Ahead of her UAE book tour for memoir 'Worthy', she talks about living your own truth, making tough calls, and learning to love herself.
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Read the full story here: https://gulfnews.com/entertainment/hollywood/jada-pinkett-smith-spills-all-the-oscars-slap-will-smith-and-her-memoir-worthy-1.1697639768253
See more videos at https://gulfnews.com/videos
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00:00But I didn't go as his wife, I went as a family member
00:06because we were not together, right?
00:09Because we broke up in 2016, right?
00:12And so when the incident at the Oscars occurred,
00:17I was like, oh boy, this is going to be tough.
00:25And I said, I might not have walked in here as his wife,
00:29but I'm leaving here as his wife
00:31because I'm going to need to be by his side
00:34during this storm that's about to come upon us.
00:37I can't tell you how excited I am about your worthy tour.
00:43And I'm so glad you chose UAE as one of the stops.
00:46Yes, absolutely, had to come through.
00:49Of course, of course.
00:50First thing, let me just tell you over the last few days,
00:53I've been reading up about you
00:55and I can't help and marvel at your truth
00:58and your confidence.
00:59I mean, I remember going through an arranged marriage
01:02and just out of sheer pressure
01:03and here you are living your own truth.
01:07Well done you.
01:08How did you make this difficult choice
01:10to speak about such a difficult subject?
01:14Yeah, I think, you know, I mean,
01:18it's part of my worthy journey, right?
01:21It's like to really be in my truth, right?
01:27And I think that sometimes it's really difficult
01:31for women to do that, right?
01:35And I feel like I have, you know,
01:42people, you know, the judgment and the criticism
01:45and I'm like, I've gone through the gauntlet of that
01:49and have really cured a lot of my own self judgment.
01:53And I was like, you know,
01:54I really want to be an example
01:57so that women understand like we have the right
02:02to own our journey, you know,
02:06in a way that it's comfortable for us,
02:08in a way that is authentic to us, right?
02:12Whatever that might be and however,
02:14there's not one way to do it.
02:16And so I just think that's important in these times.
02:21Of course, of course.
02:22And how difficult was it to do so?
02:24I mean, writing it down,
02:25because it means you come from a very vulnerable space,
02:28especially penning it down,
02:30because like you said,
02:31you're opening yourself to more scrutiny, right?
02:34What made you just put it all in a book?
02:37Because I felt like in a book,
02:39I could give the history and the context
02:42in a way that I wouldn't have been able to do
02:45and couldn't do at the Red Table, right?
02:47That's a different platform.
02:49So I get to immerse people into my story
02:55to really get the nuanced understanding of my journey.
03:01Did you exercise perhaps self-censorship
03:03or was it a no-go zone?
03:04Because I know about the topics
03:06that you have perhaps spoken about,
03:08but was there a point where you said,
03:09I'm not going to talk about that?
03:10Absolutely, definitely.
03:13It's like in the book,
03:14even though the book is full of a lot of openness,
03:19there's a lot of censorship, right?
03:22So it's like, and I tell people all the time,
03:25it's so interesting because of the amount of life I've lived
03:28and the amount of experiences that I've had,
03:31people think that I'm actually sharing a lot, which I do.
03:35I could see how it's a lot for someone else,
03:37but when I'm looking at the content of my life,
03:40I'm actually like, it's not a whole, whole lot, right?
03:46It has to be an installment.
03:48Yeah, exactly.
03:49I'm like, there's a sequel to this.
03:52Hopefully it'll be a sequel
03:53that Will and I will write together
03:55called Don't Try This at Home.
03:58And so I love the title.
04:01I'm going to put that on a T-shirt, right?
04:05Of course.
04:06And a friend of mine called me up yesterday
04:09and she was telling me that her parents
04:11have a similar situation,
04:12like how you are doing this conscious uncoupling of sorts.
04:16And she's like, finally, somebody is talking about it.
04:18They're taking it out of the closet
04:19and finally acknowledging that many, many, many parents
04:22and couples make this choice.
04:24This is the epitome of, let's say, a modern family.
04:28Yeah.
04:29So you have normalized it.
04:31And do you think that was one of your decisions?
04:35That's why you spoke about it.
04:37Absolutely.
04:38And you know, the thing about it is,
04:41that with Will and I,
04:43we spent these years of separation
04:47trying to uncouple consciously
04:51only for after the Oscars to then reunite.
04:57You know what I'm saying?
04:58To then decide like, oh no, like we're in this.
05:02Like this is us, you know?
05:04And so I'm so glad that I took that time
05:09and I know it was a long time, six years, right?
05:12Six, seven years to like figure out that,
05:15okay, we're in this, right?
05:18But you know, I saved myself a lot of heartache
05:22of like getting divorced
05:24and going through a legal separation.
05:26It's like just he and I taking the time,
05:29taking the time that we needed
05:31to go on our separate journeys
05:35and then decide when we were gonna come together
05:39and heal together in a partnership.
05:41And this phase between us has been beautiful.
