One Of the Best Advice for Salah from Ustad Nouman Ali Khan
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00:00Those of you that are struggling with praying or you don't feel like praying and your mom's nagging you and telling you come on
00:05Come on, get up pray pray. You're on vacation. What excuse do you have?
00:09Let's go to the masjid and you're dragging your feet and you're like, come on get off my case already
00:14This is annoying and even when you're praying you're rolling your eyes after you say allahu akbar like
00:20You know, this is what you're doing
00:23Your parent let me talk to the parents for a second
00:25If you forced your children to pray or you pressured them and nagged them into praying and they somehow prayed
00:32And they're 13 14 15 years old. You might feel better
00:35But they don't and this religion is actually not about what is happening on the outside
00:40The essence of this religion is what is happening on the inside. So just because you see a behavior that you would like to see
00:48That actually doesn't mean that we have accomplished something good with our children
00:52That's in a sense it's good but it's artificial it's on the outside
00:56It's like a tree like a beautiful tree, but it's hollow on the inside
01:01Allah describes the core of this religion as us
01:06Right, it's its essence
01:08That is like a tree like the roots are deep and firm and then its branches go into the sky
01:13When any human being is lazy about praying and i'm not talking about three or four year olds and i'm not talking about six year olds
01:21I'm talking about children that are now cognitive
01:23They can ask intelligent questions. They're smart
01:26You can you guys can the dad and the son or the daughter can play the same level video game
01:31They can watch the same tv show. So they're they're at an ability where they can comprehend things at a higher level
01:36They have some of the same interests that you have if you're watching a game on tv. They're watching it with you, right?
01:41So they're not
01:43At some things they're at the same intellectual capacity as you of course
01:46Their children their brains haven't fully developed yet, but they're still lesser but at some level they have become intelligent beings
01:53and they're now
01:55you know demonstrating their ability to make their own choices and to
01:58You know to think for themselves and to ask intelligent questions
02:01So for those of you young men and women that are sitting in the audience
02:05And i'm not going to call you children. I'll call you young men and women
02:08um
02:10Let me just pretend that just pretend that your dad is talking to you
02:13Or your mom is talking to you in this khutbah i'm going to pretend i'm talking to my own kid
02:17While i'm giving this khutbah and we're not i'm not on a member
02:20I'm sitting at home just having a chat with my child and I how do I tell them to pray?
02:26The first thing I want to start by saying is there was a time my dear
02:29That I didn't know you
02:31And you were not relevant to me. You didn't exist. I didn't care about you
02:35Never thought about you. You were nothing to me
02:38Quran says there was a time in the life of a human being where he was not remembered at all
02:44And including me, I didn't remember you. I didn't know what your name was going to be
02:47I didn't know what you I didn't love you at all because you were zero to me nothing to me
02:52But then all of a sudden you came in my life
02:54and even when I found out that your mom is going to give you birth while she was
03:00Holding you in her belly and even the mom
03:02I used to wonder what you're going to be like, but I had no idea
03:06I had no clue part of me was scared. You'd be like me
03:09But I had no idea what you would be like
03:12And even as you were growing up
03:14I was when you were a baby. I still didn't really know you
03:17I knew that you need to be fed and sometimes you smell really bad
03:20Other than that, I didn't know much about you
03:22I had to clean you and feed you but I didn't know much about you and now that you're you're growing up and
03:26We can talk and communicate now and you're going to school and you know, we live in the same house
03:33I just want you to know that this relationship wasn't always there
03:37And I also want you to know that this relationship will not always be there
03:41We have very little time together
03:43We don't have a lot of time together
03:45and very soon
03:47You're going to become an adult
03:50You're on the way to becoming an adult. It's not very far away
03:54In fact when you were a baby till now feels like a month
03:59Like blink my eyes and you became this this thing
04:02And before you know it you're going to be an adult. You're going to go to university
04:05You're going to get a job. You're going to get married all these things are going to happen
04:08Inshallah, if Allah wills and when that happens
04:12It's not going to be like this. You're not going to come home to me
04:15You're not going to spend time with me. You're going to have your job your family your wife your husband
04:20Whatever that you're going to have your own life
04:22So the time that we do have together is very limited and even in that time
04:28You've got school. I've got work
04:30Got groceries to do i've got so we have like 20 minutes in a day where we can actually have a conversation
04:37We have very little time actually together and when you get older
04:42The thing you will remember about me are those few moments we have together because we don't have 24 hours together. We just don't
04:50So now the first thing I want you to know
04:53Is that I I barely know you
04:56I barely know I know we live together, but I barely know you
04:59You know why because no human being can truly know another human being you don't tell me everything you're thinking
05:05And I don't tell you everything that i'm thinking but there's someone
05:09Who knew you?
