Birds of a Feather UAndDrama Episode
East Side Story: Comic adventures for the Chigwell siblings. Love is in the air for Garth, but the course of true love runs anything but smoothly when Dorien gets involved. S5 Ep9 I Record On Filmon
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00:00I've just realised where I got the hundred quid from.
00:04Poor Chris.
00:11Next, it's off to Chigwell for the classic series that launched Linda Robson and Pauline Quirk into our living rooms.
00:17Yes, Tracy and Sharon are here on You and Drama. It's Birds of a Feather.
00:30It's Bird of a Feather.
01:01It's Bird of a Feather.
01:20Cher, may we present the entertainment launch of the year, you.
01:24And we want you to help us Cher the News.
01:27Stop. I can see it now.
01:52Whatever you want to watch.
01:54Whenever you want to watch it.
01:56We've got you.
01:58Stream free now.
02:01Meet the new judges.
02:04Who taste the emotion in every dish.
02:09It's fantastic.
02:11How are you feeling?
02:12You guys are making me happy.
02:13The brand new series of Masterchef Australia, coming soon to you and you and W.
02:20Our favourite Essex girls are doing it for themselves now on You and Drama.
02:24Pauline Quirk and Linda Robson are Chigwell's finest Birds of a Feather.
02:55It's wonderful.
03:20Aunt Sharon?
03:21Yes, Karl?
03:22My nuts have run out.
03:25Oh, have they?
03:27Yeah.
03:28Well, run out after them, you lazy little toerares.
03:34Here you are, Karl.
03:35We've got you some little snacks.
03:36They're your favourites.
03:37Thanks, Mum.
03:38Just put them down on there.
03:40Oh, no, Mum.
03:41I can't eat them.
03:43We're not without a drink to wash them down with.
03:45Ta-da.
03:46Thanks, Mum.
03:52Thanks.
03:58I don't believe you, Tracy Stubbs.
04:01Were you born a total muggins or did you go to evening classes to polish up on it?
04:06What are you on about?
04:07That son of yours.
04:08He ain't got out of that chair since he broke up from college.
04:11He's been stuck on that settee so long he's got the Parker Knoll logo stamped on his backside.
04:17And you're still running round after him.
04:19I'm allowed to.
04:20I'm his mum.
04:22You should get out of the house, Trace.
04:24Have a bit of a social life.
04:26When we was his age, we was always out somewhere.
04:29Pictures, bowling, dancing.
04:32Well, that's true enough.
04:33Remember the Tottenham Royal and the Lyceum at the Strand?
04:36Oh, those were the days, eh?
04:38You could go out for the night with a quid in your pocket, have a bop, baby-sham-de-bun-cup.
04:44Still have enough left over for a bag of chips on the way home.
04:48I can't remember my nights out being like that.
04:50No, never did like baby-sham, did you?
04:54All right, I'll have a word with Garfy.
04:56About time. Come on, then.
04:58Not now.
05:00Why not?
05:01He's watching telly. I might disturb him.
05:05Uh-oh. Trollop alert.
05:13Well?
05:15Blimey, it's Madam Whiplash.
05:18What do you reckon she was, Cheryl?
05:20Dunno.
05:21Maybe she dropped one of her nipple clamps down our car's window.
05:25Oh, spare me your pippy, working-class wit.
05:28Have you no idea where I picked up this chic little ensemble?
05:31Frank Boff's bedroom.
05:33No, Tracy, this is designer wear.
05:35Leather is very fashionable again this year.
05:37Yeah. A lot of old cows won't be seen in anything else.
05:42Well, Sharon, rest assured.
05:43Should you ever wish to dress your ample figure in leather,
05:46somewhere, someplace, there's a herd with your name on it.
05:53Well, actually, I bought this in a desperate attempt to cheer myself up.
05:56Uh, don't tell me.
05:57You got the bill for that Anne Summers party you went to?
06:00Don't be silly, Sharon. You know I always pay cash on the night.
06:03What's the problem, then?
06:04Marcus's cousin, Fay, has hoodwinked me into babysitting her daughter for a week
06:09while she and her husband, Maurice, jet off to Kenya on safari.
06:12Why would they want to do that?
06:15Who knows, Tracy?
06:16Perhaps Centre Park was fully booked.
06:19I meant, why would anyone ask you to babysit?
