Junior Taskmaster Episode 7 - Shout out to Slow Maths
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00:00MUSIC
00:02Right, let's go.
00:04Ah!
00:05MUSIC
00:11Can you tape this to my head?
00:12Oh!
00:15Cool plus cool.
00:16MUSIC
00:20That was quite pathetic, don't you think?
00:22MUSIC
00:24APPLAUSE
00:26CHEERING
00:28APPLAUSE
00:34Hello and welcome to Junior Taskmaster.
00:36My name is Rose Matafeo and I'm the Junior Taskmaster.
00:39That means I'm officially young, and I will stay young forever.
00:42I can legally never age. It's in my contract.
00:44Got it? Yeah? Great.
00:46Now, over the series, we've seen 25 children
00:48manoeuvre their way through an enormous amount of tasks.
00:51There have been some highs, there have been some lows,
00:53but now there's only one thing on their minds,
00:55and that is being able to take home this resplendent wonder,
00:59the Junior Taskmaster trophy.
01:01And you know what? I'll even throw in a Tesco bag
01:03so you can carry it home on the bus.
01:05As always, tonight's winner will take home the prize tasks
01:08and they'll win a place in the grand final.
01:11But that is not all.
01:12The person who comes second tonight also goes through
01:15and there is one last final spot available
01:18for the third-place contestant
01:20who wins the most points across both semis.
01:23Got it? Good.
01:24Right, then, let's meet our semi-finalists.
01:26Please welcome Gwynne!
01:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29Jamie!
01:31Kyra!
01:33Jenea!
01:35And Zach!
01:36Wow.
01:38Wonderful.
01:39And finally, my assistant.
01:42He's a man who bought a novelty moustache from Poundland,
01:44super-glued it on, and can't figure out how to take it off.
01:47It's Mike Osborne.
01:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:51Thank you, Rose.
01:54Ultimately, really, this is a show about the dangers
01:56of industrial espionage.
01:59Are you carrying the GPS coordinates for the precise
02:02location of the gap in the market?
02:04Then check no-one's peeping over your shoulder
02:06trying to get a naughty peek.
02:08Remember, don't get your biz-swizzed
02:10by the wrong sort of squiz.
02:15I wish there was a GPS that could tell me
02:17what your brain is doing as well.
02:19This is a beautiful night.
02:20Right, why don't you be a good assistant to me, Mike,
02:22and reveal to me what tonight's prize task is?
02:25You betcha. Prize task time.
02:26And for semi-final number two, the category is
02:28The Most Magnificent Metallic Item.
02:31What exactly constitutes the most magnificent metallic item
02:35is subjective, of course.
02:36I have a tinfoil hat secreted under my wig
02:38that repels mind weapons.
02:41I find that magnificent.
02:42Rose collects used spears.
02:44Mm, yeah.
02:46A lot of people get confused when I say you can stay
02:48in the spear room in my house.
02:51Rose will give five points to The Most Magnificent Metallic Item.
02:54And at the end of the episode, the overall winner will have
02:56five magnificent metallic items to take home with them.
02:58OK, Gwyn, it is so lovely to see you back here.
03:02What is your most magnificent metallic thing you've brought in?
03:04So, the most magnificent metallic thing ever is a gong.
03:08Oh! A gong. OK, please tell me more.
03:12So, at first I was thinking, like, cymbals,
03:14but then I realised that a gong is way bigger, way louder,
03:19which means it's way more magnificent.
03:22So, it'd be good for stress, wouldn't it, hitting that gong?
03:25Yeah. Fantastic. Double duty.
03:27It's better than a therapist. You can't hit a therapist.
03:31Children today!
03:34Now, Jamie, what have you brought tonight
03:36which is the most magnificent metallic item?
03:38A spork.
03:39A spork!
03:43OK. What is a spork?
03:45So, a spork... Yeah.
03:47..spoon, fork.
03:51And that's how they make them at the factory?
03:53Just smash them together?
03:54Might be. Might be.
03:56Tell us why it's so magnificent, the spork.
03:59You can use it for all three meals of the day.
04:01OK. You've got breakfast.
04:03So, say you're having cereal, yeah?
04:05You can scoop up the milk and get the cereal.
04:09Oh, amazing, yeah. It's what I've always wanted, a leaky spoon.
04:12But then again, I might want a different breakfast food stuff,
04:15right, so I'd need the fork element, right?
04:17So, if you say you want waffles or pancakes with ice cream...
04:21Yes. ..two in one.
04:23There is nothing more magnificent than something that can do
04:26the job of two things slightly less good.
04:29Uh...
04:30Kyra. Hey-ya. Hi.
04:33What's up? How you doing? Good.
04:35I want to know what you've brought in for your prize task.
04:38The Kelpies.
04:39Whatever it is.
04:40The Kelpies.
04:41Whatever is the Kel... Oh! OK.
04:45The Kelpies are a Scottish tourist attraction.
04:48It's that big and magnificent that I couldn't bring it with me.
04:51Don't they have special powers, Kelpies?
04:53Well, they're water creatures, but they can appear on land as a horse
04:57and they have up to ten times more strength than a horse does.
05:01OK, I'm going to throw a spork in the works.
05:05Is this a magnificent metallic thing,
05:07or is it to the representation of a magnificent metallic thing?
05:11I mean, I guess that frame, is that metal as well?
05:13Yeah. OK.
05:14There we go.
