• 4 months ago
Finding Love Again-SD
Transcript
00:00:00Beautiful! Beautiful! Unbelievable!
00:00:05Come on!
00:00:07Is that the alternator?
00:00:08Okay, where is this place?
00:00:11It's busy.
00:00:12Where is she? Where are you?
00:00:14Oh, come on.
00:00:15I know it's going to be here. I know.
00:00:18Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
00:00:20Oh my God, I put money into you all the time.
00:00:22It's not the distributor.
00:00:23You're late.
00:00:25Seventeenth time.
00:00:27You said five minutes. That was twenty minutes ago.
00:00:29Come on!
00:00:31I wrote it on the table, put it in my purse.
00:00:34Unbooked sorority girls from Fresno. I love it.
00:00:36This is exactly what I needed.
00:00:38If that is just about perfect bank, I'm sick of this.
00:00:41It's an old damn car. Let me wait again.
00:00:44Wait a minute.
00:00:46Get caught waiting, dude. Come on!
00:00:49You do this to me all the time.
00:00:51She does this to me all the time.
00:00:53I hate you.
00:00:54Walked out the door, got in my car, and it's...
00:00:58Oh, I forgot those goddamn papers. Fuck.
00:01:02I always forget something. Goddamn it.
00:01:58I met this woman once.
00:02:27And her sight was failing.
00:02:31Not in her eyes, but it was in her mind.
00:02:35You know, for some people, the eyes fail, the light's dim.
00:02:39They go blind.
00:02:42For her, her spirit was failing.
00:02:44Her world going dim, her heart going blind.
00:02:49And as it progressed, I'd see her.
00:02:52She saw the darkness beginning to encroach.
00:02:54She'd talk about it, where it was.
00:02:57There, she'd say, the darkness has taken over my lover,
00:03:01who no longer wants me.
00:03:04And here, the darkness is covering my heart
00:03:08with the sadness of this separation.
00:03:12And it grew around her,
00:03:15covering larger and larger areas of her life
00:03:17until it covered almost her whole field of view.
00:03:22And finally, she, her whole existence,
00:03:26her whole existence was in this deep black darkness.
00:03:33And she came to me, and she came to me that day,
00:03:36and she said to me, George,
00:03:38the whole world is as black as my bitter heart,
00:03:42all except for one last speck, one last spot.
00:03:47And in that one last spot, George,
00:03:49I see a dim glimmer of light.
00:03:53It's the only light I see.
00:03:56And it took all this darkness
00:03:58and all this blackness for me to see this light.
00:04:03But then she moved towards it and into it,
00:04:11and she became blanketed by light.
00:04:15And then she wore it like a queen's robe.
00:04:18She wore this light, and she threw it around you,
00:04:21covering you in her robe of light.
00:04:24And it was a good thing, her darkness, in the end.
00:04:29In darkness, she said to me, compassion is born.
00:04:34What?
00:04:35Oh, sorry, I wasn't talking to you.
00:04:36I was just talking to me.
00:04:38I just have a word problem.
00:04:39I just got all these thoughts.
00:04:40They just keep coming at me.
00:04:42I just can't stop them.
00:04:43I can't stem the flow.
00:04:44It's like a river, like a river without a dam.
00:04:46I just say what's on my mind, that's all.
00:04:48Just say what's on your mind.
00:04:50That's what they told me.
00:04:51Speak up, I can't hear you.
00:04:56Oh, I'll say what's on my mind.
00:04:59But some people, they got thoughts
00:05:02that's just all locked up in there.
00:05:05They can't let them out.
00:05:06Afraid they're going to bite you.
00:05:12Yeah, but you've got thoughts
00:05:13you don't even want to think about,
00:05:14much less talk about.
00:05:16Like that time you hurt somebody
00:05:18and you wanted to.
00:05:21You hurt him real bad
00:05:22and it felt good at the time, didn't it?
00:05:24It felt real good,
00:05:25but maybe now it don't feel so good no more, huh?
00:05:28I hurt somebody.
00:05:31I hurt him real bad.
00:05:35That's me.
00:05:37People tell you somebody hurt them
00:05:39and they went crazy?
00:05:41No, I'm telling you,
00:05:43you hurt somebody
00:05:46and you go just as crazy.
00:05:56You can't be too cautious.
00:05:59That's why he wears them gloves all the time.
00:06:03Little germs and diseases on everything.
00:06:07I got some on my shoe right now.
00:06:11Crawling around, mutating, cohabitating, breeding
00:06:16so they can crawl onto other places and infest.
00:06:20Some of those diseases, they're bad.
00:06:22Yeah, they get on your skin.
00:06:25They make your skin fall right off.
00:06:30But some of them,
00:06:31some of them get in your brain.
00:06:33Oh, those are the kind that gloves won't help.
00:06:35No.
00:06:37Condoms won't help either.
00:06:39No.
00:06:40Those brain diseases,
00:06:42those word diseases,
00:06:44they get stuck on stuff too,
00:06:47but not on your shoes or toilet seats or nothing like that.
00:06:51No, they get stuck to your words first.
00:06:55Or maybe they get stuck to the words you hear first
00:06:59and then they make their way back inside your mind
00:07:02and then they go straight down into your soul
00:07:05and make your soul sick and diseased, rotten.
00:07:10And they're powerful.
00:07:11As powerful as any disease known to mankind,
00:07:13maybe more powerful
00:07:15because these word diseases, these brain diseases,
00:07:18they're more contagious than the strongest virus.
00:07:21And you don't need to breathe the air.
00:07:23Somebody else is breathing to catch them either.
00:07:26No, you only need to listen to what they say.
00:07:31And they can kill millions.
00:07:34They can infest millions at a time.
00:07:43I got one!
00:07:45I got one! I must have one.
00:07:48I must have one.
00:07:52I must have one.
00:08:05One of these days my brain will be ready to go
00:08:09to find you.
00:08:11One of these days my brain will be ready to go
00:08:14to find you.
00:08:18Spounceable,
00:08:22decomplished bibles,
00:08:26deeply dabbled in Rhino system,
00:08:30I send myself
00:08:32The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:36The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:38The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:40The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:42The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:44The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:46The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:48The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:50The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:52The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:54The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:56The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:08:58The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:00The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:02The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:04The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:06The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:08The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:10The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:12The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:14The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:16The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:18The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:20The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:22The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:24The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:26The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:28The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:30The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:32The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:34The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:36The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:38The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:40The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:42The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:44The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:46The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:48The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:50The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:52The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:54The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:56The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:09:58The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:00The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:02The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:04The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:06The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:08The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:10The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:12The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:14The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:16The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:18The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:20The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:22The true essence of life has been promised to me.
