Imitative magic (2016) Length indie canadian fantasy horror comedy movie
Imitative Magic (2016 - Full length Indie Canadian fantasy / horror / comedy movie)
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00:00:00You
00:00:30You
00:01:00You
00:01:30You
00:02:00You
00:02:30You
00:03:00The father who had adopted concert was thought to be a moon who had already
00:03:05But already been changed into a more significant God by the rise of Phoebus as these two were both considered extremely benign deities
00:03:13Menthu gradually lost his more aggressive aspects
00:03:17in art
00:03:19Consu was depicted as a man with the head of a hawk wearing the crescent of the new moon subtending the disk of the full moon
00:03:26Yes cadence
00:03:29The class will be over in a few minutes. No, mr. T. You don't understand. I have to go right now
00:03:33It'll be really bad if I don't go
00:03:58You
00:04:28You
00:04:58You
00:05:23Here what happened where are they?
00:05:29I guess it is possible that you think they might be busy or maybe they put them on that weird heart murder thing that happened
00:05:35It still doesn't seem right though
00:05:37Should have made an effort
00:05:40Margaret Nigel, you're my friends, right?
00:05:43Yes
00:05:44What heart murders?
00:05:46Someone was found dead last night. They had their hearts ripped out. It's all over the news this morning. I was in class. I don't know
00:05:54I'm worried you guys this is serious
00:05:57You know, I've never been to one of these things
00:05:59This is my first time and sure I'm at chink on when he signed on Calgary crimes in the 80s book
00:06:04But they were gonna talk about their crime fighting and their methods and it's gonna be so rad
00:06:12Sure
00:06:16Okay, and I'll see you tonight a fan club party right go get your money back to that ticket
00:06:26You
00:06:33Yeah money
00:06:35Ticket
00:06:38No, no, where are you?
00:06:43There you are
00:06:45This sucks food. I don't know if ghosts have hearts the same as people do what but mine just broke
00:06:52Sorry, of course, you'll hurt I didn't mean any disrespect
00:06:55Anyway, we should get home
00:06:57The mail guy comes with my package when I'm not there
00:06:59I'm gonna have to take the bus all the way to the post office
00:07:02And I'm not terribly in the mood for that kind of nonsense today
00:07:22I
00:07:45Don't have the time to check the mailbox every five minutes for your stupid fangirl shit. Anyway doesn't even matter
00:07:52You're a lousy brother. So are you? Anyway, you don't even know what it's like to be as creative as me
00:07:58Why did you quit your job? Anyways surrounding nothing?
00:08:01I'm gonna work on my music full-time. Maybe I don't know. What's the point? Everything that's been said has been said what's useless?
00:08:14People don't appreciate music. Anyway, do you have any idea how crappy mp3s sound compared to CDs?
00:08:20Or CDs compared to vinyl vinyl compared to my room. You're boring
00:08:29It's not my fault nothing's interesting anymore the last interesting thing happened in like 1986
00:08:36What's the point? Oh, I have a headache
00:08:50You
00:08:52You
00:09:17Good day citizens of Calgary. I am the chief of police as
00:09:22You know, there have been two grisly murders in our city over the last couple of days
00:09:26I assure you the police force is working extra hard to help solve this mystery
00:09:32And I realize you have become accustomed to our local heroes be part of ching-chong taking the lead in cases like this
00:09:39However, it is with great sadness. I'm here today to tell you that be part and ching-chong seem to have gone missing
00:09:47We have been trying to contact them every way possible
00:09:52with no results
00:09:54We now ask you the city of Calgary
00:09:57If you have any information about the whereabouts of beef art ching-chong or their secretary Marla
00:10:03Please contact the Calgary Police Department immediately and if be part and ching-chong can hear this, please come home
00:10:11We can't do this without you
00:10:12I know we've been ungrateful in the past, but that was only because we didn't think you guys would ever leave
00:10:18Please be part ching-chong. Come back
00:10:32Are you trying to tell me that I swear
00:10:36I see you're stinking
00:10:38Now you listen, you know, you listen
00:10:42Time you found out why your old buddy's older be part and ching-chong are missing
00:11:08You
00:11:38You
00:11:50I'll just give him my new address. I don't know how that's all gonna work out now that you're getting rid of the mail carriers
00:12:00Cadence yes, Walter phone
00:12:08I
00:12:22Know we've been ungrateful in the past, but that was only because we didn't think you guys would ever leave
00:12:28Please be part ching-chong. Come back so weird that no one knows where they are
00:12:34I
00:12:36Haven't heard of any Bobo sightings or any other
00:12:39No, who goes around stealing people's hearts, it's like two hearts. Yeah, so two more than enough, isn't it?
00:12:47All I know is a few part and ching-chong don't show up probably gonna keep going on
00:12:54The website has had over 400 hits just today
00:12:58This disappearance has really boosted things for me. I was thinking they could probably get someone interested in
00:13:04That movie. I want me to be part and ching-chong. Did you finish the script? Not yet, but I've got a rough outline
00:13:12You've been talking about making that move for years
00:13:15If you want I can help your script. No, I'm I'm more worried about we get some funding for it. Otherwise, what's the point?
00:13:23Well, I could just look at your outline write it for you. If you want to worry about the money situation
00:13:30I mean, who do you think funded? I don't know. It's my baby. I should write it
00:13:35I mean, we would need at least a camera and an editing suite
00:13:41costumes props
00:13:44But who knows with the beef heart and ching-chong thing, maybe someone will step up
00:13:53Imagine if they turn up dead don't talk
00:14:00Basically my job is just
00:14:05Speaking of time, I just bought this new watch
00:14:11If you tap here and click a little to the left then turns into a stopwatch
00:14:16It's pretty handy when I'm playing D&D on the weekends
00:14:20You should totally come and play
00:14:22Yeah
00:14:25Well, you should come by tomorrow if you if you want I can help you create a character
00:14:30It would be cool for a pretty young lady like you to come down
00:14:36You could be probably something like
00:14:39acrobat
00:14:46I have no idea boo, but I hope it comes soon
00:14:49Peter
00:14:51Huh?
00:14:52My name is Peter. You just called me boo
00:14:55No
00:14:56called boo-boo
00:14:58I'm not really an acrobat type
00:15:00Are you waiting for someone?
00:15:22Ah
00:15:24For you brought me back to life
00:15:32Is this song remind you of something Lloyd?
00:15:35I don't think so. Why?
00:15:39Reminds me of something from when I was younger
00:15:42Something important
00:15:44What does it remind you of?
00:15:46I don't know
00:15:48Do you want to dance?
00:15:50I don't know
00:15:53Do you know where Henry is? Is he still sick?
00:15:56I think I saw him get taken to the treatment center
00:16:01I haven't seen him for a couple days
00:16:03I'm sure he'll be okay
00:16:17Guadalupe could you fill up my coffee please?
00:16:19Oh sure thing Lloyd
00:16:22Audrey do you want some as well or anything else?
00:16:26Can you dance?
00:16:28Oh well
00:16:30I can try
00:16:32Okay
00:17:19What?
00:17:22I'm sorry
00:17:24I'm sorry
00:17:26I'm sorry
00:17:28I'm sorry
00:17:30I'm sorry
00:17:32I'm sorry
00:17:34I'm sorry
00:17:36I'm sorry
00:17:38I'm sorry
00:17:40I'm sorry
00:17:42I'm sorry
00:17:44I'm sorry
00:17:46I'm sorry
00:17:48I'm sorry
00:17:50I'm sorry
00:18:16I'm here
00:18:18You have my package don't leave
00:18:22Hey Cadence
00:18:24What I mean to say is I have this package for you to sign for
00:18:39Is this the one you've been waiting for?
