The Three Badasses Who Want Me - Full Movie
The Three Badasses Who Want Me - Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:12What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:17Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:26Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:29What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self?
00:00:34And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:38All right, everybody get out.
00:00:41We got an important guest coming.
00:00:45You.
00:00:50You deaf? I said pack up and scram.
00:00:53I paid the stall fee already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:01:00You want to say that again?
00:01:04You know who's visiting today?
00:01:06Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:10Ellen Musk?
00:01:11Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:14Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:17Really?
00:01:18Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market?
00:01:23You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:29Coming to see you?
00:01:31All right, you know what? I'll play your game.
00:01:34If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:41Deal.
00:01:50Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes, or else you're fired.
00:02:12Prepare the limo. Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:23Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:26Good, hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:28Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:41Ellen, uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:50How's my boss bitch?
00:02:52Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:02:54So how do you, like...
00:02:57She's my boss?
00:02:59Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:04No way.
00:03:08Well?
00:03:13No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:15No, I won't do it again.
00:03:19All right, that's enough.
00:03:21We're not tyrants here.
00:03:29Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:37You mean Angela Lockhart, my runaway bride.
00:03:42You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:47Who are you?
00:03:50Where is she?
00:03:52Atlanta. And you were right, it was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:56My clever bride. I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:04Max, prep the jet. I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:12Dr. Wilson, Benning Sterling's on the move. He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:15Atlanta? The game is afoot. I'm going.
00:04:19Wait, Dr. Wilson, the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:22He can wait. I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:28Dr. Wilson!
00:04:35General Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:04:38Benning Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:41Atlanta!
00:04:43Where is that?
00:04:45Whatever, prepare my war plate!
00:04:47Don't sue going after my fiancee.
00:04:50This is war.
00:04:56No!
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:13Thank you so much, Ellen. This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:18That project is worth billions. He can finally take his company public.
00:05:22But Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:32Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago...
00:05:53You saved me.
00:06:05He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:09I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:15But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:22So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:26I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:30But why work at the flea market?
00:06:33Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:37Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:52Where the hell are you? Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:57Get home stacked. It's a big day today.
00:07:01That was...
00:07:03My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:09But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:15You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:23Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:27Hi, I'm home. I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:31Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:36Divorce papers?
00:07:39Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:43God, don't call me Mom again. We're ending that relationship.
00:07:48Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:51You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:54You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:58I'm below his league?
00:08:00That's right. You are.
00:08:03Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk.
00:08:09And then his company's going public.
00:08:12That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:14But you? You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:08:20Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:24You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:28Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:32Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:35But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:38You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:42How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:47Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:52And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:59You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:04Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:07Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:09Enough!
00:09:11Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:15But I am.
00:09:17Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:19Here's 500K.
00:09:21You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:28Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:32I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:36Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:39Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:42Fine. Here's another 200,000.
00:09:46500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:49She's done nothing.
00:09:51Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:54She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:57Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:01I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:05You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:10And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:14A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:18What a joke.
00:10:20If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:25And leave!
00:10:29You really think that Jared would have gotten that Maple Plaza bid without me?
00:10:33Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:36I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:39Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:46It's all my work.
00:10:50Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:58You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:03So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:07She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:11Fine. I'll sign it.
00:11:15But don't regret it.
00:11:18Regret?
00:11:20Do I know who I am?
00:11:22Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:26I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:30Jared winning the bid on Maple Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:35Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:39It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:43You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:47Social stratum matters.
00:11:49Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:53And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:56And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:01Ha! You're delusional.
00:12:04Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:10You owe me.
00:12:12You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:18You hit me.
00:12:22Now sign the papers, take a check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:42I don't need your penny money.
00:12:47We're finished.
00:12:49You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:52Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:55But I would like my ring back.
00:13:06Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:17And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:24Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:28It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:32Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:35Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:37You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:43Congrats, Jared Boo Boo. I'm getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:48Oh! My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:55Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:58Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:02Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:13Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:18Vanderbilt?
00:14:19Yeah. He's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically, our employee.
00:14:23Okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:26You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:30That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:35Angela Lockhart.
00:14:37You're on.
00:14:39You're on.
00:14:42I'm off, Angela.
00:14:45Good to see you, Angela.
00:14:47It's great to see you.
00:14:48You're on.
00:14:49Kill me.
00:14:50Kill me.
00:14:52I'm on.
00:14:54Kill me.
00:14:58Angela?
