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00:00♪
00:30Cool.
00:32Look at that. Look at it.
00:34Craftsmen made tools to last in the old days.
00:36Not now, though. In the old days, yes.
00:38That's from the old days.
00:40You found it in the shed when we moved in.
00:42Did I?
00:44Yes, if I remember rightly.
00:46You said you were going to send it on
00:48to the bloke who'd left it behind.
00:50Well, he's welcome to it now.
00:52A load of old rubbish.
00:54It's all right.
00:56It's all right.
00:58A load of old rubbish.
01:00Don't go on at the fork.
01:02It must have dug about 6,000 acres by now.
01:04I wasn't digging with it.
01:06I was burning an estate with it.
01:08What do you use for digging?
01:10A sledgehammer?
01:12If they'd made longbows out of this tap,
01:14we'd have been in a fine old set at Agincourt, wouldn't we?
01:16Sorry, my liege, you came away on my hand.
01:18I'll have chucked me arrows.
01:24And it's raining.
01:26We're having a little moan, aren't we?
01:28Well, it's important.
01:30We need all the daylight hours we can get.
01:32The nights are drawing in, you see.
01:34Yes, well, they usually do in autumn.
01:36Yes, but they're keeping us inside.
01:38We shouldn't just be sitting about doing nothing.
01:40True enough, you shouldn't.
01:42No.
01:44We should be using these long evenings
01:46like the crofters do.
01:48They don't just sit about chatting on the long evenings.
01:50They mend their nets and knit Fair Isle jumpers.
01:52You can't knit.
01:54Neither can you.
01:56Well, mend your nets.
01:58I haven't got any nets.
02:00I'm just saying we should be utilising the time.
02:02Oh, yes, you mean like mending our working clothes,
02:04that sort of thing.
02:06Exactly. Now, you, for example, should be...
02:08doing exactly what you are doing,
02:10which makes you a clever dick.
02:16Any floorboards need nailing down?
02:18No.
02:20You creosote the chicken house.
02:22It's too dark in the garden.
02:24Well, I can't sew, can I?
02:26I never claimed to be able to sew.
02:28Well, mend your fork.
02:30How am I going to do that?
02:32I had that in mind you do that
02:34before you even said it.
02:36See, if you're at home of an evening
02:38and you've got a broken fork,
02:40that's the kind of thing you should be doing.
02:42Well, that's typical, isn't it?
02:44Just when you get started on a job, interruptions.
02:46Hello, Tom.
02:48It's only Margot.
02:50Hello, Margot.
02:52I want it on the telephone.
02:54I can't be. I haven't got a telephone.
02:56Oh, I see. Thanks. Who is it?
02:58I don't know. It's a Mr Coles.
03:00Never heard of him.
03:02You haven't been gardening in a dinner jacket, have you?
03:04Certainly.
03:06You've heard of Gentleman Farmers, haven't you?
03:10Hello, Margot.
03:12Hello, dear.
03:14He's wearing a dinner jacket for manual work.
03:16He'll ruin it. Doesn't matter.
03:18But, see, you have to go to a function.
03:20Well, we don't go to functions anymore, Margot.
03:22No, you don't, do you?
03:24Look at this.
03:26A dinner jacket in a muddy garden.
03:28Well, I tell you what.
03:30Think of it as just a coat.
03:32Mm-hm. Yes.
03:36Well, that's it. That is all it is.
03:38No, Barbara.
03:40That's like calling salmon mousse fish paste.
03:44Margot, as far as Tom and I are concerned,
03:46it doesn't really matter what it looks like
03:48as long as it's serviceable.
03:50Oh, I'm sorry, Barbara.
03:52I didn't realise you were reduced to scraping the bottom
03:54of your sartorial barrel.
03:56Funny. I thought we were just making use of the things we've got.
03:58Brave, brave, Barbara.
04:02Oh, how extraordinary. It must be a trick of the light.
04:04One leg looks orange
04:06and one leg looks blue.
04:08Right, you've got it.
04:10Snazzy, aren't they?
04:12Why not?
04:14Because one leg is orange and one leg is blue.
04:16Well, I don't mind if the pigs don't mind.
04:18You never know.
04:20This could be the in-gear for swineherds this year.
04:22Barbara.
04:24Hmm?
04:26Look at me.
04:28On Saturday morning,
04:30I shall be shopping in the High Street.
04:32Wow.
04:34And I shall have my checkbook with me.
04:36Yes?
04:38Well, call is an early Christmas present,
04:40if you like.
04:42No, thank you, Margot. All the same.
04:44But this stuff will do for us fine.
04:46I mean, honestly, now look.
04:48What is wrong with that?
04:50Just as a pair of working trousers.
04:52One leg is orange and one leg is blue.
04:56Well, kid, you're going to be a star.
04:58Really?
05:00Who was that on the telephone, Tom?
05:02The bloke who's going to make Barbara a star. He's a journalist.
05:04He wants to do a feature on us.
05:06No.
05:08He wants to write about it.
05:10How extraordinary.
05:12And you said yes?
05:14Yeah, he seemed a nice sort of fellow.
05:16Just a few pictures, a bit of blurb.
05:18Shouldn't take long.
05:20It might be a bit of a giggle.
05:22Yes, why not?
05:24I could wear my new trousers.
05:26Barbara.
05:28If one is to appear in a newspaper,
05:30one must be very careful about one's appearance.
05:32When is he coming, by the way?
05:34Tomorrow.
05:36Sorry, Mother, you were saying?
05:38Oh, well, I just thought you might want me here
05:40to help with something.
05:42No, I don't think so, Mother, thank you.
05:44Well.
05:46Fine, we'll leave it at that, then.
05:48You call me when the journalist is here.
05:50Should you want anything, anything at all?
05:54I don't think we want Margot for anything, do we, Barbara?
05:56No, I don't think we want Margot
05:58for anything, Tom.
06:00Thanks all the same, Margot.
06:02Well.
06:04Well.
06:06I'll say goodnight, then.
06:08Goodnight.
06:16I know what Margot could do.
06:18Yes, what?
06:20Lend us a ball of string.
06:24Now, um, I'd like you to do something
06:26really interesting.
06:34Um.
06:36Um.
06:38Um.
06:40Closing on each other.
06:42A bit closer.
06:44Just a bit closer.
06:46Mrs. Good, could you turn and look at your husband?
06:48But I'm looking up his ear.
06:50Yes, I want it to look
06:52really natural.
06:54I don't usually stand about looking in his ear.
06:56It's here.
07:02It's here.
07:04Miss Coles,
07:06I've got an idea.
07:08If we move along a bit, we can point at the pigs.
07:10Lovely.
07:14Right.
07:16Out of the way, piggy. Come on.
07:18Um.
07:20Um.
07:24Now, then, um.
07:26Perhaps a bit more.
07:28Right.
07:30Yes, if we go further along, we can get the trophy.
07:32Anything as long as you're happy.
07:38That's done, huh?
07:48LAUGHTER
07:58LAUGHTER
08:14Ah.
08:16That's enough, eh? Rather.
08:18Cheers.
08:22Mmm.
08:24Now.
08:26LAUGHTER
08:30Um.
08:32Just a couple of questions, Mr. Good.
08:34That covers it.
08:36Have you any pet hates?
08:38Yes, I can't stand cheap wine.
08:42Mrs. Good, I couldn't help noticing your trousers.
08:44Um, where did you buy them?
08:46Well, I got this leg from C&A,
08:48and the rest is from Mark's.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:52Pardon?
08:54They're mongrels. I made them up myself.
08:56Oh, I see. Very attractive.
09:00Just one more, Mr. Good.
09:02If anyone was thinking of leading your sort of life,
09:04what advice would you give them?
09:06Well, they'd have to marry Barbara first.
09:08LAUGHTER
09:10They should be totally convinced of what they're doing,
09:12just mad enough to be saved.
09:14Yes, I like that.
09:16LAUGHTER
09:20She's here again.
09:22LAUGHTER
09:24There's someone at the window.
09:28Good heaven, so there is.
09:30LAUGHTER
09:32Oh, hello, Margo. This is a nice surprise.
09:34Barbara, come.
09:36One ball of string, as requested.
09:38Oh, I'm sorry.
09:40I didn't know you had company.
09:42Oh, of course not.
09:44Mr. Coles, Mrs. Ledbetter.
09:46Oh, you must be the journalist. How do you do?
09:48Yes, how do you do?
09:50That's two Ts in Ledbetter, by the way.
09:52LAUGHTER
09:54Now, what can I tell you about myself?
09:56Well, I think it's true to say
09:58that we are Tom and Barbara's dearest friends.
10:00By we, I mean my husband, Jeremy, and myself.
10:02Jeremy is an executive in the plastics industry.
10:04I, of course, do not work,
10:06apart from the odd charity.
10:08Hobbies?
10:10Well, it's no secret in Serverton
10:12that I am one of the leading lights in the music society.
10:14Oh, by the way,
10:16we're giving the Sound of Music at the Town Hall
10:18from the 23rd till the 24th.
10:20Interestingly enough,
10:22Julie Andrews played my role in the film.
10:24Now, I think you may quote me
10:26as saying...
10:30You're not writing any of the stars.
10:32LAUGHTER
10:34No, I've got all I need for the article.
10:36What about Mr and Mrs Good?
10:38Oh, I thought you might want
10:40some background information,
10:42some local colour.
10:44No, thank you.
10:46LAUGHTER
10:48Oh, go on, Scoop, give her a mention.
10:50Margot's played a very important part in all this.
10:52Really? Oh, yes.
10:54After all, she's had to live next door to a suburban revolution.
10:56A lot of people would turn nasty. Not Margot.
10:58No, nothing but support and encouragement.
11:00Yeah, I remember we used to try to keep pigs.
11:02Now, a lot of people poo-pooed the idea around here
11:04But Margot didn't, did you, Margot?
11:06Well, I...
11:08Ah, she said if you need pigs, you jolly well have pigs.
11:10Yes, and I'm sorry if I'm going to make you blush, Margot,
11:12but I'm going to tell Mr Coles about the goat.
11:14Are you? Yes.
11:16LAUGHTER
11:18Now, Margot has insisted
11:20on transporting our goat to and from
11:22the common for grazing in her own car.
11:24No reservations about the little pile of black cherries
11:26the goat leaves behind?
11:28LAUGHTER
11:30You see, I think you must mention Margot.
11:32Hear, hear to that.
11:34Thick and thin, fair weather or foul, Margot has been there.
11:36Like a truss. What?
11:38LAUGHTER
11:40A constant source of support.
11:42LAUGHTER
11:44Yes, I'll, uh...
11:46See if I can get that in.
11:48Well, look, I must be on my way.
11:50Thanks very much.
11:52Goodbye. You won't forget the sound of music, will you?
11:54I'll do my best.
11:56Bye-bye.
11:58Here we are.
12:00What an awfully nice man.
12:02Mm. Nice creases in his trousers.
12:04And he had black shoes.
12:06That all points to him working
12:08for one of the quality newspapers, doesn't it?
12:10I don't know.
12:12Who'd be a freelance journalist, eh?
12:14Hopping here, dashing there, writing stuff on spec
12:16in the hopes of flogging it. A freelance?
12:18Yes, and he wore black shoes too.
12:20But which newspaper
12:22is he hoping to sell the article to?
12:24I don't know. The first one I'll buy, I suppose.
12:26Don't you care? Not particularly.
12:28Well, I do. Why?
12:30Oh, not for myself, Barbara.
12:32Don't think that.
12:34No, I just thought you would be interested.
12:36After all,
12:38an article about one...
12:40Well, not about one, about you.
12:42Well, most people would want to see it in print.
12:44Not that I...
12:46Because, after all, but...
12:54Well, I can't sit here all day.
12:56I must be off.
12:58I'll come and see you later.
13:00Oh, thank you for the string, Margot.
13:02Bye.
13:04That's the trouble
13:06with these Orientals. You can never tell what they're thinking.
13:08Inscrutable.
13:10Come on, old lads, we've got work to do.
13:12Right, give me the creosote and I'll finish the job.
13:14You see,
13:16I wonder if we will get in the papers.
13:18Why? Well, you never know.
13:20I mean, this might be the beginning of something big
13:22this time next month.
13:24It might be the centre spread of the Pig Breeders' Gazette.
13:28Piggly to the month.
13:42Jerry, is that the papers?
13:44Yes.
13:46Paperboy must be late for school.
13:48Just emptied the entire contents of his sack
13:50through our letterbox.
13:52I ordered them.
13:54Good God, why?
13:56Because I have felt for some time we should be more Catholic
13:58in our reading.
14:00I must say, this tabloid trash doesn't interest me in the slightest.
14:06Oh, I see.
14:08It's looking for our name in print time, isn't it?
14:10Nonsense.
14:12I'm doing it for Tom and Barbara.
14:14You know they can't afford newspapers.
14:16They can win on this scale.
14:18Hello?
14:20390...
14:227164...
14:24What?
14:26Sorry, I can't hear you.
14:28It's rather a bad line. Could you speak up?
14:30Coles?
14:32Yes?
14:34Mr Coles, yes.
14:36Margot Ledbetter speaking.
14:38I'm sorry, I can't quite hear.
14:42Yes, yes, that's better.
14:44Oh, the article, yes.
14:48In the what?
14:50The Observer!
14:52How wonderful!
14:54Yes, I'll tell them.
14:56Jerry, quick, run and tell Tom and Barbara
14:58that we are in the quality press.
15:00The Observer.
15:02I do find running in the morning so vulgar.
15:04Then walk quickly, Jerry.
15:06Tell them, please.
15:08Anyway, why can't you go?
15:10You're the one who might just have sneaked her way into the corner of one of the photographs.
15:12Because I have a million calls to make.
15:18Ah, hello,
15:20Miss Mountshaft.
15:22Margot Ledbetter.
15:24Miss Mountshaft,
15:26if I hinted that I could get
15:28our little production mentioned in the Observer...
15:32Yes, the Observer.
15:34Might that reawaken your
15:36interest in my design for the programme cover?
15:42You know, I never really appreciated
15:44the taste of tea until we had to ration it.
15:46We can't grow it ourselves.
15:48Mine is only really camellias, you know.
15:50I wonder if ordinary flowering camellias...
15:52No, that's about as sensible as you thinking
15:54we could keep silkworms and make my stockings from them.
15:56All right.
15:58I'll just develop my genius from mending forks.
16:06A lot of fresh air about it
16:08this time of day, isn't there?
16:10Hello, Jerry. You're just in time for elevensies.
16:12You can't have elevensies
16:14half past eight.
16:16You can, you know. Just get up at six o'clock.
16:18Things are damned cheerful.
16:20Lookings are damned healthy.
16:22There you are, Jerry. Have some tannic acid.
16:28Well, have you just come around
16:30to cheer us up, or did you want something?
16:32Oh, yes!
16:34The news.
16:36Your journalist friend just rang.
16:38He's sold you to the Observer, no less.
16:40Oh, really?
16:42Oh, I bet Margo's pleased.
16:44Pleased? You think he's just got a mention
16:46in the court circular?
16:48Oh, Jerry, I meant to ask you.
16:50What's a solvent for creosote?
16:52Isn't it a bit early for crosswords?
16:54No, no, no. Look, this is real-life drama.
16:56We were spraying the chicken house, you see.
16:58One of them perky's head round the corner
17:00had got it right in the parcel's nose.
17:02I don't know.
17:04Take it to the laundrette or something.
17:06Anyway, why are you talking about chickens?
17:08Well, how would you like to be going about
17:10with a bottle over your bum?
17:12That's not what I meant.
17:14Look, you've just heard that you're going
17:16to be mentioned in the national press.
17:18It's Eggo time.
17:20You couldn't seem to care less.
17:22There's a reason for that.
17:24What?
17:26We couldn't.
17:28Yes, but why?
17:30Well, what's it really worth?
17:32A nice little read that ends up
17:34round a piece of cod and chips.
17:36Mind you, if the article had been
17:38you could make on this, you know.
17:40What are you talking about?
17:42Here. Top up the tea.
17:44Lubricates the old grey matter.
17:46Ah.
17:48I know that expression.
17:50When he looks like that, he's planning something.
17:52Looks more like indigestion to me.
18:00That's it. I've got it.
18:02Look, you two go about
18:04looking like a pair of tramps, don't you?
18:06Give me my tea back.
18:08No, no, no. Listen, listen.
18:10You live in what I can only politely describe as
18:12abject poverty.
18:14You mend tools that are only really
18:16fit for the junkyard.
18:18And there you sit, passing up a golden
18:20opportunity to refurbish yourselves
18:22for nothing.
18:24God, look at you.
18:26About as much business acumen as a couple of characters
18:28out of the Magic Roundabout.
18:30What are you going on about?
18:32I'll try to make it simple.
18:34You go to local
18:36shopkeepers and you tell them
18:38that you're about to be featured in a national
18:40newspaper. This makes you a local
18:42celebrity. Now, if a local celebrity
18:44allows local shopkeepers to use his
18:46name for publicity purposes, he is liable
18:48to be showered with free goodies.
18:50What? You mean Tom and Barbara
18:52Goods shop at Jaime Cohen's Chinese
18:54Emporium? Exactly. Oh, get off.
18:56I couldn't sell an idea like that.
18:58You couldn't, but I could do it for you.
19:00Truly? Yes.
19:02Perfectly simple business if you know how to handle it.
19:04And I do.
19:06What about it? Yes.
19:08No.
19:10All right. I think you're making
19:12a big mistake, Tom.
19:14Oh, wait a minute. Just because I'm lord
19:16and master and Barbara a mere chattel
19:18doesn't make my word final. You two are so
19:20liberated, aren't you? I expect you're now
19:22going to have a reasoned philosophical discussion.
19:24It's a little bit too early in the morning for that.
19:26Let me know what you've decided tonight.
19:28OK, Jerry. And thanks. Bye now.
19:30I think I'll go and rip out
19:32my telephone.
19:34All right, then.
19:36A reasoned philosophical discussion.
19:38You first. Well, I say yes. No. Yes.
19:40No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Conquers at ten paces.
19:42Now, look. Seriously. It all smacks
19:44too much of commercialism. We've left all that behind,
19:46all that wheeling and dealing. I don't think so. I think it's just
19:48using our initiative. Or Jerry's
19:50initiative. We could do with some new stuff.
19:52Ah, it seems dishonest to me.
19:54No.
19:56It would be if we tried to stock up
19:58with a lot of things that we don't even need.
20:00We'd only get things like dungarees
20:02and chicken wire and tools, things that we
20:04actually use. It's still a bit of
20:06bunce, isn't it? It's not us earning our own reward.
20:08Well, of course it is. I mean,
20:10the article would never have been written in the first
20:12place if we'd only grown two tomatoes in a window box.
20:14I mean, we're only newsworthy
20:16because of our efforts, and I think if there's any
20:18bunce attached, we've jolly well earned it.
20:22Yes, you're quite right. I was wrong.
20:24You are my
20:26dear of a man. Do you know that?
20:28Well, I've got no time
20:30for all this sexual inequality. I mean, we're partners.
20:32Equal shares, even Stevens.
20:34Except in one
20:36department. What?
20:38I'm stronger than you are, and
20:40I can pin you to the bed any time
20:42I feel like it.
20:44Rubbish.
20:56Yes.
21:08Yes.
21:26Thank you very much.
22:00Thanks very much.
22:08Morning. Ah!
22:10Oh, thank you very much.
22:20Aha! There we are.
22:22Oh, that can stay there. Yeah, all right, I'll take that.
22:24Don't worry.
22:26LAUGHTER
22:28Thanks very much for your help.
22:34Morning.
22:36Mr and Mrs Good. Who will be appearing in this week's
22:38observer, yes. Sign here.
22:40Oh, tarp.
22:44There we are. Right, wheelies in.
22:46Bit too big for that gun.
22:48Oh, gee!
22:50Have you gone mad?
22:52We told you, only the things we need.
22:54What are we going to do with that?
22:56Sail it round our bath?
22:58No, it's not for your love.
23:00It's your agent's commission.
23:02LAUGHTER
23:04LAUGHTER
23:24Cherry?
23:28Cherry?
23:30Yes.
23:32Oh, hello, Miss Mountshaft.
23:34Yes, I have seen the newspaper.
23:36But I...
23:38No, I...
23:40No, no, I didn't, Miss Mountshaft.
23:42I did not promise we would be in the paper at all.
23:46Oh!
23:48There was never any question of twisting your arm
23:50over the programme cover, Miss Mountshaft.
23:52LAUGHTER
23:56Very well, take that attitude.
23:58Do the cover the committee chose in the first place.
24:00See if I care.
24:02Jerry! Coming.
24:04Well?
24:06Did they spell lead better with two Ts?
24:08They didn't spell it at all.
24:10I am not in the paper.
24:12Oh, dear.
24:14Oh, well, never mind.
24:16Neither are Barbara and Tom.
24:18Are you sure? Of course I'm sure.
24:20Bloody hell!
24:22Language, Jerry. It is Sunday.
24:24Well, get your hat on.
24:26We'd better go to church and start praying.
24:28LAUGHTER
24:48CLEARS THROAT
24:50LAUGHTER
24:52Good morning. Tom Goode, the Observer's favourite model.
24:54He's wearing a new brush denim ensemble
24:56with the latest off-the-knee wellingtons.
24:58And a nicely room of romance with Prince Rainier.
25:00You don't look right, Summer.
25:02What do you mean?
25:04Well, you're not all rumpled and crumpled,
25:06your old ragbag self.
25:08Well, thank you very much.
25:10Last time I let you lie until 9 o'clock on a Sunday morning.
25:12Why aren't you wearing your new dungarees?
25:14Oh, I'm saving them for best.
25:16My coming-out ball, things like that.
25:18Ah, I see, yes.
25:20Well, I must say, I must hand it to old Jerry.
25:22He really knew what he was talking about.
25:24These are lovely things, you know. Can't wait to use them.
25:26I should unwrap them first.
25:28What, and get them dirty?
25:30LAUGHTER
25:32I would just like to say, Tom and Barbara,
25:34that this is the last time you involve me with the gutter press.
25:36Good morning.
25:38LAUGHTER
25:42I say, what are you talking about?
25:44The fact, Tom, that your so-called journalist's article
25:46has not appeared in the Observer,
25:48you obviously haven't got your copy yet.
25:50Well, we didn't think we'd bother.
25:52Why not?
25:54Well, we were at the interview. We heard what we said.
25:56Well, don't worry, Marga, you'll probably be in next week's edition.
25:58This week, they'll probably have more important news,
26:00like the pound rallying to 65 pence.
26:02I say, I'm frightfully sorry about all this.
26:04I've just had a telephone call from that chap Coles.
26:06The article was in the Observer, all right.
26:08It was not, Jerry. I scanned every inch.
26:10Not of the Ox and Bucks Observer, you didn't.
26:12Ox and Bucks Observer?
26:14Yes.
26:16You mean, Marga's alerted the whole of Somerton
26:18for something that sells about three and a half copies?
26:20Two, if it's raining up there.
26:22Yes.
26:24I'm sorry.
26:26I think that's priceless.
26:28It's a bit more serious than that, I'm afraid.
26:30Don't you see, all the shopkeepers who let you have all this stuff
26:32are hardly going to regard the Ox and Bucks Observer
26:34as the national press.
26:36Oh.
26:38You mean Father Christmas is going to want all his presents back, isn't he?
26:42Oh, dear. Thank goodness we haven't played with them.
26:44I can only say I am awfully sorry.
26:46I should think so, too,
26:48raising Tom and Barbara's hopes like that.
26:50It's like snatching the food from the mouths of starving babies.
26:52Now, see here, Marga,
26:54if you hadn't got cloth ears in the first place,
26:56we'd have got the right cake.
26:58Don't you insult my hearing, Jerry.
27:00There has never been anything wrong with my family's ears.
27:02Well, I doubt it.
27:04It's not just that you will mumble deliberately.
27:06Well, of course, the reason why your family can't hear
27:08is because you're trying to out-shout each other.
27:10Well, thank you very much, Jerry.
27:12Are you staying for breakfast?
27:15I'm so sorry.
27:17Yes, after all,
27:19you two are the only ones who've really suffered.
27:21This must be a hammer blow to your hopes.
27:23Well, a tiny tap, Marga, just a tiny tap.
27:25I mean, we were fine two days ago before the stuff arrived,
27:27and we'll be fine when Jerry takes all the stuff back to the shops tomorrow.
27:30Along with his boat.
27:32Oh, yes.
27:34Ah, well, never mind.
27:36I mean, with trousers like these, who needs new ones?
27:38Exactly.
27:40Oh, and this stuff over here, well, it's OK, it's fine,
27:42but it's soulless, mass-produced.
27:44Now, my old fork, there he is.
27:47There's something of me in that.
27:49This repair I did, it wasn't just a man mending an implement,
27:51it was a friend restoring a friend to health with affection.
27:55Look at that.
27:59And a bloody load of old rubbish.
28:01I told you this fork was no good when I found it in the shed.
28:12APPLAUSE