The Three Badasses Who Want Me (2024) - Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:12What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:16Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:26Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:29What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:32it to your penniless self?
00:00:34And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:38Alright, everybody get out!
00:00:41We got an important guest coming!
00:00:45You!
00:00:50You deaf?
00:00:51I said pack up and scram!
00:00:52I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have
00:00:57to compensate for today's losses.
00:01:00You want to say that again?
00:01:03You know who's visiting today?
00:01:06Ellen freakin' Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:09Ellen Musk?
00:01:10Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:13Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:17Really?
00:01:18Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market?
00:01:22You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:27Ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:01:30Coming to see you?
00:01:31Alright, you know what, I'll play your game.
00:01:34If she does it so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:41Deal.
00:01:50Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes, or else, you're fired.
00:01:57Hmm.
00:02:14Prepare the limo.
00:02:15Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:24Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:26Good.
00:02:27Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:29Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:41Ellen!
00:02:42Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:50How's my boss bitch?
00:02:52Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:02:53So, how do you, like...
00:02:57She's my boss?
00:02:58Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:03No way.
00:03:07Well?
00:03:12No, no, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:14No, I won't do it again.
00:03:19Alright, that's enough.
00:03:20We're not tyrants here.
00:03:23Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:36You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:38The honorary bride.
00:03:41You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:46Who are you?
00:03:49Where is she?
00:03:51Atlanta.
00:03:53And you were right.
00:03:54It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:56My clever bride.
00:03:58I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:04Max, prep the jet.
00:04:07I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:12Dr. Wilson, Devin Sterling's on the move.
00:04:14He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:16Atlanta?
00:04:17The game is afoot.
00:04:18I'm going.
00:04:20Wait, Dr. Wilson, the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:22Wait, I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:28Dr. Wilson!
00:04:35General Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:04:38Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:41Atlanta!
00:04:43Where is that?
00:04:45Whatever, prepare my warplanes.
00:04:47Those two are going after my fiancee.
00:04:50This is war.
00:04:52No!
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:13Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:15This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:18That project is worth billions.
00:05:20He can finally take his company public.
00:05:22But, Angela.
00:05:24My boss.
00:05:26I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:32Without your backing.
00:05:34No offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago.
00:05:52You saved me.
00:05:58He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:03I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:10But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:16So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:19I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:24But why work at the flea market?
00:06:27Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:31Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:36Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:40You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:45Where the hell are you?
00:06:47Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:50Get home, stat.
00:06:52It's a big day today.
00:06:54That was...
00:06:56My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:06:58She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:01But I'm not a lower-class family.
00:07:04I'm not a low-class family.
00:07:06I'm not a low-class family.
00:07:07She thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:09But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:15You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:23Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:27Hi, I'm home.
00:07:29I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:32Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:34Divorce papers?
00:07:37Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:40Oh, God.
00:07:42Don't call me Mom again.
00:07:44We're ending that relationship.
00:07:46Just look at you.
00:07:48Dirt all over.
00:07:50You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:52You don't deserve my son.
00:07:54You're way below his league.
00:07:56I'm below his league?
00:07:58That's right.
00:08:00You are.
00:08:02Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk.
00:08:08And then his company is going public.
00:08:11That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:14But you?
00:08:16You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:19Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:08:22And you?
00:08:24You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:27Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:30Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:33But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:36You're delusional.
00:08:38You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:41How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here?
00:08:46Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:50And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:57You're nothing.
00:08:59You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:05Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:08Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:10Enough!
00:09:12Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:16But I am.
00:09:18Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:20Here's $500,000.
00:09:22You'll never make as much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:28Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:32I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:36Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:39Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:42Fine.
00:09:44Here's another $200,000.
00:09:46$500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:49She's done nothing.
00:09:51Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:53She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:56Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:00I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:04You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:09And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:13A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:17What a joke.
00:10:19If you actually love my son,
00:10:21you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:24And leave.
00:10:27You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:32Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:35I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:38Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:45It's all my work.
00:10:48Baby.
00:10:49Baby.
00:10:51We're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:57You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:02So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:06She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:10Fine.
00:11:12I'll sign it.
00:11:14But don't regret it.
00:11:17Regret?
00:11:19Do you know who I am?
00:11:21Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:29Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:35Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:11:38It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:43You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:46Social stratum matters.
00:11:49Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:52And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:56And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:01Ha! You're delusional.
00:12:04Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:10You owe me.
00:12:12You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:19You hit me.
00:12:24Now sign the papers, take a check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:42I don't need your pity money.
00:12:46We're finished.
00:12:47You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:50Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:54But I would like my ring back.
00:13:05Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:17And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:24Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:28It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:32Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:35Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:37You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:41Congrats, Jared Boo Boo.
