Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:00When I was ten, my family moved to America.
00:00:25Shortly thereafter, I learned a valuable lesson about love.
00:00:30Hey new kid, wanna play a card game called 52 pick up?
00:00:37Pick it up, dick for brains.
00:00:49She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
00:00:53I felt instantly a manly love.
00:01:04Then she broke my heart.
00:01:07I vowed never to let love hurt me again.
00:01:10Today, I am a master of love.
00:01:14Your book, 52 Pick Up, is basically a how-to guide for men to pick up women, is it not?
00:01:19It is, yeah.
00:01:21And you claim that your book will help men pick up a different woman every week for a
00:01:28year?
00:01:29Yeah, it's really that simple.
00:01:31All they have to do is follow my three simple rules of engagement, that is trigger her interest,
00:01:36play indifferent, and go for the kill.
00:01:41Are you aware how degrading that is to women?
00:01:44I mean some could say it reduces us to mere objects who could be easily tricked into bed.
00:01:49I mean how would you respond to such allegations?
00:01:51How do I respond?
00:01:55Guilty as charged.
00:02:20She just can't...
00:02:34Oh, what the hell is that?
00:02:37That's...
00:02:39Oh, no, no, no...
00:02:50Oh...
00:02:58Hey, what's up, Ruben?
00:03:00Hey, what's... Whoa, take it easy, brother.
00:03:02It's all right, dude, we're just men here.
00:03:04All right.
00:03:05You did a good job, though. You're early, aren't you?
00:03:07You got it, bro.
00:03:18You got it good?
00:03:20Very well.
00:03:22There you go, if you like it.
00:03:25Yeah, enjoy it.
00:03:26Next in line.
00:03:31It's so good to meet you.
00:03:34Thank you for coming.
00:03:35Dude, you've changed my life.
00:03:38I used to live in my parents' basement, and the only thing I scored was my Xbox.
00:03:44But now, I'm scoring with my nitties.
00:03:49That's great. Gotta get it.
00:03:54Oh, shit.
00:03:57Hi. Hi. I can't believe it's really you.
00:03:59It's really me.
00:04:01I owe you so much. Your book has helped me overcome this.
00:04:07A tiny penis?
00:04:08What? No! I'm talking about my lack of style, you see?
00:04:13That's... I meant your tiny lack of style. I don't know why I said penis.
00:04:17That's what you meant.
00:04:18That's exactly why. I don't know why I said penis.
00:04:20You're an asshole.
00:04:21I'm sorry. I'm sure you're packing.
00:04:23Baby's arm holding an apple.
00:04:25Yeah.
00:04:27What are you doing?
00:04:28I don't know. It just came out.
00:04:31Hi.
00:04:35Quite a collection of losers today, huh?
00:04:37Worse than usual.
00:04:38Yeah.
00:04:39Okay, those losers are the reason you live in a million-dollar house and wear custom-made suits.
00:04:43Hey, it's okay. I still love them, though. Hence the term, lovable losers.
00:04:47Yeah, and hey, hey, you know what? You should show the man a little more respect here.
00:04:50Okay? He's making your company a lot of green, and you know what?
00:04:53We haven't signed the contract for that third book yet, so...
00:04:55Don't touch me.
00:04:56Don't touch me.
00:04:57It's okay, Steve. Polly here has a right to her opinion.
00:05:00Okay, it's Molly.
00:05:03But Steve is right. I was out of line. It won't happen again.
00:05:06It's all good, babe. It's all good, Molly.
00:05:09We sold over a hundred copies.
00:05:11That's great, Nana.
00:05:13Yeah, those losers really eat this shit up.
00:05:18Here. I wrote my number in it.
00:05:20If you want to get with a real woman, give me a call.
00:05:27What the...
00:05:28Oh, don't even think about it.
00:05:34Oh, hey, hey. Listen, I almost forgot.
00:05:36They asked me if you want to participate in this charity fashion show.
00:05:39Really?
00:05:40Yeah.
00:05:41For how much you pay?
00:05:42No, that's for charity.
00:05:43But all the models are going to be celebs.
00:05:45Oh, interesting.
00:05:46Yeah, yeah. There's going to be some big names there.
00:05:48You know what?
00:05:49Might allow me to broaden my fishing ponds.
00:05:52And you've got quite the pull, huh?
00:05:55Dude.
00:05:56I know.
00:05:57That was...
00:05:58I know.
00:05:59Yeah, we won't...
00:06:00Don't worry. I'll get it the second it came out of my mouth.
00:06:04Hey, wait a minute.
00:06:06Hey, don't forget about these police boys.
00:06:08Huh?
00:06:09Don't forget...
00:06:10You're an asshole.
00:06:12Asshole.
00:06:13You hear that?
00:06:15Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:06:16Yeah, get out of here.
00:06:17Fancy call.
00:06:24Thanks.
00:06:34Take care, everybody.
00:06:55Edison Greenleaf!
00:06:59What?
00:07:01Hello.
00:07:02Hello.
00:07:04Do I know you?
00:07:05How do you know my name?
00:07:06Does it really matter?
00:07:09Of course, in the jackets of my book.
00:07:12Okay.
00:07:13You want an autograph?
00:07:14Look, Eddie.
00:07:16I'm here to ask you something.
00:07:19Yeah, you see, I don't really carry cash.
00:07:22I don't want your money.
00:07:24What do you want?
00:07:25You don't really respect women, do you?
00:07:28I'm sorry.
00:07:31Did Steve Burns put you up to this?
00:07:32Where is he?
00:07:33Women are nothing but notches on your bedpost.
00:07:36Yeah, my bedpost.
00:07:37In fact, I don't even have bedposts on my bed, so...
00:07:42That's a metaphor, Eddie.
00:07:44A metaphor.
00:07:46Oh, I get it.
00:07:47I'm being punked, aren't I?
00:07:49This is brilliant.
00:07:50Where? Where are they?
00:07:51Where are they?
00:07:52All right, you can come out now.
00:07:53Where's the film crew?
00:07:54There's no film crew, Eddie!
00:07:57All right, I'm, you know, I'm tired of this.
00:07:59No more games, okay?
00:08:00You gave me what I'm here for.
00:08:02And what are you here for?
00:08:04Kiss me.
00:08:05Jeez, I don't think that's gonna happen.
00:08:07Prove to me that you can see the beauty in all women,
00:08:10the beauty beneath the surface.
00:08:12Kiss me!
00:08:13All right, no offense, you crazy old bat,
00:08:15but right on my dick dropped off, all right?
00:08:18What?
00:08:19Show it to yourself!
00:08:40Yeah, so, Molly, listen, I, uh...
00:08:43Stay close.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:45Are you doing that thing kids do when they like each other?
00:08:47No.
00:08:48Well, okay, then.
00:08:49How about we talk business?
00:08:50Maybe a few strawberry daiquiris,
00:08:51discuss that third contract.
00:08:52What do you say?
00:08:53Oh, God!
00:09:00And then two of my eight cats,
00:09:01they got in this really big fight.
00:09:03It was just horrible.
00:09:04I ended up having to take Mr. Muggles to the vet,
00:09:06and then we had to put him down.
00:09:07All right.
00:09:08I'm really happy for you.
00:09:10I thought soon mothers were all required to be anorexic,
00:09:13but you look just so goddamn healthy.
00:09:16Wait.
00:09:17Are you saying that I look fat?
00:09:19No, no, that's not what I'm saying.
00:09:21I'm saying you look really healthy.
00:09:23Oh, my God.
00:09:25Shouldn't you be eating this toffee cheese thing?
00:09:27No, you're too hard on yourself, you know?
00:09:29You're only human.
00:09:30Humans are flawed.
00:09:32Wait, I still don't have flaws?
00:09:34No, I'm serious.
00:09:37Wait, I still don't have flaws?
00:09:39No, I'm saying that I think you're gorgeous,
00:09:42but just don't worry about what anybody else thinks about you.
00:09:44Wait, you think people are talking about me?
00:09:46No.
00:09:47You know what these bitches are like.
00:09:56What are you thinking about?
00:09:57Getting out of here soon.
00:09:58It's getting a little, um, a little toxic, I think.
00:10:02Tell me about it.
00:10:03Yeah.
00:10:04Um...
00:10:05Uh-huh?
00:10:06Hey, um, would you like to come back to my place?
00:10:09It's, like, five minutes away.
00:10:12Really?
00:10:13Oh, I mean...
00:10:15We start in the morning, huh?
00:10:17Please.
00:10:19Wow.
00:10:20I promise to make it worth your while.
00:10:25Like you insist on me.
00:10:28Let's get out of here quick.
00:10:36No!
00:10:39No!
00:11:06Wow.
00:11:30What the fuck?
00:11:33What the fuck?
00:11:40Oh, my God.
00:11:41It can't be.
00:11:47I was dreaming.
00:12:03Mom!
