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00:00Today, we're going to talk about relationships, but it's a base for anything else, maybe a habit.
00:05For example, someone who knows that cigarettes are harmful, but they go back to smoking cigarettes.
00:11Someone who knows that drugs are harmful, but they go back to smoking drugs.
00:15I'm Mohamed Araei, a life and relationship coach, and I've been working in the psychological field for about 10 years.
00:21As a professional coach, for about 5 years, I've worked with a lot of people,
00:26and I've worked with more than 8 or 9 psychological institutions, and I've rehabilitated people.
00:32Thank God, I've helped a lot of people, more than 1,000 people, and I've done consultations.
00:39I've helped them improve their quality of life and their quality of relationships, especially those who are willing to do so.
00:46Why do I go back to a relationship? Why do I know that this relationship is harmful, and I go back to it?
00:54This relationship is harmful. It's harmful psychologically, it's harmful socially, it's harmful in terms of my life.
01:01I don't know why.
01:03And of course, as time goes by, he gives up his existence in this relationship,
01:09and he starts to find no solutions, but to continue until a divine miracle happens,
01:17and this relationship is broken up.
01:20Of course, it's a very big topic, so I've brought you two of the most dangerous points,
01:25which if you could understand them, would make a huge difference in your lives,
01:30so that you would know why I go back to this relationship.
01:37Okay, I'll tell you the story first, and after I tell you the story, I'll tell you the two points.
01:42I want to buy a mobile phone, and I'm confused about what kind to buy.
01:47I'm the type that likes Samsung, I've been using it for a while,
01:52and I've been wanting to buy a new mobile phone for a while,
01:57so it's normal that all the people around me, most of them are my friends, most of them are my friends,
02:02they tell me Apple, and of course, Apple is not free of definition,
02:05and I'm convinced that I need to buy an Apple mobile phone, even if it's fake, I need to download it,
02:11but I don't want to, I don't want to do that.
02:14So I thought, okay, I'll wait a bit, this is Samsung,
02:17and I started looking for what prevented me from buying this Apple mobile phone.
02:22I found that what prevented me, very simply,
02:25is that there's an idea in my mind that tells me that you won't be able to deal with this mobile phone smoothly,
02:32like the Samsung mobile phone that you're used to.
02:34You're used to Android, it's a simple thing with you,
02:37and you're still going to buy a new mobile phone, and you're going to get used to it,
02:40and you don't know if it's going to come to you or not,
02:43so why are you wasting your time, and what you know is better than what you don't know.
02:47This idea, very simply, came to me from where?
02:50It came to me.
02:51From where? I don't remember.
02:53Maybe one of my friends said in front of me that the iPhone is hard to deal with,
02:57maybe I read information like that, but did I remove the iPhone before?
03:01No.
03:02Did I read information about it?
03:03No.
03:04That didn't happen.
03:05Often, this happens in relationships.
03:08I'm in a relationship, and everything in life around us has a file inside your mind.
03:14Meaning, everything in life around you has a file inside your mind,
03:20and this file contains information.
03:22This information can be correct, or it can be incorrect.
03:30This is exactly what happens in relationships.
03:33The person you're in a relationship with,
03:35who you can't leave, or you leave him and come back to him,
03:38why does this person have a file in your mind?
03:41The file inside your mind is in the subconscious.
03:45Your subconscious is the illogical mind,
03:50the mind that acts based on what you store.
03:53It doesn't matter if what you store is right, wrong, useful, harmful,
03:58they don't matter.
03:59The data you store in your mind,
04:01the mind of the illogical mind,
04:03doesn't matter if what I store on my iPhone is right or wrong.
04:07It has no claim to that.
04:08It has a claim that it entered data that tells it that the iPhone is a difficult device.
04:13So, based on that, I act.
04:15Even if I'm the mind of the illogical mind,
04:17I know that this is not 100% correct.
04:20So, you have to understand that this person stores a file in your mind.
04:25So, if we assume that his name is X,
04:27what is this X file?
04:30This X file is when you hear his name,
04:35it's written with love, happiness, security, and a sense of security.
04:42There are many feelings in this person's file.
04:46These feelings and what is written in the file in your subconscious mind,
04:51are your own.
04:53It's not necessarily true.
04:56So, what is the evidence for this?
04:58The evidence for this is that what happens outside,
05:02the results outside are harmful.
05:04So, if what is written is love, security, and happiness,
05:08the results on the ground of reality wouldn't be
05:11humiliation, exhaustion, and frustration.
05:15Of course, it wouldn't be like that.
05:17It wouldn't be an insult.
05:18It wouldn't be a reduction.
05:19It wouldn't be a lack of value.
05:20Of course, it wouldn't be like that.
05:22That's why the problem isn't in the person.