00:10:24I've had big failures, too.
00:10:26The things that I've tried the hardest at
00:10:28seem to be the things that fail the worst.
00:10:30And the failures just seem to keep on mounting.
00:10:32More and more of them every day.
00:10:34Maybe I am a failure.
00:10:36A failed person.
00:10:38A bad human.
00:10:40A worthless specimen.
00:10:42Nah.
00:10:44I think the real thing is
00:10:46it's not the failure.
00:10:48It's not the fear.
00:10:51It's just me
00:10:53making an excuse for self-pity.
00:11:21Hey!
00:11:23What are you doing over there?
00:11:25Just eating a bagel.
00:11:27And how are you this fine morning, ma'am?
00:11:29Well, go eat your bagel someplace else.
00:11:32And stay out of our garbage.
00:11:34I'm just trying to get something to eat.
00:11:37Go dig around in your own garbage.
00:11:39This garbage is ours.
00:11:42Go dig around in your own garbage.
00:11:44This garbage is ours.
00:12:11I wonder why that woman left me a bagel.
00:12:39She did leave me a bagel, didn't she?
00:12:41Does she like me?
00:12:43Could anybody ever love me again?
00:12:47Oh, boy.
00:12:48That's the thought that just really terrifies me.
00:12:50The thought of being unloved.
00:12:52The thought of being uncared for.
00:12:55It's like I'm just a spirit here on this planet
00:12:58trapped in this body.
00:13:00And I know how to do things like
00:13:02like make money
00:13:04and dress nicely
00:13:06and be charming.
00:13:09And I know these things would draw other people to me.
00:13:12And they might even love me again.
00:13:14But somewhere in some rancid part of myself
00:13:17I wonder if they love the true me
00:13:19or just the appearance of me.
00:13:21My money.
00:13:22My clothes.
00:13:24My charm.
00:13:26My jokes.
00:13:32So I stripped it all away, I guess.
00:13:34Hoping that somebody would see the true me
00:13:37and love it.
00:13:42So I guess that's why I talk so much.
00:13:44And maybe that's why some people
00:13:46let themselves get out of shape
00:13:48or keep themselves unkempt
00:13:50or smell bad.
00:13:52Just their soul crying out for recognition.
00:13:55They want people to see the true self on the inside.
00:14:00That's why really rich
00:14:02beautiful, famous people
00:14:04they have so much problems in their lives
00:14:06because they attract people that nurture their surface structure
00:14:09and not their soul.
00:14:11Because the soul is a very difficult thing to express.
00:14:14It's scary too.
00:14:16It's scary because it might be rejected.
00:14:18It's difficult because
00:14:20even I don't know what my soul is.
00:14:22I mean, it's always in motion.
00:14:24It's moving this way
00:14:26and that way
00:14:28and this way
00:14:29and that way
00:14:31this way
00:14:32and that way
00:14:33and this way
00:14:34and that way
00:14:36whistling
00:14:44I used to be in a very different place.
00:14:46Are you tired of your old car?
00:14:48Of course you are.
00:14:49Now would you rather have a new car
00:14:51or an old car?
00:14:52Of course you'd rather have a new car.
00:14:54What if I was to tell you
00:14:56that you could have
00:14:57a brand new Mashuda Scouter
00:14:59for the same payments as a two-year-old trail boss?
00:15:03You'd take the new car, right?
00:15:05That's what I did.
00:15:06Bought one for my family.
00:15:07We'd love it.
00:15:08It is a beautiful car.
00:15:09You're going to love this car.
00:15:10whistling
00:15:29whistling
00:16:00whistling
00:16:06whistling
00:16:12whistling
00:16:18whistling
00:16:23whistling
00:16:28whistling
00:16:33whistling
00:16:42What is love?
00:16:43What is love?
00:16:44What is love?
00:16:48Hey!
00:16:49What is love?
00:16:51I don't know what love is.
00:16:53But I know where it is.
00:16:55It's right here.
00:16:57In my heart.
00:16:59In my heart!
00:17:01They thought.
00:17:08I wonder where the first time love came from, anyway.
00:17:11You know, the first time
00:17:13something or somebody actually felt love
00:17:18it was probably two great apes.
00:17:20Two great apes who were just
00:17:21fucking wildly in the jungle
00:17:23just fucking their brains out.
00:17:25And suddenly this feeling like a fiery waterfall
00:17:28comes rushing over them
00:17:29and they get this look
00:17:31and one of them looks into the other one's eyes
00:17:35and the other one looks back
00:17:38and they slow down for a minute
00:17:39because they realize they don't have to do this
00:17:41just to procreate anymore.
00:17:44And they get this feeling.
00:17:46They start feeling something.
00:17:47Something coming from the generation of life itself
00:17:50is overwhelming them.
00:17:53And they take this raw material into themselves
00:17:57and they start making something.
00:18:01They start making love.
00:18:04Yeah.
00:18:06That's where love first came from.
00:18:09And it's probably where language first came from as well.
00:18:12Because one of those big apes
00:18:14probably the woman
00:18:16looked into the other one's eyes
00:18:19and uttered the first word
00:18:22Luke
00:18:24which meant
00:18:26I love you.
00:18:41To let myself love again?
00:18:43Jesus!
00:18:44I don't know.
00:18:46I'm afraid I might get hurt again by love.
00:18:49For good reason.
00:18:52If I let that fear win
00:18:54God!
00:18:55If I let that fear win
00:18:56and sever the slim hope that I have
00:18:58for really deep, true, meaningful love
00:19:01if I sever that cord
00:19:02and go the route of the tough guy
00:19:04unaffected by his emotions
00:19:06or the sad guy
00:19:08destroyed by his emotions
00:19:11either way
00:19:12either way I'll be cutting myself off
00:19:14from the purpose and the reason why I'm here.
00:19:18I don't know.
00:19:20I don't know if I can ever let go of the love that I had.
00:19:24I mean, I tried but
00:19:26it just keeps coming back
00:19:27which is good, I think.
00:19:30What the?
00:19:39Jesus!
00:19:41Jesus!
00:19:45Jesus!
00:19:48I mean, I just
00:19:51I just hurt her so bad.
00:19:55But maybe
00:19:57maybe I can let go of him
00:20:01just a little bit at a time
00:20:05just piece by piece.
00:20:10I mean
00:20:11maybe for a moment
00:20:13just one moment
00:20:16let go of every last bit of it
00:20:20just so I can see how it's gonna be.
00:20:25It's so...
00:20:44It's so...
00:20:48It's so...
00:20:52It's so...
