Nearest And Dearest. S05, E06. X Marks The Spot.
The phrase "nearest and dearest" often evokes a sense of warmth, family, and close relationships. It's a term that brings to mind the people we hold closest to our hearts—our family, friends, and loved ones. However, in the context of British television, "Nearest and Dearest" takes on a different meaning, referring to a classic sitcom that captured the hearts of many.
"Nearest and Dearest" was a British television sitcom that aired from 1968 to 1973. The show starred Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel as Nellie and Eli Pledge, siblings who inherit their father's pickle business in Colne, Lancashire. The series was known for its humor derived from the characters' squabbles, malapropisms, and the unique dynamics of a family-run business.
The premise of the show was simple yet effective: Nellie, a hard-working spinster, and Eli, a womanizing slacker, must run the family business together to inherit their father's fortune. This setup led to comedic situations and memorable catchphrases that are still recognized by fans of classic British comedy.
Despite the on-screen chemistry between Baker and Jewel, it was widely reported that the two did not get along off-screen, adding a layer of intrigue to the show's history. Their tumultuous relationship is often cited as one of the most toxic in British sitcom history.
"Nearest and Dearest" also serves as a cultural touchstone, reflecting the era's social norms and the changing landscape of British comedy. It's a show that, while rooted in the 1960s and 70s, continues to find new audiences who appreciate its wit and charm.
For those who grew up watching "Nearest and Dearest," the show remains a nostalgic reminder of a bygone era of television. And for newcomers, it offers a glimpse into the rich tapestry of British humor and the timeless appeal of family dynamics in storytelling.
Whether you're revisiting the series or discovering it for the first time, "Nearest and Dearest" stands as a testament to the enduring nature of well-crafted comedy and the universal themes of family and ambition. It's a piece of television history that continues to be nearest and dearest to many viewers' hearts.
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
"Nearest and Dearest" was a British television sitcom that aired from 1968 to 1973. The show starred Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel as Nellie and Eli Pledge, siblings who inherit their father's pickle business in Colne, Lancashire. The series was known for its humor derived from the characters' squabbles, malapropisms, and the unique dynamics of a family-run business.
The premise of the show was simple yet effective: Nellie, a hard-working spinster, and Eli, a womanizing slacker, must run the family business together to inherit their father's fortune. This setup led to comedic situations and memorable catchphrases that are still recognized by fans of classic British comedy.
Despite the on-screen chemistry between Baker and Jewel, it was widely reported that the two did not get along off-screen, adding a layer of intrigue to the show's history. Their tumultuous relationship is often cited as one of the most toxic in British sitcom history.
"Nearest and Dearest" also serves as a cultural touchstone, reflecting the era's social norms and the changing landscape of British comedy. It's a show that, while rooted in the 1960s and 70s, continues to find new audiences who appreciate its wit and charm.
For those who grew up watching "Nearest and Dearest," the show remains a nostalgic reminder of a bygone era of television. And for newcomers, it offers a glimpse into the rich tapestry of British humor and the timeless appeal of family dynamics in storytelling.
Whether you're revisiting the series or discovering it for the first time, "Nearest and Dearest" stands as a testament to the enduring nature of well-crafted comedy and the universal themes of family and ambition. It's a piece of television history that continues to be nearest and dearest to many viewers' hearts.
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh, you're there. What are you doing? Stretched out, lay lying there, practically prostitute.
00:29When over at that works, they're having a who does what to who strike. A what? A who
00:36does what to who strike. There's not that that lot can do to each other they haven't
00:40done before. There seems to be a complete breakdown of their moral fibrocytis. Take
00:47Grendel. Where to? Look, yesterday Stan sneaked out with Vinnie Gavira to go and see Gone
00:54With The Wind. Gone With The Wind? It must have been a repeat. So I asked Grendel, I
01:00said, just to clean up after the horse, he said. Well, what did he say? He said, why
01:04should he? It wasn't his, er, business. Hang on, are you sure you haven't been staring
01:10at it? Definitely not. I reckon you should get over there and waggle your big stick.
