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MotorTranscript
00:00:00Right, I'm sorry. I just I'm excited to be here. It's been a while, you know for a long time
00:00:04I wasn't sure I'd ever be back Disney bought Fox
00:00:06There was a whole boring rights issue blah bitty blah bitty blah
00:00:09But then it turned out they wanted me the one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie much less a franchise
00:00:15Marvel's so stupid
00:00:17Look, we know the title of this thing. So I know what you're wondering. How are we gonna do this without dishonoring Logan's memory?
00:00:23And I'll tell you how
00:00:25We're not
00:00:27I'm gonna let you in on a little secret
00:00:30Wolverine is not dead. Sure. It made for a perfect ending to a very sad story
00:00:34But that's not how regenerative healing factors work
00:00:36You think I want to be out here in beautiful downtown North Dakota digging up the one and only Wolverine. No, thank you
00:00:42But the fate of my entire world is at stake. You may not be living his best life, but he sure as hell ain't
00:00:47dead
00:00:52Bingo
00:00:57Yes
00:01:15That was weird, I'm much calmer now look I'm not a man of science, but you seem incredibly passed away
00:01:24But it's good to see you I gotta be honest
00:01:26I've always wanted to ride with you Logan even me getting into a Deadpool Wolverine just fucking shit up
00:01:32Can you imagine the fun the chaos the residuals?
00:01:36Good. I might she's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of metal cash
00:01:41Haha, me too. Hugh. No, no, no, no. Oh
00:01:47You get all noble and die for real. God, damn it
00:01:51I could really use your help right now
00:02:03I'm warning you Wade Winston Wilson
00:02:14Death by day player
00:02:20I
00:02:46Don't wanna
00:02:50I
00:03:21I
00:03:25Am soaking that right now
00:03:29To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this the wanton violence the whiff of necrophilia it isn't who I am
00:03:34It isn't who I want to be who I want to be. Well to help you understand that I gotta take you back a little
00:03:39Joyride I took through space and time to the day that changed everything
00:03:51I
00:03:53Can't believe I'm finally here. I've waited for this moment for so long
00:03:57Thank you, sir for seeing me. I
00:04:01Firmly believe that my services could be of great use to your organization now
00:04:04I know I was caught masturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower. I'm sure you did that. I'm sorry. What was that?
00:04:09No, I'm sorry that that's when you get those toy Pulk hands, right and then you just you look down you just
00:04:15You brace yourself and you ravage the midsection. I get it. Okay. Thank you. The pictures painted you get the gist
00:04:20What exactly brings you here today?
00:04:22Why I'm wow. Okay, I I care I know I'm turn everything into a joke, but I I
00:04:30Care and I want to use that feeling for something important. I want to matter
00:04:38And to show my girl that I matter
00:04:42You know, I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here is the man not gonna be joining us the man
00:04:45Yeah, I should save this if he's gonna as far as you're concerned right now. I'm the man. No, the man is me
00:04:50I am the man in this circumstance. Maybe say he doesn't do this kind of thing anymore
00:04:55Cameos meetings meetings entry-level meetings entry-level. Aren't you the chauffeur? I maybe common misconception
00:05:01I didn't begin my career as mr. Stark's driver quickly pivoted to the head of security
00:05:07And why I am betting your resume you seem to have left out whether or not you had any experience as a member of a
00:05:13Team, could you maybe add a little bit perspective? No, yes
00:05:16I was special forces, but I was mainly I was team leader founder really of X force. Sadly, they all perished
00:05:21Oh, how exactly did that happen?
00:05:23Well, the police say gravity, but if just between us they didn't test well in the focus group particularly cable. Oh
00:05:29I can see this isn't going. Oh, please stop writing. Look. I I'm just gonna want to be an Avenger
00:05:34I'm gonna be an Avenger
00:05:37Why do you want to be an Avenger to look around you?
00:05:39I mean, they're the best of the best and what they do matters. I need to be an Avenger
00:05:44Sir, my girl is kind of had a bush dick if I don't, you know, turn things around and do something with my gifts
00:05:50I don't think it's gonna really work out for me and I wouldn't blame her
00:05:53Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes that stand for something more than just fighting and wearing costumes
00:06:00I mean people look up to us kids look up to us. I'm sorry us. I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger
00:06:05Avengers adjacent. Oh, what's your superpower? Is it parallel parking? I'm so sorry. That was cruel. I'd lash out when I'm nervous
00:06:12Won't happen again. Let's cut to the chase. Please. You just said moments ago that you wanted to be an Avenger because
00:06:17You need it. Yes, sir. I do but the Avengers don't do the job because they need it
00:06:22They do the job because people need them
00:06:24Do you see the distinction?