06:22I mean, no offence at all, but you're hardly Mary Poppins, are you?
06:26Meet the nanny with the overactive...
06:27Sharon!
06:31Fay always comes to me when she needs a favour.
06:33Well, why don't you just say no?
06:35Can't, Tracy. Force of habit.
06:38She's got something on me.
06:42Something I wouldn't want revealed to certain other parties, if you get my drift.
06:47Marcus.
06:48Got it in one.
06:49She once caught me in a rather compromising position with a young mechanic friend of mine.
06:54Draws at half-mast and both hands on his dipstick.
06:59Dirty old cow of a mechanic.
07:01He simply popped in to say I was due for my regular sick leave.
07:04He simply popped in to say I was due for my regular service.
07:09One thing led to another.
07:12You've no idea how erotic grease stains on naked flesh can be.
07:17Yes, I have.
07:18Chris always used to eat his chips in bed.
07:21So, every time Miss Fay wants a little favour, she just drops into the...
07:25Exactly. Well, naturally, my hands are tied.
07:29So, how old is Miss Fay's baby, then?
07:33Rosa? I don't know. Nine? Or sixteen or something?
07:37That's ugly babysitting, is it?
07:39Well, it may as well be. You should see the ugly little gnome.
07:42She makes Chelsea Clinton look like Cindy Crawford.
07:46Oh, God, that's them!
07:51Oh, there's the little mutant getting out now.
07:55Look at her. She must have been conceived on a day trip to Sellafield.
08:00Coming, sweetie.
08:03Ciao.
08:07Here, Trace. The wine bar's been taken over.
08:10They're turning it into one of them new tap house bars.
08:13Oh, yeah?
08:14They're having happy hour tonight. All drinks are half price.
08:17Starts at six, goes on till midnight.
08:20Flipping long hour, innit?
08:22Might have you pissed it, eh?
08:25So, what do you reckon, then, eh?
08:27What do you reckon, then, eh?
08:29You and me, a bit of a girls' night out on the rez?
08:31I don't know, shall.
08:32Oh, come on. Be a right laugh.
08:34Like the old days down at Royal.
08:36Oh, great. You'll be rat-arsed and ramming your tongue down the DJ's gullet
08:40while I'm left to queue up for the coats and get touched up by the bouncers.
08:44So you don't fancy it, then?
08:46Are you kidding?
08:47Beats staying here watching another year of Poxy Provence, doesn't it?
08:49Oh, brilliant!
08:50Here, what are we going to wear?
08:52I might wear me old jeans. Go a bit grungy-like.
08:54Oh, hold on a minute, shall. I can't.
08:57Why not?
08:58I can't leave Garfield on his own, can I?
09:00Why not?
09:01I'm no home alone, Mum. I love my son.
09:04I love Seven always, but I don't mind going out for that one.
09:08I'm worried about him. What if he's getting depressed or something?
09:11He's making me depressed.
09:14Why don't you talk to him like I told you to?
09:16All right, I will.
09:17Good.
09:18Good.
09:20I was wondering when you'd turn up.
09:22I know who all your suspects are.
09:24Can't do this. You're done.
09:26What's that supposed to mean?
09:27Are they arguing?
09:28This is no way of saying hi.
09:30A murder in Sheppey, a pub robbery in Canterbury.
09:32I need help.
09:33Then trust me.
09:34Witchtable Pearl.
09:35Stream free on You or watch on You and Drama Thursday at 9.
09:51Doing anything tonight then, Garf?
09:53Yeah. I am, as it happens.
09:55Great.
09:56What are you up to then?
09:58Thought I'd stay in and watch a bit of telly.
10:01That'll make a change.
10:03Are you all right? I'm worried about you.
10:05You ain't got any problems or anything, have you?
10:07Like what?
10:08Who knows?
10:09With kids today, it could be anything from glue sniffing to devil worships.
10:13No, everything's all right, Mum. Nothing to worry about. Honest.
10:16Then why haven't you been going out?
10:18I ain't got anyone to go out with.
10:20All my old schoolmates have gone their own way now they're at work or university.
10:23What about catering college? Only got no mates there.
10:26They're not really my type. All the blokes are wusses.
10:29And what about the girls?
10:30Leave it out, Mum.
10:33Most of them look like Aunty Sharon.
10:36Oi, I heard that!
10:38No offence, Aunty.