00:12:10Where are you going?
00:12:21Oh, come on, come on.
00:12:33Hello?
00:12:35Steve, you need to get to my place right away.
00:12:38Who is this?
00:12:39It's Eddie, dumbass.
00:12:41Really?
00:12:42Who is this?
00:12:43Um, you just need to get to Eddie's place as soon as you can.
00:12:47Why?
00:12:49Uh, because he wants you to join us in his threesome.
00:12:53Really?
00:12:55He's never asked me that before.
00:12:57Are you in or what?
00:12:59I'm in, I'm in, I'm in!
00:13:01I'm in.
00:13:32Oh.
00:13:44About time.
00:13:51What?
00:13:54Wow.
00:13:56Look at you.
00:13:57Well, your stud service has arrived.
00:14:01Huh?
00:14:02I studied Goju-kai karate.
00:14:03Ha!
00:14:04Kiai.
00:14:05By the way.
00:14:07Yeah.
00:14:08Um, so, where is he?
00:14:10Where's Eddie?
00:14:11Funny thing about that.
00:14:13Eddie!
00:14:15You back here?
00:14:17So, where is he?
00:14:18It's me, Steve, Eddie.
00:14:20Oh, ha, ha, ha.
00:14:21Okay.
00:14:22Yeah.
00:14:23Eddie!
00:14:24You back here?
00:14:25Uh, he's standing right in front of you.
00:14:28Okay.
00:14:29I get it.
00:14:30You're hot.
00:14:31I don't know what's going on here,
00:14:33but if you don't tell me where Eddie is,
00:14:35I'm going to have to call the cops.
00:14:37Okay, listen to me, Steve.
00:14:38I really don't know what happened.
00:14:40Last night I fell asleep, and when I woke up,
00:14:43I was this.
00:14:45Have it your way.
00:14:48Beth Macdonald.
00:14:52What was that?
00:14:53Your crush in middle school.
00:14:55Beth Macdonald, the one that got away.
00:14:57Okay, Eddie's the only one who knows that.
00:14:59See?
00:15:00All that proves is that he told you about her.
00:15:02Okay, how about Jessica Levine?
00:15:05You lost your virginity to her in 10th grade
00:15:07and cried like a little baby.
00:15:09That's because she bit my dick!
00:15:13Wait a minute.
00:15:14Okay, what's go...
00:15:15Did he tell you my whole life story?
00:15:17Steve, it's me, Eddie.
00:15:19Stuck inside a chick's body.
00:15:22Okay.
00:15:24Fine, if you're ready, tell me this.
00:15:26Two years ago, we took a trip to Vegas.
00:15:28We got really drunk with some strippers,
00:15:30and they dared us to do something really disgusting.
00:15:33The next day, we swore, we swore
00:15:36we would never talk about it again.
00:15:38Really?
00:15:39Yeah.
00:15:40Really, Steve?
00:15:41You want to make me say this out loud?
00:15:43Hey, if you're Eddie,
00:15:46well, you don't have to.
00:15:48If you're Eddie, well, you'd know all about it.
00:15:54Okay, we gave each other handjobs.
00:15:57Uh, excuse me, what was that?
00:16:01We gave each other handjobs.
00:16:03Are you happy?
00:16:04What?
00:16:06Eddie?
00:16:08I just peed in my mouth.
00:16:10Wait a minute.
00:16:11Wait a minute, Eddie.
00:16:12This is impossible.
00:16:13I mean, how...
00:16:15How did this happen?
00:16:17Like, I don't know.
00:16:18Like I said, I fell asleep at Alexa's last night
00:16:21after banging her up and down,
00:16:22and when I woke up, I was a chick.
00:16:31Well, at least you're hot.
00:16:34Shut the fuck up.
00:16:36Wait, you think I'm hot?
00:16:38Hell yeah, I do.
00:16:39So you would have sex with me,
00:16:40knowing it's me, Eddie, inside this body?
00:16:43Hey, if the Vegas, what have I got to lose?
00:16:45Good point.
00:16:46Right?
00:16:47So, if you don't mind, can I see the whole package, maybe?
00:16:51What?
00:16:52You know, minus the clothes.
00:16:53I am not taking my clothes off for you.
00:16:55Okay, fine, be that way.
00:16:56I have to say, my breasts are really perky.
00:17:05Steve!
00:17:11Steve!
00:17:16I'm a first man.
00:17:18Okay.
00:17:19I said, we need to figure out what happened to me.
00:17:21Okay.
00:17:23Jesus.
00:17:29Okay, let's figure this out.
00:17:32Let's think about the last 24 hours, yeah?
00:17:34You had the book signing.
00:17:36Yeah.
00:17:37You had the release party.
00:17:39Had sex with the supermodel.
00:17:40Nothing unusual.
00:17:41Okay, then.
00:17:42Wait.
00:17:43What?
00:17:45The homeless woman.
00:17:46You had sex with a homeless woman?
00:17:47No, dumbass.
00:17:49I was outside the building before the party,
00:17:51and this homeless woman came up to me.
00:17:53She knew my name, said I didn't respect women,
00:17:56didn't see their inner beauty, some shit like that.
00:17:59Then she asked me to kiss her.
00:18:01Wow, how was that?
00:18:03That's the thing.
00:18:04I mean, I blew her off.
00:18:06She was fucking hideous.
00:18:10I would have fucked her.
00:18:13Twice.
00:18:15She must have put a spell on me.
00:18:17That's the only thing that makes sense.
00:18:19Okay.
00:18:20Okay, so we are looking for a homeless woman with magical powers.
00:18:26I mean, I don't know.
00:18:27I guess so.
00:18:28Maybe she was a witch.
00:18:29A witch.
00:18:30Did she have a broom?
00:18:31No.
00:18:32Okay.
00:18:33But she did have a really big walking stick.
00:18:36Her magic wand.
00:18:38Yeah, her magic wand, yeah.
00:18:40Right, well, with all these magical powers,
00:18:42why was she still so ugly?
00:18:44What?
00:18:45I mean, the first thing you do is make yourself hot, right?
00:18:47What's that got to do with anything?
00:18:49Wait a minute, no.
00:18:50Because if she was hot, it would have been easy for you to kiss her.
00:18:53My God, this lady is slick.
00:18:54I've got to tell you, if she was here, I'd give her some props.
00:18:57You're an idiot.
00:19:00That's it.
00:19:01What?
00:19:02We have to find her.
00:19:03I mean, if she turned me into a chick, then she can turn me back again.
00:19:06Wait a minute.
00:19:07Listen to me.
00:19:08My plan is going to be to find a homeless woman in the city
00:19:10by trying to find a virgin in a whorehouse.
00:19:12Okay, listen to me, Steve.
00:19:13We either find her, or I'm stuck as a chick for I don't know how long.
00:19:17Maybe forever.
00:19:18Doesn't worry me, because you're kind of hot.
00:19:20Dude, me and you, not going to happen.
00:19:26Not until I slip you a few mickeys.
00:19:28I still say if she had magic powers, she'd use them not to be homeless.
00:19:32Or maybe searching for her in homeless shelters is part of the test.
00:19:35Yeah, but not the fun part.
00:19:38Okay.
00:19:46Can I help you?
00:19:47Yeah, hi, we're trying to find a homeless woman.
00:19:49This is a homeless shelter.
00:19:51We have about 40 of them.
00:19:52She's really old.
00:19:53There's about 30 of them.
00:19:55She's really ugly.
00:19:57Look, this is really important.
00:20:00You see, I think she took something of mine.
00:20:04So let me get this straight.
00:20:06A poor, old, homeless woman who's probably struggling to survive took something from you?
00:20:13Yeah.
00:20:14So what do you want me to do?
00:20:16Make our clients line up so you can pick her out?
00:20:18Oh, my God, that would be so great.
00:20:21Oh.
00:20:23Have you ever heard of sarcasm skippy?
00:20:28That shit ain't happening.
00:20:30Well, can we at least have a look around?
00:20:32No, you can't be looking around in here.
00:20:34Okay, what do you expect us to do?
00:20:35What I expect you to do is to take your skinny, sorry asses and get up out of here before I do.
00:20:42What's going on here?
00:20:45These two claim that a homeless woman stole from them.
00:20:49And they want us to line up our clients like a bunch of criminals so they can pick her out.
00:20:53Well, that's not exactly true.
00:20:55Hi, I'm Jeff White.
00:20:57I'm the manager.
00:20:58Hi, I'm Ed.
00:21:00No, Green Leaf.
00:21:02So why don't you tell me what's going on here?
00:21:04Okay, the other night I ran into this homeless woman on the street.
00:21:07Yeah, she was really ugly.
00:21:09Anyway, I think she might have taken something of mine.
00:21:12I see.
00:21:14Yeah.
00:21:15And what would that be, if you don't mind my asking?
00:21:20It was...
00:21:21Her identity.