00:06:27Yes, sir
00:06:29Please mr. Hogan. I don't spend the rest of my life like an annoying one-trick pony
00:06:32Oh
00:06:37You're standing yeah now's the time we stand
00:06:40The problem might be that you're reaching a little a little too high aim for the middle and you'll never miss
00:06:45Right. I think you got a good heart. I believe what you're saying
00:06:47But not everybody's the world-saving type. I'm not I'm happy right? I found my place
00:06:53Find your place
00:06:55All right, get back out there. We'll keep an eye. Good luck
00:06:59Mm-hmm, that's the car. I want to hit shake shack rejection makes me hungry
00:07:11You know what they say when one door closes your locker at work opens
00:07:23Let's go sell some certified pre-owned vehicles mother
00:07:26I
00:07:28Technically the carnival is not a minivan
00:07:31It's an MPV. So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey the Odyssey? That's a great question
00:07:35Um, it doesn't fucking suck. You know, you can't answer the question without swearing. I'm sorry. Tell me I don't I don't have kids
00:07:41Not that I haven't dreamt of that. I don't have a lot of vaginal sex
00:07:47You'll get a next time pal and look you can always go back to superheroing
00:07:50I mean, I know I'd like to see you back in the suit
00:07:52I don't keep it in my locker so that I can wear it
00:07:55Keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again
00:08:05Okay sales the best match probably not this is the life that I always imagined for myself fuck no
00:08:10This is what I fit for me sugar bear. It is. Okay, mr. Wilson
00:08:14I'm just saying once a month we could go on a little mission. We're human beings. We crave purpose after all we're Deadpool
00:08:21Please stop saying that we're not Deadpool. I'm not even Deadpool anymore
00:08:24Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis go big a few years ago
00:08:28A friend of mine got his nipples pierced with a titanium chain that goes down and attaches to his van Johnson
00:08:36Are you feeling grumple stiltskin because it's your birthday
00:08:39Oh
00:08:54So then he gets out of the cab and you would not believe it I turn around and what do I find air pods
00:08:59Crazy story
00:09:04Make any sales today, you know, I didn't did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy or whatever it is that you do?
00:09:09I'll run to do in three days. Wait, I can't keep carrying relax. I have the money. I sold some old blood pressure medication
00:09:15I found lying around trying to kill me motherfucker. I'm not the one dousing everything in salt motherfucker
00:09:19I pray every day that fire finds your body and finishes the job God didn't have the nuts to do that's hurtful
00:09:25If you could hear the look on my face, you'd smell how sad I am. You watch anything good great British makeoff
00:09:30Oh goddamn, that's just stood between me and suicide for 10 years
00:09:33Those are my feelings on a board and religious freedom animal rights privacy rights vaccines free market capitalism global climate change
00:09:41Are you keel hi wait nice fake o'clock shadow
00:09:45It's a summer balayage from the French. It's meant to mimic the natural highlights of the Sun. It's a two-pack. It's a system
00:09:52I love your hair system made
00:09:55Want to do some cocaine hey
00:09:58He said is off-limits. What about Bolivian marching now?
00:10:00They know all the slang terms they have a list even snowboarding even disco dust white girl interrupted even forced bump focus
00:10:05I wouldn't even try powdered. Go nuts. You want to build a snowman? Yes
00:10:16Thanks for coming yeah, how's work? Oh, I got a promotion
00:10:20No way, yeah, that's my numbing middle management, but I'm happy that's great
00:10:26You I see
00:10:29Yeah
00:10:30guy from work
00:10:32Dermot
00:10:33He's kind good looks to go hiking
00:10:36Hasn't gotten me shot yet. Well, it's the early days
00:10:42How about you you've seen anyone hmm, no, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment share a bed with blind Al
00:10:50All right, all right
00:10:58Birthdays boy, yeah, every spin around the moon is a new adventure indeed Sunderman. Oh, hey round earther
00:11:04Where was I the adventure of life, right?
00:11:07It's been a challenging few years. I haven't seen you guys in a while and through a lot change of life and a pause
00:11:12Are you improv?
00:11:15I'm sorry. They had to see that you
00:11:19But I'm happy
00:11:21That's because of each and every one of you
00:11:24Guess what? I'm trying to say is how proud I am how grateful I am to be standing in a room with every single person
00:11:30I love
00:11:34I'm the luckiest man alive
00:11:38Make a wish buddy 10-4 good buddy going down
00:11:44Oh
00:11:48Yeah dancers the opinion must have ordered you are those supposed to be cop costumes never mind take your clothes off
00:11:54But leave the helmets and this isn't pretty woman
00:11:56We're kissing. What song do you guys normally dance to?
00:12:02Is that supposed to be scary pegging isn't new for me friend. Oh, but it is for Disney
00:12:08I've never been a natural bottom. So we're gonna take things real slow and I want some crazy eye contact
00:12:13Not you you can't see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them
00:12:15We're gonna move on down the hallway so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole. How's everyone feel about this plan?
