Nothing Sacred -SD
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00:04:46Well, my fine oriental potentate.
00:04:50I'm not going to have you arrested.
00:04:53I'm going to put you on the payroll as a janitor.
00:04:57Thank you, sir.
00:04:59And I always want you present in the local room,
00:05:02where my reporters and Mr. Wallace Cook
00:05:05can drink you in constantly as a warning against fakes.
00:05:11Yes, sir.
00:05:12May I ask, is Mr. Cook a reporter anymore?
00:05:16I wouldn't like for him to lose his job.
00:05:19He was very nice to me.
00:05:21Mr. Cook is not going to be discharged, Your Majesty.
00:05:26For his own good and the good of the Morning Star,
00:05:30I am going to remove him from the land of the living.
00:05:56One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
00:06:10Mr. Oliver, I tell you I'm innocent.
00:06:38I was just as fooled by old Black Joe as you were.
00:06:41I believed everything he said just as you did.
00:06:44Now, Oliver, either you cut out these fat-headed monkey shines of yours
00:06:47and let bygones be bygones,
00:06:49or I'm walking out of this fish trap right here and now.
00:06:51You're under contract to the Star for five more years.
00:06:54You're not in a position to resign
00:06:56unless you wish to retire from journalistic efforts over that period.
00:07:00Oliver, you're not going to keep me pounding out obituaries for five years.
00:07:04Those are my plans, Mr. Cook.
00:07:08That's gratitude.
00:07:11I'm the best reporter you ever had.
00:07:13I've handed you a hundred scoops.
00:07:15It isn't fair, Oliver.
00:07:17It isn't human.
00:07:18Shut up!
00:07:22Oliver, I don't like to say this.
00:07:25The paper is going to rack and ruin with me hidden away in that water cooler.
00:07:29Look at this.
00:07:30What's that?
00:07:31Poor little working girl doomed to death from radium poisoning.
00:07:33We've covered it.
00:07:34Covered it?
00:07:36You're getting old, Oliver.
00:07:38Look, it's one, two, three, four, five, six lines on hazel flag.
00:07:41A poor little kid with a few months to live at the outside.
00:07:43Doomed.
00:07:44Death staring her in the face.
00:07:46What does she feel?
00:07:47What does she think?
00:07:48Radium eating away her bones.
00:07:49Don't shout at me!
00:07:51Listen, Oliver, there's a story in this kid that ought to tear your heart out.
00:07:53Where is it?
00:07:54Why hasn't the Star got it?
00:07:55I'll tell you.
00:07:56Because I'm stuck away in a water cooler on account of some whim of yours.
00:07:59Listen, Oliver, give me a chance, will you?
00:08:01Tell me, may I drop dead, I'll redeem myself.
00:08:03I ought to be shot for what I'm thinking.
00:08:05What are you thinking?
00:08:06I'm thinking that maybe you ain't the most tittering imbecile on earth.
00:08:09I'm thinking that maybe you've learned your lesson.
00:08:12Oliver, so help me.
00:08:13I'll be in Vermont by morning.
00:08:14I'll dig you up a story that'll make this town swoon.
00:08:16Here's my hand on it.
00:08:23I've been through an inferno.
00:08:25I haven't been able to enter a cafe for the past three weeks without the band playing Dixie.
00:08:30Well, that was a coincidence.
00:08:31I've given you my hand.
00:08:32Go on.
00:08:33Redeem yourself.
00:08:34Thanks.
00:08:35You won't regret it.
00:08:38If I don't come back with the biggest story you ever handled,
00:08:40you can put me back in short pants and make me marble editor.
00:09:00Are you through?
00:09:17Yep.
00:09:18You know this girl, Hazel Flagg?
00:09:21Yep.
00:09:22Pretty girl, huh?
00:09:24Yep.
00:09:25Where is she now, in the hospital?
00:09:27Nope.
00:09:28Just walking around, huh?
00:09:30Laughing, carrying on, I suppose.
00:09:32Yep.
00:09:34What's your name?
00:09:35Coolidge?
00:09:36Nope.
00:09:38Well, if you aren't worn out talking, what is it?
00:09:41Bull.
00:09:42Mr. Bull, my name's Cook.
00:09:44I'm from the New York Star.
00:09:46I, uh, going to be filing a lot of stuff at your telegraph office here.
00:09:51I don't think you are.
00:09:53Well, who says?
00:09:54Paragon Watch Factory owns this town.
00:09:56They don't care to have any scandal printed.
00:09:59What they say goes.
00:10:01Better take the next train back.
00:10:03What kind of a fellow is this Dr. Downer?
00:10:05He won't talk to you.
00:10:06Nobody talks to you in this town.
00:10:08Except me.
00:10:10Better go home.
00:10:12Well, if you don't mind, I'll, uh, take a little stroll and have a look at the sights first.
00:10:16Well, I wouldn't talk at all if I knew I was going to do it for nothing.
00:10:19Oh, pardon me.
00:10:22I forgot I was in Vermont.
00:10:31Oh, well.
00:10:37Morning, sister.
00:10:41You in charge here?
00:10:42Yep.
00:10:45I've been wandering through your fascinating metropolis for an hour.
00:10:49Mind if I sit down here?
00:10:50Yep.
00:10:53I guess you misunderstood me.
00:10:54Nope.
00:11:01You know Hazel Flagg?
00:11:02Yep.
00:11:03Any idea where I could find her this morning?
00:11:07You're a newspaper man from New York.
00:11:09How'd you guess that, sister?
00:11:11You was a scribe to me.
00:11:12Will Bull can shoot his mouth off to you all he wants, but not me, nor anybody else in this town.
00:11:16This drugstore is run by the Paragon Watch Company.
00:11:18And they don't want any scandal monger New Yorkers snooping around.
00:11:23Okay, sister.
00:11:25How much do I owe you?
00:11:27Well, you've tooken up my time.
00:11:31Thank you very much.
00:11:32I'm sorry that I've tooken up so much of your time.
00:11:36Sorry.
00:11:46Oh, boy!
00:11:48Yeah!
00:11:49Oh, boy, do I like that!
00:11:51Oh, look at that!
00:11:52Oh, yeah!
00:11:53Yeah!
00:11:54Yeah!
00:11:55Oh, boy!
00:11:58Woo-hoo!
00:12:04Ah!
00:12:08Hey!
00:12:24Oh, morning.
00:12:25Dr. Downer in?
00:12:27Yes.
00:12:30Is that his office?
00:12:31Yes.
00:12:32Tell him Mr. Cook would like to see him.
00:12:34Tell him yourself.
00:12:50Dr. Downer?
00:12:51Yes?
00:12:54My name's Cook.
00:12:55I'm up here from New York.
00:12:57Sit down.
00:12:58I'll be with you in a minute.
00:13:05Nice day.
00:13:06Yep.
00:13:07Yep.
00:13:08What do you got, young man?
00:13:09Hive?
00:13:10Oh, no hives.
00:13:11There's a lot of hives going around.
00:13:13Miss George Nasher was took yesterday.
00:13:15You know her?
00:13:16Nope.
00:13:19Where did you say you were from?
00:13:20New York.
00:13:22I was wondering if you could tell me where I could find Hazel Flagg.
00:13:25From New York, eh?
00:13:26Yep.
00:13:27You know what I think, young fella?
00:13:29I think you're a newspaper man.
00:13:30I can smell him.
00:13:31I've always been able to smell him.
00:13:33Excuse me while I open the window.
00:13:39I'll tell you briefly what I think of newspaper men.
00:13:43The hand of God reaching down into the mire
00:13:46couldn't elevate one of them to the depths of degradation.
00:13:49Not by a million miles.
00:13:52I think you're being a little severe toward my profession.
