Futile Attraction Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I don't know why you keep calling me when I said I never wanted to see you again.
00:00:13I really wasn't talking.
00:00:15Every time I look at you, I just want to be sick.
00:00:23You're making me numb.
00:00:26You just don't get it.
00:00:28The 80s were not cool.
00:00:32Our bed is not a rugby field.
00:00:35My legs are not goal posts.
00:00:38And you will never score another try again.
00:00:43My therapist thinks you're draining my will to live.
00:00:50I'm sorry, but more friends think I can find somebody better.
00:00:55I just feel like you're suffocating me.
00:01:00I can't handle this in my life right now.
00:01:02Getting drunk isn't making you attractive anymore.
00:01:07It's over.
00:01:09It's not me.
00:01:10It's you.
00:01:11Pull yourself out.
00:01:14Yeah, check it out.
00:01:17You're a total dump.
00:01:22I just want somebody cooler, who earns more money, who is near somebody else.
00:01:31And basically, they're better than you.
00:01:35Hi.
00:01:36I'm Dudley Earnsworth.
00:01:38I want to ask, are you lonely?
00:01:41Are you scared that you're never going to find that special someone?
00:01:45That you're never going to find anyone?
00:01:47I know I am.
00:01:49Loving can be tough, even for rich and good-looking people.
00:01:54And once you've got that phone number, what do you do then?
00:01:57During this documentary, we're going to be answering that question.
00:02:01We're going to follow one couple from their first meeting
00:02:04right through the natural course of their relationship.
00:02:07Together, we're going to see whether the world of romance
00:02:11really is as barren, frustrating, and scary as Tasmania.
00:02:20Now, that's what you call an intro.
00:02:25Yeah, very nice, Dudley.
00:02:27Yep.
00:02:28I thought so, actually.
00:02:29It's the best I've done.
00:02:32There's a lot of money to be made in the love market.
00:02:35That's why there's so many prostitutes.
00:02:37At the moment, pimping is illegal, so I opened a dating agency instead.
00:02:43Let's face it, everybody needs love.
00:02:47Unless they've got money.
00:02:49Cut. Hold it. Cut. I've got to blow my nose.
00:02:53Violet, what the hell do you think you're doing?
00:02:56Blowing my nose.
00:02:58Didn't your dad, have you ever been on a film set before?
00:03:02That's none of your business.
00:03:03Her dad? What do you mean?
00:03:05I'll say this once. You never call cut. Not on my shoot.
00:03:11Well, okay. Roll. I'm finished.
00:03:14I don't want to hear another word.
00:03:19Sorry about that, Becky. Do carry on, Dudley.
00:03:22So, um, has anybody famous ever used your services?
00:03:29Well, no. Celebrities don't generally need dating services.
00:03:35That's what groupies are for.
00:03:39Yeah. Tell me about it.
00:03:42Oh, thank you, honey.
00:03:50What about him? Maybe he's our guy.
00:03:52I don't think he's quite what you're looking for.
00:03:56He's what we in the industry call a bit of a challenge.
00:04:03Look, I get hundreds of calls a day. Just give it five minutes.
00:04:07I'm sure someone much more suitable will call.
00:04:19There'll be a rugby game on.
00:04:21There's always a dip in phone calls when there's a rugby game on.
00:04:24Are you guys sure you don't want me finding you a girl as well?
00:04:27I mean, I have plenty of those on my books.
00:04:30Mackenzie, our boss, wanted to go with Jermaine.
00:04:32He saw a photo of her in your brochure.
00:04:35And to be honest, that's why he chose your agency.
00:04:38I think she'll be great.
00:04:41I'm sure she'll be fine. It's just that's why she's on my books.
00:04:45Because of that modelling contract.
00:04:47That's the appeal. We need sponsors. They love models.
00:04:52Have you met her yet?
00:04:54Oh, that's Saturday, isn't it? Really looking forward to that.
00:04:59As are we all, eh?
00:05:02I'm sure she'll be fine.
00:05:12What was the last movie that you saw?
00:05:17I'm sure I'll find you one.
00:05:20Yeah, any time.
00:05:22How many people are on your books?
00:05:24250 registered at the moment.
00:05:26Thank you.
00:05:30Dudley! We're on!
00:05:38Hi, and welcome to the Flying Kiwi Dating Agency,
00:05:42where we take the grating out of dating.
00:05:47This is a business, not a household.
00:05:50Don't you people have a proper telephone directory?
00:05:53Or do you just punch random numbers and hope for a sale?
00:05:56Violet, get out of shot!
00:05:59Right. Sorry.
00:06:06Judging from your job, I take it you're a single man.
00:06:12How would you like to buy some love?
00:06:18No, our prices are very reasonable.
00:06:22Just because you've had no success with dating services in the past
00:06:26is no reason to give up on them entirely.
00:06:28It's like the Vietnam War.
00:06:31But nobody admitted defeat.
00:06:34Anyway, we can guarantee you one date.
00:06:39And when was the last time you had a date?
00:06:43I knew you'd see it my way.
00:06:47Now, what was your name again?
00:06:53Randall. Uh-huh.
00:06:56And what's your phone number, Randall?
00:07:03I'm going to start processing this,
00:07:05but I'll need you to come down and complete the forms.
00:07:08Do you know where we are?
00:07:11That's right.
00:07:13Next to the marriage guidance counsellor.
00:07:17See you soon.
00:07:24Told you it'd be easy.
00:07:39Are we rolling?
00:07:42Yes.
00:07:44So, you've had a date set up for you
00:07:47by someone you've paid with someone you've never met.
00:07:51Isn't this just a 21st century reworking of the ancient arranged marriage?
00:07:56How do you plan for such a date?
00:07:58What are you going to wear?
00:08:00What are you going to say?
00:08:02What is the most important thing you need to know about the other person?
00:08:06Will it be the chicken liver, the vegetarian, or the steak meal?
00:08:11We're here today at Randall's house
00:08:15to find out the answers to some of these questions
00:08:18and to watch him get ready for the big date.
00:08:37Fuck, Anne.
00:08:39This is ridiculous.
00:08:40Why isn't there a runner in there telling him to open the door?
00:08:43I mean, Jesus, it's not fucking rocket science.
00:08:46Anne, I am not doing that intro again.
00:08:49It's fine, Dudley.
00:08:50We can edit around this.
00:08:52Why?
00:08:53Oh, you guys must be the film crew.
00:08:55Sorry about that.
00:08:56My mum was on the phone.
00:08:57Hey, Randall.
00:08:58It's great to finally meet you.
00:09:00Sorry about that.
00:09:01My mum was on the phone.
00:09:02Hey, Randall.
00:09:03It's great to finally meet you.
00:09:05I'm Dudley Earnsworth.
00:09:07We talked on the phone.
00:09:09Can I come in and ask you a few questions?
00:09:11Sure.
00:09:17Sorry.
00:09:18Do you want me to do that again?
00:09:26These are my flatmates, Ian and Oscar.
00:09:28Are they a problem?
00:09:29No, that's cool.
00:09:30They show you and your environment just so long as they keep quiet.
00:09:37Oh, um, what did you guys want to ask me?
00:09:40This is your...
00:09:41Oh, I know where I know you from.
00:09:43You did that flea powder ad and used to be the weatherman, didn't you?
00:09:46My mother loved you.
00:09:47I was the economics reporter.
00:09:50I did the stock market report.
00:09:53I did the special reports on national and international economic issues.
00:09:59So why don't you do it anymore?
00:10:03They restructured.
00:10:05Did they?
00:10:06Who else lost their jobs?
00:10:08No one.
00:10:09Look, why haven't you had a date in more than a year?
00:10:11Oh, well the last girlfriend I had didn't like my mother and the one before that my mother didn't like.
00:10:16And more recently I've been far too busy working and trying to achieve my master plan.
00:10:22Oh, and what is your master plan?
00:10:25Well, it's something that me and mum sorted out after I finished tech.
00:10:29Um, get a steady job, save for a house, find a woman mum likes, get married and have kids.
00:10:38How far have you got in your master plan?
00:10:41Well, I've got a steady job, but that's as far as I've got so far.
00:10:45This program kind of took me by surprise.
00:10:48I guess it might help me jump to step three.
00:10:50I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it.
00:10:52Do you think the plan still works if I do it out of order?
00:10:57Yeah, I guess.
00:10:59I think what the viewers would really like to know is what is your favourite colour?
00:11:06Oh, I don't know.
00:11:08I haven't thought about that in at least three months.
00:11:13Um, let's see.
00:11:16Well, Western Electric first mass produced colour telephones in 1954.
