your sifting.
17:28Your sifting is the best.
17:30Hey.
17:31How was your day at camp?
17:33Mommy, can I do it?
17:34You know what I'm looking forward to now, Carmen?
17:36Yeah.
17:37That we can have a more predictable life, maybe.
17:39Mommy, can I have a chocolate?
17:42I need it for the cake.
17:43I don't want the chocolate.
17:49Mom, can I have some chocolate?
17:51Hold on, hold on.
17:52Let me get the lunch.
17:53I'll give you guys more, but we have
17:54to use them for the cake.
17:56I think children, when I'm observing, particularly
17:59from this experience, they hide their feelings.
18:02They learn to stuff their feelings
18:04because they think it's not appropriate,
18:05or they're afraid of those feelings.
18:08I think that's such an inaccurate thing.
18:10I don't think that's at all true.
18:11Can I finish before you go?
18:12Why don't you finish, then you can have a whole?
18:13That's not even a true thing.
18:15They're so connected to their feelings.
18:16OK.
18:19Is it done?
18:20It's done.
18:20Do you want to see?
18:21Yeah.
18:22Is that you, Alex?
18:24Hi.
18:25Where's my cake?
18:25It's so hot.
18:26You're going to burn yourself.
18:29Is it hot?
18:30I'm embarrassed.
18:32I spend a lot of time.
18:33I'm always watching.
18:34I'm watching all of them all the time.
18:37This entire thing has been, as many things with parenting,
18:40there's been no manual.
18:46Can I give you cake?
18:47Look, you only have four pieces left.
18:52Not only were we holding on so much,
18:56and then it's going to take us a long time to kind of release
18:59it, it's that our kids, on their level of age,
19:02were doing exactly the same thing.
19:04What do we need to do now?
19:07I've never been through anything
19:08like this in my entire life.
19:10Who knows what's the right thing to do?
19:23With seven little children in the house,
19:26sometimes it's impossible to complete a sentence.
19:28And when we're talking about issues
19:30that are really important, like healing,
19:35like where are we going from here,
19:37we have to get out of the house in order to focus
19:40and be able to have these more serious conversations.
19:46And we also know that Alec loves a restaurant.
19:49Hi, how are you?
19:50How are you?
19:51Good.
19:53Alec is such a New Yorker.
19:54And what a New Yorker is, is we eat out.
19:58He loves the experience.
20:00He loves the no mess.
20:02That's definitely a big part of it.
20:04What do you want to have, sweetie?
20:06I am going to have, can I have the summer salad, please?
20:10Sure.
20:11I'm going to have the egg sandwich.
20:12You know what I'll do?
20:12So they make it into an omelet with the cheddar
20:14and the pickled onions in there?
20:15Yeah.
20:16How many eggs is in there?
20:17Like three.
20:18They put three eggs in it?
20:19Yeah.
20:19I want a lot of eggs.
20:21I'm going to have that no bacon.
20:22And you should add avocado.
20:24You want a bite of it?
20:25There you go.
20:25OK, we're going to add avocado.
20:26Because that was the other thing I liked on the menu.
20:28I just don't want it to get leafy.
20:29Seeing how this works now?
20:31Getting this now?
20:32Avocado in there.
20:33I'll share some of my salad.
20:35And you share some of your egg sandwich.
20:38And that's child's marriage.
20:39And you have regular fries?
20:41Yeah, I'll have the fries.
20:41I want some fries.
20:42OK, thank you.
20:43I'm not going to pretend.
20:44Summer time.
20:46Thank you, man.
20:46Cheers to doing lunch.
20:49When was the last time you and I had lunch?
20:51Lunch in Montauk.
20:53That was like a chapter of a book.
20:54Lunch in Montauk was pre-children.
20:57Careful, you have a butterfly.
20:59No, it's a good look.
21:00Wait, wait, film it, film it.
21:02Aw.
21:03It likes you.
21:04OK.
21:06Look, it's like cleaning its wings or something.
21:09What is it doing?
21:10It's cleaning its butt.
21:11I feel like this is like a sign.
21:13It's love.
21:13It's a sign for good things.
21:14Do you love me?
21:15It's literally growing a beard.
21:16No, no, watch out.
21:18That's magical.
21:18That was magical.
21:19It's good luck.
21:20That's such good luck.
21:22OK, guys.
21:23We got the summer salad.
21:25Wow.
21:26Got your egg sandwich.
21:31Now that we've gotten to this place,
21:34I think it's good to have a check-in.