00:14:59Angela?
00:15:00Angela?
00:15:03Angela Lockhart, I finally found you.
00:15:08Who is he?
00:15:10That, that's Devin Sterling.
00:15:12He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:19Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:21And he's your fiancé.
00:15:25What? My fiancé?
00:15:28The one and only.
00:15:30So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:39Babe?
00:15:47That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:53What is she doing here?
00:15:59You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:05Divorced?
00:16:08That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:13Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:17So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:21Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:27How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:16:31Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:34Do you know who I am?
00:16:37They don't know who you are.
00:16:40You hide it well.
00:16:42X-Team! Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:47Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:49Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:54You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:02Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:05Go ahead.
00:17:09Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:17:12Oh, you bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:16Bitch, I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:25A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:29No.
00:17:37Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:40You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:44Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:48Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:50Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:54I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:57It's worth billions of dollars. Congrats. You'll be next.
00:18:01Thank you, but we haven't received the contract yet, but we deserve it.
00:18:05Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:08Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:10So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:14Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:18:16Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:20Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:25Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:28Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:37I'll do my best.
00:18:39Excuse me.
00:18:41Second gentleman.
00:18:43What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:48How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:51Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:56You sleep your way in?
00:18:58I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:01Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:04Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:06This is your ex-husband?
00:19:10What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:13Who the hell is this?
00:19:15You were cheating on me?
00:19:29Son, you have to avenge me and Kate.
00:19:32Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:36That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:41They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:55You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:20:00Get your hands off of her.
00:20:02Ow!
00:20:06My lady.
00:20:22My queen.
00:20:33It's... it's him!
00:20:36He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:40Who are these peasants?
00:20:42These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:47Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:49You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:53Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:55That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:57You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:59His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:04This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:07Vanderbilt.
00:21:09The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:14who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:18That lonely Vanderbilt family?
00:21:21Oh, goddammit.
00:21:24Stomachache now?
00:21:28Whatever.
00:21:30Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:50How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:53I'm Harvey F. N. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:58I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:03And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:07Not with me around.
00:22:09I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:14You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:17You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:20We've had enough of your games.
00:22:22Security! Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:26Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:29But don't worry. You got new money here.
00:22:34I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:37Yes, my queen.
00:22:39You're all despicable.
00:22:42An insult to your family names.
00:22:45Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:49Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:52Cut off all business ties.
00:22:55And if you don't,
00:22:57I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:03I knew it. You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:06You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:08How much money did you spend on that getup and to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:11You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:16You have nothing, and you will always be nothing.
00:23:20She's a gold digger.
00:23:23Gold digger?
00:23:25Gigolo.
00:23:27Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:29Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:31Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:34They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:37Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:39She's only here to try me.
00:23:41And ruin my bid on the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:43Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:46Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:53You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:57And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:59You!
00:24:01Insolent fools.
00:24:03Let me guess.
00:24:05You're that special guest?
00:24:07I don't know.
00:24:09Throw them out!
00:24:11I've got some broken bones, too.
00:24:19You can back down now.
00:24:24I got this.
00:24:42Hey! Hey!
00:24:51What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:54I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my God, we're so screwed!
00:25:02Angela!
00:25:04Don't hurt her!
00:25:06You bitch.
00:25:08I've always been sick of you.
00:25:10You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:12How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:14Boss?
00:25:16Did she say her boss?
00:25:18Miss Musk?
00:25:20That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:22That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:24My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's family.
00:25:27She's my wife.
00:25:28Angela Lockhart.
00:25:30My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:32Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:35Past the American Revolution?
00:25:37Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:39If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:42That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:44She's royalty.
00:25:46And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:49What the hell did you do?
00:25:51Kneel to me!
00:25:53Oh, your majesty.
00:25:55Welcome to the United States.
00:25:58We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:26:01Yes, your highness.
00:26:03Is it a queen or prince?
00:26:05It doesn't matter.
00:26:07My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:10We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:13What are you doing, idiot?
00:26:15Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:18What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:40She's a bad woman.
00:26:42She's a bad woman.
00:26:44She's a bad woman.
00:26:46She's a badass herself.
00:26:49He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:51You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:55Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:58No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:27:00I worked hard for everything.
00:27:02You worked for everything?
00:27:08Hi, Henry.
00:27:10So, our 30th anniversary is coming up
00:27:12and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:27:15I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:17I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project
00:27:20and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:30You were nothing before me.
