Easter Bloody Easter (2024)
يجب على امرأة حماية مدينتها الصغيرة من ابن آوى وجيشه من الأرانب الشيطانية بينما يشرعون في جريمة قتل خلال عطلة عيد الفصح.
Transcript
00:00:00You
00:00:30You
00:01:00You
00:01:04Sure no one's gonna come in here a screen for a week
00:01:07Plus, I think I could take a church lady in hand-in-hand combat. You know, I like to see that
00:01:14score
00:01:18But you gave up sweets for land I thought you gave up sex well I still can
00:01:25I'm not gonna show up to prom with my boyfriend like I'm like a busted can of biscuits
00:01:30Put this on I want you to fuck me like some muffin top Jesus
00:01:35I always knew that I would lose my virginity in the church storage room
00:02:00That's a freaky decoration man
00:02:04What you're scared of this dead old thing what was that
00:02:09Oh
00:02:39I
00:03:09I
00:03:35It's been over a week
00:03:39Call me text me
00:03:45Anything
00:03:48Just tell me you're all right
00:03:50I
00:04:07Know Janet wasn't the best hairdresser
00:04:10But that doesn't mean you can show up to the poor girl's funeral looking like a half-baked buckle bunny. I'm not going
00:04:17What?
00:04:18Why not
00:04:23That poor pinewood family those teenagers last week now Janet and her dog I'm just wait. Hey
00:04:30nonsense
00:04:32Lance is just on another one of his benders probably picking up some KitKat floozy at the Waffle Queen
00:04:39Sweetie, I'm kidding
00:04:41Look, you're worried about Lance and I'm worried about my best friend. I'm fine. Hmm. Well good then get dressed
00:04:49Nothing to cheer girl black funeral
00:05:03And although we don't understand why these attacks keep happening
00:05:08We must keep our faith and stick together as a community
00:05:19I
00:05:26Just wanted to say that we are all heartbroken to hear the passing of such a sweet sweet soul. Oh
00:05:32And Janet such icons, but today is Good Friday. So let's not get too bummed out. Okay now come on
00:05:41That's not the enthusiasm. I'd expect the week of Easter
00:05:49I'm really
00:05:51What it's the only thing this miserable town has to look forward to we kick it off today with the good Friday fish fry
00:05:58And of course tomorrow is the bunny hop dance and Sunday is the grand finale
00:06:04the Easter Palooza Easter egg
00:06:11Please note the parking lot is reserved for church committee members only
00:06:18Things went south when a few rowdy children
00:06:23Ruined the hunt for the rest of us as such. There'll be a ton egg limit per child
00:06:34You know God is watching over this Easter egg hunt in fact, he is always watching
00:06:43Seeking out the sinners of the world
00:06:45Preparing his perfect justice
00:06:47I know I shouldn't be encouraging your downward spiral, but boy, do I love to see Mary Lou pissed off
00:06:54But let's have some fun. Shall we?
00:07:03Did you know that fish don't even have vocal cords kind of wish Mary Lou didn't either
00:07:08Stop watching so many nature shows. No way
00:07:12Really gets Jim and I going during for fun
00:07:22Sorry
00:07:23Holy water Easter palooza
00:07:27Every year it turns more into a circus
00:07:41Right there
00:07:45Come on we got to get to the bread pudding before Mary Lou
00:07:49Swear that woman eats like a mammoth and somehow never puts on a pound. I just go home. Oh
00:07:55Hell no
00:07:57We're not gonna let Lance run Easter for us. We're gonna fish fry. We're gonna bunny hop and on Sunday
00:08:03We're gonna find some damn eggs because it's fun. Yes, ma'am
00:08:08Christ will rise again genie and so will Lance you'll see
00:08:23Sally go get the punch bowl. Okay
00:08:29Annie sue
00:08:31What a touching you
00:08:33Janet looked so beautiful in her casket. Someone else must have done her hair for one. You're bad
00:08:44It's the funniest thing, you know, I thought I heard you making disrespectful sounds while I was speaking earlier me
00:08:53Disrespectful
00:09:00Come on honey
00:09:03Even though you two were too busy to help out this year
00:09:06I think it's gonna be the best Easter yet
00:09:08Which is a good thing cuz Annie sue over here is gunning for my position as head of the church committee
00:09:15I hate you so much. You stupid cow
00:09:19Oh
00:09:29So, where's that tall handsome glass of bourbon that you call a husband
00:09:36No
00:09:38Genie oh
00:09:40No, he's left you Oh
00:09:44Bless your heart
00:09:46Wow, you two used to be the dream couple back in high school
00:09:50Funny how life turns out, isn't it?
00:09:53Well, if you're ever lonely, you are always welcome at Bunko night
00:09:57Do not show up without an appetizer
00:10:00There's my wifey, honey, I'm the luckiest girl in the world
00:10:08You're so sweet it makes me fit
00:10:11How's it going? Eugene?
