The Three Badasses Who Want Me - Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives in Atlanta today.
00:00:09What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten state one knows.
00:00:13Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:18If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:21Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:25What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self?
00:00:30And how do you know that this is none of my...
00:00:34All right, everybody get out!
00:00:37We got an important guest coming!
00:00:41You!
00:00:46You deaf? I scuff and scram!
00:00:49I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:00:56You want to say that again?
00:00:59You know who's visiting today?
00:01:02Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:05Ellen Musk?
00:01:07Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:09Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:13Really? Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market?
00:01:19You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:25Coming to see you?
00:01:27All right, you know what? I'll play your game.
00:01:30If she does it so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:36Deal.
00:01:44Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:01:48Or else, you're fired.
00:01:53Hmm.
00:02:09Prepare the limo. Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:13Make it pop.
00:02:18Ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:20Good. Hope you don't dance.
00:02:22Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:33Ellen, uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:43How's my boss bitch?
00:02:45Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:02:47So how do you, like...
00:02:50She's my boss?
00:02:52Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:02:57No way.
00:03:01Well?
00:03:06No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:08No, I won't do it again.
00:03:12All right, that's enough.
00:03:14We're not tyrants here.
00:03:21Sir, I fell in love with Lockhart.
00:03:29You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:31The runaway bride.
00:03:34You lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:38Who are you?
00:03:42Where is she?
00:03:43Atlanta.
00:03:44And you were right.
00:03:45It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:47My clever bride.
00:03:49I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:03:56Max, prep the jet.
00:03:58I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:04Dr. Wilson, Bevin Sterling's on the move.
00:04:06He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:08Atlanta?
00:04:09The game is afoot.
00:04:10I'm going.
00:04:11Wait, Dr. Wilson, the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:14He can wait.
00:04:15I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:20Dr. Wilson!
00:04:26General Eisenhower is here!
00:04:29Bevin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:32Atlanta!
00:04:34Where is that?
00:04:36Whatever, prepare my warplane!
00:04:38Don't sue going after my fiancée.
00:04:41This is war.
00:04:48I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:03Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:05This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:08That project is worth billions.
00:05:10He can finally take his cutlery.
00:05:12But, Angela, my boss.
00:05:16I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:22Without your backing...
00:05:24No offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:27Well, three years ago...
00:05:46You saved me.
00:05:54He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:05:58I didn't want my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:04But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:12So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:15I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:20But why work at the flea market?
00:06:22Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:26Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:31Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:35You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:41Where the hell are you?
00:06:43Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:46Get home, stat.
00:06:48It's a big day today.
00:06:51That was...
00:06:52My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:06:55She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower class family.
00:06:58But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:04You know, she even remembered our third year anniversary.
00:07:12Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:16Hi, I'm home.
00:07:18I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:20Finally, you're back. Now sign...
00:07:22Divorce papers.
00:07:25Divorce papers.
00:07:28Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:31God, don't call me again.
00:07:34We're ending that relationship.
00:07:36Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:39You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:41You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:45I'm below his league?
00:07:47That's right. You are.
00:07:50Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk.
00:07:56And then his company's going public.
00:07:59That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:01But you...
00:08:03You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:08:08Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:11You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:15Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:20Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:22But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:26You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:30How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:35Resorting to lies. Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:39And who are you to my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:46You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:08:51Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:08:54Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:08:56Enough!
00:08:58Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:02But I am.
00:09:04Don't fight it.
00:09:06Here's 500K.
00:09:08You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler of spices.
00:09:12Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:15Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:18I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:23Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:26Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:28Fine. Here's another 200,000.
00:09:32500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:35She's done nothing.
00:09:37Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:40She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:42Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:09:47I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:09:51You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:09:55And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench.
00:09:59A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:03What a joke.
00:10:05If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:10And leave!
00:10:13You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:18Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:20I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:24Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:29It's all my work!
00:10:33Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:41You did say you would win me Princess Anna's tiara, didn't you?
00:10:45So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:10:49She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:10:53Fine. I'll sign it.
00:10:56But don't regret it.
00:10:59Regret?
00:11:01Do you know who I am?
00:11:03Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:07I'm Eric Vanderbilt's daughter.
00:11:10Jared bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:15Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:11:19It's part of the power that I have.
00:11:23You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:27Social stratum matters.
00:11:29Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:33And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:36And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:11:41Ha! You're delusional.
00:11:44Now sign the papers and scram!
00:11:48Sign the papers and scram!
00:11:54You owe me.
00:11:56You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:04You hit me.
00:12:08Now sign the papers, take a check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:19I don't need your penny money.
00:12:23We're finished.
00:12:25You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:28Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:31But I would like my ring back.
00:12:36Have fun on your economy flight
00:12:40while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:12:47And I'm way out of your league.
00:12:53I'm not going to let you go.
00:12:56I'm not going to let you go.
00:12:59I'm not going to let you go.
00:13:02League.
00:13:07Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:11It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:15Oh, it's just cheap glass.
00:13:17Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:20You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:26Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:31Oh, my dad says there's going to be
00:13:34a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:38Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:41Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:13:45Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:02Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia,
00:14:06wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:09Vip?
00:14:10Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:14:13Basically our employee.
00:14:14Okay, I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:17You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:14:19But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:21That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:32Angela Lockhart. I found you.
00:14:48Who is he?
00:14:50That? That's Devin Sterling.
