Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the most terrible, fingernails-on-chalkboard TV theme songs.
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00:00Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're counting down our picks for the most terrible fingers-on-chalkboard
00:13TV theme songs.
00:15Heads up, some spoilers to come.
00:27Of course, a show about science-loving nerds would begin with some kind of scientific explanation
00:32for the titular theory.
00:33But they're saying it, chief.
00:35The song was composed by rock band The Bare Naked Ladies at the behest of the showrunners,
00:39who liked co-lead Ed Robertson's freestyle rap on the same subject.
00:46Perhaps the freestyle rap may have been more clever.
00:55As it is, the Big Bang Theory theme is a mostly unrhymed, barely coherent explanation
01:00for the universe's beginnings and humanity's development and accomplishments.
01:04Though it is mercifully short, it definitely gets grating with repetition.
01:17Now this theme song is as butt-ugly as it's show.
01:21That may be intentional, but it doesn't make it any more bearable.
01:28The theme song for this Nickelodeon show is not just repetitious, but poorly sung with
01:33abysmal lyric writing.
01:39Melody-wise, the song obviously takes inspiration from military training, call and response
01:43drills.
01:44Most tellingly, the theme bears a slight resemblance to the kid-friendly The Ants Go Marching,
01:48based on the Civil War era song.
01:50Except, of course, it's way less of a fun march and more of a dirge.
02:04Speaking of listicle-style songs, the theme song to this 2015 animated show is a definite
02:09bore.
02:10From its passive-aggressive lack of rhyme to its indifferent rap, the Pickle and Peanut
02:17theme barely has a musical identity, much less coherent lyrics.
02:25You would think the misadventures of these two anthropomorphic foods deserved something
02:29quirkier.
02:30As it is, it's freestyle rap, so free, it's basically like reading out a shopping list.
02:38No doubt the theme song matches the show's absurdism, but this is just too lethargic
02:42for any comic charm.
02:44Even so, it's hard to believe this show starred on Disney XD with such a bad theme.
03:01A spin-off of the classic sitcom Three's Company, now this we have to see.
03:05Unfortunately, the Ropers, focusing on the landlords of the famous trio, disappoints
03:09in at least one respect.
03:16Unlike the jaunty Three's Company theme, the Ropers opts for an instrumental, complete
03:21with farting trombones and a high-pitched clarinet.
03:25The melody is a brave attempt at a jazz humoresque, but it lacks both the improvisation of jazz
03:32and the humour and wit of, well, humoresque.
03:35The result is less quirky than dull and rote.
03:47Do you know what would be an appropriate theme song for this Warner Bros animated Scooby-Doo
03:51series?
03:52Anything.
03:53Seriously, anything other than this.
04:02The Shaggy and Scooby-Doo Get a Clue theme is obviously not going to measure up to the
04:05pleasantly groovy theme of the original show, but this fast-paced rock theme, half-sung
04:10and half-shouted, goes beyond disappointing.
04:12It doesn't even have the saving grace to be short, meaning that for a full minute,
04:16we get treated to repetitious lyrics in an already repetitious melody.
04:23Yeah, we got the clue, alright?
04:30This theme sucks.
04:38It's an eternal dilemma for a TV show.
04:40Should it have an instrumental theme or a vocal one?
04:43Both can be good choices, depending on the show, but what happens when a show decides
04:47to choose both?
04:50Good thing about this scatting theme is its jaunty, catchy melody, even if it's without
04:57much emotion.
04:58But simply singing, nah, was not a wise choice.
05:01It almost seems as if the singer itself is mocking the song.
05:08Safe to say, singing the theme song may get you accused of mockery pretty quickly, or
05:13just being a nuisance.
05:23The cluing theme to this 80s series has the grace to be mellow, at least.
05:27But alas, not the grace to be good.
05:34The Charles in Charge theme, barely performed by Shandy Cinnamon, was composed by David
05:39Kurtz, Michael Jacobs and Al Burton.
05:41Apart from being very typically 80s, the theme has a meandering, middling melody that goes
05:46nowhere near interesting.
05:53And what's with the lyrics?
05:54Charles in charge of our days and our nights?
05:57Charles in charge of our wrongs and our rights?
05:59This is a 19-year-old college kid we're talking about.