00:10:12That's going. All right. I can't complain none and business has been doing great ever since the pinewood core shut down
00:10:19But Jeannie something's been ticking me off today
00:10:24Yeah
00:10:25I've had this piece of food stuck in my teeth all day and I've been poking at it and poking that with my tongue and
00:10:31The darn thing doesn't seem want to budge none. I just love to hear you talking talking talking talking top
00:10:42Holy jumped-up ball-headed Jesus Palomita. I'm so sorry, honey. I'm just all elbows. No forearm today
00:10:49Oh
00:10:52Fine Eugene, it's not like I've been planning this outfit
00:10:59And it's gonna put me a time-out
00:11:03Give me your sweater any other parts my outfit
00:11:08That's a good thing about your husband leaving a genie don't have to deal with man's nonsense
00:11:15Hello earth to Jeannie
00:11:20Um, yeah
00:11:22space cadets
00:11:25Who's ready for
00:11:37Do you know how much it costs to replace a stained-glass window cost me a chat with Mary Lou
00:11:50Hello
00:11:54Yeah, I'll be right there
00:12:20Oh
00:12:21Mrs. Cooper
00:12:23This your husband's car. It is
00:12:26Where's Lance? Is he? Okay. I was hoping you could tell me
00:12:29Any idea where he was headed? I couldn't say
00:12:35I've been around here for miles looks to me like a drunken joyride
00:12:41Wouldn't say that if you knew Lance man is completely joyless
00:12:45That's last time you saw him
00:12:48That's Thursday night hmm say not those kids got killed
00:12:54What happened here I guess is a bear by the size of it unreal I mean
00:13:05Miraculously was able to walk away from it. However walking away makes this a hit-and-run
00:13:11That's a crime in all 50 states
00:13:13My husband's not a criminal. I think he's in trouble
00:13:17I think your husband is the trouble
00:13:23That's it I'm gonna need you to follow me on down to the station
00:13:28Uh-huh. Sure. No problem. Good. Don't worry. Mrs. Cooper Lance will come home
00:13:38Either on his own accord or in shekels
00:13:47I am
00:14:17Hey
00:14:24We'll find him Jeannie, okay
00:14:31In shackles
00:14:33I'll shackle him. I know more about handcuffs and that smoked piece of apple. Whatever could I'm sporting
00:14:40Right now
00:14:43We almost peppered you dumbass we still can
00:14:47Y'all looking for Lance, right?
00:14:49You know where he is in a manner of speaking. This ain't no fender-bender. No, ma'am
00:14:56This here
00:14:58Is supernatural. Oh
00:15:01Here we go Jeannie don't listen to a single thing this fucking looney tunes has to say it ain't what I have to say
00:15:10It's what I got to show
00:15:21Hey, if he shows us his nutsack, I'm ripping it off
00:15:40What the fucking fuck jack-o'-lantern, baby
00:15:48Yes, sir. Hey the great horned rabbit
00:15:53attracted to whiskey repelled by stovepipes
00:15:58150 years ago this town was ridded of its evil now
00:16:04He hath returned
00:16:06Lepus cornuctus
00:16:08Lance's car. He was covered in fur and blood and exactly
00:16:15My bet is we find that jackalope
00:16:19We gonna find Lance
00:16:25Okay, say you're right
00:16:28Seriously, Jeannie, you're gonna believe a guy who wallpapered his double wide with tinfoil
00:16:33I don't know what to believe people are dying all over town. There's fucking giant bunny prints and I found this
00:16:41in my husband's car
00:16:51Sam focus, how do we find it?
00:16:54We gotta figure out who he is first in jackalopes is a shapeshifter like a werewolf
00:17:01Human one moment
00:17:03Bunny deer the next bingo. Gringo. Okay. I can't believe I'm even asking this
00:17:08But how does one become a jackalope Sam?
00:17:13Same way anything becomes anything else Carol
00:17:17Vampires werewolves. It has to come from a bite. So it bites you and nah, you have to bite it
00:17:27Jackalope
00:17:30Someone juicing for power
00:17:34Glory and the intoxicating feeling of becoming something greater than human
00:17:41And he ain't gonna stop until he is satisfied hims bloodlust soon every rabbit within 20 miles gonna be at his beck and call a
00:17:49Fucking bunny army. We have to team up form a posse and pray that when we find him he ain't smarter than us
00:17:57Well, if us include you that won't be a challenge come on Jeannie we gotta go meet the sheriff
00:18:27Oh
00:18:57I
00:19:27I
00:19:54Killed it
00:19:57Down
00:20:06Carol let my husband's been abducted by giant furry rabbit and I just just come up one of the demon minions higher point
00:20:15Carol Sam said who that attacked the town a hundred and fifty years ago
00:20:20The only thing in town that old is the church
00:20:23That's where those kids got killed the first attack, of course
00:20:29Carol if there's answers, they're gonna be there
00:20:32So if this maniac is right and there is a jackalope that doesn't mean you can just go fucking with the law
00:20:39Fuck the law
00:20:41Lance's missing and the only way we're gonna find him is through the jackalope
00:20:45You're either with me or he ain't
00:20:48Shit Jeannie
00:20:53You know, fuck it we've already shared everything else in life, I might as well share a prison cell, too
00:20:59That's my girl
00:21:03Take me to church seriously shut up
00:21:18Oh
00:21:32Horny dead kids
00:21:36Full cotton candy. Hey focus. We're here to get clues to help find lights
00:21:43Who's to say cotton candy ain't a clue?
00:21:49Hi look at this musty and crusty
00:22:07Agnes Turner
00:22:10Listen to this dearest Lord my poor sweet children are riddled with the pox
00:22:18Each day short and precious
00:22:21Easter's but a week away and I'd do anything to make it special for them. I confess I
00:22:30Bartered my soul to Satan
00:22:34Shit that's a good mom right there
00:22:48Oh Jesus save your pilot me Sam, I will never doubt you again
00:22:55Carol the Easter Palooza everyone's gonna be together. We've got to go get help
00:23:10You should have seen it Phil I bought that creature off with my bare hands man
00:23:19Everywhere met the ladies
00:23:21wet with
00:23:23Gratitude that is until they
00:23:27Succumb to the beast's fury. Well, I'm sure was a sight to see
00:23:36By the beard of st. Peter surprised to see us alive choke boy
00:23:43Whiskey is on the house for bringing this weasel down a notch
00:23:48Hey Jeannie, check this out
00:23:51Very cool Phil. Oh
00:23:53Mr. Mayor just the scumbag we were hoping to see ladies. What do I owe this pleasure?
