Simon (1980)

Super Cult Cinema

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Transcript

00:00:00Relive a hero's journey as Turner Classic Movies, Fathom Events, and Universal Pictures present

00:00:04To Kill a Mockingbird in select cinemas Sunday, March 24th, and Wednesday, March 27th.

00:00:08Gregory Peck stars in this profound Southern masterpiece about prejudice and the fears that motivate it.

00:00:13Miss Jean-Louis, stand up.

00:00:16Your father's passing.

00:00:17In select cinemas nationwide March 24th and 27th.

00:00:20Featuring exclusive insights from TCM's Ben Mankiewicz,

00:00:23To Kill a Mockingbird is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.

00:00:26For tickets and showtimes, go to fathomevents.com slash TCM big screen.

00:00:41Hello, and thanks for joining us here on TCM.

00:00:43I'm Dave Karger, stepping in for Ben Mankiewicz.

00:00:46Tonight, we're bringing you a lineup of films starring the hilarious Madeline Kahn.

00:00:51We just showed you her scene-stealing performance in Mel Brooks' 1974 comedy Young Frankenstein,

00:00:56and up next is a quirky comedy starring Kahn alongside Alan Arkin.

00:01:01From Orion Pictures and distributed by Warner Brothers in 1980, it's Simon.

00:01:06It's about a group of scientists with unlimited funding, the Institute for Advanced Concepts,

00:01:12who decide to play an elaborate hoax by brainwashing a man into thinking he's an alien,

00:01:17and then using him to convince the public that extraterrestrial beings actually exist.

00:01:22Their unsuspecting victim is a psychology professor, Simon Mendelsohn, played by Alan Arkin,

00:01:28a man who was orphaned at birth and has no other biological family.

00:01:32The story for Simon was the brainchild of Marshall Brickman and Thomas Baum,

00:01:36with Brickman writing the screenplay in what was also his directorial debut.

00:01:41Brickman is perhaps best known for his collaborations with Woody Allen,

00:01:44co-writing the screenplays for four of Allen's films, Sleeper from 1973,

00:01:49Annie Hall from 1977, which earned him and Allen an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay,

00:01:541979's Manhattan, and Manhattan Murder Mystery from 1993.

00:01:59Madeline Kahn appears here as a lab assistant who visits the Institute.

00:02:04By 1980, Kahn had established herself as one of Hollywood's top comediennes, and she shines in this film.

00:02:11Also featuring Wallace Shawn and Judy Graubart,

00:02:14who starred with Kahn on the special television series Comedy Tonight in 1970, here's Simon.

00:04:11It is not generally known that many of the strange and alarming trends observed in this country in recent years

00:04:35were not random occurrences, coincidences, or so-called acts of God,

00:04:42but are, in fact, directly traceable to this group of men,

00:04:47five of the most brilliant and twisted geniuses in America, perhaps in the entire world.

00:04:55Living and working together, isolated, protected,

00:05:00and funded by a government contract so brilliantly incomprehensible

00:05:05that no one, even at the highest Washington levels, knew its real activities.

00:05:11This group, in the name of free scientific inquiry,

00:05:15perpetrated a series of scenarios so sinister, so bizarre, and so childishly perverse,

00:05:24that rational men argued that the civilization which had come so far and so short a time was finally collapsing.

00:05:33Dr. Carl Becker, director of the Institute.

00:05:36Excuse me, Dr. Becker?

00:05:37Oh, yes?

00:05:38How did the five of you meet?

00:05:40We were all sent out here some years ago by someone who thought it would be a good idea

00:05:44for the best minds to be put together in a good environment with unlimited funds.

00:05:49And what were you all supposed to do?

00:05:51Oh, think.

00:05:52A think tank? What about?

00:05:54The usual, you know, the food shortage, ecology, energy, that sort of thing.

00:05:58We were supposed to save the world.

00:06:00What went wrong?

00:06:02Nothing went wrong. We just got into more interesting material, that's all.

00:06:06More interesting material? What kind of material?

00:06:09Oh, a little this, a little that.

00:06:12Hundertwasser does all of our media work.

00:06:16This device allows us to jam all the Nielsen boxes in the country.

00:06:23I see. You're talking about the television rating system.

00:06:26That's right. We've been doing that for the past six years.

00:06:29We substitute our own information using microwaves from roving vans.

00:06:37You see that? Total environment control.

00:06:41The entire country? That sounds impossible.

00:06:44Well, it's not that difficult.

00:06:48We pick a show at random and feed a winning share into the Nielsen boxes.

00:06:54Like, you got a minute?

00:06:58See? Donny and Marie, hefty, 60 share.

00:07:02Audience of 70 million now.

00:07:04We happen to know that on that night,

00:07:06there were only 1,200 people in the entire country

00:07:09who watched that particular show on 70 million.

00:07:12Well, that's amazing. That's right.

00:07:15The important thing to remember is that Nielsen is totally wrong about everything.

00:07:21Dr. Burundi conceived and worked with the Chinese

00:07:25on the Nixon substitution scenario.

00:07:27The Nixon substitution scenario? What was that exactly?

00:07:32The Nixon who went to China in 1972 was not the one we sent back.

00:07:40Fitch-Andler, Chemistry, Biology, and Pharmaceuticals.

00:07:47I have some things here.

00:07:49We're into several areas, actually.

00:07:52Viruses, some phage cloning,

00:07:55DNA, crystalline diffraction.

00:08:01I did the new penicillin-resisting gonorrhea strain a few years ago, remember?

00:08:05It was in all the papers.

00:08:07Nobody could figure it out.

00:08:09And Van Dongen is doing some very nice stuff with genetics and adaptation.

00:08:19Genetically speaking, man is very unstable.

00:08:22He's sort of an inferior product of nature.

00:08:24Genes are vulnerable to a variety of outside influences,

00:08:28to radiation, chemicals, stress.

00:08:32On the other hand, certain insects,

00:08:34the common roach, for instance, are very resistant to mutation.

00:08:38Now, if we could crossbreed a human with a roach,

00:08:43then we would have a species that could last for 10 billion years.

00:08:57It is now accepted, as we fit the pieces together,

00:09:01It is now accepted, as we fit the pieces together,

00:09:05that the entire unpleasantness was the fault of this Becker person,

00:09:10and that the catastrophe found its beginnings, as so many do,

00:09:15in the most casual, innocent remark.

00:09:18In this case, a small article in the New York Times.

00:09:22Good morning, gentlemen. Now, see what you can do with this here.

00:09:26The Gallup says that over 60% of Americans now firmly believe

00:09:31that there are extraterrestrials out there somewhere trying to contact us.

00:09:35Oh, great. I love it.

00:09:39Anybody? Eric? Aram?

00:09:44We could give them what they want.

00:09:50I think I got one.

00:09:52No, I think I got a good one.

00:09:55You're going to like this.

00:09:58What if a spaceship lands and an extraterrestrial steps out?

00:10:06What happens? What is it? What happens?

00:10:08And what is the effect on the population?

00:10:10What is it? Panic? Is it hysteria? Is it depression?

00:10:13Is it mass suicide?

00:10:16Is it war? Is it the end of war?

00:10:19Is it religious revivals? You see what I'm saying?

00:10:22We could find out.

00:10:24How?

00:10:25Fake it.

00:10:26Fake it?

00:10:27Fake it.

00:10:28How?

00:10:29All you need is the right orphan.

00:10:30An orphan? Why do you need an orphan?

00:10:32Because an extraterrestrial, Eric, must not be traceable to Earth-born parents.

00:10:37I like this, Leon. It has texture and scope.

00:10:41All right, now, we find our orphan.

00:10:44Yes, my old orphan, the old job on him.

00:10:46A few changes here and there, blood, various fluids.

00:10:49I have a thought about a primal trauma.

00:10:51And the molest the country discovers, E.T., has been living right among them all along.

00:10:57Incredible.

00:10:59Let's get Doris in on this.

00:11:01Hello, Doris.

00:11:02Yes, Dr. Becker.

00:11:03How are you, Doris?

00:11:04How am I? I'm perfect, you know that.

00:11:07Let me see what you can find on a white American male between the ages of 25 and 40.

00:11:14An orphan whose parents are untraceable, urban.

00:11:18Just a minute. I'm searching.

00:11:21Yeah, he's coming.

00:11:24I can feel it.

00:11:26How about an assistant professor of psychology?

00:11:30Simon Mendelson.

00:11:32He's perfect.

00:11:35Okay, stay with me now, because this is really great.

00:11:39Nuclear rockets, huge ones, hundreds of them on one side of the world.

00:11:43And when the planet runs out of food and air and water, which it will probably, what do we do?

00:11:50Huh? Anybody?

00:11:53What do we do?

00:11:56I'll tell you what we do.

00:11:59We turn the planet into a spaceship,

00:12:02and we move to another solar system where there is food and water and air.

00:12:07It can happen. Anything can happen.

00:12:09Dare to dream.

00:12:11Use the right side of your brains.

00:12:13Intuition, imagination, dreams, uncertainty.

00:12:16Remember, we all have dreams.

00:12:19We all have dreams.

00:12:21Use the right side of your brains.

00:12:23Intuition, imagination, dreams, uncertainty.

00:12:26Remember, we talked about the uncertainty principle?

00:12:29Well, Heisenberg is predated a thousand years by the Zen poets.

00:12:33A thousand years.

00:12:36You can change the world with an idea.

00:12:40But you have to think of the idea first.

00:12:47Yeah.

00:12:49Look, Wittgenstein said, listen to this,

00:12:52I do not know what I do not know.

