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Short filmTranscript
00:00Oh my baby's back home. Hey mom. Hey mom. How are you? I'm good. You look good. Thanks.
00:13No dirty laundry? Plenty, but the airline's lost it. It's headed to Tokyo. Sweetheart, I'm sorry. Yeah.
00:19Ooh, go shopping! How's dad? Oh, he's dad, you know.
00:23I felt like a stranger in a strange land at home. Mom treated me like a three-year-old,
00:28and dad obsessed with his hobbies. Hey dad. Good to see you. Hey Rudy. You look good.
00:33So, what would you like to eat? I have all your favorites. It's alright mom. I'm not that hungry. I'm really tired.
00:39I gotta get up early and do the speech and... What would you like for breakfast, Cindy?
00:43Are pancakes or waffles? Waffles would be good.
00:46After graduation, I took my toothbrush and a pair of shoes and bailed as fast as I could.
00:53But I left one big what-if behind. And I knew that someday I'd have to go back and find out the answer.
01:04Hello. Where are you? I'm in my bedroom. Oh dear. Hold on one second. I don't get very good reception.
01:12I have read your handbook on heartbreak five trillion and two times. I know this is a painful place for you to be right now.
01:17Right here. I'm your manager. You call me ASAP. If there's anything Javier can do, I can be there in less than 24.
01:23Alright. I gotcha. Alright, Javier. I'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye.
01:36Hey, you're listening to John Ton in the morning. K-R-A-C-N-E-8.1.
01:47Girls were a mystery to me. I didn't know how to smell, or what to say to them, or how to dress for them.
02:04The girls weren't a guy with boxers or tighty-whities. I stuck to the tighties for comfort.
02:08I mean, my body was still changing and my testicles wouldn't drop like the other guys in gym class.
02:13Then I discovered Lionel. He was cool and knew things about women. Secret things.
02:20Lionel said things like, you mean more to me than words can ever say, and you're the rain that makes my life this foolish game.
02:27I studied him. He became my crash course and get in late.
02:37Morning.
02:40I'm bringing sexy back.
02:44K-R-A-C-N-E-8.1.
02:47Alright, hey, let's welcome in the studio live this morning, our local talent best-selling author, Henry McCarthy.
02:54Let's talk about your book, How Lionel Got Me Late.
02:57Folks, I gotta tell you, this is a serious look at high school heartbreak here.
03:01Hey, how about that girl in your book, Lauren, the cheerleader? Was she a real heartbreaker?
03:05You can't name names.
03:07Think she read the book?
03:09I would be surprised.
03:11Hey, thanks a lot, Henry.
03:14Listen, we'll be right back with a pause here for station identification.
03:17K-R-A-C-K-R-A-C in the morning. Be right back with John John. You know who it is.
03:23I think I'll have the T-bone steak and eggs.
03:27Well, that's it.
03:30And the strawberry pancakes. Just a short one. No whipped cream.
03:35Light on the whipped cream.
03:37Is that it?
03:39No, hold on.
03:41I'll be back in inches.
03:43I'm not gonna eat all of it. Just...
03:45Is that Mike Miller?
03:47Mm-hmm. It is.
03:48I don't think he recognizes us.
03:49No, he knew who you were.
03:51He's been here for two years.
03:53Stephanie Reed works at Bank of America, and Josh Williams works at the Duffy's Dry Cleaners.
03:57You're so wrong, man.
03:59You'll see the entire class of 88 scattered around and littered throughout Rockville.
04:04If you see somebody in the grocery store, they won't even look you in the eye.
04:08It's as though you share some dark, dank, deep little secret.
04:11And as long as you don't register the other person's existence,
04:14then you're not losers for not leaving and doing something more profound with your lives.
04:18It's just embarrassing. It is wrong. It is self-hating.
04:21And big girl will have none of it.
04:24What about, um, Scarlett Smith?
04:29What?
04:31Come on. No, no, no.
04:33No, no, no, no, no.
04:35I'm just asking. Nothing more.
04:37You poor, sad little creature. No.
04:39No, no, no. You may not do that.
04:41No.
04:43Forget about it.
04:45Yes, I will forget about it. And that's exactly what you should do. Forget it.
04:48Forget it, Henry.
04:50Forget I asked.
04:57This is our high school.
04:59What happened?
05:00Gone. They tore it down.
05:02Didn't want it to serve as a reminder of all the lives it ruined.
05:05Come on. Let's go.
05:07I'm not going in there.
05:09No, sir.
05:11That, my dear friend, is a teenage torture chamber.
05:13I wouldn't go back in there if you paid me a million dollars.
05:15Wish me luck.
05:1745 minutes. Is that good?
05:1945?
05:21Pull your pants up.
05:31That's mine now.
05:36What's that?
05:38Use your imagination.
05:40Let's go.
05:46It's a pen.
05:50Stop talking. Keep the line moving. Let's go.
06:01Henry!
06:03Principal Marshall.
06:05Good to see you.
06:06Good to see you, too. Thank you for having me.
