Girl Talk With If Not For My Girls
From good guys to bad boys and every hot topic in between, you’ve just got to hear what’s happening with the new cast of If Not For My Girls™.
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00What's going on, ladies? Say eww. We are the season six cast of If Not For My Girls. How y'all feeling?
00:20Good. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. Y'all look beautiful. Y'all look so good.
00:26Okay. So I'm thinking we start off about our backgrounds, who we are, our stories. So let's start with you, Amber.
00:34I like that. With me? Oh, we're jumping right into it, actually.
00:38Okay. So I want to know, what did you know, when did you know that music was your passion?
00:44Oh, man. I've been singing since I was two years old. But I think I got passionate about it when it got hard.
00:54I think that that's when I knew that I loved it. When I really, really, really, not that it's not hard now, y'all, because it's hard now.
01:02But I think it's really when it got difficult and I decided to keep going.
01:08Okay. What about you? You said what started me in music? Poverty.
01:18No, I really like I think having such support from like my idols and people who I looked up to.
01:24Yeah. And having them kind of bring their arm around me and embrace me as as somebody who belonged in those same rooms.
01:30I think that was like really shaking for me. So, yeah. You belong in them rooms.
01:34Yeah. I stepped in like, yeah, this is my room, too.
01:38So I want to know who inspired you to go after your dreams.
01:44Oh, man. I really want to say my mom. Me and my mom are a lot alike. I'm literally her twin.
01:52She's a singer also. That's dope. And she always says that I like completed her dreams.
01:58Like she loves to see me because it's like it is her accomplishment. That's my mom.
02:02So I'm going to say that the biggest inspiration to keep going was my mother.
02:06Oh, I love that. I love that. I'd have to mirror that thought to definitely my mom.
02:10She's here to somewhere in the world. Hi, mama. I don't know. There she goes.
02:15There she goes. She's so fly, y'all. Look at her. Her mama's so fly.
02:19My mom, I grew up around all strong women, too. To your point, we talked about it backstage, too.
02:24You know, my mom, my grandma raised me. I have two sisters younger that I had to lead an example for, too.
02:30So I think like super inspirational. And of course, God, you know, the leader of all things,
02:35the creator of all things within me and of this world. So for sure.
02:39How did you guys know that you knew what you had, what it took to break through this like really difficult industry?
02:46Like, what do you think? To be honest, God, like I'm like I have the favor of God.
02:52I tell myself that every day. Absolutely. Amen. I'm like, this is my purpose in life.
02:57And every every year I feel like I get more bigger visions and more inspiration is just all from him.
03:03It comes straight from him. What do you think, Amber? Oh, man, I think that I just just kept going and hope that it did.
03:12Like, I don't know if it was a I think I remind myself often like, OK, you got this.
03:17And there are little markers that you get in your career and some validation that you get that keep that keeps you going.
03:24So I think it's those those things like the little markers that you get. What about you?
03:28I never really know what's going to happen. My days are so by chance.
03:33Well, I don't think nothing happens by chance, but my days are so sporadic.
03:36I never know what's going to come up. And some days are worse than others.
03:39I think that's what we don't tell people is the journey is so complicated and they kind of only see the glitz and glamour of it.
03:45They don't never see the days where you're like, I'm not doing this no more, which is why I always give people grace that I meet.
03:51And it's any person I meet, I treat them like they have the key to my destiny, because I feel like you just don't know what it takes anyone to just wake up in the morning and try.
04:00Yeah. You know, so saluting everybody who's trying.
04:05Thank you for waking up and trying. That was good. For real.
04:09She be talking. She be talking good, y'all. Lady Monday.
04:13OK, y'all. So in this work that we do, we all need a support system.
04:17And we always thought we already talked about our mothers. But I want to know, as far as friends, how have your friends supported you during this journey?
04:25Oh, my friends help me with everything.
