Mister Cinders. (1935 film)
Bill is an all-day-worker at his rich uncle's estate, where he is wanted everywhere and by everyone, even by the local theatre group.
Clifford Mollison ... Jim Lancaster
Zelma O'Neal ... Jill Kemp
W.H. Berry ... Police Constable Merks
George Western ... Guy Lancaster (as The Western Brothers)
Kenneth Western ... Lumley Lancaster (as The Western Brothers)
Edmund Breon ... Sir George Lancaster
Finlay Currie ... Henry Kemp
Renee Houston ... Mrs. Phipps
Edward Chapman ... Mr. Gaunt
Esme Church ... Lady Agatha Lancaster
Mabelle George
Sybil Grove
Lorna Hubbard ... Minerva Kemp (as Lorna Storm)
Henry Mollison ... Cross
Julian Royce
Jimmy Godden ... Perkins
Ellen Pollock ... Donna Lucia
Directed by Frederic Zelnik
Clifford Mollison ... Jim Lancaster
Zelma O'Neal ... Jill Kemp
W.H. Berry ... Police Constable Merks
George Western ... Guy Lancaster (as The Western Brothers)
Kenneth Western ... Lumley Lancaster (as The Western Brothers)
Edmund Breon ... Sir George Lancaster
Finlay Currie ... Henry Kemp
Renee Houston ... Mrs. Phipps
Edward Chapman ... Mr. Gaunt
Esme Church ... Lady Agatha Lancaster
Mabelle George
Sybil Grove
Lorna Hubbard ... Minerva Kemp (as Lorna Storm)
Henry Mollison ... Cross
Julian Royce
Jimmy Godden ... Perkins
Ellen Pollock ... Donna Lucia
Directed by Frederic Zelnik
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00♪♪♪
00:00:30♪♪♪
00:00:57♪♪♪
00:01:02She knows I need some aspirin and lots of extra shopping.
00:01:05There's washing up and coal to break and wood requiring chopping.
00:01:08Jim!
00:01:11Where's Jim?
00:01:15Now I've lost my spectacles and don't know where to find them.
00:01:18Everything gets lost somehow when Jim's not here to find them.
00:01:21Jim!
00:01:24Where's Jim?
00:01:28Where is Mr. Lancaster? I need him to be candid.
00:01:31He's the one to help me. I can't manage single-handed.
00:01:34Jim!
00:01:37Where's Jim?
00:01:40Jim, the way he disappears is absolutely caddish.
00:01:43Jim!
00:01:44You keep repeating that as if it were a reddish.
00:01:46Jim!
00:01:49Where's Jim?
00:01:57♪♪♪♪
00:02:04It's most selfish of James.
00:02:06He knows we're short of servants yet he's nowhere to be found.
00:02:08My motorbike, only half clean.
00:02:10My bag's not pressed. It's caddish of him.
00:02:12I thought you sent him into the village for some shopping, my dear.
00:02:14He should have been back long ago.
00:02:15The slacker.
00:02:16Don't you think you're rather put on, Jim?
00:02:17Rubbish!
00:02:18The truth is, George, you spoil James.
00:02:20You have done ever since you first adopted him.
00:02:22He's my nephew.
00:02:23Why keep him here?
00:02:24Heaven knows we haven't any money to spare for strangers.
00:02:26We're a family.
00:02:27You're a family.
00:02:28That explains why he's so different from dear Guy and dear Lumley.
00:02:31Aren't we all delightful people?
00:02:32Aren't we all?
00:02:33Rita, I know where Jim might be. It's early closing day.
00:02:35You're not suggesting that James might be playing cricket on the green?
00:02:38No, but this is the afternoon the Amateur Dramatic Society holds its rehearsal.
00:02:41That's right. I saw him mugging over Shakespeare.
00:02:43Nonsense. He couldn't possibly be there.
00:02:45I've told him repeatedly it's a waste of our time.
00:02:47Jim.
00:02:48Where's Jim?
00:02:49Where's Jim?
00:02:50We're looking for him.
00:02:52Where's Jim?
00:02:53We're going to settle point with a friend.
00:02:55Where's Jim?
00:02:56He ought to be here.
00:02:58He's nowhere near.
00:02:59Why should he disappear?
00:03:01It's dreadful.
00:03:02Where's Jim?
00:03:03No wonder we're grim.
00:03:04Well, he's got to wave a lot to settle with him.
00:03:08Where's Jim?
00:03:09The idle young limb.
00:03:11Here he's looking.
00:03:12Here he's looking.
00:03:13Where's Jim?
00:03:14Anybody been asking for me?
00:03:16No.
00:03:17Yes, we have.
00:03:18I'm sorry, Mrs. Gaunt.
00:03:19I called this rehearsal for 2.30, you know.
00:03:21I'm sorry, Mr. Gaunt.
00:03:22We can't stand around in this schoolroom all day.
00:03:24I'm sorry, but I was trying to buy a new tennis racket.
00:03:26It doesn't take all that long to buy a tennis racket.
00:03:28I know, but I couldn't get the particular sort of racket I wanted.
00:03:30And what particular sort did you want?
00:03:32I wanted the sort with a pair of shoes tied on.
00:03:34Let's get on with one, please.
00:03:35Act Two, Scene One.
00:03:36A wood near Athens.
00:03:38I say.
00:03:39Yes.
00:03:40One minute.
00:03:41One minute.
00:03:42What?
00:03:44One wood.
00:03:45Why not stop to that one where I come in?
00:03:47You can do that later.
00:03:48I'm due on my beat at three.
00:03:49Listen, how about starting with Titania?
00:03:51You know jolly well I've got to be back at the post office by 3.15.
00:03:54The law can't wait.
00:03:55The post office can.
00:03:56I'm in a bit of a hurry, too.
00:03:57We're terribly shorthanded up at our place.
00:03:59Oh, yes.
00:04:00You've got the new maid coming today at 3.30.
00:04:01I forgot.
00:04:02Do you read all the correspondence in your post office?
00:04:04No, just the postcards.
00:04:06What's like the matter with you?
00:04:08I'm wondering whether we're right in having a Scottish fairy queen.
00:04:12Why don't you grow a beard?
00:04:13You could be my best.
00:04:15Please, that'll do, thank you.
00:04:16Start at once.
00:04:17Now then, act two, scene one.
00:04:18Enter Puck with a fairy.
00:04:20Miss Mogridge.
00:04:22Where is Miss Mogridge?
00:04:23Oh, she won't be here today.
00:04:25She's gone to her married sister's.
00:04:27It's twins.
00:04:28Oh, now, everything.
00:04:29Are you a fortune teller?
00:04:30No, just a post mistress, but I'm very observant.
00:04:33Look here, is this a midsummer night's dream or do we go on dreaming till Christmas?
00:04:36Exactly.
00:04:37Well, shall we start with Puck's line, please?
00:04:38Yes.
00:04:39You know, I don't think you ought to play Puck.
00:04:42Why not?
00:04:43They're too fat for a fairy.
00:04:45Well, surely some fairies are fat, aren't they?
00:04:48Come on, let's start with Puck's line at once.
00:04:50Yes.
00:04:51The other side of the wood, please, Jim, quickly.
00:04:57How now, spirit, whither wander you?
00:05:00Over hill, over dale, thorough bush, thorough bra, over park, over pail.
00:05:04Do I go all over the park with a pail?
00:05:07Come on, everybody, we shall never get anywhere.
00:05:09I shall.
00:05:11And I'm five minutes late already, so long.
00:05:13Mr. Merx, Mr. Merx, you can't go now.
00:05:16Can't I?
00:05:17Watch me.
00:05:18I say, I'm awfully sorry, I've got to go, too.
00:05:20Listen to me, Jim, listen, you're my prompter and my stage manager.
00:05:22Yes.
00:05:23I've got something important to tell you.
