Lesbian movie Return to Nuke Em High vol 1
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00:00:00Greetings from Tromaville.
00:00:26Let me take you back.
00:00:28Back to where it all began, to a small town in New Jersey.
00:00:35At that time, the Tromaville Nuclear Power Plant had a horrifying meltdown, tainting
00:00:42the water supply of Tromaville High School, which was carelessly located right next door.
00:00:50Heinous mutations occurred, transforming the student body into radiated creatures and cretins.
00:00:58While not every student turned evil, our heroes Warren and Chrissy saved the day by blowing
00:01:05up the nuclear power plant and the school therein, eliminating evil and setting things
00:01:12back to normal.
00:01:15Oh, and some other stuff also happened.
00:01:29But today, since criticizing nuclear power is no longer in vogue, at least in movies,
00:01:35the Tromaville Nuclear Power Plant has been bulldozed to make way for the environmentally
00:01:42friendly, health-conscious Tromorganic Foodstuffs, Inc., built directly on top of the old nuclear
00:01:51plant.
00:01:52What could go wrong?
00:01:55This is no typical remake.
00:01:58Want you to join me as we return to Nukem High.
00:02:03Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:12Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:42Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:44Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:46Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:48Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:50Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:52Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:54Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:56Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:02:58Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:00Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:02Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:04Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:06Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:08Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:10Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:12Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:14Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:16Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:18Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:20Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:22Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:24Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:26Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:28Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:30Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:32Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:34Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:36Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:38Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:40Oh, by the way, Excelsior!
00:03:50That's hot!
00:04:08Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:04:12Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:04:16Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:04:18The wiener feels like it's fluttering around
00:04:21like a fish without oxygen.
00:04:23You're fishing with John, baby.
00:04:25Your name's John?
00:04:26No, it's Gil, but whatevs.
00:04:28Ahh!
00:04:30Oh, man.
00:04:31Gee, help me with your fish, then, Gil.
00:04:35Oh.
00:04:36I got you, baby!
00:04:37No!
00:04:38No!
00:04:39You bark!
00:04:40It's biting me!
00:04:41Whatever you're doing is getting me hot!
00:04:42Stop!
00:04:43Stop!
00:04:44Stop!
00:04:45Stop!
00:04:46Stop!
00:04:47Stop!
00:04:48Stop!
00:04:49Stop!
00:04:50Stop!
00:04:52Help!
00:04:58Oh...
00:05:00Ahh.
00:05:02Oh...
00:05:04Oh...
00:05:05Oh...
00:05:06Oh...
00:05:07Oh...
00:05:08Oh...
00:05:09Oh...
00:05:10Oh...
00:05:11Oh...
00:05:12Oh...
00:05:13Oh my God!
00:05:14No...
00:05:15No...
00:05:16Oh...
00:05:17What kind of God?
00:05:38Newcomb High, what's going on at Newcomb High?
00:05:46Uh...
00:05:51Eh.
00:06:16Uh...
00:06:31Attention to all organic employees, please stop dancing and acting goofy.
00:06:35President and CEO Hursthoff will be making his inspection shortly.
00:06:41Great.
00:06:45Now look, laddie, I want my ultra-cheap foodstuffs in every school in New Jersey at inflated prices.
00:06:51That is the basis of our plan and you know it.
00:06:54No fast food place will take my food anymore.
00:07:00Hmm? Hmm?
00:07:17Goddammit!
00:07:18Now you, you're Wesleyan's principal of the guinea pig charter school.
00:07:21No, the president's on the line!
00:07:23Give me that!
00:07:25Why do you do that?
00:07:29Yes, Mr. President.
00:07:32Disconnect it.
00:07:33I'll get it back!
00:07:34Now what is all this about a rogue student blog, pollution nerds, talking about my foodstuffs contaminating the groundwater and poisoning the students?
00:07:42It's slanderous and it may be true.
00:07:44If word got out, we'd be ruined.
00:07:46I got it back!
00:07:50I'm going to...
00:07:52Give me that, give me that.
00:07:54Yes, Mr. President.
00:07:55How's that charter school?
00:07:57It's just going beautifully, beautifully.
00:07:59And what's going on with this rogue student's blog?
00:08:02Fucking students don't like blogs anymore, they just like to fuck.
00:08:08Look, there's always going to...
00:08:14There's always going to be a Zuckerberg in every school.
00:08:16Everything's fine.
00:08:17Taco Tuesday must be a hit.
00:08:20Yes, and I'll see you in Havana.
00:08:22Yeah, I'll get the hookers.
00:08:24Don't bring Michelle.
00:08:25You asshole.
00:08:26Something wrong, boss?
00:08:28Everything is fine.
00:08:29You just pay attention to that slogan the spinmasters gave us.
00:08:32Propagation is health, propagation is health.
00:08:35And make sure, make sure those students at Tromaville High School are loving it, are loving it.
00:08:40Oh, man.
00:08:41What do you want?
00:08:42This plasty taco mix foodstuff don't look right, boss.
00:08:45Well, you want to go green, don't you?
00:08:47It looks green to me.
00:08:57Give me my milk.
00:09:00Give me my milk.
00:09:01Give me my milk.
00:09:26Do I look ripped, babe?
00:09:47Oh, yeah.
00:09:49Yeah.
00:09:56Oh, what's he going to do?
00:10:03What's he going to do?
00:10:06What's he going to do?
00:10:15Eugene, Eugene.
00:10:18Eugene?
00:10:19Eugene?
00:10:20Eugene!
00:10:23What is it?
00:10:24Uh, it's that time of the month, and it's a horror movie down there, so...
00:10:30Again?! That's what you said last week!
00:10:35You know, I have toxic shock syndrome from all the tampons, and I got a headache, so...