05:15That is a girl clutching for points.
05:17Yeah, yeah, it's metallic as well.
05:20I'm actually Scottish, you know. I'm quite a Scottish.
05:22Scotch is the best place in the world.
05:24Yeah, it kind of is, isn't it?
05:25It is.
05:29It is. It is.
05:30Most assertive tourism board advert of all time.
05:33Yeah.
05:35Shania, what is your most magnificent metallic item
05:38you've brought for us today?
05:40Well, I have brought money.
05:44What makes this pile of money magnificent?
05:46So, this money is magnificent cos you can buy anything with it.
05:50Yeah.
05:52You can buy a yacht...
05:53Sorry, I can buy a yacht with that pile of money?
05:58Well, you can buy anything with money except abstract nouns.
06:02So, you can't, like, buy, like, melancholy or something?
06:05No. You can't buy happiness.
06:07You can't buy happiness, you can't buy ennui,
06:10you can buy a small yacht.
06:12Yeah.
06:13It's in the eye of the beholder
06:15whether or not money is as magnificent as a spork.
06:19So, I'll think about that, but thank you very much for that, Shania.
06:23And last but not least, Zach, hello!
06:25Hi.
06:26What's up, dude?
06:27You have brought in something for us today, yes?
06:29What have you brought?
06:30Well, I've been making some modern art recently.
06:32Ah! OK.
06:34LAUGHTER
06:36Tell me more about this.
06:38OK, so, my mum's always taken me into these crazy art galleries,
06:42there's all these weird paintings of, like,
06:44some guy who hasn't combed his hair in a week
06:46or someone with stinky armpits, for example.
06:48Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:50So, I made some modern art of my own.
06:52And as you can clearly see, there's lots of babies on it, right?
06:54Yep.
06:55And if you have younger siblings and they're babies,
06:57you know, they're always fighting with each other
06:59over toys, right?
07:00Uh-huh, yeah.
07:01So, they're harmonising to one main goal,
07:03that is to climb to the top.
07:05That's why I think it's magnificent.
07:07And if you use your eyes, you can see that it's metallic.
07:09LAUGHTER
07:12I just got metal-splained... Yeah, yeah. ..by a child.
07:15LAUGHTER
07:17It's shocking, it's provocative, it's modern.
07:20It's beautiful.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:23So, I am going to give...
07:25Oh, look, honestly, money don't mean everything to me.
07:29So, Shania, it's going to be one point for you.
07:32I've already got a yacht.
07:33LAUGHTER
07:35Two points to Kyra.
07:37Zac, I mean, it was creative.
07:39I'm slightly freaked out by it, but I think it deserves three points.
07:42I think I'm giving four points to a spork.
07:46Well done, but five points goes to Gwen for her gondola.
07:49APPLAUSE
07:51Well done.
07:53Oshirake.
07:55Mike, my little chickadee, what have you got for me?
07:58Sleuthing is the name of the game for this task,
08:01but who will be Miss Marple, and who will simply be a miss?
08:04LAUGHTER
08:06MUSIC
08:20Hello, Gwen. Hello.
08:22Hello. Hello, Shania.
08:23Hello.
08:24Jamie.
08:26Hello.
08:29Hello. Hello, Zac.
08:32Who's these? Shh!
08:34What's up, Kyra?
08:36I'm concerned.
08:38Why is there a sleeping man sitting on a chair with a bag next to him?
08:43Good question.
08:44LAUGHTER
08:51Work out the following information about the sleeping person
08:55without waking them up.
08:56One, their name.
08:58Two, age.
09:00Three, their job.
09:02Four, nationality.
09:04Five, most recent meal.
09:06You have five minutes. Your time starts now.
09:09OK.
09:10APPLAUSE
09:12Ooh, OK.
09:14Wow.
09:16Some very, very different entries into that room.
09:19Zac just coming straight in, who's this?!
09:22It's like a sort of resuscitation move.
09:24Yeah.
09:25I think Kyra did what I would probably do,
09:27which is immediately go, I'm concerned.
09:30LAUGHTER
09:31What exactly concerned you about the whole situation, Kyra?
09:35He brought a sleeping man.
09:38Do you just find people on the streets or something?
09:40Yeah, I do. I don't reveal my sources.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:45What did you think when you first walked into that room?
09:47What was going through your minds?
09:48I was concerned as well. Yeah.
09:51He was snoring unhealthily loud.
09:53LAUGHTER
09:55Do you snore, Mike?
09:57I have received criticism in the past.
09:59LAUGHTER
10:01Er, who's next, please?
10:03Up next, it's Kyra, Shania...
10:05..and Gwen. OK.
10:10Where did you get this man from?
10:13LAUGHTER
10:15And his nationality?
10:16He's...
10:18..he's from Wales.
10:19Look, he's got Wales on his socks.
10:21And a little Welsh tattoo.
10:23They're Welsh.
10:25Most recent meal was a sausage roll.
10:28BUZZER
10:30Some sort of bake.
10:31BUZZER
10:33Like some kind of...pasty.
10:35BUZZER
10:36HE SNIFFS
10:39That smells...not very nice.
10:41His job was a chef.
10:42What are you basing that on?
10:44LAUGHTER
10:47There's a football.
10:48Right. There's...
10:50Er...
10:52HE SNIFFS
10:53I think this is what referees wear.
10:56Right. So he could be a referee.
10:58Right. Yeah.
10:59He's got grey hair.
