Amberlynn has been having trouble with the scale reading her weight but finally gets a brief reading. On one of the days she takes us to the gym with her. We end the video with a breakup Q&A where Amberlynn explains the dynamic of her relationship with Krystle.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00Hello everybody. I decided today I'm gonna film a weight loss diaries video. I
00:05did weigh in today. I was expecting to be down weight from yesterday. I stepped on
00:10the scale and for some reason it said air. There's no way I gained weight. I am
00:15on track. I'm eating my calories. I'm eating healthier, etc. It really, really
00:20just dampers my mood completely. The scale really knows how to get to me. I
00:25hate how the scale just decides the type of mood I'm gonna be in today. It's very
00:29unhealthy. I just think for my journey right now I'm going to A. lower my
00:35calories. I find that I have such a high calorie limit that at night sometimes I
00:42struggle to find what to eat and I'll eat the wrong things because I have
00:46extra calories. I'm gonna try drinking some more water. Right now I probably
00:51drink about two or three waters that are this size. I just feel very, very, very sad.
00:58I wanted today to be a good day. It's Monday, a new week. I was already gonna
01:03lower my calories just a tad bit. Now I feel like I'm gonna lower them quite a
01:06bit. I'm not gonna be weighing myself for a while. I just don't want to see air. I
01:12don't. I really honestly just feel like crying right now. My emotions are so all
01:18over the place. Like half of me wants to just binge and be like f**k it. The other half
01:22of me wants to just like never eat again. The struggle to lose weight is so
01:27undeniably hard for me. I had a really, really good week. I wish today I could
01:32start this week great but I'm not. I don't know if I'm too scale obsessed. I
01:39probably am and I really need to try to take that away from my personality. Days
01:44like this when I weigh in and I don't see something that I like, I really, really
01:48am just tormented by it all day long and for the next couple of days and I don't
01:52like that. I really don't know what else to say you guys. I'm sorry some of my
01:56videos are really short. It's just purely because I have nothing to say.
02:00Normally my videos like this are probably around 10 minutes and I shorten
02:04them very drastically. There's no reason for me to repeat myself a thousand
02:08different times. I hope you guys had a good weigh-in if you had a weigh-in or
02:11if you guys are just having a good day in general. Try not to let the scale get
02:15to you like it gets to me because it really, really, really can ruin someone's
02:19mood. My mood. I'll see you guys in my next video. Bye.
02:23Hello everybody. Don't mind this little flyaway right here. It's just having the
02:29time of its life. Doing outfit of the day. Wearing my hair in a really extremely
02:34messy something or other. Looks like a bird's nest or something. Sometimes I
02:39just do not care about my hair whatsoever as you can tell. Oh yeah. Now
02:44that's magic. This silver statement necklace I got from Charlotte Ruse. These
02:48silver owl earrings that I think I got from Charlotte Ruse or Walmart. This big
02:54silver elephant ring that I got from shopmissay.com. I'm wearing a purple tank
02:59top. I think I got this from Old Navy a long time ago. Years ago. A Aztec cardigan
03:05with fringe on the bottom that I got from Charlotte Ruse. And that's it.
03:12You wanna go outside?
03:14Oh. Go on.
03:17Enjoy the sun while it's here. Crystal's mom showed me how to use this crock pot.
03:23She said at 12 o'clock, three minutes late, whoops, to put this in it. Stay still.
03:35Don't move. Oh my god, this is heavy. So what's in here? We have cabbage. Oh shit.
03:46Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. We have cabbage in here. Peppery, chili, bell peppery, orange
03:55sauce. Because she sees the nutritionists to make healthier meals. She gives
03:59her a bunch of seasonings. All these are organic seasonings. I know there's a
04:05bunch of veggies. I know there's already cooked ground turkey. It really is hard
04:09for me to find a place for y'all to sit. My phone is so thin. Plop it in there.
04:18She said hook this part. I've never actually used this before so. She showed
04:28me how yesterday. I put it in my vlog. Hooked. I think she said press manual. Oh, I
04:35have to plug it in first. Duh. Get with the program, girl. Whoops. What is in here?
