How Sudha Murty convinced her son to not host a birthday party at a 5-star hotel. She was speaking at an event organised by Mumbai’s Jamnabai Narsee International School in 2017.
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00:00My child came and told me,
00:04Amma, in our school there is a birthday party.
00:07I think there's a birthday party,
00:08the big way I suppose nowadays.
00:10There's a birthday party, my son,
00:12my friend's house, they take us to some five-star restaurant.
00:16Some well-off parents can't take.
00:18There's nothing wrong because everybody
00:19has their way of doing birthdays.
00:22There's nothing, I will comment on that,
00:24going to five-star hotel is less or not good
00:26or nothing of that sort.
00:27That is their parents' wish.
00:29He went once, I think his classmate's birthday was there,
00:32and my child, Rohan, my son,
00:34went to birthday party, came and said,
00:36Amma, it was so good,
00:38and my birthday, I want to take.
00:40I said, no bill, you can't take.
00:42He said, why?
00:43I said, Rohan, please remember,
00:45how much it will cost, let us talk about it.
00:48Each child, let us take 1,000 rupees.
00:50You call about 50 people, your class,
00:53how much it cost, 50 into 1,000 is how much?
00:5650,000 rupees.
00:58He said, Rohan, please remember,
01:01I told the person who used to come and drive our car,
01:04I said, he has two children.
01:06They are as bright as you are.
01:09Their school fees are probably,
01:11in those days, 10,000.
01:13If you give 20,000 to them,
01:16they can go to a better school, beta.
01:18For your birthday, I'm not denying,
01:20you should not do it, et cetera.
01:22I will buy samosa.
01:24I will buy samosa and rasna packet,
01:27or lemon sherbet, something.
01:29No, no, mango drink was there.
01:30What is that?
01:31Masa?
01:32Not masa?
01:33Fruity, fruity.
01:34Yeah.
01:35Fruity, in those days.
01:37I'm talking about 25 years back.
01:40So, I will spend, for 50 children,
01:43plus our driver's children, everyone,
01:46all together, this much money.
01:48More than that, I think you should not spend,
01:51because what you are doing is wrong, according to me.
01:55Those two children will not go to school,
01:57whereas you spend 50,000.
01:59And he didn't like it.
02:01What I said, he didn't like it.
02:02He said, oh, you always give me hisho,
02:05that means you always give me plus, minus,
02:06always a balance sheet.
02:08I said, think over it.
02:10I will give you three days' time.
02:12And after three days, he came back and said,
02:15okay, I agree, but along with samosa,
02:17you should give us one gulab jamun or something.
02:20I said, fine.
02:22Okay?
02:23So, I told, and in front of him,
02:25I gave 10,000 to our driver's children,
02:27in front, through his hand.
02:28I said, Bill, from your account, there's a 50,000 rupees.
02:31Out of that, this is the way you'll spend.
02:33This much money is left,
02:35and this you should give it to some good cause.
02:38When he was in our Cornell School,
02:41Ron's birthday came,
02:42and I was thinking he was abroad in those days.
02:44What he will do?
02:46I would have been unhappy.
02:47This is my subjective opinion.
02:49If he spends so much money on a birthday,
02:50which comes every year,
02:52why waste that kind of money?
02:53It is not something like fantastic thing.
02:55It is not like we are Mahatma Gandhi,
02:56born on October 2nd.
02:58We are ordinary people.
02:59We are just ordinary people.
03:01Let us not think that we are too great.
03:03If somebody says, oh, what do you think of yourself?
03:05I said, I'm a very ordinary person.
03:07Very ordinary person, but the situation made me great.
03:10The situation made me great.
03:12I'm very ordinary like anybody else.
03:15You should bring up this idea with your children's mind.
03:18Look, my child, you are ordinary.
03:21Just because your father has money,
03:23or I have money,
03:24you are not extraordinary.
03:25Money comes due to various reasons.
03:28And money, what you have, has a cause.
03:31That I made it to my children in a very young age.
03:34And when he was in Cornell,
03:35he wrote to me,
03:36and I have that email even today.
03:38He said, every mother looks after her child,
03:42but I'm proud my mother looks after someone's children.
03:46That's the best compliment I can give.
03:53He got a scholarship.
03:54Then he got a scholarship,
03:56and he sent very little money.
03:58He must have had one lakh rupee or something, you know?
04:00Not great money.
04:01He wrote to me,
04:02Amma, this money should be spent on my birthday
04:04to all those jawans
04:06who died in a parliament attack in 2001.
04:09They died there
04:10so that we can live in free, democratic India.
04:13It is not a big money.
04:15It is not a big money.
04:16But that idea of sharing wealth with somebody,
04:19idea of being sensitive if someone is poor,
04:22and they have a right to live,
04:24and making equality along with our own driver and cook,
04:28you know, such ideas,
04:29you have to initiate to your children.
04:31That is very important.
04:32Most of the time, we don't do that.
04:34Because we think what others will think,
04:36what is the status.
04:37Suppose my neighbor comes,
04:38my cook is eating on the dining table,
04:40what they think of us.
04:42You know, all those false values,
04:44all those, you know,
04:46tightened compartments we build
04:48around what people think.
04:50Let them think what they think.
04:52You cannot live on people's opinion.
04:55You have to live on your own opinion.
04:57And that you should understand
04:59to tell your children.
05:01Children will be, you know,
05:03for many years,
05:04children will carry your values.
05:06Later, once they are married,
05:07their wife's value,
05:08once they are exposed,
05:09different values, you know.
05:11That goes on changing.
05:13But to some extent, great extent,
05:15you can reflect it.