00:13:44On getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:47Oh! My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:54Bigger big shot than Ellen Musk?
00:13:57Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:02Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:04Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:21Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:26Vanderbilt?
00:14:27Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically our employee.
00:14:31Okay, I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:34You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:38That's exactly why I'm going.
00:15:01Angela Lockhart.
00:15:04I finally found you.
00:15:07Who is he?
00:15:09That? That's Devin Sterling.
00:15:12He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:18Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:21And he's your fiancé.
00:15:24What? My fiancé?
00:15:28The one and only.
00:15:30So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:36have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:15:47That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:53What is she doing here?
00:15:56You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:03Divorced?
00:16:05That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:11Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:15So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:18Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:16:20Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:16:22She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:28How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:31Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:34Do you know who I am?
00:16:37They don't know who you are.
00:16:40You hide it well.
00:16:42X-Team!
00:16:44Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:47Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:50Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:56You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:03Mind if I, uh, borrow your men?
00:17:10Chelsea's ill-mannered ex out.
00:17:13You bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:18I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:25A kiss as a reward, my lady?
00:17:29No.
00:17:37Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:40You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:44Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:48Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:49Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:17:52What an honor.
00:17:54I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:56It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:58Congrats. You'll be next.
00:18:01But we haven't received the contract yet, but we deserve it.
00:18:04Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:07Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:11So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:15Thank you, Mr. Manville.
00:18:17Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:21Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:26Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:29Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:38I'll do my best.
00:18:41Excuse me.
00:18:42Second gentleman.
00:18:44What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:49How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:51Me? A hobo?
00:18:53How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:56You sleep your way in?
00:18:57I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:00Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:03Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:05This is your ex-husband?
00:19:09What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:11Who the hell is this?
00:19:13You were cheating on me?
00:19:25Son, you have to avenge me and Kate.
00:19:29I'm sorry.
00:19:31I'm sorry.
00:19:32Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:35That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:41They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:55You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:20:00Get your hands off of her.
00:20:02Get your hands off of her.
00:20:06My lady.
00:20:21My queen.
00:20:32It's...
00:20:34It's him!
00:20:36He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:39Who are these peasants?
00:20:41These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:46Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:49You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:53Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:55That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:56You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:21:00His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:04This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:08Vanderbilt.
00:21:10The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:14who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:19That the Lee Vanderbilt family?
00:21:21Oh, goddammit, a stomachache now?
00:21:27Whatever.
00:21:29Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:41How dare he!
00:21:43I'm sorry.
00:21:44I'm sorry.
00:21:45I'm sorry.
00:21:46I'm sorry.
00:21:48I'm sorry.
00:21:49How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:52I'm Harvey F. N. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:58I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:02And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:06Not with me around.
00:22:08I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:13You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:17You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:21We've had enough of your games.
00:22:23Security!
00:22:24Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:27Looks like the old guard's teaming up against you.
00:22:30But don't worry.
00:22:31You got new money here.
00:22:35I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:37Yes, my queen.
00:22:40You're all despicable.
00:22:43An insult to your family names.
00:22:47Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:51Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:54Cut off all business ties.
00:22:56And if you don't,
00:22:59I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:04I knew it.
00:23:05You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:07You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:09How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:13You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:17You have nothing, and you will always be nothing.
00:23:22She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger?
00:23:25Gigolo.
00:23:27Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:35They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:40I'm not here to try and ruin my bid on the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:42Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:45Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:53You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:56And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:58You!
00:24:00Insolent fools.
00:24:03Let me guess.
00:24:04You're that special guest?
00:24:06I don't know.
00:24:09Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:19Back to our next.
00:24:24I got this.
00:24:39Whoa!
00:24:43Hey!
00:24:44Hey!
00:24:45No!
00:24:52What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:54I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:25:09Angela!
00:25:11Don't hurt her!
00:25:13You bitch.
00:25:14I've always been sick of you.
00:25:15You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:17How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:19Boss?
00:25:20Did she say her boss?
00:25:22Miss Musk?
00:25:23That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:25That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:28My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:31Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:34Past the American Revolution?
00:25:36Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:38If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:41That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:43She's royalty.
00:25:44And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:48What are you going to do?
00:25:50Kneel to me.
00:25:51Oh, your majesty.
00:25:54Welcome to the United States.
00:25:57We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:26:00Yes, your highness.
00:26:02Is it a queen or princess?
00:26:05It doesn't matter.
00:26:07My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:10We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:13What are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:15Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:28What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:37She's a badass herself.
00:26:39He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:41You.
00:26:42You.
00:26:43You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:46Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:49No.
00:26:50No.
