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😹
FunTranscript
00:30Nobody is afraid of Manni.
00:36What the Dortmund manager can sing a song about...
00:44...nobody can get near him.
01:00I think I see a city on the horizon.
01:12I hope there's a cool drink for me. I'm totally drained.
01:17Mirage, Nevada. Our water is unspoiled, our lead not watered.
01:22Nice place.
01:24$50 for a sack of oats and half a barrel of lukewarm water? That's street smoke!
01:30We're in Nevada, Homer. Everything here is expensive, except for sand.
01:34Your horse is popular for eating and drinking, sir.
01:37Can I get it back in an hour?
01:38In an hour, but gladly, sir. Come, Mr. Schindermehre.
01:42Today's offer is oat Primavera with hay as a side dish.
01:54Do you buy your chips at the sea?
02:08A lemonade, but a big one.
02:12What's that green stuff floating around?
02:15That's fresh mint.
02:18The mint was my idea, and that's how I got the style, don't you think?
02:21Welcome to the last drop, cowboy.
02:24You won't find a more well-groomed mess west of Mississippi.
02:27I'm Poker Face Nelson, the manager.
02:30Lucky Luke, a lonely cowboy.
02:32And probably totally drunk, Mr. Luke.
02:34How about a cool drink and a hot bath in the upper attic before you go to the game table?
02:41That won't do. I have an appointment with the leader of the honest eagles.
02:45The leader of the tribe that never smiles, right?
02:48The world is a village after all.
02:50My lawyer-brewing boss is a cousin of his.
02:55Hey, boss, there's trouble at the entrance with a few ladies.
02:58Get to know each other in the meantime.
03:04Allegedly, they are widows and have just been paid out the life insurance.
03:07What are you waiting for? Please come in.
03:09Welcome to the last drop in the saloon.
03:11Here you will find everything.
03:13Poker, blackjack, roulette and even bingo.
03:18So, what do the ladies want?
03:20Enough with the fun. We're going to blow up the place.
03:22She has the players. Oh, no.
03:24Yes, yes. According to the governor's letter, they are going to run the place illegally.
03:30Signed by the governor.
03:32With immediate effect, the saloon will be closed.
03:35They can't do anything about it.
03:36You heard what the lawyer said.
03:38What are we waiting for? Let's make it smaller.
03:40Get out of this saloon.
04:02Well, you're broke, aren't you?
04:04They broke it.
04:06The lemonade. The mint was delicious, by the way.
04:08Aha.
04:09What do you mean?
04:10If we're smart, they can open a new casino if we change the law a little bit.
04:22What? 80 dollars?
04:24The haircut is for that, but also for free.
04:28So you mean, if we open up in Washington...
04:31...and pick up an opposing judge, the new casino won't stand a chance.
04:35All men on board, to Denver, Kansas City and Washington, D.C.
04:39I happen to know an opposing judge.
04:42So long, Nevada. I'll see you again soon.
05:05Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
05:12Welcome to the land of the never-smiling tribe.
05:14Honest Adler is happy to welcome his blood brother, Lucky Luke.
05:19Thank you.
05:20Blood brother Lucky looks good again.
05:23But honest Adler has to say, Luke's brave horse has a totally stupid haircut.
05:29Good. It's time for the welcome ceremony.
05:36THE WELCOME CEREMONY
05:43Come on, start, chief.
05:44Always after you.
05:46No, no, you first.
05:47Honest Adler doesn't think about it in his dreams.
05:49But I insist.
05:50No, I insist.
05:51No, I really insist.
05:52But you look very thirsty.
05:54Thirsty? Oh, what? I'm not thirsty at all.
05:56Honest Adler is not thirsty either. Please, serve yourself.
06:00Listen, I can't... No, no, you first.
06:06Woo-hoo! Water is gone.
06:08That means the ceremony is finally over.
06:11Unfortunately, chief Honest Adler has no more water.
06:14And friend Lucky Luke has to stay thirsty.
06:16Stupid. I give a kingdom that I don't have for a cold lemonade.
06:20Harvest dried up. Bad for the never-smiling tribe.
06:23A bad drought. We need rain.
06:26Rainmaker Lovely Moist has forgotten his dance.
06:29Huh? Forgotten?
06:30Please, yourself.
06:35Hey-ah, hey-ah...
06:48If no dance, no rain is given.
06:50If there's no rain, the harvest is difficult.
06:52After Lovely Moist's dance is forgotten, we all are.
06:56Forget?
06:58Would make a fool of a horse.
07:00Then people don't know any more.
07:05What do you have there?
07:11I got the fare back. We arrived 7 minutes too late in D.C.