06:08Well, you know, when they told me, uh,
06:10we have an alumnus who's a best-selling author,
06:12I knew right then and there you're the man for the commencement speech.
06:14Forgive me, I haven't read any of your books, but...
06:17yeah, you're the prime example
06:20of what a student can do with his or her life
06:22after he or she graduates from his or her high school.
06:26You are a winner. I always knew you'd do well.
06:28You're a winner.
06:29And these students need a winner to tell them how to be a winner.
06:32They do.
06:33I want you to feel free to use any of the facilities here.
06:36Of course, the library, the cafeteria, the gym.
06:40Okay.
06:41Whatever you need to connect you in some way in the commencement.
06:44Okay, so would there be any parameters
06:46or guidelines you'd want me to follow?
06:48Well, profanity's out.
06:50We really don't want to offend anybody.
06:52I wouldn't use the word, uh, shit or penis.
06:56Uh, but, uh, yeah, as I say,
06:58we just don't really want to offend anyone.
07:00No, we don't.
07:01No, right.
07:02Oh, there's something else I forgot.
07:04Here are some sample speeches.
07:06Some of my all-time favorites.
07:08Okay.
07:09Yeah.
07:10These ones.
07:11Be good to look at, yes.
07:12I mean, think Gettysburg.
07:13Think, uh, Martin Luther, Can't We All Get Along?
07:16Or, you know, Bette Midler, Wind Beneath My Wings.
07:19Whatever she needed.
07:20And, uh, whatever invigorates you.
07:22You just go with it.
07:23Invigorate, energize our students.
07:25Make them feel confident.
07:27Make them feel, I want a higher education.
07:29Of course.
07:30By the way, the, uh, senior class committee
07:33will be in charge of the schedule and events, uh,
07:35so I want you to, uh, meet with them after you see me.
07:38And you're seeing me.
07:39Uh, they're in room 502.
07:42♪♪♪
07:44♪♪♪
07:46♪♪♪
07:48♪♪♪
07:50♪♪♪
07:52♪♪♪
07:54♪♪♪
07:56And I understand you all have other obligations
07:58and other commitments, but this is a crucial time
08:01for the senior class committee.
08:03Oh, Mrs. Looch.
08:06May I help you?
08:07Uh, Principal Marshall sent me over here.
08:09Please take a seat.
08:10I will see you after class.
08:12Now, everyone needs to volunteer,
08:14give up a little bit more time.
08:16Your families are well aware of how important this is for you.
08:19Wouldn't you like to head up one of these committees?
08:21That has to go to the yearbook publishing company.
08:24And, um...
08:26Shasta.
08:30Pay attention.
08:32♪♪♪
08:34♪♪♪
08:36I will need to review your speech
08:38prior to the graduation ceremony.
08:41Reason being?
08:42To assure the faculty and student body
08:44that your speech is sufficient
08:45while meeting the necessary requirements.
08:48And if it doesn't?
08:49We don't need to venture into that territory this early.
08:52It seems we already have.
08:54Oh, Liza, we have seen some times together, haven't we?
08:58Yes, we have.
08:59There's big girl. Who's your daddy?
09:01Yeah.
09:02Mm-mm-mm.
09:03I don't know why they call it a bra.
09:05Looks like a g-string to me.
09:07What happened?
09:08Don't even ask.
09:09Just walked through a thousand memories.
09:11I told you.
09:12It doesn't matter if they tore our school down.
09:14It's all there.
09:15I told you.
09:16You managed to get out of there the first time.
09:19You may not be so lucky this time.
09:22Just trying to reprocess these memories here.
09:24It's all be fine.
09:26I told you!
09:27That place ruins people's lives.
09:29That's its sole function on planet Earth.
09:31I know.
09:32I told you.
09:33You know what?
09:34Big girl means it.
09:35You see the kimono?
09:36The kimono means I'm right.
09:37You have to listen to me.
09:38Listen to the kimono.
09:39Reprocess your stupid feelings.
09:41Reprocess.
09:42What does that mean, anyway?
09:43I'd like to process your feelings on wheat toast.
09:45With mayo.
09:47I told you.
09:49Memories.
09:54Would you like a drink?
09:56No, I'm good.
09:58Okay.
10:05So how was school?
10:08You know, school.
10:14I don't know what I'm going to write that's going to even inspire these kids.
10:18Let me see.
10:20Let me see.
10:21Just flipping through my yearbook.
10:22Oh, the old yearbook.
10:24What else is in there?
10:25Yeah.
10:27Yeah.
10:29Scarlet, thank you for being you and sweet.
10:36Huh?
10:38Call me this summer.
10:40Scarlet Smith.
10:42Scarlet Smith?
10:46You mean, I'm so in love I don't know what to do?
10:49Is that Scarlet Smith?
10:50Are you done?
10:53Call her.
10:54Call her.
10:56No.
10:58Do it.
10:59That was 19 summers ago.
11:01I told you you lost track of time.
11:03Yeah.
11:05Come on, dig deep.
11:06Okay.
11:07Yes, England!
