The Shark Knight Returns: Back At My First Shanghai Sharks Game in FIVE YEARS
The Wonton Don | Donnie Does
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00:00We are back, baby! We are back in the tents!
00:03Let's go!
00:04Sharks!
00:05Let's go!
00:06Sharks!
00:07Big Sharks game tonight.
00:08So right now, I'm just on the streets gathering supplies
00:12so I can pull off the green pepper method again.
00:15Gonna juice this bell pepper up with 20 cc's of Absolute.
00:19Oh, there it goes.
00:21And all I gotta do is bite a little hole in the top,
00:25break out the Fanta,
00:27and this probably has at least six nips worth of vodka
00:31because the sharks have moved stadiums
00:34and they still don't sell beer in the new one.
00:38Good size green pepper.
00:40They're the biggest ones they got.
00:42I think these will have to do.
00:46If only you knew what I was using this pepper for.
00:51Need some duct tape, some vodka.
00:54You know, some people say, just go to the game sober.
00:57Or just maybe you can pre-game the game.
01:00You know, have a few beers beforehand.
01:02But no, no, this is my first time back in like five years.
01:06It's their first playoff game of the season.
01:08I need something to take the edge off.
01:10And that's gonna be one to two green peppers filled with vodka.
01:14I don't have a problem, you have a problem.
01:16Last time you saw me eject a green pepper with a syringe,
01:21couldn't track down syringes in Shanghai last minute.
01:24So I'm gonna try to use these scissors
01:27to cut a small hole in the pepper,
01:31fill it with vodka, and then like stuff and tape the hole.
01:35I gotta be very careful.
01:37Dude, what the...
01:39I need like a dropper.
01:41Ooh, is this a teacup?
01:43Bingo!
01:44Yeah, that's working perfectly.
01:46Okay, we're leaking a little bit, but most is getting in there.
01:50This entire apartment is just gonna reek of vodka.
01:54Yeah, I can feel it moving around in there.
01:57Slowly but surely, it's working its way down that hole.
02:00It's definitely enough for one or two cocktails,
02:03but we keep on going until it overflows.
02:06Are there any like hollow fruits?
02:08Because that would be a lot tastier than a green pepper.
02:12This is so depressing.
02:14It's still going in, I'm gonna try to fit the whole bottle in.
02:17Okay, it's starting to overflow.
02:19Filled to the fucking brim.
02:21Yeah, let's try to reclog that hole.
02:26God, I hate this fucking tape.
02:29Ooh, good thing is that this tape sticks to green peppers.
02:34Oh, dude, this is gonna work great.
02:40This is a thing of beauty.
02:41Just put this in my pants, zip it up.
02:44Yeah, this is gonna be great. Boom.
02:50It's game time.
02:52This is just serendipitous timing
02:54that I happen to be here for the first Shanghai Sharks playoff game
02:57and they're playing the Ducks.
02:58Can I get a fuck the Ducks?
03:03We'll get those going in the stadium.
03:11As you can see, the stadium is lit up orange for the Sharks tonight.
03:15We're just loading up on bevvies before we head in.
03:19Let's go, Shanghai, let's go.
03:24Let's go, Sharks.
03:26Let's go, Sharks.
03:28Shark eat duck.
03:30That's all you gotta know about the game tonight.
03:32Shark eat duck.
03:37Oh my God, I'm about to be back in the Shark tank.
03:40Holy shit.
03:41There is no way they lose this game.
03:43There is no way they lose this game.
03:45Look at that thing.
03:50The Shark night returns.
03:52That statue is beautiful.
03:53Stefan Marbury thought he had a good statue up in Beijing.
03:56Look at this thing.
03:57We skipped the Forbidden City
03:59so you could look at a statue of Stefan Marbury.
04:02Well, not just look at a statue of Stefan Marbury,
04:04heckle a statue of Stefan Marbury.
04:06Jimma Fadette's the new MVP in town.
04:08Your days are done.
04:11Okay.
04:12Let's go, Sharks.
04:13Stefan Marbury is your star.
04:15No, no, no.