00:12:19I don't like you. Yes, let's hold on to that attitude and we're gonna do it angry
00:12:38Mr. Wilson
00:12:40You appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious I wasn't unconscious. Who are you? I go by the name of paradox, mr
00:12:47Paradox and you're sitting here at the TVA the Time Variance Authority. We're really a watchdog
00:12:52Organization except we're more light-hearted than that sounds with sort of throwback ironic twist and we're in charge of defending what's known as the sacred
00:13:01Timeline, holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition for a three-quill
00:13:04Is this because I use cables time machine brought a couple of people back to life, then I destroyed it
00:13:08There was a long time. Yes, we're aware of your abuse of your timeline. What's so abusive of it?
00:13:13I know it has nothing to do it walk with me
00:13:20I brought you here. Mr. Wilson to tell you that you're special
00:13:24in fact, you've been chosen for a higher purpose a purpose unclear even to me, but
00:13:30One that could save the entire
00:13:32Sacred timeline from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future, which may very well need to be
00:13:37Avenged the sacred timeline I
00:13:41Assume I'm going to marvel at how
00:13:44Cinematic it feels gratuitous cameos indiscriminate use of variants the whole package you tell me
00:13:50I
00:14:02You are no longer lost
00:14:04Wait, you can be a hero among heroes
00:14:07We've been surveilling you for quite a while subway station the TVA our first years
00:14:12And what is that? Hmm?
00:14:15Does that mean is that Thor is he crying I don't know let's not get ahead of ourselves
00:14:20That happens in the distant future. I start crying
00:14:23Stop that eyes on me. I brought you here to offer you an opportunity the opportunity you sought years ago
00:14:28But for which you were not ready
00:14:29We believe you're ready now ready for a chance to leave your timeline and join the greatest universe of all
00:14:34I'm about to give you the thing you've always wanted. I smell what you're stepping in the power in the Marvel Universe is about to
00:14:38change forever
00:14:50Oh
00:15:00It's an enemy for paperwork good not too bright, but I do not read there is one thing I will need though
00:15:09Fuck off adorn me beard. Oh
00:15:20Oh
00:15:30It's perfect FYI, your tailor is a predator, but I love it snug no cameltoe new car smell and adamantium katanas
00:15:38You shouldn't have go ahead. Take it in and yes, your underwear is getting tighter
00:15:43That guy knows what I'm talking about his clothes say middle management, but his eyes say
00:15:48Yes, you look very nice nice your buddy here is ready to throw it all away from me you calling your wife HR
00:15:54It's your wife work in HR. I'm really glad you're taking this so well. Oh, I'm taking it
00:15:58Well, I have never had a problem traveling for work. That said we should talk vacation days
00:16:02I'm more of a one week on one week off kind of guy. I think it's what they do in Denmark
00:16:05You know, you'll never see a Danish flag in the moon, but god damn it. They're happy now
00:16:08Let's power up your little Amazon fire phone there and does it me back home so I can let my friends know that they've been
00:16:13Upgraded to disciples. Yeah, I didn't quite understand
00:16:16Um, you will not be returning to your home because there will be no home to return to come again this time in my ears
00:16:26This is your universe, mr. Wilson that
00:16:29Is what happens when a universe loses their anchor being see how it decays from the inside. This is how a reality dies
00:16:36What's an anchor being an anchor being is an entity of such vital importance that when they die their whole world slowly withers out of existence
00:16:43You've just won the lottery because I didn't die. It's just a little midlife crisis. I'm better now
00:16:58No, it isn't you mr. Wilson
00:17:00Your anchor being died in an act of self-sacrifice so epic that it sent shivers down the timeline. I am referring course to
00:17:09Logan
00:17:11The Wolverine
00:17:29Logan of course
00:17:31Yeah, I got it turn your retro graphics of death off now make it stop we're not doing it mr. Wilson we certainly can't stop it
00:17:38How long have we got in most cases a couple thousand years? Well, sweet cases aren't fast enough. Oh for me
00:17:43What does that mean?
00:17:44It means that I have been tasked with overseeing the end of your universe and regardless of what the pencil pushes upstairs would prefer
00:17:50I will not
00:17:52Oversee the end of your universe and regardless of what the pencil pushes upstairs would prefer. I will not
00:17:57Waste my life watching it die slowly of natural causes. We used to just prune these things simple elegant efficient
00:18:02But I'm told the TVA doesn't like to do that anymore
00:18:04Well, I do and no matter what my so-called superiors say the multiverse does not need a babysitter
00:18:08We need a mercy killer. And in this instance, I am the mercy killer
00:18:17What in the McFinn is that that's a time ripper mr. Wilson an accelerant once completed
00:18:22It will allow me to destroy the space-time matrix of your universe. You see, I don't want to work for the TVA
00:18:27I want to be the TVA and the first step involves showing this organization how much more efficient it can become to it
00:18:33I will be giving your universe a swift and compassionate end. I don't worry. Your friends won't feel a thing. It'll be over
00:18:38Just like this. Oh, what's that?
