A secret agent tries to prevent World War III.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00This film was made with the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S
00:00:30Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U.S. Embassy in the Philippines and by the support of the U
00:01:00I am not interested in your problems, Agent Karlov.
00:01:09I am only interested in getting our property back and getting rid of their agent permanently.
00:01:40They're calling Banner. Is he there, please?
00:01:44This is Banner.
00:01:45This is Karloff.
00:01:46Mm-hmm.
00:01:47I must meet you.
00:01:48Well, I can finish up here later. Sure.
00:01:51When can we meet?
00:01:52Mm, not tomorrow. I've got a little side trip I've got to take first.
00:01:56The next day, then?
00:01:58Uh, I could meet you Thursday night in L.A., though.
00:02:00At the Bonaventure?
00:02:01Yeah, at the Bonaventure. Sure.
00:02:03Okay.
00:02:04Hi, Miss Karloff.
00:02:05Eight-ish?
00:02:06Eight-ish it is, then.
00:02:08Okay.
00:02:10Sorry, Ling. Gotta go.
00:02:13But maybe we can pick this up another time, huh?
00:02:16Or even another lifetime, darling.
00:02:19Ciao.
00:02:20Bye.
00:02:24Bye.
00:02:29What gots in here, hunk of junk?
00:02:31Where are you going?
00:02:39Oh, what a waste.
00:02:45Francois, are you coming?
00:02:47Oui, monsieur.
00:02:49At least, Monsieur Banner, I got my gun off.
00:02:54God, I love this job.
00:02:58I'm going to have a good time.
00:03:00I'm going to have a good time.
00:03:02I'm going to have a good time.
00:03:04I'm going to have a good time.
00:03:06I'm going to have a good time.
00:03:36Walking on an edge
00:03:39In the darkest part of night
00:03:44Standing at the end
00:03:48With so much left to learn
00:03:51You know that you're my only friend
00:03:56I've got nowhere left to turn
00:03:59I'm living on the edge
00:04:05Standing all alone
00:04:08I'm walking on the edge
00:04:13With nowhere left to go
00:04:16But one day I'll be free
00:04:21And I'll step down off the ledge
00:04:24Until it's over
00:04:27I'll be living on the edge
00:04:36When I'm alone with you
00:04:41The world becomes so clear
00:04:44But then the moments are so few
00:04:49When I can have you near me
00:04:54So much time to burn
00:04:58So little time to play
00:05:01I guess it's just my lot in life
00:05:06And a heavy price to pay
00:05:09I'm living on the edge
00:05:14Standing all alone
00:05:17I'm walking on the edge
00:05:22With nowhere left to go
00:05:25But one day I'll be free
00:05:30And I'll step down off the ledge
00:05:33Until it's over
00:05:36I'll be living on the edge
00:05:44But when it's over
00:05:48Truly over
00:05:52I'll be waiting for you
00:06:00When it's over
00:06:04Truly over
00:06:07I'll be here with you
00:06:21I'm living on the edge
00:06:26Standing all alone
00:06:29I'm walking on the edge
00:06:34With nowhere left to go
00:06:37But one day I'll be free
00:06:42And I'll step down off the ledge
00:06:45Until it's over
00:06:48I'll be living on the edge
00:06:57Where the hell is that unreliable son-of-a-bitch?
00:07:00How come you can be on time and he can't?
00:07:02He's here, sir. I saw him in his quarters last night.
00:07:04I'll bet you did. I'll beat you to it through again.
00:07:07Listen, why don't you just give this to him?
00:07:09I'm sick and tired of sitting around waiting for the great Mr. Banner.
00:07:12You called?
00:07:16Well, hi-yo.
00:07:18What the hell is she doing here?
00:07:21Well, let her in.
00:07:23What the hell is she doing here?
00:07:26Well, why don't you just think of me as your report card, Python?
00:07:30You know, Mr. E counts on me to protect the special interests of these special operations.
00:07:36You're doing a swell job, Chesley.
00:07:38Just what I need, a goddamn watchdog.
00:07:44Just keep it up, Python.
00:07:48And you're a dead man.
00:07:53You know, Python, it's really good to see our two agencies working together again.
00:07:58On this mission, hotshot, you're working for me.
00:08:02Oh, is that a fact, Colonel?
00:08:04As long as I outrank you, it is.
00:08:06Gentlemen, I believe we have a job to do.
00:08:09All right, just run it down, Python.
00:08:12It's pretty cut and dry, Sonny.
00:08:14But if you need me to explain it to you,
00:08:16you've got to go someplace you're not supposed to be
00:08:19to take out a radar installation that's not supposed to exist.
00:08:22And there's one more thing, Super Spy.
00:08:25I want you to remember that it's because of you I lost my legs
00:08:29in the interest of interagency cooperation.
00:08:33Now, you get the hell out of here before I really get mad.
00:08:38And I want you to check with me every step of the way.
00:08:42And if you need backup, I'm your contact.
00:08:45You understand?
00:08:46Trust me.
00:08:52Okay.
00:09:11Ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:09:13Whoa!
00:09:22Whoa!