11:02Right. Does that help?
11:03Yeah. So he's old.
11:05LAUGHTER
11:07You pickpocketing, Gwen?
11:09You've done that before?
11:10My mum's. Yeah?
11:12LAUGHTER
11:13What did you filter out of your mum's pocket?
11:15Just a £5 note, but I gave it back.
11:17Did you? Why? Yeah.
11:19Because I felt guilty.
11:21I don't feel guilty this time.
11:22LAUGHTER
11:25So his name is Ian.
11:26And he was born on the 8th of December, 1958.
11:30Ian Jenkins. Is it?
11:321958.
11:33So he's 65 years old. Is he?
11:37His name is either William or John.
11:40And what are you basing that on?
11:43I don't know.
11:44LAUGHTER
11:53John.
11:55LAUGHTER
11:57He's 61.
11:58He's 61? Yes.
12:01And how did you work out that he was 61?
12:03I know people in the world. Right.
12:05LAUGHTER
12:07Don't wake him up with your whistle.
12:09WHISTLE BLOWS
12:10LAUGHTER
12:12Bye-bye.
12:15Have you done any detective work before, Gwen?
12:17This was my first time. OK.
12:20It feels...
12:21powerful.
12:23LAUGHTER
12:24You are still in possession of this man's wallet.
12:28LAUGHTER
12:31Please don't get paid very well.
12:33Oh, right, OK.
12:35Thanks, Gwen.
12:37Thank you. Bye.
12:38Bye-bye.
12:39LAUGHTER
12:41APPLAUSE
12:44He's got the wallet!
12:47Oh, thank you!
12:50Please don't get paid very well, you crooked cop, you.
12:54Gwen, I can't believe it. What did you do with that money?
12:57I still have that 25 quid.
12:59I'll give it to you.
13:01Five points. You're miked, Gwen.
13:03Everyone can hear you.
13:05No, seriously, yeah, OK, fine.
13:06In terms of the sting, you've wired yourself.
13:09LAUGHTER
13:11Now, what's helpful, getting that wallet,
13:13cos there was some information in there.
13:14There was some information sort of lying out in the open there,
13:17the pasty in the hand there, Shania.
13:19I just guessed.
13:20Wait, you looked at it and you were like, that was a pasty?
13:22Yeah. Have you ever had a pasty before?
13:24I don't like them. Oh.
13:25You don't like them? I'm not a fan. No, I don't really like pastry.
13:28Kairi, I think you might be genuinely nearly telepathic,
13:31because you were just, like, guessing some stuff
13:33and, like, getting so, so close.
13:36You were like, that guy's 61.
13:37Very good guessing there. I did terrible.
13:39No, you didn't! No, you didn't, Kairi.
13:42You literally looked at that guy and you were like,
13:44his name's not William or John.
13:46That's what I think about every man I look at, right?
13:48LAUGHTER
13:50See what I thought?
13:51I thought he just came home from his job,
13:53sat down, had a sausage roll and he fell asleep.
13:57God, story of my life.
13:58LAUGHTER
14:02Look, I'm very excited to see how all of you got on there,
14:04but it is time for a break.
14:06And you know what that means?
14:07It means it's time for a break! See you soon!
14:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:11MUSIC
14:16APPLAUSE
14:21Hello, welcome back. What did you get up to in the break?
14:23Me and Mike actually held the kids by their ankles
14:25and shook them upside down until coins fell out.
14:27I have no regrets.
14:29LAUGHTER
14:30So, I'd love to see our next set of Sherlock's.
14:33My dear Woz-on. That was quite good, actually.
14:35Lovely.
14:37Time now, in that case, for Jamie and Zak.
14:39OK.
14:42Right.
14:46SNORING
14:50It's, um, birthday party invitation.
14:54Uh, please come to my wife's surprise 60th fancy dress birthday party.
14:58Dress as something beginning with C.
15:00Love, Ian.
15:02I have a feeling he's giving these out.
15:04I think his name is Lanx.
15:07It's Lanx? Yes, it's a Marvel name.
15:09It's... Lanx.
15:11Oh, that's so cool.
15:12Um, hold on.
15:14Ooh, this might help.
15:21Oh, wait, he's a referee, I think.
15:24Is there a ref?
15:26I think he's a referee.
15:28OK, his nationality is Welsh, cos of his spide tattoo.
15:32I see.
15:34They're Scottish. Pardon?
15:36They're Scottish.
15:37There's a Scotland flag in here.
15:40No, it's Wales.
15:43Wales.
15:45His most recent meal...
15:47That looks like a Greg's meat pie.
15:50Last meal...
15:52It smells like a sausage bagel or something.
15:55I'm not gonna guess.
15:57Just an estimate.
15:59He is 64 years old.
16:01What are you basing that on?
16:02I was like, it's around the same age as my nan.
16:04Same amount of wrinkles, same hair colour.
16:09Wallet. Oh.
16:11Have you just picked his pocket?
16:12Yep.
16:14Ian, 1958.
16:17Quick maths.
16:1856, 70...
16:20He's 72.
16:21BUZZER
16:23HE SCREAMS
16:24HE SCREAMS
16:27Can I keep his money?
16:30Why would you keep his money?
16:31Cos I want it.
16:34Cheers.
16:38Bye!
16:45Poor, poor, poor Ian.
16:47He was gonna use that money to buy Carol a 60th birthday present, wasn't he?
