A mother tries to reconcile her grief after her son is deployed to a war by confiding in close friends and crossing paths with strangers.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30Oh
00:01:00Oh
00:01:06What's the safe word there is no safe word we don't do that anymore
00:01:14What's the safe word we don't do that anymore
00:01:25You don't get to change your mind
00:01:27Pretending that this is happening to someone else keeps me strong
00:01:40Pretending keeps me alive, but I'm tired of pretending
00:01:51Nothing will change till you change it
00:01:57I'll just keep pretending. I'm strong one day. I'll have the strength to go home
00:02:17Where is she I don't know. I like you a lot better when you're sucking dicks for a living like the rest of us
00:02:27I don't have to leave the master. We don't do what we have to
00:02:34Maybe well, I'll just leave
00:02:37Could you let her leave it's what she does she leaves
00:02:46You should have stopped her fuck you Marcus
00:02:57I
00:03:00Want to go back on the drugs for you
00:03:02We have a bond
00:03:05Watch
00:03:25Hi there
00:03:26Can I help you? I'm here to see Priya
00:03:30Whatever Priya does for you I can do I'm here to see Priya
00:03:35Follow me
00:03:50Are you crazy? Why would you come back? Where's Marcus?
00:03:55He's picking up another shipment which means the lease for tonight you're one lucky little bitch
00:04:01How many in this shipment he said 20, I don't know we're gonna put them
00:04:08I'd never come back
00:04:11You have to leave to come back
00:04:30I
00:05:00I
00:05:10Feel at peace at the gun range I can see the future I
00:05:16Understand what to do
00:05:18Pretend so loud everyone else can feel your thoughts each breath leading to the next
00:05:31Every
00:05:33Shot you fire leads you closer to the target every dream becomes real
00:05:42Keep pretending till it's real
00:06:00I
00:06:30I
00:06:50When I started here, I didn't know what to do, but I kept at it. Will you at least try?
00:06:57This is placement number two for you, there is no third placement
00:07:02You have to keep this job or it's back to counseling
00:07:07No matter what happens
00:07:10Don't hit anyone
00:07:12Just walk away
00:07:27Thank you
00:07:57I
00:08:07Bathrooms to the right take a shower and then walk down the hallway to the empty bedroom your hour starts now
00:08:14You
00:08:26Your desk is over here I'll log you in and we can get started
00:08:39There seems to be a difference between what you hear and what people say
00:08:43You've said that before not that I know of
00:08:52We talked last week about projecting anger onto simple situations you weren't there
00:09:01You can just copy paste depending on whether there's a formula or not
00:09:04I
00:09:11Look let me show you a few tricks and then I can disappear for about an hour and I'll pop in and check on you
00:09:19Thanks when I'm filling these out I copy paste my face off most products are
00:09:34I
00:09:40Just saw myself bashing her head against the desk the police report said that you used a stapler
00:09:47Doesn't say you banged her head against the desk. There's a difference between what I see myself doing and what I do
00:09:53Well, can you see that she was just training you and not trying to judge you or make fun of you?
00:09:59You actually think there's a difference
00:10:01Please tell me about the stapler
00:10:06It's all in the report
00:10:09Hi Anna, how was your lunch if you skipped you should probably take one now I
00:10:15Check the files you uploaded earlier and the totals are a bit off. Can I help you figure that out?
00:10:31Did
00:10:33You black out
00:10:36Did you know what was happening
00:10:38There were 22
00:10:40Staples removed from that girl's head. She just wouldn't leave me alone. Do you think that's the best idea to leave you alone?