00:20:55It's so...
00:21:00It's so...
00:21:04It's so...
00:21:09Well, hello there, Mr. Dumpster.
00:21:12Oh, sorry, Ms. Dumpster.
00:21:15How could I have been so faultless?
00:21:17But I must say, you are looking ravishing today.
00:21:20Why, if I was a trash can, I'd love nothing more than to fill you up.
00:21:24But I hear you're not feeling so good today.
00:21:27I understand they got you with some graffiti.
00:21:29It's not very nice graffiti either, is it?
00:21:32You wish they could have done something a little more colorful, you know?
00:21:35I mean, there's just no account for taste these days.
00:21:38Hmm?
00:21:40Well, maybe they didn't have anything nicer to say.
00:21:42But I got something for you to help you brighten your day.
00:21:47There you go.
00:21:49It's from Mr. Dumpster down the street.
00:21:52Yeah, I think he's got a crush on you.
00:21:55Well, you have a good day.
00:21:58Huh?
00:21:59Oh, you're very welcome.
00:22:01And thank you for that pizza yesterday.
00:22:03It was fantastic.
00:22:04I must say, the bouquet of the tomato sauce was...
00:22:06superb.
00:22:07The ambiance was wonderful.
00:22:10I'd give you four and a half stars.
00:22:13What?
00:22:15Oh, you got something for me in here?
00:22:18Let me take a look.
00:22:22Oh.
00:22:29Now, do you want to take a chance on buying a used car that might be a lemon?
00:22:33Of course you don't.
00:22:35Do you want to take a chance on buying a car that's got a bad reliability rating?
00:22:39No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:41Now, I guess you've heard some of the negative publicity about the, uh, Ashuda Scouters.
00:22:46It's just a bunch of hogwash that's been generated by our competitors.
00:22:50Now, I bought one of these cars, and they're great cars.
00:22:52And don't worry about the safety on these things.
00:22:55I can verify it for it myself.
00:22:57I've driven these things all over the place, and they're great cars.
00:23:00I think you should consider buying one.
00:23:05Is she the one? The woman with the bagel?
00:23:11Yes!
00:23:13Yes!
00:23:36You got something for me in here?
00:23:39I can feel it.
00:23:45What have we here?
00:23:50Ah, cool!
00:23:55What's...
00:23:57What's this?
00:23:59What's this?
00:24:01What's this?
00:24:03What's this?
00:24:06Oh, these are nice!
00:24:09My size!
00:24:13Thank you.
00:24:15Thank you.
00:24:27Thank you, Jambo!
00:24:29God of the dumpsters!
00:24:32The one who puts all good things in dumpsters!
00:24:34The God of garbage! The garbage God!
00:24:36The way, the truth, the light, the filth!
00:24:42Oh, we find your altars in every city.
00:24:44Churches in every alley.
00:24:47People sacrificing to you consistently, and you give back so profusely, so unselfishly!
00:24:53Thank you for these many gifts, my friendly God.
00:24:58You great smelly one!
00:25:01You are the one who provides for the homeless!
00:25:05You have truly saved my life!
00:25:08For without you, I would have died from a hunger and cold long ago.
00:25:14I bow down to you, Jambo.
00:25:17Thank you.
00:25:20Thank you.
00:25:31Thank you.
00:25:48Oh, hi Mrs. Dorr. Uh, the flowers?
00:25:50No, no, uh, they're not for you.
00:25:52Uh, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:57Okay, great, thanks.
00:26:01Thanks a lot.
00:26:32No! No! No!
00:26:37Just do what I say!
00:26:40Just do what I say!
00:26:41Jesus!
00:26:45Hey babe.
00:26:46Thanks for the flowers. That was really sweet.
00:26:49I didn't send you any flowers.
00:26:52Really?
00:26:54Well, I'm sorry.
00:26:56I'm sorry.
00:26:57I sent you flowers.
00:26:59Really?
00:27:01Who sent you these flowers?
00:27:03I don't know.
00:27:05Did you fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:07What are you talking about?
00:27:09Well, usually if you fuck somebody they send you flowers.
00:27:11Is that what you did? You fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:15You never sent me flowers when we first had sex.
00:27:18Don't change the goddamn subject.
00:27:20Did you fuck somebody for these flowers or what?
00:27:22No! And stop saying fuck so much!
00:27:25Why? Does it make you feel guilty?
00:27:27No. It makes me feel like asking you to leave.
00:27:30Oh, so now you're leaving me because you fucked somebody.
00:27:34Look, I'm not leaving you. I'm just asking you to leave.
00:27:40But Joanne, I don't care if you fuck this guy. We don't have to break up.
00:27:46I think you'd better go.
00:27:48For good?
00:27:50Yeah, I guess so.
00:27:51But Joanne, I love you. I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:57Goodbye, Scott.
00:28:05You know, that's just like a woman.
00:28:07Find somebody else to fuck and dump the guy that really loves you.
00:28:16I remember old Calvin.
00:28:18I remember old Calvin.
00:28:20Poor bastard. He ran into me just after the accident.
00:28:24He was just another street person.
00:28:27I was still a member of society.
00:28:31He was crying.
00:28:36And he was coveting this small vial.
00:28:40I was drunk.
00:28:42I wanted to just stay drunk and get drunker and just stay that way.
00:28:48But as he was crying, I said, Hey, Calvin.
00:28:52Why don't you and me just go out to the best bar in town and we'll just cry all night together?
00:28:57And he looked at me and he says,
00:29:03No one's going to cry with you, mister.
00:29:06You're doomed to do all your crying alone.
00:29:10Man, it shook me up a little bit.
00:29:14I don't know.
00:29:15I don't know.
00:29:17So I asked for a swig off his vial.
00:29:21And he showed it to me. It wasn't alcohol at all.
00:29:25It was his tears in this vial.
00:29:28He was collecting his tears.
00:29:30He would hold it up to his eye and his tears would roll into it.
00:29:41I asked him what had happened to him.
00:29:43And he told me about his wife leaving him.
00:29:46And he just lost it. I mean, he was bitter.
00:29:51So I took him back to his place.
00:29:53I looked around. There was no decorations on the walls or anything.
00:29:56There was just all these notebooks lined up on the shelves.
00:29:59They're filled with just the saddest poetry you ever saw.
00:30:02I mean, it was pathetic.
00:30:06And then, on the window sill,
00:30:09there was these small little blue vials lined up.
00:30:14He had been collecting his tears in these vials.
00:30:20It must have been over a gallon of stuff.
00:30:23And he told me, he said,
00:30:25I'm going to send these to her when I die
00:30:27so she can see all the pain and suffering I've been through.