00:26:51Don't believe their lies.
00:26:52I worked hard for everything.
00:26:53You worked for everything?
00:27:00I'm sorry.
00:27:01I'm sorry.
00:27:02I'm sorry.
00:27:03I'm sorry.
00:27:04I'm sorry.
00:27:05I'm sorry.
00:27:06Hi honey.
00:27:09So, our 30 year anniversary is coming up, and I thought that
00:27:13maybe we could do something special this year?
00:27:15I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:24I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project, and if I get it, I can take it to the company public.
00:27:30You were nothing before me.
00:27:33All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine, including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:41I can take all of that away, just like that.
00:27:46No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:48That's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:52Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:55Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:57It was Queen Victoria's, and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:08Oh, no. I gave you back the ring?
00:28:11I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:14No! No, please, no!
00:28:17No, please take me back, baby! I still love you!
00:28:24Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:26No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:35God, these two again.
00:28:37Did he say... Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:40President Eisenhower's descendant. After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:44each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals, the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:49Bloody buffoons know your history!
00:28:51Sorry I'm late, babe. I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:54Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:01And that there is... That is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:06He's Dr. House's protege!
00:29:08Dr. House? I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:11Oh, no, that's based on real figures.
00:29:13Yep, that's me. Son of James House.
00:29:16Dr. House? He's practically my uncle.
00:29:19I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:23So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 years.
00:29:28And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:36Hey, Ellen. Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:40Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:29:43What? Fiancées?
00:29:48Plural?
00:29:49Fiancées.
00:29:50Plural?
00:29:52Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancée.
00:29:55No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:56You can both shut up. I'm her fiancée.
00:29:59It's you.
00:30:00It's me.
00:30:01Who the hell is he?
00:30:02I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:05How are all three of these men my fiancée?
00:30:10Your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because he decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:17She has three badass fiancées and she marries this dumbass?
00:30:24Whatever.
00:30:25Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:30Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:35At your service.
00:30:37Me too.
00:30:43One down, two more to go.
00:30:45She's become queen!
00:30:46Bishop to G4.
00:30:51Ow! Ow! Ow! What is that?
00:30:55The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:31:01Rook to A8.
00:31:07Hello?
00:31:11I thought I was king.
00:31:12No, you wish.
00:31:13The king doesn't do anything, so Alan can be my king.
00:31:17Oh, fine.
00:31:22Bankrupt to four. It's right this second.
00:31:29I... I've been bankrupt! No!
00:31:34Who is it?
00:31:36Who is it?
00:31:41I've been bankrupt! No!
00:31:44I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:48Well, guess what? Game over.
00:31:50Alright, boys. Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:54Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:56I'm right with you.
00:31:59Wait for me. Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:32:07Hey, Angela.
00:32:11You already have three fiancés?
00:32:13You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:15I want compensation.
00:32:20You greedy SOB.
00:32:22Who the fuck is that?
00:32:23My ex-husband.
00:32:25Wait, you were married?
00:32:27Yeah, and if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:32If that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:36More for me? No, no, of course not.
00:32:38Just... do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:41Don't steal my joke.
00:32:43I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:45All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:48What? Is there something on my face?
00:32:50Uh, yeah. Murderous intent.
00:32:53Let's remarry.
00:32:55Let's remarry.
00:32:57You still don't realize.
00:33:00I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:31Sir, it's an emergency. We need to wreck right away.
00:33:34Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:38Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:42She should be okay now.
00:33:47Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here. I'll be right back.
00:33:53Fuck.
00:33:59You saved me.
00:34:03Fuck. I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:08Fuck. I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:11You've cheated on me, you've hit me, and you've insulted me.
00:34:16And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:20I fucking hate you.
00:34:23Lady Lockhart.
00:34:25God, what now?
00:34:27Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:34:32but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:36How about us three?
00:34:37Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:41Yeah, no. You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:44But... this is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:47We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:49No. No.
00:34:52We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:34:56Our families.
00:34:59I'll get you for this.
00:35:06I never should have listened to you.
00:35:08I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:14Ugh!
00:35:24So, what's the situation here?
00:35:27I don't want to marry you.
00:35:37I don't want to marry you.
00:35:40Listen.
00:35:42I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:35:44and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:47But what if I told you
00:35:50that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:53Much longer.
00:35:57Angela?
00:35:59Your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:36:06My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:08Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:10The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:13Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:15I heard you finally divorced
00:36:18that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking,
00:36:21freeloader husband of yours.
00:36:23Can't call his name, but...
00:36:25Anyway, congratulations.
00:36:27I've selected three prime young men
00:36:30for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:32Oh, you must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:35Otherwise...
