Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00♪♪
00:10♪♪
00:20♪♪
00:30♪♪
00:40Ready?
00:41Have been for ten minutes.
00:42Go!
00:44Ding!
00:48You look like a couple of figures on an Egyptian frieze.
00:51Wait a minute, Joe.
00:52Say Isis.
00:53Isis.
00:56Isis.
00:57Chocolates.
00:58Cigarettes.
00:59Got a little gear, got a little gear.
01:00Oh, you're funny.
01:01Come on, make yourself useful.
01:02Come and take it for us.
01:03Oh, all right.
01:04K-pop!
01:10Just a minute.
01:11What are you pointing at?
01:12Just the miracle of new life, that's all.
01:14Well, a bit of grass.
01:16Watch it, or I'll set her on you.
01:18A bit of grass, indeed.
01:20For your information, that is our first pea.
01:22One, I might add, of several hundred weight.
01:24Most people grow begonias.
01:25We're not most people.
01:26That's very true.
01:28Right.
01:30Say, Pea.
01:32Pea.
01:34Thanks, Joe.
01:35Come on to the back.
01:36Careful.
01:37Everything's coming up.
01:38Well, it would be, wouldn't it?
01:39You planted it.
01:40Yeah, but everything's coming up.
01:41Come on round.
01:42We've got cabbages, lettuces.
01:43No, no, you don't get me like that again.
01:45The last time I ended up mucking out your chickens.
01:47No, thank you.
01:48I'm going home to a nice, boring, civilized martini
01:51and a decadent sit-down in my armchair.
01:54Sybarite!
01:55Peasant!
01:57My fellow old Jerry.
01:58Wouldn't mind a sit-down myself.
02:00Ah, ah, ah.
02:01Not till we finish the old Ho Chi Minh trail.
02:07Ho!
02:08Ho!
02:09Ho Chi Minh!
02:10Any old lumpy?
02:11Any old lumpy?
02:14Round here, you'll be lucky.
02:16Any old lumpy?
02:22Hey, it's one of those.
02:26Oh, another couple of steps, we'd have all had a Julius.
02:31Julius?
02:32Yeah.
02:33Cockney rhyming slang of old London.
02:35Julius Caesar, Calpurnia, Ernia.
02:39I haven't heard that one before.
02:41Interested in all that then, are you?
02:43The old London patois.
02:45The old London patois.
02:47The old London patois.
02:49The old London patois.
02:51The old London patois.
02:53The old London patois.
02:54The old London patois.
02:55Patois.
02:56Yeah, well, it adds colour to life, I suppose.
02:58I understand it originated with the old London cutpurses, you know.
03:00They made up the slang so that the peelers wouldn't understand what they were saying.
03:03Yes, I read that somewhere.
03:04No, that is a common ricket that people do commit.
03:07Put about by people like Robert Robinson and the brains of Britain and people like that.
03:11No, the...
03:12Sorry.
03:13The bloke who actually invented rhyming slang
03:15was a bloke who couldn't think up what he was trying to say.
03:17So he had to make up a rhyme for it, see?
03:19You sure about this?
03:21I have the horse's mouth, ain't I?
03:23Ah, Tommy Lang, his name was.
03:25Tommy Lang, slang, see?
03:26You mean he couldn't remember his own name?
03:28Oh, that's how bad it was.
03:29So I knew him well.
03:30Oh, do you mind if I sit down?
03:33My name's Sam, right?
03:36What do you think you used to call me?
03:38Pork.
03:40Pork the name, Sam, see?
03:42I'm beginning to think there's a terrible gap in my education.
03:44I've never heard of him.
03:45Oh, there must be.
03:46He was double famous.
03:47I remember seeing him at the great exhibition at Crystal Palace.
03:50He had a little tent.
03:51You paid him a penny, gave him a word and wallop.
03:53He'd give you the rhyming slang for it.
03:55The great exhibition at Crystal Palace?
03:57Yeah.
03:58That was in 1851.
04:00That makes you about a hundred and something.
04:02Or did I say 1851?
04:04No, I meant 1951.
04:06Yeah, Festival of Britain.
04:08Well, I went to the Festival of Britain umpteen times
04:10and Tommy Lang was conspicuous by his absence.
