Blackballed Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00June 12, 1993, the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic, one of the darkest days in paintball
00:00:16history.
00:00:17It was a day that Bobby Dukes cheated.
00:00:22I'll use the blue here, man, for Bobby, because back then he was kind of a jerk, but the crowd
00:00:27loved him.
00:00:28Bobby!
00:00:29Bobby!
00:00:30Bobby!
00:00:31Man, he could move, he could run, shoot, you name it, and he was great at it.
00:00:36He was unstoppable.
00:00:37But, you know, it kind of went to his head.
00:00:40It was the finals, only three players left in the field, Zombie on the welts, Bobby and
00:00:45his teammate Sam Brown on the other side, the River Rats.
00:00:48Sam and Bobby make the crucial mistake of going to the same bunker, and Zombie starts
00:00:53raining paint on them.
00:00:54He was merciless.
00:00:56He's nonstop.
00:00:58Bobby yells at Sam to cover him and makes a dash for the flag, but then, boom, a direct
00:01:02hit, and that's when it happened.
00:01:04I saw Bobby wipe it off as quick as it hit.
00:01:07Bobby Dukes was wiping.
00:01:08He was wiping.
00:01:09Wiping a paintball is one of the most serious crimes.
00:01:13No one ever wants to play with a wiper.
00:01:16I ran over to call him out, but Bobby kept on playing.
00:01:19I couldn't believe what was happening.
00:01:21He wiped.
00:01:22He cheated.
00:01:23His career was over.
00:01:25In the commotion, Sam forgets the game is still in play, and he jumps out from behind
00:01:30the bunker.
00:01:31What a stupid move.
00:01:32So, Zombie, of course, takes advantage, pops them, boom, boom, boom, grabs the flag, and
00:01:38wins the game.
00:01:39The crowd was stunned.
00:01:42People started booing.
00:01:43They couldn't believe what they were seeing.
00:01:46Everyone is in total disarray.
00:01:51Sam leaves the field, and Bobby is just left there, all alone, sitting there.
00:01:56He doesn't say anything.
00:01:58Then, he got up and started walking.
00:02:04He didn't look anyone in the eye, and then Bobby Dukes just disappeared.
00:02:51Okay, okay, okay, you all right?
00:03:18Where did I get you?
00:03:22My leg.
00:03:23Oh.
00:03:24Are you okay?
00:03:25Are you okay?
00:03:26Oh, you're not wearing anything, are you?
00:03:27You're wearing, like, a cup or anything?
00:03:28I should have given you a cup.
00:03:29I'm sorry.
00:03:30Are you all right?
00:03:31I can't have kids.
00:03:32It's your fault.
00:03:33Come here.
00:03:34Come on.
00:03:35Come on.
00:03:36Come on up here.
00:03:37Come on.
00:03:38You're okay.
00:03:39You're okay.
00:03:40You're okay.
00:03:41You're okay.
00:03:42You're okay.
00:03:43You're okay.
00:03:44You're okay.
00:03:45You're okay.
00:03:46You're all right.
00:03:47Come on.
00:03:48I'm sorry.
00:03:49I'm sorry.
00:03:50I'm sorry.
00:03:51What do you mean?
00:03:52Is your safety on?
00:03:53Put your safety on.
00:03:54I had it on because I didn't want to hurt you.
00:03:59Are you okay?
00:04:04I didn't mean to hit you there.
00:04:07I meant to hit higher.
00:04:08You know, I'm used to the little pump guns.
00:04:12This is like so soft, you know?
00:04:16So supple.
00:04:17Wow.
00:04:18Are you okay?
00:04:19Do you have a welt or anything?
00:04:20Does it really sting?
00:04:21It stings.
00:04:22It does.
00:04:23Sorry.
00:04:24I had it turned down really low.
00:04:25Luckily, no one sees me over there, so.
00:04:26What?
00:04:27Well, I'm sorry.
00:04:28I'm sorry.
00:04:29I'm sorry.
00:04:30I'm sorry.
00:04:31I'm sorry.
00:04:32I'm sorry.
00:04:33I'm sorry.
00:04:34I'm sorry.
00:04:35I'm sorry.
00:04:36I'm sorry.
00:04:37I'm sorry.
00:04:38I'm sorry.
00:04:39I'm sorry.
00:04:41Well, Bobby used to play paintball,
00:04:43and he was really big and really famous
00:04:46and the best around,
00:04:48and he was in lots of magazines,
00:04:50and the pressure was really a lot.
00:04:54He was playing the classic,
00:04:56and, um, and, you know,
00:05:00he did what a lot of people would do in a crunch,
00:05:04and he wasn't ready to be out of the game,
00:05:07so he wiped.
00:05:09These people are going to be so happy
00:05:11to see you back here and in the game,
00:05:14I'm telling you.
00:05:15I hope so.
00:05:17I hope so.
00:05:18You think so?
00:05:19Yes, I do.
00:05:20I really do.
00:05:21I mean, I'm nervous.
00:05:22I've made a lot of enemies, you know.
00:05:24It's been a long time.
00:05:26He's going to get a team together to go and play,
00:05:30and he wants to win.
00:05:31I think it means a lot to him
00:05:35to take it back, you know what I mean?
00:05:38To wipe, oh, I shouldn't say that word,
00:05:40to clear everything that happened before
00:05:43and start over again.
00:05:45Bobby Dukes is back!
00:05:49Woo!
00:05:52Well, after the classic,
00:05:53I was pretty humiliated, you know,
00:05:55and I just wanted to be out of here,
00:05:57anywhere but here, you know,
00:05:59so I took off.
00:06:01About a week later,
00:06:02I ended up down in Venezuela.
00:06:04I met this guy named Needles,
00:06:07Mr. Needles,
00:06:08and a really interesting guy.
00:06:10He's this black albino,
00:06:11and he was going to West Africa
00:06:14to work on the oil rigs,
00:06:16and so I thought, great, I'll come along.
00:06:18It was a great schedule, you know,
00:06:20one month on, one month off.
00:06:21I could travel.
00:06:22So that's what I did, you know.
00:06:23I worked on oil rigs and traveled around.
00:06:26I've been to 140, 141 countries
00:06:33because, you know, some countries split apart
00:06:35and then they come back together again.
00:06:36I don't know whether to count those
00:06:37as countries or not, you know.
00:06:40And that was the whole European Union thing.
00:06:42Fuck, I don't know.
00:06:52Billy, there's somebody here to see you.
00:06:57Bobby Dukes!
00:06:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:07:01You son of a bitch!
00:07:05My name is Bill Henry.
00:07:07I am the commander of Liberty Paintball,
00:07:10New York State.
00:07:12I have the responsibility of being
00:07:15father figure, mother figure, mentor, and guru.
00:07:21They're my babies, they're my puppies.
00:07:23I'm here to help them learn the great art of paintball.
00:07:28My dogs, listen up!
00:07:30Unless you have been living underneath a rock,
00:07:33for the last 10 years,
00:07:35you already know the one, the only,
00:07:38the incredible Bobby Dukes!
00:07:40When we are formed on an atomic level,
00:07:42all these little tiny cells come together
00:07:45in a very, very specific combination.
00:07:47It's like boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
00:07:49It might become you.
00:07:50Boop, boop, boop, boop.
00:07:51A different way, it might become me.
00:07:52Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
00:07:53Another way, it might become Pat Sajak.
00:07:55Once every 10,000 years or so,
00:07:57these chromosomes come together in just a special way.
00:08:00When it came together that day,
00:08:01that was Bobby Dukes.
00:08:03Joe's here.
00:08:04He sees over at Reebok that this is Watts Apparel.
00:08:07No, this is Watts Apparel.
00:08:09No, I got a problem with the logo, yes,
00:08:11because orange is, it's, it's, it's just way,
00:08:13first of all, I'm seeing way too much black.
00:08:15Blue, blue.
00:08:17That'd be great.
00:08:18I'll play it back.
00:08:19Okay.
00:08:20Okay.
00:08:21Okay.
00:08:26Bobby?
00:08:28Hi.
00:08:29Joe.
00:08:30Hi.
00:08:31Joe.
00:08:32Yeah.
00:08:33Hi.
00:08:34Good.
00:08:35Yeah.
00:08:36That's good.
00:08:37That's great.
00:08:38You look great.
00:08:39Thanks.
00:08:40You're blonde.
00:08:41Yeah, I know.
00:08:42Louis Licari.
00:08:43And your eyes, you're?
00:08:44Contact, well, no.
00:08:45Wow.
00:08:46This one.
00:08:47Yeah.
00:08:48But I like that.
00:08:49I like that.
00:08:50Thank you.
00:08:51You look, you look all right.
00:08:52You look good.
00:08:53I mean, all right.
00:08:54You are.
00:08:55I lost.
00:08:56Yeah.
00:08:57Bobby was the celebrity.
00:08:58Bobby was the celebrity and I was the eye candy.
00:09:02I spent the first 20 years of my life thinking about Bobby,
00:09:07thinking about being Bobby's wife and being the mother of Bobby's kids
00:09:12and being Bobby's support system when he was on the field.
00:09:17In the past 10 years, no, I haven't thought about Bobby.
00:09:21I thought about me and Sam.
00:09:24I live in L.A. with Sam.
00:09:27I'm married to Sam.
00:09:29Brown.
00:09:30Sam Brown.
00:09:32Seventh sign of the apocalypse, Bobby.
00:09:34Just waiting for a little Damien to come aboard.
00:09:37Funny, funny.
00:09:38I should have known.
00:09:39That's great.
00:09:40Congratulations.
00:09:41It's amazing.
00:09:42It's amazing.
00:09:43How is he?
00:09:44He is amazing.
00:09:45Sam and I were meant to be together.
00:09:46I mean, you know, he's a star.
00:09:48Now, he's a star.
00:09:49Sam loves me and Sam has always loved me.
00:09:52And you know that Sam actually was never dating me,
00:09:55but he remained celibate the entire time that we weren't together.
00:10:03He would write me notes that I wouldn't respond to for the longest time
00:10:05because I was dedicated to Bobby that would just say,
00:10:08I'm not fucking anyone but you in my head.
00:10:13And I thought, after a while, how can I just reject that?
00:10:17I mean, that is really, really, really dedication.
00:10:21It was great to see you.
00:10:22What are you here for?
00:10:23You're here just a couple of days?
00:10:24No, I'm here for the classic.
00:10:25I'm going to play paintball.
00:10:27That's a good time.
00:10:28I'm sorry.
00:10:29What?
00:10:30I'm here.
00:10:31I'm hopefully going to play paintball in the classic.
00:10:33Put a team together.
00:10:37If you're on a need-to-know basis, this is Bobby's visit with me.
00:10:40We will have some conference without your interference at this time.
00:10:43Thank you so much.