04:42Never even seen this before. Garlic! Okay, sorry. Had a moment. Side track. Press
04:50manual. No, power. Manual? And then she wants it on low. I think. Yes. I guess that's it.
05:01Bam! And then this cooks for five hours and then dinner is served. Crystal and I
05:08have some errands to run. We're gonna get something to eat out. I haven't eaten yet
05:12today.
05:16There's no holding that in. God bless you! Crystal and I just ate at a Mexican
05:23restaurant. It is literally so good. It's one of our favorites to go to. I filled
05:27out some applications to try to get a job. I called around trying to see if
05:31they even got the application. I called Walmart and I'm not even in their system
05:35and I'm like, what? They want me to go to Walmart to fill out the application, I
05:41guess. We're on our way to go do that. Walmart Hiring Center. I have to sit in this little stool.
05:50Okay. Ready, set, go. It is so hot in here. How is it possible that the car feels this
05:59hot like a sauna but it's cold outside? I just did my application and you guys
06:04will never ever guess how long it took me. I was so precise. I thought it was
06:09just like an application. Here comes this quiz slash test slash assessment
06:16full of 65 in-depth like questions. I should have been studying for this. I was
06:22really, really nervous. It said that it will tell me if I pass or fail. If I
06:27failed, I won't be able to do another application for Walmart for two full
06:32years. So I did the 65 questions and I passed. I was so, so flippin happy. You
06:37don't even know. The whole situation took me over three hours. They said
06:43they'll contact me via email. There was a girl in there who said that she didn't
06:47get called back for a whole year. I have done a few other applications for other
06:52places but they were so short and just mediocre. If it was my choice, Walmart
06:56would definitely be the place. Just sit straight you loser on the phone. Crystal and I just got back from Walmart. While I was doing my
07:03application, I picked up a few things. I got a gallon of water and I'm gonna drink, drink, drink. Water's so good for you. Water's so good for you. I also got something else. Among some fat-free milk that isn't even
07:23important, I got this Minute Maid light 15 calories super, super cute pink lemonade.
07:29Crystal and I were so thirsty in Walmart. We got this. We got another big thing of
07:34water. We got some straws. Totally not important but these are for our protein
07:39shakes. I don't have to get protein shake all up on my top lip.
07:59Alright, I'm getting some cereal. Ain't nobody said you can't have cereal at night. Okay, I'm gonna have special K
08:20vanilla almonds with some fat-free milk. As you guys know, I'm struggling with a
08:26cold blister coming in. I'm trying my hardest to use Carmax, the essential oils
08:32thieves, and randomly the essential oils just chapstick that Crystal's parents
08:39made. So far, it's not getting too big. Tomorrow, I'm gonna start going to the
08:43gym again. Tomorrow is Tuesday. I was gonna go today but I was just feeling so
08:48unmotivated. Screw it. Not doing anything productive. I notice a lot of the time
08:53I'm filming like this instead of like filming like a normal person. I think the
08:56gym is gonna be back on my life. I'm really hoping my lip doesn't prevent
09:00that from happening. If this gets bigger by tomorrow, I will not be attending the
09:05gym. You guys are seeing me in my bed. I'm getting ready to go to sleep and I
09:12forgot to end my vlog. Sad news is I had kind of a rough day emotionally with
09:18just a lot of different things that I don't really feel like talking about
09:22right now. I ended up binging tonight. I ate way, way, way, way too much. It's really
09:29upsetting. I know with this eating disorder, I can't heal overnight. You know,
09:34there's only so much I can do. I'm trying to control it. I try not to give in. It's
09:38just really hard. As long as I don't give in more than I do give in, I feel like
09:44eventually I will heal from this. I hope you guys enjoyed this vlog and I'll see
09:47you in my next video. Bye.
09:49Hello everybody. Right now I'm just making my own healthy version of
09:56karaoke veggies with rice. I'm using brown rice and here I have two small
10:04chicken breasts, carrots, organic celery, mushrooms, orange bell pepper and I'm
10:13using a little bit of this organic adobo seasoning, less sodium teriyaki
10:18sauce.