00:36:36Otherwise...
00:36:37Let me do it.
00:36:39You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:42Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:45Mom?
00:36:47All right, honey, that's it.
00:36:49Bye. Bye.
00:36:55So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:59Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:04Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:09That seems greedy.
00:37:16But I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:21Hey, I may be a doctor,
00:37:24but I can take lives too.
00:37:26I know and have access
00:37:28to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:30Whoa, okay.
00:37:31No murder, please.
00:37:33I was just kidding.
00:37:36You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:38Ooh.
00:37:39It's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:41I know.
00:37:42We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:46Welcome to the show,
00:37:47The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:50Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:55What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:58You'll see.
00:38:00Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
00:38:02Cockroaches!
00:38:03All women are afraid of cockroaches,
00:38:06and it is every man's job
00:38:08to save their beloved woman
00:38:10from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:12What will our three candidates do
00:38:14to prove their undying love
00:38:16for our single woman,
00:38:17but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:24What is all of this, Ellen?
00:38:26You'll see.
00:38:28Oh, my God.
00:38:33Looks like one of our contestants
00:38:35has already called it quits.
00:38:36It's up to the final two.
00:38:58Crunchy.
00:39:00That is sick cold.
00:39:02Hey, when you're stranded
00:39:03in the middle of the battlefield,
00:39:04you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:08There are two more left.
00:39:09Want to try one?
00:39:10God, no. No.
00:39:14Oh, my God. Save me.
00:39:15What? Save you?
00:39:16You're going to save me.
00:39:18Aah!
00:39:20I'm a germophobe doctor.
00:39:22These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:24They're for the sick.
00:39:25These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:44Thank God you're here.
00:39:47Are you all right, honey?
00:39:50Angela.
00:39:52All right, you won the first challenge,
00:39:54so your reward,
00:39:56you get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:58Just don't cross the line,
00:40:00if you know what I mean.
00:40:01I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:03You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:09Honestly, even if you guys fuck,
00:40:11it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:13At least my girl can get some.
00:40:15I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:18The cockroaches.
00:40:19They're gone. They're gone.
00:40:21There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:24I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:31I need a drink.
00:40:41Whoa, easy. You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:43Oh, what are you doing?
00:40:46Why do you care?
00:40:48I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:53You guys were right.
00:40:55I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:40:58You know,
00:41:00I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:04He never even loved me.
00:41:06And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:10Do you really think that you would still be number one
00:41:12on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:18You may not be number one on the Forbes list,
00:41:20but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:24What?
00:41:28You're number one here.
00:41:35You know,
00:41:37you know,
00:41:38we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:41Lies.
00:41:44You all just want something from me.
00:41:51Angela,
00:41:53I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:56But I assure you, I don't care
00:42:00what family you're from.
00:42:02I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:04I don't need your power, your status, your wealth,
00:42:09your connections.
00:42:12I just need you.
00:42:16I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:18I promise.
00:42:30Screw the contest.
00:42:32I just want love.
00:42:35Angela,
00:42:37you're drunk.
00:42:38I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:42Okay.
00:42:47But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:51Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:42:56Come on.
00:43:03This is what you want.
00:43:26Nine-inch penis.
00:43:28Morning to you too.
00:43:30You sure you were drunk last night?
00:43:33A girl remembers when she's had a nine-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:39Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:42But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:45Because then they would...
00:43:47Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:49Technically, us having sex is not fair.
00:43:52Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:55I won the first challenge.
00:43:57And according to Ellen,
00:43:59my prize was to spend a night with you anyway.
00:44:02Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:08You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:12Stop.
00:44:15Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:19I won't tell.
00:44:20I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:26I won't tell.
00:44:29But only on one condition.
00:44:31You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:35Fine.
00:44:39I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:42You never noticed me.
00:44:45Oh.
00:44:47You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:52It's only 7am.
00:44:54She's still sleeping.
00:44:56I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:58Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:02Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:04Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:07Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:09What's up, guys?
00:45:11We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:12Ready for the second challenge.
00:45:14No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:45:18That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:20This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:22I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26The second challenge is...
00:45:28A date.
00:45:30Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:45:32A date?
00:45:34That's it. What's the catch?
00:45:36No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:39As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:42Okay. Who's up first? Ben?
00:45:44Me.
00:45:46Saved the best for last.
00:45:48Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:50Then it's decided.
00:45:54Please! Don't take my BMW away!
00:45:57Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:46:00I have nothing left!
00:46:10That bitch ruined me!
00:46:15That bitch ruined me!
00:46:25General Eisenhower, sir!