00:10:44I think every bitch in the world just called.
00:10:46They want their leader back.
00:10:48Head to it.
00:10:49Take your pull toy with you.
00:10:50Hey, Stuart, so nice to see you once again.
00:10:52You take care.
00:10:53Ta-ta.
00:10:54Bill, you and I, we will talk.
00:10:57You and I?
00:10:58Never.
00:10:59In your dreams, baby.
00:11:00Thank you.
00:11:01Okay, and you, good luck.
00:11:05I don't believe in luck.
00:11:09Okay.
00:11:10You people, this is not a ga-ga session.
00:11:12This is not a male stripper show.
00:11:14I know we're the most handsome two boys in the world.
00:11:16Back to work, back to work, back to work, back to work, back to work.
00:11:20She is trying to turn the classic into a whirlpool of bullshit.
00:11:24Well, she can't do that.
00:11:25It's your classic.
00:11:26Yeah.
00:11:27It's as simple as that, right?
00:11:28You smell that smell?
00:11:29It's the smell of green bullshit.
00:11:30It's called money.
00:11:31It's called corporate money.
00:11:32It's called greed.
00:11:33It's called dishonesty.
00:11:34It's called no heart.
00:11:35It's called no brain, no balls.
00:11:36It's called Jill Watson Brown.
00:11:37Troops, this room is on D&D mode until further notice.
00:11:40I would like to see ten times more work when I come out as when I came in.
00:11:44Bobby, come in here.
00:11:46You love me.
00:11:48Of course.
00:11:49Why the fuck are you here?
00:11:50What?
00:11:51Why the fuck are you physically manifested after ten years?
00:11:57Fans lifted, you know?
00:12:00I can play.
00:12:02You go soft on me?
00:12:03You still got it?
00:12:05I haven't picked up a gun in ten years.
00:12:07There's a team on the circuit.
00:12:09Their name is Mayhem.
00:12:11They're from Canada.
00:12:13Which means?
00:12:14Which means you hate them.
00:12:16Well, don't put words in my mouth.
00:12:18I think they suck, Bobby.
00:12:20You show up to the team.
00:12:22You beat Mayhem.
00:12:24You are in the classic.
00:12:25Do we have a deal, Bobby Dukes?
00:12:28Now, I do this for you.
00:12:32You do something for me.
00:12:33This will be your basic zero-level elimination practice with two exceptions.
00:12:41Number one, present dogs.
00:12:44You have been issued your candy-ass nitrogen-powered electronic weapons with 200 rounds each.
00:12:50Bobby Dukes, I am giving you four rounds.
00:12:54One for your each attacker.
00:12:59Bobby Dukes will be your primary and solitary objective.
00:13:03Exception number two, with this temporary de-visualization,
00:13:08Bobby will be unaware of your concealed positions.
00:13:12Mask down. Auto-conceal.
00:13:14Go, go, go!
00:13:20Why does this bag smell like donuts?
00:13:22That is the smell of death.
00:13:24That is the smell of the death of your failure.
00:13:27That is the smell of the death of your defeat.
00:13:28That is the smell of the death of your shame.
00:13:30Smells like donuts.
00:13:31This is a new day, Bobby Dukes.
00:13:33Exceptional resurrections call for exceptional means.
00:13:37You have two days, Bobby Dukes, to get yourself back on the saddle of your former self.
00:13:42You will not achieve that goal by splashing around in the lower end of your pool of self-esteem.
00:13:48What does that mean?
00:13:49My dogs, on my mark, we will begin.
00:13:52Three, two, one.
00:13:56He got me!
00:14:08Shit!
00:14:20You're good!
00:14:21Oh, you're good!
00:14:27I got you in the soft spot.
00:14:29You all right?
00:14:31Huh?
00:14:32You're all right, you're all right.
00:14:35Good work, my dogs.
00:14:37You feel that tingle in your gonads?
00:14:39Welcome to the next level.
00:14:41You have been bobicide.
00:14:43You've been ducalated.
00:14:45Bobby, congratulations.
00:14:47Hey, congratulations to all of us.
00:14:50You're going to do this, you son of a bitch, you're going to do it.
00:14:53He was running and I couldn't tell if he was behind a bunker or laying on the ground.
00:14:59I couldn't see him anywhere.
00:15:01Just like a ghost and then all of a sudden, boom, right on my gun.
00:15:04I'm just too, you know, fat to really run fast or hide behind anything.
00:15:09Dude, it's not like, it's not about that.
00:15:11But we were playing against Bobby Dukes.
00:15:13It's a fucking religious experience.
00:15:16Bobby Dukes!
00:15:18What's going on, man?
00:15:20I heard you were in town.
00:15:22Yeah, I heard.
00:15:23Why didn't you come to see me?
00:15:24I'm right here, day two, buddy.
00:15:26Day two, I love it.
00:15:28Look, Bobby Dukes tree.
00:15:30I planted it.
00:15:32I planted it.
00:15:34I planted it.
00:15:35I planted it.
00:15:36I planted it.
00:15:37I planted it.
00:15:38I planted it.
00:15:39I planted it.
00:15:40I planted it.
00:15:41I planted it.
00:15:42I planted it.
00:15:43I planted it.
00:15:45Bobby Dukes tree.
00:15:48Bobby Dukes!
00:15:49What are you talking about?
00:15:50It's alive.
00:15:51It's ten years old.
00:15:52I planted it in your memory.
00:15:54Get out of here.
00:15:55Yeah.
00:15:56I thought you, I thought you killed yourself after you wiped.
00:15:59So I was like, I'm going to plant this in your memory.
00:16:01And then after I planted it, someone was like, oh, he didn't die.
00:16:04Bobby was a fierce competitor.
00:16:06I mean, you couldn't help but be friends with the guy because he was just like,
00:16:10you saw him on the battlefield and you're psyched to see him
00:16:12because you knew you were going to have a great day at paintball.
00:16:15I'm putting together a team.
00:16:17Yeah?
00:16:18Yeah.
00:16:19And I'm going to play in the classic.
00:16:20And since, you know, you might have some time on your hands.
00:16:22No, no, no.
00:16:23I can't.
00:16:24How come?
00:16:25You got time.
00:16:26You got time.
00:16:27Bobby Dukes, don't ask me.
00:16:28You're a great player.
00:16:29Don't ask me.
00:16:30Come on.
00:16:31We're friends.
00:16:32Don't ask me.
00:16:33I can't play with you.
00:16:34Let's do some good.
00:16:35No.
00:16:36I can't, man.
00:16:37I can't.
00:16:38I mean, you know I love you.
00:16:39And, you know, I would take a bullet for you.
00:16:41I just can't take a painted paint bullet for you.
00:16:44You know what I mean?
00:16:45Well, you know, you got your own thing going on.
00:16:47Yeah.
00:16:48I respect that.
00:16:49Yeah.
00:16:50It's good.
00:16:51Thanks for considering it, you know.
00:16:53Well, I could, no.
00:16:54Yeah, I didn't consider it really.
00:16:55I just, you know, that's the one thing I won't consider.
00:16:58I mean, if you ever, if your car gets towed, like, just call me anytime.
00:17:02Okay.
00:17:03Like at 4, 3 in the morning.
00:17:04Wake me up.
00:17:05Okay.
00:17:06And I'll go there.
00:17:07Do you have any recommendations?
00:17:08I mean, people I can talk to?
00:17:09I don't know.
00:17:11My, I don't know.
00:17:12It's not that bad.
00:17:13Larry, Larry won't.
00:17:16Well.
00:17:17My brother's here.
00:17:18You really, your brother?
00:17:20Yeah, my dad finally hired him.
00:17:21He works here?
00:17:22Yeah.
00:17:23What, as a cashier or something?
00:17:24No, he's in the barn right now.
00:17:26Doing what?
00:17:27He's working.
00:17:28You want to go see him?
00:17:29Yeah, yeah.
00:17:31Yeah, he's different now.
00:17:32I mean, once you see him, he's great.
00:17:34Hey, Brian, look who's here.
00:17:36Bobby Dukes.
00:17:37Hey.
00:17:38Brian.
00:17:39Hey, Brian.
00:17:40How you doing, man?
00:17:41Bobby Dukes.
00:17:42Say hello to Bobby Dukes.
00:17:43Bobby Dukes.
00:17:44Say hello, Brian.
00:17:45Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:17:46What's going down?
00:17:47Check him out.
00:17:48What's going on?
00:17:49What's going on?
00:17:50Look at you, man.
00:17:51Check me out.
00:17:52Show him.
00:17:53You can walk?
00:17:54Show him how strong you are.
00:17:55I'm strong.
00:17:56Show him.
00:17:57Pick up a bale of hay there.
00:17:58This one?
00:17:59Yeah.
00:18:00All right.
00:18:01Whoa.
00:18:02You want this?
00:18:03No, no, no, no.
00:18:04Look at him.
00:18:05Cuts like a knife.
00:18:06Cuts like a knife.
00:18:08Cuts like a knife.
00:18:09Cuts like a knife.
00:18:10What do you remember from when you were little and when you were sick?
00:18:13Yeah.
00:18:14Do you remember that?
00:18:15Yeah, I remember him.
00:18:16I do.
00:18:17That's what he's asking.
00:18:18Huh?
00:18:19I think he's asking, what do you remember from that time?
00:18:22What I remember from that time was that he made a lot of jokes about my legs, about my
00:18:28braces on my legs, but now I can run up trees with no hands, so he can't joke anymore.
00:18:34Do you play paintball?
00:18:35Do I play paintball?
00:18:36Do I play paintball?
00:18:37Yeah.
00:18:38Do you want to be on my team?
00:18:39Yeah.
00:18:40Yeah?
00:18:41Yeah.
00:18:42I can be on your team?
00:18:43Yes.
00:18:44No?
00:18:45I can't.
00:18:46I can't.
00:18:47No?
00:18:48Dude, check it out.
00:18:49Brian.
00:18:50It makes a noise.
00:18:51Yeah.
00:18:52Yeah.
00:18:53Brian.
00:18:54Brian.
00:18:55Finish the barn and we're going to have dinner.
00:18:56We're having pork chops tonight, okay?
00:18:57All right.
00:18:58See you later, Brian.
00:18:59See you later.
00:19:00Bye.
00:19:01Bye.
00:19:02Bye.
00:19:03Bye.
00:19:04Bye.
00:19:05See you later, Brian.
00:19:06See you later.
00:19:07Bye.
00:19:08You're Brian.
00:19:09I know.
00:19:10He keeps calling me Brian.
00:19:11He calls everyone Brian.
00:19:12Bobby?
00:19:13Lope-a-dope.
00:19:14Oh, my God.
00:19:15How are you, man?
00:19:16What's going on?
00:19:17How are you?
00:19:18I'm all right.
