The Three Badasses Who Want Me Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives in Atlanta today.
00:00:09What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:14Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:18If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:24Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:26What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls, if you can't even
00:00:29apply it to your penniless self?
00:00:32And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:36Alright, everybody get out!
00:00:39We got an important guest coming!
00:00:43You!
00:00:48You deaf?
00:00:49I said pack up and scram!
00:00:50I paid the stall fee already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have to compensate
00:00:56for today's losses.
00:00:58You want to say that again?
00:01:02You know who's visiting today?
00:01:04Ellen freakin' Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:07Ellen Musk?
00:01:08Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:11Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:15Really?
00:01:16Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:21You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:25Ha ha ha, coming to see you?
00:01:28Alright, you know what, I'll play your game.
00:01:31If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:38Deal.
00:01:47Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes, or else, you're fired.
00:01:55Hmm.
00:02:11Prepare the limo, Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:21Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:24Good, hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:27Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:38Ellen, uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:48How's my boss pitch?
00:02:50Kick an ass, girlfriend.
00:02:51So, how do you, like...
00:02:54She's my boss?
00:02:56Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:01No way.
00:03:05Well?
00:03:10No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:12No, I won't do it again.
00:03:16Alright, that's enough.
00:03:18We're not tyrants here.
00:03:20Alright.
00:03:26Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:34You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:36The runaway bride.
00:03:39You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:44Who are you?
00:03:47Where is she?
00:03:49Atlanta.
00:03:50And you were right.
00:03:51It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:54My clever bride.
00:03:56I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:02Max, prep the jet.
00:04:05I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:10Dr. Wilson, Kevin Sterling's on the move.
00:04:12He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:14Atlanta?
00:04:15The game is afoot.
00:04:16I'm going.
00:04:17Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:04:18The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:20He can wait.
00:04:21I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:26Dr. Wilson!
00:04:33General Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:04:36Kevin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:39Atlanta!
00:04:41Where is that?
00:04:43Whatever.
00:04:44Prepare my warplane.
00:04:46I will soon bring you after my fiancée.
00:04:48This is war.
00:04:54No.
00:05:05I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:11Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:13This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:16That project is worth billions.
00:05:18He can finally take his company public.
00:05:20But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:30Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:35Well, three years ago...
00:05:46You saved me.
00:06:03He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:07I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:12But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:20So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:23I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:28But why work at the flea market?
00:06:31Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:34Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:40Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:44You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:50Where the hell are you?
00:06:52Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:55Get home, stat.
00:06:57It's a big day today.
00:06:59That was...
00:07:01My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:07:03She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower class family.
00:07:06But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:12You know, she even remembered our 30 year anniversary.
00:07:20Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:24Hi, I'm home.
00:07:26I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:29Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:34Divorce papers?
00:07:36Is this some sort of misunderstanding, mom?
00:07:40God, don't call me mom again.
00:07:44We're ending that relationship.
00:07:46Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:49You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:51You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:55I'm below his league?
00:07:57That's right. You are.
00:08:00Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:07And then his company's going public.
00:08:09That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:12But you? You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:08:17Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:08:20And you?
00:08:22You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:25Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:28Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:31But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:34You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:38How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:44Resorting to lies. Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:48And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:54You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:08:59Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:02Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:04Enough!
00:09:06Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:10But I am.
00:09:12Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:15Here's 500K.
00:09:17You'll never make as much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:21Now sign the papers, take a check, and leave.
00:09:24Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:27I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:32Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:35Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:38Fine. Here's another 200,000.
00:09:42500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:45She's done nothing.
00:09:47Hasn't even contributed anything.
00:09:48Hasn't done nothing.
00:09:50Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:52She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:55Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:09:59I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:03You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:08And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:12A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:16What a joke.
00:10:18If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:23And leave!
00:10:26You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:31Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:33I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:37Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:44It's all my work!
00:10:47Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:55You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:00So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:04She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:08Fine.
00:11:10I'll sign it.
00:11:12But don't regret it.
00:11:13Regret?
00:11:15Do I know who I am?
00:11:17Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:21I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:25Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:31Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:11:34It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:39You can't do shit.
00:11:41You can't do shit.
00:11:43Because you're poor.
00:11:45Social stratum matters.
00:11:47Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:50And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:54And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:11:59Ha! You're delusional!
00:12:02Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:08You owe me.
00:12:09You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:18You hit me.
00:12:22Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:39I don't need your penny money.
00:12:44We're finished.
00:12:46You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:49Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:52But I would like my ring back.
00:12:55I don't want it.
00:12:57Have fun on your economy flight
00:13:01while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:09And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:16Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:20It's one of my favorite rings.
00:13:22Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:26It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:29Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:33Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:35You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:41Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:46Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:53Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:56Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:01Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:16Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:22Vanderbilt?
00:14:23Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:14:26Basically, our employee.