00:10:51You will have to face those assault charges and there is no way of getting out of group therapy
00:10:58Lucky for you your mother posted your bail
00:11:03Fuck I understand it's been some time. How did she even find me? Does it matter? Yes
00:11:11Those sessions start in a week and I expect to see you again in two days
00:11:28I
00:11:33Can take you home now
00:11:41I'll just go get the car. You can meet me out front
00:11:57You
00:12:27You
00:12:53Please stop just stop
00:12:57You
00:13:02Are you done now
00:13:25Just like old times
00:13:27I
00:13:57Already made the bed. So it's all ready for you. I
00:14:00Know it looks a little bare in here right now, but still your room if you're hungry. There's leftovers downstairs
00:14:10I
00:14:16Know it looks a little bare in here right now, but still your room if you're hungry. There's leftovers downstairs
00:14:27Done I guess. I'll see you later
00:14:57I
00:15:27I
00:15:57Oh
00:16:08Good you're awake
00:16:10What's all this this is called breakfast eat it eat
00:16:20Can we just fight and get it over with I
00:16:24Think it's best if we just let things happen naturally
00:16:27Never force things
00:16:31Can we just pretend and I have one day
00:16:36You've been gone so long I don't even know what we'd fight about I
00:16:42Promise we can fight tomorrow
00:16:58Oh
00:17:12He's here
00:17:15You
00:17:22He's still in love with you
00:17:25Turns out playing hard-to-get is his kryptonite
00:17:28It's probably why I married you
00:17:31The only reason that happened is so you could stay in the fucking country
00:17:35Come back show everyone that you still work for me
00:17:41And then we figured things out from there
00:17:45You
00:17:47Don't even need me
00:17:51And to come back so that no one else leaves
00:17:56She gets it Marcus back off
00:18:02I'll bring her back in a week to at the most
00:18:06One week
00:18:11That's it one week
00:18:23You have to go back
00:18:26They know they know where you live. You're gonna run just right
00:18:30You have to go back
00:18:32They know they know where you live you're gonna run just run but stop this fucking bullshit
00:18:40There's no way out of this Anna
00:18:45Run I run when I'm ready. I decide what happens to me. No one else
00:19:00Hi, I'm here to see Christine
00:19:05Name Anna, I'll see if she's in you can take a seat
00:19:30I
00:19:42Just wanted to say sorry there's a restraining order against you you can't go back promise me you won't go back
00:19:50promise me
00:19:54Okay, I promise just stop asking
00:20:00How's your mother
00:20:03She's happy quiet but happy I think
00:20:10Why do you think that is she's quiet cuz she doesn't want to upset me I
00:20:16Mean why do you think she's happy?
00:20:19She's not screaming or yelling and it totally confuses me and I don't know what to do
00:20:25She missed you
00:20:28She wanted you back nobody misses me, how do you know that
00:20:35Just know
00:20:38When was the last time you had any violent thoughts or episodes
00:20:48What do you want
00:20:50What do you want
00:20:56I'm just here to listen. I promise
00:21:02People who make promises usually want something I want to help you let go of the violent delusions. I
00:21:12Want to leave I need to take a walk
00:21:15Remember the group therapy sessions are coming up
00:21:18And when you're there take timeouts when you need them it will be an adjustment at first
00:21:29Anytime you feel stressed or panicked
00:21:34just
00:21:35Use those breathing exercises we practiced
00:21:39Or just walk away
00:21:48The session isn't over
00:21:53Years later, I still feel his hands on me. I hear his breathing. I
00:22:00Wasn't even scared when it happened
00:22:03confused mostly a
00:22:05Game with new rules. I hadn't learned yet. I'm still afraid of the dark
00:22:11I'm not afraid of the dark
00:22:14It hurts and there's nothing I can do about it. I can embrace the pain and use it to push me forward
00:22:26A way out. That's what the pain is a way to set myself free
00:22:34It's their turn to hurt
00:22:36Their turn to embrace the pain
00:22:47Keep pretending till it's real
00:23:06I
00:23:37I
00:23:48Love your hair
00:23:57I'm already late this fast
00:24:06I
00:24:36Love your hair
00:25:06I
00:25:28Get the fuck out of here
00:25:37I
00:25:43Love you
00:25:49Can work this out? No, we fucking can't
00:25:58I don't work for anyone
00:26:07Anna