11:08Atta boy.
11:09Oh, yeah.
11:11Alright, what's her number?
11:12Ooh, she is a cute little wafer.
11:15Here you go.
11:17Ready?
11:18869...
11:22Do you want me to get that, Mom?
11:24If it's Brad, I'm not here.
11:26Oh, no.
11:27Is this it?
11:29I'm not dumping so I can find...
11:30Hello?
11:31Oh.
11:33Yeah.
11:34Um.
11:36Hello?
11:38Oh!
11:39Yeah.
11:40What'd you do that for?
11:41Because I shouldn't be calling her.
11:42No, no, no, no, no.
11:43Fuck you.
11:44Just don't call her.
11:45I'll call her for you.
11:46What the fuck?
11:47No.
11:48Just let me call her for you.
11:49No, we don't have to call her.
11:50Give it to me.
11:51I'll call her.
11:52Yes.
11:53That's my man.
11:54Hey, you just need to loosen up.
11:55What's your name?
11:56This is my man.
11:57I'll get that.
12:02Listen, freak!
12:03It's over!
12:06No deal!
12:07Just, what?
12:08Too harsh?
12:09Hello?
12:10Is...
12:11Is Scarlett there?
12:12Um, who is this?
12:14This is, um, Henry, uh, Henry...
12:17Henry McCarthy.
12:18Who's this?
12:19Um, this is her best friend of 30 years, Darcy.
12:21What the...
12:23Henry McCarthy?
12:24High school?
12:26Uh, yeah.
12:27I was just, um, I was flipping through my yearbook and, uh,
12:30what she'd written in the yearbook, uh,
12:33you're a great, sweet guy and, uh,
12:35you better call me this summer.
12:36That was with, uh, one of those exclamation,
12:38like, you're screaming thingies kind of thing.
12:40Okay, well, she has no idea who you are.
12:43She doesn't.
12:44Get your yearbook.
12:45She doesn't.
12:46Hold on one second.
12:47Just...
12:48If you turn to pages in your yearbook,
12:50can you turn to pages 12, 133?
12:52Okay, well, we'll have to take a look.
12:53Get your yearbook.
12:54I don't think I even have it anymore.
12:57There's a...
12:58It's 132.
12:59There's a pretty good picture of me there, so...
13:01But it's not listed.
13:02Okay, great.
13:04Okay, well, listen, Harry,
13:05she doesn't have it right now.
13:06She can't find it.
13:07What?
13:08Uh, no, it's not like it's sitting on her nightstand
13:10next to her retainer
13:11underneath her unicorn poster.
13:13All right, if you just tell her
13:15that, uh, Henry McCarthy called...
13:17Okay, I'm gonna get off the phone now, Harry,
13:19but thank you so much for your interest.
13:20Bye.
13:21That's all right.
13:22All right, bye.
13:25This is so weird.
13:26I don't know, but he's in love with you.
13:29I'm so weak.
13:31I'm getting serious.
13:34That sucked.
13:37You did what?
13:38I called Scarlett Smith.
13:39Well, we did.
13:40You did not.
13:41We did.
13:42I can't eat.
13:44I can't eat.
13:46Yeah.
13:48Please, let it go.
13:51Stop being such an enabler.
13:53He has nothing to...
13:54He has nothing to gain, either.
13:56Look, I was just wondering what she's up to.
13:58I'm sure she was wondering the same thing about you.
14:00Yes, she was.
14:01Let it go.
14:03Let it go.
14:05Let it go.
14:06Henry might be proud.
14:08Self-destructive.
14:09She rendered me down to the geek
14:11like in two seconds flat.
14:12I mean, that's some serious power, dude.
14:14That's the first thing you've said
14:15that I absolutely agree with.
14:16Rendered you a geek means that you're not a geek now.
14:19You are, in fact, still a geek.
14:21Let it go.
14:23Let it go.
14:24You do not need that in your life.
14:26All right?
14:27Smoking crack is easier on your heart.
14:28That's for sure.
14:30She's gonna take one good look at that yearbook photo
14:33and remember why she doesn't remember me.
14:35That's positive thinking.
14:36That's the power of positive thinking right there.
14:39I found it.
14:40I got the yearbook.
14:42Here it is.
14:43Thank you very much.
14:44Here you go.
14:46Color works on you, Bob.
14:49You find him?
14:51Was he hot?
14:52Maybe McCarthy.
14:54You know him?
14:55We had chemistry.
14:56You had chemistry with him?
14:57We had chemistry class.
14:59He was such a sweet guy.
15:00He always tried to help me.
15:01No, he was taking advantage of your lack of intelligence.
15:03That's how geeks work.
15:05I feel bad now.
15:07Are you kidding me?
15:08There's like a thousand reasons why you forgot him.
15:10Looks like something from the olden days.
15:12Like my dad.
15:13You're not gonna call him back?
15:15I can call him.
15:16I mean, he probably thinks I'm a total bitch.
15:18Well, you are.
15:19I mean, come on.
15:20Hey, what would happen if I took one of these right now?
