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FunTranscript
00:00What is that contraption an ultrasound machine? Oh, no, it's the new electric fat eliminator
00:24I bought it on the shopping channel. Thanks to this. I'll have a flat belly without even breaking a sweat
00:30Hmm
01:00Oh
01:02The facial reaction
01:04Reaction
01:06Oh
01:2812 people picked from among the hordes of young unemployed hopefuls
01:3412 people locked inside this apartment, which has been cleverly equipped with
01:39117 holes fitted with
01:41117 cameras their mission to be the most beautiful from every angle to be the most beautiful from top to bottom
01:47Beautiful from top to bottom the show that reeks of glamour designed for and targeted to the brainless in the shallow
01:56But today's show dear viewers you have voted unanimously
01:59Unanimously against Johnny who you have judged to be incredibly ugly when viewed from below because of the slight asymmetry of his nostrils
02:08Johnny I must point out that we are not responsible for fractures of any kind suffered during this production
02:14Aiden we all know you are our big winner last season. What do you think was the main reason Johnny was eliminated?
02:21You know what Ben? I believe if you show your true self at every angle then life will always be on your side
02:28I
02:35Think it's about time you bring your car to the garage or to the morgue
02:39Why would you say that boozin buddy? That noise is music to my ears. It tells me that the engine is still under the hood
02:46Hmm
02:53Okay, I remind you all that this draws to raise money for a trip to Ottawa there
02:57We will visit museum study the water in the canal and learn the art of the political spin and here are the prizes up for
03:03grabs
03:07We have all sorts of pens dresses
03:10All the appendicitis for dummies magazine a vanilla cake a car radio or fluorescent green reproduction of Rodin's the
03:18thinker a cordless phone that is also an mp3 player and electric razor and finally the first prize a
03:24Plastic surgery procedure performed by the celebrated. Dr. Montalban
03:29Look at you and I can't help but feel sorry for you that you feel the need to better yourselves
03:35I for one I'm very content with my appearance and wouldn't change a thing
03:38I think their first prize is a little lightweight. They should have come up with oh, I don't know a frontal lobotomy
03:43I declare these wonderful festivities open
03:52I'd like to win that car radio
03:54The problem is that lady luck never smiles on me when I'm playing a game of chance
03:58The last time I threw two darts the first one scored a pitiful one and the second went under the buffet table and disappeared
04:04That doesn't sound too bad. That's not all then when I tried to get the dart back my hand got caught in a rat trap
04:10I stood up and fractured my skull. I woke up an emergency and that's where inevitably I contracted a virulent staph infection in my knee
04:34I
04:39Want the portable mp3 electric razor to put in my collection of useless things
04:45It's finally time to do the anticipated draw
05:05It's number 102 that's me 102 wins the fabulous prize of two cans of beef stew
05:23November 1998 that's a good year
05:26Number 33 wins a pair of underpants once worn by the president of the United States
05:32I'm number 33 a pair of underwear worn by the most powerful man in the world could be worth a lot
05:37There it is. My torment continues lucky at cards. I'm lucky at love. My future is a family man
05:43It's in serious jeopardy
05:44You can always sell it on the net and make a tidy little fortune and now the next fabulous prize in our draw is the plastic
05:53surgery
05:55A
06:00Big winner is number 10 who has 10. Hey
06:17So what's it gonna be a boob job or a tummy tuck?
06:20We're here to give you beauty advice
06:23Handsome advice for your surgery. I
06:27Think not. I don't know if you've noticed but your eyebrows are way too bushy
06:31You have no shoulders and your abs are a hundred times softer than the hard hard ones on my Benji poo
06:40But you know, everybody has different tastes, huh?
06:42So I'm sure that somewhere out there there are girls who go crazy over guys who look like a stock of boiled celery
06:48Mm-hmm. That's it. I am fine the way I am and I don't need to be plasticized
06:55Are you serious don't you know the most important thing in life is to feel pretty in your skin
07:01Haven't you heard that a chin with a dimple in the middle is the ultimate sign of beauty in men?
07:06You can only get one by a surgical procedure who wants to have a baboon's butt for a chin
07:17Baboons butts again without thinking of chin
07:25Red
07:27Boozin buddy. I took your expert advice. I put the briefs up for sale on presidential underwear calm
07:33The bids kept getting higher like herring in the hot Sun
07:37Everyone wants these underwear almost as much as the tightly packed boxers of a certain dictator
07:41Mm-hmm
07:45Fred since you don't want our help with this we've come to beg of you a
07:50Spokesperson for our group to donate your operation to the person of your choice
07:54It could be me. For example, I need a little lesson or me. I need a little bit more
08:00I think you both need a little bit more
08:04Hey
08:07Hmm
08:08There's also Johan who wants to get hair on his chest and many who wants to get rid of it
08:12Don't forget Nino. He wants to look like Zac Efron and Nicole wants Avril Lavigne
08:18Listen I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with this certificate
08:21You always think of yourself if you're not gonna give us the surgery at least give it to Troy
08:36Think about it
08:54Great what have I done now?
08:56He just wants to know if you'd be willing to give him your certificate so he can have a hair transplant. Hmm moldy
09:03What's that the janitor sent me a photo of his redesigned nose and that is how Jodi imagines her chest will look after
09:12One minute I'll put you on hold
09:14Hmm Charlotte called you she'd like to have more pronounced cheekbones madam butterfly
09:19She would not be against the idea of having a complete facelift
09:23Also, I wanted to tell you, you know, my electrodes. Well, they aren't working very well
09:26So you see maybe you should think of my flabby stomach after all this is where you came from
09:32Enough. Hey, don't be so cheeky. If you think about it, it is partially your fault, you know
09:42Love glory and analytical accounting, is it any good? I don't know
09:47I'm not yet up to the part where they marry and experience all that follows
09:51Hello. No, I already told you Fred LeBron has not set foot in my shop
09:56Another one who wants to change a part of what life has given her
09:59You better put your prize up for bid on the net if you ever want to get some peace for me
10:02It was like a revelation
10:04Yeah, an avid collector of presidential undergarments a Japanese conservative bought my underpants for a tidy little sum
10:11So did you put the money into fixing up your car?
10:14Mm-hmm
10:24After some intense soul-searching I realized that my forced celibacy is due to the fact that I needed better
10:30Transportation what little rose would want to have six children with someone who possessed such a beat-up old motorized death trap
10:37Who would ever think of putting your offspring in such peril?
10:41Anemone worry not exactly only a deranged person would do something like that
10:45Now thanks to those underwear. I can finally drive with fierce pride in an alluring car
10:51Steadily and the suite but what did you do to the engine? Nothing?
10:55I already spent it all but when you love your future wife, it doesn't matter. Take a look at the interior
11:02The speakers are covered with a bright pink velour and padded with a golden arabesque motif. It's 5.1
11:09Haven't seen the rest of it. Look at the cool modification. I made it
11:19Sorry, I just wanted to show you Venus the goddess of love you've gone a little overboard with the decor, don't you think? Oh
11:28Great. My nose is all crooked now hellfire and damnation. I've ruined your chances of marriage a plague on you Gregory Gilbert
11:36burrowsky
11:38Oh good. It's nothing not worse than before
11:48How are you better than you I'd say what happened to you Oh nothing I just bumped into a goddess
12:02To beautiful Annette big kisses from every side Aiden
12:08Today dear viewers, you have eliminated Fred LeBlanc because of his nose, which is how do I say this tactfully?
12:23It's an M&E worry not she wants to know if you would agree to giving her your surgery
12:27She says that it's not for her but for a patient who's tired of having a blueish skin tone
12:31Muscle-toned shoulders Aiden one Fred zero abdominals Aiden one Fred zero. Why wouldn't Annette fall for him?
12:38Besides, she's an artist. She has to appreciate well-proportioned body
12:41But buddy your proportions are similar to mine smoother than salami on the tongue of an honest man
12:47nose
12:48Aiden ten Fred
12:51moldy
12:54Come on I told you it's the same as it was completely normal
12:57Yeah, but you could be saying that cuz you're my friend when in fact, it's crooked
13:00The only thing crooked about you is your brain
13:03Come on, let's go to class. It'll get your mind off things
13:07Today's science class will be concentrating on the anatomy of the nose
13:13And so I will be needing a voluptuous nose
13:16Today's science class will be concentrating on the anatomy of the nose
13:22And so I will be needing a volunteer
13:29Leblanc
13:35Those of you not asleep will no doubt be able to see how these large nasal cavities make for superior respiratory function
13:43That's just horrible
13:45Nostrils shouldn't be shown to anyone under 18
13:59The various synonyms used by Edmund Roston to describe the nose belonging to Cyrano were the peak the rock the cape and the peninsula
14:10Peninsula
14:14Hmm
14:28Stevo Ernie Jones is his real name has many assets most notably the amazing tattoo of Niagara Falls on his molar
14:36Sadly 51% of our viewers found the symmetry of your nose off by 30 degrees
14:44If it was me, I wouldn't hesitate a nanosecond to be hot in every way
14:49You might have to resort some plastic surgery
14:52Take me for example. I've been operated on a good 20 times or more as you can see by this old photo
15:00Whatever no one forced him personally if I was to get anything done, it would be my nose
15:05What but sunshine you got your nose from your father in me. It's perfect
15:10Not everybody agrees with you. Well, then everybody is very wrong. You can't put a price tag on who you are. Oh, wait
15:17Let's make a deal
15:19Well, I try to accept the likelihood of always having a flabby stomach you go and get the gift certificate and we'll tear it to
15:25Pieces together as a symbolic grand gesture what gives you the right because it's the law
15:30May I remind you that you're a teenager that means not an adult
15:34So I'm warning you you will never get my permission to touch even a nose hair
15:39But it's my nose hair
15:43Gigi I've made a decision. I made an appointment to fix my schnoz tomorrow
15:49That's a pretty big decision. Are you absolutely sure?
15:52But if this means that a nose job will open the channel of love and let you take a voyage on the HMS Annette
15:59Then all hesitation should be put aside
16:10Is it possible to get a nose like his of course young man that nose is mine
16:15I mean, I meant to say I'm the one that did it. I
16:20Have an opening in about one hour I can fit you in between two ears and a chin
16:26Allow me to introduce you to Ashley
16:32My grandmother, yeah, I give her lifts on a regular basis
16:40Ah
16:42It's incredible the amount of release forms you have to sign
16:47So, uh, is it a big deal if I don't have authorization from a parent
16:51I
17:12Will be the rock-solid dance bar that you grip as you execute those hypnotic leaps of doubt
17:19That's right Ben recently I had a procedure to add on another beauty mark in the middle of my navel that way I'm beautiful
17:26Even on the inside here are some pills to knock you out
17:29The wonders of modern medicine, huh? Oh, yeah. I remember the old days
17:34You had to actually have an anesthetist to put a patient to sleep
17:49I
18:01Am cursed again she walks ever so gracefully out of my life
18:06I
18:16Mean it what mysterious alignment of the planets has brought you here at this moment. I live here. Huh?
18:23Of course, where's my head? Yeah, it's nice of you to lend me such a strong hand
18:31Tell me is it true that you have a special affection for the TV show beautiful from top to bottom
18:36Me you should check your sources Gregory Gilbert
18:39I'm telling you I was at that party last night and who do I bump into Aiden?
18:43But cretin tried to pick me up and kept giving me pictures of himself. Even so he's very easy on the old ocular globes
18:50You're joking. Why would I ever fall for someone so insipid who's made of nothing more than plastic?
18:56No
18:56A guy's physique should have character be different like guys with big hands and the guys who have common-looking nasal appendages that are maybe a
19:04Little scratched. I'm fine with that
19:34You
19:37Are busy so I think I'll go now
20:02You who are you asleep?
20:06Oh
20:19Please no Fred don't go through with it. She doesn't hate your nose
20:24Jody
20:25But where's Fred? He suddenly changed his mind just before coming into the OR
20:30So I took this lovely lady in his place who wants for the life of me
20:33I don't know why a beauty mark put inside her navel. It was the only operation I could afford
20:43Hey you glad to see you with your real head I also got back what's inside
20:47Let's have a big round of applause for Jacob our big winner on beautiful from top to bottom
20:52He'll be replacing Aiden as commentator next season on your favorite show any comments. Well, you see
21:04I
21:06Found one can of blue paint so I can repaint the body because now I have scientific proof
21:12Fiery red repels the damsels and the motor. Hello Gigi. Hi. Nothing. No, it starts once every ten times
21:20Wait, Gigi. I think I've got exactly what you need
21:33If you're looking for true beauty then I would suggest you follow your nose
22:03You
22:33You