00:09:46Okay, Banner, it looks like the camp is just a half a mile to the east.
00:09:53We might as well take it down.
00:09:55Hey, did you get a good look at that radar unit?
00:09:58Yeah, yeah, there's only a couple of guys around.
00:10:00It looks like a piece of cake.
00:10:02Well, Jake, let's go get a piece.
00:10:04Oh, please, Banner.
00:10:22Whoa!
00:10:52Whoa!
00:11:04Oh, Jacqueline, give me your .38, would you?
00:11:06What?
00:11:08Just a little extra protection for me.
00:11:14.38?
00:11:18Buenos dias, senorita.
00:11:21Come on, Banner, let's blow this pop stand.
00:11:24This? I'm sure our comrades will get a bang out of this one.
00:11:28Yeah, take an edge of this, will you?
00:11:51Whoa!
00:12:21Whoa!
00:12:51Whoa!
00:13:03Whoa!
00:13:06Whoa!
00:13:16Whoa!
00:13:20Whoa!
00:13:35Whoa!
00:14:06Whoa!
00:14:14Whoa!
00:14:16Whoa!
00:14:39Just hang in there, pal.
00:14:41This was never in the manual.
00:14:46Whoa!
00:14:55The target is in sight, sir.
00:14:57Good, lieutenant.
00:14:59What about your friend Banner?
00:15:01You got him spotted yet?
00:15:03No.
00:15:05No sign of him yet.
00:15:17Whoa!
00:15:29Whoa!
00:15:46Whoa!
00:16:10Take a nap, Gracie.
00:16:17Whoa!
00:16:35Black Panther, Black Panther.
00:16:37What's the status of our man?
00:16:40Banner's made it into the compound
00:16:42and the Cubans are storing that JVQ radar jamming unit.
00:16:47Thank God for small miracles.
00:16:50You were right.
00:16:52It is compact.
00:16:54Maybe even mobile.
00:16:56Could be a very serious threat.
00:16:58The only serious threat out there is that son-of-a-bitch Banner.
00:17:03All right, just stick to the script and get the job done.
00:17:07Yes, sir, whatever it takes. Just as planned.
00:17:12Thank you.
00:17:42♪
00:18:12♪
00:18:28Stephen, hurry.
00:18:39Oh, shit.
00:18:43Oh!
00:18:52Status report, Banner, my friend.
00:18:55It's been a long time.
00:18:57Too long.
00:18:59Too bad our visit will be short.
00:19:05American pig!
00:19:07What the hell is he up to now?
00:19:10Lieutenant.
00:19:12Take it there's a problem.
00:19:14Yes, we might need some backup.
00:19:16I figured as much. What's your position?
00:19:18Banner's coordinates, they're, um...
00:19:21457.7 latitude, 52.8 longitude.
00:19:26He's got about 30 seconds, sir, to make a splash or...
00:19:30Should I say a bang?
00:19:32All right, just get on with it. Play it safe and cover your ass.
00:19:35Get out of there with or without Banner.
00:19:37Yes, sir. Yes, I know the drill.
00:19:39And Jacqueline?
00:19:41Yes.
00:19:42I hope he doesn't forget what he came there for.
00:19:44Yes, I'm sure he'll take the jammer unit out.
00:19:46He can take care of himself, sir.
00:19:48Yeah, if I know him, he'll probably take himself out with it.
00:19:52And don't worry about the backup. It's on its way.
00:19:55Out.
00:19:58Yeah, this is Python.
00:20:00Give me the Pentagon.
00:20:02Huh?
00:20:04I'm surprised that your government can't do better than this.
00:20:08Pataticheskia!
00:20:10Muchapataticheskia!
00:20:12Ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:20:15General, you know what the budget cuts that our government's doing.
00:20:18I mean, just look at this.
00:20:20I mean, just look at this.
00:20:22I mean, just look at this.
00:20:24You know what the budget cuts that our government's doing.
00:20:27I mean, it just makes our job a little harder.
00:20:37Nice, nice.
00:20:40You know, General, time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?
00:20:44It's hot!
00:20:46Give me that, General.
00:20:48Stick it where the sun don't shine.
00:20:51Come on, get out of there, Steve and James Banner.
00:20:58Good-bye, General.
00:21:01Armelio!
00:21:05I'm sorry.
00:21:07Come on, get out of there.
00:21:09Come on, get out of there.
00:21:11Armelio!
00:21:13I'm sorry.
00:21:15Come on!
00:21:18Armando!
00:21:26Steve!
00:21:32Let's go, let's go!
00:21:33Let's go!
00:21:35Steve!
00:21:39Steve!
00:21:47Chachas, hurry up!
00:21:49Hurry up!
00:21:51Hurry, hurry!
00:22:14Hurry, hurry!
00:22:16God damn you, Santa Maria!
00:22:46Hurry, hurry!
00:23:17Ah!
00:23:22I wonder why I am so fired up.
00:23:42Code 5, Code 4, come in. Can you read?
00:23:46I'm a little busy right now.
00:23:49I'm sorry, I lost your visual. Can you make it to the plane?