00:21:24She took your identity?
00:21:26Mm-hmm.
00:21:27Oh, it's kind of hard to explain.
00:21:30You mean your ID?
00:21:32That's right, her ID.
00:21:33Oh.
00:21:34Oh, well, I guess I can see why you'd want that back.
00:21:36Yeah, I know, right?
00:21:37So, um, can you describe her for me?
00:21:39Yeah, um, she's about 80 years old.
00:21:41She has this wild grey hair and this really big crooked nose.
00:21:45Tell her about the walking stick.
00:21:46Oh, yeah, she had this massive wooden walking stick.
00:21:48Yeah, like a magic wand.
00:21:51Like a magic wand?
00:21:52Mm-hmm.
00:21:53What a plain Jane, huh?
00:21:54I know.
00:21:55You should have asked her out.
00:21:56What? She was a five at best.
00:21:58Yeah, but together you'd make it ten.
00:22:00Oh, you're an asshole.
00:22:02Five shelters and no sign of her.
00:22:04Buddy, I've got to tell you, I'm starving.
00:22:06You know what I'm saying?
00:22:07This may be harder than I thought.
00:22:12Look, uh, maybe we should eat something.
00:22:14Maybe get a little Thai food.
00:22:15Maybe it's just a...
00:22:16What?
00:22:17Some Thai food, man.
00:22:18I'm starving.
00:22:19Come on.
00:22:20Sure, whatever.
00:22:22Okay.
00:22:24Okay.
00:22:27Look, listen to me.
00:22:28We will find this homeless woman.
00:22:30This witch.
00:22:31Whatever it is you think she is, we will find her.
00:22:33Yeah, but what do I do until then?
00:22:35I'm a chick, Steve.
00:22:41Well, you know what?
00:22:43Embrace it.
00:22:44Embrace it?
00:22:45Yes, Eddie.
00:22:46Embrace it.
00:22:48I mean, come on, man.
00:22:49Think about it.
00:22:50A chance for you to see what it's like on the other side.
00:22:53Right?
00:22:54Embrace that.
00:22:57And, hey.
00:22:58Maybe a good time to do a little research for your third book.
00:23:03Yeah.
00:23:04There you go.
00:23:06I'm starving.
00:23:07I'm going to eat.
00:23:22Good morning.
00:23:23How can I help you?
00:23:25Hey, guys.
00:23:26Man, look.
00:23:27We're here to get my sister here.
00:23:28Some chick clones.
00:23:29She needs a little of everything.
00:23:32Fabulous.
00:23:33You've come to the right place.
00:23:35What's her size?
00:23:36Uh, slightly too regular.
00:23:38Ha, just kidding.
00:23:40Um, I'm a size two.
00:23:43Yeah, sure.
00:23:44Great.
00:23:45Okay.
00:23:52So, um,
00:23:54so, uh,
00:23:56you guys are from Russia, right?
00:23:58Yes.
00:23:59Moscow.
00:24:01Yes.
00:24:02Cool.
00:24:03In winter, it's so cold, we pray global warming.
00:24:09Well, something's wrong.
00:24:12Yeah, this is messed up.
00:24:14Wrong size?
00:24:15You tell me.
00:24:18Holy shit.
00:24:21This is a good fit.
00:24:23So, it's supposed to feel like someone's cut you in half with a rusty butter knife?
00:24:27Yeah, pretty much.
00:24:29I mean, I have to admit,
00:24:31I do like how this displays the goods.
00:24:34Fuck you.
00:24:35Like butter chipmunks.
00:24:38Steve, what do you think?
00:24:40Marry me.
00:24:41Oh, shut the fuck up.
00:24:42No, I'm serious.
00:24:43Marry me, because you and I, we make a great couple.
00:24:46What happens when I go through the change?
00:24:47I'm not giving you any more hand jobs.
00:24:51She's really not my sister.
00:24:53I'm mad at him.
00:24:54No, no, no, she's actually a little more like my brother.
00:24:57I'm sorry, honey.
00:24:58But, do you mind turning around and give me a look at that rusty butter knife?
00:25:01You're an idiot.
00:25:04Okay.
00:25:24You really got my attention.
00:25:31You made me stop what I was doing.
00:25:36You made me look in your direction, yeah.
00:25:43Hey, Eddie.
00:25:44Hey.
00:25:45How you doing, man?
00:25:46Good, good to see you.
00:25:47Nice to see you.
00:25:48Eddie, Edna.
00:25:49Edna, Eddie.
00:25:50Edna, nice pleasure.
00:25:51Ooh, firm handshake.
00:25:52Buddy, she needs the works.
00:25:53What do you think?
00:25:54I mean, give her the works and put your...
00:25:56We don't have to really do much.
00:25:57Just do her hair.
00:25:58Right, right.
00:25:59Right?
00:26:00Yeah.
00:26:01But I got an amazing hairstylist, my wife.
00:26:02Your wife?
00:26:03She's the best.
00:26:04Yeah, she's amazing.
00:26:05You'll be more than happy.
00:26:06That's wonderful.
00:26:08Thank you so much.
00:26:09Sweetie.
00:26:10Come on out, baby.
00:26:11Come on in.
00:26:12You snapped.
00:26:13Do you know what that means?
00:26:14I know, I know.
00:26:15You're excited.
00:26:16Right?
00:26:17Edna, this is James.
00:26:19Edna, James.
00:26:21The best.
00:26:22Welcome to our salon.
00:26:23Only the best.
00:26:24Eddie James, he starts by finish.
00:26:25Always a happy ending.
00:26:26What?
00:26:27Eddie James.
00:26:28Are we doing anything with him?
00:26:30I'm fine.
00:26:31It's all about her.
00:26:32Yeah, it's her today.
00:26:33Yeah.
00:26:34I...
00:26:35No, no, no.
00:26:36Come on.
00:26:37Come on.
00:26:38Not today.
00:26:39Me not today?
00:26:40You snap and look at him the way you just looked at him?
00:26:42No, it's really about her.
00:26:43Yeah.
00:26:44Which is why I'm having a conversation with my husband.
00:26:49You're flirting.
00:26:50Oh, no, I'm not, babe.
00:26:51You know, you're the one for me.
00:26:55Anyway.
00:26:56I'm sorry.
00:26:57Yes, that's what I need.
00:26:58And enough of that.
00:26:59Sweetheart, listen.
00:27:00Let's get you started.
00:27:01Don't worry about this.
00:27:02That's between him and I.
00:27:03We'll take care of you just fine.
00:27:04You're in good hands.
00:27:05Magic hands.
00:27:06Come with me.
00:27:07Do your magic.
00:27:08You know I do.
00:27:11So, when the husband snaps, I have magic to perform.
00:27:17So, I'm going to give you a little...
00:27:20Oh, gosh, I don't know.
00:27:21You know what I'm going to do?
00:27:22I'm going to give you more waves than a Hawaiian surf competition.
00:27:24How does that sound?
00:27:25Steve!
00:27:26What do you think?
00:27:27It's hot.
00:27:28Hot.
00:27:29It is hot, Steve.
00:27:30I mean, look at her.
00:27:31But then look at you.
00:27:32How about I do you next, handsome?
00:27:33Okay.
00:27:34I'm good.
00:27:36Come on, Steve.
00:27:37Let James work his magic.
00:27:38I'm good.
00:27:39Steve.
00:27:40I promise I won't hurt you.
00:27:41Unless you want me to.
00:27:42Okay.
00:27:43Is it going to hurt?
00:27:44Oh, don't worry.
00:27:45It's like giving hair to a babushka.
00:27:46Hmm?
00:27:47Okay.
00:27:48One, two, three.
00:27:49That's it.
00:27:50That's it.
00:27:51That's it.
00:27:52That's it.
00:27:53That's it.
00:27:54That's it.
00:27:55That's it.
00:27:56That's it.
00:27:57That's it.
00:27:58That's it.
00:27:59That's it.
00:28:00That's it.
00:28:01That's it.
00:28:02That's it.
00:28:03That's it.
00:28:05One, two, three.
00:28:07Yeah.
00:28:16Wow.
00:28:18She deserves it.
00:28:34Look, I've got to get back to the office, but listen to me, I'm meeting Molly at the
00:28:49GC Marketplace.
00:28:50We're going to discuss the contracts of your third book, so if you care to join us for
00:28:54a drink?
00:28:56I'm not hitting on you.
00:28:58Right.
00:28:59Eddie, look, I get it.
00:29:00You ready?
00:29:01You're not hitting on me.
00:29:02I get that.
00:29:03I must have lost my mind.
00:29:04I mean, you think about it, the situation's a little scary, right?
00:29:08Yeah, you can say that again.
00:29:10Okay, so, we talked about this.
00:29:13Embrace it.
00:29:14Mm-hmm.
00:29:15Maybe see what it's like on the other side.
00:29:16Yeah, you're right.