00:11:21If you're talking about late model digital, I prefer the burgundy colour of this FX480 Mark II.
00:11:30Austin, get me a drink, make it snappy.
00:11:32But if you're talking about vintage early electric, you can't really go past the classic ebony of this Bakelite handset here.
00:11:41I much prefer it to the black.
00:11:43Thanks man, you're a lifesaver.
00:11:45Randall, what are you talking about? Phones? I'm a telephile?
00:11:49Whoa, can we say that on television? I did not know that we were going to do a sex thing.
00:11:53No, no, no. I'm not a phone freak, I'm just into phones. It's not sexual.
00:11:58Well, not usually.
00:12:00Yeah, right, I knew that.
00:12:05We telephiles are used to being misunderstood and persecuted.
00:12:08Call that snappy?
00:12:10Did you know that in 1884 the New York state legislator voted to have all the telephone poles removed?
00:12:16It was because of the noise the wind made whistling through the lines.
00:12:19The mayor even led a team of ax men through the city cutting down the poles.
00:12:27That's great.
00:12:29What about the rugby?
00:12:31Who's your pick to win the shield?
00:12:35I don't really know.
00:12:38The All Blacks?
00:12:40More of a league man, are you?
00:12:44Are those the only two options?
00:12:48Randall, what do you want out of this relationship?
00:12:53Well, I'd really like to meet my soul mate.
00:12:57Like I said before, I'd like to find my ideal woman and settle down.
00:13:02I think that's wonderful.
00:13:04And how would you describe your ideal woman?
00:13:09Oh, that's a hard question.
00:13:11Truly ideal.
00:13:13Well, she'd be into phones or at least something similar so she could relate to my being a phone enthusiast.
00:13:20But to be honest, I've pretty much given up on that.
00:13:24I'd settle for someone who really liked me and who got along with my mother.
00:13:28That's really sweet, Randall. I hope you find your telephile.
00:13:31Cheers.
00:13:33Thanks, Randall. We've got a bit of extra stuff we need to film here before we go.
00:13:37But if you've got other stuff you need to do, we're fine without you.
00:13:41Cool. Yeah, well, I'd better ring my mum back.
00:13:48What the hell was that?
00:13:50Sorry, Dudley, but we needed to wrap it up and he was going off on unsuitable tangents.
00:13:54I asked the questions.
00:13:55Oh, absolutely.
00:13:56Irina, get a close-up on Dudley. Ready and action.
00:14:03So, Randall, what are you looking for in this relationship?
00:14:11Well, I think that's wonderful, Randall.
00:14:14How would you describe your ideal partner?
00:14:18Well, that's really sweet, Randall. I hope you find your phonophile.
00:14:24Telephile?
00:14:26Shit.
00:14:40There's a runner in there with her, right? I'm not having a repeater yesterday.
00:14:44There's a runner in there with her, right? I'm not having a repeater yesterday.
00:14:47Relax, Dudley. I sent Mark ahead. I phoned him when we arrived. They're inside waiting for us.
00:14:52Good.
00:14:54So, there is, of course, another half to our couple.
00:14:58Her name is Germaine, and she is the face of the blind Kiwi dating service.
00:15:02And maybe also its wings.
00:15:05She is a model, which makes Randall one of the luckiest blind daters in the world.
00:15:12But maybe there's more to her than meets the eye.
00:15:16We're about to find out.
00:15:21Oh, hi. How are you?
00:15:23Oh, hi. Is Germaine in?
00:15:25Yeah, that's me.
00:15:27Sorry, I didn't recognise you without the...
00:15:30Sorry, Germaine. Is there been some miscommunication?
00:15:34I thought you were expecting us at two?
00:15:36Yeah, that's all right. Come on in.
00:15:38Yeah, do you want a minute to get ready?
00:15:40No, I'm ready. I've been waiting for you.
00:15:51Well, Germaine, you're a model, obviously.
00:15:55God, no. I did it for a while to pay off some of my student loan, but I absolutely hated it.
00:16:00How strange. Why?
00:16:03Well, for one thing, I hate wearing dresses or any kind of glamorous clothes.
00:16:08It's just not me. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.
00:16:11And I realised that all of the clothes I was modelling were made in third-world sweet shops.
00:16:16If it wasn't clothes, it was mainly make-up, the whole concept of which I find abhorrent.
00:16:22Not to mention what was done to animals to make it.
00:16:25I mean, after all my parents did to try and bring us up outside of that kind of a system,
00:16:30I felt like I was slapping them in the face by engaging in that sort...
00:16:36Sorry, I'm getting carried away. What was the question?
00:16:40So where are you from?
00:16:42Originally Coromandel, but I've lived in Wellington since I was 18. I love it here.
00:16:47Yeah, it's great. Te Papa, the stadium, the Hurricanes, the Newtown under-18 netballers.
00:16:57But what I love more than anything else is the Korerere stream.
00:17:02The Korere stream? I'm not familiar with it.
00:17:06I hate to tell you this, love, but if you're into boating, you really should be living in Auckland.
00:17:10I'll get you a photo.
00:17:14Dudley, would you mind asking Jermaine some relationship questions?
00:17:18Yeah, I was just getting to that.
00:17:25Here. Isn't it beautiful?
00:17:29We used to go camping there when I was a kid. It actually might not be around for much longer unless...
00:17:36Oh, too bad. So, what do you want from a relationship?
00:17:43Hmm, let's see.
00:17:47Well, I like my independence, so I wouldn't want someone too clingy.
00:17:53I find people obsessed with money, shall we say, frustrating.
00:17:58I'm fairly impulsive and don't like over-planning.
00:18:02I really don't want to be part of someone else's life plan.
00:18:05You know, I'm sick of all these insert girl hair guys who have the house and the car and now want the girl.
00:18:11But most of all, I don't want to be someone's mother.
00:18:15Slab!
00:18:18Who the fuck left their phone on?
00:18:21Talk to me. Hey, Dad.
00:18:25Sure. It's for you.
00:18:32Howard, Mr McKenzie. This is a surprise.
00:18:35Hey, do you mind if I go in alone?
00:18:37No, no. Go right ahead.
00:18:39A sponsor already? That's great news.
00:18:41Yeah, I'm sure it'll look fantastic on her.
00:18:44Look, we may have a bit of a situation here and I just want to let you know now in case it comes back to bite us later.
00:18:50These two are gonna hate each other.
00:18:52You'll never understand true hatred until you've filmed a beauty magazine.
00:18:55No, they're cooperating fine.
00:18:57It's just that I don't think we've got a compatible couple here.
00:19:02See?
00:19:03Sweet!
00:19:05No, mate. Violet Oso's a slab. She fucked up a take.
00:19:09Chuck him in my car, eh?
00:19:10No, I don't think we'll make any kind of connection.
00:19:13I mean, I'm happy to continue. Of course, that's your call.
00:19:16But I think we should consider looking for a new couple.
00:19:20You're Howard McKenzie's daughter?
00:19:22Yeah. What about it?
00:19:25Nothing.
00:19:28Don't worry, we'll get you footage.
00:19:34Great, great. I'll look forward to it.
00:19:39Good news, everybody. We've got our first sponsor.
00:19:43Praline Artido want to provide Germaine's wardrobe.
00:19:46If all goes well, we can sell them the naming rights.
00:19:48Wicked! They rock!
00:19:50That's women's fashion? What about me?
00:19:54McKenzie's sorting that out as we speak.
00:19:57He's got a lot of big phone calls scheduled.
00:20:01Germaine, hon, things just got a whole lot better for you.
00:20:07What were you planning on wearing tomorrow night?
00:20:10I hadn't really thought about it. Jeans and a T-shirt, probably.
00:20:14Well, how would you like to wear a dress by Praline Artido?
00:20:17No thanks. Like I said, I'm not really into dresses. I'll just stick with my jeans.
00:20:21I'll wear it.
00:20:22Shut up, Violet. I'm sure that you could keep it afterwards.
00:20:25Thanks, but no thanks. Seriously, chuck it this way.
00:20:28Violet, you're not helping.
00:20:32You want to be on TV, right?
00:20:34Yeah.
00:20:35Of course you do. That's why most people do these things.
00:20:38The reasons may be different, but at the end of the day, they all just want to be on telly.
00:20:42What's your point?
00:20:43To be quite honest, Germaine, we had a lot of women lined up who would love the chance to wear a Praline Artido dress if we were to choose them.
00:20:52I like you, Germaine. You're easily the smartest, most articulate of the women that we filmed, and I would love to put you on TV.