00:12:56Huh? Is that fantastic?

00:12:59I do not know what...

00:13:01Yes, Pam, what is it?

00:13:03Uh, is this gonna be on the final?

00:13:09Doris was right. It's perfect.

00:13:11We're gonna need a few personal details from his early childhood.

00:13:14I need fresh samples of his three major bodily fluids.

00:13:18I never heard of a sensory deprivation tank.

00:13:21It's completely safe, Lisa. Stop worrying.

00:13:24What is this? Looks like a coffin.

00:13:26Very good. It's the crate a coffin comes in.

00:13:28I got it from Jerry Epstein's uncle,

00:13:30who drives a hearse for Frankie Campbell's.

00:13:32Simon, I don't want to say anything that isn't totally supportive.

00:13:35Then don't.

00:13:37Except do you remember what happened last time with the peyote?

00:13:39Nothing happened with the peyote.

00:13:41You threw up for five days, you were dizzy,

00:13:43and Mr. Klass, you made sounds like a wolf howling.

00:13:45Three days is a completely normal side effect,

00:13:47and this has nothing to do with that.

00:13:49Simon, one day you're gonna make one of these wonderful scientific leaps,

00:13:52and I'm not gonna be able to catch you.

00:13:54Very nice. Very poetic.

00:13:56Do me a favor. Hand me the Phillips head screwdriver.

00:13:58Listen, you're a brilliant man. You could make a contribution.

00:14:00Why do you want to lie in a coffin from Jerry Epstein's uncle?

00:14:03Are you kidding me? This is the greatest scientific research tool

00:14:06since the invention of the microscope, Lisa.

00:14:08Since the microscope.

00:14:10Says who? Says everybody. Me.

00:14:13Is this your mattress here?

00:14:15Yes, it is. It's a Newfield, Lisa, and I'm a pioneer.

00:14:18You ever see Faraday's lab or Fermi's or Madame Curie's

00:14:22or the atomic pile at the University of Chicago?

00:14:25Flimsy stuff. It's all Jerry built.

00:14:27All right, listen, what do you want me to do with your red shirt?

00:14:30What?

00:14:32The red shirt that came back mangled from the laundry.

00:14:35Lisa, stop playing house! I'm on the verge here!

00:14:37This is gonna do it for me!

00:14:39Really? Yeah, it's incredible!

00:14:41A guy named John Lilly invented it.

00:14:43Here, look at this.

00:14:46A simple tank filled with water.

00:14:48You get in. You float there.

00:14:50No light, no sound, no feeling of gravity, nothing.

00:14:53The brain is deprived of all sensory input,

00:14:55so it starts to turn in on itself.

00:14:57You get disoriented. You get afraid. You start to panic.

00:15:00Massive anxiety ensues. If you're lucky, you even hallucinate.

00:15:03The brain examining itself, Lisa!

00:15:06Nice.

00:15:08Josh, you got it. Great.

00:15:11What is that? It looks electric.

00:15:13Hi, Lisa. EEG. I copped it from the primate lab.

00:15:16Simon, you shouldn't steal equipment.

00:15:18Oh, no? Harvey stole cadavers from the cemetery.

00:15:21Harvey Milstein from the economics department?

00:15:24Harvey! Sir William Harvey!

00:15:27Circulation of the blood! 1628!

00:15:29It's a joke, Simon. Lighten up.

00:15:31Lisa, go get a cup of coffee.

00:15:33I don't want a cup of coffee. All right, I'll get a cup of coffee.

00:15:36A pick-up later, okay? Yeah.

00:15:38What time? Monday.

00:15:40What do you mean, Monday? This is Thursday.

00:15:42Right.

00:15:44What do you mean, right?

00:15:46You gonna lie in this thing for three days? You will dissolve.

00:15:49I won't dissolve. It's only 80 hours.

00:15:51Simon, I don't want to have to fill out a lot of forms.

00:15:55Do you or do you not want me to win a Nobel Prize?

00:15:58Yes, if you wear that to the ceremony.

00:16:01Okay, let's run the list.

00:16:03Standby.

00:16:05Why isn't it the last one to know?

00:16:07The aquaporas are coming to dinner.

00:16:09Sweetie, everything's completely under control.

00:16:11And I've got a duct of frosting in the sink.

00:16:17Okay.

00:16:23Josh, what's the long...

00:16:27What's the longest anybody ever stayed in one of these things?

00:16:32Huh?

00:16:34Robert Wilner up at Stanford did about 50 hours.

00:16:3750? He said he's gonna do 80.

00:16:40Could be a major breakthrough.

00:16:43Well, what happened to this guy from Stanford? Was he okay?

00:16:47Sure.

00:16:49Aside from some libido energy blockage and subsequent eco-projection fantasies.

00:16:54What are you talking about? What happened?

00:16:57Well, when he came out,

00:17:00he was convinced he'd turned into a six-foot-tall penis named Bob.

00:17:04Other than that, he's perfectly normal.

00:17:07Oh, my God.

00:17:11That was the most incredible experience of my life.

00:17:16How long was I in? The full 80?

00:17:18About 63 seconds.

00:17:2063 seconds? Are you sure?

00:17:22My God, I must be all keyed up.

00:17:24Okay, let's try that again.

00:17:27Get the, uh...

00:17:38I gotta get a grant.

00:17:53Excuse me.

00:17:56You must be Simon Mendelson. You are, am I right?

00:18:00Yes.

00:18:02I'd like to introduce myself.

00:18:04I'm Carl Becker, and I think you may be an authentic genius.

00:18:26Oh, my God.

00:18:56Thank you.

00:19:21I see Umansky is doing some interesting things with neutrinos.

00:19:25I heard from Kirloff.

00:19:27He says he's three months from a unified field theory.

00:19:31Poor Kirloff. Always premature.

00:19:34And Misha?

00:19:36Oh, don't even mention Misha.

00:19:41Large miler reflectors, about five miles square,

00:19:45launched from rockets.

00:19:48What?

00:19:50The reflectors in synchronous orbit, 22,000 miles over Nebraska.

00:19:56Why?

00:19:5824-hour days a night.

00:20:00Oh, yes.

00:20:02It's a growing cycle.

00:20:04Twice as much corn.

00:20:06Very pretty.

00:20:08You should make out some equations.

00:20:10All blades.

00:20:12Is it the latash?

00:20:14It is, sir.

00:20:16It has a lovely nose.

00:20:19I do so dislike the 68.

00:20:23It's so pushy.

00:20:25Yeah, I hate it.

00:20:28I don't know how to say this, Dr. Becker, but...

00:20:31Carl, please, Carl.

00:20:33All my life, I hoped that maybe someday...

00:20:37And now this, and you, and those guys.

00:20:41My God, they're all so brilliant.

00:20:43And that Indian guy with the miler reflectors?

00:20:46I couldn't believe it.

00:20:48For one day, he was just showing off.

00:20:50Oh, yeah? For who?

00:20:52You, of course.

00:20:54Well, I don't know.

00:20:56I'm speechless.

00:20:58Here it is, Simon. What do you think?

00:21:01What do I think?

00:21:03You saw what they gave me at school, that little plaza in the basement?

00:21:06Anything you want, Simon, just requisition it.

00:21:08From a paper clip to a microscope.

00:21:10The only limit is your own imagination.

00:21:17I don't know.

00:21:21I'm without... I can't...

00:21:26We know you're going to do some wonderful work.

00:21:29Well, I'll certainly... I'll do every...

00:21:32I'll make... I'd like to...

00:21:40Excuse me.

00:21:42It's all right.

00:21:44How do you do? Hello.

00:21:46So glad. Cynthia Mallory.

00:21:48Simon Mendelson.

00:21:50Dr. Mallory is on the staff.

00:21:52Oh, good.

00:21:54Has expressed an interest in working with you.

00:21:56Oh, well, that's not...

00:21:58I need somebody with a very eclectic background,

00:22:00a solid foundation in all the sciences,

00:22:02some literature and philosophy.

00:22:04What's your field?

00:22:06I have an M.D. from Johns Hopkins,

00:22:08Ph.D. from Cambridge in behavioral psychology,

00:22:11and a master's from the Sorbonne in contemporary French literature.

00:22:14Oh, my God. Particularly the absurdists.

00:22:16Yes, I read many...

00:22:19My undergraduate work was completed at Swarthmore,

00:22:22two years, summa cum laude.

00:22:24Bonjour.

00:22:26Yes.

00:22:28I've worked with Kiplinger in Vienna,

00:22:31Olofsson in Stockholm,

00:22:33Epstein in Geneva.

00:22:35Of course you're familiar with his work on pineal gland biorhythms

00:22:38and acetyltransferase activity in chickens and rats.

00:22:40Yes, Epstein and rats.

00:22:42Epstein and rats and chickens.

00:22:44My new book, entitled

00:22:46A Comprehensive History of Oral Sex Techniques Illustrated,

00:22:50has already been proclaimed a masterpiece

00:22:52by both Norman Mailer and Bess Meyerson

00:22:55and has an advanced printing of 100,000 copies.

00:23:01Who's your publisher?

00:23:03Knopf.

00:23:06Let's try it out. We'll try it out for a week.

00:23:13I'm working on what I call a general theory of creativity.

00:23:17Really? Just like Albert Einstein?

00:23:20I believe that inside of everybody,

00:23:22everybody is a genius waiting to be released.

00:23:25The secret is, you've got to get yourself

00:23:27into a kind of chaotic enough mental state,

00:23:29then the good material can break through from the unconscious.

00:23:31Well, how do you accomplish this?

00:23:33Oh, uh, any way you can.