00:14:52He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list,
00:14:55an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:14:59Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:01And he's your fiancé.
00:15:04What? My fiancé?
00:15:08The one and only.
00:15:10So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:15have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:19Babe?
00:15:22Hmm.
00:15:28That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:34What is she doing here?
00:15:39You skank.
00:15:41My son just divorced you yesterday,
00:15:43and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:15:46Divorced?
00:15:49That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be.
00:15:54Sterling. Sterling.
00:15:58So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:01Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:16:03She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:09How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:16:12Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:15Do you know who I...
00:16:17They don't know who you are.
00:16:20You hide it well.
00:16:22X team!
00:16:24Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:27Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:32Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta,
00:16:35and then to New York, you forgot to bring the security team.
00:16:44Mind if I, uh, borrow your men?
00:16:47Go ahead.
00:16:51Tell these ill-mannered apes out.
00:16:53Oh, you bitch.
00:16:55I'll have my son teach you a lesson.
00:17:03A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:07No.
00:17:13Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:17You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:22Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:25Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:27Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:17:30What an honor.
00:17:31I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:34It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:36Congrats. You'll be next.
00:17:38Thank you, but we haven't received the contract yet.
00:17:41We deserve it.
00:17:42Oh, that's nothing.
00:17:43I used this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:17:45Vanderbilt, Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:17:48So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:17:52Thank you, Mr. Mandel.
00:17:54Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:17:58Yes, I heard they're a very important, powerful guest.
00:18:02Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:05Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot,
00:18:09Big shot.
00:18:10We can feast for generations.
00:18:15I'll do my best.
00:18:21Excuse me.
00:18:22A second, gentlemen.
00:18:24What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:29How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:31A hobo?
00:18:33How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:36Sleep your way in.
00:18:37I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:18:40Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:18:43Don't flatter yourself.
00:18:48This is your ex-husband?
00:18:52Unfolded when you married him?
00:18:54Who the hell is this?
00:18:55You were cheating on me?
00:19:08Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:12That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:17They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:31You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:35Get your hands off of her.
00:19:42My lady.
00:19:57My queen.
00:20:05It's...
00:20:07It's him!
00:20:09He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:12Who are these peasants?
00:20:14These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:19Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:22You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:26Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:28That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:30You know who that is? That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:33You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:36His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:20:40This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:20:43Vanderbilt.
00:20:45The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:20:49who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:20:54That the Lee Vanderbilt family?
00:21:01Oh, goddammit.
00:21:04Stomachache now?
00:21:08Whatever.
00:21:10Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:24How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:27I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett,
00:21:29the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:32I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:21:37And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:21:41Not with me around.
00:21:43I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these...
00:21:47You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:21:52You're a fucking delusion, Angela.
00:21:55I've had enough of your games.
00:21:57Security! Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:01Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:05You got no money here.
00:22:09I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:11Yes, my queen.
00:22:13You're all despicable.
00:22:16An insult to your family names.
00:22:21Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:25Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:28Call business ties.
00:22:30And if you don't,
00:22:33I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:22:37Ha! I knew it!
00:22:39You're here to fuck with me.
00:22:41You can't fool anyone here.
00:22:43How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:22:47You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:22:51You have nothing, and you will always be nothing.
00:22:55She's a gold digger.
00:22:58Gold digger?
00:22:59Gigolo.
00:23:01Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:04Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:06Mr. Vanderbilt, we can't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:09They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest, Angela Lockhart, her ex-wife.
00:23:13She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:16Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:18Security!
00:23:22Security!
00:23:24You all don't say you actually all work for me,
00:23:27and now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:30You!
00:23:32Insolent fools.
00:23:34Let me guess.
00:23:35You're that special guest?
00:23:37I don't know.
00:23:39Throw them out!
00:23:41And not without some broken bones, too.
00:23:44Back down, Max.
00:23:49I got this.
00:24:14Hey!
00:24:23What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:25I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:27No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:30Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:24:41Angela!
00:24:43Don't hurt her!
00:24:44You bitch.
00:24:45I've always been stupid.
00:24:46You just threw yourself at me.
00:24:47How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:24:50Boss?
00:24:51Did she say her boss?
00:24:53Miss Musk?
00:24:54That's Ellen Musk?
00:24:56That woman right there is Angela Lockhart,
00:24:58my boss and sole heiress to Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:01Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:04Past the American Revolution?
00:25:06Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:08If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:11That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:12She's royalty.
00:25:14And since you're all...
00:25:15How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:17Boss?
00:25:18Did she say her boss?
00:25:20Miss Musk?
00:25:21That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:23That woman right there is Angela Lockhart,
00:25:25my boss and sole heiress to Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:28Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:31Past the American Revolution?
00:25:33Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:35If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:38That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:40She's royalty.
00:25:41And since you're all subsidiaries,
00:25:43she's your boss's boss.
00:25:45What are you going to do?
00:25:47Kneel!
00:25:48Oh, your majesty.
00:25:51Welcome to the United States.
00:25:54We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:25:57Yes, your highness.
00:25:59Is it a queen or princess?
00:26:01It doesn't matter.
00:26:03My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:06Yes, we didn't mean to offend.
00:26:08Hey, what are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:10Let go of the boss, lady, and beg for forgiveness!
00:26:22What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:39She's a badass herself.