00:14:27Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:30You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:14:31But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:34That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:46Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:14:51Who is he?
00:14:53That? That's Devin Sterling.
00:14:56He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises,
00:15:03and the CEO of the company that I'm working for.
00:15:06I see.
00:15:08I'm sorry.
00:15:10He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:17Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:19And he's your fiancé.
00:15:23What? My fiancé?
00:15:26The one and only.
00:15:28So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:34have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:37Babe?
00:15:38Hmm.
00:15:45That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:51What is she doing here?
00:15:56You skank! My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:03Divorced?
00:16:05That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:11Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:15So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:19Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:26How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:30Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:33Do you know who I am?
00:16:35They don't know who you are.
00:16:38You hide it well.
00:16:40X-Team!
00:16:42Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:45Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:51Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:56You forgot to bring the security team.
00:16:58Hmm.
00:17:03Mind if I, uh, borrow your men?
00:17:06Go ahead.
00:17:10Toss these ill-mannered apes out!
00:17:13You bitch! I'll have my son teach you a real lesson!
00:17:23A kiss as a reward, my lady?
00:17:27No.
00:17:34Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:38You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:43Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:46Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:48Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:52I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:54That's worth billions of dollars. Congrats. You'll be next.
00:17:58Thank you. But we haven't received the contract yet. We deserve it.
00:18:02Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:05Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:08So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:12Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:18:14Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:18Yes. I've heard they're a very important and powerful gift.
00:18:23Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:26Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:35I'll do my best.
00:18:41Excuse me.
00:18:42A second, gentlemen.
00:18:44What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:48How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:51Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:56You sleep your way in?
00:18:58I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:01Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:04Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:08This is your ex-husband?
00:19:12What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:15Who the hell is this? You were cheating on me?
00:19:17You were cheating on me?
00:19:30Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:34That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:39They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:47You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:52Get your hands off of her!
00:19:58My lady.
00:20:00My queen.
00:20:01My lady.
00:20:17My queen.
00:20:19My queen.
00:20:30It's...
00:20:32It's him!
00:20:34He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:38Who are these peasants?
00:20:40These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:44Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:46You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:50You fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:52That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:54You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:57His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:01This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:04Vanderbilt.
00:21:06The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:11who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:15That?
00:21:17Only Vanderbilt family?
00:21:24Oh, goddammit, a stomachache now?
00:21:31Whatever.
00:21:33Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:45How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:48I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett,
00:21:50the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:53I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:21:58And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:02Not with me around.
00:22:04I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:09You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:12You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:15We've had enough of your games.
00:22:17Security!
00:22:19Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:22Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:25But don't worry.
00:22:27You got new money.
00:22:30I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:33Yes, my queen.
00:22:35You're all despicable.
00:22:38An insult to your family name.
00:22:40An insult to your family names.
00:22:45Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:48Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:51Cut off all business ties.
00:22:54And if you don't,
00:22:56I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:01I knew it!
00:23:03You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:05You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:07How much money did you spend on that getup?
00:23:09To hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:12You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:16You have nothing.
00:23:18And you will always be nothing.
00:23:20She's a gold digger.
00:23:22Gold digger?
00:23:24Gigolo.
00:23:26Want to try me for a night?
00:23:28Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:30Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:34They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:36Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:38She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:41Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:43Security!
00:23:49Security!
00:23:51You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:54And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:56You!
00:23:59Insolent fools.
00:24:01Let me guess.
00:24:03You're that special guest?
00:24:05I don't know.
00:24:07Throw them out!
00:24:09And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:17You can back down, Max.
00:24:22I got this.
00:24:35Hey!
00:24:50What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:52I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:54No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:57Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:25:05Angela!
00:25:07Don't hurt her!
00:25:09You bitch.
00:25:11I've always been sick of you.
00:25:13You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:15How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:17Boss?
00:25:19Did she say her boss?
00:25:21Miss Musk?
00:25:23That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:25That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:27My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:29Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:32Past the American Revolution?
00:25:33Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:35If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:38That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:40She's royalty.
00:25:42And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:45What the hell did you do?
00:25:47Kneel to me!
00:25:49Oh!
00:25:51Your Majesty!
00:25:53Welcome to the United States.
00:25:55We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:25:57Yes, your highness.
00:25:59Is it queen or princess?
00:26:01It doesn't matter.
00:26:03As my queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:06We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:08Hey, what are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:10Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:23What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:24What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:43She's a badass herself.
00:26:45He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:47You! You!
00:26:49You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:52Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:55No! No! Don't believe their lies.
00:26:57I worked hard for everything.
00:26:59You worked for everything?
00:27:05Hi, Henry.
00:27:07So, our 30th anniversary is coming up.
00:27:10And I thought that maybe we can do something special this year?
00:27:13I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:15I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project.