04:12Yeah.
04:13No.
04:14Anyway, well, I see you've got your tubing, lady.
04:17Oh, my didgeridoo, yeah.
04:19Eh?
04:20Didgeridoo?
04:21Flew?
04:22Oh, yeah.
04:23That old one, yeah.
04:25I couldn't help noticing as I've come through the garden, like, it's, uh...
04:28It's different, isn't it?
04:29Very.
04:30Yeah.
04:31Aren't you going to ask why?
04:32Well, it was on the old bacon, like.
04:33And bacon rind, mind.
04:35We're digging for victory.
04:37Well, that was in the war.
04:38What do you think this is?
04:39Now, come on.
04:40What are you doing?
04:41Have you heard of self-sufficiency?
04:42Yeah.
04:43Well, I'm self and she's sufficient.
04:44Get away.
04:46Why haven't you got a farm, then?
04:47Because we like living here.
04:49And sooner or later, somebody's going to come up with a more original question.
04:53Whoops.
04:55Dropped a coat, have I?
04:56Oh, I don't...
04:57Dropped a what?
04:58Coat.
04:59Coat hanger, clanger.
05:02You've been dropping those ever since you came through that door.
05:04Old Cockney rhyming slang of old London.
05:07You're making this up. You go along.
05:08Yeah, well, there is a reason for that.
05:10What?
05:11I'm a fake.
05:12Only round the Toffee Nose district like this, it goes down well.
05:15You see all that old Costa Manga rubbish.
05:17They think, hello, a bit of our old tradition that hasn't died.
05:20It's very good for business, puts them in the right mood.
05:23Talking about business, cough, cough.
05:26Cough, cough.
05:28Oh, cough, cough.
05:36That's what we agreed, wasn't it?
05:37Yeah, Tar.
05:38This is back to your old barter system, eh?
05:41All part of your health and efficiency.
05:43Yeah, self-sufficiency, yeah.
05:44Yeah, well, talking about that,
05:46you want to keep your eye on those birds.
05:48They're picking your shoots to smithereens.
05:50Oh, blimey.
05:51Go on, get out of here, go on.
05:52Go on, out, Toffee, go on, out.
05:55I'll have to do something about that, you know.
05:57Get a bird scare or something.
05:58Either that or sellotape their beaks together.
06:01Well, I'll keep my eye open for you on me rounds.
06:03I've come across some very strange things in my business.
06:06Like us?
06:07Yeah, see you then, Squire.
06:08See you, Squire.
06:10Oi, Flittle!
06:11You son of a bitch.
06:13Tar, Flittle!
06:14Tar!
06:16Tar!
06:33Want to buy a battleship?
06:34Oh, don't.
06:36Are you all right?
06:38I'm just whacked, that's all.
06:39I know.
06:40It's working a 36-hour day that does it.
06:43Is it getting too much for you?
06:44Too much?
06:46I might tell you they turn out a pretty gritty sort of chap at Rodine.
06:51You weren't at Rodine.
06:53Neither were you.
06:54Come and look at the range.
07:04Look at it, look at it.
07:06They don't make them like that anymore.
07:08Oi, there aren't many of these about, you know.
07:10No, you keep kicking it like that, there'll be one less.
07:13True, true.
07:14Now, do you like it?
07:16Yes.
07:17I've always wanted a couple of tons of rusty old iron in the kitchen.
07:21What's it for?
07:23Well, it's a range.
07:24You range on it, with it.
07:27Ranging things.
07:28Yes, I know what it is, but what's it for?
07:30I mean, we've got a perfectly good cooker.
07:32Well, it won't be very much good in a couple of weeks' time
07:34when the electricity gets cut off.
07:35Never.
07:37Well, I suppose I could learn to cook with it.
07:39I've always wanted to defy the national grid system.
07:42Now, this must be the oven.
07:43Yes.
07:44Yeah.
07:45No, no, lovely.
07:46Genuine Victorian dripping.
07:50Including the Victorian dripping, how much do we pay for this?
07:53Your hairdryer and the toaster.
07:55Oh, thank you very much.
07:57No, no, no, no.
07:58No electricity.
08:00No.
08:01If you want to dry your hair, stick it there.