00:26:41He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:43You, you, you told me your wife was a Hitler.
00:26:47Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag.
00:26:49No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:26:51I worked hard for everything.
00:26:53You worked for everything?
00:27:00Hi, honey.
00:27:02So, our 30th anniversary is coming up,
00:27:06and I thought that maybe we could do something special.
00:27:09I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:11I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project,
00:27:14and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:24You were nothing before me.
00:27:27All your achievements, all your glory,
00:27:30that's all mine,
00:27:32including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:35I can take all of that away, just like that.
00:27:40No, you can't take that away.
00:27:42That's why Ellen Musk was urging us to pass on deals to nobody.
00:27:45Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:49Yeah, I feel you.
00:27:51It was Queen Victoria's, and its worth is equivalent
00:27:53to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:02Oh, I gave you back the ring?
00:28:05I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:08No, no, please, no.
00:28:10No, please take me back, baby.
00:28:12I still love you.
00:28:16Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:19No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:28:28God, these two again.
00:28:30Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:33President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:35After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:37each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:28:40the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:42Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:44Sorry I'm late, babe. I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:47Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:53And that there is, that is the legendary,
00:28:56boy-changes Dr. Wilson.
00:28:59He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:01Dr. House? I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:03Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:29:05Yep, that's me.
00:29:07Son of James House.
00:29:09Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:11I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him
00:29:13when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:15So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall
00:29:17somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 14 months.
00:29:20And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:29:22and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:25Hey, Ellen.
00:29:27Who are these weebs and why are they here?
00:29:29Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:29:33What?
00:29:34Fiancées?
00:29:37Plural?
00:29:38Fiancées.
00:29:39Plural?
00:29:41Watch it, nerds.
00:29:43I'm her fiancée.
00:29:44No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:45You can both shut up.
00:29:46I'm her fiancée.
00:29:48It's you.
00:29:49It's me.
00:29:50Who the hell is he?
00:29:51I'm Spider-Man.
00:29:53I'm Spider-Man.
00:29:55How are all three of these men my fiancées?
00:30:00Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:30:03but I didn't tell you because he decided to marry
00:30:05Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:07She has three badass fiancées and she marries his dumb ass?
00:30:14Whatever.
00:30:15Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:30:20Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:30:25At your service.
00:30:27Me too.
00:30:33One down, two more to go.
00:30:35She's become queen.
00:30:36Bishop to G4.
00:30:41Ow, ow, ow, what is that?
00:30:44The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:30:49Ruck to A8.
00:30:56Hello?
00:30:59I thought I was king.
00:31:01No, you wish.
00:31:02The king doesn't do anything, so Alan can be my king.
00:31:06Oh, fine.
00:31:11Big Ruck to four, it's right this second.
00:31:18I...
00:31:20I've been bankrupt!
00:31:22No!
00:31:30I've been bankrupt!
00:31:32No!
00:31:33I told you I would remove all of you from status and power
00:31:36if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:38Well, guess what? Game over.
00:31:40All right, boys, let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:44Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:46Angela!
00:31:48Wait for me!
00:31:49Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:31:59Angela!
00:32:03You already have three fiancées?
00:32:06You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:08I want compensation.
00:32:12You greedy SOB.
00:32:14Who the fuck is that?
00:32:15My ex-husband.
00:32:16What? You were married?
00:32:18Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:32:20then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:23More for me?
00:32:24No, no, of course not.
00:32:25Just... do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:29Don't steal my joke.
00:32:30I can make him disappear on trace.
00:32:32All the evidence of your past with him.
00:32:35What? Is there something on my face?
00:32:37Uh, yeah. Murderous intent.
00:32:40Let's remarry.
00:32:42Let's remarry.
00:32:44You still don't realize.
00:32:46I only fell in love with you to save me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:15Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:17We need to wreck right away.
00:33:19Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:23Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:27She should be okay now.
00:33:32Hey, you!
00:33:33Watch over here.
00:33:35I'll be right back.
00:33:44You saved me.
00:33:48Fuck.
00:33:49I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:33:53Fuck.
00:33:54I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:33:56You've cheated on me,
00:33:58you've hit me,
00:33:59and you've insulted me.
00:34:01And after all, I never want to see you again.
00:34:05I fucking hate you.
00:34:07Lady Lockhart!
00:34:09God, what now?
00:34:11Okay, yes.
00:34:13We understand that you are a very busy person,
00:34:16but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:20How about us three?
00:34:21Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:25Yeah, no. You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:30This is your fault!
00:34:31We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:33No, no.
00:34:36We lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:34:41Oh, help me!
00:34:42I'll get you for this!
00:34:49I never should have listened to you!
00:34:51I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:06So, what's the situation here?
00:35:09I want to marry you!
00:35:19I want to marry you!
00:35:22Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:35:26and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:29But what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:35Longer?
00:35:39Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:35:47My lovely princess, how are you?
00:35:50Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:35:52The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:35:55Perfect for a, what did you say?
00:35:57I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking,
00:36:03three-letter husband of yours.
00:36:05Can't call his name, but anyway, congratulations!
00:36:08I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:13Oh, you must pick one of them to marry, otherwise...
00:36:17Let me do it.
00:36:19You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:22Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:26Mom!
00:36:27All right, honey, that's it.
00:36:29Bye! Bye!
00:36:35So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:38Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:36:44Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:36:49That seems greedy.