15:23Anal leakage.
15:24Peace.
15:30Already ditching, huh?
15:33No.
15:34Shasta O'Neil.
15:35Senior class committee.
15:37Shasta.
15:40You weren't in class today.
15:42Didn't do my homework.
15:44Oh, that is not good.
15:48I figured.
15:49If I came in here, I'd probably get better insight into the classroom.
15:52Yeah?
15:53As far as I can tell,
15:56your library is still a sanctuary for the socially challenged.
16:02Get down!
16:03Come on, you know the drill.
16:04Down!
16:08Get down!
16:12How are we supposed to leave with a fire alarm?
16:13It's not a fire alarm.
16:14It's a crisis alarm.
16:16A crisis alarm?
16:18Yeah.
16:19Someone could be on campus with a gun.
16:22Relax.
16:23Nobody has a gun, okay?
16:25It's just a drill.
16:27Oh.
16:28How often do you guys do this drill?
16:30A couple times a week.
16:32Oh.
16:33Lovely.
16:43Hello?
16:44Oh, I'm sorry.
16:45Is this too late to call?
16:46This is Scarlett Smith from high school.
16:49Yeah, Scarlett.
16:50You called me?
16:51Scarlett?
16:52Hello?
16:53Um, no, it's alright, Dad.
16:54I got it.
16:55It's for me.
16:56It's a little late for both...
16:57Dad, it's a girl.
16:58Come on.
17:00Hey.
17:01Hi.
17:02How are you?
17:03I'm...
17:04My life's just a little bit crazy right now.
17:06I'm in the middle of moving.
17:07I'm sort of in the middle of everything.
17:10It's good to hear from you.
17:12I'm temporarily living with my mom right now.
17:15And, uh, so I'm dealing with that too.
17:18Ah, Henry McCarthy.
17:20How are you?
17:21Good, good.
17:22How are you?
17:23It's good to hear from you.
17:25And then I saw her.
17:27Lauren Landers.
17:28And something extraordinary happened.
17:31Even though we'd gone through grade school together
17:33and she'd never noticed me,
17:35suddenly she had blossomed into a woman
17:37and from that point on she haunted my every moment.
17:41She's what?
17:42One day in the middle of our junior year,
17:44Lauren bumped into me in the hallway.
17:46I caught the feel on my lower arm near the elbow.
17:48It was lightning.
17:50Tomorrow night, 7.30?
17:53Yeah, that sounds great.
17:55That sounds fun.
17:56That's perfect.
17:57All right.
17:59She walked away and I stood there like an idiot
18:01whispering to myself,
18:03Lauren, I wondered,
18:06so is this what love feels like?
18:11Hello?
18:12Henry, wake up, it's Javier.
18:14Hold on, I don't get that.
18:16Hello?
18:17Just a second, I don't get reception.
18:18Henry?
18:19Hold on.
18:20I have some news.
18:22Hey, man, are you okay?
18:23Henry?
18:24I don't know how you did that.
18:25Guess what?
18:26Great news.
18:27A major success.
18:28Henry?
18:29Henry?
18:30Henry?
18:31Henry?
18:32Henry?
18:33Henry?
18:34Henry?
18:35Henry?
18:36Henry?
18:37Henry?
18:38Henry?
18:39Great news.
18:40A major studio wants an itsy-bitsy option on your book.
18:43I doubt it's itsy-bitsy, but...
18:45The only thing is they tested the name of the book
18:47and they want to update the title from Lionel.
18:49What would they want to do?
18:50What do they want to change it to?
18:51They want to go with something more modern,
18:53like Linkin Park.
18:54Linkin Park.
18:55I don't think Linkin Park gets your laid, but...
18:57I guess women 15 to 25 tested best to Linkin Park
19:00and males 15 to 35 seemed to like it hands down.
19:03Hello?
19:04Henry?
19:05Trust me, remember you wanted to call your last book
19:08and I said I know you went through that,
19:09but that's not a great name, remember?
19:11I doubt Linkin Park gets you laid.
19:12Of course they do.
19:13Do they get you laid?
19:14Great, I'll tell them you agree.
19:28You treat Desiree nice,
19:31she'll treat you nice.
19:33She does like to be...
19:37manhandled now and again.
19:41I'm not going to take her anywhere you don't want her to go.
19:44She needs to get out and get socialized.
19:47Oh, damn it.
19:49If you'd like, if it makes you feel more comfortable,
19:51I'll just rent a car.
19:52No, no, no.
19:53It'd be easier.
19:54No, no, no.
19:55This is caviar on the book.
19:56Okay.
20:00Oh, dear.
20:01She's already making me break out.
20:06Let's have a little look here.
20:07Careful.
20:08My God, what is that?
20:09Your parasitic twin?
20:10I think I see an arm.
20:12Okay, good.
20:13Ladies.
20:14We want some privacy, please.
20:15This isn't a tourist attraction.
20:16Let's have a look here.
20:20Okay, ladies.
20:22I'm going to need a cold compress,
20:23some herbal tea,
20:24a nice light foundation,
20:26and a donut.