08:03As for toast, this is the way of making toast.
08:06Will you be swapping your electric razor for something soon?
08:09I expect so, why?
08:10I mean, this thing's so versatile, I want to see how you're going to shave with it.
08:17Let's start getting the rust off, shall we?
08:18Let's get on with it.
08:20Let's start getting the rust off, shall we?
08:21Let's get on with it.
08:33Thank you.
08:34Thank you, Tar.
08:36Right, go.
08:38Can you see this all black-leaded?
08:40Not at the moment, no.
08:44Let's get some air in here.
08:49There, back again.
08:50I thought I told you before.
08:51Clear out!
08:54Burns people after you again.
08:59Those blasted birds are after our seedlings.
09:01Oh, God, we can't have that.
09:02We broke our backs putting those in.
09:04Can't we invent something to scare them off?
09:06Of course, the old Chinese idea.
09:08Kung fu?
09:11Now, where's the string?
09:13Under the sink, why?
09:15Wait a minute, you'll see.
09:16You'll see.
09:18Carry on.
09:22Gosh, thanks, Tom.
09:25Well, what do you think?
09:29I'm just jealous because you didn't think of it.
09:32Barbara, come and see.
09:34Barbara!
09:37What?
09:38Ta-da!
09:40What is it?
09:41The goat didn't know either.
09:42What is it?
09:43A Chinese bird scarer.
09:45A Chinese bird scarer.
09:47Can he blow?
09:48Can he rattle?
09:51Birdie's scared.
09:52Confucius.
09:56Confucius, what happens when the wind doesn't blow?
10:03I thought you were getting the rust off that range.
10:08You and your stupid ideas.
10:16Tom!
10:18What are you doing in there?
10:20Research.
10:22Research, eh?
10:23Yeah.
10:25Yeah, I say, perhaps you could help me.
10:28I'll do my best.
10:29Right.
10:30Now, imagine you're a bird, right?
10:34Okay.
10:35Right.
10:36Now, you are in my garden.
10:39Am I sitting down or walking about?
10:43Either.
10:45Either.
10:46Either.
10:48Now, unbeknown to you, I have rigged a series of tripwires.
10:51You hit one with your leg.
10:52Not if I'm sitting down.
10:55Well, be walking about, then.
10:56It's just the principle I'm trying to establish.
10:57It's just the principle.
10:58Oh, sorry.
10:59Right, I'm walking about your garden, and I'll bang it in one of your tripwires.
11:02Right.
11:03This sets off the play button of a tape recorder.
11:05Oh, yes?
11:06Yes.
11:07So, all of a sudden, as loud as you can imagine, you get this big count-pacing number.
11:10Do I?
11:11Yes.
11:12Now, the point is, would that frighten you?
11:14No.
11:16Why not?
11:17I like Count Basie.
11:20You're a bird, remember?
11:21Yeah, well, I don't see why a bird should be frightening a Count Basie.
11:25No, you're quite right.
11:26Scrub around it.
11:27No, it's all a bit Heath Robinson, anyway.
11:28Let's get back to basics.
11:29Now, just answer me this one simple question.
11:31What do you think is the best way to scare birds?
11:34Flashing on the common, I suppose.
11:41Have you finished?
11:42Yes.
11:44Oh.
11:50Ah.
11:51Hello, Tom.
11:52It's Margot.
11:54Yes, it is you.
11:55Yes, it is.
11:56Barbara?
11:57Just a minute.
11:58Oh, the GPO, I see.
12:00Me?
12:01No, lady.
12:02I'm an eccentric millionaire.
12:03I get so many phone calls, I have to carry the phone around with me.
12:09Goodbye.
12:11Would you go in?
12:13So you've had to let the phone go.
12:15Are things that bad?
12:16No.
12:17It's just not essential.
12:18Not essential?
12:19But say I wanted to phone you up.
12:22Damn, I hadn't thought of that.
12:24No.
12:26I suppose you'll just have to walk all the way around from next door and speak to us in person.
12:31Would you tell Barbara it's Margot, please, Tom?
12:34Oh, Barbara?
12:36That's Margot over there.
12:40Hello, Margot.
12:41Barbara, what have you been doing to yourself?
12:43Oh, it's rust. I've been suffering from it for years.