00:05:24We must get this play word perfect by Friday because I...
00:05:26I'll tell it to my aunt once, dear, I'm in an awful hurry, really.
00:05:28Oh, Jim, we shall never do the midsummer night's dream.
00:05:30Don't worry, these villagers will never know it from Eastland anyhow.
00:05:33Now, listen, everybody, I've got news.
00:05:35I bet I know what it is, but go on, go on.
00:05:36Well, you know Mr. Kemp has just taken the towers.
00:05:38The millionaire who made his money in oil?
00:05:39Yes.
00:05:40He's giving a big affair on Friday.
00:05:41I know, his daughter's coming a-baze.
00:05:42Well, he came round to the schools the other day,
00:05:44and I told him about our amateur society.
00:05:45And he wants us to give an open-air performance
00:05:47in the beautiful grounds of the towers on Friday next.
00:05:50Did you know that?
00:05:51No, they didn't send out the invitations early enough.
00:05:54But an open-air performance.
00:05:55The setting will be perfect.
00:05:57You see, Minerva, the terrace here is the auditorium,
00:05:59and all those yew trees around will make a crackerjack stage.
00:06:01Perfect, Uncle.
00:06:02Yeah, it was Jill's idea, wasn't it, my dear?
00:06:04Yes, Danny.
00:06:05Say, how about these invitations?
00:06:07All attended to?
00:06:08All the local bigwigs.
00:06:10Yeah, well, say, what about these folks across the river?
00:06:12I've never met them.
00:06:13Well, I caught a glimpse of Lady Lancaster,
00:06:15for just a glimpse.
00:06:16Yeah, well, it's your birthday.
00:06:17And say, I've ordered a fine day for you.
00:06:19Well, if it's a day like today, it'll be all I could want.
00:06:22Oh, thanks.
00:06:26Well, goodbye, my dear.
00:06:29Goodbye, Danny.
00:06:38Street and thoroughfare, buildings everywhere,
00:06:42climbing into the sky.
00:06:45In the city gloom, there is never room for me.
00:06:52Ceaseless hammering, clang and clamoring,
00:06:56build a prison for me.
00:07:00Here I can be free.
00:07:04This is what I like to see.
00:07:09Just a blue sky cheering my day for a few hours.
00:07:16Just a white lane winding its way, fragrant with flowers.
00:07:22When I go drifting along on pleasure bend,
00:07:28that's when I know my heart's content
00:07:32with just a blue sky.
00:07:35No one could buy my dream.
00:07:47Just a blue sky, smiling on high with a soft breeze.
00:07:54Just a few birds singing close by in the tall trees.
00:08:00I'd be in clover beyond the many crowds.
00:08:05Over my head the fleecy clouds, carefree and happy to be a rover.
00:08:16Just a blue sky cheering my day for a few hours.
00:08:23Just a white lane winding its way, fragrant with flowers.
00:08:29When I go drifting along on pleasure bend,
00:08:34that's when I know my heart's content
00:08:37with just a blue sky.
00:08:40No one could buy my dream.
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00:23:11Sure, and I told you before, it's the wrong number.
00:23:14Who was that on the telephone?
00:23:16Nobody, Mum. Just somebody wanting to know if we was the wrong number.
00:23:20Well, you'll pay for that telephone call.
00:23:22Yes, Mum.
00:23:23What are you doing?
00:23:24Oh, sorry, Mum.
00:23:26What?
00:23:27Bless you, Mum.
00:23:28Oh, excuse me, Mum.
00:23:30Well?
00:23:31Could I be after having the evening off?
00:23:33The evening off?
00:23:35But you've only been here half an hour.
00:23:37Yes, Mum.
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00:23:47Half an hour?
00:23:48Seems like a week.
00:23:50Lumley, shall we stay in this evening and practise?
00:23:53Why?
00:23:54Well, at the party, they might want us to sing.
00:23:56We must take jolly good care that they do.
00:23:58Couldn't we do a duet?
00:23:59Why, a duet, old boy, much better if I sang them a solo.
00:24:02Let's have teamwork, you hound.
00:24:03Righty-ho, old boy, for the sake of the old school.
00:24:06What about this?
00:24:08Ah, yes, all about love.
00:24:11I'm just that age.
00:24:14If you think I'm moody, dear, and always want to knit
00:24:17Should I seem to sicken for the flu?
00:24:20If I'm getting broody, dear, and annoying at my bit
00:24:23You will know it's all because of you
00:24:26Should my feathers droop or should I look about to molt
00:24:30If I get distemper every day?
00:24:33Should I twitch my ears at all and seem inclined to bolt?
00:24:36You will know it's all because you stole my heart away
00:24:41When I see a tadpole or a frog about to hop
00:24:44I think of you, dear, I think of you
00:24:48When I see an organ with a monkey on the top
00:24:51I think of you, dear, I think of you
00:24:55When I see the grapevines, the apples in the orchard
00:24:59As they all begin to fall
00:25:01When I think of anything that's overripe at all
00:25:05I think of you, dear, I think of you
00:25:10This will be a sensation, isn't it?
00:25:12When I see the briny and I hear the billows roar
00:25:15I think of you, dear, I think of you
00:25:19When I see the rubbish that is washed up on the shore
00:25:22I think of you, dear, I think of you
00:25:27When the hand of winter seems to have an icy touch
00:25:31And rabbits think of pork and start to shiver in the hutch
00:25:35When the woods are nearly bare and one can see so much
00:25:40I think of you, dear, I think of you
00:25:52Read it again, George.
00:25:56Mr. Henry Kemp requests the pleasure of Sir George and Lady Lancaster and family
00:25:59at a fancy dress dance.
00:26:01How can you read it like that?
00:26:03Aren't you thrilled? Aren't you excited?
00:26:04No, I hate the thought of knee-bridges.
00:26:06Oh, never mind about that. We'll go in evening dress.
00:26:09Think what it would mean to Guy on Monday to marry Miss Kemp.
00:26:13I suppose the invitation includes Jim.
00:26:15It does nothing of the kind.
00:26:17Were you listening, Sarah?
00:26:19Oh, no, ma'am.
00:26:21I hear you've been breaking china.
00:26:23You'll pay for all breakages. Remember that.
00:26:25Yes, ma'am.
00:26:30You're the most exasperating.
00:26:33It'll take me weeks to match that vase.
00:26:35Agatha.
00:26:36Weeks.
00:26:37No, Agatha, dear.
00:26:39You're impossible.
00:26:41There, now. That'll save you weeks of trouble.
00:26:44Charge it to me, ma'am.
00:26:46My vases. Look at the mess on the floor.
00:26:49Oh, soon clear that up, ma'am.
00:26:51Now, don't get excited, Agatha.
00:26:55I think it's most selfish, Mr. Dukesbury.
00:26:57I fancy catching mumps the day before the performance.
00:26:59I suppose we've got to have somebody to play bottom.
00:27:01We couldn't cut him out, I mean.
00:27:03No, of course not.
00:27:05Then there'll be no performance.
00:27:06No, I'm afraid not. It's most depressing.
00:27:08Can I send a telegram, please?
00:27:09I don't know what we can do about it. I can't think of any way out at all.
00:27:11Excuse me. Could I send a telegram?
00:27:13Mr. Kemp will be most disappointed.
00:27:15Oh, naturally. He'll want to see me as Titania.
00:27:17And the Tower is the perfect setting for the Midsummer Night's Dream.
00:27:20Pardon me. Are you speaking of your forthcoming amateur production?
00:27:23Have you heard about it?
00:27:24Why, the whole village is talking about it.
00:27:26The man who's going to play bottom for us has fallen ill.
00:27:28Yes, he's got the mumps. I hope they choke him.
00:27:30Oh, I see. That is unfortunate.
00:27:32Perhaps I could help you out.
00:27:33What do you mean?