00:27:33All your achievements, all your glory,
00:27:37that's all mine, including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:40I can take all of that away, just like that.
00:27:45No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:47That's why Ellen Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:51Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:55Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:57It was Queen Victoria's and it's worth is equivalent
00:28:00to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:03Oh, no.
00:28:05I gave you back the ring?
00:28:07I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:10No!
00:28:12No, please, no!
00:28:14No, please take me back, baby!
00:28:16I still love you!
00:28:21Oh, man, it looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:24No one's allowed to start a fight with a cold Eisenhower!
00:28:33God, these two again.
00:28:35Did he say, is he cold Eisenhower?
00:28:38President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:40After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:42each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:28:46the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:48Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:50Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:28:52I got lost trying to find Atlanta, then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:02And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:08He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:10Dr. House? I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:13Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:29:15Yep, that's me, son of James House.
00:29:18Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:20I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:24So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands
00:29:28for the last 14 months.
00:29:29And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:37Hey, Ellen, who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:41Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:29:44What?
00:29:46Fiancées?
00:29:48Plural?
00:29:50Fiancées.
00:29:52Plural?
00:29:54Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancée.
00:29:56No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:57You can both shut up. I'm her fiancée.
00:30:00It's you.
00:30:02It's me. Who the hell is he?
00:30:04I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:06How are all three of these men my fiancées?
00:30:11Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:30:14but I didn't tell you because he decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:18She has three badass fiancées and she marries his dumb ass.
00:30:22Whatever.
00:30:24Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:29Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:34At your service.
00:30:36Me too.
00:30:42One down, two more to go.
00:30:44She's become a queen.
00:30:46Bishop to G4.
00:30:52Ow! Ow! What is that?
00:30:55The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:31:02Rook to A8.
00:31:08Hello?
00:31:11I thought I was king.
00:31:13No, you wish.
00:31:15The king doesn't do anything, so Alan can be my king.
00:31:18Oh, fine.
00:31:22Bankrupt the Fords right this second.
00:31:29I...
00:31:31I've been bankrupt!
00:31:33No!
00:31:35Who is...
00:31:41I've been bankrupt!
00:31:43No!
00:31:45I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:48Well, guess what? Game over.
00:31:51Alright boys, let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:55Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:57I'm right with you!
00:31:59Wait for me!
00:32:01Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:32:11Angela!
00:32:15You already have three fiancées?
00:32:18You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:20I want compensation.
00:32:25You greedy SOB.
00:32:27Who the fuck is that?
00:32:29My ex-husband.
00:32:31Wait, you were married?
00:32:33Yeah, and if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:37More for me.
00:32:39No, no, of course not. Just...
00:32:41Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:43Don't steal my joke!
00:32:45I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:46All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:49What? Is there something on my face?
00:32:52Yeah, murderous intent.
00:32:54Let's remarry.
00:32:56Let's remarry.
00:32:58You still don't realize.
00:33:01I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:16I love you.
00:33:31Sir, it's an emergency!
00:33:33We need to wreck right away!
00:33:35Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:39Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:43She should be okay now.
00:33:47Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here. I'll be right back.
00:33:59You saved me.
00:34:03Fuck.
00:34:05I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:08Fuck.
00:34:10I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:12You've cheated on me.
00:34:14You've hit me.
00:34:16You've insulted me.
00:34:18And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:21I fucking hate you.
00:34:24Lady Lockhart!
00:34:26God, what now?
00:34:28Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person.
00:34:33But if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:37How about us three?
00:34:39Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:42Yeah, no. You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:44But...
00:34:46This is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:48We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:50No.
00:34:52No.
00:34:54We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:34:57I'll get you for this.
00:35:06I never should have listened to you.
00:35:08I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:15Ugh.
00:35:25So, what's the situation here?
00:35:28I don't want to marry you.
00:35:37I don't want to marry you.
00:35:40Listen.
00:35:41I only met you guys a few hours ago, and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:46What?
00:35:48What if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:53Much longer.
00:35:57Angela?
00:35:59Your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:36:05My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:07Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:10The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:12Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:15I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours.
00:36:22Can't call his name, but...
00:36:25Anyway, congratulations.
00:36:27I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:32Oh, you must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:34Oh, you must pick one of them to marry. Otherwise...
00:36:38Let me do it.
00:36:40You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:43Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:46Mom?
