2point4 Children (1991) - S01E02 - Saturday Night and Sunday Morning
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00:00♪
00:30Hey, wait! Stop!
00:33I should have rung the bell, love.
00:37All right, then.
00:44Latex 1, London Transport, nil.
00:52I'm sorry.
00:54I'm sorry.
00:56I'm sorry.
00:58I'm sorry.
01:14Oi, darling. What's your name?
01:16You're going out tonight.
01:18Cool. Give us a smile.
01:20Nice arse.
01:29Oh, hello.
01:32I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else.
01:35My mistake.
01:41Oi!
01:43Nice arse.
01:48What's going on?
01:50Change of life.
01:59He didn't.
02:01I don't believe it. He is such a bathbag.
02:04Jackie saw him in the high street buying zit ointment in a tanker.
02:12She gave him my number.
02:14The creep! She...
02:16Duh! I know!
02:19How could she do that to me?
02:21She's just after Spinge.
02:23Forget that, will you? You get it.
02:25Can't you see? I'm talking.
02:27I'm watching.
02:29David!
02:31Well, you'd better not ring me up, that's all.
02:33Oh, for God's sake, will somebody get that?
02:36Why don't you? You're nearer.
02:38I know what you've got in the lunchbox under your bed.
02:42I'll get it.
02:46Hi, Mum.
02:48Can't you see I've no hands free?
02:50Thank God I'm not still breastfeeding.
02:52Jenny!
02:54Sorry.
02:56Off the phone, please.
02:58No, it's all right.
03:00Goodbye, children everywhere.
03:02Mother!
03:04Your father might ring to say if he'll be home late.
03:06That was a friend.
03:08Did she ring you? No.
03:10Then she's no friend.
03:12David, clear up these comics.
03:14Everyone treats me like a slave.
03:16Did you get my shoes?
03:18Hello, Mother. Hello, Jenny.
03:20Did you have a busy day at work?
03:22I'm taking my lunch out to take a mortgage out on some trainers.
03:24Oh, God.
03:26Here they are.
03:28Thanks, Mum.
03:30Oh, two minutes ago it was she's here.
03:32Where are you off to?
03:34Nowhere.
03:36Good, you can help me unpack.
03:38These are high balance.
03:40Yes?
03:42I said rebooks.
03:44They were sold out.
03:46Nobody but a crudhead would be seen wearing high balance.
03:50I'm sure the girls will have better trainers than me.
03:52Good, then the boys will catch up with you first.
03:58You should be thankful for what you get.
04:02Haven't you got something to eat?
04:04In your lunchbox?
04:06Bye, Mum.
04:10Mum, forget it.
04:12I'm going to have them welded to your feet forever.
04:14I'm going upstairs.
04:20I'm going to slam your door.
04:28Hello?
04:30Hello?
04:32Who is that?
04:34Who is that?
04:36Hello, me.
04:38Are you coming home for a kinky time tonight?
04:44Jenny?
04:46It's for you.
04:50It's for you.
05:00David, bed time.
05:04Terry's mother lets him step into a level.
05:08Isn't she the one who takes him to the school gates and kisses him?
05:10What's a blackmail?
05:12Blackmail is a very ugly word.
05:16Hola.
05:18Dad, can I stay up?
05:20No, up you go, crusher.
05:22Time for big people.
05:24I'm hungry.
05:26You remember what they told us when we got you?
05:28No bright lights, never get them wet, never feed them after midnight.
05:34God, I'm knackered.
05:40Six o'clock, I was still taking off the old radiator.
05:42And I noticed the system hadn't been drained properly,
05:44so I had to couple it all back up again.
05:46Turns out, some cowboy put in a secondary coupling.
05:50Plus, Jerry has to go home at seven.
05:52You know how it is with Jerry.
05:54Gotcha!
05:56I wasn't doing anything.
05:58So how was your day, my love?
06:00Jenny's gone to bed early.
06:02She's not speaking to me.
06:04Why, what did you do?
06:06Nothing.
06:08I bought her the wrong trainers.
06:10Then the class wimp rang up,
06:12and I asked him if he wanted a kinky time.
06:14Did he say yes?
06:16He did.
06:18That's when I realised it wasn't you.
06:22Plus, the washing machine isn't draining.
06:24I'll do it tomorrow.
06:26I need it tomorrow.
06:28All right, just give me a while, yeah?
06:34Are you all right?
06:36Yes.
06:38Are you sure?
06:40You've been like this a few days now.
06:42Well, I'm a bit depressed, I suppose.
06:46Why don't you go upstairs,
06:48and I'll be up as soon as I can, yeah?
06:52Shall I wear my flame-proof nightdress?