05:24The problem is in this software.
05:26You need to check this software.
05:28You need to know that if this software remains,
05:32it will destroy your life.
05:34You need to do a check on it,
05:37and after you do a check on it,
05:39you need to see if what is written in this software is useful or harmful.
05:44There are many things in this software about this person.
05:48But the most things I meet with my clients are
05:52we love each other,
05:54we are happy,
05:57love, happiness.
05:59After I leave him, I will be sad.
06:01This is written in the file.
06:02After I leave him, I will be sad.
06:04After I leave him, I will be alone.
06:06I will be alone.
06:08This is the first point.
06:10How do we solve this first point?
06:13Of course, each person's file is different from the other's.
06:16That's why it's important for you to discover your file
06:19through someone who will help you to get this software out
06:23and start putting it in front of you
06:25and start checking it.
06:27Do what you are looking for.
06:29This is really love.
06:31This is really love.
06:33Okay, I am attached to him and I have feelings towards him.
06:35But really, I am hurting myself.
06:38Is there love that makes me hurt myself?
06:41Is there love that makes me hurt this person?
06:44Love is a divine concept.
06:46Love is something that heals.
06:48People heal themselves with love.
06:50Is this love?
06:52Or maybe it's a form of attachment
06:57or getting used to the feelings of love.
07:01Maybe.
07:02Is there happiness when I do it
07:04that makes me walk in the opposite direction of God?
07:06Is there happiness when I do it
07:08that makes me regret afterwards?
07:10Is there happiness that makes me
07:12fly in the seventh heaven
07:14and land on the ground of broken reality?
07:16Check.
07:17But try to think.
07:19Is this happiness?
07:20Or is this delusion?
07:21I want to take it.
07:23And I don't think about the consequences.
07:25Is it possible that the person I say I trust
07:28is the person I feel most threatened by?
07:33Do I feel like he will leave me at any moment?
07:36Do I feel like I have to make a lot of compromises
07:39to keep him around?
07:40Ask yourself.
07:41Of course, I'm saying this in general.
07:43But of course, everyone,
07:45if they are in a similar situation,
07:47because this is a state of addiction,
07:49you can live your life and die in it.
07:51So you have to go to someone
07:53to help you get this file out
07:55and start checking it
07:57and after you start checking it
07:59to see if it's useful or harmful
08:01and then change it.
08:03The difficulty here is in the process of change.
08:06I mean, a lot of people
08:08check the meaning
08:10until they reach the truth
08:12and know that the software inside is defective
08:14and they try to put new software
08:16but they can't implement it.
08:18And this is what I'm talking about specifically.
08:20Why can't you implement it?
08:22Why can't you continue?
08:24Why can't you continue with the decision you made?
08:27Why?
08:28I'm already weak.
08:30I already love him.
08:32I already can't.
08:34I already can't.
08:36I already don't have the will.
08:38It's already recorded in your file
08:40but it's not real.
08:42It's simply very new.
08:44After you changed the meaning
08:46and you were able to change your software,
08:48there's another process.
08:50What is this process?
08:52The second step is
08:54to build a habit.
08:56You have to keep repeating this software
09:00and do it for a while
09:02like,
09:04like an upload
09:06to run this software
09:08or keep doing it for a while
09:10until it gets connected
09:12to your subconscious mind.
09:14Scientifically,
09:16it takes from 66 days
09:18to 90 days.
09:20My school that I like to go to
09:22with my clients
09:24every year in a relationship
09:26takes a month.
09:28But here, I'll tell you,
09:30I'll share a very dangerous secret
09:32that you should know
09:34so I need you to pay attention
09:36and open your minds
09:38because it's a very simple thing
09:40but it can cause a lot of pain
09:42because of a harmful relationship
09:44that you're in
09:46and you can't leave it
09:48or you decided to leave it
09:50but every time you leave it,
09:52it comes back again.
09:54Simply, the problem is not the change.
09:56You may have already made the decision
09:58and changed the meaning
10:00but what really happens?
10:02It's the resistance of change.
10:04Resist.
10:06Resist and the resistance of change
10:08is a natural thing.
10:10I mean, try this,
10:12if you're sitting now,
10:14try to move your watch
10:16from left to right.
10:18Try, if you're wearing a shirt,
10:20to wear the shirt with the shirt.
10:22Try to change your sleeping position
10:24from the bed to the living room.
10:26Try to make any change,
10:28no matter how simple it is.
10:30If you're using an Android phone
10:32and trying to get an iPhone,
10:34that's a change.
10:36You'll find your mind telling you
10:38no, don't change.
10:40It's a controlled idea
10:42that wants to bring you back
10:44to what you're in.
10:46That's the nature of your mind.
10:48Your mind doesn't like change.