21:37Not only checking in and making sure
21:39that we're doing right by our kids,
21:41but I think even more importantly
21:42is we have to put our own oxygen mask on.
21:45Of course.
21:46And that's what I'm doing.
21:47Good analogy.
21:48And I have weekly therapy appointment.
21:52And that's been very helpful.
21:56Over the past three years, our kids
21:58have gone through a hard time.
22:00We've gone through a hard time.
22:02I went to make an appointment with our family therapist
22:05to check in and make sure that we are steering our ship
22:09in the right direction.
22:11What are our challenges, do you think?
22:13For me, it's my exercise routine and how I schedule my day.
22:21That structure works really well for somebody who has ADHD.
22:24And it's not, yes, it's for my body,
22:26but most of it's for my mind.
22:28Because if I move and I move and I move, I can think clearer.
22:31I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child.
22:34And it's been an interesting journey.
22:36I like to explain it like you're getting tumbled in a wave.
22:40You get tumbled in a wave.
22:41And you get kind of spun around backwards.
22:43You kind of just get stuck somewhere.
22:46And understanding it has helped me to get back
22:50to it a little bit better.
22:51But I still have a lot of work to do.
22:54So that's the thing, is that that's where I'm hoping
22:58that our next steps are going to be that I can address mine.
23:03Because again, we're very clever.
23:05We've figured out ways to calm our nervous system, which
23:07is what we're doing.
23:08And we can kind of be like, oh, but you know what?
23:10It's because I like to have a clean house.
23:11Or, oh, it's because I like to be in shape, right?
23:13We can say these things.
23:16But is it actually hurting us?
23:19For me, my nature to obsess about my problems
23:23and try to solve them, I've white-knuckled
23:26that steering wheel my whole life.
23:27I've tried to make the car go where I want it to go.
23:30And I've taken years off my life in the process.
23:32Now, I'd like to stop doing that.
23:35I mean, I think that's really wise.
23:37I think the one thing is to see what
23:43can you control that we can make small shifts
23:47just within ourselves.
23:50Alec is a man born in the 1950s.
23:54And asking for help is a difficult thing.
23:57I also think it's his generation, which
24:00is that you're supposed to be much more shut down.
24:02You just go.
24:03You work.
24:04You do these things.
24:05You've got to be a man.
24:06You've got to be strong.
24:07You've got to be all these different kinds of things.
24:09But I think that asking for help is not something
24:13that was modeled for him.
24:16And hopefully, he can realize that it's OK.
24:23Recently, I've gotten so focused on my own mental health
24:27and understanding why I function in a certain way.
24:31How do I deal with stress in a certain way?
24:33Because I will catch myself in times.
24:35I'm like, oh, OK.
24:36That's interesting.
24:36This is what I'm doing.
24:38I feel like I have to do certain things in a certain way.
24:41And then I kind of question, but do I have to?
24:43But would life still be OK if I didn't do it that way?
24:48For you, you have your OCD.
24:50And it's organizing.
24:53You do these things in extreme circumstances
24:55to try to quiet your mind.
24:57Right.
24:58Like what?
24:59Like needing to know that all the goggles
25:02are in the goggle place.
25:03You're talking about something negative.
25:05Because the thing is that what I'm
25:07trying to have you understand is organization and being like,
25:10well, I'm just trying to be clean can be really good.
25:13Unless it's affecting sleep, stress,
25:16the way that you interact with people,
25:17if it's stressing people out around you
25:20because you hold things to a different standard
25:23than the average person.
25:25What would happen if you left the goggles on the grass
25:29for a night?
25:30Yeah, what would happen?
25:31What would happen?
25:35The question is, do you agree with me?
25:40And what is it?
25:42It's weekly therapy.
25:46And I hope that that's something that you are
25:50going to want to do as well.
25:57I agree with you.
25:59I'll talk to my therapist.
26:00I'm going to talk to somebody.
26:01I want to get insight into, how do we allow,
26:04how do we get everything to kind of go water, to get calm?
26:07I feel like our kids have been in a boat.
26:09Yeah.
26:09And that boat's been going up and down and up.
26:12And there's been, you know, stormy seas.
26:13And they've been scared.
26:15Yeah.
26:15I told people that we were on a boat.
26:16We're heading toward the iceberg.
26:18We're heading toward the ice.
26:19And at the last minute, we go, ooh.
26:20And we go around.
26:21I'm like, oh my god.
26:22No.
26:23This is the analogy.
26:24We're going towards the iceberg.
26:26And it looks like a really, really scary iceberg.