00:27:34Do you mean to say you might know enough about the play to be able to...
00:27:36Well, I think I can get through with it.
00:27:37Listen, will you be here until after tomorrow?
00:27:39I'll be here for a day or two.
00:27:40Perhaps we could arrange a rehearsal.
00:27:41Delighted, my dear Mr...
00:27:42Cross.
00:27:43I won't take very long.
00:27:44I believe I could be word perfect by tomorrow.
00:27:49Oh, Jim.
00:27:53What do you want?
00:27:54I shall want my overcoat.
00:27:55With pleasure.
00:28:12Ah, you're bringing my coat?
00:28:13No, no, this is Guy's.
00:28:14Then go and get mine, unconscious.
00:28:15With pleasure.
00:28:26What about my hat, Grimpets?
00:28:27With pleasure.
00:28:35Both hats, but...
00:28:36With pleasure.
00:28:46Kick, ugly.
00:28:47Pleasure.
00:28:48Kick, ugly.
00:28:49Pleasure.
00:28:50Kick, ugly.
00:28:51Pleasure.
00:28:52Kick, ugly.
00:28:53Pleasure.
00:28:54Kick, ugly.
00:28:55Pleasure.
00:29:08When you've quite finished amusing yourself,
00:29:10go and get my lorgnette.
00:29:12I left them in the library.
00:29:16And my smelling salts.
00:29:17They're in the conservatory.
00:29:21I shall want my handbag.
00:29:22I left it in the drawing room.
00:29:26James!
00:29:27If you're not too busy,
00:29:28go and get my plaid shawl from Scotland.
00:29:46What on earth are you doing down there?
00:29:47Getting up.
00:29:49Pick those things up.
00:29:50Well, of all the...
00:29:51How about my towel, boy?
00:29:52Is it quite as it should be?
00:29:53Perfect.
00:29:54You look splendid.
00:29:55Yes.
00:29:56How do I look?
00:29:57Wonderful.
00:29:58I say.
00:29:59Can you two girls keep a secret?
00:30:00Yes.
00:30:01What is it?
00:30:02You make me sick.
00:30:03Joke.
00:30:05Bottle it, old boy.
00:30:06Bottle it.
00:30:07Bottle it, yes.
00:30:08That reminds me of the two blue bottles.
00:30:09Yes.
00:30:10One day, they were sitting on a jam jar lid.
00:30:12Awfully decent jar it was.
00:30:13Full of pips, I suppose.
00:30:14Yes.
00:30:15When one of the blue bottles...
00:30:16Is this going to be very funny?
00:30:17Oh, frightfully funny.
00:30:18Make you laugh like this.
00:30:20Are you ready, Guy?
00:30:21Ready, Lumley?
00:30:22Yes, Mater.
00:30:23I'll tell you later, Guy.
00:30:24Keep it on the ice.
00:30:25Righty-ho, boy.
00:30:27Well, I hope you have a jolly good time tonight.
00:30:29Neither of you.
00:30:30What are you going to do?
00:30:31Oh, I shall be at the task, too, for the production.
00:30:33Only, of course, we go through the tradesman's entrance.
00:30:35Supposing Miss Kemp heard you were mixing with tradespeople?
00:30:37But I'm the prompter.
00:30:38How will they get on without me?
00:30:39Very much better, I should say.
00:30:40Well, after all, Agatha...
00:30:42Now, George, don't start.
00:30:43For one thing, James has no clothes.
00:30:45But each of you has a spare dinner jacket.
00:30:47You've got a nerve wanting to wear a suit of mine.
00:30:48That's because you want to wear two suits and walk in between.
00:30:50How he loves to argue.
00:30:51Still, Agatha, if Jim's the prompter, he...
00:30:53James is not going.
00:30:54He's not prompting.
00:30:55But... but...
00:30:56Not another word.
00:30:57You go get your shoes on.
00:30:58Yes, dear.
00:31:02Oh, Sarah, have you got my shoes?
00:31:04Yes, sir.
00:31:05I've just finished polishing them.
00:31:06Thank you, Sarah.
00:31:07Sit down.
00:31:09Me?
00:31:10Sit.
00:31:12Let me do it.
00:31:13What?
00:31:14Please.
00:31:17Oh, by the way, Sarah, have you seen my gloves?
00:31:20I'm afraid I've been using them a little bit.
00:31:23Yes.
00:31:24I think you'd better keep them.
00:31:25I think I'd better.
00:31:30You ought to assert yourself around here.
00:31:32Well, I...
00:31:33Well, I...
00:31:34Well, I...
00:31:35Well, I...
00:31:36Well, I...
00:31:37Well, I...
00:31:38Well, I...
00:31:39Well, I...
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00:34:02Well, I...
00:34:03Well, I...
00:34:04Well, I...
00:34:05Get up, Jim.
00:34:29Poor old Jim.
00:34:42Hello, Sarah.
00:34:44You should have heard what I was saying to Sir George.
00:34:46Why don't you tell the old battleaxe off once in a while?
00:34:49It'll only make things worse for him.
00:34:51He's got quite enough to put up with as it is.
00:34:53Yes.
00:34:54She doesn't make him a very good wife, does she?
00:34:56No, but she makes him a very good husband.
00:35:03You know, I don't know whether it's the light of this match,
00:35:06or whether I'm getting used to your face,
00:35:08but it doesn't seem nearly as funny as it was.
00:35:10Oh, you men are all flatters.
00:35:12It might look even better without those glasses.
00:35:14Well, I can't see without them.
00:35:17You know, you've got awfully nice eyes.
00:35:19They remind me of bluebells dipped in brillantine.
00:35:22How could you getting all poetical?
00:35:24Why, if you'd go to the party tonight and just be yourself,
00:35:27Guy and Lumley wouldn't stand unearthly.
00:35:29Oh, Sarah, I wish I could go to the party tonight.
00:35:31Well, why don't you go then?
00:35:33You're like Cinderella, and she went, so why don't you?
00:35:36Me, like Cinderella?
00:35:37Yes, the only difference is she had two ugly sisters.
00:35:40Yes, but don't forget, Cinderella also had a fairy godmother.
00:35:44I can't even go as a prompter.
00:35:46Well, I'll be your fairy godmother,
00:35:48and you shall go to the party tonight.
00:35:49Oh, Sarah, don't be silly.
00:35:51You just wait.
00:35:57Look, here's an invitation card, a blank one.
00:35:59Sarah, where did you get it?
00:36:01Fairy godmothers can get anything.
00:36:02Besides, I happen to know the housekeeper at the Towers,
00:36:04and she let me have it.
00:36:05Aren't you going to send me home as soon as I get there?
00:36:07Well, fill in some other name.
00:36:08Go in fancy dress, it's optional.
00:36:10Then they won't know you're from Adam.
00:36:11Well, Adam's the only costume I've got.
00:36:13I can't go in there.
00:36:14What about a suit of armor?
00:36:15There's plenty in the hall.
00:36:16That's an idea.
00:36:17I could go as a knight.
00:36:18Yes, but wouldn't the family recognize me?
00:36:20Keep out of their way, and dodge that amateur society.
00:36:22When they come on, they might give you away.
00:36:24Yes, but how can I dodge them?
00:36:25Close the, uh, what's its name?
00:36:27Oh, the, uh, the visor.
00:36:29That's it.
00:36:30Right, wait a minute.
00:36:31I'll go and get one.
00:36:44This is your chance to be a real Cinderella,
00:36:46but you must hurry,
00:36:47or it'll strike 12 before you're there instead of after.
00:36:49Right.
00:36:50I'll just scamper upstairs and fling these on.
00:37:03Well, how do I look?
00:37:05Marvelous.
00:37:10But who am I supposed to be?
00:37:11I've thought that all out.
00:37:13You're the Earl of Ditcham.
00:37:14Do you mean the famous explorer?