20:28Donut?
20:29It's for me.
20:30I know, I know.
20:32Come on.
20:33What are you going to do?
20:34Well, not much at this point.
20:35It's subterranean.
20:36I mean, we could attack it,
20:37but the outcome would be disastrous.
20:39I mean, we're talking
20:40a seven-day war
20:41that the world would notice.
20:43This is scarlet-related.
20:45It's stress-related.
20:46I gotta do something.
20:47What can I do?
20:48Relax.
20:49Do you like little Tibetan bells
20:50or little whale sounds?
20:51Aw!
20:54Let's go, cold compress!
20:56Senior year.
20:57Somehow, I had the karmic good luck
20:59of sitting beside Lauren
21:00in chemistry class.
21:01But all I could say to her was,
21:03would you like some help
21:04dissecting that frog?
21:06Henry?
21:07Scarlet?
21:08Hey.
21:09Hey.
21:11This is really weird, huh?
21:13No, I don't.
21:14I'm just,
21:15I keep thinking about
21:17Henry from chem,
21:19and, you know,
21:20like, a kid,
21:22and I'm sitting across from you.
21:24I'm just getting used to it,
21:25you know?
21:26Yeah.
21:27That bad?
21:28No!
21:29No, no, it's just,
21:30you know,
21:31Henry from class is,
21:33and you're now,
21:34you're this,
21:35you know,
21:36you're a man
21:37with facial hair and beard.
21:39Yeah, that,
21:40that just happened, like,
21:42I just...
21:44You still look the same.
21:46Is that good or bad?
21:48You're really pretty.
21:50You too.
21:51That was awkward, huh?
21:55I'm a pharmacist.
21:56That's good.
21:57It's depressing,
21:58handing out antidepressants.
21:59It's all right.
22:00I could spin it, though.
22:01Okay.
22:02Sam, I've been
22:03a small-town drug dealer
22:04for the past 10 years.
22:05I don't feel like
22:06I'm where I shouldn't be,
22:07you know?
22:08Yeah, well,
22:09we all kind of ain't
22:10where we think we should be,
22:11but, you know.
22:12Well, you've clearly
22:13done something
22:14as you do
22:15the commencement speech.
22:16Yeah.
22:17I, um,
22:18I read a few books.
22:19You write books?
22:20Well, if people
22:21actually read it,
22:22it would
22:23maybe mean something.
22:24I'm sure you have
22:25many fans out there
22:26who read your books,
22:27and I would like
22:28to be one of them.
22:29So I'm gonna get it.
22:30Where do I get it?
22:31Where do I get it?
22:32I'll get you a copy.
22:33No, I want to buy it
22:34with my own money.
22:35I want to buy it.
22:36All right.
22:37Now, bookstores have it.
22:38They'll have
22:39the most recent copy.
22:40Okay.
22:41It was good to see you.
22:44It was really good
22:46to see you, too.
22:47Bye.
22:48Bye-bye.
22:52So what's the name
22:53of your book?
22:54Uh, How Lionel
22:55Got Me Laid.
22:57Oh.
22:58Okay, just a moment.
22:59Um, who's Lionel?
23:01Richie.
23:02As in Dancing
23:03on the Ceiling, Lionel Richie?
23:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:05Lionel Richie
23:06Got Him Laid.
23:07I don't...
23:08Perhaps.
23:09Maybe I have to read it.
23:10Wow.
23:11Sounds like a winner.
23:12Um, the book
23:13is in aisle E,
23:14and that's alphabetical
23:15by author.
23:18Okay, fess up.
23:19Nothing happens.
23:20No, you are smiling
23:21like either he was
23:22really cute
23:23or you're totally embarrassed
23:24you even went
23:25on a date with him.
23:26It wasn't a date.
23:27It wasn't a date.
23:28Oh, come on.
23:29I will not tease you,
23:30I promise.
23:31He was bald and fat, right?
23:32No, he was...
23:33What, mustache?
23:34Was he wearing pleated jeans?
23:35He was okay, really.
23:36He was one of those
23:37like weird divorced guys
23:38with like 18 kids?
23:39He was okay.
23:40Well, he must have
23:41been pretty okay
23:42if you're willing to invest
23:43in this relationship.
23:44I'm not...
23:45I wouldn't...
23:46You are buying his book.
23:47I would never read
23:48something for a guy.
23:49Ooh, got it.
23:51Bingo.
23:52Author's photo.
23:53Let's see what
23:54okay looks like.
23:55Does that really matter?
23:56Uh, yeah.
23:57It's the only thing that matters.
23:58Do you want to
23:59dilute your gene pool?
24:00Well, betting it all
24:01on looks got me
24:02living with my mother
24:03at 36 years old.
24:04Please, I love your mother.
24:05Wait a second.
24:06Is this him?
24:08Yeah.
24:09Yes.
24:10Are you sure?
24:11Yeah.
24:13Well, he is actually
24:14kind of cute.
24:16I know.
24:17Huh.
24:18I wonder what other geeks
24:19got hot after high school.