00:18:41Well this is one of the ones I've been waiting for
00:18:43It's not the big one but it's freaking boss
00:18:45And Boo was waiting for this one more but maybe I'm making that up
00:18:48Anyways thank you
00:18:50Well you know just
00:18:52Bye
00:19:00You know Cadence I delivered all the other mail first so you know I had lots of time to get to know you better
00:19:05My goodness you look as beautiful as the day
00:19:07We should take a walk together and chat about how much of a total loser I am
00:19:10And how you're way too nice to just spit on my face
00:19:16Bye
00:19:22Walter
00:19:24I got this package
00:19:26Well it's not the one I was waiting for
00:19:27Not the big one anyways
00:19:28But I got this package
00:19:29And it's really cool
00:19:30I think I might go to the dog show later and get a frame for it
00:19:32And maybe some beef jerky
00:19:33But not real beef jerky because that's mean
00:19:35Go away you psychotic pixie
00:19:38I was having an awesome dream about Emerson Lake and Palmer
00:19:45Oh
00:20:01Yes
00:20:09All the bands in this city are the same anyway
00:20:12I'm sure they're not all the same
00:20:14I mean you should try to get a show and you could be like the great new exciting thing
00:20:18My music requires a more sophisticated audience anyway
00:20:22It wouldn't do me any good to go and play some shitty little club
00:20:25Anyway I'm almost finished writing my grant proposal
00:20:28And when I do I can make a real album
00:20:30I don't know none of the studios in this city have the right equipment anyway
00:20:34I don't know maybe I won't even write up a grant proposal
00:20:37Why?
00:20:40Cadence
00:20:41These bullshit Calgary bands
00:20:43They just don't get it
00:20:44The only one that would truly understand is Kipper Bones
00:20:47He made all the good records in the 70s and 80s
00:20:50I don't know why someone like him would work with me though
00:20:53My life is a mess
00:20:56Well I think you'll totally get that grant
00:20:58Boo agrees
00:20:59And he thinks that you can make an amazing album no matter where you record
00:21:03Boo is wrong
00:21:04And on that note
00:21:05What the hell are you doing?
00:21:06You're 19 years old and you have an imaginary friend
00:21:09I don't know if you're joking around anymore or what
00:21:12Boo is a ghost
00:21:14Not an imaginary friend
00:21:15You're the one that did the Ouija board with me and introduced us
00:21:20Ghosts aren't real you big weirdo
00:21:22Yes they are
00:21:24No they're not retard
00:21:30If ghosts aren't real then
00:21:32Where are mom and dad?
00:21:33Just fertilize her?
00:21:34Because I think that's more crazy than Boo
00:21:36Oh Cadence
00:21:38I'm sorry
00:21:40I'm going to bed
00:21:42I'm totally packed with food anyways
00:21:44Thanks for that by the way
00:21:58You know he doesn't mean it when he says you're not real right?
00:22:01He's just sad about stuff all the time
00:22:04I love you too Boo
00:22:25Hey I saw you looking at Terrence at that party Jen
00:22:28Don't pretend you weren't
00:22:29Yes I was looking at him
00:22:31Yes I was looking at him
00:22:33And I was looking at you
00:22:34And I was looking at Hannah
00:22:36I'm sorry I don't have eyeballs that shut off even when you ask them to
00:22:40You're such a disgusting drink you know that?
00:22:45You had too much to drink
00:22:47Let's just get you home
00:22:48Don't tell me what to do
00:22:50You know what?
00:22:52I'm done
00:22:54I'm going to go spend the night at Hannah's
00:22:56Find your own way home
00:22:58Good luck Sid
00:23:01You suck Jen
00:23:22I couldn't help but overhear your conversation
00:23:27Sid
00:23:28Jesus you scared me buddy
00:23:31What's with the dumb mask?
00:23:33Poor Jen there
00:23:35Didn't deserve to be treated so badly
00:23:38Manhandled
00:23:40Called names
00:23:42You have demonstrated highly unclassy behavior
00:23:47In front of a lady
00:23:49Who do you think you are telling me relationship advice you freak?
00:23:54What is with that ridiculous mask?
00:23:58It's a surgical mask
00:24:28Jen
00:24:29Jen
00:24:30Jen
00:24:58Saturday morning
00:24:59Best mornings of all the mornings
00:25:01Saturday means Saturday sandwiches
00:25:03And Saturday slushies
00:25:05And Saturday surprises
00:25:07Come on Boo let's get out of here
00:25:09Saturday awaits but one man
00:25:11He who resides in the dungeon of the pickle tree
00:25:13And Boo I am that man
00:25:22Oh well hi Cadence
00:25:23Stupid bird can't even talk
00:25:25Because talking is too hard for you isn't it?
00:25:27Hey Cadence I go to your website all the time
00:25:29And I think you're really cool
00:25:31And I'm so glad you're on my mail room
00:25:32And I'm Bert the creepy stalker
00:25:34Who may or may not be some kind of pervert
00:25:36I don't know
00:25:38Talking is too hard
00:25:39Idiot
00:25:41Oh well hey sign for this
00:25:43Ugh
00:25:53Yeah before him
00:25:55Yeah that would work
00:25:57Okay um
00:25:59Probably around one o'clock
00:26:14Excuse me ma'am your baby
00:26:16What are you doing with my baby?
00:26:18You're lucky I don't call the police
00:26:20You're welcome
00:26:44I just think it's ridiculous
00:26:46You know here are my so called friends
00:26:48And they all love Beefheart and Chinka so much
00:26:50And what are we doing to help with the disappearance?
00:26:52Nothing
00:26:54I mean if we all band together
00:26:56Maybe we could actually do something to help
00:27:04Margaret is amazing
00:27:06She knows Chinka's book
00:27:08And I know her
00:27:11She knows Chinka's book
00:27:13Calgary Crimes in the 80's back and forth
00:27:15And then there's Nigel
00:27:17He's super tough
00:27:19He's on the college wrestling team
00:27:21And he even beat that Mike Flash guy
00:27:23Kathy runs the website
00:27:25And message boards
00:27:27And she knows basically everyone in Calgary
00:27:29I don't know her husband too well
00:27:31But he seems nice
00:27:33And then Peter's a moron
00:27:35He has encyclopedic knowledge
00:27:37Of all the monsters and crimes
00:27:39And everything else in Canada
00:27:43I don't know Boo
00:27:45I do some stuff
00:27:47I mean I have good clothes
00:27:49And I know some things about Beefheart and Chinka
00:27:53Maybe not as much as Kathy or Margaret
00:27:55But I bet I love them more than they do
00:27:59And I could do something
00:28:03You know what Boo you're right
00:28:05Those people don't risk their lives
00:28:07For Beefheart and Chinka
00:28:09It's actually pretty sad
00:28:11What's that?
00:28:13Behind the tree
00:28:25I think you're right Boo
00:28:27This is the clue we've been waiting for
00:28:29I don't care what those other people say
00:28:31I'm going to do it
00:28:33This is amazing
00:28:35I'm going to do it
00:28:47Bert the Mailman
00:28:49You have no idea what just happened
00:28:51It's the miracle we've been waiting for
00:28:53Seriously kids I was just riding my bike
00:28:55And there was this baby and
00:28:57Look what I found Bert the Mailman
00:28:59Look at it it's the clue we've been waiting for
00:29:01To show me that anything is possible
00:29:03I was riding my bike and there was this baby
00:29:05And boom hero time
00:29:07That's exactly what I mean things are possible
00:29:09And now I have this and I already figured it out Bert
00:29:11I just wanted you to know because you know I'm here
00:29:13And it's fate that you're here
00:29:15Because it's Saturday and I don't have any mail for you
00:29:17And I like you kids
00:29:19Yes and I like you
00:29:21And that's why you'll be the one to help me
00:29:23Because as you can see
00:29:25I can't get to the river from here by myself
00:29:27Oh yeah?
00:29:29I'll do whatever you need whatever
00:29:31But as you can see this clock is green
00:29:33And I happen to know that there's a company in Winnipeg that makes green clocks
00:29:35I don't follow you
00:29:37And I don't know how to drive but I do have a bike
00:29:39And there's also a legend in Winnipeg
00:29:41About this man who's made of live rats
00:29:43You need me to ride my bike to Winnipeg?
00:29:45I need you to give me a double to the river
00:29:47This is it Bert the Mailman
00:29:49Just Bert you can call me Bert
00:29:51Short for Robert
00:29:53Short for Bertram
00:29:57Can I call you Ram?