00:19:19Hey, man.
00:19:20What's going on?
00:19:21Oh, man.
00:19:22Oh, my God.
00:19:23I've known Bobby since the beginning.
00:19:26We were fellow partiers, if you will.
00:19:29Man, we would party.
00:19:31He's incredible.
00:19:32He has much longer hair, like a hippie-like hair, long hair and a ponytail.
00:19:39We would shroom constantly.
00:19:41We were always high.
00:19:43I'm putting a team together.
00:19:44I'm putting a, yeah.
00:19:45Paintball?
00:19:46Yeah, we're going to play in the Classic.
00:19:47Oh, that's adorable.
00:19:49That's adorable.
00:19:50No.
00:19:51Come on.
00:19:52No, I can't do that, dude.
00:20:03Hey.
00:20:05No fucking way.
00:20:07What's up, Bunker?
00:20:09Why did he come back?
00:20:11Why did he come back?
00:20:13I was fine.
00:20:15I was over it.
00:20:19I had gotten to a place where I didn't need to cause other people pain.
00:20:27I don't know if you know this, but after you left, I got sidelined.
00:20:31Sidelined by Sam Brown for two years.
00:20:37I sat on the bench.
00:20:39I played in two, maybe three rounds.
00:20:43Why did Sam Brown feel like I was not good enough?
00:20:53Is it because he's a Jew?
00:20:55I don't know, but probably.
00:20:59Play with me.
00:21:00I don't play anymore.
00:21:02What do you mean you don't play anymore?
00:21:03I don't play.
00:21:04I don't.
00:21:05Why doesn't anybody play paintball anymore?
00:21:08Nobody plays paintball anymore.
00:21:11Well, I can't speak for anybody else, Bobby Dukes,
00:21:14but I can say that you put a pretty big shit stain on the entire sport.
00:21:19You know what?
00:21:21Listen, Bobby.
00:21:22It's cool to see you.
00:21:23It's great to see you.
00:21:25Bobby.
00:21:32Good luck.
00:21:36Are you making fun of me?
00:21:39Yeah.
00:21:43I hope you fucking humiliate yourself just like you always do.
00:21:49Punch.
00:21:51I'm sorry, is Punch there?
00:21:55Punch.
00:21:57Hey, it's Bobby Dukes.
00:22:01What do you mean no?
00:22:07You haven't even listened.
00:22:08Hello?
00:22:09Hello?
00:22:13Oh.
00:22:16Wow.
00:22:18Wow.
00:22:25Hey, Bobby.
00:22:26Hey.
00:22:28What are you doing?
00:22:29Typo.
00:22:31Ten hours from morning to evening rejected.
00:22:34Rejected?
00:22:35Have you ever had a day where the whole theme of the day is rejection?
00:22:39No.
00:22:40Maybe an hour.
00:22:41I need something else.
00:22:42I need another angle.
00:22:45I need another plan.
00:22:46I need a map.
00:22:47Lenny Pear.
00:22:48I've talked to Sheila.
00:22:49He's still doing stuff at the field.
00:22:51I'm sure he's still doing stuff.
00:22:52And he knows a ton of people, new people, who you might not know, who I bet would be into it.
00:22:59You should see Lenny.
00:23:01That's not a bad idea.
00:23:03Yeah.
00:23:04That's not a bad idea.
00:23:05Boy, that would be the ultimate irony.
00:23:07Well, it would be strange.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:09Okay.
00:23:10Thank you.
00:23:11Love you.
00:23:12Love you.
00:23:13You know what?
00:23:14You look like Mom.
00:23:15Really?
00:23:16Yeah.
00:23:17From the old West picture?
00:23:19Sort of.
00:23:20I mean, if you had a bonnet on.
00:23:22I love her in that picture.
00:23:23She's so beautiful.
00:23:24Yeah.
00:23:25It's a weird picture, though.
00:23:26She looks like Julia Roberts.
00:23:27You think so?
00:23:28Oh, yeah.
00:23:30I don't like that picture.
00:23:32Because you're a little girl, and you're dressed up like a whore.
00:23:36It's fun.
00:23:37Like a Western idea.
00:23:38It was fun.
00:23:39A little bit.
00:23:40Okay.
00:23:41Thank you.
00:23:42All right.
00:23:43Thank you.
00:23:44I wish you guys had seen this place before.
00:23:56Before all this.
00:23:57This is it.
00:23:58Just right here.
00:23:59This is all it was, these two fields right here.
00:24:02And Santa's Village.
00:24:03This is all new.
00:24:06This used to be a dump.
00:24:08Literally, this used to be a landfill, a dumping ground.
00:24:13We used to play with bunkers that would be mattresses and old refrigerators.
00:24:19And all the parents were worried about kids getting stuck in refrigerators.
00:24:23It's so different.
00:24:24It's so much faster now.
00:24:26It's like a real sport.
00:24:28It's like soccer, lacrosse.
00:24:30It would be great if paintball became an internationally respected, renowned religion like soccer is.
00:24:39Like the Spanish cultures got into it.
00:24:41Like paintball.
00:24:42People kill each other over it.
00:24:47Check him.
00:24:48Check him.
00:24:49Don't hit me like that.
00:24:50Left.
00:24:51Check him.
00:24:52What do we got?
00:24:53You hit me after I hit him.
00:24:55I hit him first.
00:24:56You're out.
00:24:58Out.
00:24:59That's game.
00:25:01There you go, guys.
00:25:03Good job.
00:25:04Let's go, guys.
00:25:05Shake a tail feather, okay?
00:25:07Good call, ref.
00:25:11All right.
00:25:12Hey, man, D-bag.
00:25:13Hey, D-bag.
00:25:14All right.
00:25:15See you guys later.
00:25:16D-bag.
00:25:17Hey.
00:25:18Hey, what's going on?
00:25:19Hey, ref.
00:25:20Oh, thanks a lot.
00:25:21You guys hiring?
00:25:22Refs, you can go inside.
00:25:24I don't deal with that.
00:25:25Really?
00:25:26Yeah.
00:25:27Can I talk to you for a minute?
00:25:28Sure.
00:25:29You don't have to remember me.
00:25:30I used to play here.
00:25:31Hey.
00:25:32About 10 years ago.
00:25:34No, no, no.
00:25:35Yeah.
00:25:36Bobby Dukes.
00:25:37How are you?
00:25:38Good to see you again.
00:25:39Wow.
00:25:40I don't think we've ever actually formally met.
00:25:42Yeah, yeah, no.
00:25:43No, I know, yeah.
00:25:44We were just around the same circles, sort of.
00:25:46Oh, wow.
00:25:47How are you?
00:25:48Good.
00:25:49Really?
00:25:50You've grown up.
00:25:51Oh, thanks.
00:25:52Yeah, yeah.
00:25:53A little...
00:25:54Yeah, just my fanny pack ripped out there.
00:25:56Oh.
00:25:57I don't mean to brag, but if you were to say Lenny Pear around here, I bet you a lot of
00:26:02people would say, Lenny Pear is paintball, okay?
00:26:05I live it.
00:26:06I love it.
00:26:07I'm writing a column in Paintball Extreme Magazine.
00:26:09But, I mean, around here, all the guys just know me as, you know, Dudebag.
00:26:13You know, they're always like, Dudebag, you know.
00:26:15Dudebag, I guess, you know.
00:26:16And, you know, everyone is like buddies with me here.
00:26:19It's like, you know, I make some tough calls, and I guess I'm known for that.
00:26:23I'm not afraid to make tough calls, but I'm also not afraid to kick back and, you know,
00:26:27drink a Coke with these guys and be like, good game.
00:26:29Are you playing on a team now?
00:26:31No, I mean, I do some, like, pickup stuff with the...
00:26:34Like, I play with these, yeah, in this little youth league.
00:26:36I go 8 to 12 year olds.
00:26:37I kind of fill in if they're short a guy or something.
00:26:398 to 12?
00:26:40Why not?
00:26:41Why not be on a team?
00:26:42Why not?
00:26:43It's a hassle.
00:26:44You know, it's a hassle.
00:26:45It's just, you know, it's a time thing, because I got to make sure that, you know, I'm organizing
00:26:48things.
00:26:49Do you want to play with me, Lenny?
00:26:51Do you want to play on a team with me?
00:26:53Well...
00:26:54You and I can put a team together, and it'll be our team.
00:26:58It could be like...
00:26:59Let me, can I ask you a question?
00:27:01Like, an honest question?
00:27:02Of course.
00:27:03Anything.
00:27:04Um...
00:27:05I...
00:27:06Uh...
00:27:09I don't, I don't mean to offend or anything like that, but...
00:27:11You're not gonna offend me.
00:27:12Uh...
00:27:13I, I'm, I'm, you know, I played by the...
00:27:15I'm not a cheater.
00:27:16Okay.
00:27:17Okay.
00:27:18I'm not a cheater anymore.
00:27:19Okay.
00:27:20Okay.
00:27:21It's what I've been doing for the last 10 years, and that's why I'm here.
00:27:24Can I ask you a question?
00:27:25Um...
00:27:26Yeah.
00:27:27Honest question?
00:27:28Yeah.
00:27:29Was there ever a moment...
00:27:31Ever in that fraction of a second...
00:27:33Was there a fraction of a fraction of a second...
00:27:35Where you thought to yourself when you were reffing that game...
00:27:40I'm not gonna call Bobby Dukes out?
00:27:43No.
00:27:44No.
00:27:45You know?
00:27:46I mean, I'll never forget that day.
00:27:47You know?
00:27:48There I am.
00:27:49Like, probably like my...
00:27:5112th game of reffing, like big game reffing, and uh...
00:27:54Just to see him wipe.
00:27:56It was amazing.
00:27:57The world just stopped.
00:27:59And I saw it all in slow motion.
00:28:01And I didn't have any chance to think.
00:28:03It was just like...
00:28:05Do you want to be part of a myth?
00:28:07Um...
00:28:09Sure.
00:28:10Let's create one.
00:28:11Okay.
00:28:12Okay.
00:28:13Yeah.
00:28:14Yeah.
00:28:15Alright.
00:28:16Alright.
00:28:17Hey!
00:28:18How are you?
00:28:19Good to see you.
00:28:20Come in.
00:28:21Oh, hey!
00:28:22Hey!
00:28:23Hi!
00:28:24Hey!
00:28:25Hi!
00:28:26How are you?
00:28:27Um...
00:28:28Any interviews?
00:28:29No, no, no.
00:28:30This is...
00:28:31This is...
00:28:32Hi, guys!
00:28:33Hi, guys!
00:28:34This is not just an interview.
00:28:35No, this is um...
00:28:36This is a movie that they're making.
00:28:37I met these guys the other day.
00:28:38I met these guys at...
00:28:39Over at Bill's.