00:10:41Look, Chrissy, I think you're super sexy, in a butch kind of way,
00:10:47which is weird, because what does that say about me?
00:10:50But we've been talking about having sweet, sweaty, dirty, kinky, really weird,
00:10:58fucked-up teenage sex in my big, blue, white cream leather seat Eldorado for months now,
00:11:07and this is all I get?!
00:11:12You have to be kidding me!
00:11:21At least you broads won't let me down!
00:11:31I really need to get another subscription!
00:11:43Oh, you're missing out! You're really missing out! You have no idea!
00:11:51No!
00:11:55Look out, Somerville High! Here comes the new girl!
00:12:08Oh!
00:12:21Hey, new girl, look at these titties! They're bigger than yours!
00:12:25You wanna go to the prom with me?
00:12:27Where you going?
00:12:35What's her deal?
00:12:38I don't know, but she is hot!
00:12:40She's a rich bitch!
00:12:44What the fuck would you know, Michael Phallus?
00:12:46Attention, students!
00:12:48Please empty all items into the plastic tray before passing through the metal detector.
00:12:54We've gone three days without a shooting.
00:12:57Let's keep it up!
00:13:00Ah!
00:13:13She lives in Somerville Heights.
00:13:15My dad sold her family their McMansion.
00:13:18Kind of like the one you live in, Marilyn McManson!
00:13:23You twat! Thank God for Zoloft and thrift stores!
00:13:28Would you pull this, please?
00:13:32Please, please, please, please! Let go, let go, let go!
00:13:37Come on, guys, let's go!
00:13:46Oh!
00:13:50Oh!
00:13:52Ow!
00:13:53Oh!
00:13:58Oh!
00:13:59Oh!
00:14:00Oh!
00:14:01Oh!
00:14:02Oh!
00:14:03The book retires!
00:14:04Oh!
00:14:15Yard!
00:14:16Oh, hi!
00:14:20How are you?
00:14:22Oh!
00:14:25Oh!
00:14:27I am so sorry!
00:14:31Brown-nosing little rich girl late for intramural ping-pong?
00:14:34Um, ping-pong is, um, Wednesdays.
00:14:38Today is Monday.
00:14:40I am right about one thing, though, Miley Cyrus.
00:14:42You are a brown-nosing little rich girl.
00:14:45Looks like Mommy and Daddy want people to save you from a beating this time.
00:14:48You know what?
00:14:49Some of us actually have plans for our future
00:14:52that don't involve binge drinking, trailer parks, or food stamps.
00:14:58Ow!
00:15:00I'm gonna get you, rich girl!
00:15:04Ow!
00:15:09Kevin! I'm home!
00:15:12Kevin!
00:15:19I love you, Kevin!
00:15:21I know you'll never leave me.
00:15:42It's great being rich and having a duck as a pet.
00:16:13Okay, time to check my blog and see how many eyes I've opened up with my investigation of Chome Organic Farms.
00:16:19OMG! Eighteen whole page views! Eighteen people have checked in!
00:16:25What a month! I'll need more bandwidth.
00:16:28Here are some exclusive photos from member Deeper Throat.
00:16:36Not only does Chome Organic secretly mix in what appears to be sweetened wallpaper paste,
00:16:43but the contaminated groundwater is everywhere.
00:16:49The contaminate...
00:16:52Contamination.
00:16:59Cyber malice.
00:17:01Tiredness.
00:17:04Horniness.
00:17:06Where is that one site with that chick that looks like Angelina Jolie and Gia?
00:17:13Jackpot!
00:17:15All aboard the skinboat to Tuna Town!
00:17:35No! No!
00:17:51Is everything okay in here, dear? I heard crying.
00:17:55Yeah, Bea, I'm just feeling a little, uh...
00:17:59Sad about being an orphan?
00:18:01Now that you mention it.
00:18:03No, that's not it. I bet I know what it is.
00:18:07You do?
00:18:08Of course I do.
00:18:10Don't worry, honey. Someday you'll find the right boy.
00:18:16Right boy, yeah.
00:18:18And don't you worry. He won't be some deadbeat goat sucker like your stinking father.
00:18:25And what?
00:18:29What's that?
00:18:31Looks like... foreshadowing?
00:18:43Dinner's at seven. It's tuna.
00:18:46Please, God, get me out of this Chomaville hole.
00:19:01No.
00:19:15No!
00:19:17Kevin.
00:19:19Kevin.
00:19:27No.
00:19:31No.
00:19:37Macaroni.
00:19:39Macaroni.
00:19:59Attention, students.
00:20:01Due to a recent outbreak of jock itch and rectal rashes,
00:20:06Coach Spandusky would like all members of the boys' wrestling team
00:20:11to surrender their jockstraps to him immediately.
00:20:15Amazing Grace.
00:20:30Attention, students.
00:20:32Now, I know you're all looking forward to today's luncheon,
00:20:35Super Duper Taco Tuesday Spectacular,
00:20:38but it's come to my attention that there's a blogger out there
00:20:42by the name of LettuceLover69,
00:20:45and they run a blog called Pollution Nerds.
00:20:49I have checked in on this Pollution Nerds blog 18 times this month.
00:20:54Now, this blog is spreading a lot of slanderous lies
00:20:58about Chomaville High and chromorganic food stuffing.
00:21:02They also have a very bad attitude towards conservative principles in general.
00:21:08Leave Ronald Reagan alone.
00:21:12Now, I vote for free speech.
00:21:15Otherwise, why would I put out these thought-inhibiting announcements every morning?
00:21:19But these lies about contaminated, cheap,
00:21:23and 98% plastic filler tainted foodstuffs are just malarkey.
00:21:38Have you seen my duck? His name is Kevin.