00:29:59Anyway Bert the rat man was disassembled
00:30:01By Beefheart and Chica in 1997
00:30:03And some of the rats that made up his body
00:30:05Were found in wait for it
00:30:07The Winnipeg Cloth Factory
00:30:09And I bet my buckets that a rat wearing a suit
00:30:11Made from this cloth made his way here
00:30:13To get revenge on Beefheart and Chica
00:30:15On Beefheart and Chica?
00:30:17Yes and even if I'm wrong I have it on good supernatural authority
00:30:19That this is an important clue
00:30:21And the psychic message I'm getting is river
00:30:23So are you with me Bert?
00:30:25Just Bert not Bertram
00:30:27I am all weakened and there's nothing I'd rather do
00:30:29Than spend it with you
00:30:31You don't even know me you're just Bert the Mailman
00:30:33And I'm the recipient of those extremely exciting packages
00:30:37I...
00:30:39You seem really cool
00:30:41We're gonna save lives and rescue my heroes
00:30:43And do everything that no one thought I could ever do
00:30:45Yes
00:30:57Yes
00:31:11So did your spiritual advisor tell you what we're supposed to be looking for?
00:31:15I have no idea
00:31:17Boo has no idea
00:31:19But I have a feeling we'll know once we find it
00:31:21Maybe the river itself is the clue
00:31:23What's the longest river in the world?
00:31:25The Nile River I think
00:31:27It all makes sense
00:31:29Beefheart and Chica are known for collaborating with Egyptian gods
00:31:31So let me get this straight
00:31:33Were we trying to find those detectives Beefheart and Chica?
00:31:35Yes they went missing
00:31:37And right in the middle of a really weird string of people
00:31:39Getting their hearts stolen
00:31:41Do you think it's connected?
00:31:43I have no idea it wouldn't surprise me
00:31:45So if we find Beefheart and Chica we might solve the heart murders as well?
00:31:49Or the other way around that's why this is so important
00:31:51What makes it our job?
00:31:53Are you qualified to fight monsters?
00:31:55Because I'm not
00:31:57It's my job because everyone else is too chicken to try
00:31:59It's your job because you have a bicycle
00:32:01And you can rescue people
00:32:03You told me yourself
00:32:05I didn't think you were listening
00:32:07Cadence hears all old man
00:32:09And what I don't hear, Boo hears for me
00:32:11Okay but I still don't know what we're looking for
00:32:13Is it just the fact that a river exists in Calgary?
00:32:15A little bit of column A
00:32:17And a little bit of
00:32:19Hey look over there
00:32:23What?
00:32:47The arachnid ladies
00:32:49Is this the clue?
00:32:51Maybe Bert
00:32:53Here's the plan
00:32:55You go find me this book
00:32:57There has to be something about it that leads us to the next clue
00:32:59I'm going to go home and do some internet research on some stuff
00:33:01Meet me there?
00:33:03But how will you get home if I take my bike?
00:33:05I have a bus pass
00:33:07Then why did you need me to
00:33:09Time is running out Bert
00:33:11Meet me back at my place in one hour
00:33:13Yes ma'am
00:33:21Henry trust me
00:33:23This paperwork
00:33:25Is basically done
00:33:27I could actually probably do the rest for you
00:33:29It's been a long day my friend
00:33:31And too many tests
00:33:33I agree
00:33:35But you'll be out there again
00:33:37Dancing with Audrey in no time
00:33:39You know
00:33:41I know all about that
00:33:43Amazing stuff you did when you were younger
00:33:45You shouldn't be so modest
00:33:47All the time
00:33:49You should be proud
00:33:51You're an inspiration
00:33:53To people like me
00:33:57Anyway I've
00:33:59Wasted enough of your time
00:34:01I should see what else needs to be done
00:34:05But don't worry
00:34:07Things are looking up
00:34:19Oh
00:34:33Don't stop on my count
00:34:35You sound amazing
00:34:37I know I sound amazing
00:34:39What's the point anyway
00:34:41It's not like Kipper Bones is knocking down my door
00:34:43I'm never going to get that grant
00:34:45I don't have enough commercial appeal
00:34:49Well I think that there's a lot of
00:34:51Cool people in the world that would love what you do
00:34:53I bet they would
00:34:55They'd love to exploit all the hard work I've done
00:34:57And use my music in a tampon ad
00:34:59I hate music sometimes
00:35:03You know you're great
00:35:19People of the Beefheart and Chinka Appreciation Society
00:35:21I've taken it upon myself to find our heroes
00:35:23And maybe even put an end to these insane heart murders
00:35:25I would love it if anyone would offer any assistance
00:35:27I've already had a couple of leads
00:35:29And I'm currently working with local hero Burt
00:35:31To solve this case
00:35:33Any help would be appreciated
00:35:35Love, Donna Stafura
00:35:49Cadence, this seems really dangerous
00:35:53I would love to help
00:35:55But I don't think there's anything I could do
00:35:57I encourage you to let the police take care of this
00:36:01I know it seems like the police aren't doing anything
00:36:03But this is probably just suicide
00:36:05Donna, stop what you're doing
00:36:15Cadence, you are such a total weirdo
00:36:17No one else would ever go this far
00:36:23Hey Cadence, these people are right
00:36:25Please let the police take care of this
00:36:27We are fans and we have a totally separate responsibility
00:36:29For instance
00:36:31I just finished up some new Chinka and Beefheart fanfiction
00:36:33I encouraged everyone to read
00:36:35It will cheer us all up I hope
00:36:37Click here
00:36:39Click here
00:36:45One day, Beefheart and Chinka
00:36:47Were investigating the case of Margoloth
00:36:49The tentacle monster
00:36:51Who was going around killing all the women of Calgary
00:36:53Why is she only killing the women?
00:36:55The rugged and handsome Chinka asked his partner
00:36:57I don't really know anything at all, Chinka
00:36:59I mostly rely on you to solve these cases
00:37:01I don't even have a driver's license
00:37:03Replied Beefheart
00:37:05And it was all true
00:37:07Beefheart wouldn't have to spend another day
00:37:09Feeling completely inferior to his handsome partner
00:37:11Because just as he said that
00:37:13One of Margoloth's tentacles broke through
00:37:15One of the windows of the Chinka detective agency
00:37:17And went straight through Beefheart
00:37:19Chinka is a gentle and sensitive soul
00:37:21And at the sight of this
00:37:23He shed a single tear for his friend
00:37:25But now
00:37:27It was time to get down to business
00:37:29Margoloth, it is I, Chinka
00:37:31The most powerful and handsome detective
00:37:33In the history of the universe
00:37:35And I demand to know why you were killing all the women of Calgary
00:37:37The monster replied
00:37:39It is for you, Chinka
00:37:41For me, he said, why for me?
00:37:43And the monster, who we would soon find out was no monster at all
00:37:45Replied
00:37:47How else would you be able to love someone as hideous as me?
00:37:49I had to get rid of the competition, Chinka
00:37:51You must understand
00:37:53And Chinka, the beautiful man he was
00:37:55Responded
00:37:57Margoloth, you didn't need to kill anyone
00:37:59Because your beauty transcends appearance
00:38:01And I can see through all of that
00:38:03Margoloth, I love you dearly
00:38:05No matter what your appearance
00:38:07And Margoloth shuddered with the delight of these words
00:38:09For even she did not see
00:38:11How beautiful Chinka could truly be
00:38:13Until now, when it was too late
00:38:15And all the women and Beefhearts of Calgary were gone
00:38:17Margoloth, Chinka said
00:38:19With his deep sexy voice
00:38:21Yes, she replied with her monster voice
00:38:23I think it is time we repopulated Calgary
00:38:25And Margoloth used the suction power of her tentacles
00:38:27To unzip his pants
00:38:30Holy jumping Jack Jimmy, Margaret
00:38:32People think I've gone too far
00:38:35My story's getting a lot of comments, Nigel
00:38:39Yeah, but they aren't all great
00:38:43Fuck you, you terrorist
00:38:45That person clearly had a political agenda
00:38:47I think it's time you and I took this one step further
00:38:49How could we possibly go further than that?
00:38:51It's time to make a movie
00:38:55The one like we wrote in high school?
00:38:57About the mystical shoe that goes flinging itself
00:38:59At people that aren't paying attention to obvious stuff?
