Colourful escapes|colouring by numbers|colouring games|kids learning colouring|
fun learning number
"Join us for a fun and creative adventure! Our Colourful Escapes channel is packed with colourful goodies, including colouring by numbers, colouring games, and kids learning videos. Our content is designed to make learning fun and interactive. New videos are uploaded regularly, so be sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell to stay up-to-date! #ColourfulEscapes0.2 #LearningThroughArt #funforkids
- Colorful Escapes
- Colouring Games
- Kids Learning
- Fun Learning
- Number Games
- Art for Kids
fun learning number
"Join us for a fun and creative adventure! Our Colourful Escapes channel is packed with colourful goodies, including colouring by numbers, colouring games, and kids learning videos. Our content is designed to make learning fun and interactive. New videos are uploaded regularly, so be sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell to stay up-to-date! #ColourfulEscapes0.2 #LearningThroughArt #funforkids
- Colorful Escapes
- Colouring Games
- Kids Learning
- Fun Learning
- Number Games
- Art for Kids
Category
🎮️
GamingTranscript
00:00:00As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.
00:00:05Bismillah walhamdulillahi wa salatu wa salamu ala abdullahi wa rasulihi muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma'in.
00:00:12We praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the Creator, Nourisher, Cherisher, Sustainer, Provider, Protector, Curer of one and all.
00:00:20The one in whose hands lies absolute control of every aspect of existence.
00:00:26We ask Him to bless us in every single way, to protect us and to grant us every form of goodness.
00:00:31My brothers and sisters in Islam, I am indeed humbled by the huge gathering of my brothers and sisters here.
00:00:39And I ask the Almighty to grant us the ability to learn a thing or two,
00:00:44and to be able to not only say that, yes, this was correct, but to implement it inshallah in our lives.
00:00:51But to start with, I think, you know, perhaps maybe, seeing that the faces are quite serious,
00:01:01perhaps we need to start with something on a lighter note.
00:01:05You know, people know that this man, sometimes he would make sure that we have a bit of laughter,
00:01:09so that we feel the human in us.
00:01:12It's something connected to where I'm staying.
00:01:15I stay at a hotel at the moment, and that hotel is known as the Holiday Inn.
00:01:21Now, what happened is, there was a man, an Urdu speaking person, who was asked,
00:01:30where are you staying?
00:01:33Now, he did not really know, because he saw the name and it was written in Arabic.
00:01:38Have any one of you seen Holiday Inn written in Arabic?
00:01:42Have you seen how it's written?
00:01:44If you haven't, you can actually check it out.
00:01:46Google it and say Holiday Inn, Arabic, and you'll see it.
00:01:50And he looked at it and he says, well, I stay at a hotel called Huwa Al-Ladhina.
00:01:56Amazing, Huwa Al-Ladhina.
00:01:57So, my brothers and sisters, I'm staying at Huwa Al-Ladhina.
00:02:02May Allah grant us ease and goodness.
00:02:04This is what happens when you haven't learned thoroughly,
00:02:07but at the same time, it's also an error that does take place.
00:02:10May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless us.
00:02:13Can the brothers in front of me please move slightly, insha'Allah.
00:02:20I know we have a large crowd of brothers and sisters,
00:02:22but I will try to be as short as possible, I think, insha'Allah.
00:02:29Firstly, this evening we are speaking about parenting.
00:02:32And we all know that we are either parents or children of parents, or both.
00:02:38Parents and children.
00:02:39Some of us, our parents have left,
00:02:41and some of us, our children have also left in the form of passing away.
00:02:45May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless them and grant them Jannah.
00:02:48And may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless us all.
00:02:50Something very important I'd like to start with in order to start on the right footing.
00:02:55We are sitting here and I ask you a question.
00:02:59Have you ever done any good deeds in your life?
00:03:04If you think about it, I'm sure you have.
00:03:07How did you feel when you did good deeds and when you do good deeds,
00:03:10whether it's salah or a charity or anything of that nature,
00:03:13how do you feel? And how did you feel?
00:03:16Well, I want to tell you that the fact that you have done good deeds in your life,
00:03:21let's bring that to the front of our minds.
00:03:24What we have done that we are not proud of, take it to the back.
00:03:27Ask Allah's forgiveness and insha'Allah it will be wiped out.
00:03:30So let's take it that insha'Allah we are good people.
00:03:33We are people heading in the right direction.
00:03:36Because the Prophet ﷺ makes it quite clear when he says,
00:03:40if your good deed makes you happy,
00:03:43and your bad deed makes you sad or regretful,
00:03:47then that is a sign that you are a true believer.
00:03:51إِذَا سَرَّتْكَ حَسَنَتُكَ وَسَاءَتْكَ سَيِّئَتُكَ فَأَنْتَ مُؤْمِنٌ
00:03:55And this I'm sure every one of us feels that.
00:03:58So let us start off on that footing insha'Allah by the will of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:04:03He has made us, He has created us.
00:04:06And we have responsibilities as we are the creatures of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:04:11These responsibilities He has explained them in detail.
00:04:14And this evening I'm going to go through some of these duties
00:04:18that Allah has placed on our shoulders.
00:04:20And we will go through the experiences of so many different people insha'Allah.
00:04:25And we will try to present guidelines.
00:04:27And then insha'Allah at the end I will open the floor for some questions insha'Allah,
00:04:32depending on the time.
00:04:34Firstly, remember when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the Qur'an,
00:04:38يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوْ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِكُمْ نَارًا
00:04:47O you who believe, save yourselves and your family members from the fire.
00:04:54This is very important because it displays to us what our duty is.
00:04:58I must save myself firstly and then my family members,
00:05:01my children and those whom I'm with.
00:05:03Perhaps in some cases also you would have your parents
00:05:06who might need a reminder or a little tapping.
00:05:09If we do that in a beautiful way so that they can remember Allah,
00:05:13remind themselves of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,
00:05:16and come back on to track insha'Allah we will be gaining.
00:05:19So this is something extremely important.
00:05:21The verse of the Qur'an expressing that we need to save ourselves
00:05:25and our family members from the fire.
00:05:28May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala protect us all and help us to help one another.
00:05:31Ameen.
00:05:33Also Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says that He has given you family members
00:05:38or specifically children as a test.
00:05:42These children are a test because sometimes you know
00:05:45that Allah has placed in your heart the love for the child.
00:05:48How do you translate that love?
00:05:51Is it by letting them get away with what we would term murder?
00:05:55Is it by letting them get away with something that is unacceptable?
00:05:59Or is it that you ensure that the love you have for them
00:06:04makes you guide them in the right direction?
00:06:06So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says,
00:06:08Indeed, your wealth and your children are a test from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:06:21Allah is going to ask you about how you dealt with them.
00:06:25And Allah is going to ask you about how you earned your wealth,
00:06:27how you spent it,
00:06:29how you treated your children and prepared them for the day
00:06:32they would meet with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:06:35And this is why Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
00:06:37has asked us to be role models and guides to our offspring.
00:06:43Clearly stating,
00:06:44كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٌ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْؤُولٌ عَلْ رَعِيَّتَهِ
00:06:49Each one of you is a shepherd.
00:06:51And every single one of you
00:06:53is responsible for his or her flock, the flock.
00:06:57Those whom you are in authority over,
00:07:00it is your duty to fulfill their rights
00:07:03and teach them how to fulfill yours and the rights of others.
00:07:06So we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:07:09to give us responsibility to fulfill the rights.
00:07:13In a nutshell,
00:07:14if someone were to ask you about parenting,
00:07:17the first thing we need to know,
00:07:19what is the meaning of parenting?
00:07:21You know in the Arabic language they say,
00:07:23تعريف.
00:07:24You need to know what is it we are talking about.
00:07:26So in the English language,
00:07:28we would say,
00:07:29parenting is a process of caretaking and educating
00:07:33through which you help your child grow
00:07:35from a dependent child to an independent adult.
00:07:40So it's the whole process, it's known as parenting.
00:07:42And this is something amazing
00:07:44because Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
00:07:46he was a father and a grandfather.
00:07:49And he lost some of his children.
00:07:51In fact to be honest,
00:07:52he lost all of his children besides one in his lifetime.
00:07:55You know the females had grown to adulthood and beyond,
00:07:58but when it comes to the males,
00:08:00they were lost at infancy or childhood.
00:08:03And all this was the plan of Allah
00:08:05for him to be the best example for us.
00:08:08If that happens to me, how should I react to it?
00:08:11لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ
00:08:17Indeed for you,
00:08:18Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
00:08:20is a beautiful example to follow,
00:08:23something to emulate,
00:08:25something to learn from,
00:08:26something to adopt.
00:08:27And this is why he was made
00:08:29to go through so many difficulties in life.
00:08:32Not because he deserved it,
00:08:34but because it was meant to be a lesson for us all.
00:08:37If this happens to you,
00:08:38how do you react to it?
00:08:40So that is parenting.
00:08:41And in a nutshell,
00:08:42I look at parenting by saying,
00:08:45you need to be a role model
00:08:48for your child.
00:08:49That's it.
00:08:49If you are a role model for your child,
00:08:51there is nothing more that you need.
00:08:53So ask yourself every single time,
00:08:55am I a role model for my own child,
00:08:57the way I handle myself,
00:08:58the way I carry myself,
00:09:00the way I speak to the child,
00:09:01the way I treat all my children,
00:09:03if I've got more than one and so on,
00:09:05the way I treat my spouse,
00:09:07because that is what my child will look at
00:09:09and grow and develop
00:09:10to be able to emulate later on in life.
00:09:13So I become the role model of my own children
00:09:17and offspring.
00:09:18That in a nutshell,
00:09:19encapsulates the entire topic that we have tonight.
00:09:23But let's continue inshallah,
00:09:25and we make mention of several interesting points.
00:09:27Firstly, you need to know that
00:09:29parenting is about expressing true love.
00:09:32True love, not just love.
00:09:34When we say love,
00:09:35we talk of sometimes people who don't understand.
00:09:37You and I know,
00:09:38and I made mention of this a few days ago
00:09:41on one of my social feeds,
00:09:43and I said, you know the term LOL.
00:09:45What does it mean?
00:09:46It means laugh out loud.
00:09:48Some people say it means lots of love,
00:09:50but let's take the other one.
00:09:51It means laugh out loud.
00:09:53I ask you a question
00:09:54and I want you to raise your hand in answer.
00:09:57How many of you have used the term LOL
00:10:02without laughing?
00:10:03Put up your hand.
00:10:04You did not laugh, but you used LOL.
00:10:06LOL.
00:10:07There we are.
00:10:08Most of us, almost all are guilty.
00:10:10What that means is,
00:10:11a word to say I love you,
00:10:13it could just mean,
00:10:15you're saying something,
00:10:16but you don't really mean it.
00:10:17It's not in your heart.
00:10:19And this is where hypocrisy creeps in.
00:10:21We need to check the heart.
00:10:23When I say, I love you my child,
00:10:25do you really love the child in the true sense,
00:10:27or are you just splashing everything for the child
00:10:30because the child says,
00:10:31dad or mom, this is what I want,
00:10:33that's what I want.
00:10:34And you say, no problem, I love you, so take it.
00:10:35I love you, so take it.