01:14Not me, Nellie. Not anymore. As far as I'm concerned, that lot are a rabble without a
01:20cause. But you're supposed to be the managing gaffer. Not anymore. I've fed up with that
01:25Vinnie Gavira and all them women. They've got on top of me. They've got me down. You
01:30mean you've come to the end of your feather? It's the pressure, Nellie. I'm dropping out
01:36and dropping somebody else in it. Who? New work's manager. Well, that's not on. You're
01:42not getting somebody in to help you not do the things you're not doing when you're supposed
01:47to. You're too late, Nellie. He's already on his way round from Labour Exchange. Don't
01:51tell me you're replacing yourself with another layabout. Yeah, I mean, no. You don't understand.
01:57Times have changed. They get a very good class of layabout down at Labour Exchange nowadays.
02:01Oh, and who have they got that's going to run a pickle factory? Well, I don't know yet,
02:05but I asked for somebody who knows his onions. Six, five, six, nine, oh, one, two. Who the
02:12hell do you think you are, the bloody Virgin Soldiers? Oh, he's right. We're what you might
02:17call the shop troops. They gave me a hell of a shop when he came in like that. Who the
02:23hell in Carnation told you to march in like a couple of German fancy divisions? I did.
02:29Right, you men, put those cases in the hall. Yes, ma'am. At your service, ma'am. Major Lovelace,
02:38retired. Nelly Pledge, still working. You haven't had the pleasure of me, have you?
02:49The chap is down at the executive and professional... Oh, you mean the posh dole queue?
02:57Yes. Well, they sent me here to become... I see your works. You do?
03:03Yes, I do. I meant your works manager. Oh, well, you're not our works manager, surely. I mean,
03:11you're our galloping major. Well, I was a galloping... I mean, I am or was a major,
03:18but I've been bowler-hatted. Oh, did it hurt? Or did you have it done private?
03:26Stop! Don't do that! Sorry, Eli. What's got you all agitated? That major. It's me nerves. I'm
03:34covered in them. Why, Eli? Hey, what did you do to him? Get off with his bit of crumpet?
03:39I'm not telling you what I did. I thought it were all dead and buried, but if he's who I think he
03:44is, I'm the one that's dead and buried. I'm sure you'll find the working conditions here
03:49I'm the one that's dead and buried. I'm sure you'll find the working conditions here
03:54very congenital. And we won't expect you to have your tea break over there.
04:00You can have it over here. In your case, we'll rule the waves because we don't expect an officer
04:06to fetch his own brew. Jolly good. So I'm to regard this as the mess. Eh?
04:14Well, I might be a bit mocked up at the moment, but that's because I haven't had time to swill
04:19and mop. Oh, meet my brother. Where is he? Where is he? Eli? Eli, come on. What? Meet the managing
04:27major. What the hell's the matter with you? Who? You. Me? No. What have you got your sunglasses on
04:34for when it's pickling down outside? Sunglasses? What sunglasses? Oh, these. Well, the doctor said
04:43I've got a stretcher pickler's vision. What on earth's that? Spots between the eyes? Well,
04:47yes, same thing. These are only in shape till they've got skins on. The only time I've had
04:52bloodshot eyes is through too much beetroot boiling. Meet Major Shoelace. Lovelace. How do you do?
05:02Well, you two should get on like mad, you know, because after all you are a couple of old sweats.
05:07Sweats? I'm bloody sweating now, I can tell you. You were in the army too, eh? Where were you?
05:13I was at... Where were you? Oh, Catterick, mostly. Well, I was in Singapore then.
05:18Ah, we must have a chinwag sometime. Now, at the moment, I must find myself a billet. Do you know
05:22there wasn't one vacant room left in any hotel in town? Oh, if that's the case, why don't you come
05:28and stay the night with me? I mean, with me and our Eli together here. No, nothing. Come in. Come
05:36inside. He can't stay with us. We haven't got a guest room. You've got to. He can sleep in that
05:41bed in your room with you. He's not sleeping in my room. He can't sleep in my room. Well, he can't
05:47sleep in my room because I keep him awake all night. I snore. That won't bother me. Oh, well,
05:51I do worse than snore. I do a lot worse than that. Oh, what? Well, when I've had a few jars of ales
05:57like, I can't help it. I walk in me sleep. I've had to cope with plenty of sunambulance in my time.
06:08Well, you have it to do, haven't you, when you're a major?
06:12It'll be a pleasure, Miss Pledge. Oh, don't mention it. I'm sure it's you that will be pleasuring me.