00:39:01No, no, no, no
00:39:03A film based on my fan fiction
00:39:05I hope that's legal
00:39:07Everything's legal
00:39:09Hey, wait, aren't Cameron and Kathy
00:39:11Writing a Beefheart and Chinko film?
00:39:13Cameron and Kathy will never actually do anything
00:39:15Except complain about that they don't have the expenses
00:39:17To make a Chinko and Beefheart film
00:39:19Now let's go out, get some props and costumes
00:39:21Yeah, we've got $17 between us
00:39:23And Bill from next door
00:39:25Don't be a Kathy and Cameron
00:39:27Come on, it'll be fine
00:39:29Wait, what film?
00:39:31Oh, right, jeez
00:39:33The fan fiction film, got it
00:39:35Uh, hey, what about Cadence?
00:39:37I know she's a friend of ours and everything
00:39:39But she's pretty crazy
00:39:41Cadence won't actually do anything dangerous
00:39:43She's a weirdo like that
00:39:45I suspect the mosquito will come out any time and save everyone
00:39:47Right, good point, mosquito
00:39:49I don't know, but she'll find her way to Chinko anyways
00:39:51Now let's go get those props
00:39:53Ow, God, that wasn't listed
00:39:55That was just mean
00:40:23Six out of ten?
00:40:25That's an insult
00:40:27That's ridiculous
00:40:29I'm Calgary's superhero
00:40:31And seriously, look at me
00:40:53Now that's what I'm talking about
00:41:03Now that's what I'm talking about
00:41:09Come in
00:41:15Hi there, is Cadence home?
00:41:17Yeah, in her bedroom
00:41:19Bedroom?
00:41:21Around the corner there, bedroom
00:41:23Where does she keep her bed?
00:41:25In her bedroom, around the corner there
00:41:27Uh, thank you
00:41:29Um, I'm Walter, I'm her brother
00:41:31I'm Bert
00:41:33Bert, come here
00:41:35Thanks
00:41:39Bert, think on your hair
00:41:41I was beginning to think that you thought that I was too stupid to help me out
00:41:43No, I'm with you
00:41:45You're not stupid
00:41:47What presents did you bring me?
00:41:49That Arachnid Lady's book
00:41:59So, what's all the other stuff?
00:42:01No, he's not
00:42:03Excuse me?
00:42:05Who thinks that you're nervous?
00:42:07Well, to be honest, I uh
00:42:09What else did you bring me?
00:42:11These books? The ones I brought for you?
00:42:13Yeah, they're about Egypt and the Nile River
00:42:15You know, since we were talking about it
00:42:17Good work, Watson
00:42:19Keep making connections
00:42:21We'll beat this mystery yet
00:42:33Your room's really nice
00:42:35Thanks
00:42:37You, you look like your room
00:42:41I look like a room?
00:42:43No, no, I mean you look nice
00:42:45Your room looks nice
00:42:49It says here
00:42:51that the Arachnid Lady's
00:42:53underwater bubbles made people's thoughts
00:42:55It could be a river connection
00:42:59Hmm
00:43:01I thought I recognized something
00:43:03This section of the river Nile right beside the ancient
00:43:05Temple of Khonsu is identical to this section
00:43:07of the Bow River here in Calgary
00:43:09I thought I recognized it from my
00:43:11postal route
00:43:13Easy coincidence
00:43:15In my line of work, there's no such thing as coincidences
00:43:17The universe is thrown together
00:43:19by these so-called coincidences
00:43:21It's just like
00:43:23how you showed up right when I needed
00:43:25a ride to the river
00:43:27or how the ultrasonic squeak of a
00:43:29Richardson's grounds squirrel sounds
00:43:31identical to its birth mother
00:43:33Well then, what are we waiting for?
00:43:35Let's go then
00:43:43Here
00:43:47I'm really getting annoyed with myself
00:43:49How come?
00:43:51It's like there's something on the tip of my tongue
00:43:53and I just don't know what it is
00:43:55I ate a tongue once
00:43:57Oh Milton
00:43:59Everyone's eaten tongue
00:44:01It wasn't a beef tongue
00:44:03Back in the 60's
00:44:05I was in astronaut training
00:44:07and part of that was survival training
00:44:09in a Nevada desert
00:44:11How come you're making this up?
00:44:13I assure you I'm not
00:44:15Long story short, I got lost in the desert one time
00:44:17and ended up having to eat snakes
00:44:19to stay alive
00:44:21So you ate snake, not a tongue
00:44:23Snake had a tongue
00:44:25You're a curious fellow
00:44:29Hey guys
00:44:31We're showing a movie in the brown room tonight
00:44:33What movie?
00:44:35Land of the Pharaohs
00:44:37Holy Joan Collins
00:44:39There's something important
00:44:41that I need to remember
00:44:43Was it that you folded?
00:44:45Not in your life Lloyd
00:44:47Cadence
00:45:07Cadence, look over there
00:45:09What?
00:45:15Oh my god, just like you said
00:45:17A rat with a tiny green jacket on it
00:45:19I can't believe it
00:45:21That's not to believe
00:45:23Cadence
00:45:37Look at this Cadence
00:45:39It's a business card for the Calgary Long Stay Inn
00:45:41Everything's connecting in a straight line
00:45:43that may just lead to Bifart and Chinka
00:45:45Never mind the rat Bert
00:45:47Look at this broken branch over here
00:45:49It's just a broken branch
00:45:51Just a broken branch
00:45:53What about this rat with all the clues stuck to it?
00:45:55This is the real clue Bert
00:45:57By inspecting this branch I can tell you
00:45:59that it was broken off by a creature
00:46:01that's twice the size of a human
00:46:03about 800 pounds
00:46:05and with red fur
00:46:09You can tell all that?
00:46:11I'm an expert on branches
00:46:13What about the rat?
00:46:15Aren't we at least going to check out the hotel?
00:46:17That would be pointless
00:46:19I think we should go chat with Peter
00:46:21Who's Peter?
00:46:23Just some guy
00:46:25Let's go
00:46:39So I think we can go to the craft store
00:46:41and probably the thrift store
00:46:43and I suspect we'd be able to shoot by
00:46:45say tomorrow
00:46:47We're not putting this on the internet are we?
00:46:49Of course we are
00:46:51Oh dear
00:46:53Did you see a fucking Ashley comment on my post?
00:46:55No
00:46:57Yeah and then my fucking Ashley saw it
00:46:59She was all like, who's this commenter in all your fucking posts?
00:47:01And I was like, why?
00:47:03And then she fucking
00:47:05She was like, that didn't answer my question
00:47:07And she wanted me to fucking phone her last night
00:47:09So I did, because we were supposed to hang out
00:47:11But then she was all like, fuck that
00:47:13I'm just going to go to bed
00:47:15And then she fucking crashed at your place
00:47:17And I was like, fuck that man
00:47:19Yeah but at least your Ashley's hot
00:47:21Yeah, because some girls don't put the fucking effort in
00:47:23What the fuck's up with that?
00:47:25I don't get it man, I just don't get it
00:47:27Some girls are pretty to begin with
00:47:29And they'll take all the time and effort
00:47:31And fucking appreciate it
00:47:33But then some girls aren't pretty at all
00:47:35And they don't even take the time to try
00:47:37Like, no one's going to want a fucking piece of that
00:47:39Yeah
00:47:41Yo, did you see my fucking Twitter last night though?
00:47:43It was on fire, I was getting shoutouts from everywhere
00:47:45Getting shoutouts from freaking busy Newark
00:47:47Yeah, and then Chet Flames
00:47:49It was fucking awesome, it was just all over the place
00:47:51No, I didn't see it yet
00:47:53Yo, what the fuck man?
00:47:55You smell like a fucking funky ferret dude
00:47:57They're not going to let you on the fucking transit
00:47:59Jeez, you know there's fucking laws against that shit
00:48:01I've seen the fucking posters too
00:48:03Christ man
00:48:05I just got some chemotherapy
00:48:07I'm sorry
00:48:13Fuck you
00:48:15Fuck you
00:48:41Hey Peter
00:48:43I just answered your dorm
00:48:45He made us take off our shoes
00:48:47That's just my manservant, Pungi Ray
00:48:49Peter, we need answers
00:48:51Answers? What answers?