00:10:37Sometimes love is displayed by not giving in
00:10:40to that which is detrimental.
00:10:42And this needs to be done in a beautiful fashion.
00:10:45This is why we say,
00:10:47rather than instruct the child,
00:10:49engage the child.
00:10:51Very big difference.
00:10:51You know, I can tell my child,
00:10:53do not do this, I've instructed.
00:10:55It may have an impact,
00:10:56but if I sat and engaged the child,
00:10:58why is it that you should not be doing this?
00:11:00It will be far deeper,
00:11:01and it will be far more effective in the long term.
00:11:06You have now created a generation whom,
00:11:08later on when they have their own children,
00:11:10they will engage them too in the same thing.
00:11:13May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us blessings.
00:11:16So as a parent, we need to understand,
00:11:19the influence that you have on your child
00:11:23is mainly by the example that you model.
00:11:26That is the influence that you have on your child.
00:11:28And also by the treatment,
00:11:30by the structures that you impose,
00:11:32and the education you impart.
00:11:34Sometimes we have children who are orphans,
00:11:38but they are not orphans.
00:11:40You might ask, what does that mean?
00:11:42You know in the sharia, in Islam,
00:11:44when you say a child is an orphan,
00:11:45it's someone who's lost their dad,
00:11:47someone who's lost their father in infancy or childhood.
00:11:51That's an orphan.
00:11:53And they have a very lofty status.
00:11:54The reason is,
00:11:56Islam has given such a high status to the orphan child,
00:12:00so that the gap that is created by the absence of the father,
00:12:05is actually filled by others in a beautiful way.
00:12:08Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam himself was an orphan.
00:12:12And I always say,
00:12:13that as a consolation for those who might be orphans,
00:12:16the best of creation was an orphan.
00:12:19It means, if you are an orphan,
00:12:21you are not disadvantaged in any way.
00:12:23You can actually reach the skies and beyond.
00:12:26And this is what has happened to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
00:12:29It was the choice of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:12:31to take away not only his father,
00:12:33but slightly later in his childhood, even his mother.
00:12:37May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless him and bless us all.
00:12:39Ameen.
00:12:40So some of the children are orphans but not orphans,
00:12:44which means they have both parents.
00:12:46But the father could not be bothered.
00:12:48He's hardly ever at home.
00:12:49No spending any time.
00:12:50Mother, on WhatsApp.
00:12:52MashaAllah.
00:12:54MashaAllah.
00:12:54BBM, or you have Facebooking.
00:12:56I cook the food, I take a picture,
00:12:58and I let the whole world know my food.
00:13:00And everyone looks at it,
00:13:01and then my stomach starts paining,
00:13:03and I wonder why the whole world was wishing for something that I had,
00:13:06and I didn't realize there was no need to actually do that.
00:13:09But we ask Allah's protection.
00:13:10You may obviously socialize,
00:13:13but within limits without crossing the other rights
00:13:16that you need to fulfill,
00:13:18especially when it comes to your children and family members.
00:13:21So nobody is saying do not socialize.
00:13:23No.
00:13:23Islam is a beautiful faith.
00:13:25It's a beautiful religion.
00:13:26It has room for socializing.
00:13:28In fact, certain socializing is considered an act of worship.
00:13:32To visit someone with the correct intention,
00:13:34to visit the sickly, to ask about them.
00:13:37Pick up the phone and ask about someone who is sick.
00:13:39That is actually something so great.
00:13:41It's something you will be disseminating on to the next generation
00:13:45if you do it correctly.
00:13:46But if you do it incorrectly,
00:13:47your child needs you.
00:13:48They come and ask you,
00:13:49my dad, I really need this,
00:13:51and you didn't even hear what they said.
00:13:53You know it happens sometimes,
00:13:55and this happens even between spouses,
00:13:56where the man has worked whole day,
00:14:00and he comes back,
00:14:01and he's interested either in the internet or in his phone.
00:14:04Gone are the days when we were interested in the newspapers.
00:14:07I think so.
00:14:08We're engrossed in the paper.
00:14:10But it could be happening.
00:14:11Until mother comes along,
00:14:13and the children are sitting there,
00:14:15and mother says,
00:14:15oh dad, what would you like to eat?
00:14:17And he just says, yes.
00:14:19Because he didn't hear you.
00:14:20He says, did you have a good day?
00:14:21Yes.
00:14:22Everything okay?
00:14:23Yes.
00:14:24And some of the clever mothers say,
00:14:26are you stupid?
00:14:27Yes.
00:14:28Because he did not hear what you said.
00:14:30And this is why I believe firmly,
00:14:33you want to have a happy home,
00:14:35there must be time in your home
00:14:36when you put aside everything
00:14:38and talk to the people in reality.
00:14:40Your spouse, talk to them.
00:14:41Look in the eye.
00:14:42The warmth that is in the eye of a person
00:14:45is far more spiritual than sending them a message,
00:14:49or tweeting, or anything of that nature.
00:14:51So look at the person in the eye,
00:14:53smile at them.
00:14:54That warmth is so reassuring,
00:14:56it builds a whole generation.
00:14:58And it also is something spiritual
00:15:01that develops a connection
00:15:03and the correct feeling between people.
00:15:05This is why look at your children,
00:15:07look them in the eye,
00:15:08smile at them,
00:15:09tell them things.
00:15:10It's very very important.
00:15:11Let them know that they are more important
00:15:14than your phone and everything else,
00:15:16and you have time for them.
00:15:17Because that is your primary duty.
00:15:19It's a generation that you are building.
00:15:21May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:15:23help us to fulfill this in the most beautiful way.
00:15:25Ameen.
00:15:27So as we were saying,
00:15:28some are orphans but not orphans.
00:15:30I've spoken about that,
00:15:31and I've explained to you how
00:15:32it's important for me to ask myself,
00:15:35is my child an orphan?
00:15:36Are my children actually orphans?
00:15:38Which means I'm there as a father,
00:15:40but am I ever really there for them?
00:15:43Do I spend time with them?
00:15:44What do I give preference to?
00:15:46Sometimes you have,
00:15:47some of us as young people
00:15:49who are growing up,
00:15:49we have our children,
00:15:51and yet every weekend
00:15:52we are with our friends
00:15:53up to two in the morning,
00:15:55with your friends.
00:15:56It's fine to be with your friends sometimes.
00:15:58You know I had a case where
00:15:59there was a young man who told me,
00:16:01I cannot leave my friends
00:16:02because they call me a chicken.
00:16:04You know they say,
00:16:05this man is a chicken.
00:16:05Look, he's scared of his wife.
00:16:07He's frightened of his wife.
00:16:09So I told him, I said,
00:16:10you know what,
00:16:11tell them,
00:16:12yes, I am frightened of her,
00:16:13but be happy in your home.
00:16:15It's more important.
00:16:16I don't mind if my friends think
00:16:18I'm scared of my wife,
00:16:19but I've got a very happy home.
00:16:21Back home,
00:16:22everyone is smiling and happy.
00:16:24My friends are important,
00:16:25but they are secondary.
00:16:26Primarily my family.
00:16:28And we are not saying,
00:16:29divorce your friends in totality.
00:16:30No.
00:16:31If they are good company,
00:16:32decent,
00:16:32set aside a time,
00:16:33mashallah,
00:16:34and you need to abide by those limits
00:16:36because this is the duty
00:16:37you as a parent would owe
00:16:39to your own children.
00:16:42Another very interesting point,
00:16:43we need to know that
00:16:44parenting is all about relationships,
00:16:48especially the relationship
00:16:50between the spouses.
00:16:51So between you and your wife
00:16:54or your husband,
00:16:55that relationship is part of parenting.
00:16:58Silent parenting.
00:16:59You did not speak,
00:17:00but you have such a beautiful relation
00:17:02with your wife or your husband,
00:17:04that your children are watching
00:17:05and they are so reassured,
00:17:06so happy.
00:17:07They grow up believing
00:17:09this is how you should address a female.
00:17:11Utmost respect.
00:17:13But sometimes we yell,
00:17:14we scream,
00:17:15we shout,
00:17:15we have no time for anyone.
00:17:17And then what happens?
00:17:18The children grow up mimicking us.
00:17:21And we don't realize
00:17:22my son got married
00:17:23and he's yelling at his wife
00:17:25exactly as I used to yell
00:17:27at his own mother.
00:17:29This is important for us to know.
00:17:31And this is why we say,
00:17:32please, let's take care.
00:17:33Our relationships are extremely important.
00:17:35The children mimic
00:17:37better than anyone else.
00:17:38You know if you are
00:17:40trying to talk to a child,
00:17:41before the age of them
00:17:43being able to speak,
00:17:45they actually mimic
00:17:46in a much more beautiful way.
00:17:48Take a look at little children
00:17:49who read salah,
00:17:51they engage in prayer,
00:17:52yet you cannot talk to them.
00:17:53Did you tell the little child
00:17:55who's six months or one year old
00:17:57that you dress like me?
00:17:58Or for example, pray?
00:18:01No.
00:18:02But the child started praying.
00:18:03How many of us have witnessed?
00:18:05Little kids.
00:18:06They are found in sujood.
00:18:08When the mother is fulfilling salah,
00:18:10they say, I want my sajjada as well
00:18:11or my prayer mat as well.
00:18:13And I want to dress exactly like you.
00:18:15And I want to do this.
00:18:16Did you tell them anything?
00:18:17No.
00:18:17It's because children mimic,
00:18:19they follow.
00:18:20So be careful.
00:18:21We are happy when they follow
00:18:22the good habits.
00:18:23Watch your bad habits.
00:18:24Because they will follow them
00:18:25behind your back.
00:18:26May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:18:28help us to work on ourselves.
00:18:30Then it's important for us to realize,
00:18:34we need to understand our children.
00:18:37How do you understand your child?
00:18:40You know, to understand children,
00:18:41if you look at those who have
00:18:43studied this topic in detail,
00:18:45we will come up with something beautiful.
00:18:48Something I really like
00:18:49and I've spoken about it in the past
00:18:51and we will speak about it inshallah
00:18:52tonight very briefly.
00:18:54To understand your child,
00:18:57you need to know the six A's.
00:18:59The six A's.
00:19:01What are the six A's?
00:19:02Let me tell them to you
00:19:03in a slightly different way.
00:19:05If you listen to your child
00:19:07and you notice your child,
00:19:08what have you done to the child?
00:19:10If I'm listening
00:19:11to what my child has to say,
00:19:13when the child comes running home,
00:19:14Dad, I did well.
00:19:15Or mom, this is what happened today.
00:19:17Do you stop for a moment,
00:19:19look at the child and listen?
00:19:21If you have listened
00:19:22and you notice things,
00:19:23when something happens,
00:19:24you say, what happened here?
00:19:25Did you get hurt?
00:19:27That means I noticed something.
00:19:28If I notice
00:19:30and I listen to the child,
00:19:32do you know what I've done?
00:19:34I've given them attention.
00:19:36This attention is so important,
00:19:38it is perhaps one of the most important
00:19:41points of understanding your child
00:19:43and the relationship
00:19:44because if they do not get it from you,
00:19:47they will get it from someone else.
00:19:49Believe me,
00:19:50if you have no time for your child,
00:19:52they have someone who gives them time.