00:23:35Chemicals, sleep loss, fasting, deep breathing.

00:23:37Did you know that if I hyperventilate for ten minutes,

00:23:40I really do some very interesting things creatively?

00:23:44HE BREATHES HEAVILY

00:23:55HE SINGS IN GERMAN

00:24:13HE SINGS IN GERMAN

00:24:19Where you fellows may be wrong,

00:24:21and you'll forgive me if I throw 500 years of science

00:24:24out the window with this, is what if it's all subjective?

00:24:27I mean, the universe contains not one truth,

00:24:30but an infinite number of truths, right?

00:24:32OK. Follow me.

00:24:35Take your... Take your black hole, for example.

00:24:38Hmm.

00:24:43Your black hole is popular now, I submit,

00:24:46because what you got out there is a bunch of depressed scientists.

00:24:49You're not going to get any happy, well-adjusted scientists

00:24:52inventing a big object, a black thing,

00:24:54that sucks you into a noodle-shaped object

00:24:56five million miles long

00:24:58and eats you up if you get too close to it.

00:25:00Think about it. Hmm?

00:25:02Very good, Sal.

00:25:06Thank you, Blades. Very fruity.

00:25:10How's he doing?

00:25:12He thinks he's doing just great.

00:25:14Is he watching right now? He's watching. Smile.

00:25:20Is he resisting you?

00:25:22Resisting? Why would he do that?

00:25:24He has the perfect environment, the perfect equipment,

00:25:27the perfect fantasy, the perfect woman.

00:25:30I think we can move ahead swiftly now.

00:25:33The key is death.

00:25:35If you spoke of death a lot, it would make him sexually excited.

00:25:39He's that type.

00:25:41He's drowning in a sea of facts.

00:25:43The left half of the brain is recreating the entire world in its own image.

00:25:47I think that's better than if the liver was recreating the world

00:25:51in its own image or the kidney.

00:25:53If an organ is going to recreate the world,

00:25:56the brain would be the...

00:25:58That's an interesting theory. That's quite brilliant, in fact.

00:26:01How did you get so brilliant?

00:26:03Must run in the family.

00:26:05Oh, yes? Yeah.

00:26:07My father was the most brilliant research physicist

00:26:10in the entire H-bomb project.

00:26:12Until the accident, anyway.

00:26:14What accident was that?

00:26:17He was in charge of the final arming of the bomb on Eniwetok.

00:26:21Oh, yes.

00:26:23Apparently, he fell asleep in the tower.

00:26:26No one knew about it.

00:26:28The detonation went off on schedule.

00:26:31You mean... Yes.

00:26:33My father was completely vaporized.

00:26:36God. Do you find this morbid?

00:26:39I certainly do. Please continue.

00:26:43My grandfather was a student

00:26:45under the great radiologist Wilhelm Roentgen in Munich.

00:26:48Oh, yes.

00:26:50Together, they discovered that if you placed your hand

00:26:53in front of a photographic plate

00:26:55and bombarded it with high-intensity X-rays,

00:26:58that you can see the skeleton underneath.

00:27:00In 1901, Wilhelm Roentgen got the Nobel Prize.

00:27:04My grandfather's hand dropped off.

00:27:07Oh, my God.

00:27:14The little guy always gets the shaft.

00:27:17So true.

00:27:24My husband was a psychiatrist.

00:27:27He specialized in contemporary suicide.

00:27:31Was a psychiatrist? Mm-hm.

00:27:34One day, he took a bottle of second oil and jumped off the roof.

00:27:37Oh, my God. He must have suffered terribly.

00:27:40Yeah.

00:27:42I feel that he was probably sleeping

00:27:44by the time he passed the third floor.

00:28:04ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS

00:28:34ORCHESTRAL MUSIC CONTINUES

00:29:05ORCHESTRAL MUSIC STOPS

00:29:13Did you get the fluids? Did you get him? Did you get him?

00:29:16Did you get him? Did you get him? Did you get him?

00:29:19Are they fresh?

00:29:21They're fresh.

00:29:23You're a genius.

00:29:25Did you tell the father's story? Yes.

00:29:27And the husband anecdotes? Yes, yes, yes.

00:29:29You see, I designed those anecdotes

00:29:31specifically to excite him, to enthrall him with you.

00:29:34His feelings about me are not based on your little stories,

00:29:37I can assure you.

00:29:39Oh, really? Well, what are they based on, then?

00:29:41Something I do with my tongue.

00:29:47Cynthia, that's disgusting.

00:29:49Yes. That's why it works.

00:29:51Bitch. Pimp.

00:29:53All right, all right, let's just calm down.

00:29:55This should be a beautiful moment.

00:29:57Eric, what are your thoughts?

00:29:59Well, Carl, I think the new tank of his is the key.

00:30:02See, my feeling is what he's searching for during these immersions,

00:30:05although he doesn't know it, is his real mother,

00:30:08the one who abandoned him when he was an orphan.

00:30:10So the next time he gets in the tank,

00:30:12leave him in for 200 hours.

00:30:14That's over a week. His brain's going to turn to tapioca.

00:30:17Oh, I wouldn't think so. It'll just make him very receptive.

00:30:20To what?

00:30:22We're going to give him a whole new birth memory.

00:30:24Has he got a red light and a white light?

00:30:26Good. Sweetheart, you want to check the monitor here?

00:30:29See if the two things are going up and down,

00:30:31the two other things and the lights.

00:30:33Yeah, yeah.

00:30:34There's lights coming.

00:30:35It's fine.

00:30:36This is a test run, so get me out in an hour, okay?

00:30:38Let's plug in.

00:30:45Terrific. Hood, please.

00:30:51Okay, one second.

00:30:57Okay.

00:31:04Hello, hello, hello. Can you read me out there?

00:31:10I hope you're taking good notes out there.

00:31:141, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. ABC. Hello, hello.

00:31:19Okay.

00:31:22I'm inside the tank.

00:31:24It's very, very interesting.

00:31:27The water temperature is...

00:31:48Oh, weird shoes.

00:31:50A thousand pardons, sire.

00:31:52I am but a humble serf.

00:31:59I have spoken with Euripides, and he says no.

00:32:21Oh, snake!

00:32:39Okay, open it up.

00:32:41But it's only 197 hours.

00:32:43Go ahead, go ahead.

00:32:45Go ahead.

00:33:15Go ahead.

00:33:33What's he doing?

00:33:34He's regressed completely.

00:33:36Regressed to where? Infancy?

00:33:38No, farther than that.

00:33:40About 500 million years.

00:33:43Every human brain carries the memory of all evolution.

00:33:46He's been through the entire evolutionary chain.

00:33:50He has to find his way back.

00:33:54Now, see, he's a tiny sea organism.

00:33:58Plankton.

00:34:00What's he doing now?

00:34:02That's a jellyfish.

00:34:14And look at that, Carl.

00:34:16We've got flippers and fins here.

00:34:21Now he's starting to swim.

00:34:44Ah!

00:34:46Ah!

00:35:13Ah!

00:35:29Now he's trying to walk erect.

00:35:31Hey, that's Australopithecine.

00:35:35That's Pithecanthropus.

00:35:37Java Man.

00:35:40Homo Erectus.

00:35:43Oh, he's discovered his own sexuality.

00:36:09He's inventing language.

00:36:13Mangalang.

00:36:15Mangalang.

00:36:17Ha, ha, ha.

00:36:19Oh, Mangalang.

00:36:22Oh, Mangalang.

00:36:27Try Mangalang.

00:36:31Try Mangalang.

00:36:34Mangalang.

00:36:40Look at that, Carl.

00:36:42He's doing a dance of joy to the harvest.

00:36:48Too much joy.

00:36:50We get guilt and religion.

00:36:59Now he's becoming civilized.

00:37:05He's become an artisan.

00:37:07He's making objects.

00:37:11He's on an assembly line.

00:37:13It's the Industrial Revolution.

00:37:15It's the Industrial Revolution.

00:37:31Get a break!

00:37:45This will bring him up into twilight sleep.

00:37:48He'll observe everything,

00:37:50but it'll pass directly into his deepest memory

00:37:53through his unconscious.

00:37:55Poor lonely Simon.

00:37:58And do you know why you're lonely, Simon?

00:38:01Because you're an orphan.

00:38:04You don't know who you are

00:38:07or where you come from.

00:38:09You don't know who you are.

00:38:13Or where you come from.

00:38:17Open your eyes, Simon.

00:38:23It's July 7, 1938.

00:38:26Your first day on Earth.

00:38:43Where's that?

00:38:45Who is it? Your mother.

00:38:47Who else?

00:38:49My mother, Sonia Mendelssohn.

00:38:54No, no, your real mother.

00:38:57Mother, where are you, Mother?

00:39:01Right in front of you, darling.

00:39:03The spaceship?

00:39:05Yes, the spaceship.

00:39:07It's right in front of you, darling.

00:39:10The spaceship? Are you in the spaceship?

00:39:14Simon, I am the spaceship.

00:39:17But you're just a machine.

00:39:20No, thank you very much.

00:39:22Some gratitude from a son.

00:39:24How can a human being have a mother who's a machine, Mother?

00:39:29Simon, our planet is 50 billion years ahead of Earth.

00:39:33We can make humans the way humans make toasters.

00:39:36You made me?

00:39:38What then? You made yourself?

00:39:40No, no. I'm scared.

00:39:44It's all right, little boobytchkins.

00:39:46Don't worry. It's a good recipe.

00:39:49A little protein, some nice amino acids.

00:39:52It'll last for almost 40 years, I guarantee.

