Full Video: What is to be respected? || Acharya Prashant, with BITS Hyderabad (2022)
Link: • What is to be respected? || Acharya P...
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Video Information: with BITS Hyderabad, 28.03.2022, Greater Noida, India
Context:
~ Is there difference in between Buddha's teaching and Vedanta?
~ What are Anatma and Aham?
~ What is maya in Buddha's teaching?
~ How do we know that someone is actually respectable?
~ Are you true to yourself?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Link: • What is to be respected? || Acharya P...
➖➖➖➖➖➖
♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant?
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
➖➖➖➖➖➖
Video Information: with BITS Hyderabad, 28.03.2022, Greater Noida, India
Context:
~ Is there difference in between Buddha's teaching and Vedanta?
~ What are Anatma and Aham?
~ What is maya in Buddha's teaching?
~ How do we know that someone is actually respectable?
~ Are you true to yourself?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00My question was, we often hear the notion that we should respect elders. But when it
00:07comes to the elders, for example, in my family, every family has some sort of problems. And
00:13I get to know some things about them. After that, I don't feel like I should respect them
00:17because those actions weren't right. So, if I don't respect them, the society hates me
00:23and I get scolding for that. But if I do respect them, I feel bad. So, shouldn't we respect
00:29behavior instead of just respecting elders? And is the notion that we should always respect
00:35elders correct? What do you mean by respect, first thing? Like talking politely, talking
00:43properly. No, talking politely and talking properly is something you should anyway unconditionally
00:56do, right? Even if you are talking to a crime convict, you do not want to be particularly
01:07impolite, do you? So, politeness and property, these are not things that are first of all
01:22dependent upon something else. And secondly, these are not very intimately connected to
01:31respect. What is respect? Respect is having a genuine appreciation inside me of that person.
01:43I feel… Valuing that person highly? Valuing that person highly, but after knowing such
01:50things… So, it's alright, it's alright. If you clearly see that a fellow has very
01:58little that can be highly valued, there is no compulsion at all to accord a high importance
02:08or high value to him or her. There is no need at all. We need to probably widen or deepen
02:18the question a little. Before I assess or value somebody, do I first of all know for
02:30myself what is valuable? Because you see, you too are demonstrating your value system
02:40when you say that if you do not respect people, elders in particular, then you are frowned
02:50at or looked down upon. So, you are valuing something here. What are you valuing? You
02:57are valuing acceptance and you do not want to lose that acceptance, hence you are raising
03:06this question. Do you see what I am saying? You are saying there are people who do not
03:12deserve your respect, so you do not demonstrate respect. When you do not demonstrate respect,
03:17then a lot of people do not look at you favorably. They think you are some kind of a rascal or
03:26renegade and you do not like that, hence this question. Now, you value the fact or
03:37the possibility that you need to be liked, accepted and loved and when that love or acceptance
03:46is withdrawn by the others because they think that you are being disrespectful to elders,
03:53you do not like it. So, here it is a demonstration of your own value system. What does your value
04:01system say? It is valuable, it is important to be liked and accepted by others. Otherwise,
04:12if you are just being true to your own independent honest assessment of people, then why do you
04:20need to worry about how the people will respond once you honestly demonstrate what you think
04:30of them. Are you getting? Let us learn what is valuable in life and behaviors containing
04:44basic etiquette or politeness, courtesy. They should not be dependent on what a person's
04:58worth is, irrespective of the worth of a person. Just by the dent of being a human being, everybody
05:08deserves some consideration, basic politeness. So, that I suppose you could grant unconditionally.
05:19But when it comes to other things in life, you must have a very, very solid standard
05:26of values, solid and universal in the sense that there should be no double speak, no hypocrisy.
05:40The same yardstick you use to measure your own worth must be applied to others as well.
05:50You cannot hold yourself in high esteem and look down on others if you and the others
05:58are fundamentally the same. What is worth valuing in life? Be it an elder, a younger
06:12one, a professor, a peon, doesn't matter. What is it that you want to value in life?
06:22From what you have said, from your rebellious expression, there is one great thing I could gather.
06:32First of all, age is not the fundamental determinant of value. You cannot say somebody has age
06:42on his side, her side. Therefore, he deserves to be valued. It's not so arithmetical.
06:53Otherwise, at the age of 20, you just need to wait to let your age multiply and the day
07:04you become 60, you are already thrice as respectable. That sounds foolish, right? So, age cannot
07:14be a determinant. What else can be used to determine the worth of a person?
07:22It's usually the behavior, the actions, how they interact with people, how they go about
07:33their life. Can we get deeper into that? For example, if there is a 20-year-old person
07:46who works in NGOs, who does a lot for society, who has a really positive way of talking to
07:52everybody and is polite to me, I would respect him a lot.