00:29:17You're right.
00:29:18Cool.
00:30:19Hello.
00:30:20Hi.
00:30:21Are you new here?
00:30:22Yeah.
00:30:23I'm Olney.
00:30:24I've never seen you here before.
00:30:25Do you think you could throw some lunch on my back, please?
00:30:26Yeah, sure.
00:30:27Okay.
00:30:28Okay.
00:30:29Okay.
00:30:30Okay.
00:30:31Okay.
00:30:32Okay.
00:30:33Okay.
00:30:34Okay.
00:30:35Okay.
00:30:36Okay.
00:30:37Okay.
00:30:38Okay.
00:30:39Okay.
00:30:40Okay.
00:30:41Okay.
00:30:42Okay.
00:30:43Okay.
00:30:44Okay.
00:30:45Okay.
00:30:46Okay.
00:30:47Okay.
00:30:48Can you throw some lunch on my back, please?
00:30:49Okay.
00:30:53Rub me really good.
00:31:16Problem with the machine?
00:31:17No, problem with these.
00:31:18I'm not used to running with them.
00:31:19You just get them done?
00:31:20Yeah, you could say that.
00:31:21Well, kudos to your doctor.
00:31:22They look totally natural.
00:31:23Oh, you think so?
00:31:24Yeah.
00:31:25Yeah.
00:31:26I mean, I'd have to feel them to know for sure.
00:31:27Excuse me?
00:31:28Yeah.
00:31:29What do you say, after working out, we go back to my place, huh?
00:31:30Unbelievable.
00:31:31Come on, babe.
00:31:32I have a penis.
00:31:33I have a penis.
00:31:34I have a penis.
00:31:35I have a penis.
00:31:36I have a penis.
00:31:37I have a penis.
00:31:38I have a penis.
00:31:39I have a penis.
00:31:40I have a penis.
00:31:41I have a penis.
00:31:42I have a penis.
00:31:43I have a penis.
00:31:44I have a penis.
00:31:46Well, so, I end my set, I walk off the stage, and I start looking for this young lady.
00:32:04Well, she's sitting at this bar just like you.
00:32:07And then I walk up holding these panties, and I say I think these belong to you
00:32:14and
00:32:15She says well actually she starts laughing though. She was actually
00:32:20Their gift from my grandmother, so I have to take another look and then I realize they're granny panties. Yeah
00:32:29Well anyway you got my number, huh, I said give me a call I see gorgeous
00:32:35Okay, wait a minute. Don't you Frank Stallone? Sure kid
00:32:40Who's that guy? Frank Stallone? Right I knew it. He doesn't remember me. We had this night, and he was dark, and he was uh
00:32:49I'll tell you about it some other time back to business beautiful. It's not gonna happen
00:32:54As in not gonna happen? Ever.
00:32:58As in never? Ever. Ever. Ever.
00:33:01So I guess that's a no. I'd rather die. Okay, get to the point next time.
00:33:19I've been starving for affection.
00:33:24I need your tenderness.
00:33:26Holy shit!
00:33:28Hi, Molly Morrison. Edna Greenleaf. Greenleaf? Yeah, I'm Eddie's sister. Oh.
00:33:36It's nice to meet you. Yeah, really nice to meet you.
00:33:39Geez, great, great, great. What the fuck did you do?
00:33:43Well, what happened sweetheart? You just a little... I had a little bit of trouble, you know. A little bit?
00:33:49Don't wear makeup much. Nah, it's my first time.
00:33:53I mean me and Eddie, we're from Ormish country. More like clownish country.
00:33:58Again.
00:34:00Interesting. No, hey, look what is interesting, ladies. No, no, no. Okay, I'm gonna go. What are we doing?
00:34:10You ever heard of Van D...
00:34:14He's got no ears. What do you know? How you guys doing? Hey, dreamboat.
00:34:21No, not you, shipwreck. Just talking to...
00:34:27Hey.
00:34:36What took you guys so long? We're almost about to date. What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
00:34:41Rome, I like that show.
00:34:44I watch that show. Drink? Let me get a drink.
00:34:47Hey, isn't that that chick from the homeless shelter? Jess, I think. Yeah, I think so.
00:34:57Wonder why she's here alone. Who cares? I think I'm gonna go and say hi. Why? To be polite.
00:35:06You? I mean, yeah. Go ahead. Fine, then I'm out of here, okay?
00:35:12Wait a minute. How would you like a ride? I think I'm going right... You know.
00:35:17Okay, how about you give me a ride home, because I don't have a car.
00:35:25You know, I saw this article today.
00:35:29Hi. Hi. Do you mind if I join you?
00:35:33Do we know each other? Yeah, we met at the homeless shelter. I was looking for that woman who took my ID.
00:35:38Oh, that's right. Your name was, uh, Edna. Yeah, Edna. Sure, have a seat. Thanks.
00:35:47It's Jess, right? Yep.
00:35:50So, are you here alone? Oh, no.
00:35:55I'm here with my girlfriend.
00:35:57It's Jess, right? Yep.
00:36:00So, are you here alone? Oh, no.
00:36:06Uh, you want some? No, I'm good, thanks.
00:36:10So, did you ever find that woman you were looking for? No, not yet.
00:36:15You've got the... What? You've got something in your... Oh, thank you.
00:36:23Oh, go on.
00:36:29Can I ask you something? Yeah, sure.
00:36:32Are you hitting on me? I'm sorry?
00:36:35I mean, I'm flattered and all, but, um, I'm straight.
00:36:40Yeah, so am I.
00:36:42Oh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. It's fine, don't worry about it.
00:36:48Well, in fact, it's been a while since, um, since anyone hit on me.
00:36:52Really? That is hard to believe.
00:36:56Okay, it's all about confidence.
00:36:59You have to believe you're the most attractive, desirable person in the room.
00:37:03Yeah, that's, uh, about me.
00:37:05Okay, well, there's always liquid confidence.
00:37:09Liquid confidence? Mm-hmm.
00:37:17Oh.
00:37:22Oh.
00:37:33Okay, Jess, you see that guy over there at the bar?
00:37:39I want you to go over there and talk to him.
00:37:44No.
00:37:46No, wait. Come on, what is the worst that's gonna happen?
00:37:49I'll try to flirt and, and he'll, he'll laugh so hard that he, he falls off his chair and bangs his head and, and he's a coma.
00:38:00Wow, you've got quite an imagination.
00:38:04I'm just saying, I, I can't...
00:38:06Come on, Jess. Come on.
00:38:08Come on.
00:38:13You are a smart, confident woman and that guy, he would be so lucky to date you.
00:38:20I'm a smart, confident woman?
00:38:24Yes.
00:38:26Okay, wait. Do you need those glasses?
00:38:30Oh, you don't see.
00:38:32Okay, they're fine.
00:38:34Okay.
00:38:35You look great.
00:38:54Hi.
00:38:56Hey.
00:38:58Watching the game?
00:39:00Yeah, I'm watching the game.
00:39:04I'm Jess.
00:39:06Dylan.
00:39:08So, Dylan, do you, um, come here often?
00:39:13Look, I bet you're a really nice person, but I have a girlfriend and I'm a little bit busy right now, so I'm, I'm sorry.
00:39:22I'm, I'm really sorry.
00:39:25The friggin' Dodgers. Biggest payroll in baseball and they're playing like minor league.
00:39:30Tell me about it, I know.
00:39:33I bet you could hit better than Bradley. I know better doing it.
00:39:37Dylan.
00:39:39Edna.
00:39:40Edna, can I buy you a drink?
00:39:41Yeah, sure.
00:39:42What would you like to have?
00:39:43Um, dirty martini. Extra dirty.
00:39:48Uh, Papa, can I get a dirty martini, extra dirty, please?
00:39:54So, Edna, how come I've never seen you before?
00:39:57It's my first time in here.
00:39:59Oh, I guess it's my lucky day.
00:40:00I guess it's mine too.
00:40:05Can I ask you a question?
00:40:07Sure, shoot.
00:40:09Are you single?
00:40:11Matter of fact, I am.
00:40:12Oh, I see.
00:40:17Oh, what the hell?
00:40:20Come on, Jess, we're going.
00:40:21She's a right wanker, anyway.
00:40:30That was awesome.
00:40:31I really was.
00:40:33You see that guy down.
00:40:36Down to the ground.
00:40:38You just snorted.
00:40:40Oh, I'm sorry.
00:40:41No.
00:40:43Why are hot guys like that?
00:40:47What do you mean?
00:40:48You know, like, ow!
00:40:50I'm sorry, Jess.
00:40:51Like superficial dirtbags.
00:40:54I know, right?
00:40:56Well, why do you think that is?
00:40:58I don't know.
00:40:59I don't know.
00:41:00I mean, men, right?
00:41:02Men.
00:41:04Do you want me to give you a ride back to mine?
00:41:08Jess, are you okay?