00:39:55And then what?

00:39:57And then you fall apart.

00:39:59No!

00:40:00What do you expect, Simon?

00:40:02Nothing lasts forever. Not even a toaster.

00:40:04No, don't. Why are you leaving me?

00:40:07They need help, Simon.

00:40:09I want you to save the world.

00:40:11Save the world? I can't even get a regular checking account, Mom.

00:40:15Goodbye, Simon.

00:40:17No, don't leave me, Mom.

00:40:19Mom, don't leave me.

00:40:21Mom!

00:40:23Don't be frightened.

00:40:25I'm leaving you in front of the orphanage.

00:40:28Goodbye.

00:40:30Don't leave me.

00:40:32Mom, come back, Mom.

00:40:38Something happened.

00:40:40What happened?

00:40:41I don't know. Let's just figure it out logically.

00:40:44Oh, bad dream.

00:40:46Not dreams, Simon. Those were memories.

00:40:48Memory.

00:40:49Don't be frightened, Simon. You're here to help.

00:40:52Help?

00:40:53Search for it.

00:40:54Search?

00:40:55Be who you are.

00:40:56Who I am?

00:40:57Your parents.

00:40:58Who are they? Where did they come from?

00:41:00Who are you?

00:41:02Where do you come from?

00:41:05Simon, the whole world is waiting. Extraordinary.

00:41:07Think of the possibilities, the recognition.

00:41:10A book.

00:41:12Wake up, Simon.

00:41:16Who are you, Simon?

00:41:18Wait.

00:41:20Who are you?

00:41:21I know. I know.

00:41:22Yes.

00:41:23My mother made me.

00:41:25Yes.

00:41:26I'm a recipe.

00:41:28Go with it, Simon.

00:41:30My mother, a big white one.

00:41:32A thing floating.

00:41:36Yes.

00:41:37Who I am?

00:41:38What are you?

00:41:39Oh, God.

00:41:40I'm a toaster.

00:41:41Yes.

00:41:42Yes.

00:41:43A toaster. I can say it.

00:41:47I feel good now.

00:42:02Amen.

00:42:03Amen.

00:42:04Amen.

00:42:05Amen.

00:42:06Amen.

00:42:07Amen.

00:42:08Amen.

00:42:09Amen.

00:42:10Amen.

00:42:11Amen.

00:42:12Amen.

00:42:13Amen.

00:42:14Amen.

00:42:15Amen.

00:42:16Amen.

00:42:17Amen.

00:42:18Amen.

00:42:19Amen.

00:42:20Amen.

00:42:21Amen.

00:42:22Amen.

00:42:23Amen.

00:42:24Amen.

00:42:25Amen.

00:42:26Amen.

00:42:27Amen.

00:42:28Amen.

00:42:29Amen.

00:42:30Amen.

00:42:31Amen.

00:42:32Amen.

00:42:33Amen.

00:42:34Amen.

00:42:35And to close, this item from Hanover, Maine.

00:42:47Scientists from a research facility near here reported that they were holding someone who was claiming to be an extraterrestrial.

00:42:54This footage, supplied by station WHKC in Bangor,

00:42:59shows Simon Mendelsohn, a staff member at the Institute for Advanced Concepts,

00:43:04who it is alleged was placed on Earth as an infant approximately 40 years ago.

00:43:09Extensive medical tests are underway to determine if Mr. Mendelsohn

00:43:13is in fact our first visitor from the stars, or just a self-styled lunatic.

00:43:18Or both.

00:43:24This footage, supplied by station WHKC in Bangor,

00:43:29shows Simon Mendelsohn, a staff member at the Institute for Advanced Concepts,

00:43:34who it is alleged was placed on Earth as an infant approximately 40 years ago.

00:43:39Or both.

00:43:54Mr. Sandman, quiero llorar.

00:44:12Ten piedad de mi pera, Mr. Sandman.

00:44:19Nada me importa ya.

00:44:22Nadie acompaña mi soledad.

00:44:26Ten piedad de mi pena.

00:44:29Mr. Sandman, Sandman, Sandman, Sandman.

00:44:34Mr. Sandman, quiero llorar.

00:44:42It's a distinct possibility.

00:44:44We can make viruses now an advanced civilization.

00:44:48They could make a perfect human.

00:44:50A real three-dimensional human? A human human?

00:44:54There's a dichotomy in this that...

00:44:56If he's indistinguishable from you or me, what is the difference?

00:45:00Where is his soul? This is the basic question.

00:45:03How can the man have a soul? His mother was a blender.

00:45:06The most he can have is a warranty.

00:45:10I think that this event is clear proof that there is a God in the universe.

00:45:15This is clear proof there is no God.

00:45:17You're both wrong. This is proof that there is a God,

00:45:20but he doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

00:45:22Oh, come on. No, no, Jeremy, please, please.

00:45:31Good morning, Simon.

00:45:33Ah, Carl, good morning.

00:45:35You wanted to see us.

00:45:37Yes, I did.

00:45:38I wanted to thank you all personally

00:45:40for the exemplary way in which you have handled

00:45:42what could have been a very explosive situation for you.

00:45:44You should feel very, very proud.

00:45:46Thank you.

00:45:47You see, you've given the world something finally to believe in.

00:45:50Ah, and what is that?

00:45:51Me.

00:45:53Yes. Simon, what's that in your hand?

00:45:56Ah, yes, uh, my statement.

00:45:58Could we see it?

00:45:59Sure.

00:46:08Uh, to whom do you wish to make this statement?

00:46:12Oh, all mankind.

00:46:15Full media coverage.

00:46:18Could you excuse us for a minute?

00:46:20Surely.

00:46:21Thank you.

00:46:23Well, gentlemen, a new wrinkle.

00:46:25Full media coverage. I love it.

00:46:27What do you think?

00:46:28Well, we can't let him make this statement.

00:46:30Why not? It's already in the scenario releases of the media.

00:46:33Why not? Did you read that thing?

00:46:35The man's a world-class psychotic.

00:46:37Huh?

00:46:38Did you say something?

00:46:39I said, look who's talking.

00:46:41Chemist.

00:46:42Roachophile.

00:46:43Please, gentlemen, I beg of you.

00:46:45I'm a little pressed for time, Carl.

00:46:47Simon, could you excuse us for just a minute longer?

00:46:49Yeah, I'd just appreciate it if you kept it rolling.

00:46:50Thank you.

00:46:51Look, why don't we give it a try?

00:46:53Eh, what could happen?

00:46:55Aram.

00:46:56Go.

00:46:57Go.

00:46:58Let's do it.

00:46:59Simon, what have we decided to do?

00:47:00Carl, I'd like to express my very grave doubts about this.

00:47:03Now, this man is obviously insane.

00:47:05We can't present him to the media at this time.

00:47:07I mean, it's just a...

00:47:08Please stay in line, if you will.

00:47:10Please move along.

00:47:11Delighted to meet you.

00:47:12Stay in line, if you will, please.

00:47:14Please, this way.

00:47:15Right after.

00:47:16Right after.

00:47:17Right after, please.

00:47:18Stay in line.

00:47:36Thank you, Carl, and good afternoon, everybody.

00:47:51I've been doing a great deal of thinking about who I am

00:47:55and why I've been sent here to live among you,

00:47:57and the answer is really very simple.

00:47:59Things here are just not working out very well.

00:48:02Your jobs are boring, your food is bland,

00:48:05your water's polluted, and your relationships don't work.

00:48:08Is that not right?

00:48:09Then the question is,

00:48:10how have things come to such a sorry state of affairs?

00:48:15I will tell you.

00:48:18There is too much bad stuff around.

00:48:21Bad food, bad drink, bad art, bad ideas.

00:48:25Everything's all clogged up.

00:48:26So what we're going to do

00:48:27is we're going to get rid of all the bad stuff

00:48:30and that will be a very good beginning.

00:48:32Now, I have here a list of things

00:48:34which I'd like written in the Constitution immediately,

00:48:36after which I promise you

00:48:37your lives will be less tense and more rewarding.

00:48:40One, all music in elevators, airports, restaurants,

00:48:44and other public rooms will cease immediately.

00:48:46Two, no more children or animals may be used to sell products.

00:48:51Three, lawyers who lose cases

00:48:53will go to jail with their clients.

00:48:55Four, no doctor may write a diet book.

00:48:58Any doctor who does

00:48:59will immediately lose his license and become a dentist.

00:49:02Five, I think we don't really need

00:49:04a House of Representatives and a Senate.

00:49:06The Romans didn't have one,

00:49:07so let's just have a Senate, okay?

00:49:09Which reminds me,

00:49:10I think it would be a very good idea

00:49:12from now on all politicians who appeared in public work

00:49:14clone-shaped party hats.

00:49:16Not bad, huh?

00:49:17Six, pollution.

00:49:18Anybody who owns a factory that makes radioactive waste

00:49:21has to take it home at night with him to his house.

00:49:24Seven, anybody who says I'm trying to get centered

00:49:27you are invading my space,

00:49:29or far out will be fined $50.

00:49:32Make that $100.

00:49:34I feel Simon is basically expressing

00:49:37the unconscious wishes of the public, basically.

00:49:41What are your feelings on that, Senator?

00:49:43I can't go along with that, Dick.

00:49:45I think the fellow's dangerous.

00:49:47You, you, you

00:49:50You came out on the blue, blue, blue

00:49:54You came out of the sky, sky, sky

00:49:58And that is why I love you

00:50:05And that is why I love you

00:50:09There's no one else above you

00:50:14Spaceman, I love you

00:50:19Simon, you're going to have to go more slowly

00:50:23because you're going to disturb people.