07:15I threatened with a lawsuit if we don't get the money back.
07:18You are a greedy bus driver.
07:20And now we visit my friend Judge Elijah Unrad Jr.
07:24He will help us for sure, otherwise we help a little bit.
07:27Judge Unrad Jr.
07:33Your Honor, we have a visitor.
07:35Good, I'll let him in.
07:36Hello Judge Unrad.
07:38No, don't do anything you'll regret later.
07:42Poker face.
07:45What a pleasure to see you.
07:47Oh, I'm glad. This is the greedy bus driver. He is my lawyer.
07:50The greedy...
07:52Oh, no.
07:53Calm down.
07:54I'm not here to collect debts.
07:56I have a little request, what I want to talk to you about.
08:06I don't know if what you are asking for is legal.
08:11The main thing is that the bus stop knows that it is.
08:13As an additional incentive, I would be willing to pay your gambling debts.
08:17And in addition, there is a small reward on top.
08:20Five percent.
08:21Ten.
08:22Discuss this with my lawyer.
08:23We have to eat now. Give your consent by smoking signal.
08:32Now just rinse.
08:34Oh.
08:36I need water.
08:38Who doesn't?
08:40At the moment, that's all.
08:41Lovely moisture is still experimenting rum.
08:52Oh.
08:53Oh.
09:23No excitement, friend.
09:24I come with a surprise.
09:25Money winks so that your tribe smiles again.
09:28You don't bring me any money and the tribe can't make any money.
09:31Yes, it can.
09:32I thought of something for all of us.
09:36What is that?
09:37A provision signed by a judge in Washington, D.C.
09:40This gives the never smiling tribe the permission to run a gambling casino.
09:44What?
09:45Let me see.
09:47Seems to be real.
09:48I would think so.
09:49No, and since I understand a little about gambling, I could join the business.
09:54If you make Poker Face your partner, you'll regret it soon.
09:57Remember the old saying,
09:58caution is the mother of the porcelain box.
10:00Give another saying, Lucky.
10:02The devil eats flies in need.
10:04Never smiling tribe needs water and rainmaker forgets dance.
10:08Your offer is accepted.
10:09Poker Face should become a partner with us and manages casino.
10:13Accordingly, the contract will run.
10:19Honest eagle asks Poker Face.
10:21Do you want such a purple big game?
10:23Sure, it will be the biggest casino far and wide.
10:26Do you know what kind of name I came up with for it?
10:29Dead cow.
10:30Exactly, and soon they will flow into the dead cow from far away.
10:33There they will squander their wealth at the table and make us stink.
10:44What is that?
10:45This is called grass.
10:46There is a lot of it here.
10:48Stupid man, you forgot the rain dance.
10:50Friends, this is Flinky.
10:52He will teach you everything you need to know as a card giver.
10:55Believe me, you are in good hands with him.
10:58Let's start with a normal game with 44 cards.
11:02Aren't you ashamed to turn these brave Indians into mean criminals?
11:06Why not?
11:07We'll teach you something in our Beiner Endurance.
11:18Be honest with honest eagle.
11:20Do you like the uniform I wear as the second manager, yes?
11:23Looks great.
11:24Why great?
11:27You look like a clown, not like a pimp anymore.
11:29The answer was a bit too honest.
11:31Also for a man like honest eagle.
11:33Get out of here, go.
11:34Fridige meant well.
11:38So, with the roulette we start with a little white cow.
11:43Good shot, cowboy.
11:45You probably hit what you want to hit.
11:47Would you like to work for me?
11:49In the casino, one has to ensure order.
11:51The payment is good and the work is easy for you.
11:54You just have to, how should I put it,
11:56not necessarily look closely.
11:58And what do you say to that? Do you want the job?
12:00Forget it.
12:01Sorry, my hand slipped.
12:04Good that your hand slipped,
12:06because if you had done it on purpose,
12:08we would now have a million complaints.
12:18Mr. Governor,
12:20what a pleasure to welcome you.
12:22May I introduce you? Honest Eagle, my partner.
12:24Very pleased.
12:25Now that the Indians are officially operating a game casino here,
12:28the ladies of the Anti-Game-Hell League have the honor, am I right?
12:32Oh, we'd rather not complain.
12:34Oh, what a nice surprise, Judge Unrad.
12:37How nice that you could come.
12:48Kaufen Sie Glücksbringer, verdanken Sie mir Ihr Glück.
12:57Ein Vollhaus, wenn mich nicht alles täuscht.
13:00Was machst du, Holzkopf?
13:01Du sollst die Karten doch erst zeigen, wenn die anderen sie aufgedeckt haben.