04:28They do my hair. They do my makeup. I'll be like, guys, I need help with this music video.
04:33They'll come up, show up for me, be in all my music videos. They help me with everything.
04:37I love that. Yeah, I think it's I mean, of course, we just lead with prayer, with everything.
04:43My friends are like we're our own little gospel choir. We can't sing, though.
04:47Like we just got our little praise and worship and we show up for each other and we show out, you know, like really, really present people.
04:55And my friends know me because I can go very inward when I'm like upset or dealing with something.
05:00I can't like completely be in solitude and they'll be banging at my door like, girl, you just need to like lay down with us and just like to pray about it or game plan or strategize.
05:10And I think I thank God for my friends so much.
05:13Like I've really got a great village and I've been friends with most of my friends for over 10 years or most of my closest friends.
05:19So, well, this is called If Not For My Girls.
05:22And the thing that I love that you guys said is that you let people help.
05:26Yeah. And I had real trouble, which I feel like does anybody ever have issues with asking for help or letting people help?
05:35And you perfectionists and type A's out there that's like, well, if they ain't gonna do it how I do it.
05:40No, no.
05:44I think I love the fact that you guys let people help.
05:47And I really learned this year because I needed the support of my friends.
05:52Yeah. And I needed to put my ego down and put my pride aside and actually ask for things that I never thought that I would have to ask for.
06:00So I think that that's really dope.
06:02Like knowing that God doesn't know everybody the way he knows you.
06:08Yeah. So I think for me, I'm realizing that covering came with access to favor and reward that was beyond my own.
06:18And knowing that covering also came with sacrifice was so important.
06:22Like there's there's like supernatural increase on the other side of obedient.
06:26One hundred percent. And I had to I had to say no to like good things to get great things.
06:33It's a lot of things I turned down, a lot of money I left on the table because like not all good things are God things.
06:39Right. So I used to be like, oh, no, my spirit is just like, I don't know if I can really do that or whatever.
06:44But I think that learning like learning those type of things early helped me so much along the way with my discernment.
06:51You know, I cannot ask. Sorry, Raina, but can I also ask those things that you said no to?
06:56But the things that you said yes to were they maybe not in abundance, but they always propelled you forward?
07:02Oh, for sure. For sure. Some things are not supposed to be like glitz and glamour.
07:08Some things are opportunities to network and just expand.
07:12You know, they may be smaller pay, but they're bigger like opportunities and bigger looks.
07:16And so I always prioritize that when I look at things, too.
07:19And then, you know, that little that little picture of God holding a teddy bear behind his back.
07:23And it's like the big one, the little one. And they're like, no, no, not this one.
07:27Bigger. And I always think bigger. Like do your big one.
07:31Bigger girl. I love it. You know what I'm saying?
07:34So I learned how to listen to myself.
07:37I'm I can be such a sweet person and I would just be like, OK, this person has so much experience.
07:43Let me listen to them. And then I learned that like not everybody has the vision that I have.
07:47And I'm only saying that because I was adamant. I'm like, this is my dream.
07:50This is what is going to happen. And he would be like, hmm, I don't know.
07:55You're in country music. You're, you know, in this stage of your career.
07:58I was like, so I got the favor of God.
08:01There's nothing that there's nothing impossible.
08:04People try to put their limitations on you, too.
08:07It's like you can't do that. You can't do that.
08:11It's like, baby, if I only told you half my dreams, I guess we could sit here all night about what I can't do.
08:17To you, you know, that's why you can't share everything with everybody.
08:20For sure. Be careful who you share the dream with.
08:23Be careful who you ask to pray for you. It's a lot of things.
08:26Let's get into it because I don't know. Don't get me running across the stage.
08:30Lady London, don't I don't know what your prayer game is like.
08:34But you know what? A building that's built on a hill cannot be hidden.
08:37For sure. Like you are destined to be whatever you're trying to be in this world.
08:40This is what I do know. Say that again.