10:39It's just that working with all that food gets a little bit tempting for some of them.
10:43There is this one girl there I like, though.
10:45Oh, yeah? Who's that?
10:46Her name's Jackie.
10:47Have you asked her out?
10:49No, not exactly. But she did ask for my number.
10:51Well, that's a good sign, isn't it?
10:53Yeah, but she ain't run.
10:54Don't worry, she will.
10:56Here, why don't you come to the wine bar with us tonight?
10:59What?
11:00I don't think so, Mum.
11:02Why not?
11:03Don't force the boy if you don't want to come, Trace.
11:05Come on, we'd better be getting ready.
11:07I ain't going out and leaving my son in. He needs me.
11:10I don't.
11:11Course you do, I'm your mother.
11:13Bonsoir.
11:14Am I interrupting anything?
11:16Wouldn't have thought so, but it's polite to check, isn't it?
11:19Oh, God, I had to get out the house.
11:21One more game of Twister with the brat,
11:23I swear I will turn into Rebecca de Mornay
11:25in the hand that rocks the cradle.
11:27Here, doll, why don't you come down that new tapas bar with me and Trace?
11:31I told you, I ain't going up no tapas bar.
11:35It's tapath.
11:37Tapath.
11:40Oh, is it?
11:43And anyway, Sharon, I have to babysit.
11:47Oh.
11:49You two really know how to live life in the bus lane, don't you?
11:53Hey, Auntie Dorian.
11:55What are you doing here, Rosa?
11:57I thought I told you not to leave the house
11:59until after the sun had gone down.
12:01How horrible.
12:03Introduce us.
12:05Oh, if I must.
12:06That's Tracey.
12:08That one is Sharon.
12:10The super monster over there is called Garth.
12:12Hi, Garth. What are you reading?
12:14About a Guns N' Roses tour.
12:16Oh, wow, Slash is my favourite guitarist.
12:18Leave it out. He can't touch the edge.
12:20Don't you think so?
12:21No, he ain't fit to hold his plectrum.
12:23Flipping hell, they're communicating.
12:26Girls, group meeting, kitchen, now.
12:35The gods are smiling down upon us.
12:38The gods are smiling down upon us.
12:40They are saying,
12:42ladies, get thy jacksies up that tap-ass bar
12:45and get well and truly mullered.
12:48For tonight, the manor is your oyster.
12:54Either I've lost the ability to decipher sentences
12:57or they've invented a new language only the fat can understand.
13:02What are you on about?
13:04We can leave Rosa with Garth
13:06reading about the age-evil of Slash or something.
13:09We can all nub off to happy air down the road.
13:12That way, everyone's happy.
13:14I don't think Garthy will be.
13:16We'll see.
13:17Garth, could you come here a moment?
13:21Yes, Aunty Dorian?
13:23Your mother, Sharon, and I want to go out for the evening.
13:25Now, is it all right if we leave Rosa here with you?
13:28Me? A babysitter? No way. Forget it.
13:31Would ten pounds change your mind?
13:3320 might.
13:3415.
13:3518.50.
13:3616.25.
13:3718 quid.
13:3817.50, not a penny more.
13:39Done.
13:40I certainly have been.
13:42Thanks, Aunty Dorian. It's been a pleasure doing business with you.
13:44Would you like me to read her a story?
13:46Frankly, I don't care if you beat her around the legs with a wire coat hanger.
13:49Just keep her occupied until we get back.
13:52Will do.
13:53And Garth...
13:54Yes, Aunty Dorian?
13:55If you ever call me Aunty again,
13:58I shall tell your mother about the time you watched me taking a shower
14:01through your binoculars.
14:03When was that?
14:04About 11.30 tonight.
14:07I go doo, doo, doo, push pineapples, shake a tree.
14:13I go doo, doo, doo, push pineapples, kick your feet.
14:17To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knee.
14:21Come and dance every night to a good old melody.
14:31And now, a raise from the grave.
14:33A golden oldie, a revived 45.
14:36Oh, nice of the DJ to let everyone know you're here, eh, doll?
14:39Shut up, Sharon.
14:41What have they done to this place? It's like an 1830s holiday camp.
14:44Oh, no wonder they didn't want to let you in.
14:46Back it in, you two. This meant to be happy hour.
14:49Happy?
14:50The three of us, sitting here alone and unloved,
14:52sipping watered-down cocktails. What's so happy about that?