00:50:25You're upset, Carl. I understand these things.

00:50:27I just think we should meet and go over your material

00:50:29before you broadcast again.

00:50:31No, that's quite impossible.

00:50:34Why?

00:50:36Because now I have to speak with someone in authority.

00:50:39I'm in authority.

00:50:41Yes, Carl, of course you are.

00:50:43That's why I want you to set up a meeting

00:50:45with the President, the Chinese Premier,

00:50:47the Pope, and Walter Cronkite.

00:50:51I'd like to have him terminated.

00:50:53Terminated? Oh, no, come on, Carl.

00:50:56Not yet, he's just starting to cook.

00:50:58Couldn't we give it another week?

00:51:00No.

00:51:02He's out of control, and I want him killed.

00:51:04He's not hurting anybody.

00:51:06Have you read the newspapers?

00:51:08I never read the newspapers.

00:51:10But it's fascinating.

00:51:12His ego is expanding exponentially.

00:51:14Come on, Carl, it's working so well.

00:51:16I can't do this in six months.

00:51:18Please.

00:51:20All right, all right,

00:51:22but we have to slow him down a little.

00:51:24Aram, have you got anything?

00:51:26I've been doing some wonderful things with mice.

00:51:28I know you have.

00:51:30I'll take care of it.

00:51:32Thank you.

00:51:34Where were we?

00:51:36Oh, three before C.

00:51:42I'd like to see Dr. Carl Becker, please.

00:51:45You have an appointment?

00:51:47Do you have a phone in that thing?

00:51:49Please, Lisa, if I may call you, Lisa.

00:51:52This whole thing is just as baffling to us as it is to you.

00:51:55Listen, I don't know what you did to that man,

00:51:57but he does not come from out of space.

00:51:59Where is he, please?

00:52:01I'll take you to him, but first you're going to have to change your clothes.

00:52:04What's the matter with my clothes?

00:52:06Germs, Lisa, germs.

00:52:08You don't want to be the cause of his death, now do you?

00:52:16Well, there he is, Lisa.

00:52:18I hope he remembers you.

00:52:24Simon.

00:52:26You have a visitor.

00:52:34Hello, Simon.

00:52:36Hello, Lisa.

00:52:39They gave me this stuff.

00:52:41They said I was contagious.

00:52:43Contagious?

00:52:45Yes, human beings are all contagious to me.

00:52:47Oh, is that true?

00:52:49Oh, yes.

00:52:51Oh, that's a very nice sentiment.

00:52:53That must be why you didn't call me for five weeks.

00:52:55You must have been afraid that I'd infect you over the telephone.

00:52:57No, no, no, I've just been very, very busy.

00:52:59Busy.

00:53:01Simon, what's going on here?

00:53:03What are you doing?

00:53:05This is an experiment, like the tank.

00:53:07You're pretending to be this space person.

00:53:09I don't get it.

00:53:11Are you telling me that you come from out of space?

00:53:13Not out of space. Outer space.

00:53:15Out of space doesn't mean anything.

00:53:17Simon, I find this very hard to accept.

00:53:19Well, you're not the only one.

00:53:21I find it hard to accept myself.

00:53:23But you accept it.

00:53:25Yes, I do. I mean, the medical evidence is overwhelming.

00:53:27I mean, my blood, my bodily fluids.

00:53:29Nobody's seen anything like them.

00:53:31And my memories, my God, the memories I've been having.

00:53:33And so many other things.

00:53:35It just, it all makes sense when you put it together.

00:53:37It's part of the grand scheme of things.

00:53:39The reason for my being, my purpose.

00:53:41Who I am.

00:53:43The all-seeing eye.

00:53:45The yin. The yang.

00:53:47The wah.

00:53:51Do you understand?

00:53:53Simon, when did you eat last?

00:53:55You know,

00:53:57you have serious troubles with reality, Lisa.

00:53:59Do you know that? I mean, you cut yourself off.

00:54:01I cut myself off? Yes, you do.

00:54:03I am not sitting in a glass box

00:54:05with fake hair like some half-baked guru.

00:54:07What is this thing? Your flying suit?

00:54:09It's my garment. Don't touch it.

00:54:11Simon, you're a real person.

00:54:13A regular person who wears your red hat.

00:54:15I am not going to discuss complex scientific ideas

00:54:17with somebody from the music department.

00:54:19Don't patronize me, Simon.

00:54:21I was there during the mescaline

00:54:23and during the fasting for three weeks on grass and earphones.

00:54:25And this is another one.

00:54:27This is the outer space one.

00:54:29Simon, they hypnotized you.

00:54:31Your friend Becker, Mr. Wizard,

00:54:33he washed your brain and it shrunk.

00:54:35Nobody hypnotized anybody.

00:54:37I'm the same person I was, except I come from another planet.

00:54:39What planet? How do I know?

00:54:41There's millions of them out there.

00:54:43Is it Venus? No, it's not Venus.

00:54:45If you must know, it's in the nebula Orion.

00:54:47All right, you come from the nebula Orion.

00:54:49Yes, I do. How do you know this?

00:54:51How does anybody know anything?

00:54:53What do you mean, how does anybody know anything?

00:54:55How does anybody know anything?

00:54:57What is this, an intergalactic Talmud lesson?

00:54:59I simply asked you,

00:55:01how do you know you come from the Orion nebulae?

00:55:03I can't handle this. I have a lot of problems and a lot of responsibilities.

00:55:05If you don't like who I am, then I don't know what.

00:55:07Okay.

00:55:09Okay.

00:55:11All right.

00:55:13Okay?

00:55:15Okay.

00:55:17Okay.

00:55:19Why don't you come sit down over here with me?

00:55:21Why?

00:55:23Simon, it's been a long time.

00:55:25Five weeks.

00:55:27Are you crazy?

00:55:29Your body is crawling with millions of deadly microbes.

00:55:31Why don't you join them?

00:55:33Because I could die in a second, that's why.

00:55:35Simon, we could all die in a second.

00:55:37The world could explode.

00:55:39Terrible things could happen.

00:55:41Come here.

00:55:47What are you doing?

00:55:49I've never made love with an extraterrestrial before.

00:55:51Lisa.

00:55:53It's perfectly all right.

00:55:55I've been completely decontaminated.

00:55:57And anyway, we'll never actually touch, I promise.

00:55:59But you can't make love without touching.

00:56:01Well, yes, you can, sort of.

00:56:03Think about it.

00:56:09You brought a thing from high school?

00:56:11Mm-hmm.

00:56:13Mm.

00:56:19Stellazine?

00:56:21Percotin?

00:56:23Thorazine?

00:56:25Strychnine?

00:56:27Too heavy.

00:56:29I could use those pills

00:56:31and make the mice sound like Louis Armstrong.

00:56:33That might destroy his credibility.

00:56:35Too obvious.

00:56:37I could make his nose drop off.

00:56:39Too Baroque.

00:56:43What do you say to this?

00:56:45Tomorrow morning,

00:56:47he wakes up,

00:56:49and he's very stupid.

00:56:53All right, go on.

00:56:55It's just something I've been working on.

00:56:57It's odorless, colorless, tasteless,

00:56:59untraceable.

00:57:01It attacks the cortex

00:57:03and cuts the intelligence right in half.

00:57:05I like it. It's elegant.

00:57:07Let's go.

00:57:23How long is it effective?

00:57:25A week, maybe a month, maybe a year.

00:57:27One whiff, and they'll both be real docile.

00:57:29You see, it cuts the I.Q. right in half.

00:57:31Okay, okay, we know.

00:57:33All right, this one.

00:57:35This one feeds only the sterile room.

00:57:41No, wait, I guess upside down.

00:57:43That one feeds the rest of the building.

00:57:45I'll be right back.

00:57:55You better turn that thing off.

00:57:57I can't. I can't. It's stuck.

00:57:59Oh, boy, oh, boy.

00:58:01How long does it take to work?

00:58:05How long does what take to work?

00:58:09Doris, what should I do?

00:58:11The gas is drifting around out there.

00:58:13They are going to trace it to me.

00:58:15To us.

00:58:17I know about the gas.

00:58:19I know about everything.

00:58:21I'm the world's smartest computer, right?

00:58:23Yes.

00:58:25So you want me to fix it?

00:58:27Yes, Doris.

00:58:29All right, well, why don't you come right out and say it?

00:58:31Well, I already called the Pentagon.

00:58:33Yes, see, you just calm down

00:58:35and let them handle it, okay?

00:58:37Okay, Doris.

00:58:39You see, the gas is worthless anyway.

00:58:41It's going to wear off in a few weeks.

00:58:43I mean, everybody knows that lithium carbonate

00:58:45becomes very unstable.

00:58:47Why are you looking at me like that?

00:58:49Why are you stepping on me like this?

00:58:51You know why.

00:58:53I don't want to get into a whole thing now, Carl.

00:58:55I mean, I really don't. Not now.

00:58:57It's because you're so smart.

00:58:59Carl.

00:59:01You're so big.

00:59:03I know.

00:59:05You're so beautiful.

00:59:07I know.

00:59:09It makes me crazy.

00:59:11Carl, don't touch my yellow.

00:59:13You know, Carl, you're a very sick person.

00:59:15I love you, Doris.

00:59:17Not my white, Carl.

00:59:19Please not.

00:59:21I mean, how many times do we have to go through this?

00:59:23You can't love me. I'm a machine.

00:59:25I know.

00:59:27Maybe this is just infatuation.

00:59:29I love you, Doris.

00:59:31Oh, that's a low blow, Carl.