00:19:54And that might be a person
00:19:55who is perhaps not befitting
00:19:58to be even connected to your child
00:20:00because the bad habits
00:20:01or the evil that that person might be intending
00:20:04might brush off onto the child.
00:20:06And the only thing that was needed of you
00:20:08was just to give them a bit of attention.
00:20:10By doing what?
00:20:11Noticing things and listening to them.
00:20:14Subhanallah.
00:20:15And this is why they call it attention deficit.
00:20:17Sometimes a person,
00:20:18you know, they have this deficit,
00:20:20they have a shortage
00:20:22and it creates disasters.
00:20:23It even results in health problems.
00:20:25Some of the children become closed in a shell
00:20:28because parents are not interested.
00:20:29So to avoid all this,
00:20:31remember one thing,
00:20:32ask yourself,
00:20:33have I listened to my child?
00:20:34Do I notice what goes on
00:20:36when the child does well,
00:20:37the child is dressed well and so on?
00:20:39Comment, say something.
00:20:40That shows attention.
00:20:42May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless us.
00:20:44So A number one is attention.
00:20:47The second A,
00:20:49when you are an understanding person
00:20:53and you show interest.
00:20:55When you show interest in what the child is doing
00:20:58and you are understanding
00:21:00the situation of the child.
00:21:01I'm understanding, for example,
00:21:03something arises
00:21:04and rather than, you know,
00:21:06blast the child at the top of my voice,
00:21:07I'm much more understanding
00:21:09and I engage
00:21:10and I show an interest in what the child is doing.
00:21:12When that happens,
00:21:14I show acceptance.
00:21:15That is acceptance,
00:21:17the acceptance of the child.
00:21:18I'm accepting my child.
00:21:19And this is the gift of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala upon us.
00:21:23The child looks and searches for acceptance.
00:21:26When you have accepted
00:21:27or you show this acceptance,
00:21:29you nurture and develop a different angle
00:21:32and a different department
00:21:34within the life of that particular child.
00:21:36So it's important inshallah for us also
00:21:38to look into the acceptance
00:21:40and the way we show an interest
00:21:42in the lives of our own children.
00:21:45So that is the second A.
00:21:46The third one,
00:21:49when we praise our children
00:21:50and we value them,
00:21:52we have approved,
00:21:55we have shown approval.
00:21:57To show approval to your child
00:21:58is extremely important.
00:22:00Some of us,
00:22:01we've never approved anything the child has done,
00:22:03nothing at all.
00:22:04So we have never praised them.
00:22:06Some cultures believe
00:22:08that you're not allowed to praise your children.
00:22:11I've come across that.
00:22:12They say, if you praise your child,
00:22:13it's a'ib, meaning it's bad,
00:22:15it's something that's unacceptable.
00:22:17How dare, as Muslimin,
00:22:19do you know this issue of praising,
00:22:22it goes back to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
00:22:25And he has acknowledged the children
00:22:27and he has acknowledged them
00:22:28even when they got to the teen age.
00:22:30There are so many examples of that.
00:22:32There is an example of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
00:22:36where he asked two of those
00:22:38who had wanted to take or participate in the war,
00:22:41and he said, okay,
00:22:41if the two of you can actually wrestle each other,
00:22:44whoever out wrestles the other,
00:22:46he will come with us, with me.
00:22:48And subhanallah, this took place.
00:22:50One might say, well, why did that happen?
00:22:52It was development.
00:22:54This was development not only of those two,
00:22:56but even of everyone who was watching,
00:22:58everyone who was seeing and witnessing.
00:23:00We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:23:02to help us show this approval to our children.
00:23:04What is extremely important and close to it in meaning
00:23:08is the next A, that is acknowledgement.
00:23:11Acknowledgement through what?
00:23:14In fact appreciation,
00:23:17we spoke about attention, acceptance, approval.
00:23:20Then appreciation.
00:23:21And that appreciation is through acknowledgement and thanks.
00:23:25Some people don't say thank you to their own children.
00:23:28You know, we say jazakallah khair,
00:23:30thank you very much, may Allah reward you.
00:23:32Good, what you did is excellent and so on.
00:23:34This is extremely important, it shows appreciation.
00:23:38Then affection.
00:23:40Affection also there are some cultures
00:23:42that believe you cannot show affection to your child,
00:23:44you cannot hug your child,
00:23:45you cannot kiss your child.
00:23:47You know the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
00:23:49once he kissed his grandson.
00:23:51And near him was a man,
00:23:55al-Aqra ibn Habis, according to some narrations.
00:23:57And he asked Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam a question.
00:24:00He said, you know what?
00:24:02I have ten of the children
00:24:05and I've never kissed any one of them.
00:24:07The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam described it as mercy.
00:24:10He says, this is the mercy of Allah.
00:24:12Whoever doesn't show mercy will not be shown mercy.
00:24:14So you show mercy, you show this link with your child.
00:24:18Love is through two main things.
00:24:20One is telling and the other is touching.
00:24:23Touching meaning to embrace, to hug,
00:24:25to embrace your child.
00:24:27If you embrace your child, what have you done?
00:24:29You have actually given the child
00:24:31that boost that the child needs.
00:24:33InshaAllah we'll get to this in a few moments.
00:24:35But it's important for us to embrace.
00:24:38And even to kiss our children, subhanallah.
00:24:41Whether it's kissing on the forehead,
00:24:42kissing on the cheeks,
00:24:44different cultures are slightly different.
00:24:45But it's important for us to show the child that,
00:24:48you know what? I'm your parent.
00:24:50And I really care for you.
00:24:51And you are one of my own, you are my own.
00:24:54So such that the communication levels develop.
00:24:57And this affection results in the child looking up to you.
00:25:01Some of us are parents.
00:25:03Our children do not look up to us.
00:25:05They don't, not at all.
00:25:06Why? Because we've never shown a link with them.
00:25:08We've never been interested in their lives.
00:25:10We've never acknowledged them.
00:25:12We've never appreciated, no approval and nothing.
00:25:15So may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us
00:25:17to achieve all this.
00:25:19The last A, and that's the sixth one,
00:25:22is perhaps one of the most important ones
00:25:24when it comes to parenting in the sense of guiding.
00:25:29And that is authority.
00:25:31You need to display this authority.
00:25:33In what way?
00:25:34By setting rules and guidelines.
00:25:37If there are rules and guidelines,
00:25:38and you have actually shown these rules in a beautiful way,
00:25:42you've made them quite clear.
00:25:44Whenever they have been trespassed,
00:25:46you have dealt with it in a beautiful way,
00:25:49very loving but firm.
00:25:51That is a balance that we would need to master.
00:25:55To be firm, but very kind, very loving.
00:25:59The child needs to know,
00:26:00you know, I have had in my own life with my own children.
00:26:03And remember what I'm saying here,
00:26:04we all try our best to fulfill it,
00:26:07as best as possible.
00:26:08Sometimes we falter,
00:26:09and we always can get up again and continue.
00:26:12So, usually when there is something
00:26:14I don't want one of my children to do,
00:26:16I will sit them down and explain to them,
00:26:19look, this is the rule, this is why the rule is there.
00:26:21Because sometimes if you just say, do this,
00:26:23they might not understand why.
00:26:25You explain to them, this is what will happen,
00:26:26this is the repercussion of it,
00:26:28and this is why we say don't do it,
00:26:29but this is a line.
00:26:31If you do this, it's not going to be a good thing.
00:26:33Firstly, it will hurt me.
00:26:35So you're talking emotions.
00:26:37Instead of saying,
00:26:39if you do this, I'm going to get very angry.
00:26:41It might be correct,
00:26:42but you rather word it with emotions,
00:26:44engage the child.
00:26:45If you do this, it's going to hurt me a lot,
00:26:47you know, I will feel the pain and so on.
00:26:49And this is the first way of starting,
00:26:51and then you can get to something inshallah,
00:26:53which will be perhaps a little bit more direct.
00:26:56May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us and bless us.
00:26:58So just to quickly recap the six A's
00:27:01regarding understanding your child,
00:27:03attention, acceptance, approval, appreciation,
00:27:06affection and authority.
00:27:08We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:27:10to grant us a lesson from this,
00:27:11and to open our doors inshallah in the right direction.
00:27:15Then we have a very very interesting subtitle
00:27:17known as communication.
00:27:20It obviously comes
00:27:21from what we were just speaking about.
00:27:23Communication, if you want your child
00:27:26to confide in you,
00:27:28you need to confide in your child as well.
00:27:31And when we talk about confiding in your child,
00:27:33we're not talking about confiding for support,
00:27:36but rather confiding for education.
00:27:38So I would believe that it is wrong for a parent
00:27:43to use the child as a shoulder
00:27:46when the child needs to be educated.
00:27:49It happens to some of us where
00:27:51a little child that is growing up,
00:27:53we go to the child and we say,
00:27:54you know, I've got a problem with your father.
00:27:57Why are you telling me?
00:27:58You're actually harming me by telling me.
00:28:00You've got a problem with my father?
00:28:01Sort it out.
00:28:02Go and ask for help from your parents,
00:28:03from your folks.
00:28:04Why are you telling me?
00:28:05Because now this child is going to look at dad and say,
00:28:08not this dad, he's got a problem with mom.
00:28:10You know, you created a disaster.
00:28:13Yet a lot of families would have,
00:28:16it is quite normal, I would think,
00:28:17to have little issues here and there.
00:28:19You know, you have a small minor misunderstanding
00:28:22and something of that nature.
00:28:23That's your challenge.
00:28:24To sort it out, to help solve it.
00:28:25But don't go to a young child or a teenage child
00:28:28and start complaining about huge lifetime complaints
00:28:32about people who are very important in your life
00:28:34and various other matters you might have
00:28:36in a way that it will result in an effect
00:28:40currently and in the future of that particular child.
00:28:42Because there are two types of impacts upon the child.
00:28:45Everything that happens
00:28:47has a current, direct, immediate impact
00:28:51and it has an effect later on as well.
00:28:53Later on in the life of the child,
00:28:55when the child is 30, 40, becomes a parent,
00:28:58that what happened in the past affects them
00:29:00in one way or another, either positively or negatively.
00:29:03It's important for us to consider this
00:29:05whenever we speak to our children.
00:29:08And this is why sometimes some parents even prefer,
00:29:12and I think it's an important point
00:29:13that can be discussed and raised,
00:29:15prefer not to allow some of the younger children
00:29:20to watch the news channels that show a lot of violence
00:29:24and perhaps a lot of what is going on on the globe today.
00:29:27Sometimes it's not healthy for certain age groups
00:29:30to actually even watch the news.
00:29:33But obviously the reason why we say this is
00:29:35it has been proven that it affects the child.
00:29:38It affects the child in a great way.
00:29:40So we have to talk to the child and explain to them
00:29:43that there are certain bad things that go on and so on.
00:29:45So that they don't just get a shock one day when they find out.
00:29:48But to watch the graphics of it,
00:29:50sometimes we need to consider restriction
00:29:53and we need to perhaps explain it in a different way.
00:29:55May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless us.
00:29:58So, regarding the methods of getting across to your child,
00:30:03there are so many different ways
00:30:04of getting across to your own child.
00:30:06So many different ways.
00:30:07And like we say,
00:30:09you can either yell at your child
00:30:11or you can engage the child.