00:46:27At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:29This is my lieutenant. He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:32Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:46:34He's so serious. But hang on.
00:46:36Lieutenant! I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:39Baby! I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:46:44Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:47Yes. Murder weapons.
00:47:07You like my guns, babe?
00:47:09Pretty Lockhart.
00:47:11Yeah.
00:47:13Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:15Lieutenant! Come close!
00:47:18Wait! You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:22Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:47:24Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:47:27Look, you Lockhart bitch! I caught you!
00:47:30If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:33Lieutenant!
00:47:34Take me!
00:47:36Lieutenant! Here's your attack!
00:47:49You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:54I will make you pay!
00:47:57You don't need to keep beating him up. We could just take him to the cops.
00:48:01Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:05So he's a bit violent. Some might call it being protective.
00:48:09Poor anger issues. What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:15Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:18Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:20I don't know if I am.
00:48:23Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:28Your date with Shane starts...
00:48:31Your date with Shane starts... now.
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:40Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:45Impressive.
00:48:49Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:52Refreshing.
00:48:54I got cool mint, too.
00:48:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:57Spearmint.
00:48:59What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:02Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:49:05So, where are you taking me, Shane?
00:49:07Let me show you.
00:49:15Dr. Wilson!
00:49:17Our VIP of VIPs!
00:49:19Right this way.
00:49:21VIP of VIPs?
00:49:23Ah, just some other guy I saved. I forget who.
00:49:25You saved a lot of people.
00:49:27I'll do what I can.
00:49:29Oh my gosh!
00:49:31It's my gold digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:35Sandra Miller.
00:49:37What are you doing here?
00:49:39I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:41Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:43and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:48Hello of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:53I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high end,
00:49:56you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:50:00The auction begins.
00:50:02I'll deal with you later.
00:50:11Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:16Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:20Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:21Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:23Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:26For five million dollars.
00:50:29Excuse me.
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:34It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:36I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:41What are you doing?
00:50:43Just watch.
00:50:44Come on.
00:50:49That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:52Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:55She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:00Not this again.
00:51:02Cut the bullshit, that wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:06Here, you want it? For free.
00:51:08Ew, I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:11Well, that's too bad then, because you are the fraud.
00:51:16What are you talking about?
00:51:18Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:20Throw them out.
00:51:22Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:51:25but we're professionals.
00:51:27Oh yeah?
00:51:29And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:31Yeah.
00:51:33Mine is the real thing.
00:51:35You two are just upset because you're too poor
00:51:37to afford our luxury items.
00:51:38Why is that so?
00:51:40What if a so-called expert
00:51:42failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:44Dear Lord, this is real.
00:51:49It's authentic.
00:51:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:55Karen, what have you found?
00:51:58Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me,
00:52:01it's a replica.
00:52:04They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:06So, you are the fraud.
00:52:10So you just went to the flea market
00:52:12so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:14And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:17150.
00:52:19Wow, not even five dollars.
00:52:22Sandra.
00:52:24You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:27Arrest her!
00:52:29No, please!
00:52:31Even just this one time!
00:52:33What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:34Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry
00:52:37for the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:52:39A lot closer from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:50I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:53Me too.
00:52:55May I have a kiss?
00:53:04Sure.
00:53:13Something wrong?
00:53:15Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:22Yep, you never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:35You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:40I don't have any money.
00:53:42How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:44I guess you'll only pay up
00:53:48if I break your other leg.
00:53:51Stop!
00:53:55Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:59Mr. Buffett.
00:54:04This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:07That's right. Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:10I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:13I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:16No, no. Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:19It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:22Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:25And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart
00:54:29to put in a good word for us?
00:54:31Angela still loves me. She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:34She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:36Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:38We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:41I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago
00:54:44and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:46It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:49Sure. I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:53I just need...
00:54:55Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:57Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:54:59I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:08I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper just like you asked me to.
00:55:12Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:15Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:18I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:20That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:22It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:26And if he can't, then what?
00:55:27He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:29So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:32I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:35I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:44I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:47We should celebrate.
00:55:49You did?
00:55:51You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:53That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:55That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:57And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:00Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:05What?
00:56:07You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:10Oh, no, no, no. He's not.
00:56:12Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:14You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:17It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:19I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:21I'm telling my dad.
00:56:22Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:25If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:28But if not, you can scram.
00:56:30Dad.
00:56:32Jared is being mean to me. Teach him a lesson.
00:56:35Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:37Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:41Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:43We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:45So do as he says.
00:56:47But, Dad.
00:56:48Dad!
00:56:55I'm sorry.
00:56:57To be your side piece.
00:56:59Very good.
00:57:01I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:03Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:07I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:11But that tongue action, though.