05:10Even when you were nothing to me
05:13And someone who loved you
05:15Even when nothing in this creation loved you. No one in this creation loved you
05:21And someone who will have a relationship with you
05:24Even though my relationship you with you is going to change
05:27Many of the adults sitting here even me as a dad
05:29I know my relationship with my dad when I was a kid was different
05:33And my relationship with him and when I was in college was different and my relationship with him now is completely different
05:38Even though we're the same people our relationship has completely changed, but there is someone
05:43Who has loved you and has protected you and has planned for you and has taken care of you from the beginning?
05:50And will always do so and that's not me
05:54I'm just and i'm just an episode in your life
05:58I'm, not more than that. It's a beautiful episode that allah gave you and me together, but it's not a permanent episode
06:05That's the first thing. I want you to know
06:07The second thing I want you to know is when I tell you to pray or tell you to do something
06:11You feel like i'm controlling you
06:13I'm bossing you around i'm telling you what to do
06:16I want you to know something
06:18I can't control you
06:20I can give you advice. I can be strict with you. Sometimes that's true
06:24But pretty soon you're going to get old enough where no matter how hard I yell
06:28And no matter how much I raise my voice and how frustrated I get it won't matter because you're going to make your own choices
06:35You're going to say okay dad. I'll talk to you later. Okay, I gotta go
06:38I got another call and you're just going to hang up on me and you're going to do your own thing
06:43And in fact most of the time I will not have any control over the choices you make in fact
06:48When you're at school and you're hanging out with your friends and you're talking to your friends. I don't control any of those conversations
06:55And if i've already given you an ipad or a phone or whatever and you're communicating with your friends
07:00I have no control over the kinds of communications you're having
07:03And even if I put parenting control apps on these devices
07:08I still can't control what you're really thinking and what you're really doing. I'm
07:12I can have some control
07:15But I have very limited control, but there's someone
07:18Who controlled?
07:20every cell in your body
07:23who controlled
07:24the the
07:26Microscopic fluid that you were that made inside made it inside the womb of your mother that controlled
07:32The genetic sequence with which you would be created the color of your skin the way your hair looks your eyes
07:37The way your mind works how tall and short you were going to he controlled everything
07:43He actually has control. I don't
07:45I'm reminded of something the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told
07:48his daughter fatima radiallahu anha
07:51He said yeah fatima
07:56Fatima daughter of muhammad be mindful of allah. I will have no authority with allah in your case
08:03Which brings me to my next point because I don't have control
08:07The truth is as as protective as I am of you, and I want you to do good
08:12I don't control that and i'm not responsible for it either
08:16Allah made every human being responsible for themselves
08:21no, you know you see that if
08:24If if you cut a trap if you become get a driver's license one day and you cut a traffic light
08:28And the cop pulls you over
08:30You're not going to say, uh, can you talk to my dad?
