When wrong things are your Priorities | Nouman Ali Khan
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00:00Allah put inside the male the desire to look at beauty.
00:05He put inside the male the desire to look at beauty.
00:07He put inside the female the desire to look beautiful.
00:12He put it in her from the early ages.
00:15Allah put that in her fitrah.
00:21The Qur'an repeatedly talks about this concept of taqdeem.
00:24A good way for you guys to think about that in easy English is prioritizing.
00:30To make something a priority.
00:32Every day in our lives, we have to make a decision about what is the top priority.
00:38Like if you have one hour before class starts, what is your priority?
00:42What are you going to do first, second, third?
00:44And the morning you wake up, you have a list of priorities you got to get done.
00:47Everybody has a checklist.
00:49And in that checklist, what is the most important and second important and third important?
00:53It's either in our head or it's on your calendar or you've made notes when your wife or husband
00:58or whoever, they send you to the grocery store, then you have a checklist, priority items
01:03to get.
01:04Like if you have a baby, you can forget everything.
01:06Don't come home without the diapers.
01:09That was the most important thing.
01:10How did you forget that, etc.
01:12So there's always this concept of priority, meaning something that takes more importance.
01:17And every one of us knows at the end of the day, we were not able to do all the things
01:20we were supposed to do.
01:22There's always things that are left that we were supposed to do, right?
01:25But those things became mu'akhar.
01:27They got delayed because other things became muqaddam.
01:30They became forward.
01:31Qaddamat aydihim also means some things became priority for these people.
01:37Some behaviors, some goals became a bigger priority.
01:41And those goals took them away from the friendship of Allah.
01:46Actually, the previous ayah basically says, if you truly were friends of Allah, then you
01:51would wish at least for a good death.
01:52In one way, you can take the meaning.
01:54So now they won't wish it because they're not really friends with Allah.
01:58So then the question is, what did they do that took them away from Allah's friendship,
02:03Allah's closeness, Allah's protectiveness?
02:06And that is some wrong things became priority for them.
02:10So this discussion is brief but important.
02:13And that is, what does it mean that the wrong things become priority?
02:16There's two things I want you to note here.
02:18One is things that are prohibited or forbidden or evil, meaning my desire, my lust, my greed,
02:27you know, my jealousy.
02:28These kinds of things, when they become the top thought in your mind, you know how the
02:33ayah said Allah purifies them with the ayaat?
02:37So here are some things I want you to make note of.
02:39Anger, jealousy, comparison, worthless.
02:44I know there's a lot.
02:45I'm talking fast.
02:46It's okay.
02:47You can repeat.
02:48Anger, jealousy, comparison, worthlessness, loneliness, greed, lust, heedlessness.
03:01Heedlessness basically means I don't fear anything.
03:06I don't worry about anything.
03:10Heedlessness is basically I don't care.
03:13That's heedlessness.
03:14Okay?
03:15It's the I don't care attitude.
03:16Okay?
03:18Hedonism.
03:19Hedonism means my ultimate objective is to please myself, to have a good experience.
03:24A good definition of hedonism in easy English would be YOLO.
03:29You guys know YOLO?
03:31That would be hedonism.
03:32Okay?
03:33And materialism, right?
03:35So materialism takes many forms.
03:38For some people, materialism is about their house.
03:41Some people, it's their car.
03:43Some people, it's how many followers they have on social media.
03:46For some people, it's what brand of bag are they wearing?
03:49What brand of shoes are they wearing?
03:52So this materialism takes different kinds of forms, basically shallow things, shallow
03:57petty things that become obsessions.
03:59Anyway, the Quran comes and it cleanses us from all of these or at least controls them
04:06because at the end of the day, anger is a part of my life.
04:09I can't get rid of it.
04:11Some things are going to make me angry.
04:12But what tazkiyah does is it keeps it under a limit, keeps it within a healthy limit.
04:18Jealousy, you might think, oh, jealousy is so evil.
04:20No, jealousy is a part of life.
04:23It happens.
04:25Jealousy happens.
04:26Comparison happens.