00:41:11Are you alright?
00:41:17Burger and cheese fries.
00:41:20I mean, are you alright?
00:41:23I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:29I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:30I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:31I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:32I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:33I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:34I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:35I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:36I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:37I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:38I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:39I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:40I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:41I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:42I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:43I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:44I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:45I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:46I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:47I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:48I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:49I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:50I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:51I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:52I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:53I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:54I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:55I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:56I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:57I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:58I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:41:59I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:00I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:01I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:02I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:03I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:04I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:05I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:06I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:07I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:08I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:09I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:10I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:11I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:12I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:13I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:14I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:15I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:16I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:17I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:18I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:19I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:20I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:21I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:22I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:24I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:25I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:26I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:27I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:28I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:29I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:30I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:31I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:32I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:33I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:34I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:35I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:36I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:37I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:38I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:39I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:40I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:41I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:42I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:43I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:44I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:45I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:46I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:47I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:48I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:49I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:50I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:51I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:52I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:53I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:54I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:55I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:56I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:57I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:58I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:42:59I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:01I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:02I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:03I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:04I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:05I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:06I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:07I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:08I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:09I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:10I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:11I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:12I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:13I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:14I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:15I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:16I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:17I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:18I'm going to take you back to mine.
00:43:20Well, have fun.
00:43:22Find us if you have any more questions.
00:43:28Holy shit!
00:43:29I can't believe it.
00:43:48Need some help?
00:43:49Yeah, thanks.
00:43:52Never been here before.
00:43:54Well, I think they have a policy.
00:43:56You knock it to the floor, you bought it.
00:43:58I guess I'll have to throw a party then.
00:44:00I'm Matt.
00:44:01Edna.
00:44:02I'm here to find a gag gift for my buddy's bachelor party.
00:44:07Wow, if you're looking to gag someone, I think this might do the trick.
00:44:10Wow, you think they model that on someone?
00:44:13Yeah, Seabiscuit.
00:44:17A girl who knows her horses, that's really unusual.
00:44:20Yeah, I'm pretty unusual.
00:44:23Really?
00:44:25Okay, I know this might seem forward and all,
00:44:27but what would you think about meeting me for a cup of coffee sometime?
00:44:31Now, you don't have to decide right now.
00:44:34Here's my card.
00:44:36You get thirsty, you give me a call.
00:44:38Okay.
00:44:40And it doesn't have to be coffee, it could be tea.
00:44:43Whatever you like.
00:44:44It's on me.
00:44:50I think I'm going to fix him up with Jess.
00:44:52Mm-hmm.
00:44:54An investment banker.
00:44:56Not bad.
00:44:57He's pretty good looking, too.
00:44:59Okay, is that Eddie or Edna talking?
00:45:01I'm just saying.
00:45:04So, uh, wow.
00:45:06Where'd you meet him?
00:45:08Where?
00:45:10Yeah, where?
00:45:11What, is it a secret?
00:45:13No.
00:45:15So where'd you meet him?
00:45:20At a warehouse.
00:45:21I mean, I had to get out of here before I wore out my nipples.
00:45:24Really? Yeah, I get that.
00:45:25The question is, did you buy anything at...
00:45:29What?
00:45:30I mean...
00:45:31Eddie!
00:45:32I mean, really, I said embrace it, but...
00:45:34I just...
00:45:35This'll kill you.
00:45:37I thought it might be useful for my third book, you know.
00:45:39Third book? Third and final book?
00:45:41What are you doing to yourself here?
00:45:43My God.
00:45:44I mean, you embraced it.
00:45:47Okay, I just got to tell you,
00:45:49this whole thing, I'm not feeling too good about this.
00:45:53Well, I just wanted to test my female parts, you know.
00:45:55I'm out of here, pal.
00:45:57You're on your own now.
00:45:58That's just too much.
00:46:12Don't worry, okay?
00:46:13We'll find a place for you to sleep tonight.
00:46:15Even if you have to come home and stay at mine.
00:46:17Okay?
00:46:18Okay.
00:46:20Edna!
00:46:21Hi!
00:46:22Do you want to just go over there?
00:46:24Just stopping by to find you a date.
00:46:27You did?
00:46:28Nice looking, successful, good sense of humour.
00:46:32What do you think?
00:46:33I don't know.
00:46:34Oh, come on, Jess.
00:46:35You asked me to introduce you to someone.
00:46:37I know.
00:46:38So, what's the problem?
00:46:40It's just...
00:46:41I don't think I can take any more rejection right now, okay?
00:46:49There are a few things we could do to improve your chances.
00:46:53What do you mean?
00:46:55Do you trust me?
00:46:57Yes.
00:46:59Sweetheart, listen.
00:47:01When I get done with you,
00:47:04you are going to attract more men than pre-menopausal Madonna.
00:47:08Oh, you really think so?
00:47:10I know so.
00:47:11You see these hands?
00:47:13These are magical hands.
00:47:16And they should be registered with the Magicians Guild of America.
00:47:19Trust me, Jess.
00:47:20He's the best.
00:47:21That's what he said.
00:47:27Okay, here I come.
00:47:34Wow.
00:47:36You've become beautiful, Marge.
00:47:39Thank you, Butterfly.
00:47:41Whatever.
00:47:43Are you sure it's not a little too revealing?
00:47:46No, no.
00:47:47It's the perfect amount of revealing.
00:47:50Now you're ready to become trophy wife.
00:47:53Oh, that's not my goal.
00:47:57All you have to do is be yourself.
00:47:59I mean, that's a lot to like.
00:48:01You think so?
00:48:03More than you know.
00:48:06Can I ask you something?
00:48:08Sure.
00:48:09How come you haven't tried to fix me up with your brother?
00:48:12With Eddie?
00:48:13Mm-hmm.
00:48:14Um, oh.
00:48:17Because I don't know when he's coming back.
00:48:19Where did he go?
00:48:20Eddie went to prison.
00:48:27Shut up.
00:48:31Oh, my gosh.
00:48:33I'm so sorry.
00:48:35It's okay.
00:48:36It must be really hard on your family.
00:48:38Yeah, it is.
00:48:41Can I ask what he did?
00:48:44Eddie's a fraud.
00:48:46I mean, like, he committed a fraud.
00:48:49Oh, really?
00:49:10I was thinking of taking Eddie's place in a fashion show.
00:49:22It's for a good cause, right?
00:49:24No, I was out with Jess.
00:49:27We went and got pedicures.
00:49:29My feet have never looked so good.
00:49:32What?
00:49:34I am not sending you a picture of my feet.
00:49:37Goodbye, Steve.
00:49:41I mean, what's the big deal with this thing?
00:49:57Okay, remember, you and Matt hit it off.
00:49:59Just say the code word, and I'll make an excuse for you.
00:50:02Banana.
00:50:03All right, later.
00:50:08Hi.
00:50:09Hi.
00:50:10I hope you don't mind.
00:50:11I brought along a friend.
00:50:13This is Jess.
00:50:14This is Matt.
00:50:15Hi, nice to meet you.
00:50:16Nice to meet you.
00:50:17So, what would you guys like to drink?
00:50:19No, no, no, no.
00:50:20Let me get this.
00:50:21No, no, no.
00:50:22You guys, you guys chat.
00:50:23Get to know each other.
00:50:24I'll go get the drinks.
00:50:25Okay.
00:50:26Cappuccino.
00:50:27Cool.
00:50:29Mmm.
00:50:36Here you go.
00:50:41What can I get started for you?
00:50:42Two cappuccinos, please.
00:50:46Here you go.
00:50:48That's for you.
00:50:51You got to get those young ladies used to getting flowers, you know?
00:50:55That's true, that's true.
00:50:57It's not going to be the last time, hopefully.
00:51:00Hopefully not.
00:51:01Can I get your name and your number?
00:51:06What?
00:51:07What do you need my number for?
00:51:08So I can call you later.
00:51:09Okay, look.
00:51:11I'm a dude.
00:51:13You're a dude?
00:51:14Yeah, that's right.
00:51:16You playing hide and banana?
00:51:17Yeah, something like that.
00:51:19You could have just said no thanks.
00:51:22You're a fine-ass dude, though.
00:51:28Here you go.
00:51:32Oh, thank you.
00:51:36Did you know that Matt volunteers at a homeless shelter?
00:51:39No.
00:51:40Yeah, it's no big deal.
00:51:41I was raised by a family who believe in giving back.
00:51:44Oh.
00:51:45Actually, he's going to volunteer at my shelter this weekend.
00:51:48Really?
00:51:49Yeah, I figure I'm doing my part no matter which shelter I'm at.
00:51:52Okay.
00:51:53So what shelter do you normally volunteer at?
00:51:57You probably wouldn't know.
00:51:58It's on the other side of town.
00:52:00Actually, I know pretty much every shelter in town.
00:52:05Come on, give me a try.