00:37:15Yes.
00:37:16He's in South America now, exploring.
00:37:18So you're quite safe.
00:37:19Good.
00:37:20Yes, but I don't know anything about South America.
00:37:22I thought that all out, too.
00:37:23I've looked up a few facts for you to fire at people.
00:37:25Oh, but how do you fire facts at people?
00:37:27Oh, aren't you helpless?
00:37:29Listen.
00:37:31Uh, South America.
00:37:33Republic of Paraguay.
00:37:35Climate in summer reaches 104 degrees.
00:37:38Population in 1899 was 603,103.
00:37:42Here.
00:37:43Read it up on the way.
00:37:46And here's your Macintosh.
00:37:48And your hat.
00:37:50In case it rains.
00:37:51Oh, Sarah.
00:37:52I wish you were coming to the ball, too.
00:37:54Oh, I'll have just as much fun knowing you're enjoying yourself.
00:37:58Wish me luck, Sarah.
00:38:01Good luck, Jim.
00:38:03And you'll bring me luck, too.
00:38:05Sarah.
00:38:07There's something about you.
00:38:11Oh, I don't know.
00:38:16Oh, are you going to go on that?
00:38:18I didn't mean to, but I cleaned the blooming thing.
00:38:20I might as well dirty it again.
00:38:21Goodbye, Sarah.
00:38:22Oh, be careful.
00:38:24Hello.
00:38:44Hello, boys.
00:38:45Hello, Burks.
00:38:46Pretty easy for you here, off duty.
00:38:48Acting ain't easy.
00:38:50Not by what you ain't got your responsibilities.
00:38:53How are these presents?
00:38:54They're all right with you here to guard them.
00:38:56And if you do have any trouble, you've got Merckx here to give you a hand.
00:39:01Oh, Minerva, say, where is Jill?
00:39:03Is this her party or isn't it?
00:39:04Oh, she'll be here in a minute.
00:39:06I'll go and hurry her up.
00:39:07Attagirl.
00:39:12It is so kind of you to invite me, Senor Kemp.
00:39:15You know, I haven't been anywhere since the terrible tragedy of my husband.
00:39:20Now, now, now.
00:39:21You must forget all about that, Dona Lucia.
00:39:22You'll find the English people very charming.
00:39:24You know, I haven't yet had the pleasure of meeting your daughter.
00:39:28Well, to tell you the truth, I hardly ever meet her myself these days.
00:39:35Oh, Minerva.
00:39:36Where is she?
00:39:37It's all right.
00:39:38She's here.
00:39:39Oh, that's fine.
00:39:42My dear, I didn't mean anything.
00:39:44You're so ridiculous, George.
00:39:45Ah, Mr. Kemp.
00:39:46How delightful to see you again.
00:39:48Glad to welcome you, my lady.
00:39:49And you too, Sir George.
00:39:50And you too, boys.
00:39:51You met...
00:39:52Miss Kemp, of course.
00:39:54How sweet she's looking.
00:39:56The Earl of Ditchum has arrived, Sir.
00:39:58The Earl of Ditchum?
00:39:59Not the great explorer?
00:40:00I believe so, Sir.
00:40:01Why, show him right in.
00:40:02Say, do you know he found the secret source of the Amazon?
00:40:04Indeed.
00:40:05And the pygmies in South Africa?
00:40:06Yeah, and he found the Panyan waterfalls in Uganda.
00:40:08Hmm, seems to find everything.
00:40:09I'm sorry I'm late.
00:40:10I couldn't find the house.
00:40:12The Earl of Ditchum.
00:40:21Well, I found the bottom step all right.
00:40:23Oh, Sam, I'm glad you managed to get here.
00:40:25So am I.
00:40:26This way, my lord.
00:40:30It was I said to myself when I discovered the source of the Ganges.
00:40:33The Ganges?
00:40:34I beg your pardon?
00:40:35I thought it was the Amazon.
00:40:36Oh, yes, so did I at first.
00:40:37You see, these rivers look so much alike.
00:40:39Do tell us some of your experiences, Lord Ditchum.
00:40:41Yes, dear Lord.
00:40:42Well, have any of you ever been to Paraguay?
00:40:44Oh, I know.
00:40:45No? Good.
00:40:46Paraguay is bounded on the north by Brazil.
00:40:48What?
00:40:49The population in 1899 was 603,103.
00:40:52And he knows them to a man.
00:40:53The chief exports are rice, maize, sugar, and peanuts.
00:40:56Why, here's Lady Lancaster.
00:40:57My lady, may I introduce the Earl of Ditchum?
00:41:00Charles, I've been dying to meet the explorer of Paraguay.
00:41:03Yes, it is.
00:41:04It's bounded on the north by rice, maize, sugar, and peanuts.
00:41:06The temperature in summer is 603,103 for nine weeks, it's declared.
00:41:10What a wonderful sense of humor.
00:41:11Have you ever been to Melton Mowbray?
00:41:13No.
00:41:14Neither have I.
00:41:15Extraordinary how we seem to have so much in common.
00:41:17Have you been to Chorlton-Cum-Hardy?
00:41:19Never.
00:41:20You don't seem to have been anywhere, really, do you?
00:41:22Perhaps you've been to Ascot?
00:41:23Oh, yes.
00:41:24Major insists on Ascot.
00:41:26You meet the best people.
00:41:27Oh, and the best horses.
00:41:29Aren't we all delightful people?
00:41:31Oh, definitely.
00:41:33Aren't we rather wealthy?
00:41:35Aren't we all select?
00:41:37Absolutely healthy, cultured, and correct.
00:41:41Thoroughly expensive, blood precisely blue.
00:41:45Clientele expensive, counted too.
00:41:49Really most delightful people.
00:41:52Aren't we all?
00:41:54Aren't we all?
00:41:57Doing the academy so crowded, what a shame.
00:42:00It always is.
00:42:01Yes, old Topper, Lavery.
00:42:03I know it by the frame.
00:42:05And wondering if Tom Webster really did it all the same.
00:42:08Aren't we all?
00:42:10Aren't we all?
00:42:12Really most delightful people.
00:42:16Aren't we all?
00:42:18Aren't we all?
00:42:20Hunting with the Piteley on a very recent date.
00:42:23I remember.
00:42:24Talking of the fences in the ferry that we take.
00:42:27Then lifting up the latch and sort of going through the gate.
00:42:31Aren't we all?
00:42:33Aren't we all?
00:42:35Oh, really most delightful people.
00:42:38Aren't we?
00:42:39Aren't we all?
00:42:41I'm afraid the last part is rather rude.
00:42:44Perhaps we'd better not sing it.
00:42:46Please do.
00:42:48Carry on, Guy.
00:42:49Discussing English literature so thoroughly well read.
00:42:53Talking of our Huxley on our HG Wells instead.
00:42:56Then turning off the lights and taking Razzle up to bed.
00:43:00Aren't we all?
00:43:02Aren't we all?
00:43:04Oh, really most delightful people.
00:43:09Aren't we?
00:43:11Aren't we all?
00:43:13Cheers.
00:43:25Oh, hello.
00:43:27Thank you all.
00:43:29Oh, hello there.
00:43:31Oh, thanks.
00:43:39Oh, there you are, Jill.
00:43:41Daddy, is this all there is?
00:43:44Oh, you ain't seen the half of it.
00:43:46It isn't enough.
00:43:49Oh, it's lovely.
00:43:52Oh, it is.
00:43:54In 1899, the population was 103 degrees.
00:43:56Yes, that was a big year.
00:43:57They declared a dividend.
00:43:58Kind of cute, huh?
00:44:00Oh, yes.
00:44:01Oh, yes.
00:44:02Oh, yes.
00:44:03Oh, yes.
00:44:04Oh, yes.
00:44:05Oh, yes.
00:44:06So they declared a dividend.