00:27:18And if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:20Ugh.
00:27:26You were nothing before me.
00:27:29All your achievements.
00:27:31All your glory.
00:27:33That's all mine.
00:27:35Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:37I can take all of that away.
00:27:40Just like that.
00:27:42No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:44So that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:48Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:51Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:53It was Queen Victoria's.
00:27:55And it's worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:03Oh, no.
00:28:05I gave you back the ring?
00:28:07I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:09No!
00:28:11No, please!
00:28:13No!
00:28:15No, please take me back, baby!
00:28:17I still love you!
00:28:22Oh, man.
00:28:24Looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:26No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:34God, these two again.
00:28:36Did he say...
00:28:38Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:40President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:42After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:44each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals.
00:28:47The highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:49Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:51Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:28:53I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:55Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:00And that there is...
00:29:02That is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:06He's Dr. House's protege!
00:29:08Dr. House?
00:29:10I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:12Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:29:14Yep, that's me.
00:29:15Dr. House?
00:29:17He's practically my uncle.
00:29:19I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:22So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 months.
00:29:27And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:35Hey, Ellen.
00:29:37Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:39Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:29:42What?
00:29:44Fiancées?
00:29:46Plural?
00:29:48Fiancées?
00:29:49Plural?
00:29:51Watch it, nerds!
00:29:53I'm her fiancée!
00:29:54No, I'm her fiancée!
00:29:56You can both shut up!
00:29:57I'm her fiancée!
00:29:59It's you!
00:30:00It's me!
00:30:01Who the hell is he?
00:30:02I'm Spider-Man!
00:30:04How are all three of these men my fiancée?
00:30:08Your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:15She has three badass fiancées and she marries his dumbass?
00:30:22Whatever.
00:30:23Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:28Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:33At your service!
00:30:35Me too.
00:30:38Oh!
00:30:41One down, two more to go.
00:30:43She's become queen!
00:30:44Bishop to G4.
00:30:49Ow!
00:30:50Ow!
00:30:51Ow!
00:30:52What is that?
00:30:53The most German-festing water in the Nile River.
00:30:56Ah!
00:30:59Rook to A8.
00:31:05Hello?
00:31:07I thought I was king!
00:31:08No, you wish.
00:31:10The king doesn't do anything, so Alan can be my king.
00:31:14Oh, fine.
00:31:18Bankrupt to four.
00:31:19It's right this second.
00:31:25I...
00:31:27I've been bankrupt!
00:31:29No!
00:31:31Who is he?
00:31:37I've been bankrupt!
00:31:38No!
00:31:40I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:45Well, guess what?
00:31:46Game over.
00:31:47Alright, boys.
00:31:49Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:51Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:53I'm right with you!
00:31:55Wait for me!
00:31:57Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:32:07Angela!
00:32:11You already have three fiancés?
00:32:14You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:16I...
00:32:18want compensation.
00:32:21You greedy SOB.
00:32:23Who the fuck is that?
00:32:24My ex-husband.
00:32:26Wait.
00:32:27You were married?
00:32:28Yeah.
00:32:29And if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:33More for me.
00:32:34No, no.
00:32:35Of course not.
00:32:36Just...
00:32:37Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:40Don't steal my joke.
00:32:41I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:43All the evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:47What?
00:32:48Is there something on my face?
00:32:49Uh, yeah.
00:32:50Murderous intent.
00:32:52Let's remarry.
00:32:54Let's remarry.
00:32:56You still don't realize.
00:32:59I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:06I'm sorry.
00:33:29Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:31We need to wreck right away.
00:33:33Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:37Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:41She should be okay now.
00:33:46Hey, you!
00:33:48Watch over here.
00:33:49I'll be right back.
00:33:58You saved me.
00:34:00Fuck.
00:34:01I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:05Fuck.
00:34:06I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:08You've cheated on me.
00:34:10You've hit me.
00:34:11And you've insulted me.
00:34:13And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:17I fucking hate you.
00:34:20Little lady, lock her up.
00:34:22God, what now?
00:34:24Oh, yes.
00:34:25We understand that you are...
00:34:27Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:34:30but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:34How about us three?
00:34:36Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:40Yeah, no.
00:34:41You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:43But...
00:34:45This is your fault, you doofus!
00:34:46We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:49No.
00:34:50No.
00:34:51We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockhearts.
00:34:56Oh, help me!
00:34:58I'll get you for this!
00:35:06I never should have listened to you!
00:35:07I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:23So, what's the situation here?
00:35:25I want to marry you!
00:35:35I want to marry you!
00:35:38Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:35:42and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:45But what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:51Much longer?
00:35:55Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:36:04My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:07Look, your mother and I are in Italy!
00:36:09The views here are absolutely stunning!