00:36:48Alright, honey. That's it.
00:36:50Bye. Bye.
00:36:55So, who are you going to choose?
00:37:00Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:05Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:10That seems greedy.
00:37:17But I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:22Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:27I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:31Whoa, okay. No murder, please. I was just kidding.
00:37:36You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:39Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:42I know. We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:47Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:37:51Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:55What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:59You'll see.
00:38:08Oh my god! Oh my god! Cockroaches!
00:38:11All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:14And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:19What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:29Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:33It's up to the final two.
00:38:35Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:39It's up to the final two.
00:39:03It's crunchy.
00:39:05Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around
00:39:11There are two more left, wanna try one?
00:39:13Oh my god, no, no!
00:39:17Oh my god, save me!
00:39:19Save you? You're gonna save me!
00:39:23I'm a German folk doctor. These hands can't get germs on them. They're for surgery and saving lives
00:39:35WOOOOOO
00:39:45Thank god you're here
00:39:48Are you alright, honey?
00:39:50Angela!
00:39:54Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the night
00:40:00Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean
00:40:02I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:10Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:14At least my girl can get some.
00:40:16I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:20The cockroaches!
00:40:21They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:23There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:26I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:33I need a drink.
00:40:43Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:45Oh, why do you care?
00:40:48Are you trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela?
00:40:53You guys were right. I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:40:59You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:05He never even loved me.
00:41:07And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:13Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:21You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:26What?
00:41:30You're number one here.
00:41:37You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:41Lies.
00:41:44You always want something from me.
00:41:51Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:56But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:03I'm the richest man in the nation. I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:12I just need you.
00:42:16I'll prove my love to you within six days, I promise.
00:42:27Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:42:32Angela, you're drunk.
00:42:36I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:40Okay.
00:42:45But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:49Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:42:56This is what you want.
00:43:27Nine-inch penis.
00:43:29Morning to you too.
00:43:32You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:34A girl remembers when she's had a nine-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:40Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:43But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:47Because then they would...
00:43:48Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:50Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:53Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:56I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyway.
00:44:03Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:09You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:13It's not...
00:44:16Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:20I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:27I won't tell.
00:44:29But only on one condition.
00:44:32You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:35Fine.
00:44:39I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:43You never noticed me.
00:44:49You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:54It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:44:56I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:57Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:04Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:05Oh, or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:07Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:10What's up, guys?
00:45:11We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:14No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:19This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:21I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:23The second challenge is...
00:45:26The second challenge is...
00:45:28A date.
00:45:29Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:45:31A date?
00:45:33That's it.
00:45:34What's the catch?
00:45:35No catch.
00:45:36Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:39As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:42Okay. Who's up first? Then...
00:45:44Me.
00:45:45Save the best for last.
00:45:47Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:49Then it's decided.
00:45:52Please don't take my BMW away.
00:45:56Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:46:00I have nothing left.
00:46:10It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:15It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:22It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:26You know Eisenhower, sir?
00:46:28At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:29This is my lieutenant. He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:32Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:46:34He's so serious. But hang on.
00:46:38Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:46:41Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:45Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:48Yes.
00:46:50Murder weapons.
00:47:10You like my guns, babe?
00:47:12Pretty rock hard.
00:47:13Yeah.
00:47:15Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:17Lieutenant, come close.
00:47:20Wait. You're just going to hit him like that? He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:23Fighting back would be treason, ma'am.
00:47:25Treason? You guys are way too serious.
00:47:29Look, you rock hard bitch. I caught you.
00:47:31If I'm going down, you're all going down with me.
00:47:35Lieutenant, pincer attack.
00:47:38You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:43I will make you pay.
00:47:46You don't need to keep beating him up. We could just take him to the cops.
00:47:49Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:48:08Zoe's a bit violent. Some might call it being protective.
00:48:12Poor anger issues.
00:48:14What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:18Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:21Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:23I don't know if I am.
00:48:27Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:32Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:40Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:45Impressive.
00:48:49Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:52Refreshing.
00:48:54I got cool mint too.
00:48:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:59What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:02Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:49:05Where are you taking me, Shane?
00:49:06Let me show you.
00:49:14Dr. Wilson!
00:49:16Our VIP of VIPs!
00:49:19Right this way.
00:49:20VIP of VIPs?
00:49:21Ah, just some other guy I saved. I forget who.
00:49:24You saved a lot of people.