04:16I hate Marbury.
04:18I only watched one game that season for Marbury.
04:23He is the biggest superstar.
04:26How are you, man?
04:27It's good to see you.
04:28Yes.
04:29I'm a fan of his.
04:30Yes.
04:31He's a fan.
04:32He's a big...
04:33Yeah, he's big.
04:34I'm a big Shanghai Sharks guy.
04:36Stefan Marbury, he did a lot for Chinese basketball,
04:40but I am not a fan of the Ducks.
04:43Yes, I...
04:44At all.
04:45Fuck the Ducks, as he said.
04:46I bring a card to visit that first game in Fudong.
04:50I want to have his sign.
04:52Oh, yeah?
04:53But too many people.
04:55Or he's just a dick, didn't want to sign.
04:57The thing is, I don't have a problem with Marbury,
04:59but he blocked me on Instagram.
05:01You like that, Marbury?
05:02That's a dead duck.
05:04I'm rooting for the Sharks.
05:06So that's like why I have a qualm.
05:08We're going to win this game.
05:09We have Eric Bledsoe.
05:11I know that our center is a little soft.
05:15We all call him grandma, grandma.
05:18Yeah, yeah.
05:19You call him grandma?
05:20Grandma, grandma.
05:21He's a Tajoshima.
05:23Wang Jingyi, his skill is very good, but a little soft.
05:27The human shoelace was a little soft, too.
05:29That has never stopped the Sharks.
05:32This guy's 7'3", draining foul shots like he was 6'1".
05:38That's what I like in my sentence.
05:40That's what I like in my sentence!
05:43Although they haven't won a championship in, like, decades.
05:46May I follow you to this game?
05:49Okay, I follow you.
05:50You're rooting for the Sharks?
05:51Are you cheering for the Sharks?
05:52Shanghai?
05:53I'm Shanghai native people.
05:54Oh, yes.
05:55All right, yes.
05:56Then you can come with me.
05:57Okay, okay.
05:58Thank you, thank you, thank you.
05:59I want to promote my home football, soccer home team is Liverpool.
06:06I like Liverpool!
06:07Really?
06:08Yeah!
06:09You will never walk alone.
06:10Yeah, you'll never walk alone.
06:15And hey, you will never walk alone in there if you're with the Shaq Knight.
06:19I gotta just shove a green pepper in my pants.
06:22I'll be right back, buddy.
06:29Wow, I have officially made it back in the tank.
06:32It feels so good to be back with my Shaqs.
06:34The security process is insane.
06:36I had to go through, like, three rounds.
06:38They had to take photos of my face.
06:40I had to show my passport.
06:41I hope I wasn't the cause of all the extreme security measures.
06:48I don't know how to get this off.
06:49Do you want to go to police?
06:50I also just made, like, made a couple friends.
06:54This is my friend.
06:55All right, come with me.
07:02What's up?
07:03Hey, how are you, man?
07:05Yo, what's up, dude?
07:06Yo, I just met this guy outside of the stadium.
07:09He's doing his first live stream, I think.
07:12He's a big Shaqs fan, too.
07:14What's up, dude?
07:15Squad assembled.
07:21Oh, sick, dude.
07:23I mean, this is a much larger stadium than the last tank.
07:34It was time to lock in.
07:36New tank, same night.
07:42Yao Ming's here tonight?
07:44Is Ming in the building?
07:45Me and Yao Ming are practically friends.
07:47How you doing, man?
07:49I love you, bro.
07:50I love what you've done for the Shaq.
07:52I'll buy 12% stake off you.
07:55I got the money on me today.
07:56I got a lot of faith in him.
07:58I gotta take a huge piss.
07:59I'm gonna wait.
08:00I'm gonna wait till the end zone.
08:02We got a stacked team.
08:03We got fucking Eric Bledsoe, Dwayne Bacon, and Noah Vonla.
08:09He's from Salem, Mass.
08:11I like Mass guys in the Shaq tanks.
08:13I know Mass guys, like, you know, we were raised around here.
08:17But as it turns out, Mass guys don't always love being in the Shaq tank.