00:36:12Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:14I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking,
00:36:19three-letter husband of yours.
00:36:22I can't call his name, but...
00:36:24Anyway, congratulations!
00:36:26I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:32You must pick one of them to marry, otherwise...
00:36:35Let me do it.
00:36:37You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:40Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:44Mom!
00:36:46Alright, honey, that's it.
00:36:48Bye!
00:36:49Bye!
00:36:52So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:57Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:02Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:08That seems greedy.
00:37:15But I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:19Hey!
00:37:20I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:23I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:28Well, okay.
00:37:29No murder, please, I was just kidding.
00:37:34You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:37It's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:39I know.
00:37:40We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:44Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:37:49Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:53What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:57You'll see.
00:38:06Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:38:08All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:11And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:16What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single woman,
00:38:21but screaming her head off, heiress?
00:38:31Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:34It's up to the final two.
00:38:46Oh my god.
00:39:01That is sick, Cole.
00:39:02Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield,
00:39:05you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:09There are two more left.
00:39:10Wanna try one?
00:39:11Oh my god, no, no!
00:39:14Oh my god, save me.
00:39:16Save you? You're gonna save me!
00:39:21I'm a German folk doctor.
00:39:23These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:25They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:28Oh my god.
00:39:43Thank god you're here.
00:39:46Are you alright, honey?
00:39:49Angela!
00:39:52Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward,
00:39:55you get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:57Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:00I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:08Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:12At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:40:14I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:18The cockroaches!
00:40:19They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:21There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:24I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:32I need a drink.
00:40:41Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:45Why do you care?
00:40:47I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:49You guys were right.
00:40:52I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:55You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:01He never even loved me.
00:41:03And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:09Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:14You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:20What?
00:41:24You're number one here.
00:41:32You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:36Lies.
00:41:39You are responsible.
00:41:40Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:45But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:41:52I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:41:54I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:01I just need you.
00:42:03I just need you.
00:42:05I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:08I promise.
00:42:20Screw the contest.
00:42:22I just want love.
00:42:25Angela.
00:42:27Angela.
00:42:29Angela.
00:42:31Angela.
00:42:33Angela.
00:42:35You're drunk.
00:42:37I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:40Okay.
00:42:46But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:50Oh, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:43:02This is what you want.
00:43:05Okay.
00:43:30Nine inch penis.
00:43:32Morning to you too.
00:43:33You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:36A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:43:41Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:44But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:47Because then they would...
00:43:49Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:51Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:54I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:44:01Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:07You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:11It's not...
00:44:14Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:18I won't tell.
00:44:21But only on one condition.
00:44:24I won't tell.
00:44:27But only on one condition.
00:44:29You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:32Fine.
00:44:36I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:40You never noticed me.
00:44:46You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:51It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:44:54I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:55Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancée be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:02Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:04Or shall I say, roughmen?
00:45:06Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:08What's up, guys?
00:45:10We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:12No cockroaches this time.
00:45:14Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:18This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:20I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:22The second challenge is...
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26A date.
00:45:28Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:45:30A date? That's it.
00:45:32What's the catch?
00:45:34No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:37As simple as that.
00:45:39I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:41Okay. Who's up first? Then...
00:45:43Me. Save the best for last.
00:45:45Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:47Then it's decided.
00:45:48Please, don't take my BMW away.
00:45:51Too bad.
00:45:53You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:45:55I have nothing left.
00:46:05It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:11It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:15It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:17It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:24Do you know Eisenhower, sir?
00:46:26At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:28This is my lieutenant. He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:31Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:46:33He's so serious. But hang on.
00:46:36Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:46:39Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:44Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:47Yes. Murder weapons.
00:47:08You like my guns, babe?
00:47:10Pretty rock hard.
00:47:12Yeah.
00:47:14Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:15Lieutenant, come close.
00:47:18Wait. You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:22Fighting back would be treason, ma'am.
00:47:24Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:47:27Look, you Lockhart bitch. I caught you.
00:47:30If I'm going down, you're all going down with me.
00:47:33Lieutenant, finish your attack.
00:47:35Finish your attack.
00:47:48You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:52I will make you pay.
00:47:56You don't need to keep beating him up. We can just take him to the cops.
00:47:59Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:48:05He's always a bit violent. Some might call it being protective.
00:48:09Poor anger issues.
00:48:11What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:15Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:18Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:20I don't know if I am.
00:48:23Well, maybe shame will be your type.
00:48:28Your date with shame starts now.
00:48:35Hey.
00:48:38Cool ride.
00:48:40A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:43Impressive.
00:48:47Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:50Refreshing.
00:48:52I got cool mint, too.
00:48:54Or do you prefer Spearmint?
00:48:57What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:00Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:49:03So, where are you taking me to?
00:49:05Let me show you.
00:49:13Dr. Wilson!