00:18:40Trust me
00:18:53You
00:18:55You're gonna old yeller my fucking universe mmm in your parlance, yes two in the heart one in head look, mr
00:19:01Wilson, you have two choices. You can either rejoin your loved ones and collectively cease to exist in let's say 72 hours or
00:19:06You join the sacred timeline and you end your days of insignificance and mediocrity
00:19:12wait
00:19:14Wait, you can finally finally matter
00:19:23I
00:19:25That's all I've ever really wanted
00:19:30You know, I'm nothing if not morally flexible
00:19:34Yeah, yeah
00:19:37I'll do it wise choice. The sacred timelines are happy to have you I was talking about finding the Wolverine and breaking your fucking nose
00:19:53I
00:19:55Find him and boy did he ever which brings us back to this
00:20:01The desecration of the sacred corpse
00:20:18Sorry Wolverine is hard
00:20:23You fuck Logan was a hero then the only thing worth shit to ever come out
00:20:35Get my country's name out of your fucking mouth and my sword
00:20:45Logan an alive one. Don't get up guys. I'll see myself out
00:20:53I
00:20:58Mean I need you to come with me
00:21:01Who's asking?
00:21:03Well, look at this little hairy Lou Retton. Did you stick the landing little guy?
00:21:07Yes, you did comic accurate short King such a cute widow. We'll be cute a fucking montage, baby
00:21:14Everything seems to be on fire. You have a dragon who you have ever been
00:21:22Oh
00:21:31Yeah, that's a whole goddamn package right there
00:21:35I'm just auditioning. I'm auditioning anchor beans. Oh, yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil
00:21:47Yes, yes classic John Byrne Brown and now you thought the Hulk in this outfit no
00:21:53I'm Marvel Jesus. You don't reach it. I wanna
00:22:03Not you we're just going a different direction
00:22:08You're from behind you look a little bit like Henry
00:22:10Oh my fuck the Cavalry the legends are true
00:22:13And may I say sir on behalf of all humanity this just feels right
00:22:17We will treat you so much better than those shit bucks down the street. You were just leaving
00:22:21No, sir, not while the fate of my universe
00:22:26This one looks promising down you go
00:22:30again, I
00:22:31Told you you're not welcome here. You're not welcome anywhere. Now get the fuck out of my bar
00:22:35Just give me one more drink and then I'll leave that's not how it works. It does now leave the bottle
00:22:41I know you but nope, but I know you
00:22:44Everybody knows me
00:22:46I'm the Wolverine. Yes, you are and I'm gonna need you to come with me right now
00:22:51Look lady. I'm not interested really getting into your cup. Why would I go with you?
00:22:56Because unfortunately, I need you and even more unfortunately my entire world needs you you two gonna fuck or fight
00:23:06You gonna take that from him, yep, I could tell you if I sort of don't get too close
00:23:11I'll only break your heart by going here
00:23:12But every other Wolverine would have really hurt me by now and I'm sort of on the tick-tick
00:23:15So I'll see Daisy. Here we go
00:23:19No
00:23:21Whiskey dick at the claws. It's quite common in Wolverines over 40. You don't want this. You're right
00:23:25I don't and you don't want this unless you want to take a deep breath through your fucking forehead. I suggest you reconsider
00:23:30Let's go peanut
00:23:37Watch this. All right, that's easy
00:23:42Good God thirsty little honey badger, aren't you? It's okay. Keep going audiences are accustomed to long run times
00:23:53I guess you'll have to do. Okay. Oh
00:23:57Look at those jammies that only took 20 fucking years
00:24:01Bonus he's actually wearing a costume like he's not embarrassed to be in a superhero before once. I don't understand
00:24:05You said my universe is dying because this sack of nuts got himself killed. Well problem solved
00:24:10Oh my god, you actually think you can replace an anchor being with this. I
00:24:16Wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine bt-dubs, but you have outdone yourself and brought me the worst
00:24:21I've ever seen in my life. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
00:24:24I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry
00:24:28But you have outdone yourself and brought me the worst Wolverine, what do you mean the worst one mr.
00:24:33Wilson this Wolverine let down his entire world
00:24:36He's the stuff of legend, but not in a good way and what he did. Well
00:24:41Some things are just beyond forgiveness
00:24:44Okay, how do I how do I make this right I can do I'll do anything
00:24:47I gave you a chance at greatness because my superiors deemed you special clearly not special in a good way
00:24:54Apparently of some important future purpose to serve with or he holds me, but I did my duty
00:24:58I gave you the opportunity to be somebody and instead of accepting my offering with humility and gratitude you broke my nose
00:25:04It looks great
00:25:04You decimated dozens of my men with the exhumed corpse of a hero son or not only his remains but his memory
00:25:09What do you think internet your world is dying? Thank you very much, and there's no stopping it
00:25:16The main thing to do is to make it quick is the thought of vaporizing my universe making you peckish
00:25:20I'm eating my feelings. I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about because that hairy
00:25:24Thundercut-from-down undercut finally dies and he's standing right behind me isn't he welcome the MCU by the way
00:25:30You're joining at a bit of a low point as for you. I want to talk to your boss
00:25:33I want you to get him on the phone and you tell him her or them that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing
00:25:42Holy shit, I
00:25:44Just heard a symphony of buttholes clenching all at once you're off-grid your bosses don't know what you sick fucks are doing down here
00:25:50Well, I'll tell you what I have a black belt in Karen, and I'm gonna go upstairs, and I'm gonna tell him all about
00:25:56Silence is nice. Where the fuck did he go to the trashy you'll fit right in
00:26:20Don't just stand there you ape give me a hand up. Nope. I'm actually okay
00:26:28I don't know what's kind of mad maxi, but that would be IP infringement right fucking jokes
00:26:37We even listen back there we don't make it back to that mr. Paradox asshole everyone. I know is gonna die
00:26:42No my fucking problem was that all you got
00:26:45Is that what you said when your world went to shit?
