• 2 days ago
https://amzn.to/3SNrvho
Transcript
00:00:00Beautiful! Beautiful! Unbelievable!
00:00:05Come on!
00:00:07Is that the alternator?
00:00:08Okay, where is this place?
00:00:11It's busy.
00:00:12Where is she? Where are you?
00:00:14Oh, come on.
00:00:15I know it's going to be here. I know.
00:00:18Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
00:00:20Oh my God, I put money into you all the time.
00:00:22It's not the distributor.
00:00:23You're late.
00:00:25Seventeenth time.
00:00:27You said five minutes. That was twenty minutes ago.
00:00:29Come on!
00:00:31I wrote it on the table, put it in my purse.
00:00:34Unbooked sorority girls from Fresno. I love it.
00:00:36This is exactly what I needed.
00:00:38If that is just about perfect bank, I'm sick of this.
00:00:41It's an old damn car. Let me wait again.
00:00:44Wait a minute.
00:00:46Get caught waiting, dude. Come on!
00:00:49You do this to me all the time.
00:00:51She does this to me all the time.
00:00:53I hate you.
00:00:54Walked out the door, got in my car, and it's...
00:00:58Oh, I forgot those goddamn papers. Fuck.
00:01:02I always forget something. Goddamn it.
00:01:58I met this woman once.
00:02:27And her sight was failing.
00:02:31Not in her eyes, but it was in her mind.
00:02:35You know, for some people, the eyes fail, the light's dim.
00:02:39They go blind.
00:02:42For her, her spirit was failing.
00:02:44Her world going dim, her heart going blind.
00:02:49And as it progressed, I'd see her.
00:02:52She saw the darkness beginning to encroach.
00:02:54She'd talk about it, where it was.
00:02:57There, she'd say, the darkness has taken over my lover,
00:03:01who no longer wants me.
00:03:04And here, the darkness is covering my heart
00:03:08with the sadness of this separation.
00:03:12And it grew around her,
00:03:15covering larger and larger areas of her life
00:03:17until it covered almost her whole field of view.
00:03:22And finally, she, her whole existence,
00:03:26her whole existence was in this deep black darkness.
00:03:33And she came to me, and she came to me that day,
00:03:36and she said to me, George,
00:03:38the whole world is as black as my bitter heart,
00:03:42all except for one last speck, one last spot.
00:03:47And in that one last spot, George,
00:03:49I see a dim glimmer of light.
00:03:53It's the only light I see.
00:03:56And it took all this darkness
00:03:58and all this blackness for me to see this light.
00:04:03But then she moved towards it and into it,
00:04:11and she became blanketed by light.
00:04:15And then she wore it like a queen's robe.
00:04:18She wore this light, and she threw it around you,
00:04:21covering you in her robe of light.
00:04:24And it was a good thing, her darkness, in the end.
00:04:29In darkness, she said to me, compassion is born.
00:04:34What?
00:04:35Oh, sorry, I wasn't talking to you.
00:04:36I was just talking to me.
00:04:38I just have a word problem.
00:04:39I just got all these thoughts.
00:04:40They just keep coming at me.
00:04:42I just can't stop them.
00:04:43I can't stem the flow.
00:04:44It's like a river, like a river without a dam.
00:04:46I just say what's on my mind, that's all.
00:04:48Just say what's on your mind.
00:04:50That's what they told me.
00:04:51Speak up, I can't hear you.
00:04:56Oh, I'll say what's on my mind.
00:04:59But some people, they got thoughts
00:05:02that's just all locked up in there.
00:05:05They can't let them out.
00:05:06Afraid they're going to bite you.
00:05:12Yeah, but you've got thoughts
00:05:13you don't even want to think about,
00:05:14much less talk about.
00:05:16Like that time you hurt somebody
00:05:18and you wanted to.
00:05:21You hurt him real bad
00:05:22and it felt good at the time, didn't it?
00:05:24It felt real good,
00:05:25but maybe now it don't feel so good no more, huh?
00:05:28I hurt somebody.
00:05:31I hurt him real bad.
00:05:35That's me.
00:05:37People tell you somebody hurt them
00:05:39and they went crazy?
00:05:41No, I'm telling you,
00:05:43you hurt somebody
00:05:46and you go just as crazy.
00:05:56You can't be too cautious.
00:05:59That's why he wears them gloves all the time.
00:06:03Little germs and diseases on everything.
00:06:07I got some on my shoe right now.
00:06:11Crawling around, mutating, cohabitating, breeding
00:06:16so they can crawl onto other places and infest.
00:06:20Some of those diseases, they're bad.
00:06:22Yeah, they get on your skin.
00:06:25They make your skin fall right off.
00:06:30But some of them,
00:06:31some of them get in your brain.
00:06:33Oh, those are the kind that gloves won't help.
00:06:35No.
00:06:37Condoms won't help either.
00:06:39No.
00:06:40Those brain diseases,
00:06:42those word diseases,
00:06:44they get stuck on stuff too,
00:06:47but not on your shoes or toilet seats or nothing like that.
00:06:51No, they get stuck to your words first.
00:06:55Or maybe they get stuck to the words you hear first
00:06:59and then they make their way back inside your mind
00:07:02and then they go straight down into your soul
00:07:05and make your soul sick and diseased, rotten.
00:07:10And they're powerful.
00:07:11As powerful as any disease known to mankind,
00:07:13maybe more powerful
00:07:15because these word diseases, these brain diseases,
00:07:18they're more contagious than the strongest virus.
00:07:21And you don't need to breathe the air.
00:07:23Somebody else is breathing to catch them either.
00:07:26No, you only need to listen to what they say.
00:07:31And they can kill millions.
00:07:34They can infest millions at a time.
00:07:43I got one!
00:07:45I got one! I must have one.
00:07:48I must have one.
00:07:52I must have one.
00:08:04I must have one.
00:08:24Accomplished by a redeeming devil.
00:08:30I said to myself,
00:08:32The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:36The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:38The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:40The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:42The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:44The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:46The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:48The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:50The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:52The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:54The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:56The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:58The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:00The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:02The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:04The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:06The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:08The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:10The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:12The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:14The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:16The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:18The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:20The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:22The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:24The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:26The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:28The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:30The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:32The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:34The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:36The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:38The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:40The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:42The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:44The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:46The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:48The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:50The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:52The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:54The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:56The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:58The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:00The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:02The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:04The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:06The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:08The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:10The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:12The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:14The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:16The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:18The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:20The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:22The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:24I've had big failures, too.
00:10:26The things that I've tried the hardest at
00:10:28seem to be the things that fail the worst.
00:10:30And the failures just seem to keep on mounting.
00:10:32More and more of them every day.
00:10:34Maybe I am a failure.
00:10:36A failed person.
00:10:38A bad human.
00:10:40A worthless specimen.
00:10:42Nah.
00:10:44I think the real thing is
00:10:46it's not the failure.
00:10:48It's not the fear.
00:10:51It's just me
00:10:53making an excuse for self-pity.
00:11:21Hey!
00:11:23What are you doing over there?
00:11:25Just eating a bagel.
00:11:27And how are you this fine morning, ma'am?
00:11:29Well, go eat your bagel someplace else.
00:11:32And stay out of our garbage.
00:11:34I'm just trying to get something to eat.
00:11:37Go dig around in your own garbage.
00:11:39This garbage is ours.
00:11:41I am the death.
00:12:11I wonder why that woman left me a bagel.
00:12:39She did leave me a bagel, didn't she?
00:12:41Does she like me?
00:12:43Could anybody ever love me again?
00:12:47Oh boy, that's the thought that just really terrifies me.