00:49:15Our VIP of VIPs!
00:49:17Right this way.
00:49:19VIP of VIPs?
00:49:21Ah, just some other guy I saved. I forget who.
00:49:24You saved a lot of people.
00:49:26I do what I can.
00:49:27Oh my gosh.
00:49:29It's my gold digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:33Sandra Miller.
00:49:35What are you doing here?
00:49:37I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:39Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:41and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:46Hello, of you.
00:49:48What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:50Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:52I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high end
00:49:55you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:49:59The auction begins.
00:50:01I'll deal with you later.
00:50:04Here, I'll just be outside.
00:50:11Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:16Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:19Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:21Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:25For five million dollars.
00:50:28Excuse me.
00:50:30I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:33It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:35I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:38It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:40What are you doing?
00:50:42Just watch.
00:50:48That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:51Please. I'm an expert in not to fake.
00:50:53She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:56You work at a flea market?
00:50:57Not this again.
00:50:59Cut the bullshit. That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:02Oh yeah? Here, you want it? For free.
00:51:05Ew. I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:10Well, that's too bad then because you are the fraud.
00:51:15What are you talking about? Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:19Throw them out.
00:51:21Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine, but we're professionals.
00:51:26Oh yeah? And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:31Yeah. Mine is the real thing.
00:51:34You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:39Why is that so?
00:51:41When a so-called expert failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:44Dear Lord.
00:51:46This is real.
00:51:48It's authentic.
00:51:49It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:54Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:57Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me? It's a replica.
00:52:03They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:06So, you are the fraud.
00:52:10You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:13And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:17150.
00:52:19Wow. Not even five dollars. Sandra.
00:52:23You've been duping us the whole time? Arrest her!
00:52:28No! Please! This is my time! Please!
00:52:32What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:34Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:52:39Black Callista from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:49I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:52Me too. May I have a kiss?
00:53:10Something wrong?
00:53:12Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:13Yep. You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:25Oh. You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:31I don't have any money.
00:53:33How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:36I don't know.
00:53:38I don't have any money.
00:53:40How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:42I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:53:49Stop!
00:53:53Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:57Mr. Buffett.
00:54:02This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:05That's right. Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:09I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:12I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:15Sorry about those injuries from earlier. It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:21Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:23And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:29Angela still loves me. She's just throwing a fit. She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:33Yeah. Do you need any help winning her back? We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:38I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:44It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:47Sure. I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:51I just need...
00:54:52Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:55Once I take everything from these idiots, I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:03I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper just like you asked me to.
00:55:07Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:10Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:13I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:15That contract has a preliminary clause. It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:21And if he can't, then what?
00:55:23He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:25So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:28I'm avenging myself.
00:55:30I'm avenging myself.
00:55:32I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:34I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:44I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:47We should celebrate.
00:55:49You did? You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:52That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:56And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:55:58Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:03What?
00:56:05You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:08Oh, no, no, no. He's not.
00:56:10Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:12You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:15It's my decision, Mom. I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:19I'm telling my dad.
00:56:21Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:24If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as a side piece.
00:56:27But if not, you can scram.
00:56:29Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:33Teach him a lesson.
00:56:35Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:37Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:40Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:42We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:44So do as he says.
00:56:46What? Dad?
00:56:54I'm sorry.
00:56:56Be your side piece.
00:56:58Very good. I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:01Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:05I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:10But that tongue action, though.
00:57:12Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:57:15Carly, we aren't in public.
00:57:17It's true.
00:57:19Stomachache. Again?
00:57:21I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:22Be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:25Devin's late.
00:57:27Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:31This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:36It's her.
00:57:38And she's alone. With no one to save her.
00:57:42You whore. You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:46Let me tell you.
00:57:48I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:55Hey, you guys can fight all you want.
00:57:57But you need to take this somewhere else.
00:57:59Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:02What? Why do I have to leave?
00:58:04She's the one starting shit.
00:58:06Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:08You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:10And my son just signed a $100,000 contract.
00:58:13He still got the contract?
00:58:15Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:17Even if he does sign it,
00:58:19he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:22Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:24Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:27Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:32You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:37I'm not going to do it.
00:58:39I'm not going to do it.
00:58:41I'm not going to do it.
00:58:43My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:45$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:48$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:51$5,000 to beat her away.
00:58:57Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
00:58:59Ow! Hey!
00:59:03You okay? Are you hurt?
00:59:09Weakling.
00:59:11You, just a few days ago,
00:59:13you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:16And now you have two more?
00:59:18What a whore.
00:59:20What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah, and Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:24What if she has an STD?
00:59:26Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:30Let's go.
00:59:32We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:34Hang on.
00:59:36What do you want?
00:59:38I'll scream.
00:59:40But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:44But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:46I said I don't kill women.