12:50Well, let me show you what I've got.
12:52Well, go on.
12:58Oh, that's nice.
12:59Yes, well, that's what I thought when I bought it, but I'm afraid it was a terrible mistake.
13:03Oh.
13:05Look, look.
13:06Jolly expensive mistake.
13:07Well, that's not important.
13:08The point is, Barbara,
13:09I got it home, I put it on, and I said to myself,
13:12Margot, that simply looks cheap and nasty.
13:15So I wondered if you'd like it.
13:18Margot, you are the mistress of the unfortunate phrase.
13:22Oh, I'm sorry.
13:23I didn't mean...
13:24Look, I simply thought of you because, well, I'd have only thrown it away.
13:28And I know how difficult things are.
13:31I mean, I saw the telephone being taken away.
13:33Well, that's all right.
13:34I haven't worn the telephone for years.
13:36Don't be defensive, Barbara.
13:37You know very well what I mean.
13:38No.
13:39Well, this fetish that Tom has recently about making you do without.
13:44Surely anything is welcome.
13:46Well, I tell you what I would like.
13:48Anything, Barbara, you know me.
13:50A nice bowl of gruel.
13:52I haven't eaten for four days.
13:54Very well, Barbara, take that attitude.
13:56I was merely trying to be charitable.
13:58Look, Margot, when they have a flag day for me, you can put a penny in the box, OK?
14:01I should take it. It's a very nice dress.
14:03Tom, I don't need hand-me-downs.
14:05So be it.
14:07I feel totally humiliated, Barbara.
14:09If that was your objective, thank you very much.
14:12Nevertheless, I know my manners and I will say this.
14:15You are still always welcome to drop in and Jerry and me whenever you feel like it.
14:19You know that.
14:20All right, Margot, thanks.
14:21I'll see you out.
14:22Thank you very much, Tom.
14:28Margot.
14:29Yes.
14:30Give me the dress.
14:32Yes.
14:33That's probably the best way to do it.
14:35I suppose you do think of her sometimes.
14:37Yes.
14:38Oh, have the bag as well.
14:41Golly, thanks.
14:47I thought so.
14:49I told you I don't want that thing.
14:51It's not for you.
14:52Well, who is it for?
14:53I want it.
14:54Why?
14:55You see.
14:57You look cheap and nasty in it.
14:59You look cheap and nasty in it.
15:23Tom!
15:25Tom!
15:27Hello, Margot.
15:28Fresh egg, beauty.
15:31Don't try to butter me up with fresh eggs.
15:34I want an explanation.
15:37It's a scarecrow.
15:38I know what it is.
15:41I want to know why you are trying to humiliate me in front of the whole neighbourhood.
15:45I'm not.
15:46I'm utilising something you didn't want.
15:47Oh, yes.
15:48And thereby telling the world and his wife that Margot Ledbetter's clothes are only fit for scarecrows.
15:53But where are all these people and how do they know it's your dress?
15:56Well, I know and that's enough.
15:58Thank you very much.
16:01I certainly don't want to get a wink of sleep tonight knowing that I'm being abused in your garden.
16:05If you were being abused in my garden, you wouldn't get a wink of sleep, would you?
16:09Tom.
16:10Either you take down my dress or I shall call the police.
16:15And I'm aware that didn't come out right, but you know what I mean.
16:19Oh, oh.
16:20Well, I don't want to bludgeon you, Tom.
16:23Don't kid yourself.
16:24I've just realised your rotten dress doesn't scare the birds.
16:32Oh, no, girls.
16:33Useless.
16:35The birds love this dress.
16:36I wonder if Fancy's ever seen someone who wore something like that.
16:38Are you going to give me a hand now, Tom?
16:40Sorry, love.
16:41A bit busy.
16:47Ah, ah, ah, ah.
16:48You missed a bit.
16:50Thank you.
16:55What are you doing?
16:56Cutting out cardboard shapes.
16:58That's you being busy then, is it?
16:59Oh, yes.
17:00Yes.
17:01A couple of dozen of these, shaped like hawks, and suspended over the garden, right?
17:04They cast their shadows.
17:05And it's a well-known fact that the shadow of a predatory bird scares the living daylights out of the little also rams.