00:28:40When I was getting all the registration in order.
00:28:41What...
00:28:42What is the...
00:28:43What is the movie about, Sam Brown?
00:28:44It's a movie about...
00:28:45It's a paintball movie.
00:28:46They're making a documentary.
00:28:47Right, guys?
00:28:48And um...
00:28:49Because if you can't do it, let Sam Brown help you do it.
00:28:52I saw Bill there.
00:28:53They're putting together a bunch of new teams.
00:28:56Who cares about new teams?
00:28:58What you care about is heat, right?
00:29:00What you want is action in your life.
00:29:02What you want is Sam Brown in your life.
00:29:04That's right.
00:29:05It's like a hot stove.
00:29:06You put your hand on a stove.
00:29:07It's like...
00:29:08Ow!
00:29:09My hand!
00:29:10Yeah, they can't have a paintball movie with just Bobby Duke.
00:29:12They gotta have Sam Brown in this.
00:29:14And now Sam Brown is...
00:29:16Why did you say...
00:29:17Is who you should be focusing on.
00:29:18Why did you say his name?
00:29:20They were there with...
00:29:22They saw...
00:29:24Bobby came back to do the tournament.
00:29:28Sam has a practice range on the roof.
00:29:30What?
00:29:31If you guys want to come afterwards.
00:29:32He's got a high power precision...
00:29:34Wait a second.
00:29:36Bobby Dukes did...
00:29:37You saw Bobby Dukes?
00:29:38I saw him for like five minutes.
00:29:41Like two minutes.
00:29:42Is he competing?
00:29:43Is that what's happening now?
00:29:44Apparently he's competing.
00:29:45He's putting together...
00:29:46Because you're not saying anything.
00:29:47Why don't you guys say something?
00:29:48Is he...
00:29:49Apparently.
00:29:50Apparently.
00:29:51Oh, really?
00:29:52He's putting a team together.
00:29:53Well, you know what he gets?
00:29:54Is a paintball right between the eyes from this guy.
00:29:58Can you guys come back in like ten?
00:30:00How's ten for you guys?
00:30:02You guys go have a smoke?
00:30:04I'll tell you what I'll be doing in ten minutes.
00:30:07That's probably martial arts.
00:30:17That's like if Bobby Dukes was right there.
00:30:24449.
00:30:25449.
00:30:26Eddie Reynolds.
00:30:27Okay.
00:30:28This guy, a little rough around the edges,
00:30:30but I think he'll be into it.
00:30:32He's a friend of mine,
00:30:33so let me do kind of the thumb of the top.
00:30:35All right, it's all yours.
00:30:36All right.
00:30:40Who the hell are those guys?
00:30:42These guys are cameramen.
00:30:44They're just following us around.
00:30:45What the hell do you want from me?
00:30:46Is this some kind of TV busted show?
00:30:48Because that's bullshit.
00:30:49I got your letters,
00:30:50and I haven't been down there since I got them.
00:30:52All right.
00:30:53You got to come to my house and bust my balls.
00:30:55Bring a camera crew.
00:30:57It's not really like that.
00:30:59I mean, we want to ask you if you want to be on a team.
00:31:05You serious?
00:31:06Yeah.
00:31:07Yeah.
00:31:08Can we just talk to you for a second?
00:31:10You a cop?
00:31:11No.
00:31:12Let me see your hands.
00:31:16You too, jack off.
00:31:17All of you motherfuckers.
00:31:19Just show him your hands, guys.
00:31:21No.
00:31:22Anybody follow you?
00:31:24No.
00:31:25No.
00:31:26Nothing we know of.
00:31:27All right.
00:31:32All right, get in here.
00:31:33Come on, move, move.
00:31:34Get in there.
00:31:35Move it.
00:31:36You sure nobody came in?
00:31:38No one followed you?
00:31:39No.
00:31:40No, no.
00:31:41No?
00:31:42No.
00:31:43All right, what the hell's going on?
00:31:44This is Bobby Dukes.
00:31:45Yeah.
00:31:46And you know the tournament that's coming up,
00:31:48Tri-Valley Tournament?
00:31:49Yeah, Lenny, I know all about the tournament.
00:31:51I also know I haven't been allowed to train for the tournament
00:31:53because someone keeps me out of there.
00:31:55All right, it's not my job.
00:31:57It's the regulations of the field.
00:31:58I told you that.
00:31:59That's bullshit, Lenny.
00:32:00You're the one out there making the call.
00:32:02Don't hide behind fucking regulations there,
00:32:04you fucking buttermilk princess.
00:32:05That son of a bitch has kicked me out of more matches
00:32:07over bullshit calls, okay?
00:32:10He says I'm dead when I'm not.
00:32:11I have never, I have never taken a real kill shot, ever.
00:32:17I have never been hit in the head.
00:32:18I've never been hit in the chest.
00:32:19That's a fact, dude.
00:32:20You can check it.
00:32:21Check it.
00:32:22I encourage you to check it.
00:32:23I've been hit in the hand.
00:32:24I've been hit in the foot.
00:32:25I've been hit in the shin.
00:32:26But I've never taken a kill shot.
00:32:28So I say fuck that.
00:32:29If I'm hit in the leg and I'm out in the shit, for real,
00:32:33I'm still alive, this still works, you know?
00:32:36I'm still lethal.
00:32:38And then you go play paintball and you got jackoffs like Lenny going,
00:32:41you're out, you're out.
00:32:43No, there's paint on your clothes.
00:32:45I'm like, fuck you, Lenny.
00:32:47Fuck you.
00:32:48What's your story?
00:32:50Well, I'm back after ten years and we're starting this team and...
00:32:55Fuck it, I'm on it.
00:32:56Let's do it.
00:32:57We want you to play backfield, though.
00:32:58You can't be a taper.
00:32:59God, we don't know.
00:33:00We don't know yet.
00:33:01I mean, we'll...
00:33:02You take backfield, Lenny, and you shove it straight up your ass.
00:33:05You know I'm not a backfield player, Pink Mist.
00:33:08Don't you, Nancy?
00:33:10We're not really sure.
00:33:11We haven't...
00:33:12I'm all offense.
00:33:13To tell you the truth, it's just the two of us right now.
00:33:15Bobby, what is it?
00:33:16What?
00:33:17Bobby.
00:33:18Bobby?
00:33:19It's Bobby.
00:33:20Fine.
00:33:21Let me tell you something.
00:33:22I'm all offense, 24-7.
00:33:23I'm in people's face, all right?
00:33:24I'm tenacious.
00:33:25That's good.
00:33:26All right?
00:33:27I like to kick people.
00:33:28I like to get in their face.
00:33:29I like to make them taste the barrel of my gun.
00:33:31All right?
00:33:32That's how I play.
00:33:33I play full speed, 24-7.
00:33:34I'll tell you what.
00:33:36If you're not fucking with me...
00:33:37I'm not fucking with you.
00:33:39All right.
00:33:41Then I'm in.
00:33:42Let's do some damage.
00:33:43Let's do some killing.
00:33:44Let's get the killing done.
00:33:46Oh, there's him.
00:33:47This guy, he works at the concession stand.
00:33:49He's a really good guy.
00:33:50Hey!
00:33:51Hey, man!
00:33:52Hey, it's Lenny.
00:33:53Hey!
00:33:54Hey, what's going on?
00:33:55Lenny, what's going on?
00:33:56Bobby Dukes.
00:33:57Nice to meet you, Jeff.
00:33:58Hey, Bobby, how are you?
00:33:59So, this is Jeff.
00:34:00And Jeff and I work at the paintball field together.
00:34:03He says you work at the concession stand.
00:34:05Yeah, yeah.
00:34:06Mostly Powerade and Cliff Bars.
00:34:09It's good stuff.
00:34:10So you know your way around the paintball field, then?
00:34:12I got all the stuff.
00:34:13You got all the equipment.
00:34:14Yeah.
00:34:15Yeah.
00:34:16He's got a nice gun, too.
00:34:17He's got a Bob Long.
00:34:18Yeah.
00:34:19Oh, wow.
00:34:20Yeah.
00:34:21It's nice.
00:34:22A gift.
00:34:23We're putting a team together.
00:34:24Yeah.
00:34:25You interested?
00:34:26Absolutely.
00:34:27I would love to play.
00:34:29But it just means, as long as you guys are comfortable with me signing a medical waiver,
00:34:33because I got a couple things.
00:34:35I got, you know, I got the sciatica.
00:34:37Yeah, that's not a big deal.
00:34:39I have low periphery vision,
00:34:41which means I can mostly only see a slice straight ahead of a respiratory infection.
00:34:46It's pretty bad.
00:34:48It's not SARS, but it's something.
00:34:50They can't figure it out, but it messes me up.
00:34:53Have you seen a doctor?
00:34:54I have a couple, and they're like, gosh.
00:34:56So, you know.
00:34:58I'll show you what happens.
00:35:00When I run, my breathing gets all...
00:35:03You don't have to run.
00:35:04I'll run down to that thing over there, and then I'll run back, and you'll see.
00:35:07No, no, no.
00:35:09You have a condition.
00:35:10Here, hold this.
00:35:11I don't want to exacerbate any...
00:35:13No, no, no.
00:35:14Watch him, watch him.
00:35:15Let him show off for you.
00:35:16Look at him.
00:35:17Look at that.
00:35:18He feels like he has to audition or something.
00:35:22He's pretty fast.
00:35:23Look at that.
00:35:24That's where he got his size.
00:35:26It's like a...
00:35:28He's turning really red.
00:35:30He's limping.
00:35:33Should we go up?
00:35:34Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:35Well, maybe I'll come back.
00:35:36I'll come back.
00:35:37Wait.
00:35:40Yeah, let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:35:49Hey, what's going on?
00:35:50Oh, hey, hey.
00:35:51Hey, what's up, Betsey?
00:35:52What's up, Betsey?
00:35:53Hey.
00:35:54What's up, Betsey?
00:35:55What's up?
00:35:56It's showtime.
00:35:57This is Torpedo.
00:35:58This is Kevin.
00:36:00It's showtime.
00:36:01Nice to meet you.
00:36:02Nice to meet you.
00:36:04Oh, hey, man.
00:36:05Get some fire.
00:36:07Get some fire with a K.
00:36:08It's not real fire, but it works the same.
00:36:11You know, it's just...
00:36:12Paula's killer this year.
00:36:13Yeah, she can get stuff.
00:36:14Yeah.
00:36:15Anything you want.
00:36:16Anything you need.
00:36:17I got this guy a Tickle Me Elmo four years ago.
00:36:20You could not get them anywhere.
00:36:21Wow.
00:36:22He didn't shake, but he laughed.
00:36:23No.
00:36:24Yeah, he laughed very quietly.
00:36:25What position do you see yourself playing?