06:21Yes, and now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go and get my trunk. I left it at the station.
06:26Are you sure you were never a cataract? Who, sir? Me, sir? No, sir. No.
06:29Oh.
06:35What the hell's the matter with you, you big girl's blouse? No, no, no, no, no.
06:39Why, you look a bit peaky and hung up. I think it might be true when you said
06:43that you've been stretching it a bit. I feel as though I'm in a long, dark tunnel
06:49and I can't see the other end. No wonder you've got these glasses on still. Go on.
06:54Oh, he's never come in. Bloody hell. It's a man called Horse and his mare.
07:03Walty, come and sit down, won't you? Oh, I see he's got over his injury then.
07:09The one he got playing bingo. He has, I'm thankful to say. In fact,
07:14I'm taking him back to bingo again tonight, you know, to get his confidence back.
07:19But he didn't tell me exactly what happened. Well, he only needed legs 11 to win the
07:23snowball and he got that excited. As soon as the caller opened his mouth,
07:27Walter jumps up to shout and got it trapped in a tip-up seat.
07:34I wouldn't have cared. I wouldn't have cared then. It weren't legs 11 after all.
07:40Sounds more like clickety-click.
07:45What was it he got trapped? His arm?
07:48And I were worried lest it should get his old war wound playing up again.
07:52Oh, yes. You mean the one where he got fire-watching. You know, he was in the army,
07:57you know. He's not with him?
08:01I don't know. It's hard to dog nose. He's been like this, you know, all of a twitch
08:06ever since he met this new works manager, you know. Oh, yes. I think he's in for a nervous prolapse.
08:16The new works manager? Are we coming out?
08:20Yes, he came out of the army with a discharge.
08:25His name's Major Lovelace. Don't make him that name.
08:29What name? Major Lovelace. What are you talking about?
08:33Is he frightening you, Walter? Are you all right?
08:36No good. I can't keep it to myself no longer. I'll have to unburden myself.
08:40Oh, Walter, we'd best be going. No, you can stop as long as you don't blab.
08:44Who, me? I never say a note about note me, never.
08:47Well, we know that Walter won't say anything.
08:51What is it, Eli?
08:52Something that happened to me when I was in the army. Towards the back end of the war,
08:56you know, I was put on a fizzer for something I did in front of the whole regiment.
09:01You didn't write home about it. Well, I went on the run.
09:04Oh, you mean you were absent without leaving? Yes, daft really it was because I changed my
09:09mind the next day and decided to give myself up. But before I could get back to camp, war had ended.
09:14Oh, well, you couldn't expect them to keep the war going, you know, until you got back.
09:19And in the general, you know, celebrations, the orderly room got burnt down by accident.
09:24By accident? Ah, we were trying to set fire to Sergeant Major.
09:29All the papers about my charge were destroyed. Yes, and the next day I was posted.
09:34I thought I got away with it. Up till now.
09:37Well, what's happened now? That bloody Major Lovelace,
09:39that's what's happened now. I think he's the officer that put me on a charge.
09:43He must have done something terrible. The worst thing a soldier could do.
09:47By accident, I put one up the spout.
09:52Were you drunk at the time? It wouldn't have happened if I'd have used my pull-through.
09:59Why did you? I hadn't got one with me at the time.
10:03Well, it was freezing cold on that parade, you see. I dropped my rifle and accidentally fired
10:07the bullet that was up the barrel. Oh, was that all that's worrying you?
10:11Hmm. And you think that Major Lovelace might have been your target for tonight?
10:17I'll never get any rest, Nellie, till I know for sure.
10:19Well, I don't know. It might be a disfigurement of your menageration.
10:24I think we could find out. I suppose we could have a look at his war wound.
10:30Well, all right then. Let us have a look. Not going to be easy, Nellie.
10:35What? Well, when I actually fired that rifle,
10:39the Major was bending down, looking at his face in the shine of somebody else's boot.
10:46Oh, no, Eli. Not there.
10:52Yes, Nellie. There.
10:55You always wanted to be a rear gunner.
11:09Thank you. Cheers. Or as you would say, bottoms up.
11:34You know, I'll have to get a grip on those workers at the factory.
11:37If you don't mind my saying so, when I saw them clocking off,
11:40they didn't look like an army of happy workers, more like the retreat from Moscow.
11:46I believe some of them were in it.