06:01How much charisma does this guy have?
06:03I mean, if this theme song is any indication, not much.
06:14Yeah we know, it's blasphemous for such a long-running, iconic comedy to appear on
06:18this list.
06:19But no show is perfect, and if South Park has any weaknesses, it is its theme song.
06:27Sung by Les Claypool, the lead singer of the band Primus, the song is a folk-rock or bluegrass
06:32ditty without much to recommend it.
06:34Interspersed with Claypool's vocals are the main character's voices, including Kenny's
06:38muffled lines, typically of a sexually explicit nature.
06:44The lack of wit and humour is disappointing, to say the least, and with repetition, it
06:48hardly gets better.
06:54Ah, Caillou.
07:03Perhaps the most infamous four-year-old boy in the history of children's programming,
07:07Caillou's show has been considered at best cloyingly inoffensive and at worst controversial.
07:12His theme also leaves much to be desired.
07:22Sung by its titular character, voiced by Brian McCauley, this melody is both mawkish
07:26and jaunty, both mellow and excitable.
07:29The lyrics are appropriately kid-friendly, though replete with uncreative rhymes about
07:33Caillou's daily life and interests.
07:39The effect may not be completely objectionable, but it's certainly not inspiring.
07:43And it's quite annoying when you hear it over and over again.
08:00There are redeemable qualities in even the worst TV shows, in theory anyway.
08:05The theme song for this vulgar Filipino-American show would have us analysing that theory fairly
08:10quickly.
08:17Half of this song's length is spent repeating the title of the show over and over again.
08:21This is bad enough, but then it segues into a terrible, poorly written rap about the characters.
08:31The unvarying, almost intentionally poor taste of the theme song became a meme all on its
08:36own.
08:37To think that one of the worst and most poorly rated animated shows has such a theme is Apropro.
08:51The more confident among us can openly admit to loving MC Hammer's massive hit song,
08:55You Can't Touch This.
08:56It was a great time, fun was had, but for most fans, that was the end of the love affair
09:00with Hammer and his parachute pants.
09:03Somehow, though, he landed this children's show.
09:06We saw a cartoon superhero version of him solving crimes with a pair of magical dancing
09:11shoes.
09:12The theme song, performed by Hammer himself, is as ridiculous as the show's concept.
09:21In a far too long rap, Hammer tells the origin of Hammer Man and the magical shoes.
09:33The rap is jumbled, completely lacks rhyme and, unsurprisingly, isn't exactly lyrically
09:38compelling.
09:39And don't worry Hammer, no one will touch this.
09:50There has to be some parent out there who's had a breakdown from hearing this theme song
09:54one too many times, which is to say, they've heard it exactly once.
10:03The theme song to this cartoon about a hyperactive squirrel and his skunk buddy getting into
10:07crazy situations down at the supermarket where they work, is overly offensive to, oddly enough,
10:12jazz.
10:13Tonally, the song doesn't speak jazz, rather it sticks to the classic upbeat overload of
10:24sound structure that many children's shows select.
10:27When the squirrel attempts to sing jazz, he coughs out nonsensical words in what we assume
10:33is an attempt to scat.
10:34It's a failure, and we're left listening to high-pitched dribble.
10:53The producers behind Enterprise wanted a Star Trek like none that came before, and unfortunately,
10:58they got it.
11:06Veering far from other Star Trek iterations, Enterprise chose to ditch the orchestral format
11:11for its theme song and instead went with Faith of the Heart, by Russell Watson.
11:25The song is fine enough for an adult contemporary grocery store soundtrack, but not for Star
11:29Trek.
11:30It's slow, deep and most of all, not very Trek, a franchise about wonder and exploration
11:35and the beauty of the expansive universe.
11:38They tried to improve it for later seasons by upping the tempo, but it still felt really
11:42flat.
11:47Every time fans heard Enterprise's inappropriate theme, they boldly went to another channel.
12:05Surprise surprise, another kid's show.
12:07Well, not quite.
12:08Happy Tree Friends, a show that at first glance seems to be about cute little woodland creatures,
12:13is actually deceptively violent and gory, and it opts for some high-pitched squealing
12:17as the primary musical element in its theme.
12:19Because that's what animals do, they squeal.