00:36:27Yeah.
00:36:28I mean, I pretty much...
00:36:29I can pretty much do anything you need me to do.
00:36:33Do you have anything you think you're good at?
00:36:36You know when you...
00:36:37I mean, like, I got my gun and I'm...
00:36:40He's a tape runner.
00:36:41Like, tape runner, right?
00:36:42Right, I'm a tape runner, yeah.
00:36:44So, I mean, I can tape it up and do whatever you need.
00:36:48I mean, you have your own marker?
00:36:49Yeah, I got my own marker.
00:36:51I got my own thing that you put the thing in.
00:36:53Pod?
00:36:54Pod.
00:36:55How are you with the bunkers?
00:36:57Can you flip them?
00:36:58Yeah, I can flip-flop the bunkers.
00:37:00Flip-flop them?
00:37:01I can flip the bunkers.
00:37:02Even or odd?
00:37:04Both ways.
00:37:05Whatever you need.
00:37:06Wow.
00:37:07Because I need a guy that can do both.
00:37:10Even, odd, 50-50.
00:37:12Oh, 50-50?
00:37:13Yeah.
00:37:14Yeah, I can 50-50 it up.
00:37:15Yeah, yeah.
00:37:16Yeah, yeah.
00:37:17Great.
00:37:18I can reverse the tires.
00:37:19Great.
00:37:20That's great, right?
00:37:21Yeah.
00:37:22Yeah, that's great.
00:37:23Yeah, yeah.
00:37:24Great.
00:37:25I mean, I don't know if I can fit it in my schedule, but I'd love to play...
00:37:32...but I don't think if you had gone here, you'd never be able to get it.
00:37:37Yeah.
00:37:38Oh, you want to ant-run?
00:37:40I think we've got to go see that other guy.
00:37:42Oh.
00:37:43Yeah, it's cool.
00:37:44I've got a lot of stuff I've got to do.
00:37:46Okay, great.
00:37:47Hey, it's great to meet you.
00:37:48Hey, it's great to meet you.
00:37:49Thank you.
00:37:50I'm glad you guys came by.
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:52All right, Isaac.
00:37:53Take care.
00:37:54All right.
00:37:55Hey, Isaac.
00:37:56Hey, Isaac.
00:37:57Hey, Isaac.
00:37:58What is this?
00:37:59He gave me $10.
00:38:00What?
00:38:01When we gave him a hug, he gave me $10.
00:38:03I mean, this is a bribe.
00:38:04He bribed you.
00:38:05But that's okay, though.
00:38:06We want somebody who can...
00:38:07He's paying you $10 to be on the team, Lenny.
00:38:09That's something.
00:38:10I'm just saying.
00:38:11I mean, he was talking about some pretty good stuff.
00:38:14I mean, I didn't even know what you guys were talking about.
00:38:16It's because I was lying, Lenny.
00:38:17I mean, I made that stuff up.
00:38:19He doesn't know what he's talking about.
00:38:21I made all that stuff up, and he agreed with me and added to it.
00:38:24He made up stuff, too.
00:38:26See, he's lying.
00:38:27He's never played paintball before, ever, ever.
00:38:29Ever, ever, ever.
00:38:30He said he's played a lot.
00:38:31No, he's never, ever.
00:38:32Never played it.
00:38:33I'll bet you that $10 he's never played paintball.
00:38:35All right.
00:38:36Look, from now on, just guys...
00:38:37I'm sorry.
00:38:38No, no, no.
00:38:39That's cool.
00:38:40Guys that just we know have played paintball from now on.
00:38:42All right.
00:38:43Well, that's going to narrow the list a little bit.
00:38:45I know.
00:38:46But just people who have picked up a gun.
00:38:48I don't even think he's heard of paintball.
00:38:54Welcome.
00:38:55Hey, you guys are the chosen ones.
00:38:59You chose me.
00:39:01I didn't choose you guys.
00:39:04A lot of people said no to me this week.
00:39:07I was drowning in a sea of no, but you guys said yes.
00:39:12Yeah, yeah.
00:39:13Yeah.
00:39:14Yeah!
00:39:15Yeah.
00:39:16Do you guys know what today is?
00:39:17Fucking good day to die.
00:39:18Good day to kill it.
00:39:19Today's...
00:39:20Today's Puerto Rican Day.
00:39:22What?
00:39:23Yeah.
00:39:24And that's neither here nor there, but...
00:39:27That provides a marker for you guys.
00:39:30Bobby saw me playing video games.
00:39:32He liked my hand-eye coordination.
00:39:33He's like...
00:39:34And what he told me was that type of hand-eye coordination can be translated to paintball.
00:39:40Every year on Puerto Rican Day, you'll be able to say, I was there.
00:39:44I was there the day we beat Mayhem.
00:39:48I was there the day we were allowed in the Classic.
00:39:50I want to screw it to Mayhem.
00:39:52Yeah.
00:39:53I want to stick it in the fucking ear.
00:39:55They're not Puerto Rican, are they?
00:39:56How is it Puerto Rican Day?
00:39:57Puerto Rican Day has nothing to do with it.
00:39:58How is it Puerto Rican Day?
00:39:59Puerto Rican Day has nothing to do with it.
00:40:00Let's do this.
00:40:01Yo.
00:40:02Let's do this.
00:40:03Let's do it.
00:40:04Let's do this.
00:40:05Booyaka, booyaka.
00:40:06Let's do this.
00:40:08Booyaka, booyaka.
00:40:09I shoot the paint to ya.
00:40:11Booyaka, booyaka, booyaka.
00:40:12I shoot the paint to ya.
00:40:14Booyaka, booyaka.
00:40:15I shoot the paint to ya.
00:40:17Booyaka, booyaka.
00:40:18I shoot the paint to ya.
00:40:20Yo, my name is Clifford the Big Red Murderer.
00:40:23And I'm fucking serving you with a gallon of paint.
00:40:26Straight to your dome.
00:40:28You're like McCoy Coke and homo-monio.
00:40:31I'll fucking take my bone and fucking stick it right in your asshole.
00:40:36You guys are a team.
00:40:38As of right now, you're a band of brothers.
00:40:41Woo!
00:40:42Embrace.
00:40:43Hold hands.
00:40:44I want you guys to hold hands.
00:40:45Hold hands.
00:40:46No, I don't want to fucking hold hands.
00:40:47Hold hands.
00:40:48Hold hands.
00:40:49Huh?
00:40:52Touch the other's flesh.
00:40:54You're a band.
00:40:55Eddie, you're the bass guitar.
00:40:57You got four strings.
00:40:59But you're really a percussion instrument.
00:41:02I like the bass thing.
00:41:03Yeah.
00:41:04It reminds me of Gene Simmons.
00:41:05Showtime.
00:41:06You're a guitar.
00:41:07You're an electric guitar.
00:41:08But you've got a series of pedals.
00:41:10And you can sound any way you want.
00:41:14Erica, you're a little splash cymbal.
00:41:19You're tiny and you're beautiful and you're shiny.
00:41:21But you make a loud, loud noise.
00:41:24Lenny, you're a piccolo.
00:41:30No, no.
00:41:31What?
00:41:33Totally, totally, Bobby.
00:41:34Totally.
00:41:35He is a piccolo.
00:41:36Like the forefathers carried into battle.
00:41:40Who?
00:41:41What?
00:41:42I played recorder in school.
00:41:43So let's go out there and let's get in a tournament.
00:41:46Who's with me?
00:41:47I'm with you.
00:41:49I don't know why, but I am.
00:41:50You're with me.
00:41:51Let's kill.
00:41:52Let's kill.
00:41:53Let's kill.
00:41:54Guys, I don't know about you, but I'm here for the long haul.
00:41:55I'll see you on the other side.
00:41:56Shut up.
00:41:57Let's kill.
00:41:58Let's kill.
00:41:59Let's kill.
00:42:00You all better get your asses and your hands wired together.
00:42:03Because when I'm out on the fucking battlefield, I'm killing.
00:42:06And I don't stop.
00:42:08Right, Bob?
00:42:09Unless someone's already shot.
00:42:10Then you can stop.
00:42:11No.
00:42:12Yeah.
00:42:13All right.
00:42:14Really?
00:42:15Yeah.
00:42:16Okay.
00:42:17What's up, Bobby Dukes?
00:42:18What's up, you ready to hit?
00:42:19What's up, Booyah Bobby Dukes?
00:42:20I don't think so.
00:42:21Yeah.
00:42:22I ain't shaking your hand.
00:42:23No, you're not.
00:42:24Whoa, whoa.
00:42:25That's three times you get dissed, B.
00:42:26Yo, we're afraid of fucking y'all.
00:42:27Yo, yo, yo.
00:42:28Actually, I will shake your hand.
00:42:29What's up?
00:42:30Yeah, man.
00:42:31I wiped my ass like five minutes ago.
00:42:32He wiped his ass?
00:42:33Yeah.
00:42:34He wiped his ass with that thing, man.
00:42:35Yeah.
00:42:36Gentlemen and Canadians, can I have your attention, please?
00:42:42To my left is mayhem hailing from our retarded brother to the north,
00:42:47a bastion of socialism and alcoholism.
00:42:53To my right, we have a hand-picked squad of noble warriors led by the one and only Bobby Dukes.
00:43:00Of course.
00:43:01The winner of this event will be elevated to the Hudson Valley Bank Ball Classic
00:43:06and will not crawl back to their bilingual parliamentary shithole.
00:43:12Please bow your heads to the good American soil.
00:43:17Oh, Bobby Dukes, please kick their ass so hard that their ass goes up their own ass.
00:43:28At the first horn.
00:43:31It's a game, guys.
00:43:32It's a game.
00:43:33It's a game.
00:43:34Fuck off.
00:43:36Pop, pop, pop.
00:43:37Eric, come on.
00:43:38Yeah.
00:43:39Bizaz.
00:43:40The words I speak from now on is pop, pop, pop, pop.
00:43:43Look at your bunkers.
00:43:45Okay.
00:43:46Move up.
00:43:47Come on, come on.
00:43:48Oh, yeah, come on.
00:43:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:43:50Oh, yeah, come on.
00:43:51Sorry, I'm sorry.
00:43:52No, no, no.
00:43:53Come on, team.
00:43:54You ready?
00:43:55Ready.
00:43:56Ready?
00:43:57Yeah, team.
00:43:58You ready?
00:43:59Ready.
00:44:00Ready, bitch.
00:44:01Come on.
00:44:02Go.
00:44:03Ball plugged in.
00:44:04What?
00:44:05Ball plugged in.
00:44:06Oh.
00:44:07I'm going to show you what pain is about.
00:44:08Here I go, you old rat.
00:44:09Let me kill you motherfucker.
00:44:10My mother fucking gun's jammed.