16:52Jamie, you thought you deserved it.
16:54Yeah, I deserve it more than him.
16:56Your reasoning was bulletproof.
16:57You were like, can I take this?
16:58Why? Because I want it.
17:01He's a quick decision-maker.
17:02And you did, you got to the age of 72 using quick maths.
17:06So, I mean, I think...
17:07I think that means we give a shout-out to slow maths.
17:09LAUGHTER
17:11Wow. Zach, let's talk about Lanx.
17:15I've got to say, I've met a few Lanxes in my raving days.
17:20I mean, you're a truly original thinker.
17:22Who puts an X at the end of their name?
17:24An affectionate person.
17:26Is it you?
17:28No, honestly, I loved watching that task.
17:30It was very, very fun.
17:31I would love to know who got the closest to solving
17:34the mystery of the sleeping man, Mike.
17:36OK, you'd like some answers? Yes.
17:37Well, his name was Ian Jenkins.
17:39Quite a few of you got that.
17:40His age was 65 years old, as we know.
17:42His job was a referee.
17:43The fancy dress invitation dressed as something we can either see,
17:46cos it's Carol's birthday, so he was dressed as a chef for the party.
17:50His nationality was Welsh, as you spotted,
17:52and his most recent meal was a Cornish pasty.
17:54So, out of that, Shania got four correct answers.
17:57Jamie and Gwen got three correct answers.
17:59Zak got two and Kyra got one.
18:01OK, so I think Kyra, one point.
18:04Admirable effort. Zak, going to give two points there.
18:06Gwen and Jamie, joint second with four points,
18:09but full five points has to go to Shania.
18:11Well done.
18:12APPLAUSE
18:14Well done, well done.
18:16We'll see how that all affects the scoreboard.
18:19OK, OK, here we go.
18:20It's still all very much to play for.
18:22We've got Kyra with three,
18:24and at the top end, very close indeed to each other,
18:25Jamie with eight and Gwen with nine.
18:27OK, there. Oh, it's a tie.
18:29Yes!
18:30A whole tie for us. Very, very close.
18:33Oh, all right, Mike, my sweet cherub, what is up next?
18:36The stallion.
18:38The elephant, the sea lion.
18:39All animals, which at one time or another
18:41have been brought to heel and wrangled by mankind.
18:44But how will our contestants fare with the mighty caterpillar?
18:48MUSIC PLAYS
19:01Hello.
19:02Hello, Zak.
19:03Hello.
19:04Gwen.
19:05Hello, Kyra.
19:06Hello.
19:07Shania.
19:08Jamie.
19:09Mike.
19:10Toast.
19:11Oh.
19:12Fancy doing a task?
19:13Oh, hell, yeah.
19:15Move the caterpillar safely from the living room table
19:18to the leaf on the caravan table.
19:20You may only use two items to capture and move the caterpillar.
19:24And you must not touch the caterpillar with your hands.
19:27You have until the toaster has popped to choose your two items.
19:30Only then may you capture the caterpillar.
19:32And the caterpillar must be safely moved before the microwave pings.
19:37The person who successfully moves the caterpillar
19:39and looks after it the best, wins.
19:41Your time starts now.
19:45OK.
19:47Oh, what do I get, what do I get, what do I get?
19:49OK, right, so, let's get a pot.
19:56Oh, but, Dan, you get it then, don't you?
19:58You need to get it before that pops up with two items.
20:01APPLAUSE
20:07Has anyone moved a caterpillar before, or any type of insect?
20:10Oh, yeah, yeah. Jamie, have you moved an insect before?
20:12It's not a proper insect, because I'm too scared to touch them.
20:16I moved a toy spider.
20:18Oh, OK.
20:20Put it in my cupboard.
20:21Fantastic.
20:22Kyra, what's your favourite insect?
20:24Well, because I can put them in my sister's pillows.
20:28Are you...
20:32I've got two of the most annoying little sisters in the world.
20:36Oh, come on, Kyra, let me be watching this.
20:39I don't care.
20:43I do want to see who is up first.
20:45OK, well, first up, it's Kyra, Sinead and Zak.
20:48OK. All right.
20:51I've got my two items.
20:52Are you completely happy, are you?
20:54Yep, I've got a pot and some leaves.
20:56OK.
20:57Have you got your two items? Yes, a brush and shovel.
21:00I put the leaves in the pot. Yeah.
21:02And the caterpillar comes into the pot.
21:03I can put that there, and then just go like that,
21:06the caterpillar's on there, and then I can bring it and put it on that.
21:09I'm thinking some sort of container.
21:11What kind of container? Box.
21:13I'll take this lid. A lid.
21:15A lid and a box.
21:18Oh, the toast.
21:20That's good.
21:21Can I go in the living room now?
21:22Oh, one moment, please.
21:24All right.
21:33Oh, I thought it was going to be a real one.
21:37Is that a real one?
21:38Whoa!
21:40I don't expect that.
21:41Oh, hello, Mr Caterpillar.
21:45What's the strategy?
21:46I don't have one anymore.
21:48What was it going to be?
21:49Just get it and shovel it on.
21:51But that's jelly, and it'll break.
21:54Oh.
21:56I think I was cutting it off, but...
21:58I'm sorry, Caterpillar.
22:04What's happening?
22:05You're sort of smushing it sort of straight in the face, is it?
22:08Oh, I think I killed it.
22:14Oh, no, it's split in half.