11:49Well, I was hoping to have a chat with your brother. Where is he?
11:52Oh, he's hiding. I mean hiking. Yes, he's got on his evening constipational
11:59between the spread eagle and back.
12:03What we would call a sundowner.
12:05Well, we call it more like a moon-upper.
12:09Won't you sit down? Oh, thank you so much.
12:14Oh, what's to do? Aren't you comfy? Yes, fairly, thank you.
12:17Oh, only, excuse me, but you were sort of sitting sideways, you know, more to one side.
12:23Could it be an old war wound playing up? More like an old spring sticking up.
12:32Oh, funny. Were you wounded, by the way?
12:37You mean just now? No, I mean in the war.
12:40My dear Miss Fletch, even if I had been, I certainly shouldn't discuss it with you.
12:45At Fanhurst, we were always taught not to talk about our wounds, but to lick them.
12:55It must be a bit awkward at times.
12:56Yes, well, I must be going. I've got a lot to do before light's out.
13:02Yes. You know, I was thinking of taking a bath.
13:05Where to? I mean, oh, you're going to take a bath?
13:10Well, maybe I won't bother now. Oh, yes, well, I would if I were you.
13:14Oh, yes, you see, what I was thinking, you know, Major, is, I mean, what more wonderful
13:21than after a long day's donkey work, when you see the effluvia of the soap subs,
13:27taking all your cares away, washing them all away like some drifting firewood.
13:35Maybe you're right, yes. I think I will have a quick scrub.
13:39Well, see you on First Parade. You what?
13:41I mean at Breckels.
13:43Oh.
13:49Eli, quick, quick. Come on, Eli.
13:53What's to do?
13:54Guess what?
13:54What?
13:55The Major's going to take a bath.
13:56So what? I know it's not Saturday, but he was an officer.
14:00There's no lock on that door. Now's your chance.
14:02You just go in there, accidentally on purpose, and have a good look at, you know what.
14:08It's hard, but you do know what.
14:10I'm not taking a chance on him having a good look at me while I have a good look at it.
14:15Hey, you have a good look at it.
14:17All right. I'm not going there to have a look at his flesh wound.
14:21Well, I'm afraid I can't.
14:23Well, who can we get?
14:25Good night, Miss Nellie. I've done that bit of overtime. I've finished for tonight now.
14:32Oh, no, you're not, Stanley.
14:37Don't you, don't you, don't you, don't you come to the velvet bed.
14:42Hey, you know what to say, don't you?
14:45I've got to say to him, Major Lovely, I've been appointed your new bathmaster.
14:53Batman, you cloghead.
14:56Hey, and don't forget to offer the scrub his back.
14:58All right, well, over the top.
15:01Right, well, go on, get in.
15:20By hell, that was quick.
15:21Aye, he didn't want his back scrubbing, he wants his shoes polished.
15:25Hey, what are you...
15:27Bath.
15:27He was just getting in.
15:29Ah, well, did you see it then, the tell-tale mark?
15:32I couldn't see a thing, not a thing.
15:35Well, I mean, that's all right then, innit? It can't be him.
15:38Aye, but I couldn't see anything else either.
15:41Because when I got in the bathroom, all me glasses were steamed up.
15:47You great, useless, bloody egg-butt.
15:59Oh, my God, gherkin gas.
16:07Good Lord, do you sleep in those glasses as well?
16:20Doctor's orders, you see, he's trying to get me back on counting sheep instead of counting gherkins.
16:26I never did trust those medicos, full of mumbo-jumbo.
16:29My guess is, all you need is a jolly good dose of the number nines.
16:33The way I feel at the moment, that's the last thing I need.
16:37Well, I think it's time to turn in.
16:43I don't think there is one, Major.
16:50I was saying my prayers.
16:53Well, say one for me while you're about it, will you?
16:57Oh, time for lights out.
17:03Are you absolutely certain you were never a cataract?
17:12Well, if we don't find out now, we never will.
17:16He'll be sat sitting on his secret forever.
17:20How'd you get her to cooperate?
17:21Oh, she was only too happy to cooperate.
17:23And she's had some nursing experience as well.
17:30It's him.
17:30Oh, well.
17:31Get yourself in.
17:32Ah, yes.
17:35Hello, Major.
17:37Do come in.