00:44:11Take a breath.
00:44:12Take a breath.
00:44:13Get them out of there.
00:44:14Get them out of there.
00:44:15Take a dump.
00:44:16Oh, shit.
00:44:17Oh, shit.
00:44:18Oh, shit.
00:44:19Oh, shit.
00:44:20Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:44:21Come on.
00:44:22Yeah.
00:44:23Come on.
00:44:24Come on.
00:44:25Come on.
00:44:26Get up, get up, get up.
00:44:27Yeah.
00:44:28Yeah.
00:44:29Yeah.
00:44:30Come on.
00:44:31Get up.
00:44:32Oh
00:45:02Booyah
00:45:32I
00:45:46Never forget
00:46:02I
00:46:07Want to cover you I want you to move to that bunker
00:46:32Put up your motherfucking
00:46:37Let's go you're out come on let's go let's go let's go get the fuck off me
00:47:03Now
00:47:23Good job, man. Oh, yeah guys. We were unstoppable
00:47:32What's the matter did you wait no, that's okay, that's all right, that's all right
00:47:37That's okay. It's scary. It's scary. We won. We'll take care of that
00:47:46Two weeks I will see you at the Hudson Valley
00:47:56Hey
00:47:58Hey good game. Oh, thanks
00:48:02Nice to meet you Crosby to pleasure. Yeah, it's a nice shot man. You got me right in the face. I'm sorry
00:48:07No, it was great shot. I was aiming for you. I choked man. I choked. I could I you know, I got great
00:48:13You're great skills. Yeah
00:48:15Thanks. It's nice of you say that. I'm sorry about those other guys
00:48:21I'm not into that. It's not my scene. I mean, you know, it sounds stupid come from a paintball player
00:48:26But I'm just not into all that violence and stuff
00:48:28These guys think they're just like I don't understand that but I did understand that you weren't yeah, I'm not into the booyaka. I mean they
00:48:36I'm just that's just not my scene. You have to go back to Canada
00:48:41What no, no, what do you mean? No, I mean I just I work with those guys because I want you to I
00:48:47Want you to be on the team
00:48:48your team
00:48:51Yeah, you mean
00:48:53Yeah, I need it. I need somebody else
00:48:56My sister's not really a permanent. Yeah, so
00:49:01I'm looking for someone and
00:49:03Don't want to play with me. So I'll play with you man. Yeah. Yeah, you can stick around these guys aren't gonna
00:49:10Nah, they'll be fine. Okay. I'm excited man. I mean I've heard so much about him
00:49:15I mean, I I'm sure like not everything can be true that they say about him, but
00:49:20He just seems like a cool cat, you know, he reminds me of
00:49:23Every Dharma bums
00:49:27Character Jaffe writer and Dharma bums. My mom gave me that book when I was little cuz she used to
00:49:32I don't prefer a red electric cool at acid test, but she was Mountain Girls friend
00:49:38She was Mountain Girls friend and I don't know he's uh, I think Bobby Dukes is a real deal
00:49:45Awesome we got Crosby on the team. Tall guy that was on Mayhem
00:49:50Really tall guy that didn't really fit in. Oh, the last guy, yeah. Yeah, the gym guy. Got him right in the face. That was awesome. He's going to be on the team? Yeah.
00:49:58That's great. Isn't he great? He's good. Oh yeah, he's great. So this means that
00:50:02I hope you don't mind. Do you mind if we move you to the bench?
00:50:08Okay, yeah, what do you mean?
00:50:11To just make you an alternate to sub instead of play. Oh, yeah. Was I on the team? I was on the team?
00:50:21Of course you were. You didn't know that?
00:50:23No. Yeah, you were on the team. Of course.
00:50:25That's what I'll play it to you.
00:50:27Oh my god, you guys.
00:50:29That's so sweet.
00:50:31No.
00:50:33Oh, you guys. Thank you.
00:50:35That's so sweet.
00:50:37No.
00:50:39Oh, you guys. Thank you.
00:50:41Yeah, no.
00:50:43Yeah, sure.
00:50:45Yeah, okay.
00:50:47I'm just going to
00:50:49beat. So I'm just going to sit here for a second.
00:50:51Okay.
00:50:53Alright? Yeah, I got to just make sure
00:50:55that my, I want to squeegee out my barrel.
00:50:57I want to see how he does his gun so I know.
00:50:59That's cool.
00:51:01I think I got a paint jam or something.
00:51:03I'm a little wonky.
00:51:05Okay.
00:51:07You know,
00:51:09I came here with Eddie, so
00:51:11he picked me up in my car.
00:51:13Oh, you need to go?
00:51:15No, no. I think he left.
00:51:17I can hang out, you know,
00:51:19see what's going on. Close it down or something?
00:51:21Yeah.
00:51:23You want a ride?
00:51:25You want a ride?
00:51:27With you? Yeah. You don't have to stay, right?
00:51:29You don't have to. No, no. I can go.
00:51:31I understand.
00:51:33I don't want to impose.
00:51:35Is it not an inconvenience?
00:51:37No, it's not an inconvenience.
00:51:39Okay. Well then,
00:51:41I'll come with you.
00:51:43I'll pay for gas or whatever.
00:51:45You want to meet me in the parking lot?
00:51:47I'll meet you in the parking lot.
00:51:49I'm just going to change.
00:51:51Okay.
00:51:53Okay.
00:51:55Looks good.
00:51:57Looks really good.
00:51:59Everybody bow your heads, please.
00:52:01Oh, absolutely.
00:52:03Make us a
00:52:05make us
00:52:07your fist, Lord.
00:52:09Help us deliver your fist
00:52:11into the face of anybody who stands before us.
00:52:13Also, Lord, you know,
00:52:15I know it's probably not
00:52:17proper to ask you to be
00:52:19on a side or to have to choose sides,
00:52:21but I'm going to go ahead and do it
00:52:23because I think we're right.
00:52:25So I'm going to go ahead and ask you now, Lord, to be with us
00:52:27and not our opponents
00:52:29and help us to crush those who stand
00:52:31before us and
00:52:33may this food nourish us. In Jesus' name,
00:52:35we pray, amen. Amen. Amen.
00:52:37That was beautiful. Unless you don't believe in Jesus.
00:52:39Amen.
00:52:41No, we don't get into that.
00:52:43Yeah, yeah, we don't have to.
00:52:45I do believe in Jesus. I'm just saying for other people.
00:52:47I'm saying for everyone around the table and, you know,
00:52:49that's all. If you don't believe in Jesus,
00:52:51you know the food's alright, too.
00:52:53You son of a bitch!
00:52:55You son of a bitch!
00:52:57You son of a bitch!
00:52:59You son of a bitch!
00:53:01Oh, man!
00:53:03I have to pay Lando Calrissian
00:53:05to take Lon Solo for hostage.
00:53:09That means stop.
00:53:11Get mine, everybody. Get mine.
00:53:17This is Guru. That's his real name.
00:53:19Hey. Hey!
00:53:21We're going to learn a mind-body exercise, because in the paintball field, you can't rely on your eyes.
00:53:26You have to see without seeing.
00:53:29Open your eyes, Bobby!
00:53:52Now take the costumes off, put all the electronics away, and I'd say Fanny packs off for this
00:54:10one?
00:54:11Yeah.
00:54:12Let's do this!
00:54:37Bobby Duke's, you know, big-time player, fine.
00:54:40He knows who's a player and who's not.
00:54:42He knows who's got the goods and who doesn't.
00:54:44He knows who's the shit, and he knows who isn't.
00:54:48I was number one on his list, clearly, because I brand him.
00:54:50I was the first one picked.
00:54:53Every genius is truly ambidextrous, and every paintball player is a true genius.
00:54:58You've got to be able to work both sides of the bunker.
00:55:01You have angles over here, you have angles over here, so you're able to switch, right?
00:55:10So, you've got to work out both arms.
00:55:12No, you've got to use the opposite leg, you know?
00:55:17Like, oh, yeah!
00:55:19Good, good, good, good!
00:55:21Lead with your opposite leg!
00:55:23Lead with your opposite leg!
00:55:24Good slide!
00:55:25Good slide!
00:55:26He's rallied together a group of misfits because he saw something in them that nobody else
00:55:30did, and it's almost like it's not even about him, it's about us.
00:55:39Ready for this, Eddie?
00:55:41You ready?
00:55:42Yeah!
00:55:43I once had a massage in Japan.
00:55:44I cried, I laughed, you know, I messed myself.
00:55:52No control over my, you know, bladder.
00:55:57You're messing yourself.
00:55:59What did you say to me?
00:56:01Hey, hey, hey, relax, relax, relax.
00:56:03Relax, relax.
00:56:06Tell him to quit messing with me.
00:56:08Okay, you're going to give yourself more tension than, you're just going to work against
00:56:13this massage.
00:56:14Yeah, just relax.
00:56:18Yeah, you're right, you're right, I shouldn't, alright, alright, I'm alright.
00:56:21Okay, just go a little bit easier, just go a little bit easier.
00:56:24And breathe, remember to breathe.
00:56:26Okay?
00:56:27Okay, I'll breathe, I'll breathe.
00:56:28Alright, hey guys, sorry about that.
00:56:30I'd like to try it again if that's alright.
00:56:33Is that alright?
00:56:34Lenny, is that alright?
00:56:36Yeah.
00:56:37Okay, I'll explain it a little better, I don't think I explained it well enough the first time.
00:56:42So, what I'd like to do is jumping jacks, and I'll count one, two, three, and then after
00:56:52I say three, then you say one.
00:56:54And then I'll say one, two, three again, and then you'll say two.
00:56:57And then I'll say one, two, three, and we'll go up to ten.
00:56:59Okay.
00:57:00How's that sound?
00:57:01Why don't we just do thirty jumping jacks?
00:57:03Yeah, why don't you, that is thirty jumping jacks, god damn it!
00:57:06It's important that we get the count right though.
00:57:08Come on!
00:57:09A little fire, huh?
00:57:10A little hunger!
00:57:11A little desire, a little passion!
00:57:13God damn!
00:57:14One.
00:57:15Okay.
00:57:16No, not yet, not yet!
00:57:17Let's let him start.
00:57:18Alright.
00:57:19Let's let him start.
00:57:20Okay.
00:57:21Alright, prepare to exercise.
00:57:22Ready?
00:57:23Ready.
00:57:24Exercise!
00:57:25One, two, three!
00:57:26One!
00:57:27Two!
00:57:28One, two, three!
00:57:29One!
00:57:30No, two!
00:57:31Two!
00:57:32Why can't you say two?
00:57:33There are moments when Lenny acts like a man.
00:57:38Thank you.
00:57:39There are few and far between, but every now and then there's a glimpse of passion and heat
00:57:45and fire and a killer instinct, and it comes up to the surface and then retreats back into
00:57:50his pussy hole.