00:23:52Roger. I'm almost there. You better be, too, Jack.
00:24:16Code 5, Code 5, how are you there? Come in.
00:24:19What was that explosion?
00:24:21There's our ticket out of here.
00:24:23The plane? The plane's been hit?
00:24:26All right, listen, I radioed for some backup earlier.
00:24:30There should be a chopper at the rendezvous point any minute.
00:24:33Okay, on my way.
00:24:35I'm going to the airport.
00:24:37I'm going to the airport.
00:24:39I'm going to the airport.
00:24:41I'm going to the airport.
00:24:44Okay, on my way.
00:24:47You better be there, you son of a bitch.
00:25:13I'm going to the airport.
00:25:31Come on, Jacqueline, get the hell out of here!
00:25:34That's an order!
00:25:43Come on!
00:25:48Go!
00:26:03Let's go, come on.
00:26:13Come on.
00:26:27Sorry, old buddy.
00:26:29Free the crowd.
00:26:35Oh, Stephen.
00:26:37Jack.
00:26:44Bravo Leader, this is Code 5 Commander.
00:26:47Do you copy?
00:26:51All right, the target is permanently disabled.
00:26:54I repeat, permanently disabled.
00:26:57Take your troops to the pre-designated coordinates
00:27:00and destroy the remains of the camp.
00:27:02Do you understand, Bravo Leader?
00:27:06Good.
00:27:09God damn it, Banner!
00:27:11Nobody touches that camp.
00:27:13Do you copy, Bravo Leader?
00:27:15Banner, what frequency are you on?
00:27:18Switching to frequency 1.25 X-ray.
00:27:22Charlie Company Team Leader, are you in position?
00:27:27Banner, can anybody hear me?
00:27:32Can anybody hear me?
00:27:39I knew he'd do this to me.
00:27:41They're going to have my ass for this.
00:27:44Good, but remember, this is the 1980s, guys,
00:27:47and not the Bay of Pigs,
00:27:49so just back up Bravo Company with some firepower
00:27:52and get your boys home.
00:27:54Is that understood, Charlie Leader?
00:27:56Yes, sir, Captain. We're moving in now.
00:27:58Good luck, men. Out!
00:28:01Out!
00:28:16Banner!
00:28:31Banner!
00:29:01Over.
00:29:09Madwell and 1-6, cover 3-6, over.
00:29:12Over 3-6, this is Madwell and 1-6.
00:29:15I have you in sight, over.
00:29:17Madwell and 1-6, this is Madwell 3-6.
00:29:20Take a latent report, over.
00:29:23Enemy target, 140 degrees, 200 meters from my location, over.
00:29:31Banner!
00:29:52Banner!
00:30:01Banner!
00:30:07Banner!
00:30:24Banner!
00:30:32Banner!
00:30:38Oh, well, great.
00:30:40Well, I think it's time that we meet our guests.
00:30:42Let's meet them right now, shall we?
00:30:44We're going to be talking about sexual freedom,
00:30:46and joining us today we have...
00:30:49Mitzi O'Connor, high school senior,
00:30:51valedictorian, cheerleader,
00:30:53and poet laureate of Public School 247 in Brooklyn.
00:30:57Let's hear it for her.
00:31:02Yes, Natasha?
00:31:04Excuse me.
00:31:06Major Agent Karlov is on the line.
00:31:12Ah, Comrade Karlov.
00:31:14Is the meeting still on?
00:31:16Yes, sir. I reached Banner in Hong Kong.
00:31:19Thought this guy was raising hell in Cuba.
00:31:22That's the preliminary report.
00:31:25Let's see.
00:31:28Stephen James.
00:31:30Data is coming up on the screen now.
00:31:33Oh, yes. Number three.
00:31:36Age 32.
00:31:38Single.
00:31:40High kill ratio.
00:31:42Very deadly man, this Banner character.
00:31:46Sir, I don't understand.
00:31:48I don't understand.
00:31:50I don't understand.
00:31:52I don't understand.
00:31:55Because after this,
00:31:57we have to destroy the negative.
00:31:59That film's story is not just fictitious Hollywood.
00:32:03There was only one print of that film
00:32:06before we destroyed the negative.
00:32:09But this film documents what one of our agents,
00:32:13one Mickey Schultz did last Christmas,
00:32:18and what his potential is for doing more damage this year,
00:32:21potential is for doing more damage this year.
00:32:24That footage is real, comrade.
00:32:27Pardon me, General, but this doesn't seem to be
00:32:29very important from our country's point of view.
00:32:32Just get the film away from the Americans
00:32:36and drop it in the vault at our U.N. operations.
00:32:39Yes, sir.
00:32:40You don't need to worry about that.
00:32:42The only thing we have to worry about
00:32:44is the time we need to do it.
00:32:46Oh, I know, General, I understand.
00:32:47And perhaps I could give some specific instructions
00:32:50on what I need to do.
00:32:52You're welcome, General.
00:32:53I'm glad to have you on board.
00:32:55And I hope to see you soon, General.
00:32:57Thank you, Mr. E.
00:32:58Good luck, General.