00:48:55Hello, I don't believe we've met
00:48:57I'm Peter, Peter Trout
00:48:59Hi Peter, nice to meet you, I'm Bert
00:49:01Okay, enough of this social nonsense
00:49:03We're in a hurry
00:49:05And you might be the only person in the world who can help us
00:49:07Oh dear
00:49:09This isn't about that thing you posted on the message board is it?
00:49:11I would really advise against pursuing this cadence
00:49:15You could get hurt or even killed
00:49:17I'm ready for whatever the universe throws at me
00:49:19And anyways, who would take care of Bert if I backed out now?
00:49:23Uhhh
00:49:25What you guys really need is the Scepter of Osiris
00:49:27That seems to be the source of protection and resurrection
00:49:29for Beefheart and Chingaw's most difficult cases
00:49:31Excellent
00:49:33Do you have it?
00:49:35Oh dear no
00:49:37I believe it's at the uh
00:49:39Glenbow Museum
00:49:41I was uh, I was talking hypothetically
00:49:43Big help Peter
00:49:45Well
00:49:47I hear rumor that it isn't even the Scepter itself that holds the power
00:49:51In fact it's an antique vessel that holds the power of Osiris
00:49:55And arguably you could use anything really to harness its power
00:49:59This is all very interesting
00:50:01Fine, fine
00:50:03But what did you need from me in the first place?
00:50:05We're looking for a monster Peter
00:50:07Okay, tell me more
00:50:09Alright, from what I can tell
00:50:11It's 10 feet tall
00:50:13800 pounds
00:50:15With thick red fur
00:50:17Do you know of anything like that in Calgary?
00:50:19Wait a minute
00:50:37There he is
00:50:39I knew it sounded familiar
00:50:41The Nakash Watch
00:50:43He's a cousin of the Bigfoot
00:50:45But he's also kind of like a werewolf
00:50:47Because he changes into the monster only once in a full moon
00:50:51He's been spotted around Bowness Park every so often
00:50:55What is he when he's not a creature?
00:50:57He's some kind of hypnotic owl
00:51:01Okay, an owl that changes into a 10 foot monster during the full moon
00:51:05We're going to spend the night in Bowness Park
00:51:07This is the leave we've been waiting for
00:51:09I think we should go back to your house and pack some stuff
00:51:11We're going to have a steak out
00:51:13Spend the night in Bowness Park
00:51:15You and me, together, alone?
00:51:17I agree, it doesn't seem altogether appropriate for a young lady like yourself to
00:51:21Don't worry, I'll protect Bert
00:51:23And anyway, we won't be alone for long if my hunch is right
00:51:25I know Boo has been particularly quiet about this one
00:51:29But we have to try
00:51:31For Beefheart and Chinka
00:51:33And Marla, she's missing also
00:51:35And Marla!
00:51:37Okay, out you go
00:51:39I'm glad I could help
00:52:03Here we are
00:52:21This is your house?
00:52:23Yeah, but I live with my family
00:52:25It's okay, I live with my brother
00:52:27And a ghost
00:52:29Maybe you should wait here
00:52:31Are you embarrassed of me?
00:52:33God no, not of you
00:52:37Bertram, it's fine, I can handle this
00:52:39I'm a professional
00:52:41Okay
00:52:43I'm the Big White
00:52:45Why can't I live in Calgary?
00:52:47I'm the Big White
00:52:49And I got a white hat
00:52:51I'm an important person
00:52:53And I want my champion
00:52:55I don't know what's got them twisted
00:52:57I'm the Big White
00:52:59Hi Natalie
00:53:01I'm the Big White
00:53:03Bert, where have you been all day?
00:53:05Supper is ready
00:53:07I've been sitting here all day waiting for you
00:53:09You know Natalie already ate
00:53:11I'm the Big White
00:53:13I'm the Big White
00:53:15I'm the Big White
00:53:17I'm the Big White
00:53:19Sorry I'm late, I didn't know you guys were waiting for me
00:53:21It's really nice to meet you
00:53:27So you're Cadence
00:53:29The girl Bert's always talking about
00:53:31Dad!
00:53:33Hello
00:53:35We didn't make enough to feed your friends, Bert
00:53:37Maybe next time you could be a little bit more considerate
00:53:39And let us know if you're going to bring people home for dinner
00:53:41Sorry Mom
00:53:43We weren't really here for dinner though
00:53:45I just came here to pick up a few things
00:53:47And then we're leaving
00:53:49Not without eating dinner you won't
00:53:51I don't really have time
00:53:53Sure
00:53:55I make all this food
00:53:57And you don't even want any
00:53:59That's awesome, thank you for wasting my time
00:54:01Thanks for ruining my entire evening
00:54:03But you know what, that's totally typical you
00:54:05Why don't I just throw it away
00:54:07I'm starving
00:54:09Then we'll all be happy
00:54:11Young lady
00:54:13You may just go wait in the living room
00:54:15While Bert finishes all of his dinner
00:54:17Dad
00:54:19I really don't have time
00:54:21It's okay
00:54:23Sit down
00:54:25And we can have dinner
00:54:27Like a nice god damn family
00:54:37Dad
00:54:43Are you and Bert going to have a baby?
00:54:45What?
00:54:47My friend
00:54:49Tina's big sister
00:54:51Has a boyfriend named Curtis
00:54:53She has a baby
00:54:55Or bought a baby or something
00:54:57I don't
00:54:59Plan to buy a baby anytime soon
00:55:01Sometimes it just
00:55:03Happens without
00:55:05Plan sales and stuff
00:55:07Babies are smelly
00:55:09And they can't even walk or talk
00:55:11Or do anything interesting
00:55:13You got that right
00:55:15Poop machines
00:55:19Don't worry
00:55:21We can just go there anyway
00:55:23You are right
00:55:25Let's go
00:55:27I'm the big red chick
00:55:29I'm the big red chick
00:55:31I'm the big red chick
00:55:34Let's go
00:55:36You two make sure you watch out for pervers
00:55:38While you're out there
00:55:40Bye mom
00:55:43What are you doing?
00:56:01Why am I down to three stars?
00:56:03What the hell?
00:56:05What am I doing wrong for you guys?
00:56:07I'm funny, I'm clever
00:56:09And oh my freaking god am I ever hot
00:56:12Not to mention I'm a fucking superhero
00:56:14What do I have to do?
00:56:16Strip naked on webcam?
00:56:18Even that wouldn't be enough for you guys
00:56:20There's no winning
00:56:26Ok
00:56:28Samantha here has eight stars
00:56:32Hi guys
00:56:34I'm Samantha
00:56:36I'm a super hot, fun and flirty woman
00:56:38I like nympho men with big wallets
00:56:40And sometimes I like to get dressed up like a wolf
00:56:42And get pumped full of air
00:56:44Like what does that even mean?
00:56:50What do you want?
00:56:52Yeah I know you're the chief of police
00:56:54You don't have to introduce yourself
00:56:56Every bloody time you talk you know
00:57:00Yeah I heard they're missing
00:57:02Why don't you do your job and find them?
00:57:06Because I'm freaking busy man
00:57:10Yeah
00:57:12Whatever
00:57:14People lose their hearts
00:57:16It's a tough world
00:57:18Don't call me again you freaking mustache with legs
00:57:22No
00:57:24I did not get put under a spell again
00:57:28Yes I did go on a date with that evil magician
00:57:30But we only got to second base before I split
00:57:32Why am I even telling you this?
00:57:34Don't call me again
00:57:36Seriously
00:57:38If I was under a weird hypnotic spell
00:57:40I'd know it
00:57:46Back to work
00:57:48Maybe a new profile picture would help things
00:57:50Or maybe I could write some steamy fan fiction
00:57:52About myself under a fake name
00:57:54That might get these men hot enough to vote for me
00:58:08I'm glad you're back Boo
00:58:10Where was Boo?
00:58:12At the zoo
00:58:14This is awesome
00:58:16We're like Mulder and Scully
00:58:18Yeah
00:58:20Except I'd totally be Mulder
00:58:22And you'd totally be Scully
00:58:24I was thinking the exact same thing
00:58:26Are we going to be her all night?