00:21:02But sponsorship deals, they're out of my hands.
00:21:05And if you refuse to wear this dress tomorrow night, we'll have to go with somebody else. I'm sorry.
00:21:13I'm sorry.
00:21:34Germaine, it is my job and my pleasure to introduce you to Randall.
00:21:41Hi, Randall. How are you?
00:21:44Germaine, is it? Wow. Um, hi.
00:21:49Oh, sorry. It's just that you look like a younger version of my mother.
00:21:54You look beautiful.
00:22:11What are your vegetarian dishes?
00:22:23We have a range of vegetarian pasta dishes and salads this column here.
00:22:28These are all tomato based, aren't they?
00:22:31That's right, ma'am.
00:22:33I don't suppose you know if the tomatoes are genetically engineered or not, do you? Most are.
00:22:39No, I'm afraid I don't. I don't order the food.
00:22:42The chef doesn't make a point of buying organic veggies, though.
00:22:45No, he doesn't.
00:22:49This is awkward.
00:22:51Sorry to be a pain, guys.
00:22:55What about your soup?
00:22:57Soup of the day is clanducona.
00:22:59What's that?
00:23:00Duck.
00:23:02Can you eat bread?
00:23:04Yeah, but I don't really trust the wheat.
00:23:08Oh, well, why not live a little? How about some garlic bread?
00:23:14One garlic bread. And you, sir?
00:23:19You guys are picking up the tab, right?
00:23:21Yes, but that doesn't mean...
00:23:22What's your most expensive dish?
00:23:24Ah, that would be the vermicelli a la monteladone oceano.
00:23:26What's that?
00:23:27Duck. Yes, it is the season, sir.
00:23:29Sounds fantastic. One of those, please.
00:23:32And a drink?
00:23:33A bottle of your most expensive wine.
00:23:35A bottle of your most expensive wine.
00:23:37Hold it. Cut.
00:23:42And yet people talk about live webcasts as though they're a modern idea,
00:23:46when as early as 1880, rich telephone operators were paying theatre employees to hold a phone receiver backstage
00:23:53so they could hear the opera from the comfort of their own homes.
00:23:58Wow. That really surprises me.
00:24:02Hey, do you know if they ever used rimu logs for telegraph poles here?
00:24:06Oh, unfortunately, New Zealand telecommunications history isn't easily accessible.
00:24:11But I believe rimu would be a good wood to use, whatever your polling needs.
00:24:16I really love rimu trees. Have you ever been to the Korerere stream?
00:24:21No, I can't say that I have.
00:24:24It's one of my favourite places in the world, and there's a rimu grove there. You'd really like it.
00:24:30I've got quite a collection of rimu furniture.
00:24:34Hey, I know where I recognise you from. You used to be on Lotto, didn't you?
00:24:39No, I was the economics correspondent on the news.
00:24:42I thought they got the weather guy to do that.
00:24:44He replaced me.
00:24:45Yeah, they restructured and made him redundant.
00:24:47Oh, no. You must be bitter.
00:24:50No, no, I totally understand their reasons for restructuring, and I respect their decision.
00:24:56I always wondered if they actually used economists.
00:24:58Sometimes I get the impression they just use front men or women
00:25:01who have fed a dumbed-down version of information they don't understand
00:25:04and attempt to make complex issues seem accessible and down-to-earth.
00:25:11Well, that's the way it is now, if you get what I mean.
00:25:14Really?
00:25:15No.
00:25:16So, do you ascribe to the economic thinking of Philip Van Parijs?
00:25:20Or are you more of a Milton Friedmanist?
00:25:25I'm going to be the next Simon Barnett.
00:25:31So in response, they came out with a limited-edition Azure coloured model.
00:25:37I love Azure. It reminds me of the deeper parts of the Korerere stream.
00:25:41You don't say.
00:25:42Yeah, it's quite tragic, actually.
00:25:44Unless something's done in the next few months, it'll pretty much cease to exist.
00:25:47Yeah? You mean like the pole-mounted ceramic payphone?
00:25:52I guess.
00:25:54Anyway, the Parahehe Dam will be finished construction soon.
00:25:57That's upstream damming the Waiwai River that feeds the Korerere stream.
00:26:01And you're against the Hydro Dam project?
00:26:05I'm not fond of it, but it is better than another fossil fuel power station.
00:26:09What concerns me is that the City Council Ecology Impact Report
00:26:13recommend that the stream provide a controlled, comparable flow to Korerere
00:26:17because without it, the stream will dry up,
00:26:20which will destroy the delicate ecosystem.
00:26:23Not only that, but the stream naturally irrigates a stand of Rimu trees there.
00:26:27It's unknown how many of them will survive when they're at least 300 years old.
00:26:32Oh, that's terrible.
00:26:34Yeah, and they could stop it quite easily if they provide the controlled flow.
00:26:38It would only cost an extra $100,000.
00:26:41Only $100,000?
00:26:44That's nothing when the whole dam costs $37 million.
00:26:48Can I get you some coffee or tea?
00:26:50I don't suppose it's ethically grown fair trade coffee?
00:26:54I don't suppose so, no.
00:26:56You should really order some from East Timor.
00:26:59They deserve all the support we can give them.
00:27:03Maybe it's time for the ballet.
00:27:05Certainly.
00:27:06Can I give you a card here?
00:27:07Oh, but of course.
00:27:08It's all right, Anne.
00:27:10I've got it.
00:27:13I'm sorry, sir, but we do not accept library cards.
00:27:35This radio mic's really uncomfortable.
00:27:38Do you think that violet girl knows what she's doing?
00:27:41Not really.
00:27:42Mine's poking me in the throat.
00:27:43I can't be in the right place.
00:27:48Well, this is me.
00:27:51Looks nice.
00:27:53Yeah, I like it.
00:27:57Well, I'd better hit the sack.
00:27:58I've got a big day tomorrow.
00:28:02It was really nice meeting you, Randall.
00:28:04I had a good time tonight.
00:28:06Yeah, me too.
00:28:11Bye.
00:28:29Yes!
00:28:36First dates are always hard.
00:28:39Usually you know you like someone before you go on the date.
00:28:42But with blind dates, you don't know until afterwards if you like them.
00:28:46And it may be months before you find out if they like you.
00:28:49I know I'm not the only one that's gone through whole relationships
00:28:52before I realised I just didn't like her.
00:28:56Randall and Germaine must decide today if they like each other
00:28:59or they were just being polite.
00:29:02We're with them at their workplace
00:29:04in what could be our last discussions with the intrepid duo.
00:29:09No, I'm not trying to sell you anything.
00:29:13Hello?
00:29:17Randall, you're a telemarketer.
00:29:20Tell us a bit about your job. What do you sell?
00:29:23Well, we use the term desire gauges
00:29:26and I don't actually sell anything.
00:29:29I gauge the desire of our pre-clients
00:29:33and set up sit-downs between them and sales brokers.
00:29:36They do the selling.
00:29:40How much do you earn for these phone calls?
00:29:44Well, it's commission-based. I get 10%.
00:29:47Of what?
00:29:48Of the sale broker's commission.
00:29:51You get a commission of someone else's commission?
00:29:55And why do you work from home?
00:29:58Well, I'm making toll calls.
00:30:01To keep overheads down and product prices low,
00:30:04when we're making national and overseas toll calls,
00:30:07we do it from home and absorb the toll prices ourselves.
00:30:10It's a team effort and an investment, if you think about it.
00:30:14PHONE RINGS
00:30:17Hello, and welcome to Dayton and Werner.
00:30:19You're speaking to Randall. How may I help you?
00:30:22Dudley, are you planning to ask him about Germaine any time soon?
00:30:26Yes, Mr Werner.
00:30:27Don't tell me how to do my job, Anne.
00:30:29It's called direction.
00:30:33I should get back to work.
00:30:35It was my boss asking why I hadn't made any calls in the last two minutes.
00:30:43Psst, hey.
00:30:46Hi, my name's Randall. I'm calling on behalf of Dayton and Werner.
00:30:50How are you?
00:30:55And you play it all in real time, eh?
00:30:58Apes are kirking lootly.
00:31:00The Great Depression is over a decade of high-strategy, real-time gameplay.
00:31:05We're linked to fellow depressors all over the world.
00:31:09I'm going to try and steal his ration book.
00:31:15James T. Kirk!
00:31:18What happened?
00:31:21Picard beat me to it.
00:31:24Do you think it's really Patrick Stewart?
00:31:27Ugh!
00:31:30He's way too cool for that.
00:31:34You, however, are stupid and uncool.