08:21As months after I filmed this video, Noah absolutely ripped the organization on social media
08:26over wrongfully terminating his contract and making him sleep in a hotel lobby.
08:30This is how the Shanghai Sharks treat their players.
08:34Got me sleeping in a lobby.
08:36Won't let me get in my room.
08:45Shanghai Sharks, this is ridiculous.
08:48But hey, I didn't know that at the time.
08:50I was just here to enjoy my first Shaqs game since 2019.
09:00Let's go, Shaqs!
09:04Let's fucking go!
09:08We are back, baby. We are back in the tank.
09:11We're back in the tank, boys. We're back.
09:13It's time to eat.
09:15Dude, I love those two. I just met him outside the stadium.
09:17He's doing, like, two live streams at the same time.
09:20I've got a green pepper filled with vodka in my balls right now.
09:24If you need a sip at halftime.
09:28It worked again.
09:29I'm going to wait until after the first quarter to take that out.
09:35Oh, completely new Shark mascot. Look at that.
09:39It's a much more mobile Sharks mascot.
09:45Fuck the dogs!
09:51This guy just tells me that they call the new Shaq Senna,
09:54his name is Wong Jilly, but they call him Grammily because he's soft as shit.
10:00Yes!
10:04Dude, Grammily, shit!
10:07Grammily! Grammily!
10:12I want to say sorry to him. He's a tough guy.
10:15He's a tough guy.
10:16I've got to go pee, dude. I'm about to fucking piss myself.
10:19I can't go piss dogs in the first quarter at a Shanghai Sharks game.
10:22My first time back. I'll get kicked out before I see who wins.
10:25What's up, guys?
10:28It's over here.
10:30It's close. It's close. It's close.
10:33Oh, my God. Holy shit.
10:36Maybe I should have brought the piss before the game.
10:41Oh, I just pissed all over the fucking green pepper.
10:44Oh, my God. I just pissed on my pepper.
10:48Hopefully, it's not on the mouth spout.
10:51Oh, my God.
10:52Oh, no.
10:54I got to give the pepper a little rinse.
10:58Just rinse the veggies.
11:01We're good. I think the Sharks just scored, too.
11:04Tell your followers I just pissed a little on my pants
11:07because I didn't want to miss the Sharks.
11:10But I rinsed it off in the sink. It's fine.
11:12If he still wants it.
11:1617-11.
11:21Fuck you, Marcus!
11:22This guy Marcus Keane on the Ducks, I call him the reverse Porzingis
11:27because Porzingis was so good at basketball in Latvia,
11:31he went to go play in the States.
11:33Marcus Keane was so bad at basketball in the U.S.,
11:36he had to go play in the Latvia League.
11:38Nope. Nope.
11:40Yeah, that's what I thought.
11:42You're the reverse Porzingis, Marcus. You suck.
11:45Look at how many games he's played in the NBA.
11:48You suck, Keane.
11:53Let's go, Jacks!
11:56Fuckin' A! Was that Dwayne Bacon?
12:00And again! And again!
12:04Let's go, Dwayne Bacon!
12:07Shanghai, how are you?
12:10How?
12:11Alright, that's a resounding how from the crowd.
12:1429-18 at the end of the first quarter? I'll take it, dude.
12:18After the first quarter, I hit up concessions to see if I could find Bao Bao.
12:22Bao Bao?
12:23Hey, Bao Bao!
12:24Bao Bao's her name.
12:25I've been calling her Jeanette for like three or four years.
12:29Jeanette, how you doing?
12:30Bao Bao had served me so many beers in Fanta over the years.
12:33Bao Bao!
12:35Hello!
12:36I'm back!
12:37How many beers?
12:38Three beers.
12:40That's right!
12:41And even when the Shark Tank stopped serving beer,
12:44Two beers, one Fanta.
12:46Two beers, one Fanta.
12:47There's no beer!
12:49remained a comforting presence.
12:51Why is there no beer?
12:53There's no beer.
12:54There is beer!
12:56I'm just gonna drink six waters!