00:58:28Until we find that monster anyway
00:58:30Okay
00:58:32We may as well be comfortable while we're out here
00:58:34Yeah
00:58:36Let's go
00:58:38Let's go
00:58:40Let's go
00:58:42Let's go
00:58:44Let's go
00:58:46Let's go
00:58:48Let's go
00:58:50Let's go
00:58:52Let's go
00:58:54Let's go
00:58:56Let's go
00:58:58Let's go
00:59:00We may as well be comfortable while we're hunting monsters
00:59:02I brought you some leftovers from my parents' house
00:59:04I know you haven't eaten in a long time
00:59:08Wow
00:59:10That's really nice of you
00:59:22I love cola
00:59:26And thanks by the way
00:59:30Thanks
00:59:40So what do we do if we see this 10-foot monster?
00:59:42What's your plan?
00:59:44Do you have a tranquilizer gun?
00:59:46I'm not sure
00:59:48I imagine we'll talk to it or something
00:59:50See if it has any information on where Beefart and Chink are being held captive
00:59:52Well I guess that's the more humanitarian approach
00:59:54I hope he's as sweet as you are
00:59:56Most creatures are okay
00:59:58To give them a chance
01:00:00You just have to learn to forgive
01:00:02Really bad decisions
01:00:04You think kidnapping Beefart and Chinka?
01:00:06And Marla
01:00:08Was just a really bad decision?
01:00:10Might have been
01:00:12You don't know until you ask
01:00:14Like Mulder and Scully
01:00:16What about them?
01:00:18It's like when they kissed
01:00:20I think it was a really bad decision for the show
01:00:22But I forgive it
01:00:24I can understand how it would eventually lead to that nonsense
01:00:26But I forgive the show
01:00:28And I like it regardless
01:00:30You didn't like Mulder and Scully kissing then?
01:00:32I thought it was stupid and anti-productive
01:00:34Yeah
01:00:36Me too
01:00:38Anyway if you can't forgive things
01:00:40You either have to forget them or you just go mad
01:00:42And if you forget them
01:00:44It's kind of like going mad anyway
01:00:46Because you never really forget things
01:00:48Unless you're hypnotized by a prehistoric beaver or something
01:00:50To forget
01:00:52And even then the things are still rattling around in your head somewhere
01:00:54Like what?
01:00:56Like my parents
01:00:58I can't forget them or I would go mad
01:01:00What happened to your parents?
01:01:04Well when I was a little girl
01:01:06There was this guy
01:01:08Who used to run around Calgary in a clown mask
01:01:10And would kill people
01:01:12You're talking about Bobo
01:01:14Well yeah
01:01:16Anyway
01:01:18Me and my brother were at my grandma's house
01:01:20And my mom and dad were coming to pick us up
01:01:22Apparently their truck died on the side of the road
01:01:24And I guess they were in the way of Bobo
01:01:26And he killed them
01:01:28They didn't do anything to him
01:01:30But he killed them
01:01:32Never saw my parents again
01:01:34Well when I got older
01:01:36I wanted to find out more and I did
01:01:38I found out about all the brave stuff
01:01:40Beefheart and Chinkot did
01:01:42To protect people from Bobo
01:01:44And how much they cared about the people of Calgary
01:01:46I also found out about Bobo
01:01:48What did you find out?
01:01:50Well
01:01:52I found out a long time ago
01:01:54He was just a man
01:01:56And some really really horrible stuff happened to him
01:01:58To make him the way he is
01:02:00Basically he couldn't forgive someone
01:02:02And it turned him into a monster
01:02:04Do you forgive Bobo?
01:02:06For killing your parents?
01:02:08Well after I found out about Bobo
01:02:10I had to didn't I?
01:02:12Otherwise I'd become the monster
01:02:14It took a lot of hard work and many years
01:02:16But I think I forgive him now
01:02:18Boo isn't so keen on him still
01:02:20It's going to take a lot more work
01:02:22For Boo I think to forgive him
01:02:24I think something happened to Boo
01:02:26That I don't know about
01:02:28Boo doesn't actually tell me that much stuff
01:02:30About himself
01:02:32You keep watch for a bit
01:02:34Bert
01:02:36I'm going to take a quick nap
01:02:48Boo
01:02:50Boo
01:02:52Boo
01:02:54Boo
01:02:56Boo
01:02:58Boo
01:03:00Boo
01:03:02Boo
01:03:04Boo
01:03:06Boo
01:03:08Boo
01:03:10Boo
01:03:12Boo
01:03:14Boo
01:03:16Boo
01:03:18Boo
01:03:20Boo
01:03:22Boo
01:03:24Boo
01:03:26Boo
01:03:28Boo
01:03:30Boo
01:03:32Boo
01:03:34Boo
01:03:36Boo
01:03:38Boo
01:03:40Boo
01:03:42Boo
01:03:44Boo
01:03:46Boo
01:03:48Boo
01:03:50Boo
01:03:52Boo
01:03:54Boo
01:03:56Boo
01:03:58Boo
01:04:00Boo
01:04:02Boo
01:04:04Boo
01:04:06Boo
01:04:08Boo
01:04:10Boo
01:04:12I know you
01:04:14I recognize you from somewhere
01:04:16Of course you do
01:04:18You were reading my book all day
01:04:20You wrote The Arachnid Ladies?
01:04:22No you silly girl
01:04:24The one about Egypt
01:04:26Why am I talking to you?
01:04:28I'm a hidden memory
01:04:30But I am important
01:04:32Maybe Boo put you up to this
01:04:34Boo is a sensible sort
01:04:36I don't understand
01:04:38If you want to learn all the secrets
01:04:40You need to help me learn all the secrets
01:04:42I can't be more plain than that
01:04:44So
01:04:46The answer does lie within your book
01:04:48Not specifically
01:04:50I'm just writing it now
01:04:52I'm sure in your dream
01:04:54The answers truly lie within my head
01:04:56But not yet of course
01:05:00Time travel stuff is kind of boring
01:05:02All the secrets I am learning now
01:05:04Are going to be put to use
01:05:06For something diabolical
01:05:08Your heroes are in danger
01:05:10Find me
01:05:12Help me
01:05:14But you're right in front of me
01:05:16Find the real me you twit
01:05:18And bring the scepter of Osiris
01:05:22To me
01:05:24Part 4
01:05:50Part number 4
01:05:52And straight from the chest
01:05:54Of a pathetic creep
01:05:56If I didn't have to be so selective
01:05:58My job would be easy
01:06:00But I don't
01:06:02I don't want to kill just anyone
01:06:04Honestly by the time I've
01:06:06Collected all five
01:06:08The police will probably send a thank you
01:06:10For cleaning up the streets of Calgary
01:06:22Sunday morning
01:06:44No time for Sunday slushies
01:06:46Bert! Bertram!
01:06:48Wake up! I can't believe you let me sleep all night
01:06:50I'm sorry
01:06:52I still screwed up
01:06:54Doesn't matter now. Where's that book?
01:07:02I knew it!
01:07:04Knew what?
01:07:06I had a dream about this woman last night
01:07:08She said we need to find her
01:07:10I think she's the key to all this
01:07:12But we don't even know her name
01:07:16Okay but how are we going to find her?
01:07:18We'll figure that one out back at my house
01:07:20What am I supposed to do?
01:07:22I need you to go to the Glenmo Museum
01:07:24And steal the Scepter of Osiris
01:07:26Wait
01:07:28I just woke up
01:07:30I'd do anything for you but that's going a bit far
01:07:32Why do you need it anyway?
01:07:34The woman in my dream said that we'll need it
01:07:36Okay hold on
01:07:38I remember your weird friend saying that the Scepter wasn't that powerful
01:07:40You're right
01:07:42All we need is something to harness Osiris' power
01:07:44Thank god we got that handy information yesterday
01:07:48I think I know where we could get something that will work
01:07:50A replica as it were
01:07:52That could be used in the same way
01:07:54Excellent where do I go?
01:08:04These are my friends Margaret and Nigel
01:08:06Just tell them that I sent you
01:08:08To get the Scepter that they were using for their movie
01:08:10You got it
01:08:12I'll meet you back at your house
01:08:14Do you have your bus pass?