00:13:54Not much, but just a little.
00:13:55Nothing of the sort.
00:13:56I am a fair-minded man, young fella.
00:13:58But when you've been robbed, swindled, cheated for 22 years out of a fortune,
00:14:02it's pardonable to formulate an opinion.
00:14:05From New York, eh?
00:14:06Yep.
00:14:07You don't happen to know of a newspaper called The Morning Star?
00:14:11You have the honor, Dr. Downer,
00:14:13of addressing that newspaper's most gifted representative.
00:14:16Moses in the mountains.
00:14:18You're from The Morning Star.
00:14:19Stay right where you are.
00:14:20Don't move.
00:14:21I'll show you something that'll freeze you.
00:14:24Listen, Doctor.
00:14:25I'm getting sick of this taffy pull.
00:14:27Where can I get hold of Hazel Flagg?
00:14:29Don't talk to me about Hazel Flagg.
00:14:31Notary.
00:14:33Here's the evidence.
00:14:35Now, I appeal to you as a man of learning, Dr. Downer.
00:14:38What is Miss Flagg's address?
00:14:40Don't waste my time, young fella.
00:14:42Here, read that.
00:14:43That's a copy of an essay I wrote.
00:14:45Read it.
00:14:46Go on.
00:14:47Tip for tat.
00:14:48Give me her address,
00:14:49and I'll pore over these interesting documents all night.
00:14:51I entered this contest with a clean pair of hands.
00:14:55Who are the sixth greatest American?
00:14:57I named them and proved why,
00:14:59writing on one side of the paper.
00:15:00And what happened?
00:15:01Did I win the $10,000?
00:15:03No, sirree.
00:15:04Did I win the $5,000?
00:15:06Did they even try to save their face
00:15:07by giving me one of the smaller $1,000 prizes?
00:15:10Not that gang of chicken thieves.
00:15:13Here's what they gave me.
00:15:14Read it.
00:15:15A check for $1.
00:15:16Young fella, for 22 years.
00:15:17I must ask you, Dr. Downer, to be reasonable.
00:15:19You can't harbor a grudge for 22 years.
00:15:21I'll harbor it till I die.
00:15:22Wait and see.
00:15:23The Morning Star had a chance to win my respect 22 years ago.
00:15:27They saw fit to swindle and belittle me very well.
00:15:30I'll prove to them before I die
00:15:32who the sixth great Americans are
00:15:34and who was entitled to the first prize.
00:15:40I could do better in darkest Africa.
00:15:42You know who got that $10,000?
00:15:44The editor's wife.
00:15:45Whoa!
00:15:56Morning.
00:16:08You don't have to sit there looking so dramatic, Hazel,
00:16:10like Eliza crossing the ice.
00:16:12Well, I can't help feeling a little bad
00:16:14you couldn't either if you were going to die any minute.
00:16:17Well, you can stop giving yourself
00:16:18the airs of a dying swan.
00:16:20According to this last analysis I made,
00:16:22you ain't going to die
00:16:24unless you get run over or something.
00:16:26What?
00:16:28You heard me.
00:16:29I don't like to chew my cabbage twice.
00:16:31Enoch.
00:16:32Enoch, I'm not going to die.
00:16:35You're fitter than a fiddle.
00:16:36And stop gawking at me or I'll cut myself.
00:16:40Oh, I've got to cry, Enoch.
00:16:42I can't help it.
00:16:43Come, come, come.
00:16:44This is no way to behave in a doctor's office.
00:16:47Besides, that soap will give you
00:16:48the darndest bellyache you ever had.
00:16:51Oh, Enoch, you saved my life.
00:16:53Oh, it was nothing.
00:16:55That first diagnosis I made was a mistake.
00:16:57I got so that I was seeing radium poisoning everywhere.
00:17:00I've been awfully brave, haven't I?
00:17:01Not to cry before.
00:17:02Please, Dad.
00:17:04Well, now that it's over,
00:17:06I don't mind telling you, Hazel,
00:17:08I felt kind of sorry for you.
00:17:10Sorry.
00:17:13I...
00:17:19I've been under a great strain.
00:17:27You know, I don't know what I'm so happy about, Enoch.
00:17:29You sort of spoiled my trip.
00:17:33What trip's that, Hazel?
00:17:34You know, I was going to take that $200
00:17:36you get for dying in Warsaw
00:17:37and go to New York and blow it all in
00:17:40and now I've got to stay in Warsaw.
00:17:42So, that's your gratitude to me
00:17:45for snatching you from the jaws of death.
00:17:51You know, I don't know which I am,
00:17:52happy or miserable.
00:17:53I'm all mixed up.
00:17:55Enoch, listen.
00:17:56Do you have to hand in that report to the factory?
00:17:58I know it sounds a little dishonest.
00:18:01I'd do it like a shot, Hazel.
00:18:03Only I'd lose my job the minute they found out
00:18:05you weren't going to die.
00:18:07And besides, there's the ethics.
00:18:10Well, thanks for all your trouble.
00:18:12I'm terribly grateful.
00:18:18If only it's kind of startling
00:18:20to be brought to life twice
00:18:22and each time in Warsaw.
00:18:31Miss Flagg.
00:18:32Pardon me, I'm Wallace Cook
00:18:34from the New York Star.
00:18:35I came up to see you.
00:18:36I know it's hard for you to talk,
00:18:38but if you just listen to me for a little while...
00:18:39I have nothing to say now.
00:18:41It's sort of too late.
00:18:43I know how you feel, Miss Flagg,
00:18:45but I won't ask you any questions about your ailment.
00:18:47I was just going to see Dr. Dower.
00:18:49He told me...
00:18:50Oh, please don't cry.
00:18:51I was thinking while I was waiting for you to come out
00:18:53and I got an idea.
00:18:54I want you to come to New York with me.
00:18:56What?
00:18:57As my guest.
00:18:58As the guest of the Morning Star.
00:18:59Now, don't say anything till I tell you.
00:19:00Oh, I'm not saying anything.
00:19:01If you were my sister
00:19:02or somebody close to me,
00:19:03I'd take you out of Warsaw
00:19:05and you'd be better alive, Miss Flagg.
00:19:07Oh, I've always wanted to see the world outside before I...
00:19:09It's tragic.
00:19:10You've lived here all your life.
00:19:11Twice that long.
00:19:12You poor kid.
00:19:13You've never been to New York.
00:19:14Oh, my grandmother took me there when I was three,
00:19:16but I didn't appreciate it.
00:19:17Listen, we'll show you the town.
00:19:18We'll take you everywhere.
00:19:19You'll have more fun than if you lived a hundred years
00:19:21in this moth-eaten, yep-or-no village.
00:19:23Oh, that's so very true.
00:19:24Is it a bargain?
00:19:25I don't know.
00:19:26It would be imposing on everybody because...
00:19:28Imposing?
00:19:29In what way?
00:19:30I just thought it'd be wrong to make people sad.
00:19:32It'd be kind of a killjoy, wouldn't it?
00:19:33Listen, I'll be frank with you.
00:19:34Even if I sound like a ghoul, you'll be a sensation.
00:19:36The whole town will take you to its heart.
00:19:38You'll have everything you've ever dreamed of
00:19:39and you'll have it on a silver platter.
00:19:41You'll be like Aladdin with a magic lamp to rub.
00:19:43You mean they'll like me just because I'm dying?
00:19:47Oh, that's a cruel way to put it.
00:19:48No, they'll like you because you'll be a symbol
00:19:50of courage and heroism.
00:19:52We'll talk about it on the plane.
00:19:54An airplane?
00:19:55You mean we're going to fly there?
00:19:56Sure, sure.
00:19:57We haven't much time.
00:19:58I'm sorry.