22:17Oh, I've got it in.
22:19So, you're giving it a shake, are you, for good measure?
22:21Yeah. Right.
22:23Moustache man first.
22:25Oh, thank you.
22:26Maybe this old kind of caterpillar mould,
22:29we can put it in and it can regrow.
22:31Are you prone to wishful thinking?
22:34I don't like this, cos I can't use my hands.
22:38Just tip it.
22:40Yeah.
22:42Maybe I'll just plop.
22:44And maybe I could just use the leaves
22:47and, like, rearrange the caterpillar, maybe?
22:53Erm... Wow.
22:54I don't know.
22:56How do you think your caterpillar's doing?
22:57Dead. Dead? Yes.
22:59Oh, still got some guts.
23:02Good grief.
23:08Who's a good caterpillar?
23:10Well, I think someone.
23:16I just ruined the test, didn't I?
23:20Why did you poke it? Cos I...
23:22I poked it up.
23:27That was really good.
23:28Ooh, OK.
23:30May I say, he poked it first of all.
23:33And then she touched the nose and put it back on it.
23:36Yeah, but that's... Yeah, but that's not...
23:37We all saw that, Kyra, yeah.
23:40Shania, you were very gentle with yours.
23:42Like, hello, come here, little...
23:44Come on, we're gonna get you onto this one.
23:47Bartak, honestly, it was more like you were trying
23:49to trap that caterpillar, weren't you?
23:51Well, it's what I'm good at.
23:54You just had fun just jiggling it up at one point.
23:57Yeah.
23:59Now, I am gagging to find out
24:01if any of these caterpillars got delivered safely.
24:03So, who's next, Mike?
24:04Next up, it's Gwen and Jamie.
24:08Basically, get the caterpillar. Yeah.
24:10Scrape it along into this
24:13and then carry it along over here.
24:15Something has changed about you.
24:18Do you like my gloves? They're Gucci.
24:20I'm not actually touching it, the gloves are touching it.
24:23I once found a butterfly in my garden
24:25and I got too attached to it.
24:27Emotionally? Yeah.
24:29What was the name of this butterfly?
24:31Bobby the butterfly.
24:32I was in the pool, landed on my arm. Yeah.
24:35Hello.
24:36And then I just didn't want it to leave and it died.
24:40It's a desperately sad story.
24:42Shall we do this for Bobby, then? Yes. OK.
24:45OK.
24:46Oh!
24:49Caterpillar, I'm coming!
24:54Great.
24:58Oh, no.
25:00Is that good or bad? Bad.
25:02It's a slippery little sucker. Yeah.
25:05Oh!
25:06OK. It didn't say it had to be in one piece.
25:08Right.
25:11Oh, well.
25:13Oh, my God, this isn't going good. No?
25:16OK, let's go. OK.
25:19Er, you've rather lost the spring in your step on the way back.
25:23It's not a death march or anything like that, is it?
25:29Bad.
25:30Um, that was just its hair.
25:32Yeah, that was its hair, as well. Its hair?
25:37Dinner's served.
25:39Is that it? I guess.
25:43OK, get on to it, you little one.
25:51It's a caterpillar.
25:53I'd say that's just in the nick of time, wouldn't you?
25:56Caterpillar, would you like some toast?
25:58LAUGHTER
26:01Ooh, one piping hot bag of ratatouille.
26:05I'll let you eat on your own. Do you want to share?
26:08No. See ya.
26:10APPLAUSE
26:18You, er, you enjoy that ratatouille there, Mike?
26:21Delicious. Yeah, don't... Yeah, quite sweet. Yeah.
26:23Don't go to his house for dinner. Everything's in bags.
26:25It's disgusting.
26:27You're a crazy spaceman.
26:28Bag of lasagne tonight, if you fancy popping over?
26:30No, no. No, thank you.
26:32I want to roll back to the beautiful story of Jamie
26:34getting attached to a... Bobby.
26:36Bobby the butterfly. That was beautiful.
26:38It brought a tear to my eye.
26:39Yeah, how do you think Bobby would have felt about that?
26:42He made me fussed.
26:46Gwen, what would you have done different?
26:47I would have transported it to a wheelbarrow.
26:50A wheelbarrow? Yeah.
26:53How would you have got the wheelbarrow in the caravan?
26:57Jamie?
26:59Well, I wouldn't have got a dustpan and brush.
27:01So you would have got a different tool?
27:02That's what you would have done differently? Yeah, probably.
27:04Right. A plate and a spork.
27:06Oh!
27:07LAUGHTER
27:08The spork comes out for play.
27:10APPLAUSE
27:11That was fantastic. Nice, nice, nice.
27:14All right, well, look, I think it's going to hurt my eyes to see it,
27:17but I think I need to see all of the caterpillars one more time, OK?
27:20OK, but gird your loins, I suppose. OK.
27:24Here we are.
27:26OK.
27:27Gwen, I'm sorry, that is not a caterpillar anymore.
27:31I think, Shania, you kind of Frankensteined your together a bit,
27:34so it looks rather impressive, actually, from a bird's-eye view.
27:36Oh, she touched the nose.
27:38No, no, no, no, no, no.
27:40There she goes.
27:41So, I think my markings have to be,
27:43Zac, you touched that caterpillar and you're all like,
27:45yeah, I kind of lost that task.
27:47So I'm going to have to give you zero points for the disqualification.