00:57:13Tongue is important.
00:57:15In more than just one spot.
00:57:16Oh, Arlen. We aren't in public.
00:57:18It's true.
00:57:20Stomach ache.
00:57:22Again?
00:57:24I have to run to the bathroom. Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:26Okay.
00:57:28Devin's late.
00:57:30Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:33This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:40And she's alone. With no one to save her.
00:57:42You whore.
00:57:44You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:50Let me tell you.
00:57:52I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:59Hey, you guys can fight all you want.
00:58:01But you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:03Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:06What? Why do I have to leave?
00:58:08She's the one starting shit.
00:58:09Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:11You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:13And my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract.
00:58:17He still got the contract?
00:58:19Hmm.
00:58:21Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:23Even if he does sign it,
00:58:25he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:27Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:29Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:32Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:39You take my charity
00:58:41and toss it in my face
00:58:43as if it's your own.
00:58:45My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:47$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:50$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:53$5,000 to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh, hey!
00:59:01Hey!
00:59:02Wake up!
00:59:05You okay?
00:59:07Are you hurt?
00:59:11Weakling.
00:59:13You! You!
00:59:15Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy
00:59:17right after getting divorced.
00:59:19And now you have two more?
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:23What a whore.
00:59:25Yeah, and Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:27What if she has an STD?
00:59:29Oh, like sleeping with a married man
00:59:30would give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go.
00:59:34We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:36Hang on.
00:59:38What do you want?
00:59:40I'll scream.
00:59:42I don't hit women.
00:59:44But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:46But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:48I said I don't kill women.
00:59:50Oh, God.
00:59:52He is a murderer.
00:59:54What if he murders me?
00:59:56Not him. Definitely not him.
01:00:00We're not afraid of you.
01:00:02That's enough.
01:00:04This isn't a war zone.
01:00:06You'll be removed from being a five-star general
01:00:08if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:10I was just messing with him.
01:00:12Was he, though?
01:00:14We're not afraid of you.
01:00:16Jared, you have to avenge us.
01:00:18Look at this slut.
01:00:20She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:22She's cheating on you.
01:00:24Don't get back with her.
01:00:26Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:28I apologize for this scene.
01:00:30I was just messing with you.
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:36The body crashers.
01:00:39You have any idea who that is?
01:00:41That's my wife.
01:00:43We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:46That's right.
01:00:48No, you're playing.
01:00:50Shut up.
01:00:52She's cheating on you.
01:00:54No, your place.
01:00:56You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:00:58Eric, have you gone mad?
01:01:00Are you a slapper for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:04They really think they're something, huh?
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status
01:01:08goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:13I only got the Maple Closet Project
01:01:15because she gave it to me.
01:01:17What?
01:01:19You apologize right now
01:01:21or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:30No.
01:01:32This can't be.
01:01:34I made you divorce...
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:40You're not suited to come with me
01:01:42to my celebration banquet.
01:01:48I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:51Honey, I know you came here
01:01:53to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:55I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:58I didn't come here for you.
01:02:00I'm on a date.
01:02:02A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:05She really is a whore.
01:02:07Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:09I really do love you.
01:02:12Oh-ho!
01:02:14Lady Knockout is here!
01:02:16Oh-ho!
01:02:18Lady Knockout is here!
01:02:20I...
01:02:22Yeah, we already know you beat Ford to effort.
01:02:25We're too old for that.
01:02:27They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:28Please, you gave me the contract
01:02:30so if anyone should go
01:02:32as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:34Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart.
01:02:36Join us.
01:02:38We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:40What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:47Again?
01:02:49Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:51No.
01:02:53Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:55I would rather die
01:02:56than be with you again.
01:02:58Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:02I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:04Otherwise, they'll cut me off too.
01:03:06Angela, I know you're still mad
01:03:08but please give me a chance.
01:03:10I'll prove it to you.
01:03:12You want a chance?
01:03:14Angela, no.
01:03:16You have three great guys here
01:03:18who all want to marry you.
01:03:20Don't take him back.
01:03:22I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:27Me
01:03:29or the contract.
01:03:31You're kidding me.
01:03:33No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me,
01:03:37we can remarry this week.
01:03:39But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:42The choice is all yours.
01:03:44That's a tough choice.
01:03:47You think so?
01:03:49He either marries a royal heiress
01:03:51or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:53Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:59Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:01I deserve the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:13Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I choose the contract.
01:04:19I knew it.
01:04:21You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:23With this contract,
01:04:25my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:27Angela Lockhart,
01:04:29you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:31I will get you one day.
01:04:33Let me show you something.
01:04:45You saved me.