08:43A building that's what that's built on a hill cannot be hidden.
08:46It's impossible. You are who you are because God says you are.
08:50So that's just that on that to shift gears a little bit.
08:55They I know that like a lot of people are like super multi talented and multi hyphenate.
09:00Of course, you are amongst those. I mean, just all the things, all the things.
09:06So how did you prioritize, you know, what you would leave with talent wise?
09:12Or do you still kind of have that? Like, I don't know. Do I want to act? Do I want to sing?
09:16Do I want to like I mean, we've always been in performative arts.
09:19But what is your how did you determine what you wanted to do first?
09:23My pull to the things that I love to do is like an appetite.
09:28So like sometimes my appetite is I need to be on stage.
09:32I need to feel the people I need to do theater.
09:37Like I just did The Preacher's Wife, the musical, poppy, poppy, brand new musical.
09:43I play Julia Beaks. Yeah.
09:47And I just needed to do the theater because I needed to test myself.
09:51Theater is hard. It's one of the hardest things that I've ever done in my career.
09:55Yeah. And it may not have been on a world stage.
09:58It was regional theater, but it fed me in a way and it taught me in a way that like I don't think another film could have, you know.
10:06And I think that that's just kind of how I I choose what I'm what I'm drawn to and what I need in the moment.
10:12I aspire. I love that. Do you have any other passions outside of singing?
10:18Hundred percent. Yeah. Definitely want to. Well, I'm actually going to be in some TV shows.
10:23I can't talk about what TV shows.
10:26But I've always wanted to not just be a musician or a singer, but an entertainer across all verticals.
10:33So TV, film, books like I love to sing, but I'm a storyteller.
10:37I love to write stories. I want to write my own TV series, et cetera.
10:41Comic books, graphic novels. Let's talk after this girl.
10:46All the things. I love that. All the things. That's my new thing. All the things. All the things.
10:50OK, so as much as we want to do it all, we can't do it all, especially sometimes as creatives.
10:58Right. So I want to know, how did you guys build your team?
11:03I had a lot of trial and error and there's been a lot of really good people that have had a part of my team.
11:10But I just realized that they didn't always have that vision that I had for myself.
11:14They wanted to be wanted me to be in a box or a certain lane.
11:17And I'm like, y'all, I'm bigger than that. And I also don't want to just be a country singer, a country star.
11:23I want to be a superstar, regardless of country music or whatever genre that I'm doing.
11:28And some people didn't see that. And I'm like, OK, well, I thank you for everything that you've done for me.
11:35I thank you for everything that you've taught me. But I'm not going to limit myself because your vision is limited.
11:41Even though I appreciate you and I genuinely love you, but I'm not going to be held back because you can't you can't expand your vision.
11:50Wow, that's real. It was really hard, too, because I love people.
11:53I'm like, man, I don't want to let you go, but this is going to be it's going to be better for both of us, not just me.
11:58But you're going to find an artist that you can pour your even more into and that will be the perfect fit for you.
12:03I love that, you know, this this early. Yeah, that's you're going to you like you're going to kill it.
12:07I love that, you know, this is I think if you want to fly, you got to give up the stuff that weigh you down.
12:12And I think some people just can't come along for the ride.
12:15You know, like I believe in the path of the narrow is the path of the successful.
12:20So making sure that everybody is aligned to get through that door, no matter what that looks like.
12:24Sometimes that means you have to walk behind me to get through this narrow door.
12:28Some people, they a strong arm and we all got to walk through the door together.
12:31It's like we're never going to get through if the goal is for everybody to show up in the same places.
12:38Everybody has to have their own role. Yeah, there's unity amongst diversity.
12:43Obviously, if the ear were to say that because I'm not an eye, then I'm not a part of the body,
12:47then where would the body be? Because we all need our functioning parts.
12:51So I think finding people to have roles and placements in in our camps makes sense.