00:12:51The thought of being unloved.
00:12:53The thought of being uncared for.
00:12:55It's like I'm just a spirit here on this planet
00:12:58trapped in this body.
00:13:00And I know how to do things like
00:13:03like make money
00:13:05and dress nicely.
00:13:07And be charming.
00:13:09And I know these things would draw other people to me.
00:13:12And they might even love me again.
00:13:14But somewhere in some rancid part of myself
00:13:17I wonder if they love the true me
00:13:19or just the appearance of me.
00:13:21My money.
00:13:23My clothes.
00:13:24My charm.
00:13:26My jokes.
00:13:32So I stripped it all away, I guess.
00:13:34Hoping that somebody would see the true me
00:13:37and love it.
00:13:42So I guess that's why I talk so much.
00:13:44Maybe that's why some people
00:13:46let themselves get out of shape
00:13:48or keep themselves unkempt
00:13:50or smell bad.
00:13:52It's just their soul crying out for recognition.
00:13:55They want people to see the true self on the inside.
00:14:00That's why really rich
00:14:02beautiful, famous people
00:14:04they have so much problems in their lives.
00:14:06Because they attract people that nurture their surface structure
00:14:09and not their soul.
00:14:11Because the soul is a very difficult thing to express.
00:14:14It's scary too.
00:14:16It's scary because it might be rejected.
00:14:18It's difficult because
00:14:20even I don't know what my soul is.
00:14:22I mean, it's always in motion.
00:14:24It's moving this way
00:14:26and that way.
00:14:28This way.
00:14:29And that way.
00:14:31This way.
00:14:32And that way.
00:14:34And this way.
00:14:35And that way.
00:14:45I used to be in a very different place.
00:14:47Are you tired of your old car?
00:14:49Of course you are.
00:14:50Now would you rather have a new car?
00:14:52Or an old car?
00:14:53Of course you'd rather have a new car.
00:14:55What if I was to tell you
00:14:57that you could have a brand new
00:14:59scouter for the same payments
00:15:01as a two year old trail boss?
00:15:03You'd take the new car, right?
00:15:05That's what I did.
00:15:06Bought one for my family.
00:15:07We love it.
00:15:08It is a beautiful car.
00:15:09You're going to love this car.
00:15:29¶¶
00:15:59¶¶
00:16:29¶¶
00:16:30¶¶
00:16:42What is love?
00:16:43What is love?
00:16:44What is love?
00:16:48Hey, what is love?
00:16:51I don't know what love is,
00:16:53but I know where it is.
00:16:56It's right here
00:16:57in my heart.
00:16:59In my heart!
00:17:01They...
00:17:03They thought I...
00:17:07I wonder where the first time love came from anyway.
00:17:11You know, the first time
00:17:13something or somebody actually felt love...
00:17:17It was probably
00:17:19two great apes. Two great apes who were just
00:17:21fucking wildly in the jungle
00:17:23just fucking their brains out.
00:17:25And suddenly this feeling like a fiery waterfall
00:17:27comes rushing over them.
00:17:29And they get this look
00:17:31and one of them looks into the other one's eyes
00:17:33and the other one looks back.
00:17:37And they slow down for a minute
00:17:39because they realize they don't have to do this
00:17:41just to procreate anymore.
00:17:43And they get this feeling.
00:17:45They start feeling something.
00:17:47Something coming from the generation of life itself
00:17:50is overwhelming them.
00:17:52And they take this raw material
00:17:55into themselves
00:17:57and they start making something.
00:18:01They start making love.
00:18:04Yeah.
00:18:06That's where love first came from.
00:18:09And it's probably where language first came from as well.
00:18:12Because one of those big apes
00:18:14probably the woman
00:18:16looked into the other one's eyes
00:18:19and uttered the first word.
00:18:22Luke.
00:18:24Which meant
00:18:26I love you.
00:18:41To let myself love again?
00:18:43Jesus!
00:18:45I don't know.
00:18:47I'm afraid I might get hurt again by love.
00:18:50For good reason.
00:18:52But if I let that fear win
00:18:54God, if I let that fear win
00:18:56and sever the slim hope that I have
00:18:58for really deep, true, meaningful love
00:19:01if I sever that cord and go the route of the tough guy
00:19:04unaffected by his emotions
00:19:06or the sad guy
00:19:08destroyed by his emotions
00:19:10either way
00:19:12either way I'll be cutting myself off
00:19:14from the purpose and the reason why I'm here.
00:19:18I don't know.
00:19:20I don't know if I can ever let go of the love that I had.
00:19:24I mean, I tried, but
00:19:26it just keeps coming back.
00:19:28Which is good, I think.
00:19:30What the?
00:19:32No!
00:19:48I mean, I just
00:19:50I just hurt her so bad.
00:19:54Oh, but maybe
00:19:57maybe I can let go of him.
00:20:00Just a little bit at a time.
00:20:04Just piece by piece.
00:20:11Maybe for a moment.
00:20:13Just one moment.
00:20:16Let go of every last bit of it.
00:20:20Just so I can see how it's going to be.
00:20:30I love you.
00:20:32I love you.
00:20:34I love you.
00:20:36I love you.
00:20:38I love you.
00:20:40I love you.
00:20:42I love you.
00:20:44I love you.
00:20:46I love you.
00:20:48I love you.
00:20:50I love you.
00:20:52I love you.
00:20:54I love you.
00:20:56I love you.
00:20:58I love you.
00:21:00I love you.
00:21:02I love you.
00:21:04I love you.
00:21:06I love you.
00:21:08I love you.
00:21:10I love you.
00:21:12I love you.
00:21:14I love you.
00:21:16I love you.
00:21:18I love you.
00:21:20I love you.
00:21:22I love you.
00:21:24I love you.
00:21:26You're feeling so good today.
00:21:28I understand they got you with some graffiti.
00:21:30It's not very nice graffiti either, is it?
00:21:33You wish they could have done something a little more colorful, you know?
00:21:36I mean, there's just no account for taste these days.
00:21:39Hmm?
00:21:40Well, maybe they didn't have anything nicer to say.
00:21:43But I got something for you to help you brighten your day.
00:21:47There you go.
00:21:49It's from Mr. Dumpster down the street.
00:21:52Yeah.
00:21:53I think he's got a crush on you.
00:21:56Well, you have a good day.
00:21:58Huh?
00:22:00Oh, you're very welcome.
00:22:01And thank you for that pizza yesterday.
00:22:03It was fantastic.
00:22:05I must say the bouquet of the tomato sauce was superb.
00:22:08The overall ambiance was wonderful.
00:22:11I'd give you four and a half stars.
00:22:14What?
00:22:15Oh, you got something for me in here?
00:22:19Take a look.
00:22:23Oh.
00:22:30Now, do you want to take a chance on buying a used car that might be a lemon?
00:22:34Of course you don't.
00:22:35Do you want to take a chance on buying a car that's got a bad reliability rating?
00:22:40No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:42Now, I guess you've heard some of the negative publicity about the Maschuda Scouters.
00:22:47It's just a bunch of hogwash that's been generated by our competitors.
00:22:50Now, I bought one of these cars, and they're great cars.
00:22:53And don't worry about the safety on these things.
00:22:55I can verify for it myself.
00:22:57I've driven these things all over the place, and they're great cars.
00:23:00I think you should consider buying one.
00:23:05Is she the one, the woman with the bagel?
00:23:11Yes!
00:23:13Yes!
00:23:44You got something for me in here?
00:23:47I can feel it.
00:23:54What have we here?
00:23:58Ah, cool.
00:24:03What's...
00:24:06Oh, these are nice.