14:55God, if this evening is a metaphor for my life, then God help me.
14:59It's not the place. It's the company what matters.
15:02Now I am depressed.
15:05My life was never meant to turn out like this.
15:07I mean, what have I got left to look forward to?
15:10My breasts have already failed the pencil test.
15:13In a few years, I'll probably have my first serious hip operation.
15:16After that, it's a downhill dribble towards meals on wheels
15:19and mail-ordering consonants pants.
15:24My breasts never took no pencil test.
15:27They ain't got no pencils big enough.
15:31Do you know... Do you know, at school,
15:34I was voted the girl most likely to make a major contribution to mankind?
15:39Well, you did, didn't you? You slept with most of them.
15:43Come on, relax and finish your cocktail.
15:46OK, everybody, back on the floor for a conga!
15:49Oh, yes!
15:50Everybody salsa! Everybody salsa!
15:53Everybody salsa! Everybody salsa!
15:57Everybody salsa!
16:01I don't think Aunty Doreen likes me very much.
16:04I wouldn't take it personally. She don't like anyone very much.
16:08My mum and dad go off on holiday without me
16:10and I'm dumped off on some neurotic aunt who can't stand the sight of me.
16:14Story of my life.
16:15Come on, it can't be that bad.
16:17Oh, can't it?
16:18If Aunty Doreen had her way,
16:20she'd keep me chained up in the attic until my parents get back.
16:23You wouldn't be the first.
16:25Tell you what, you fancy a little drink?
16:27Oh, I don't know. I don't usually.
16:29Come on, just the one.
16:31After all, they're out having fun. Why shouldn't we?
16:34The crowd is falling through
16:36Music in the air
16:38Everybody's grooving
16:40Dancing everywhere
16:42The spirit's got to get you
16:44This is our scene
16:46We're not going home
16:48We're on our own free
16:50Everybody's grooving
16:52Dancing everywhere
16:54Woo!
16:55Woo!
16:56Woo!
16:57Woo!
16:58Woo!
17:03Home at last.
17:05God, what a boring night.
17:07It's like taking two muggered on and watching The Bafters in slow motion.
17:11Let's all do the ka-ka
17:13Let's all sing along ka
17:15Aye-aye-aye-aye-o
17:16Move it
17:17Dance the night away
17:18Calm down, you ain't in San Antonio now, you know.
17:21Brilliant night, though, wasn't it?
17:23Here! Where's the kids?
17:25Oh, well, the sun's come up. Rosa's obviously gone back to her coffin.
17:28I'd better go.
17:30We really must do this again sometime.
17:32Great! When?
17:33How about when hell freezes over?
17:35Ciao.
17:37What was that?
17:38Came from out the back by the pool.
17:40Oh, my God.
17:41Burglars.
17:42Call the police.
17:43We can't.
17:44Why not?
17:45The filter unit was on place five last week.
17:48Well, we'd better go and have a look.
17:50Come on, give me that bottle.
17:53Come on.
18:09Girl!
18:11Mum.
18:13Heaven hasn't thrown.
18:18Well, what have you got to say for yourself, young man?
18:21Calm down, Mum.
18:22I said I'd replace your champagne.
18:24Never mind the champagne.
18:26What was going on in that jacuzzi last night?
18:28What was coming off, more like.
18:30Look, Mum, I'm a young adult.
18:32Not in my hair, she're not.
18:34You look like an episode of Chigwell 90218 in there.
18:38I don't know why you're so angry.
18:40I took precautions.
18:41So what do you want, a paper act?
18:44I tell you what, Garfy, it's lucky for you your father weren't here.
18:48Luckier still, Chris weren't there.
18:50Why, what would he have done?
18:51Jumped in with him, probably.
18:54I'm really disappointed in you.
18:56You really let me down.
18:58How? What have I done?
19:00You know what you've done.
19:01Yeah, the same thing you and Aunty Sharon used to do.
19:04Oi, I still do it sometimes.
19:09Not often, mind.
19:11Mum, you're just a hypocrite.
19:13Am I not allowed to have sex just because you don't?
19:15Well, I happen to really like Rosa, and she likes me.
19:18So everyone else can just shove off and mind their own business.
19:24Well, that told him, Trace.
19:27Did you hear the way he spoke to me?