00:36:56But, I can always remove the other twops.
00:37:00Hey, I may be dirty, but I can take lives too.
00:37:04But, I can take lives too.
00:37:06I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:10Whoa, okay, no murder please, I was just kidding.
00:37:15You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:18Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:21I know, we'll start with challenge one.
00:37:26Welcome to the show, The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:30Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:34What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:37You'll see.
00:37:46Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:37:48All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:37:51And it is every man's job to remove their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:37:56What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single woman,
00:38:01what's screaming her head off, Eris?
00:38:11Looks like one of our contestants is already gone.
00:38:14It's up to the final two.
00:38:32Crunchy.
00:38:34That is sick cold.
00:38:36Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these.
00:38:42Do you want to try one?
00:38:43Oh my god, no, no.
00:38:47Oh my god, save me.
00:38:49Save you, you're going to save me.
00:38:54I'm a German folk doctor.
00:38:56Save me.
00:38:59I'm a German folk doctor.
00:39:01These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:03They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:19Thank god you're here.
00:39:23Are you alright, honey?
00:39:26Angela.
00:39:29Alright, you won the first challenge, so you're a reward.
00:39:32You get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:35Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:39:37I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:39:39You have nothing to worry about.
00:39:46Honestly, even if you look, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:39:49At least my girl can get some.
00:39:51I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:39:55The cockroaches.
00:39:56They're gone, they're gone.
00:39:58In this room, except you and me, okay?
00:40:01I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:08I need a drink.
00:40:17Whoa, easy, you're on an empty stomach.
00:40:20Why do you care?
00:40:22Are you trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela?
00:40:27You guys were right.
00:40:29I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:32You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:40:38He never even loved me.
00:40:40And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:40:46Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:40:53You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:03You're number one here.
00:41:10You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:13Lies.
00:41:16You all just want something from me.
00:41:23Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:28But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:41:34I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:41:36I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:41:43I just need you.
00:41:47I'll prove my love to you within six days, I promise.
00:41:52Okay.
00:42:02Screw the contest. I just love...
00:42:07Angela, you're drunk.
00:42:10I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:14Okay.
00:42:19But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:22Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:42:34If this is what you want.
00:42:539-inch penis.
00:42:55Morning to you, too.
00:42:58You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:00A girl remembers when she's had a 9-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:06Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:09But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:13Because then they would...
00:43:14So they wouldn't know?
00:43:15Yeah.
00:43:16But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:20Because then they would...
00:43:21So they would be unfair?
00:43:24Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:26I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend the night with you anyways.
00:43:34Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:43:40You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:43:43Stop.
00:43:46Fine, fine, fine.
00:43:50I won't tell.
00:43:53On one condition.
00:43:56I won't tell.
00:43:58But only on one condition.
00:44:01You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:04Fine.
00:44:08I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:12You never noticed me.
00:44:18You should get dressed and get...
00:44:20Before anyone sees you.
00:44:23It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:44:25I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:26Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:44:33Morning, gentlemen. Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:44:36Oh, don't mind him.
00:44:39What's up, guys?
00:44:40We're ready for the second challenge. No cockroaches this time.
00:44:44Yes. No more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:44:48This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:44:50I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:44:52The second challenge is...
00:44:54The second challenge is...
00:44:56A date.
00:44:57Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:44:59A date?
00:45:01That's it.
00:45:02What's the catch?
00:45:03No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:07As simple as that.
00:45:08I know what I want to do.
00:45:09Let's start with me first.
00:45:10Okay. Who's up first? Ben?
00:45:12Me.
00:45:13Save the best for last.
00:45:15I'm with Angela.
00:45:16Then it's decided.
00:45:21Please! Don't take my BMW away!
00:45:24Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:45:28I have nothing left!
00:45:30I have...
00:45:39It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:45:44It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:45:54General Eisenhower, sir!
00:45:56At ease, Lieutenant!
00:45:57Lieutenant, he also manages this boxing gym.
00:45:59Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:46:01He's so serious.
00:46:03But, hang on.
00:46:05Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:08Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:12Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:15Yes.
00:46:17Murder weapons.
00:46:28I'm sorry.
00:46:37You like my guns, babe?
00:46:38Pretty rock hard.
00:46:40Yeah.
00:46:41Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:46:43Lieutenant!
00:46:44Come close!
00:46:47Wait! You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:46:50Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:46:52Treason?
00:46:53You guys are way too serious.
00:46:56Look, you rock hard bitch! I caught you!
00:46:58If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:01Lieutenant, here's your attack!
00:47:16You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:20I will make you pay!
00:47:22If you don't need to keep beating him up, we could just take him to the cops.
00:47:25Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:47:33Zoe's a bit violent. Some might call it being protective.
00:47:36Poor anger issues.
00:47:38What if we married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:47:42Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:47:45Hey, some girls are into that.
00:47:47I don't know if I am.
00:47:49I don't know if I am.
00:47:52Well, maybe shame will be your type.
00:47:57Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:02Hey.
00:48:03Hey.
00:48:05Cool ride.
00:48:06A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:09Impressive.
00:48:13Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:16Refreshing.
00:48:18Cool mint, too.
00:48:20Or do you prefer Spearmint?
00:48:23What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:48:26Fruit-flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:48:29So, where are you going?
00:48:31Let me show you.