08:00But we just said that politeness is something we must anyway unconditionally extend to everybody.
08:06Right? So, politeness really cannot be a strong determinant. What can be a clear determinant
08:16or a set of determinants? How do we know somebody is actually respectable?
08:22He is kind and I think basic kindness.
08:29Kindness. So, that's a good one. Nice. See, the moment you start going deeper into it,
08:38you will fumble and struggle a little. So, that's alright. In fact, that's a good indicator
08:43that now you are probing something new. When you probe something new, then you cannot come
08:49up with quick ready-made answers. Right? So, you will struggle a little and that is
08:54great. Right? So, you said kindness. Kindness. Kindness is a great thing. Right? Some people
08:59also call it compassion. Wonderful. So, you respect someone according to her depth of
09:09compassion. And you look for that. And that is not always visible in behavioral patterns
09:17of the kind we are used to. Because you have used the term behavior three or four times,
09:24hence I am emphasizing. Compassion is something subtle. It sits in the heart. Behavior can
09:35be manipulated. You can design your behavior to make it look respectable, to make it look
09:46kind. But behavior that exudes a figure, a semblance of kindness need not actually
09:59be arising from a point of kindness. But we all know what kindness looks like. Therefore,
10:08it is easy to put on behavior that looks like kindness. So, you are on the money when
10:17you say that kindness is valuable. But you must also strive to know what real kindness
10:25is. And kindness is not always of the face that you see in the movies or in fiction or
10:38in general culture. In general, how do you spot a kind person? For example, there is
10:53a dog on the road and he is hurt. So, somebody is giving him biscuits or like taking him
11:00to the hospital if he is sick or helping people around them. Right, great. So, let's extend
11:06this example. So, this fellow picks up the dog, takes him to the example and the doctor
11:10says the dog is weak. The dog is weak. So, this fellow goes and gets fresh chicken to
11:19feed the dog. Now, what happened to your example? Yeah, I understood how like, understanding
11:34how a person is kind or not is a very broad thing. It's not that easy to judge a person.
11:40So, behavior can be deceptive. Patterns can be put on. We, as intelligent beings, must
11:51take care not to be deceived by patterns and behaviors and such superficial things. So,
12:01this is one thing. What else do you think is valuable in life? I am struggling to find
12:15something right now. But then you are very eager to take away respect from people without
12:21knowing what is respectable. What, the context that I had behind the question was, for example,
12:31there is a person in my family who abused me as a child. So, now here you already know
12:39what is not respectable. What is not respectable? Like abusing someone. Broaden that, broaden
12:48that, being exploitative. So, you have someone in front of you who is not strong enough or
13:00developed enough to resist your gruesome advances and you are taking advantage of the
13:10kid's position, need not necessarily be a kid. Could be an animal, could be a grown-up,
13:17could be a 90-year-old disabled woman and doesn't want to take care of her, rather
13:28is seeking part of her, let's say, property. It's much the same thing, no? Being exploitative,
13:37so being exploitative is not good. If someone is exploitative, we have no obligation to
13:46value that person highly. This is called having inner clarity. Otherwise, we all have just
13:56a haze of feelings. So, we roughly know, we vaguely know, but there is no clarity. Now,
14:07you have some clarity on that. If somebody is exploitative, I will not respect him, irrespective
14:17of his designation, age, relationship to me, whatever. Equally, if being exploitative
14:30is so disrespectful, what is it that deserves respect? What is the opposite of being exploitative?
14:44Being generous, being large-hearted, being magnanimous. If I see someone of that kind,
14:57then I'll offer my unconditional respect. But the thing is tricky. Seeing kindness,
15:10I am repeating, is not always simple because kindness will not always take the forms we
15:19are used to. Equally, exploitation will not always take the forms we are used to. The
15:29form that you are referring to is very obvious, very gross. A kid being exploited by an elder,
15:41here it is obvious what is happening. But then there are far more numerous and subtler,
15:50very hidden ways of being exploitative and we don't even detect exploitation taking
15:56place and so we continue to offer respect. So, to determine who is respectable, what
16:10is respectable, one needs to be attentive to life. Otherwise, your respect and disrespect
16:17will all come from a nebulous point within, a vague kind of feeling. You'll just feel
16:24this person is not good and you'll say, oh this is my intuition or my instinct, but
16:30that's no good. You need to have clarity, not intuition or instinct. Intuitions and
16:36instincts are for animals. They have nothing but instincts. As human beings, we need intelligence,
16:43not instincts. So, you need to think about these things. Before we close, maybe a couple
16:54of more examples of things or traits that are respect-worthy.