00:44:07Kind of cute, huh?
00:44:08Listen.
00:44:15Oh, I like this.
00:44:17Yeah, nice piece of work, huh?
00:44:19Oh, pardon me, sir.
00:44:21I'm one of the actors.
00:44:22Oh, yeah, why, my butler will show you where to change.
00:44:36There you are, Mr. Cross. I've been looking for you everywhere.
00:44:38You haven't got first night nerves, have you?
00:44:40Well, it is rather a fashionable audience, isn't it?
00:44:42Don't you think we'd better go and change now?
00:44:44Yes, good idea.
00:44:46Say, did you invite that Earl of Ditchum?
00:44:48Earl of Ditchum?
00:44:49Yeah.
00:44:50Yes, yes, I sent him an invitation.
00:44:52Quite an unusual man.
00:44:53Oh, very unusual.
00:44:55Not a bit like an ordinary explorer.
00:44:57Not a bit.
00:44:58Say, they're going crazy about him. He's a sensation.
00:45:00Yes, I can see that.
00:45:02Sign the program, please.
00:45:03Oh, no, thank you, senor. I do not want to dance.
00:45:06Good. I mean, it's awfully hot, isn't it?
00:45:08You're not used to the heat, senor.
00:45:10Oh, yes, I am. In Paraguay, the climate reaches 603,103.
00:45:12In Paraguay?
00:45:13Wonderful place, Paraguay, bounded on the north by Brazil,
00:45:15chief exports, rice...
00:45:16Stop. Flora and Fauna.
00:45:17How dare you?
00:45:18I only said Flora and Fauna. I know them both.
00:45:20How dare you speak to me of Paraguay?
00:45:22My husband was Don Pedro Maximiliano Alvarado,
00:45:24president of Paraguay.
00:45:26He was defeated in the revolution,
00:45:28and now he's the president of Paraguay.
00:45:30He was defeated in the revolution and shot.
00:45:33I'm sorry. I thought you said shot.
00:45:34And you speak of Paraguay to me?
00:45:36I could kill you, you impotent, evil cur, you hound.
00:45:42Caramba, malatesta.
00:45:45I wonder where Goa and Dombé are.
00:45:47Oh, I expect they're having a good time somewhere.
00:45:49Please go and find them.
00:45:50Yes, I guess so.
00:45:51Oh, Lady Lancaster, you have met my daughter, Jill.
00:45:54Another daughter?
00:45:55Another. I've only got one daughter.
00:45:57Oh, how funny, Daddy.
00:45:58Lady Lancaster must have mistaken Minerva for me.
00:46:01Oh, of course.
00:46:02It's the most extraordinary thing, Miss Kemp,
00:46:03that your face seems strangely familiar.
00:46:05How interesting.
00:46:06I wonder if we've met before.
00:46:07I wonder.
00:46:08Were you at the Embassy Ball the other night?
00:46:10Or the opera?
00:46:11No, no, I haven't had many evenings out lately.
00:46:13Really?
00:46:14Then you can't have met Goa or Dombé.
00:46:16Oh, do please wait here. I'll go and fetch them.
00:46:19She's very charming, isn't she?
00:46:20Yes, very charming.
00:46:22I made an absolute hit with Miss Kemp.
00:46:24You did?
00:46:25We were practically on our honeymoon.
00:46:26What?
00:46:27I love that. I must speak to you.
00:46:28What's the matter, Mater?
00:46:29We've made a mistake, a terrible mistake.
00:46:31Mr. Kemp's daughter isn't Mr. Kemp's daughter at all.
00:46:33Oh, the cat.
00:46:34Miss Kemp isn't Miss Kemp.
00:46:35No. You must meet the real Miss Kemp at once.
00:46:37Which is Miss Kemp?
00:46:38This is getting like hard work.
00:46:50How annoying. Miss Kemp's not here.
00:46:52Not here? I know, Mater.
00:46:54Perhaps she's somewhere else.
00:46:55A slight rush of brains to the intelligence department.
00:46:57What do you mean?
00:46:58Nothing.
00:46:59Boys, boys, don't bicker.
00:47:00Well, he's bicker than I am.
00:47:01I'll just go and find Miss Kemp. Stay here.
00:47:08Oh, Lord Ditchin, may I have your autograph?
00:47:11Oh, certainly. It's bound down the north by rice, maize, potatoes, banana.
00:47:15Sarah, how did you get in?
00:47:17I told you, I know the housekeeper.
00:47:19But that dress.
00:47:20I suppose you're going to tell me that Miss Kemp lent it you.
00:47:22As a matter of fact, she did.
00:47:24Well, it sounds very fishy to me.
00:47:26And those jewels. Why, they look as good as real.
00:47:28They are real.
00:47:29Well, where'd you get them?
00:47:30I'd rather not tell you.
00:47:31You didn't steal them, did you?
00:47:32Of course not.
00:47:33A man gave them me.
00:47:35A man?
00:47:36Yes.
00:47:37Oh, so a man gave them to you, did he?
00:47:39Well, where is he?
00:47:40Don't be a fool.
00:47:41I see how it is, and I thought you were a poor working girl.
00:47:43Supposing I tell them who you really are.
00:47:45Yes, and supposing I tell them who you really are.
00:47:47Pretending to be a lady.
00:47:49Well, aren't you pretending?
00:47:50I know what's the matter with you.
00:47:52You're jealous.
00:47:53Of course, you're being a fool now.
00:47:55Oh, am I?
00:47:56Well, I've wasted too much time on you already.
00:47:58The next time you speak to me, please save your breath.
00:48:01All right, Sarah. All right.
00:48:03I can't get used to toothaches.
00:48:05And I can't get used to flu.
00:48:08And I can't get used to wet weekends.
00:48:10And I'll never get used to you.
00:48:13I always get rid of beetles.
00:48:15Mosquitoes and earwigs too.
00:48:18I always get rid of shoes that squeak.
00:48:21And I'll get rid of you.
00:48:29Ladies and gentlemen.
00:48:31The performance is about to commence.
00:48:36And the next time you want to clean the silver, you can do it alone.
00:48:39Goodbye, Lord Ditcham.
00:48:41I hope the performance will be as amusing as you have been.
00:48:46You know those two blue bottles I told you about?
00:48:48Well, one of them was Noel Herovian.
00:48:50He wasn't up at Barstow, by any chance?
00:48:52He was, as a matter of fact. He was sent down for being too blue.
00:48:54Well, one day, they were both sitting on a bit of a jam jar.
00:48:56Wearing their old school ties.
00:48:57Yes, it was a screen, really.
00:48:58I say, we'd better go and see this performer.
00:49:00Miss Phipps, is your dress all right now?
00:49:02Well, it's a bit slack, but it should be tight.
00:49:04And a bit tight, but it should be slack.
00:49:05Otherwise, it's perfect.
00:49:06That's right.
00:49:07Ah, Mr. Cross, you sure you know your part?
00:49:09Oh, yes, I know just what I'm going to do.
00:49:10Well, now, don't get worried.
00:49:11Just keep your head. It's all right.
00:49:12I'm not worried.
00:49:13Oh, hang on.
00:49:14What?
00:49:15I forgot my wig.
00:49:16I must go and get it in the house in the dressing room.
00:49:17Well, don't be long.
00:49:18We should be starting in a minute.
00:49:22Oh, Merckx, that isn't Shakespeare.
00:49:24No, it's rheumatism.
00:49:25If only we had Jim Lancaster here.
00:49:27We don't want Jim Lancaster.
00:49:29I can do all the prompting.
00:49:30And besides, I never forget anything.
00:49:32No, an elephant never forgets.
00:49:34What do you mean, an elephant?
00:49:35Don't you call me an elephant.
00:49:36That's what I said.
00:49:37You can't do that about Jim Lancaster.
00:49:38Don't you say that to me again.