17:38Thank you so much.
17:41You're soon, aren't you?
17:42You're sooner than the soonest I expected.
17:46Yes, but never mind.
17:47I think we're ready to sort of have a see at you.
17:50I mean, what you call, give you an M.O.T. test.
17:56Oh, well, let's get it over with.
17:58Behind there?
17:59Yes, that's where we want to see your behind.
18:01I mean, just behind there.
18:05Nurse?
18:15Won't be long now.
18:16Right.
18:21This is it.
18:22You'll soon see if he's the fella that you think he is.
18:31Oh, no.
18:32It's him.
18:33Oh, no.
18:36I've got to get out of this place.
18:39I can't stand it anymore.
18:40It's driving me mad.
18:41My head.
18:44Are you there?
18:45Oh, you're there.
18:49Oh, you're repast.
18:51He looks past it and all.
18:53I'm sorry it's all corned beef and pickles again.
18:56But you know, you've got to remember that I've got to smuggle this in.
18:59Hey, does he still believe I'm away on business?
19:02Never mentioned a name except yours all week.
19:04What's his name, Harry? What's his name?
19:05Well, he said you must be up to something, he said.
19:07Otherwise we would have heard from you.
19:09Hey, he's on to me, isn't he?
19:11Right, Major Lovelace, he's a crafty devil.
19:13That's what he is.
19:14Well, I'm down here locked in my own cellar.
19:16He's up there playing the cat and mouse game.
19:18Oh, I forgot I brought you some cheese.
19:20Never mind about the cheese!
19:24Never mind about that.
19:25He's waiting for me to make one false move.
19:28To expose myself.
19:30Well, I must say, I've tried to get a shot of him, but he seems very happy.
19:34What's more, he's got the factory pickling up full pelt.
19:38He may never go, yeah?
19:39No way, no way.
19:40What's going to happen to me?
19:41What's going to happen to me?
19:42Well, I suppose you'll just have to stay here and rot.
19:45Don't say that!
19:48Me nerves, me nerves are as good as it is.
19:51Last night, I had a dream.
19:53I dreamt they marched me out in front of a firing squad.
19:56And every one of that squad had the face of, guess who?
20:00Your bookmaker.
20:01No!
20:03Major Lovelace, that's who.
20:05They didn't put a blindfold round me for the eyes, no.
20:07They stubbed me up against the wall with a target on me backside.
20:10What you mean is that Major Lovelace was trying to get an eye for an eye?
20:14No, more than an eye for an eye.
20:16Or a tooth for a tooth.
20:18I can't go on with this nightmare any longer, Nelly.
20:20It's driving me mad.
20:21I'll have to give myself up and face the consequences.
20:24I'm glad.
20:25What, because I might go to jail?
20:27Oh, no!
20:28Because I see before me a man
20:30what is going to do a far, far better thing than he has never done before.
20:36He is going to straighten up his...
20:38his shoulders that are always bent
20:41and go out and face the condiments of the wrong act of folly.
20:47Thank you, Nelly.
20:48I'll try and be brave.
20:50I'll try and face life
20:52like a man.
20:54Well, are you going now?
20:55No, I'm going to have my bloody tea first.
21:01Say, I'll just go and see that Mazy Lovelock
21:04and I'll ask him to forgive you
21:07for doing what you did to him with that rifle.
21:09And, you know, if we're lucky,
21:12he'll be prepared to turn the other cheek.
21:19Well, if that's the case, I'm leaving immediately.
21:21Well, I can't stay on here, can I?
21:23All right, I'll be in touch.
21:28Ah, Mazy Lovelock.
21:30There you are.
21:32Hello.
21:33Goodbye.
21:34Miss Pledge.
21:35Yes?
21:36I've got to go.
21:37Can't you wait?
21:39No, I'm afraid not.
21:40Oh, well, look, I want to interfere with you.
21:45I mean, I want to interfere with you on our Eli's behalf.
21:49Miss Pledge, something has come up.
21:50Yes, well, he wants to...
21:52Miss Pledge, you don't understand.
21:54I must leave the firm immediately.
21:56Yes, well, I'm just saying, you see,
21:58our Eli didn't mean to do what he did.
22:01It was an accident.
22:02You... You must... What did you say?
22:05I said I'm leaving.
22:06I've resigned.
22:07Finished.