00:48:38Dr. Wilson!
00:48:40Our VIP of VIPs!
00:48:42Right this way.
00:48:43VIP of VIPs.
00:48:45Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:48:47I forget who.
00:48:48You saved a lot of people.
00:48:50I do what I can.
00:48:52Oh, my gosh.
00:48:54It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:48:59Sandra Miller.
00:49:00What are you doing here?
00:49:01I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:04Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:06and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:12How low of you.
00:49:13What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:15Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:17I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces so high-end,
00:49:20you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:49:24The auction begins.
00:49:26I'll deal with you later.
00:49:29Here, I'll just be real quick.
00:49:35Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:49:39Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:49:42Cleopatra's armband.
00:49:44Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:49:48Five million dollars.
00:49:51Excuse me.
00:49:52I'd like to donate this to auction.
00:49:54It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:49:57I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:49:59It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:01What are you doing?
00:50:02Just watch.
00:50:05Come on.
00:50:06Come on.
00:50:11That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:13Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:16She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:19You work at a flea market?
00:50:21Not this again.
00:50:22Cut the bullshit, that wouldn't even be five dollars.
00:50:25Oh yeah?
00:50:26Here, you want it? For free.
00:50:28Ew, I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:50:33Well, that's too bad then.
00:50:35Because you are the fraud.
00:50:39What are you talking about?
00:50:40Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:50:42Throw them out.
00:50:44Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:50:47but we're professionals.
00:50:49Oh yeah?
00:50:50And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:50:54Yeah, mine is the real thing.
00:50:56You two are just upset because you're too poor
00:50:59to afford our luxury items.
00:51:01Why is that so?
00:51:02What if a so-called expert failed to recognize
00:51:04Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:06Dear Lord, this is real.
00:51:11It's authentic.
00:51:12It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:18Karen, what have you found?
00:51:20Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:51:23It's a replica.
00:51:26They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:51:29So, you are the fraud.
00:51:33So you just went to the flea market so you can buy suits?
00:51:36And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:51:40150.
00:51:41Wow, not even five dollars.
00:51:44Sandra.
00:51:46You've been duping us the whole time?
00:51:49Arrest her!
00:51:50No, please!
00:51:52This is my time!
00:51:53Please!
00:51:54What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:51:57Investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry
00:51:59for the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:52:01Blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:12I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:15Me too.
00:52:16May I have a kiss?
00:52:27Hmm.
00:52:29Something wrong?
00:52:31Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:52:38Yep.
00:52:39You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:52:49Ha!
00:52:51You.
00:52:53Ha!
00:52:55You owe us a bunch of money.
00:52:59I don't have any money.
00:53:01How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:04I guess you'll only pay up
00:53:08if I break your other leg.
00:53:10Stop!
00:53:15Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:18Mr. Buffett.
00:53:23This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:53:25That's right.
00:53:26This must be given to you.
00:53:28I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:53:31I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:53:34No, no.
00:53:35Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:53:37It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:53:40Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:53:43And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart
00:53:47to put in a good word for us?
00:53:49Angela still loves me.
00:53:50She's just throwing a fit.
00:53:52She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:53:53Yeah.
00:53:54Do you need any help winning her back?
00:53:56We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:53:59I was jizzing up to these pricks a few days ago
00:54:01and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:04It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:07Sure.
00:54:09I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:11I need anything.
00:54:12You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:14Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:54:17I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:54:26I'm giving the contract to Javid Cooper
00:54:28just like you asked me to.
00:54:30Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:54:33Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:54:36I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:54:38That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:54:40It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:54:43If he can't, then what?
00:54:45He'll be bankrupt.
00:54:46So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:54:50I'm avenging my best friend.
00:54:52I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart,
00:54:55he's nothing.
00:55:02I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:05We should celebrate.
00:55:06You did?
00:55:08You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:10Skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:13And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:55:16Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:55:21What?
00:55:23You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:55:25Oh, no, no, no, he's not.
00:55:27Jared, what are you doing?
00:55:29You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:55:33It's my decision, Mom.
00:55:35I'm the head of the house here.
00:55:37I'm telling my dad.
00:55:39Fine, go right ahead.
00:55:40He has enough problems himself.
00:55:42If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:55:45But if not, you can scram.
00:55:48Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:55:51Teach him a lesson.
00:55:52Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:55:54Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:55:58Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:00We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:02So do as he says.
00:56:04But, Dad...
00:56:12I'm sorry.
00:56:14Be your side piece.
00:56:16Good, I'm happy you've come around.
00:56:18Now let's go celebrate.
00:56:22I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:56:27But that tongue action, though.
00:56:29Tongue is important.
00:56:31In more than just one spot.
00:56:32Ellen, we are in public.
00:56:34It's true.
00:56:35Oh, stomach ache.
00:56:37Again?
00:56:38I have to run to the bathroom.
00:56:39Devon should be here to pick you up soon.
00:56:41Okay.
00:56:43Devon's late.
00:56:45Not a good sign for a date.
00:56:48This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:56:53It's her.
00:56:54And she's alone.
00:56:55With no one to save her.
00:56:59You whore.
00:57:00You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:07Let me tell you.
00:57:08I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:16Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:57:19Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:57:22Why do I have to leave? She's the one starting shit.
00:57:25Because I have money and you don't.