06:56Definitely.
06:58I'm just going to have a quick bath.
07:00I'm just going to have a quick bath.
07:12Oh.
07:30Oh.
08:00Oh!
08:12Come back!
08:30Come back!
08:42Aren't you coming up?
08:44Yeah, I just want him to put the pink.
08:46Don't we all?
08:50Maybe a minute.
09:00All right.
09:20Do you like it?
09:22Eh.
09:24That's nice.
09:26Eh.
09:28That's nice.
09:30Eh.
09:32Eh.
09:34Oh.
09:36Becky Davis in Marrow Voyager.
10:00Oh, Ben.
10:04Ben.
10:06Oh.
10:08What time is it?
10:10Breakfast time.
10:16Once again,
10:18there are suggestions that shops and businesses
10:20should open on Sundays.
10:22Oh, yes.
10:24The truth of the matter is,
10:26most people look forward to Sundays all week.
10:28I know I do.
10:30When else would we be able to spend precious time
10:32with our families?
10:38I'm going out
10:40to Jackie's.
10:42I'll be back after tea.
10:44Perhaps.
10:48Carry on.
10:50With our families.
10:52And enjoy all those special activities
10:54that Sunday has made its own.
10:56Walk.
10:58I am walking.
11:00Just as it is.
11:02I agree. If we're going to be miserable, why shouldn't everyone else?
11:04Does that shirt need washing?
11:06No.
11:08Give it to me.
11:10Yes, dear.
11:18You're not doing the washing.
11:20What do you mean?
11:24You haven't fixed the machine, have you?
11:26I was worn out.
11:28Just leave it.
11:30Oh, sure.
11:32We'll send the kids to school in bin bags.
11:34I'll tell the headmaster I've gone punk.
11:36My new name is Vomit Scab.
11:38Have you seen this?
11:40A woman pumps 16 bullets
11:42into her husband's head.
11:44His condition is described as satisfactory.
11:58Rona?
12:00I'm sorry.
12:02May I help you?
12:04A woman with washing.
12:06I beg your pardon?
12:08May I help you?
12:10A woman with washing.
12:14Where's Rona?
12:16Rona!
12:22Bill.
12:24Hi.
12:26Bill.
12:28Hi.
12:30He's Swedish.
12:32I see.
12:34Sven, the shower's, um...
12:36duschen.
12:38Ah, okay.
12:44I'm Stockholm.
12:46I believe the nights are longer there.
12:48Much longer.
12:50Yes, well, I know I'm springing this on you,
12:52but my machine's broken and I'm desperate.
12:54Oh, help yourself.
12:56Ta. Do you want a coffee?
12:58Oh, just a quick one.
13:00I haven't even started on the dinner yet.
13:02Where's heavy soil?
13:04D7.
13:06I'm sorry about Sven.
13:08He has this Scandinavian
13:10lack of inhibition.
13:12I've been trying to tell him to get dressed,
13:14but I can't seem to find the right phrase.
13:16The nearest I can find is this
13:18for a visit to the dentist.
13:20Ta den
13:22inter ut.
13:24What's it mean?
13:26Don't take it out.
13:30It's a bit late for that, isn't it?
13:34There's no need to be so disapproving.
13:36It's all right for you.
13:38You're happily married.
13:40Yes.
13:42Rona.
13:46If I tell you something,
13:48will you absolutely promise it'll go no further?
13:50My lips are sealed.
13:52Thank you. I know what a difficult promise
13:54that is for you.
13:56There's something I didn't tell you.
13:58I knew it. You've been acting funny all week.
14:00I haven't. You have.
14:02Oh, all right, I have.
14:04It's confusing me. I feel so...
14:06Epidion.
14:08Epidion.
14:10Go on.
14:12I can't.
14:14You don't have to worry about him.
14:16He can't speak a word of English.
14:18I'll show you.
14:20Um, Sven,
14:22would you like to go to bed with Nicholas Ridley?
14:24Oh, yeah, well...
14:28See?
14:30It's quite safe.
14:32All right.
14:34Do you remember that boy
14:36on the motorbike?
14:38How could I forget?
14:40Yes, well, he saw me waiting
14:42at the bus stop and he offered me a lift on his bike.
14:44Why would he do that?
14:46Well, he woke up with my hand down his leathers.
14:48What?
14:50Rona?
14:52What?
14:54What are you talking about?
14:56It's not what you think.
14:58I thought he was hurt when he came off his bike
15:00and I was looking for his beeper.
15:02At the bus stop?
15:04No, this was earlier. Anyway,
15:06he saw me waiting and he offered me a lift.
15:08What did you say?
15:12What did you say?