01:04:46You saved me.
01:04:51You saved me.
01:04:53I'm sorry
01:04:55if his lies led to you
01:04:57wasting three years of your life.
01:04:59But I promise you,
01:05:01I'm going to make it up to you
01:05:03with the rest of our lives.
01:05:05No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:07I just couldn't remember
01:05:09exactly what happened that day.
01:05:17Does that mean
01:05:19we both each saved her once?
01:05:21What?
01:05:23Me and Dr. Wilson
01:05:25losing at saving people?
01:05:27No way.
01:05:29You guys, one of you,
01:05:31do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:33You're crazy.
01:05:35And actually,
01:05:37they've all been doing horrible shit
01:05:39behind your back.
01:05:41What?
01:05:43Mr. Sterling had me investigate
01:05:44your bank's earnings.
01:05:46Turns out they've been fudging the numbers
01:05:48on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:50Put it simply,
01:05:52they've been stealing from you.
01:05:54I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:56Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:58I should have had third-party accountants
01:06:00check thoroughly.
01:06:02No, it's not your fault.
01:06:04They're just too slick.
01:06:06You'd like me to punish them for that?
01:06:08Oh God, no, not that again.
01:06:10Please.
01:06:12Max,
01:06:14please.
01:06:24The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:34How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you?
01:06:38And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:45I am...
01:06:47Crypto Punk Number Two!
01:06:49What did he say he was?
01:06:51That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:53You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:55Well,
01:06:57I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:06:59See?
01:07:01You are number one at something.
01:07:03The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:05Forget Forbes's list.
01:07:07It's all about young money now.
01:07:09So,
01:07:11how about our date?
01:07:13How about our date?
01:07:19I'm not letting anyone up me on this one.
01:07:22I'll spy too.
01:07:36They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:39I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:07:42Yes!
01:07:44I'm rich!
01:07:46I can make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:55Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:57The Maple Plaza contract requires us
01:07:59to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:01Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:08:03and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:05No!
01:08:07I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I need a little lock card.
01:08:10You tricked me!
01:08:17Allow me.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials
01:08:27for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:41This looks good.
01:08:47Did you use my spices?
01:08:49I know your ex-in-laws never appreciated you.
01:08:54You can have all the money and power in the world
01:08:57and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:01I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:07Angela,
01:09:09your future with me
01:09:13is going to be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:17Upstairs.
01:09:36Bob,
01:09:38Devin,
01:09:40I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:42these past few years
01:09:44just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela,
01:09:48I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually,
01:09:53I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:55That's right.
01:09:57I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually,
01:10:06maybe Devin, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were,
01:10:18you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:22Are you trying to get hired
01:10:25at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:30All you do is babble on and on
01:10:32about Internet money, Bitcoin,
01:10:35and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:45Hey! Get away from him!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:49Fancy girl.
01:10:51I like her.
01:11:02How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison
01:11:06made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:08Astragal, saltif.
01:11:10Can he be cured?
01:11:12I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:14It sounds really scary,
01:11:16but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:18Household salt.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:29There you go.
01:11:31Time is up.
01:11:34Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:47So, that's how I...
01:11:50well, we all met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards,
01:11:58the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:00attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:04I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:08Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Yeah.
01:12:12Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:14Now that you know they all loved and fought for you
01:12:16for three years,
01:12:18who will you pick?
01:12:23How couldn't it be?
01:12:25Angel Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:28What?
01:12:32Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:36Bankrupt?
01:12:38The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:41Well then, get out of here.
01:12:44You can't do this to me.
01:12:48Jared!
01:12:50Mom, it's me.
01:12:52What happened?
01:12:54Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:56Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:58Why?
01:13:00We're bankrupt.
01:13:02What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We're here to repost your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14What?
01:13:19What kind of an asshole
01:13:21throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:37Fried chicken?
01:13:39Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:41Yeah, he's right.
01:13:43I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:45Sucking up last minute.
01:13:47At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:49Hey, stop. Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:56I mean, Angela Lockhart.
01:13:59You know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:04which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:08Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:12Cole, the general?
01:14:16Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:22Looks like our bachelorette
01:14:24may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:29But when she does,
01:14:31she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:35and give it to our winner.
01:14:37Angela.
01:14:40Angela.
01:14:42Oh, I...
01:14:45I need more time to think.
01:14:51While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:54why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:57Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:00Let's start with Cole.
01:15:02Cole.
01:15:06There's not much to say.
01:15:08Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:10who has huge biceps,
01:15:13a massive chest,
01:15:15who would protect their wife?
01:15:19Okay, thank you.