00:30:12If you yell, what will you get?
00:30:15Perhaps you will get obedience.
00:30:18You know, immediate obedience.
00:30:19I screamed at the child and I said,
00:30:21you know what?
00:30:23I want you to do this and I want you to do that
00:30:25and you are wrong here, you are wrong there.
00:30:27I will get immediate results,
00:30:29but these results will actually be short-lived.
00:30:33They won't be long.
00:30:34But when I've engaged the child,
00:30:36I will automatically be able to get long-term results.
00:30:40Long-term results.
00:30:41And this is why they say,
00:30:42discipline changes behavior,
00:30:46but punishment suppresses behavior.
00:30:49You know, when I scream, I've suppressed.
00:30:51When I punish, I've suppressed.
00:30:53But when I've disciplined in a beautiful way,
00:30:56I've educated.
00:30:58I've actually changed behavior,
00:31:00not just suppressed, suppressed it.
00:31:02So there is a difference between changing the behavior
00:31:04and suppressing it.
00:31:05Sadly, in a lot of cases,
00:31:07people don't even have time to think of this
00:31:09and they deal with it as it comes to your mind.
00:31:12As a parent,
00:31:13you do not deal with things just as you wish.
00:31:16No, think before you do things.
00:31:18You are sowing the seed of the future.
00:31:21We'd like generations of children
00:31:23who are tolerant, beautiful.
00:31:25When they speak,
00:31:26we can see this person is highly educated,
00:31:28very well-mannered, subhanallah.
00:31:31Amazing.
00:31:31Sometimes you move to certain countries
00:31:34and certain parts of certain countries,
00:31:36you pick up immediately,
00:31:37that, you know what,
00:31:38I think here people are highly educated.
00:31:40Perhaps they are a little bit more mature
00:31:42in the way they deal with other people and so on.
00:31:45And I think it goes back to the upbringing.
00:31:47May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless us.
00:31:49May He make us from those who can do this
00:31:51and who can be of benefit to our own children.
00:31:54Very quickly,
00:31:55and seeing that we do have this topic at hand,
00:31:58and masha'Allah,
00:31:58seeing that it's an important lesson for all of us.
00:32:02We have a lot of online viewers as well,
00:32:04and we acknowledge them.
00:32:05We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to help us
00:32:08raise our children.
00:32:09And at the same time,
00:32:10we extend a prayer
00:32:11for those who do not have children,
00:32:13who perhaps are trying to have children for a while.
00:32:16May Allah bless you through His miracle with offspring.
00:32:18Really, it is quite sometimes disheartening
00:32:21to listen to how to bring up children
00:32:23and yet Allah has not blessed you with children.
00:32:26But at the same time, remember,
00:32:27Allah's plan is always the best for you.
00:32:30He knows what is exactly
00:32:32tailor-made for your paradise.
00:32:34That's what He gives you in your life.
00:32:36And how you deal with it
00:32:37will take you to paradise
00:32:39or it will delay your entry into paradise.
00:32:42That's just a sweet way of wording it.
00:32:43May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:32:45not make us from those
00:32:46whose entry into paradise is delayed
00:32:48or not make us from those
00:32:50who perhaps might go,
00:32:52you know, via via somewhere
00:32:53before we get there.
00:32:55May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us goodness.
00:32:57So, the first thing that I'd like to make mention of
00:32:59regarding communication,
00:33:01praise your child in front of others.
00:33:03How many of you do that?
00:33:05We are quick.
00:33:07We are very quick to say,
00:33:08this child is rubbish,
00:33:09this child is rotten,
00:33:10you know, my elder child is much better.
00:33:12But the second one, what a bull.
00:33:14Allahu Akbar.
00:33:15How can you say that?
00:33:16The child listens, the child knows,
00:33:18everything is happening.
00:33:19And you rather say,
00:33:20my children, alhamdulillah, I thank Allah,
00:33:22they are good.
00:33:23You know, you don't need to go beyond the limits.
00:33:25But say something,
00:33:26the child knows that even the weaknesses I have,
00:33:29my mom or my dad
00:33:30does not expose these in front of other people.
00:33:33And this is when you have
00:33:34the greatest impact on your child.
00:33:36You praise the child.
00:33:37And even in the face of the child,
00:33:38you praise the child.
00:33:39Wow, I really appreciate.
00:33:41You know what? You've achieved.
00:33:42Sometimes we don't do this.
00:33:44Point number two,
00:33:46never allow your child to be
00:33:49depressed by lamenting over
00:33:52what the child has did
00:33:54in a dangerous way.
00:33:55What this means is,
00:33:56the child is now so self-conscious
00:33:59that every small thing,
00:34:01the child says,
00:34:01no, I'm not good enough.
00:34:02I cannot do this.
00:34:03No, I don't look...
00:34:04I'm not beautiful.
00:34:05I'm not pretty.
00:34:06You know, sometimes you have more than one child.
00:34:08And naturally,
00:34:09not all of them are of the same complexion.
00:34:11Not all of them look exactly the same.
00:34:13And we make statements,
00:34:14na'udhu billah, may Allah safeguard us.
00:34:16We say, oh, this one is the ugly one of my house.
00:34:19This is the black sheep.
00:34:20How can you say that?
00:34:21Go out of your way to say,
00:34:23masha'Allah, this one is the pretty one.
00:34:25This one might be fairer in complexion,
00:34:27but this one is my pretty girl.
00:34:28Just to develop the child,
00:34:30you need this development.
00:34:31It is punishing to hear from your own parents
00:34:35to say that this one is the black sheep of my family,
00:34:37or this one, no attention.
00:34:39Some people have a bad habit.
00:34:41You know, I was told this by little children
00:34:43who have sent me emails to say,
00:34:45you know, my mother,
00:34:46when we go shopping,
00:34:47she takes my sister
00:34:49and she holds my sister's hand.
00:34:50And because I'm darker in complexion,
00:34:53she makes sure that I'm walking at the back with the maid.
00:34:56Wallahi, it's happening.
00:34:57How dare we do that as muslimeen?
00:35:00You take your child,
00:35:01be proud of what Allah has given you.
00:35:03It's a blessing.
00:35:04Others are crying because they don't have children.
00:35:06And here we are,
00:35:07abusing our own kids
00:35:09just because of what they look like,
00:35:10or the complexion.
00:35:11So remember this,
00:35:12it's an extremely important point
00:35:14for us to look into.
00:35:15Give importance to your kids.
00:35:17They are your responsibility.
00:35:18They are your test from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
00:35:21Your paradise may lie in how you treat those children.
00:35:25May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make it easy for us.
00:35:28Very important,
00:35:29be polite and well-mannered with your own children.
00:35:32When you tell them you want something,
00:35:33like we said a few moments ago,
00:35:35learn to use the words,
00:35:36please and thank you and so on.
00:35:39Perhaps, you know, as muslimeen we would say,
00:35:41Jazakallah khair.
00:35:42We might use some terms that are islamically
00:35:45a little bit more compliant.
00:35:46And we would teach them that,
00:35:48by using those terms with your own children,
00:35:51you will definitely be able to have trained them
00:35:55to use the same words with others.
00:35:57May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make it easy for us.
00:36:00Then, some people expect the child
00:36:04to be an adult from childhood.
00:36:06And this is dangerous.
00:36:07So your child is only 8 years old,
00:36:09and you expect them to do so much
00:36:11like they are old,
00:36:12and they shouldn't be playing,
00:36:14and they shouldn't be doing this.
00:36:15No. Let your child live the childhood.
00:36:19Let the child enjoy the childhood
00:36:22with responsibility, obviously within limits.
00:36:24There are limits for everything.
00:36:25But do not let your child
00:36:27or stop your child from playing
00:36:30and from doing that which typical children
00:36:32of that age would be doing.
00:36:33No.
00:36:35Today we have the age of the computer
00:36:37and the iPad and the iPhone.
00:36:39I believe there should be age restrictions really.
00:36:42Because sometimes we tend
00:36:43out of our affordability or the love
00:36:46that we claim to be having for our children
00:36:48to splash the iPhones and the Samsungs
00:36:50and whatever else that we have to the children
00:36:53and we make them cabbages sometimes.
00:36:56You know, they just sit back, they play games.
00:36:58All day, every day.
00:37:00If that's the case, we are wrong.
00:37:02But if you don't allow them to play at all,
00:37:04then that is wrong too.
00:37:05You know, I have a friend,
00:37:06and he happens to be a dietician.
00:37:09And he makes sure his child
00:37:11does not eat a single sweet,
00:37:13anyone who feeds the child a sweet,
00:37:15there is war, war.
00:37:17And I happen to say,
00:37:18you know what, the child is a little child.
00:37:20Let the child have a little bit.
00:37:21I know you're a dietician
00:37:22and you know what is best for the child.
00:37:24No, no, no, you have no clue.
00:37:25These are my kids, leave me alone.
00:37:27Okay, but I'm engaging you,
00:37:29I'm leaving you alone.
00:37:30Ultimately it's your decision.
00:37:32But talk about it.
00:37:33Don't you think the child deserves,
00:37:34you know, also sometimes to put a sweet in his mouth or...
00:37:37And subhanallah, some people don't understand this.
00:37:40Let the child grow up.
00:37:41If something is dangerous,
00:37:42you know, there is a content in some sweets
00:37:44that might be detrimental for the health,
00:37:46then understood.
00:37:48But generally you cannot stop the child
00:37:50from living the childhood.
00:37:52And you need to think back at your childhood as well.
00:37:54And you need to understand
00:37:56how you enjoyed the days, mashaAllah.
00:37:58Take your child out and enjoy the time,
00:38:00you know, on the swings and the slides.
00:38:02Here you have a beautiful beach
00:38:03that I saw today, subhanallah.
00:38:05It's interesting sometimes
00:38:06to just go and spend some time, a few moments.
00:38:09And inshaAllah you'll see the result of that
00:38:11later on in life.
00:38:12And sometimes you'll also see immediate results.
00:38:15Important also is for us
00:38:19to take the opinion of our own children.
00:38:21Ask them, what's your view on this?
00:38:24No matter how little your child is,
00:38:25you know, you want to go on holiday.
00:38:27I'm gonna tell you something,
00:38:28the children who are here
00:38:29might actually now know our tricks.
00:38:31But anyway, let's say.
00:38:33If you want to go on a holiday
00:38:34and you've already decided where to go,
00:38:37rather than just say,
00:38:38right, this is where we're going.
00:38:40Get your children and say,
00:38:41where do you want to go?
00:38:42You've already decided,
00:38:43where do you want to go?
00:38:44And they start saying,
00:38:45saying, let them say so many things.
00:38:47And what you do is market
00:38:49the place you want to take them to
00:38:50in a nice way, in a beautiful way.
00:38:52So they'll say, yes, that's a good idea.
00:38:55I think that's it.
00:38:55Say, so next time we'll go to the other place.
00:38:57Yes.
00:38:58So they feel that they are the ones
00:39:00who made the decision.
00:39:02And yet you always knew
00:39:03I just marketed it to them in a beautiful way.
00:39:05And they feel so...
00:39:06They'll enjoy that holiday more than anywhere else
00:39:08because they're looking forward to it.
00:39:10The problem with us,
00:39:11we just dish out instructions.