00:19:59I mean, the sooner you get there,
00:20:00the more time you'll have to enjoy yourself.
00:20:02You know, I was going to go there
00:20:03before I saved up $100.
00:20:04And $100 million couldn't buy her
00:20:05the fun of morning stalking, did it?
00:20:06Come on.
00:20:07Oh, no, wait.
00:20:08I've got to take him with me.
00:20:09With a kid on a bicycle?
00:20:10Oh, no, no, Enoch, Dr. Donner.
00:20:11You wait here.
00:20:12Oh, you won't go away with him?
00:20:13Nope.
00:20:14Well, I'll go ask him.
00:20:15Will you wait here?
00:20:16Yep.
00:20:17Oh, good.
00:20:18Enoch!
00:20:19Enoch!
00:20:20Enoch!
00:20:21Enoch!
00:20:22Enoch.
00:20:43Oh, Enoch, look!
00:20:45I don't care for scenery from this point of view.
00:20:47But that's the Statue of Liberty!
00:20:49I seen it.
00:20:52I got in touch with Oliver, or Oliver Stone, my editor, he's toe dancing in the street
00:21:08waiting for us.
00:21:09Oh, I hope he's nice like you.
00:21:10Well, he's got a different quality of charm, he's sort of a cross between a Ferris wheel
00:21:14and a werewolf, but with a lovable streak if you care to blast for it.
00:21:19You getting nervous?
00:21:20Oh, no, no.
00:21:21I just hope he won't have a lot of long-whiskered doctors lined up to harass me.
00:21:25You know, I'm not coming to New York to play guinea pig for a lot of scientists.
00:21:28Everybody knows the radium poisoning is incurable, so why waste any time in that direction?
00:21:34Don't you worry about that.
00:21:36You won't be bothered at all.
00:21:37You know, I'm not going to bed until I have convulsions and my teeth start falling out.
00:21:41That's when I begin worrying, isn't it, Enoch?
00:21:44This is as good a time as any.
00:21:46How are you feeling now, sailor?
00:21:48Hunky-dory, skipper.
00:21:49Well, there she is, in all her beads and ribbons.
00:22:00Mr. Cook?
00:22:01Yes.
00:22:02Oh, thank you.
00:22:04Oh, it's from Oliver.
00:22:05He's almost tongue-tied with excitement.
00:22:07He's worked up a nutty demonstration.
00:22:09New York is going to lay its heart at your feet.
00:22:11While the whistles blow and the bands play and the cameras grind.
00:22:15How about you, sailor?
00:22:18Anything you care to say as we go into action?
00:22:20Oh, I'm going to have a marvelous time.
00:22:22Whatever happens afterwards, I mean about the convulsions and all that,
00:22:24I'm going to have fun first.
00:22:26I am.
00:22:27I am.
00:22:28Well, if that doesn't make them cry, nothing will.
00:22:30Cry?
00:22:31Why should they cry?
00:22:32Because you're the bravest kid that ever lived.
00:22:35There's no fake about it this time.
00:22:38Oh, look!
00:23:47Hey!
00:24:18Don't excite yourself too much.
00:24:19It's just a fake.
00:24:20What did you say?
00:24:21I said, don't excite yourself too much.
00:24:22It's just a fake.
00:24:23Who?
00:24:24Who's a fake?
00:24:25Those grapplers.
00:24:26The only square thing about them is the ring.
00:24:28Oh, them?
00:24:29They're a symbol of the whole town.
00:24:30Pretending to fight, love, weep, and laugh all the time.
00:24:33And they're phonies, all of them.
00:24:35And I had the list.
00:24:36Oh, no, you don't.
00:24:37Don't say that.
00:24:38Using you to get a bonus and a byline on the front page.
00:24:41Making good over your poor little cane rack body.
00:24:45I'm worse than those fake grapplers.
00:24:47I feel fine tonight, Wally.
00:24:48You and the morning star have been so wonderful to me.
00:24:50You know, these wonderful gowns and the banquets
00:24:52and the theater tickets and the poetry.
00:24:55Stop looking so happy and gallant, will you?
00:24:58It breaks my heart.
00:25:01Help!
00:25:04Help!
00:25:05Help!
00:25:17Come on, girls.
00:25:18Come over here.
00:25:19Forget all about it now, will you?
00:25:23Forget about it?
00:25:23I'd rather not talk about a bother here.
00:25:24Over here.
00:25:25There she is.
00:25:26Isn't that easy to find?
00:25:27Now, those women with the tights,
00:25:29Ladies and gentlemen, I have just learned that Ms. Hazel Flagg is in the audience.
00:25:58I would like to ask this distinguished audience to observe ten seconds of silence in respect for Ms. Flagg.
00:26:28Okay, boys.
00:26:58Would it interfere with your running the fleet if I asked you something personal?
00:27:10That's what we're here for, to get personal. Proceed.
00:27:13There's a loose halyard forward. Go make it fast, will you?
00:27:16Yes, my little mariner, yes. Try not to go overboard.
00:27:20I asked several people, but they didn't know.
00:27:23Didn't know what?
00:27:24If you were married.
00:27:26The answer in capital letters is no, N-O.
00:27:30N-O?
00:27:31N-O.
00:27:32Oh, I see. I don't suppose newspaper men marry as a rule.
00:27:36Not after they're 14 or 15. That's the dangerous age for the journalist.
00:27:40His ideals are not yet formed and he falls easy prey to elderly waitresses.
00:27:44Once his finer side is born, he waits.
00:27:47For what?
00:27:48The sound of the fire alarm, Ms. Flagg, waits to go rushing off to the fire.
00:27:52What fire is that, Mr. Cook?
00:27:54Love.
00:27:55I used to hear about that in Warsaw.
00:27:57Yeah, it's gotten around.
00:28:26You having fun?
00:28:29Yes, but you know, I get kind of depressed.
00:28:31You know, last night when I entered the theater, everybody moaned.
00:28:35You know, I might as well be a case of walking cholera.
00:28:39Don't do that!
00:28:45I used to love New York when I went gaga over some celebrity.
00:28:49Danced in the streets with a neon light round its heart.
00:28:54Getting fed up with its trick tears and phony lamentations over you.
00:28:58I'm glad they're phony. It makes everything all right in a way.
00:29:01What I mean is, I wouldn't want to feel I was really making all those people suffer.
00:29:17Wally! Wally, look at that man with the toupee!
00:29:23Wally!
00:29:44Greetings, greetings, my little folks.
00:29:48Tonight there is one among us who adds a bit of unaccustomed drama to our little revel.
00:29:54She sits here, eyes sparkling, her face wreathed in a lovely smile.
00:30:00Drinking in the charm, the glitter, the gay sounds of life.
00:30:07So drink your wine, laugh and applaud.
00:30:10While this little doomed child sits saying goodbye to you.
00:30:15Her last goodbye with a grateful smile on her lips.
00:30:21So on with the show, my little actors all.
00:30:25On with the show for tonight you are not the famous folk of Broadway.
00:30:30Tonight you are just a little chorus laughing and dancing and pirouetting
00:30:35to afford a last brief hour of mirth and jollity
00:30:39to America's simplest and sweetest of heroines.
00:30:44Miss Hazel Black.
00:30:57For good, clean fun, there's nothing like a wake.
00:31:00Oh, please, please, let's not talk shop.
00:31:04Our next number tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is entitled The Heroine of History.
00:31:14Catherine the Great, who saved Russia.
00:31:22She could do it, too.
00:31:35Lady Godiva, who saved her virtue.
00:31:38That's the way those things go, folks.
00:31:44Katinka, who saved Holland by putting her finger in the dyke.
00:32:07Show them the finger, babe.
00:32:14Pocahontas, who saved Captain John Smith and later on set him up in the cough drop business.