12:57And no one should ride the bus for free. What do you do here? What do you contribute here?
13:02How are you growing me? How are you making me better?
13:05You know, I'm saying what's T like what's going on?
13:09What do you do here? Oh, that's a new line.
13:12They're going to be sick of me now. What do you do here? Job title.
13:16I'm sorry. I thought you were no longer with us. No.
13:20OK, wait. In what areas have you guys decided to manage yourselves, though?
13:25Because we can't give it all to everyone else.
13:28So what areas have you decided to manage yourself? I wear every hat.
13:32Anybody who knows me knows I be on PDF forms. I'm doing every email.
13:36You know what I'm saying? I'm getting my wardrobe. I'm getting my you know, I'm saying everything together.
13:41So, yeah, I've always wore hats. But if you want it done right, you do it.
13:45You step up and you make sure that you're able to do it.
13:48It's beautiful to have people in place to take off the load.
13:50But you make sure you can show up for yourself and you're not like a damsel in distress when necessary.
13:56I've definitely stepped into being a plus size woman.
14:00Fashion is just it's always just hard to find clothes and all that.
14:04So I've stepped into fashion kind of by accident, you know, because I out of necessity.
14:11And I had to learn to do my hair and makeup because when I was in Hollywood, there weren't when I started,
14:15there weren't a lot of black hair and makeup artists and there wasn't a priority to do that.
14:19So I did my makeup today. My stylist's name is icon tips.
14:25He saw me, but I did do my makeup in my hair. I love Casey. So sweet.
14:30That's my baby. What about you, Raina? Where have you where have you learned to like manage or decided to manage yourself in what areas?
14:37Oh, to be honest, like there is a there's a point where I didn't have a team.
14:41So I had to be my own PR team and I had to be my own label. I had to be my own manager.
14:46And this is a this is a time where actually I had let go of my full team, like my whole team.
14:51And it was just me. Well, I don't want to say it was just me.
14:54It was me, God and then my parents. And I would be like doing my own PR letters.
14:58I would be hitting up Rolling Stone and Billboard. I'd be like, hey, I just released a song.
15:01Can you all write about it? Or hey, Spotify, I just put out this new single. Can you all push it?
15:05So I was doing I was doing all the things and it's hard for me to let go of control because I was I got used to doing all those things.
15:13But now I have an incredible team like my managers here, Christina.
15:16Where are you at? Raise your hand. Christina was up there curling her hair.
15:21Christina does all the things and there she is.
15:26She's incredible. I trust her and I'm like, she she knows they know what they're doing.
15:30So I really wish all the all the control.
15:34What's the best what's the best advice you got from a black woman as a regards in regards to like love or following your dreams?
15:43OK, following your dreams to you and love to you, following my dreams, that it's it's always going to be hills and valleys.
15:52You know, you just keep you keep going. Me and my sister have a saying.
15:56We'll we'll we'll talk about the things that we're going through.
15:59And we always just say, just keep swimming. Your head is just like Nemo.
16:04Like your head is still above water. Just keep on kicking. Just keep swimming.
16:08What is the best bit of advice that a black woman has given you about love?
16:14About love? Yeah, man, I'm I'm switching gears. I'm about to switch it all the way up.
16:18None. My mom, my mom is amazing, but her advice is always like focus on your career.
16:24Like love will come at some other point right now. I'm in love with music.
16:28Yeah. Grammys like focus on those things. She didn't really give me a lot of advice about love other than, you know, find someone who loves you for you.
16:36And and that'll happen. Jim, we didn't really dive into that.
16:40I don't have like any dating experience, really. Well, it's funny that you should mention that because that's what I'm about to ask about.
16:48Talk to her. Dating in 2024. She says she about to sip on this one.
16:57Describe dating in 2024.
17:02Let's do it in one word. Treacherous. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
17:08I literally don't have any experience. I'm just messing around.
17:14That was going to be my word. No, it's bad.