00:30:31And I said, send all your pain and suffering to the woman you love?
00:30:36Send all your pain and suffering to the woman you love?
00:30:39Mister, I don't think that's right. I don't think that's love.
00:30:44And I thought about it.
00:30:45And I thought, that's what I've been doing with my drinking.
00:30:50Just showing the world how much pain and suffering I have.
00:30:54Right then and there, I said, no more drinking.
00:31:00Then I started ducking.
00:31:02And I haven't shut up since.
00:31:03Now, I wish I could just shut up.
00:31:05But my mind won't let me.
00:31:06It has no gate on it.
00:31:07No spigot.
00:31:08No valve.
00:31:09I'm so tired of hearing you talk.
00:31:13Just leave me alone.
00:31:15Just shut up!
00:31:17Just shut up!
00:31:18You keep doing the same things over and over again.
00:31:22And you don't stop.
00:31:23It's like a brain skipping, a CD skipping,
00:31:26a computer skipping, a rock skipping on the water.
00:31:30Just leave me alone!
00:31:31Just stop!
00:31:34Just stop!
00:31:56So what's going on?
00:31:58So what's going on?
00:32:00I broke up with Scott.
00:32:02Shocking.
00:32:03You never did like him.
00:32:05It's not that I didn't like him.
00:32:07I just thought he was a scumbag, dick-like loser,
00:32:11chauvinistic, unprincipled, uncaring,
00:32:13total sleazeball cheeseball.
00:32:15That's all.
00:32:17Look, I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:19I mean, why do I always end up with the Scott-like thing?
00:32:23I try and be careful and pick someone that'll be good to me.
00:32:26No, you don't.
00:32:27You always end up with the hottest, coolest,
00:32:29richest showpieces in town without fail.
00:32:32And somehow you expect these guys to be different on the inside
00:32:35than they are on the outside.
00:32:36And they're not.
00:32:37Big surprise.
00:32:39No, I don't.
00:32:40Yes, you do.
00:32:41To you, a man is the ultimate fashion accessory.
00:32:45Sorry.
00:32:46Well, what are you looking for?
00:32:49I don't know.
00:32:50Well, what attracted you to Scott?
00:32:53I thought he was different.
00:32:56Different how?
00:32:59Okay, I thought he was cute.
00:33:01There you go.
00:33:02Well, how am I supposed to go out with a guy I don't think is cute?
00:33:05I don't know.
00:33:06I couldn't do it.
00:33:07I mean, good-looking guys are assholes,
00:33:11and ugly guys are nice.
00:33:13They'd have to be or else they'd never get laid.
00:33:15Oh, right.
00:33:16So you wind up hanging out with some nice, ugly guy,
00:33:18having a great time,
00:33:20until some good-looking asshole comes by
00:33:22and tricks you into thinking he's nice.
00:33:24So you break up with the ugly guy and break his heart,
00:33:27and then the good-looking asshole dumps you,
00:33:29and your whole life's a mess.
00:33:31That's not true.
00:33:32Ugly guys can be just as much trouble as good-looking guys.
00:33:36So I figure, why not have someone good-looking treating you like shit?
00:33:41So you want someone who will treat you like shit?
00:33:44No, of course not.
00:33:46I just want...
00:33:49I want someone who, when I lie down at night,
00:33:53I can feel his soul wrap around me.
00:33:56Oh, is that all?
00:33:58And love, romance, mystery, beauty, joy, kids, wild sex, passion.
00:34:02Look, I want someone that won't run away
00:34:05when I show them the ugly parts of myself,
00:34:07the black parts that even I don't like,
00:34:09but they're a part of me.
00:34:11Like some sort of dark-brooding James Dean kind of character?
00:34:15No, because I want them to love the other side of myself too.
00:34:20I want them to be able to go anywhere with me,
00:34:22to all the twisted, dark, scary places inside,
00:34:25and to all the loving, kind, caring places.
00:34:29Maybe you're really complex and most guys just aren't.
00:34:33I think everybody's complex inside.
00:34:36I think some people are just better at covering it up.
00:34:40Oh, really?
00:34:41Yeah, I mean, aren't we the most vulnerable
00:34:44when we try and show our true emotions to each other?
00:34:47Isn't that, like, the scariest thing in the world to do?
00:34:52I think it's just easier to live without thinking about these things.
00:34:57I'm doomed. I'm doomed to being alone.
00:35:01I don't want to pretend I don't have these things inside me
00:35:04for the rest of my life.
00:35:06God, you're not doomed.
00:35:08You don't have to pretend you don't have these things inside of you.
00:35:11Just don't get hung up on them. That's all.
00:35:14Well, that's the same thing.
00:35:15No, it isn't.
00:35:17I want the fairy tale.
00:35:20Oh, my God.
00:35:22Not only are you doomed,
00:35:24but you're going to burn in the fires of hell for all eternity
00:35:26just for uttering those pathetic words.
00:35:47And the dead.
00:36:17Oh, my God.
00:36:48I got some flowers.
00:36:50From who?
00:36:51I don't know.
00:36:52Ooh, secret admirer.
00:36:54How mysterious.
00:36:56And cowardly.
00:36:58You are doomed.
00:36:59And you want to know why?
00:37:00Because these kinds of things never work out.
00:37:02It always ends up being the most horrible geek that ever existed.
00:37:06And they sent a poem.
00:37:08A poet?
00:37:09A romantic super geek?
00:37:11I don't know.
00:37:13They sent a poem.
00:37:14A poet?
00:37:15A romantic super geek?
00:37:17Sounds like you two are made for each other.
00:37:20What's it say?
00:37:22Okay.
00:37:26It says,
00:37:28The lips of the wind kisses us and sighs.
00:37:32Angels pray to dandelions,
00:37:34small seeds with soft wings.
00:37:37Wow.
00:37:39Yeats.
00:37:40Yeah.
00:37:41And the weird thing is,
00:37:42I've been reading Yeats lately.
00:37:44I figure it must mean something.
00:37:47I wonder who it is.
00:37:50I think it's Bob at the bank.
00:37:52Joanna, Bob got married last month in Hawaii.
00:37:55To his boyfriend.
00:37:57Oh, well.
00:37:59Oh, it's got to be Frank at the coffee shop.
00:38:02Frank's going out with Alvin the hairdresser.
00:38:05What about Mike?
00:38:06Jouster.
00:38:08Are all the good looking guys in this town gay?
00:38:11Yep.
00:38:14Well, who could it possibly be?
00:38:18Some geek.
00:38:20I don't think so.
00:38:23Well, who?