00:26:48Come again, yeah, I heard all about you and screwed up everything you should be thanking me for pulling out of that bed you shit
00:27:01Are you ready to be calm now?
00:27:17I
00:27:22Don't want to fight you peanut doesn't matter what you did. I just need your help. I don't fucking care
00:27:41All right
00:27:43Fuck it
00:27:44Let's give the people what they came for
00:27:46Let's fucking go
00:27:48Get your special sock out nerds. It's gonna get good
00:28:16I
00:28:18See you go your fucking head back
00:28:48What whatever it is that you did whatever made you so bad
00:28:53In the TVA you heard him
00:28:56They have the power to end my universe, but they also have the power to change yours
00:29:01We get back there and we can fix your world together. I
00:29:06promise
00:29:07They can fix it
00:29:09Hey, we fight each other. We move dear god
00:29:13Who the one the superhero equivalent to comfort food or Molly white guys answer to all the
00:29:19Disappointments and another a-lister fair war gorgeous. You're gonna encounter some indelicate language smidge of ass play
00:29:24But we've been prohibited from using cocaine on camera. They're coming. Who's they?
00:29:34Or they're driving angry
00:29:39I'll be seeing you
00:29:43in every lovely
00:29:55I'll be looking at the moon
00:30:00But I'll be seeing you
00:30:05I
00:30:10Glad you gave us a second chance and don't worry wait an iron team. So I'll see you get
00:30:23Damn straight it is Fox killed him Disney brought him back. They're gonna make him do this till he's 90. Let's go
00:30:29I'll clock you out forever
00:30:32forever
00:30:34I
00:30:38Wakey-wakey
00:30:41Now you put all these bullets in my belly and I'm gonna find out why
00:30:47I'll just say it. You don't stick your fingers in me. Jesus. Just ask sometimes fine
00:30:55Hands in pockets
00:30:57Any paradox he said he gave me out of the void. All he knows he works for the TV
00:31:02In agreement, I don't think this guy cares, huh?
00:31:05He will
00:31:07How much longer before the time report is active? We're running the final safety checks. Oh, okay
00:31:11All right. Thanks for all your hard work. Take time. Really? No, you drooling boob. No, we have company cancel the safety checks
00:31:17We need to be live now
00:31:24Why was door crying how dare you no one comes back from the void tell that to Cassandra Nova
00:31:31I
00:31:35Paradox we have a problem
00:31:39Paradox
00:31:42When you are doing it than you looked in Paris head you tried to kill me I literally have no end
00:31:47You better kill me
00:31:50Welcome to the skull fuck Club Paradox, you know, she doesn't wash that hand. Oh
00:31:56Time ripper naughty boy. Oh, no, we're on it. We're gonna head down and dismantle that thing now
00:32:00We got you boo. You just keep playing those keys. I don't want to destroy it
00:32:03I want to use it now shoo mummy and daddy are having a conversation
00:32:12You know the funny things I was happy in the void
00:32:16You sent your trash to me live and I cleaned it up
00:32:18Everyone was happy and you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. And so now the fence must come down
00:32:25I'm going to use a little time ripper and I'm going to destroy this universe and the next and the next and the next until all
00:32:31That's left is that and I get to play God
00:32:36Now you're going to show me how to use this fancy gadget and don't worry. I've called some friends to make sure we're not disturbed
00:32:42I
00:32:44Sorry to bother madam, but there's something you need to see we're getting indications of an unsanctioned time ripper activating on earth one triple zero five
00:32:51Whose district is that?
00:32:53paradox
00:33:02Thank you so much for your help darling God good to get out of that head
00:33:11Oh
00:33:21My
00:33:42For that sweet sound
00:33:51Ever ever again, never ever. Sorry. Fuck what's cafe gratitude doing here? Sorry about that tremble not sweet Mary Puppins
00:34:01Do not insult this animals autonomy she could decide who her Papa is what's it gonna be girl, huh original recipe or van Milder here
00:34:08It's funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall to the proposal
00:34:13The fuck was that bitch you think that's what I do both shut up. You smell something. Yeah you a lot of you
00:34:32Told you there are a lot of deadpools over there
00:34:38I
00:35:00Take it they're not friendly goodness. No, sorry about this boys mission over cause of death 100 kill thirsty at pools
00:35:06They're dumb. They can fight not me though. I'd love to get in the mix, but I have low bone density
00:35:10I have to keep my face safe
00:35:12Hold, please. Oh, all right. Look guys
00:35:16Deadpool prime here our fight isn't with you
00:35:21That's kid pool, she's the dirtiest can we just be done? Oh, we're just getting started. No, no, no, no with the whole multiverse thing
00:35:29It's not great. It's just been miss after miss after miss
00:35:34The Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first and they did it fast the gays knew it, but we didn't listen
00:35:39Let's just take the L and move on. I think it's been steadily great since endgame
00:35:43What are you talking about? The multiverse is over Sandy gonna destroy the fuck out of every time
00:35:48Y'all can't do shit about it. Do you not get it?