00:33:00Thank you.
00:33:05You know, General, sir,
00:33:07I'm not quite sure what that information was.
00:33:09It took a great deal of effort and inter-agency cooperation
00:33:14in order to obtain this valuable piece of black money.
00:33:18I have personally laid my reputation on the line.
00:33:22Now, if you will, pay close attention
00:33:25to what you're going to see on the screen.
00:33:28I have personally laid my reputation on the line.
00:33:31Now, if you will, pay close attention
00:33:34to what you're going to see on the screen.
00:33:58The subject had no knowledge that he was being filmed.
00:34:03Suffice it to say, this is confidential.
00:34:07I trust that nothing will go beyond this room. Agreed?
00:34:11Thank you, Mr. Healy.
00:34:13Roll film, please.
00:34:16Okay, right away.
00:34:28BELL RINGS
00:34:53What is this, a joke?
00:34:55I assure you, it's not.
00:34:58And if you'll just be patient, Lieutenant,
00:35:01we'll all be able to find out
00:35:03just how critical this is to our national security.
00:35:08And I'm a cop.
00:35:10I carry a badge, a gun and bullets,
00:35:13and a nightstick and handcuffs...
00:35:25BELL RINGS
00:35:30BREATHING HEAVILY
00:35:47BELL RINGS
00:35:55BREATHING HEAVILY
00:36:15Now, remember,
00:36:17this particular incident happened over 20 years ago.
00:36:21The boy was just about eight years old then,
00:36:24when he was institutionalised, presumably for life.
00:36:30Madame Claus?
00:36:32Oh, you mean subordinate Claus.
00:36:34LAUGHTER
00:36:50Vicky! Vicky, put that down!
00:36:54Oh!
00:37:11Hmm.
00:37:23SIREN WAILS
00:37:38That, folks, was almost 20 years ago.
00:37:54Turn on the lights.
00:37:56What's wrong with the film?
00:37:59What are you guys doing back there?
00:38:01What?
00:38:03It appears the, uh...
00:38:05the rest of the film is missing, sir. Gone.
00:38:09Find that film today.
00:38:11Put your best man on it.
00:38:13Yes, sir. Consider it done.
00:38:24MUSIC CONTINUES
00:38:33Stephen, I'm so glad you could make dinner tonight.
00:38:36I must say, it's been a most enlightening evening.
00:38:39Why, thank you, Stephen.
00:38:41And I must say, I was certainly surprised to know you were free tonight.
00:38:46The scuttlebutt around the office
00:38:48means you're working on a very important project in Cuba.
00:38:52Maybe, but that's pretty much behind us now.
00:38:55Tell me, Miss Karloff, how long have you been with our agency?
00:38:59And how would you know about my son?
00:39:02Oh, well, you certainly are an inquisitive little devil, aren't you?
00:39:06I almost feel as if you don't trust me, Stephen.
00:39:09No, not at all.
00:39:11It's just been a long trip back from Hong Kong, that's all.
00:39:14I'm just a little tired.
00:39:16Excuse me, sir, you have an urgent phone call.
00:39:18Oh, God, never mind.
00:39:22Banner here.
00:39:24Stephen, I'm glad I found you.
00:39:26How did you...? I won't even ask.
00:39:29I suppose it's important, though, huh?
00:39:31Mr. E. is livid.
00:39:33Someone inside our headquarters
00:39:35snatched a highly secret film that must be recovered.
00:39:38You suspect, of course, a...
00:39:40Yes, a double agent.
00:39:42All right, Lieutenant,
00:39:44I think the answer might be staring me right in the face.
00:39:48What?
00:39:50I'll, uh, I'll explain it all later.
00:39:52Uh, where's the meet?
00:39:54At the submarine base. About one hour?
00:39:56Okay, sure.
00:39:58Well...
00:40:00I hate to even run, but duty does call.
00:40:03Uh, waiter, can this lovely lady have some coffee?
00:40:07Or perhaps you'd prefer a black Russian?
00:40:14Banner, a check!
00:40:16Give me a scotch and water straight up.
00:40:19Certainly, madam.
00:40:21Oh, and this should take care of the goddamn film.
00:40:33Mr. E. is livid.
00:40:35Someone inside our headquarters
00:40:37snatched a highly secret film that must be recovered.
00:40:50Mmm.
00:40:55Mmm.
00:41:00Looking for me, Jacqueline?
00:41:03Late as usual, Banner.
00:41:05Well, don't worry.
00:41:07I've brought along some of those gizmos
00:41:09you guys like to play with.
00:41:13Here's your A-48 decoder.
00:41:15It'll get you into the Soviets' computer room at the U.N.
00:41:18We think the film's in the safe by the main terminal room.
00:41:24Gotta love these toys.
00:41:26Knock it off. I signed for that.
00:41:28Now, here's their latest printout,
00:41:30cross-referenced to gain access to the main computer.
00:41:33It should open the safe.
00:41:35Hopefully the film's still in there.
00:41:37What's with this film anyway, Jacqueline?
00:41:40Horror movies, right?
00:41:42Not likely, but Mr. E.