00:59:48Oh, God.
00:59:50He is a murderer.
00:59:52What if he murders me?
00:59:54Not him. Definitely not him.
00:59:59We're not afraid of you.
01:00:01That's enough.
01:00:03This isn't a war zone.
01:00:05You'll be removed from being a five-star general
01:00:07if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:08I was just messing with them.
01:00:10Was he, though?
01:00:12We're not afraid of you.
01:00:14Jared, you have to avenge us.
01:00:16Look at this slut.
01:00:18She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:20She's cheating on you.
01:00:22Don't get back with her.
01:00:24Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:26I apologize for this scene.
01:00:28I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately
01:00:30so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:36The potty crashes.
01:00:38You have any idea who that is?
01:00:40That's my wife.
01:00:42We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:44That's right.
01:00:46Know your place.
01:00:48Shut up.
01:00:50She's cheating on you.
01:00:52Know your place.
01:00:54You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:00You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:04They really think they're something, huh?
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family
01:01:08that's rich.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:12I only got the Maple Closet Project
01:01:14because she gave it to me.
01:01:16What?
01:01:18You apologize right now
01:01:20or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:27I'm sorry.
01:01:29No.
01:01:31This can't be.
01:01:33I made you divorce...
01:01:35Go home.
01:01:37You're not suited to come with me
01:01:39to my celebration banquet.
01:01:45I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:48Honey, I know you came here
01:01:50to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:52I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:55I didn't come here for you.
01:01:57I'm on a date.
01:01:59A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:00She really is a whore.
01:02:02Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:04I really do love you.
01:02:07Oh-ho!
01:02:09Lady Knockout is here!
01:02:11Oh-ho!
01:02:13Lady Knockout is here!
01:02:15I...
01:02:17Yeah, we already know
01:02:19you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:21We're too old for that.
01:02:23They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:25Please, you gave me the contract
01:02:27so if anything goes wrong
01:02:29as my guest of honor,
01:02:31it should be you.
01:02:33Oh, yes, please, Ms. Lockhart.
01:02:35Join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:39What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:41Where were you?
01:02:43Stomach issues.
01:02:45Again?
01:02:47Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:49No.
01:02:51Let me make myself clear.
01:02:53Okay?
01:02:55I would rather die
01:02:57than be with you again.
01:02:59This proves that they're not
01:03:01actually on good terms.
01:03:03I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:05Otherwise, they'll cut me off too.
01:03:07Angela, I know you're still mad
01:03:09but please give me a chance.
01:03:11I'll prove it to you.
01:03:13You want a chance?
01:03:15Angela, no.
01:03:17You have three great guys here
01:03:19who all want to marry you.
01:03:21Don't take him back.
01:03:23I'll give you two choices.
01:03:25I'll give you two choices.
01:03:27Me
01:03:29You're kidding me.
01:03:31No.
01:03:33I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me,
01:03:37we can remarry this week.
01:03:39But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:41The choice is all yours.
01:03:43So that's a choice.
01:03:45You think so?
01:03:47He either marries a royal heiress
01:03:49or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:51Either way, he benefits.
01:03:53Why can't I have both?
01:03:55You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:57Angela, I saved you in the pool.
01:03:59Remember?
01:04:01I deserve the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:07Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:09He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:11Wait.
01:04:13What are you talking about?
01:04:15I choose the contract.
01:04:17I knew it.
01:04:19You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:21With this contract,
01:04:23my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:25Angela Lockhart,
01:04:27you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:29I will get you one day.
01:04:31Let me show you something.
01:04:44You saved me.
01:04:50You saved me.
01:04:52I'm sorry
01:04:54if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:04:56But I promise you
01:04:58I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:01No, no.
01:05:03I wasn't lying.
01:05:05I just couldn't,
01:05:07can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:14Does that mean
01:05:16we both each saved her once?
01:05:18What?
01:05:19Me?
01:05:21Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:23No way.
01:05:25You guys, one of you,
01:05:27do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:29You're crazy.
01:05:31And actually,
01:05:33they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:36What?
01:05:39Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:42Turns out they've been fletching the numbers
01:05:44on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:46Put it simply,
01:05:48they've been stealing from you.
01:05:50I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:52Ms. Lockhart,
01:05:54I'm so sorry.
01:05:56I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:05:58No, it's not your fault.
01:06:00They're just too slick.
01:06:02You'd like me to punish them for that?
01:06:04Oh God, no. Not that again.
01:06:06Please.
01:06:08Max,
01:06:10you know what to do.
01:06:11The banks have pooled all of our funds.
01:06:13All business ties have been severed.
01:06:15We're bankrupt!
01:06:19How did you do that?
01:06:21Who are you?
01:06:23And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:26I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:28I'm Mr. Sterling.