00:38:25You got me, girl.
00:38:27I didn't think anybody liked you.
00:38:29Oh, thanks a lot.
00:38:31Give me a break.
00:38:32You know as well as I do,
00:38:33half this town's got a crush on you.
00:38:35It could be anybody.
00:38:37Right.
00:38:39It is some geek.
00:38:41See if you can find out who the florist is.
00:38:44Oh, what about Brian Palmer?
00:38:48Brian the mechanic?
00:38:50Yeah, whenever I see him,
00:38:52he always asks me about you.
00:38:54But he's kind of gross.
00:38:57Hey, beggars can't be choosers.
00:38:59Besides, we already know that
00:39:01it'll be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:04Right.
00:39:05Well, look, see if you can find out for me.
00:39:07Absolutely. I'll call you.
00:39:09Okay.
00:39:10Oh, and, uh, Joanna.
00:39:13Yeah?
00:39:14Maybe it's me.
00:39:16Oh, it has to be you.
00:39:18Why?
00:39:19Because you said it would be
00:39:20the biggest geek in the world.
00:40:38♪♪
00:40:48♪♪
00:40:58♪♪
00:41:09Good morning, couch.
00:41:12Good morning, bagel.
00:41:14Good morning, bagel.
00:41:18Another bagel left by the angel?
00:41:22An angel bagel.
00:41:24What do you mean?
00:41:26What are you trying to tell me?
00:41:28Are you trying to tell me that she loves me?
00:41:32Oh, don't jump to conclusions, George.
00:41:35Maybe she didn't leave it.
00:41:37Maybe she did.
00:41:39Maybe she loves me.
00:41:41Maybe she just feels sorry for me.
00:41:46Where is it?
00:41:49If I beg, cower, and crawl,
00:41:52will I find my eight ball?
00:41:58Does she love me?
00:42:03What a beautiful morning.
00:42:07What am I here for?
00:42:09What is my purpose if not to love?
00:42:16If I'm not loving, am I having any purpose at all?
00:42:19Each moment spent in anger is one lost to the dark gods.
00:42:24It's homage to that which I do not want to be.
00:42:27This is not a thought.
00:42:29This is not speech.
00:42:31This is an exorcism for the demons in my soul.
00:42:35This is an incantation for good.
00:42:40Ah.
00:42:43Mmm. Lovely bagel.
00:42:50Hey! Didn't I tell you to stay away from here?
00:42:53Can't I just finish my bagel and then go?
00:42:55No! I want you out of here now before I call the police!
00:42:58Well, as soon as I'm done with my breakfast, I'll just go on.
00:43:01No! I want you out of here now!
00:43:03Well, I just have a couple more bites.
00:43:05What part of no don't you understand?
00:43:09Well, what part of understanding don't you know?
00:43:40Anyway, I miss you guys.
00:43:46I hope everything's okay there, but...
00:43:49I guess I'll just, uh...
00:43:52I guess I'll just see you tomorrow.
00:44:00This is the spirit world speaking.
00:44:03This is how the spirits communicate.
00:44:06Little pieces of paper that blow into your feet.
00:44:09They speak always, every second of every day.
00:44:13Not with words, but...
00:44:16but signs, little hints, directions to taking life.
00:44:23Oh, I remember thinking...
00:44:26I remember thinking of going down to that killer car maker.
00:44:30Getting a shotgun and going down there.
00:44:34Getting a shotgun and going down there and getting them back.
00:44:38Getting them all back.
00:44:41Oh, but...
00:44:44I couldn't do it.
00:44:46I was sitting on a park bench and I...
00:44:49I looked up at the streetlight and it winked out.
00:44:52It went black.
00:44:54And I knew...
00:44:56I knew at that moment that that was the way to darkness.
00:44:59And that there had to be some way back to the light.
00:45:03I think we all have that...
00:45:05that place in our hearts.
00:45:07That dark place that we keep a step or a block or...
00:45:11a million miles away from.
00:45:14But that's the place that allows us to feel the...
00:45:17the tragedies that others have suffered.
00:45:21That you all have suffered.
00:45:26Rosetta.
00:45:28When you died, you were only...
00:45:30twelve years old.
00:45:32And that place, that dark place, that...
00:45:35that's why we...
00:45:37we turn away from it, we ignore it.
00:45:39Because we're just afraid that the pain of others is just going to overwhelm us.
00:45:45We're afraid it's going to open up that...
00:45:47that sad black hole that's inside ourselves.
00:45:53But the bagels...
00:45:56the bagels come anyway.
00:45:59Fearless bagel woman, she's come to terms with her darkness.
00:46:03She knows it, she...
00:46:05she lives with it, she nurtures it.
00:46:08Her darkness has given her the gift of her overwhelming compassion...
00:46:12and it fuels her inner light.
00:46:16And I know I...
00:46:18I'm a disgusting wreck of a man, I mean, look at me.
00:46:22I'm a loser in a game of life.
00:46:25I have black, bitter darkness inside of me that will never disappear...
00:46:29that no one can ever make disappear.
00:46:32And yet I know...
00:46:35I'm going to give to her.
00:46:39I'm going to tell her of my love for her.
00:46:43Even though I fear it's going to drive her away...
00:46:49I love her.
00:46:56She loves me.
00:46:58She loves me not.
00:47:00She loves me.
00:47:02She loves me not.
00:47:06She loves me. She loves me not.
00:47:07She loves me. She loves me not.
00:47:08She loves me. She loves me not.
00:47:09She loves me.
00:47:10She loves me not.
00:47:11She loves me.
00:47:12She loves me not.
00:47:13She loves me.
00:47:14She loves me not.
00:47:16She loves me.
00:47:18She loves me not.
00:47:19She loves me.
00:47:20She loves me not.
00:47:21She loves me.
00:47:22She loves me not.
00:47:24She loves me.
00:47:25She loves me.
00:47:29I knew it. I knew it. She loves me.
00:47:54Hi, Lori. It's Joanna. Um, I got another flower. From the coward? How exciting. Look, did you
00:48:13talk to Brian? Is it him? No. Um, he kind of spent the night here last night. Lori!
00:48:22I'm sorry, hon. I called him to ask him about you, and the next thing I knew... I think
00:48:26he's gross anyway. I knew it wasn't him. How? Because this guy is different. No, I mean,
00:48:36it's weird, but when I lie in bed at night and imagine him with me, I can feel him out
00:48:44there thinking about me. You're fantasizing about this man? Are you crazy? Joanna, you
00:48:50don't even know who this guy is. You're just in love with some fantasy Prince Charming.
00:48:55No, it's not Prince Charming. It's more like the lover from the Marguerite Dior novel.