00:32:29La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
00:32:33La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
00:32:41Now, ladies and gentlemen, I want you to meet that little girl from Warsaw, Vermont.
00:32:46That little soldier whose heroic smile in the face of death
00:32:51has wrung tears and cheers from the great stone heart of the city.
00:32:56I humbly invite her now to take her place beside all the great heroines of history,
00:33:03our own Miss Hazel Flagg.
00:33:26Thank you.
00:33:56Thank you.
00:33:58Thank you.
00:34:23Look, something has happened to Hazel.
00:34:28Hazel, Hazel, don't speak to me.
00:34:30Look out, young fellow. Let me at her.
00:34:33Has it, has it come?
00:34:35Doctor, I want to know the worst. I don't want you to spare our feelings.
00:34:38We go to press in 15 minutes.
00:34:46Is there a chance, Doctor?
00:34:48I've been expecting something like this.
00:34:50Let's get her out of here.
00:34:51Quick.
00:34:53Please, everybody, take your seats.
00:34:56Quiet, please, take your seats.
00:34:58There must be no commotion.
00:35:00The show must go on.
00:35:02Hazel would want it that way.
00:35:09I'm disgusted with you, Hazel, getting drunk in the middle of a memorial.
00:35:13Now lie down like I tell you.
00:35:15I'm not drunk.
00:35:16I just had a little sip or so,
00:35:19and then all those buffaloes ran over me.
00:35:22They weren't buffaloes. They were horses.
00:35:24I might have been trampled to death.
00:35:27Don't yell, I tell you.
00:35:29If somebody respectable could see you now, that would be pretty, wouldn't it?
00:35:33Shame on you.
00:35:35Take your stockings off.
00:35:37Yeah, the doctors take them off themselves.
00:35:40Don't you see? You're lucky.
00:35:48Hey, what are you doing?
00:36:00If anything happens, we'll have to replay it.
00:36:03That's all that counts to you, isn't it, you birdbrain with a headline for a heart?
00:36:08That poor gallant little kid standing in front of that goofy bunch of horses and smiling.
00:36:12Just smiling.
00:36:13Don't waste copy on me, Wallace.
00:36:16Oliver, there's the sweetest, loveliest kid in there that ever lived.
00:36:20Yes, you said that before, Wally.
00:36:23I'm through.
00:36:24I can't play pallbearer any longer. I'm resigning.
00:36:27She's all right, gentlemen.
00:36:29Sleeping like a little baby.
00:36:30No.
00:36:31Are you sure?
00:36:32Just as if nothing had happened.
00:36:34She'll be fitter than a fiddle in the morning.
00:36:36Three o'clock in the morning.
00:36:40Ring-a-dee-da-da, dee-dee-da-da.
00:36:45Oh.
00:36:48Oh.
00:36:51Oh, my gosh.
00:36:52Miss Rafferty, Miss Rafferty.
00:36:54Yes?
00:36:55Oh, make them stop bringing that phone.
00:36:57It'll break my head open.
00:37:00Hello?
00:37:01I don't want to talk to anybody.
00:37:03Just a minute.
00:37:04There are 20 little schoolchildren downstairs to sing for you.
00:37:08Mr. Stone arranged for it yesterday.
00:37:10Oh, it's horrible.
00:37:12I'll go mad.
00:37:15Send them up.
00:37:17You may bring them up, sir.
00:37:18Oh, my gosh.
00:37:19There's a sawdust inside my head.
00:37:22You may leave the room, Miss Rafferty.
00:37:30I brought you something.
00:37:33Raw eggs.
00:37:37Just what you need.
00:37:39The albumen counteracts the alcohol.
00:37:48Suck them right down.
00:37:49Settle your stomach.
00:37:51Go on.
00:37:52I got a whole dozen.
00:37:53Is this the way drunks feel?
00:37:56Hazel, you've got what is known in medicine as a hangover.
00:38:00I've got something worse than that.
00:38:02I've got a conscience.
00:38:04Oh.
00:38:05If I'm sucking that egg in, your conscience will go away.
00:38:08I'm ruining him.
00:38:11Let me have your pulse, Hazel.
00:38:15Don't jiggle me.
00:38:16My pulse is all right.
00:38:17I'm as healthy as an ox.
00:38:19Oh.
00:38:20Well, stop groaning, then.
00:38:21You old fraud, you know what I'm groaning about?
00:38:23Oh, I wish, I wish I had radium poisoning or something awful
00:38:27and then I wouldn't ruin him.
00:38:29Who's this you're ruining, Hazel?
00:38:31Wallace, Mr. Cook.
00:38:32Oh, him.
00:38:33Have another egg.
00:38:34Enoch, listen.
00:38:35He thinks I've helped him become a great journalist
00:38:37and they're going to give him a bonus.
00:38:39Mr. Stone is a bonus.
00:38:41It's coming out of the $10,000 they owe me.
00:38:43If I'm not complaining, why should he worry?
00:38:45He thinks I've helped him.
00:38:47Helped him, and it makes him feel better.
00:38:49Oh, I can't stand it.
00:38:50You know what'll happen when they find out
00:38:52I'm a horrible, good-for-nothing fake?
00:38:54They'll blame him and everybody.
00:38:56They'll just burn down the newspaper
00:38:57and the mayor, he'll have Wally Lynch.
00:38:59You just wait and see.
00:39:01Oh, Enoch, why did you let me come to New York?
00:39:04You were only as honest as you look.
00:39:10Mr. Cook is here to see Miss Flagg.
00:39:12Do you feel able to speak to him?
00:39:13Oh, yes.
00:39:14Tell him I wish.
00:39:23Tell him to come in.
00:39:24Come in.
00:39:32Hello.
00:39:33Hello, Hazel.
00:39:34Hello.
00:39:35Hello, Doctor.
00:39:38It, uh, it won't hurt her if I visit a while.
00:39:41She's doing very well for her last few weeks.
00:39:49See, I'm glad to hear that, Hazel.
00:39:51I was, uh, we were worried.
00:39:54Excuse me.
00:39:57I wouldn't have disturbed you, but, uh,
00:39:59I'm going away and I thought I might not see you again.
00:40:01You're going away where?
00:40:04Oh, just to Albany.
00:40:06What for?
00:40:07Just to see the governor.
00:40:09Wallace, what are you doing in Albany with the governor?
00:40:11Hazel, he mustn't get overwrought.
00:40:13Well, if it's about me, I must know about it.
00:40:15It's, uh, about the arrangements, Hazel.
00:40:19What arrangements?
00:40:21For the funeral.
00:40:22What funeral?
00:40:24Yours.
00:40:26Oh.
00:40:29Have I, have I shocked you?
00:40:31Oh, no, oh, no.
00:40:32Everybody has to have a funeral sometime.
00:40:34Oh, but not like yours, darling.
00:40:37Gee, I meant to keep it as a surprise.
00:40:41Oh, it's better this way.
00:40:42You're telling me in advance so I can get used to it.
00:40:45Oh, I hope it's going to be a little funeral.
00:40:47Oh, I'm afraid that's way, way impossible, Hazel.
00:40:50According to the present registration,
00:40:52there'll be about 30,000 automobiles
00:40:54and a considerable group on foot.
00:40:56About half a million, I think.
00:40:59Oh, my.
00:41:00Well, that's not half enough to mourn for you.
00:41:04Oliver thought we could get the president,
00:41:06but, uh, he's still fishing.
00:41:09I arranged to have the symphony orchestra there instead.
00:41:11Well, if it's all arranged, why are you going to Albany?
00:41:14Well, uh, I had an idea this morning.
00:41:17I'm getting the, uh, governor to declare a public holiday
00:41:20for the, uh, occasion.
00:41:21Oh, like St. Valentine's Day.