00:35:50We don't get out of the subway and stop her we all die
00:35:51Hey, the boss lady don't want no disturbances. You want to get down to the subway. You gotta go through us
00:35:55Who's he dying baby? Who's he time, baby?
00:36:04No, I think I'm hit no shit you did that on purpose I did no such thing listen to me gorgeous
00:36:09How long does it take for you to regenerate regenerate?
00:36:16You really are God's perfect idiot, aren't you? Okay, how dare you you insensitive son-of-a-bitch. How was I supposed to know?
00:36:21He doesn't regenerate. I'm not a medicine woman. Look a donut cart. They're practically hospitals. They sell portable triage units
00:36:27I know I'm gonna get you to safety. He's deep breath
00:36:34Oh
00:36:35Hey, where are we stopping? Just catching my breath put your legs on vacation. You're dead. Wait, it's because I'm paralyzed
00:36:42We all have problems. Listen to me. You're gonna live
00:36:45Look at me nice cool
00:36:53Say it with me
00:37:03I
00:37:19Don't think he's gonna make it god. He loved his face. I could taste his final thought he was so afraid but he died a hero
00:37:26He died for murder. You dumb fuck and all I have to remember him by
00:37:30Are these two gold-plated 50 caliber Desert Eagle pistol arrows, this is for him. Are you ready? I get to kill a hundred use
00:37:37Fuck you. I'm ready
00:37:38Hey
00:37:59Oh
00:38:09Shit you save the good stuff for special occasions killing mostly what's the wind resistance on those blowjob handles?
00:38:16Sorry, just a catty bitch, but I'm jealous. All right, let's do this maximum effort
00:38:29Oh
00:39:00I
00:39:13Wish I would
00:39:30I
00:39:43Blew it after all that the only thing you're gonna remember is that god-awful dismount
00:39:50What you laughing at you fucker I
00:39:57Guess these ones regenerate
00:39:59Come on have time for this
00:40:11This Deadpool's with me. Oh, no. Holy shit
00:40:21I'll be seeing you in every lovely
00:40:30In the morning
00:40:37I'll be looking at the moon
00:40:42But I'll be seeing you
00:40:52Glad you gave us a second chance and don't worry wait an IRA team. So I'll see you get that
00:41:00Carnival isn't it? Oh
00:41:02Holy shit, that's Deadpool. That's worry. Damn straight. It is Fox killed him Disney brought him back
00:41:08They're gonna make him do this till he's 90. Let's go
00:41:11I'll clock you out forever
00:41:14forever
00:41:20Wakey-wakey
00:41:23Now you put all these bullets in my belly and I'm gonna find out why
00:41:29I'll just say it. You're not to stick your fingers in me. She's just ask sometimes fine
00:41:37Hands in pockets
00:41:39Any paradox, he said he gave me out of the void. All he knows he works for the TVA TVA an agreement
00:41:45I don't think this guy cares. Huh?
00:41:47He will
00:41:49How much longer before the time report is active? We're running the final safety checks. Oh, okay. All right
00:41:53Thanks for all your hard work. Take time. Really? No, you drooling boob. No, we have company cancel the safety checks
00:41:59We live now
00:42:05Fucking done. Why was Thor crying? How dare you? No one comes back from the void. Tell that to Cassandra Nolan
00:42:17Paradox we have a problem
00:42:21Paradox
00:42:23When you are doughier than you looked in Paris head you tried to kill me I literally have no
00:42:39Naughty boy, oh no, we're on it. We're gonna head down and dismantle that thing now. We got you boo
00:42:43You just keep playing those keys. I don't want to destroy it. I want to use it now shoot. Mommy and daddy are having a conversation
00:42:54You know the funny things I was happy in the void
00:42:57You sent your trash to me live and I cleaned it up. Everyone was happy
00:43:02Then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. And so now the fence must come down
00:43:07I'm going to use a little time ripper and I'm going to destroy this universe and the next and the next and the next until all
00:43:13That's left is done and I get to play God
00:43:18Now you're going to show me how to use this fancy gadget and don't worry
00:43:21I've called some friends to make sure we're not disturbed
00:43:26Sorry to bother madam, but there's something you need to see we're getting indications of an unsanctioned time river activating on earth one triple zero five
00:43:33Whose district is that paradox?
