Outed by a tabloid, grieving his father, and losing a relationship — Chaz Bono was thrust into the spotlight from a young age, but behind his affable persona, his life has been marked by tragedy.
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00:00Outed by a tabloid, grieving his father, and losing a relationship, Chaz Bono was thrust
00:06into the spotlight from a young age. But behind his affable persona, his life has been marked
00:11by tragedy.
00:13Growing up, Chaz Bono had a complicated relationship with his father, singer-turned-politician
00:17Sonny Bono. Surprisingly, Sonny was much more accepting than Cher when Chaz came out as
00:22a kid. Despite Cher being a vocal ally of the LGBTQ plus community, Chaz told Oprah,
00:27But the relationship between father and son soon fell apart. As Cher explained to Vanity
00:43Fair in 2010, Sonny was a good father as long as his kids towed the line. She said,
00:48Chaz had a dad for a long time. Sonny was a great parent for a young child — even
00:52like 12, 13. But the moment you had ideas that were contrary, he was not quite as interested.
00:58As a Republican congressman, Sonny voted against marriage equality, leading to a rift with
01:02his son. Chaz told The Advocate in 1998,
01:05I took it very personally. It put a tremendous amount of distance between us.
01:10From a young age, Bono felt like an outsider. He was born female, which made him feel incredibly
01:16He told ABC News,
01:17My 7th and 8th grade year was a particularly hellacious year for me — puberty — and
01:22I was at a school that just wasn't appropriate for my needs. It was just very straight, strict
01:26academic school.
01:27I mean, when I was really little, it was very clear to me that I felt like a boy.
01:31In his book, Family Outing, Bono recalled his mother being aghast when he said that
01:35he wanted to wear traditional boys' clothing rather than feminine attire. Considering the
01:40prejudice he faced within his own family, he felt far from ready to come out.
01:44Started in 1990, Bono, who hadn't yet come out as transgender, was outed as gay by the
01:48tabloid Star. At the time, he was terrified of his identity being made public out of fear
01:53that it would hinder his career prospects. This made the public outing all the more hurtful.
01:57Suddenly, he saw his face all over the tabloids, something he found traumatic.
02:02He told Vanity Fair in 1998,
02:04It was the most difficult thing that had happened to me. I have since dealt with things that
02:07have been more difficult. I think any gay person knows what it feels like. You can imagine
02:11what it's like when the whole world finds out before you're ready. It was very overwhelming."
02:16In 1998, Sonny Bono went missing during a family skiing excursion to South Lake Tahoe,
02:22California. During his trip, he had flouted a number of skiing regulations and refused
02:26to wear a helmet, though he assured his wife, Mary Bono, that he would wear head protection
02:30during their next skiing trip. He was found dead three days later, having crashed into
02:34a tree and suffered massive head injuries. He was 62.
02:38Congressman Sonny Bono was fatally injured in a skiing accident."
02:42Losing a father was all the more painful for Chas, due to their unresolved conflict. Mary,
02:47Sonny's widow, told the Reno Gazette-Journal,
02:49It was extremely hard on Chas. You've probably read that Chas and Sonny were estranged at
02:53the time over politics. That's the lesson everyone needs to heed, this not to speak
02:58to each other over a silly difference. I think it's much harder on Chas because of that."
03:02Speaking to CNN following his father's death, Chas said that the traumatic experience made
03:06him reluctant to discuss politics with his family going forward. In 2015, Chas was able
03:11to channel his sorrow through his work. Appearing on stage, he used his relationship with Sonny
03:16as inspiration for his performance as a father in Proof. He told People magazine,
03:20We all pull from different places, and I pulled a few things from my dad's personality that
03:24I think work well. I remember our close relationship from the other side, and I tried to flip it
03:29a little bit to find the specialness of it from a father's perspective."
03:33In 2009, Bono came out as a trans man. Although famous for being a queer icon, Cher revealed
03:38it wasn't easy to accept Chas Bono at first. In 2023, she admitted to the Los Angeles Times
03:44that her inability to accept her son from the outset was incongruous with her status
03:48as an LGBTQ plus champion. She told the publication,
03:52That was difficult for me. It shouldn't have been because, you know, I've had gay friends
03:56forever. I just met some beautiful trans chicks and we have an affinity. Now I'm totally fine.
04:00But it's hard to lose one child to get a new one, especially so late. Bono didn't judge
04:05his mother for her initial reservations about his transition, telling Oprah that he understood
04:09why it might have been difficult for her. He said,
04:11You have this expectation of your baby girl and how that's going to be, and I didn't act
04:15anything like she probably imagined.
04:17Were there conflicts? Yeah, there were conflicts.
04:21Mother and son went to counseling together, but things got progressively worse between
04:25them. They didn't speak for months until Cher finally got in touch after her boyfriend begged
04:29her to do so. Now, Cher embraces her son's transgender identity, telling CNN that she
04:34soon realized how much happier Chaz became after living as his authentic self.
04:38You have one child, but you don't really lose them. They just are in a different shape.
04:44In 2011, Bono was happier than ever and living his best life after coming out, but some sought
04:50to put a damper on his trans joy. The controversial tabloid National Enquirer, which built a reputation
04:55on salacious and false headlines long before the term fake news entered the cultural lexicon,
05:00published a cruel story claiming that Bono would be dead in four years. The story, entitled
05:05Chaz Bono Only Four Years to Live, liver-damaged agony, attempted to draw a parallel between
05:10Bono's gender-affirming care and an untimely death, something that he found deeply hurtful.
05:15Accordingly, his legal team issued a cease and desist. In a filing, his lawyer wrote,
05:19This is absolutely outrageous, false, fabricated, and highly defamatory. The salacious and inflammatory
05:25headline and article were crafted for the malicious purpose of discriminating against
05:29our client's gender and sexual orientation.