00:21:45Have you seen my missing duck?
00:21:47Can a duck fill you up like Jesus?
00:21:51What kind of God allows an innocent duck to go missing?
00:21:56Hey, there's that snotty rich girl.
00:21:59I think she really likes me.
00:22:01Hey, Twinkie.
00:22:06What a rich, stuck-up bitch.
00:22:08Why won't anyone go out with me?
00:22:21Yo, did you read Principal Wesley's announcement?
00:22:24You're going to take down Pollution Nerds?
00:22:26Yo, Geraldo!
00:22:31Would Gertrude Stein take down her blog?
00:22:34Hell no.
00:22:35So I say full steam ahead with Pollution Nerds and let's Sally Forth.
00:22:39Gertrude Stein was a rich, slacker bullshitter and her so-called poetry stunk.
00:22:44And please, don't even go there with Sally Forth,
00:22:46another sexually repressed, white American soccer mom
00:22:49who had boring adventures at work and at home with no vibrator.
00:22:53You deserve your own PBS special.
00:22:55You know what you deserve?
00:22:56What's that, Henry Gates?
00:22:57Two feet shoved up your fucking...
00:22:59Guys!
00:23:01My mom made me a juicy roast beef sandwich with dipping sauce.
00:23:05Dipping sauce!
00:23:06Everybody's sick, guys. Dipping sauce.
00:23:08You know what that means, right?
00:23:09Yeah, and I can feel my blood sugar dipping right now.
00:23:12I want to eat it.
00:23:17It's cheaper than monkey shit,
00:23:19and these kids can't get enough of it in their gullet.
00:23:22Hey, what's that green stuff in the gluten-free tacos
00:23:25for Terrence, the Glee Club, and the other nerds?
00:23:27Oh, that?
00:23:28That's just non-chemically polluted guacamole.
00:23:30Wait, why did you mention they were non-chemically polluted?
00:23:33Uh, no reason.
00:23:35Eh, whatever. I'm hungry.
00:23:38Hey, Terrence!
00:23:40How's that green, gluten-free, non-chemically polluted taco?
00:24:07Maybe we need a different city
00:24:14Maybe we need a different town
00:24:22Maybe we need a different city
00:24:30Maybe we need a different town
00:24:34Hi, guys.
00:24:36mind if I sit here hi I'm Lauren
00:24:53don't worry it's just another school shooting CNN won't even cover them
00:24:58anymore you can chill Wow rich girl ain't fucking around where'd you get your
00:25:08lunchbox Tiffany's hey you guys I heard about this sick party slash rave and
00:25:19wanted Tromaville's 356 foreclosed houses you all should come that's sick
00:25:26party slash rave happens to be happening in my foreclosed house thank you very much
00:25:30but it's only a small gathering so please keep it on the down low
00:25:35gross guys guys what with exams coming up and whatnot a blowout party slash
00:25:44rave is just what Eugene needs great so happy for Eugene who refers to himself in the third
00:25:54person will finally be able to blow off some steam at my expense I actually heard on NPR that
00:25:59the stress of studying for exams and getting into good college is actually worse than the stress
00:26:05our soldiers face in Afghanistan the next time your car gets blown up by an IED or you're forced
00:26:13to bag the bodies of children killed by a suicide bomber you tell me if that stress is greater than
00:26:18getting into whole bars oh wow Slater you have family members in Afghanistan no but I did
00:26:29illegally download the Hurt Locker and got sued by the filmmakers you see Lauren now that's stress
00:26:36look at this bitch and her Jap food
00:26:44me so soup me so hungry
00:26:49you get away from me you bully
00:27:05me
00:27:08I am so so sorry
00:27:35oh that's enough you are both going to detention after school today that's it get out
00:27:46I'm gonna get you rich girl shut it get up
00:27:56uh Lauren hi uh my name is Zach let me help you with that I just I just uh
00:28:04I was wondering if sometime maybe you would want to come over and we could watch
00:28:08Joel Schumacher's Batman and Robin or maybe you're more of a Transformers girl they're
00:28:14more than meets the eye as long as it's not one of those god-awful Star Wars prequels we're all good
00:28:21Zach that's really nice it's because I'm fat right no a large ass right to you I'm just a
00:28:29jelly roll jizz dwarf snatch badger ass troll who eats donuts and cakes and Twinkies and pies
00:28:35with his fat fat fatty fat pie hole right what what do all those words even mean or maybe
00:28:44maybe you don't even like boys at all no no it's because you smell and roast beef
00:29:00you like that smell right no he smells like shit
00:29:04said Batman and Robin man it's Batman forever Batman forever baby
00:29:18huh
00:29:27help
00:29:49ah
00:29:53goddamn diabetic kids
00:30:18oh
00:30:22come on guys this is awesome come on
00:30:48oh
00:31:00oh mg this picture will totally get me at least six more followers on
00:31:04instagram this is so going on my block i'm just waiting for my space to come back
00:31:11stop everyone step back come on this is a horrible accident
00:31:15step back now step back give him his dignity is there a doctor in the house
00:31:22grads lad is there a janitor in the house now uh it's a well-known fact that this student was a
00:31:30smoker of the marijuana and i'm willing to bet that his dental records will prove he was a drama
00:31:36student and uh the smoking of ganja has been known to cause cranial explosions and this type of thing
00:31:42in overly dramatic students actually i've just been informed that what we've all witnessed here
00:31:51is in fact our drama department's uh latest venture it's a remake of arthur miller's
00:31:57classic death of a salesman as imagined by christopher nolan so uh nothing to see here