00:49:05And why not? Why not fall for the perfect fantasy? Because when the fantasy becomes
00:49:10reality, somebody's gonna get hurt. I'm not gonna get hurt from a secret admirer. I know
00:49:16how these things always resolve themselves. Besides, I need a little fantasy in my life
00:49:22right now. I mean, this is like the perfect guy. He comes to me at night. We have incredible
00:49:30sex. He leaves in the morning, and he always puts down the toilet seat. Does he leave the
00:49:37used condoms on the bedroom floor? I hate that. No, we don't use condoms. No? But what
00:49:44if you get pregnant? I can't. He uses a secret oriental method of lovemaking which allows
00:49:49him to have an orgasm without ejaculating. Oh my God. Yes, and he can go on forever.
00:49:56I mean, all night. Is he very, well, you know. No, what? Come on. You know. What? What? Does
00:50:10he have a big dick? Like a Redwood. How am I gonna get rid of Brian? Tell him you don't
00:50:20like his car. I wanna get rid of him, not destroy him. Don't you ever get sick of it?
00:50:28What? Running around with all these guys. No. Land of the dead.
00:50:41Everyone said that people built a large campfire, and I said that myself, Juan, was one of those
00:50:47people who was behind it. I made a promise to God. I said that I'd never leave him alone.
00:50:55Every dawn, his feathers would burn. The waters were built large. The birds gathered in his
00:51:02nest. He would never die. He would himself be on the flame. He would succeed his purpose.
00:51:07He would be known as the towering archangel. He would be known as the flaming star. He
00:51:12would never abandon his people. The stars was the time he needed. He would follow the
00:51:17Lord of the Churches. He would follow the Lord of the Heavens. He would follow the Lord
00:51:21of the Earth. He would follow the Lord of the Heavens. He would follow the Lord of the
00:51:24Earth. He's like, alright, buddy, it's alright. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You don't need to
00:51:29thank me for crying out loud. Oh, boy. I don't know. I don't know. Some people say
00:51:40that God's perfect. Is God perfect? I don't know. It just doesn't make any sense. I mean,
00:51:50would a perfect God let a two-year-old child get its legs blown off by a landmine? I read
00:51:57about it in the paper this morning. Out of the dumpster. How could you do that? How?
00:52:02What were you thinking? A two-year-old child for crying out loud. You ought to come down
00:52:09here and let somebody teach you a lesson. Sometimes I think you're as bad as I am. It's
00:52:18not my idea of perfection. I mean, even I can think of a more perfect world than that.
00:52:23I don't know. Maybe you're trying to get by just as good as you can. Just like me.
00:52:31Maybe you can't stop all the bad in the world from happening. Maybe you just try to stop
00:52:36it for the people that are trying to do good. I don't mean good by doing things like worshipping
00:52:43and complaining to you or whining and complaining and I gotta have more of this in my life and
00:52:48I don't have enough of that. No, I mean good by doing good. Maybe we don't have the best
00:52:56God. Maybe you're more like a straight person to God. Maybe you're more like a bum God,
00:53:03a homeless God, where not everything goes quite right for you. Miracles go wrong. I
00:53:14don't know. Yeah, maybe you're not perfect. Maybe you make mistakes. Maybe I need to forgive
00:53:22you, you imperfect God, for the mistakes that you've made. Just like I need to forgive myself.
00:53:30Just like I need to forgive everyone else for theirs.
00:53:44Hello? Hi Lori, it's Joanna. I finally got something for my secret admirer. Well I hope
00:54:01it's a name and phone number or maybe like a picture totally nude. No, it's a key. To
00:54:09his apartment? No, a key to a locker in the bus station. Oh my God. How incredibly romantic,
00:54:17exciting and mysterious. Unless of course inside the locker you find the head of his
00:54:23last victim, Lori. Yeah. Maybe he's like a freako serial killer, the flower petal bus
00:54:30locker stalker, who slyly sucks beautiful young women into his soft, sultry web of romantic
00:54:36candy and then chops and hacks them up for all the mean things his mother did to him.
00:54:40Uh, no. That was your last boyfriend? Oh yeah. So um, I'm going down to the bus station.
00:54:48Do you want to come? No way. What if he's there waiting for you? That's why I want you
00:54:54to come. Well I would, but I'm going to a concert with Brian. Oh, how's that going?
00:55:00Ugh, the man has problems. He is a real fixer-upper. And? And nothing. He's a total dick, but I
00:55:07need to get laid. You mean because he has a dick, you can get laid? Exactly. God, you're
00:55:15such a slut. Hey, what's wrong with that? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's just
00:55:20the way to be. Listen, I would trade in my night with Brian the Motorhead for your romantic,
00:55:25exciting locker key any day of the week. Really? Honey, I want the real thing. Love,
00:55:32kids, marriage, all that stuff. We all do. Well, it's about time you admitted it to me.
00:55:39Do you know how hard it is to be the last romantic woman in Boulder? Are you really
00:55:45going to fuck Brian? No, but he thinks I am. God, you're so bad. I'll call you later. I
00:55:52gotta jet. Okay, bye. I know Jesus. He's a friend of mine. I met him in a pub. It was
00:56:10back when I was drinking, heavily. I looked over, and there he was, sitting there, right
00:56:16at the bar. He was drinking, too. He had a glass of wine or something. I said, Jesus
00:56:23Christ, man, am I glad to see you. Man, you would not believe what's been going on around
00:56:29here. The last 2,000 years, they've been fighting wars and such. On TV, they steal money from
00:56:37the meek. They've practically screwed up the whole planet. And you know what the thing
00:56:43is? I mean, I don't really want to tell you this, but they've been doing it all in your
00:56:48name. I had to tell him, and he just kind of looked at me with these eyes. His eyes
00:56:55were just so full of light and joy. And I kind of looked at him, and his hair was all
00:57:00tangled up, and he was kind of dirty and skinny looking. He looked to me like he'd been living
00:57:05out on the street for, God, all his whole life, probably. And then he says to me, you
00:57:12know, you have no idea what it's like, pal. They are after me every day. They're always
00:57:19on my back. And you know what? Very little of all this impresses me. Very little of it.