00:26:11It's okay you're at home you're safe no one's gonna hurt you
00:26:27Get some rest, okay
00:26:36I
00:26:52Want to I do but we have to ask her maybe she doesn't want to see me. Of course. She wants you
00:27:07I'll pick you up in an hour. I'll get it
00:27:19We all need our moments of silence
00:27:22But hiding is not the answer
00:27:26We need to find a way to start again a way of moving forward
00:27:37Mm-hmm. Hello. I'm Elizabeth. Please. Don't call me Liz. I
00:27:46Really hate all of you
00:27:49We just fucking sit around here and pretend like this is helping Elizabeth. We talked about that word
00:27:56Then what am I supposed to fucking say? I'm displeased with all of you and the situation
00:28:02All I have left in my life for restraining orders, I'm not even allowed within a mile of my own family and I I
00:28:12Hate not being able to see them. I fucking hate it
00:28:25Let's remember to take a breath and walk away Elizabeth
00:28:32Messed up a little bit, but she walked away
00:28:35She took the time to think before acting
00:28:40We'd like to thank everyone for sharing today
00:28:44Let's take a short break. We'll move back here in 15
00:29:02I
00:29:14Love him I do. I just wish he'd grow up they grow up
00:29:19Hey, you know who I saw the other day Thomas
00:29:24Who's Thomas don't pretend with me. We'd love us in Thomas, but I'm out to be still hot
00:29:30You wrote a song about him
00:29:35You're drunk, all right
00:29:42Love you for so long
00:29:47Thomas Thomas Thomas Thomas
00:29:51Thomas Thomas Thomas Thomas make love make
00:29:59And I'm so so wait, how do I get a song written about me?
00:30:08Not gonna happen
00:30:11We've been hiding this one, I'm not hiding
00:30:16No, seriously, why haven't you set me up with your sister? Oh, I like her too much to make her hang out with you
00:30:25Deeply offended fuck off Steve
00:30:30I'm just glad you're back
00:30:35To Anna Anna
00:31:00I
00:31:10Come back inside you're not done celebrating yet. I've got somewhere to be
00:31:29Take a shower your hour starts now
00:31:59I
00:32:29I
00:32:59I
00:33:29I
00:33:37Just wait a second
00:33:46And I get in
00:33:49I
00:33:55Store stays open
00:33:57That's fine
00:33:59feeling better
00:34:00Does it matter how I feel?
00:34:02We want to help you Anna or we could stake out your apartment and arrest anyone who shows up and that's gonna be bad
00:34:08for business
00:34:10I'm retired. Oh, we can help you with that, too. I
00:34:14I
00:34:16Have to do this on my own am I under arrest not yet, but it could happen good to know
00:34:22We don't want you Anna. We want Marcus. I
00:34:27Have to go
00:34:44You
00:34:49Can't leave group therapy mid-session
00:34:52Why not because you can't
00:34:55This is part of your parole
00:34:58You get one freebie if you miss anything else
00:35:04We'll have to notify the police
00:35:06Who's we?
00:35:07We me I does it matter. I didn't know you used the royal we
00:35:14I
00:35:16Know the first session could be a lot
00:35:20Have you had any other violent thoughts?
00:35:22Anyone in your family?
00:35:25me
00:35:27Don't worry you're safe for now. Do you feel safe? No, I
00:35:37Don't know
00:35:41Do you have another placement lined up for you
00:35:44I'm not sure I could get another one
00:35:47You'd have to be someplace safe without any staplers what we're doing here isn't a joke. I know
00:35:58Why did you leave group therapy I had to go no you had to stay
00:36:14You
00:36:19Bathrooms on the right take a shower and walk down the hallway to the empty bedroom your hour starts now
00:36:33What are you gonna do about this thing
00:36:38It's taken care of I
00:36:40Gave you this business
00:36:42You run it for me and if I have to I'll take it back
00:36:56Either she goes back to work or you do I don't care
00:37:12I
00:37:34Know you're there
00:37:39Either come in or leave I just don't know what you want
00:37:42I
00:37:50Just want to keep you safe
00:37:52You can't do that. It's too late
00:37:5615 years have passed the police stopped looking they told me I had to accept that you weren't coming back. I
00:38:03Didn't come back
00:38:05Not really
00:38:07If I wake up tomorrow and you're not here, I don't don't make this about you
00:38:12It happened to me not to you
00:38:32You can get used to fear
00:38:34It can become a part of you
00:38:36You begin to need it
00:38:38Without my fear, who will I be?