10:22I find beauty in the most random things. I was cutting the celery and it looks
10:27like a rose. I mean it's so pretty. I'm gonna do the strive circle which is a
10:33bunch of cardio and strength things in a circle.
10:43I got my water ready. I'm gonna go on this little handy-dandy thing.
10:49So I just did the strive circle and now I'm on this. Getting that workout in.
11:13Making a protein shake. I used studio and the raw. I'm gonna use this tropical
11:18blend. There's peach, mango, pineapple and banana in it. Cooking cream, ump
11:22powder and fat-free milk. I have a magic bullet and it's literally, it is magical.
11:28Yes. All you do is pulsate it.
11:34Bam-chazam. It's hard to suck though. Oh I like it like this better. Sometimes I
11:44make it with blueberries. I think I like it better with this. Putting a fruit into
11:52my protein shakes has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm not a
11:56fruit type of gal. I do not like fruit. I by far prefer vegetables. It's hard for me
12:01to get down fruit. A serving of fruit a day for me is decent. What are you doing
12:07back there? She's behind the curtain. In front of the window. What are you doing?
12:19Got myself some 15 calorie lemonade. Pink lemonade. This is good huh? Oh my gosh.
12:27How's that only 15 calories? Lemonade for life yo. If you're a pretty little liars
12:34fan you know that pretty little liars season 6 will be starting again in June.
12:40Literally the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm trying to have
12:43Crystal catch up on pretty little liars right now. She's on season 3 episode 15.
12:49We're watching it right now. Girl you gotta catch up so we can watch it
12:55together so we can experience this together because things get cray. If you
13:00guys like pretty little liars you should let me know in the comments below. Also
13:03you should let me know what is your favorite show? It is the next day. I just
13:07woke up and I totally forgot to end my vlog last night. I literally hate when I
13:11do that. I was laying in bed. I was three seconds away from falling asleep. Shoot! I
13:17forgot to end my vlog. I kind of just accepted it and said I'll worry about
13:21that tomorrow. I hope you guys enjoyed this video and I'll see you in my next one. Bye.
13:25Hello everybody. So as you guys know I'm currently going through a breakup. I am
13:30getting an undeniably amount of questions. People are saying that I
13:34didn't explain very well. I compiled a bunch of questions and I wrote them down.
13:40I'm just here to be open, honest, and finally kind of explain everything
13:44that's going on in short form. Are you two getting back together? No we're not.
13:48Do you still live with her? Currently I do still live with her. Do you guys still
13:53cuddle or hug? When we first broke up we did hug. We didn't cuddle. We were at a
13:59very confused state. We do not do any of that anymore. We are completely just over.
14:06It's way too hard to be broken up with somebody and still try to do things as
14:12if you were in a relationship. It's just not healthy. So this question actually
14:16upsets me. Are you lying about the breakup just to get attention? That's
14:21really really insulting to me because I would never in a million years lie about
14:27something like this. When Crystal first broke up with me it was literally the
14:31most horrible feeling I have ever felt in my whole entire life. My whole world
14:35crashed down. I was shocked and confused. When you think that someone is going to
14:41be in your life forever loving you and you loving her and then your whole world
14:45crashes down in just an instant, it's hard to accept those feelings and really
14:52absorb them. It was just traumatizing to say the least. Do you still share a bed?
14:59Is it hard? We do share a bed. I don't see any reason why Crystal needs to buy a
15:06new bed because if I do and when I do plan on moving, they'd have an extra bed.
15:14There's no reason for it. I don't want them to waste the money. Friends sleep
15:17together all the time. We aren't close in the bed. We kind of just sleep. If she
15:22wanted you back, would you take her back? A while ago, I would have said yes in a
15:27split second. I've had time to think and we've talked a lot. I wouldn't. Neither
15:32would she. We just realized that relationship-wise, we are not meant to be.
15:37It's just something that we have to accept and move on. How do you realize
15:41you two were meant to be just friends? I think this question is gonna tie a lot
15:45into why did you break up? I didn't give you guys an answer. I'm here to give you
15:51guys an answer now. This is hard for me, but I wanted to be honest with you guys.