00:57:52Oh, come on!
00:57:53Yeah!
00:57:54Good!
00:57:55Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:57:56Alright!
00:57:57Yeah!
00:57:58That's what I'm talking about!
00:57:59Yeah!
00:58:00Yeah!
00:58:01Beat it.
00:58:02Beat it.
00:58:03Don't force it.
00:58:04Breathe.
00:58:05Breathe.
00:58:06Breathe.
00:58:07Stop it.
00:58:08Stop it.
00:58:09I'm sorry.
00:58:10It's okay.
00:58:11It's okay.
00:58:12Think about eating poop out of a bowl.
00:58:15Pull!
00:58:16Pull!
00:58:17Pull!
00:58:18Wet him down!
00:58:19Wet him down!
00:58:20Wet him down!
00:58:21Snap!
00:58:22Don't go!
00:58:23Don't go!
00:58:24Don't go!
00:58:25Don't go!
00:58:26Don't go!
00:58:27Don't go!
00:58:28Don't go!
00:58:29Don't go!
00:58:30Don't go!
00:58:31Don't go up in the same place twice!
00:58:33I can't figure out Crosby.
00:58:36He's awesome.
00:58:38He's got...
00:58:39Awesome.
00:58:40He's got potential, but again, we've got a big sissy problem on this team.
00:58:44Okay, good.
00:58:45And then down, back into downward dog.
00:58:50And up dog.
00:58:53Oh, yeah.
00:58:54You feel that?
00:58:55Paintball's really the first thing that I've ever done for myself that I thought was cool,
00:59:00you know?
00:59:01My mom would absolutely kill me if she knew I was doing this, but it's like...
00:59:05It's like the best thing that's ever happened for me.
00:59:07Aw!
00:59:16I like this little nugget when I play it, but...
00:59:19Go!
00:59:21Oh!
00:59:22It's okay!
00:59:23Get your whole body up!
00:59:24Snap your whole body up!
00:59:27Short-time, get up!
00:59:28Both hands on the gun!
00:59:29Bobby gave me interest in myself before I didn't have any what I mean what I
00:59:36referred to as interest in myself I thought I was bored I wouldn't even say
00:59:39bored I had no interest in who I was so what you do is pretend that you have
00:59:44mono I don't want you to lie down on the ground and relax you recount the movie
00:59:48Vision Quest if you don't know it you know just I don't know a picture a
00:59:53different movie but it's one where he walks up the stairs with a log right yes
00:59:57he's a wrestler I think that my place on a paintball team is is behind the
01:00:11bunker in case I mean it's just in case like a just in case person
01:00:27Oh
01:00:57okay so we have the otters PlayStation 6 yeah bunco squad like the Hornet blast
01:01:14they'll be back dirty almost half-dozen Santa's elves all right death squad yeah
01:01:24death merchants whoa and then death merchants I just said merchants plural
01:01:29just take the first one okay fiberglass diaper yeah guppies sweet tooth
01:01:35sweet tooth to that's cute what happened to everyone well I mean I think that's
01:01:40fresh and everybody's my name of the clown like twisted metal I like sweet
01:01:44tooth what about front kick to the colors front kick to the Sun guys I
01:01:48think did you even write it down Lenny we're just going through the ones we
01:01:51have now then we'll we'll go through another round once we're done I just
01:01:56think we just keep on going around and around rounds the rounds the rounds can't
01:02:03just be rounds everybody's gonna go hey there's the rounds how's it going
01:02:07fats fat ass fat so round fat boys fatties it is like people need to know
01:02:14that it's around like a put in the chamber to me just reminds me like the
01:02:18whole cyclical nature of the universe you know there's the life-death
01:02:21cycle there's winners and losers take tomorrow off when he stopped fucking
01:02:26crying tomorrow off and I don't want you guys to think about the game at all okay
01:02:31I don't want you to think about the game I don't want you to think about anything
01:02:33we've done all week long I want you to go through your normal routine whatever
01:02:37you whatever it is you do when you're not thinking about paintball I want you
01:02:41to do that because trust that it's there because it is put it in here put it in
01:02:46here let me just grab a camera for this all right come on Lenny okay all right
01:02:53all three wait I can't it's a mess
01:02:58dammit oh sorry 1, 2, 3, ROUNDS!
01:03:05Zumba Zumba Zumba IZIKA Zumba Zumba ZE
01:03:09IZIKA Zumba Zumba Zumba IZIKA Zumba Zumba ZE
01:03:12Hold em down you Zulu warrior
01:03:15hold em down you Zulu chief chief chief chief chief and then you'd come in with
01:03:20IZIKA Zumba Zumba Zumba it's a round it's like ro-ro-robot you don't have to do it
01:03:27I need you come on give me a little help give me a little help Lenny Lenny come
01:03:41on get my back get my back Lenny all right here we go just come follow me
01:03:46show me another river rat down look at that Eddie we did it together hey oh hey
01:03:54hey hey hey what are you doing oh just um I'm looking at the play in a
01:04:01three-dimensional way because it's like you know I told you to take the day off
01:04:05Lenny I told you no paintball today no paintball no no nothing I just take a
01:04:10day off from paintball these I just had these guys laying around it was no big
01:04:14deal you know just a lot of a lot of He-Man figures I wanted to uh to give
01:04:21you this my little notebook yeah you know I just write down little like ideas
01:04:26and you know haikus and mystical bullshit I don't know I don't you know
01:04:31you might not even be able to read my writing I just want you to have that
01:04:33maybe you'll maybe get some out of it maybe not just put it in a drawer this
01:04:38is your your notebook yeah I just I really appreciate you know all your help
01:04:45putting together the team you I couldn't have done it without you
01:04:50thank you I couldn't do it without you thank you yes you could have thank you
01:05:00put these away go watch TV or something get some sleep see you tomorrow okay get
01:05:06some sleep yeah you get some sleep all right but Bobby I had a question you
01:05:18know Erica my sister Erica yeah I know her she's not is she dating any I mean
01:05:24she is you have a boyfriend um no oh okay cool I some guy was asking I was
01:05:33like I'd ask you really what guy was asking guy at the deli I'll tell him
01:05:46all right tell him yeah that I don't think she's dating anybody well if I see
01:05:49him see you later man the match is back on all right here we go the match is the
01:05:59best match we've ever seen out here today letting pair is unstoppable that
01:06:05is right what does Erica say from the crowd yes
01:06:09I get a bit sometimes when I don't know what you guys are talking about I just
01:06:13pretend like I do I do the same thing really yeah I do that all the time with
01:06:19you guys I don't understand a goddamn word you say half the time but I'm I'm
01:06:23on the team you know so yeah speaking of which by the way Bobby I want you to
01:06:29know something yet when I get my first kill today I'm gonna tear off a piece of
01:06:34their clothing and I'm giving it to you as a prize I can't scalper it no but
01:06:37stop don't do that stop do that all right all right man
01:06:45you know I you know I I've been working out my my right hand as much as my left
01:06:49hand because when we hold up the trophy I want to make sure I can hold on either
01:06:53side now you're talking Lenny
01:06:56let's go kill some I got something better than what the hell is that okay
01:07:17wait I want to do it I'm gonna do it nice hey check it
01:07:42V Force yeah V Force they only got a fan inside how cool is that okay well
01:07:50there's more so no yes what do you do when you when you do when you do paint
01:07:55ball what do you do cover kill people yeah a marker paint paint a marker no
01:08:06way what oh my god get out of my fucking way I just this one this one's
01:08:15black there I named it black death fucking taste it stay down stay down
01:08:20bitch and I Connie this is the coolest thing ever
01:08:25oh fucking taste my fucking heat robot robot like this no Erica I'm just
01:08:50showing you how to do this look Eddie you know what oh I want to be in it too
01:08:58though busy one of you guys could do it everybody make a sign like the round
01:09:04nonverbal sign about the round round that's a good one the round the round
01:09:11that's cool one two three cheese rounds
01:09:41a lot of people still play Sam Brown Sam Brown Sam Brown for the cover of
01:10:09I'm gonna go okay I'm just gonna go say hi to Sam yeah Sam's crying oh is this
01:10:23the Fox News or no no no these guys are he's crawling by himself yeah no he's
01:10:32got he's got the court for himself for the moment you guys want autographs that
01:10:35what this is about we can get a stack of 8 by 10s and he'd be happy to sign
01:10:41him he won't personalize them of course cuz it's a busy day but you sure all of
01:10:49them thank you nice to meet you yeah
01:11:09yo dude yo dude you're crossing the stream don't cross the stream yeah do
01:11:15that no how come because I'm Sam Brown and I said so she said he could come in
01:11:24so at the end of the day it's her fault this is the this is the crew from Fox
01:11:30News what's up dude Kyle why are you shooting in my space dude hey oh shit
01:11:41yeah oh shit man goodness what's up dude hey go to this guy yeah get a load
01:11:50of him I'd like to see you where'd all your hair go I left it all over
01:11:56haha you're gray oh really am I gray no I look great I'm not jet black like my
01:12:05pubes hmm number one it's like my jersey says number two it says number
01:12:16two because I'm the shit I thought you'd take my number no no the real number one
01:12:24is for cheaters right that's right right what is this it's a fancy little jersey
01:12:29you got there yeah well yeah somebody donate that stuff to you oh look that's
01:12:35you know your sister you know that's Erica hi Erica we're doing over there a
01:12:39bunch of Boy Scouts look you say I'm on a team Sam
01:12:42troop 1142 Bobby what he's saying is fuck off okay he's saying I got it I got
01:12:47it Bobby Dukes can fuck off look right here dude it's locking it up as cool as
01:12:54ice you remember that Sam said it's time to fuck off hey good luck in this
01:13:01thing right yeah I'll see out there I said it's time to fuck off hey Bobby are
01:13:05you gonna play too Bobby Sam said it's time to fuck I'd love to get you in a in
01:13:09a suit and get you out there I don't Bobby I don't shoot things it's not don't
01:13:14forget to wipe very cliche don't forget to wipe small potatoes listen I got a
01:13:20charity booking for you at the Luxor a bunch of kids with cancer some sort of
01:13:23make-a-wish thing I was listening with half an ear but I'll shoot the fuck out
01:13:26of those kids he hasn't changed at all actually he's the same exact Bobby how
01:13:35could you let me go back down there and fucking kill this guy please I'm listen
01:13:40now look please you always brought that off you always blow me off when I say
01:13:43something like that please listen to me I don't want him let me go down there do
01:13:46something about it Bobby come on yeah let him do it I what are you gonna do
01:13:49I'm gonna I want to take this and shoot him at point-blank range and then you
01:13:52get kicked out of the sport for ten years you'll have to travel the the
01:13:55earth and have sex with a lot of these okay
01:13:59ladies and gentlemen noble warriors can I have attention please I welcome you to
01:14:05the Hudson Valley paintball classic there is no thin line between victory
01:14:11and defeat this lengthy day of elimination starts right now with the
01:14:18rounds versus the minute man you start on my mark one two three
01:14:48I'm just a game and that's it that's all so the word about you won't get hurt
01:15:18you're not gonna get killed
01:15:48all right there we go all right there we go we got
01:16:18you're right you can't
01:16:48Oh
01:17:18Oh
01:17:48Oh
01:18:18Oh
01:18:20Oh
01:18:22Oh
01:18:24Oh
01:18:26Oh
01:18:28Oh
01:18:30Oh
01:18:32Oh
01:18:34Oh
01:18:36Oh
01:18:38Oh
01:18:40Oh
01:18:42Oh
01:18:44Oh
01:18:46Oh
01:18:48Oh
01:18:50Oh
01:18:52Oh
01:18:54Oh
01:18:56Oh
01:18:58Oh
01:19:00Oh
01:19:02Oh
01:19:04Oh
01:19:06Oh
01:19:08Oh
01:19:10Oh
01:19:12Oh
01:19:14Oh
01:19:44Oh my gosh, it's so soft.