00:52:08Okay.
00:52:10Well, it's on...
00:52:14Edna, did you happen to see if they have any bananas?
00:52:19I'm sorry?
00:52:20You know, bananas.
00:52:22My banana's gone AWOL.
00:52:24What?
00:52:28I mean, they're bananas.
00:52:30They don't have any bananas.
00:52:33Oh.
00:52:34I'd be happy to split my cupcake with you.
00:52:37Oh, thank you.
00:52:39Please.
00:52:40You know, I'm going to really have to go.
00:52:42I've got something really important to take care of.
00:52:44Oh, really?
00:52:45Yeah, but you guys, you guys have fun.
00:52:47Get to know each other.
00:52:49Is that okay with you, Jess?
00:52:50I like that.
00:52:51Great.
00:52:53Great.
00:52:55See ya.
00:52:59So, tell me a little about yourself.
00:53:02Well, um, as you know, I...
00:53:04You're jealous.
00:53:05No, I'm not.
00:53:06Bullshit.
00:53:07Look, I'm just a little worried about her.
00:53:10Why? You're the one who set them up, right?
00:53:12I thought it'd be different.
00:53:13Different? What is it? What do you mean?
00:53:15What? Like what?
00:53:16Different than us.
00:53:18What?
00:53:19Look, maybe it's my female hormones talking,
00:53:22but the idea of tricking women to get them into bed,
00:53:25it just seems wrong.
00:53:28Is there any other way?
00:53:30Besides, you're the one who wrote the how-to manual.
00:53:32I know.
00:53:33Actually, two manuals.
00:53:34The blog, the article...
00:53:35I said I know.
00:53:37Touchy.
00:53:38Hey, you're the one who told me I should start looking at stuff
00:53:40from a female's perspective.
00:53:42Damn, I did, didn't I?
00:53:44Um, I'm just starting to realize there's more to life
00:53:46than one night stands.
00:53:47Is there?
00:53:49I mean, haven't you ever thought about being in a relationship?
00:53:53You know, like getting married?
00:53:55No, that's messed up.
00:53:57Is it?
00:53:58I mean, come on, Eddie.
00:54:00Please, you're starting to sound like an old woman or an old man
00:54:03or whatever it is that you are.
00:54:06Okay, maybe you're right.
00:54:07No, I am right.
00:54:09It's just, you know, Jess,
00:54:11she's different to the other girls I've been with.
00:54:14What is that supposed to mean, Eddie?
00:54:16She's kind.
00:54:17She's smart.
00:54:18She's vulnerable.
00:54:19And when she laughs, she does, like, you know,
00:54:21this little snort thing.
00:54:22It's really cute.
00:54:24Oh, shit.
00:54:26You've fallen for her.
00:54:27That's crazy.
00:54:28Is it?
00:54:29Hey, we're up next!
00:54:30You know I'm right, yeah?
00:54:32I know you're an idiot.
00:54:33Yeah, I'm an idiot, but you're in love with Jess.
00:54:35You're in love with Jess.
00:54:37You're in love with...
00:54:43You're an idiot.
00:54:46You're an idiot.
00:54:52Hi.
00:54:53I was just actually running a bath.
00:54:55Oh, I can go and come back.
00:54:57Don't be silly.
00:54:58Come on in.
00:54:59I can pour you some wine.
00:55:00You can talk while I soak.
00:55:01Oh.
00:55:02Is something wrong?
00:55:03No.
00:55:04Good.
00:55:05So, red or white?
00:55:06Uh, red.
00:55:07Red would be great.
00:55:08It is.
00:55:09Come on in.
00:55:10Is this my kitchen?
00:55:11Oh, very nice.
00:55:12I like it.
00:55:13Sorry, there's a little bit of a mess.
00:55:14No, no.
00:55:15You don't have to.
00:55:20Oh.
00:55:21Thirsty?
00:55:23Yeah.
00:55:25All right, then.
00:55:26Follow me.
00:55:32I want to sit right there.
00:55:34I didn't invite you to join me, but...
00:55:40Are you all right, Anna?
00:55:42Well...
00:55:44Yeah, I'm good.
00:55:45Okay.
00:55:51So, you said you wanted to talk?
00:55:53Yeah, yeah.
00:55:54I'm just kind of curious about how things with you and Matt go.
00:55:57Really well.
00:55:58We've been talking every day on the phone.
00:56:00Oh, so you're going to see him again?
00:56:01Tomorrow, when he volunteers at the shelter.
00:56:03Right.
00:56:05You know, he seems like a great guy.
00:56:08Yeah, I mean, he does seem that way, doesn't he?
00:56:10Plus, he is so dreamy.
00:56:13Okay, Jess.
00:56:14Promise me you'll be careful, okay?
00:56:16What do you mean?
00:56:17I just don't know Matt that well.
00:56:19And sometimes, guys, they can be snakes.
00:56:23You're so sweet.
00:56:24Yeah.
00:56:25On a lot of things.
00:56:27So, how come you didn't go after Matt yourself?
00:56:30He's not really my type.
00:56:32No?
00:56:33Nah.
00:56:34Plus, I can't have him around someone else.
00:56:37Oh, is it that guy you came by the shelter with?
00:56:39Steve.
00:56:40Yeah.
00:56:41No.
00:56:42He wishes.
00:56:43Nah, not him.
00:56:45Someone who doesn't really know how I feel about him.
00:56:49Then why don't you just go for it?
00:56:53Edna.
00:56:54Um.
00:56:55I can't.
00:56:57Come on.
00:56:58You're a smart, confident woman.
00:57:00Any guy would be lucky to date you.
00:57:02Touche.
00:57:04So, I said, how about a little notice?
00:57:08What a concept.
00:57:09I know, right?
00:57:11I noticed you came out with Laura Brown and Anderson.
00:57:13Yeah.
00:57:14Do you know Matt Flannery?
00:57:15I work for him.
00:57:16You do?
00:57:17Yeah, I work for him.
00:57:18Oh, really?
00:57:19Yeah.
00:57:20Oh, that's great.
00:57:21Yeah.
00:57:22Yeah.
00:57:23Yeah.
00:57:24Yeah.
00:57:25Yeah.
00:57:26Yeah.
00:57:27Yeah.
00:57:28Yeah.
00:57:29Yeah.
00:57:30Yeah.
00:57:31Yeah.
00:57:32Yeah.
00:57:33Yeah.
00:57:34Yeah.
00:57:35Yeah.
00:57:36Yeah.
00:57:37Yeah.
00:57:38Yeah.
00:57:39You do?
00:57:40Yeah, why?
00:57:41I met him the other day and he asked me out.
00:57:45He asked you out?
00:57:46Yeah.
00:57:47I don't think so, honey.
00:57:48What do you mean?
00:57:49Matt's happily married.
00:57:51With three kids.
00:58:01How do you know the guy was married?
00:58:03Talked to his secretary.
00:58:05Damn, you're good.
00:58:06Yeah?
00:58:07And Matt's a scumbag.
00:58:09Huh.
00:58:10What?
00:58:11Come on, you've got to give the guy some props, right?
00:58:13That's quite the scam he pulled off.
00:58:14I'd like to give him something, but it ain't props.
00:58:16Oh, you know what?
00:58:17Old Eddie would have been impressed.
00:58:18Yeah, well, new Eddie would like to kick old Eddie's ass.
00:58:20Yeah, well, I put my money on old Eddie because new Eddie seems a little gay.
00:58:25You're an idiot.
00:58:27I know.
00:58:33This is complicated.
00:58:40Oh, Emma.
00:58:41Hi.
00:58:42Jess, you made it.
00:58:43Thanks for inviting me.
00:58:44Into the backstage pass?
00:58:45Sure.
00:58:46Did you come alone?
00:58:47Yeah.
00:58:48I invited Matt, but he had to go out of town for work.
00:58:49Really?
00:58:50Yeah.
00:58:51Okay, you're all set.
00:58:52You should report to the staging area.
00:58:53Okay, thanks.
00:58:54Bye.
00:58:55Bye.
00:58:56Bye.
00:58:57Bye.
00:58:58Bye.
00:58:59Bye.
00:59:00Bye.
00:59:01Bye.
00:59:02Bye.
00:59:03Bye.
00:59:04Bye.
00:59:05Bye.
00:59:06Bye.
00:59:07Bye.
00:59:08Bye.
00:59:09Bye.
00:59:10Bye.
00:59:11Bye.
00:59:12Bye.
00:59:13Bye.
00:59:14Bye.
00:59:15Bye.
00:59:16Bye.
00:59:17Bye.
00:59:18Bye.
00:59:19Bye.
00:59:20Bye.
00:59:21Bye.
00:59:22Bye.
00:59:23Bye.
00:59:24Bye.
00:59:25Bye.
00:59:26Bye.
00:59:27Bye.
00:59:28Bye.
00:59:29Bye.