01:15:23Shane.
01:15:26Muscles, money,
01:15:28they'll only get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:32that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:35if you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay, I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:49I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:15:52A lot of choices to make.
01:15:54And she's my queen.
01:15:56I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:58Now, one more thing.
01:16:00What kind of a doctor
01:16:02brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:05That's a good point.
01:16:07It's bad for her heart.
01:16:09And then you!
01:16:11You know what they say about military men.
01:16:14They beat their wives.
01:16:16Their wives.
01:16:20Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:25Hey, you guys.
01:16:28Whoa, break it up!
01:16:30Hey, break it up!
01:16:36Cut to commercial.
01:16:38Cut to commercial.
01:16:46Cut to commercial.
01:16:57This is the hardest decision
01:16:59I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:11Angela's marrying me.
01:17:13You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14I may be a doctor,
01:17:16but like I said,
01:17:18I know and possess
01:17:20the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:23What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:25Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:38These stupid profile cards
01:17:40don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not help.
01:17:44I made these.
01:18:03It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of
01:18:14telekinesis!
01:18:30We may have to work together
01:18:32to take him down.
01:18:34This battle within our heads
01:18:36is the most intense
01:18:38I've ever experienced.
01:18:40I may not be able
01:18:42to take them both down
01:18:44if they decide to team up.
01:18:46Hmm.
01:18:48Winter Mint or Cool Mint?
01:18:54You know,
01:18:56I've always really liked your hair.
01:18:58Really?
01:19:00Yeah.
01:19:01Really?
01:19:03I'm actually
01:19:05pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:10And you know,
01:19:12I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:22I always
01:19:24really like the way you chew gum.
01:19:26It's fresh, right?
01:19:28You know?
01:19:30You know, you're actually
01:19:32a really good doctor.
01:19:34You need me to look at you?
01:19:36Hey, me?
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:42It was Sharon Cooper!
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What, how?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism
01:19:50on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then!
01:19:54My fiancée!
01:19:55My fiancée!
01:19:57My fiancée!
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:08You destroyed me.
01:20:12They took everything.
01:20:15What?
01:20:16I have nothing left.
01:20:18It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:21I was greedy
01:20:23to have sex with my wife.
01:20:25What?
01:20:26I'm not your wife anymore.
01:20:27Oh, yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now,
01:20:29not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal.
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child
01:20:33to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:41Come on, bitch.
01:20:44I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:46You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:50Hey!
01:20:52Antoine!
01:20:53Come back!
01:20:57You're too late!
01:20:58I drugged her.
01:20:59She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:00And yet,
01:21:01have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:04He really does have everything in his coat.
01:21:05Everything?
01:21:06Everything.
01:21:07Everything.
01:21:08Everything.
01:21:09Everything.
01:21:10Everything.
01:21:11Everything.
01:21:12Everything.
01:21:13He really does have everything in his coat.
01:21:15Everything except for fruit.
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17We get it already.
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here you go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you going to do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop!
01:21:37No, don't!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:44No!
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:04And remember,
01:22:05we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:08Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:10The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:13We're down to the wire.
01:22:15Literally.
01:22:16The wedding day.
01:22:17But who's the groom?
01:22:31Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:33The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:35To the finale of
01:22:36The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:38But who's the groom?
01:22:43Seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:52This is exciting.
01:22:54Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:06But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about Devin Sterling,
01:23:12the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devin?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:23You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:28And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:31But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:35And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:40And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:48I'm just kidding.
01:23:49I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:55Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:23:58I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:00They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:03So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:07Literally.
01:24:09Could it be the sexy and protective,
01:24:13general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:21Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:24:26Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:31And last but not least,
01:24:33could it be the richest man of them all,
01:24:36the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:24:39Mr. Devin Sterling?
01:24:43Gentlemen.
01:24:45It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:47It has.
01:24:49May the best man win.
01:24:51May the best man win.
01:24:53Drum roll, please.
01:24:55Drum roll, please.
01:25:09Daringly, Ricky.
01:25:18I choose...
01:25:24Ricky.
01:25:29I need a powerful, strong man
01:25:31and I really feel like he can protect me.
01:25:35Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Could I interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:25:41Yeah, I'd be like a full-bodied choco.
01:25:55Shane, it's you.
01:25:58I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:00You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:04It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:07Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:09I hope we can build together.
01:26:11Like guns, baby.
01:26:13Come on.
01:26:24It's always been you.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:41Hello, Ellen.
01:26:43Would you like a full-bodied choco?
01:26:44Have you seen my murder weapons?
01:26:45I need fruit-flavored gum for you.