08:34That's not you're going to have to deal with that yourself
08:37When you're when your university professor is going to fail you in the class you're going to say hold on let me call my mom
08:42Nope, you're responsible yourself in the court of law. You're responsible yourself at the university
08:48You're responsible for yourself at your job. You're responsible for yourself for your health what you put in your body
08:54You're responsible for yourself
08:56For putting yourself in danger and hurting yourself
08:58You're responsible for yourself the older you're getting the more freedom you have the more responsible for yourself
09:04You are you cannot be controlled by anyone and no one else is responsible for you
09:11Nobody will carry anybody else's burden. I am actually not responsible for you because allah will and on judgment day
09:18Absolutely, every one of us will come in front of allah alone right now. We're together. We live together
09:23We're a family we hug each other. I love you to death
09:26I think about you all the time
09:27But there's a day coming where we're going to be just as alone as we ever were in our existence
09:33In fact, even if you come running to me at judgment day, it could happen that i'm going to run away from you
09:40I don't know you get away from me. I got my own issues right now
09:43Because my relationship with you was these few
09:46You know
09:48Microseconds compared to my relationship with allah, which is a much bigger relationship. It's a lot older and it's going to last a lot longer
09:55Right and I have to deal with that relationship right now on judgment day
09:59So this relationship
10:00Um
10:02Well, but you know and all those ayat a person will run from his mother his father his children his siblings his spouse
10:09Some of you say running from the spouse. I already do that. Okay, anyway
10:14So
10:16The the next thing I want you to know
10:19Is that I need to feel
10:23That you respect me
10:25I need to feel that you love me
10:28Just like you need to feel like I care about you
10:31When you love someone you kind of have some needs from them
10:35You need for me to make sure that the house is taken care of you need to make sure you my responsibility
10:40You need from me that the electricity bills are paid and the heating is working
10:44And you need for me to make sure that you can get to school
10:46You need to make sure for me to make sure that you're you have clothes. Those are my responsibilities
10:52And I need to make sure that I feel
10:54Some respect from you and regard from you and obedience from I I get that
10:59But the relationship you have with allah is different
11:02You have a lot of needs from him. He has no needs from you
11:06He doesn't need you at all
11:09actually
11:10He doesn't need anyone or anything
11:14And let's just talk about you when you say why do I need to pray? Why does allah need me to pray?
11:20Allah doesn't need for you to do anything
11:25It's not about him at all
11:27Allah even says when nothing will remain. Let me just give you an example from the quran when nothing will remain in this universe
11:34Let's talk about that for about the glory of allah for a second
11:38Recently, I was in qatar during the world cup
11:42And the team that wins so argentina wins and they're it's a glorious event and they're being celebrated as champions, right?
11:50but imagine if they were if
11:53And the athlete was being celebrated
11:55But there was no crowd no cameras. No stadium. Nothing a guy lives on him on his own on an island
12:03And he kicks a goal into a kicks the ball into a goal and says glory and nobody's there
12:09That sounds psychotic, doesn't it to have glory? You need to have an audience
12:16To be acknowledged
12:18You need to have people around somebody to acknowledge to have praise to have appreciation you can't have appreciation by yourself
12:26You got to have someone doing it for you
12:29But allah says
12:37He says everything will stop existing
12:40on this earth
12:41And yet the face of your rab will remain and it will still possess glory
12:46Allah is the only one who is glorious even when there's no one glorifying him
12:52Only one anybody else needs somebody else to do it
12:56So allah does not need
12:59My prayers allah doesn't need me to eat halal chicken
13:03Allah doesn't need me to not say bad. He doesn't need any of that from me
13:06So just get that thought out of your head that somehow you're doing anybody a favor allah even says
13:14They think they're doing you a favor by accepting
13:17islam
13:18You know
13:20Allah says
13:21Don't tell me that you're doing me a favor with your islam, but allah is the one doing you a favor
13:28now the next thing
13:31Why does someone not pray
13:34I'm not talking about you my dear son or my daughter. I'm not talking about you, but just let's ask the question
13:39Why does someone not pray?