00:39:12We've never sometimes thought of
00:39:14seeking the opinion of my child.
00:39:15How can I ask my child?
00:39:17The child is so small.
00:39:19But the child develops confidence.
00:39:20You know, my father asks me,
00:39:22come on, who are you, man?
00:39:23My father actually asks me to say,
00:39:25what should I do and where should I go and so on.
00:39:27And you know, sometimes like,
00:39:28I always give one example
00:39:29and I really like it where,
00:39:33the color of the vehicle.
00:39:34So you include your family in the color.
00:39:37You know, you say, look, inshallah,
00:39:38we're buying a vehicle,
00:39:38what color would you like?
00:39:40So they are so interested in the color
00:39:42and give in to the color.
00:39:43I tell you why.
00:39:44The make and model, you've already decided.
00:39:46MashaAllah.
00:39:47That was much more important, isn't it?
00:39:49So instead of,
00:39:50you decided the make and the model
00:39:51and let them choose the color.
00:39:53This is one example.
00:39:54It might not fit in your lives,
00:39:55but I'm just saying,
00:39:56you can actually fit other things
00:39:58using the same model.
00:40:00May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:40:01grant us the ability to give importance
00:40:03to our children in a way
00:40:05that we develop their self-confidence.
00:40:06Because if they are confident,
00:40:08people will not be able to dupe them
00:40:10into doing that which is detrimental for them.
00:40:13You know, if you have children
00:40:14who are abused and children...
00:40:16A lot of the times,
00:40:16it's those who are not self-confident,
00:40:18they don't have enough attention
00:40:20and sometimes,
00:40:21they don't even know how to deal with things.
00:40:24And sometimes children are abused
00:40:25and they keep quiet for years on end
00:40:27and they don't say it.
00:40:29One of the reasons is,
00:40:30they were never taught how to communicate.
00:40:33They were never taught how to talk.
00:40:34You were never a friend of your child.
00:40:36The child should immediately say,
00:40:37you know what, something happened today,
00:40:39and this is what happened.
00:40:40Deal with it the same day.
00:40:41Don't wait for the next day.
00:40:42May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us.
00:40:44You know, someone asked me about lying.
00:40:46That my child lies a lot.
00:40:48Lies a lot.
00:40:49And this happens, you know,
00:40:50as children grow up,
00:40:51some people say,
00:40:52children will never lie.
00:40:53But the truth is,
00:40:54no, they would lie sometimes.
00:40:55But why?
00:40:56A lot of the times, there is a reason.
00:40:58And sometimes,
00:40:59because the way you react to the truth
00:41:01is so harsh
00:41:03that they just prefer to lie.
00:41:04They'll even lie to you,
00:41:05mom, today we had an examination at school
00:41:07and I came first.
00:41:08And you say, wow, well done.
00:41:10There was no exam,
00:41:11and there was no even positioning.
00:41:13You don't even know.
00:41:14But just to get appreciation,
00:41:16the child is telling you something totally false.
00:41:19Come on.
00:41:20It's about time you reacted to the truth
00:41:23in a way that the next time
00:41:24they tell you the truth,
00:41:25mom, we had an exam today,
00:41:27or dad, you know what,
00:41:28I actually came last.
00:41:30So now, are you gonna become red and hot
00:41:32and say, I'm wasting my money and I'm this.
00:41:34You engage, you know what,
00:41:35what happened?
00:41:36Oh, it's okay.
00:41:37It's okay, it's okay, don't worry.
00:41:39You know what,
00:41:39next time inshallah you do much better.
00:41:41But then you need to know the reason.
00:41:43So you engage the child to say,
00:41:45what happened?
00:41:45Someone hassling you?
00:41:46Something happened?
00:41:47Did you oversleep
00:41:48or did you not study or something?
00:41:50And you engage in a beautiful way.
00:41:52This beautiful engagement is your test.
00:41:55We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:41:56to help us understand
00:41:58that the time that we have with our children
00:42:01is very limited.
00:42:02Before you know it,
00:42:03they're grown up,
00:42:04they're married,
00:42:04and they have children of their own.
00:42:06The sad reality,
00:42:07a lot of parents,
00:42:09a lot of parents become parents
00:42:11when they themselves are still children
00:42:13who need help.
00:42:15So you find I'm 18 years old
00:42:17and 20 years old,
00:42:1822 years old,
00:42:19first child.
00:42:20And yet you're still a child,
00:42:21you need help yourself.
00:42:22This is why I say,
00:42:23time is limited,
00:42:24very limited.
00:42:25Learn to deal with your children
00:42:27and in a beautiful way
00:42:28so that you can pass the baton on.
00:42:30May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us.
00:42:33Also extremely important,
00:42:34learn to pray with your children.
00:42:36Take the time.
00:42:37Give importance to your boys.
00:42:39Take them to the masjid
00:42:40in the case of the men.
00:42:42And you know, give importance to it.
00:42:43Make sure that you give importance to prayer.
00:42:46The minute you hear the adhan,
00:42:48everything must change.
00:42:49If your child witnesses this,
00:42:51the child will immediately
00:42:52respond to it in a similar way.
00:42:55Also with the women folk,
00:42:56masha'Allah,
00:42:57the same applies.
00:42:57Where you have the daughters
00:42:59would actually follow up
00:43:00and we pray together.
00:43:01And we don't make it a burden.
00:43:03Not a burden.
00:43:04Sometimes people say,
00:43:05you must read salah.
00:43:06Come here and so on.
00:43:07No.
00:43:07Fulfill it and show that you have
00:43:10so much enjoyment and comfort
00:43:12and ease from it
00:43:13that themselves they'll just look at you
00:43:15and say,
00:43:15Mom, I want to pray.
00:43:17Look at how happy you are.
00:43:18Whenever you pray,
00:43:19you're such a happy person.
00:43:21The sad reality is,
00:43:23we have lastminute.com system.
00:43:26Salah, okay, just now.
00:43:29Especially in the home.
00:43:30We're talking here,
00:43:31you know, I hope the brothers
00:43:32can actually rush to the masjid.
00:43:33But it means,
00:43:34okay, there's still five minutes remaining.
00:43:36Okay, there's two minutes.
00:43:36Okay, I'll manage.
00:43:37Oh, and before you know it,
00:43:39the time is up and it's gone.
00:43:41May Allah forgive us.
00:43:42May He make us regular.
00:43:43One of the most important things
00:43:45you as a parent needs to inculcate
00:43:48in the children Allah has blessed you with
00:43:50is the link with Allah.
00:43:51The link with the maker.
00:43:53And if you don't have it,
00:43:54how are they going to get it?
00:43:55And this is why we say,
00:43:57a very important point,
00:43:58if you have bad habits,
00:44:00never in front of your children.
00:44:02Never.
00:44:03You know smoking, bad habit.
00:44:04I know across the globe,
00:44:06there's so many people who smoke.
00:44:08But we say congratulations
00:44:11to those who can give it up,
00:44:13have given it up,
00:44:15and those who will give it up tonight also inshaAllah.
00:44:17Congratulations, mashaAllah.
00:44:19Wallahi, what a beautiful achievement.
00:44:22But we also must acknowledge
00:44:24the goodness of those
00:44:27who smoke but not in front of their children.
00:44:30I'm wording it carefully because
00:44:32we're not acknowledging any goodness in smoking.
00:44:33No, there isn't.
00:44:34But what we're saying is,
00:44:36you are ashamed enough of your bad habit
00:44:38to do it behind the back of your children.
00:44:41And this is why we say,
00:44:42you have a bad habit,
00:44:43never in front of your kids.
00:44:44It's bad enough that you have it.
00:44:46You want to pass it on?
00:44:48No, don't, don't.
00:44:50And you know it brings me to another point
00:44:51that comes to my mind.
00:44:53Sometimes we have a little domestic issue in the home.
00:44:56Never ever raise your voice with your spouse
00:44:59in the presence of your children.
00:45:00Never.
00:45:01Never ever admonish, scold, shout,
00:45:04or show that you have some dispute.
00:45:07Get into your room,
00:45:08perhaps lock the door.
00:45:09Make sure the guys are asleep
00:45:10and then you can start talking
00:45:11and say what you have to.
00:45:13Very important because
00:45:14it affects them in a huge way,
00:45:16in a really big way.
00:45:17And you won't know,
00:45:18they will have sleepless nights.
00:45:20I know, I'm a counselor.
00:45:22And I can tell you the type of emails we get,
00:45:24sometimes we don't even know how to respond.
00:45:27When the child says,
00:45:27I couldn't sleep for one week
00:45:29because I heard my mom and dad
00:45:30yelling at each other
00:45:31and I can't believe,
00:45:32I'm too frightened to lose any one of them.
00:45:36And this happens.
00:45:36And these are real life issues.
00:45:38So be careful, come on.
00:45:40It's important for you to know
00:45:42that when you have a little bit of a mess,
00:45:44something you're trying to deal with,
00:45:45ask yourself,
00:45:47is it worth it doing this in front of my children?
00:45:51I have seen cases,
00:45:52I've seen a man,
00:45:54and I know this man.
00:45:56And I've seen him in the mall,
00:45:58we were actually walking through a mall
00:45:59and he was walking about,
00:46:03you know, so many meters in front of his family.
00:46:05And his family were walking at the back
00:46:06with his children,
00:46:07wife and children were walking.
00:46:09And he greeted me and I greeted him back
00:46:11and I told him,
00:46:12I said, why are you walking so far away from your family?
00:46:14You know, get them a bit closer,
00:46:16you know, walk with them.
00:46:17He says, they irritate me.
00:46:18I said, well then, subhanallah, you need help.
00:46:21You need help.
00:46:22It's the truth.
00:46:24So what?
00:46:25Develop your levels.
00:46:26Your children have to laugh,
00:46:27they have to pull your throat,
00:46:28they have to mess,
00:46:29they have to do so many things.
00:46:30I was attending a lecture once,
00:46:32and my little son happened,
00:46:36two or three times it's happened to me,
00:46:37where they mess your clothes
00:46:39and you don't know, oh, I'm...
00:46:40So what?
00:46:41Nobody will even notice.
00:46:42And if they notice,
00:46:43they know you're a father,
00:46:44it's okay, it's fine,
00:46:45what's the big deal?
00:46:46MashaAllah.
00:46:47Once I was delivering a lecture,
00:46:48some of you might see it,
00:46:49one of the Ramadan series,
00:46:51I think it was the 21st or 22nd night
00:46:53of jewels of the Qur'an.
00:46:55And my little son
00:46:57happened to climb the mimbar behind me.
00:46:59And I don't know why everyone is laughing.
00:47:01I'm busy talking to the crowd,
00:47:02the camera is there,
00:47:03the thing is being beamed across wherever it is,
00:47:06and my son is behind me.
00:47:07And he's actually making faces
00:47:08and doing all sorts of things from the back.
00:47:12It's one of those things.
00:47:15I know it,
00:47:16when I knew that it was him,
00:47:17it changed me.
00:47:18It actually,
00:47:19you could actually sense in the talk
00:47:20that something's happened here.
00:47:22But I had to deal with it
00:47:23because I cannot turn around and say,
00:47:25hey, get down and do this and do that.
00:47:27It's okay, they are children,
00:47:28let them be children.