00:49:39Well, don't start anything.
00:49:40And then you can't explain it.
00:49:41I can't hear you.
00:49:42Well, that's all.
00:49:43Come on.
00:49:44Come on.
00:50:09Now, fair Bolitor, I'm not sure how it draws on a face.
00:50:13Miss Phipps.
00:50:14Yes?
00:50:15How does he put this on?
00:50:16You just slip it over your head.
00:50:17Would you like to try it on?
00:50:18Oh, yes.
00:50:19Come on.
00:50:20I'll help you.
00:50:25Here, it suits you.
00:50:27Shall behold the knight of our solemnities.
00:50:30Go, Philostrata.
00:50:34Go, Philostrata.
00:50:36Go, Philostrata.
00:50:37That's good.
00:50:38Fine.
00:50:42Stir up the Athenian youth to merriment.
00:50:44Stir up the Athenian youth to merriment.
00:50:46Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth.
00:50:48Woo!
00:50:49Woo!
00:50:50Woo!
00:50:51Woo!
00:50:52Woo!
00:50:53Woo!
00:50:54Woo!
00:50:55Woo!
00:50:56Woo!
00:50:57Woo!
00:50:58Woo!
00:50:59Woo!
00:51:00Woo!
00:51:01Woo!
00:51:02It's stuck!
00:51:03What do you think you're doing?
00:51:04Woo!
00:51:05It's stuck!
00:51:06What's my husband say?
00:51:07Don't worry.
00:51:08He'll never notice the difference.
00:51:09Come here.
00:51:10I'll take it off.
00:51:11Woo!
00:51:12Stop that larking about.
00:51:13Max!
00:51:14It's stuck!
00:51:15What the?
00:51:18What's that?
00:51:19Ow!
00:51:20Mind your poor head, old.
00:51:21Get a nammer.
00:51:22I haven't got a nammer.
00:51:23Well, get a matchick.
00:51:24I haven't got a matchick neither.
00:51:25Full of vexation come I with complaint against my child, my daughter Hermia.
00:51:29Where is Hermia?
00:51:31Max!
00:51:32Max!
00:51:33Hermia's cue!
00:51:34Hermia's cue!
00:51:35Come!
00:51:36Hermia, come on!
00:51:37With pomp, with triumph, and with reveling.
00:51:39First line is, and so is Lysander.
00:51:42Woo!
00:51:43Woo!
00:51:44Woo!
00:51:45Woo!
00:51:46Woo!
00:51:47Woo!
00:51:48Woo!
00:51:49Woo!
00:51:50Woo!
00:51:51Woo!
00:51:52Woo!
00:51:53Woo!
00:51:54Woo!
00:51:55Woo!
00:51:56Woo!
00:51:57Woo!
00:51:58Woo!
00:51:59Woo!
00:52:00Woo!
00:52:01Woo!
00:52:02Woo!
00:52:03Woo!
00:52:04Woo!
00:52:05Woo!
00:52:06Woo!
00:52:07Woo!
00:52:08Woo!
00:52:09Woo!
00:52:10Woo!
00:52:11Woo!
00:52:12Woo!
00:52:13Woo!
00:52:14Woo!
00:52:15Woo!
00:52:16Woo!
00:52:17Woo!
00:52:18Woo!
00:52:19Woo!
00:52:20Woo!
00:52:21Woo!
00:52:22Woo!
00:52:23Woo!
00:52:24Woo!
00:52:25Woo!
00:52:26Woo!
00:52:27Woo!
00:52:28Woo!
00:52:29Woo!
00:52:30Woo!
00:52:31Woo!
00:52:32Woo!
00:52:33Woo!
00:52:34Woo!
00:52:35Woo!
00:52:36Woo!
00:52:37Woo!
00:52:38Woo!
00:52:39Woo!
00:52:40Woo!
00:52:41Woo!
00:52:42Woo!
00:52:43Woo!
00:52:44Woo!
00:52:45Woo!
00:52:46Woo!
00:52:47Woo!
00:52:48Woo!
00:52:49Woo!
00:52:50Woo!
00:52:51Woo!
00:52:52You know, rain always makes me thirsty.
00:53:00Same here.
00:53:01I vote we stay here and stoke up.
00:53:02Good idea.
00:53:03Rather.
00:53:04Now, Miss Kemp, you wait here and I'll go and fetch Guy in London.
00:53:09Mr. Kemp.
00:53:10What's the matter?
00:53:11The presents.
00:53:12They've been stolen.
00:53:13What?
00:53:14Johnson just told me they were took from under his very nose.
00:53:16We'll have to look into this.
00:53:17Now, wait a minute.
00:53:18Wait a minute.
00:53:19We don't want any scandal.
00:53:20You'll pardon me, sir?
00:53:21We'll have to, in this case.
00:53:22Daddy.
00:53:23Oh, it's all right, Cora.
00:53:24Close them doors.
00:53:25Shut them windows.
00:53:26We shall have to search everybody.
00:53:32You mean somebody's walking around with a wagon load of presents in their pocket?
00:53:35Oh, impossible.
00:53:36Such a thing's never happened in our village before.
00:53:37Why, what's the matter?
00:53:38There's been a robbery.
00:53:39A robbery?
00:53:40Yeah.
00:53:41Oh, I expect you'll find it's a practical joke.
00:53:42I hope we shall.
00:53:43Why, do you suspect anybody?
00:53:44Among the guests?
00:53:45Of course not.
00:53:46Ridiculous.
00:53:48Senor Kemp, where is this Earl of Ditchum?
00:53:51The Earl of Ditchum?
00:53:52Quiet.
00:53:53I have just looked into this, your de Bret.
00:53:55I find the Earl of Ditchum is a man of over 60 years of age.
00:53:58He cannot be the Earl.
00:54:00There's some mystery about this.
00:54:02Can you explain it?
00:54:03There's no mystery at all, sir.
00:54:04He's the thief, right enough.
00:54:05That's right he is.
00:54:06We'll go and find him.
00:54:07Now, listen.
00:54:08We must be very discreet.
00:54:09You can rely on Merckx.
00:54:10I certainly would never have believed it.
00:54:12Can you eat any more?
00:54:15No, but I'm going to.
00:54:16Guy, Lumlet.
00:54:17I might have known you'd be here.
00:54:19Come, I want you to meet Miss Kemp.
00:54:21So you've really found her then?
00:54:22Yes, and you might have been talking to her all this time.
00:54:24What, with his mouth full?
00:54:25Mate her.
00:54:26I'll come along and take her by storm.
00:54:27Take her by storm?
00:54:28You can't.
00:54:29It's got raining.
00:54:30Come along, boys.
00:54:31I tell you, I know nothing about any robbery.
00:54:33Yes, but you've got to get out of here while you're safe.
00:54:35By the way, Sarah, you're wearing a lot of jewelry tonight.
00:54:38I suppose you...
00:54:39What?
00:54:40Oh, nothing.
00:54:41I should think not.
00:54:42Now, please don't waste any time.
00:54:43Be on your way.
00:54:44Oh, I don't know.
00:54:47Where is she?
00:54:48Not here again.
00:54:49She never is here.
00:54:50Why don't you chain her up?
00:54:52Come along, boys.
00:54:53We must find her.
00:54:54Yes, of course we must, I suppose.
00:54:56There's Mertz.
00:54:57Quick, down with your visor.
00:54:58I've been trying to keep it up all evening.
00:55:00Now, Ditcham, I must ask you to prove your identity.
00:55:02Well, I'll tell you.
00:55:03It was all a joke.
00:55:04And did you pinch them presents for a joke too?
00:55:06I thought I saw him eyeing those presents in the ante room.
00:55:08That's a lie.
00:55:09Of course it is.
00:55:10The watch.
00:55:11It's on him.
00:55:12What are you talking about?
00:55:13Can I help?