24:22I'm a stuck-buff baby.
24:29You're so pretty.
24:31Oh, your pretty blonde hair.
24:33Oh, you're so pretty.
24:34Why can't Scarlett
24:35be 500 pounds
24:36with five fat kids
24:38and then all would be fine?
24:40All would be wrapped up,
24:41life would go on.
24:43Why can't that happen?
24:45World peace depends on it,
24:46my friend.
24:47I'm going to act like
24:48that made complete sense.
24:51Beautiful.
24:52Nice choice.
24:56Henry.
24:57Hey.
24:58Hey, Shasta.
24:59Hi.
25:00Hey, how are you?
25:01Good.
25:02Good morning, Mr. McCarthy.
25:04May I see your speech?
25:06I'm still working on it.
25:08Is there a problem?
25:10Indeed you do have a problem.
25:12As stated before,
25:13I, the faculty,
25:14and the committee
25:15will need sufficient time
25:16to review your speech.
25:17Without our review,
25:18it is highly unlikely
25:19you will be able
25:20to deliver the speech.
25:21That being said,
25:22when can we expect
25:23to see something,
25:24Mr. McCarthy?
25:25As soon as I do.
25:39I won't watch.
25:41Every morning,
25:42sit down.
25:50Hi.
25:52Hey, Scarlett.
25:53What are you doing?
25:55Just seeing what you're doing.
25:57Oh, the speech.
25:59Just trying to get it going.
26:02Oh.
26:03How's it going?
26:05It's not going.
26:07We're going to...
26:08How about a distraction?
26:09I could use that.
26:11I could do that.
26:13Meet me out front.
26:15Oh, okay.
26:18I want to know
26:19who this Lionel guy is.
26:21Hey, hey, hey, hey!
26:23It's a school night.
26:24Don't, don't...
26:25I'll be back later.
26:29Mrs. Looch
26:30is looking for any reason
26:31to crap on me.
26:32Mrs. Looch.
26:36How can we call
26:37Mrs. Looch and Burger
26:38Mrs. Looch?
26:39Say her last name.
26:41Looch and Burger.
26:43Looch and Burger.
26:44Looch.
26:45Yeah.
26:46Like, Looch and Burger.
26:48Looch, Looch, Looch and Burger.
26:51Yeah, see?
26:52Did you not have a Looch
26:53ready to hock?
26:54Totally.
26:55Why'd she do that to me?
26:56That's so crazy.
26:57That's where she gets her name.
26:58Right there.
27:00She's still trying to fail me.
27:02Gotta let it go, Henry.
27:04Those who can do
27:05and those who can't
27:06turn into Mrs. Looch.
27:12Do you think you could try
27:13if I were to remind you?
27:14Yeah, I'll try.
27:15Watch it.
27:16All I need is a DUI.
27:30Get any more lights
27:31on that car?
27:32It's Brad.
27:33Oh, God.
27:34Hey, Brad.
27:35You're Brad?
27:36No, my ex, Brad.
27:38Does he wear that?
27:39Well, you know,
27:40he has a disability.
27:41He doesn't hear things
27:42that he doesn't want to hear, so.
27:44Can you lose him?
27:45Why?
27:46Yeah, just trust me.
27:47If you can lose him, do it.
27:48What, you think
27:49you're gonna kick my ass?
27:50Yeah, well, he says
27:51he wanted to sit down
27:52and have a tea party
27:53and, like,
27:54shoot the breeze
27:55about the great times
27:56he had in high school.
27:57Do you have one?
27:58He has one, Brad.
27:59Oh, I know
28:00if you have one.
28:04Did we lose him?
28:05I don't think so.
28:06I think we lost him.
28:09Hold it right there, driver.
28:10Hands where I can see them.
28:11Nice and easy.
28:12Out of the car.
28:13Come on.
28:15Hands on the hood.
28:18Oh, my goodness.
28:19Going a little fast,
28:20don't you think?
28:23You know,
28:24this is a school zone
28:25through here.
28:26You know what the speed
28:27limit is, don't you?
28:28Uh, uh, 25.
28:30Been drinking tonight?
28:31No, sir.
28:32You sure about that?
28:33Yes.
28:34New York, it figures.
28:39What the hell, McCarthy?
28:40Bird!
28:41Yeah!
28:42Bird!
28:43Come on!
28:44Bird, you look good!
28:45Thanks!
28:46Wow!
28:47Didn't recognize me
28:48dressed like a pig, huh?
28:49Well, it's, um,
28:50you're...
28:51Yeah?
28:52Yeah, dropped a couple pounds.
28:53I'd say more than,
28:54like, two, maybe.
28:55Too bitty.
28:56Had the surgery done.
28:57No more deep dish pizzas
28:58for me.
28:59I was going to
29:00shoot you there, man.
29:01That was intense.
29:02Glad you did.
29:03Who's your buddy here?
29:05Hey!
29:06That's, uh,
29:07Scarlett Smith, isn't it?
29:09Yeah, Scarlett.
29:10Right on.