00:32:03everyone back to class
00:32:26hey watch it
00:32:33okay
00:32:38why are you bullying me what have i ever done to you bullying you think i'm a bully
00:32:49you want to know why because people like you have it so easy poor little rich girl never had to work
00:32:57a day in her life well i can barely afford lunch it makes me sick so fuck you why don't you stick
00:33:05your silver chopstick up your bento box you don't know me and i don't own any silver chopsticks
00:33:13what's with the skinless furbies i like babies i want to have a lot of them one day
00:33:31only fame whore teen moms who want to be on mtv rich kids and drooling idiots want to have babies
00:33:39that's it christie goldberg to the principal's office now but wesley said if i show up one more
00:33:43time this year he'll suspend me wait i missed this it was me i was the one who was talking
00:33:50i'm new here and i don't know too many people so i just
00:33:56well all right just sit down and shut up
00:34:03no more talking
00:34:05that was stupid rich girl
00:34:28the new girl has beautiful hair
00:34:30uh what did you say uh i said uh wesley looks like a fat ass bear
00:34:40you jokes make me so hot we should totally bang tonight
00:34:47taco tuesday was a huge success but unfortunately we also suffered a horrible tragedy we all loved
00:34:56and respected little uh jimmy chummy uh the terrence were which i don't know but like mama
00:35:04cass from the mamas and the papas who choked to death on a ham sandwich uh this unfortunate kid
00:35:11whatever his name was suffered the same accidental fate now i can't stress enough the words accidental
00:35:18there no it was those terrible tuesday tacos that tragically transformed terrence nice
00:35:25deliberation yo don't you people see it was the food get him out get him out security out
00:35:34no no get him out of here
00:35:39no no
00:35:47you got the wrong person you blind bozo now i would like to further eulogize our uh
00:35:54decapitated comrade in education by having our lovely glee club come out to sing a song
00:36:11so
00:36:20you know patrick the glee club isn't as gay as it used to be thanks to the fox network
00:36:26head explode head exploding is a serious problem y'all and we're here to talk about it
00:36:34so if you're worried don't be because we are two three four
00:37:04is
00:37:35oh
00:37:48oh
00:38:04oh
00:38:16oh my god
00:38:35oh
00:38:47ah
00:39:05wow
00:39:17so
00:39:36hey
00:39:41uh
00:39:46do you guys notice anything different whoa we mutated and my wheelchair is illogically mutated
00:39:53too and i think i can feel my legs no never mind still a cripple oh snap kick fucking ass
00:40:10ah
00:40:20um
00:40:43forget about
00:40:49These juggalos are fucking nuts!
00:41:10We're alive.
00:41:12It's a motherfucking miracle.
00:41:19What kind of a god allows me, on this crappy teacher's salary, to be forced to live out
00:41:45of my car?
00:41:49What kind of a god are you?
00:42:03I'd even take a shoebox apartment, even if it is in Dromoville crack town.
00:42:10Hey, Mrs. Cratchridge!
00:42:20No!
00:42:30No!
00:42:35No!
00:42:40No!
00:42:50No!
00:43:00No!
00:43:10Hey, Mrs. Cratchridge!
00:43:12You know, when I was a kid, all the kids used to tease me and call me a cripple.
00:43:17Yeah, yeah.
00:43:18Now I'm the only one I know that can run a quarter mile each day.
00:43:22On their arms!
00:43:24Do it!
00:43:25Do it!
00:43:27Oh, snap!
00:43:31Oh my God!
00:43:33A heart!
00:43:35For the first time!
00:43:38Oh my God!
00:43:41Oh my God, a heart!
00:43:44And the fire, it will consume
00:43:47The crack of doom is coming soon
00:43:50The crack of doom is coming soon
00:43:53The crack of doom is coming soon
00:43:56Hey!
00:44:02Oh, snap!
00:44:07Come on, come on, get this!
00:44:14And every dream hope and desire
00:44:17Is just a flicker in the fire
00:44:20And the fire, it will consume
00:44:23The crack of doom is coming soon
00:44:26The crack of doom is coming soon
00:44:29The crack of doom is coming soon
00:44:31Hey!
00:44:32Let's go shoot up a movie theater.
00:44:33Yeah!
00:44:45Quack!
00:44:47Quack!
00:44:48Quack!
00:44:50Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!
00:44:53Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!
00:44:55Quack!
00:44:57Kevin!
00:44:59Quack, quack!
00:45:01Kevin!
00:45:03Quack, quack!
00:45:04Kevin, where are you?
00:45:06Quack, quack!
00:45:08Kevin!
00:45:09Quack, quack, quack, quack!
00:45:10Kevin!
00:45:11Quack, quack, quack, quack!
00:45:13Quack, quack, quack, quack!
00:45:15Don't you ever, ever, ever do that again!
00:45:17Do you hear me?
00:45:18I was so worried about you!
00:45:20It's okay.
00:45:21It's okay.
00:45:22Mommy's here now.
00:45:25Oh, poor baby.
00:45:26What's all over your beak?
00:45:34Quack, quack, quack, quack!
00:45:44Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!
00:45:48Ha ha ha ha!
00:45:54Waa!
00:45:56One little, two little, three little duckling!
00:45:58Four little, five little, six little ducklings!
00:46:00Seven little, eight little, nine little ducklings!
00:46:05Ten little tiny ducks...
00:46:06Give me that!
00:46:07Quack!
00:46:08Give me a hand back, I'll just...
00:46:10Please give me my structure!
00:46:12Oh, for a kiss I will!
00:46:14I'd just as soon as kiss a duck!
00:46:16I can arrange that!
00:46:19Whoa!
00:46:20Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
00:46:24Oh no, no!
00:46:27Duck rape!
00:46:30Give me the duck!
00:46:31Duck rape!
00:46:33Smell for the birdy!
00:46:35Ahh!