13:42Well, there could be lots of answers
13:44But allah has his own answer to that question
13:47It's a pretty scary answer
13:50It's an answer. I read in the beginning of this khutbah
13:52He said
13:57He didn't actually accept the truth
14:01And he nor did he pray
14:04Allah says he was talking about disbelievers and he said two things. They didn't accept it. This person doesn't accept the truth
14:13And he doesn't pray
14:16interesting
14:17So if you say if he didn't accept the truth, I would expect him to say
14:25Right, but he says
14:27what that means is
14:30Something is missing in you accepting the truth about allah
14:35No, no, no the child says I believe in allah. I'm muslim. Yeah
14:40You're muslim here
14:41You're muslim in your head
14:43But this truth isn't just for your head. This truth is also
14:47for your heart
14:49Something is you're not feeling how true this is yet. You're not feeling how serious this is yet
14:54You don't realize what it is. Sometimes you know something, but you don't think about it
14:59It's true, you know something you don't think about it
15:02and so
15:04Because that's missing that's why it becomes easy for me to miss prayer sometimes and you to miss prayer sometimes
15:10That will happen because our heart becomes a little distracted
15:14and that truth
15:15Of this deen the truth of who allah is that truth
15:19Goes in a shelf in the back of our mind and we get distracted and don't think about it. That's what allah is saying
15:25so
15:27Allah doesn't need you to pray
15:29and even if you prayed because i'm telling you to
15:31What are you going to do? I'm praying for how are you going to make the intention?
15:34I'm praying for because my dad won't get off my case allahu akbar
15:39Allah even told us the prophet told us actions have no value unless they have the right intentions in them
15:48Actions have no so even if you did this action, but your intention
15:52Was i'm annoying that's your intention
15:55Then it does it benefits me in no way and it will benefit you in no way
16:01The only one that can benefit from your actual sincere prayer is you
16:06now
16:07Okay, fine
16:08That's the answer to the question. Why would someone not pray two more things to talk to you about?
16:14One of them is what's the purpose of praying?
16:17Like what's the point?
16:20Because you might think the purpose of praying is so you don't burn in hell
16:24The purpose of prayer is because if you don't pray allah's going to hate you
16:28The purpose of prayer is if you don't pray you're just going to get punished
16:32Or you won't even be a muslim anymore
16:34The all and the angels will curse you and all this negative stuff. Allah didn't mention those purposes
16:42The the purpose of prayer is not not to get away from something negative
16:47The purpose of prayer is to run towards something positive
16:50That's the purpose of prayer, do you know the difference between the student who's studying so they don't fail?
16:56And the student who's studying because they love the subject
17:00One student is studying because of something positive. The other student is studying because they're trying to escape something
17:06Negative an employee who loves their work
17:10And an employee who just doesn't want to get fired
17:14They're doing the same exact job
17:16Same exact job
17:17Same exact job, but one of them is so happy
17:21So filled with joy and one of them is so depressed and so miserable
17:25Why?
17:26Because one of them is doing this to escape something negative and the other one is doing it to go towards something
17:33Positive allah in the quran when he told me about the prayer and why we should pray what's the point of the prayer?
17:39He said he told musa alaihissalam this when he met him
17:42He said
17:44Make sure you maintain the prayer
17:48So that you can remember me
17:50Maintain the prayer so you can remember me. I told you already my relationship with you is very limited
17:56But your relationship with allah started a long time before you even came in this world
18:01And your relationship will continue with him a long time after you even leave this world
18:06And that relationship is worth remembering because every good thing that comes to you comes from that relationship
18:15Some good things come because i'm your dad
18:18Some good things but all the good things that come to you only come to you because of that relationship
18:24So if you want all the positive things to stay in your life
18:28You must remember where all of the khair comes from all of the ni'mah comes from all of the rizq comes from
18:34All of the guidance comes from so allah says the best way you can remember that
18:39Is that you remember allah by prayer the best way to remember allah is the prayer
18:45That's why you should pray
18:47And finally, okay, that's why you should do it
18:50But just because you're doing it for the right reasons. That's not allah. Allah says that's not enough. There's some benefits, too
18:58There's some some some good things will come your way when you truly remember allah
19:04When you truly remember allah the way he wants you to and the way he wants you to is these prayers
19:11If you can do this allah says
19:15And even in this ayah