29:12You got Scarlett Smith
29:13in your car?
29:14Yeah, she were just...
29:15Dick!
29:16Yeah.
29:17Isn't she with, um,
29:18Brad now?
29:19I think, um,
29:20Dick broke up with her.
29:21Hey, I ain't saying nothing.
29:22You sleeping with her now?
29:23No, no, no, no.
29:24We're just talking.
29:25No, I'd rather not
29:26with Dick.
29:27Um, Office 320 responding.
29:28Sorry, duty calls.
29:29I want to take it
29:30a little bit slower there.
29:31It's good seeing you, McCarthy.
29:33You look good, Bird.
29:34You do, too.
29:35Watch your back,
29:36and, uh,
29:37you need to borrow
29:38my handcuffs.
29:39You love me now.
29:40Have a good night.
29:46Look, I'm so sorry, man.
29:48I should have told you
29:49that Brad is totally still Brad.
29:52Yeah, Brad, yeah,
29:53I've kind of figured that.
29:54Yeah, he just hasn't really
29:57accepted that we're over for good.
30:01It's all good.
30:07You can drive.
30:08Yeah.
30:10Okay, good night.
30:11Okay.
30:12All right, I'll call you.
30:16Coach Nelson, please!
30:17Come on, come on, come on!
30:18Go, go, go!
30:19You're doing it real well!
30:20Stop!
30:21You're late!
30:22You're standing out there
30:23scratching your ball!
30:24Check it out!
30:25Speaking of a set of balls,
30:26you and I need to have
30:27a little chat.
30:28About what?
30:29About Scarlett.
30:30Nothing's happening.
30:31You're damn right
30:32nothing's happening.
30:33If you're planning on
30:34something happening,
30:35you and I are gonna
30:36have problems.
30:37Hey, hey!
30:38Coach Nelson's gonna throw down!
30:40All right, boys,
30:41let's take this into my office.
30:42Come on.
30:43Coach is in trouble!
30:52All right, boys,
30:53what's the issue?
30:58Oh, we can sit here all day.
31:01If that's what you both want.
31:06I'll tell you this.
31:07We will resolve this issue
31:09today in my office
31:10before either of you leave.
31:12Is that clear?
31:15Let's start with you, Coach.
31:19No, I'm sorry, Chuck.
31:20I was just minding my business,
31:21teaching my students,
31:22trying to coach my team
31:23when Num Nuts decides
31:24to confront me.
31:25Really, Brad?
31:26Num Nuts?
31:27Can we just stick to the story?
31:28Yeah.
31:29Can you just tell him
31:30what happened?
31:31I'm walking the hall
31:32without a badge.
31:33He's walking the hall
31:34without a badge, Chuck.
31:35I wasn't issued a badge.
31:36They didn't give me a badge.
31:37I didn't need a badge.
31:38I don't need a badge.
31:39I'm walking down the hallway,
31:40Principal Marshall,
31:41minding my business.
31:42He's walking down the hallway,
31:43pops his head in.
31:44He tries to interrupt
31:45my practice,
31:46just trying to win
31:47another state championship, Chuck.
31:48That's so unnecessary, Brad.
31:49Seriously.
31:50How can he sleep?
31:53Now,
31:55you have some issues, Henry.
31:58You really should just be writing.
32:01But zip it.
32:02Zip it.
32:07I think I understand
32:08Brad's frustration.
32:09I do.
32:10Think about it.
32:11He's around a ton
32:12of hot teenage boys,
32:14half naked,
32:15half his age.
32:17He could take its toll
32:18on anybody.
32:19It is.
32:20It's taking it.
32:21Come on, man.
32:22Dude gives losers a bad name.
32:23You know what I mean?
32:24Yeah.
32:25You know what I'm saying?
32:26Yeah, it does.
32:27So what are you gonna do?
32:28He's gonna stay away.
32:29No.
32:30Henry, honey,
32:31some people don't evolve.
32:32He'll kick your ass.
32:33He's an ass.
32:34Don't be a young buck
32:35and lock horns with him.
32:36Brad will break your neck.
32:39Sometimes you have to do
32:40with what nature gave you.
32:42All right?
32:43The geek doesn't get the girl.
32:45It hurts a lot.
32:46Check, please.
33:05Whooo!
33:09Yee-ha!
33:12All right!
33:15Whoooo!
33:21I have one
33:24small announcement to make.
33:26To all those seniors
33:28attending the prom
33:29and fellow students
33:30attending the prom,
33:31please, please
33:32I urge you,
33:33I urge you, use your best judgment.
33:35Don't let this dance be your last.
33:39And one other thing.
33:42Go, Wildcats!
33:43I found the nerve to ask Lauren to the senior prom,
33:52but I did it in writing.
33:53The thought of asking her face to face was terrifying.
33:56I slipped a note in her chemistry book.
33:59She never even acknowledged my request.
34:02I began to count not only the days, but the hours until graduation.
34:07Waiting for my liberation.
34:10Hey.
34:13Hey.
34:15Hey.