00:43:44Thank you so much for your help darling God good to get out of that head
00:43:51Oh
00:44:03My
00:44:21Oh
00:44:36What's cafe gratitude doing here
00:44:43Do not insult this animals autonomy she could decide who her Papa is what's it gonna be girl, huh original recipe or van milder here
00:44:50It's funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall to the proposal
00:44:55The fuck was that bitch? You think that's what I do both. Shut up. You smell something. Yeah you a lot of you
00:45:13Told you there are a lot of deadpools over there
00:45:20I
00:45:42Take it they're not friendly goodness. No, sorry about this boys mission over cause of death 100 kill thirsty Deadpool's
00:45:48They're dumb. They can fight not me though. I'd love to get in the mix, but I have low bone density
00:45:52I have to keep my face safe
00:45:54Hold, please. Oh, all right. Look guys
00:45:58Deadpool prime here our fight isn't with you
00:46:03That's kid pool, she's the dirtiest can we just be done? Oh, we're just getting started. No, no, no, no with the whole multiverse thing
00:46:10It's not great. It's just been miss after miss after miss
00:46:16Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first and they did it fast the gays knew it, but we didn't listen
00:46:21Let's just take the L and move on. I think it's been steadily great since endgame. What are you talking about?
00:46:26The multiverse is over sandy gonna destroy the fuck out of every time. Yeah, y'all can't do shit about it
00:46:31Do you not get it?
00:46:31We don't get out of the subway and stop her we all die say the boss lady don't want no disturbance
00:46:35You want to get down to the subway? You gotta go through us who's he died baby? Who's he time, baby?
00:46:46No, I think I'm hit no shit you did that on purpose I did no such thing listen to me gorgeous
00:46:51How long does it take for you to regenerate regenerate?
00:46:58You really are God's perfect idiot, aren't you? Okay, how dare you you insensitive son-of-a-bitch. How was I supposed to know?
00:47:03He doesn't regenerate. I'm not a medicine woman. Look don't occur. They're practically hospitals. They sell portable triage units
00:47:09I know I'm gonna get you to safety. He's deep breath
00:47:16Oh
00:47:17Hey, why are we stopping just catching my breath put your legs on vacation dead weight. It's because I'm paralyzed
00:47:23We all have problems. Listen to me. You're gonna live
00:47:26Look at me nice cool
00:47:31You're gonna live
00:47:35Say it with me you're gonna live
00:47:45I
00:48:01Don't think he's gonna make it god. He loved his face. I could taste his final thought he was so afraid but he died a hero
00:48:08He died for murder you dumb fuck and all I have to remember him by
00:48:11Are these two gold-plated 50 caliber Desert Eagle pistol arrows, this is for him. Are you ready? I get to kill a hundred use
00:48:19Fuck you. I'm ready
00:48:20Hey, you don't wanna see this book. That's a good girl
00:48:41Oh
00:48:51Shit you save the good stuff for special occasions killing mostly what's the wind resistance on those blowjob handles?
00:48:58Sorry, just a catty bitch, but I'm jealous. All right, let's do this maximum effort
00:49:11Oh
00:49:42I
00:49:54Wish I would
00:50:12I
00:50:25Blew it after all that the only thing you're gonna remember is that god-awful dismount
00:50:32What you laughing at little fucker I
00:50:39Guess these ones regenerate
00:50:41Come on, we don't have time for this
00:50:53This Deadpool's with me. Oh, no. Holy shit
00:51:01Great you guys know Peter you kidding me. Every Deadpool has a Peter. She Peters a goddamn legend in every Deadpool's world
00:51:11I
00:51:22Join my Peter
00:51:41Oh
00:51:45Now you're here. Oh, well, you're too late. It's all over not yet. It's not. Oh, no. No, but we're very close homestretch folks
00:51:50I promise quick
00:51:51Let's have the stakes if she steals the time it was energy
00:51:53She has the power to shred the fabric of all realities until there is nothing left, but the void
00:51:57How do we shut it down?
00:52:01The mask is really intimidating, huh? It's like Batman except he can move his neck
00:52:04Look
00:52:06The ripper is fed from a secure chamber below ground
00:52:08It is powered by twin matter and antimatter feeds converging inside the device now
00:52:12Cassandra Nova is redirecting the rips power to eliminate all timelines starting with this one
00:52:16Theoretically you could stop her by short-circuiting the feeds in the chamber below one of you would create a circuit between the two feeds then
00:52:21The released power would destroy the machine. Well, come on, man
00:52:24If you're not gonna swallow spit it out whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated
00:52:29I could live with that to actually, you know, we survive anything like cockroaches not this time
00:52:33This is matter and antimatter. They do not play nicely with each other when they mix in your body. You will be atomized
00:52:39Trust the laws of physics if you don't trust me, even if you live long enough to make the circuit you will die
00:53:04Oh
00:53:06You heard that ass upstairs even if we pull this off we're dead permanently that's why it's gotta be me what
00:53:16Look
00:53:18You didn't ask for any of this. You were right. I lied
00:53:22I lied right to your face just to get you to help me and you did you didn't lie
00:53:28You made an educated wish
00:53:31Come on you got a whole world to go back to I got nothing
00:53:44Give me this
00:53:50Hey
00:53:55I waited a long time for this team up. You know something
00:54:00You're the best Wolverine
00:54:09Say hi to your friends for me
00:54:21Open the door
00:54:24Why are you fucking doing this because I'm horrible Jesus
00:54:29Oh
00:54:42Sorry, I'm just stalling I think I'm nervous about dying this should be me
00:54:47Say hi to my friends for me peanut. Why you want to be an annoying prick?