05:47Right.
05:48And how did the Oscars incident perhaps,
05:51did it provide, was it a catalyst?
05:52How did you-
05:53It was.
05:54It was a catalyst because, you know,
05:58once Will finished Emancipation,
06:01it was a very, very, very challenging movie for him.
06:05And a lot of things were coming up for him.
06:09And he wanted to get back into therapy.
06:11And so I did.
06:12I went back into therapy with him.
06:14So we were working through a lot of deep stuff
06:17and then he got nominated.
06:19And so he was like,
06:21you're the person that I want by my side during this time.
06:25I can't think of anybody else
06:26I wanna share this moment with.
06:27And of course I was like,
06:28I wanna share this moment with you too.
06:30But I didn't go as his wife.
06:33I went as a family member
06:36because we were not together, right?
06:39Cause we broke up in 2016, right?
06:42And so when the incident at the Oscars occurred,
06:48I was like, oh boy,
06:51this is going to be,
06:53this is gonna be tough.
06:55And I said, I might not have walked in here as his wife,
06:59but I'm leaving here as his wife
07:01because I'm gonna need to be by his side
07:04during this storm that's about to come upon us.
07:08And so from then on,
07:10that's when we really just started doing
07:13really deep work together.
07:14That's brilliant.
07:15Sometimes I think the worst conflict
07:17kind of brings people together like a tragedy,
07:21death of a child.
07:21You never know what brings couples together.
07:24The dynamics are different.
07:26I think that's also what you want to say, right, Jada?
07:28That dynamics are different.
07:30Who are we to judge?
07:31Somewhere along the line, that's it.
07:32I mean, it's a no judgment zone.
07:34Absolutely.
07:35And you know, in these days,
07:37when it comes to relationships,
07:39I tell people all the time,
07:41stop looking to have your relationship
07:44look like somebody else's.
07:46Because at the end of the day,
07:47you have two unique individuals that come together
07:51who are going to create a unique dynamic between them.
07:55And it's between those two people
07:58to figure out what that looks like,
08:01you know, and not,
08:02oh, this is what marriage is supposed to be.
08:04You're not supposed to live in a separate house
08:07than your husband.
08:08It's like, well, I do,
08:10because that is what's working for me right now.
08:13That's not to say that it always will,
08:15but today that's what's working for me, you know,
08:18and that's what's working for Will.
08:20And so, you know, you got to figure out what works for you.
08:27Perfect.
08:28I love that.
08:28I think parenting is also a very, you know,
08:30important part of this particular understanding as well,
08:34but you have built an empire, Jada.
08:36You need to tell us,
08:37do you look back on your wealth
08:38and think I'm the richest person?
08:40How does it go?
08:41How do you look at money?
08:42What's your relationship?
08:43Oh yeah.
08:44I don't look at it as like I'm the richest person.
08:46I do, you know, I love building things.
08:49And I think that's part of where Will and I connect.
08:53We just love building things.
08:55Like that's part of our creation.
08:59Like our creativity, right?
09:00So building Westbrook together.
09:02Then we're about to build another aspect
09:06of Westbrook as well.
09:07And then helping my kids build their businesses.
09:11You know, Jaden has Misfits.
09:14He has a clothing company.
09:15He also has Just Water that we helped him establish, right?
09:19And so, and then Willow's about to build her business
09:24that she's in negotiation for right now.
09:26And then building Red Table Talk, you know?
09:30And so for us as a family, you know, yes,
09:35we are artists and we'd like to create,
09:37but we're starting to love the idea
09:40of creating businesses around our art.
09:44Right, of course.
09:45And would you call yourself a very emotional businesswoman?
09:49Something tells me you're very emotional.
09:50Or do you make very clear cut decisions
09:53when it comes to building an empire?
09:55Yeah, no, you very, very clean cut, right?
10:00And so really being able, if I'm emotional about something,
10:03then I need to sit in a corner and let that pass
10:08because making decisions based on emotion
10:12when it comes to business is, it doesn't,
10:16that doesn't work well.
10:18You know what I mean?
10:20But there are times that I'm very intuitive.
10:22Like I love real estate.
10:26Like I'm really good at real estate,
10:29but it's intuition and that's crazy, right?
10:34It's intuition, but I am a boss
10:37when it comes to finding real estate deals,
10:41flipping things and then, yeah,
10:44making some real deal cash, right?
10:47And so that's one of my favorite things to do.
10:50That's like a hobby of mine.
10:52Yeah, but that all day long,
10:55I have a knack for real estate.
10:58That's brilliant.
10:59You can just spot, that's your superpower, I suppose.
11:02Apart from telling searing truth,
11:05you know, and saying it as is, perhaps.
11:07I want to dwell on the title worthy.
11:10I mean, how long did it take for you to reach a point
11:13where you said, you know what, I'm worth it?
11:15Because you have gone through a difficult period, Jada.
11:18I mean, from self-harm to living a very difficult life
11:22it's not been easy, right?
11:24When you look back.