12:58Now that you're not selling beer, this might be the last time that I ever see you.
13:01So I just want to say goodbye.
13:04I was hopeful she was still working at the new stadium.
13:07Do you know Bao Bao?
13:11Bao Bao, your classmate?
13:13Do you know my friend Bao Bao?
13:15She used to work concessions at Shanghai Sharks games.
13:22Bao Bao had moved on.
13:24And I was devastated.
13:28For me, Fanta would forever taste a little less sweet.
13:32Oh, did he just take the last Fanta?
13:35Do you know Fanta?
13:37Can I buy it?
13:38You can buy it.
13:39How much is it?
13:40$4.50
13:41Okay, alright.
13:44Prices have stayed pretty stable.
13:46Don't gotta worry about inflation in China.
13:48Gotta worry about a lot of other things.
13:50But don't gotta worry about Fanta prices.
13:52While Bao Bao was gone though, she was not forgotten.
13:55And I was confident that tonight, the Sharks would fuck the Ducks in her honor.
14:09Oh my god, the Ducks are playing like shit.
14:13Oh, grandma!
14:15Oh, grandma, you gotta go up with that, dude.
14:19Alright!
14:26I totally forgot you can't vape in here.
14:28I just blew out a fat cloud.
14:29The security seems a little chill.
14:31I was worried I would run into the same security guards from the last tank
14:35and they would know who I was.
14:36Don't do something crazy here, okay?
14:38I'm not doing anything crazy, bro.
14:39I'm just smelling the Shaq tank.
14:41It's making me very angry, do you know?
14:43Why?
14:47Oh, that's fucking TJ Leaf.
14:49Time to break out the Leaf blower.
14:51And we're not talking about getting blowjobs.
14:54We're gonna blow you guys out.
14:57Yes!
14:58It's the god damn worm flu out here.
15:00We got dead Ducks everywhere.
15:02Fuck the Ducks.
15:04Let's go Sharks.
15:05Can I get a let's go Sharks?
15:07Let's go Sharks!
15:09Let's go Sharks!
15:10Let's go Sharks!
15:12Thank you very much.
15:15Let's go!
15:16Blood in the water.
15:17It's about to be a feeding frenzy.
15:19The Ducks are fucked.
15:21Let's go, we love you.
15:23Let's go, you're the man.
15:24We love you, Eric.
15:25Fucking legends.
15:26Grandma, we love you.
15:28We love you, Grandma.
15:30Dude, you guys are legends.
15:32Where's Dwayne Bacon?
15:33Did he already walk in?
15:34I love you all.
15:36My pregame buzz had worn off by halftime.
15:39But I didn't care.
15:40Because the Sharks had a healthy lead.
15:42And I had a healthy green pepper in my pants filled with vodka.
15:46Time for the green pepper method again.
15:49We got a little hole in here.
15:54Alright, I might just have to bite a hole.
15:57Holy shit!
16:01I still got a lot of vodka in there.
16:07Alright, here we go.
16:09Round three.
16:10Oh my god, I got a lot of vodka in this green pepper, dude.
16:21I like that pepper aftertaste.
16:23Yeah, it's not bad.
16:24You think you can fit the rest in here?
16:26And then we can just share this?
16:28Yeah, boom.
16:29That's how it's done, dude.
16:30That worked very well.
16:31I didn't even need a syringe.
16:33If I didn't have this green pepper,
16:35I'd be like, god damn it.
16:36It'd be nice to grab a beer right now.
16:38But we are good.
16:39I mean, let's watch them go up by 40.
16:41Yes, sir.
16:42Let's fucking go.
16:43How about them Sharks, dude?
16:45How about them Sharks?
16:49Are you a fan of Shanghai Ducks?
16:52Yeah, I'm their fan.
16:55I'm also a fan.
16:56Yeah.
16:57They're the longtime fan.
16:59They are crushing the ducks.
17:01Roasting the ducks.
17:03Beijing duck.
17:04Oh, yeah.
17:05Beijing duck.
17:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:07Beijing roast duck.
17:08The shark eats the duck.
17:09Dude, the shark always eats the duck.