00:54:58Hey, you don't need to do this not doing it because I need it I'm doing it because they do
00:55:28Oh
00:55:37He's not gonna make it
00:55:58I
00:56:28I
00:56:40The Wolverine is a hero in my world
00:56:45Whoever you think I am you got the wrong guy you were always wrong guy till you weren't
00:56:54Wait
00:56:57Maybe you can finally finally matter
00:57:00I
00:57:22First time in my life, I'm proud it was it moves on the next man
00:57:30I am the next man
00:58:00You've been busy well somebody happy we had some strange readings from this location you wouldn't know anything about an unsanctioned time
00:58:15River, would you?
00:58:16No, no, I wouldn't know anything about an unsanctioned time ripper
00:58:19Maybe you should ask a Sandra Nova because I was assured that she was safely held in the void
00:58:23But no, she was here and she fondled my brain. How did you let this happen? You weren't involved at all in stopping her
00:58:27Yes, yes, I was but not nearly enough not as much as the men who went down there after her
00:58:32my men
00:58:34my friends I
00:58:36warned them, but they would be completely obliterated if they went but they went anyway like
00:58:41like heroes
00:58:43Because that's who they were
00:58:47They just did what they had to do with no concern for their own safety
00:58:51The fact that we are all still standing here is a testament to their heroism
00:59:01Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do to bring it back now
00:59:21I
00:59:22Found your new anchor being and we're doing just fine. You piece of shit
00:59:28All right, put your greasy tits away you preening slut I don't understand how you two still alive you're right
00:59:35One of us would have been killed, but you put a Deadpool and a Wolverine together make them hold hands while listening to Madonna
00:59:41Indestructible motherfucker. Let's get this Deadpool variant back to the boy. Wait, hold on. What?
00:59:45No, actually this one's homegrown like me. He belongs here and you are Peter pool
00:59:50But you can call me Peter
00:59:53And I hope that you do
00:59:59What the fuck is happening here you are under judgment for operating an unsanctioned time ripper
01:00:09I'm grateful gentlemen
01:00:11Let's hold the bowels. You led an Omega level mutant to this timeline. You're welcome and you shouldn't even be near this time
01:00:17Welcome and you look damn good in that suit. I'm so sorry
01:00:25I'm gonna show you something
01:00:27Something huge. That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say
01:00:30Do you see that?
01:00:32Your universe is regenerating
01:00:34Whatever you did here. You not only saved your world. You spared your timeline from extinction
01:00:41I'd rest up. I have a feeling your work is only just getting started till you're 90. Wait
01:00:47We couldn't have made it out of the void without some help
01:00:50From some people that the world kind of forgot. Is there any way that you could maybe find a way to bring him home?
01:00:58We'll see what I can do and I promised my friend here that the that the TV
01:01:02I could undo some some pretty awful shit in his timeline. What would you say to that change the past?
01:01:06No, he did help me save the world and his past made him the man who did it
01:01:11There's nothing to fix. Mr. Wilson
01:01:14Logan
01:01:18For I could eat
01:01:27You know, the Avengers discovered former they'd be lucky to have you
01:01:30Oh
01:01:45All is right in the world
01:01:47Yes, it is
01:01:50So, what are you gonna do next?
01:01:52I'll figure it out. I always do
01:01:56I'll probably see you around
01:02:01Probably not see you, bud
01:02:13Logan
01:02:19Out back about damn time you holding I'm all out of devil's dandruff and I'm shaking like an angry vibe
01:02:26Thank you out. We have company
01:02:28Althea, this is
01:02:30This is Logan. Nice to meet you Logan. Nice to meet you, too
01:02:33This little ancient anal shit not as Mary Puppets or as I like to call her dog pool
01:02:37I'm gonna treat yourself to a stroke
01:02:44Fuck the gremlin angrily in a bed of gonorrhea it didn't stop till the Sun came up
01:02:50Everyone wants to matter turns out that you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it
01:02:54You just need to open your eyes and look around
01:02:57And if you're lucky
01:02:58You'll find a few friends old friends and some new ones, too
01:03:07Keep it fucking dog talk to the girl
01:03:24Did it for you
01:03:27Even if you don't want me I did it for you
01:03:36Turns out I am the world saving type just look around this table if you want proof
01:03:42the best part
01:03:43Sometimes the people we save
01:03:46They save us right back