15:56Crystal and I were together for three and a half years. The first two years
16:01were amazing. The first year was even more amazing. I literally was on top of
16:06the world. She accepted me for who I was. I'm getting emotional. I was her first
16:12relationship, her first love, her first everything. I have been in love before,
16:17but Crystal was so different. She's special. She is one of the nicest people
16:22I've ever known in my life. She has a kind heart and a kind soul and I will
16:26never ever downgrade her or say anything bad about her to anybody because she
16:31really is just an amazing person. As the second year was coming to a close, I felt
16:38unloved and unwanted and I kind of just played it off as I'm an insecure person.
16:44I always feel like people are mad at me or they dislike me for whatever reason
16:49and I tried to use that as an excuse. There were plenty of times where I'd ask
16:53Crystal, do you still love me? Do you still think I'm beautiful? Do you still
16:57like me as a girlfriend? Do you see yourself with me for a long time? The
17:01reason why I would ask her those things is because she stopped telling me I was
17:06beautiful. She stopped...
17:12Sorry. She stopped looking at me with the eyes that she looked at me when I first
17:21came here. She didn't kiss me the same. She didn't hug me the same. We were
17:26drifting apart and nobody knew it. I tried to blame it on. We were one of
17:32those couples who were just used to each other. I was trying to say, oh I'm just
17:35insecure. We're used to each other. That's amazing. That means we're
17:39comfortable around each other. We don't always have to be kissing. It was just so
17:42many lies I kept saying to myself. There came a time where we wouldn't kiss each
17:47other for months. We'd go on dates and they were fun, right? But something was
17:55missing. It completely just... everything changed and I didn't want to believe it.
18:02We hid it from everybody. Even when we told Crystal's parents that we broke up,
18:10they were shocked. Her dad said, but you guys seemed fine.
18:15Crystal told me one day she didn't feel the same for me anymore. She was not in
18:20love with me at all. She just was not in love with me anymore. I literally died. My
18:26just whole world fell apart. I wasn't expecting it because I kept
18:31lying to myself over and over. I wanted this fairytale with her. God, I wasn't
18:37supposed to cry. What is this? I wanted this fairytale with Crystal and it just
18:43wasn't happening and I tried my hardest for months to fix things and just
18:49nothing worked. She told me she wanted to see other people. She wasn't sure if
18:55she'd ever be in love with me again because she didn't feel the same. Some
18:59people are just not meant to be. As much as I wanted it to be, this ties into the
19:08next question. How did I realize we were just meant to be friends? Um, after the
19:14shock wore off and I processed in my head that I did not feel like somebody's
19:21girlfriend for a lot of that relationship because we did drift apart
19:24completely, I realized that I didn't want to be with someone like that. I
19:29didn't want to force someone to love me. I didn't want to trap somebody. Because I
19:34was lying to myself so much, I realized that I'm not in love with her either. I
19:38love Crystal so much as a person. She changed my life. She made me realize that
19:46there are angels out there. People with big hearts. And I felt horrible for her
19:57because she told me that for a whole year she wasn't in love with me and she
20:04was trying to protect my feelings and when she told me that, I knew right there
20:08I cannot let her be with me. I do not want to trap her. I'm not that type of
20:15person at all. So you guys see me as this girl who just got broken up with like
20:21two months ago, but really this has been happening for over a year. Just me
20:25feeling like I was a friend and it's hard. It's really hard and I just,
20:32everything is all just jumbled in my head. I don't even know how to begin to
20:36explain how I'm feeling just besides hurt and confused and I feel free. I feel
20:42relieved. I'm so grateful that this has happened. At first, I thought it was the
20:46end of the world, but this is meant to be and I know it's meant to be. As hard as
20:51it is, this is the right thing to do. We are not in love with each other. I just
20:56feel like we're meant to be friends because we do get along as friends. Are
21:01you still hurting? Obviously, yes, I'm still hurting. It doesn't hurt me as
21:05much. I think what more so hurts is that one day I will be moving. I can't be
21:10here forever. I feel like it's very unhealthy for me to stay here. These
21:13people are my family. They've become very much like my family, but I feel like if I
21:19stay here, I'm putting my whole life on hold and I feel like I'm really not
21:23gonna get anywhere with my life and that's the truth. As much as it sucks and
21:28it hurts, I know I need to move on and Crystal's accepting it as well. How are
21:33you feeling just being friends with her? I feel free. I feel better. We can finally
21:38have time to ourselves. We were together 24-7 for over three years. There
21:43wasn't a time we weren't together besides if we had to go to the bathroom.
