Why all this in weddings? || Acharya Prashant, with IIT-Ropar (2023)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant?  Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...    Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?  Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...  ~~~~~   Video Information: 25.01.23, IIT-Ropar, Greater Noida   Context:  ~ Big Fat Indian Wedding: What Is It?  ~ Why is marriage such a big deal in India?  ~ Why a wedding commemorates a consciousness that has been subjugated.  ~ What is the celebration of a wedding?  ~ Why is marriage such a big deal?  ~ Why do Indian parents force for marriage?  ~ What deserves to be celebrated?    Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~

Transcript

00:00Hello. Namaskar, sir. Hello. Am I audible? Yes, you are. Yeah. Hi, sir. I am MTech alumna

00:16of IIT Ropar, WD department. And it's been a pleasure to meet you again. Last year, Guru

00:22Purnima also, I had an opportunity to discuss with you on climate change hypocrisy, where

00:29you've given us some real deep insights on the issue, and which really enriched us all.

00:38And so today, directly getting back to my question. Today, my question is related to

00:44Indian weddings. Since in the last two months, only November, December, we saw like, on every

00:50consecutive day, there were some, like what we say, wedding season, like there were some

00:56processions and a lot of noise. And even social media was flooded with the pics and videos of

01:04like royal luxurious weddings, and which has been followed not only by the film stars now,

01:11and that is being now followed by the masses as well. Like even the common middlemen,

01:16they are also making up those marriage ceremonies like that. And even because of this reason,

01:22even I stopped using Facebook. And whenever I open my account, I just see my feed flooded with

01:28like some marriage or some pre wedding shoot from some of my relatives, or some of my friends. So

01:35like, while I was like, looking at all these things, I read some results of some survey which

01:43were related to Indian, related to our country. So, which showed that about 60% of Indian families

01:53spent about their more than a year's annual earnings on the wedding ceremonies. Even more

02:01shocking was like about 20% of Indian families spend even like their lifelong earnings in the

02:09wedding ceremony. And among these people about like more than 60 or 70% people are those who

02:15actually borrowed money to finance these weddings. So I've been in a middle class family, I know like

02:22how hard it is for a common man to earn and like, he spends like all this, he do all this hustle to

02:31earn this much money. And then in the next side, I see that within two days, they just spend all

02:37that money just like in a fraction of seconds. So it is like very much shocking for me. And, and

02:44also, like, during this survey, I got to know that this was not the case, like about 30-40 years

02:52back. Previously, the scenario was like, about like, what would say 30-40 years back, people do

03:01have marriage ceremonies, but it was in small number with small budget. And even way back in

03:071975, even in some states, there are regulations that in a wedding ceremony, there should not be

03:14more than 25 people in that gathering, what even COVID forced us to do. So like, I just wanted to

03:22like, hear your views on this, like, how we like why we Indians are so much crazy about big fat

03:29Indian weddings. And, and you, you might have seen this trend as a like, few years ago, they started

03:36pre wedding shoot. Now, I think they're even starting this pre engagement shoot after this may

03:42not some pre pre what they will do. So I just wanted to hear your views on this, like, why we

03:49are so much like, crazy about this.

03:53This should not surprise you. A wedding is the utmost celebration of a subjugated consciousness.

04:08We are people of consciousness, right? Our species, the Homo sapiens, we have consciousness, we think,

04:21we formulate, we conceptualize. So, there is this consciousness. And this consciousness is subjugated

04:35to the body. That's our condition. Before you understand why weddings mean so much to us and why there is

04:48so much glamour and such a big flow of money, you'll have to understand who we are and therefore, what is

04:59this wedding thing in the first place. We are people with enslaved consciousness, a consciousness that is slave to the body.

05:16More politely, more classically, it is called a body identified consciousness.

05:22But that does not really expose the real state of consciousness, if so politely put.

05:39If you really want to understand how we are within, then the word subjugation is much more appropriate and revealing.