15:14No, thanks.
15:16You didn't.
15:18I did.
15:20So, what's the problem?
15:22I wanted to say yes.
15:26I wanted to so much,
15:28despite Ben and the kids and everything.
15:30But I just said,
15:32no, thanks, and he said,
15:34OK, and off he went.
15:36And I've been regretting it ever since.
15:38Oh.
15:40See?
15:44Are you sure he can't understand?
15:46Sven,
15:48would you like to have Sky Television?
15:50Oh, ja, danke.
15:52Convinced?
15:54Convinced.
15:56You haven't told Ben?
15:58No.
16:00Oh, thank God.
16:02Listen to me, Bill, it was nothing.
16:04You'll probably never see him again.
16:06You've just got to put the whole thing out of your mind.
16:08Right.
16:14Right.
16:20I know what you're thinking.
16:22Oh?
16:24The dinner.
16:26Oh, yes.
16:28Look, I'm sorry about the washer.
16:30I realise you need a break too,
16:32so I've fixed it that we eat with sis.
16:34Oh, no, David won't like that.
16:36You know how he hates their shame.
16:38Hi, Mum.
16:40Oh, but I don't want to.
17:10Go on, then.
17:12I can't.
17:14Why?
17:16I shall want to skip up the path.
17:30Hello, sis.
17:32Bry, there's a DIY.
17:34Oh, coming along.
17:36Hello, Bill.
17:38You've got brains in the lounge, David.
17:44Don't encourage him to pick his scab.
17:48Well, Bertie, I'm sure the girls would like to be left to it.
17:50I think I'll serve her a quick one.
17:52Oh, you go off to your pub.
17:54We don't want men under our feet in the kitchen, do we, Bill?
17:56No, I believe testosterone
17:58explodes on contact with saucepans.
18:02You boys worry about us.
18:04Bill and I have got lots to gossip about.
18:06Come on, then, Ben.
18:14I'll show you.
18:16I've got three more of those little China houses.
18:24This is her ascot.
18:26Isn't that a lovely dress?
18:28Lovely.
18:30And this is her in New York.
18:32That is a lovely dress.
18:34Lovely.
18:36She looks so lovely in spots,
18:38doesn't she?
18:40Almost as lovely as Simon Mayo.
18:44And this is her in hospital
18:46visiting sick children.
18:48I had to snip them off
18:50to fit it on.
18:52Very wise.
18:54What's she doing in this one?
19:00You boys having a good time in there?
19:02Yes, Mum.
19:06Have you got a Nintendo?
19:08No.
19:10Thundercats?
19:12No.
19:16Turtles?
19:18You've got to have turtles.
19:20No.
19:22Bio Dragon?
19:24No.
19:26Mum says they're made by foreigners.
19:28Got sharp bits in them.
19:32Have you got anything?
19:38There's no question about it.
19:40They are different to us.
19:42Do you know,
19:44Brian didn't understand
19:46why I picked those curtains.
19:50I said to him, I said,
19:52you worry about your silly loft conversion
19:54and you leave curtains to me.
19:56If I handed Brian a pedestal mat,
19:58he wouldn't know whether to wear it
20:00or not on it.
20:02Still, where would we be without them?
20:06I don't think we're all that different, really.
20:08Oh, that's the school for you.
20:10They're all communists.
20:12In my day,
20:14a girl didn't need to spot well
20:16to get liberal studies.
20:18Lesbian studies,
20:20I call it.
20:22Oh, Tina.
20:24You may scoff, but where would we be
20:26if women did what men did?
20:28In a pub.
20:30Yes, well, I like girls to be girls
20:32and men to be men.
20:34Mum,
20:36can we have a bit of meat?
20:38Don't spoil your dinner, Shane.
20:40Told you.
20:42Late night.
20:44Oh, I'm sorry.
20:46A bit tired. Busy day at the shop yesterday.
20:48You're not still working?
20:50Yes.
20:52You want to get things sorted out.
20:54What do you mean?
20:56I don't mind. I quite enjoy it, really.
20:58I don't mean that. I mean,
21:00there's men unemployed.
21:02So?
21:04A woman's place
21:06is in the home.
21:08Says who?
21:10Well,
21:12it says in the Bible.
21:14Where? What?
21:16Where does it say that in the Bible?
21:18Not that you're likely to have seen it
21:20unless they've started printing pictures
21:22of Princess bloody Diana in it.
21:26Brian would never forgive me
21:28if I let my own selfish ambitions
21:30take me away from my home and my children.
21:32One, I work in a cake shop,
21:34not Ewing Oil.
21:36Two, Brian earns twice as much as Ben.
21:38We need the money.
21:40And what's wrong with my children?