00:31:37You were the last five minutes in the Babylon 5 universe.
00:31:44It was probably Mark Hamill.
00:31:56Mark, coffee!
00:32:01And I'm ready to talk to your husband.
00:32:06Hello?
00:32:10You alright?
00:32:11Yep, just doing some cutaways.
00:32:14How do you do that?
00:32:17No, I'm sure what you're suggesting is completely illegal.
00:32:20No, I'm hanging up! I'm hanging up! Goodbye!
00:32:24Randall.
00:32:27What did you think of Germaine?
00:32:29Well, I thought she was great.
00:32:31Sometimes I find it really hard talking to new people.
00:32:33But we really clicked.
00:32:35Every time I offered a new subject of conversation,
00:32:37she'd just roll with it and go in all sorts of different directions.
00:32:40Yeah, she seemed really interested in everything I had to say.
00:32:44Yeah, she's cool.
00:32:46So you want to keep going and see what happens?
00:32:51Oh, definitely.
00:32:53I thought she might like it if I made a donation to that river thing she's into.
00:32:57Surely there must be some sort of Save the River fund or something.
00:33:00If I gave you guys five bucks, would you be able to find out where to send it?
00:33:07Yeah, sure.
00:33:12Hello and welcome to Dayton and Werner.
00:33:14You're speaking with Randall. How may I help you?
00:33:17Yes, Mr Werner?
00:33:20No, surely that isn't necessary.
00:33:23Well, couldn't you dock my pay like last time?
00:33:27No, that sounds more than fair.
00:33:34I should get back to work.
00:33:43We've all seen guys get their hopes up,
00:33:45only to have them dashed on the rocks of unrequited love.
00:33:49It's all up to Germaine now.
00:33:52Will Randall's dreams come true or will she crush his little heart?
00:33:58Germaine, honey, tell me,
00:34:01of all the crazy important things in the world to get upset about,
00:34:05why do you get passionate about a stream?
00:34:08Believe me, I get upset and passionate about all sorts of things.
00:34:13Take death, for instance.
00:34:15Quitterity is one of the least of my worries,
00:34:17but you've got to pick your battles.
00:34:19I thought long and hard about what I should and shouldn't talk to Randall about
00:34:23because activism can be intimidating if it's piled on all at once.
00:34:26I also wanted to be careful about what I said
00:34:29so I couldn't be edited to sound like a New Age flake.
00:34:32And there's a chance that a lot of people watching this
00:34:34will be exposed to some ideas for the first time,
00:34:37so I'd rather they were exposed to issues they could do something about
00:34:40rather than abstract economic philosophy.
00:34:44Excuse me.
00:34:50Hello, Trade Aid?
00:34:53Yeah, she is. Hang on.
00:34:55Anne, it's for you.
00:34:57Eh?
00:35:00Anne here.
00:35:02Mr Mackenzie.
00:35:04Yeah, I asked her to turn it off while we were shooting.
00:35:08Is that really necessary?
00:35:12OK, I suppose it's not a problem.
00:35:15Yeah, we're filming her at her work.
00:35:20No.
00:35:22Just sort of casual clothes.
00:35:25That is not the arrangement we discussed.
00:35:32I suppose so.
00:35:34I suppose so.
00:35:36They only supplied us with one outfit.
00:35:41Consider it done.
00:35:47This is unfair.
00:35:49Just think about the stream, Germaine.
00:35:51You're doing it for the stream.
00:35:53This is the last time.
00:35:55Germaine, what did you think of Randall?
00:35:58Did he, um, get your motor running?
00:36:02Was the fan belt broken?
00:36:05He seemed like a nice guy.
00:36:08I kind of dominated the conversation a bit,
00:36:10so I can't say I really got to know him.
00:36:12We should talk again and see what happens.
00:36:21Now is the moment of truth.
00:36:23Randall has been psyching himself up all day,
00:36:26and now he's ready to find out if he has the guts
00:36:28to ask Germaine out on a date we didn't set up.
00:36:31She may say no,
00:36:33but at least then, in his loneliness,
00:36:35he'll know he wasn't a quitter.
00:36:42Come on, Randall.
00:36:44You can do this.
00:36:46I'm just hoping that for the first time
00:36:48since the great Alexander Bell died,
00:36:50that the entire phone network
00:36:52is experiencing a minute's silence.
00:36:54For fuck's sake, Randall,
00:36:56this is the third time I've introduced you.
00:36:58Now just ask her out so we can all go home.
00:37:01I can't believe he made such a generous donation
00:37:04to the Save the Quiddity Stream Fund.
00:37:06Yeah, I think he likes you.
00:37:08But $500? I kind of feel bad about that.
00:37:10Didn't look like he had much money.
00:37:13Hello?
00:37:14$500? What the fuck?
00:37:16He only gave us five.
00:37:18Oh, hi, Dudley.
00:37:19Oh, well, Dad might have beefed it up a bit.
00:37:21You know, he helps me with things a lot.
00:37:23Jeans and a T-shirt?
00:37:25He what?
00:37:27Fucker.
00:37:28Randall has something he wants to ask you.
00:37:31Hi.
00:37:32Hi, Randall.
00:37:33Look, it was really nice of you to make the donation.
00:37:37Oh, that's cool.
00:37:38It was nothing really.
00:37:39It was very generous.
00:37:41Look, I hope you didn't feel us pressuring you.
00:37:43No, it's not pressure.
00:37:46Well, if you're sure.
00:37:48Look, it'll make a huge difference to our work.
00:37:50Thank you.
00:37:52Do you, um, maybe want to, um, I don't know.
00:37:57Forget about it.
00:37:58It's silly.
00:37:59Ow!
00:38:00Do you want to go out again?
00:38:01Yeah.
00:38:03That's okay.
00:38:04Look, like I said, it was silly.
00:38:06Hold on.
00:38:07Did you say yes?
00:38:08Sure, that sounds great.
00:38:10What do you want to do?
00:38:12Hold on a sec.
00:38:13What should we do?
00:38:14I didn't think she'd say yes.
00:38:16Oh, she's smart.
00:38:17Museum.
00:38:18There's an exhibit of modern architecture.
00:38:19New Zealand stuff.
00:38:20She'll like it.
00:38:21Do you want to go to the museum?
00:38:23There's an exhibition on modern New Zealand architecture.
00:38:26That's funny.
00:38:31But seriously, what are we going to do?
00:38:35I'm out of ideas.
00:38:37Is there anything you've always wanted to do on a date?
00:38:39They're paying for it.
00:38:42Oh, look, how about a picnic at the Franz Joseph Glacier?
00:38:47Okay.
00:38:48Well, that was going to be my next suggestion.
00:38:51Where is that again?
00:38:53Look, we could do a day trip, fly down in the morning,
00:38:56take a helicopter up to the top, have a picnic,
00:38:58and fly back in the afternoon.
00:39:00Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:39:01Back the helicopter up, honey.
00:39:02Our budget does not cover adventure tourism.
00:39:05It's got to be something we can film easily.
00:39:07Now, the most adventurous thing you two will be doing
00:39:09is watching an action movie on video.
00:39:13Anne says we can get out of video.
00:39:19Well, that could also be fun.
00:39:25She sounds horrible.
00:39:26How'd you break up in the end?
00:39:27She dumped me and repainted the house.
00:39:30This is getting ridiculous.
00:39:31What sort of sponsor provides only one outfit?
00:39:35Hey, that's a nice watch.
00:39:36Is it old?
00:39:37She is.
00:39:38Yeah, and who's making this documentary?
00:39:39Praline Atiro or Anne Rata?
00:39:40Yeah.
00:39:41I've had it since I was ten.
00:39:42I've only taken it off three times since my mother gave it to me.
00:39:45Mama's boy.
00:39:46That's so sweet.
00:39:47It must be pretty waterproof to handle 15 years' worth of showers.
00:39:50Sadly, no.
00:39:51The three times I took it off was to get it fixed,
00:39:53but now it's permanently broken.
00:39:55All I'm saying is get her another outfit.
00:39:56I'll settle for a poncho and a beanie.
00:39:58That's funny.
00:39:59Yeah, hasn't told the time since June 1993.
00:40:03Is that the last time you said no to your mother?
00:40:06No.
00:40:07I do feel that they're taking it in a different direction to mine.
00:40:11My mum bought my dad a watch for their anniversary last week.
00:40:13It's got a pearl in it because of their 30th anniversary.
00:40:16Oh, yeah?
00:40:17Can I get a lemonade?
00:40:20Of course I'm playing on the same team as you.
00:40:22You have my word as an employee.