00:41:23I'm glad I told you.
00:41:25Hazel, I want you to know now and always,
00:41:28I think you're magnificent.
00:41:30Oh, please, please don't say that.
00:41:33Do you have to go away?
00:41:34Well, I'll be back by night.
00:41:36I've got another surprise for you, but I'll not tell you now.
00:41:39Oh, I've got to hear it.
00:41:43Well, I, I promised you I wouldn't do this.
00:41:46You wouldn't do what?
00:41:47Call in any other doctors.
00:41:49Hazel, I know you have great faith in Enoch,
00:41:52but I've broken my promise.
00:41:54Dr. Emil Eggelhoffer
00:41:56is arriving on the wrecks this afternoon.
00:41:58He's from Vienna.
00:41:59And I'm bringing him up to see you.
00:42:01What for?
00:42:02Hazel, he is the greatest expert on radium poisoning in the world.
00:42:06I know it's incurable,
00:42:07but when I heard he was on the wrecks, I radioed him.
00:42:10There's, there's always an outside chance.
00:42:12You know, just one in a million.
00:42:15You know, I'm sorry.
00:42:16I, I've got to run to get the 10 o'clock plane.
00:42:19Hazel, I, I know it's a long shot,
00:42:22but we can hope, hmm?
00:42:26Goodbye.
00:42:28Goodbye.
00:42:32Pardon.
00:42:39The little children are here, Hazel.
00:42:41What little children?
00:42:42They've come to sing for you.
00:42:43Enoch, this is the end.
00:42:44Huh?
00:42:45Don't ask any questions, just listen to me.
00:42:46We're caught.
00:42:47Dr. Eggelhoffer's coming here tonight to, to expose me and Wally.
00:42:50You've got nothing to fear from any doctor
00:42:52who comes snooping around here.
00:42:55Better have another egg.
00:42:56Oh, there's only one way out.
00:42:57There's only one way to save you and me and Wally.
00:42:59I've got to commit suicide in advance
00:43:00before that scientist gets to me.
00:43:02I've, I've got to be proud.
00:43:03Oh, suck this egg, I tell you.
00:43:04Oh, shut up.
00:43:05I'll leave a note to the city thanking everybody.
00:43:08You, you get rid of the nurse for the evening
00:43:09and then I'll jump into the river.
00:43:11Somebody's bound to see me jump in
00:43:12and you'll be waiting in a rowboat to fish me out.
00:43:14And I'll swim underwater and I'll change my name
00:43:17and, and hide away for the rest of my life
00:43:19and never, never see him again.
00:43:22Or they'll hold the funeral without me.
00:43:30For you, Hazel, we are cheering
00:43:34Now the end is finally nearing
00:43:39Like an angel you're appearing
00:43:43Who makes our hazel flag
00:43:47Now on hazel flags you leave us
00:43:51Your passing will so deeply grieve us
00:43:55When you only have to leave us
00:43:59Three cheers for hazel flag
00:44:04Hazel flag is going fast
00:44:06She's helping with the tide
00:44:08She's riding waves of glory
00:44:10Towards that alien other side
00:44:13Hazel flag is going through the forest
00:44:15Through the forest land above
00:44:17Hazel flag is going through the forest
00:44:46Hello, honey. This is Ernest.
00:44:49Honey, what kind of flowers do you like?
00:44:52Huh?
00:44:54Don't worry, honey. They're all the same price.
00:44:57I'm getting them wholesale.
00:45:00Be right up, honey.
00:45:04I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:06I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:08I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:10I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:12I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:14I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:16I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:18I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:20I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:22I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:24I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:26I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:28I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:30I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:32I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:34I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:36I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:38I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:40I'm going to get some flowers.
00:45:43Hello. Get me the Morning Star, quick.
00:45:46Who committed suicide?
00:45:48Read it to me.
00:45:50Dear New York City, goodbye.
00:45:53Remember me as someone you made very happy.
00:45:57I have enjoyed everything.
00:46:00There's only one thing left to enjoy.
00:46:03Your river that smiles outside of my window.
00:46:07It is easy to die when the heart is full of gratitude.
00:46:12Hazel Flagg.
00:46:16Hello, Oliver.
00:46:17Oh, we get our holiday.
00:46:18The governor has agreed to allow that.
00:46:22Jumping ain't Celeste.
00:46:24She's double-crossed.
00:46:25Who has?
00:46:26Miss Flagg.
00:46:27She's gone over to some other paper?
00:46:29She's gone into the river.
00:46:31Listen, you weasel brain.
00:46:32What are you trying to tell me?
00:46:33Hazel Flagg.
00:46:34Listen, you weasel brain.
00:46:35What are you trying to tell me?
00:46:36Hazel Flagg has committed suicide.
00:46:39I don't believe it.
00:46:40Ernest, your sultan found her suicide note.
00:46:45He saw her leave the hotel five minutes ago.
00:46:48Give me the mayor at once.
00:46:49Get the governor.
00:46:50Tell him we want that holiday tomorrow.
00:46:52You're a fine pair of gravediggers, you and the governor both.
00:46:54Hello, hello, mayor.
00:46:55This is Wallace Cook of the Star calling.
00:47:04No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:47:27One, two, three...
00:47:30Enick, Enick, Enick.
00:47:33Enoch!
00:47:36Okay, Hazel, okay!
00:47:41One...
00:47:42Two...
00:47:43Hazel!
00:47:44Stop!
00:47:49Stop!
00:47:51Stop!
00:47:52Crazy fool!
00:47:54What the devil's the matter with you?
00:47:56What are you trying to do?
00:48:04Wally!
00:48:05Wally, are you all right?
00:48:07Sure, I'm all right!
00:48:09But I...
00:48:10But I can't swim!
00:48:12Wally!
00:48:13Oh, get in!
00:48:14Oh, Wally!
00:48:15I can't...
00:48:16I can't...
00:48:19All right.
00:48:34It's a fine, sweet trick you tried to play!
00:48:36Well, why didn't you say it all to me?
00:48:38Jumping off up here like some hophead!
00:48:40I didn't jump, I was pushed!
00:48:41Scaring everybody out of their wits?
00:48:42No, boy, I wasn't scared!
00:48:43Listen, either you give me your word of honor you won't try that again or I'll spank your little...
00:48:46Oh, Wallace, don't you think you ought to notify him that you've located me?
00:48:49You know, it seems unfair to have him dragging the river...
00:48:51Oh, the fresh air will do him good.
00:48:52Come on, I want to talk to you.
00:48:54Wally!
00:48:55Wally!
00:48:56Wally!
00:48:57Wally!
00:48:58Wally!
00:48:59Wally!
00:49:00Wally!
00:49:01Wally!
00:49:02Wally!
00:49:04This is as good a place as any.
00:49:06Get in!
00:49:10Oh, it's...
00:49:11It's awfully cozy, isn't it?
00:49:13Are you still mad at me?
00:49:14I'm mad at myself.
00:49:16Drooling away to you about the funeral.
00:49:18That's what drove you to it.
00:49:19Oh, to be really frank with you, Wallace, it wasn't that at all.
00:49:22Oh, darling, I'd love to sit in here with you for the rest of my life.
00:49:32Hazel...
00:49:34Will you marry me?
00:49:36What?
00:49:38If you heard me, will you marry me?
00:49:40Oh, Wally...
00:49:41Come on, answer me.
00:49:42Oh, but darling, there's no future in it.
00:49:44Now, don't talk like a half-wit.
00:49:46I don't care about the future.
00:49:48Oh, Wally, if things were normal, I'd...
00:49:50Oh, Wally, I...
00:49:51I mustn't...
00:49:52Don't ask me.
00:49:53Please, just kiss me once more and let it go without...