04:27But it has to stay within a healthy limit and needs to be directed in a healthy direction.
04:33So you can take someone who's doing better than you and you could be jealous of them
04:38or you could be inspired to do better yourself.
04:40So you could feel that they're doing better and you can take it in a positive direction.
04:44So that's what tazkiyah does.
04:46Worthlessness, oh, it doesn't matter what I do anyway.
04:49I'm a loser anyway.
04:51Who cares about me?
04:53You know, like those people who say dunya is nothing.
04:55Well then eventually they start saying I'm nothing.
04:57When you're nothing, then your actions are nothing, which means that you can be mean,
05:01you can be rude, you can be whatever, but it doesn't matter because I'm worthless.
05:04I'm going to treat everybody else worthless too.
05:07A lot of times people that are really insulting to others, deep down inside, they actually
05:12have no respect for themselves.
05:15They have a deep worthlessness within themselves and they project that on others.
05:19The Quran makes me feel that I'm worth something.
05:22I'm worth enough of a miracle that all the angels were commanded to do sajda.
05:26I'm worth enough that Allah says,
05:28ููููููุฏู ููุฑููู
ูููุง ุจูููู ุขุฏูู
ู
05:30We honored all children of Adam, which means Allah himself honored me.
05:34Which means Allah sees me as worth something.
05:36So I shouldn't see myself as worthless.
05:38Loneliness, nobody loves me, nobody understands me, nobody listens to me.
05:43It's like I don't even exist, etc.
05:45Well, we're the religion of Ibrahim, I don't think there was anybody who was more lonely
05:50than Ibrahim, but Allah gave him his company, didn't he?
05:54ููุงุชููุฎูุฐู ุงูููููู ุฅูุจูุฑููููู
ูุง ุฎููููููุง
05:57So we don't actually know what true loneliness in the end will actually never be loneliness
06:03for a believer.
06:05And doesn't mean that you don't need anybody, I have Allah, I don't need anyone.
06:09I'm like Ibrahim, I don't need you.
06:11No, no, no, even Musa needed Harun, right?
06:15He asked for Harun, he didn't say, I'm gonna go do this alone.
06:18But at least you know how to cope with loneliness, at least you know how to work through loneliness
06:22because of the tazkiyah of the Quran.
06:24Then greed, of course, we all want more.
06:28Let's be honest, there's a car you don't have that you like, there's a house that you drive
06:33by, you drive a little slowly, and then go.
06:38There's a job that you might like, there's a, you know, we have greed, we have some things
06:43that we want that we don't have.
06:45But that's kept under control.
06:47ููู
ูู ูููููู ุดูุญูู ููููุณููู ููุฃููููููููููู
ู ุงููู
ูููููุญูููู
06:50The Quran says, whoever can be protected from the greed they have inside them, meaning you're,
06:56it's there, but you're, it's not letting you, it's not taking over you, right?
07:00It's being controlled.
07:02The same way Allah says in another place, for example, ููุฃูููููู
ูููุง ููุฌููุฑูููุง
07:07ููุชูููููุงููุง Allah put explosive content inside us, and
07:11He also put inside us the ability to protect us from that explosive content.
07:15ููุฌููุฑ means sin, but ููุฌููุฑ actually comes from ุงููุฌุงุฑ, which means explosion.
07:19ููุฌูุฑ is called ููุฌูุฑ because the light explodes, right?
07:23So there's, my anger is explosive, my jealousy is explosive, my desires are explosive, my
07:28materialism can be explosive.
07:30All this stuff is explosive, man, it could take over, it could blow up.
07:34But Allah gave us protective mechanisms to keep it under control, and that's what the
07:37revelation does, it starts putting a check on these things.
07:41So now I mention these things when I say that they will not wish for death because of what
07:45their hands prioritize.
07:47Some of these things, greed, jealousy, you know, status, you know, your own pride, even
07:53I'm adding other things, heedlessness, they become priority.
07:58They take over somebody's life.
08:00And then, when that happens, the religion, the deen of Allah becomes secondary.