34:16You okay, Shasta?
34:17Shasta?
34:19You okay?
34:20You okay?
34:21You okay?
34:23It's so stupid.
34:25I just need a hug.
34:26Okay.
34:26Oh, my boyfriend just broke up with me.
34:28Okay.
34:30Oh!
34:30Hey.
34:32Not appropriate.
34:36Are you good?
34:37Okay.
34:38Please just tell me that your senior ball sucked butt you regret ever going.
34:43Actually, I didn't go.
34:45What?
34:45Why?
34:48Stupid.
34:49Dumb.
34:49Dumb reasons.
34:51Just dumb.
34:52Looks like you need a hug.
34:53No, it's okay.
34:54I'm good.
34:55Are you sure?
34:55Yes.
34:56A good hug can just, like, unlock all those years of pent-up pain.
35:00Yeah.
35:03One good hug would probably get me locked up for another good 20 years of pain.
35:08Yeah, I know.
35:09It's okay.
35:10You're good.
35:12Let's go.
35:12Okay.
35:13You alright?
35:14Come here.
35:15Come on.
35:15Oh, you'll be okay.
35:16Thank you for making me feel better.
35:17Hey.
35:18What's his problem?
35:22So, before we discuss your book, can I ask you a few questions?
35:25Sure.
35:26So, is there any truth to getting into a fight with Coach Nelson?
35:29What?
35:30Are you denying that you threw down with Coach Nelson?
35:32There are eyewitnesses.
35:33Would you like to comment on what exactly happened?
35:36Not really.
35:38Does that mean yes or no?
35:39It means neither.
35:40Any truth to the rumors about Shasta O'Neil?
35:43Sources say they saw you two embracing.
35:46Embracing?
35:48We hugged?
35:49No.
35:50The average hug lasts 3.2 seconds.
35:51Witnesses say it was closer to 20.
35:53I would say that the hug qualifies as an embrace.
35:55She was upset.
35:57So, are you or aren't you seeing each other?
36:00Neither.
36:01You have the opportunity to set the record straight on both of our findings.
36:05Tell the truth.
36:06We promise we'll blog it word for word.
36:08Do you even read the book?
36:10The back cover is really good.
36:13I like the title.
36:14I want to meet Lionel.
36:15Me too.
36:20Cool ranch.
36:21Looking good like I knew you would.
36:23Oh, look at this.
36:24This is sweet.
36:25This is nice.
36:26Huh?
36:27Oh, baby's breath.
36:28How classy.
36:29Yep, Brad's a real charmer.
36:31Boy, you know you got him in a jealous rage.
36:33He called me 20 times today.
36:35Well, that's not what I was intending to do.
36:38Oh, really?
36:39How did you think Brad was going to respond?
36:41Exactly like this.
36:44I mean, I just, I can't allow him to dictate my behavior, how I live my life.
36:50Or who I'm going to see.
36:52Okay, listen.
36:53You got him where you want him.
36:54Alright, now just make some demands and it'll change.
36:56Brad doesn't change his underwear.
36:58Brad's all about Brad.
37:00It's over.
37:02I think you've got to come to terms with that too, Darce.
37:05Oh, my God.
37:06You really like this guy.
37:08Yeah, I do.
37:09Wait, no, no.
37:10You like him like him, don't you?
37:11Yeah, I like him like him.
37:14Alright.
37:15Well, just remember what happened to the last guy you really liked.
37:18Glass Eye.
37:23Alright.
37:24I think we're being followed.
37:26Oh, it's not him.
37:28It's not him.
37:53Hey.
37:54What?
37:55You knocked us off.
37:56Oh.
37:57I can't be worried.
37:58You can be worried.
37:59But you're being a freak now.
38:00Look, I just think you need a little more protection than what's in your wallet.
38:03I get it.
38:04I understand.
38:05I totally appreciate it.
38:06Is that Scarlet's man?
38:07Can I say hi?
38:08Just a little hello?
38:09Let's say hi.
38:10Stay still.
38:13Phil?
38:14Yeah, how you doing?
38:16Good.
38:17Listen.
38:18Girl to girl.
38:20You break it, you own it.
38:24You kids have a good time.
38:26Start it up.
38:33You're a big, strong man.
38:34Come on.
38:35You can do it.
38:44You're being very quiet.
38:47I've always been quiet.
38:50You are a cheerleader, right?
38:53Yeah.
38:54What?
38:56I'm sorry.
38:57I'm just, um...
38:59Just remembering.
39:00Just thinking.
39:02Yeah.
39:04Are you not happy?
39:06No, I'm not sad.
39:07I know that.
39:08I mean, God, I see so many depressed people every day.
39:12I mean, no, seriously.
39:14You'd be shocked at the sheer number of people in this town that are taking something for
39:19something.
39:21I mean, it's just their way of coping.
39:23It's mundane.
39:25I think I've made just about every bad decision there is to make ever.
39:30Yeah, well, we don't stop making them.
39:33You're going to make one a minute from now that's going to affect your life.
39:36And the minute you start realizing that every decision...