00:49:26I do what I can.
00:49:29Oh my gosh.
00:49:31It's my gold digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:36Sandra Miller.
00:49:37What are you doing here?
00:49:38I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:41Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:43and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:49Hello of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:54I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high end
00:49:57you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:50:01The auction begins.
00:50:03I'll deal with you later.
00:50:06Here, I'll just be a second.
00:50:12Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:17Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:21Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:23Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:26For five million dollars.
00:50:30Excuse me.
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:34It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:37I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:41What are you doing?
00:50:42Just watch.
00:50:50That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:52Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:55She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:01Cut the bullshit.
00:51:02That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:05Here, you want it?
00:51:06For free.
00:51:07Ew!
00:51:08I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then.
00:51:14Because you are the fraud.
00:51:17What are you talking about?
00:51:19And who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:21Throw them out!
00:51:23Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine.
00:51:26But we're professionals.
00:51:28Oh yeah?
00:51:29And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:32Yeah.
00:51:33Mine is the real thing.
00:51:35You two are just upset because you're too
00:51:37poor
00:51:38to afford our luxury items.
00:51:40Why is that so?
00:51:41When a so-called expert
00:51:43failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:45Dear Lord.
00:51:48This is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:55Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:57Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:00It's a replica.
00:52:03They have the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:06So,
00:52:08you are the fraud.
00:52:10You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:13And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:17150.
00:52:18Wow.
00:52:19Not even five dollars.
00:52:21Wow.
00:52:22Not even five dollars.
00:52:24Sandra.
00:52:25You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:28Arrest her!
00:52:30No!
00:52:31Please!
00:52:32Even just this one time!
00:52:33Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:37Investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:52:40Bye.
00:52:41Blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:52I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:55Me too.
00:52:56May I have a kiss?
00:53:13Something wrong?
00:53:14Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:22Yep.
00:53:23You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:35You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:40I don't have any money.
00:53:41How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:44I guess you'll only pay up
00:53:49if I break your other leg.
00:53:51Stop!
00:53:55Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:59Mr. Buffett.
00:54:04This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:07That's right.
00:54:08Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:10I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:13I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:16Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:19It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:22Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:25And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart
00:54:29to put in a good word for us?
00:54:31Angela still loves me.
00:54:32She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:34She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:36Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:38We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:41I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago
00:54:44and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:46It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:49Sure.
00:54:51I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:53I just need...
00:54:54Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:57Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:55:00I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:09I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper
00:55:11just like you asked me to.
00:55:13Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:17Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:19I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:21My contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:23It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:26And if he can't, then what?
00:55:28He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:30So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:33I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:36I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart,
00:55:38he's nothing.
00:55:44Oh, I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:48We should celebrate.
00:55:50You did?
00:55:51You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:53That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:57And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:00Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:05What?
00:56:07You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:09Oh, no, no, no, no, he's not.
00:56:11Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:13You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:17It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:19I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:21I'm telling my dad.
00:56:23Fine, go right ahead, he has enough problems himself.
00:56:25If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:28But if not, you can scram.
00:56:31Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:34Teach him a lesson.
00:56:36Kaylie, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:38Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:42Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:44We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:46So do as he says.
00:56:48But Dad...
00:56:56I'm sorry.
00:56:58I'll be your side piece.
00:57:00Very good. I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:02Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:05I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:10But that tongue action, though.
00:57:12Tongue is important.
00:57:14In more than just one spot.
00:57:16Erin, we are in public.
00:57:18It's true.
00:57:20Stomachache.
00:57:22Again?
00:57:24I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:26Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:28Devin's late.
00:57:30Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:33This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:39And she's alone.
00:57:40With no one to save her.
00:57:44You whore.
00:57:45You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:51Let me tell you.
00:57:53I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:59Oh!
00:58:01Hey, you guys can fight all you want.
00:58:03But you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:05Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:07What? Why do I have to leave?
00:58:09She's the one starting shit.
00:58:11Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:13You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:16And my son just signed a $100 billion contract.
00:58:20He still got the contract?
00:58:22Hmm.
00:58:23Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:25Even if he does sign it,
00:58:27he still has the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:29Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:31Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:35Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:40You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:45My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:48$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:51$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:54$5,000 to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
00:59:01Ow! Hey!
00:59:02Stop!
00:59:05You okay?
00:59:06Are you hurt?
00:59:11Weakling.