00:40:24Can you imagine being married for 30 years?
00:40:26I think it's amazing they've managed with all us kids.
00:40:29It's pretty cool, actually.
00:40:34Yeah.
00:40:36Violet, your father says hi.
00:40:38Oh, cheers.
00:40:40So, why do you still wear that watch?
00:40:43Oh, general principle.
00:40:44Now that it's broken, it doesn't matter how wet it gets.
00:40:47So how do you tell the time?
00:40:51See, this one works fine.
00:40:54Watch it!
00:40:55Sorry, sorry.
00:40:56Look, the lemonade was bad.
00:40:58A bit too strong for you, was it, Dudley?
00:41:00Jermaine, there's some toilets out the back if you want to dry off.
00:41:03I'm really sorry about that.
00:41:05Yeah, thanks.
00:41:07Kendall, you choose the video.
00:41:08Whatever you pick will be fine.
00:41:10Okay.
00:41:11My lemonade does not fit.
00:41:13Hey, Violet, can I ask your advice?
00:41:15Yeah.
00:41:16You might want to try something different with your hair.
00:41:19No, no, no.
00:41:20It's not that.
00:41:21You're a girl, right?
00:41:22Yeah.
00:41:23What video should I choose?
00:41:24What do you think Jermaine would like?
00:41:26Oh, easy.
00:41:27Get the stuffiest romance thing you can find.
00:41:29Something where the girl gets totally swept off her feet.
00:41:31She'll love it.
00:41:32Great.
00:41:33Like what?
00:41:35Let's see if they've got Pride and Prejudice.
00:41:45Hey, here it is.
00:41:47Nah, get this version.
00:41:50It tastes better.
00:41:51I saw it like five times in the cinema.
00:41:53You'll have it eating out of your hand.
00:41:55Great.
00:41:56Thanks, Violet.
00:41:59So, what did you get?
00:42:00Oh, Pride and Prejudice.
00:42:01Oh, wicked.
00:42:02The Colin Firth version.
00:42:03Uh, no.
00:42:05Freddie Prinze Jr.
00:42:09Darn it, Elizabeth.
00:42:11I don't know how else to say it.
00:42:13I...
00:42:14I love you.
00:42:16Oh, Darcy.
00:42:18I love you too.
00:42:20But not as much as I love you, Snookims.
00:42:23What are you doing, sir?
00:42:25I go to Boston for a week, and look what happens.
00:42:28I'll have you know that I'm a single man
00:42:30in possession of a good fortune.
00:42:33I need a drink.
00:42:35I want Elizabeth for my wife.
00:42:37Darcy.
00:42:38No, Wickham.
00:42:39I could never love a man who played such a nasty trick.
00:42:42Poor Darcy told me what you did.
00:42:44First, you spiked the punch,
00:42:46and then he had to go through the back door
00:42:48to get you out of there.
00:42:50First, you spiked the punch,
00:42:52and then he had to go through the entire box
00:42:54with a woodpecker in his trousers.
00:42:57I feel funny.
00:42:58And it hurt to walk for a week.
00:43:00Come on, my finger on it, but something's not right.
00:43:02It almost ruined his good name,
00:43:03and I thought for the longest time
00:43:05that he was a brutal man.
00:43:07And it hurt him to walk for a week.
00:43:09I just sent him.
00:43:11Oh, no, no, Darcy.
00:43:12I was just repeating the message.
00:43:14Elizabeth, stop your prattling.
00:43:16You will marry me.
00:43:17You have no choice in the matter.
00:43:19You're coming with me.
00:43:20Oh, hi, Mrs. Fuddhurst.
00:43:22Yeah, I'll just get him for you.
00:43:23Number one, supreme lady.
00:43:25Kindly place the lady back on the ground.
00:43:27Your fight is with me.
00:43:29You're right.
00:43:30Philadelphia ain't big enough for the both of us.
00:43:34Hi, Mum.
00:43:36No!
00:43:38I'm truly fortune's fool.
00:43:39Oscar, get me a drink.
00:43:41Darcy!
00:43:42Stop your whinging.
00:43:43Now's not really a good time, Mum.
00:43:44Darcy will still be alive.
00:43:45Does that mean for your meddling?
00:43:47I am still alive.
00:43:49Oscar!
00:43:50What?
00:43:51No, of course you're more important to me than that.
00:43:53How?
00:43:54Your bullet hit my Bible,
00:43:56which I carry over my heart.
00:43:58Oscar, don't make me Vulcan Nick grip you again.
00:44:01Mr. Wickham.
00:44:02Now, let me ask you.
00:44:04How much of a religious man do you feel you are?
00:44:10Mum, I love you the most.
00:44:12Philadelphia truly is the city of love.
00:44:15Yes, it is.
00:44:17And who would have thought that a bleeding corpse
00:44:19could bring such happiness?
00:44:21Hey.
00:44:22Truly such happiness.
00:44:23That's Steve Hidler.
00:44:27He was on episode B-19 of Star Trek Voyager.
00:44:29Police aren't pressing charges.
00:44:31And he played Mulder's adopted twin brother's clone
00:44:34in the X-Files episode Little Nemo.
00:44:36If I don't do this,
00:44:37your little munchkin won't be on the TV.
00:44:39You left your reoccurring role on Deep Space Nine
00:44:42to pursue a movie career?
00:44:45Traitor!
00:44:48Yes, Mum.
00:44:49I know my labour was painful.
00:44:52You make me sick!
00:44:57Yes, Mum.
00:44:58I know.
00:44:5923 hours.
00:45:01Yeah, I'm really lucky you survived.
00:45:05Wasn't that just the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
00:45:09Mum, do you want grandchildren?
00:45:11Thanks.
00:45:12Yep, 20 minutes tops.
00:45:18That was the best movie I've seen in ages.
00:45:23Sorry, I dropped some popcorn there before.
00:45:26Movie over?
00:45:27No.
00:45:28No.
00:45:29No.
00:45:30No.
00:45:31No.
00:45:32Movie over?
00:45:33No.
00:45:34Oh yeah, do you want to rewind and watch the last bit again?
00:45:36No, that's fine.
00:45:37Hey, Jermaine, do you want to go get some ice cream,
00:45:39curl up in blankets at my place
00:45:41and watch Steel Magnolia's The Director's Cut?
00:45:43Is it as good as this one?
00:45:44Better.
00:45:45I've got it on DVD and there's an extra two hours.
00:45:47It sounds great.
00:45:48Random?
00:45:50No, I'd better not.
00:45:51I've got to make some calls.
00:45:52You sure?
00:45:53Yeah.
00:45:55You guys can go.
00:45:58Can I come?
00:45:59Yeah, sure you can.
00:46:02Bye.
00:46:12Violet!
00:46:13Get back here, you fucking sound gear, you stupid bitch!
00:46:20Hey.
00:46:23You'll never survive out there without me.
00:46:30You alright, Random?
00:46:31My watch.
00:46:36Yeah, sorry about that.
00:46:38I think Jermaine's still on it.
00:46:41We'll get you a new one.
00:46:44Mum's going to kill me.
00:46:46Sports Cut?
00:46:47Are we going to get any sponsorship that involves me?
00:46:50Yeah, if you couldn't drive a bus into a wall.
00:47:01Ah, ah.
00:47:12Well, the ball is well and truly rolling and love is in the air.
00:47:16The third date is about to begin and I think Randall has to ask himself one question.
00:47:22Does he feel lucky?
00:47:24Well, do ya?
00:47:28What's up, Randall?
00:47:29What's up, Randall?
00:47:30Oh God, what am I going to do?
00:47:33About what?
00:47:34Well, Mum keeps bugging me to get married and settle down.
00:47:37She thinks I'm too old to be playing the field.
00:47:39I thought that's what I wanted too, but after Jermaine started talking about marriage,
00:47:44I don't know.
00:47:46I guess it's the first time that's really seemed like a reality.
00:47:51I don't know if it's what I want.
00:47:54Want a warm milk?
00:47:55Oh, that'd be great, yeah.
00:47:58Oh, get out of shot, will ya?
00:48:01Go on!
00:48:05White with one, coffee for me.
00:48:07So, Jermaine's talking marriage, eh?
00:48:10Yeah, well, she wants to get married for 30 years and have heaps of kids.
00:48:14Oh, this is too much pressure.
00:48:16I really don't know if it's what I want.
00:48:18Is it what you want?
00:48:19I don't know.
00:48:21And then she broke my watch.
00:48:24I don't think I can stay with a watchbreaker.
00:48:26And it's affecting my work too.