00:24:00Hi, Lou. Oh
00:24:02Lou is it we're here's concerned citizens. Oh, I see
00:24:07I
00:24:08we
00:24:10Think you should seriously consider postponing the Easter Palooza this year
00:24:19I
00:24:21Thank you for that I needed it now, come on join me for a drink, huh? I'm
00:24:26Seriously, people are dying. There's no time for a pardon
00:24:30God damn it ladies ladies. I hear what you're saying, but people die every day
00:24:37Walburg Easter it only happens once a year
00:24:41Jeannie the jackal. Oh
00:24:44It's doing the same thing it did
00:24:47150 years ago, that's folklore something we used to get the tourists into town now
00:24:52Look, I'm off the clock trying to enjoy a drink. Why don't you just?
00:24:58Worried not appreciate you look the goddamn
00:25:02Whoopsie, I'm sorry about Lance truly am
00:25:09Now it's not the time or the place be starting trouble
00:25:13It's Easter Palooza and besides it's an election year selfish prick
00:25:19Seriously, they're not gonna help me
00:25:24No
00:25:28Well, thank you, mr. Mayor for solidifying my repulsion for local government
00:25:44I
00:25:49Know the successful fish fry no one even noticed
00:25:53They was frozen fish sticks from the food Mart and no one even noticed your Botox
00:25:57Annie sue maybe by next Easter eyebrows will be able to move again
00:26:05Now go feed big Jackie before you leave he must be hand-fed
00:26:09He doesn't eat off the ground unlike you you dirty dirty trap
00:26:16Maybe a tramp, but at least I don't covet that neighbor's husband pretty sure that's one of the big ten
00:26:21I
00:26:33Everything's in there change of clothes brush
00:26:36I put some coconut water and fries in there for Jeannie and a couple extra batteries in case you miss me tonight
00:26:43Thanks, babe. I know tonight was the post. Don't worry about it. You and Jeannie are on a mission
00:26:49Whatever you need to do do it
00:26:51Well promise me you and the kids will stay inside tonight
00:26:55You want my club, you know for protection
00:27:00for entertainment
00:27:03Dirty caveman
00:27:08What no
00:27:22Oh delicious
00:27:26Hello most renowned Easter theme band west of the Mississippi
00:27:31They're legends. Holy pastrami. That's good news, baby
00:27:35I'm just so relieved that everything is coming together
00:27:39Things have been so stressful ever since Annie sue started running against me on the church committee
00:27:44Honey bunny, you know, I hate it when you're stressed out, you know your happiness
00:27:50That's my number one priority in life
00:27:53lotion
00:27:54Yes, ma'am
00:27:56You hear about Jeannie?
00:27:58Sounds like Lance left her for good. I know it's just so sad, isn't it?
00:28:03But you know Jeannie she's a very pretty girl
00:28:05And I'm sure all them stags are gonna be lining up trying to stampede her pastor Lance. Oh
00:28:13I'll beg your pardon
00:28:15Nowhere near as beautiful as you Mary Lou, that's right now off to bed with you
00:28:22Yes, ma'am
00:28:25Good night night or night
00:28:30Good girl pokey
00:28:46Oh
00:29:12Okay, miss outlaw McGee
00:29:15Sing me a bedtime lullaby on your guitar
00:29:18Music just makes me sad now
00:29:21Lance wished I never stopped playing
00:29:25Hey, we're gonna find him Jeannie maybe there's something in this old hag's diary
00:29:36Dearest Lord
00:29:39Blah blah blah sick kids
00:29:42Blah-blah. Oh, I
00:29:44Bartered my soul to Satan so the true Easter Bunny can come and bring joy to my sick
00:29:52children before they wither to dust
00:29:56Holy shit. I know that got dark fast. Do you know what this means? Yeah
00:30:03Thank God for the smallpox vaccine
00:30:06Agnes caught what she bargained for Carol
00:30:08This could be the diary of the first jackalope
00:30:16Our town is at last free
00:30:20We must pray our descendants take heed lest this jackalope lest this creature
00:30:28We awakens and condemned this world
00:30:33To
00:30:38Agnes
00:30:44You freaky bitch and there's someone in this town is locked on her face like a piece of jerky
00:30:52That's obviously Marilou come on
00:30:56I'm serious
00:30:58Marilou is Satan her and her church committee
00:31:02Totally burned down that frosty freeze for staying open late on Sundays
00:31:06She tried to steal Lance from you back in high school
00:31:09Oh, and I still have that scar from her Tupperware party all very true. But do you really think she's going around killing people?
00:31:17Marilou could definitely kill people
00:31:24Here eat stupid little piece of vermin
00:31:36I
00:31:48Hate you
00:31:50Did your stupid mom?
00:31:53Fuckin hate Easter
00:31:55church committee
00:31:57Hate you and your filthy little paw
00:31:59I
00:32:29I
00:32:59You
00:33:29You
00:33:59You
00:34:29You
00:34:59Oh
00:35:30Oh
00:35:36Never mind
00:35:37We gotta go find Marilou
00:35:41My daddy says the best way to keep out a serial killer is a solution three parts pig's blood one part ammonia
00:35:47Ladies, we did not allocate time for dilly-dallying. I am so scared. Why are you smiling? This is just my face
00:35:55Another attack, who was it? It was Annie Su. Thank God. I mean, you ain't the only one celebrating
00:36:09Hey Sally
00:36:11Where's your other half?
00:36:13Marilou comes and goes as she pleases but it's fine. I don't mind doing all the work for none of the credit
00:36:24Speak of the devil
00:36:38Hi Marilou, I came to talk to you. Is this about the bunny hop dance? I noticed you haven't bought tickets yet
00:36:43No, this is about where you were when those kids died or where you were when the Pinewood family
00:36:50Playing in the biggest event of the year, which some psychopaths determined to destroy and Annie Su
00:36:56I don't like what you're implying
00:37:03You know what Jeannie
00:37:04Maybe you should spend a little less time playing detective and a little more time saving that failing marriage of yours
00:37:11Let's Lance comes looking for
00:37:13greener pastures
00:37:16You know what Marilou
00:37:18You're right Darryl
00:37:25You think you can get me a juice box or or like one of them fruit cups
00:37:32Maybe I could make it
00:37:35I
00:37:45Something tells me we ain't gonna be wrapping Easter presents. We're gonna get that ninja sweet. Yeah
00:37:51Super normal, and you never thought my nature shows would come in handy
00:38:05I
00:38:07I
00:38:30Where's my husband rabbit, I ain't no rabbit prove it bunny bitch. We hunt the same game
00:38:38Now put those scissors down Jeannie before I alter your ass like a loose-pouching gal
00:38:45Megan Jenny's in the flesh. How about you move to Wyoming? I also heard you're vegan now
00:38:51You know, what else is vegan rabbit? I came back to kill that motherfucker
00:38:55But if you don't want to stand in my way go right ahead. I ain't got no problem starting with the fuck
00:39:00Do you Oh miss teen Walberg over here talking shit?