01:08:16Thanks for everything
01:08:18You're pretty much my best friend
01:08:20After Boo
01:08:22Boo you're still my best best friend
01:08:38Take
01:08:40Please
01:08:42Just take
01:08:44Why won't you eat?
01:08:46How can I help you if you won't eat your food?
01:08:50Henry
01:08:52You are going to be okay
01:08:54You'll be eating your own food in no time
01:08:56I promise
01:09:08Hello
01:09:10Hello
01:09:12Is anyone here?
01:09:14I'm looking for Margaret or Nigel
01:09:16Hey sure we're in here
01:09:18Margaret no
01:09:20Who is it?
01:09:22It's Bert
01:09:24I'm Cadence's friend
01:09:26Okay come on in
01:09:36Hey aren't you my mailman?
01:09:38Yeah I am actually
01:09:41Cadence told me that you have a replica
01:09:43Scepter of Osiris
01:09:45She told me that we could borrow it
01:09:47We have something
01:09:49Hey wait are we finished with all our shots with the Scepter?
01:09:53We still have your Scepter of Osiris
01:09:55If you know what I mean
01:09:57Oh dear
01:10:01It isn't exactly a replica
01:10:03But I hope it works for you
01:10:05Great thanks very much
01:10:07And I can't wait to see your movie online
01:10:09This won't be online
01:10:11Oh sure it will
01:10:13Take care Bertie
01:10:15Tell Cadence to be careful
01:10:17Okay bye
01:10:19Let's shoot that scene where Chink has buried
01:10:21Under all that space jello
01:10:23Sounds good
01:10:33Morning Audrey
01:10:35How was your sleep?
01:10:37Terrible
01:10:39How come?
01:10:41I had a strange dream last night
01:10:43Something about
01:10:45My past
01:10:47About a girl I never even met before
01:10:49A strange feeling
01:10:51What kind of a feeling?
01:10:53Something strange going on here
01:10:55I can't seem to remember anything these days
01:10:59Well I wonder what's happened to Henry
01:11:01I asked if I could see him
01:11:03Guadalupe told me it was impossible
01:11:05Because he hadn't completed his treatments yet
01:11:09You should talk to Phil when he comes in next
01:11:11Well I don't want to get Guadalupe in trouble
01:11:15But he's been acting so strange lately
01:11:19Strange things going on here
01:11:21Keep yourself alert when you sleep
01:11:33It's open
01:11:39Hey Walter
01:11:41Is Cadence in her bedroom?
01:11:43No man she split a while ago
01:11:45Do you know where she went?
01:11:47Shhh
01:11:49I'm trying to listen to this
01:12:01What is it? It sounds amazing
01:12:03It sounds like shit
01:12:05The music as you say is amazing
01:12:07But the recording sounds like shit
01:12:11Sounds ok to me
01:12:13The music's really good
01:12:15Who is it?
01:12:17But it doesn't even matter
01:12:19Nobody even cares about music anymore
01:12:21I don't even know why I bother
01:12:23My uncle would love this
01:12:27Whoopty fucking ding
01:12:29Seriously
01:12:31I've gone to record people before
01:12:33I bet he'd at least have a meeting with you
01:12:35A meeting?
01:12:37Why the hell would I want to have a meeting with your uncle?
01:12:39He's a music producer
01:12:41You might have heard of him
01:12:43Kipper Bones?
01:12:45Your uncle
01:12:47But
01:12:49But his studio is in Boulder, Colorado
01:12:51Send me an mp3 to send down to him
01:12:53He would totally pay for you to go down there as a favor for me
01:12:55Seriously
01:12:57Your music's really good
01:12:59He does this kind of stuff all the time
01:13:01Kipper Bones
01:13:03I really need to find Cadence
01:13:05Send me your stuff
01:13:07This'll totally happen
01:13:09I don't think I'm interested
01:13:11I saw her take a right when she went out the door
01:13:13Alright man
01:13:15Let me know if you change your mind
01:13:29I gave you jerks everything you wanted
01:13:31And I'm still not good enough for you?
01:13:33How was I supposed to know
01:13:35DP didn't mean Dr. Pepper?
01:13:37Creeps
01:13:39I am hot
01:13:41I mean I'm not not
01:13:43Wait a minute
01:13:45Maybe I'm not really hot
01:13:47Maybe there is a message here
01:13:49Like out of ten
01:13:51I'm a one
01:13:53How horrible does someone have to be to be a one
01:13:55No
01:13:57I am fucking gorgeous
01:13:59These people are idiots
01:14:01This website is a scam
01:14:03It's all a conspiracy to give me low self esteem
01:14:05You'd love that wouldn't you
01:14:07Stupid fucking website
01:14:09Hot dog spanking, hot dog smelling garbage
01:14:11I'm not going to take it anymore
01:14:13I'm the mosquito
01:14:15I'm the greatest superhero the city has ever known
01:14:29Where am I
01:14:31I'm hanging on my computer
01:14:39A magician
01:14:41He must have put me under a spell
01:14:45I wonder how long I've been out
01:14:49I wonder if anything interesting has happened
01:14:53Oh well
01:14:55I need a nap
01:15:05Where could she have gone
01:15:07Did I do something wrong
01:15:09I'm such an idiot
01:15:11I've been way too forward with her
01:15:13I knew she would run off
01:15:15She could be anywhere
01:15:17Oh there she is
01:15:31Cadence
01:15:33What's wrong
01:15:35Cadence
01:15:43Cadence are you alright
01:15:45I'm a newer
01:15:47What
01:15:49Look at me I'm a newer in this field
01:15:51Nothing else
01:15:53I don't understand
01:15:55Look man
01:15:57There's mushrooms growing out of me
01:15:59I don't see it
01:16:01I see a wonderful person in a field
01:16:03There's mushrooms tell me what happened
01:16:07I looked up everything I could on Audrey Mitchell
01:16:09I couldn't find her and none of it makes sense
01:16:11What did you find out
01:16:13I suck
01:16:15No you don't
01:16:17Just tell me what you found out
01:16:19Okay
01:16:21From what I can tell she lived in Calvary for most of her life
01:16:23She was an archaeologist and spent a lot of time in Egypt and stuff
01:16:27And then apparently the house where she lived was destroyed by condors
01:16:29I guess they swooped down or something
01:16:31And just destroyed a ton of old homes
01:16:33I guess some of the condors brought some of the homes to Heritage Park or something weird
01:16:39I'm pretty sure there was something about a duck
01:16:41But instead of having a duck's head it had George Foreman's head
01:16:43And this all sounds crazy
01:16:45But this is what I found out
01:16:47And then I realized that I'm totally terrible at everything
01:16:49And I came out here because I'm a newer
01:16:57Okay I'm just checking it out here on my phone
01:16:59It's crazy isn't it
01:17:05No not really
01:17:07I'm just seeing here now that there's a typo
01:17:09It says that her house wasn't destroyed by giant condors
01:17:11It was replaced by condos
01:17:13And now she lives in an ever loved village
01:17:17So I'm not terrible
01:17:19God no
01:17:21You're a hero
01:17:23The guy who made the website should be informed of the typos however
01:17:25Thanks Bert
01:17:27And thank you for not thinking I'm stupid
01:17:29Boo was incredibly quiet about this whole thing
01:17:31But now he says we should get going
01:17:55This is taking too long
01:18:15I'm running out of time
01:18:17Henry's running out of time
01:18:19As soon as I get the final heart
01:18:21Then all the preparations will be accounted for
01:18:23And I can continue with the ceremony
01:18:27What am I waiting for anyways
01:18:29Everyone's done something
01:18:31Terrible in their life
01:18:39What the hell
01:18:47Listen
01:18:49It's important that you listen
01:18:51I'm Guadalupe Calderon
01:18:53And I need you
01:18:55To sacrifice yourself
01:18:57For those
01:18:59Who are more deserving than you
01:19:01It's not a crazy thing
01:19:03It's a real thing
01:19:05I'm sorry
01:19:07No
01:19:19I do agree
01:19:21That this is me on the back of this book
01:19:23But I don't know how I got there
01:19:25Do you remember anything about your life?
01:19:27I remember everything I think
01:19:29Growing up
01:19:31My friends
01:19:33My family
01:19:35What did you do for work?
01:19:37For work?