00:24:09My size.
00:24:27Thank you, Jambo.
00:24:29God of the dumpsters.
00:24:32The one who puts all good things in dumpsters.
00:24:34The God of garbage.
00:24:35The garbage God.
00:24:37The way.
00:24:38The truth.
00:24:39The light.
00:24:40The filth.
00:24:42Oh, we find your altars in every city.
00:24:45Churches in every alley.
00:24:48People sacrificing to you consistently, and you give back so profusely, so unselfishly.
00:24:54Thank you for these many gifts, my friendly God.
00:24:58You great smelly one.
00:25:02You are the one who provides for the homeless.
00:25:05You have truly saved my life.
00:25:08For without you, I would have died from a hunger and a cold long ago.
00:25:14I bow down to you, Jambo.
00:25:36Oh, hi Mrs. Dorr.
00:25:49Uh, the flowers?
00:25:50No, no, uh, they're not for you.
00:25:52Uh, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:54This one.
00:25:57Okay, great, thanks.
00:26:01Thanks a lot.
00:26:31No, no, no.
00:26:45Just do what I say.
00:26:47Just do what I say.
00:26:49Jesus.
00:26:52Hey babe.
00:26:53Thanks for the flowers, that was really sweet.
00:26:56I didn't send you any flowers.
00:26:59Really?
00:27:01Who sent you these flowers?
00:27:03I don't know.
00:27:05Did you fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:07What are you talking about?
00:27:09Well, usually if you fuck somebody, they send you flowers.
00:27:11Is that what you did?
00:27:13You fucked somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:15You never sent me flowers when we first had sex.
00:27:18Don't change the goddamn subject.
00:27:20Did you fuck somebody for these flowers or what?
00:27:22No, and stop saying fuck so much.
00:27:26Why, does it make you feel guilty?
00:27:28No, it makes me feel like asking you to leave.
00:27:31Oh, so now you're leaving me because you fucked somebody.
00:27:35Look, I'm not leaving you.
00:27:37I'm just asking you to leave.
00:27:40But Joanne, I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:44We don't have to break up.
00:27:46I think you'd better go.
00:27:48For good?
00:27:50Yeah, I guess so.
00:27:54Look, Joanna, I love you.
00:27:58I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:28:00Goodbye, Scott.
00:28:08You know, that's just like a woman.
00:28:11Find somebody else to fuck and dump the guy that really loves you.
00:28:19I remember old Calvin.
00:28:21Poor bastard, he ran into me just after the accident.
00:28:25He was just another street person.
00:28:28I was still a member of society.
00:28:32He was crying.
00:28:36And he was coveting this small vial.
00:28:41I was drunk.
00:28:43I wanted to just stay drunk and get drunker and just stay that way.
00:28:50But as he was crying, I said,
00:28:52Hey, Calvin, why don't you and me just go out to the best bar in town
00:28:56and we'll just cry all night together?
00:28:59And he looked at me and he says,
00:29:04No one's going to cry with you, mister.
00:29:07You're doomed to do all your crying alone.
00:29:11Man, that shook me up a little bit.
00:29:16I don't know.
00:29:18So I asked for a swig off his vial.
00:29:22And he showed it to me. It wasn't alcohol at all.
00:29:25It was his tears in this vial.
00:29:28He was collecting his tears.
00:29:31He would hold it up to his eye and his tears would roll into it.
00:29:42I asked him what had happened to him
00:29:44and he told me about his wife leaving him
00:29:47and he just lost it.
00:29:49I mean, he was bitter.
00:29:52So I took him back to his place.
00:29:54I looked around. There was no decorations on the walls or anything.
00:29:57There was just all these notebooks lined up on the shelves.
00:30:00They're filled with just the saddest poetry you ever saw.
00:30:03I mean, it was pathetic.
00:30:07And then, on the window sill,
00:30:11there was these small little blue vials lined up.
00:30:16He had been collecting his tears in these vials.
00:30:21It must have been over a gallon of stuff.
00:30:25He told me, he said,
00:30:27I'm going to send these to her when I die
00:30:30so she can see all the pain and suffering I've been through.
00:30:33I said, send all your pain and suffering to the woman you love?
00:30:39Mister, I don't think that's right.
00:30:41I don't think that's love.
00:30:44And I thought about it, and I thought,
00:30:47that's what I've been doing with my drinking.
00:30:50Just showing the world how much pain and suffering I have.
00:30:54Right then and there, I said, no more drinking.
00:31:00Then I started ducking, and I haven't shut up since.
00:31:05Now I wish I could just shut up, but my mind won't let me.
00:31:08It has no gate on it, no spigot, no valve.
00:31:12I'm so tired of hearing you talk!
00:31:15Just leave me alone!
00:31:17Just shut up!
00:31:19Just shut up!
00:31:21You keep doing the same things over and over again,
00:31:24and you don't stop.
00:31:26It's like a brain skipping, a CD skipping,
00:31:29a computer skipping, a rock skipping on the water.
00:31:33Just leave me alone!
00:31:35Just stop!
00:31:37Just stop!
00:31:42Just stop!
00:31:58So what's going on?
00:32:00I broke up with Scott.
00:32:02Shocking.
00:32:03You never did like him.
00:32:05It's not that I didn't like him.
00:32:08I just thought he was a scumbag, dick-like loser,
00:32:11chauvinistic, unprincipled, uncaring,
00:32:13total sleazeball cheeseball.
00:32:15That's all.
00:32:17Look, I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:19I mean, why do I always end up with the Scott-like thing?
00:32:23I try and be careful and pick someone that'll be good to me.
00:32:26No, you don't.
00:32:27You always end up with the hottest, coolest,
00:32:29richest showpieces in town, without fail.
00:32:32And somehow you expect these guys to be different on the inside
00:32:35than they are on the outside.
00:32:37It's not a big surprise.
00:32:39No, I don't.
00:32:41Yes, you do.
00:32:42To you, a man is the ultimate fashion accessory.
00:32:45Sorry.
00:32:47Well, what are you looking for?
00:32:49I don't know.
00:32:51Well, what attracted you to Scott?
00:32:54I thought he was different.
00:32:56Different how?
00:32:59Okay, I thought he was cute.
00:33:02There you go.
00:33:03Well, how am I supposed to go out with a guy I don't think is cute?
00:33:06Well, I couldn't do it.
00:33:08I mean, good-looking guys are assholes,
00:33:11and ugly guys are nice.
00:33:13They'd have to be or else they'd never get laid.
00:33:15Oh, right.
00:33:16So you wind up hanging out with some nice ugly guy having a great time
00:33:20until some good-looking asshole comes by
00:33:22and tricks you into thinking he's nice.
00:33:24So you break up with the ugly guy and break his heart,
00:33:27and then the good-looking asshole dumps you,
00:33:29and your whole life's a mess.
00:33:31That's not true.
00:33:33Ugly guys can be just as much trouble as good-looking guys.
00:33:37So I figure why not have someone good-looking treating you like shit?
00:33:42So you want someone who will treat you like shit?
00:33:44No, of course not.
00:33:46I just want...
00:33:49I want someone who, when I lie down at night,
00:33:53I can feel his soul wrap around me.
00:33:56Oh, is that all?
00:33:58And love, romance, mystery, beauty, joy, kids, wild sex, passion.
00:34:02Look, I want someone that won't run away
00:34:05when I show them the ugly parts of myself,
00:34:07the black parts that even I don't like,
00:34:09but they're a part of me.
00:34:12Like some sort of dark brooding James Dean kind of character?
00:34:15No, because I want them to love the other side of myself too.