00:39:07Oh
00:39:24Come with me a few cocktails, whatever you say
00:39:28Sure
00:39:35Abba a lot of weaponry for pageant queen. I'm not that girl anymore
00:39:40I'm the warrior who's gonna help save this piece of shit town
00:39:44Sorry pumpkin. I was wondering if your friends were gonna stay for dinner sloppy Joes and tots
00:39:52Real family of warriors you got I'm adopted
00:39:56So miss town savior
00:39:59You know the jackal up is
00:40:02negative
00:40:03They might not even know what they are. Yet. Young jackal. O's are prone to memory loss and confusion who wants bagel pie
00:40:12Privacy what monster shows up and there's no time for a snack
00:40:18Thank you, sir
00:40:20Don't make a difference to me
00:40:23Monsters a monster and I'm gonna kill it then you can have another foot for your creepy blood necklace
00:40:29Where'd you get the foot a?
00:40:31Jackal, oh, obviously, I mean when recently semi why jackal? Oh pass half a foot then maybe it doesn't human form
00:40:38Wow
00:40:39Really gonna have to start from scratch from YouTube. It's limbs regenerate
00:40:45One could be smaller than the other if it's still growing, but that's okay
00:40:49Well, then maybe the person we're looking for has half a foot
00:40:53It certainly would be easier to kill it in its human form. Well, then that's it. That's what we look for
00:41:01Guess where every walled we're going Ian's gonna be tonight. No
00:41:07Looks like we're going to the bunny hop dance ladies
00:41:19Yeah
00:41:29Please welcome the fabulous the irresistible
00:41:36Miss beatrice bunny
00:41:39Oh
00:41:47That is one sexy bunny do you honeys know what time it is
00:42:08Came out tonight
00:42:10For a good time
00:42:13Gonna have some fun tonight
00:42:39Do you hear the beat
00:42:42Come on
00:42:52Hey everybody
00:43:13Oh
00:43:31Do you hear the beat
00:43:43We take it from the top hey everybody stop
00:43:47Hey
00:44:03Are you ready to rock
00:44:11When I say carry
00:44:16Let's go
00:44:30I know this boy. His name is bow. He got a girl. She keep looking for more
00:44:36She gonna take that thing to the street
00:44:39To the club. Yeah, what you mean?
00:44:41Something new when she found a man holding c4 right in her hand
00:44:47Oh walk through like hell brewing up
00:44:50boiling water
00:44:52Yeah
00:45:02Oh, yeah
00:45:08Oh, yeah
00:45:35Hey after we find that book
00:45:39Yeah
00:45:41Even if mary lou has regular size feet not still water border
00:45:46If I know mary lou her feet are fucked
00:45:49Y'all ready
00:45:53Let's do this
00:46:01You can go shine with the stars
00:46:09You
00:46:28Damn genie your dress made out of the night sky or what?
00:46:38Oh
00:46:42Carrot yeah. Thank you, ma'am
00:46:48I've been looking everywhere for you. I thought you were banned from church-related functions
00:46:52So, you know the risk i'm taking by being here look I found something
00:46:56Is it lanes?
00:46:58Well, no
00:47:00Then i'm busy
00:47:05Well, hey there genie
00:47:07Eugene
00:47:12Hey, could I have a two opportunities, please?
00:47:20I'd know better. I'd expect you obstructing my investigation. Mrs. Cooper rest assured when all said and done
00:47:28Someone's gonna be behind bars
00:47:32Happy easter
00:47:37I follow
00:47:46That's good
00:47:50Oh, mr. Mayor
00:47:52Garrett, huh? Don't mind if I do good for the old asset
00:47:56Oh and the shoe size. Damn
00:47:59I
00:48:06Touch the shoes lose that hand
00:48:09So
00:48:28My goodness genie watch it
00:48:39Janie are you okay?
00:48:57What's up with your foot sally none of your business get over here put your hands up
00:49:06Don't move
00:49:09Is
00:49:16All right, thank you all
00:49:29Nine and a half yes
00:49:33Excuse us. Hey, I think I found the foot amazing
00:49:37Where's genie
00:49:40Oh, come on the one time y'all want her to be at the bar, oh, come on
00:49:54And he shall cast them into the furnace of fire
00:49:59Beware him and nation of cheetah
00:50:07Matthew 1342. Oh, thank you your holiness, but we'll take it from here
00:50:14Hi
00:50:15It's sally. We got her. Are you sure? Uh, I could have swore. Uh, come on. We gotta go get her
00:50:32Show us your foot
00:50:37No
00:50:39You're gonna be next if you don't start showing us some toes hey, hey, hey leave this girl alone
00:50:45She's got a tiny monster's foot
00:50:49She got her foot caught in a hay bale when she was 10 years old. Don't you think she feels freakish enough?