00:49:55Without ruining your life.
00:49:57Listen, what the devil is there better to life than we've got?
00:50:00A handful of perfect dollars.
00:50:02That's all the luckiest ever get out of it.
00:50:04Just a handful of hours to save and remember.
00:50:08Then I'll be there at the end, sailor.
00:50:12I'll be there waving you goodbye.
00:50:15It'll be the same as if you and I had lived forever.
00:50:18And you will grow old in my heart.
00:50:22Oh, please.
00:50:31You seen anything of a young lady what jumped in the river?
00:50:34Yes, she's right here.
00:50:36All right, Jim, get the bull-motor.
00:50:38Oh, never mind the bull-motor.
00:50:40Her breathing's fine.
00:50:44Drive us to her hotel, will you?
00:50:46Sure, jump in.
00:50:48Thank you.
00:51:05Oh, oh, thank you.
00:51:06You're welcome.
00:51:09Thank you.
00:51:10You're welcome.
00:51:14You're welcome.
00:51:16Looks as if I finally get my ride on a fire engine.
00:51:23Jim?
00:51:24Jim.
00:51:25Okay, Jim!
00:51:33Oh, goodness, goodness!
00:51:45I think I'll go down and bat out the story.
00:51:47Oliver's having a cat fit.
00:51:49You know, I've been misjudging him.
00:51:51When I told him you were safe and sound,
00:51:53he choked up and he couldn't talk for a minute.
00:51:56Oh, I guess he's very sweet.
00:51:58Yeah.
00:51:59Well, I'll see you in the morning.
00:52:01Have a good sleep.
00:52:04Good night.
00:52:05Yes, sir.
00:52:06Oh, it's a big fire.
00:52:08Oh, if you ever hate me, remember this and this and this and this.
00:52:16Oh.
00:52:20The biggest fire since Rome.
00:52:37Well, well, well.
00:52:38Hello, Azor.
00:52:39Come in.
00:52:40I was wondering what ever become of you.
00:52:45Enoch, who is that man?
00:52:47Enoch, who is that man?
00:52:48Oh, he's just a stranger from Europe.
00:52:50Dropped in for a little chat.
00:52:52We've been discussing medicine pro and con.
00:52:55Well, excuse me.
00:52:58I wanted to introduce you to Hazel Flagg.
00:53:01Mr, uh...
00:53:02What did you say your name was?
00:53:04Egelhofer.
00:53:05Dr. Emil Egelhofer.
00:53:07Dr. Offalegger?
00:53:10Seems to me I've heard of you somewhere, doctor.
00:53:13Oh, Enoch, Enoch, sit down now.
00:53:16I received a radio on the ship from the morning star, Miss Flagg,
00:53:19which excited my professional as well as humane interest.
00:53:23And I called on you at once.
00:53:27Ah, that must be my colleagues.
00:53:31Good night, gentlemen.
00:53:37This is the young lady, Miss Hazel Flagg.
00:53:39Dr. Oswald Funch of Prague.
00:53:44Dr. Felix Marachovsky of Moscow.
00:53:49Dr. Friedrich Kirchenweiser of Berlin.
00:53:53All the darkies and the weeping
00:53:59of masses in the cold, cold ground.
00:54:07There is no vestige, no trace, no single symptom
00:54:11of radium poisoning in this young woman, Mr. Stone.
00:54:15We had some trouble with that horse doctor from Vermont.
00:54:20But we took the x-rays regardless.
00:54:24Are you sure you examined the right woman?
00:54:27And not some... some imposter?
00:54:31Oh, the only imposter in this case, Mr. Stone,
00:54:35is this young woman we examined.
00:54:37The young woman who is known as Hazel Flagg.
00:54:41Here's the full report of this examination.
00:54:44Here's the x-ray pictures showing the entire skeleton
00:54:48of this young woman known as Hazel Flagg.
00:54:50And here, Mr. Stone, is my bill.
00:54:54Ahem, our bill.
00:54:58And I will assure you, not me or my colleagues
00:55:02will say one single word of this to the newspaper.
00:55:07Goodbye. You have nothing more to worry about, Mr. Stone.
00:55:11Your troubles are over.
00:55:22Send me up four sluggers from the circulation department.
00:55:27Send me up four sluggers from the circulation department.
00:55:41Got a bulletin in New League for you on Hazel Flagg
00:55:44that's gonna read that sour puss of yours into a nosegay of smiles.
00:55:48Well, sit tight and tuck in your ears.
00:55:51Miss Flagg is getting married tonight.
00:55:54Wish me luck, old weasel brain. It's me.
00:56:00Now, listen, I know it sounds hysterical,
00:56:02marrying somebody with a few weeks to live.
00:56:05Like honeymooning with a hearse at the front door.
00:56:09But, Oliver, it's on the square.
00:56:16What's the matter with you?
00:56:18Listen, I want you to be best man of...
00:56:21Is he a steward or something? I came in for congratulations.
00:56:25What's up? What's eating you?
00:56:28I am sitting here, Mr. Cook,
00:56:31trying to figure some way out of the blackest disaster
00:56:36that has ever struck down an innocent man
00:56:39since the days of Judas Iscariot.
00:56:42What are you mumbling about? What disaster?
00:56:45I am sitting here, Mr. Cook,
00:56:48sitting here, Mr. Cook,
00:56:50toying with the idea of removing your heart
00:56:55and stuffing it like an olive.
00:56:57Hang on, Oliver. You're going screwy. I'll get water.
00:57:00You'll ruin me. You'll ruin the morning star.
00:57:03You'll blacken forever the fair name of journalism.
00:57:06You and that foul botch of nature, Hazel Flagg.
00:57:12You got some excuse for those words, Oliver. Let's have it quick.
00:57:14Excuse? Excuse? Look at that.
00:57:18Look at that skeleton. Not a bone missing.
00:57:21Down to the last healthy vertebra intact.
00:57:25Read that. Rub your nose in it.
00:57:27That's Hazel Flagg, the biggest fake of the century.
00:57:30A lying, faking witch with the soul of an eel
00:57:33and the brain of a tarantula.
00:57:35She hasn't got anything wrong with her at all.
00:57:38Sweet heaven, I can't believe it.
00:57:41It's like some miracle.
00:57:43Get to the Waldorf Hotel as quick as you can.
00:57:46Grab Hazel Flagg and bring her to this office.
00:57:48If you have to, drag her through the street by the hair.
00:57:50So help me, Oliver. If you hurt that kid, I'll knock you cold.
00:57:52I'll frame you. You stay here and watch that maniac.
00:57:54Watch every move he makes.
00:57:56I want Hazel Flagg in this office within half an hour.
00:57:59You're staying here.
00:58:01Listen, Oliver, you're not gonna hurt her. Shut up.
00:58:03I'm marrying her. Get that into that monkey skull of yours.
00:58:06I don't care how we've been taken or what she's done. I'm in love with her.
00:58:08Oh, that's a beautiful thought. And I thank God on my knees
00:58:10that she's a fraud and a fake and isn't going to die.
00:58:12You're on your knees thanking God, are you,
00:58:14when the whole town's getting ready to laugh at us.
00:58:16A howl that'll be heard around the world.
00:58:18Let them laugh. I'll do my own laughing back.
00:58:20It'll be worse than the French Revolution.
00:58:22I hope I'm here when it breaks.
00:58:24I want to make one speech to our dear readers
00:58:26before they carry our heads off on a pike.
00:58:28I want to tell them we've been their benefactors.
00:58:30We gave them a chance to pretend that their phony hearts
00:58:33were dripping with the milk of human kindness.
00:58:35What's your name?
00:58:37Me? Max.
00:58:39I want quiet in this office, Max.
00:58:42Quiet so I can think.