27:50Yay! But, yes, you take it like a champ.
27:52All right, Gwen, I mean, that is a hot mess.
27:55I guess that's going to give you two points.
27:57Jamie, three points there, but between Kyra and Shania,
28:00to your point, touching the nose, I think she didn't touch the jelly,
28:03so I'm going to be lenient here,
28:05but I am going to give the full five points to Kyra
28:09because I thought that was brilliant.
28:11Well done, well done.
28:14Well, this feels like the right time to have a commercial break,
28:16so let's do it.
28:26APPLAUSE
28:28Hello, welcome back.
28:30Hey, wait, I think I'll have another task.
28:32Neat.
28:33Are you sure? I think you've had enough.
28:35Yeah, I'll tell you when I've had enough.
28:38You don't know me.
28:40Another task, please. What is next?
28:43Tummy is the most valuable commodity we have,
28:46apart from gold, potash and miscellaneous.
28:48But, given time, will our contestants waste it
28:52or make it worth their while?
28:55MUSIC PLAYS
29:08Hi. Hello.
29:09How are you, Shania? I'm good, thanks.
29:11Hello, Kyra. Hello, Mike. We meet again.
29:13We meet again.
29:15Hello. Hello, Jamie.
29:17Hello, Gwen. Hello, Mike.
29:19Hi. Hi, Zak.
29:21What are your plans after this?
29:23Might have a snack. Yeah.
29:25What are you doing?
29:27Thai shopping?
29:28Well, probably Thai repair, that kind of thing.
29:32Gwen. Mm-hm?
29:34What would be the perfect weekend?
29:36Probably a trip to America or something
29:38where I can go to a big theme park with a lot of roller coasters.
29:41I like the way they kind of flip me upside down
29:44and I've got no control whatsoever in what's happening,
29:46but I still feel safe.
29:48OK.
29:49May I open the task? Certainly.
29:54Pass the time in the most productive way.
29:57The person who passes the time in the most productive way wins.
30:01You have one minute to plan and five minutes to be productive.
30:06The time starts now.
30:08OK.
30:10What does that mean?
30:12It means doing a lot or achieving a lot.
30:16Achieving stuff?
30:18Yeah.
30:19APPLAUSE
30:22Interesting.
30:24Oh, gosh.
30:25Jamie, you just assumed that Mike's past time is Thai shopping.
30:28Is that true?
30:29These are handmade for me by someone who loves me.
30:32Well, la dee freakin' da, Mike.
30:35We don't have all loved ones who make knitted ties for them.
30:40Kyra, you seemed pretty confused when it came to being like,
30:43what is being productive? Yeah, right.
30:44So, so, so, if I don't do something right, don't blame me.
30:50Blame the person sitting next to you because I have no clue what it meant.
30:53Wow.
30:55He told me it was achieving a lot.
30:57Oh, my gosh, these children are so defensive, man.
31:00What have we done to them?
31:03Look, I would love to be productive right now
31:05and see how they all got on, Mike.
31:07OK, well, it's time for Gwen and Kyra.
31:11Wait, do we have bread, butter and cheese?
31:14In the Junior Taskmaster house? Yeah.
31:16Oh, probably.
31:20I mean, I could get a piece of paper, write an award for something
31:24and you give it to me because I'm fabulous.
31:27What would the award be for?
31:29Your favourite Junior Taskmaster competitent.
31:33I think there's a clock in here somewhere.
31:36What are you thinking?
31:37I want to pass the time to someone, like, pass the clock,
31:40which has the time on it.
31:43And be productive.
31:47OK.
31:50Do you mind standing there, please, Mike?
31:52Yeah, sure.
31:53Can you hold this for me?
31:55And then can you pass it back to me, please?
31:58Certificate C.
32:01Do you mind if you help me with spelling?
32:03A-R...
32:05Now, can you hold this for me, please?
32:08Just where it's, like, the crests.
32:10Yeah, absolutely.
32:11Keeps you regular, doesn't it?
32:15Thank you. Thank you.
32:23Oh! Sorry.
32:25It's a bit buttery, that clock.
32:31Oh, yes.
32:3539 seconds.
32:3639 seconds?
32:37Yeah. And is it the crisps going in the sandwich?
32:39No, outside the sandwich.
32:40So it's a presentation?
32:41Yes, but also...
32:44crisps are a delicacy.
32:48Thanks, Gwen.
32:50Bye-bye.
32:51Bye.
32:53I'll just come up to you and shake your hand, OK?
32:55Hello, Mike, you're my favourite.
32:57Hello, Kara, you're my favourite.
33:00APPLAUSE
33:03This presentation is not conducted under duress
33:06or threat of violence.
33:07APPLAUSE
33:10Wow.
33:12Wow, wow, wow.
33:13I've never heard of someone giving themselves a certificate before.
33:16I've got to say, that was giving me big Trump vibes,
33:19that whole thing.
33:20The, ha!
33:21It may not be true that I said he's my favourite, necessarily.
33:24Right.
33:25But, you see, I'm his favourite.
33:28I feel betrayed.
33:29Yeah, Mike, I thought we were friends!
33:32Come on, Mike!
33:33Well, look, everyone's clearly got different interpretations
33:36of what is productive.
33:37Gwen, you're very literal with this, with the passing of time.
33:41I was the only one who really passed time.
33:43I actually passed time.
33:46OK, the others were experiencing time at a usual rate.
33:49Yes.