00:55:14Yes, rather.
00:55:15I'll find her, all right.
00:55:16You're wasting your time, I tell you.
00:55:17Wait, I'll find it.
00:55:18Ha, got it.
00:55:19Any statement to make?
00:55:20You're all crazy.
00:55:21He's the Earl of Ditcham.
00:55:22But he isn't.
00:55:23Well, he isn't a thief.
00:55:24Oh, isn't he?
00:55:25I'm going to have a look at you.
00:55:26I'll explain everything.
00:55:27Wait a minute.
00:55:28Don't admit anything and don't tell him who you are
00:55:29till you get to the police station.
00:55:30That suits me.
00:55:31And when I get you there, I'm going to find out who you are
00:55:33and what you've done with the rest of them things.
00:55:35Come on, we've got a tin opener at the station.
00:55:37Congratulations, officers.
00:55:38Smart work.
00:55:39Well, good night, sir.
00:55:40Good night.
00:55:42That's that.
00:55:43Daddy, it's all a mistake.
00:55:49Oh, Merckx.
00:55:50Constable Merckx.
00:55:59Well, boys.
00:56:00Caught him all right.
00:56:01That's splendid.
00:56:02Marvellous.
00:56:03Are you quite sure you've got the right man, Mr. Kemp?
00:56:04Oh, sure.
00:56:05He's in jail by now.
00:56:06But say, boys, keep this under your hat.
00:56:07We don't want the guests to know.
00:56:08Oh, no, no, no.
00:56:09Who caught him, Mr. Kemp?
00:56:10Why, Merckx.
00:56:11Wonderful fellow.
00:56:12Well done.
00:56:13That's splendid.
00:56:14Oh, he's a very smart fellow, Merckx.
00:56:15He's clever.
00:56:16Brilliant.
00:56:17Mr. Kemp.
00:56:18What's the matter?
00:56:19I'm sorry to say, sir, the prisoner got away.
00:56:20Got away?
00:56:21Yes.
00:56:22There's a gang of them.
00:56:23That's what there is.
00:56:24There's dozens of them.
00:56:25Why, you great big sap.
00:56:26You ought to be dismissed to force.
00:56:27All right.
00:56:28I'll offer a reward of 5,000 pounds
00:56:30for the return of these presents.
00:56:31How much is 5,000 pounds?
00:56:33Excuse me, sir, but we found this in the cloakroom.
00:56:35It seems Lord Ditcher was wearing it.
00:56:37Give me that.
00:56:38That's a clue.
00:56:39This will get him 10 years.
00:56:40You said it.
00:56:43Don't you think we ought to track the blighter down?
00:56:45I think I'll take charge of this case myself.
00:56:47Yes, you look a bit like a bloodhound to me.
00:56:49Pity we haven't got a license for you.
00:56:51I don't mind admitting I'm rather keen on scrounging this 5,000.
00:56:54Aren't we all?
00:56:55Really most delightful people.
00:56:59Aren't we all?
00:57:01Aren't we all?
00:57:03Talking of our cellars and our wines of every sort.
00:57:07Yes, of course.
00:57:08Our burgundy and champagne and 87 ports.
00:57:11And popping in the local and knocking back a quart.
00:57:15Aren't we all?
00:57:17Aren't we all?
00:57:19Really most delightful people.
00:57:24Aren't we?
00:57:27Aren't we all?
00:57:32Can you get it going?
00:57:33I'm doing my best.
00:57:38Here, wait a minute. Here's a bike coming.
00:57:39I'll ask him to leave word at the next garage.
00:57:51What the deuce are you doing here?
00:57:53How did you get away?
00:57:54I'll show you.
00:57:56It's a good thing you got me to look after you.
00:58:04It's a good thing you got me to look after you.
00:58:06Any more of them?
00:58:07I'll go see.
00:58:09I'll go see.
00:58:14Jim, look.
00:58:18Miss Kemp's presents.
00:58:19So they're the thieves.
00:58:20Let's take them back to the tower.
00:58:22No, I've got another idea.
00:58:23Come on.
00:58:27It'll be a nice little surprise for Merckx.
00:58:28Let's take them to the police station.
00:58:33Are you going to leave the presents here?
00:58:35Yes, let Merckx find them.
00:58:36They'll get in promotion.
00:58:37He'll be one of the big five.
00:58:38I should think he'll be two of the big five.
00:59:08Good morning.
00:59:32Gorgeous morning.
00:59:33Gorgeous omelettes.
00:59:38And how are you this morning, Lumley?
00:59:40Same as usual.
00:59:41Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:59:43Morning, Lumley.
00:59:44Morning.
00:59:45Morning, Guy.
00:59:46Morning, Maitre.
00:59:46Morning, Agatha.
00:59:48Your face is a horrible color this morning, George.
00:59:51I'll have two of those eggs, Guy, and a cup of tea.
00:59:53Righty-ho, Maitre.
00:59:54Oh, and give me some bacon and a piece of toast.
00:59:58I've got no appetite this morning.
01:00:00Of course, Guy, you said nothing more to that Minerva girl.
01:00:03I said good night.
01:00:04I hardly said that.
01:00:06Noble fellow.
01:00:07Do you want another pauper in the family?
01:00:08That would make six.
01:00:11Morning, Aunt.
01:00:12Morning, Uncle.
01:00:12Morning, boys.
01:00:14Morning, eggs.
01:00:15Morning, bacon.
01:00:15Speaking of paupers, and here you are.
01:00:17Sleep well, Jill?
01:00:18Sound as a plumber in a bathroom.
01:00:20Ah, kidneys.
01:00:21Divine.
01:00:23How was the fiesta last night?
01:00:24Horrible.
01:00:26I don't like all these flasks.
01:00:27Back to the kitchen.
01:00:28And you might round up his two blue bottles while you're about it.
01:00:30Hello, I heard something about the robbery last night.
01:00:32Robbery?
01:00:33Don't do that.
01:00:34Don't do what?
01:00:34The biscuits.
01:00:35Oh, the biscuits, I'm sorry.
01:00:36Don't do it.
01:00:37Police expect to make an arrest shortly.
01:00:38An arrest?
01:00:39Yes, that fellow calling himself Lord Ditcham,
01:00:41he'll get ten years at least.
01:00:42Ten years?
01:00:43Ten years, and serves him right, the cad.
01:00:46Ten years.
01:00:50I'll never live to serve it all,
01:00:52but I'll do as long as I can.
01:00:57He's crazy.
01:00:58And he's eaten all the biscuits, too.
01:01:01Oh, hello, Sir George.
01:01:02Ah, Mr. Kemp.
01:01:03I must apologize for this early visit,
01:01:05but it's in connection with that affair of last night.
01:01:06Of the robbery?
01:01:07It looks like it.
01:01:08That man Merckx, the police officer asked me to meet him here,
01:01:10said it was urgent.
01:01:10Oh, I don't suppose he'll do anything.
01:01:12He's such a fool.
01:01:13Well, he catches them all right,
01:01:14but he seems to let them go.
01:01:16However, I guess we'd better wait and see what he's got to say.
01:01:18Yes.
01:01:19Nice place you've got here.
01:01:19Yes, come and have a look round.
01:01:22Blumley.
01:01:23Yes?
01:01:23Those two blue bottles.
01:01:25Oh, yes, yes, yes.
01:01:26I must tell you all about it.
01:01:27Come along.
01:01:29Sit down, old man.
01:01:31They were sitting on the lid of a jam jar one day.
01:01:34If you remember, they were varsity blue bottles.
01:01:36One was Uppingham and Balliol,
01:01:38and the other was Harrow and Vorstel.
01:01:40Well, suddenly, the Vorstel man, he jumped up, you see,
01:01:44and he started rushing round and round the lid.
01:01:47It was all round the lid, you see.
01:01:49And so the Uppingham man thought,
01:01:51well, what's it all about?