00:59:30Bye.
00:59:31Bye.
00:59:32Bye.
00:59:33Bye.
00:59:34Bye.
00:59:35Bye.
00:59:36Bye.
00:59:37Bye.
00:59:38Bye.
00:59:39Bye.
00:59:40Bye.
00:59:41Bye.
00:59:42Bye.
00:59:43Bye.
00:59:44Bye.
00:59:45Bye.
00:59:46Bye.
00:59:47Bye.
00:59:48Bye.
00:59:49Bye.
00:59:50Bye.
00:59:51Bye.
00:59:52Bye.
00:59:53Bye.
00:59:54Bye.
00:59:55Bye.
00:59:56Bye.
00:59:57Bye.
00:59:58Bye.
00:59:59Bye.
01:00:00Bye.
01:00:01Bye.
01:00:02Bye.
01:00:03Bye.
01:00:04Bye.
01:00:05Bye.
01:00:06Bye.
01:00:07Bye.
01:00:08Bye.
01:00:09Bye.
01:00:10Bye.
01:00:11Bye.
01:00:12Bye.
01:00:13Bye.
01:00:14Bye.
01:00:15Bye.
01:00:16Bye.
01:00:17Bye.
01:00:18Bye.
01:00:19Bye.
01:00:20Bye.
01:00:21Bye.
01:00:22Bye.
01:00:23Bye.
01:00:24Bye.
01:00:25Bye.
01:00:26Bye.
01:00:27Bye.
01:00:28Bye.
01:00:29Bye.
01:00:30Bye.
01:00:31Bye.
01:00:32Bye.
01:00:33Bye.
01:00:34Bye.
01:00:35Bye.
01:00:36Bye.
01:00:37Bye.
01:00:38Bye.
01:00:39Bye.
01:00:40Bye.
01:00:41Bye.
01:00:42Bye.
01:00:43Bye.
01:00:44Bye.
01:00:45Bye.
01:00:46Bye.
01:00:47Bye.
01:00:48Bye.
01:00:49Bye.
01:00:50Bye.
01:00:51Bye.
01:00:52Bye.
01:00:53Bye.
01:00:54Bye.
01:00:55Bye.
01:00:56Bye.
01:00:57Bye.
01:00:58Bye.
01:00:59Bye.
01:01:00Bye.
01:01:01Bye.
01:01:02Bye.
01:01:03Bye.
01:01:04Bye.
01:01:05Bye.
01:01:06Bye.
01:01:07Bye.
01:01:08Bye.
01:01:09Bye.
01:01:10Bye.
01:01:11Bye.
01:01:12Bye.
01:01:13Bye.
01:01:14Bye.
01:01:15Bye.
01:01:16Bye.
01:01:17Bye.
01:01:18Bye.
01:01:19Bye.
01:01:20Bye.
01:01:21Bye.
01:01:22Bye.
01:01:23Bye.
01:01:24Bye.
01:01:25Bye.
01:01:26Bye.
01:01:27Bye.
01:01:28Bye.
01:01:29Bye.
01:01:30Bye.
01:01:31Bye.
01:01:32Bye.
01:01:33Bye.
01:01:34Bye.
01:01:35Bye.
01:01:36Bye.
01:01:37Bye.
01:01:38Bye.
01:01:39Bye.
01:01:40Bye.
01:01:41Bye.
01:01:42Bye.
01:01:43Bye.
01:01:44Bye.
01:01:45Bye.
01:01:46Bye.
01:01:47Bye.
01:01:48Bye.
01:01:49Bye.
01:01:50Bye.
01:01:51Bye.
01:01:52Bye.
01:01:53Bye.
01:01:54Bye.
01:01:55Bye.
01:01:56Bye.
01:01:57Bye.
01:01:58Bye.
01:01:59Bye.
01:02:00Bye.
01:02:01Bye.
01:02:02Bye.
01:02:03Bye.
01:02:04Bye.
01:02:05Bye.
01:02:06Bye.
01:02:07Bye.
01:02:08Bye.
01:02:09Bye.
01:02:10Bye.
01:02:11Bye.
01:02:12Bye.
01:02:13Bye.
01:02:14Bye.
01:02:15Bye.
01:02:16Bye.
01:02:17Bye.
01:02:18Bye.
01:02:19Bye.
01:02:20Bye.
01:02:21Bye.
01:02:22Bye.
01:02:23Bye.
01:02:24Bye.
01:02:25Bye.
01:02:26Bye.
01:02:27Bye.
01:02:28Bye.
01:02:29Bye.
01:02:30Bye.
01:02:31Bye.
01:02:32Bye.
01:02:33Bye.
01:02:34Bye.
01:02:35Bye.
01:02:36Bye.
01:02:37Bye.
01:02:38Bye.
01:02:39Bye.
01:02:40Bye.
01:02:41Bye.
01:02:42Bye.
01:02:43Bye.
01:02:44Bye.
01:02:45Bye.
01:02:46Bye.
01:02:47Bye.
01:02:48Bye.
01:02:49Bye.
01:02:50Bye.
01:02:51Bye.
01:02:52Bye.
01:02:53Bye.
01:02:54Bye.
01:02:55Bye.
01:02:56Bye.
01:02:57Bye.
01:02:58Bye.
01:02:59Bye.
01:03:00Bye.
01:03:01Bye.
01:03:02Bye.
01:03:03Bye.
01:03:04Bye.
01:03:05Bye.
01:03:06Bye.
01:03:07Bye.
01:03:08Bye.
01:03:09Bye.
01:03:10Bye.
01:03:11Bye.
01:03:12Bye.
01:03:13Bye.
01:03:14Bye.
01:03:15Bye.
01:03:16Bye.
01:03:17Bye.
01:03:18Bye.
01:03:19Bye.
01:03:20Bye.
01:03:21Bye.
01:03:22Bye.
01:03:23Bye.
01:03:24Bye.
01:03:25Bye.
01:03:26Bye.
01:03:27Bye.
01:03:28Bye.
01:03:29Bye.
01:03:30Bye.
01:03:31Bye.
01:03:32Bye.
01:03:33Bye.
01:03:34Bye.
01:03:35Bye.
01:03:36Bye.
01:03:37Bye.
01:03:38Bye.
01:03:39Bye.
01:03:40Bye.
01:03:41Bye.
01:03:42Bye.
01:03:43Bye.
01:03:44Bye.
01:03:45Bye.
01:03:46Bye.
01:03:47Bye.
01:03:48Bye.
01:03:49Bye.
01:03:50Bye.
01:03:51Bye.
01:03:52Bye.
01:03:53Bye.
01:03:54Bye.
01:03:55Bye.
01:03:56Bye.
01:03:57Bye.
01:03:58Bye.
01:03:59Bye.
01:04:00Bye.
01:04:01Bye.
01:04:02ierung.
01:04:03I'll shoot for the old In-And-Out.
01:04:04Whew !
01:04:05Phew !
01:04:06OK, um, you, like, make yourself comfortable.
01:04:11l'll be right back.
01:04:18Aah !
01:04:21Oh !
01:04:24That's alright
01:04:27Don't stop until we're through
01:04:29Or maybe we can dance tonight
01:04:31Like it's Saturday night
01:04:51What's wrong?
01:04:55Are you okay?
01:05:00Oh, what the fuck?
01:05:02What did you do?
01:05:04I think I'm dying
01:05:06There's so much blood
01:05:08Call 911
01:05:13Hey, hey, excuse me
01:05:15Thanks for the tampon
01:05:25Oh, yeah
01:05:27Well, that was embarrassing
01:05:29Yes, yes it was
01:05:31Um, thanks for the, uh
01:05:33No problem
01:05:35No problem
01:05:37Okay
01:05:39Okay
01:05:41So, you know that thing that we were gonna do
01:05:43Don't worry about that
01:05:45Do not worry about that
01:05:47I will not be having any more of those kind of dreams
01:05:49Right
01:05:51I'm, uh
01:05:53I'm totally cured
01:05:55I get it
01:05:57Yeah, I tell you what, I should get going
01:05:59I've gotta get back to the office, I've gotta
01:06:01Yeah, okay
01:06:03I'll, uh, I'll, uh
01:06:05I'll, I'll, I'll talk to you later
01:06:07See you later, Steve
01:06:09I'm good, I'll see ya
01:06:15Oh, wait, do I have something on my face?
01:06:17I'll see ya
01:06:24Look, how many times do I have to tell you
01:06:26I don't do full frontal
01:06:28What? How much does it pay?
01:06:30Oh, yeah, I'm in
01:06:32Call me back
01:06:34Can I help you?