19:19He says prayer has the benefit
19:22Of stopping you from falling into things that are indecent
19:28Because indecency is all around you and I son cannot stop you from being exposed to it
19:36Indecency is on your device
19:38Indecency is at your school
19:40Indecency is among your friends
19:43Indecency is at a party when you're going to corner talking to your friends indecency will be everywhere
19:50And every time you go towards indecency your heart will get damaged
19:54And allah says if you can maintain this prayer
19:58It will prevent you from falling into indecency
20:02And once you fall into indecency, then you become you know, like if you're if you're breathing in pollution
20:08At first you will cough
20:10Right, but if you stay long enough, you just get used to it
20:13Well indecency is like that when you're when you're taking it long enough. It's not that big of a deal anymore
20:18You don't feel like protecting yourself from it anymore because you're you're in your immune system has gotten corrupt
20:25Right, and then you're ready for even more toxic behavior even worse things well
20:31Even worse things that that you know that you can do and this prayer will stop you from going down a negative path in your life
20:39That's why you should pray
20:41Now these are the reasons you should pray not because i'm telling you to pray
20:45At the end of this whole journey the decision is entirely yours because I might allah might take me tomorrow
20:54Allah might take me a year from now
20:56And that relationship you and I have even if we lived a hundred years. We can't live longer than that
21:02We can't there's a time where this is going to end but that relationship
21:06If you really want to respect and honor that relationship
21:09Pray, that would be my advice to you
21:12So this is just a small reminder to and i'll come back to the parents now a small reminder for myself and for all of us
21:21us parents
21:22That the children we've been given are an amanah
21:26They are not something given to us so we can control them
21:29The more we try to control them the more frustrated we become anyway
21:33And the more I have seen this especially in families that wanted to preserve the deen of their children
21:39The more they tried to push the religion on their children with control
21:44The more those children rebelled in the strangest ways
21:49In the strangest ways because the thing that allah wants to give the the opportunity you have with your children
21:55Is not to make them surrender to your instructions
21:58The opportunity you have with them is to make them think about things that only you can make them think about
22:04Make them love things only you can make them love
22:08Your kid loves basketball because he sees you play basketball
22:12He loves the playstation because he sees dad play the playstation you can put a love in your child
22:18Because of how you are
22:19You can do that
22:21And when you tell your kid do your homework do your homework your kid is not going to be 40 years old and say I love
22:26homework
22:28But your kid could be 40 years old and say I love basketball. My dad used to play all the time loved it
22:33What you love?
22:34Gets transferred over what you instruct gets rejected
22:39That's your reality forget your children. That's your own reality
22:43The things some of the things you love about your dad are the things that were passed down by love
22:47And some of the things you hate about your dad are the things that he tried to shove down your throat
22:52That's the reality of everyone sitting here
22:56Even if you don't say it out loud because we love our parents and we respect them
22:59But there are some things that we we didn't take from them
23:02And there are some things we did and the only things we did were the ones that were
23:06Passed down by love and that's actually the ishara given to us parents in the ayah of surah al-isra
23:15Rabbayani means when you
23:17Tarbiya is used for growing a plant. You have to take care of the plant
23:20You have to be delicate with it. You have to nurture it. You have to provide it soft soil
23:24You have to remove the weeds from it. You can't yell at the plant
23:27You can't say get up already grow already. You have to let it take its time
23:31You have to you have to see sometimes insects come and bite some of the leaves and you have to remove the insects
23:36And you cannot just you have to sometimes be a little bit harsh with it
23:40But just enough that the the insect is removed and then you have to water it again
23:44This is us and our kids
23:46And this is why we make that dua for our parents may allah azawajal give our children
23:50The guidance that only he can give allah put istiqama in their hearts that they make right choices in their lives
23:56May allah azawajal make them like the dua of ibrahim alayhis salam that he made for all of us
24:02His all of his lineage and all of the ummah when he said
24:08My rab make me someone who established the prayer and from among my children also and may allah take
24:13Give the parents here myself and all of you make us examples of loving allah
24:18And loving the prayer so that our children fall in love with the prayer just because of the way we love the prayer
24:26Hakim