13:04Die nächste Zahl, die auf dem großen Rad gewinnt, wird wohl die 9 sein.
13:08Ich bitte um Ihren Einsatz.
13:17Es sieht gar nicht gut aus, Boss.
13:19Die Rothäute sind einfach zu ehrlich.
13:21Die kapieren das Prinzip nicht.
13:22Ganz ruhig, Flinky.
13:24Dafür wissen meine einarmigen Banditen nicht, wie sie verlieren.
13:38Nein, was für ein wunderbarer Abend das war.
13:42Sie haben gewonnen.
13:43Sie machen Witze.
13:44Verloren habe ich, wie üblich.
13:45Das macht aber gar nichts.
13:46Sie müssen nämlich wissen, Cowboy, ich bin hier Teilhaber.
13:49Das heißt, was ich mit rechts verliere, gewinne ich gewissermaßen mit links wieder.
14:05Hey, nimm die Finger weg vom Geld.
14:12Na, das nenne ich doch mal einen ehrlichen Indianer.
14:15Unser erster Abend war sehr erfolgreich.
14:17Hier, bitteschön, Richter, Ihr Anteil am Gewinn.
14:21Und hier der Anteil des Stammes, Häuptlings.
14:24Na, siehst du, wie er dich über den Tisch zieht?
14:26Blutsbruder Luke soll nicht immer so misstrauisch sein.
14:28Ehrlicher Adler vertrauen Poker-Face.
14:30Niemand soll ihm Betrüger schimpfen.
14:32Was werdet ihr mit dem vielen Geld anfangen?
14:34Ganz viel Wasser kaufen muss ich ja.
14:36Regenmacher weiß noch immer nicht, Tanz.
14:38Ich verkauf dir gerne Wasser.
14:41Und wo soll es hin?
14:43In großes Loch vor dir.
14:53Sie haben dafür doppelt so viel wie im Moment üblich genommen.
14:55Ich bin eben ein guter Geschäftsmann.
14:57Sie sind ein Halunke.
14:59Halten Sie Ihren Mund und ich versüße Ihnen gern Ihr Schweigen.
15:01Oh, Entschuldigung.
15:03Jetzt ist mir schon wieder die Hand ausgerutscht.
15:06Das tut weh.
15:09Das tut weh.
15:12Sie wissen, wie man Texas Roulette spielt, Cowboy.
15:14Dabei ist in jeder Kammer eine Kugel und ich schieße zuerst.
15:20Hat Lucky Luke Würmer da oben?
15:22Du schießt auf Manager von stammeigenen Casino.
15:24Dafür hagelt es Strafe.
15:26Verbanne dich vom Land unseres Stammes.
15:28Was ist? Hören Sie schwer? Verschwinden Sie!
15:30Wir sprechen uns, wenn Sie euch total ausgeplündert haben, Häuptling.
15:38Da ist es!
15:40Das Casino zur toten Kuh!
15:42Wie sollen wir ja so blöde sein, dass die Bank immer verliert?
15:44Na, umso besser für uns!
16:08Die vom niemals lächelnden Stamm haben dauernd nur gewonnen.
16:10Nur weil ich nicht zahlen konnte, haben sie mich geteert und gefedert.
16:39Brüder und Schwestern, das schöne Wasser haben wir gekauft, damit wir Radieschen haben.
16:44Das wird nicht mit albernen Spielchen verplempert.
16:48Alberne Spielchen machen aber Spaß.
16:58Ehrlicher Adler kommt uns besuchen.
17:00Nein, wie freundlich.
17:02Ehrlicher Adler nicht freundlich, Pokerface.
17:04Bin unglücklich, Herr Häuptling.
17:06Ihr habt den Geld niemals lächelnder Stamm, schwimmt in teurem Wasser,
17:08planscht und Salat vertrocknet.
17:10Darum bin ich hier und sage, Vertrag ist beendet.
17:13Tut mir leid, dass der Salat weiterhin schlapp macht, Adler.
17:16Nur wenn du vertragsbrüchig wirst, sag ihm, was dann passiert, Bossat.
17:19Bei Vertragsbruch wird eine konventionale Strafe von 50 Millionen Dollar verhängt
17:23und der Häuptling wandert ins Gefängnis.
17:30So bedrückt, Häuptling. Was ist los?
17:32Freund Luke, Häuptling war auf Holzweg mit Pokerface.
17:34Spricht mit gespaltener Zunge. Nichts kommt von Herzen.
17:37Niemals lächelnder Stamm kommt nicht aus Vertrag raus.
17:40Das ist nicht zum Lachen. Glaub's mir.
17:42Und sie bleibt noch. Verstanden?