26:28And then all of a sudden, the iceberg was like, shh.
26:31And we continue on.
26:33That's what happened.
26:34I'm so glad you're not writing my next movie.
26:37I'm so, I'm elated.
26:39I can walk away from this lunch.
26:41That's a victory.
26:41You're not going to get your fingers
26:43anywhere near my new movie.
26:44How are you doing?
26:45I'm good.
26:45I'm in heaven.
26:47You're not eating your fries?
26:47You know what I'm going to do?
26:48I'm going to put them in a box.
26:49If we put them in the oven and heat them up,
26:50the kids will love them.
26:51My sons will eat every one of those.
26:53Put them in a little box.
26:54Do you mind?
26:54Yeah, yeah, no problem, no problem.
26:55That's it.
26:56We'll eat everything else.
26:57Yeah, sure.
26:58All I care about now is I want you to be happy and comfortable.
27:00Oh, I appreciate that.
27:01I want those kids to be happy and comfortable.
27:02You know what I'm going to do?
27:03I'm going to go back to school.
27:05What are you going to learn?
27:06And sit in a room and learn Spanish.
27:08Really?
27:09That's not convenient for me, because then I
27:11can't talk about you.
27:11Then you can't talk about me behind my back?
27:12Yeah.
27:13Why don't you just pick Swedish?
27:16I'm just going to learn Swedish.
27:19I'm nervous to bring Alec to therapy,
27:22because it has not been something he's been
27:24very receptive about in the past.
27:27We've tried a few times since we've known each other.
27:30And he's been through a lot of pain in his life,
27:34but he thinks it's easier to keep it in.
27:36But ultimately, it's just bubbling under the surface.
27:39And it's going to, it is affecting him.
27:42It's affecting our family.
27:44And he can live so much more free
27:47if he just learns to let go of it and open up.
27:50Parenting, you need to have plenty of spare batteries.
27:55You know, because if you flag, if you stumble,
27:59and you just sit there, it's not good for your kids.
28:02Oh, thank you for that.
28:03I needed a little refreshment.
28:06Well, this is the first day ever!
28:10I got one.
28:11I got one.
28:12I got one.
28:13I got one.
28:14I got one.
28:15I got one.
28:16I got one.
28:17I got one.
28:18Thank God we have a big pool.
28:19When I built this pool, I didn't have seven kids.
28:22I was here by myself.
28:24Psychic stroke of genius of mine.
28:27This is a big part of their summer.
28:30One of the most important things we do is we get bugs.
28:33We clean the filters.
28:34Oh!
28:35What?
28:36What?
28:37Many bugs.
28:38Oh, wow.
28:39Oh, my God.
28:40Look at that.
28:41Oh, my God.
28:42There's so much crap in here.
28:43What happens if there was a tarantula in there?
28:45Would you still be scared?
28:46Look at the bugs, Louie.
28:47Oh, Louie, look.
28:48So many bugs, Lou.
28:49Look at this.
28:50Could you get me the red bucket?
28:51Yeah.
28:52I got it, Daddy.
28:53Throw them in the grass so the birds can eat them.
28:55I'm going to boosh some water over here.
28:57All right, here we go.
28:58Boosh.
29:00I never won an Oscar, but they have one for wooshing.
29:05I'm the Daniel Day-Lewis of booshing.
29:09What have we got here, Schmedza?
29:10Oh, my God.
29:14Let other people go to the south of France and go on Geffen's yacht
29:18and ship wine and espresso martinis.
29:22That's not what I want.
29:24I want to clean the filters in my pool and throw all the bugs on the grass.
29:30My OCD is, it is what it is in my life.
29:32It's part of my upbringing.
29:34What you're saying is just worse.
29:35There are worse problems one can have.
29:36No, can I tell you something?
29:37Can I tell you something?
29:38Yeah.
29:40You would be a lot happier without it.
29:41I say to you sometimes, you know what?
29:43You left those dishes.
29:44You would be a lot happier.
29:45All of us, because you know what?
29:46It also was before the kids.
29:48People would say that to me.
29:49And when I entered your house and I saw the things stacked just so
29:53and things had to be and how you'd ship things and do things.
29:55It's my illness.
29:56No, it don't have to be ill.
29:57You don't have to make it bad like that.
29:59You know this is my illness.
30:02And I want to say that to you.
30:04One, two, three, go.
30:08We're going to catch it with your butt.
30:10One, two, three, go.
30:12Almost, almost.
30:14I realized, somebody said this to me.
30:16Am I supporting the OCD or am I supporting Alec?