21:44Hmm. Time for one more.
21:46Oh, I thought we should be getting back, really.
21:48Where's she keep them, then?
21:50What, your testicles?
21:52In her handbag, are they? Available on request?
21:54Brian, I have sorted it out with your sister.
21:56What I say goes.
21:58No arguments.
22:00Well, Bill's not like that.
22:02Two more pints, Trevor, and a truss for my friend here.
22:04Mark my words, Ben,
22:06I know a thing or two about the ladies.
22:08They'll be well at it by now.
22:10And my children may be a bit rough and ready,
22:12but at least they won't grow up
22:14with frilly curtains
22:16and frilly lampshades and frilly minds!
22:24You've never liked me,
22:26have you?
22:28I didn't say that.
22:30Yes, well...
22:32I was only trying to help.
22:34Yes, well, my kids are doing very nicely as they are,
22:36thank you.
22:38Yes.
22:40Well, I'll just go and set the table.
22:46Ah!
22:48You little sod!
22:50What is it?
22:52What is it?
22:54She hit me!
22:56He's brought a rat in my house!
23:00How dare you hit my son!
23:02Get him out!
23:04You can shut up too!
23:06Get him away!
23:08Don't worry, we're leaving. Come on, out.
23:10Out! Out!
23:12Son of a...
23:20Get in. Mum!
23:22Get in! But, Mum!
23:24Not another word!
23:42Who the hell does she think she is?
23:44Hitting a child like that?
23:46Mum!
23:48When I get you home, I'm going to kill you!
23:50I'm going to take that thing back,
23:52wherever you found it.
23:54Mum! No arguments.
23:56I suppose you got the idea off the TV.
23:58Roland Rat has a lot to answer for.
24:00Mum! What?
24:02You don't drive.
24:04What? You don't drive.
24:08Oh, my God!
24:10Oh, my God!
24:14Have you got your seatbelt on?
24:16Look out!
24:18Oh, my God!
24:24Shut up!
24:28How do I stop?
24:30Slowly.
24:32Put your left foot on the clutch.
24:34And your right foot on the brake.
24:36Left.
24:38Clutch.
24:40Right.
24:42Brake.
24:44Gently, as you steer over.
24:58Are you all right?
25:00Of course.
25:02Thank God. I'm still going to kill you when we get home.
25:04I've got these six gears.
25:06Cor! A Harley Davidson!
25:10Thanks.
25:14Come on, David.
25:16Let's go and phone your father.
25:18I want to sit on it.
25:20Don't be silly.
25:24Thanks again.
25:26Any time.
25:28Come on.
25:34Come on.
25:40I don't see anything funny.
25:44It's all right. I'm not going to shout at you.
25:48Haven't you got something you want to tell me?
25:50I'm not sorry.
25:52Well, at least that's honest.
25:54Did you do it?
25:56Don't know.
25:58Did she hurt you?
26:00A bit. But I don't mind.
26:02I'm not laughing.
26:04I think this is very serious.
26:06How long have you had that animal?
26:08A day or two.
26:10Since Wednesday.
26:12Why didn't you tell me?
26:14You wouldn't like it.
26:16There's a lot of things I don't like,
26:18but that's no reason not to tell me.
26:20Would you ever let me keep it?
26:22No.
26:24But while we all live together in this house,
26:26it's best there's no secrets, right?
26:28No secrets.
26:30Now,
26:32I want you to go upstairs,
26:34put on a nice frilly apron,
26:36a pair of rubber gloves,
26:38just like your Auntie Tina,
26:40and disinfect everywhere it's been.
26:44Even the bath?
26:46Especially the bath!
26:48Yes, ma'am.
26:56I don't see anything funny.
26:58Haven't you got something to tell me?
27:00I'm not sorry.
27:02Oh, well, maybe I am.
27:04It was probably worth it
27:06just to see the look on her face.
27:10What's that?
27:12I was on a windscreen in the van.
27:14Just a phone number.
27:16Probably somebody wanting some work done.
27:18Oh, no, this is nothing.
27:20It's just a piece of paper that David was playing with.
27:22Oh.
27:24All right?
27:26Well,
27:28there was something I was thinking about.
27:30Yeah?
27:32Do you still have your old leather jacket?
27:34It's upstairs somewhere.
27:36Well, David's going to be busy for a while.
27:38Why don't I come up and help you
27:40fit it on?
27:44Oh.
27:46Yes.
27:48Right.
27:50Sorry.
27:54I'll be up in a minute.
27:56We'll be waiting.
28:20APPLAUSE
28:50.
28:52.
28:54.
28:56.
28:58.
29:00.
29:02.
29:04.