00:34:20I want them to be able to go anywhere with me,
00:34:23to all the twisted, dark, scary places inside,
00:34:26and to all the loving, kind, caring places.
00:34:30Maybe you're really complex and most guys just aren't.
00:34:33I think everybody's complex inside.
00:34:36I think some people are just better at covering it up.
00:34:41Oh, really?
00:34:42Yeah, I mean, aren't we the most vulnerable
00:34:45when we try and show our true emotions to each other?
00:34:48Isn't that, like, the scariest thing in the world to do?
00:34:52I think it's just easier to live without thinking about these things.
00:34:57I'm doomed. I'm doomed to being alone.
00:35:01I don't want to pretend I don't have these things inside me
00:35:04for the rest of my life.
00:35:06God, you're not doomed.
00:35:08You don't have to pretend you don't have these things inside of you.
00:35:11Just don't get hung up on them. That's all.
00:35:14Well, that's the same thing.
00:35:16No, it isn't.
00:35:18I want the fairy tale.
00:35:21Oh, my God.
00:35:23Not only are you doomed,
00:35:24but you're going to burn in the fires of hell for all eternity
00:35:27just for uttering those pathetic words.
00:35:54I know I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:35:57I said it to myself.
00:35:58I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:35:59I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:00I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:01I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:02I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:03I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:04I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:05I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:06I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:07I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:08I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:09I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:10I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:11I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:12I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:13I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:14I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:15I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:16I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:17I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:18I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:19I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:20I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:21I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:22I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:23I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:24I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:25I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:26I said to them, you know the law, right?
00:36:27I got some flowers.
00:36:56From who?
00:36:57I don't know.
00:36:58Ooh, secret admirer.
00:37:00How mysterious and cowardly.
00:37:03You are doomed, and you want to know why?
00:37:06Because these kinds of things never work out.
00:37:08It always ends up being the most horrible geek that ever existed.
00:37:12And they sent a poem.
00:37:14A poet?
00:37:15A romantic super geek?
00:37:17Sounds like you two are made for each other.
00:37:20What's it say?
00:37:21Okay.
00:37:22It says, the lips of the wind kisses us and sighs.
00:37:32Angels pray to dandelions, small seeds with soft wings.
00:37:37Wow.
00:37:38Yeats.
00:37:39Yeah, and the weird thing is, I've been reading Yeats lately.
00:37:44I figure it must mean something.
00:37:47I wonder who it is.
00:37:50I think it's Bob at the bank.
00:37:52Joanna, Bob got married last month in Hawaii to his boyfriend.
00:37:56Oh, well.
00:37:58Oh, it's gotta be Frank at the coffee shop.
00:38:02Frank's going out with Alvin the hairdresser.
00:38:05What about Mike?
00:38:06Jouster.
00:38:07Are all the good-looking guys in this town gay?
00:38:11Yep.
00:38:12Well, who could it possibly be?
00:38:19Some geek.
00:38:20I don't think so.
00:38:21Well?
00:38:22Well, who?
00:38:25You got me, girl.
00:38:26I didn't think anybody liked you.
00:38:29Oh.
00:38:30Thanks a lot.
00:38:31Give me a break.
00:38:32You know as well as I do, half this town's got a crush on you.
00:38:35It could be anybody.
00:38:37Right.
00:38:39It is some geek.
00:38:42See if you can find out who the florist is.
00:38:44Oh!
00:38:45What about Brian Palmer?
00:38:47Brian the mechanic?
00:38:51Whenever I see him, he always asks me about you.
00:38:54But he's kind of gross.
00:38:57Hey, beggars can't be choosers.
00:38:59Besides, we already know that it'll be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:03Right.
00:39:04Well, look.
00:39:05See if you can find out for me.
00:39:07Absolutely.
00:39:08I'll call you.
00:39:09Okay.
00:39:10Oh, and, uh, Joanna.
00:39:14Maybe it's me.
00:39:15Oh, it has to be you.
00:39:17Why?
00:39:18Because you said it would be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:49Oh.
00:39:50Oh.
00:39:51Oh.
00:39:52Oh.
00:39:53Oh.
00:39:54Oh.
00:39:55Oh.
00:39:56Oh.
00:39:57Oh.
00:39:58Oh.
00:39:59Oh.
00:40:00Oh.
00:40:01Oh.
00:40:02Oh.
00:40:03Oh.
00:40:04Oh.
00:40:05Oh.
00:40:06Oh.
00:40:07Oh.
00:40:08Oh.
00:40:09Oh.
00:40:10Oh.
00:40:11Oh.
00:40:12Oh.
00:40:13Oh.
00:40:14Oh.
00:40:15Oh.
00:40:16Oh.
00:40:17Oh.
00:40:18Oh.
00:40:19Oh.
00:40:20Oh.
00:40:21Oh.
00:40:22Oh.
00:40:23Oh.
00:40:24Oh.
00:40:25Oh.
00:40:26Oh.
00:40:27Oh.
00:40:28Oh.
00:40:29Oh.
00:40:30Oh.
00:40:31Oh.
00:40:32Oh.
00:40:33Oh.
00:40:34Oh.
00:40:35Oh.
00:40:36Oh.
00:40:37Oh.
00:40:38Oh.
00:40:39Oh.
00:40:40Oh.
00:40:41Oh.
00:40:42Oh.
00:40:43Oh.
00:40:44Oh.
00:40:45Oh.
00:40:46Oh.
00:40:47Oh.
00:40:48Oh.
00:40:49Oh.
00:40:50Oh.
00:40:51Oh.
00:40:52Oh.
00:40:53Oh.
00:40:54Oh.
00:40:55Oh.
00:40:56Oh.
00:40:57Oh.
00:40:58Oh.
00:40:59Oh.
00:41:00Oh.
00:41:01Oh.
00:41:02Oh.
00:41:03Oh.
00:41:04Oh.
00:41:05Oh.
00:41:06Oh.
00:41:07Oh.
00:41:08Oh.
00:41:09Oh.
00:41:10Oh.
00:41:11Oh.
00:41:12Oh.
00:41:13Oh.
00:41:14Oh.
00:41:15Oh.
00:41:16Oh.
00:41:17Oh.
00:41:18Oh.
00:41:19Oh.
00:41:20Oh.
00:41:21Oh.
00:41:22Oh.
00:41:23Oh.
00:41:24Oh.
00:41:25Oh.
00:41:26Oh.
00:41:27Oh.
00:41:28Oh.
00:41:29Oh.
00:41:30Oh.
00:41:31Oh.
00:41:32Oh.
00:41:33Oh.
00:41:34Oh.
00:41:35Oh.
00:41:36Oh.
00:41:37Oh.
00:41:38Oh.
00:41:39Oh.
00:41:40Oh.
00:41:41Oh.
00:41:42Oh.
00:41:43Oh.
00:41:44Oh.
00:41:45Oh.
00:41:46Oh.
00:41:47Oh.
00:41:48Where is it?
00:41:49What if I…
00:41:50if I beg, cower, and crawl?
00:41:51Will I find my eight ball?
00:41:56Does she love me?
00:42:00Oh.
00:42:02What a beautiful morning.
00:42:07What am I here for?
00:42:09is my purpose, if not to love.
00:42:17If I'm not loving, am I having any purpose at all?
00:42:20Each moment spent in anger is one lost to the dark gods.
00:42:25It's homage to that which I do not want to be.
00:42:28This is not a thought.
00:42:30This is not speech.
00:42:32This is an exorcism for the demons in my soul.
00:42:36This is an incantation for good.
00:42:41Ah.
00:42:43Mm, lovely bagel.