30:20You know?
30:21And that's, in anything, I think about that with myself too.
30:24Who am I working with?
30:26And so I want to always support you, which is why I call you out
30:30on when you give a bull-excuse like you just did.
30:33Ready?
30:34One more regular because you're so good.
30:35Ready?
30:36One, two, three, go.
30:39That was epic.
30:40That was epic.
30:50Do you remember last night?
30:51There was a crow, like a dead crow.
30:54It wasn't there this morning, and I was like, oh, okay,
30:56something ate it or something awful happened, right?
30:59And then as I come back from my run, I started moving around.
31:03And so we caught it, and it's at the vet.
31:07This happened to you with me with the geese.
31:09Yes.
31:10With a swan.
31:11No, no, it was not a swan.
31:12It was a seagull.
31:13It was a white.
31:14Okay.
31:15What did they teach us?
31:16That they had to put it down.
31:17Right, why?
31:18Because what can't be fixed?
31:19Their wings.
31:20The wings cannot be repaired orthopedically or whatever.
31:22But better to do something more humane.
31:24No, no, good for you that you tried.
31:27Do you remember the crow?
31:28Yes.
31:29Yeah.
31:30The crow died.
31:31The crow died.
31:32Oh, the crow died?
31:33Uh-huh.
31:34Are we going to the orthopedist to see if the wing is fixed?
31:36No, where are we going?
31:37Wouldn't that be amazing?
31:38One day.
31:39No, we're going to go to see Dr. Sultan,
31:41and we're going to kind of check in on what we've been through
31:46and what our kids have been through.
31:49We have access to this amazing therapist,
31:52and what can we learn so that we can make sure that
31:57as we are putting one foot in front of the other
32:00that we are steering our ship in the right direction?
32:03Other families have also been through hard things,
32:06so this is obviously something that has been studied.
32:09I'm sure that there are answers.
32:15Success.
32:17Don't forget the key, please.
32:19You mean this one?
32:20No, that one.
32:21You said I was going to leave it in the car.
32:22No, don't forget it.
32:28Maya!
32:33Got to get out of the way, UPS, because they will run you over.
32:35I know they will. Very fast.
32:36They will run you. They're in a hurry.
32:40Hello.
32:41Hi, how are you?
32:43How are you?
32:44Nice to see you.
32:45You dress so nicely, and I'm here to clean your pool.
32:47Yeah, good to see you.
32:48Where are we sitting?
32:49Right here, guys.
32:51I've tried to bring Alec to therapy many times
32:54over the course of knowing him,
32:56and it's hard for him.
32:59You're digging up things that are uncomfortable,
33:01but it's about release.
33:03It's about moving through things.
33:05So, no, I'm nervous.
33:07I'm nervous about going there,
33:08and I'm nervous because so many times in the past,
33:12it hasn't gone in a way where he's stuck with it.
33:17Well, can I start with one thing?
33:19Yeah.
33:20So one of the things that I really had never had a sense of
33:23was how challenging it is to be supporting each other
33:29and processing through, I mean, what has been a rough,
33:32what, almost three years?
33:34It'll be three years in October.
33:41Two things that are really important.
33:43Maybe we should shut these off completely.
33:45No, it's literally our children.
33:46No, but I don't want Carmen to do that at all.
33:48That's my fault. I usually enforce that.
33:49I actually put mine away.
33:51If I don't finish, I lose my concentration.
33:55Go ahead.
33:56And this is a result of what happened to me.
33:58If I'm talking to you and somebody interrupts me,
34:00I forget exactly what I was saying.
34:01I can't go back.
34:02I'm very traumatized by what happened.
34:13Alec needs to be told it's okay to talk about how he feels,
34:18to allow himself to break and be a little messy,
34:22because he keeps everything in until he bursts.
34:26And when he bursts, it's not done in a way that is thoughtful
34:32and in the direction of healing.
34:35He is very vulnerable, and I'm afraid of what might come out.
34:50Two years, nine months of this, it changes you.
34:54And you accommodate. You accommodate.
34:57I had to accommodate to how I was living,
34:59and then all of a sudden, as soon as you accommodate,
35:01and you're living eight or nine months, you're still in pain,
35:03you're still angry, you're still upset,
35:05but you're slowly accepting that maybe this is going to be this way forever.
35:08When we went to the trial, nobody had any idea what was going to happen.
35:12Let me just finish, because I'm going to lose my train of thought.
35:15And that is that when you go, and we're going there,
35:18no one had any idea whatsoever what was going to happen.