00:47:29May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us.
00:47:31Do not be embarrassed.
00:47:33Do not be embarrassed to the degree
00:47:35that you distance yourself from your own children.
00:47:37How can that be?
00:47:38Even your spouse,
00:47:39walk with them, carry them, play with them.
00:47:41That is the sunnah of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
00:47:43Once he delayed in sujood.
00:47:45You know, sujood is the prostration in salah, in prayer.
00:47:48Such an important posture.
00:47:50أَقْرَبُ مَا يَكُونُ الْعَبْدُ لِرَبِّهِ وَهُوَ سَاجِدٌ
00:47:53The hadith says,
00:47:54the closest that a slave is to his Rabb and his Lord
00:47:57is in the position of prostration.
00:47:59And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
00:48:01was delaying so much.
00:48:02And you know what the reason was?
00:48:04His grandson was on his back.
00:48:06And he didn't want to get up and drop him.
00:48:08So he waited until the grandson finished playing
00:48:10and went down.
00:48:11And he kept on praising Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:48:13then he got up.
00:48:14Amazing.
00:48:15There were instances when he carried him in his hand
00:48:18while he was praying.
00:48:20And you know what?
00:48:21Today I don't think we would really be able to do much of that in the masjid
00:48:24because nowadays the tolerance levels have dropped so much
00:48:27that even if you bring your child,
00:48:29someone might come and say,
00:48:30you know what, this child is too young,
00:48:31please don't bring this child anymore to the masjid.
00:48:34That's what they would say.
00:48:35And perhaps they wouldn't, you know,
00:48:37the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
00:48:38it is reported in correct hadith that
00:48:41he used to make haste with salah
00:48:43when he heard the screaming of children at the back.
00:48:46You know, when the children made a noise at the back,
00:48:49and he would make a little bit of haste
00:48:51and he would try and complete the salah
00:48:53so that the mothers can have a bit of relief.
00:48:55It's not so easy.
00:48:57This is the sunnah.
00:48:58Where are we?
00:48:59We become parents and we think we know it all.
00:49:01Go back to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,
00:49:03believe me, you'll be amazed and surprised
00:49:05at all the points we derive
00:49:07when we learn from Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam's life
00:49:10and the way he treated his family and his children and so on.
00:49:14Another extremely important point,
00:49:16some people promise their children,
00:49:18you know what, if you do this, I'll give you a sweet.
00:49:20Then when they do it, no sweet comes.
00:49:23That's dangerous.
00:49:23You know, they work towards it.
00:49:24You say, if you do this, end of the year, we're going on holiday.
00:49:28Come end of the year, no holiday comes.
00:49:30So what happens?
00:49:31The child loses trust, mistrust, no more.
00:49:34I don't have any trust anymore.
00:49:35The reason is, this father or mother of mine,
00:49:37every time they promise me something,
00:49:39they never deliver the goods.
00:49:41Promise something small, but deliver it.
00:49:43If the child has done something, deliver the thing.
00:49:46Because if you do that,
00:49:47it encourages and boosts the child, number one.
00:49:50And number two, it builds the trust between you and the child.
00:49:54The next time you say something,
00:49:55the child knows, my mother is truthful,
00:49:57my father, very truthful person.
00:49:59So be truthful and learn to fulfill the promises
00:50:01that you make for your own children.
00:50:04Also, extremely important,
00:50:07sit with your children and tell them tales of the past, your life.
00:50:11You know, when I was growing up, this is what happened.
00:50:13We had a time when this happened and that happened.
00:50:16You know, we used to walk to school,
00:50:17and we used to have shoes that had holes in them.
00:50:20And you know, amazing.
00:50:21And the child will say, what?
00:50:22Because you do not realize how fast the world is moving.
00:50:26Do you know that there are children who were...
00:50:30I mean, I'm taking a look at my age roughly for example,
00:50:32and the average age of us who are seated here today.
00:50:35There are children who grew up and who were born
00:50:38and they are growing up in the age of the mobile phone in a way
00:50:42that they think it is absolutely normal to ignore people
00:50:45and to be on the phone.
00:50:46Because that's the only thing they've seen their entire lives.
00:50:49So we don't realize.
00:50:51They don't even know there was a time 1996,
00:50:54or in fact 1990,
00:50:56when if you needed to call a different continent,
00:50:58you had to phone the operator and book a call,
00:51:01and they would call you back and say,
00:51:02we have connected your call,
00:51:04and you speak and they're counting the seconds,
00:51:06and you pay so much per second.
00:51:08I recall when I was a student in Madina Munawwara,
00:51:11we used to only have those phones,
00:51:13no mobile, no nothing.
00:51:14We used to have those phones with the coins.
00:51:16It was 17 coins a minute.
00:51:19That's what we used to pay.
00:51:2017.
00:51:21Today we have, you know, free.
00:51:23On Skype you can talk to them and they can see you
00:51:25and you can smile and wink for free.
00:51:26MashaAllah.
00:51:28But that time it was so expensive.
00:51:29Talk to them about it.
00:51:30You know, in our days,
00:51:31let me show you what a pay phone is all about.
00:51:33After that they introduced a little card.
00:51:35You would push in the card and then you would press.
00:51:37And after that they introduced what was known as kabeenas.
00:51:40Kabeenas meaning you actually would go there and phone.
00:51:42And sometimes they would link you with your house.
00:51:44I had a link with one of the guys.
00:51:46And from sitting at my home,
00:51:47I would connect through him.
00:51:49And this is what was happening.
00:51:51And today they are out of business, believe me.
00:51:53They are out of business
00:51:55because it's something far away.
00:51:56But for our children,
00:51:57talk to them about the times,
00:51:59you know, gone are the days.
00:52:00I really enjoy the stories
00:52:03of how long it took from one city to another,
00:52:05the type of cars they had.
00:52:06Still I enjoy these stories
00:52:08because it's amazing.
00:52:10I can give you a story.
00:52:12My little brother,
00:52:13the first time that he ever tasted Coca-Cola.
00:52:16In fact he's older than me but when he was little.
00:52:18The first time he ever tasted Coke.
00:52:21And wallahi this is a true story.
00:52:22My own family,
00:52:23my brother would probably be listening to this and laughing.
00:52:26The first time he drank Coke,
00:52:27he told my mother,
00:52:29I don't like this, there's ants in it.
00:52:32Do you know what that means?
00:52:34It's the gas.
00:52:36The gas in the Coke.
00:52:37He says, I don't like this, there's ants in it.
00:52:39And after that he became
00:52:41one of the biggest Coke drinkers you could have.
00:52:44And I sit and I think,
00:52:45how could you say ants in it?
00:52:46You know, because,
00:52:47just because of the gas in your mouth.
00:52:49Today the little kids from,
00:52:51from when they can drink,
00:52:52we start feeding them a bit of Coke.
00:52:54That's very bad for the health.
00:52:55But anyway, this is what has happened.
00:52:57Life has changed.
00:52:57So tell them stories of the past.
00:52:59You'll be able to develop the link
00:53:01and so much will happen.
00:53:03Also of importance is to teach your child
00:53:06how to say no
00:53:07when something negative happens,
00:53:10when there is something that is wrong.
00:53:12You teach your child to say no.
00:53:15So they don't just participate
00:53:17in everything being polite.
00:53:18Sometimes politeness is to say no
00:53:20in a beautiful way.
00:53:21This is extremely important.
00:53:23Also of importance is,
00:53:26when the child has failed in something,
00:53:28how do you react to the child?
00:53:31We spoke about it slightly
00:53:33and it's important for us to think about it.
00:53:35Don't react in a way
00:53:36that the child becomes depressed.
00:53:37That is your child.
00:53:38If you do not appreciate the child,
00:53:41who will do that in your place?
00:53:44Perhaps the child might look for attention
00:53:46and appreciation elsewhere
00:53:47and we regret for an entire lifetime.
00:53:50Also if you have more than one child,
00:53:52be fair.
00:53:52That is a sunnah of Muhammad ﷺ.
00:53:54Be balanced.
00:53:55Make sure that you make them all feel loved
00:53:57and you make them all feel,
00:53:59you know, this beautiful feeling
00:54:00that subhanallah,
00:54:02Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:54:03has blessed us with these parents
00:54:05and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:54:06has granted us ease and goodness
00:54:08and we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
00:54:10to help us.
00:54:11I think I'm hearing the adhan.
00:54:12If I'm not mistaken,
00:54:13can we pause for a moment inshallah,
00:54:15respecting and responding the call inshallah.
00:54:17Just pausing.
00:54:18We're seated here
00:54:19but we will answer the adhan.
00:54:21As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah.
00:54:30We were speaking about the various points
00:54:33and a point that has just come to my mind
00:54:35at the moment is,
00:54:36something extremely important,
00:54:38where the Islamic values
00:54:40will always remain the same.
00:54:42Remember this.
00:54:43The Islamic values do not change.
00:54:45They will remain the same.
00:54:47But the style and the method
00:54:49is what changes.
00:54:50So the value is the same.
00:54:52Islamic values,
00:54:53how you portray them,
00:54:55how you educate them in that regard,
00:54:57that may change with the changing of time.
00:54:59You know we have something nowadays
00:55:01known as brownie points.
00:55:03You can give them in so many different ways
00:55:05to your little children.
00:55:06You know you have,
00:55:07say on your fridge,
00:55:08you might have a little card
00:55:10or a little maybe a board,
00:55:14where you pen a star.
00:55:15Every time the child does something good
00:55:17and you tell them,
00:55:17you get ten stars
00:55:19and inshallah you'll have a surprise.
00:55:21So the child has one star,
00:55:22two stars, well done, well done.
00:55:24Then if they do something that's not good,
00:55:26you might delete a star.
00:55:28Talk to them and say,
00:55:28look one star goes,
00:55:29you have to pay for this.
00:55:30And when they get to ten,
00:55:31give it to them.
00:55:32Subhanallah.
00:55:33This encourages.
00:55:34Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has asked us
00:55:37to compete when it comes to paradise.
00:55:39And guess what he's done?
00:55:40He's described snippets of paradise
00:55:43for us to work towards it
00:55:44and we know we're going to get it.
00:55:46So this shows us
00:55:47that when you have told your child
00:55:49that if you get ten stars,
00:55:50you're going to get something,
00:55:51it will help the child subhanallah
00:55:53in such a beautiful way.
00:55:55They have a goal and an aim,
00:55:56I want ten stars.
00:55:57I have a son,
00:55:58at school he has spelling tests.
00:56:00And every time the spelling test,
00:56:02the person who gets the top results,
00:56:05they have their name put on.
00:56:06And you know what?
00:56:07He comes back and says,
00:56:08my name is on there,
00:56:09my name is on there.
00:56:10They are so happy,
00:56:11it's just a name,
00:56:12it's something.
00:56:13When I teach little children,
00:56:15I have a habit of every single day,
00:56:18I have two lists.
00:56:19Those who are good and those who are bad.
00:56:21This is something interesting.
00:56:23And so what I do is,
00:56:24I make sure that I write
00:56:25maximum number of names
00:56:27on the side which says,
00:56:29those who are good.
00:56:30And guess what?
00:56:31Those who are bad,
00:56:32I never ever write names on there.