21:47We were together all the time and now I find time to just be by myself and you
21:53take those little things for granted. Honestly, you do because you get so
21:57attached to someone else that you become them almost. It's like Crystal and Amberlynn.
22:02Crystal and Amberlynn. No, I am Amberlynn. That is Crystal. We are two different
22:06people and we have two different tracks in life. We see things a lot alike, but we
22:13also just see things so differently. Are you planning on staying in Virginia? No, I
22:18do not plan on staying in Virginia. The only reason I moved here was to be with
22:22my girlfriend, the girl that I love to death. I don't see any point in me being
22:27here. I will always, always, always, always, always be in communication with Crystal
22:32because we are friends. She is my best friend and she doesn't want to lose me
22:37and I don't want to lose her. There's just no way that we are ever going to
22:42move on with our lives if I am still in this house. If I am still in Virginia. I
22:48don't like Virginia as a whole. I don't like the weather. I don't like the
22:51people. I don't like the environment. I just don't like it at all. So, I feel like
22:56it's right for me to leave. When I'm leaving, that's a whole other story.
23:02Crystal's actually the only person that knows and her aunt because me and her
23:07aunt are super close. Those are the only two people that know that I will be
23:13leaving Virginia one day and I want to say it's in the near future, but I'm not
23:17100% sure right now. What if one of you start dating other people? We are both
23:23actually talking to people right now. She's talking to a couple people. I am
23:27talking to just one person that I have formed a really deep connection with
23:32which was unexpected completely. I don't even know how it's happened. Of course,
23:38it's hard for the both of us especially because Crystal started liking other
23:42people way before I even started talking to other people and it's gonna be hard.
23:48I'm living with my ex-girlfriend, the woman I thought I'd spend the rest of my
23:53life with. So, yes, it's gonna be hard, but we have to accept it and adapt to it
23:59while I'm currently here because we are both in our 20s. We need to venture out.
24:06We can't be just in this house with each other as friends and not moving on with
24:12life. We both know we need to move on and it's extremely important to do so. I
24:17would never want her to feel like she can't date other people while I'm here
24:22because that is insane. I don't even feel like I'd be jealous because I'm so
24:27secure with what I have and with what I'm feeling. How do you get over a
24:32breakup? Honestly, it depends on the person. My story is kind of out of whack. Not
24:37many people live with their exes. It's gonna be different for everyone, but I
24:41feel like my main word of advice would be surround yourself with people who
24:45make you happy, who make you laugh, who are kind to you, and who are
24:48understanding and who can let you vent. Surround yourself with hobbies and just
24:53activities that you love, like love, and do not forget to cry because if you hold
24:58it all in, you'll blow. Do it and let it out because it's really important to let
25:05those feelings out and those emotions out. Trust me because when I
25:10hold them in, it ain't pretty. How are you feeling overall? I am feeling
25:16overwhelmed, you guys. I'm sure a lot of people don't understand this, but this is
25:20my life and my story and my breakup. I guess the only person that can really
25:25understand what I'm going through is myself. Everyone is different and that's
25:30just how it is. So I hope I answered enough questions. I'm really nervous for
25:35the future. I'm scared for the future because my future was crystal, but things
25:40have changed drastically in the last year. That's really all I have to say.
25:43Thank you guys so much for watching. If you guys have any more questions, leave
25:47them in the comments below. I guess I can either answer them there or make another
25:51video. I don't know, but trust me, there will be several updates in this crazy
25:54freaking life of mine because I have no idea what's happening. I'll see you guys
25:58in my next video. Bye!