00:48:28Yesterday, I only managed to hitch up 150 sit-downs.
00:48:32At this rate, I'll be earning less than a nurse.
00:48:35Maybe it'd be easier if she dumped me.
00:48:38Do you mean you dump her?
00:48:40Oh, I don't think I could do that.
00:48:42But I'm pretty sure I could make her dump me.
00:48:44That's really your decision to make, Randall.
00:48:46But I want you to know that whatever you decide, we'll be there to follow it.
00:48:50Oh, um, Anne, I almost forgot.
00:48:52Mackenzie wanted me to give you these.
00:48:54What are they?
00:48:55Oh, I don't know.
00:48:56He mentioned something about script pages.
00:48:58The footage he wants today, where he wants the relationship to go.
00:49:01Something like that.
00:49:02What?
00:49:04What is this shit?
00:49:06Now he's trying to control the relationship.
00:49:08One kiss, two handholds, and a cliffhanger aiming so we can cut to an ad break.
00:49:19The whole point of a documentary is that you document things.
00:49:22It's not called a manipulatory or a fictionary.
00:49:25It's a fucking documentary.
00:49:27Anne, I think you're overreacting.
00:49:29Let's just give Mackenzie what he wants.
00:49:32If they kiss, film it.
00:49:33If they hold hands, for fuck's sake, film it.
00:49:35If there is a cliffhanger and we don't get it on camera, then somebody is going to lose an eye.
00:49:39But we do not change the course of the date.
00:49:44I'm going to do it.
00:49:45She's going to dump me.
00:49:46Oh yeah, how are you planning to do that?
00:49:48Well, so far Jermaine's only seen one side of me.
00:49:50The caring, sensitive, reliable Randall.
00:49:53The side that mum taught me to show women.
00:49:56It's no wonder she wants to marry me.
00:49:59But there's a side of me that nobody's seen.
00:50:01Not even mum.
00:50:02It's the rugged, rough, Randall the loner.
00:50:07And once Jermaine sees that side of me, she'll have no choice but to dump me.
00:50:12I know it's going to be really hard for her, but I think it's best for both of us.
00:50:21Arrow done. Come on, let's go.
00:50:24Yeah.
00:50:51The bug! Get it out! Get it out!
00:51:10When the Parahehe Dam is finished construction, it will completely stop the flow of kōrerere
00:51:15and dry up the streambeds.
00:51:17Unless, of course, we can make them adjust their plans.
00:51:22It's a bit of a tiddler, isn't it?
00:51:24That's exactly the point.
00:51:26It would make such a small change in the volume of water they'll have flowing through the dam.
00:51:30They act as if it'll ruin the whole project.
00:51:34It's all pretty ugly, if you ask me.
00:51:35Absolutely.
00:51:36The dam's horrible.
00:51:38Even for a dam, Parahehe's dam ugly.
00:51:42She looks huge.
00:51:44I've got so many childhood memories associated with this place.
00:51:50It conjures up images of family and community in me.
00:51:53This inspires images of solitude in me.
00:51:56Sometimes my father would go off by himself.
00:51:58He'd just disappear.
00:52:00Sometimes he'd be gone for weeks.
00:52:02It's at times like this that I understand him.
00:52:05Just buggering off without telling anyone sounds very peaceful.
00:52:09Wow, that sounds fantastic.
00:52:11I can so relate to that.
00:52:13You just want to step out of society for a while and be by yourself in the bush.
00:52:17Just you and nature.
00:52:19I try and do it whenever I can.
00:52:21Just me, a blanket, and a bag of squogging.
00:52:24When it comes down to it, you know, at the end of the day,
00:52:27all I care about is myself.
00:52:29What I do is important.
00:52:31I don't care about anyone else.
00:52:33I don't care about myself.
00:52:35I don't care about us myself.
00:52:37What I do is important.
00:52:39I don't care about anyone else.
00:52:41It's all about me.
00:52:42The personal is political, you're so right.
00:52:45I mean, you can talk all you like,
00:52:47argue, campaign, sign petitions,
00:52:50but to actually live your life as a statement,
00:52:54it forces people to look at their own lives.
00:52:58Is this wall really worth it?
00:53:00I mean, come on, this place is history.
00:53:03Yeah, this place is history.
00:53:06New Zealand should know its history
00:53:08and preserve the few remaining patches of native bush we have.
00:53:16Touching trees can be almost spiritual sometimes, can't it?
00:53:34How's this for spiritual?
00:53:39You shame me, Randall.
00:53:42All these weeds should be ripped out.
00:53:44Only endemic plants should be left growing.
00:53:46If we're going to save the Korerere stream,
00:53:49we should do it properly.
00:53:52I think I might just spend a little time on my own now.
00:54:04This is such a perfect site to meditate alone
00:54:08while you take in the beauty.
00:54:13And yet, if we don't do something to save this stream,
00:54:17it could be lost forever.
00:54:25I don't know what to do about Randall.
00:54:28I honestly never thought I'd get anything personally useful out of this,
00:54:31but I really like him.
00:54:34I just thought it would be geeks and losers who used a dating service,
00:54:37but at Korerere, I realised he's something special.
00:54:42I guess he's just a bit shy.
00:54:44I know he's been busy at work.
00:54:45He quit.
00:54:46He wasn't returning our calls.
00:54:48We called his work and his boss told us he's quit.
00:54:51Really?
00:54:52Any time I try and ring him at home,
00:54:54his flatmates say he's not on the bridge or something about a wormhole.
00:54:57I don't know, I think it's some sort of a code.
00:55:00But it's been over a week.
00:55:02There's nothing.
00:55:03This is just the way guys relate to women.
00:55:06I sometimes go months without talking to girlfriends.
00:55:11I think I must have upset him.
00:55:14I don't know how, but I want to get him something to apologise.
00:55:18Maybe it'll go nowhere, but maybe it will.
00:55:20I don't want to miss my chance.
00:55:23Do you guys know what I might have done,
00:55:25or how I could make it up to him?
00:55:28I'm sorry, Jermaine, but we can't give you that kind of information.
00:55:32I mean, this is something the two of you should sort out.
00:55:36Please?
00:55:42Hello?
00:55:43Oh, hi Carl.
00:55:44You all know how I feel about getting involved in the relationship,
00:55:48but we need an ending.
00:55:50No, Saturday's GE free day.
00:55:52Thursday's the peace vigil.
00:55:53But they've got to get together.
00:55:55It's the only way.
00:55:56The International Bolshevik Tendency are painting banners.
00:55:59Wellington Trotsky Collective are printing leaflets.
00:56:02Under no circumstances do you let them in the same room as each other.
00:56:05Look, I don't care if they're getting married or killing each other at the end of this,
00:56:09but we need something definite.
00:56:12I mean, it's all too anticlimactic.
00:56:15I could never make this work in the edit.
00:56:17Well, Nicky should be keen.
00:56:19But you'll have to talk to him in person.
00:56:21He's too paranoid to talk on the phone.
00:56:23If you really don't care, then help her out.
00:56:26Jermaine wants Randall.
00:56:28Randall wants Jermaine.
00:56:29Only he's too chicken to admit it.
00:56:31They'll be happy.
00:56:33And if you remember today's script pages,
00:56:35Mackenzie wants them to get together.
00:56:38And if he's happy, we're happy.
00:56:41It's a win-win, win-win situation.
00:56:45Cool.
00:56:46I'll see you at the cenotaph.
00:56:49So I was thinking flowers.
00:56:51Would he like that?
00:56:52No, no, no, no.
00:56:54No, he's a guy.
00:56:56Give him something manly, like a drill.
00:56:59I once got sent a toaster.
00:57:02He was a really nice guy.
00:57:03I should have gone out with him.
00:57:08Get him a phone.
00:57:10What?
00:57:11He's a telephile.
00:57:12I mean, he'd love it.
00:57:13I can't get him a phone.
00:57:16I can't get him a phone.
00:57:17There couldn't be a worse present for a telemarketer
00:57:19who just quit his job.
00:57:25Hey, I've got it.
00:57:30Anne, look alive.
00:57:33This is a rock I found at Korerere.
00:57:35He'll love it.
00:57:37Can you give it to him for me please?
00:57:42Yeah, sure, Jermaine.
00:57:45It'd be my pleasure.
00:57:50I took your advice, Anne.
00:57:51I've started standing up for myself.
00:57:53I quit my job.
00:57:55I told my mum to give me some space.
00:57:58And I've been doing some soul-searching.
00:58:00Good on you, Randall.
00:58:01I'm pleased to hear it.
00:58:03Sorry if I was avoiding you.