00:41:44is bent on getting this back into our hands.
00:41:46Says it could be a real smoking gun for the Kremlin.
00:41:49So they haven't even told you.
00:41:51It's rather high security, Jacqueline.
00:41:54Rather high priority, Banner.
00:41:59Touche.
00:42:06Miss Karloff, what is your location?
00:42:09I'm right outside our computer operations building.
00:42:12Stephen has already gone in.
00:42:15Stephen? Are you two that close?
00:42:18Please, General.
00:42:21If he's as good as his record,
00:42:23he might just bypass security,
00:42:26decode the safe,
00:42:28and get the film back into United States hands.
00:42:35I agree.
00:42:37I suggest we bring in more manpower and...
00:42:39Yet, Karloff.
00:42:41I don't want anyone,
00:42:43even our own people, seeing that film.
00:42:46Homrat, Mickey,
00:42:48that kid in the film,
00:42:50is now an adult,
00:42:52and one of our agents.
00:42:56He must be protected.
00:43:13I see no purpose in going on with this charade.
00:43:21In truth,
00:43:24he's no agent.
00:43:27He's my grandson,
00:43:29a psychopathic killer
00:43:31whose identity, if known to the rest,
00:43:34could prove very embarrassing to our government.
00:43:37And definitely
00:43:39the end of my career.
00:43:42But, sir, I thought that...
00:43:44Enough said, comrade.
00:43:46Just recover that film
00:43:48and deliver it directly to me.
00:43:51Yes, sir. Consider it done.
00:43:54End communication.
00:43:59Goodbye, Karloff.
00:44:01And good luck.
00:44:31Thank you.
00:45:02The End
00:45:20Do you want to play a game?
00:45:24Uh, no, computer.
00:45:26I do not want to play a game.
00:45:28Oh.
00:45:29Please enter your security code then.
00:45:49I acknowledge your authority.
00:45:51Let us begin.
00:45:54By all means.
00:45:55I'd like to know, computer,
00:45:57where the movie film
00:45:59that was recently deposited here is being kept.
00:46:02The motion picture film
00:46:04is being kept in the master safe
00:46:06in the east part of this room.
00:46:09Good.
00:46:10Computer,
00:46:11just what is on that film
00:46:13that's so damn important?
00:46:16Apparently,
00:46:18one of our Moscow-based generals
00:46:21had a son who is a psychopathic killer.
00:46:26Enough.
00:46:32What the hell?
00:46:35Sir?
00:46:36Uh, nothing, computer.
00:46:39Begin sequencing the combination of the airlock safe.
00:46:46The sequencing to open the master safe has begun.
00:46:51Okay. Thank you, computer.
00:46:53Only ten seconds now
00:46:55until you will have access to the vault.
00:46:59Continue then.
00:47:02Countdown.
00:47:05Five,
00:47:06four,
00:47:07three,
00:47:08two,
00:47:09and open.
00:47:17You now have two menus.
00:47:20You, uh, good job, old boy.
00:47:26Damn right I'm not.
00:47:50Aah!
00:48:20Aah!
00:48:25Aah!
00:48:33Five, four,
00:48:35three,
00:48:36two,
00:48:37and release.
00:48:39Aah!
00:48:40We got everything we need.
00:48:43Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:48:47You've got to show your fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:48:53Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:48:57You're gonna lose.
00:48:59We got everything we need.
00:49:02Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:49:06You've got to show your fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:49:11Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.
00:49:16Fight.
00:49:17♪♪
00:49:27♪♪
00:49:37♪♪
00:49:47♪♪
00:49:57♪♪
00:50:07♪♪
00:50:17♪♪
00:50:27♪♪
00:50:37♪♪
00:50:47♪♪
00:50:57♪♪
00:51:07♪♪
00:51:17♪♪
00:51:27♪♪
00:51:37♪♪
00:51:47♪♪
00:51:57♪♪
00:52:07♪♪
00:52:17♪♪
00:52:27♪♪
00:52:37♪♪
00:52:47♪♪
00:52:57♪♪
00:53:07♪♪
00:53:17♪♪
00:53:27♪♪
00:53:37♪♪
00:53:47Oh, you don't have a nice ass, though.
00:54:03Okay.
00:54:07Yes?
00:54:10What?
00:54:11Put it on the screen!
00:54:18How close is our sub?
00:54:21And the Americans?
00:54:25Get our divers in the water.
00:54:27Now!
00:54:28I want that film!
00:54:31Uh-oh.
00:54:44Permission to come aboard, Corporal?
00:54:46Oh, yes, sir.
00:54:47Yes, sir, Captain Banner.
00:54:49Miss Corporal.
00:54:50Ma'am.
00:54:51Nice of you to drop in like this.
00:54:53I hope you didn't, uh, dress up on my account.
00:54:56Well, Jake.
00:54:57Uh, Lieutenant.
00:54:59I've been running around a lot today.
00:55:02Marshall Sub, close your fence on target, ma'am.
00:55:04Thank you, Corporal.
00:55:05Come on, Steven.
00:55:06Your gear is down in the torpedo room.
00:55:08This way, sir.