00:50:57Lou the jackalope has half a foot genie
00:51:01enough
00:51:02They were animal attacks clear and simple
00:51:05But fine if I had to figure someone to be guilty wouldn't be anyone here he'd be the person who's missing think about that
00:51:21How are you doing paul
00:51:23Yeah
00:51:27Look at that now sally it's time to judge the funny funny costume contest
00:51:38As we all know the winner gets to be the easter bunny at tomorrow's celebration
00:51:44All right, so let's meet our contestants let's hear it for contestant a
00:51:53Oh
00:52:00What about contestant
00:52:17You guys have me standing next to a dead guy
00:52:19I
00:52:22Warn all of you
00:52:25Now
00:52:27Have a taste of god's justice
00:52:31I implore you all to cease
00:52:35your
00:52:35sinful ways
00:52:38Sinful we've been celebrating his glory open your eyes marilu god is not happy
00:52:46I'd better be happy because I have been working my ass off for him
00:52:52We will be all
00:52:55punished
00:52:58It is the end of days
00:53:07All right, all right every morning let's just calm down
00:53:11I mean accidents happen
00:53:13No stress, that's the real killer in this country as you can see
00:53:17Tell you what?
00:53:19Why don't we let the authority? I mean my office
00:53:24Look into this and uh, y'all just head on home get a little sleep
00:53:28That way we're all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for the main event
00:53:32Ain't that right? Marilu?
00:53:33That's right
00:53:37Have a blessed evening
00:53:39Good everything everything's fine. Thank you. I'm safe
00:53:52So, I guess we should yeah
00:54:01Oh god
00:54:03Sammy
00:54:05Well, that sure as shit didn't go as planned
00:54:08What now i'm going home
00:54:10It's over. You're just gonna give up. What about lance?
00:54:15You heard what the mayor said in there about him lance has nothing to do with this
00:54:21Look, I know you want to defend him and I get that but for the past few years
00:54:27Lance has been nothing but lazy
00:54:30mean and drunk
00:54:32So what
00:54:35You think lance is guilty now, too
00:54:37Megan said it
00:54:39memory loss and confusion
00:54:42Guess who keeps waking up in weird places not knowing how the hell they got there, sweetie. It's called sleep deprivation
00:54:50It's also called drinking too much. And besides you have two gorgeously proportioned feet
00:54:57Jeannie jeannie let her go
00:55:02You don't think she just needs to sleep it off i'll post up outside her place keep an eye
00:55:14You're my ride megan shit
00:55:24Well
00:55:26Easter is ruined
00:55:28I'm rude don't say that a bloodied male corpse is the central theme of every easter. It's very on brand
00:55:36Hey
00:55:37Those are for the town
00:55:38Yeah, well pookie's eating it pookie is the gosh darn love of my life. And what have you done for me lately husband?
00:55:45Now stop breathing all over my culinary achievements and get out
00:55:51Don't pickle my heart
00:55:59It's okay
00:56:07About time
00:56:09God damn it sam
00:56:11You're gonna get somebody killed. I tried to tell you at the dance. I am this close to finding its lair
00:56:17Okay, i've been doing a lot of research. I found all these old articles from the first time this happened
00:56:22kids
00:56:23Jeannie kids are next
00:56:25Well ain't go kill it
00:56:27Get on with it then
00:56:29Well, but I thought that you know, you won't come
00:56:32You thought wrong sam. I don't have time for your theories
00:56:36You're a freak
00:56:38Lance is the only one who likes you and he's gone
00:56:42So get the hell off my fort then leave me the fuck alone
00:56:58So
00:57:04Yeah
00:57:21Yeah
00:57:28So
00:57:36Lance
00:57:41Lance
00:57:58So
00:58:13I was dreaming of you. Are you ever coming home?
00:58:21Shadows in my room
00:58:24Make me scared to be
00:58:27Alone
00:58:31There's something in the dark it's clouded by the fog when the light shines through
00:58:39There's something in the dark when the light shines through i'm not sure it's there at all
00:58:47There's a monster
00:58:49Underneath my bed. Stop. Just saying it's all in my head
00:58:58No
00:59:03It's not me
00:59:27So
00:59:57So
01:00:18You're alive am I
01:00:24What are you doing i'm looking for something I left behind
01:00:27I'm looking for you
01:00:29Oh, man, I'm, so worried. Why is that? Huh?
01:00:35You did this to me
01:00:46You've been pushing me away you've been pushing me away for a long time I want to fix this please please tell me you can't
01:00:53You know, I was about halfway to new mexico I had to turn around I had to look you in your eyes
01:00:58Soon, you could see the man that you broke
01:01:02Damn it. Jeannie. How can you lay in that bed after what you did?
01:01:06I'm, not supposed to believe anything that you say please
01:01:09Fucking touch me
01:01:11Here bonnie bonnie
01:01:13Bonnie
01:01:18Bonnie
01:01:20Hopping through the street
01:01:22Come and meet my crossbow
01:01:24and die at my feet
01:01:26You have no idea what it's like to be betrayed by the only woman you ever cared about
01:01:44Oh
01:02:09I keep trying to pull myself up
01:02:14Yeah
01:02:28Feels like my heart's being ripped out of my chin you're gonna have to do better than that you furry fucker
01:02:43We can get through this we can get through anything if we just have nothing left to say to you jeannie
01:03:03Well, you can't just leave without me letting me say my piece
01:03:07I am done listening to you. The only thing left to do now
01:03:14Is to kill that son of a bitch
01:03:19Don't wait
01:03:43Oh
01:03:54No, man
01:04:13So
01:04:36I don't know if I want to do this. That's too bad actual winner of the contest was brutally murdered
01:04:41So you're all we got to listen here. Josh boy. This is a great honor
01:04:45Your whole life has been leading up to this moment
01:04:48Bring an honor to the palooza being the gosh darned easter bunny
01:04:53Now I want you to say it. I am the easter bunny. I am the easter bunny
01:04:59I am the bunny
01:05:01Okay
01:05:03I want you to go out there show those kids some wonder all I have is wonder in my heart
01:05:11So
01:05:16Check
01:05:33Bunny hands who wants to meet the easter bunny?