00:42:50Hi, didn't I tell you to stay away from here?
00:42:53Can't I just finish my bagel and then go?
00:42:55No, I want you out of here now before I call the police.
00:42:58Well, as soon as I'm done with my breakfast,
00:43:00I'll just go on.
00:43:01No, I want you out of here now.
00:43:03Well, I just have a couple more bites.
00:43:06What part of no don't you understand?
00:43:09Well, what part of understanding don't you know?
00:43:17Disposed of old, dead, accomplished by,
00:43:22redeemed from death,
00:43:23it was said she never spoke again.
00:43:32Ah.
00:43:35This is not speech, this is an incantation for good.
00:43:38All over here for good, it's Catholic.
00:43:43Anyway, I miss you guys.
00:43:48I hope everything's okay there, but
00:43:51I guess I'll just,
00:43:54I guess I'll just see you tomorrow.
00:44:01This is the spirit world speaking.
00:44:06This is how the spirits communicate.
00:44:09Little pieces of paper that blow into your feet.
00:44:13They speak always, every second of every day.
00:44:18Not with words, but signs, little hints,
00:44:23directions to taking life.
00:44:27I remember thinking,
00:44:30I remember thinking of going down to that killer car maker,
00:44:34getting a shotgun and going down there and getting them back,
00:44:38getting them all back.
00:44:42Oh, but,
00:44:45I couldn't do it.
00:44:46I was sitting on a park bench and I,
00:44:49I looked up at the streetlight and it winked out,
00:44:52it went black.
00:44:54And I knew,
00:44:56I knew at that moment that that was the way to darkness
00:44:58and that there had to be some way back to the light.
00:45:03I think we all have that,
00:45:05that place in our hearts,
00:45:07that dark place that we keep a step or a block or
00:45:11a million miles away from.
00:45:14But that's the place that allows us to feel the,
00:45:17the tragedies that others have suffered,
00:45:21that you all have suffered.
00:45:26Rosetta, when you died, you were only 12 years old.
00:45:3012 years old.
00:45:32And that place, that dark place, that,
00:45:35that's why we,
00:45:37we turn away from it, we ignore it,
00:45:38because we're just afraid that the pain of others
00:45:41is just gonna overwhelm us.
00:45:45We're afraid it's gonna open up that,
00:45:47that sad black hole that's inside ourselves.
00:45:53But the bagels,
00:45:57the bagels come anyway.
00:45:59Fearless bagel woman, she's come to terms with her darkness.
00:46:03She knows it, she, she lives with it, she nurtures it.
00:46:08Her darkness has given her the gift of her overwhelming
00:46:11compassion and it fuels her inner light.
00:46:16And I know I, I'm a disgusting wreck of a man,
00:46:19I mean, look at me.
00:46:23I'm a loser in a game of life.
00:46:25I have black, bitter darkness inside of me
00:46:27that will never disappear,
00:46:28that no one can ever make disappear.
00:46:32And yet, I know,
00:46:35I'm gonna give to her.
00:46:39I'm gonna tell her of my love for her.
00:46:43Even though I fear it's gonna drive her away,
00:46:49I love her.
00:46:49I love her.
00:46:58She loves me, she loves me not.
00:47:02She loves me, she loves me not.
00:47:08She loves me, she loves me not,
00:47:09she loves me, she loves me not,
00:47:10she loves me, she loves me not,
00:47:12she loves me, she loves me not.
00:47:17She loves me, she loves me not,
00:47:19she loves me, she loves me not,
00:47:21she loves me, she loves me not.
00:47:25She loves me.
00:47:29She loves me.
00:47:32I knew it, I knew it, she loves me.
00:47:50Caught in a Dead End
00:48:04Hello?
00:48:05Hi Laurie, it's Joanna.
00:48:07I got another flower.
00:48:09From the coward, how exciting.
00:48:12Look, did you talk to Brian, is it him?
00:48:16No, um, he, he kind of spent the night here last night.
00:48:21Lori!
00:48:22I'm sorry, hun, I called him to ask him about you
00:48:25and the next thing I knew...
00:48:26I think he's gross, anyway.
00:48:29I knew it wasn't him.
00:48:30How?
00:48:31Because this guy is different.
00:48:35No, I mean, it's weird, but when I lie in bed at night
00:48:40and imagine him with me,
00:48:42I can feel him out there thinking about me.
00:48:46You're fantasizing about this man?
00:48:48Are you crazy?
00:48:50Joanna, you don't even know who this guy is.
00:48:53You're just in love with some fantasy Prince Charming.
00:48:56No, it's not Prince Charming.
00:48:58It's more like the lover from the Marguerite Duraud novel.
00:49:04And why not?
00:49:06Why not fall for the perfect fantasy?
00:49:08Because when the fantasy becomes reality,
00:49:11somebody's gonna get hurt.
00:49:13I'm not gonna get hurt from a secret admirer.
00:49:16I know how these things always resolve themselves.
00:49:19Besides, I need a little fantasy in my life right now.
00:49:23I mean, this is like the perfect guy.
00:49:27He comes to me at night.
00:49:29We have incredible sex.
00:49:31He leaves in the morning
00:49:33and he always puts down the toilet seat.
00:49:36Does he leave the used condoms on the bedroom floor?
00:49:39Ooh, I hate that.
00:49:40No, we don't use condoms.
00:49:44No, but what if you get pregnant?
00:49:45I can't.
00:49:46He uses a secret oriental method of lovemaking
00:49:49which allows him to have an orgasm without ejaculating.
00:49:52Oh my God.
00:49:54Yes, and he can go on forever.
00:49:56I mean, all night.
00:49:58Is he very, well, you know?
00:50:02No, what?
00:50:03Come on.
00:50:04You know.
00:50:07What?
00:50:09What?
00:50:10Does he have a big dick?
00:50:12Like a Redwood.
00:50:17How am I gonna get rid of Brian?
00:50:20Tell him you don't like his car.
00:50:22I wanna get rid of him, not destroy him.
00:50:25Don't you ever get sick of it?
00:50:27What?
00:50:29Running around with all these guys.
00:50:31No.
00:50:36Land the dead.
00:50:42Everyone said that people built a large empire
00:50:45and I said that myself.
00:50:46One of the most ridiculous ideas
00:50:48has been to make a promise to the gods
00:50:50and those who follow it is a short-lived miracle.
00:50:53No, you could never, ever, ever.
00:50:55Heavy dawn is the feathers of a bird
00:50:56that may fly in the water or build a large house
00:50:59and lay in its lair.
00:51:01The birds gather as one, form a diamond,
00:51:03themselves into a flame,
00:51:05succeed as birds,
00:51:07and all of the things that happen in the world
00:51:09should be remembered by just a flaming star
00:51:11and remembered by the planets and the stars.
00:51:14The stars, the timing,
00:51:16the things that follow them on the journey,
00:51:17the stars, the stars, the stars, the stars, the stars.
00:51:20Ha ha ha.
00:51:21Oh.
00:51:23Just, he's all right, buddy, it's all right.
00:51:26I'm not gonna hurt ya.
00:51:28You don't need to bark at me for crying out loud.
00:51:32Oh, boy.
00:51:34I don't know, this.
00:51:37I don't know, it's...
00:51:39Some people say that God's perfect.
00:51:42Is God perfect?
00:51:47I don't know, it just doesn't make any sense.
00:51:50I mean, would a perfect God let a two-year-old child
00:51:53get its legs blown off by a landmine?
00:51:57I read about it in the paper this morning.
00:51:59Out of the dumpster, how could you do that, how?
00:52:02What were you thinking?
00:52:04A two-year-old child for crying out loud.