00:46:37Wah!
00:46:38Wah!
00:46:42Ahhh!
00:46:44Losers!
00:46:45Ahhh!
00:46:53Ahh!
00:46:57If you guys were tough, you wouldn't need weapons.
00:47:27Sorry, I'm kind of busy right now.
00:47:34Sorry, Duck Down Throat is not covered under Obamacare.
00:47:53If you guys were tough, you wouldn't need weapons.
00:48:23Sorry, Duck Down Throat is not covered under Obamacare.
00:48:38Oh yeah, kill myself tonight.
00:48:40All right.
00:48:42Shit.
00:48:46Hey!
00:48:48Why did the chick with the duck in her mouth cross the road?
00:48:51Get in, foul mouth!
00:48:53What, is this some kind of political statement, witch girl?
00:48:57Really?
00:48:59Really?
00:49:00God damn.
00:49:03Whatever, I owe you one.
00:49:04That bird in your mouth really brings out your eyes.
00:49:12All right.
00:49:15Okay.
00:49:18Ew.
00:49:25Oh, what?
00:49:34Ew.
00:49:52Oh.
00:49:55Quack, quack, quack, quack.
00:49:56Come on, let's just go relax.
00:50:00Quack.
00:50:01Quack.
00:50:03Quack, quack.
00:50:05Quack, quack.
00:50:06Quack.
00:50:08Quack, quack, quack, quack.
00:50:17Damn duck must have gotten to some bath salts.
00:50:22Thank you.
00:50:24Yeah, whatever.
00:50:27So, uh, I'm going to this party tonight.
00:50:32Oh, I should go.
00:50:34Unless you get ready.
00:50:36Oh, rich girl.
00:50:40Do you want to go?
00:50:56Quack, quack, quack, quack.
00:51:00Quack, quack, quack, quack.
00:51:05Go on, go on, go on, go on.
00:51:08Go on, go on, go on.
00:51:11Really?
00:51:12Does this look like a garbage dump to you?
00:51:15Chrissy, some assholes posted my address on Facebook.
00:51:19Now look.
00:51:20Now look.
00:51:24I think it was the producers of the Hurt Locker.
00:51:26They have my IP address. I know it.
00:51:29Slater, you remember Lauren.
00:51:31Yeah. Aloha.
00:51:34Didn't you guys hate each other like eight hours ago?
00:51:36Uh, don't you want to get rid of the social hand grenades?
00:51:43Us black people can't get enough white pussy,
00:51:45and I'm just saying that my chances might be pretty solid
00:51:47if I get a white girl drunk enough.
00:51:50Slater, the donkey took a huge shit in the bathtub.
00:51:53I gotta go.
00:52:10Feeling better?
00:52:11Yeah, much. Thanks.
00:52:13I needed to get my mind off that, you know, duck race.
00:52:18Eugene just broke up with me.
00:52:20Oh no, I'm so sorry. Overtext?
00:52:22Yeah, he's an idiot, and he didn't even finish the message.
00:52:32Ew.
00:52:36Let's dance.
00:52:38Okay.
00:52:48Let's dance.
00:53:05Let's dance.
00:53:07Let's dance.
00:53:17Let's dance.
00:53:26Let's dance.
00:53:30Let's dance.
00:53:36Let's dance.
00:53:37Let's dance.
00:53:38Let's dance.
00:53:39Let's dance.
00:53:40Let's dance.
00:53:41Let's dance.
00:53:42Let's dance.
00:53:43Let's dance.
00:53:44Let's dance.
00:53:45Let's dance.
00:53:46Let's dance.
00:53:47Let's dance.
00:53:48Let's dance.
00:53:49Let's dance.
00:53:50Let's dance.
00:53:51Let's dance.
00:53:52Let's dance.
00:53:53Let's dance.
00:53:54Let's dance.
00:53:55Let's dance.
00:53:56Let's dance.
00:53:57Let's dance.
00:53:58Let's dance.
00:53:59Let's dance.
00:54:00Let's dance.
00:54:01Let's dance.
00:54:02Let's dance.
00:54:03Let's dance.
00:54:04Let's dance.
00:54:05Let's dance.
00:54:06Let's dance.
00:54:07Let's dance.
00:54:08Let's dance.
00:54:09Let's dance.
00:54:10Let's dance.
00:54:11Let's dance.
00:54:12Let's dance.
00:54:13Let's dance.
00:54:14Let's dance.
00:54:15Let's dance.
00:54:16Let's dance.
00:54:17Let's dance.
00:54:18Let's dance.
00:54:19Let's dance.
00:54:20Let's dance.
00:54:21Let's dance.
00:54:22Let's dance.
00:54:23Let's dance.
00:54:24Let's dance.
00:54:25Let's dance.
00:54:26Let's dance.
00:54:27Let's dance.
00:54:28Let's dance.
00:54:29Let's dance.
00:54:30Let's dance.
00:54:31Let's dance.
00:54:32Let's dance.
00:54:33Let's dance.
00:54:34Let's dance.
00:54:35Let's dance.
00:54:36Let's dance.
00:54:37Let's dance.
00:54:38Let's dance.
00:54:39Let's dance.
00:54:40Let's dance.
00:54:41Let's dance.
00:54:42Let's dance.
00:54:43Let's dance.
00:54:44Let's dance.
00:54:45Let's dance.
00:54:46Let's dance.
00:54:47Let's dance.
00:54:48Let's dance.
00:54:49Let's dance.
00:54:50Let's dance.
00:54:51Let's dance.
00:54:52Let's dance.
00:54:53Let's dance.
00:54:54Let's dance.
00:54:55Let's dance.
00:54:56Let's dance.
00:54:57Let's dance.