00:57:36Then he mumbled something else. I don't quite remember what it was. And then he said something
00:57:43like, hey, how about sliding me a dollar so I can get some food? And then he looked into
00:57:50his glass, and he just kind of stared into it for a while. And I just kind of felt my
00:57:55heart sink. And I looked at him, and I said, can't you just make a miracle or something,
00:58:01save the world from all these wars and everything? And he looked at me, and he goes, don't look
00:58:08at me, pal. I've done all I can. I've been trying to save the world, but how can I change
00:58:14your heart when it's all balled up like a vest? I can't change your mind no matter how
00:58:18much it's been blessed. Well, I'd been drinking for days, and this just kind of pissed me
00:58:26off. So I looked at him, and I said, oh, I see. You're just going to sit there drinking
00:58:31while we all go straight to hell. You can't tell me that even the Messiah has lost all
00:58:37hope. And then he just kind of twisted his glass. He turned his head ever so slowly.
00:58:50He took a long stare at me. He looked at me with those big, round eyes of his, and he
00:58:58says, look, pal, you can buy me a drink, or you can leave me alone. The rest is up to
00:59:12you. And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
00:59:42Hey, Richard. Richard, hey. Hey, how's it going, man? How are you doing? It's good to
01:00:09see you. Hey, listen, I need some advice. On what? Women. What else? Listen, don't ask
01:00:20me, all right? I haven't a clue what women think. Go ask somebody who's married or in
01:00:24a relationship. You've got a relationship. I don't have a relationship. I have a sinking
01:00:28ship. It's close enough. Look, I just need some advice on what to do with the woman that's
01:00:34been giving me the bagels, the bagel woman. Well, have you actually spoken with her yet?
01:00:38No. It's worse than that. How much worse? Well, I think I'm in love with her. You think?
01:00:46Okay, I know I'm in love with her. You're in love with her? With her? I love her. I
01:00:55don't know how she feels about me. Well, have you told her? No, look at me. I'm not afraid
01:01:02of what she might think. Let me tell you something, okay? One time I asked somebody
01:01:06for some advice and they gave it to me and I took it. Fucked my whole life up. Fucked
01:01:11it up, Royal. Okay, well, I give you permission to fuck up my life. Well, years later, all
01:01:23right, I came to realize that they were directing those comments to themselves, okay? It was
01:01:27almost like the advice they were giving me were based on what they would have done in
01:01:30the situation that I was in, which is what I think humans do generally. They can't help
01:01:33it. So, what do you mean exactly? What do you mean? What do I mean? Okay, like say if
01:01:41I were to ask somebody if I should put avocado on my sandwich, right, okay? And they say,
01:01:45nix the avocado because they're trying to lose weight. Well, maybe I'm trying to gain
01:01:48weight, okay? So, they're giving me advice based on what they would have done instead
01:01:51of what I should have done. Okay. So, what happened? Well, I did this thing in that situation
01:01:59which would have been great had they done it, but for me, it wound up being the worst
01:02:02thing that could have transpired, you know? So, as a result of that, I wound up being
01:02:06alone, fucked up relationships, all because I bullshitted when I should have told the
01:02:10truth. What bullshit? Well, she was it, George. You know what I'm saying? She was it, all
01:02:17right? And the advice I got was don't tell your lover, man, or you'll scare her off.
01:02:21So, I didn't tell her, you know? So, she left town and left a note. A note? What did it
01:02:27say? The note. All right, all right. I got it right here. Wait, that stick of gum, you're
01:02:34going to... No, I need that. Richard, I'll love you forever. Anita. I got a postcard
01:02:46from her a couple of years ago. She's living in Minneapolis now. Married, got kids, doing
01:02:51really well. Tell you, it makes me feel sick even today to think about it, you know? And
01:02:56of course, you know the guy who gave me the advice? Happily fucking married. Anyway, the
01:03:03point is, okay, is that anytime anybody wants to give you some advice, I mean, I don't care
01:03:08who it is. It could be a doctor or a lawyer or your therapist or your mother. They're
01:03:13saying it for themselves. Oh, yeah, right. All right? So, tell her your lover is my advice
01:03:21to you, but it doesn't apply to you. So, don't take it. Right. Got it. Got it. Got it. You're
01:03:36going to leave, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you all right? Yeah. You okay? Yeah, yeah,
01:03:47I'm okay. Hey, you know, take a shower, though, before or whatever you do, you know, just...
01:04:06Love, kindness, joy, bliss, caring self-assurance. These are the things that I was born with.
01:04:23I don't need to follow some guru or religion in order to find spiritual bliss. These things
01:04:30are inside of me every second of every day. I just happen to be covered up with a layer
01:04:36of crap right at the moment. I just need to stop. I just need to stop and get down under
01:04:43these layers and uncover that hidden self down on the inside. Yeah. It's just all this
01:04:50crap, all these bad thoughts, these inappropriate actions, these inappropriate thinking patterns.
01:04:57It's not like we were all born perfect and then we had to go discover a course in miracles
01:05:04or become a Scientologist or spend 100 years on a mountaintop meditating. No. No. No, no,
01:05:17no. I think we came into this world as far more perfect beings. Yeah. And it's not something
01:05:28that exists out there. I don't have to go somewhere else to go find it. No, it's right
01:05:34here. It's right here inside of me. I just need to get all that crap out. Just pour it
01:05:40out. Just spew it out of my mouth. Just get rid of it until I'm clean on the inside. Get
01:05:49down to that hidden perfection that's buried deep down inside of me and let it rise to
01:05:54the surface of my heart and heal myself. That's what I'm going to do. That's what I'm going
01:06:02to do. It's all down deep inside of us now. I can feel it. We're perfect on the inside.
01:06:08I mean, you know that, don't you? I know. Yeah, you know. Everybody knows.
01:06:14I hope this is the right decision. This is who I am, my friend. I hope you like me. She's
01:06:41not going to like me. What am I thinking? This is crazy. Oh, God. What if she wouldn't
01:06:51like me? She's not going to like me. Hey, what are you doing?
01:07:10Oh, I was just going to put something into your mailbox. You've been leaving me things?
01:07:16Yeah, yeah. You left me the flowers and the key? Yeah. Oh, my God. What was I thinking?
01:07:28Of course, of course it would be someone like you. No offense, but you're not exactly someone
01:07:33I can fall in love with, you know. What is wrong with you? What were you thinking? Well,
01:07:39you just left me those bagels. I leave stray dogs biscuits, and I don't expect them to
01:07:46start following me. You can't do this anymore. You have got to leave me alone. I just, I
01:07:53wanted to thank you. Oh, are you crazy? My girlfriend said you'd be some kind of psycho.