01:05:39Me all right. Come on. Let's go find them. Come on. Let's go find them
01:05:44Five six seven eight better run. You're gonna hop hop hop
01:05:50The fun don't stop so grab your bag
01:05:59Yes
01:06:02I
01:06:26I also love my mom
01:06:31Hunt
01:06:41Stop it. I'm gonna shove these baskets so far up your rectum. You shouldn't work for a month
01:06:54What the hell have you been is this megan's jacket y'all need to get the hell out of here
01:07:00The jackalope he's targeting kids next
01:07:03And lance is back. Did he fucking do something to you? No, he didn't do this to me. I did this to him
01:07:09carry
01:07:13I cheated that's why he left what when how
01:07:20What the hell? I know it's all my fault
01:07:23But I don't want to do any more damage any more damage shit. You think he's the jackalope. I don't know
01:07:29It just all makes perfect sense, but i've got to stop him now
01:07:33He's not here, honey
01:07:35What about lou?
01:07:40Doing lou
01:07:42So
01:07:57Mr. Mel
01:08:00Lance cooper's I live and breathe. I wonder when we'd have ourselves a little chat. I don't know the token I plan to
01:08:06Oh good
01:08:07Nothing worthwhile ever come out of your mouth in here
01:08:10Probably why gina came around looking for a little something extra
01:08:18Jenny deserves better than both of us. Well, honestly, you can have her she's gone a little bat shit since you left anyway
01:08:26Do you mind
01:08:32Well, you need to take it easy cowboy
01:08:35Make me split that pretty little head in two
01:08:38Trevor went in here how little there is inside
01:08:41You know what?
01:08:42Leave the family heirlooms alone
01:08:44I'm gonna step outside for jiff. Let y'all figure that out
01:08:51I've been doing her a favor get on with me
01:08:58Carol
01:09:00You gotta get out of jam it's time to go. Oh, but I haven't hit my 10-egg limit. Come on
01:09:07Oh
01:09:09That's unusual everybody
01:09:37Oh
01:10:07All right
01:10:22Oh my god, what happened talk to me
01:10:29You come on we gotta do something you got this cowboy i'm gonna stay right here with her girl needs looking at shit man
01:10:36Give me a gun
01:10:37A gentleman has never partnered with his pistol
01:10:43Mr. Manor so chivalrous captain goes down with his ship captain my captain
01:11:06Um
01:11:28It's not loaded
01:11:30Is
01:11:34Fucking easter
01:11:40Please no, no, no, no, you can't kill the easter bunny
01:12:00Fucking easter
01:12:13Come on we gotta help those people
01:12:25It's not you you're not him
01:12:30Get the fuck out of here
01:12:45Come on
01:13:00So
01:13:14Oh
01:13:30What can I give of myself to be pardoned for their sins
01:13:36Is
01:13:58No
01:14:03Help
01:14:06Help
01:14:11Somebody
01:14:18Help
01:14:24Somebody plants
01:14:26Shit
01:14:33That's a lie
01:14:36I knew i'd find you
01:14:38Sam you beautiful ass
01:14:40Oh, I miss you, buddy
01:14:43Hey, looks like the jackalope has chosen you for a special execution
01:14:48Dude, are you lucky or what? Yeah, i'm a real lot of winning sam
01:14:53Ah my legs busted I I can't walk
01:15:00No problem old friend
01:15:04Hey lay the land, huh? Hey, we got kind of a tricky landscape here
01:15:13What
01:15:15It's like three feet
01:15:16Hey, you know, I never made it out of weeblos. Just give me a second figure this out
01:15:22Triangulate okay sun's there means
01:15:27Shit you know what i'm gonna go get help. Okay, two seconds. Wait, sam
01:15:32Sam, you you can't leave me here
01:15:35Sam wait wait
01:15:38Sam
01:15:52Fucking mary lou
01:15:58Oh just kill me
01:16:00I have nothing to live for anyway
01:16:03That monster bought my sweet pookie on the head and sent him to the good lord
01:16:08Oh pookie
01:16:10Mary lou, I promise
01:16:12She's in a much better place. Okay, I I really really mean that
01:16:18Code red code red
01:16:20Code red. I found lance. I found lance. He's over yonder. He's in the creek bed. He's in real bad shape
01:16:27Take us to him right now. See I knew y'all needed me. Oh i'm coming too. No, you're definitely not
01:16:33What kind of help could you possibly be this kind?
01:16:38Jesus mary lou are you in some kind of militia for christ? Um, is that a grenade?
01:16:44Guns don't kill people
01:16:47I do
01:16:51So
01:17:06Sam sam, is that you?
01:17:16Kind of a bit
01:17:21Oh, hey there lance, no, it's not same as me. Oh eugene. Thank god
01:17:27Well, well, well trust my tiny little licorice don't tell me that old football acl andrew's acting up on you. Yeah
01:17:36Give me a hand now, would you?
01:17:39I mean
01:17:41As long as you say the magic word, come on jackass
01:17:47Quit playing around help me up
01:17:50Yeah
01:17:53Those ain't the magic words at all
01:17:58Manners
01:18:00They go a long way
01:18:09It ain't jackass jackass it's
01:18:13Jackass jackass
01:18:17You're
01:18:26And you're sitting blood axe hey
01:18:28I dug a hole first and it's perfectly fucking natural
01:18:34Now, I know what you're thinking lance. I did all this for love
01:18:37Every year, she works herself into a tizzy over this collusion nonsense.
01:18:43And everyone in this God-forsaken town makes her miserable!
01:18:47What about me?
01:18:49But I never did a thing to Mary Lou!
01:18:54She lusts for you.
01:18:56And now that the pookie's gone, and you gone,
01:19:01she'll have no choice but to let me back in her bed.
01:19:05Forever.
01:19:14Get him, girl!
01:19:15I do!
01:19:28Oh, hi there, Janie.
01:19:32Eugene?
01:19:36You took my pookie from me!
01:19:40Now there'll be no more distraction for our love.
01:19:43If you were the last man on Earth, I still wouldn't love you.
01:19:48Is that right?