00:54:58Let's dance.
00:54:59Let's dance.
00:55:00Let's dance.
00:55:01Let's dance.
00:55:02Let's dance.
00:55:04So, uh, this room is a little pre-bored, right y'all?
00:55:10Come on.
00:55:21Oh.
00:55:22Oh.
00:55:23Oh.
00:55:24Oh.
00:55:25Oh.
00:55:26Oh.
00:55:27Oh.
00:55:28Oh.
00:55:29Oh.
00:55:30Oh.
00:55:31Oh.
00:55:32Oh.
00:55:33Oh.
00:55:34Oh.
00:55:35Oh.
00:55:36Oh.
00:55:37Oh.
00:55:38Oh.
00:55:39Oh.
00:55:40Oh.
00:55:41Oh.
00:55:42Oh.
00:55:43Oh.
00:55:44Oh.
00:55:45Oh.
00:55:46Oh.
00:55:47Oh.
00:55:48Oh.
00:55:49Oh.
00:55:50Oh.
00:55:51Oh.
00:55:52Oh.
00:55:53Oh.
00:55:54Oh.
00:55:55Oh.
00:55:56Oh.
00:55:57Oh.
00:55:58Oh.
00:55:59Oh.
00:56:00Oh.
00:56:01Oh.
00:56:02Oh.
00:56:03Oh.
00:56:04Oh.
00:56:05Oh.
00:56:06Oh.
00:56:07♪ And how do we ever begin to start to believe
00:56:14♪ It's when we get together
00:56:17♪ To find what's stopping us
00:56:21♪ It's when we get together
00:56:24♪ No one is getting older
00:56:27♪ We're getting older
00:56:30♪ In every way
00:56:33♪ In every way
00:56:36♪ Our hearts have been broken
00:56:40♪ In every way
00:56:42I'm coming! I'm coming!
00:56:44I'm coming! My fingers!
00:56:46I'm coming!
00:56:47I'm coming!
00:56:48I'm coming!
00:56:50♪ So how do we ever face our battles
00:56:56♪ To find what's stopping us
00:57:01♪ Do we ever have to start to believe
00:57:08♪ All through the days
00:57:11♪ Now we're feeling better
00:57:16♪ What we've taught remains
00:57:19Go faster!
00:57:20Oh!
00:57:22Oh!
00:57:24♪ It's on sister
00:57:27♪ It will remain
00:57:32♪ I'm lost in your wonder
00:57:35♪ And I'm here again
00:57:39♪ Tell me, how do we ever
00:57:50Yo, yo, yo, my niggas, my jiggas, my wiggas, Eugene the Machine has arrived, and he feels
00:58:00alive!
00:58:01Now y'all give him five!
00:58:05That's it?
00:58:08Nothing?
00:58:10Not even an impromptu dance number?
00:58:14Eugene needs a drink!
00:58:21I used to smoke after sex, now I broccoli.
00:58:27So what do we do now?
00:58:29Come out of the closet like Ellen?
00:58:31I think we should.
00:58:33You can't even wear a hoodie and eat Skittles in this town without getting shot.
00:58:38Hoodie?
00:58:39Are you saying being gay is worse than being black?
00:58:42I'm saying that in this town, people think that LGBT stands for lynch, grope, bully,
00:58:50torture.
00:58:51I'll stick with the closet things.
00:59:01Whoa!
00:59:02Eugene likes it rough!
00:59:04Eugene needs some!
00:59:07Yeah?
00:59:08You wanna see this?
00:59:10Show him to me, baby, and I'll show you everything I got.
00:59:19Baby, Eugene needs to see!
00:59:34Oh, baby, it's been a long time, you've got no idea!
00:59:41Ha, ha!
00:59:47Oh, snap!
00:59:52Eugene can't wait!
00:59:53Eugene ain't got more patience!
00:59:55Eugene needs to feel this now!
00:59:58Yeah?
00:59:59You gonna touch it?
01:00:00I'm gonna touch it!
01:00:01I'm gonna touch it!
01:00:02I'm gonna touch it!
01:00:04Oh, what you got?
01:00:05Oh, man!
01:00:06Oh, man!
01:00:07Oh, man!
01:00:09Oh, man!
01:00:10You really are a man!
01:00:18A party and we were not invited!
01:00:23Gotta tell all!
01:00:25Let's give him a shot!
01:00:27Look!
01:00:28Eugene is confused!
01:00:31Malfunction, malfunction, machine shutdown!
01:00:36Yeah!
01:00:39Yeah!
01:00:40Yeah!
01:00:41Yeah!
01:00:42Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:00:49Whoo!
01:00:50Whoo!
01:00:51Whoo!
01:00:52Whoo!
01:00:55Let's get outta here!
01:00:58Dotemo, subarashi!
01:01:02But I'm also saying that I've never felt this way before.
01:01:07Me either. It's the love that dare not speak its name.
01:01:18This is hot.
01:01:19Yeah, this is so hot.
01:01:22Like, really hot. Like, I'm burning up.
01:01:26Wait, do you smell smoke?
01:01:28Smoke?
01:01:37Fire!
01:01:59The old lady's savings, time to earn a living.
01:02:02She can't pay for the heating.
01:02:04It's okay, I got my hat.
01:02:06What kind of a god would turn a glee club into a cretin's?
01:02:12My house!
01:02:13After party at my place, I got pizza rolls in the freezer.
01:02:16Pizza rolls?
01:02:17My house!
01:02:18My commemorative plates!
01:02:20Those fucking monsters!
01:02:22It's okay, we'll put them in the oven right now.
01:02:24Sausage, pepperoni...
01:02:25Will you shut up?
01:02:27My house!
01:02:29Those bastards.