10:50Your mind is annoyed by change.
10:52Your mind wants to make you like you.
10:54By the way, there's no call
10:56that you make,
10:58if you're used to reading the Quran every day,
11:00try to read the Quran.
11:02You'll find your mind bringing you back
11:04to reading the Quran.
11:06If you're used to drinking cigars
11:08and giving cigars,
11:10you'll find your mind
11:12bringing you back to drinking cigars.
11:14Your mind always tries to bring you back
11:16to what you're used to,
11:18no matter if it's right or wrong.
11:20To succeed in the process of change,
11:22you need to build a habit.
11:24You need to build a habit.
11:26You need to stay for a while
11:28repeating the same thing
11:30and you understand
11:32that you'll get
11:34a controlled idea
11:36that wants to bring you back
11:38to what you're in.
11:40So first of all,
11:42accept that you'll have a resistance.
11:44There are two types of resistance.
11:46There's an internal resistance
11:48that represents your emotions and thoughts.
11:50And there's an external resistance.
11:52What's the external resistance
11:54of the internal resistance?
11:56The external resistance is
11:58people, things, and places.
12:00There's someone
12:02between you and him.
12:04There's a friend between you and him.
12:06There's a friend between you and him.
12:08There are places that remind you of him.
12:10There are things.
12:12The mobile phone is the most dangerous thing.
12:14A lot of people tell me
12:16that they'll leave it,
12:18but there's no problem.
12:20The problem is that I'll leave it
12:22on Facebook.
12:24Of course, I'm not telling anyone to do anything
12:26and you shouldn't do anything.
12:28The problem is that
12:30these things will keep
12:32nourishing your resistance.
12:34They'll make your thoughts bigger
12:36and tell you to come back.
12:38Yes, he can come back to you.
12:40Yes, he can call you.
12:42What will he say?
12:44Keep him in front of you
12:46so that he doesn't see
12:48that you're weak and ran away.
12:50This will keep nourishing your thoughts.
12:52You want a long time
12:54to keep him away from your thoughts
12:56and start doing
12:58the new habit of leaving him.
13:00That's your goal.
13:02The inner resistance
13:04is that you're afraid of separation.
13:06You're afraid of isolation.
13:08The inner resistance brings me back
13:10to who I was.
13:12This resistance won't go away.
13:14It won't go away overnight.
13:16It'll go away.
13:18There's no magic pill.
13:20You won't take a pill
13:22and stop resisting.
13:24There's someone called Pickard.
13:26He's a great scientist.
13:28His equation is the equation of change.
13:30I like it a lot because I tried it
13:32on myself in a lot of things.
13:34Whether it was in relationships
13:36or in prison.
13:38I apply this equation
13:40and my resistance to change decreases.
13:42What is this equation?
13:44Its goal is to reduce resistance to change.
13:46The first condition of this equation
13:48is that you're already in pain.
13:50If you're in pain,
13:52then you're ready.
13:54If you're in pain
13:56and you're starting to complain
13:58and you're starting to tell yourself
14:00and so on
14:02that you'll stay in this relationship
14:04until when?
14:06I don't see anything good.
14:08I'm stuck.
14:10This sound is useful.
14:12It's a red light
14:14to help you.
14:16But a lot of people have this element
14:18but they don't know the second or third element.
14:20What's the second element?
14:22The second element
14:24is that when I leave him,
14:26what will I do? Where will I go?
14:28Vision.
14:30Will I be alone?
14:32Will I find someone I love?
14:34I can't love anyone.
14:36I can't fall in love again.
14:38I'm already old.
14:40I don't know what to do.
14:42A lot of sounds
14:44distract you
14:46from where you want to go.
14:48You don't know where you want to go.
14:50So the second element in the equation
14:52to resist the change
14:54is to know where you're going.
14:56The first element is that it's very painful
14:58to feel that you're in pain
15:00because if you're not in pain,
15:02there will be no motivation for change.
15:04No pain, no gain.
15:06There's no no-no without pain.
15:08That's why if you're in pain,
15:10please pay attention to this message
15:12and let this pain
15:14instead of being suffering,
15:16let it be a healthy pain
15:18and let it move you towards the goal.
15:20The second element is
15:22where do I want to go
15:24after I leave this person?
15:26Where do I want to go?
15:28It's very important that she doesn't get tired.
15:30I mean, she doesn't get tired.
15:32I mean, look, I've decided to leave him,
15:34but if he comes back to talk to me,
15:36we could be friends.
15:38I could talk to him again,
15:40but I'm going to control myself.
15:42All of this is lying to herself.
15:44There's nothing called
15:46a 100% decision.
15:48So you need to strengthen your decision.
15:50And of course,
15:52the strengthening of this decision
15:54requires a lot of practice.