00:38:40Who will I run away from being scared makes me feel safe
00:39:10I
00:39:32Yeah, no, why did you pick up your phone
00:39:41You have two choices trash your phone get a new number and get a new life
00:39:52When do you want to meet
00:39:58Two o'clock
00:40:05So when are you gonna leave town
00:40:08Soon I don't get it Anna you got away much longer. Do you think you can keep doing this? I
00:40:16Guess I'll do what I have to do for as long as I have to do it
00:40:20Then what and I'll pretend this is happening to someone else for a bit
00:40:27Thank God this is happening to someone else I don't think either of us could handle it
00:40:32You
00:40:36I'm sorry
00:40:54For you get to the kitchen
00:41:02Oh
00:41:23Why do you always do this to me
00:41:25I'm trying to do something to you. Maybe I'm trying to do something to me
00:41:55I
00:42:25I
00:42:47I'm here. Don't you worry? I'm here
00:42:55I
00:43:12The hell happened to her I don't know
00:43:18She's alive, all right, just stop you've never listened do the other people know
00:43:25You're sick asshole. Do they know?
00:43:28Priya
00:43:29Yes, they know
00:43:37Anything you can tell us can help I
00:43:40Told you I don't remember anything
00:43:43We'll check in on you soon to see if your memory comes back
00:43:49Anything you can think of give us go
00:43:55I
00:44:25I
00:44:27Bathrooms on the right take a shower and then walk to the empty bedroom down the hallway your hour starts now
00:44:46We can take you home in the morning
00:44:49I
00:44:51Didn't talk about it tomorrow Anna, please. Let me take care of you
00:45:00Too late for that
00:45:10You can't go on acting like nothing happened to you
00:45:18Turn away from me all you want when you turn back. I'm still gonna be here. I
00:45:28Just want to go to sleep you can take me anywhere you want in the morning. I just need to go to sleep
00:45:49I
00:45:59Your hour starts now
00:46:18I
00:46:48I
00:47:18I
00:47:48I
00:47:52Pretending that this is happening to someone else keeps me strong
00:47:58Pretending keeps me alive, but I'm tired of pretending
00:48:03Nothing will change till you change it
00:48:06I'll just keep pretending. I'm strong and one day. I'll have the strength to go home
00:48:12We know you feel trapped we get it
00:48:16You don't want to be here
00:48:21Where else you got to be right now
00:48:26I'm glad I'm here. I
00:48:29Can go at any time
00:48:32But I'm still here. So who's here today?
00:48:37Who's been listening for a long time that wants to speak
00:48:41I
00:48:43Am Tammy I've been coming to these sessions for three months and I love my kids I
00:48:54Really do I just want to see them just to keep them safe, you know
00:49:03Thank You Tammy, thank you
00:49:07Now is there anyone else who would like to speak
00:49:14Thank you all for coming and we'll see you next week
00:49:16You know, they won't let you leave until you talk
00:49:20What they keep track of who says stuff you can't just hang out
00:49:28I
00:49:31I
00:49:34I
00:49:38I
00:49:41I
00:49:43Who says stuff you can't just hang out
00:49:47Eventually, you have to say something. How do you know? I just know
00:49:54Well, it's like it's too late now class is over for the day too late now maybe next time
00:50:02I
00:50:10Don't think the term for that you better eat my cake next week or there's gonna be trouble
00:50:17It's my birthday next week you're invited. Oh
00:50:22Sorry
00:50:24Happy birthday. It's not my birthday yet. And we're just gonna have a small dinner. My dinners are never small
00:50:31Steve might come he likes you. Don't you dare?