00:52:08God, you oughta come down here
00:52:09and let somebody teach you a lesson.
00:52:14Sometimes I think you're as bad as I am.
00:52:18It's not my idea of perfection.
00:52:20I mean, even I can think of a more perfect world than that.
00:52:23I don't know, maybe,
00:52:26maybe you're trying to get by just as good as you can.
00:52:29Just like me.
00:52:32Maybe you can't stop all the bad in the world
00:52:33from happening.
00:52:35Maybe you just try to stop it for the people
00:52:37that are trying to do good.
00:52:40I don't mean good by doing things like worshiping
00:52:43and complaining to you or whining and complaining
00:52:46and I gotta have more of this in my life
00:52:49and I don't have enough of that and me, me, me, me, me.
00:52:51No, I mean good by doing good.
00:52:56Maybe we don't have the best God.
00:52:59Maybe you're more like a straight person of God's.
00:53:03Maybe you're more like a bum God, a homeless God
00:53:07where not everything goes quite right for you.
00:53:11Miracles go wrong.
00:53:14I don't know.
00:53:17Yeah, maybe you're not perfect.
00:53:18Maybe you make mistakes.
00:53:21Maybe I need to forgive you, you imperfect God
00:53:24for the mistakes that you've made
00:53:25just like I need to forgive myself.
00:53:30Just like I need to forgive everyone else for theirs.
00:53:55Hello?
00:53:55Hi, Lori, it's Joanna.
00:53:58I finally got something for my secret admirer.
00:54:01Well, I hope it's a name and phone number
00:54:03or maybe like a picture totally nude.
00:54:07No, it's a key.
00:54:09To his apartment?
00:54:10No, a key to a locker in the bus station.
00:54:13Oh my God.
00:54:15How incredibly romantic, exciting and mysterious
00:54:19unless of course inside the locker
00:54:22you find the head of his last victim, Lori.
00:54:25Yeah.
00:54:26Maybe he's like a freako serial killer,
00:54:28the flower petal bus locker stalker
00:54:31who slyly sucks beautiful young women
00:54:33into his soft, sultry web of romantic candy
00:54:36and then chops and hacks them up
00:54:38for all the mean things his mother did to him.
00:54:41No, that was your last victim?
00:54:44Oh yeah.
00:54:46So I'm going down to the bus station.
00:54:49Do you wanna come?
00:54:49No way, what if he's there waiting for you?
00:54:53That's why I want you to come.
00:54:55Well, I would, but I'm going to a concert with Brian.
00:54:58Oh, how's that going?
00:55:00Oh, the man has problems.
00:55:02He is a real fixer-upper.
00:55:05And?
00:55:05And nothing.
00:55:06He's a total dick, but I need to get laid.
00:55:09You mean because he has a dick, you can get laid?
00:55:14Exactly.
00:55:15God, you're such a slut.
00:55:16Hey, what's wrong with that?
00:55:18I don't know, I don't know.
00:55:20Maybe that's just the way to be.
00:55:21Listen, I would trade in my night
00:55:23with Brian the Motorhead for your romantic,
00:55:26exciting locker key any day of the week.
00:55:28Really?
00:55:29Honey, I want the real thing.
00:55:31Love, kids, marriage, all that stuff.
00:55:34We all do.
00:55:36Well, it's about time you admitted it to me.
00:55:40Do you know how hard it is to be
00:55:41the last romantic woman in Boulder?
00:55:44Are you really gonna fuck Brian?
00:55:47No, but he thinks I am.
00:55:49God, you're so bad.
00:55:51I'll call you later.
00:55:52I gotta jet.
00:55:53Okay, bye.
00:56:05I know Jesus.
00:56:07He's a friend of mine, I met him in a pub.
00:56:10It was back when I was drinking, heavily.
00:56:13I looked over, and there he was,
00:56:15sitting there, right at the bar.
00:56:18He was drinking too, he had a glass of wine or something.
00:56:22I said, Jesus Christ, man, am I glad to see you.
00:56:27Man, you would not believe what's been going on around here.
00:56:31Last 2,000 years, they've been fighting wars and such.
00:56:35On TV, they steal money from the meek.
00:56:39They've practically screwed up the whole planet.
00:56:42And you know what the thing is?
00:56:43I mean, I don't really wanna tell you this,
00:56:46but they've been doing it all in your name.
00:56:49I had to tell him, and he just kinda looked at me
00:56:51with these eyes, his eyes were just so full of light
00:56:55and joy, and I kinda looked at him,
00:56:57and his hair was all tangled up,
00:56:59and he was kinda dirty and skinny looking,
00:57:01and looked to me like he'd been living out on the street
00:57:04for, God, all his whole life, probably.
00:57:06And then he says to me,
00:57:10you know, you have no idea what it's like, pal.
00:57:14They are after me every day.
00:57:16They're always on my back.
00:57:17And you know what?
00:57:19Very little of all this impresses me.
00:57:22Very little of it.
00:57:23♪ He came and took my soul away from me ♪
00:57:35Then he mumbled something else,
00:57:37I don't quite remember what it was,
00:57:38and then he said something like,
00:57:40hey, how about sliding me a dollar?
00:57:43He said something like, hey, how about sliding me a dollar
00:57:47so I can get some food?
00:57:49And then he looked into his glass,
00:57:51and he just kinda stared into it for a while,
00:57:53and I just kinda felt my heart sink.
00:57:57And I looked at him, and I said,
00:57:59can't you just make a miracle or something?
00:58:01Save the world from all these wars and everything?
00:58:05And he looked at me, and he goes,
00:58:08don't look at me, pal, I've done all I can.
00:58:11I've been trying to save the world,
00:58:13but how can I change your heart
00:58:14when it's all balled up like a vest?
00:58:17I can't change your mind no matter how much it's been blessed.
00:58:22Well, I'd been drinking for days,
00:58:24and this just kinda pissed me off.
00:58:27So I looked at him, and I said,
00:58:28oh, I see, you're just gonna sit there drinking
00:58:31while we all go straight to hell.
00:58:34You can't tell me that even the Messiah has lost all hope.
00:58:38And then he just kinda twisted his glass,
00:58:42and he turned his head ever so slowly.
00:58:47He took a long stare at me.
00:58:51And he looked at me with those big, round eyes of his,
00:58:54and he says,
00:59:02look, pal, you can buy me a drink,
00:59:05or you can leave me alone, the rest is up to you.
00:59:09And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
00:59:12♪ Hosanna in the highest,
00:59:18♪ Hosanna in the highest,
00:59:25♪ Hosanna in the highest,
00:59:30♪ Hosanna in the highest.
00:59:36♪
01:00:04Hey, Richard, Richard, hey.
01:00:07Hey, how's it going, man?
01:00:08All right, all right, good to see you.
01:00:11Hey, listen, I need some advice.
01:00:15On what?
01:00:17Women, what else?
01:00:19Listen, don't ask me, all right?
01:00:21I haven't a clue what women think.
01:00:22Go ask somebody who's married or in a relationship.
01:00:25You got a relationship?
01:00:27I don't have a relationship.
01:00:28I have a sinking ship.
01:00:30It's close enough.
01:00:31Look, I just need some advice on what to do
01:00:33with the woman that's been giving me the bagels,
01:00:35the bagel woman.
01:00:36Well, have you actually spoken with her yet?
01:00:39No, it's worse than that.
01:00:41How much worse?
01:00:43Well, I think I'm in love with her.
01:00:46You think?
01:00:48Okay, I know I'm in love with her.
01:00:50You're in love with her, with her.
01:00:54I love her.
01:00:55I don't know how she feels about me.