01:02:31They could have killed somebody.
01:02:57My house!
01:03:27No!
01:03:57Ugh.
01:04:28Give me some of that heroin.
01:04:31Some of that cocaine.
01:04:33Heroin, heroin and cocaine.
01:04:36Heroin, heroin and...
01:04:58Good night, ladies.
01:05:16Good night, ladies.
01:05:20Good night, ladies.
01:05:25Good night, ladies.
01:05:29We're going to leave you now.
01:05:47Look at these jerks.
01:05:49They call themselves cretins?
01:05:51They look more like gleetons to me.
01:05:58Donatello, burn some rubber!
01:06:01Motherfuckers!
01:06:12Give me the duck.
01:06:15You wouldn't hit a cripple, would you?
01:06:17Yeah, I would.
01:06:22Hey, we was just kidding.
01:06:24Duck rape is life-affirming.
01:06:26It was on NPR.
01:06:28Well, this ain't about duck rape.
01:06:31It's about dick rape.
01:06:33No!
01:06:35No!
01:06:50Son of a bitch!
01:07:04Motherfuckers!
01:07:18Mother's body began to change, too.
01:07:20Time for the baby to leave the nest.
01:07:25Something's about to burst and it's not my water!
01:07:28What the...
01:07:34You stole my heart!
01:07:36You stole my heart!
01:07:41Look at those cholesterol levels.
01:07:43He should've went vegan.
01:07:46My dick is hungry.
01:07:52Please, don't hurt us.
01:07:56Wait, we're not with them.
01:07:58We're just...
01:07:59We're just extras.
01:08:01Yeah, that's it.
01:08:14Uh-oh, cops!
01:08:16Yeah, suck that dick!
01:08:18Oh, snap!
01:08:24Yeah, suck that dirty, sleazy, creepy dick!
01:08:28All right, that's enough.
01:08:30Fucking cops!
01:08:32I'm a victim, man.
01:08:34I was born in Orange County.
01:08:35Coddle me!
01:08:37Hey!
01:08:40What is with the youth of today?
01:08:42We're the youth of tomorrow.
01:08:58Maybe they will all turn out and we'll all feel gay when...
01:09:14I'm so pissed!
01:09:16I need revenge!
01:09:17I need an outlet for my anger!
01:09:20Oh, snap!
01:09:21Maybe we need some new blood.
01:09:24Yes!
01:09:25But who?
01:09:27Hi.
01:09:28I have fake goods.
01:09:30Hey, guys.
01:09:31What's the house?
01:09:37Hi.
01:09:38I want to join your gang.
01:09:43You think you got what it takes, slart-ass?
01:09:47I just want to belong.
01:09:50Oh, God.
01:09:54Why don't you go get revenge on your two bitch-ass friends,
01:09:57and then we can see what we can do.
01:09:59Lauren and Chrissy?
01:10:00Yeah, dipshit!
01:10:01Got it?
01:10:04Go!
01:10:05Go, go, go!
01:10:07Oh, snap!
01:10:08Go!
01:10:10Damn!
01:10:18That's why they call me Cigar Face.
01:10:23Hey, hey, hey!
01:10:24No laughing!
01:10:25No laughing!
01:10:26Now listen very carefully.
01:10:27Very carefully.
01:10:28Some of our innocent young glee club members from the high school
01:10:32have been savagely, savagely murdered.
01:10:35And I'm hearing that the culprits are two women.
01:10:37One of whom, one of whom has a giant penis.
01:10:40Now I want you to go out and kill all women with giant penises.
01:10:44Do you understand?
01:10:46But that means every wife.
01:10:47And mother-in-law in trauma field.
01:10:50That's the point.
01:10:51Now go!
01:10:52Kill all women with giant penises.
01:10:55Sir, the president's wife is on the line.
01:10:57She heard about your planned trip to Cuba.
01:10:59She's really pissed.
01:11:02Give me that.
01:11:03I'm not making the mistake this time.
01:11:05Yes, Mrs. President.
01:11:08What? You're coming over here?
01:11:10What time is it?
01:11:12Oh, my God!
01:11:22Uh, listen, I...
01:11:23I knew it. I blew it.
01:11:25You've been with better.
01:11:26Look, you don't have to tell me. I know.
01:11:28My vagina looks like a slab of roast beef
01:11:30and I don't douche as often as I should.
01:11:32I don't douche as often as I should.
01:11:34And I think I might have creeped in your mouth when you went down on me.
01:11:36Oh, God, stop. No.
01:11:38Are you kidding me?
01:11:39It was the best night of my life.
01:11:42Did you have any strange dreams?
01:11:44Dreams?
01:11:46I had super weird dreams.
01:11:48Holy shit, me too.
01:11:50I'm still not sure if those were dreams.
01:11:52OMG, I was thinking the same exact thing.
01:11:55We could be a lesbionic Jekyll and Hyde.
01:12:00Wait, you queefed in my mouth?
01:12:03No, of course not.
01:12:22What is a BFF?
01:12:25S-T-F-U, Zach.
01:12:27Check it.
01:12:28An anonymous contributor to my blog, Deeper Throat,
01:12:31sent me some crazy videos of what actually goes on at a Tromorganic.
01:12:35The Tromorganic Wesley conspiracy has to have gone viral by now.
01:12:39Holy shit.
01:12:41Are those the missing Tromaville students?
01:12:43Yeah, I know. I didn't believe it myself.
01:12:45Uh-huh.
01:12:47What is that?
01:12:48Look at this part. Look at this part.
01:12:50Oh!
01:12:51Look what he's about to do. It's so crazy.
01:12:54They're being slaughtered, like Bambi's mother.
01:12:57Okay, guys, to be continued.