00:50:38I'm going to kill you. You leave me no other choice
00:50:52Hello
00:50:54I
00:50:59Just pretend that you can hear me. What do you want? I wasn't good enough for you
00:51:09We had something
00:51:18What do you want
00:51:22Love you Anna
00:51:25I
00:51:27Think it's time for you to get back to work
00:51:30I'm not ready
00:51:33Not yet, but soon
00:51:49I'm sorry. I can tell Steve not to come
00:51:54He's your friend. You should be there
00:52:15Hey, okay, okay
00:52:24I
00:52:55I
00:53:07So, how does this work
00:53:10well, I
00:53:12usually say something right and then you say something in return and
00:53:17then I
00:53:19Basically beg you for your phone number
00:53:22Does that usually work for you?
00:53:25Depends on what how bad they want to leave
00:53:33I'm starting to think you might not like me
00:53:37We're here so that Mary gets us out of her system it's easier to do this than to have her try it again
00:53:45She'll never stop
00:53:48So, I don't have a chance do it no one does
00:53:55Come on
00:53:58Why don't you tell me anything about yourself
00:54:03Because I'm a prostitute and I don't really like to talk about it
00:54:11I mean, ah, wow
00:54:15That's a big one
00:54:19Well, I thought we were getting along fine I
00:54:22Thought you liked me. Oh, why doesn't she like me? What are you 12?
00:54:28Like I'm sorry if I sorry
00:54:31Fuck sorry
00:54:34You know what? I would like a
00:54:36choice a
00:54:38chance to make my own decisions I
00:54:42Want to decide what happens to me?
00:54:51Like my gun I like the sound
00:54:56Which version of me will show up today
00:54:59How angry am I going to be how sad I
00:55:05Wish I could choose but it's not up to me. I
00:55:11Know I have to say something, but I don't want to I
00:55:16I
00:55:19Wish I could cry but I can't
00:55:25I've been angry for a really long time
00:55:36You all seem so sad to me I
00:55:40Don't want to be sad I
00:55:43Don't want to be anything
00:55:47Thank you Anna
00:55:51Would anyone else like to speak
00:55:54Did you really have to punch him he tried to hold my hand I
00:56:00Don't think I actually punched him. I'm pretty sure he's making it up. He's not making it up
00:56:05I saw the Instagram, but it was black eye
00:56:08Somebody punched him
00:56:12Glad you're back. Please don't go
00:56:18Maybe I'm not really here
00:56:28Michael finally apparently it only takes 20 phone calls years later. I still feel his hands on me
00:56:36Sit down. I'll get you a cup of coffee. I
00:56:39Hear his breathing
00:56:42Glad to have you back
00:56:44Mary
00:56:46Mary I wasn't even scared when it happened confused mostly
00:56:57The game with new rules I hadn't learned yet
00:57:04Anna please don't say anything
00:57:11I
00:57:18I'm gonna have to take a rain check on that coffee. I'm late for a meeting
00:57:28Come on we'll get you cleaned up
00:57:41Oh
00:57:56Carol
00:58:00What did you do to my girl nothing, what did you do it's ancient history
00:58:11If I see you near her again, I will kill you myself
00:58:29Congratulations
00:58:30For what you said something doesn't really matter does it I?
00:58:36Might have lied to you just to see what happens
00:58:39Just cuz you said something doesn't mean this end you are such a bitch
00:58:53What's going on up there some powerful add you've got I'm just planning out how I'm going to kill you
00:59:01You can't kill me. I mean you best friend
00:59:03Hi
00:59:05Anna I know you're having some trouble
00:59:08Why don't you try reading the script through a few times at first, and then you can make it your own
00:59:14So I just read this
00:59:15Yes until you make the sale
00:59:17Then you go down the list and get the credit card number and then move along okay the computer will auto-dial for you
00:59:23Okay, okay. I'll be listening in a few times at first after that you can make it your own. Okay great
00:59:30Okay
00:59:33I
00:59:49I'm calling I'm calling
01:00:03I
01:00:33I
01:00:35I
01:00:37I
01:01:03Bathrooms to the right
01:01:05Take a shower, and then walk down the hallway to the empty bedroom your hour starts now
01:01:35I
01:02:05I
01:02:27Anna Anna
01:02:30No, you don't know you don't
01:02:33Anna Anna
01:03:03You've almost got the color back in your cheeks
01:03:07They say I can take you home
01:03:11Why would you even want me back I
01:03:17Have to take care of you now
01:03:19What I do I?