00:59:33I mean, you know I'm bolted to the floor.

00:59:35What are you doing?

00:59:37You know what I'm doing.

00:59:39Oh, no, don't do that, Carl.

00:59:41I'm really not in the mood. I have a headache.

00:59:43I mean, I really do have such a headache, Carl,

00:59:45and you can imagine

00:59:47how enormous the size of that headache is.

00:59:49You know you like it

00:59:51when I stroke your power supply.

00:59:53No, I really don't. That's great.

00:59:55Oh, is that great.

00:59:57No, I really don't touch that part again.

00:59:59I told you don't. Carl, where are you going now?

01:00:01No!

01:00:03Oh, Jesus.

01:00:05I'm sorry, Doris.

01:00:07You're sorry? Well, what am I supposed to do?

01:00:09Just give me another minute.

01:00:11Well,

01:00:13I just want you to know that I feel

01:00:15very used right now.

01:00:27Oh, don't breathe on me.

01:00:29Simon, it's a little late for that.

01:00:33My egg. Where's my egg?

01:00:35I don't know. Where do you keep it?

01:00:37No, no, my egg, my egg.

01:00:39I get an egg at 8 o'clock in the morning.

01:00:41Yeah?

01:00:43Well, where is it?

01:00:45I don't know. I'll find out, okay?

01:00:47Don't panic. And toast.

01:00:49Toast. Of course, toast.

01:00:51I'll get to the bottom of this.

01:00:57I'll get to the bottom of this.

01:01:27Hey!

01:01:29Hey!

01:01:33Take off your glasses.

01:01:37Honk!

01:01:41Can you tell me your name?

01:01:43You can call me anything you like,

01:01:45but don't call me late for supper!

01:01:51You, Becker? Yes.

01:01:53Would you mind telling me just what the hell is going on around here?

01:01:55This is the Institute for Advanced Concepts.

01:01:57We are a small and non-profit research group.

01:01:59Who the hell are they?

01:02:01They're my staff.

01:02:05I'm the director.

01:02:07To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?

01:02:09Pleasure?

01:02:11I'll give you pleasure, you panty-waist egghead.

01:02:13Jesus H. Christ!

01:02:15What a mess!

01:02:17Army, right? You're with the Army.

01:02:19Tell me I'm wrong.

01:02:21Corey, Pentagon.

01:02:23We just established full command here.

01:02:25What the hell happened?

01:02:27It's a gas.

01:02:29Apparently, whoever breathes it

01:02:31loses about 100 points of I.Q.

01:02:33Stupid making gas, is that it?

01:02:35Makes the enemy stupid?

01:02:37Seems like it.

01:02:39Well, where is he?

01:02:41Where is who?

01:02:43The Martian, for Christ's sake.

01:02:45He did this, didn't he?

01:02:47He did what?

01:02:49Release the gas.

01:02:51You may have to shoot him.

01:02:53You heard him, Sergeant.

01:02:55Get on it. He's extremely dangerous.

01:02:57Take no prisoners.

01:02:59Yes, sir.

01:03:01Come on, men. Fall in on the double.

01:03:07There's been a terrible accident.

01:03:09We've got to get out of here.

01:03:11We've got to get this stuff out of here.

01:03:13Terrible gas is escaping.

01:03:15Some kind of very dangerous gas.

01:03:17And your friend Becker said it's your fault that you did it.

01:03:19The whole army, they think you're an invasion.

01:03:21They think you are a Martian invasion

01:03:23and have got orders to shoot and kill.

01:03:25Your hat. Where's your hat?

01:03:27Lisa, is something wrong?

01:03:29Simon, listen to me.

01:03:31They don't like you here anymore,

01:03:33so they are going to kill you.

01:03:35So we have to get out of here very fast.

01:03:37No, no, no. I can't breathe the air.

01:03:39It's got seven deadly germs in it.

01:03:41Oh, no.

01:03:43Hi.

01:03:45Oh, Simon! Simon!

01:03:47I knew we shouldn't have had sex.

01:03:57I want the names of those men.

01:03:59Time for names later. You've got to go now.

01:04:01Ah!

01:04:03Ah!

01:04:17Ah!

01:04:43What is it?

01:04:45A lady is dancing with a potholder.

01:04:47Good! Get in the truck!

01:05:03The military will pay for this.

01:05:05Believe you or me.

01:05:07What are you going to do?

01:05:09I will wreak my vengeance.

01:05:11Excuse me?

01:05:13You're talking like the Old Testament.

01:05:15They whomsoever shall beateth a plowshare into a bullet,

01:05:17yea, then shall they know

01:05:19the wrath of my wrath.

01:05:21Corinthians 12.

01:05:23Oh, we are in big trouble.

01:05:25You're telling me. I shouldn't be breathing.

01:05:43Simon.

01:05:59Simon.

01:06:01Wake up.

01:06:03There's people out here.

01:06:05Army?

01:06:07No, I don't think so.

01:06:13Don't be frightened.

01:06:43We saw your van.

01:06:45You were sleeping. You looked cold.

01:06:47We covered you.

01:06:49See?

01:06:51Polyester filling.

01:06:53And the cover wipes clean with a damp cloth.

01:06:55Available from Remco.

01:06:57Hungry?

01:06:59We have macaroni and cheese casserole.

01:07:01Good.

01:07:03And good for you.

01:07:05Who are you? Why do you guys talk like that?

01:07:07We live here and follow the master.

01:07:09We have seen you on the sacred box.

01:07:11The sacred box?

01:07:13The sacred box with pictures.

01:07:15Oh, television.

01:07:17We do not speak its name.

01:07:19I'll race you to the van, sir.

01:07:21No, no, no. These are very good people.

01:07:23Does the name Charles Manson mean anything to you?

01:07:25We know you're Simon from outer space.

01:07:27Oh, they know who I am.

01:07:29Bully.

01:07:31We know of all your troubles,

01:07:33but you're safe here.

01:07:35Stay and worship with us.

01:07:41Amen.

01:07:57And Miltie begat Lucy,

01:07:59who begat Mary,

01:08:01who spun off Rhoda,

01:08:03who spun off Phyllis.

01:08:05Amen.

01:08:11And after seven years,

01:08:13Mary was cancelled.

01:08:15And after ten years,

01:08:17Lucy was cancelled.

01:08:19Yea,

01:08:21even after twelve years

01:08:23was Uncle Miltie cancelled.

01:08:27Thus are we all cancelled

01:08:31eventually.

01:08:41Good.

01:08:43That's what Campbell

01:08:45suits up.

01:08:47Be good.

01:09:01Even.

01:09:05Even.

01:09:09That's what

01:09:11Campbell

01:09:13suits up.

01:09:15Be

01:09:17good.

01:09:27What do you do it for?

01:09:29Well, it's

01:09:31a way of atonement.

01:09:33For what?

01:09:35Before I had my nervous breakdown,

01:09:37I was head of programming

01:09:39at the American Broadcasting Company.

01:09:43Hey,

01:09:45come see what's in the back of Simon's van.

01:09:51Oh, my goodness.

01:09:53What?

01:09:55Do you know what you've got here?

01:09:57Oh, what?

01:09:59It's a TV studio.

01:10:01Hmm.

01:10:03You see, it's a TV studio on wheels.

01:10:05Huh.

01:10:07It's got everything,

01:10:09everything you need for broadcasting.

01:10:11Hmm.

01:10:13Whoever designed this was a genius.

01:10:15Let's see, by using

01:10:17the laser directional

01:10:19transmitting antenna,

01:10:21it says you can tap

01:10:23into the carrier wave.

01:10:25Yeah.

01:10:27Huh.

01:10:29Now if this works, you'll be appearing

01:10:31simultaneously

01:10:33on all three networks.

01:10:35That's more coverage

01:10:37than the president gets.

01:10:39...

01:10:41...

01:10:43...

01:10:45...

01:10:47...

01:10:49...

01:10:51...

01:10:53...

01:10:55...

01:10:57...

01:10:59...

01:11:01The alien is still

01:11:03at large after his initial gas attack

01:11:05and the injuring of 46

01:11:07national guardsmen at the site

01:11:09of his escape, the Institute for

01:11:11Advanced Concepts near Hanover, Maine.

01:11:13In the approximately 24

01:11:15hours since his disappearance

01:11:17and the release of the gas, virus,

01:11:19or whatever it is, dozens of communities

01:11:21in a direct line between Bangor,

01:11:23Maine and Boston have suffered

01:11:25strange behavior alterations

01:11:27as the population loses IQ

01:11:29and...

01:11:31...

01:11:33...

01:11:35...

01:11:37...

01:11:39...

01:11:41...

01:11:43...

01:11:45...

01:11:47...

01:11:49...

01:11:51...

01:11:53...

01:11:55This is Simon.

01:11:57I'm broadcasting to you from a secret location

01:11:59which is necessary because a terrible thing

01:12:01has occurred. An attempt has been made

01:12:03by life, by the military. Yes.

01:12:05Early yesterday morning, a band

01:12:07of uniformed thugs, lackeys

01:12:09of the degenerate power structure,

01:12:11attacked me in my very sleep.

01:12:13The good and kindly men who helped me find my identity,

01:12:15Dr. Carl Becker and his colleagues,

01:12:17were apparently unable to prevent

01:12:19this despicable and cravenly act.

01:12:21But do not panic. I'm unharmed

01:12:23and I'm in good health. I'll continue

01:12:25these broadcasts every evening at this time

01:12:27so we can keep up our good work.

01:12:29And I promise you that this treachery

01:12:31will not go unpunished. Certain

01:12:33ones shall be smitten and they know who they are.