00:58:04I was just finding my head, if you know what I mean.
00:58:08So, who do you think's going to win Survivor?
00:58:12I've no idea.
00:58:14But I did figure out what I want from a relationship.
00:58:17Great, and what's that?
00:58:19Well, I don't want to be pushed around anymore
00:58:21and made to fit someone else's idea of who I should be.
00:58:24I just want someone who understands me
00:58:26and will accept me for who I am.
00:58:30And I learned to say no.
00:58:33Open the present, Randall.
00:58:35No.
00:58:36See?
00:58:39I was just kidding.
00:58:41We were suggesting some possible gifts that Jermaine could get you,
00:58:44but ultimately she wanted to get you something personal,
00:58:47and from her.
00:58:49So she got you this.
00:59:06PHONE RINGS
00:59:14Mum's the only one that's ever got me a phone before.
00:59:17Obviously it's a bit old.
00:59:18No, no.
00:59:20It's perfect.
00:59:22I can restore it.
00:59:36MUSIC FADES
00:59:47How do you know they're going to be here?
00:59:49We sort of tapped their phones.
00:59:51Bugging their phones, isn't that a tad extreme?
00:59:53For one thing, it's illegal.
00:59:55Hey, shh, here they come.
00:59:58And filming them without permission?
01:00:00Drop it, Irena.
01:00:02Irena?
01:00:04Do your fucking job, Irena.
01:00:08I'd prefer not to see Van Damme's face kick it.
01:00:11I'm not saying you can't choose the movie,
01:00:13I'm just saying you can't choose that one.
01:00:15OK, a desert killer it is then.
01:00:17Oh.
01:00:18What?
01:00:19Nothing.
01:00:29No, it's completely realistic.
01:00:31Stallone would have survived that airstrike.
01:00:33I mean, they don't just bomb everywhere these days, you know.
01:00:35They have special smart bombs that only kill soldiers.
01:00:39You say the funniest thing sometimes.
01:00:41What gets me is how they were claiming it was anti-war.
01:00:44I mean, first of all, the heroes invaded the country they were fighting in.
01:00:48Second, they were waving their flags about clearly assuming an imperialistic cultural dominance.
01:00:52And then they sold their conflict by military means.
01:00:55I mean, that by its very definition is pro-war.
01:00:57I just thought it was a good action film.
01:00:59LAUGHTER
01:01:02Hey, what do you think you're doing?
01:01:04Oh, it's just scratching it honest.
01:01:05I mean, who? She's recording us.
01:01:07Um, uh, it wasn't my idea.
01:01:10I could use a little help here, Em.
01:01:12Have you been recording everything we've been saying?
01:01:14You weren't filming us during the movie, were you?
01:01:16It was a night vision camera that can see things in the dark.
01:01:19Um, ask Dudley.
01:01:21Here we are in the fourth decade.
01:01:22Randall and Germaine have decided to make a go of it.
01:01:24Randall survived the chick flick,
01:01:25and now Germaine has endured the inspired by real events Stallone vehicle.
01:01:29A true test of any relationship.
01:01:31I'm holding it, Kat!
01:01:32This is an invasion of our privacy!
01:01:34Sorry guys, you don't have any privacy.
01:01:36You signed a contract that stated we could film you while you were dating.
01:01:39That includes all contact you two had.
01:01:41Going to the movies, phone conversations.
01:01:43We even had the right to film you in the bedroom if we want to.
01:01:45You've been taping our phone conversations!
01:01:47My call has been bugged!
01:01:48I'm going to sue you with the people I know.
01:01:50This could be very embarrassing for you.
01:01:52Who do you think can afford the best lawyer?
01:01:54Look, let's just calm down, Germaine.
01:01:56We don't want to upset you.
01:01:57We need to finish our show, and you two are making it really difficult.
01:02:00How much longer are we allowed to film it for?
01:02:02Five days and one interview.
01:02:04This is our fourth date, right?
01:02:05And you're allowed our fifth date in an interview.
01:02:07But we need a climax.
01:02:09And the two of you together, preferably.
01:02:11Excuse me?
01:02:12Yeah, and McKenzie has first right of refusal on any tell-all books you may write about your experience.
01:02:16I want this over with as quickly as possible.
01:02:18Randall, when's our next date?
01:02:19I'm going to go tomorrow morning with some friends at Sid's.
01:02:21Do you want to come?
01:02:22Perfect.
01:02:23We can do the interview after so it'll all be over by lunch.
01:02:25Yeah, that's doable.
01:02:27God, I've got to get out of here!
01:02:29Randall, I'll see you at your place at six.
01:02:32Okay.
01:02:33See you later, Germaine.
01:02:40See you guys at six o'clock in the morning.
01:02:42How am I going to edit this into a watchable documentary?
01:02:46Oh my God.
01:02:49So where are we off to?
01:02:51It's duck hunting season.
01:02:54Don't you think this is a good way to impress Germaine?
01:02:56Yeah, she'll like it.
01:02:57She's into animals and nature, right?
01:02:59Oh, of course.
01:03:01So where are those friends you mentioned?
01:03:03Oh, look, that's fallen through.
01:03:05Well, I've got to go.
01:03:06I've got to go.
01:03:07I've got to go.
01:03:08I've got to go.
01:03:09I've got to go.
01:03:10I've got to go.
01:03:11I've got to go.
01:03:12I've got to go.
01:03:13I've got to go.
01:03:14It's dropped through.
01:03:15Oscar hasn't been seen since that video night.
01:03:17I guess this has found something more interesting to do than play virtual depression.
01:03:22Ian hasn't been handling it very well though.
01:03:25His depressing character took Oscar's cyber gin ration and has been drinking it ever since.
01:03:29Last night his character was up on disorderly conduct charges.
01:03:33Oh, and James, who you haven't met,
01:03:35he was also unable to come.
01:03:37Why was that?
01:03:38Well, he got drunk at a party last night and can't find his clothes.
01:03:41Oh, here's Jermaine.
01:03:44Jermaine, good. You're dressed up warm, I forgot to mention that.
01:03:48Where are we going?
01:03:50Here, put these on.
01:03:53Is that a gun?
01:03:55I guess we're going in the production van.
01:04:00Is that a gun?
01:04:03Coffee?
01:04:11Yeah.
01:04:22Andy Unsworth.
01:04:24Mr Mackenzie.
01:04:26Howard.
01:04:28What can I do for you?
01:04:30Yeah?
01:04:31I actually suggested that to Anne yesterday, but she rejected the idea.
01:04:35Yeah. Yeah, well, what can you do, eh?
01:04:41Yeah, well, I'd be delighted.
01:04:44Do you want to tell her, or will I do it myself?
01:04:47Fine, I'm sure you know best.
01:04:49Alright, see you tonight.
01:04:52What's up?
01:04:55Nothing.
01:04:56Anne, Howard has got a couple of amendments for today's script.
01:05:01He wants Randall and Jermaine to break up in the last scene.
01:05:05Someone is going to die!
01:05:12So, we're here to shoot ducks?
01:05:16Yep.
01:05:21Damn.
01:05:23So, how do you feel about that, Jermaine?
01:05:25Randall likes to kill ducks.
01:05:31Frighten away the ducks.
01:05:32Do you think that's a good idea, Jermaine?
01:05:34Yeah.
01:05:35Randall likes to kill ducks.
01:05:40Frighten away the ducks.
01:05:41Your voice is too gruff, they'll think you're a dog.
01:05:45So, Randall, you like killing things?
01:05:48May I remind you that I'm the one holding the gun?
01:05:52The only voice I want to hear other than my own is Jermaine's.
01:05:57After all, this is our date.
01:06:05Damn.
01:06:23Damn.
01:06:25So, do you do this often?
01:06:28Yep.
01:06:30Damn.
01:06:34Damn.
01:06:35Why do you do this?
01:06:38Because my friends are into it.
01:06:45Damn.
01:06:46Have they ever hurt anything?
01:06:49Well, Oscar once shot a possum, but he was aiming for a duck.
01:06:57And James shot Warwick, but he was also aiming for a duck.
01:07:07Damn.
01:07:08Who's Warwick?
01:07:11Well, he was my best friend.
01:07:20Damn.
01:07:21So, why do you go out shooting then?
01:07:27Well, Warwick was into it.
01:07:36I understand, Randall.
01:07:38Damn.
01:07:39You poor thing.
01:07:41This is the only way you feel close to your dead friend.
01:07:45You're missing the ducks on purpose, aren't you?
01:07:48You've got to be kidding me.
01:07:51Yes.
01:07:52Yeah, that's right.