00:57:28You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:57:30And my son just signed a $100,000 contract.
00:57:34He still got the contract?
00:57:36Hmm.
00:57:37Must be Ellen's doing.
00:57:39Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:57:43Oh, he's just gonna...
00:57:44Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:57:48Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:57:52You take my charity and put it in my face as if it's your own.
00:57:57My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:00$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:03$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:06$5,000 to beat her.
00:58:11Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
00:58:14Ow! Hey!
00:58:17You okay? Are you hurt?
00:58:23You! You!
00:58:25Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:58:29And now you have two more? What a whore.
00:58:32What a whore.
00:58:33What a whore.
00:58:34Yeah. And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:58:37What if she has an STD?
00:58:39Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:58:43Let's go. We'll expose her to Jared.
00:58:47Hang on.
00:58:49What do you want?
00:58:50Green!
00:58:51I don't hit women.
00:58:53But I never said I don't kill women.
00:58:57But I never said I don't kill women.
00:58:59I said I don't...
00:59:01Oh God. He is a murderer.
00:59:04What if he murders me?
00:59:05Not him.
00:59:06Definitely not him.
00:59:12We're not afraid of you.
00:59:14This isn't a war zone.
00:59:16You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without etiquette.
00:59:20I was just messing with him.
00:59:22Was he though?
00:59:23We're not afraid of you.
00:59:26Jared! You have to avenge us.
00:59:28Look at this slut.
00:59:29She's found two more boy toys.
00:59:31She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
00:59:33Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
00:59:35I apologize for this scene.
00:59:37I'll talk to Potty Crashers immediately so that you can go to your celebration banquet.
00:59:41Who did you say you were going to toss out?
00:59:43Who did you say you were going to toss out?
00:59:45The Potty Crashers.
00:59:49You have any idea who that is?
00:59:51That's my wife.
00:59:52We saved that title for the real skank over there.
00:59:56That's right.
00:59:57Know your place.
00:59:58Shut up.
00:59:59She's cheating on you.
01:00:02Know your place.
01:00:03You're just a side piece.
01:00:04If I still want you, that is.
01:00:06Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:08This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:00:10You slap her for this whore?
01:00:12Mom!
01:00:13They really think they're something, huh?
01:00:15Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:00:19She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:00:22I only got the Maple Closet project.
01:00:24She gave it to me.
01:00:26What?
01:00:28You apologize right now.
01:00:30I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:00:37I'm sorry.
01:00:39No.
01:00:41This can't be.
01:00:43I made you divorce...
01:00:47Go home.
01:00:49You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:00:57I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:00Honey, I know you came here to see my achievements.
01:01:03I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:06I didn't come here for you.
01:01:09I'm on a date.
01:01:11A date with two men at the same time?
01:01:14She really is a whore.
01:01:15Angela, please forgive me.
01:01:17I really do love you.
01:01:21Oh! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:01:25Oh! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:01:29Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's effort.
01:01:32We're too old for that.
01:01:34They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:01:36Please, you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:01:42Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:01:44We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:01:48What the hell are you all doing here?
01:01:50Where were you?
01:01:51Where were you?
01:01:53Stomach issues.
01:01:54Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:01:57No.
01:02:00Let me make my serum, okay?
01:02:03I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:07Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:02:10I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:02:12Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:02:13Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:02:16I'll prove it to you.
01:02:18You want a chance?
01:02:19Angela, no.
01:02:20You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:02:23Don't take him back.
01:02:26I'll give you two choices.
01:02:29I'll give you two choices.
01:02:33Me or the contract.
01:02:35You're kidding me.
01:02:37No, I'm not kidding you.
01:02:39If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:02:43But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:02:46The choice is all yours.
01:02:48I told you.
01:02:50You think so?
01:02:51He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:02:55Either way, he benefits.
01:02:57Why can't I have both?
01:02:59You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:01Angela, I saved you.
01:03:03Remember, I deserve the contract.
01:03:05Did you really?
01:03:11Look who's fashionably late now.
01:03:13He didn't save her at the pool.
01:03:15Wait, what are you talking about?
01:03:17I choose the contract.
01:03:20I knew it.
01:03:21You'll get what's coming to you.
01:03:24With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:03:28Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:03:31I will get you one day.
01:03:33Let me show you something.
01:03:36You saved me.
01:03:42You saved me.
01:03:44I'm sorry.
01:03:46If his lies led to you in three years of your life,
01:03:50but I promise you,
01:03:53I will get you out of here.
01:03:56I will get you out of here.
01:03:59I will get you out of here.
01:04:02I will get you out of here.
01:04:05I'm gonna make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:04:07No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:04:09I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:04:20Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:04:23What? Me?
01:04:26Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:04:28No way.
01:04:30You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:04:33You're crazy.
01:04:35And actually,
01:04:37they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:04:40What?
01:04:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:04:45Turns out they've been fletching the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:04:49Put it simply,
01:04:51they've been stealing from you.
01:04:53I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:04:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:04:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:05:00No, it's not your fault.
01:05:02They're just too slick.
01:05:04You'd like me to punish them for you?
01:05:06Oh, God, no. Not that again.
01:05:08Please.
01:05:09Max, you know what to do.
01:05:25The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:05:27All business ties have been severed.
01:05:29We're bankrupt!
01:05:32No!
01:05:36How did you do that?