00:55:10Captain Levy Bridge.
00:55:11Dive, dive.
00:55:13Dive, dive.
00:55:25I'm scum.
00:55:29Jacklin, just what the hell is going on with this film?
00:55:32I've been going around here like a freak.
00:55:34Steven, I'll explain everything later.
00:55:36The Russians have to be stopped at any cost.
00:55:39Understood?
00:55:40Yes, yes.
00:55:41Captain, understood.
00:55:44Ma'am, yes, ma'am.
00:55:46Sorry, Steven.
00:55:47Just be careful, okay?
00:55:49Those guys are acting real serious.
00:56:12God, would you look at that picture.
00:56:15How many years has that taken, anyway?
00:56:18Still hiding your eyes behind a wine glass, don't you, Steven?
00:56:24Oh, Jacklin.
00:56:26I didn't know I could trust you like that.
00:56:28I'm so happy.
00:56:30Besides, I've always been able to see right through you anyway.
00:56:33You don't fool me.
00:56:351983.
00:56:37What?
00:56:39Oh, the picture.
00:56:40Remember?
00:56:41Operation Karnak, I believe.
00:56:44Oh, yeah.
00:56:45Well, we sure got around, didn't we?
00:56:54How did I ever let myself get involved with you, Steven?
00:56:57We didn't get into rules.
00:56:58Oh, rules, rules.
00:57:00No interpersonal relationships.
00:57:03Well, Banner, those are the rules, you know.
00:57:06I know.
00:57:07The agency's rules, Jacklin.
00:57:09Why do you think they call our unit S.O.B.?
00:57:12The hell with them.
00:57:13The hell with Mr. E.
00:57:15May I have this stamp?
00:57:17Steven!
00:57:18Ah!
00:57:19Ah!
00:57:20Ah!
00:57:21Ah!
00:57:22Ah!
00:57:23Ah!
00:57:24Ah!
00:57:25Ah!
00:57:26Ah!
00:57:27Ah!
00:57:28Ah!
00:57:29Ah!
00:57:30Ah!
00:57:32No, she hasn't come to stay.
00:57:35The locket looks really nice on you, Steven.
00:57:37Do you really like it?
00:57:38Of course I do.
00:57:39I love it.
00:57:42It'll be my good luck charm.
00:57:43Kind of like a gold dog test, you know.
00:57:47Oh, that's the thanks I get for it.
00:57:49Dammit, Jacklin.
00:57:51I don't know why you always want to pick a fight when I got to leave you.
00:57:54It really pisses me off.
00:57:56Well, I never could compete with all you women.
00:57:59Hey, there never was a communist.
00:58:03It's what you need to be done.
00:58:05Look, Stephen, you are what you are.
00:58:08And it feels like I'm just holding you back.
00:58:11Just hold me, Jacqueline.
00:58:17I'm so proud of you, Stephen James Bennet.
00:58:20You're one of a kind.
00:58:22And always so strong.
00:58:24Tell that to my heart, to ensure it.
00:58:27I think if the moment is breaking,
00:58:30be sure you can't go back.
00:58:32What? To New Zealand?
00:58:35I'm afraid not, babe.
00:58:37I sure will miss you there.
00:58:39I'll always miss you.
00:58:49Stephen, I can watch you fight and I can watch you win,
00:58:53but I will never watch you die.
00:58:57And that is the reality of life.
00:58:59That sometimes some place in the world,
00:59:01when you let your guard down,
00:59:03some place is assassinate for you.
00:59:06And I think I'd rather not be there for that scene,
00:59:09if you don't mind, darling.
00:59:18This is to the left of air.
00:59:21Left pressurization, fly switch to air.
00:59:23Left pressurization, fly switch to air.
00:59:25Left pressurization, fly switch to air.
00:59:27LCP-1-I.
00:59:28Captain, we have some ships having missile launch.
00:59:30We have weapons.
00:59:31Navigation fire control transmitted.
00:59:33That's completed.
00:59:34Set it back to life.
00:59:36Training fire.
00:59:37Weapons.
00:59:38You have permission to fire.
00:59:39You have permission to fire.
00:59:40I get it.
00:59:41Weapons gone.
00:59:42You have permission to fire.
00:59:44Down here, folks.
00:59:45Fire.
00:59:46My watch.
00:59:55Shit.
01:00:25Shit.
01:00:55Shit.
01:01:26Shit.
01:01:45Ladies and gentlemen, we have at great cost
01:01:48recovered the film that Mr. E here so desperately wanted.
01:01:51Why, thank you, Captain Banner.
01:01:53I assure you, sir, your efforts will not go unrecognized.
01:01:57After viewing it, though, sir, I must
01:01:59say that this snuff movie Detective Brody obtained
01:02:03appears, at first glance, to be nothing
01:02:04more than one of those awful holiday horror
01:02:06movies we see in the theaters.
01:02:09But of course, as all of us know in this room,
01:02:10the murders are real.
01:02:13Certainly, it does reveal the identity
01:02:15of a very sick little boy, and mainly
01:02:18that the killer is the grandson of one of Russia's most
01:02:21premier generals, a very damaging piece of blackmail.