15:56I mean, you don't have to be 100% sure
15:58about your decision.
16:00So number one, the pain is a sign
16:02that helps you.
16:04This is the first element in the equation
16:06to reduce the resistance to change.
16:08Number two is
16:10to have a better vision
16:12of what you're going through.
16:14And it doesn't have to be an ideal vision.
16:16Life doesn't have to be rosy.
16:18It's enough for you
16:20to get rid of the pain you're in.
16:22It's enough for you to move
16:24from the area you're in.
16:26But of course, the resistance will remain active.
16:28The fear will remain active.
16:30That's why
16:32you need to start immediately.
16:34You don't need to
16:36keep it inside you.
16:38A lot of us are in a relationship
16:40and he decided to leave her.
16:42But what does that mean?
16:44I'm in a lot of pain
16:46and I know what I'm going to do
16:48but there's no action.
16:50There's no practical step.
16:52That's why the third element in the equation
16:54is the first step.
16:56You don't need to know 100 steps.
16:58You just need to know the first step.
17:00You need to know
17:02the first step
17:04to help you reduce the resistance to change.
17:06What's the first step?
17:08I encourage you to take
17:10is asking for support.
17:12Asking for support.
17:14Asking for support here is
17:16asking God for help.
17:18Number two,
17:20specializing in this point
17:22specifically.
17:24If I stop smoking,
17:26if I stop taking drugs,
17:28if I stop eating,
17:30if I stop having a special relationship.
17:32Thirdly,
17:34a group of people
17:36succeeded in this.
17:38People who succeeded in this experiment
17:40were able to get rid of
17:42a person they were in a bad relationship with
17:44and were able to get over it.
17:46So I ask them about their experience.
17:48Someone succeeded in this
17:50so it gives me hope.
17:52It gives me hope
17:54because I'm losing hope.
17:56I need someone to give me hope.
17:58These three steps,
18:00if you do them,
18:02the resistance to change will decrease.
18:04You will find that your fear with time
18:06will decrease.
18:08You will find that the habit started to form
18:10but you need to repeat this every day.
18:12You need to not get bored
18:14before 90 days or before 66 days
18:16and you need to keep repeating this.
18:18And the longer the relationship
18:20lasted,
18:22the more you need to give
18:24every year of the relationship,
18:26because a relationship is a month of recovery.
18:28Of course,
18:30it's not a lot.
18:32It's not a lot that you have been
18:34destroying yourself for years
18:36when a month or a year
18:38is not a lot.
18:40Because here,
18:42you will face the enemy of haste.
18:44Why am I not comfortable?
18:46Why am I not good?
18:48Why haven't I stopped thinking about it?
18:50You are right.
18:52You have been destroying yourself for years.
18:54Think logically.
18:56Don't let haste be your enemy.
18:58Simply,
19:00why do you come back?
19:02You come back because
19:04this person is registered in your file.
19:06His software
19:08may be wrong.
19:10What do you need to do?
19:12You need to check this software.
19:14How do you check it?
19:16By seeing if this person
19:18caused problems in your life
19:20and affected your life negatively or not.
19:22If he affected your life negatively,
19:24then his software is wrong.
19:26If you can't leave him,
19:28why can't you leave him?
19:30Because there is resistance to change.
19:32Because you are used to it.
19:34In order to stop this habit
19:36and make a new habit,
19:38you need three elements.
19:40The first element is
19:42a great pain
19:44to be in pain.
19:46The second element is
19:48a better vision.
19:50The third element is
19:52the first step
19:54which I call
19:56the support system
19:58which is our God,
20:00a coach, and people
20:02who have been through it.
20:04People who have been successful
20:06in overcoming a person
20:08who was attached to them
20:10and never came back.
20:12These three elements will make
20:14the resistance to change less.
20:16If you can do this,
20:18simply,
20:20if you are suffering from this problem
20:22and you hear about it,
20:24please focus on it.
20:26Because there are a lot of people
20:28who have experienced it
20:30and there is a lot of knowledge
20:32in a very simple way.
20:34Don't lose hope
20:36and put your hand on your pillow
20:38and say that it is difficult
20:40and you didn't try.
20:42If you want to try,
20:44try, you won't lose anything.
20:46If you want to have a successful story
20:48of people who were able to be free,
20:50you can go to the link
20:52and join us.
20:54There is an individual coaching session
20:56where I will listen to you
20:58and start with you.
21:00We will put a plan
21:02so that you can be free
21:04and never return to this relationship again.
21:06Be a free person
21:08from your thoughts and feelings
21:10and start a new journey in your life
21:12where you can love yourself
21:14and follow the path.
21:16And say,
21:18Oh God,
21:20I hope you benefit from the offers we offer
21:22and see you soon.