08:05The deen of Allah is only going to be practiced when it doesn't get in the way of my own priorities.
08:10My priorities are first, the religion is second.
08:13So easy example would be, for example, you're in university, you're on campus, it's time
08:18for the prayer, and you're hanging out with a bunch of friends, right?
08:21And you're like, you know it's time for prayer, but most of your friends are non-Muslim.
08:26So if you're going to go pray, then they're going to look at you funny, or they're going
08:29to say something, don't blow up the library, you know, 9-9, okay?
08:38And you're like, I don't want to hear those comments, so you know what, I'm just not going
08:41to pray.
08:43Not this time.
08:44I'll delay it.
08:45Now the thing is, in that moment, what did you prioritize?
08:50You prioritized the preservation of your dignity, right, because you thought you'll
08:56preserve your dignity, you won't have to hear those comments, right, you won't have to hear
09:01that ridicule, or you won't have to hear their criticisms later on, and you saved yourself
09:05from that.
09:06You put that as a priority.
09:08People's opinion of you became a priority over what Allah said.
09:14Some people asked a question, it was in the comments, I mentioned that there's the letter
09:17of the law and the spirit of the law, and there's the letter of the hijab, and there's
09:20the spirit of the hijab, and I did mention the spirit of the hijab, and people were like,
09:24what's the spirit, what's the spirit?
09:26I've given long lectures on Surah An-Nur, and the ayah of hijab, but I will tell you
09:30guys, because I like Stuttgart, so I'll tell you briefly.
09:33Allah describes in the Qur'an that a female, the way Allah made, I didn't say this, it's
09:37in the Qur'an, take it up with Allah, okay?
09:41Allah says,
09:42ุฃูู
ููู ูููุดูุฃู ููู ุญูููููุฉู ูููููู ููู ุงููุฎูุตูุงู
ู ุบูููุฑู ู
ูุจูููู
09:45The baby girl is described as someone who is decorated in jewelry, the young female,
09:51the young, she's a little baby girl, but she already has a desire to be beautiful.
09:57The boy never comes, puts on a shirt and says, look at my shirt, dad, look at my shirt.
10:04But a little girl, you put on anything on her, you put on a band on her wrist, a rubber
10:08band on her wrist, you put on a necklace made of paper, you put on anything, what's she
10:14going to do?
10:19Say something, say something.
10:22And you just tell, you look so pretty, I'm like, I know.
10:30Allah put inside the male something.
10:33He put inside the male the desire to look at beauty.
10:38I don't have to convince you of this, you already know.
10:41You're like, someone's like, I don't know what you're talking about.
10:45Yes, you do.
10:48He put inside the male the desire to look at beauty.
10:51He put inside the female the desire to look beautiful.
10:55He put it in her from her from the early ages.
10:58Allah put that in her fitrah.
11:00Now Surah An-Nur, where Allah describes the covering, the head covering, Allah describes
11:07that men must guard their eyes.
11:11They must guard their eyes.
11:12Why?
11:13Because the most, the thing that men get the most pleasure out of is looking at beauty.
11:20And the proof of that is in all of the online and media industries that attract the eyes
11:27of men towards female beauty.
11:30In the worst ways.
11:33And those industries make billions, if not trillions of dollars, all because of these
11:39that men have.
11:40You know that, right?
11:41Like the proof, there's trillions of dollars of proof of something Allah has said.
11:48On the flip side, on the flip side, Allah put a desire in women not to, even though
11:55they want to look at beauty, but they have a much stronger desire than looking.
11:59What's the stronger desire for them?
12:02To look beautiful.
12:04And there are trillions of dollars of investment in the makeup industry, the fashion industry,
12:11the modeling industry, the advertising industries across the planet that are evidence to that
12:19fact that Allah mentions in Surah An-Nur.
12:22He mentions, these are facts, that human beings are living evidence of it every day.
12:28Economies, entire gigantic economies are evidence of this.
12:32If you know people that work in social media, and they work in social media advertising,
12:37they know about Google trends, social media trends, video trends, you know what I'm talking
12:42about.