01:03:22Need to take care of you
01:03:25I
01:03:28I
01:03:30Need to take care of you
01:03:35Mom just one more day two at most I'm not sure, but I think you just referred to me as your mother
01:03:45Now go get your things meet me in the car
01:04:00You
01:04:31I
01:04:32Whatever it is just say it. I didn't know why you left
01:04:37But it was my fault. I know you don't want to talk about this. So why do you keep bringing it up?
01:04:45Let me help you I'm here for you
01:04:49How many times did I hide in this room while dad hit you don't just
01:04:57Let me go
01:05:00I
01:05:04Go make us something to eat I
01:05:12Think it's a good idea
01:05:14I'm not sleeping on your couch. I'd just be in the way. It's not possible
01:05:19Okay, maybe but it doesn't matter my couch is your couch
01:05:31I
01:05:40You don't get to change your mind
01:06:00I think we should go
01:06:10No, mom not really
01:06:15No
01:06:17She's fine Anna, are you fine? I'm fine
01:06:24I'll bring her back. I promise
01:06:30I
01:06:36Do you actually wear these things in bed? No your mother bought me those
01:06:44You're not coming back are you I have to finish a few things, okay
01:06:51But you have to tell her because I'm not I'll call her I
01:06:57I promise I
01:07:04Just can't stay here anymore
01:07:06Why not because I can't I?
01:07:10Can't wear these things anymore
01:07:26You
01:07:35How do you do it
01:07:40How do you keep pretending
01:07:46Why didn't anyone touch you is that what you really think
01:07:56You think that dad and uncle Michael never touched me I guess I'm just better at pretending than you are
01:08:27I
01:08:40Know your mother lives now. She seems really nice. I
01:08:52Totally understand why you didn't introduce me to mom
01:08:56I
01:08:59But I'm a little oven
01:09:02Get to meet your sister
01:09:10I'll think about what I want
01:09:14You don't think about things anymore
01:09:18You don't make choices
01:09:23She's kidding Marcus
01:09:26She'll be back tomorrow
01:09:35Tomorrow Anna tomorrow
01:09:42Giving up would be easier
01:09:46Accepting
01:09:49Accepting the world as it is would be easier
01:09:52Nothing will change until you change it
01:10:03Thank You Anna, thank you. We'll take a short break and be back in 15
01:10:22I
01:10:27Hey still pre-visualizing my death
01:10:32You know, you don't have to talk at every session fuck you fuck you too
01:10:37You
01:10:50Anna
01:10:54When are you coming home? I don't know when I can just stay there. I won't even come visit
01:11:03For a while
01:11:08I'm so sorry
01:11:11Thank you, but for I didn't do a thing. I just want you to come home
01:11:18Thank you
01:11:30There's a separation between me and what happens to Anna
01:11:34There's at least three of us past Anna and Anna now and future Anna
01:11:42I wish the three of us could get along but that's not possible. This is all past Anna's fault
01:11:49This is future Anna's problem to fix
01:11:59There are people who stop doing this
01:12:01They move on and become a face in the crowd. I
01:12:07Want to be a face in the crowd and feel like I belong there
01:12:32I
01:12:36Don't know really
01:12:39I've missed you. I love your hair
01:12:44so beautiful
01:12:45perfect
01:12:47It's time to stop pretending
01:13:01You
01:13:31You
01:14:01You
01:14:31You see I told you she'd be back
01:15:01You
01:15:13Can get used to fear it can become a part of you you begin to need it
01:15:23Without my fear, who will I be?
01:15:31Are you Anna?
01:15:34No, I'm not
01:15:51We control our own realities we decide which door to open which path to walk
01:15:58When reality knocks on your door, remember that you have a choice
01:16:06Nothing will change till you change it
01:16:28You
01:16:58You
01:17:28You
01:17:30You
01:18:00You
01:18:30You
01:19:00You
01:19:30You