19:29If he thinks he's seeing that little tart again, he's got another thing coming.
19:33Do you reckon all the women in Dorian's family are like that?
19:38You know, genetic nymphos-like.
19:41Don't be surprised, shall.
19:42Some families are double-jointed.
19:44Ours have all got fold-away backbones and carpet burns.
19:49Come on, go. Trace was just talking about you.
19:51I am not here to exchange pleasantries. Where is the little pervert?
19:54What?
19:55I am referring to that debauched son of yours.
19:58The deflowerer of young virgins.
20:01How could he, Tracey?
20:03Taking advantage of a young innocent like Rosa.
20:06What? Rosa's about as innocent as Jack the Flipping Ripper.
20:10Are you insinuating that my niece is easy?
20:13Well, she didn't look very difficult from where I was standing.
20:16If the cap fits...
20:18Yes, well, I don't want either of them seeing each other again, Tracey.
20:21Is that clear?
20:22Suits me fine.
20:23If Fay and Maurice find out about this, there will be hell to pay.
20:26They are well-respected members of the community
20:28and Rosa's had the best education that money can buy.
20:31Have you any idea what they would say
20:34if they found out that their only daughter
20:36has been banging the son of a banged-up bank robber?
20:41And not even a Jewish bank robber.
20:43Are you saying my Garth isn't good enough for her?
20:46In a word, yes. Garth is of common stock.
20:49He can't help it. After all, you're his...
20:51Never mind. But, you see, Rosa is different.
20:54She has breeding.
20:55She was breeding last time I saw her.
20:59Tracey, I don't mean to offend you, but things are the way they are.
21:03Dogs go with dogs, cats go with cats.
21:05It's the way of the world.
21:07Except her dogs just had your cat.
21:10Yes.
21:11Yes.
21:12Well, I think we'll forget the whole unfortunate incident ever occurred.
21:17Oh, I see.
21:18You come over here insulting my son
21:20and then you want to wipe the slate clean.
21:22I ain't stupid, Dorian.
21:24The only reason you don't want them seeing each other
21:26is you're worried what Faye might say to Marcus when she finds out.
21:29Tracey, don't be unreasonable. We can talk about it.
21:32I think you've said enough, madam.
21:34As far as Rosa and Garth are concerned,
21:36I think they make a lovely couple and they've got my blessing.
21:39Now, out! Now!
21:51Where's Garth?
21:52Getting ready to go out.
21:55With Rosa again?
21:56Yep.
21:58That'll be every night this week.
22:01Dorian must be going ballistic.
22:03No, she hasn't had the nerve to show her mug round here.
22:07I hope you know what you're doing, Trace.
22:09What do you mean?
22:10Encouraging Garth and Rosa.
22:12I mean, you're only doing it to give Dor the hump, aren't you?
22:15No, I ain't.
22:17Well, maybe a little bit, but it serves her right.
22:21You're playing with fire, girl.
22:23If they're still seeing each other, when her parents get back,
22:26the batter's really going to hit the blender.
22:28You don't really want Faye to tell Marcus about Dorian's little fling, do you?
22:32I suppose not.
22:33But she shouldn't have said those things about my Garthy.
22:36And anyway, it ain't going to happen.
22:39What do you mean?
22:40They're young, they hardly know each other.
22:42It'll soon fizzle out, you mark my words.
22:45That's what Mum said about you and Daryl.
22:53Hi, Mrs Stubbs.
22:55Hello, Rosa.
22:56You look nice. New dress?
22:58It's one of Auntie Dorian's, actually.
23:00I just happened to come across it in her wardrobe.
23:02It's a bit young for her, though, isn't it?
23:04Is Garthy ready?
23:06Yeah.
23:07I'll give him a shout.
23:14Garthy!
23:16Garthy!
23:18My sister would have made a terrific town crier.
23:22She'd have made a pretty good town.
23:24Father?
23:25Nothing.
23:30Off anywhere nice tonight, Rosa?
23:32Off anywhere nice tonight, Rosa?
23:34Garth's taking me to the new tapas bar.
23:36Simply adore tapas.
23:38You know, when we go to Mummy and Daddy's villa in Puerto Banos,
23:41I practically live off chorizo and calamari.
23:43Who are they? The next door neighbours?
23:47No, they're delicacies, Mrs Stubbs.
23:49Spanish sausage and squid.
23:51Nice.