12:43You know exactly what I'm talking about.
12:45Now, having said that, the thing that men desire the most, they have to control it if
12:51they have to keep the light in their heart.
12:55The thing that women desire the most, they have to control it if they have to keep their
13:00light in their heart.
13:01So men were told what?
13:05Lower your eyes.
13:08And when women are told lower your eyes, that's way easier for women, it's like, whatever.
13:15One in 10,000 men, they're like, oh, otherwise, men, it's not one in 10,000 women.
13:22Women don't have major fitna when they're walking in an airport.
13:26Every one in a thousand men, sometimes, in some Yusuf type situation, they're like, oh,
13:34okay.
13:35But men, Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah.
13:44Different problem.
13:46But what is the hardest thing for a female?
13:49As hard as it is for a man to lower his eyes, you know what's equally hard for her?
13:53Not to look pretty.
13:56That's the hardest thing for her.
13:58It is so hard for her.
14:00If you want to understand how hard it is for her, it's as hard as it is for you to what?
14:06Lower your eyes.
14:07You know how every second, you have to fight that?
14:11Every minute, you're like, Alhamdulillah, I finished the lower eyes problem.
14:15Now I used to have that problem last year, I no longer have that problem anymore.
14:19It's on autopilot.
14:20Is it ever on autopilot?
14:21No, you have to guard it every single time.
14:25Guess what women have to go through?
14:28The desire to look beautiful, does it go away?
14:31They see another woman with beautifully hair done, they're like, she's got nothing on my
14:35hair.
14:36My hair is so much nicer under this hijab though.
14:39And every time they see a woman with beautiful hair, with her looks, and they're like, oh
14:46my God, I can show this so much better than she can.
14:50She didn't even know.
14:52And it's killing them because it's all hidden.
14:55It's hidden all the time.
14:58And it's like, I don't, I look so ugly, I look so ugly right now.
15:02And they get to, they're not even that pretty.
15:04And people think they're pretty.
15:06People don't even know.
15:07I'm so much prettier.
15:11And there's this deep down inside struggle.
15:13And Allah says, yeah, you're going to control that one.
15:17You're going to control that one.
15:19In order to what?
15:21To keep the light in your heart.
15:24To keep the light in your heart.
15:25The most, the strongest impulse of men that will destroy the state of their heart is that.
15:33And the strongest impulse for women that will destroy the state of their heart is that.
15:37This was about protecting their hearts.
15:39That's actually what it was.
15:41It's the Qur'an.
15:42We say, oh, it's fard, it's fard.
15:44Hold on.
15:45How did the Qur'an talk about it?
15:47Why is it in Surah An-Nur?
15:49Why is it in the surah that protects the nur inside the heart?
15:52Why is it there?
15:54Why is it talked about like this?
15:55Anyway, that's not my subject, but I'm just saying.
15:58But imagine if that's, for some people, they can't wish, how can they wish for meeting
16:04with Allah when their desire, their other priorities became more important?
16:10And you know what happens then?
16:14My desire to look, or my desire on the female side to look beautiful was too strong.
16:20I couldn't control it.
16:22Now I'm going to say, you know what, just because I don't do it doesn't mean I'm not
16:26a good believer.
16:28I'm really spiritual, you know, and I'm going to make lots of Instagram posts about how
16:31I fast on Monday and Thursday and how I do tahajjud and how I do this and how I do that.
16:36And you know, who are you telling this to, Instagram?
16:40Who needs to hear this?
16:42Who needs to hear Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala?
16:45Do I need to broadcast how many nafil I prayed, how much I fasted, what sadaqa I did, what
16:50dhikr I did?
16:52This is just you know something deep inside.
16:55You know that you're doing something that's not okay and you're trying to tell yourself,
17:01but at least I'm doing so much other good.
17:02Don't judge me.
17:03Don't judge me.
17:04I said, don't judge me.
17:07Nobody's judging you, but actually deep down inside, you can't help but also judge yourself.
17:18A human being has full view of their own selves.
17:21No one has to judge you.
17:23You have to judge yourself.