01:01:52I mean, he wouldn't, yes.
01:01:53Anyway, so he called over to the Vorstel man,
01:01:56who was still rushing round, and he said,
01:01:58what's the idea, old boy?
01:01:59Why are you cantering about?
01:02:01So the Vorstel man said, well, as a matter of fact,
01:02:04I've just been reading the instructions on the label,
01:02:06and it says, tear round the dotted line.
01:02:11Oh, it's a clean story.
01:02:24Sarah.
01:02:25Yes, ma'am.
01:02:25My tea this morning was stone cold.
01:02:27Sorry, ma'am.
01:02:28That may suit Miss Kemp, but it won't do for me.
01:02:30Miss Kemp was very kind to me, ma'am.
01:02:32That's where she made a mistake.
01:02:33Your sort always takes advantage of kindness.
01:02:35Well, there isn't much to take advantage of around here,
01:02:38is there, ma'am?
01:02:39No impudence, or you leave at the end of the week.
01:02:41No bullying, or I'll leave at the end of the day.
01:02:43You impertinent hussy.
01:02:44Go upstairs and pack your box at once.
01:02:46And don't ask me to give you a character.
01:02:48Yes, and don't ask me to give you your character.
01:02:50Insolence.
01:02:51George.
01:02:51George.
01:02:52That's right.
01:02:53Call on poor George.
01:02:54Drag him into it.
01:02:54Thank goodness I can leave, but he's got a life sentence.
01:02:57You're discharged, you hear?
01:02:58Go at once.
01:02:59James.
01:03:00James.
01:03:01Go before I send for the police.
01:03:03All right.
01:03:04There's your cap, and there's your apron.
01:03:07I never did like the old things anyhow.
01:03:09Think yourself lucky that I don't have you thrown off the premises.
01:03:11You're nothing but a...
01:03:12Stop.
01:03:12What's the meaning of this?
01:03:14It's all right, Master Jim.
01:03:15I was just giving notice.
01:03:16Notice?
01:03:17The insult...
01:03:17That will do.
01:03:18You'll kindly speak to this lady properly.
01:03:19I say, Mater, what a disgusting row.
01:03:21Lovely, your cousin's gone mad.
01:03:23I think I'd better go.
01:03:24Certainly you'll go.
01:03:24I wouldn't allow you to stay here another minute.
01:03:26James, don't interfere.
01:03:27Take those things into the kitchen.
01:03:28You'll do nothing of the kind.
01:03:29Pick up that tray.
01:03:30Don't you touch them.
01:03:31Sarah.
01:03:32I think I'd better.
01:03:33Wait a minute.
01:03:34I'll show you.
01:03:37That's for you.
01:03:38Stop it, you cat.
01:03:40That's for you.
01:03:41What are you doing?
01:03:41I'm enjoying myself.
01:03:43James, you're crazy.
01:03:45Lucy, no.
01:03:46James.
01:03:47You mad?
01:03:52But Jim, please.
01:03:57Sarah.
01:04:02Go to your room and pack your things.
01:04:03But Jim.
01:04:04To your room.
01:04:05Yes, Jim.
01:04:07But oh, I think you're wonderful.
01:04:12Now, my would-be hero, it's my opinion and my opinion's sound.
01:04:17Sound, yes, that's all it is.
01:04:18One more word and I'll...
01:04:19Shut up.
01:04:20Oh, Merckx.
01:04:21Hello.
01:04:22Any news?
01:04:22Oh, plenty.
01:04:24You get the thieves?
01:04:24Both of them.
01:04:25My bell was rung about three o'clock this morning,
01:04:27and when I came down, I found them both trussed up on the doorstep
01:04:30like a pair of chickens and the presents with them.
01:04:32Who unwrapped them then?
01:04:33Well, there was a note with them from the Earl of Ditcham.
01:04:35But he wasn't the Earl.
01:04:37Well, the Earl was no Earl.
01:04:38He wore this hat, and it looks as if he's entitled to the reward.
01:04:41But there are millions of hats like that.
01:04:43Oh, good morning, Lady Lancaster.
01:04:44Ah, Mr. Kempf.
01:04:45Morning, milady.
01:04:46This hat's got the letter L in it.
01:04:48The only L's at the ball last night were the Lancaster's.
01:04:50Why, sure.
01:04:51There's been two initials there, and one's come off.
01:04:53Must belong to somebody here.
01:04:54And the owner will receive the reward.
01:04:56That's up to Mr. Kempf.
01:04:57Of course he will.
01:04:58Well, whose hat is it?
01:04:59Well, who does it fit?
01:05:00Let me see the hat.
01:05:02As I expected, it's Lumley's.
01:05:06So it is, of course, yes.
01:05:08Fits me like a glove.
01:05:09Doesn't appear to belong to Lumley.
01:05:11No.
01:05:11What a pity.
01:05:14How silly of me.
01:05:16Of course, it's Guy's.
01:05:17I recognize the mark distinctly.
01:05:19Why didn't you tell me, Guy?
01:05:20I didn't like to, really.
01:05:21Try it on, son.
01:05:24How's that?
01:05:25No good.
01:05:26Then I suppose it's yours, sir.
01:05:28Mine?
01:05:28George, you never told us.
01:05:30Oh, but Agatha, I...
01:05:31Come on, come on.
01:05:37It's very queer.
01:05:38This hat belongs to this house, but it don't fit any of you.
01:05:41Was anybody else in this family at the ball last night?
01:05:44Of course not.
01:05:45No one whatever.
01:05:46Ah.
01:05:47I beg your pardon.
01:05:48Why, Jill.
01:05:49It's all right, Daddy.
01:05:51Sarah.
01:05:52Sure, and I hope your tea will be all right, too.
01:05:54Miss Kemp.
01:05:56Yes, ma'am.
01:05:57Oh, Constable Merks.
01:05:58I...
01:06:03White hat.
01:06:04Yes, Merks.
01:06:07And are you going to summons me now?
01:06:09Well, it's stretching a point, you know, Miss Kemp.
01:06:11But there, at a time like this, after all, it couldn't happen again.
01:06:14So we'll, we'll say no more about it.
01:06:16Oh, thanks, Merks.
01:06:18And there was another Lancaster at the Towers last night.
01:06:21And there was another Lancaster at the Towers last night.
01:06:24Oh, there was, eh?
01:06:26Impossible.
01:06:27Well, who was it?
01:06:28The Earl of Ditcham.
01:06:31Anyone want me?
01:06:35Is this your hat?
01:06:37Yes, I'm afraid it is.
01:06:38It won't fit him.
01:06:39It's absurd.
01:06:40Well, let Cinderella try anyhow.
01:06:45There, you see?
01:06:46Well, Mr. Jim.
01:06:48The cap to them crooks means promotion for me and five of the best for you.
01:06:52Instead of ten of the worst.
01:06:53And I shall be delighted to pay.
01:06:57And you?
01:06:58Dear child.
01:06:59I knew all along, but I thought I'd humour you so that we could all have a good laugh together.
01:07:04On behalf of the Amalgamated Anglers and the Commercial Travellers Association, the salad bowl is yours.
01:07:13Well, I must be going.
01:07:13Got my report to make out.
01:07:15Don't forget, we perform again tomorrow night at the Village Hall.
01:07:18So long.
01:07:21What a delightful girl your daughter is.
01:07:23Such a sense of humour.
01:07:24I'll say she has.
01:07:26By the way, I hope you two see quite a lot of each other.
01:07:28We have been seeing a lot of each other lately.
01:07:30Oh, I didn't know.
01:07:31Well, what about us all going to the Towers and having lunch, huh?
01:07:34Delighting.
01:07:35Dear Jim.
01:07:37Where is he?
01:07:40Do you think your father would allow his grandchildren to call me daddy?
01:08:15THE END