00:58:45Hazel Flagg's a fraud, eh?
00:58:47So when you start yelling foul,
00:58:49remember she was just a circulation stunt for you.
00:58:51You used her like you've used every broken heart
00:58:53that's fallen into your knapsack.
00:58:55To inflame the Daffy public and help sell your papers.
00:58:57That's her up about selling papers.
00:59:01Oh, come on.
00:59:03Don't ask me.
00:59:05Oh, come on.
00:59:12Before I finish with that female Dracula,
00:59:14she'll know one thing.
00:59:16That Oliver Stone is worse than radium poisoning
00:59:18four ways from the jack.
00:59:23Hello? Hello?
00:59:25Who? Moe?
00:59:27Moe who?
00:59:29Who's Moe Levinsky?
00:59:31That's my brother.
00:59:33You sent him over to get that girl, remember?
00:59:35Uh-oh, Moe, listen. What?
00:59:37What's that?
00:59:39Well, what are you stalling for?
00:59:41Get her back here to the office as I ordered.
00:59:43Get the mush out of your mouth, man, and speak up.
00:59:45He's a dumb cluck, Mr. Stone.
00:59:47You better let me talk to him.
00:59:49You'll just get him excited, then he's gone.
00:59:51Yes.
00:59:53Hello, Moe? This is Max.
00:59:55What's on your mind?
00:59:57Uh-huh.
00:59:59Uh-huh.
01:00:01That's a shame.
01:00:03What is it?
01:00:05I'm getting it.
01:00:07And take it easy.
01:00:09Uh-huh.
01:00:11Uh-huh.
01:00:13You're a dumb sir.
01:00:15Look, Moe, hold her wire, will you?
01:00:17I'll take it up with Mr. Stone.
01:00:19Well?
01:00:21He wants to know where he can get a doctor.
01:00:23This girl is sick.
01:00:25Who's sick?
01:00:27This girl, Hazel Flagg.
01:00:29It's a lie.
01:00:31Listen, Max, ask him what she's sick with.
01:00:33He told me. He said it's something like the DTs.
01:00:35There. Just a minute.
01:00:37Hello, Moe?
01:00:39Hello, Moe? This is Max.
01:00:41Your brother, Max.
01:00:43He's getting rattled.
01:00:45Now, don't fly off the handle, Moe.
01:00:47All I want to know
01:00:49is the noise there.
01:00:51No, not a noise.
01:00:53Noise like a tootsie.
01:00:55That's right.
01:00:57Uh-huh.
01:00:59Uh-huh.
01:01:01Give me that phone.
01:01:03Give me that phone, I tell you.
01:01:05Here's the noise.
01:01:07Mr. Effigy, Oliver Stone.
01:01:09Pneumonia?
01:01:11It's a lie, I tell you.
01:01:13Temperature of 106? Dying?
01:01:15Go back and take her temperature again.
01:01:17I don't trust that girl until I get a doctor.
01:01:19No, not Dr. Downer.
01:01:21Tell Moe to throw that Vermont quack
01:01:23out of the room the minute he shows his face.
01:01:25Get me Moe.
01:01:27Pneumonia.
01:01:29It's the finger of God, if it's true.
01:01:31Listen, Moe.
01:01:33Don't let anybody leave that room until I get there.
01:01:35Dead or alive, nobody leaves that room.
01:01:37Get me?
01:01:39It's like a pardon from the gallows.
01:01:41But I'm pressing nobody this time.
01:01:43I'm taking no chances.
01:01:45Hello. Hello.
01:01:47Get me Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:01:49Wherever he is.
01:01:51Well, try all the hotels.
01:01:53Listen, Oliver. I'm going over there.
01:01:55And if you try to stop me, so help me,
01:01:57I'll get you if it takes all my life.
01:01:59I'll help you now.
01:02:01If that little girl is sick, your place is by her side.
01:02:03Yes.
01:02:05Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:02:07Well, try the medical center.
01:02:09Try Schultz's beer garden.
01:02:17No, I don't want to see the mayor.
01:02:19Take the mayor away from me.
01:02:21I want Wallace.
01:02:23Wallace, where are you?
01:02:25Cut out the shenanigans, will you?
01:02:27You're going to lose.
01:02:29Wally, I'm on fire.
01:02:31Shut up for a minute and listen to me.
01:02:33Egelhofer is going to be here in 10 or 15 minutes.
01:02:35Egelhofer.
01:02:37Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:02:41I knew you were faking the matter.
01:02:43Wally, they were going to arrest me. I couldn't get away.
01:02:45You know, I put the thermometer under the hot water and threw a fit.
01:02:47Oh, Wally, you'd hate me.
01:02:49I knew you'd hate me.
01:02:51I told you. I told you.
01:02:53Let's not go into that now.
01:02:55Egelhofer, he'll expose me again.
01:02:57There's four of them.
01:02:59Keep your head and listen to me.
01:03:01Shut up. Where's the hot water?
01:03:03In bed.
01:03:05As if I didn't know.
01:03:07Have you got two thermometers?
01:03:09Three. I've got three.
01:03:11You'll never forgive me for what I've done to you.
01:03:13Wally, I want to die.
01:03:15I don't want to live another minute.
01:03:17It's been a lot of fun playing me for the world's prize, chump.
01:03:19Where's the other thermometer?
01:03:21Here.
01:03:23The only genuine horse's neck on the market.
01:03:25I didn't mean it. Really, I didn't...
01:03:27All right, shut up and listen to the greatest sucker in Christendom
01:03:29and listen hard.
01:03:31Egelhofer is coming.
01:03:33With his gang?
01:03:35What gang?
01:03:37Well, he's got a wagonload of scientists with him with, you know, microscopes and a searchlight.
01:03:39Oh, I'm sunk. I give up.
01:03:41Get out of bed.
01:03:43No, no. Let them arrest me and put me in prison.
01:03:45You won't hate me so much if I'm behind bars.
01:03:47Listen, my dying swan, this is no time to stop faking.
01:03:49You're going to have pneumonia and you're going to have it good.
01:03:51What, you want me to stand in front of a window and catch cold?
01:03:53No, that would take too long.
01:03:55You've got to raise your pulse to 160. Quick.
01:03:57You've got to have your gasping panting
01:03:59and covered with a cold sweat inside of five minutes.
01:04:01How?
01:04:03Oh, I don't... Fight. Fight.
01:04:05Come on. Come on, Delilah. Up with your juice.
01:04:07No, I can't.
01:04:09I'm sick of faking and lying.
01:04:11Take that ice pack off your head and fight.
01:04:13No, no. What's the use?
01:04:15Why fool them any longer?
01:04:17Because I love you.
01:04:21Because I'm going to marry you.
01:04:23And I don't want to spend my honeymoon hanging around
01:04:25sing-sing blowing kisses to you in the exercise yard.
01:04:27Come on. Stop dogging it.
01:04:29You've got to be bathed in perspiration.
01:04:31Come on. Get going, you little crook.
01:04:33Who's a crook?
01:04:35You and your crooked newspaper.
01:04:37What's up, baby? Come on. Keep moving, snake brains.
01:04:39Come on. I'll kill you.
01:04:41Banging at me like a rat
01:04:43like I was a prize pig with a blue ribbon on.
01:04:45Oh, blue ribbon's on you, baby.
01:04:47Just a big yellow sign marked fake.
01:04:49I'm a fake, huh?
01:04:51I'm a fake. What are you and that phony Santy Claus
01:04:53out of his stone slobbering and drooling over me?
01:04:55That's for the heroines of history.
01:04:57And that's for your Aunt Mary.
01:04:59Come on. Keep moving, my little fraud.
01:05:01I'll never forgive you as long as I live.
01:05:03I won't. I just hate you. I just hate you.