01:00:58Well, have you told her?
01:00:59No, I haven't.
01:01:00No, look at me.
01:01:01I'm afraid what she might think.
01:01:03Let me tell you something, okay?
01:01:05One time I asked somebody for some advice
01:01:07and they gave it to me and I took it.
01:01:09It fucked my whole life up.
01:01:10It fucked it up real.
01:01:12Okay, well, I give you permission to fuck up my life.
01:01:20Well, years later, all right, I came to realize
01:01:24that they were directing those comments to themselves, okay?
01:01:26It was almost like the advice they were giving me
01:01:28were based on what they would have done
01:01:30in the situation that I was in,
01:01:31which is what I think humans do generally.
01:01:33They can't help it.
01:01:35So what do you mean exactly?
01:01:37What do you mean?
01:01:38What do I mean?
01:01:41Okay, like say if I were to ask somebody
01:01:42if I should put avocado on my sandwich, right, okay?
01:01:44And they say, nix the avocado
01:01:45because they're trying to lose weight.
01:01:47Well, maybe I'm trying to gain weight, okay?
01:01:49So they're giving me advice
01:01:50based on what they would have done
01:01:51instead of what I should have done.
01:01:53Okay, so what happened?
01:01:56Well, I did this thing in that situation,
01:01:58which would have been great had they done it,
01:02:00but for me, it wound up being
01:02:01the worst thing that could have transpired, you know?
01:02:03So as a result of that, I wound up being alone,
01:02:06fucked up relationships, all because I bullshitted
01:02:08when I should have told the truth.
01:02:10What bullshit?
01:02:13Well, she was it, George.
01:02:15You know what I'm saying?
01:02:16She was it.
01:02:17All right, and the advice I got was
01:02:18don't tell your lover, man, or you'll scare her off.
01:02:21So I didn't tell her.
01:02:22So she left town and left a note.
01:02:25A note?
01:02:26What'd it say?
01:02:28The note.
01:02:29All right, all right, I got it right here.
01:02:33Hey, that stick of gum, you gonna...
01:02:35No, I need that.
01:02:39Richard, I'll love you forever.
01:02:42Anita.
01:02:46Got a postcard from her a couple years ago.
01:02:48She's living in Minneapolis now.
01:02:50Married, got kids, doing really well.
01:02:53It makes me feel sick even today to think about it, you know?
01:02:57And of course, you know the guy who gave me the advice?
01:02:59Happily fucking married.
01:03:03Anyway, the point is, okay, is that
01:03:05any time anybody wants to give you some advice,
01:03:08I mean, I don't care who it is,
01:03:09it could be a doctor or a lawyer,
01:03:11your therapist or your mother,
01:03:13they're really saying it for themselves.
01:03:16Oh, yeah, right.
01:03:17All right?
01:03:19So tell her you love her is my advice to you.
01:03:23But it doesn't apply to you.
01:03:25So don't take it.
01:03:29Right.
01:03:30Got it.
01:03:32Got it.
01:03:36Got it.
01:03:37You're gonna leave, huh?
01:03:38Yeah, yeah.
01:03:43Hey, you all right?
01:03:45Yeah.
01:03:46You okay?
01:03:47Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
01:03:52Hey, you know, take a shower, though,
01:03:55before, or whatever you do, you know, just...
01:03:58Got it.
01:04:12Love, kindness, joy, bliss,
01:04:18caring self-assurance.
01:04:20These are the things that I was born with.
01:04:23I don't need to follow some guru or religion
01:04:27in order to find spiritual bliss.
01:04:30These things are inside of me
01:04:32every second of every day.
01:04:35I just happen to be covered up
01:04:36with a layer of crap right at the moment.
01:04:40I just need to stop.
01:04:41I just need to stop and get down under these layers
01:04:44and uncover that hidden self down on the inside.
01:04:48Yeah.
01:04:49It's just all this crap, all these bad thoughts,
01:04:52these inappropriate actions,
01:04:54these inappropriate thinking patterns.
01:04:58It's not like we were all born perfect
01:05:01and then we had to go discover a course in miracles
01:05:04or become a Scientologist
01:05:07or spend 100 years on a mountaintop meditating.
01:05:12No.
01:05:14No.
01:05:16No, no, no.
01:05:19I think we came into this world as far more perfect beings.
01:05:24Yeah.
01:05:27And it's not something that exists out there.
01:05:30I don't have to go somewhere else to go find it.
01:05:33No, it's right here.
01:05:35It's right here inside of me.
01:05:36I just need to get all that crap out.
01:05:39Just pour it out.
01:05:40Just spew it out of my mouth.
01:05:44Just get rid of it until I'm clean on the inside.
01:05:49Get down to that hidden perfection
01:05:50that's buried deep down inside of me
01:05:53and let it rise to the surface of my heart
01:05:56and heal myself.
01:05:58That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:01That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:03It's all down deep inside of us now.
01:06:06I can feel it.
01:06:07We're perfect on the inside.
01:06:08I mean, you know that, don't you?
01:06:10I know.
01:06:11Yeah, you know.
01:06:13Everybody knows.
01:06:15Every time you see that birdman-like water
01:06:17swirling around in a trance,
01:06:18it means you're inside.
01:06:20It's gathering its muscles.
01:06:21It's aromatizing.
01:06:22It's self-control.
01:06:23It's making decisions for you.
01:06:25It's making decisions.
01:06:26You're right.
01:06:28I hope this is the right decision.
01:06:32This is who I am, my friend.
01:06:36I hope you like me.
01:06:41She's not going to like me.
01:06:42What am I thinking?
01:06:43She's...
01:06:44I can't believe this.
01:06:46This is crazy.
01:06:48Oh, God.
01:06:50What if she wouldn't like me?
01:06:53I've got to stick it under here.
01:06:55Put it under here.
01:06:58Yeah.
01:07:04She's not going to like me.
01:07:07Hey!
01:07:09What are you doing?
01:07:11Oh, I was just going to put something
01:07:13into your mailbox.
01:07:15You've been leaving me things?
01:07:17Yeah.
01:07:18Yeah.
01:07:19You left me the flowers and the key?
01:07:23Yeah.
01:07:25Oh, my God.
01:07:26What was I thinking?
01:07:28Of course.
01:07:29Of course it would be someone like you.
01:07:31No offense, but you're not exactly someone
01:07:33I can fall in love with, you know.
01:07:36What is wrong with you?
01:07:37What were you thinking?
01:07:39Well, you just left me those bagels.
01:07:42I leave stray dogs biscuits,
01:07:45and I don't expect them to start following me.
01:07:48You can't do this anymore.
01:07:50You have got to leave me alone.
01:07:53I just wanted to thank you.
01:07:55Oh, are you crazy?
01:07:57My God, my girlfriend said you'd be some kind of psycho.
01:08:00What is wrong with you?
01:08:02You've got bodies in your freezer.
01:08:05I mean, have you ever killed anybody?
01:08:07How did you know?
01:08:09I just love my wife and my child so much.
01:08:13Look, you don't love me.
01:08:16You got that?
01:08:17You don't love me, and I don't love you,
01:08:20and I never will love you.
01:08:22You had better leave,
01:08:23and you had better leave me alone,
01:08:25and you had better not come back here.
01:08:27You got that?
01:08:28I'm going inside,
01:08:29and I'm going to call the police,
01:08:31and if you ever come back here,
01:08:33I'm going to have you arrested,
01:08:35and I'm having a restraining order put on you,
01:08:38so stay out of my mailbox
01:08:42and my garbage.
01:08:44You don't understand.
01:08:46I just wanted to thank you for the bagels.