17:12How did you know that?
17:13Holy shit.
17:15Let's go, Bledsoe.
17:17All right, Bledsoe to grandma.
17:23Let's go.
17:27Dude, it is.
17:28This Fanta now has a little bit of a green pepper aftertaste.
17:32If you want to take a sip.
17:33When it's like mixed with the Fanta, it's not bad.
17:36I like that little taste.
17:37Yeah.
17:38Who knew?
17:39Green pepper aftertaste with a vodka Fanta works.
17:41Bledsoe.
17:42Oh, my God.
17:44Let it in the water.
17:45Kiss.
17:47Make out.
17:48Ah, those guys aren't together.
17:53I think Marcus Keane took my heckles to heart
17:57as he went off in the third quarter.
18:00I got a little too cocky after the green pepper.
18:05It's like this game's over.
18:06So I started chilling.
18:07And then all of a sudden, it was like a 14-point game,
18:10a 13-point game.
18:11Now I got to lock in.
18:13Let's go, grandma.
18:17What the fuck called foul?
18:19Let's go, Dwayne Bacon.
18:21Bring it home.
18:22Bring home the bacon, as they say.
18:25Can we get a foul?
18:27Can we get a foul?
18:28Are the playoffs fixed again?
18:30The Shaqs were indeed kicked out of the playoffs last year
18:33for match fixing.
18:34But that's water under the tank.
18:4013-point game going into the fourth quarter.
18:43That seems healthy enough, right?
18:45I think we're good.
18:51Yes!
18:54Let's go.
18:58Oh shit, he's pissed.
19:00Dwayne Bacon's pissed.
19:03Yes!
19:10Grandma, that was the softest shit I've ever seen.
19:13Now I know why you call him grandma.
19:2010-point game, nine minutes left.
19:22Holy shit.
19:24I was hoping to spend these last 10 minutes having fun.
19:27Now I'm just going to be locked in.
19:33Yes!
19:36We win tonight, or we're finished.
19:49Fuck.
19:55Dude!
19:56Yes!
20:09Oh!
20:11It's back.
20:16Yes!
20:17Woo!
20:19Yes!
20:20That is how you do not give up on a possession.
20:24Let's go.
20:25Give me a little slap.
20:27Did you see that?
20:28That teaches you perseverance.
20:30I thought that possession was over four or five times.
20:33They kept on going.
20:34Let's go.
20:35Valuable lesson here.
20:37Woo!
20:38The Shaqs can rebound offensively.
20:40No one's going to say they can't.
20:42That was impressive.
20:43Oh, Bledsoe, Bledsoe.
20:45Yes!
20:47Yes!
20:50Yes!
20:51Oh, I'm feeling comfy again.
20:53I mean, it's still close, but goddammit, we're playing like Shaqs again.
20:57We're playing like Shaqs.
20:59Send them back to the pond.
21:01It's a sweat.
21:02It's always a sweat in basketball.
21:0711-point lead.
21:08I like, I can handle 11 with 250 left.
21:11With a comforting lead once again,
21:13I decide to see if my Shark Tank legend status could get me into the new VIP suites.
21:18Anyhow.
21:19I'm a VIP.
21:21I'm a Shark Knight.
21:23Yeah.
21:24104-92.
21:26That's good.
21:27Yeah.
21:28I'm in here.
21:30I think there's a police officer in there.
21:33Hold up.
21:35Ah, there.
21:37Yes!
21:40Did we do it?
21:42Did we do it?
21:44Let's go.
21:46Oh, yes.
21:47Anyhow.
21:49Oh, I'm a Wuzhou Shark Knight.
21:54Oh.
21:55Oh, see, yep, yep.
21:56Sorry.
21:58That's my box.
21:59Yeah, sorry.
22:00I was in there.
22:01I came over here just to see the game.
22:05I gotta, I had to, I had to change boxes.
22:09Oh.
22:11Why not?
22:14Is this my box?
22:18What's the score?
22:20Okay.
22:21All right.
22:22I was just seeing.
22:23106-92.
22:24I think we got this.