01:02:26But if you want my opinion, Mr. E, and I'm sure that you do,
01:02:30I think in the spirit of glasnost and the friendship
01:02:33that we're now experiencing between our two countries,
01:02:36you should destroy this little film
01:02:37and put our agency to better use next time.
01:02:39That's enough, Captain.
01:02:41Banner, that's just not your call.
01:02:43All right, well, if you'll excuse me,
01:02:45I do have a plane to catch.
01:02:47Oh, and I hope you're amused at this clever little piece
01:02:50of satire, but think hard about what you're
01:02:53going to do with this film.
01:02:55If it was up to me, quite frankly, I would burn it.
01:03:00Good day, gentlemen, ladies, detective, Mr. E. Enjoy.
01:03:11If you all remember, in the opening segment of this film,
01:03:14the young boy had just killed his mother and her lover.
01:03:19And that was in 1965.
01:03:22A detector Brody here had put him away.
01:03:25In the next portion, you'll see that young Mickey
01:03:28is back in action, only now he's quite grown up
01:03:33and very, very deadly.
01:03:38Just roll the film, Brody.
01:03:39OK.
01:04:00Hi, Janie, you're just in time.
01:04:03Bobby's over here.
01:04:05Look, Bobby, Janie's here.
01:04:07I know.
01:04:08Hi, Bobby.
01:04:10Gosh, Mrs. Brown, what a beautiful tree.
01:04:12Sure looks like Christmas in here.
01:04:14Thanks, Janie.
01:04:15Look, here's $20 for pizza in case you get hungry.
01:04:18That should cover a tip, too.
01:04:21I'll be out real late tonight.
01:04:22And see that he doesn't get into his presents, OK?
01:04:25I know.
01:04:26No problem, Mrs. Brown.
01:04:28Bobby and I will be just fine.
01:04:30Bobby, now don't make a mess.
01:04:31I just had the place cleaned.
01:04:33I know.
01:04:35Ciao, everyone.
01:04:39Ah!
01:04:40Woo!
01:04:41That hurt!
01:04:42I'm sorry.
01:05:01Relax.
01:05:02Don't get so burnt by the shade.
01:05:03No!
01:05:04I just love him so much.
01:05:05They said that he wasn't even human.
01:05:07Sure.
01:05:08That's when I thought it was safe to come
01:05:09back into this apartment.
01:05:10It's a dis-partment.
01:05:11Yeah, I knew you were going to say that.
01:05:12Sure, you did.
01:05:14I had this really freaky dream about this big red moon,
01:05:18and it was just bleeding all over me.
01:05:20It was so gross.
01:05:22You know, I get crazy when there's a blue moon.
01:05:24You don't need a moon to get crazy.
01:05:26You're nuts anyway.
01:05:28I got it.
01:05:29I got a word that's just going to kill you.
01:05:31Oh, yeah?
01:05:32Yeah.
01:05:33Try it.
01:05:34How do you spell fornicate?
01:05:35Fornicate?
01:05:36That's easy.
01:05:37F.
01:05:38You got an F?
01:05:39Yeah.
01:05:40O-U-N.
01:05:44But, Tanny, I'm not sleepy.
01:05:47Shh, Bobby.
01:05:48Now you just close your eyes and get some rest.
01:05:51I'll try to get these people out of here as soon as I can.
01:05:54Remember, Santa's coming tonight.
01:05:56I know.
01:06:01As strange and amusing as this might appear,
01:06:05keep in mind that every murder you see on this film is real.
01:06:10Rumors have it that a series of so-called snuff films were made
01:06:14using easily manipulated mental patients to commit actual murders.
01:06:19This particular film our experts have documented is absolutely authentic.
01:06:25And more important, the identity of this killer is what is of interest to us.
01:06:32Great.
01:07:03Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:07:05I think there's Santa Claus in here.
01:07:07I think there's Santa Claus in here.
01:07:09Santa Claus.
01:07:10Santa Claus.
01:07:11Get this guy off of me.
01:07:13Thank you.
01:07:33Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:07:48Who is it?
01:07:50Who's there?
01:08:02Who is it?
01:08:14Attention.
01:08:15Attention all units.
01:08:16This is an all-points bulletin for a heavy-set man reportedly dressed in a red suit,
01:08:22black boots, white beard, and possibly armed with a handgun.
01:08:26And a tiny reindeer.
01:08:28A suspect escaped tonight from Sunnydale Sanitarium.
01:08:32His name is Mickey Schultz.
01:08:35His alias, get this gag, is Kris Kringle.
01:08:40So he's back in town, huh?
01:08:43A real nut.
01:08:46You know what, Anderson?
01:08:48What, Brody?
01:08:50About 20 years ago he killed his mother and his old man
01:08:54with a butcher knife on Christmas Eve.
01:08:57I never saw so much blood in my life, and I'll never forget it either.
01:09:01Watch it, Brody, a red light.
01:09:04Fuck, um, I'm a cop?
01:09:07Anyway, we went in, and we found the two of them laying there,
01:09:12cacked up like a side of beef.