23:52Speaking of your mum and dad, when are they due back?
23:54They're playing lands tonight.
23:56I'll be going home tomorrow.
23:57I expect you and Garthy will be having a little farewell drink tonight, then.
24:00No way.
24:02Can't wait to introduce Garth to Mummy and Daddy.
24:04I know they're going to love him.
24:06Rosa, you do know Garthy isn't Jewish, don't you?
24:09Of course I do, Mrs Stubbs.
24:15I, er, noticed the other night in the jacuzzi.
24:26We're off then, Mum.
24:27Don't wait up.
24:28Don't push your luck.
24:31Share.
24:32May we present the entertainment launch of the year.
24:35You.
24:36And we want you to help us share the news.
24:39Stop.
24:40I can see it now.
24:45I got you, babe.
24:46I hope you're ready.
24:47You are.
24:49I got you to hold my hand.
24:52I got you to understand.
24:55I got you to walk with me.
24:58I got you to talk with me.
25:01I got you to kiss goodnight.
25:04I got you to hold me tight.
25:08I've got you and I won't let you go.
25:11I got you to love me so.
25:14I got you, babe.
25:15I got you, babe.
25:17I got you, babe.
25:18Good-o.
25:19I got you, babe.
25:20I got you.
25:21I got you.
25:22I got you.
25:23Whatever you want to watch, whenever you want to watch it,
25:28we've got you.
25:30Stream free.
25:33I ain't one to say I told you so, but...
25:36You told me so.
25:38Tomorrow should be a laugh, then.
25:40Fay and Maurice will find out about Garth.
25:43Marcus will find out about Dorian and the Randy mechanic.
25:47And you will find out what it's like to be up to your neck in...
25:50Thank you, Sharon. I think I get your drift.
25:54So what are you going to do, then?
25:56Nothing.
25:57What?
25:59If my son wants to go out with a girl, I'll stand by him, no matter what.
26:03What about the consequences?
26:05Dorian may never speak to you again.
26:10Yes, I see your point.
26:12Fancy a cuppa?
26:13Yeah, I'm spitting feathers.
26:18There's something old and wrinkly outside our window.
26:23Ask her what she wants.
26:29What do you want?
26:31I come under the flag of peace.
26:33That ain't a flag of peace.
26:35It's a pair of cammy knickers stuck on top of a riding crop.
26:38Well, I improvised. It was the best I could do.
26:40If you're here to try and spit out Garth and Rosa,
26:43you can sling your hook,
26:45because my son is good enough to go out with whomever he wants.
26:48You're right, Tracy. Of course he is.
26:50But that doesn't necessarily mean
26:52that they are good enough to go out with him.
26:54You what?
26:56It's Rosa.
26:57I was worried she might telephone her mother
26:59and tell her what's been going on.
27:01So?
27:02Yeah?
27:03I've been monitoring her calls.
27:05Eavesdropping, you mean?
27:06I thought monitoring sounded less Jewish.
27:08Anyway, I overheard her speaking to a friend.
27:10Apparently, Rosa has been trying to get her father
27:13to buy her the new Mazda MX5 convertible.
27:16Without much luck, I might add.
27:19What's all that got to do with Garthie?
27:21Everything, I'm afraid.
27:23Rosa intends to use him as a bargaining device.
27:27I don't get it.
27:28I do.
27:30Daddy gets the hump about Garth,
27:32so she agrees to dump him in return for a nice little prezzie.
27:36Like a sports car?
27:37Exactly.
27:39I'm afraid darling Rosa has been a manipulative little bitch.
27:43Can't think where she gets it from.
27:46Break her neck, the little vixen.
27:48Tripping with my Garthie's affections.
27:50And the rest.
27:52What are you going to do then?
27:54I'll tell him.
27:56God knows there, he'll be gutted.
27:58Tracy.
27:59What?
28:00I'm really sorry.
28:02Truly.
28:04If there was anything I could do.
28:06I think you've done enough.
28:09Hi Mum.
28:10Still up?
28:11Yeah.
28:12Nice evening.
28:13You know.
28:15Come and sit down, I want to talk to you.
28:17About Rosa.
28:19Actually Mum, there's something I want to say to you.
28:21No, let me finish what I was saying first.
28:23No, no, please, hear me out.
28:24It's important.
28:26Look, I know how much you like Rosa.