05:51So, we are people whose minds are full of bodily business.

06:02Our thoughts are all full of bodily business. At the same time, we aren't exactly animals.

06:11Though the moment we say that our minds, our lives in fact are full of bodily businesses,

06:18one is tempted to say that we are de facto animals then.

06:24Because it's animals that are characterized by being almost 100% body identified.

06:31An animal, its entire life is driven by its bodily imperatives.

06:38The body says, get up, the animal gets up, the body says, I am hungry, get me food, the animal starts running around.

06:45The body says, I am tired, let's sleep, the animal falls to sleep.

06:51The animal does not have to think, the animal does not have to decide.

06:56The body decides for the animal.

06:59Whatsoever the body says, the animal has to do.

07:03And you cannot make the animal do something that the body is not asking it to.

07:08We are very very close to the animals, unfortunately, in the sense that we too live lives that are very body centric.

07:25But we cannot openly declare that because we think we are not animals.

07:34If you openly declare that all you live for and live as is the body,

07:41it would be a thing of shame.

07:47Not so much internal shame, but much more social shame.

07:53We are subjugated to the body, we are also slaves to the society.

07:59So, even though we have to live as bodies and live for the body,

08:08we try to pretend as if we are higher beings living for nobler causes.

08:16That's just a pretense, but nevertheless we continue with that pretense.

08:22Now, the body, what does it want?

08:27What is its ultimate desire?

08:30The body's ultimate desire is to have pleasure and to avoid death.

08:38Have pleasure, avoid death.

08:43Have pleasure, avoid death.

08:46These are the two things that the body wants.

08:49And because we are body identified people, to ensure these two things,

08:56we have come up with the institution of marriage.

09:00Marriage ensures continuous supply of sexual pleasure

09:06and also the pleasure that comes from emotional and financial security.

09:15Also, marriage ensures reproduction and that's what the body wants,

09:23its own continuity in the form of other smaller beings of its own type.

09:34Are you getting it?

09:36Are you getting it?

09:38So, because marriage represents exactly what this animal body wants

09:46and we are very very bodily people, therefore we go bonkers on weddings.

09:54Do you understand?

09:56I am living as the body.

09:58I might not be declaring that because I pretend to be a higher being.

10:05If somebody tells me I am an animal, I feel offended.

10:09So, I will not openly declare that I am the body just like animals

10:14and I live just for the sake of bodily things.

10:17What are bodily things?

10:19Security, pleasure, reproduction and that's all.

10:26What else does the body want?

10:28So, if you look at the life of the ordinary man, which is pretty much everybody,

10:32we all are living just for the sake of these things.

10:36Are we not?

10:38We say happiness is the purpose of life.

10:40We say your life is incomplete if you don't have kids

10:44and by all means we want to have measures of security and armors all around us.

10:51We want to collect money so that we feel secure.

10:55We cultivate a network of relationships so that we feel secure.

10:58We try to have more and more knowledge so that we feel secure.

11:03All these are very animalistic things.

11:06These are things that even an animal wants.

11:10These are not really things that separate us from animals.

11:16In fact, the more you go after these things,

11:19pleasure, security, continuity,

11:22the more you are ascertaining that you are an animal.

11:28And now you see why the wedding has to be such a big thing.

11:34It is the biggest festival of the body and we are animal bodies.

11:40We are dogs and cats.

11:42We are dogs and cats that must pretend that they are not dogs and cats.

11:49We are dogs and cats with a social face.

11:54So dogs and cats can just go and mate anywhere.

12:00We are not allowed by the society to do that.

12:05Dogs and cats just mate and litter anywhere on the street and

12:12you don't identify a pup by its father, do you?

12:17Or a kitten by its father.

12:19But we say we are noble beings, we are respectable people.

12:24So we cannot just mate around like that.

12:28Hence, we organise a festival.

12:33A festival to grant us religious and social and legal licence.