17:00Some people who distribute stuff among young kids, the people who work in Anganwadis,
17:13the people who sponsor education for children who are not able to do that on their own and
17:21the people who help others. Yes, you are very nicely covering that dimension, the dimension
17:30of kindness. Can we move a little to the other dimensions as well?
17:39I can't think of something. So, you have a batch mate who has come from
17:56a very remote and ill-served part of the country, from a disadvantaged section of the
18:09society and he could still somehow clear the entrance exam and make it to your place, your
18:20place. And then there is someone who is coming from a metro city, from a good affluent upper
18:28middle class family, had the benefits of all kinds of training and coaching and good food
18:36and vehicles and what not. You see what I am going towards?
18:47The difference between their lifestyle? Yes, so what really is respectable, that's
18:55what I want to come to. I am a bit confused right now.
19:08The heart to strive against odds, for obviously a just cause, that is respectable. Not so
19:21much one's place in life, but the odds one conquered to come to that place. Are you getting
19:33me? Typically students who come from these far-flung places do not belong very well
19:44to the campus. They remain on the margins, because their culture is different. They do
20:00not get that much of acceptability and respect, whereas if you think clearly, those are the
20:11ones who deserve greater respect, because fighting against challenges is something we
20:22must value. Do you agree? Yes, I definitely agree on that. Someone who gets things easily
20:31in life is alright, we have no bridges, but someone who fought his way against difficult
20:42odds to achieve something worthwhile is surely someone who deserves a salute. So, have an
20:56eye for that. And often it also happens that such students at least initially do not perform
21:03very well in the campus. So, if you just look at their performance, they will probably belong
21:12to the middle rungs or even to the lower strata of grades. But one of them having a CGPA of 6 or
21:256.5 is probably doing better than a Delhiite or Mumbiker having a CGPA of 8 or 9. How does it
21:38work in your campus? Is it CGPA percentage? It's CGPA. CGPA on a scale of 10. So, where you are
21:52is not always a very definite indicator, just as we said that your behavior itself is not
21:57a very definite indicator. Similarly, your place too is not a very definite indicator.
22:02You have to see where the thing is coming from, be it the behavior or the person. Where
22:09is the person coming from? Now coming from a point like that, if that person could perform
22:15this way, then I value this, I respect this. Then there is a word called conviction. Being
22:32true to oneself. There is hardly anybody who does not know anything about life or there
22:47is hardly anybody who is totally wrong in his or her view of life. None of us are totally
22:57right either. But at least some measure of goodness we all have, the idea of goodness
23:07that is. We know what goodness is like and still we fail to live up to our own concept
23:16of goodness. We know what is right, we know what is valuable and yet we do not act as
23:25per our own standards. So, conviction which is very intimate to integrity is something
23:36very very valuable. Is this person living up to herself? We are not talking of standards
23:47set by others, we are talking of your own inner standards. Are you true to yourself?
23:56If you do not know a thing, it's probably alright, you are ignorant. But the problem
24:03with most people is not so much in their ignorance, it lies in their lack of integrity, hypocrisy.
24:17You know and yet you do not live that way. So, have an eye for that. See who is living
24:26his life as per his truth. I am not talking of the absolute truth here, I am talking of
24:35your own truth. There is nobody who has no concept, no personal concept of the truth.
24:44That personal concept is often flawed, I agree, but it does exist. It does exist and
24:50is very useful. It is useful because it helps you move beyond itself. But only if you first
24:56of all live up to your concept of truth. Most people do not do that. See that and when you
25:08find it somewhere, do not hold yourself back. Then there is a thing called depth of love
25:21which is sincerity. Being attracted towards something, somebody, some ideal, anything
25:29is one thing and remaining true to it over long periods against challenges is another
25:36thing. Now can you spot that and respect that? Yes, wonderful. Then there is courage. Even
25:54if you know what is the right thing to do, there is always a price to pay and most people
26:02just do not have the integrity to pay the price. The audacity to give up on their established
26:18and comfortable patterns of life and where you find someone heartfully paying the price,
26:29respect that. It is no mean thing. It requires a lot and very few people live up to their love.
26:45Right? So these are the things, rather some of the things that are valuable and wherever you
26:55find these, it is time to bow down, to get close and to learn. Of what use is respect if it just
27:09involves token behavior? You go to someone and say, oh I respect you so much and you fold your
27:18hands or you offer obeisance, does not mean much. The moment you say you respect something or
27:28somebody, it is then incumbent on you to first of all get close. If something is worthy enough,
27:37why are you still distant? Get close and learn. Get close to rise. If something is respectable,
27:48it is higher than you. If it is higher than you, use that thing to get higher. Right?
27:57Anything more you want to add to it? No, this actually gave me a lot of clarity,
28:11like my concept of respect was quite short and it broadened so. I am glad. Thank you.