01:05:38Who are you?
01:05:39Hey, don't say Spider-Man!
01:05:43I'll tell you who I am.
01:05:46I'll tell you who I am.
01:05:50I am...
01:05:52Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:05:54What did he say he was?
01:05:56That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:05:58You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:01Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:06:03See? You are Number One at something.
01:06:06The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:06:09Forget Forbes' list.
01:06:11It's all about young money now.
01:06:13So, how about our date?
01:06:21I'm not letting them win, I'm just one.
01:06:23I'll spy two.
01:06:32They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:06:35I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:06:39Yes! I'm rich!
01:06:42They'll make them all pay soon!
01:06:51What?
01:06:52Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:06:53The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up for grabs.
01:06:57The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up for grabs.
01:07:01Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:07:05No!
01:07:07I'm bankrupt!
01:07:10I'm just a little odd card.
01:07:11You tricked me!
01:07:18Oh, allow me.
01:07:22I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:07:24I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:07:30Cheers.
01:07:32Cheers.
01:07:41This looks good.
01:07:47Did you use this?
01:07:49I know your ex-in-laws never appreciated you.
01:07:55You can have all the money and power in the world,
01:07:57but you still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:01I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:08:06Angela,
01:08:09your future with me
01:08:13is going to be different.
01:08:15Come on.
01:08:17Upstairs.
01:08:24Come on.
01:08:35Wow.
01:08:37Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years
01:08:41just because of some silly mistake.
01:08:44Angela,
01:08:46I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:08:49Actually,
01:08:51I've also loved you for years.
01:08:53That's right.
01:08:54I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:08:56How is all of this possible?
01:08:59I'd meet any of you until recently.
01:09:02Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:09:07I've had a crush on you since college.
01:09:09You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:09:13Despite who you were,
01:09:15you never judged me for being poor.
01:09:19Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:09:27All you do is babble on and on about Internet money,
01:09:31Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:09:35Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:09:39I'll teach you a lesson.
01:09:42Hey! Get away from him!
01:09:44Angela!
01:09:46Fancy. I like her.
01:09:59How is he?
01:10:00It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:10:04Oshaga saltifu.
01:10:06Can he be cured?
01:10:07I actually think I know that poison.
01:10:09It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:10:13Household salt.
01:10:22I like her.
01:10:25There you go.
01:10:27What time is it now?
01:10:30Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:10:39I like her.
01:10:41We have been rivals ever since.
01:10:43So, that's how I, well, we all met.
01:10:48I barely remember.
01:10:50I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:10:53Matthew Richards, the guy who attacked you out of revenge.
01:10:57You wouldn't have known.
01:10:58I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:11:00If that makes you feel any better.
01:11:02Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:11:04Yeah.
01:11:05Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:11:07Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years, who will you pick?
01:11:17How can that be?
01:11:19Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:11:26Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:11:30Bankrupt?
01:11:31The Vanderbilt's gone bankrupt?
01:11:34Bankrupt?
01:11:35Well then, get out of here.
01:11:38You can't do this to me.
01:11:43Jared.
01:11:44Mom, it's me.
01:11:45What happened?
01:11:47Jared, I have reconsidered.
01:11:49Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:11:51You should get back with your wife.
01:11:54We're bankrupt.
01:11:55What?
01:11:59Jared Cooper.
01:12:01We're here to propose to your belongings.
01:12:05No one is going to save you now.
01:12:08What?
01:12:12What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:12:19Who will you pick?
01:12:22I...
01:12:27I brought you fried chicken.
01:12:29Fried chicken?
01:12:30Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:12:32Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:12:35Sucking up last minute.
01:12:37At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:12:40Hey, stop. Stop.
01:12:43Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:12:45I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:12:49I mean, Angela Lockhart, you know what I mean.
01:12:53Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:13:01Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:13:05Cole, the general?
01:13:09Or Devin, the CEO?
01:13:14Uh, looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:13:18Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:13:21When she does, she will take this eternal rose made from glass imported from Venice and give it to our winner.
01:13:29Angela.
01:13:32Angela.
01:13:34Oh, I...
01:13:37I need more time to think.
01:13:43While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide, why don't we check in with the candidates?
01:13:48Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:13:51Let's start with Cole.
01:13:53Cole.
01:13:57There's not much to say.
01:13:59Who wouldn't want a five-star general who has huge biceps, a massive chest, who would protect their wife?
01:14:10Okay, thank you.
01:14:12Uh, Shane?
01:14:14Muscles, money, they won't get you so far.
01:14:18But you need a well-balanced man like me that has more than one way to keep a lady happy, if you know what I mean.
01:14:27Okay, I think we do.
01:14:29And Devin.
01:14:32That was quite disgusting.
01:14:36I just hope Angela's okay.
01:14:38I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:14:41I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:14:44A lot of choices to make.
01:14:46And she's my queen.
01:14:48I just really hope she's okay.
01:14:50Now one more thing.
01:14:52What kind of a doctor brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:14:57That's a good point.
01:14:58It's bad for her heart.
01:15:01And then you!
01:15:02What?
01:15:03You know what they say about military men.
01:15:06They beat their wives.
01:15:11Enough!
01:15:14Stand up!
01:15:16Hey, you guys.
01:15:19Whoa, break it up!
01:15:20Hey!
01:15:21Break it up!