01:19:39I don't remember
01:19:41So you don't remember being an archaeologist?
01:19:43I know that lately
01:19:45There's been something
01:19:47Hidden from my life
01:19:49That I don't understand
01:19:51But that's all I know
01:19:57He says this is where we use the scepter
01:19:59Who says?
01:20:01Boo says
01:20:03Who's my second best friend?
01:20:11Are you serious?
01:20:13It's all we got, let's make it work
01:20:15Alright Audrey
01:20:17Deeply into this
01:20:19This thing
01:20:27Osiris
01:20:29Please use your power to help this woman
01:20:31To regain her memories
01:20:35I think it's working
01:20:37Audrey
01:20:39Anything that has been taken from you
01:20:41Will now return
01:20:43When I count to three, snap my fingers
01:20:45We'll wake up and remember your past
01:20:49One
01:20:51Two
01:20:53Three
01:20:55Did it work?
01:20:57Do you remember?
01:20:59Let's go
01:21:07See
01:21:09When I first came here
01:21:11One of the employees, Guadalupe Caracalla
01:21:13Became very interested
01:21:15In my work as an archaeologist
01:21:17And especially in the magical aspects of Egypt
01:21:19He was a wonderful young man
01:21:21And I took it upon myself to teach him everything I knew
01:21:23But I soon found out
01:21:25That he was performing
01:21:27Magical experiments on the patients here
01:21:29Now, nothing to hurt them mind you
01:21:31I'm sure he was just trying to help them out
01:21:33But trust me
01:21:35You do not meddle with the forces of the dark
01:21:37Anyway
01:21:39I unfortunately taught him too much
01:21:41And he created a potion
01:21:43To selectively erase my memory
01:21:45To keep me quiet
01:21:47So where are we going now?
01:21:49To the special treatment room
01:21:51I happen to know
01:21:53That one of the patients here
01:21:55Was very ill
01:21:57And Guadalupe Caracalla took him to the treatment room
01:21:59It doesn't make sense
01:22:01So where is Guadalupe Caracalla?
01:22:03I believe he moved
01:22:05Some time ago
01:22:09And now I'm back
01:22:11And so it seems
01:22:13Are you, Audrey?
01:22:15It doesn't matter anyway
01:22:17All the preparations are complete
01:22:19And I can commence
01:22:21With my imitative
01:22:23Magic
01:22:25Imitative magic?
01:22:27But why go through so much trouble for Henry?
01:22:29Audrey, what is imitative magic?
01:22:31It's complicated
01:22:33But basically
01:22:35You pretend something happens and it happens
01:22:37But Guadalupe has been using it
01:22:39To try and bring Henry back to life
01:22:41How does it work?
01:22:43Allow me to explain
01:22:45You see, I needed the light force
01:22:47From five hearts
01:22:49To make one beat
01:22:51And when I've called upon Kansu
01:22:53Henry will be with us again
01:22:55It will never work, Guadalupe
01:22:57Not only do you need the five sacrifices
01:22:59But you need the light force
01:23:01From someone who's already been resurrected
01:23:03You never listen to me
01:23:05I listen
01:23:07Just fine, Audrey
01:23:09And I not only have one
01:23:11But two suitable peoples
01:23:13Behold!
01:23:21What are you going to do with them, you fiend?
01:23:23Where's their secretary, Marla?
01:23:25Well, like I said, I will take their light force
01:23:27Leaving them, well
01:23:29Rather lifeless
01:23:31And as for their secretary
01:23:33Well, that's a mystery even to me
01:23:39Dear Beefheart and Chica
01:23:41I'm having a wonderful time here in Hawaii
01:23:43I met a really wonderful guy
01:23:45Named Theodore
01:23:47Who has his own tourist charter business
01:23:49And I guess he helps to spread all sorts of investigations
01:23:51Just like me
01:23:57Anyway, I miss you guys
01:23:59Don't get in any trouble while I'm away
01:24:01Love, Marla
01:24:07But why?
01:24:09Why kill seven innocent people for one old man?
01:24:11I am the last of the Korra Korra
01:24:13And Henry
01:24:15Is my father
01:24:17If I can give him back his life
01:24:19And his youth
01:24:21Then the Korra Korra bloodline
01:24:23May continue
01:24:25I'm sure you could get a girlfriend or something
01:24:27You know, if you stop killing people
01:24:29For a few minutes
01:24:31Well, unfortunately I'm unable to
01:24:33Have children of my own
01:24:35So
01:24:37Don't do this, Korra
01:24:39Five innocent people have already died
01:24:41Don't kill two more
01:24:43Hey, check out this Beefheart and Chica video
01:24:45I uploaded an hour ago
01:24:47It already has 25,000 views
01:24:49Are you trying to distract me
01:24:51With that bestiality?
01:24:53Are you so pathetic?
01:24:55Sweet dreams
01:25:05Oh, Kansu
01:25:07Hear me now
01:25:09And send your mighty power
01:25:11Through these two men
01:25:13To restore my father's life
01:25:15Oh, air and earth
01:25:17Are my horizons
01:25:19What lies between is what I am
01:25:21Oh, infinite forms of being
01:25:23Beast and stone
01:25:25Are dispensable
01:25:27The way a man was scorched by the river
01:25:29By a host of small, powerless rats
01:25:31Who ruled
01:25:33And the men in them
01:25:35And the gods and white men
01:25:37Who walked like women
01:25:39Under the blue stone of poverty
01:25:41James
01:25:59I wouldn't shake him
01:26:01If I were you
01:26:03I think I'd poke his back
01:26:05Hey
01:26:07Is he going to be okay?
01:26:09which is more than I can say for the five people he murdered.
01:26:12What happened?
01:26:14I performed a little imitative magic.
01:26:17Thank you.
01:26:37Thank you so much for both of you coming to help me retrieve my memories.
01:26:42And thank you Boo for taking me out in the hallway.
01:26:45One day I'll never forget the three of you.
01:26:48Did you really see Boo? What does he look like?
01:26:51Who is he? He's so private with stuff.
01:26:54Boo is an old friend of mine and would seem a new friend of yours too.
01:26:58Don't ever give up on him. He'll treat you good.
01:27:01Thank you Audrey.
01:27:15I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it.
01:27:31You're my last stop.
01:27:33I think this is the big one you've been waiting for.
01:27:40Better than a thunderstorm. Can you come in?
01:27:48Where's your brother?
01:27:49I don't know.
01:27:51He hasn't left the house in two months but he got up early this morning.
01:27:54It's really weird.
01:28:18What is that?
01:28:19Just the coolest thing ever. Hit the lights.
01:28:22The lights? To make it dark in here?
01:28:25Yes. To make it dark in here.
01:28:36Let me put this contraption together on the bed first.
01:28:39Okay. What are we doing?
01:28:43This.
01:28:51Wow. This is actually really cool. When is this from?
01:28:55I've been waiting for it forever. I think they were made in the 70's.
01:29:00Those guys have been around that long?
01:29:06They're an old Egyptian mystery.
01:29:14Cadence.
01:29:18Do you mean I was your best friend? You know, when you said Boo was your second best friend?
01:29:32I think that if I was manure and there really was mushrooms growing out of me,
01:29:37I'd probably think it was flowers or something stupid like that.
01:29:41And I like you.
01:30:03Mushrooms are nutritious. Don't forget that.
01:30:22Why are you vibrating at me?
01:30:26Huh. It's your brother. Just sent me an mp3 of his music.
01:30:31Sorry about him. Dude's a bit of a narcissist.
01:32:31We'd like to introduce Cadence France.
01:33:01And Bertram Sanders.
01:33:09On behalf of the city of Calgary, Ching Khan and myself would like to present you with these certificates of bravery.
01:33:23You both showed great courage in saving us and saving the city at the same time.
01:33:27We'd like to thank you. Thank you very much Bertram.
01:33:32Thank you. Here's your certificate.
01:33:36And also a $25 gift certificate for the Alpine steak and lunch.
01:33:46Thank you very much.
01:33:48And...
01:33:57Everybody smile, okay?
01:34:12Thank you very much. Take care of yourselves.
01:34:14Thank you.
01:34:15And we'll see you next time.
01:34:44Thank you very much.