22:26Yeah.
22:27Wuzhou.
22:28All right.
22:30Those are just, those are just.
22:32Am I in VIP 1?
22:35Sorry, sorry.
22:36No?
22:37You cannot come inside.
22:38Is this one mine?
22:39It's the police station.
22:40It's the police station.
22:41That is not mine, for sure.
22:43It's here.
22:45All right.
22:46There's the exit.
22:47Yep.
22:48Yeah.
22:49I'm sorry.
22:50I got, I got completely lost.
22:51I just want to make sure I don't miss the end of the game here.
22:56We're really doing it.
22:58We're fucking the Ducks.
22:59Which team do you support?
23:00Sharks.
23:01Yeah, okay.
23:02Of course.
23:03Of course.
23:04Hey, I got the Sharks.
23:06Which player do you think will play the best in this game?
23:08It's been a team effort.
23:09Who's the player they call Grandma?
23:12This guy?
23:13Yeah.
23:14They call him Soft.
23:15He's been playing well.
23:16Eric Bledsoe, too.
23:18But there was a couple Chinese players.
23:21They were getting a lot of offensive rebounds.
23:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:26Do you know their name?
23:27Li Tianrong.
23:28Li Tianrong.
23:29Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:30The player wear the pink shoes.
23:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:33I haven't been here in so long.
23:34I don't know these guys, but pink shoes has been crushing it.
23:39I came when...
23:40Do you know Jimbo Foudet?
23:44Do you know him?
23:46Oh, I know him.
23:48Jimbo Foudet.
23:49He had 17 points in the U.S.A.
23:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:52That was the last time I lived in Shanghai.
23:55This is my first game in five years.
23:58But I like Shanghai the most.
24:02Is that the game?
24:04Yes!
24:05Let's go!
24:07We won the game, baby!
24:09Fuck the Ducks!
24:11Can you say, fuck the Ducks?
24:15No, no, no.
24:16Fuck the Ducks!
24:17Fuck the Ducks!
24:18Yes!
24:19Fuck the Ducks!
24:20Fuck the Ducks!
24:21Fuck the Ducks!
24:22Yes, let's go!
24:24Let's go, Ducks!
24:26Let's go, Ducks!
24:29Let's go, Ducks! Let's go, Ducks!
24:32Yeah!
24:34Fuck the Ducks!
24:37Where can I get an autograph?
24:39Hey!
24:40No!
24:41Yes!
24:42Yes!
24:43Can you sign it on here?
24:45On here?
24:46No, no, please, please, please, please.
24:47Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:48I just want one.
24:49Just right here.
24:50Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:51I've been coming for...
24:52I've...
24:53Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:54Yes!
24:55Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:56Get up.
24:58Thank you!
24:59Thank you!
25:00Thank you!
25:01I love you!
25:02I love you!
25:03Did he sign off?
25:04Yes!
25:05Yes!
25:06Nice.
25:07I'm not gonna watch this, man.
25:08I'm not gonna watch this.
25:09That guy played incredible.
25:11Oh, my God.
25:12Dude, this is sick.
25:16Oh, my God.
25:17What a game, dude.
25:18That was awesome.
25:20Oh, look at that jacket.
25:22It's so good to be back.
25:23Yeah.
25:24At the Shark Tank.
25:25Yes.
25:26I miss you so much.
25:27Like, I love you very much.
25:28Thank you, man.
25:29I was so pumped that the first game I'm home for is a Sharks vs. Ducks playoff game.
25:33Yeah.
25:34And we fucked the Ducks.
25:35We fucked the Ducks.
25:36He said it first.
25:37We fucked the Ducks.
25:38I was getting a little worried when it was a nine-point game.
25:41Yeah, yeah.
25:42But we fucked the Ducks.
25:43It was great to meet you, man.
25:45This is your first time seeing a Shark fuck a Duck?
25:47Yes, exactly.
25:48Yes.
25:50The Shark ate the Ducks.
25:51Shark eat Ducks.
25:52The Shark eat the Duck.
25:54Yeah.
25:55Thank you.
25:56Thank you.
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