01:15:26Cut to commercial!
01:15:27Cut to commercial!
01:15:42This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:15:48Who do I choose?
01:15:57Angela's marrying me!
01:15:58You're not stealing her from me.
01:16:00Oh yeah?
01:16:01I may be a doctor, but like I said, I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:16:07What don't you have in that coat?
01:16:09Fruit flavored gum.
01:16:10I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:16:12I'll fight you then.
01:16:14Don't forget about me.
01:16:16It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:16:21These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:16:24They do not.
01:16:25They do not help.
01:16:26Who made these?
01:16:29It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:16:35I'm actually a part of the X-Men,
01:16:49but I'm also their boss.
01:16:52true identity. I'm actually a part of the X-Men. I have the power of telekinesis!
01:17:05Go!
01:17:17We may have to work together to take him down.
01:17:19This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:17:33I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:17:37Hmm. Winter Mint or Cool Mint?
01:17:41You know, I've always really liked your hair.
01:17:48Really? I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it, so I appreciate that.
01:17:55Hey, hey, hey. And you know, Cole, I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:18:01Really?
01:18:02Yeah.
01:18:06What do you got for me?
01:18:07I always really like the way you chew gum.
01:18:11Yeah? It's fresh, right?
01:18:16You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:18:19You need me to look at you?
01:18:21I need you.
01:18:23Angela's been kidnapped! Angela's been kidnapped!
01:18:27It was Jared Cooper!
01:18:29That fucker!
01:18:31We have to find her.
01:18:32What? How?
01:18:33Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:18:37Well, let's go then!
01:18:39My fiancée!
01:18:40My fiancée!
01:18:47Jared.
01:18:51What am I doing here?
01:18:53You destroyed me.
01:18:57They took everything.
01:19:00What?
01:19:01I have nothing left.
01:19:03It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:19:06I wasn't greedy. I had sex with my wife.
01:19:09What? I'm not your wife anymore.
01:19:12Oh, yeah, I know. You wouldn't take me back now, not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:19:16This is illegal.
01:19:17You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father and be arrested.
01:19:22You will take me back.
01:19:26Come on, bitch.
01:19:29I'll settle you down a little.
01:19:34Please.
01:19:39You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:19:44Hey!
01:19:46Angela, come here!
01:19:51You're too late!
01:19:52I drugged her.
01:19:53She'll be doing the lips.
01:19:54Not yet.
01:19:55Have you forgotten who I am?
01:19:57She really does have everything in her skull.
01:19:59Everything except for fruit.
01:20:00Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum. We get it already.
01:20:02I need my balls.
01:20:05Here you go.
01:20:11You're all good now.
01:20:13Oh, thank God.
01:20:15But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:20:17What? What are you going to do to me?
01:20:20Hey, stop! No! Don't!
01:20:23Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:20:28No!
01:20:30Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:20:32Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:20:40So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:20:42We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:20:45The Prince of Bhutan.
01:20:48And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:20:52Welcome back to the finale of
01:20:54The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:20:56We're down to air.
01:20:57Literally.
01:20:58The wedding day.
01:20:59But who's the groom?
01:21:15Welcome back to the finale of
01:21:17The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:21:19But who's the groom?
01:21:23Seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:21:27Any input from the parents?
01:21:29Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:21:33This is exciting.
01:21:35Who should my daughter pick?
01:21:38Let me think.
01:21:42I like the doctor.
01:21:43He's cute.
01:21:45But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:21:49And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:21:51the one who's loved her the longest.
01:21:53Isn't that right, Devon?
01:21:55Angela.
01:22:02You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:22:07And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:22:11I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:22:14But this was a really hard decision.
01:22:17And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:22:23And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:22:31I'm just kidding.
01:22:32I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:22:35Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:22:39I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:22:41They've all proven their undying love.
01:22:44Who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:22:47Literally.
01:22:50Could it be the sexy and protective,
01:22:53general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:22:57Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:23:02Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:23:06Last but not least,
01:23:08could it be the richest man of them all,
01:23:11the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:23:14Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:23:18Gentlemen.
01:23:19It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:23:21It has.
01:23:22May the best man win.
01:23:24May the best man win.
01:23:27Drum roll, please.
01:23:49Seriously, Ricky?
01:23:58I choose...
01:24:08I need a powerful, strong man
01:24:10and I really feel like he could protect me.
01:24:15Who could resist those guns?
01:24:19Could I interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:24:21Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:24:36Shane, it's you.
01:24:38I'm lovesick for you.
01:24:40You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:24:45It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:24:48Ellen, be my new queen.
01:24:49I hope we can build together.
01:24:51Guns, baby.
01:25:04It's always been you.
01:25:14I'll always love you.
01:25:18Let's give it nine inches, everybody.
01:25:22Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:25:23Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:25:25I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:25:47You
01:25:49You
01:25:51You
01:25:53You
01:25:55You
01:25:57You
01:25:59You
01:26:01You
01:26:03You
01:26:05You
01:26:07You
01:26:09You
01:26:11You
01:26:13You
01:26:15You
01:26:17You
01:26:19You
01:26:21You
01:26:23You
01:26:25You
01:26:27You
01:26:29You
01:26:31You
01:26:33You
01:26:35You
01:26:37You
01:26:39You
01:26:41You
01:26:43You