00:59:12You!
00:59:13You, just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:17And now you have two more?
00:59:19What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:25What if she has an STD?
00:59:27Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:31Let's go.
00:59:33We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:35Hang on.
00:59:37What do you want?
00:59:38I'll scream.
00:59:40I don't hit women.
00:59:41But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:45But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:47I said I don't kill women.
00:59:50Oh, God.
00:59:51He is a murderer.
00:59:52What if he murders me?
00:59:53Not him.
00:59:54Definitely not him.
01:00:00We're not afraid of you.
01:00:02That's enough.
01:00:03This isn't a war zone.
01:00:04You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:09I was just messing with him.
01:00:11Was he, though?
01:00:12We're not afraid of you.
01:00:15Jared!
01:00:16You have to avenge us.
01:00:17Look at this slut.
01:00:18She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:20She's cheating on you.
01:00:21Don't get back with her.
01:00:22Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:24I apologize for this scene.
01:00:26I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:30Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34The potty crashes.
01:00:38Oh!
01:00:39Do you have any idea who that is?
01:00:40That's my wife.
01:00:42We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:45That's right.
01:00:46No, you're playing.
01:00:47Shut up.
01:00:48She's cheating on you.
01:00:52I know your place.
01:00:53You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:00You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:03They really think they're something, huh?
01:01:05Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:13I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:17What?
01:01:18You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:30No.
01:01:31This can't be.
01:01:33I made you divorce...
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:40You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:48I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:51Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:55I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:58I didn't come here for you.
01:02:01I'm on a date.
01:02:03A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:06She really is a whore.
01:02:08Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:10I really do love you.
01:02:14Lady Lockhart is here.
01:02:18Lady Lockhart is here.
01:02:22We already know you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:25We're too old for that.
01:02:27They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:29Please, you gave me the contract.
01:02:31So if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:35Yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:41What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:47Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50No.
01:02:52Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:56I would rather die than be with you again.
01:03:00Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:04I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:06Otherwise, they'll cut me off too.
01:03:08Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:10I'll prove it to you.
01:03:12You want a chance?
01:03:14Angela, no.
01:03:15You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:18Don't take him back.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:28Me or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:39But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:42The choice is all yours.
01:03:45That's a tough choice.
01:03:47You think so?
01:03:48He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:52Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:01I deserve the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:13Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I choose the contract.
01:04:18I knew it.
01:04:20You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:23With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:27Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:32Let me show you something.
01:04:44You saved me.
01:04:51You saved me.
01:04:53I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:04:59But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:05No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:07I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:14Shit.
01:05:18Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:22What? Me?
01:05:24Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:27No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually, they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:45Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:49Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for that?
01:06:05Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max, you know what to do.
01:06:23The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:34How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:48I am...
01:06:50Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:57You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:07:02See? You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:07Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:11So, how about our date?
01:07:19I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:21Let's buy two.
01:07:35They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:38I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:42Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:45They'll make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:56The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:08:02and you will have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:05No!
01:08:07I'm bankrupt.
01:08:09I need a little off-card.
01:08:11You tricked me!
01:08:17Oh, allow me.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials
01:08:27for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:32Cheers.
01:08:41This looks good.
01:08:47Did you use my spices?
01:08:49I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:54You can have all the money and power in the world
01:08:57and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:01I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:07Angela.
01:09:10Your future with me
01:09:14is going to be different.
01:09:16Come on.
01:09:18Upstairs.
01:09:31Come on.
01:09:36Wow.
01:09:38Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:41these past few years
01:09:43just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela.
01:09:48I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:55That's right.
01:09:57I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were,
01:10:18you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:23Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500
01:10:27in a suit like that?
01:10:31All you do is babble on and on
01:10:33about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:45Hey! Get away from him!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:505C girl. I like her.
01:10:57How is he?
01:10:59It's a rare poison,
01:11:01made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:04Ashtagar saltifu.
01:11:06Can he be cured?
01:11:08I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:10It sounds really scary,
01:11:12but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:15Household salt.
01:11:23I like her.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:29There you go.
01:11:31Time is up.
01:11:34Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:47So, that's how I...
01:11:50Well, we all met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:58Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:01attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:03You wouldn't have known.
01:12:04I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:08Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Yeah.
01:12:11Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years,
01:12:17who will you pick?
01:12:23How couldn't it be?
01:12:25Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:32Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:36Bankrupt?