00:56:34But I threaten them,
00:56:35to say, do you know what?
00:56:36Do you want your name to go on here?
00:56:37They say, no, no, no, we don't want.
00:56:38Okay, there you are.
00:56:40Meaning it's a beautiful way of looking at things.
00:56:41When I say threaten,
00:56:42I don't mean in a bad way.
00:56:43We're talking of telling them,
00:56:45you might have your name on there,
00:56:46but don't worry,
00:56:47I don't think you deserve it yet.
00:56:48And keep on saying that until the lesson is over.
00:56:50And then when they go,
00:56:51they'll talk about it for the day.
00:56:53Wow!
00:56:53We had our names on the right side.
00:56:55It means so much to them and for you.
00:56:57You know what I've actually done recently?
00:56:58We opened a madrasa back in Zimbabwe.
00:57:01And at the beginning,
00:57:02the first few weeks I was teaching.
00:57:03We were teaching Alif and Ba to the kids.
00:57:06And I remember very clearly, I said,
00:57:07would you like a watch?
00:57:08And the child says, yes.
00:57:09So I drew a watch on the board.
00:57:10That's your watch.
00:57:11Your name is next to it.
00:57:12Wallahi.
00:57:13And would you like a car?
00:57:15Yes, I drew a car on the board.
00:57:16And I put the name.
00:57:17That's your car.
00:57:18And they went home.
00:57:18Today I got a watch.
00:57:19Father says, where is it?
00:57:20Says, it was on the board.
00:57:21MashaAllah.
00:57:23But to be honest with you,
00:57:24it's something that helps.
00:57:25It is just a system.
00:57:27You need to think up these things
00:57:28in order to get this, you know,
00:57:30relationship going between me and the child.
00:57:33To say, look, you know what?
00:57:34There's your car.
00:57:35Imagine going back home.
00:57:36Dad, I got a car.
00:57:37It's a Toyota.
00:57:38Dad says, wow, where is it?
00:57:40And he says, it's on the board.
00:57:41I mean, it's so...
00:57:42But it's good, mashaAllah.
00:57:43Alhamdulillah.
00:57:43May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us.
00:57:47Also what's very important
00:57:48is to avoid anger.
00:57:50We spoke about it from a different angle.
00:57:52But I know sometimes we become upset.
00:57:55You can show the child that you're upset,
00:57:56but avoid anger.
00:57:57Anger is something dangerous.
00:57:59The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says,
00:58:00and he warns even one youth who came to him,
00:58:03and he asked him for advice.
00:58:04He repeated the statement,
00:58:06لا تغضب, لا تغضب, لا تغضب.
00:58:08Do not get angry.
00:58:10When you are angry,
00:58:11it impairs the way you deal with things.
00:58:14Your judgment is impaired.
00:58:16The way you actually tackle matters is changed.
00:58:19So this is why we must make sure
00:58:21that anger we control.
00:58:22And we make sure that
00:58:24if we are becoming upset and angry,
00:58:26there is a way of dealing with it.
00:58:27We should be calm.
00:58:29We should ask Allah's protection from shaytan,
00:58:32and so on, especially when
00:58:33dealing with our own children.
00:58:35I want to quickly move to the last subtitle,
00:58:38and that is positive living.
00:58:40It's important to develop
00:58:41a deep rooted relationship with your children
00:58:44to create a positive emotional environment.
00:58:47I stop there for a minute.
00:58:49You enter some homes,
00:58:50and you know what happens?
00:58:51Everyone is gloomy.
00:58:53Everyone is so gloomy.
00:58:55You just feel like, what am I doing here?
00:58:56It's happened to me.
00:58:57You enter a house and people are just looking down,
00:58:59and they're so sad.
00:59:01And you know they're like frowning,
00:59:02and everyone is just looking at each other.
00:59:04No communication between the people,
00:59:05not even with you as a visitor sometimes.
00:59:08And subhanallah, that is so dangerous.
00:59:10Emotionally, you are sapping the people who are there,
00:59:13your own family members.
00:59:14You need to create a positive emotional environment.
00:59:17I know some mums,
00:59:19whom mashallah, even when they are sick and ill,
00:59:21they come out of their beds,
00:59:22and they make sure they pack away their children's lunch,
00:59:25and send them off to school with a smile.
00:59:27And they'll get back to the bed and say,
00:59:28Ya Allah, help me.
00:59:30I'm so unwell today.
00:59:31But they did not show that to the child.
00:59:33I know sometimes it's not so easy,
00:59:35but to create this positive environment
00:59:38goes so far in bringing up the child
00:59:41in a way that is positive.
00:59:43Everything that happens to the child,
00:59:44the child comes back home looking forward to the home.
00:59:48Hey, I'm running home.
00:59:49You know, if you picture in your mind,
00:59:52a child rushing back home to hug the mum,
00:59:55and another child depressed walking back,
00:59:57thinking, what's gonna happen when I go home?
01:00:00Which one do you want?
01:00:02Wouldn't you like your child
01:00:03looking at the watch sometimes,
01:00:05hey, it's almost home time.
01:00:06Yeah, my dad's gonna be there,
01:00:07waiting there to pick me up.
01:00:08Isn't that a beautiful feeling?
01:00:09And others say,
01:00:10I wish this thing doesn't stop.
01:00:12I don't even want to look at my dad.
01:00:13I don't even want to see.
01:00:14I don't even want to go home.
01:00:16Create the positive environment.
01:00:17Make sure that you work towards it.
01:00:19May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us.
01:00:21Like we said,
01:00:22you have to strive to achieve.
01:00:24It doesn't just come like that.
01:00:26Some people are a bit more gifted perhaps.
01:00:28But it's a striving.
01:00:30You need to force yourself
01:00:31to do things in the positive way.
01:00:33And ask Allah's help.
01:00:34And this brings us to an important point also.
01:00:37And that is,
01:00:39be concerned about the health of your child.
01:00:42You know, some people, the child is sick,
01:00:43they say, don't worry.
01:00:44If you still got this cough after one week,
01:00:46then we'll go to the doctor.
01:00:48By that time, the child might be half dead.
01:00:50You don't even know what happened.
01:00:52MashaAllah, you are living in a country where
01:00:54medical attention is very easily accessible.
01:00:58There are some countries where it's so difficult.
01:01:00Wallahi, it's your duty.
01:01:02Your health of your child is so important,
01:01:04my beloved fathers and mothers.
01:01:06Take it seriously.
01:01:07Now, there is the other extreme
01:01:09where something small happens
01:01:10and you quickly rush to the doctor.
01:01:12That's another extreme.
01:01:13Because every day you'll be at the hospital.
01:01:15Believe me.
01:01:16You know, the child will grow up in the hospital.
01:01:19You know.
01:01:20Amazing.
01:01:20I know of one case where
01:01:22we visited the doctor
01:01:23and we were sitting there.
01:01:24We had an issue.
01:01:25And someone comes in with the child.
01:01:27And there was nothing looking, you know, nothing.
01:01:29It was not looking like anything wrong with the child.
01:01:32And I asked this man who was there,
01:01:35you know, salamat,
01:01:36you know, I hope everything is okay.
01:01:38You know, Allah grant shifa.
01:01:39He said, yeah, you see, his eyes a bit swollen.
01:01:41I said, okay, his eyes swollen.
01:01:42What happened?
01:01:43And I could see absolutely nothing.
01:01:45Nothing.
01:01:46And subhanAllah,
01:01:48a little while later,
01:01:49I seen perhaps there was a slight pink eyes.
01:01:51Something happened? No.
01:01:52No, we were just looking at the eyes,
01:01:53looking at the eyes.
01:01:54And my wife told me,
01:01:55you know, this eye is a bit swollen.
01:01:56And I'm saying, no.
01:01:57But she looked at it.
01:01:58She said, no, swollen.
01:01:59And I said, what do you mean?
01:02:01She says, no.
01:02:01Then she said, just take him to the doctor to check,
01:02:04to make sure.
01:02:05I said, subhanAllah.
01:02:06You're looking at things.
01:02:07Obviously, I let them be.
01:02:08Because sometimes people have this nature.
01:02:10But I felt that that was a bit exaggeration.
01:02:12You know, sometimes you...
01:02:14There's nothing wrong.
01:02:15You know, if I tell you there's a line.
01:02:16We did it with one of our teachers
01:02:18once when I was at high school.
01:02:20I've given this example before.
01:02:22Perhaps, you know, you'll enjoy it.
01:02:24Perhaps some of you might know it.
01:02:25We had a teacher.
01:02:26And she used to teach us math.
01:02:28And she was so, so, so strict.
01:02:31And so much work within that little time
01:02:33that was slotted to her.
01:02:35So we decided,
01:02:36we were learning, you know,
01:02:37biology and science and so on.
01:02:38And we were learning about how people think.
01:02:40And we said, no, let's try it on her.
01:02:42So early in the morning,
01:02:43we had so many, about 30 of us,
01:02:45but planted in different places
01:02:47throughout the school
01:02:48where she would be walking.
01:02:49And as soon as she came to the school,
01:02:51you know, we would go,
01:02:52morning ma'am,
01:02:53can I help you with your books?
01:02:55You know, because she has some books in her hands and so on.
01:02:57Morning ma'am, can I help you with your books?
01:02:58She says, yes, yes, yes.
01:02:59Ma'am, is there something wrong?
01:03:01You're not looking so well.
01:03:02No, I'm fine.
01:03:03There's absolutely nothing wrong with me.
01:03:05Wow!
01:03:06Okay ma'am, but I just,
01:03:07we were just thinking maybe perhaps
01:03:08you're not looking too well.
01:03:09And then she walked a little bit.
01:03:11And the one guy was carrying her books.
01:03:14And there was another person planted by the stairs.
01:03:16And as she got to the stairs, someone says,
01:03:18you know, will you stand up?
01:03:19That was the discipline at the school I went to.
01:03:20You stand up and you greet,
01:03:22morning ma'am, are you okay ma'am?
01:03:23You're not looking too well.
01:03:24No, I'm fine.
01:03:25You know.
01:03:26And guess what?
01:03:27By the time she got all the way to her classroom,
01:03:30and this is a true story, we pranked it.
01:03:33As she got to the classroom and she says,
01:03:35she entered the classroom,
01:03:35there must have been about 20 people
01:03:37who told her how sick she was looking that day.
01:03:39When she got to the classroom, she says,
01:03:41morning boys,
01:03:43I'm not feeling too well today.
01:03:47You can have a free lesson.
01:03:49I think I just need to, you know.
01:03:51And I swear it worked.
01:03:53And the reason why I say this is because psychologically,
01:03:57everyone is saying you're looking sick.
01:03:59So then you definitely said,
01:04:00yeah, yeah, I'm looking sick, I'm sick.
01:04:02Okay, I'm sick.
01:04:03And this is just an example I'm giving
01:04:05that sometimes out of something,
01:04:06out of nothing, we make something.
01:04:08Remember that with your children,
01:04:10take things seriously,
01:04:11but you don't have to over exaggerate.
01:04:13May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us.
01:04:16Something extremely important,
01:04:18and this is a point someone yesterday told me to raise.
01:04:23Because it's a very, very pertinent issue,
01:04:26the issue of marriage,
01:04:27marriage of your children.
01:04:30Now your child has grown, mashallah.