01:08:48I won't come back if you don't want me to.
01:08:51I just talk too much.
01:08:54I just talk too much, that's all.
01:08:56Well, now you know.
01:08:57Now you know I'm a complete and utter bitch,
01:09:00and I hate you,
01:09:02so get the fuck away from me.
01:09:04You disgust me.
01:09:06You disgust me to the very core of my being.
01:09:18You disgust me.
01:09:21You disgust me to the very core of my being.
01:09:24You disgust me.
01:09:26You just look at me,
01:09:28and you look at me.
01:09:30You look at me.
01:09:32Look at me.
01:09:34Look at me.
01:09:37I'm almost done.
01:09:42I'm going to kill you.
01:09:44I'm going to kill you.
01:09:46I know that I have no place.
01:09:58That's the thing about war and peace.
01:10:03never allowed...
01:10:05to look from the sky.
01:10:07I don't know.
01:10:12It used to be this way.
01:10:14It used to be this way.
01:10:16I didn't want it to be this way.
01:10:21Is there any hope?
01:10:24Oh!
01:10:27Is there hope?
01:10:33Very doubtful.
01:10:41Is there love?
01:10:43Goodness?
01:10:45Kindness?
01:10:47Oh, I look not so good.
01:10:53But I believed in these things.
01:10:56I know they exist.
01:10:58I know they do.
01:11:00For some.
01:11:03For the lucky ones.
01:11:07But not for me!
01:11:11It only exists for those who still believe.
01:11:15To reach out.
01:11:17To have some.
01:11:18To grab your pitiful hand.
01:11:20I thought that love would come.
01:11:22I thought that I would find it again.
01:11:24I thought that I felt it.
01:11:26But no.
01:11:27I only felt the hope of it.
01:11:29Belonging of it.
01:11:31I thought that something or somebody was watching over me.
01:11:36And now I know that there is.
01:11:38But not something benevolent and kind.
01:11:41Not something wonderful and caring.
01:11:43But something malevolent and vindictive.
01:11:45Something sour and cold.
01:11:47Back when I had love and a child.
01:11:50Back before I killed them and let myself be washed over by the flames of hell.
01:11:56Then I thought I was dead.
01:11:58But I had not died.
01:12:00But I was dead.
01:12:02And only I could will myself back to life.
01:12:05The flames which I alone allowed to consume and torture me.
01:12:09I could not forgive good or God.
01:12:12Or good spirits.
01:12:14Or the Tao.
01:12:15Or karma.
01:12:17Or Buddha.
01:12:18Or Yahweh.
01:12:19Or Mary.
01:12:20Or whoever it is that you pray to.
01:12:24For all the good it had given me.
01:12:26I could not forgive it for taking away so much in such a cruel and senseless manner.
01:12:33Was it just me and an evil act of evil self-intent?
01:12:37What possessed me?
01:12:38How can I forgive myself and God for allowing it?
01:12:42Yet I do.
01:12:43I do forgive Him in my thoughts.
01:12:47But when?
01:12:48When will this sink down in the very depths of my soul?
01:12:51And stay there nurturing me?
01:12:54And become a part of me?
01:12:56Why is it so easy?
01:12:58To forgive in the brain?
01:13:00In the mind?
01:13:01In the intellect?
01:13:02To forgive in the heart?
01:13:04Where the darkness dwells?
01:13:06With their sticks and their jabbing knives tearing me apart?
01:13:14I have every right.
01:13:15I have every right to be angry.
01:13:18I have every right to be angry.
01:13:22I have every right to be angry.
01:13:28But do I?
01:13:30Do I want to be?
01:13:52I want to be.
01:14:22Om.
01:14:24Om.
01:14:26Om.
01:14:28Om.
01:14:30Om.
01:14:32Om.
01:14:34Om.
01:14:36Om.
01:14:38Om.
01:14:40Om.
01:14:42Om.
01:14:44Om.
01:14:46Om.
01:14:48Om.
01:14:50Om.
01:14:52Om.
01:14:54Om.
01:14:56Om.
01:15:04Pure space.
01:15:10Pure space.
01:15:15Pure space.
01:15:18I was driving home one night with my family.
01:15:22And I swerved to avoid hitting a dog.
01:15:26And, uh, it rolled over.
01:15:32And I killed him.
01:15:34I killed my family.
01:15:36Mighty I am.
01:15:40Mighty in dwelling come.
01:15:45Mighty I am.
01:15:49Mighty in dwelling come.
01:15:55I'm sorry.
01:16:15I'm sorry.
01:16:17I just, I wanted to apologize for the other day.
01:16:22I'm sorry.
01:16:24Oh.
01:16:26I'm, I'm not gonna yell at you anymore.
01:16:33Oh.
01:16:35Um.
01:16:37Do you need to be alone?
01:16:39I can go.
01:16:40No, no.
01:16:41Uh, that's okay.
01:16:43I wanted you to meet my wife and child.
01:16:48Well, they wanted to meet you.
01:16:51I actually think it's pretty weird me introducing you to my wife and child that are dead out in the middle of a graveyard.
01:17:01I just wanted their approval for what I, I guess I don't really know.
01:17:09I must just be crazy.
01:17:12No.
01:17:14No, you're not crazy.
01:17:19I'm not?
01:17:21No.
01:17:23You, you just need to be loved.
01:17:32So do I.
01:17:35Uh.
01:17:39I don't know what to say.
01:17:41Um.
01:17:44Well.
01:17:47You look really nice.
01:17:50Um.
01:17:53Why don't we go get a bagel?
01:17:55Do you, do you want to get a bagel?
01:17:57Come on.
01:17:58My treat.
01:18:00Let's go.
01:18:02It's really peaceful here, huh?
01:18:04And look at all these sleeping bodies.
01:18:07I wonder if they're having pleasant dreams.
01:18:10I bet they are.
01:18:12I've never seen you in a place like this.
01:18:15I hope that when I die, I have the safest place in the world.
01:18:21I've never seen you in a place like this.
01:18:27What about walking on humans?
01:18:30I bet some of them are.
01:18:36I don't know.
01:18:38I don't know.
01:18:40I don't know.
01:18:42I don't know.
01:18:44I don't know.
01:18:46I don't know.
01:18:48I don't know.
01:18:50I don't know.
01:18:52I don't know.
01:18:54I don't know.
01:18:56I don't know.
01:18:58I don't know.
01:19:00I don't know.
01:19:02I don't know.
01:19:04I don't know.
01:19:06I don't know.
01:19:08I don't know.
01:19:10I don't know.
01:19:12I don't know.
01:19:14I don't know.
01:19:16I don't know.
01:19:18I don't know.
01:19:20I don't know.
01:19:22I don't know.
01:19:24I don't know.
01:19:26I don't know.
01:19:28I don't know.
01:19:30I don't know.
01:19:32I don't know.
01:19:34I don't know.
01:19:36I don't know.
01:19:38A happy child in the eyes that know all things.
01:19:47Take a walk in a world where freedom rings.
01:19:57Hear that inner sound, we're going home
01:20:09Blue and green and brown, going home
01:20:17Make a sound in the land where no one sings
01:20:28Plant a seed in the ground where all life springs
01:20:34Rock a child in the arms that love embraces
01:20:40Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:20:47Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:20:53Hold you close as we soar on our
01:20:57Glide on our ancient wings
01:21:16Turn this bird around, we're going home
01:21:31Turn this bird around, we're going home
01:21:38We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going,
01:21:45we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going,
01:21:52we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going,
01:21:57we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going,
01:22:01we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going,
01:22:06we're going, we're going, we're going, we're going.