05:32The outlet interviewed an apparent doctor, Patrick Wanis, who claimed that testosterone
05:36and a supposed risk of suicidal ideation meant that Bono wouldn't live for very long. The
05:41following year, the tabloid continued to publish fallacious stories about Bono, claiming that
05:45he was feuding with his mom over a recent breakup. Bono confirmed to blogger Cher News
05:50that the story was false.
05:52Following his father's death in 1998, Bono struggled with substance abuse. He became
05:57so unwell that his addiction issues led to liver failure. He told Oprah,
06:00Getting sober was like the first step toward anything because you can't do anything when
06:04you're in that state.
06:05In her 2010 interview with Vanity Fair, Cher reflected on her family history of trauma
06:10and addiction, which has extended to her children. Despite substance use being normalized to
06:14an extent to the singer, she still found it difficult to cope with her son's issues. She
06:18said in the interview,
06:20It's weird because both of my children had the same drug problems as their fathers. Same
06:24drug of choice. My father was a heroin addict and my sister's father was an alcoholic. But
06:28it jumped us."
06:29In an interview with Time, Bono said that a desire to come out propelled him to get
06:33sober. After entering a recovery program in 2004, Bono decided to take the next step toward
06:38prioritizing his well-being. The star has also lived with an eating disorder. As he
06:43told The Daily Beast in 2013, he ended up replacing drugs and alcohol with food, the
06:47only thing that gave him happiness at his lowest point. Seeking the help of a specialist,
06:52Bono was able to address his underlying issues.
06:54The message of, you know, recovery is possible is an important message to let people know."
07:03Bono and his fiancée, Jennifer Elia, had some difficulties during the early days of
07:07the former's transition. During this period, Elia was struggling with substance abuse and
07:12stopped sharing a bed with Bono. Elia told The Daily Beast,
07:15I felt that his machismo had sort of spiked. He was quicker-tempered, and coupled with
07:19the fact that I was in grad school, writing a 150-page thesis, and had relapsed on alcohol,
07:25things got very tense."
07:26Although Elia told Oprah in 2011 that she had no intention of breaking up with Bono
07:31despite the couple's difficulties, the pair did call off their engagement that year. They
07:35had been together for six years. Speaking to HuffPost, a friend divulged that Bono and
07:40Elia both had trauma due to their shared experiences of substance abuse, which partly contributed
07:45to the split. The friend told the publication,
07:47"[Chaz has been living in the guest house for some time now. Both of them had been in
07:50therapy to try and save this relationship, but in the end, it became clear to both Chaz
07:55and Elia that this wasn't going to work."
07:57Since then, Bono has met a new lady love, Shara Blue Mathis, and news of their engagement
08:02was announced in 2024. In Touch reported that Bono had banned his mother from attending
08:07his wedding, as he supposedly didn't want her causing drama. Shara was allegedly devastated
08:12by her son's snub.
08:14From a young age, Bono battled internalized transphobia. As he explained in his 2011 memoir,
08:19Transition? The Story of How I Became a Man, he long believed that there was something
08:23abnormal about him. He wrote,
08:25"...I grew up in a society of rigid gender roles and had the same distance and lack of
08:29understanding about what being transgender really means. For years I fought that secret
08:33lurking within me with thoughts such as, trans people aren't normal, how could they be?"
08:38In time, Bono embraced his authentic self, but he found that other people weren't so
08:43It's this prejudice that prevented him from coming out for many years, as he was terrified
08:47of being hounded by the tabloids. In 2011, Shara defended her son when he was subjected
08:52to online hate after being cast in Dancing with the Stars. That year, Chelsea Handler
08:56was criticized for making a series of offensive transphobic jokes about Bono. He was also
09:01deadnamed, which is extremely harmful for trans people. For instance, his 2011 profile
09:06with Oprah, though well-meaning, repeatedly referred to him by his deadname and also used
09:10female pronouns in the beginning. But Bono is determined to counter prejudice whenever
09:14he sees it. Much like Euphoria star Hunter Schafer, who has said that she no longer wants
09:19to play transgender characters, Chaz has made a concerted effort to take on cisgender roles
09:23as a means of normalizing seeing trans folks onscreen.
09:27Much like Chaz Bono, Cher's son, Elijah Blue Allman, has also dealt with tragedy. Cher
09:32has been estranged from her younger son for quite some time, blaming this on his alleged
09:36ongoing struggle with addiction. Cher's relationship with Elijah Blue Allman may be sad, but he
09:41has always been able to turn to his big brother when in need. Cher told Vanity Fair in 2010,
09:46The moment Elijah gets in trouble, he runs to Chaz. He just hightails his ass right there.
09:51At some point, however, the siblings' relationship appeared to sour. Speaking to Entertainment
09:55Tonight, Allman discussed feeling like an outcast as a child and revealed that he had
09:59drifted apart from his brother. In 2024, Cher requested a temporary conservatorship over
10:04Allman due to his apparent issues with substance abuse and mental illness, though this was
10:09denied.
10:10Bono ended up being dragged into the legal battle with Allman demanding that his brother
10:13be questioned under oath. Allman's wife, Marie-Angela King, claimed that both Cher and Bono were
10:18contributing to his mental health issues and had engaged in abusive behavior. She said
10:22in court,
10:23I believe that people in Elijah's family are emotional triggers for him. I have witnessed
10:27and experienced abusive behavior coming mostly from Elijah's mother, the petitioner herein,
10:32but also from his siblings, Chaz and Devin."
10:35Cher dropped her conservatorship bid in September 2024.