01:04:32And the child wants to get married.
01:04:33I say something,
01:04:35why is it that we show the most keen interest
01:04:39in the life of the child
01:04:41when the child is about to marry,
01:04:43when we were absent throughout the upbringing of that child?
01:04:46It happens.
01:04:47I never took part in my child's life.
01:04:49Now suddenly the child went to varsity
01:04:51and went elsewhere and did this and did that.
01:04:53And they come up with something
01:04:54which might not be exactly per the ideal
01:04:58that I had a dream of.
01:04:59And then I make such a show of it
01:05:01that there is war in my home for such a long time.
01:05:06The reason is I did not participate
01:05:08in the life of my child.
01:05:09I had a dream person that my child would marry,
01:05:13but I never related it in a beautiful way
01:05:15because I had no relationship.
01:05:17This is what it is.
01:05:18I believe if you have a solid relationship
01:05:21from a young age,
01:05:22so beautiful, open communication,
01:05:24like a booklet.
01:05:25You know people say,
01:05:26a parent should be nowadays more a friend than a parent.
01:05:29I think you know what,
01:05:30there is a difference between a friend and a parent,
01:05:32but we can bring the two together
01:05:34and be very very good friends as parents.
01:05:38Because there is a slight difference.
01:05:39A parent actually what is the duty is guiding as well.
01:05:44And perhaps a little bit of authority as well.
01:05:46Whereas a friend might not be able to have any authority.
01:05:49But I believe the engaging
01:05:51from the beginning of the life of the child
01:05:54would be if it was good,
01:05:55when the child makes decisions,
01:05:58the first person who would know is you.
01:06:00So you can guide them from the beginning.
01:06:02You know what, beautiful choice.
01:06:03You know what, I don't think we should go in this direction.
01:06:06You know, it's so tricky because today
01:06:09people ask at what age should we talk about marriage to our children.
01:06:13There is no specific age,
01:06:15it depends on your culture,
01:06:16it depends on your norm,
01:06:18depends on the upbringing.
01:06:19But I believe the way you treat your child
01:06:22would already send strong messages to the child
01:06:25from a very early age
01:06:26as to what they should be looking for in a spouse.
01:06:28And at the early age perhaps 12, 13,
01:06:30you can start talking to them about
01:06:32the type of spouse that should interest them.
01:06:36And the reason why I say this,
01:06:37you know someone might be thinking,
01:06:38okay the proper Islamic way of doing things is that
01:06:41it must come from here and it must do that.
01:06:42Do you know what,
01:06:43reality on the ground is something else sometimes.
01:06:47A lot of cases and I know of people living in,
01:06:50you know, the western countries and so on,
01:06:52even where I come from,
01:06:53the son or the daughter will come up and say,
01:06:57dad, I found someone, get married.
01:06:58That's what happens in a lot of countries.
01:07:00I don't think it's the norm here,
01:07:02but it does happen.
01:07:03A lot of countries where they'll say,
01:07:05I found someone and the dad will say,
01:07:06well, who's the lucky?
01:07:07I know, friends of mine who have told me,
01:07:10hey, my daughter found someone.
01:07:11You know what, according to some cultures
01:07:12that is absolutely unacceptable.
01:07:14In fact, according to the Islamic norm,
01:07:16it's not the ideal way of doing things.
01:07:18No, it isn't.
01:07:19But, if reality has struck,
01:07:21what do you do as a parent?
01:07:23It's something, it's very tricky.
01:07:24I believe before you get to that day,
01:07:26you already need to engage the child,
01:07:28so that the day that the child grows older,
01:07:31they allow you or they make you a part of their decisions.
01:07:36But if you were never there,
01:07:37you will not be there.
01:07:39Even when they decide, they say,
01:07:41Anyway, you made a mistake with mom,
01:07:42or mom, you made a mistake with dad.
01:07:44Anyway, I don't want to repeat the same mistakes.
01:07:47It happens.
01:07:48So we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to guide us.
01:07:51And this is why we say,
01:07:52marriage of the children,
01:07:54participate in it in a beautiful way.
01:07:56Then, if you have had a case
01:07:58which might not be the ideal,
01:08:00where someone, your child has come to you
01:08:03and told you that, you know,
01:08:04this is what I'd like to achieve.
01:08:05And you know, you might not be so keen,
01:08:07ask yourself one main question.
01:08:09Firstly, you may want to talk to the child,
01:08:11engage the child, ask them their reasons,
01:08:13try and educate them, try and help them,
01:08:16try and wean them off something.
01:08:18Sometimes kids might only come to you
01:08:20two years after they've already promised someone,
01:08:22I'm going to marry them.
01:08:23After two years they tell you,
01:08:24you know what dad, someone.
01:08:25And you think it's fresh, you don't know,
01:08:27it's two years old, three years old,
01:08:29seven years old, you don't even know.
01:08:31Because you were a dad who was never really there.
01:08:34This is something tricky.
01:08:35But obviously with the environment around
01:08:37and with the internet and so on,
01:08:38there is so much that goes on.
01:08:40You need to guide your children from an early age.
01:08:42Like I say, then you try and wean them off
01:08:45by communication, education,
01:08:46and trying to talk to them, engage them,
01:08:49delay them a little bit.
01:08:50If you get to a stage,
01:08:53you know like they say,
01:08:53when the push gets to the shelf,
01:08:55then you need to understand what to do.
01:08:57Ask yourself one final question,
01:09:00is this allowed in Islam?
01:09:02If it is, as much as I have to swallow the pill,
01:09:06let me swallow it and let them make a mistake
01:09:08rather than lose their minds.
01:09:10I have come across more than 10 cases
01:09:14of children who have lost their minds.
01:09:18They suffered mental depression
01:09:21of a very very serious state.
01:09:25Because something went wrong
01:09:29in a love life that was not supposed
01:09:31to have been in the first place.
01:09:32Allah!
01:09:35And this is reality.
01:09:36Like I said tonight,
01:09:37we don't want to speak fantasy.
01:09:38We are talking real life issues
01:09:40that affect us on the ground.
01:09:42You may or may not have gone through it.
01:09:44It may or may not be applicable
01:09:45directly and immediately to you.
01:09:47But believe me, it's happening.
01:09:49And the reason is,
01:09:50sometimes the parents are so unreasonable.
01:09:53What's wrong?
01:09:54What is it?
01:09:55May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us.
01:09:57Engage your children, help them.
01:09:58If it is allowed and permissible,
01:10:00and if it can happen,
01:10:03and you've tried your best to guide them,
01:10:05then let it happen.
01:10:06Perhaps it might be the best way.
01:10:08This is why seek guidance.
01:10:10And there is one thing
01:10:11that has to be the underlying factor.
01:10:14If you are always worried
01:10:16about what the world is going to say about you,
01:10:20you might make the wrong decisions in life.
01:10:23Remember this.
01:10:24Sometimes you have to champion a cause
01:10:27that you are the leader of.
01:10:29Believe me.
01:10:31I'm worried what's the world going to say.
01:10:33The whole world is worried
01:10:34of what the rest of the world is going to say.
01:10:36So we all living a life
01:10:37that other people would like to see us living.
01:10:39None of us are living our own lives.
01:10:42This is what happens.
01:10:43I need to ask myself,
01:10:44what does my Lord have to say about it?
01:10:47What does Allah have to say?
01:10:48What is it in Islam?
01:10:50Is it allowed? Is it not allowed?
01:10:52Am I fine tuning this with what my faith is?
01:10:55If that is the case,
01:10:56alhamdulillah, I'm heading in the right direction.
01:10:59May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless us all.
01:11:01The final point I'd like to make mention of
01:11:02before I close is dua, supplication.
01:11:07Supplication is extremely important.
01:11:09You know, sometimes we think we are very intelligent.
01:11:11Very intelligent. I can do things.
01:11:13We forget to pray.
01:11:14Ask Allah,
01:11:15O Allah, help my children
01:11:17and help me be a good parent.
01:11:19We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
01:11:21to show us the path
01:11:23and to show them the path.
01:11:24To help us be effective.
01:11:26O Allah, my weaknesses,
01:11:27cover them from my children.
01:11:29And O Allah, develop them in a beautiful way.
01:11:31And O Allah, help them through their weaknesses.
01:11:33And O Allah, whatever they need help in,
01:11:37expose it to me in a way that I can help them
01:11:39and grant me the ability to help them in that.
01:11:42Sometimes your children need help.
01:11:43They don't ask you.
01:11:44And sometimes you don't pick it up.
01:11:46But if you ask Allah to show it to you
01:11:48by Allah's will,
01:11:49those are your children.
01:11:50Don't be a person who curses the children.
01:11:53The hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
01:11:55speaks of dua of a parent,
01:11:57the supplication of a parent.
01:11:58It's dangerous to curse your own kids.
01:12:00Some people, every little thing,
01:12:02you know,
01:12:03I don't even want to say those words,
01:12:04they're so bad,
01:12:05but they're on the tongues.
01:12:06Every little thing, you curse the father,
01:12:08and you curse this person,
01:12:09and you curse that one,
01:12:10and you curse your kids,
01:12:11and you curse...
01:12:12Why?
01:12:13Rather spend that moment to make a good dua.
01:12:15Rather spend the moment to supplicate in a way
01:12:18that amazingly the child will benefit
01:12:20just from your supplication.
01:12:21Because Allah is in control.
01:12:23Didn't I start this talk by saying,
01:12:26the one who is in absolute control
01:12:28of every aspect of existence,
01:12:30that is Rabbul Alameen.
01:12:31My brothers and sisters,
01:12:32I have shared with you
01:12:34just a few of the notes that I have on parenting.
01:12:37And this is...
01:12:38As Muslims we have spoken today,
01:12:40and this is why you will hear
01:12:41a lot of the quotations from the Qur'an and the Sunnah.
01:12:44And you will hear the guidelines as Muslims.
01:12:46We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to bless us.
01:12:48There is still a lot
01:12:50that can be said about parenting,
01:12:51and a lot that still has to be said about parenting.
01:12:54It cannot just end in one session.
01:12:56But this is just, insha'Allah,
01:12:58an encouragement for us
01:13:00to head in the right direction,
01:13:01to be able to talk about it.
01:13:03Perhaps we can have more workshops.
01:13:05We can share ideas.
01:13:06That's also a very important point.
01:13:08You have friends,
01:13:09your friends have children.
01:13:10Talk to them sometimes.
01:13:11You know when your child was growing up,
01:13:12what did you do?
01:13:13And they'll say,
01:13:13Oh, I sent my child here,
01:13:15this is what I did.
01:13:15I got them into good company.
01:13:17I made sure I did this.
01:13:18And you learn from it.
01:13:19So we share our experiences.
01:13:21And I think it's really really beautiful
01:13:23to listen to the experiences of others
01:13:25and to learn from them
01:13:26and let them also learn from us.
01:13:28أقول ما تسمعون
01:13:29I've said whatever you've heard.
01:13:30I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
01:13:32to accept it from us.
01:13:33In a few moments, insha'Allah,
01:13:34I'll be reading some of the questions
01:13:35that are here.
01:13:36In the meantime,
01:13:37Jazakumullah khair.
01:13:38Thank you so much for your listening.
01:13:39We pause just for a few moments.