01:05:05Let go of me.
01:05:07Let go of me.
01:05:11I hate you.
01:05:15You're going to have plenty of reason to hate me.
01:05:17I'm going to pay you cards and spades and lying
01:05:19for the next 50 years. I'm going to pay you back
01:05:21for every lie you told. I'm going to flirt and lie
01:05:23and cheat and swindle right through to our golden wedding.
01:05:25Yeah, yeah. Let me hit you just once.
01:05:27All right. Come on.
01:05:29That's it. Come on. Keep coming. Faster. Faster.
01:05:31Come on. Keep coming. Faster. Faster.
01:05:33That's it. Keep swinging. That's the girl.
01:05:35That's it. What's the matter?
01:05:37Come on.
01:05:39Oh, I'm getting dizzy.
01:05:41Well, that's fine. That's fine.
01:05:43Now listen to me and listen carefully.
01:05:45I want you to remember what I'm saying.
01:05:47What do you mean, come to?
01:05:49I mean when you'll regain consciousness.
01:05:51I want you to switch thermometers.
01:05:53Put the hot one in your mouth. You get me?
01:05:55Yeah, yeah. Let me sock you just once.
01:05:57Just once on the jaw and I don't care what happens.
01:05:59All right. Come on.
01:06:01I just heard the elevator door. They're coming.
01:06:03Don't forget about the thermometer.
01:06:05Yeah, yeah.
01:06:07Say goodnight to Papa now.
01:06:09Well, what are you going to do?
01:06:15You put up a nice fight, Wally.
01:06:43You mean to say you saw the whole thing?
01:06:45From the beginning, Mr. Cook.
01:06:47You mean to say you stood there and let me beat up a defenseless woman?
01:06:49I did, Mr. Cook.
01:06:51Where's your sense of chivalry?
01:06:53My chivalry? Aren't you just a trifle confused, Mr. Cook?
01:06:55You hit her.
01:06:57That's entirely different. I love her.
01:06:59Water. Water.
01:07:01I'm hot. I'm hot.
01:07:03You can cool off now, Hazel.
01:07:05The jig is up.
01:07:07What?
01:07:09The jig is up.
01:07:11I'm hot. I'm hot.
01:07:13I'm hot.
01:07:15I'm hot.
01:07:17I'm hot.
01:07:19I'm hot.
01:07:21I'm hot.
01:07:23I'm hot.
01:07:25I'm hot.
01:07:27What?
01:07:29The jig is up.
01:07:31You mean to say the whole thing was for nothing?
01:07:35I'm sorry.
01:07:37You thought you could put one over on Oliver Stone, eh?
01:07:39Well, I guess I still know a fake one.
01:07:41You keep out of this.
01:07:43Wally.
01:07:45Yes, dear?
01:07:53Oh, Wally.
01:07:55I didn't mean to do it. I love you. I love you.
01:08:01Miss Flagg, I wonder if you are aware of the traditions of a great newspaper.
01:08:05Do you realize what it means to those who carry aloft the torch of journalism?
01:08:09From the highest editor to the lowest office boy,
01:08:13the lifeblood of a newspaper, Miss Flagg, is its integrity.
01:08:17Am I right, Wally?
01:08:19Word for word.
01:08:21I wrote that speech for you ten years ago
01:08:23at the Cleveland Convention, you remember?
01:08:25You can both talk all you want.
01:08:27I've made up my mind.
01:08:29You're what?
01:08:31I'm through.
01:08:33What do you mean you're through?
01:08:35I'm going to confess. I'm going back to Warsaw.
01:08:37They love me there.
01:08:39They don't hit me on the jaw and push me in rivers.
01:08:41But you can't confess.
01:08:43Do you realize that out there are some of the most important citizens of this town?
01:08:45All of those people are out there by special invitation from the Morning Star.
01:08:47And why?
01:08:49To pass on to the people of New York,
01:08:51to the people of the world,
01:08:53your last words.
01:08:55For instance...
01:08:57Now this is no time for sarcasm, Wally.
01:08:59You got me into this, you get me out.
01:09:01Use your brain. Mine's stunned.
01:09:03Where's Dr. Downer?
01:09:05Where's that weasel-hearted medico?
01:09:07He's been on a toot.
01:09:09We could use him. We could throw him to the wolves.
01:09:11Just when we need him, he isn't here.
01:09:15I got an idea.
01:09:17We can bury her.
01:09:19You know, like the yogis.
01:09:21We can stick a tube down for her to breathe through,
01:09:23and dig her up in the morning with no harm done.
01:09:29You do it!
01:09:31Wally, stop her! Stop her!
01:09:33I'm a fool! I'm a fool!
01:09:35I'm a fool! I'm a fake! I'm a fool!
01:09:37I'm not going to die! I was never going to die!
01:09:39I never had radium poisoning! I never had anything!
01:09:41I wanted a trip to New York, and I got it!
01:09:43And what's more, you and New York can go...
01:09:45Fine!
01:09:47Mr. Stone, is this true?
01:09:49Uh... yes.
01:09:53Well, this is terrible. Terrible.
01:09:55I endorsed this thing.
01:09:57I sponsored this girl. I gave her the key to the city.
01:09:59And just as an election was coming up...
01:10:05Here's your key. I won't be needing it anymore.
01:10:07Miss Flagg,
01:10:09I represent 100,000 young matrons.
01:10:11We switched the whole study course
01:10:13from the menace of communism
01:10:15to the inspiration of Hazel Flagg.
01:10:17Miss Flagg, the Girlfriends of the Forest
01:10:19have just organized a Hazel Flagg unit
01:10:21with me as chief ranger.
01:10:23Already, we have 4,000 members.
01:10:25If you persist in flaunting
01:10:27your recovery in this flagrant manner,
01:10:29the trees of America
01:10:31will be without girlfriends.
01:10:37Ladies and gentlemen,
01:10:39the Morning Star
01:10:41keeps faith with its readers.
01:10:43This thing must not get out.
01:10:45Oh, let me alone.
01:10:47I wish I really could die.
01:10:49Go someplace by myself and die alone,
01:10:51like an elephant!
01:11:13THE END
01:11:43THE END
01:11:57Happy, Mr. Cook.
01:12:01Ecstatic, Mrs. Cook.
01:12:13I know what you're going to say.
01:12:15You think I'm Hazel Flagg.
01:12:17Well, I'm getting sick and tired of people
01:12:19mistaking me for that fake.
01:12:21Fake? Young woman, how dare you
01:12:23think of Hazel Flagg as a fake?
01:12:25How dare you slay the memory
01:12:27of one of the most gallant girls that ever lived?
01:12:29Despite you and your kind,
01:12:31the world will never forget Hazel Flagg.
01:12:35That's what I'm afraid of.
01:12:37Don't worry, baby.
01:12:39Two months from now,
01:12:41Hazel Flagg will find another elephant.
01:12:43Darling, you're forgetting that everybody
01:12:45in New York knew me and loved me.
01:12:47Loved me for my courage and my brave smile
01:12:49in the face of...
01:12:51Well, after all, I was a pretty important person.
01:12:53Just a flash in the pan of Manhattan,
01:12:55and they were beginning to get pretty impatient
01:12:57at the way you were dragging this thing out.
01:12:59That's a lie, and you know it.
01:13:01Why, right now, millions of people are crying
01:13:03just thinking about me.
01:13:05Why don't you get wise to yourself, Hazel?
01:13:07You were just another freak, like the bearded lady,
01:13:10Hazel! Hazel!
01:13:12Yes, Enoch! What is it?
01:13:14Hazel!
01:13:17Hazel!
01:13:21Run for your life!
01:13:23Run for your life!
01:13:25The hotel is flooded!
01:13:27Flooded!
01:13:39THE END