17:47Hier dürfen Sie erst wieder rein, wenn Sie Ihre Schulden bezahlt haben.
17:52Herr Sowas, Sie sind doch am Gewinn beteiligt.
17:54Schon, aber meine rechte Hand verliert schneller, als es meine linke wieder gewinnt.
17:57Wenn es Ihr Casino wäre, würden Sie die Probleme nicht haben.
18:00Sie wären den Manager los und Ihre linke Hand würde wieder mit der rechten mithalten.
18:03Nun, ähm, ziemlich einleuchtend, was Sie da sagen, junger Mann.
18:06Lassen Sie uns das besprechen, ja?
18:09Der Häuptling verkauft Ihnen das Casino. Dafür bekommt er so viel Wasser, wie er braucht.
18:13Ein verlockender Plan, aber wo finde ich einen neuen Manager für das Casino?
18:17Sie haben gewiss gute Beziehungen. Sie werden doch jemanden kennen, der den Job machen kann.
18:21Nun ja, ich müsste schleunigst ein Telegram schicken.
18:34Das ist Ihr Manager?
18:35Sie sollten einen Menschen nicht bloß nach dem Äußeren beurteilen.
18:40Ehrlicher Adler, Häuptling des niemals lächelnden Stammes, das ist Don Vito Cartoon Neone,
18:45vom Stamme der Grüngesichter, neuer Manager des Casinos.
18:48Wenn ich recht gehört habe, würden Sie es vorziehen, in Wasser bezahlt zu werden.
18:51Ja, nach dem Salat machen nun auch die Kohlrabi schlapp.
18:53Wir bekommen das Wasser.
18:55Wir bekommen das Wasser.
18:57Wir bekommen das Wasser.
18:59Wir bekommen das Wasser.
19:02Wir bekommen viel Wasser und Ihr behaltet Geld.
19:05Dann mehr als gern, unterschreiben wir.
19:07Oh nein, niemand unterschreibt hier irgendwas.
19:09Ich habe einen Exklusivvertrag als Manager, was mein Anwalt bestätigen kann.
19:19Nur laut Gesetz sind in Nevada in dem Moment, wo ein Spielcasino verkauft wird,
19:23Verträge keinen Pfifferling mehr wert.
19:25Im Klartext, sie bohren sich ab heute nur noch in der Nase.
19:29Was ist denn in Sie gefahren? Sie arbeiten für mich, haben Sie das vergessen?
19:33Irrtum, Pokerface, ich arbeite fürs Gesetz.
19:36Sie waren nur mein Mandant und ein furchtbarer Mensch, wenn ich das so sagen darf.
19:40Also dann, unterschreiben wir den Vertrag.
19:42Das werden Sie nicht tun.
19:45Tun Sie doch von mir aus, was Sie wollen.
19:59Ãœble Kunde! Pokerface dreht durch, hat sich verbarrikadiert im Casino,
20:04will sich damit und mit allem Drum und Dran in die Luft sprengen.
20:08Ich mach das schon.
20:29La la la la la la la du da.
20:31Feierabend, Pokerface. Die Kröte werden Sie schlucken müssen.
20:34Na schön, aber ich verabschiede mich mit einem Knall-Effekt.
20:49Na, endlich bereit aufzugeben?
20:51Warum sollte ich? Ihr Sechs-Schuss-Revolver ist leer, ich habe mitgezählt.
20:56Sie wussten nicht, dass ich ein Streichholz mehr hatte.
20:59Sie haben sich umsonst und zu früh gefreut.
21:01Wenn Sie sich da mal nicht irren.
21:09Fahren Sie los, es wird leicht in die Luft fliegen.
21:16Nun ist die Kuh wirklich tot.
21:26Hey, ich weiß wieder alles.
21:36Ich hasse es, wenn es regnet. Los, gehen wir.
21:42Dann, Vito, nehmen Sie mich doch mit.
21:46Jetzt, wo Wasser wieder vom Himmel fällt, niemand muss dafür bezahlen.
21:50Niemals lächelnder Stamm wird Lila Tippy nicht wieder aufbauen.
21:54Und wer falsche Karten im Ärmel versteckt, verschwindet, weil er sonst Prügel bekommt.
21:59Und dasselbe gilt auch für Sie, Pokerface.
22:08Wie schön grün dein Tal wieder ist, Häuptling.
22:10Sehr schön. Gebt ehrlicher Adler Talhübschen neuen Namen.
22:14Wie soll es heißen?
22:16Las Vegas.
22:18Gut ausgedacht, nicht wahr?
22:20Spielernaturen wirst du für immer abschrecken mit dem ulkigen Namen.
22:48Untertitel im Auftrag des ZDF für funk, 2017