11:25So how did you reach to the point where you said,
11:27I'm worthy, I'm totally worthy?
11:29It was really just a lot of therapy.
11:34Yes, a lot of therapy, right?
11:37And just really making a decision.
11:39You know, I never understood back in the day
11:43when people would say, love is a choice.
11:46You know, I was just like, nah, love happens, right?
11:50And so I realized, wow,
11:53we have to make a choice to love ourselves, right?
11:57And so when I made that choice to love myself
12:02and that was, and I talk about this in the book
12:04when I was suicidal at 40 years old
12:08and then I decided to go into a plant medicine journey
12:12and deal with those really dark self,
12:16that dark self-hatred space within myself.
12:20From that moment on, after those four days,
12:23I made a choice to learn how to love myself.
12:27And I had to really make that choice
12:29instead of needing will to love me in a way
12:34that would heal my self-hatred, right?
12:38He couldn't do that for me.
12:39And it took me a long time to realize that, you know?
12:44And so once I made the choice that I wanted to love myself,
12:48the universe just kept opening doors
12:51to show me how to do it.
12:52That's brilliant.
12:53It's so important that you say men can't complete you.
12:56I mean, we go for this marriage,
12:58like I remember my parents thinking,
13:00marriage is going to keep you safe
13:01for the rest of your life.
13:02He's your caretaker.
13:04We come from that kind of thinking.
13:05And here you're telling me that men,
13:07they're not responsible for your happiness.
13:09You just need to go out there and do it.
13:11Isn't it?
13:12It's like, you know, they can't,
13:14I mean, men are trying to figure out their own happiness.
13:18You know what I mean?
13:20We come into these relationships, you know,
13:24with these unreasonable emotional expectations.
13:28You know what I'm saying?
13:29And, you know, I do think that two partners
13:32can figure out what they want to do for, you know,
13:35what they authentically,
13:37how they authentically want to show up.
13:40You might have a man that's like,
13:41I want to take care of you, right?
13:44And it's like, okay.
13:46And then you can figure out what that means
13:49between the two of you.
13:50And that woman might say, I still want to work.
13:54You know what I mean?
13:55It's like, so it's up to two people to figure out
14:00what their dynamic is that makes them happy,
14:04that makes their relationship sing.
14:08And it might not look like how your girlfriend
14:12and her man is doing it, you know?
14:15And that's just real talk.
14:17I love it.
14:18And even you've kept your finances different.
14:23Something tells me that somewhere you need to stand
14:25on your two feet.
14:26I mean, at the end of the day,
14:28you have to have like a level playing field.
14:29You can call the shots in a relationship
14:31or at least meet them halfway,
14:33especially men, if you are financially sound.
14:36Does that make sense?
14:37Like with you, was it one of the factors
14:39that you are financially independent?
14:40You have your own empire on yourself.
14:44I mean, it's not dependent on Will Smith.
14:46It's not dependent on Will.
14:47You know, it's nice to have Will, right?
14:50You know, but I'm gonna eat
14:52and I'm gonna have a really nice roof over my head
14:55whether Will is here or not.
14:57You know what I mean?
14:59No, no, that gives you a certain freedom, doesn't it?
15:01It does.
15:03And my grandmother taught me that
15:05at a very, very young age, she taught me,
15:08she said, never, ever depend on a man.
15:12And now mind you, her husband, my grandfather
15:16was a very successful doctor, right?
15:19But her mother was thrown into an insane asylum
15:23by her father and left there.
15:26That back in the day, you could do that.
15:28A man could just go, my wife is crazy, lock her up,
15:32you know?
15:33And unfortunately, my great-grandmother
15:36did have psychological issues.
15:38But I think for my grandmother,
15:40the fact that her mother had no say,
15:47no say whatsoever, right?
15:50It made her just, in her own life,
15:53she always had a job
15:55even though she had a very successful husband.
15:57And then she instilled in me,
16:00always have your own, Jada, always.
16:03What was your most toughest phase in your life?
16:06And have you perhaps chronicled that in Worthy?
16:10Oh, I've chronicled a whole lot of tough phases.
16:13I've had several.
16:16I've had several.
16:17I mean, and that's what Worthy is about.
16:20Worthy is about the exploration
16:23of all the tough phases of my life
16:26and how I got through those tough phases, you know?
16:30And that's it.
16:31It's like, I consider Worthy
16:39a really deep exploration
16:41of many different kinds of valleys
16:46of the shadow of death in my life,
16:48where I've had to do really deep transformations
16:52and reconciliations with false beliefs
16:56and existential disappointment and heartbreak and loss.
17:02It's full of all of that.
17:04Brilliant.
17:04I can't wait to read.
17:06If there's one book that I read this year, Jada,
17:08it's gonna be yours
17:09because I love the fact that you are truthful.
17:11I mean, there's no price tag to honesty.
17:14And thank you for being honest with all your fans.
17:18I appreciate that.
17:20Thank you so much for your time.
17:20Lovely speaking to you.