01:06:30I'm the CEO of Spider-Man.
01:06:32I'm the CEO of Spider-Man.
01:06:34I'm the CEO of Spider-Man.
01:06:36I'm the CEO of Spider-Man.
01:06:38I'm the CEO of Spider-Man.
01:06:40I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:43I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:47I am...
01:06:49Crypto Punk Number Two!
01:06:51What did you say he was?
01:06:53That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:55You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:57Well,
01:06:59I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:07:01See? You are number one at something.
01:07:03The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:06Forget Forbes's list.
01:07:08It's all about young money now.
01:07:10So,
01:07:11how about our date?
01:07:18I'm not letting one of me on this one.
01:07:20I'll spy two.
01:07:34They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:36I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:40Yes!
01:07:41I'm rich!
01:07:43They'll make them all pay soon!
01:07:51What?
01:07:53Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:54The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:07:58Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:02No!
01:08:04I'm bankrupt!
01:08:06I'm just a little odd card.
01:08:08You tricked me!
01:08:15Allow me.
01:08:19I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:21I had to get some very important materials
01:08:25for our special date.
01:08:27Well, cheers.
01:08:29Cheers.
01:08:36This looks good.
01:08:42Did you use my spices?
01:08:44I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:49You can have all the money and power in the world
01:08:52and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:56I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:02And who's the man?
01:09:04Angel.
01:09:07Your future with me
01:09:11is going to be different.
01:09:13Come on.
01:09:15Let's dance.
01:09:34Wow.
01:09:36Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:40these past few years
01:09:42just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:44Angela,
01:09:46I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:49Actually,
01:09:51I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:53That's right.
01:09:55I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:57How is all of this possible?
01:10:00I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:02Well, actually,
01:10:04maybe Devon, but...
01:10:06I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:09You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:13Despite who you were,
01:10:15you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:19Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500
01:10:24in a suit like that?
01:10:27All you do is babble on and on
01:10:30about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:35Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:39I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:42Hey, get away from her!
01:10:44Angela!
01:10:475C girl.
01:10:48I like her.
01:11:00How is he?
01:11:02It's a rare poison
01:11:04made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:06Ostraga saltifum.
01:11:08Can he be cured?
01:11:10I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:12It sounds really scary,
01:11:14but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:16Household salt.
01:11:24I like her.
01:11:27There you go.
01:11:28Time is up.
01:11:31Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:40I like her.
01:11:42We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:45So, that's how I...
01:11:47Well, we all met.
01:11:50I barely remember.
01:11:52I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:55Matthew Richards,
01:11:57the guy who poisoned me,
01:11:59attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:00You wouldn't have known.
01:12:02I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:04If that makes you feel any better.
01:12:06Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:08Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:11Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years,
01:12:15who will you pick?
01:12:21How can that be?
01:12:23Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:26An heiress?
01:12:31Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:34Bankrupt?
01:12:36The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:39Well then, get out of here!
01:12:42You can't do this to me!
01:12:46Jared!
01:12:48Mom, it's me.
01:12:49What happened?
01:12:51Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:54Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:56You should get back with your wife.
01:12:58We're bankrupt.
01:12:59What?
01:13:03Jared Cooper.
01:13:07We're here to repost your belongings.
01:13:10No one is going to save you now.
01:13:13Mom!
01:13:18What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:24Who will you pick?
01:13:26I...
01:13:32I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:34Fried chicken?
01:13:36Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:38Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:41Sucking up last minute!
01:13:43At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:45Hey! Stop! Stop!
01:13:48Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:51I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:53I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:13:55You know what I mean.
01:13:57Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:00which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:04Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:08Cole, the general?
01:14:12Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:18Uh, looks like our bachelorette may need to...
01:14:21Uh, looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:25Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:28But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:32made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:34and give it to our winner.
01:14:36Angela.
01:14:39Angela.
01:14:41Oh, I...
01:14:44I need more time to think.
01:14:46Uh, while our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:51why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:54Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:14:57Let's start with Cole.
01:14:59Cole.
01:15:03There's not much to say.
01:15:05Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:07who has huge biceps,
01:15:10a massive chest,
01:15:12who would protect their...
01:15:14who would protect their...
01:15:16wife?
01:15:18Okay, thank you.
01:15:21Uh, Shane?
01:15:24Muscles, money,
01:15:26they'll only get you so far.
01:15:28But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:30that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:33if you know what I mean.
01:15:37Okay, I think we do.
01:15:39And Devin?
01:15:42That was quite disgusting.
01:15:44I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:46I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:15:49A lot of choices to make.
01:15:51And she's my queen.
01:15:53I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:55Now, one more thing.
01:15:57What kind of a doctor
01:15:59brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:02That's a good point.