17:20It's the trenches. It's the trenches. It's not. Honestly, I would say it's super fluid.
17:25I think people just be vibing right now. Like, I don't know. I don't know. I'm vibing. I'm in my dating era.
17:30I've always dated. I wasn't been in long term relationships and I'm like single.
17:34I'm outside. But I'm outside. Like, I'm really outside. Like, I never got to date before.
17:39I never like just went on dates. I was like a date. And he was like, oh, we together.
17:43Like, I'm putting you in a house, you know, so down. I'm like, let's just do dinner.
17:50I love this for you because the dimples popped out. The smile got big.
17:54She's living her best life. I'm just saying, my man, my man, my man.
18:00You know, I'm trying to say that about a couple of people. You know what I'm saying? At a time.
18:04So how do you guys know to pivot a little bit? My man, my man, my man.
18:08How do you guys know when to take your relationship or a situation ship public?
18:15When is the soft launch giving? What does that give? Child, I'd be hard launching.
18:21Honestly, it's not anything that I ever plan. My man, my man, my man is back there.
18:29Yes, my man, my man, my man. It's not even really anything I plan.
18:35I just kind of live my life. I don't really hide anything.
18:38I'm private with the things that I'm private. You only know what it is that I want you to know.
18:43But not secretive. No. Yeah, I'm private, but not secretive.
18:46Like I hard lost a relationship. And that went. That went left.
18:51But now we're right again. And we all love that for you.
18:56I love that for you. My was full hard launch. I've only dated.
19:01I've only been with one person. And when we were together, I had a billboard of us in Times Square.
19:07But we were the single. We were the cover of my single.
19:12I had him in like my visualizers for my album. I was like, I wrote these songs.
19:16He was in my first video. He was in my first music video. I can't even watch it.
19:21I was like, I wrote this song about you. So I need people to know that this is what this is.
19:27I have not found my tribe. When I tell you my launch is so extra soft, it's pillow.
19:33It's cotton. Like I give half a ear. No tattoos visible. Like we're giving half a shoelace.
19:39My tribe is out there. Yeah, because they are definitely like you're not better than us.
19:44You're not better than us. Girl, I live a very, very secret life of Zack and Cody.
19:48OK, absolutely not. Absolutely not. No, ma'am.
19:53Lady, I'm serious. Secret life of Zack and Cody is crazy.
19:58If you post me, I will pay for your page to be deleted, please.
20:03Please. So how do you know if someone's not into you? Like what are the signs?
20:07Have you all experienced this before? No, unfortunately, I have.
20:12I've experienced somebody that like I want to date and go out on dates and like you just playing.
20:20Like I've experienced that where it's just like you just kind of want to be around,
20:24especially being in the limelight. You get with people that just kind of want to be around.
20:29Like it's a call time, wrong type situation, hanging around in bars, trying to hang around with stars.
20:35Like what is talk to him? What's going on?
20:42Say no. It's like that. You know, I feel like I am him who you talk about.
20:48Not hang around, not hang around like Tyrone. You are so not him.
20:51I got my own. Yeah, you are really like not trying to go out.
20:56I'm the person like, oh, sorry, I'm busy. But you be honest about that from John.
21:01That's and that's what I don't like. Like, let's just be honest. We grow old.
21:05Yeah, that's all I got on me right now. Yeah. Pockets taps.
21:08All right. It's Essence Fest 30th birthday. So can we end this with like a little game?
21:16I like a game. You like a game sometimes. OK, so this game is called Start Stop.
21:23Continue. But it's the 30s edition. OK, Raina.
21:28It's as the youngest of the crew. I know you love that.
21:33Can you share three things to start, stop and continue as you enter your 30s across love and life and going after your dreams?
21:41Like all three, the big three. 30 feels kind of like a lifetime away because tomorrow.
21:46Don't do that. No, no. But don't do that, Marina.