12:42That's called a wedding.

12:46A wedding is the occasion where it becomes absolutely open

12:54that the biggest thing for you is pleasure and continuity and security.

13:03Otherwise, why would you be found celebrating so much?

13:08What exactly are you celebrating?

13:12You celebrate so much in a wedding, right?

13:16What exactly are you celebrating?

13:18You are celebrating pleasure, you are celebrating security,

13:21you are celebrating continuity by way of reproduction.

13:26That's what you are celebrating.

13:29Because wedding is the biggest celebration,

13:33we all know that by our everyday empirical experience

13:40and you two shared some data ascertaining that.

13:45And because marriage is the biggest celebration that we have,

13:49that just proves that bodily pleasure is the biggest thing in our lives

13:56and security and continuity.

13:58Otherwise, why would you celebrate so much?

14:00What's there to celebrate?

14:02Think of it.

14:04What's there to celebrate?

14:06Yes, we are celebrating sex.

14:11We are celebrating the body.

14:15A male body, a female body coming together

14:21and we have gone bazooka.

14:26The entire society is dancing.

14:28And if you just ask them a very objective question,

14:31exactly why are you dancing?

14:33What is this celebration all about? Nothing.

14:35Male cells and female cells coming together,

14:38that's the name of that celebration.

14:45And if you call it out

14:52in an obvious and flat way, very directly,

14:57everybody would be offended and they are offended

15:00just because they have never bothered to look at the mirror.

15:06They do not know who they are and why they are indulging in stuff.

15:15You become better as a human being.

15:27Does the society bother?

15:30Do they come and garland you?

15:33Do you invite 2000 people and spend 70 lakh rupees?

15:38No.

15:40But now you are ready to meet a girl,

15:44have sexual union and produce kids.

15:47And everybody wants to dance.

15:50Is that not obscene actually?

15:53Is that not obscene?

15:56I used to think since I was a kid.

16:00I mean, on that stage there is that man and that woman sitting.

16:05And why are they being displayed and paraded this way?

16:10I could never bring myself to accept that probably such a thing,

16:20the same thing is going to happen with me one day.

16:24I was very clear. No.

16:27Because the whole thing is obviously vulgar.

16:31These two are going to have sex now

16:34and everybody is jumping and hopping and shrieking

16:37and partying.

16:41I mean, seriously.

16:45Is sex such a big thing?

16:48First question. Secondly,

16:51what do you have to do with the intimate affairs of those two people?

16:57Had we been a society that valued something higher than the body,

17:20then the topic and the context of our celebrations would have been very different.

17:33It would sound weird when I say so.

17:38But you would have celebrated finishing a great book

17:42and you would have invited people to come over and dance.

17:46Why?

17:49With great sincerity,

17:52I just completed my first run of the Srimad Bhagavad Gita

18:01and now that's really something to celebrate.

18:04Come over everyone.

18:12And not necessarily something religious.

18:14It could be something from Marx or Dostoevsky.

18:20From the philosophy side, from the literature side, anywhere.

18:24I am a better human being. Now that's something to celebrate.

18:29Two people are going to have sex now.

18:32How is that something to celebrate?

18:35And if you celebrate that, you are an animal.

18:39Because it's only animals that have nothing better and higher than sex to indulge in.

18:47Human beings are supposed to be targeting higher things.

18:53How can we say that my entire life savings have been reserved for a wedding celebration?

19:03But we do that.

19:04And when we do that, we do not even know what we have declared ourselves to be.

19:11Animals, animals.

19:13We have declared ourselves to be animals.

19:18If we are so fascinated with weddings.

19:21The kid just cracked a difficult problem in mathematics.

19:41Now that's what would make me throw a party.

19:48Not his birthday.

19:52I'll organize a great party. Why?

19:59Because my kid just cracked a great problem in mathematics.

20:03And that's something of an elevated consciousness.

20:07That's something animals cannot do.

20:09So that's something to be joyous about.