01:19:50You wouldn't hurt Wifey now, would you?
01:19:54Wifey makes me eat from a fuckin' bowl on the ground
01:19:58while you and pookie eat at the table!
01:20:00That's backwards, Mary Lou!
01:20:02Pookie's a dog!
01:20:03I'm a man.
01:20:05Now I don't see a man.
01:20:07I see a furball who's lost what little respect I had for him.
01:20:13Well, I ain't no furball.
01:20:15I'm a jackalope.
01:20:17A jackalope that's fixin' to teach his wife a lesson.
01:20:21A bit outnumbered, aren't ya?
01:20:24Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:20:29Yee-haw!
01:20:38Yee-haw!
01:20:55Yee-haw!
01:21:08Come on, you piece of junk!
01:21:16No, no, no, no!
01:21:18Son of a bitch can never do anything for himself!
01:21:21He was always a little off.
01:21:23Do y'all remember playin' whack-a-mole?
01:21:26Hell yeah.
01:21:27You betcha.
01:21:28Let's do this.
01:21:30Go!
01:21:34Hey!
01:21:35You, Jade!
01:21:36You said to come down, get back here, and fight like a man!
01:21:41A little help down here?
01:21:43Bliss?
01:21:44Mary Lou!
01:21:45Eugene!
01:21:47Hey, Jeannie!
01:21:49Die, you stupid diamond!
01:21:53Go!
01:22:18Oh, baby!
01:22:20I'm comin'!
01:22:24Oh, God!
01:22:26Baby!
01:22:27Paul!
01:22:28I'm trying to...
01:22:29Oh, God!
01:22:30Baby, I'm sorry!
01:22:31Baby!
01:22:32Come on!
01:22:33Paul!
01:22:35Jeannie!
01:22:36Jeannie!
01:22:37The head!
01:22:38It has to be the head!
01:22:44Sam!
01:22:50No, no!
01:22:51No!
01:22:52Sam!
01:22:55God damn it!
01:22:56Sam!
01:22:59Curse you, you God-darned jackalope!
01:23:10God damn it, Sam!
01:23:12No!
01:23:13Oh, fuck, Sam!
01:23:15And the dick, oh, fuck!
01:23:17God damn it, Sam, no!
01:23:19You figured it out, buddy?
01:23:21You figured it out!
01:23:28For Walden?
01:23:30Walberg.
01:23:32Oh.
01:23:51C'mon.
01:24:00It's...
01:24:01Stay in the car!
01:24:08Hot potato!
01:24:10Oh, my God!
01:24:13Oh, my God, Carol!
01:24:15Carol!
01:24:16Oh, God!
01:24:18Oh, gross!
01:24:20All the people that come for me when I'm dying!
01:24:23Ah!
01:24:24Fuck you!
01:24:26Fuck you!
01:24:28Shut your stupid mouth, you ain't gonna die!
01:24:33You little shit!
01:24:38The rabbits!
01:24:39They got eyes on the sides of their heads!
01:24:41320 degree field of vision!
01:24:44Oh, Carol, do you want your last words to be some stupid animal fact?
01:24:48Listen, bitch!
01:24:49They got a blind spot!
01:24:53Baby Mamacita, you're a genius!
01:24:56You're a darn rot-tutin' genius!
01:25:05Where are the kids?
01:25:06They're in the car. Don't worry, they have their iPads.
01:25:08Okay. Are you okay?
01:25:10Damn, I'm kinda sweatin'.
01:25:12You can't kill that fuckin' bunny.
01:25:14Hey, you didn't see me, I was lookin' real mean.
01:25:16Later, Jim, later.
01:25:18Okay.
01:25:21Hey, husband!
01:25:25What is it, Mary Lou?
01:25:27What can I do for you now?
01:25:28You can die!
01:25:31Where'd you go?
01:25:32Hey! Stop it!
01:25:34Where'd you go?
01:25:35I can't see you, DJ!
01:25:37No, I can't see you when you stand there!
01:25:40But I can see you just fine.
01:25:49No!
01:26:06Kill him, DJ! Kill him!
01:26:19Happy Easter, baby.
01:26:21Happy Easter, bitch.
01:26:48Fuck!
01:27:18Fuck!
01:27:30Can't be too careful, you know?
01:27:33Yeah. Sure. Totally.
01:27:39Hey, uh, would you get me outta here?
01:27:41This thing's lookin' at me!
01:27:49Come on, baby. Come on.
01:27:52I got you.
01:27:58Hello?
01:27:59My knee's bleedin' out!
01:28:02I'm comin', baby mamacita.
01:28:05Ah, dammit.
01:28:10It's a lot, but...
01:28:14It's okay. You'll be alright.
01:28:17Carol!
01:28:21Shit!
01:28:22It's okay. Mary Lou looked after me.
01:28:26We're friends now.
01:28:28Good. Good.
01:28:29Awful nice of you.
01:28:31Okay. Now get me to a fuckin' hospital!
01:28:34Alright. Alright. Get her up. Get her up.
01:28:36Let's go. Let's go.
01:28:39You look like shit.
01:28:41I know. I know.
01:28:42What is that?
01:28:43Don't touch me. Don't touch me.
01:28:45Okay.
01:28:46How you doin', Mary Lou?
01:29:16Hey. How are you two feelin'?
01:29:19Not even two major surgeries can keep this minx down on shark week.
01:29:23And it's only reruns.
01:29:25Daddy shark.
01:29:29Bring the kids.
01:29:33Hey.
01:29:34Hey.
01:29:35Hey.
01:29:36Hey.
01:29:37Hey.
01:29:38Hey.
01:29:39Hey.
01:29:40Hey.
01:29:41Hey.
01:29:42Hey.
01:29:43Hey.
01:29:44Hey, y'all.
01:29:46Fuckin' Mary Lou.
01:29:48God, I love her.
01:29:50I know it's been a difficult couple weeks for everyone.
01:29:54Not everyone is here who should be.