01:07:59What is wrong with you? You've got bodies in your freezer. I mean, have you ever killed
01:08:06anybody? How did you know? I just love my wife and my child so much. Look, you don't
01:08:15love me. You got that? You don't love me, and I don't love you, and I never will love
01:08:22you. You had better leave, and you had better leave me alone, and you had better not come
01:08:27back here. You got that? I'm going inside, and I'm going to call the police, and if you
01:08:32ever come back here, I'm going to have you arrested, and I'm having a restraining order
01:08:37put on you, so stay out of my mailbox and my garbage. You don't understand. I just wanted
01:08:47to thank you for the bagels. I won't come back if you don't want me to. I just talk
01:08:53too much. I just talk too much, that's all. Well, now you know. Now you know I'm a complete
01:08:59and utter bitch, and I hate you, so get the fuck away from me. You disgust me. You disgust
01:09:07me to the very core of my being.
01:09:29I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:09:36I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:09:41I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:09:44I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:09:47sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:09:50sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:09:52sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:09:59sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:03sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:06sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:10:07I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:10:08I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:10sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:16sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:20sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:22sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:10:23I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:10:24I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:26sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:28sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:29sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:30sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:10:31I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:32sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
01:10:33sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm very doubtful. Is their love ..? Goodness? Kindness? That
01:10:42looked not so good ... but I believed in these things! I know they exist, I know they do.
01:11:02For the lucky ones.
01:11:06But not for me!
01:11:10It only exists for those who still believe.
01:11:14To reach out, to have someone
01:11:18grab your pitiful hand. I thought that love
01:11:22would come. I thought that I would find it again. I thought that I felt it.
01:11:26But no. I only felt the hope of it. The longing
01:11:30of it. I thought that something or somebody was
01:11:34watching over me. And now I know that there is.
01:11:38But not something benevolent and kind. Not something wonderful
01:11:42and caring. But something malevolent and vindictive. Something sour
01:11:46and cold. Back when I had love and a child.
01:11:50Back before I killed them and let myself be washed over by the
01:11:54flames of hell. Then I thought I was dead.
01:11:58But I had not died. But I was dead.
01:12:02And only I could will myself back to life. The flames which I alone
01:12:06allowed to consume and torture me.
01:12:10I could not forgive good or God or good spirits or
01:12:14the Tao or Karma or Buddha or
01:12:18Yahweh or Mary or whoever it is that you pray to.
01:12:22For all the good it had given me
01:12:26I could not forgive it for taking away so much in such a cruel and senseless
01:12:30manner. Was it just me and an
01:12:34evil act of evil self-intent? What possessed me?
01:12:38How can I forgive myself and God for allowing it?
01:12:42Yet I do. I do forgive Him in my
01:12:46thoughts. But when? When will this sink down in the very
01:12:50depths of my soul and stay there nurturing me?
01:12:54And become a part of me? Why is it so easy
01:12:58to forgive in the brain and the mind and the intellect?
01:13:02To forgive in the heart where the dark things dwell
01:13:06with their sticks and their jabbing
01:13:10knives tearing me apart?
01:13:14I have every right. I have every right to be angry.
01:13:18I have every right to be angry.
01:13:22I have every right to be angry.
01:13:26But do I?
01:13:30Do I want to be?
01:13:52Music
01:13:56Music
01:14:00Music
01:14:04Music
01:14:08Music
01:14:12Music
01:14:16Music
01:14:20Music
01:14:24Music
01:14:28Music
01:14:32Music
01:14:36Music
01:14:40Music
01:14:44Music
01:14:48Music
01:14:52Music
01:14:56Music
01:15:00Music
01:15:04Music
01:15:08Music
01:15:12Music
01:15:16Music
01:15:20Music
01:15:24Music
01:15:28Music
01:15:32Music
01:15:36Music
01:15:40Music
01:15:44Music
01:15:48Music
01:15:52Music
01:15:56Music
01:16:00Music
01:16:04Music
01:16:08Music
01:16:12Um, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:16:16I just, I wanted to apologize for the other day.
01:16:20I'm sorry.
01:16:24So, I'm, I'm not gonna
01:16:28yell at you anymore.
01:16:32Oh, um,
01:16:36do you need to be alone? I can go.
01:16:40No, no, that's okay. I wanted you to meet
01:16:44my wife and child.
01:16:48They wanted to meet you. I guess you think it's pretty
01:16:52weird me introducing you to my wife
01:16:56and child that are dead out in the middle of a graveyard.
01:17:00I just wanted their approval
01:17:04for what I guess I don't really know.
01:17:08I must just be crazy.
01:17:12No, no, you're not crazy.
01:17:16I'm not?
01:17:20No, you,
01:17:24you just need to be loved.
01:17:32So do I.
01:17:36I don't know what to say.
01:17:40Um,
01:17:44well, you look really nice.
01:17:48Um,
01:17:52why don't we go get a bagel? Do you, do you want to get a bagel?
01:17:56Come on. My treat. Let's go.
01:18:00It's really peaceful here, huh?
01:18:04I mean, look at all these sleeping bodies.
01:18:08I wonder if they're having pleasant dreams. I bet they are.
01:18:12How could you in a place like this?
01:18:16I hope that I die on the other side of the street.
01:18:20If you see me walking,
01:18:24I am heading home.
01:18:28What about walking on humans? I bet some of them are.
01:18:32Out where I've been stalking
01:18:36a little that is known.
01:18:44Make a sound in the land
01:18:48where no one sings.
01:18:52Rock a child in the arms that loving brings.
01:18:56Plant a seed in the ground
01:19:00where all life springs.
01:19:04Hold it close as we soar on our ancient wings.
01:19:08Turn this world around,
01:19:12we're going home.
01:19:20Now that we are found,
01:19:24we're going home.
01:19:30Happy child in the eyes
01:19:34that know all things.
01:19:38Take a walk in a world
01:19:42where freedom rings.
01:19:46Plant a seed in the mind that thinking brings.
01:19:50Hold you close as we fly on our
01:19:54silver strings.
01:19:58Hear that inner sound,
01:20:02we're going home.
01:20:10Blue and green and brown,
01:20:14going home.
01:20:22Make a sound in the land
01:20:26where no one sings.
01:20:30Plant a seed in the ground where all life springs.
01:20:34Rock a child in the arms
01:20:38that loving brings.
01:20:42Hold you close as we soar on our
01:20:46ancient wings.
01:20:50Hold you close as we soar on our
01:20:54hold you close as we soar on our
01:20:58glide on our
01:21:02ancient wings.
01:21:06guitar solo
01:21:20Turn this world around,
01:21:24we're going home.
01:21:28We're going, we're going,
01:21:32we're going, we're going.
01:21:36Turn this world around,
01:21:40we're going home.
01:21:44We're going, we're going,
01:21:48we're going, we're going.
01:21:52Turn this world around,
01:21:56we're going home.
01:22:00We're going, we're going,
01:22:04we're going home.