20:14Now the kid was born this day.

20:17So I'm calling everybody, you come over and we'll cut the cake and we'll have meals and such things.

20:24What stupidity.

20:26Even animals give birth.

20:28You and your wife in one moment of animalistic fetish had sex and gave birth.

20:37And you are celebrating that day since 20 years.

20:42Are you mad?

20:44Even if you are not mad, you are just vulgar.

20:47You are telling everybody, you know, this was the day when we decided to fuck.

20:53So please come over and dance.

20:56Why should anybody dance?

21:01Why should anybody clap?

21:03What great achievement.

21:06What have you done?

21:08That which you have done is happening all over the place.

21:11The entire jungle is nothing but a huge mating ground.

21:24And God forbid, if the husband forgets the anniversary.

21:30You know, this was the day we got licensed to have sex.

21:36How can you forget this day?

21:42And I know,

21:47lot of romantics would say, you know, this man can only see sex wherever he looks.

21:58Marriage is actually the union of two souls.

22:04Sex and all is incidental.

22:06Alright, let's conduct a small experiment.

22:11Let's tell the two souls that sex will not be a part of their union.

22:17Let's see whether the union still happens.

22:22Both of them will run away.

22:25Tell the husband, you can have the wife without sex.

22:30Tell the wife, the husband you will get, but no sex.

22:34And then let's see whether any marriages happen.

22:37The conclusion is obvious.

22:40The two are getting together only for sex.

22:44Just that they want to pretend as if the matter is nobler, higher, more virtuous, more respectable.

22:54So you create a whole tamasha around the thing and you call the priest and you spend five crores.

23:05And you want to display that you are better than dogs and cats, which you are not.

23:19Exercise your imagination.

23:23Think of a more conscious society.

23:26Think of the occasions that such a society would celebrate.

23:33They would celebrate a man fighting his physical limitations.

23:44The doctors had declared somebody to be so badly impaired that he would never be able to walk again.

23:54But this person, this man or woman just by way of willpower kept trying, trying, exercising

24:04and today he has been able to not just walk but actually run.

24:09Now that's something we should celebrate in the town hall.

24:13Let's call this man the entire city.

24:21Let's have a gala feast.

24:25This is something to celebrate.

24:28The literacy rates in the city have raised 100%.

24:34Now we will celebrate that.

24:37Somebody in the family had been wanting to write a small book of short stories,

24:49but he never felt inspired enough or free enough or daring enough

24:57to attempt that or complete that.

25:01Today the book has been published.

25:05Finally he could challenge his barriers,

25:12complete the work and get it in print.

25:17Let's celebrate. These are things to celebrate.

25:21One boy, one girl running around the fire.

25:29By the sound of verses they don't comprehend at all.

25:39Verses uttered by a priest who in all probability himself does not comprehend the verses.

25:49What's there to be so happy about?

25:56In a conservative city there emerges a girl who wins a medal

26:13in a state level athletics competition.

26:20We will celebrate that.

26:23Even if she does not win a medal, she just manages to participate.

26:30We will celebrate even that.

26:33That is something that deserves our respect.

26:39What is meant by a celebration?

26:42You do not celebrate your meanness.

26:46You do not celebrate your fall.

26:50You do not celebrate being an animal.

26:53You celebrate when you rise, don't you?

26:56That's the very definition.

26:58You celebrate your rise, you celebrate your ascension.

27:01You celebrate when you overcome a hard challenge

27:08and a worthy challenge.

27:10That's what you celebrate.

27:12Those things must be celebrated.

27:14Instead, all the money is going towards weddings.

27:17With the result that just this month

27:23it's almost becoming certain that India is already the most populous country in the world.

27:29Don't you see that level of population?

27:33Don't you see that level of population directly corresponds to our fascination with weddings?

27:39What is the purpose of life?

27:43Go wed.

27:46Go wed, that's the purpose of life.