01:12:38The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:41Well, then, get out of here!
01:12:44You can't do this to me!
01:12:48Jared!
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:00What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We are here to recompose your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:15Mom!
01:13:18What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:48Hey, stop. Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:57I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:02Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:05which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Or Cole, the general?
01:14:17Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:23Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:27Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:30But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:36and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela.
01:14:41Angela.
01:14:42Oh, I...
01:14:46I need more time to think.
01:14:52While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:55why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:11who has huge biceps,
01:15:13a massive chest,
01:15:16who would protect their wife?
01:15:20Okay, thank you.
01:15:22Uh, Shane?
01:15:25Muscles, money,
01:15:28they won't get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:32that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:35if you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay, I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:53a lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor
01:16:03brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:05That's a good point.
01:16:07A man for a heart.
01:16:10And then you.
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough.
01:16:23Stand up.
01:16:26Hey, you guys.
01:16:28Whoa, break it up.
01:16:30Hey, break it up.
01:16:33Oh!
01:16:36Cut to commercial.
01:16:38Cut to commercial.
01:16:56This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:10Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh yeah?
01:17:16I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:17:18I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:23What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:25Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:38These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:41They do not. They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:18:02It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:16No!
01:18:29We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:33This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:37I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:40Hmm. Winter Man or Cool Man?
01:18:48You know,
01:18:50I've always really liked your hair.
01:18:52Really?
01:18:53Yeah.
01:18:54You know, I've always really liked your hair.
01:18:56Really?
01:18:57Yeah.
01:18:58You know, I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:00I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:02Really?
01:19:03I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:09Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:10And you know,
01:19:11Cool, I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26Yeah.
01:19:27That's fresh, right?
01:19:28Yeah.
01:19:30You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:32Hey, I appreciate it.
01:19:33You know, you need me to look at you?
01:19:35I got you.
01:19:36Hey, me?
01:19:37Yeah, cool.
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:39Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:41It was Jerry Cooper.
01:19:43That fucker!
01:19:45We have to find her.
01:19:46What, how?
01:19:47Her ring.
01:19:48Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:51Well, let's go then.
01:19:52But, oh!
01:19:53My fiance!
01:19:54My fiance!
01:20:00Jared.
01:20:05What am I doing here?
01:20:07You destroyed me.
01:20:10You took everything.
01:20:13What?
01:20:14I have nothing left.
01:20:16It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:19I wasn't greedy.
01:20:21You had sex with my wife.
01:20:23What?
01:20:24I'm not your wife anymore.
01:20:26Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal.
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:41Come on, bitch.
01:20:44I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:47Shh.
01:20:48Shh.
01:20:49Shh.
01:20:54You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Angela, come here!
01:21:06You're too late.
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:09Not yet.
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in his coat.
01:21:15Everything except for fruit.
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum.
01:21:17We get it already.
01:21:18Just save my boss.
01:21:21Here you go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you going to do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop!
01:21:37No, don't!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:43No.
01:21:44No!
01:21:46Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:48Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:04And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:12Welcome back to the finale of...
01:22:14The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally.
01:22:19The wedding day.
01:22:20But who's the groom?
01:22:34Welcome back to the finale of...
01:22:36The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:38But who's the groom?
01:22:43Seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:52This is exciting.
01:22:54Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:06But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about Devon Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:23You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:28And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:32But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:36And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:41And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:49I'm just kidding. I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:56Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:00I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:02They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:05So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:08Literally.
01:24:11Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:22Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:31And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:37The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devon Sterling.
01:24:44Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:48May the best man win.
01:24:51May the best man win.
01:24:54Drum roll, please.
01:25:01Never gonna give you up.
01:25:03Never gonna let you down.
01:25:05Never gonna run around and desert you.
01:25:09Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:18I choose...
01:25:21I choose...
01:25:29I need a powerful, strong man, and I really feel like he could protect me.
01:25:35Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Could I interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:41Yeah, would you like a full-body checkup?
01:25:46I choose...
01:25:51I choose...
01:25:56Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:00You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:02Yeah.
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:08Ellen, be my new queen. I hope we can draw together.
01:26:11Guns, baby.
01:26:21It's always been you.
01:26:31I'll always love you.
01:26:35Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:38Ellen, would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:40Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:26:42I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:26:44Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:26:46I need fruit-flavored gum for you.