28:28But I don't want you to think about her.
28:30And I don't want you to think about Garthie.
28:32I don't want you to think about Garthie.
28:34I don't want you to think about Garthie.
28:36Look, I know how much you like Rosa.
28:38And I'm really glad that you didn't let what happened affect things.
28:41You really gave us a chance to get to know each other.
28:43See how much we had in common.
28:45It's because of that, that tonight I told Rosa that...
28:47Oh Garthie, no.
28:49I didn't want to see her anymore.
28:51What?
28:52I dumped her.
28:53Give her the big E.
28:54You know.
28:56But I thought you were getting on really well with her.
28:58She's not my type Mum.
29:00Rosa's a bit of a snob really.
29:02You should have seen her down that tapas bar tonight.
29:04She didn't stop moaning.
29:06Said it was like an 1830s holiday camp.
29:08And what did you say?
29:09Nothing.
29:10I was too busy throwing up in her handbag.
29:14Anyway, what was it you wanted to say?
29:16Nothing important.
29:17Just don't go rushing into things.
29:19There's plenty of time to find the right girl.
29:21I know.
29:22And I know exactly what kind I'm looking for.
29:24What's that?
29:25Someone just like my Mum.
29:27Give me that cuddle.
29:30Mind you, she'd have to like Jacuzzis as well.
29:35So, all's well that ends well?
29:37Yeah.
29:38Faye and Maurice picked her up this morning.
29:40She went off quiet as a lamb.
29:42And Dorian's little secret is still safe.
29:44Does Gar feel right?
29:46Yeah.
29:47That girl Jackie from the college rang.
29:48They've gone out for the day.
29:49And they all lived happily ever after.
29:53Here, Trace.
29:55Have you and Daryl ever done it in a Jacuzzi?
29:59Mind your own beeswax.
30:01Me and Chris have.
30:04Well, it weren't exactly a Jacuzzi.
30:06More a big bath.
30:10And Chris had had two portions of Sprouts for supper.
30:16Tracey.
30:17Tracey.
30:18What? What?
30:19Don't worry about a thing.
30:20I have sorted it all out.
30:22You what?
30:23Don't thank me.
30:24It was the least I could do.
30:26I waited up for Rosa last night.
30:28I told her the game was up.
30:29I warned her.
30:30If she ever saw Garth again,
30:33I would tell Maurice everything I knew about her little scheme.
30:38And she agreed, I suppose.
30:40Oh, yes.
30:41Of course, I had to oil her palm a little,
30:44just to make sure.
30:45Oh, yeah.
30:46That dress of mine that she'd taken a fancy to,
30:48had to let her keep it.
30:50Still, what's a new frock, eh?
30:54Small price to pay for Garthie's happiness.
30:58And our friendship.
30:59He'd already checked the door.
31:01I'm sorry?
31:02By the time you spoke to her, he'd already packed her in.
31:06No, he can't have, can he?
31:09You're kidding.
31:12You're not.
31:14No.
31:15My dress.
31:16I gave her my dress.
31:18Still, what's a new frock, eh, Dom?
31:23What's a new frock?
31:25About £1,800 when it is designed by Herb Leger.
31:28That's it.
31:30She's dead meat.
31:31I'll kill her, I'll kill her, I'll kill her!
31:36What will I do?
31:39Next, it's off to Chigwell for the classic series
31:42that launched Linda Robson and Pauline Quirk
31:45into our living rooms.
31:46Yes, Tracy and Sharon are here on You and Drama.
31:50It's birds of a feather.
31:52When I'm alone
31:54With only dreams of you
32:00That won't come true
32:04What'll I do?
32:08That won't come true
32:13What'll I do?
32:21What'll I do?
32:26What'll I do?
32:31What'll I do?
32:36What'll I do?
32:52KNOCK AT DOOR
32:53I need you every single day and I want you
32:58I want you every single way and I need you
33:03I need you every single way
33:05It's love, it's love, it's love
33:08It's love, it's love, it's love
33:21It's love, it's love, it's love
33:26It's love, it's love, it's love
33:31It's love, it's love, it's love
33:36It's love, it's love, it's love
33:41It's love, it's love, it's love
33:46It's love, it's love, it's love
33:51It's love, it's love, it's love
33:56It's love, it's love, it's love
34:01It's love, it's love, it's love
34:06It's love, it's love, it's love