22:08Quit.
22:09I dismiss myself.
22:11You mean you're going?
22:13Well, why didn't you say so?
22:14I mean, I've no need to tell you now what our Eli did.
22:17I don't give a damn what your blasted brother did,
22:19is doing, or is going to do.
22:21I am leaving this minute,
22:22and I'll send a car for me luggage.
22:26I wonder what brought that on.
22:28Just as our Eli was just going to show him
22:30that he was a man of pride,
22:32courage, and honour.
22:35Mercy, militia. Mercy. Mercy.
22:37Mercy, militia. Mercy.
22:39Get a pocket in these, you big girl's blouse.
22:43That means your love lock has opted.
22:45You mean he's gone, for good?
22:46Not coming back?
22:47Indubiously.
22:48Ah.
22:49First snivelling coward.
22:51Afraid to face me, eh?
22:53I had a few words to say to him.
22:55By the way, what did you say to him?
22:57Oh, I didn't get a chance to say anything.
22:59Good. Anyway, Nelly, I knew he'd never suspect anything, you know.
23:03He might have had it on his shoulder during the army,
23:05he didn't have it up here.
23:06I was too smart for him.
23:07Fancy being in the same house and never guessing who I was.
23:11Somebody wants to see Eli.
23:13What?
23:18Don't shoot, he didn't do it.
23:20You're not Major Loveless, are you?
23:22No, Major Pledge. I mean, Eli Pledge.
23:23I will surrender, sir. I surrender.
23:25Major Loveless was here.
23:26Yes?
23:27Now he's not.
23:28Missed him again.
23:29He's been on the run for months,
23:31since you absconded with the officers' club funds
23:33and a Churchill tank he sold for scrap.
23:36But we'll catch up with him.
23:38Hey, the snivelling coward, he might have stayed and faced it like a man.
23:41When we do catch him, we'll have to ask you both to come to an identification parade.
23:45You think you could pick him out?
23:46Definitely.
23:47What makes you so sure?
23:49Well, I'm sure we both know him from top...
23:52...to bottom.
24:59Oh, you're there.
25:14What are you doing?
25:15Stretched out, lay lying there, practically prostitute.
25:19When over at that works,
25:21they're having a who does what to who strike.
25:23A what?
25:24A who does what to who strike.
25:26There's not that that lot can do to each other they haven't done before.
25:30There seems to be a complete breakdown of their moral fibrositis.
25:35Take, Grenville.
25:36Where to?
25:38Look, yesterday, Stan sneaked out with Vinnie Gavira
25:42to go and see Gone With The Wind.
25:43Gone With The Wind? It must have been a repeat.
25:47So I asked Grenville, I said,
25:48just to clean up after the horse, he said.
25:50Well, what did he say?
25:51He said, why should he? It wasn't his, er, business.
25:56Hang on, are you sure you haven't been stirring it?
25:59Definitely not.
26:00I reckon you should get over there and waggle your big stick.
26:02Not me, Nellie.
26:04Not anymore.
26:05As far as I'm concerned, that lot are a rabble without a cause.
26:09But you're supposed to be the managing gaffer.
26:11Not anymore.
26:12I've fed up with that Vinnie Gavira and all them women.
26:14They've got on top of me.
26:16They've got me down.
26:18You mean, you've come to the end of your feather?
26:22It's depression, Nellie.
26:23I'm dropping out and dropping somebody else in it.
26:26Who?
26:27New Works Manager.
26:29Well, that's not on.
26:30You're not getting somebody in to help you not do the things you're not doing when you're supposed to.
26:36You're too late, Nellie. He's already on his way round from Labour Exchange.
26:39Don't tell me you're replacing yourself with another layabout.
26:42Yeah, I mean, no.
26:44You don't understand, times have changed.
26:46They get a very good class of layabout down at Labour Exchange nowadays.
26:49Oh, and who have they got that's going to run a pickle factory?
26:52Well, I don't know yet, but I asked for somebody who knows his onions.
26:56Left, right, left, right, halt, one, two.
27:00Who the hell do you think you are, the bloody Virgin Soldiers?
27:04Oh, he's right.
27:05We're what you might call the shop troops.
27:08You gave me a hell of a shock when you came in like that.
27:11Who the hell in carnation told you to march in like a couple of German fancy divisions?