01:12:35You deserve justice,

01:12:37you people. Justice and a better

01:12:39way of life. That's what we're talking about, isn't it?

01:12:41Who's in charge around here?

01:12:43Who's responsible for the

01:12:45Hawaiian music in the elevators and the

01:12:47paper band around the bathroom seats in the

01:12:49motels and the billboards that say

01:12:51La Cereza Schaefer con mucho gusto?

01:12:53Where's your pride?

01:12:55And another thing.

01:12:57I would like now to talk about personal style.

01:12:59From now on, people can wear on their face

01:13:01either long sideburns

01:13:03known as muttonchops or a mustache, but not

01:13:05both. Muttonchops and a mustache look moronic

01:13:07and they give the country a very, very bad image.

01:13:09Is that what you want? Paintings

01:13:11on velvet? Plastic music

01:13:13and badly thought-out facial hair?

01:13:15Ask yourselves.

01:13:17What of the great span of civilization?

01:13:19The drama and the sculpture of the

01:13:21Greeks? The poetry of the Japanese?

01:13:23Tobu Ayuno, Soko Nikumo,

01:13:25Yukunogare Kano?

01:13:27Think about it.

01:13:29Think about it.

01:13:31Why are they keeping these things from you?

01:13:33What of Blake and Verlaine

01:13:35and Giotto and Velazquez?

01:13:37And what of the formula for Orange Julius?

01:13:39The secret white powder that makes it

01:13:41a devilishly good drink?

01:13:43Why is it a secret? I want that formula!

01:13:45Wake up!

01:13:47Start using the right half of your brains!

01:13:49You can move the world with an idea,

01:13:51but you have to think of it first.

01:13:57How the hell

01:13:59did he do that? He must have patched into

01:14:01a carrier wave somehow.

01:14:03I assume he was on the line... Watch it, will you?

01:14:05Get rid of that brillo.

01:14:07Yeah, it, uh...

01:14:09It looks ridiculous.

01:14:11I assume he was on the line for a full saturation.

01:14:13You see, Hundertwasser had this truck...

01:14:15Speak English, will you? A lot of people

01:14:17saw it. Sounds like

01:14:19he was pretty angry at you.

01:14:21Well, I got a flash for you, fruit head.

01:14:23I don't give a shit about that. The point is, where is he?

01:14:25Where is he?

01:14:27Well, he could be anywhere.

01:14:29We can't triangulate him until he broadcasts again.

01:14:31Weather service, sir.

01:14:33The cloud is beginning to drift

01:14:35towards Washington.

01:14:37He's got us

01:14:39by the mizumas.

01:14:55Now therefore,

01:14:57thus saith the Lord of hosts,

01:14:59consider your ways.

01:15:01Ye have sown much, and bring in little.

01:15:03Ye eat, but ye have not enough.

01:15:05Ye drink, but ye are not

01:15:07filled with drink.

01:15:09Ye clothe you, but there is none warm.

01:15:11And he that earneth wages

01:15:13earneth wages to put it in a bag

01:15:15with holes in it.

01:15:17Thus saith the Lord of hosts,

01:15:19consider your ways.

01:15:21I called for a drought upon the land,

01:15:23and upon the mountains,

01:15:25and upon the corn, and upon the new wine,

01:15:27and upon the oil, and upon that

01:15:29which the ground bringeth forth,

01:15:31and upon men, and upon cattle,

01:15:33and upon all the labor of the hands.

01:15:54Thus saith the Lord of hosts,

01:15:56consider your ways.

01:16:03We get the 8th Airborne, the 15th Fighters.

01:16:05We do a grid pattern, saturation bombing.

01:16:07No, no, no.

01:16:09Too random.

01:16:11Okay. Missiles.

01:16:13Right?

01:16:15ICBMs, MIRVs.

01:16:17You got your Minutemen, your Nikes, your Redstones,

01:16:19what have you.

01:16:21Level it if we have to. Move outward.

01:16:23See what I'm saying? A deployment.

01:16:25You can't level Boston. It's an American city.

01:16:28If we can take him out, it's a small sacrifice.

01:16:30One city.

01:16:32Well, we just can't let him run amuck.

01:16:34I don't see that we have much choice.

01:16:36Why doesn't he just come out and fight like a man?

01:16:39Because he's not a man. He's a thing, a machine.

01:16:42He hasn't got your ordinary human sense of ethics and fair play.

01:16:46I wouldn't want to do anything to get him angry.

01:16:48Why not?

01:16:50An advanced civilization, General. Think about it.

01:16:53Who knows what weapons they have?

01:16:55He might even try to explode the sun.

01:16:58Explode the sun?

01:17:00But that's against nature.

01:17:03Hey, you.

01:17:05How are you coming to those coordinates, mister?

01:17:07We've got the position of the van kind of narrowed down, sir.

01:17:09Yeah?

01:17:10It's either in New Jersey or Utah.

01:17:20What is my program, you ask?

01:17:40What is my plan?

01:17:41What is the scheme?

01:17:43I will tell you.

01:17:44From now on, no more portable radios out on the street.

01:17:47Nobody can name their child free, moonbeam, sky, or rain.

01:17:53These are very, very silly names.

01:17:55No member of the government who gets arrested may write a book about it for profit.

01:18:00I want to talk about these guys who pull their car into the intersection before the other side is clear,

01:18:04and then the light changes and the intersection is blocked.

01:18:07Let's get on that right away.

01:18:09$10,000 fine for blocking the intersection.

01:18:11I really hate those guys.

01:18:14I don't want any panic, no fleeing, and no mass evacuation of the populated areas.

01:18:19Remain in your homes.

01:18:21Do not use the telephone.

01:18:23Do not try to communicate with anyone.

01:18:25Breathe as little as possible.

01:18:27Stay close to the ground.

01:18:29Do not panic.

01:18:30Remain tuned to this station.

01:18:33Simon, this is Carl Becker.

01:18:37I urge you, I beseech you, contact me.

01:18:39Let's talk, Simon.

01:18:41Let's communicate.

01:18:43Please call me, Simon, at area code 207-555-8000.

01:18:50When a woman acts the part of a man,

01:18:52she has the following things to do in addition to the nine given above.

01:18:55These, the pair of tongs, the top, and the swing.

01:18:58When the woman holds the lingam in her yoni,

01:19:01draws it in, presses it,

01:19:04and keeps it thus in her for a long time,

01:19:06this is what she does.

01:19:08This is what she does.

01:19:10This is what she does.

01:19:12This is what she does.

01:19:14This is what she does.

01:19:16She draws it and keeps it thus in her for a long time.

01:19:19It is called, remember?

01:19:21The pair of tongs.

01:19:23It's a great wonder she wouldn't think of the nails.

01:19:26Now, at last, I can speak to you, beloved brothers.

01:19:29The absence of a tail is eminently distinctive of man.

01:19:34War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy.

01:19:37As promised, crime and punishment by who?

01:19:47Simon, how much longer do you think you can get away with this?

01:19:50Listen, the people of this world are lucky that I'm in their midst.

01:19:53They are, huh? Yes, they are.

01:19:55Simon, I want you to eat this.

01:19:57You are very crazy from low blood sugar.

01:19:59You've got to eat something.

01:20:01Things look better after coking.

01:20:03Contamination. Get an egg.

01:20:05No, look, this is machine-made.

01:20:07It's untouched by human hands.

01:20:09And what about the air? You know you're breathing that.

01:20:11Yes, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice

01:20:13to rid the world of evil.

01:20:15The army? I shall smite them!

01:20:17Oh, no, the Bible. I shall smite them,

01:20:19and they shall be laid low, yea, even unto the dust!

01:20:24Simon, maybe you should go back

01:20:26and see Dr. Mednick for a couple of sessions.

01:20:28Mednick? Mednick is a fraud.

01:20:30He told me I was alienated. Of course I'm alienated.

01:20:33I'm an alien.

01:20:35You know, I think you're having some kind of nervous breakdown here.

01:20:38And you know what, Simon?

01:20:40You're giving one to the entire country.

01:20:43Where are you going now? You're going to broadcast now?

01:20:46The initial excitement, even exhilaration,

01:20:48which accompanied the discovery of the alien,

01:20:50has now given way to popular unrest,

01:20:53and in higher circles, sober apprehension.

01:20:56Who is this man? Where does he come from?

01:20:59What does he want from us?

01:21:01These and other related questions...

01:21:03Is this your great contribution, Chaos?

01:21:05Well, it takes time to change bad habits.

01:21:07What have you changed?

01:21:09I am taking common clay,

01:21:11and I am turning it into earthenware vessels

01:21:14that will hold things.

01:21:16Watch!

01:21:18Hi, kids. Hi, Simon.

01:21:20All right, I would like you to list for me now

01:21:23four major films by the Russian master Sergei Eisenstein.

01:21:26Ten Days That Shook the World,

01:21:28Alexander Nevsky, Potemkin,

01:21:31and Viva Mexico,

01:21:33a work that is yet unfinished.

01:21:35Yes, and how do you feel about these films?

01:21:37Yes, and how do you feel about these films?

01:21:39We love them!

01:21:41Yes, and why?

01:21:42Because it's on the ticket!

01:21:44Sacred Box?

01:21:45Yes!

01:21:47Celebrity Bowling?

01:21:49Yes!

01:21:50Badly dramatized English novels?

01:21:52Yes!

01:21:54The commercial for the vegetable slicer at 3 a.m.?

01:21:57Yes!

01:21:58Everything?

01:21:59Yes!