27:49Still in small town India and rural India,

27:54the day a daughter is born,

27:57at least the financial purpose of the father's life is decided.

28:03Cast in stone.

28:06Now I have a daughter.

28:09So, all I am doing is saving for her wedding.

28:17And the expenses that you quoted,

28:21do not go merely towards celebration.

28:25A lot of that is actually towards dowry.

28:29So, what is the poor father doing for the next 25 years since the girl is born?

28:36Just saving, saving and saving.

28:40And if by chance happens that the girl is born,

28:46and if he by chance happens to have three girls,

28:53think of his predicament.

28:56And now do you see that this fat wedding business is also directly related to female infanticide and foeticide?

29:04Because if a daughter is born,

29:07you'll have to arrange that kind of wedding and dowry.

29:11And you already have two daughters.

29:14And your means do not permit you that kind of expenditure the third time over.

29:20So, the moment you know that a third girl is about to arrive,

29:26you kill her in the foetus, in the womb.

29:35Do you see this?

29:38Do you also see how the wedding thing

29:43is actually very derogatory to both the groom and the bride, especially the bride?

29:53Do you see how it promotes all kinds of wasteful industries,

29:59cosmetics, gems and jewelry,

30:01the entire wedding industry including event management and what not.

30:07And these are all very wasteful industries that provide zero value addition to the society.

30:15Still they exist. Not only do they exist, they prosper.

30:19And banquet halls,

30:21even the best of hotels have turned into de facto banquet halls.

30:28You go anywhere,

30:31what you find is a wedding.

30:36You just go to some proper good hotel

30:40and you sit in their restaurant.

30:42You want to have a quiet cup of tea.

30:45And you cannot have that quietness.

30:51Because just next to the cafe,

30:54there would be a huge wedding.

30:57Being organized in the premises of the hotel.

31:01And then you call up the manager,

31:04the senior most manager you call up and you say,

31:07Sir, Sir, I come to you because I love the silence and the solitude you provide.

31:15Why are you harassing me with this dhol tamasha?

31:20And it is happening continuously.

31:22You know what he says apologetically?

31:25He says, Sir, we can't help it.

31:28The kind of money these weddings provide us with

31:34is irresistible.

31:37We cannot deny that money.

31:40And when weddings take place, they book the entire hotel.

31:44100% occupancy is guaranteed.

31:47100% occupancy is guaranteed.

31:53If we deny these weddings,

31:57they'll go to another hotel,

32:00our competitor,

32:02and he will get a competitive edge.

32:05So we have to have these.

32:07Because the entire money is being spent on the weddings.

32:12How can the hotels now deny the wedding?

32:14So the whole atmosphere is polluted.

32:19The silliest kind of vulgar songs

32:25at the highest volume

32:32and you have to tolerate all that.

32:34Why?

32:36Because two beasts

32:39are coming together physically

32:41and they are just so happy about it.

32:44They can't get over it.

32:56If there is one thing that very loudly tells of the cancer

33:06we as a society are suffering from,

33:08it is these obnoxious wedding celebrations.

33:12I'll go to the extent of saying

33:17a man who is fond of attending weddings

33:21is someone you should stay away from,

33:24a man or a woman.

33:28If there is someone who actually manages to enjoy being in a wedding,

33:34it's a dangerous man.

33:38Avoid this person.

33:39Avoid this person.

33:44Any sane person,

33:46anybody with even dimly lit consciousness

33:50would clearly see the horror, the vulgarity and the absurdity

33:56of the whole wedding tamasha.

33:59He'll feel very misplaced, very misfit.

34:03If he is there in that celebration,

34:07he'll want to run away.

34:10The horror

34:16of that cumulative action.

34:24So many people have come together

34:27and somebody is doing this, somebody is doing that

34:29and there is a photographer and a videographer,

34:32many of them actually are running after you.

34:34Every single thing is simply obscene.

34:39Obscene, obscene, obscene.

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