01:13:01Oh, snap!
01:13:04Oh, shit!
01:13:05The queens are coming.
01:13:06They're gonna sing again!
01:13:08Who thought?
01:13:09He is old.
01:13:13All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel.
01:13:17The monkey thought it was all in fun.
01:13:19Oh, my God!
01:13:50One, two, three, four.
01:13:54All right, well, um, I gotta go to gym class.
01:13:57Yeah.
01:13:58So, I'll catch you later?
01:13:59Uh-huh.
01:14:10Okay, then. See ya.
01:14:13See ya.
01:14:27NASA also gave us some pretty interesting derivatives of the space program.
01:14:32Not just Tang, America's favorite breakfast drink,
01:14:35but there's the Challenger explosion of 1986,
01:14:38America's favorite shuttle disaster,
01:14:41and also lasers.
01:14:45Pew, pew, pew.
01:14:49When the rubble cleared after the nuclear meltdown,
01:14:51from the original class of Newcomb High,
01:14:53this laser was all that was left.
01:14:56And, mind I add, this laser is highly unstable.
01:15:01Ah, but I'm sure it no longer works.
01:15:06Shit!
01:15:08Mother of fuck!
01:15:12Let's go!
01:15:13We'll never be to Mortville with that attitude.
01:15:21Come on, work those thumbs.
01:15:23What are you, a bunch of girls?
01:15:35Do you have a...
01:15:37Sorry.
01:15:39Okay, hit the showers.
01:15:46Lasers...
01:15:48can also...
01:15:50apparently...
01:15:51blind.
01:15:54Mr. Chips!
01:15:56Mr. Chips!
01:15:59Can I have a pee-pee pass, please?
01:16:01Fine, fine, Zach. Just go.
01:16:09Why don't these fucks in the ether believe my blog?
01:16:13What you got there, fucker?
01:16:20Hey, cunt, give it back.
01:16:22Is that Granny's douchebag, or is that just you?
01:16:26Nice digs, faggot!
01:16:29Yeah.
01:16:30Uh, Mr. Chips?
01:16:32Mr. Chips, uh, Chrissy here is blogging in class.
01:16:38Okay, you want your phone back?
01:16:40You want your phone back, you little dike-tron?
01:16:42Go fucking get it!
01:16:46No!
01:16:50You filthy little cunt!
01:17:01You're just fucked!
01:17:03With the wrong post-apocalyptic hell-bitch!
01:17:09No!
01:17:13No!
01:17:18Give me a break!
01:17:29Why?
01:17:34Why?
01:17:36Why?
01:17:41Fucking metal man!
01:17:45Both of you, to the principal's office! Now!
01:17:49She started it.
01:17:50In that case, Chrissy Goldberg to the principal's office!
01:17:54You've got to be kidding me!
01:17:56Now!
01:17:59Fucker!
01:18:00Fuck you!
01:18:01Fuck you!
01:18:02Would one of you kind students please lead me to the eyewash station?
01:19:03What's going on?
01:19:06And you, come hide!
01:19:09What's going on?
01:19:12And you, come hide!
01:19:15What's going on?
01:19:18And you, come hide!
01:19:21What's going on?
01:19:23And you, come hide!
01:19:26What's going on?
01:19:28And you, come hide!
01:19:31What's going on?
01:19:35And you, come hide!
01:19:38You, come hide!
01:19:41You, come hide!
01:19:44You, come hide!
01:19:47You, come hide!
01:19:50Evacuation, there's no need
01:19:53They say it's safe, but talking's cheap
01:19:56And every other town on me
01:19:59Is ignorant and still of me
01:20:02I just really wanna know
01:20:08I just really wanna know
01:20:13What's going on?
01:20:17And you, come hide!
01:20:19What's going on?
01:20:23And you, come hide!
01:20:25What's going on?
01:20:28And you, come hide!
01:20:31What's going on?
01:20:34And you, come hide!
01:20:58I just really wanna know
01:21:07I just really wanna know
01:21:12What's going on?
01:21:17And you, come hide!
01:21:19What's going on?
01:21:23And you, come hide!
01:21:25What's going on?
01:21:29And you, come hide!
01:21:31What's going on?
01:21:35And you, come hide!
01:21:56I just moved to town
01:22:00Everyone brings me down
01:22:04All I had was my duck
01:22:07But he ran away
01:22:10What else can I say?
01:22:13I guess I'll just turn gay
01:22:17With the girl who treats me bad
01:22:20It's because she don't have a dad
01:22:23I sure hope I'm not giving the blood away
01:22:37And so your life's been a success
01:22:41And you have pleasure and incest
01:22:46Don't worry, it will all end soon
01:22:50The cracker doom is coming soon
01:22:54And so your future's looking bright
01:22:59And you've reached the giddy heights
01:23:03Don't worry, it will soon end
01:23:08It is all shallow and pretend
01:23:12The cracker doom is coming soon
01:23:16The cracker doom is coming soon
01:23:29And so your life, your life has failed
01:23:33You've made the progress of a snail
01:23:37Don't worry, you'll get your revenge
01:23:42For we're all equal in the end
01:23:46The small and mighty all the same
01:23:50This life's a shallow, facile game
01:23:54Where every empire turns to dust
01:23:59And every ego will be crushed
01:24:03The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:07The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:12Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
01:24:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
01:24:22Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
01:24:27Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
01:24:30And every dream, hope and desire
01:24:33Is just a flicker in the fire
01:24:36And the fire, it will consume
01:24:39The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:42The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:45The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:48The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:51The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:54The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:56The cracker doom is coming soon
01:24:59The cracker doom is coming soon
01:25:02The cracker doom
01:25:05Doom
01:25:07Is coming soon