35:22You adjust to, now it's over, in a two-hour period,
35:25and I walk out the door, and I'm completely free.
35:28After what happened, it's been really, really, I mean, I've had an emotional,
35:32mental, neurological, whatever the whole composition of it is,
35:37is inability to focus and to concentrate.
35:40And that's not me. That's not me. I have a photographic memory.
35:43I mean, they'd hand me two-page monologues on 30 Rock that morning,
35:46and I'd memorize it, but I just had that, I developed that ability.
35:50And my memory's shot. I can't remember anything anymore.
35:54It's really scary.
35:56And for me, the stress and the pressure of public life,
36:00at my age, that's not good for my mental health.
36:04And that's where I really want to make sure that we're being smart
36:07about where do we go from here.
36:11I am someone who have found that there is no right or wrong.
36:14You do the best you can. You bring the greatest of yourself
36:17and your intelligence and your caring to bear
36:20to make these decisions about our children.
36:22And then after you've given some thought, my motto was,
36:25I'm tired of talking about it.
36:27We have to take an action.
36:29In my mind, that doing what's best for yourself, your mental health,
36:34and doing what's best for your children's mental health
36:36is an action you must take.
36:38And you don't have to agree with me about that action,
36:40but we're not taking any action.
36:42I really feel like we owe our children the willingness,
36:46the willingness and the open-mindedness
36:48to try something outside of New York.
36:51It's good that we have a sense of where you are.
36:53That sounds like this is a really important place that you're in right now
36:57that is affecting your decision-making.
36:59As we know that one of your prioritizations is sort of,
37:02I think, removing yourself from the public eye a little bit
37:05and moving to an area that you think would be lower stress interaction.
37:10Great. Let's ask her where she would like to go.
37:17I remember when I had only known you for a little bit
37:20and you had something happen and you did an interview
37:24and on the cover it was like,
37:26Goodbye, New York. I'm leaving. Goodbye.
37:29Alec has always wanted to run away when something bad happened,
37:32and that's normal.
37:34And so I know that in him, you know, in our relationship when I was younger
37:38and he would retreat and even like just little spats between us
37:42and he would retreat and I would get so worried.
37:45I'd like to take action.
37:47But the action may be that we move here, we go here,
37:52we choose these jobs, we don't choose these jobs.
37:54Those things, they're going to all fall into place.
37:57We're not going to know what the right thing is
38:00if we don't do the hard work.
38:04As your wife, as your partner, as the mother of the children,
38:08I see moments where you want to run away, you want to deflect,
38:13you want to like all of a sudden things get a little bit hard
38:16and we're saying, Yes, we take action.
38:18And I've lived with you, I've known you for 13 years, over 13 years now,
38:21and for you it's always, Well, I have to move.
38:24Well, I have to quit this. Well, I have to do that.
38:26Alec is an actor.
38:28He loves to connect.
38:30He loves that energy.
38:32When I see him with his friends at SNL and when he was on 30 Rock,
38:37those are his people. That is his community.
38:40That's his home base.
38:41And the action that you and I need to take is in here and in here.
38:45That's your opinion.
38:46No, no, but I'm telling you.
38:47It's not a fact that's your opinion.
38:49There's no facts. There's only opinions.
38:50There are no facts.
38:51Exactly. There are no facts, only opinions.
38:53But I can tell you that what is the great AA quote that you told me?
38:56Wherever you go, your problems follow you.
38:59You show up.
39:00You show up.
39:01I'm acknowledging what you're saying.
39:03I've known that as an AA term for 30-something, 39 years.
39:07I get it. I get it.
39:09All I'm saying is that I do not want to go back to the life I had. I don't.
39:13I don't care.
39:15I don't want to go back. I don't.
39:27You are withdrawing.
39:28And I don't apologize for it.
39:30Your priorities are shifting.
39:31Right.
39:32Like, I mean, you have a lot of individuals that—
39:34You're counting on us.
39:35You and the two of you together, right?
39:38Nothing like organizing my shoes.
39:41I worry about Alec because we were living with so much stress for such a long time
39:46that his OCD has gotten even worse.
39:54After everything we've been through, I just want to take care of my family.
39:58I don't want to be left alone.
39:59Dada.
40:00Yes, I'm Dada.
40:02Oh, look, paparazzi.
40:03It's okay. Just ignore him.
40:05I've had my skirmishes with paparazzi, and I've had my, you know, problems.
40:10You're here when my wife and my kid come out here.
40:11You've got big problems.
40:13What are you doing?