12:24Anyway, the theme song is about 30 seconds of extremely piercing, high-octave noises
12:30set to a background beat of a tuba.
12:36The tuba is actually the least offensive part of the song, so well done tuba player, I suppose.
12:42Elmo's World
12:43La la la la, la la la la, Elmo's World
12:49La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
12:53Please stop, please, just stop.
12:55This is the thought, set to an unfortunate melody, that rolls through a person's mind
12:59when they are in range of Elmo and his tone-deaf world.
13:03La la la la, la la la la, Elmo's World
13:07A show within a show is admittedly great for kids, and plenty of people out there would
13:11concede to having a soft spot for the little red guy, but that doesn't mean the song
13:15isn't hard to listen to.
13:17It is at best annoyingly catchy, and at worst, it's akin to a hole being drilled in the
13:21side of your head.
13:22Goldfish and crayons aren't enough to save us from this painfully irritating earworm.
13:37Brace yourselves, even if you haven't seen the show, you probably know what's coming.
13:41Alvin and his pesky chipmunks achieved mainstream billion-dollar success with their film franchise,
13:47and anyone familiar with the movies knows how heavily they're marketed through mainstream
13:51songs that have been put through a squeaky chipmunk filter.
14:00The show's theme song does the same thing, letting the chipmunks' squeaky singing voices
14:04take centre stage.
14:05It's another example of a children's show opting for shrill vocals and up-tempo beats.
14:10We're not sure, but there has to be some science behind the formula, because it seems
14:13that every new cartoon out there is upping the ante on annoying themes.
14:30Not introduced until season two, the hugely annoying theme song to The L Word has had
14:34several complaints lodged against it, but we'll start here.
14:37It tries too hard to be a James Bond song.
14:46I mean the Bond themes work because, well, it's James Bond and it's part of that
14:50franchise's culture.
14:51To work elsewhere, though, everything needs to be just right.
14:54The L Word did not get it right, and that's because of the other issues.
14:58The show follows a group of lesbians in Hollywood, in fairly melodramatic situations, and that's
15:03also what the vocals focus on.
15:12It inappropriately and stereotypically flaunts the characters' identities, resulting in
15:16a song that's actually fairly offensive to members of the LGBTQIA plus community.
15:30Returning to children's shows, we land on the Animaniacs.
15:34While we're sure this tune has its fans, some viewers find the theme so bothersome
15:38because it feels like a circus tune.
15:40And you know what?
15:41It's designed to be annoying.
15:48The show's three main characters, Yakko, Wacko and Dot, spend the song taking the viewer
15:53around the Warner Bros lot, explaining the hijinks they get up to.
15:56It's high-pitched, way too fast and altogether too much, but hey, it won an Emmy.
16:02Oh, here's something else you may not know as well.
16:06The show's executive producer is Steven Spielberg.
16:09Yeah, that Steven Spielberg.
16:12You learn something new every day.
16:22I mean, what the heck is a chum chum?
16:24You know what?
16:26We're here to talk about the show's theme song, and yes, it really, truly, earned the
16:29number two spot.
16:38An innocent whistle begins this song, but that's just the calm before the storm, because
16:42then Fanboy and Chum Chum break into a rap and all hell breaks loose.
16:54These two nasally demon-spawns vomit up lyrics about their underwear and getting a brain
16:58freeze.
16:59And then, you won't believe this, the song literally encourages its fans to scream at
17:03the top of their lungs.
17:04I mean, do you even realise what you're doing to parents?
17:08Peaceful household, no more.
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17:39You know what's funny?
17:40Most people think that the Barney theme song is the whole, I love you, you love me thing.
17:44But that isn't the real theme, although it was used to torture POWs in Iraq.
17:48No, Barney's theme is actually completely different, but don't worry, it's still
17:52super annoying.
17:53It landed the number one spot for a very good, or bad, reason.
18:05The song, entitled Barney is a Dinosaur, is set to the tune of Yankee Doodle, which is
18:09offensive enough as it is.
18:11It sings of Barney, how he's a dinosaur, and all the fun he gets up to with the children.
18:16Let's just say that when this version of the show ended in 2010, we're happy the
18:20irritating theme song was retired along with it.
18:25So which other TV show themes feel like they're drilling a hole in your brain?
18:29Let us know in the comments down below.