01:06:36Yeah, I'll have a small latte and, uh
01:06:38Let me get whatever the young lady here would like
01:06:40No, thanks
01:06:42I insist, I'm trying to live my life by paying it forward
01:06:44Okay, that's great and all, but I'd rather just pay for my own drink
01:06:46Come on, babe
01:06:48Really make my day
01:06:50Okay, look, I know what you're doing
01:06:52I used to be just like you
01:06:54So trust me, when I say scamming women to get them into bed
01:06:56Is a shallow, meaningless way to live
01:06:58At the end of the day
01:07:00It's love that really matters
01:07:02Uh-huh, you go, girl
01:07:04You'll be damned
01:07:08Dude
01:07:10You just dodged a bullet
01:07:12Chick is hiding a banana
01:07:14She's got balls
01:07:22Wow
01:07:42Wow
01:07:44I know, right?
01:07:46It's a little different to your first two books
01:07:48Well, I mean, I'm a little different
01:07:50True
01:07:52So, what do you think?
01:07:54I don't know, Eddie, I don't know, I mean
01:07:56All this stuff about intimacy
01:07:58Respect, romance
01:08:00I mean, come on, you really think sex is better between two people who are in love?
01:08:02Yeah, I do
01:08:06Hmm
01:08:08Love is the answer, pal
01:08:14Your ass is the answer, Eddie
01:08:16Edna, gotta go to sleep
01:08:20Fuck off
01:08:32Hey
01:08:34You don't respect elders, do you?
01:08:38Fuck off
01:08:50Fuck off
01:09:02Oh, yeah
01:09:04Oh
01:09:06Shit, shit
01:09:08Shit
01:09:10Shit, shit
01:09:12Shit
01:09:14Oh, yeah
01:09:16Fuck yeah
01:09:18Yeah
01:09:20Yes, phone, phone
01:09:22Phone
01:09:24Come on
01:09:28Steve, it's Eddie
01:09:30Listen to me, it's Eddie
01:09:32I'm back, man, I'm back
01:09:34Fuck yeah
01:09:48Yeah
01:09:56I think you have a check to seven
01:09:58See you later
01:10:00Bye
01:10:02Hi
01:10:04Hi
01:10:06Can I just say you are the perfect man?
01:10:08Well, that's very kind of you
01:10:10But I am far from perfect
01:10:12I don't know
01:10:14You understand and respect women
01:10:16I'm so damn handsome.
01:10:18Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you very much.
01:10:21I appreciate that. I do.
01:10:26Steve Burns, I'm his agent.
01:10:28I always introduce myself.
01:10:30Next.
01:10:32Hi.
01:10:33Hi.
01:10:34How are you?
01:10:36Yeah, you liked it? That was good.
01:10:39There he is. Hey, pal.
01:10:40Hi, buddy.
01:10:41Hey, listen, we gotta get going here.
01:10:43We got a dinner reservation tonight to celebrate our six-month anniversary, actually.
01:10:47Six months already?
01:10:48Yeah.
01:10:49Wow, congrats.
01:10:51Are you sure you won't let me set you up with my roommate?
01:10:53Yeah, no, no.
01:10:56I really think you did it all.
01:10:58Yeah.
01:10:59I appreciate the offer, but no, thank you.
01:11:02All right, if you change your mind, let us know.
01:11:04Will do.
01:11:05Okay.
01:11:06If you change your mind.
01:11:07If I change my mind.
01:11:08See you, pal.
01:11:09See ya.
01:11:13Take a look at me.
01:11:17Eddie.
01:11:19Jess.
01:11:21Hi.
01:11:22Hi.
01:11:24Wow, you look amazing.
01:11:26Oh, thanks.
01:11:30So, um...
01:11:34Read your book.
01:11:35You did?
01:11:36Uh-huh.
01:11:37I really liked it.
01:11:39I'm glad.
01:11:41You dedicated it to me.
01:11:43Yeah.
01:11:44Well, you know, you played a big role in helping me change.
01:11:48Yeah, about that.
01:11:51So, you and Edna...
01:11:54One and the same.
01:11:57Wow.
01:11:58Crazy, huh?
01:12:00Yes.
01:12:02And no.
01:12:04You know, I've got an idea.
01:12:07Why don't we start this thing all over?
01:12:12Hello.
01:12:13I'm Eddie Greenlee.
01:12:14Jess White.
01:12:15Jess White.
01:12:17Wow.
01:12:18So, have you seen anyone?
01:12:20No.
01:12:21Not since I discovered the last guy I was dating was married.
01:12:24I'm sorry to hear that.
01:12:25Yeah.
01:12:26A friend tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen.
01:12:28In fact, I was really mean to her.
01:12:31You know, I think she forgives you.
01:12:36So, how about you?
01:12:38Are you seeing anyone?
01:12:40Actually, I kind of fell in love for the first time in my life last year.
01:12:47You did?
01:12:48Yeah.
01:12:49The timing, though, just wasn't right, unfortunately.
01:12:53Well, maybe you should give it another shot.
01:12:57I was just thinking exactly the same thing.
01:13:01So, can I buy you a latte?
01:13:03I'd really like that.
01:13:04Yeah?
01:13:05Yeah.
01:13:06Well, let's get out of here then.
01:13:07Okay.
01:13:31Second six, D.
01:13:33Mark it.
01:13:35Is that the book signing?
01:13:36Mm-hmm.
01:13:37The release party?
01:13:38Yeah.
01:13:39Sex with a homeless model?
01:13:40Oh, fucking homeless model.
01:13:41That's the girl I want to fuck, right?
01:13:42The homeless girl I want to fuck.
01:13:43All right, Tony, take it all in, boss.
01:13:48I love the homeless kind of look.
01:13:49It's, you know, fuck the book signing.
01:13:51Yeah.
01:13:52Sex with a homeless woman.
01:13:53Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:13:54That homeless woman is in my head.
01:13:55Buddy, let me tell you something.
01:13:57I'm starving, okay, Eddie?
01:13:58This may be harder than I thought.
01:14:01Okay, we might have to go back to one guy.
01:14:06Knock, knock.
01:14:16This is where you'll find your beaver buzzers, magic wands, pussy plungers, hamburger helpers, and wacky wobblers.
01:14:22Personally, I like the butterfly.
01:14:25Fuck.
01:14:36Magic.
01:14:49This stuff is good.
01:14:50Not bad, right?
01:14:51What is it?
01:14:52Dosellos.
01:14:53Dosellos.
01:14:54This stuff's good.
01:14:55What is it?
01:14:56Dosellos.
01:14:57Dosellos.
01:14:59This stuff is good.
01:15:00What is it?
01:15:03Want some, Tony?
01:15:05No.
01:15:11The thing is...
01:15:13Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:15:15Yes, I'm fucking serious.
01:15:16I mean, I really should take my female equipment out with...
01:15:20What am I doing?
01:15:23Hey, baby.
01:15:24Excuse me.
01:15:25Thanks for the car.
01:15:26Not the car, no.
01:15:27Fuck.
01:15:36All right.
01:15:37All right, come on.
01:15:38All right, come on.
01:15:42Eddie!
01:15:43Oh, fucking Eddie.
01:15:44Fuck!
01:15:45All right.
01:15:47Fuck!
01:15:48Make yourself comfortable and I'll...
01:15:51be right back.
01:15:56Yeah!
01:15:57Yeah!
01:15:58I love you, baby.
01:16:01I'm happy that you're mine.
01:16:04She must have put a spell on me.
01:16:06That's the only thing that makes sense.
01:16:08Okay.
01:16:09So, we're looking for this magical, mystery kind of homeless woman, right?
01:16:14I mean, I don't know.
01:16:15I guessed so.
01:16:17Okay.
01:16:19Maybe she was a witch.
01:16:20A witch?
01:16:21All right, did you say it yet?
01:16:22Because the gig's up.
01:16:25Can I ask you a question?
01:16:28Sorry.
01:16:29Oh, shit.
01:16:38Eddie.
01:16:42Not here.
01:16:50Take a look at me.
01:16:58Baby, don't you think it's time to get this romance started?
01:17:11Ooh, baby, this is our chance.
01:17:19Ooh, are you open-hearted?
01:17:27Take a look at us, darling.
01:17:37Yes, I'd turn away if I may be so brazen.
01:17:45Ooh, call me, this could be love.
01:17:53Ooh, you are so amazing.
01:18:02Kiss me.
01:18:10Love me.
01:18:15In this magic moment, say you'll never stray, never go away.
01:18:32Take a look at me, sweetheart.
01:18:45Let me look at you.
01:18:49We're standing in the fire.
01:18:53Ooh, tell me how far we'll go.
01:19:02Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:19:14Take a look at me, sweetheart.
01:19:21Let me look at you.
01:19:27We're standing in the fire.
01:19:34Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:19:41Take a look at me, sweetheart.
01:19:48Let me look at you.
01:19:54We're standing in the fire.
01:20:01Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:20:08Take a look at me, sweetheart.
01:20:15Let me look at you.
01:20:21We're standing in the fire.
01:20:28Ooh, let's take our love higher.
01:20:35Take a look at me.