21:49That's because tomorrow feels like a lifetime away. Like I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow.
21:55OK, let's like, OK, it's the 30s edition. So like you have a lifetime to start, stop or continue.
22:02I want to start having more fun. I can be really serious and really dedicated to only my work.
22:07And I want to start having a lot more fun.
22:10I want to continue to grow as a person and be the best person that I can and be a blessing to the people around me and be a light wherever I go.
22:19What was the one after start? Continue. That was your start. So what is it that you think you want to stop?
22:25I got to stop giving people a lot, a lot, a lot of chances.
22:30Yeah, because I'll give you like 20 chances. And then I'm like, I'm trying to see the best in you.
22:35But I'm like, this is not this is not the best for me. So I got to stop doing that.
22:38OK, and what do you want to continue? Like, what are you killing it at that you just need to continue?
22:46Music, thank you. Period. Music. She was about to say something juicy and you just messed it up.
22:52No, I'm glad you said that. You were about to catch me saying some stuff I didn't mean to say.
22:55All right now. I love it. OK. All right, Lady London, what about you? Start, stop, continue.
23:01Well, for me, because I'm twenty nine now, I just turned twenty nine and I'm headed into 30 next year,
23:07which is like, whoa, what happened? I'm here now. Welcome.
23:12Right, right, right, right. But I think it's a beautiful thing, honestly.
23:16I think the 30s is your 20s with more money. So I love that for us.
23:22Start. What do I want to start? I started playing instruments when I was young and I didn't finish.
23:29So I would love to, like, learn how to play piano and guitar.
23:32Oh, I love that. So that's what I want to start my new chapter. Stop.
23:36I want to stop. I want to stop not having boundaries because I really do think I let people really play in my face a lot of the times.
23:47And it's mainly because I like to keep the peace around me.
23:50But keeping a peace around me sacrifices the peace within me all the time.
23:54One hundred percent. So I want to stop choosing myself secondary or tertiary even sometimes to situations and continue.
24:06I want to continue my faith in God. I want to continue my walk with him.
24:10And I also really want to continue running up a check because one thing about me, baby, I'm going to get to that paper.
24:21Amen. We love to hear it. So, Amber, I know you're already flourishing and thriving in your flirty 30s.
24:30Give it up for Amber. So spill the tea. We need the tea.
24:36OK, what is some advice that you would give your 20 year old self now that you're in your 30s?
24:45Just to quiet the outside noise. Don't internalize any of the things that like, you know, in your heart, in your soul, in your spirit, what is right.
24:56So the things that people are saying that are the exact opposite of that.
25:02Don't internalize it. Don't let that become the little voice in the back of your head.
25:08I love that. And so for you, you can't escape this question because I want to know, too.
25:12What would you start, stop and continue as you continue your journey through life, through love, through dreams and all the things, all of the things I want to.
25:24You know what? I want to start taking dance classes again. Love that for you.
25:29I, I, I have been telling myself for the past year, somebody said me, too.
25:34Yeah, do it. Let's do it together.
25:38I want to start taking I've been telling myself for a year that I was going to start taking dance classes again.
25:42So I want to start taking dance classes. I want to stop. Oh, gosh. Doubting.
25:48Yeah. Just self-doubt in general. I battle with that a lot.
25:54Yeah. And I want to continue having fun.
25:58I've really been enjoying my life the past, like maybe the past three years.
26:03I've been more deliberate about having fun with family and friends.
26:08So that's it. I want to continue doing that.
26:10You got to you got to read James. You got to read the book of James on self-doubt and just having more faith.
26:17Yeah. So empowering. This is my favorite book.
26:19Hey, I'm on it. Off of that. Offline some scriptures, you know, all the vibes, all the things.
26:25All right, y'all. Did you enjoy our talk?
26:29But these are my girls. I love them dearly. Yes, we love you, too.
26:33Thank you. Essence Fest 2024.