33:50I mean, I loved it.
33:51But I will say, Mike, you do well to not talk about the regularity
33:54of my bowels on television.
33:56OK?
33:57Thank you very much.
33:58Keep that private.
33:59I also love the quote, crisps are a delicacy.
34:02They are!
34:03That is valid, crisps are a delicacy.
34:07I enjoyed watching those tasks, I think they both did pretty well.
34:10I'm ready for another, though, Mike.
34:12OK, well, here's Shania and Zach.
34:14Mm-hm.
34:15OK.
34:17I have my productive items.
34:21OK.
34:24What to play?
34:39Hmm.
34:42You're being productive, so I'm going to clean all this for you.
34:45You're very welcome.
34:46This looks a bit dusty.
35:03That is done.
35:04You've got... A bit more.
35:06..a minute and a half left to be productive.
35:08A minute?
35:09OK, right.
35:10One minute and four seconds left.
35:15You've cleaned the room, is there anything else you'd like to do?
35:17Tax returns.
35:18I beg your pardon?
35:19Do you do your taxes on the phone?
35:21You're going to do your tax return?
35:22No, I'm doing your tax return.
35:23My tax return?
35:24Yeah.
35:25I don't know how these things work, but OK.
35:28Hello?
35:30Uh-huh.
35:31£79.63, £128,159 and 53 pence.
35:37Bye.
35:45WHISTLE
35:48Thank you, Zach.
35:49OK.
35:50It's all done.
35:51It's all done?
35:52I did it all for you.
35:53So I don't even need to pay any tax or anything?
35:55No.
35:56Great.
35:57WHISTLE
35:58Bye.
35:59Thank you, Sinead.
36:00APPLAUSE
36:03Wow.
36:04Yeah.
36:05Look...
36:06So much money.
36:07I love you both.
36:09I think you're both very deeply talented,
36:12but I have never seen a more stark representation
36:15of prison, of gendered social norms...
36:17LAUGHTER
36:18..in which we live than that VT.
36:21So I'm going to start with Sinead.
36:24I mean, Sinead, you're out here doing a tax return, girl.
36:27LAUGHTER
36:29What made you even think of doing a tax return?
36:31Oh, well, so a few days ago, I was at the park
36:34and I heard some two old ladies going,
36:36oh, Janet, I need to do my tax return.
36:39LAUGHTER
36:40So then I kept it in my head for a few days and, um, I thought...
36:45Look, Sinead, I know you saw me in the park, all right?
36:48And I think it's actually a rather private conversation
36:51you were overhearing with me and my drink.
36:53Look, Zac, I'm going to give you a chance.
36:55How would you say that was productive?
36:57Well, I was playing scary games and I bet you could not do that.
37:01I bet you could not face your fears of scary haunted animatronics.
37:05I mean, that is true, but I fail to see that that is productive.
37:10The thing is, I'm a gamer, so progress is very important to me.
37:14So any chance I get to just, like, get that safe percentage
37:17up a tiny bit, I will easily take.
37:20Gosh, oh, gosh.
37:21I had two older brothers, I've heard this speech a million times.
37:24LAUGHTER
37:26All right, here it comes.
37:28Rick time.
37:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:40Welcome back to Junior Taskmaster, where everybody knows your name.
37:44What's next, Martin?
37:45LAUGHTER
37:47Well, before the break, we saw some very different interpretations
37:50of productivity. Finally, here is Jamie.
37:56All right. Tell me what you're thinking.
37:58Football. Yeah.
38:00Do you know how to play football? Yeah, sort of.
38:04You're going to get destroyed at this.
38:07I play football all the time.
38:09I feel I should warn you, the last time I played football,
38:11I was probably your age. Mm-hm.
38:13I did accidentally break a boy's leg.
38:14Don't worry, I've done that before. OK, fine.
38:17Rock, paper, scissors, kick off. OK.
38:19Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
38:21I get kick off.
38:23Five-minute game, two and a half minutes each way.
38:24Yep. WHISTLE
38:26LAUGHTER
38:28Argh!
38:29Oh, no.
38:34Too easy.
38:35Oi!
38:40Ooh! Ooh, ooh!
38:42Argh!
38:43Your dummy's right.
38:44WHISTLE
38:45Oi!
38:47I thought you were better than this.
38:49WHISTLE
38:51Too easy.
38:52WHISTLE
38:53Swap hands.
38:54WHISTLE
38:56MUSIC
38:58MUSIC CONTINUES
39:01MUSIC CONTINUES
39:03MUSIC CONTINUES
39:06Argh!
39:07MUSIC CONTINUES
39:09MUSIC CONTINUES
39:10Oi!
39:11WHISTLE
39:14Better luck next time.
39:15Is that all right?
39:17Yeah?
39:19Yeah, I think I did quite well.
39:21I was... Yeah.
39:22Well, I'm going to leave you to breathe in.
39:26Thanks. Breathe out.
39:27Thanks. Probably going to get an ice bath or something.
39:30Sort of thing I normally do after a game of...
39:33..fussy.
39:36Oh, God.
39:38I can breathe.
39:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:46Honestly, I have never watched a more thrilling game of football.
39:50You suck at football.
39:51Stop!
39:53You eviscerated him.
39:54What did you... I mean, what?
39:56I think he was probably offside for...
40:02What is productive about that football game?
40:05Well, it was active. Yeah.
40:06I mean, for Mike.