17:10I don't know why I didn't think of it before.
17:11No.
17:12I wish you had.
17:14It's great, this, isn't it?
17:15Everything in our kind of life is a challenge.
17:17It's a challenge.
17:18It's a challenge.
17:19It's a challenge.
17:20It's a challenge.
17:21It's a challenge.
17:22It's a challenge.
17:23Everything in our kind of life is a challenge.
17:24None of that boring, repetitive bit.
17:30I mean, the human animal wasn't meant to be a robot.
17:33Not meant to be, no.
17:35Oh, yes.
17:36Well, sure, we don't get much leisure time these days, but who needs it?
17:41I mean, take Margot and Jerry.
17:42You know, right now, they're probably lolling about in their Swedish armchairs, sipping martinis, vegetating in front of their colour telly.
17:48I mean, who'd swap for that?
17:50I'd bloody hope!
17:54What?
17:58Sir, something wrong?
18:01Yes, I'm sick to the sight of that thing!
18:05I'm tired, I'm filthy, I feel 120, I must look 180!
18:10Well, why didn't you say?
18:12Well, I just thought you might have noticed.
18:14Oh, come on, we've never gone in for all that, there's something wrong and you've got to guess what it is, rubbish.
18:17Well, you don't have to guess, actually, just look at me.
18:19All right, you're filthy, so what?
18:21All right, it's not actually just me being filthy.
18:23What really gets me is you chirping away about how lovely it all is!
18:27But it is!
18:28Well, it isn't today, actually, it isn't today.
18:30Oh, of course I'm sorry, love, I don't keep track of dates anymore.
18:33Oh, God, it's not that!
18:34No, I actually mean what I've been saying.
18:36You're chirping about those birds and I'm stuck on my knees with this thing!
18:39All right, all right, very well.
18:41I'm not sure I like the term chirping, but if you mean that this life makes me happy, yes, it does, and I thought it made you happy.
18:48Well, it doesn't today, I mean, it did yesterday, probably will tomorrow, but it just doesn't today!
18:52I'm sure there's a joy in everything we do now.
18:54What, scraping half a ton of rust off that thing?
18:56Well, yes, even that, I mean, even the grotty jobs I find enjoyable.
18:59Oh, yes, digging up that tree stump.
19:01Yes, I'm not saying it was easy, but there was a joy in it, albeit a sort of savage, primeval joy.
19:07You lying hound, you chucked the pickaxe at the goat!
19:13That was just a move.
19:14Well, what do you think I'm in?
19:16If you actually want to know today, in this moment now, this minute, if I would rather be sitting in an armchair with a drink
19:21or kneeling on the floor getting rusty with that thing, I would!
19:25What's more, I'm bloody well going to!
19:40I know you're sniggering, Jerry.
19:42It's no good trying to camouflage it because I can see your shoulders quivering.
19:45Well, it does have its funny side, doesn't it?
19:47I mean, you pay 55 pounds for a new dress and it ends up on Tom's scarecrow.
19:52I didn't pay 55 pounds for it, I charged it to your account.
19:57How much?
19:58Don't say how much like that, Jerry, it's not an exorbitant figure.
20:01It is when it comes out of my account.
20:03Well, that wouldn't have been necessary if you weren't so penny-pinching with my clothing allowance.
20:06Penny-pinching? I could buy a third car out of your clothing allowance, a big one.
20:10I'd have said a bicycle, personally, Jerry.
20:12As it is, I have to scour Bond Street for basically shoddy clothes which are really only fit for scarecrows.
20:17Good God, Margot, I mean 55 pounds!
20:21Barbara'd buy three dresses for that money.
20:23Yes.
20:24What do you mean, yes?
20:26I mean that the homespun suits Barbara.
20:29I always thought you looked rather cute.
20:31Oh, I see. So you're married to a frump, are you?
20:34How on earth do you make that equation?
20:35I didn't make any equation, Jerry, you're the one who used the word.
20:38The word frump never passed my lips.
20:39It didn't need to, it was written all over your face.
20:41Frump, frump, frump, frump.
20:46Door, please, Jerry.
20:53Hello, how nice to see you. Come along.
20:57It's that cute girl from next door, Barbara.