01:16:03It's bad for her heart.
01:16:06And then you!
01:16:07What?
01:16:08You know what they say about military men.
01:16:11They...
01:16:12They beat their wives.
01:16:18Enough!
01:16:21Stand up!
01:16:23Hey, you guys.
01:16:26Whoa, break it up!
01:16:28Hey, break it up!
01:16:34Cut to commercial!
01:16:36Cut to commercial!
01:16:42Cut to commercial!
01:16:54This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:16:59Who do I choose?
01:17:08Angela's marrying me!
01:17:10You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:12Oh, yeah?
01:17:14I may be a doctor,
01:17:15but like I said,
01:17:16I know and possess
01:17:17the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:22What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:24Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:25I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:27I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:29Don't forget about me.
01:17:31It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:37These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:40They do none.
01:17:41Who made these?
01:18:00It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:06I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:09And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:28We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:39This battle within our heads
01:18:40is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:43I may not be able to take them both down
01:18:45if they decide to team up.
01:18:47Hmm.
01:18:48Wintermate or Kool-Aid?
01:18:54You know,
01:18:56I've always really liked your hair.
01:18:57Really?
01:18:59I'm actually
01:19:00pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:02So I appreciate that.
01:19:06And you know,
01:19:08I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:12Really?
01:19:13Yeah.
01:19:16What do you got for me?
01:19:18I always
01:19:20really like the way you chew gum.
01:19:22Yeah?
01:19:23It's fresh, right?
01:19:24Yeah.
01:19:26Yeah, yeah.
01:19:28You're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:31You need me to look at you?
01:19:32I got you.
01:19:33I'll take care of you.
01:19:35Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:36Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:40It was Jared Cooper.
01:19:42That fucker.
01:19:43We have to find her.
01:19:44What, how?
01:19:45Her ring.
01:19:46Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism
01:19:48on her ring just in case.
01:19:50Well, let's go then.
01:19:51My phone.
01:19:52My fiance.
01:19:53My fiance.
01:20:00Jared.
01:20:04What am I doing here?
01:20:06You destroyed me.
01:20:10I took everything.
01:20:12What?
01:20:13I have nothing left.
01:20:16It's not my fault you're too greedy.
01:20:19Who's greedy?
01:20:20To have sex with my wife?
01:20:22What?
01:20:23I'm not your wife anymore.
01:20:25Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:26You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:27Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:29This is illegal.
01:20:30You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:33You won't have me arrested.
01:20:35You will take me back.
01:20:39Come on, bitch.
01:20:42I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:53You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:57Hey!
01:20:59Angela!
01:21:00Come here!
01:21:01You alright?
01:21:03It's too late!
01:21:05I drugged her.
01:21:06She'll be dead soon.
01:21:07Not yet.
01:21:08Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:10He really does have everything he was supposed to.
01:21:13Everything except for fruit.
01:21:14Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum.
01:21:15We get it already.
01:21:16Just save my boss.
01:21:19Here you go.
01:21:25You're all good now.
01:21:27Oh, thank God.
01:21:29But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:31What?
01:21:32What are you going to do to me?
01:21:34Hey, stop!
01:21:35No!
01:21:36Don't!
01:21:38Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:45Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:47Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:55So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:57We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:00The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:02And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:10Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:15We're down to the wire.
01:22:16Literally.
01:22:17The wedding day.
01:22:18But who's the groom?
01:22:27Uh, seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:32Any input from the parents?
01:22:34Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:37This is exciting.
01:22:39Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:41Let me think.
01:22:43I'll think about it.
01:22:45I'll think about it.
01:22:47I'll think about it.
01:22:49I'll think about it.
01:22:50I'll think about it.
01:22:52I'll think about it.
01:22:54I'll think about it.
01:22:56Let me think.
01:23:00I like the doctor.
01:23:02He's cute.
01:23:05But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:09And we can't forget about Devon Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:12Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:14Angela.
01:23:16You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:21And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:26But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:30And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:35And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:40And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:47I'm just kidding.
01:23:49I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:54Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:23:58I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:01They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:04So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:07Literally.
01:24:09Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:21Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:31And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:35The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:24:42Gentlemen.
01:24:44It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:47May the best man win.
01:24:50May the best man win.
01:24:52Drumroll, please.
01:25:05Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:15I choose...
01:25:26I need a powerful, strong man who I really feel like can protect me.
01:25:32Who could resist those guns?
01:25:35Could I interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:25:39Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:25:54Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:25:58You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:00Yeah.
01:26:02It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:06Ellen, be my new queen. I hope we can build together.
01:26:22It's always been you.
01:26:32I'll always love you.
01:26:36Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:39Ellen, Ellen. Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:42Have you seen my murder weapon?
01:26:44I need fruit-flavored gum for you.