17:25And you should judge yourself.
17:27And this new nonsense, be merciful to yourself.
17:32Give yourself room to be human.
17:35It's okay.
17:37It's okay.
17:38That it's okay, the Qur'an's expression for that is,
17:41ุณููููููุชู ููููู
ู ุฃููููุณูููู
ู ุฃูู
ูุฑูุง
17:43You made something convenient for yourselves.
17:46Yusuf's brothers made something convenient for themselves.
17:50It's okay.
17:51Obviously, dad doesn't love us.
17:52It's okay if we just take one.
17:54We're not killing all the brothers.
17:55We're just killing one of them.
17:56And we're going to be good after that.
17:59ุณููููููุชู ููููู
ู ุฃููููุณูููู
ู ุฃูู
ูุฑูุง
18:03You know?
18:04This is actually something that we have to really, really learn about.
18:07ููุฏูู ุชูููุฏููู
ู ุงููุฃูููุฏู
18:09What is it that we are prioritizing?
18:12Is it that impulse that is a bigger priority than the word of Allah?
18:15For men or for women?
18:18What is keeping me from praying?
18:21What's keeping me from giving up the haram money that I'm making?
18:24What's keeping me?
18:26What's keeping me from lying?
18:27What's keeping me from giving the money that I owe?
18:31So I borrowed somebody's money, I didn't give it back.
18:33What's keeping me from giving back that money?
18:35Something else became a priority over the word of Allah.
18:38And those are the kinds of people who will never wish to meet with Allah.
18:42They can't.
18:43How can they?
18:44How can they?
18:45ููููุง ููุชูู
ูููููููููู ุฃูุจูุฏูุง ุจูู
ูุง ููุฏููู
ูุชู ุฃูููุฐูููู
18:47By the way, those kinds of people, when they have that, it's called cognitive dissonance,
18:53meaning they're believers, but they prioritize the wrong thing, and they know they're violating
18:58the word of Allah, you know what they do then?
19:01The Quran is so accurate.
19:02You know what they do?
19:03They talk a lot about the mercy of Allah.
19:06Those people talk a lot about how Allah forgives, how Allah is merciful, how Allah is so loving,
19:12how Allah is so kind, how Allah knows what you're going through, why?
19:19Because there's another side to your relationship with Allah that they don't want to deal with.
19:23You know what that side is?
19:24You're going to stand in front of Allah, you're going to explain to yourself what you did
19:26what you did.
19:28I don't want to deal with that part of it.
19:29I want to deal with, Allah is my friend.
19:32What did the ayah say?
19:33ูููู ููุง ุฃููููููุง ุงูููุฐูููู ููุฏููุง ุฅููู ุฒูุนูู
ูุชูู
ู ุฃููููููู
ู
19:34ุฃูููููููุงุกู ููููููู ู
ููู ุฏูููู ุงููููุงุณู ููุชูู
ููููููุง
19:35ุงููู
ูููุชู ุฅููู ููููุชูู
ู ุตูุฏูููููู
19:36Why do they think they're friends with Allah?
19:37Because if you're friends, Allah is always going to be okay with me, I'm going to be saved,
19:46Allah is merciful, Allah is loving, Allah is guaranteeing me Jannah.
19:50That's because the wrong priorities.
19:52It's the wrong priorities that say, I'm going to look at one dimension of my relationship
19:56with God, not the other, not the other.
20:01And understand from this, the Christian concept of God is God is love, right?
20:08For the Israelites, the God is the savior of the Israelites, he's the God of Israel, actually,
20:13he's the God of Israel.
20:15For Muslims, Allah is many names at the same time.
20:22So he loves us more than we can love ourselves.
20:25He can judge us more than anybody else can judge us.
20:28He can hold us responsible, accountable, more than anybody else can.
20:32It's not one relationship, it's multiple relationships.
20:35We don't get to pick one of them and say, I'm going to ignore the others, because of
20:40our own issues.
20:42So what we do is we, because we have our own issues, we hold on to some names of Allah
20:47and forget other names of Allah.