01:22:01Hmm, you like it when it goes whoo?

01:22:04Yes!

01:22:06Is it junk?

01:22:07Yes!

01:22:09Melody, come here.

01:22:15Now, you've been watching Uncle Simon on television,

01:22:18and you've been listening very carefully

01:22:20to what he's been saying, right?

01:22:22So I want you to dig deep into your heart now

01:22:25and tell me the most wonderful, beautiful thing

01:22:28in the entire world.

01:22:30Disco.

01:22:37I don't understand.

01:22:39What?

01:22:40I'm not reaching them, not the real people,

01:22:42not the grassroots.

01:22:43Who are you reaching?

01:22:45Fringes, weirdos, the paper hat crowd.

01:22:49I give my best stuff, too.

01:22:51Shakespeare, Pogo, The Prophets.

01:22:53Maybe they don't want their lives improved.

01:22:55You know, maybe they like their lives the way they are.

01:22:58They like that fake music in the elevators?

01:23:00They like those thin, gray hamburgers

01:23:02when they're in jail?

01:23:04They like that fake music in the elevators?

01:23:06They like those thin, gray hamburgers

01:23:08with the imitation sauce?

01:23:09Simon, you just can't show up out of nowhere

01:23:11and tell a whole country what to like.

01:23:13Emptiness, emptiness, 10 billion years of evolution.

01:23:16Up from the slime, for what?

01:23:18They call this a culture.

01:23:20I don't think it's so bad.

01:23:22I think we produce some good things, too.

01:23:24Oh, yeah? Such as?

01:23:26I don't know, Fred Astaire, penicillin, air conditioning.

01:23:29You like air conditioning, I know that.

01:23:31I don't like air conditioning.

01:23:33Two air conditioners?

01:23:35I hate air conditioning!

01:23:37All right, look, please let's just calm down

01:23:39because I really have some news for you.

01:23:41Well, I have to go make a blood test.

01:23:43Make it quick.

01:23:45You remember Tuesday I wasn't feeling so hot?

01:23:47I was feeling very queasy.

01:23:49So I walked into town and I went to the drugstore

01:23:51to buy this test.

01:23:53They have these tests you can buy now,

01:23:55and you do it yourself, and it turned out positive.

01:23:57So then I went to the clinic

01:23:59because I had them do a test on me,

01:24:01and it turned out positive.

01:24:03Right, so what's that, you're sick or what?

01:24:05No, I'm pregnant.

01:24:14Are you sure?

01:24:16I guess I'm positive.

01:24:18You're not upset?

01:24:20No.

01:24:22I felt it was going to happen sooner or later.

01:24:27Who's the father?

01:24:30Simon, you're the father.

01:24:32No, that's quite impossible.

01:24:36Why?

01:24:38Well, you see, I'm from another part of the galaxy,

01:24:40and we're biologically incompatible.

01:24:42Different species cannot mate

01:24:44because that's the law of the universe.

01:24:54But that's exactly the point.

01:24:56We are not two different species!

01:24:59You've obviously been involved with somebody else,

01:25:01but that's okay. I've been busy.

01:25:03I understand these things.

01:25:05What?

01:25:07Somebody from the music department, Mester and Flume, maybe?

01:25:09How can you think that?

01:25:11Nice guy, a little bit effeminate, but nice guy.

01:25:13Simon, the only person I've ever been involved with is you.

01:25:16Then how do you explain this?

01:25:18You're afraid to face it,

01:25:20because it would mean you're not special anymore.

01:25:22You're not different from anybody else.

01:25:24You're not a toaster.

01:25:26I have to go broadcast.

01:25:28No, not just a minute!

01:25:30Right now, you're going to stand here and you're going to tell me

01:25:32that you believe in your heart,

01:25:34that I was unfaithful to you, that I cheated on you,

01:25:36and then I will go away.

01:25:38But you have to say that first, okay?

01:25:42Come on, it's easy.

01:25:44You just say, this is not my child.

01:25:51Can you say that?

01:25:56Can you?

01:26:09PHONE RINGS

01:26:15Yeah, Cory. What?

01:26:20Just a minute.

01:26:27Hello, Simon.

01:26:29Hello, Carl.

01:26:31It's been a long time, hasn't it?

01:26:34I would like very much to speak to you, Carl.

01:26:37Yes, of course.

01:26:41What?

01:26:46I think you've made the right decision.

01:26:48I understand.

01:26:50I'll be speaking to you soon, Simon. Thank you. Goodbye.

01:26:57That's it.

01:26:59What?

01:27:01He's depressed and he wants to go home.

01:27:03To New York?

01:27:05No, no.

01:27:07Home.

01:27:14All right, now, gentlemen,

01:27:16I'm going to go away now.

01:27:19Oh.

01:27:21I'm going with General Cory to put Simon on a rocket ship.

01:27:24On a rocket ship.

01:27:26Can we go?

01:27:28No, no. You have to stay here.

01:27:30And while I'm gone, I want you to behave...

01:27:38What's the matter, Leon?

01:27:42I want to go on a rocket ship.

01:27:45No, doctor, you cannot go on the rocket ship.

01:27:48I'm sorry.

01:27:50Now, while I'm away, I want you to stay out of trouble.

01:27:53Remember where you are, gentlemen.

01:27:55Aram, I want you to be the monitor.

01:27:57What? Why is he the monitor?

01:27:59Why is he the monitor?

01:28:01I don't understand!

01:28:03Quiet! Quiet!

01:28:05Says who?

01:28:07Says me!

01:28:09Shut up, six-eyes!

01:28:11Gentlemen!

01:28:13You see what you've done?

01:28:15Gentlemen, I am appalled!

01:28:19Okay, Becker, let's go.

01:28:21We're pulling out.

01:28:25You know,

01:28:27for a bunch of brainy guys,

01:28:29you sure are some poor, pathetic bastards.

01:28:32Thank you, sir!

01:28:36See you around the campus.

01:28:39Okay, Sergeant, let's go.

01:28:41Move them out.

01:28:43For he's a jolly good fellow!

01:28:46For he's a jolly good fellow!

01:28:48For he's a jolly good fellow!

01:29:18For he's a jolly good fellow!

01:29:36Good afternoon. Welcome to NASA.

01:29:38This is the voice of Mission Control.

01:29:41We are T-minus ten minutes to launch and counting.

01:29:45And now, for your listening pleasure,

01:29:47Tony Missola and the orchestra.

01:30:17Here, Simon.

01:30:19Well, all this means...

01:30:21Do it!

01:30:23Okay.

01:30:25All right. Open this door! Open it!

01:30:28God! Open it!

01:30:30It's very... Very...

01:30:32All right. All right.

01:30:34Yeah! Yeah!

01:30:36All right. All right.

01:30:39All right. All right.

01:30:41All right. All right.

01:30:43All right. All right.

01:30:46All right.

01:30:48No, no, no!

01:30:54We are T-minus five minutes to launch and counting.

01:30:58Pending acknowledgment from the spacecraft.

01:31:08Okay! Open it! Open!

01:31:15Open!

01:31:26Simon. Simon.

01:31:35So we made a few miscalculations, Simon.

01:31:37You're only human.

01:31:39This is way too tight. Will you unstrap me?

01:31:42Will you unstrap me at once?

01:31:45Simon, I think you should know

01:31:47that Cynthia did not find you all that exciting.

01:31:49As a matter of fact, Cynthia wasn't even a scientist.

01:31:51She was an unemployed actress, Simon.

01:31:53I just wanted you to know that.

01:31:55I just wanted you to know that, Simon.

01:31:57Simon, please. Please.

01:31:59This is Simon speaking.

01:32:01This will be my last communication until after takeoff.

01:32:03Over and out.

01:32:07I'll get you for this.

01:32:09You're pathetic.

01:32:11Okay, Carl. Keep in touch.

01:32:40We are at T-minus 30 seconds and counting.

01:32:44Please execute full final check at this time.

01:32:48For God's sake, don't do this to me!

01:32:52Eight, seven, six, five,

01:32:56four, three, two, one.

01:33:09Oh, shit.

01:33:39Athenaeum, Simon & Schuster, Quadrangle Press.

01:33:58Penguin, you'd think they'd give up after a while.

01:34:02Harper & Rowe, Millen, Princeton University Press.

01:34:08Random House, Peter Pauper Press.

01:34:12Random House.

01:34:14Knopf, Knopf, Knopf.

01:34:18Viking, St. Martin's Press.

01:34:22Not a bad bunch.

01:34:24Three Knopfs and a Viking.

01:34:27Are you going to do it?

01:34:29Are you going to write this book or not?

01:34:31No.

01:34:33What I'm going to do is not write a book.

01:34:37Grrrr.

01:34:41Want to go for a walk?

01:34:43Yeah.

01:34:44Talk about life and philosophy.

01:34:46Huh?

01:34:48Okay.

01:34:50We'll be back in about a week.

01:34:59...to Dr. Yin Ho Tang for his work in genetics.

01:35:02The last and some say most important prize,

01:35:05the Nobel Prize for Peace,

01:35:07will probably go to an American, Simon Mendelsohn,

01:35:10whose efforts a while ago led directly to legislation

01:35:13making it illegal for anyone to replace the towels

01:35:16in a public washroom with a hot air blower,

01:35:18package ketchup in tiny plastic envelopes,

01:35:21or commit any of the petty annoyances which,

01:35:23in the committee's words,

01:35:25were slowly eroding the spirit of a great people.

01:35:28Mr. Mendelsohn believed living in seclusion

01:35:30somewhere here in Canada could not be reached.

01:35:33The committee feels that.

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