01:29:56Friends. Family.
01:29:59Dogs.
01:30:03But we are Wabrigonians.
01:30:05And we can get through anything.
01:30:09So let's remember everyone we lost along the way.
01:30:13Since we no longer have a pastor to eulogize everyone,
01:30:18please welcome my friend, Jeannie Cooper.
01:30:28Thank you, Mary Lou.
01:30:34Hey, y'all.
01:30:37Well, I'm not the best with words.
01:30:41But I had a few things to say about Megan.
01:30:45She was someone who thought she was alone in this world.
01:30:49She gave her life for this town.
01:30:52And I hope she knows how much this town loved her back.
01:30:57She was my friend.
01:31:00And I'm gonna miss her.
01:31:03So many special souls we've lost, including Sam McCormick.
01:31:10A true gift to the conspiracy world.
01:31:13Sally Beans, a trusted assistant.
01:31:17Annie Sue, the go-getter.
01:31:20Mayor Lou.
01:31:22Selfish prick.
01:31:26And so, so many more.
01:31:29May their memories always bring us joy.
01:31:35Maybe a bit rusty.
01:31:38But this goes out to everyone we've lost this Easter.
01:31:47Goodbye, Wahlberg.
01:31:49Was nice to see ya.
01:31:52A town of which I'm very proud to call my home.
01:31:57I'm sorry, Wahlberg.
01:31:59Call my home.
01:32:01I'm sorry, Wahlberg.
01:32:03I couldn't free ya.
01:32:06But sometimes life just puts you on the road.
01:32:11The trees and hills and rolling plains.
01:32:14Our local mini-mart.
01:32:16The friends that we all left behind.
01:32:19Will all be in our hearts.
01:32:21So goodbye, Wahlberg.
01:32:23I'll always need ya.
01:32:27But now it's time for us to run and roam.
01:32:32So goodbye, Wahlberg.
01:32:35Was nice to see ya.
01:32:40Sometimes life just puts you on the road.
01:32:50I'll miss you.
01:32:52Woo!
01:32:55Jamie, that was wonderful!
01:33:05Aww.
01:33:09No!
01:33:12Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:33:15That's not good.
01:33:17Ya think, honey?
01:33:19No!
01:33:21No!
01:33:24Get out of there!
01:33:49I'm sorry.
01:34:19Oh, shit.
01:34:22Yep.
01:34:36No!
01:34:44No!
01:34:49No!
01:34:52Honey bunny.
01:34:55I wanna be your little honey bunny.
01:35:03I'll please you, tease you, if it's alright.
01:35:09Let me be your little honey bunny tonight.
01:35:15Baby, maybe.
01:35:18I'm gonna be your only lady, baby.
01:35:24Ooh, I want you, I need you.
01:35:29I'll try not to fight.
01:35:32Let me be your one and only lady tonight.
01:35:37When I say hop, some men pop.
01:35:43And others like to take their time.
01:35:48But carrot top, I won't stop.
01:35:54Until I make you mine, all mine.
01:36:00Honey bunny.
01:36:03I wanna be your little honey bunny.
01:36:09Ooh, I'll please you, tease you, if it's alright.
01:36:17Let me be your little honey bunny tonight.
01:36:23When I say hop, some men pop.
01:36:28And others like to take their time.
01:36:34But carrot top, I won't stop.
01:36:40Until I make you mine, all mine.
01:36:49Honey bunny.
01:36:52I wanna be your little honey bunny.
01:36:58Ooh, if you can take it, shake it.
01:37:03My tail's a delight, a delight.
01:37:10Let me be your little honey bunny.
01:37:15Ooh, let me be your little honey bunny.
01:37:22Let me be your little honey bunny tonight.
01:37:33Yeah, she tastes just like wine.
01:37:43And it feels like desire.
01:37:47Never seen, never known.
01:37:52When I get sick, she got the antidote.
01:37:56Every morning, I wake up shaking my head.
01:38:00Am I in living color, or is it blue out of red?
01:38:05It's like water, water for fire.
01:38:14It's like water, water for fire.
01:38:23Whether I'm found, or if I'm lost.
01:38:27If I wanna look close, I got to pay the cost.
01:38:32Feels so good, but it's wrong.
01:38:36Touch my glory, and sing my song.
01:38:40This ain't real, this ain't fake.
01:38:45Bleach my skin, don't wanna wait.
01:38:49It's like water, water for fire.
01:38:57It's like water, water for fire.
01:39:03Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:39:23Is the key, she's the door.
01:39:28On a trip, she's the home.
01:39:32In the crowd, you're all alone.
01:39:37Singled out, to hold a matrimony.
01:39:41Down the aisle, hand in hand.
01:39:46Build your house, on a sinking sand.
01:39:50It's like water, water for fire.
01:39:57It's like water, water for fire.
01:40:07It's like water, water for fire.
01:40:16It's like water, water for fire.
01:40:22It's like water, water for fire.
01:40:53You can go, shine with the stars.
01:40:58See your dream, keep you warm.
01:41:03If they fade, I will stay, and I'll follow.
01:41:13If you said, something true.
01:41:18Find my strength, my faith in you.
01:41:23It won't change, remain the same.
01:41:28I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow.
01:41:33Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:41:38Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:41:43Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:41:49I'll follow.
01:41:54Through the day, new life has come.
01:41:59You and I, return as one.
01:42:04We would be, infinity.
01:42:09I'll follow.
01:42:14Friends may come, friends may go.
01:42:20I'm all in, forever yours.
01:42:25Love is true, be there for you.
01:42:30I'll follow.
01:42:35Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:42:40Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:42:45Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:42:50I'll follow.
01:42:56I'll follow you if you leave, for something true.
01:43:05What you have given to me is the gift of you.
01:43:20If you stand for something true, find my strength,
01:43:27my faith in you.
01:43:31It won't change, remain the same.
01:43:36I'll follow.
01:43:41Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:43:46Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:43:51Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:43:56I'll follow.