01:19:46It's like a little baby right there.
01:19:50Oh, oh, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay.
01:19:57Oh, hey, hey, there's the big guy.
01:20:00You're looking amazing out there, Bobby.
01:20:03Gotta say, that's some stellar work.
01:20:05Thank you very much.
01:20:06Are you working with anyone for endorsements,
01:20:08for book deals, for personal appearances,
01:20:13I wrecked the whole thing.
01:20:15I wrecked the whole thing.
01:20:16I wrecked the whole thing.
01:20:17You're doing such a good job.
01:20:19You're doing such a good job.
01:20:21Such a good job.
01:20:25Final elimination match will be
01:20:30the Riverettes against
01:20:32Poppy Dukes and the Rounds.
01:20:35Apocalypse is at hand.
01:20:37I'm okay, guys, I'm okay.
01:20:39He just needs to walk around on his own.
01:20:41Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
01:20:42Walk a little bit then, walk.
01:20:43Without my shoe, I'm fine.
01:20:45Show me, show me.
01:20:46Okay.
01:20:47But you gotta play with the shoe.
01:20:50You can't play, Lenny.
01:20:51You can't play, that's it.
01:20:52It's over.
01:20:53If this was any other game, it's over.
01:20:54This is the finals.
01:20:56We're playing to win, guys.
01:20:58Lenny, you know this as well as I do.
01:21:00You're a warrior.
01:21:01We're playing to win, okay?
01:21:04Second place is first place for losers.
01:21:07Right?
01:21:08Eric, you gotta play.
01:21:10We need you, Erica.
01:21:11Please.
01:21:12I know, I know.
01:21:13You're gonna do great.
01:21:14I won't do great.
01:21:15I can guarantee you I won't do great.
01:21:17No, no, no.
01:21:18Okay, we'll work it out.
01:21:19I hate when things are thrown at me.
01:21:20We're gonna protect you.
01:21:21We need five people.
01:21:22We need five people.
01:21:23We're gonna get disqualified.
01:21:24Nothing will happen to you, Erica.
01:21:25It's okay.
01:21:30Ladies and gentlemen,
01:21:32combatants and guests,
01:21:34this is not the hour,
01:21:36this is not the minute,
01:21:38but the moment of reckoning
01:21:40is upon us.
01:21:42The final match
01:21:44for the championship
01:21:46of the Hudson Valley
01:21:48Baseball Classic.
01:21:54The Ringerettes
01:21:56versus the Rounds.
01:22:00I guess it's all gonna come down to this, huh?
01:22:03Unbelievable.
01:22:04I can't believe we're fucking playing Bobby Dukes.
01:22:06What a joke.
01:22:07You know what I'm gonna do, guys?
01:22:09I'm gonna paint the words
01:22:10has been on his huge forehead.
01:22:12You guys brought me here.
01:22:14I didn't bring you here.
01:22:16You guys chose me.
01:22:17Commence on my mark.
01:22:20Three, two, one.
01:22:24Go!
01:22:30Oh, who's there?
01:22:31Sam Brown's there.
01:22:32Knock, knock.
01:22:33Who's there?
01:22:34Sam Brown.
01:22:37Go, go, go.
01:22:51Woo!
01:22:53Come on, you prostitutes.
01:22:55Come on, you slinky whore.
01:22:57You're going down in one minute.
01:23:01Let's go.
01:23:02Oh, shit.
01:23:03Ha, ha, ha.
01:23:05Take it, you motherfucking pricks.
01:23:08Cover me.
01:23:30Showtime.
01:23:32Shit, shit, shit.
01:23:36Oh, damn it.
01:23:38Oh, my hand.
01:23:40I'm out of here.
01:23:41I'm out.
01:23:42How about that?
01:23:43How about it?
01:23:46You're out, little fucker.
01:23:52Steve.
01:23:53Are you kidding?
01:23:54Steve, go to that bunker.
01:23:56Come on.
01:23:57I'll shoot you myself.
01:23:59Run like a girl.
01:24:01Run like a girl.
01:24:08Oh, look at Bobby.
01:24:09I can see the fucking glow off his forehead.
01:24:23I'm going to go to the sausage joint.
01:24:25Please, cover me.
01:24:26I got you covered.
01:24:27One, two, three.
01:24:28Fuck, I'm doing it, Bobby.
01:24:30Come on.
01:24:34Check him.
01:24:35Check him.
01:24:36Hey, ref, what are you doing?
01:24:38Ref, check him.
01:24:39He's wiping again.
01:24:40He's always wiping.
01:24:41Check him.
01:24:42What are you doing?
01:24:43His whole life, he's wiping.
01:24:44His whole life.
01:24:46Check him.
01:24:50I got hit.
01:24:51I knew I got hit.
01:24:52And then they checked me, and I had no paint on me,
01:24:54so I guess when I slid, it wiped off.
01:24:57And the old Bobby, for just a second,
01:24:59he jumped off the bench, and he was like,
01:25:00Coach, put me in.
01:25:04Nah, but I couldn't.
01:25:05No way.
01:25:10What are you doing?
01:25:11You fucking weirdo.
01:25:16Bobby.
01:25:21I fucked him.
01:25:23I am fucking you in the face.
01:25:30I'm sorry.
01:25:39This ain't Maddie Knight, little girl.
01:25:41Go to bed.
01:25:42Go to bed.
01:25:44Go to sleep.
01:25:54You see that?
01:25:55You see that?
01:25:56I'm invisible.
01:25:57I'm totally invisible.
01:25:59Look at this. Sneaky son of a bitch.
01:26:03That over there, I could easily shoot his foot. I'm not going down. I'm going to bunker him.
01:26:08Another Sam Brown victory coming up.
01:26:20What the fuck?
01:26:23Yeah, Crosby!
01:26:26No way! I'm invisible!
01:26:31I'm invisible!
01:26:45I say, Brown! Fuck you!
01:26:52Yeah!
01:26:55Yeah!
01:27:20Oh my God! Oh my God!
01:27:23Hey!
01:27:27The world was thirsty for a miracle, and you are the bartenders of whoop-ass!
01:27:33Yeah!
01:27:35You served up a 16-ounce bottle of annihilation with a devastation chaser!
01:27:43Woo!
01:27:45Chase it down with destruction!
01:27:47I love this!
01:27:49And the round, the championship trophy of the Hudson Valley Paintball Classic!
01:27:58Woo!
01:28:00Yes! Yes!
01:28:05You son of a bitch!
01:28:07I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow when I wake up.
01:28:09Today will teach me whether I play paintball tomorrow or take a cooking class or, you know, sell all my clothes and jump out of airplanes.
01:28:23I don't know.
01:28:27I don't know. Ask me tomorrow. Ask me tomorrow.
01:28:40All right, boys. Welcome to the inner sanctum.
01:28:45Watch your heads coming down here, all right?
01:28:49Welcome to paradise, boys.
01:28:52Have a seat. Grab a seat. Hold a seat. Come on.
01:28:57Welcome to my dojo. Look around, boys.
01:29:00Welcome to my dojo.
01:29:02Welcome to my dojo.
01:29:04Welcome to my dojo.
01:29:06Welcome to my dojo. Look around, boys.
01:29:09Did it all myself. Look at my ladies.
01:29:11Hello, ladies.
01:29:13I met Jill Watson-Brown through a group called AA, or Alcoholics Anonymous.
01:29:19I'm not alcoholic, and I was worried that one day I might be.
01:29:23When was the last time I saw you? At the, was that the NWA concert?
01:29:28Yes. Yeah, we were the only white guys there.
01:29:30Shrooming?
01:29:31Shrooming, yeah. That was a bad place to shroom.
01:29:33Stupid.
01:29:34That was really bad.
01:29:36We shroomed too much back then.
01:29:37We shroomed a lot, yeah.
01:29:38Well, she's this month. That's February. You want to know why she's February?
01:29:41Because she's got a jumbo thatch.
01:29:43Look at her bush. Look at it. Look how big that is.
01:29:46It looks like a tractor laid a skid mark on her fucking taco.
01:29:51Yeah! Yeah!
01:29:57Prophecy!
01:29:58Yay for Brian!
01:29:59Prophecy!
01:30:00Yay for Brian!
01:30:02Hooray!
01:30:04Paintball the laser tag is like Yanni the John Tesh.
01:30:09Okay? Yanni's real.
01:30:12Okay! You've had your fun! This is hilarious!
01:30:16You can stop waiting now!
01:30:22You can always buy other kids.
01:30:24There are plenty of kids out there that want to get bought.
01:30:27You have a broken vagina. It's broken.
01:30:31I had...
01:30:32Did Bobby Dukes break your vagina?
01:30:34Death and hellfire!
01:30:36It's coming for you, America.
01:30:38You better wake up and smell the hot coffee under your nose.
01:30:41Because it's a fact.
01:30:42Uncle Sam is coming to your house as I'm talking to you right now.
01:30:46He's coming to your house and he's going to burn it to the ground.
01:30:49And he's going to burn your children.
01:30:51And he's going to pour acid on your wife.
01:30:52And that's a fact.
01:30:53And there's nothing you can do about it.
01:30:55Unless you join NOSO.
01:30:57And that's a fact.
01:30:58And I'm the president. I'm the best.
01:30:59You come and join me. Be part of the best.
01:31:01Save yourself. Save your family.
01:31:03You want to see your wife burned in acid?
01:31:05You better wake up, America.
01:31:07That's a fact!
01:31:08Death!
01:31:09Death!
01:31:10Death!
01:31:13Fuck.
01:31:16Holy shit.