21:01Well, you said drop in, so I did.
21:04It's lovely to see you. Do sit down. Chair, please, Jerry.
21:12Don't embarrass Barbara, Jerry. It's just a hole in her tights.
21:16I was looking at her legs, actually.
21:18Well, I suppose it's better than looking at a frump all day.
21:21Oh, I'm sorry. I've obviously come at the wrong moment.
21:23Oh, no, no, no, dear. Jerry was just having one of his little tantrums.
21:26Give it a rest, shall we, Margot?
21:27You're the one who started this silly argument, Jerry.
21:29Silly is the most.
21:30Well, I must say you're looking very...
21:33Horrible.
21:35Yes, I'm sorry. I shouldn't really have come round here like this.
21:38Heavens above, dear. We're old friends. What does it matter?
21:41Lift up a moment, would you?
21:47Drink. How about a drink?
21:48Oh, yes, please, Jerry. Two dry martinis.
21:50What have you been doing to yourself?
21:52You look worse than you did this morning.
21:54Well, we've got this old range, you see.
21:56What with that and the electricity going off soon.
21:58As well as the bed.
21:59And I've been trying to get the rest off it all day.
22:01Just you? What about Tom?
22:03Oh, he's been trying to invent the ultimate deterrent in bird scarers.
22:06Yes, well, the less said about that episode, the better.
22:08Thank you very much.
22:09Thank you, Jerry.
22:10Jerry, we do have larger glasses.
22:12She said you wanted two drinks.
22:13Damn right. Cheers.
22:17Something wrong, chez toi, Barbara?
22:20No, no, no, no.
22:22No, you wouldn't have silly little arguments, would you?
22:25No. No, no.
22:28Well...
22:29Oh, all right, give in, yes.
22:31We did have a silly argument, I suppose.
22:33Really? What about?
22:35Well, I've been on this blasted range all day
22:37and there just comes a point when rust ceases to be a novelty
22:40and I suppose it corroded my sense of humour.
22:42Well, I'm not surprised.
22:43I mean, it's hardly a woman's work, is it?
22:45No, I didn't mean that.
22:46No, I agree with Margot, actually.
22:47Oh, Jerry agrees with Margot.
22:49Hang out the flags. Three cheers.
22:51I agree with you, Margot, because on this occasion,
22:53you just happen to be right.
22:54Our opinions do coincide sometimes.
22:56I'm sorry, Jerry.
22:57Not at all.
22:58You ought to watch Tom, you know.
22:59He'll have you yoked to a plough next.
23:01He's just an armchair revolutionary, old Tom.
23:03You're the one who has to man the barricades,
23:05or woman the barricades, I suppose.
23:07No, that's not strictly true.
23:08No, Jerry's right.
23:10Let me see your hands.
23:16I'm sorry to say this, Barbara,
23:18those are the hands of a Nervy.
23:20I rest my case.
23:21No, you've got it all wrong.
23:23You make Tom sound like the squaw man.
23:25I mean, he does his share more than his share.
23:27Well, I've always admired your loyalty.
23:29Now, when was the last time that Tom suggested you had a lie-in?
23:32This morning, actually.
23:33I didn't get up till half past six.
23:35You could do that in the army.
23:37I'm sorry to say this, Barbara,
23:38he has turned you into a drug.
23:40If you allow it to continue,
23:42you'll become like one of those wrinkled old crones
23:44that one sees on the continent.
23:46You missed a bit.
23:47I wouldn't put it exactly like that.
23:49No, Margaret's right.
23:50Marriage must be a fair division of labour.
23:52Like ours.
23:53No, no, not exactly like ours.
23:55I was thinking more 50-50.
23:58Meaning what, Jerry?
24:00Meaning not 80-20.
24:02I would hardly call keeping this house in immaculate condition a mere 20%.
24:06You don't. Mrs Pearson comes in five times a week.
24:08Well, there is the garden.
24:09Yes, I know. Mr Pearson comes in three times a week.
24:12I pick and arrange all my own flowers, Jerry.
24:15I bet you wouldn't do that
24:16if the Pearsons had a daughter who did flower arranging.
24:19I don't know what has prompted this poisonous outburst, Jerry,
24:22but since we are dragging skeletons from under the bed...
24:24Oh, get your metaphors right, please.
24:26Skeletons come out of a cupboard.
24:28Thank you very much for correcting me in front of guests.
24:31I really must apologise for Jerry, Barbara.
24:33He's gone.
24:35Well, the manners of some people.
24:38Strictly ruined.
24:58Come on.
25:04Cup of coffee?
25:05Lovely.
25:06Come here.
25:07Come here. I've got a surprise for you.
25:18I like that.
25:19I like that very much.
25:21Got the tree stump in there.
25:22I thought we'd get chill-blades together in front of that.
25:25That'll be nice.
25:28Oh.
25:33Kettle's boiling.
25:34Oh, coffee.
25:35Oh, and Barbara, I want you to remember one thing.
25:37Whatever you do, whenever you take anything off this range,
25:40always use the oven glove.
25:43Thermal conduction of metal, see?
25:45E equals mc squared, right?
25:47Right.
25:48Coffee coming up.
25:57WHISTLING
26:22Coffee.
26:27Coffee.
26:41How are Margo and Jerry?
26:44Heading for separate bedrooms when I left.
26:46Oh, yeah, yeah.
26:47Friday.
26:48Friday night is row night.
26:49Mm.
26:50Glad we don't have rows.
26:51Oh, yeah.
26:52Oh, golly.
26:53Hope they haven't come here for the second row.
26:55Oh, I'm a carpester.
27:02Evening, Squire.
27:04Hello, Sam, come in.
27:05That's a nasty burn you've got there.
27:06It's not a burn, it's a bruise.
27:08Evening, lady.
27:09I just thought I'd...
27:10Well, look at that.
27:12Who put all the work in on that, then?
27:14She did.
27:15She did.
27:16Well, if I'd have known it was going to come up like that,
27:18I would have knocked you for your vacuum cleaner as well.
27:20Well, Sam, not that you're not welcome round the old cat and mouse.
27:23Eh?
27:24Cockney rhyming slang, cat and mouse.
27:26Touche.
27:27But what are you doing here?
27:29What am I... Oh, yeah.
27:30Well, you asked me if I'd look out for a bird scarer for you.
27:33Well, I have got one.
27:35In here.
27:36There you go.
27:37Oh!
27:40Sheer calm.
27:42Wonderful, that's brilliant, Sam.
27:43How much?
27:44Well, to anyone else in the road, an electric toothbrush.
27:47But to you, nothing.
27:48Oh, Sam, thanks ever so much.
27:50He's beautiful.
27:52You want some coffee?
27:53No, I think I'd better be on me way.
27:54I say, you're looking a bit sharp tonight, aren't you?
27:56Have you got a date?
27:57No, I'm going to my evening class, actually.
27:59Oh, yeah?
28:00What, are you taking O-level totting?
28:02No.
28:03Spanish.
28:04Well, I've got a villa out there, see?
28:06So I thought I'd clean up a bit later.
28:09Well, when there's notches, muchachos.
28:12I'll be the same.
28:14Bye, Sam.
28:15Oh, Tom, isn't he lovely?
28:17No, no, no, no.
28:18None of that lap dog business.
28:20It's a cat.
28:21Come on, none of that lap cat business, then.
28:23That is a working animal.
28:25It's all right, Rover.
28:26His bark's worse than his bite.
28:27Come on, give him to me.
28:28Come on.
28:29Come here.
28:30Come here.
28:31Now, then.
28:32Now, listen, stupid.
28:34That's right.
28:35Look at me when I'm talking to you.
28:37Now, look.
28:38Now, over here, look.
28:41Now, if you want the old saucer of milk, cod's head,
28:43the old tickle under the chin, right?
28:44If you want all that, you've got to grass, right?
28:46Out there, birds.
28:47You chase birds.
28:48Got it?
28:50Right.
28:52And cue.
28:54Oh, Tom, it's a bit small.
28:56Well, they're not vultures out there, you know.
28:58Well, not so far, no.
29:00Well, that's another problem solved, isn't it?
29:03Yes, yes.
29:04Always providing, of course, he does chase birds.
29:06Oh, my God, look at that.
29:11He chases birds, all right.
29:13He's in the chicken run.
29:19He's in the chicken run.