01:09:15And that little monster standing there with a knife in his hands.
01:09:20My pardon, Kelly?
01:09:22He started puking.
01:09:23He started puking his guts out all over the place.
01:09:26Excuse me, Brody.
01:09:28I think we should acknowledge that APB.
01:09:31Don't worry about it, Anderson.
01:09:33I got my own way of finding this one.
01:09:36One look into his dead black eyes, and I'll know him.
01:09:42It's a stone nut.
01:09:44Ever since he saw his mama kissing Santa Claus,
01:09:47he's been crazy ever since.
01:09:49You know what, Anderson?
01:09:51When the doctors examined the kid's head,
01:09:54they found dog shit for brains.
01:09:57Thank you, detective, for that illuminating and tasteful description of the murder.
01:10:03Shall we proceed?
01:10:06The next brutal murder takes place here.
01:10:18Hey, man, what's going on?
01:10:22Should I check it?
01:10:24I got to do everything myself.
01:10:52Oh, my God.
01:11:23Well, I guess that's graphic enough to give us the general idea.
01:11:29Obviously, our murderer is quite mad,
01:11:32and he continues killing until there's only one girl left.
01:11:45Mmm. Want some?
01:11:49Mmm. Want some?
01:11:52Yeah. Oh, in a minute. I got to pee.
01:11:56Hey, watch your mouth.
01:11:58You're going to have to learn how to talk more like a lady.
01:12:09Hey, Sherry, get a load of this.
01:12:18Fire out.
01:12:28My baby does it okay.
01:12:32Splish, splash.
01:12:36Hey.
01:12:45Aah!
01:12:47Aah!
01:13:06John, what's all the racket going on?
01:13:10Oh, the tub.
01:13:35Aah!
01:13:49Billy, did you hear that?
01:13:51Oh, it's probably just Sherry. She's a moaner.
01:13:54Yeah? How would you know?
01:13:56Billy, hurry. I think you better go see what's wrong.
01:13:59No way, Jose.
01:14:01Please.
01:14:06I better call the police.
01:14:10Mmm. Mmm.
01:14:17Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
01:14:33Oh, my God. The phone's dead.
01:14:37So am I.
01:14:43I'll just fast-forward this to get to the end.
01:14:48Now, the point is, is that these murders are real,
01:14:52and the cycle they use to commit them
01:14:55is none other than the grandson of General Alexei Grossov
01:15:00of the USSR Secret Police.
01:15:04And he knows that we know all about it
01:15:08and won't hesitate to use it against him.
01:15:16Oh, my God.
01:15:18Oh, my God.
01:15:20Oh, my God.
01:15:22Aah!
01:15:24Aah!
01:15:26Aah!
01:15:28Aah!
01:15:30Aah!
01:15:34Aah!
01:15:36Aah!
01:15:39Aah!
01:15:41Aah!
01:15:43No!
01:15:46Aah!
01:15:48Aah!
01:15:50Aah!
01:15:58Aah!
01:16:00It's okay, miss.
01:16:30He's in charge now.
01:16:31Oh, no, you're not, detective.
01:16:32As a matter of fact, with this film in the hands of S.O.B., we are very clearly in charge.
01:16:43It is our intention to leak the information to the K.G.B. and let them take care of their
01:16:49own.
01:16:50He keeps our hands clean of all that messy business and, uh, gets rid of an adversary
01:16:58at the same time.
01:17:05Now you know why it was so important to obtain this evidence.
01:17:09Right, Mr. E.
01:17:15Now you know, and soon, the whole world will know that my grandson grew up to be a very
01:17:27sick man.
01:17:28The worst part is, he's still out there.
01:18:12You're really very good, Stephen James Banner.
01:18:16You know, having this picnic was a great idea.
01:18:19Well, I'm just full of great ideas, Fancilla.
01:18:22Such as mine?
01:18:23Such as, uh, a little more champagne for them.
01:18:26Oh, please.
01:18:27That crazy story you were telling me about that Mickey character, is it really true?
01:18:31Uh, classified, darling.
01:18:33In fact, I really shouldn't say any more about it.
01:18:36But if he was still alive, wouldn't you be in danger?
01:18:39I mean, you were responsible for his path of death.
01:18:42Well, I suppose I do have to take that chance, don't I?
01:18:47Get down, Fancilla.
01:18:49Jesus.
01:18:53Fancilla, it's only...
01:18:57Jacqueline.
01:18:58Just saving your ass again.
01:19:00And it is such a nice ass, Stephen.
01:19:03That little Fancilla of yours just happens to be working at the Soviet Embassy down here
01:19:07at the islands.
01:19:09That should be back in Washington by now, Lieutenant.
01:19:12Stephen, work is everything, you know.
01:19:15People do change.
01:19:19Oh, you're not kidding.
01:19:29Stephen, it's so good to see you again.
01:19:31But darling, I thought you and me, this is what's supposed to happen.
01:19:35Oh, shut up and kiss me.
01:19:37I thought that was my line, guys.
01:19:41Say love me.
01:20:06I love you.
01:20:07I love you.