40:08LAUGHTER
40:10Is that fair enough?
40:12I guess that's what productivity is about.
40:14What was your goal in that game?
40:15Uh...
40:17Probably just to embarrass him.
40:19Ah, right. I think, well, then, you may have been very successful.
40:23LAUGHTER
40:24You did all pass the time, but it's down to who was the most productive,
40:27so it is time for me to give out some points.
40:29Yeah? OK.
40:30Uh, yeah, Zac, it's one point for you.
40:32Um, Kyra, I'm going to give you two
40:34because I didn't see the thing you were achieving.
40:37Uh, Gwen, I'm going to give you three points.
40:39Shania, I mean, doing a tax return, that totally deserves four points,
40:43but, honestly, I just love that football game so much,
40:46so it goes five points to Jamie.
40:47Five points to Jamie. Four points.
40:50Good evening, everybody.
40:51So good.
40:53All right, what has that done to the scores, Mike?
40:55Well, it has done this. It is still very tight.
40:58We've got Shania and Gwen tied on 14,
41:00and just ahead of them is Jamie on 16 points.
41:02Whoa!
41:03APPLAUSE
41:05OK, my pedigree chums, make your way over to the stage
41:08for the final task of the show.
41:09APPLAUSE
41:19Mike, who's rooting out tonight's final task?
41:21It will be Shania, please.
41:25Throw a ball of wet loo roll at Mike's moustache.
41:29The person whose wet loo roll lands the furthest away
41:32from Mike's moustache in each round will be eliminated.
41:35There is a bonus point for the most direct hit.
41:38Does that make sense? OK.
41:39OK, we are going to begin with Jamie,
41:43as he has the largest number of points.
41:46I shall assume the position.
41:47BUZZER
41:50Here we go, first one up.
41:53Oh!
41:54APPLAUSE
41:59Oh!
42:00Wow!
42:04That is impressive!
42:07APPLAUSE
42:09BUZZER
42:11Oh!
42:13Come on, Jack!
42:15Oh!
42:17How much? I'm going to throw in points.
42:19Outstanding levels of disintegration.
42:21Gwen, you're up.
42:23Oh!
42:25I'm a woman, eh?
42:27The furthest away from Mike's moustache was Kyra.
42:31Make your way to the elimination bench, please, Kyra.
42:37All right, Jamie.
42:38Oh!
42:40APPLAUSE
42:45That was incredible!
42:51OK, no drama.
42:54APPLAUSE
42:58BUZZER
43:01Oh!
43:02Gwen, no, Gwen!
43:05Okey-dokey.
43:06Jamie.
43:09Oh!
43:11Oh!
43:12APPLAUSE
43:14Oh, my God!
43:16You know he's not as capable of accuracy.
43:19Oh!
43:21There he goes.
43:22Let's give him an elimination bench.
43:24APPLAUSE
43:25Two left in the game.
43:28All right, it's down to Jamie and Shania.
43:32Olympic levels of silence.
43:35I don't need this anymore, do I?
43:40Mate, I think you might have missed.
43:46Oh!
43:48APPLAUSE
43:50Last round.
43:56Straight to business.
43:57APPLAUSE
43:59All right, this next contestant's Chinez.
44:01APPLAUSE
44:02There we go.
44:05Please, all of you, come back down here
44:07and we'll see how that depicted the final scores!
44:09Well done.
44:10APPLAUSE
44:17Ooh, wow!
44:19I mean, Mike, please remind me about all of the aspects
44:22of that task and what they could have got points for.
44:24Well, the first thing I can reveal is that the bonus point
44:27that was available for the closest to bullseying my moustache
44:30does go to Jamie.
44:31APPLAUSE
44:34Bonus point to Jamie.
44:35APPLAUSE
44:37And then in terms of elimination bench,
44:39Time Cara came off first, so she got one point.
44:41Gwen got two.
44:43Zac, three points.
44:44Jamie got four, plus his bonus point, five.
44:46And the person who won that particular game
44:49gets five points. It's Chenez.
44:50Well done, Chenez.
44:51APPLAUSE
44:53All right.
44:54OK, Mike, look, I want to call you John Micabro,
44:57because it's time to serve up some final points.
44:59Nice.
45:00Rose, let me tell you,
45:02you don't get more mind-blowingly exhilarating than this,
45:04because both the runner-up and the winner
45:06will be going straight through to next week's final.
45:09There is also one place available for whoever comes third
45:12with the most points across both semis,
45:14but we won't find out who made the cut until the finale next week.
45:18So, take a deep breath, fasten your seatbelts
45:21and syringe your ears, because here are the results.
45:23In fifth place, with nine points, we have Zac,
45:26ladies and gentlemen.
45:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:30In fourth place, with 11 points, it's Kyra.
45:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:36Third place, with 16 points, is Gwen.
45:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:40With 19 points in second place, and therefore through to the final,
45:43it is Shania.
45:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:46But that can only mean that tonight's winner
45:49is the outstanding Jamie!
45:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:53Get up there and collect your most magnificent metallic items!
45:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:59Wow, that is it for this week.
46:01Next week will be the Junior Taskmaster Grand Finale.
46:05Champions will clash, heroes will be forged,
46:07tasks will be mastered,
46:08and Mike and I will probably go for a curry afterwards!
46:11See you then, but let's hear it one more time
46:13for all of our contestants this week,
46:15and, of course, tonight's winner, Jamie!
46:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE