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00:00Take a letter, Mr. Jones If not, I'll teleport
00:26You're a model, secretary, you don't leave me in a mess
00:30I get my satisfaction sharing your success
00:34Take a letter, Mr. Jones
00:38You have my appreciation, you always save my life
00:42I'm a perfect combination, a computer and a wife
00:46You're a wonder, you're a marvel
00:50You're a treasure, Mr. Jones
00:54Take a letter, Mr. Jones
00:58Right, a memo to all our northern sales managers
01:02Following your recent...
01:06I'm increasing your sales targets by ten percent
01:10Right, have you got that? Yes
01:14Right, now a letter to Mr. McPhee, the Scottish general manager
01:18Good morning, Mr. Lewis
01:22Mr. McPhee was on the phone at nine-two precisely
01:26Very partial to pretty women, that's why I'm letting you deal with him
01:30He said he's looking forward to having dinner with you tonight
01:34Well, I have changed it to lunch, actually
01:38I'm counting on you to keep him sweet
01:42I'll keep him sweet, Mr. Lewis
01:46Why don't you want to have dinner with Mr. Newton?
01:50I don't know what you and the Australian businessmen are like
01:54If I go and have dinner with him, he'll expect me to jump into bed with him as well
01:58These Australians are rather athletic
02:02I suppose it's with watching those kangaroos jumping up and down
02:06That's one of the perils of being a woman executive, especially if you're divorced
02:10Working with all these high-powered young men, they always think you're fair game
02:14Does Mrs. Thatcher have that trouble? No, she isn't divorced, she has Dennis
02:18Mrs. Warner, these flowers have just arrived Oh, thank you, Brenda
02:22There you are, you see
02:26He asks me out to dinner, sends me an extravagant bouquet of flowers, he expects me to give my all
02:30While he's wasting his time
02:34He could have got all he wanted from Brenda for a bunch of daffs and a cheeseburger
02:38I'm sure that's not true
02:42No, I always get chips as well
02:46You and the girls put them in some vases
02:50Rod Newton is our agent for all our produce in Australia
02:54I shall just have to keep him at arm's length
02:58I won't have time to finish those memos now, I'll just sign the urgent letters
03:02As he's coming before lunch, you'd better check the drinks cabinet
03:06I don't know how you're going to make lunch
03:10I see you've got something pencilled in for Lucy
03:14I'm Mary's and I've made an appointment to see the headmistress
03:18Yes, well, it's very convenient, it means I could drop Lucy off on my way to the office
03:22I told Maria to be here before eleven, I do hope she's on time
03:26This is one appointment I must not be late for
03:30I won't bank on that mad Italian maid of yours being on time for anything
03:34I must see Mrs. Warner, please, I have Lucy with me, she must not know me I'm late
03:38I don't like to mention this, but I think she's arrived
03:42Oh, my darling, don't you look lovely
03:46Doesn't she look pretty, Greg? She does, what a lovely dress
03:50Please, you don't touch!
03:54It take me one hour to get the dress perfect, it must not be made dirty
03:58It shall walk about like this
04:02I take all morning to prepare Lucy, I don't even have time to prepare myself
04:06Don't think anybody will notice
04:10It doesn't show
04:14Listen, Maria, as you're early, why don't you go up to the canteen and have something to eat
04:18I'll just nip down and see the financial controller, would you look after Lucy for me for a moment?
04:22Come on, Lucy, you can sit in your mummy's big chair
04:26Please, I must have some food, I'm starving
04:30The canteen's on the top floor, the girls will show you where it is
04:34Can I have a glass of your IP, Mr. Graham?
04:38Can I play with your typewriter?
04:42Not my big one, no, it's a bit delicate today
04:46I tell you what you can do, you can play with your mummy's portable
04:50There we are, just the size for little fingers, isn't it?
04:54Now then, you can play with that, you can find out how it works
04:58When your mummy comes back from the school, she's going to meet a very important man from Australia
05:02Do you know where that is?
05:06What, under the desk?
05:10Oh, you are silly, it's in the Southern Hemisphere
05:14Oh, is it? Oh, the Southern Hemisphere, all right
05:18Oh, they look nice, Brenda, make me up some Ribena, will you?
05:22Oh, listen, do you know where the Southern Hemisphere is?
05:26No, I don't think we've got one of them in Liverpool
05:30Lucy knows
05:32Going to St. Mary's, that expensive school, £300 a term, scandalous
05:36My mum and dad sent me to my comprehensive for nothing
05:40Just goes to show you get what you pay for
05:44I don't believe in these privileged schools, the girls come out of there stuck up, insufferable, superior know-alls
05:48Which one did you go to?
05:52All of that money spent on Lucy's education, she's fast becoming a very spoiled child
05:56Lucy? Rubbish, she's a sweet, angelic little thing
06:00I'd better take her that before she starts screaming for it
06:04Not too full, I don't want this spilled down the dress, otherwise I'll never hear the end of it
06:08Right, that's done, I'm all ready to go now, where's Lucy?
06:12Lucy, darling, come on, we're ready to go
06:16Lucy, what have you done?
06:20The ribbon fell off the typewriter and rolled under the desk
06:24You're a naughty girl, who said you could touch that ribbon?
06:28No
06:32You told me to find out how it works, so I did
06:36Don't touch it, darling
06:40I think I was worried about her spilling the Ribena
06:44The food here is terrible
06:48Santa Maria!
06:52What have you done to the dress?
06:56Maria, stop doing that!
07:00I take all morning to get her ready
07:12I didn't know you spoke Italian
07:14I don't, she's in such a mood, it's as well to agree with her
07:18Oh, it's no good, these marks aren't going to come out
07:22Maria, you take Lucy into the cloakroom, wash her face and hands and we'll just have to buy a new dress on the way to the school
07:26I'm sorry, mummy
07:28It's all right, my darling, it's not your fault
07:32Right, girls, would you leave the office, please?
07:36Graham, stay here
07:38Santa Maria
07:42I don't believe it, I leave Lucy with you for five minutes and you let her get into that state, what's the matter with you?
07:46I didn't know she was going to take the typewriter to pieces
07:50Brenda's been here for three years, she can't even change a ribbon
07:54I keep telling you that Lucy is very bright, and if you give her something new to play with, she likes to find out how it works
08:00You watch her when she takes her first boyfriend down
08:04Graham, there is no need to be funny, I really thought you'd know how to look after Lucy
08:08Well, I'm not the child's father
08:10I'm very well aware of that, I do know who her father is
08:12I'm very pleased to hear it
08:14Graham, listen, will you cut out the back chat?
08:16I'm going to be late for this appointment, so I won't be here when the Australian arrives
08:20Well, shall I give him a ring and try and put him off?
08:22No, because then he'll insist on having dinner with me and that's the last thing I want
08:25Maria, are you ready?
08:26Yes, yes, let's go, sir
08:28You'll just have to keep him here until I get back
08:30Well, what shall I say?
08:31Oh, Graham, surely you know how to entertain one of our business contacts
08:34Oh, yes, but in this case he's a beer-swilling, randy Australian
08:38You know what he's interested in
08:40Exactly, which is why I'm having lunch with him instead of dinner
08:43And Mr. Newton's here
08:45Well, hello, ladies
08:47How lovely to see you
08:50And you
08:54And...
08:59Graham James, Mrs. Warner's personal secretary
09:02So you're the famous male secretary
09:08Lovely to meet you too, Jonesy
09:14Mrs. Warner has been delayed, but she did ask me if I would look after you
09:18Can I get you a drink?
09:20Thought you'd never ask
09:22I'll never understand your attitudes to drinking in this country, you know
09:25I had the devil's own job getting a beer with my breakfast this morning
09:29Really?
09:30Yeah
09:31How do they expect you to enjoy a T-bone steak and a couple of chops without a beer to wash it down?
09:35I don't have that problem, I just have cornflakes and milk for breakfast
09:40Nothing stronger?
09:41Well, occasionally a little double cream, yeah
09:44Can I offer you something?
09:45Scotch, thanks, yeah
09:47This is a special blend, I hope you like it
09:49I'm sure I shall, Jonesy
09:52Thank you
09:56Mmm, great
09:59I'll have one
10:06That's fine, thank you
10:08What are you having?
10:09Oh, I don't drink during business hours
10:11Come on now, Jonesy
10:13You wouldn't have me drinking on my own, would you?
10:16Well, just, you know, just a little
10:18Just a little, uh-huh
10:20There we are
10:22Here's to your delightful, delicious, delectable and gorgeous boss
10:28Cheers
10:29Cheers
10:34I'd like a word with you before she gets back, Jonesy
10:36Yes, well, I've prepared the statistic analysis of our Australian sales
10:39And Mrs Warner thought you might like to look at her plans for next year
10:42Oh, no, it's her plans for tonight I'm more interested in
10:47Now tell me, Jonesy, working with such a sexy lady
10:50I'll bet you've chanced your arm there, eh?
10:52I beg your pardon?
10:55Come on now
10:56Come on, we're men of the world
10:59I'll bet you've tried a little nibble, eh?
11:02Certainly not
11:04She's a very sexy lady and divorced
11:07I'll bet she tries the occasional side salad, hm?
11:10As far as I know, Mrs Warner has had nothing to do with any other men
11:14Cheers
11:15Oh, cheers
11:18I really, I really do think you ought to have a look at this
11:21Now, now, Jonesy
11:22There's more important things to hand
11:26So with that, he turned to the nun sitting beside him and said
11:29Excuse me, sister, but do you mind if I smoke now?
11:33Ha, ha, ha
11:38Cheers, Jonesy
11:39Cheers, cheers
11:40You know, I can't think what's keeping Mrs Warner
11:45Well, I can't wait here for her
11:46Been here 40 minutes already
11:48No, no
11:49Anyway, the scotch is finished
11:50Well, there's plenty in the cupboard, help yourself
11:52Great
11:54You can get me one as well
12:03All right for the phone, Jonesy?
12:05Oh, yes
12:15Mrs Warner's office?
12:20You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you
12:29She'll be drunk to ring one
12:34Graham
12:36Mrs Warner
12:39Graham
12:40Hello
12:41Graham
12:42Oh, hello, Mrs Warner
12:43Hello, listen, I'm still at the school
12:45I'll be at least another 20 minutes
12:47Is Mr Newton there?
12:48Yes, yes, yes, yes
12:49Good, well done
12:50Are you keeping him occupied?
12:51Oh, yes, yes
12:52I've shown him the...
12:56I've shown him the...
12:57Graham, I'm afraid you'll have to speak up
12:59I can't hear what you're saying
13:00I've shown him the statistics...
13:03Analysis
13:05What?
13:06There's something wrong with his phone, ain't there?
13:12Hello
13:13Graham
13:14Yes
13:15Have you shown him the proposed new items for next year's range?
13:17No
13:18Well, would you do so now, please?
13:25Thanks, Jonesy
13:26No, I dropped it
13:31Would you like to speak to him?
13:32No, no, no, otherwise he'll insist on seeing me tonight
13:35Look, just say, I'm sorry, I'm tied up
13:37And keep him there until I get back
13:39Yes, yes
13:40Understand?
13:41All right, goodbye
13:42Yes, bye
13:43Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye
13:46It was Mrs Warner
13:47Was it?
13:49She wants me to keep you here tied up till she gets back
13:53Cheeky
13:58Hello, Jonesy
13:59I think your boss fancies me
14:02I can always tell
14:03But I got a better idea
14:04I'll tell you what
14:05Tell her I couldn't wait
14:06Tell her that I'll meet her for dinner tonight
14:08No
14:09And tell her we'll discuss business over breakfast
14:12At least you're supposed to
14:24Mr Newton's gone
14:25I thought you were meant to keep him here
14:26until Mrs Warner came back
14:27She's not going to be very pleased with you
14:29He was an awful man
14:30Do you know when we came up on the lift
14:31he pinched my bottom
14:33Lecherous swine
14:34If any man did that to me
14:35I think I'd leave
14:37Mary
14:39Mary
14:43Help
14:45Jane
14:47Ralph
14:48What made you do that?
14:49Six scotches but it wasn't worth it
14:53Mr Jones
14:54You're drunk
14:55You're drunk
14:56You don't think I'd do that if I was sober
14:59Daisy
15:06Take a letter
15:07Mr Jones
15:12Take a letter
15:13Mr Jones
15:17Mr Jones
15:18I suppose you realise
15:19that when you punched me
15:20it was very painful
15:21I've had to go to the medical centre
15:23I ought to go there
15:25It was so tough
15:26I think I've sprained me thumb
15:30It isn't funny
15:31I shall have a very nasty bruise there
15:33by the time I go to bed
15:34Don't worry
15:35there won't be anybody there to see it
15:39Graham
15:40Daisy
15:41I wish you wouldn't do this
15:43Graham
15:49Yes Mrs Warner
15:50Graham, where's Mr Newton?
15:51He's gone
15:52But I rang you only 20 minutes ago
15:54asking you to keep him here
15:55I couldn't
15:56he was bigger than me
15:57Well in some ways
15:58I don't have to have dinner with him
16:00I think the best thing
16:01is to send a personal letter
16:02around to the hotel
16:03apologising for this morning
16:04and suggesting he comes in this afternoon
16:06for a group discussion
16:07I think that's a very good idea
16:09Right, would you take it down please Graham?
16:10Certainly
16:14Are you alright?
16:15Perfectly
16:17Ready?
16:18Right
16:19Rod Newton Savoy Hotel
16:21Dear Rod
16:22Sorry about this morning
16:23Regarding our meeting
16:24I think it would be a good idea
16:25if you came into the office
16:26this afternoon
16:27where we could have
16:28a good group discussion
16:30and I'm sure you would enjoy
16:31making personal contact
16:32with some of my best friends
16:35Following our recent meeting
16:36in Paris
16:37I can confirm
16:38that I had a board meeting
16:40and that because of your efforts
16:42I'm now expecting 8 Star
16:43to increase their investment
16:45in Australia
16:46Right, would you read that
16:47back to me please?
16:51OK
16:52Dear Rod
16:58Dear Rod
16:59Sorry about this morning
17:01Regarding our mating
17:05Meeting Graham?
17:06Sorry
17:07I'm not a panda
17:10Sorry about this morning
17:11Regarding our meeting
17:13I would much prefer
17:14if you were to come into the office
17:15and you could
17:17Have
17:18Yes
17:19I'd much prefer
17:20you to come into the office
17:21and you could have a good grope
17:25Meeting Graham?
17:26Are you trying to be funny?
17:27I got me swiggle upside down
17:29Go on then
17:30That's right
17:31Yes, now then
17:32I know how you would like
17:34to make personal contact
17:36with my bust
17:37Best?
17:38Best
17:39Graham would you concentrate please?
17:40Best managers
17:41Make the personal contact
17:42with my best managers
17:43That's right
17:44After our meeting in Paris
17:45it is all down to your efforts
17:47that I am expecting
17:49Expecting a star
18:01It's Mr. Newton
18:02Oh no
18:03Hello Rod
18:04Yes I'm terribly sorry about this morning
18:06Look I think it would be a good idea
18:08if you came into the office this afternoon
18:10and we could have a group discussion
18:12No you can't
18:14How about drinks early this evening?
18:16Quite out of the question
18:19Yes alright
18:20I'll have dinner with you
18:22At 8 o'clock
18:23Fine I'll see you there
18:25Goodbye
18:33I can't get out of it
18:34I'm going to have to have dinner with him
18:40He keeps insisting
18:41it's purely business
18:43Well that'll make sure it is
18:45I'll take you along with me
18:53Thanks Louise
18:54Lovely oysters
18:58Yes
18:59for Mrs. Warner
19:00Oh I don't mind Graham having my oysters
19:02They don't agree with me this late at night
19:04You should have had them
19:05You know I felt quite sleepy before dinner
19:07but what with the oysters and the champagne
19:09I'm very croaky
19:12That's why I wanted her to have them
19:15Got the room?
19:16No yes
19:17A moment later
19:18But I'm going to book a cab
19:20and then we can duck back to my hotel
19:21for a nightcap okay?
19:22No actually I'd rather go home
19:24Fine
19:25I'll see you home
19:26and we'll have a nightcap there
19:27I can go on my own Rod
19:28I'm quite capable of looking after myself you know
19:30No way
19:31You wouldn't be safe anywhere in it
19:32Not even in a cab at this hour
19:34I'll book one
19:35He's right you know
19:36You wouldn't be safe in a cab
19:37especially if he was in it with you
19:40He'd be on to you
19:41before the driver got his meet-up
19:43Graham
19:44Shall I book a cab for you too
19:46or do you travel by bus?
19:47Oh no no
19:48I'll go in a taxi
19:49Actually I'd go right past Mrs Warners
19:51I could drop you off
19:52What a good idea Graham
19:53Fine
19:54It's on its way
19:55and while we're waiting Paul
19:56three large cognacs
19:58Oh no I can't
20:02Good idea Mrs Warner
20:03You've convinced me
20:04We should dispose of business
20:06as soon as possible
20:08Hey
20:09What are you doing here?
20:10I've got a job
20:11As soon as possible
20:12Hey
20:13What a great pair
20:14Thank you
20:15Mind if I lose my jacket?
20:17It is getting awfully late Rod
20:18Don't you think we should wait until the morning?
20:20No time like the present
20:23Besides
20:24we don't have to concentrate exclusively on business
20:26do we?
20:27Right well
20:28let's get down to these files then
20:30I'd like to show you some things
20:31Come on
20:32I thought of the next year
20:33Come on
20:34It's lovely to have you to myself at last
20:37Come on
20:42My pleasure
20:46It's only me
20:49I thought you'd gone off in the taxi
20:51Oh yeah
20:52I was just outside paying the driver
20:54Graham will be very useful
20:55in keeping us along the right lines
20:57Will he?
20:58Why don't you make yourself at home Rod
20:59pour yourself a drink
21:01Can I take your coat Graham?
21:02Sure
21:07He's being extremely persistent
21:09He didn't want to know
21:10He said he should take the agreement home
21:11and sleep on it
21:12The only way you're going to sleep on that
21:13is to put it under your mattress
21:16I'm going to have to think of some very drastic action
21:18to get him out of here
21:19That's not going to be easy
21:20after him having all those oysters
21:23By the look of the twinkle in his eye
21:24I think they're beginning to work
21:26Well there is one certain way
21:28that I can get him out of here
21:29without actually being rude
21:32I see you've made yourself comfortable
21:34Thank you very much for that
21:40Cheers
21:42You're looking awfully tired Graham
21:44Am I?
21:47Isn't he Rod?
21:48Yeah
21:49Yes I think you should be in bed old man
21:52Yes why don't you go off to bed Graham
21:54I thought you said you wanted me to stay
21:57I'm sure Rod will understand
21:59Certainly certainly
22:01Why don't you run upstairs and jump into bed
22:08I'll join you later
22:09I like getting into a warm bed
22:10You know that Graham?
22:18You mean you two?
22:20Yes I'm sure we can count on you to be discreet
22:23We do like to talk about it
22:26Don't we Graham?
22:27Darling?
22:30Yes you'll be amazed who doesn't know
22:34Look I'm sorry
22:35I had no idea
22:37I feel a total idiot
22:39I'd better be going
22:41If you insist I'll get your coat
22:44I'll drop by the office tomorrow morning
22:46and we can finalise the agreements then Joan
22:48Fine
22:49Amazing
22:52You can never figure women can you?
22:54Never know what they're going to be up to next
22:55You can say that again
22:58I never would have thought that a little guy like you
23:02Tell me
23:03Do you take a lot of extra vitamins?
23:07Lots of Horlicks at bedtime
23:11Amazing
23:14Amazing
23:15Still it's always you small guys that spring the surprises
23:18I don't get the sexiest women
23:20Like a Dudley Moore, Woody Allen, Napoleon
23:24Napoleon?
23:25Napoleon
23:26Well I'll see you at the office tomorrow morning
23:30There you are Rod
23:31Thank you Joan
23:32You're a gentleman
23:34Pleasure
23:47Good luck Barney
23:52Well it worked
23:53He really believed me
23:55And there's a lot in what he says about little fellas you know
23:58You know he said I was like Napoleon
24:00Yes I know I heard him
24:02Well I suppose he could be right
24:04Never really looked at you that way
24:06Don't start getting any ideas
24:09Definitely not tonight Josephine
24:32He's a model
24:33Secretary
24:34Never leaves her in the mess
24:36He gets his
24:37Satisfaction
24:38Sharing her success
24:40In the letter Mr Jones
24:42The inventor Mr Jones
24:44He doesn't tell her appreciation
24:46Always makes her laugh
24:48He's a perfect
24:49Combination
24:50A computer and a wife
24:52You're a wonder
24:53No
24:54You're a model
24:55Well
24:56You're a treasure
24:57Well
24:58Mr Jones
24:59And in fact a Mr Jones
25:01How kind