01:07:54That's right.
01:07:55I'm missing the ducks on purpose.
01:08:05Damn.
01:08:08We need them, we need them to break up.
01:08:10Piece of piss.
01:08:11I made my parents break up, I can certainly make these two break up.
01:08:17To be in a relationship, or not to be in a relationship.
01:08:22That is the question.
01:08:25Whether tis no...
01:08:26Can we get on with it, please?
01:08:29Five dates.
01:08:30Is that a record, Randall?
01:08:32No.
01:08:35No.
01:08:37So, where do things stand now?
01:08:39After five dates with Germaine, do you really want some more?
01:08:44Do you really think you can get some more?
01:08:48How's your opinion of Germaine changed since you met?
01:08:52I don't really know where to start.
01:08:54I've just come for my stuff.
01:08:56I think Germaine's great.
01:08:58We've had a few ups and downs.
01:09:01Well, maybe one of each.
01:09:03But then what couple doesn't?
01:09:05We've had some laughs, at least four of them.
01:09:07Five, if you count my phone anecdotes.
01:09:10Germaine understands me like nobody ever has.
01:09:14She accepts me for who I am.
01:09:16So what you're saying is that you want to keep on going,
01:09:19at least until you've had sex.
01:09:21Hey, now, hang on, those are your words, not mine.
01:09:24And for your information, Germaine and I...
01:09:29Hold on a minute, that didn't actually happen.
01:09:31What didn't happen?
01:09:32Nothing.
01:09:34And how about you, Germaine?
01:09:36How low are your standards?
01:09:39Do you really want to stay with Randy?
01:09:41Leave him alone, Dud.
01:09:43For your information, he's one of the sweetest guys I've ever met.
01:09:46I am?
01:09:47He shares my world view.
01:09:49I do?
01:09:50He gave the biggest financial contribution
01:09:52to the Save the Korere Stream Fund of any individual person.
01:09:56That's it?
01:09:58I think I love him.
01:10:00You what?
01:10:01We had fun together on at least one of our dates.
01:10:05Yeah.
01:10:06You don't think he's a dork?
01:10:08No, Dudley, I don't.
01:10:10And I think we're done here. You've had your interview.
01:10:12Germaine, we'll get out of you here in five minutes,
01:10:14but could you do me a small favour?
01:10:16We kind of need you two to break up,
01:10:18so could you pretend, just act like you hate each other for a couple of minutes?
01:10:22Get fucked! We've fulfilled our obligation, this is over!
01:10:25Hey, um, when is this going to screen?
01:10:27Because I should ring my mother and tell her if she's still talking to me.
01:10:30I don't know. McKenzie's not going to be happy with this.
01:10:33As soon as it's December, maybe next year.
01:10:36What?
01:10:37What's that?
01:10:38The Parahehe Dam will dry up the Korerere in November.
01:10:41It'll be dead and dry before the screens.
01:10:44Well, thank God we got that footage then, eh?
01:10:46Yeah, whatever.
01:10:53Howard, talk to me.
01:10:57Hey, that's great news.
01:11:00Yeah, well, if that's the way you want it to end, then I think we're done here.
01:11:05You're going to be very pleased with what we've got.
01:11:11Sure.
01:11:13Can I tell her?
01:11:15Thanks.
01:11:16Anne, you're fired.
01:11:18What? What the fuck?
01:11:21Howard thinks that you're too objective.
01:11:23It's clouding your judgement.
01:11:25I'll be taking over the editing.
01:11:28Yep.
01:11:29Sure.
01:11:31I'm looking forward to it.
01:11:33Shall I put her on?
01:11:35Alright.
01:11:38Hey, Dad.
01:11:40That was quick.
01:11:42Can I be the bridesmaid?
01:11:44That felt real good. I want more of that.
01:11:47Anyone for lemon tea? It's very soothing.
01:11:50Hey, you there, coffee boy. You're fired.
01:11:53What?
01:11:55Why?
01:11:56I don't quite follow you, Dad.
01:11:58I won't get angry. I won't give you the satisfaction.
01:12:02Anne, there is no need to be melodramatic.
01:12:04Howard wants the story to end with them together.
01:12:07We've got what we want. You'll still get a credit.
01:12:10You want us to what?
01:12:12Can I still put this on my CV?
01:12:14No.
01:12:15You fucking asshole!
01:12:17You do not decide who I date. What do you think this is, the fucking Middle Ages?
01:12:21I wouldn't date Dudley if he was in a boy band.
01:12:26Randall, Germaine never got you that phone.
01:12:31She wanted to get you a rock.
01:12:33I thought you might like to know that.
01:12:36You are something else, Dudley.
01:12:38Yeah, in control.
01:12:40Speaking of which, I want a coffee.
01:12:42A rock?
01:12:43It was from Korerere.
01:12:44She didn't get me the phone.
01:12:46I thought they were joking.
01:12:47Erin, coffee boy seems to quit. I wonder if you'd like to do the honours, eh, love?
01:12:52Get fucked, Dudley. The only person I make coffee for is Pete.
01:12:56Let's go with a puppet before taking you back on the news.
01:12:58You suck so badly you got turned down for reading the numbers on Daily Keno.
01:13:03Pete, I don't even make myself coffee.
01:13:05Oh, look, everyone, calm down.
01:13:07We've got what we wanted. Germaine and Randall are still together,
01:13:10so why don't we just sum up, leave him alone, and maybe we can get a coffee down the road.
01:13:16Germaine, Randall only donated five bucks to your Save the Stream thing.
01:13:20My dad did the rest to try and get you two together.
01:13:23You didn't donate $500?
01:13:25Are you kidding?
01:13:26If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd be buying phones.
01:13:30And where the fuck do you get off arranging with my dad for us to date?
01:13:34I think you're overreacting, Violet.
01:13:36He just wanted to see us on the cover of the women's mags.
01:13:38You know, new celebrity couple.
01:13:40Don't think it was anything more than that.
01:13:42It would be very good for our careers.
01:13:44At what point in your mental process did you think I'd whore myself for your career?
01:13:48I mean, do you really think I'd give a fuck if you'd do anything but advertise Flea Pad for the rest of your life?
01:13:54Dudley Hurnsworth here at the end of a remarkable start to a relationship.
01:13:59Randall and Germaine are in love.
01:14:01Randall, Germaine was never really interested in you.
01:14:04She was just trying to get on air to make a political point.
01:14:07She only actually started liking you when you started trying to make her break up with you.
01:14:11She doesn't accept you for who you are and does not understand your love of phones.
01:14:16Germaine, Randall wants you to be his mother.
01:14:19He doesn't share your world view and was trying to get you to dump him at the river.
01:14:24He really does love phones and he's never intentionally made you laugh.
01:14:28Every time you've laughed at something he's said, he's been dead serious.
01:14:32Now, I don't mean to be cruel.
01:14:35And I think the two of you will make good friends, but I just wanted you to know.
01:14:42I think I should go.
01:14:45Sorry, Randall. I'm sure you'll meet someone who's right for you.
01:14:52You bitch!
01:14:55I said I wanted coffee. I can make things very difficult for you professionally.
01:14:59Get out! All of you, get out of my house.
01:15:03You guys have ruined my life. I'm alone, I'm unemployed.
01:15:08One friend's disappeared, the other one's suicidal.
01:15:11My mother won't even speak to me. I never want to see any of you again in my life.
01:15:15Get out of my house before I call the police.
01:15:20I need to call my mother.
01:15:24I think that's the least of my worries.
01:15:28Point that thing to the heart of my head, you mean lady.
01:15:38I suppose you're right.
01:15:41I think I should go.
01:15:44Sorry, Randall. I'm sure you'll meet someone who's right for you.
01:15:48Get out! All of you, get out of my house.
01:15:52I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:16:22I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:16:27I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:16:32I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:16:37I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:16:42I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:16:47I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:16:52I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:16:57I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:02I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:07I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:12I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:17I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:22I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:27I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:32I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:37I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:42I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:47I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:52I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:17:57I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:02I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:07I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:12I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:17I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:22I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:27I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:32I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:37I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:42I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:47I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:52I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:18:57I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:02I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:07I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:12I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:17I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:22I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:27I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:32I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:37I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:42I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:47I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:52I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:19:57I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:02I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:07I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:12I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:17I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:22I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:27I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:32I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:37I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:42I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:47I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:52I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:20:57I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:02I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:07I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:12I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:17I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:22I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:27I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:32I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:37I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:42I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:47I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:52I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:21:57I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:22:02I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.
01:22:07I suppose there's really only one thing left for me to do.