Luton to be the Premier League's surprise package? Tottenham facing relegation?? Kazakhstan on an improbable march across Europe?? What's your prediction for football's new season?
Category
🗞
NewsTranscript
00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 - Well my craziest prediction is that Chelsea
00:10 are gonna win the league,
00:11 but we're filming all these back to back,
00:12 so the week will have passed for you,
00:14 but I'm not gonna get any sort of like,
00:15 oh, change of record if I do it here.
00:17 So my craziest prediction for this
00:19 is that Luton don't just stay up,
00:22 they stay up comfortably with something to spare.
00:25 I mean, no, I'm not going as far as, I'm not mad,
00:28 but I just think everyone's got the bottom of the league,
00:30 they're in every predictor,
00:31 the super computers have got them getting
00:33 like record low points.
00:35 I honestly think not a single team in the world
00:37 is going to have a nice afternoon at Kellenworth Road.
00:40 They're gonna make it so, it's such a horrible pitch,
00:43 and like a horrible stadium to play in.
00:45 I reckon that's worth about 30 points to them.
00:47 What was that?
00:48 What's that score for?
00:49 - 30 points.
00:50 - 30 points I reckon that's worth to them this season,
00:52 and I reckon they'll just get a bit of confidence,
00:54 they'll get a bit of momentum,
00:55 they'll bloody the noses of far better football teams.
00:58 So I just reject out of hand completely
01:01 this notion that Luton are some minnows
01:03 and they should be grateful they're up here.
01:05 Nah, they're gonna batter teams,
01:07 they're gonna make people look really stupid.
01:09 - Batter teams.
01:10 - Batter teams.
01:11 There's a battering in Luton, at least one this season.
01:15 - Who's your favourite Luton player?
01:16 Ross Barkley.
01:17 - You took the words right out of my mouth,
01:20 Ross Barkley, yeah, it's Ross Barkley.
01:21 - What about the fact that they're one more points away
01:24 from playing in the Super Cup?
01:25 - Well, that's a great point Ryan,
01:28 because as you well know, all the teams in the EFL
01:30 are rubbish, so it makes no difference to them
01:33 going to a ground like that,
01:35 but Premier League teams are gonna turn up and be like,
01:37 sorry, you want me to get changed at a car park?
01:38 It's just not gonna work?
01:40 Luton.
01:41 Well you should, Adam, you should expect fireworks here,
01:44 because my craziest prediction sits in stark contrast
01:48 to your first answer last week,
01:49 who will win the Premier League?
01:50 You said Chelsea.
01:52 - I did.
01:52 - I don't think Richard Pochettino makes Christmas.
01:54 (crowd oohs)
01:55 I don't think he makes Christmas.
01:57 - He's gonna die.
01:58 - Well, not brown bread, just out of work, I think.
02:02 I think there's a number of reasons for it.
02:03 Firstly, the Chelsea fire sale over the summer.
02:07 I've lost track of the number of players.
02:08 I've sold Kante, Koulibaly, Javier, Kovacic,
02:12 many to direct rivals, which is absolutely ridiculous.
02:15 I think the squad from last season is very patchy.
02:18 That Mudrick sign-in for a ridiculous amount of money
02:21 didn't impress whatsoever.
02:22 Enzo Fernandez, blue hot and cold.
02:24 I just don't think the squad's any good.
02:27 I also think even getting Poch in
02:29 was a ridiculous decision,
02:31 one of many ridiculous decisions by this ownership.
02:34 Former Tottenham coach, the fans don't like him.
02:36 The second things start going wrong,
02:38 they're gonna turn on him,
02:38 and Stamford Bridge is gonna be an absolute hell hole
02:41 for the man.
02:42 And I think as soon as the wheels start coming off,
02:44 it's gonna be 10 times worse than it would
02:46 if they got any other manager in.
02:48 Pochettino, brown bread, not dead,
02:50 but just sacked by Christmas.
02:51 - It's pure, bone-filled, it talks more come now.
02:54 - Yeah, and I say,
02:56 Gus Hiddink will be getting a phone call
02:58 before the turkeys come out.
03:00 Yeah, keep 2024 free, Gus,
03:03 'cause you're gonna be required.
03:05 (laughing)
03:06 - Luton to stay up.
03:07 (laughing)
03:09 Luton to stay up, I think, not comfortably,
03:12 it's gonna go to the wire.
03:13 The last four Premier League debutants have stayed up,
03:17 I think. - Okay.
03:19 - All the promoted teams last season survived relegation.
03:23 - Okay.
03:25 - They've got a player called Carlton Morris up front,
03:27 which my friend said sounds like your dad's first ever car.
03:30 (laughing)
03:31 That's funny.
03:32 And just Kenilworth Road.
03:36 It's beautiful, a beautiful time capsule
03:38 for players to hate going to,
03:41 so they're the new Stoke, I think,
03:43 I think for at least a season.
03:45 I think it's really,
03:46 but in fact, now I'm doing them a disservice there,
03:47 'cause they've got a forward-thinking manager, Rob Edwards,
03:51 who likes to press and watertight defence,
03:54 so they'll do bits, it'll be tough,
03:56 I think it'll go to the wire,
03:57 but I think they'll be all right,
03:58 it'll be all right, Padres.
03:59 - Have you walked by them yet?
04:01 - No, I'm looking forward to them,
04:02 I'm looking forward to them,
04:03 I'd like to go to Kenilworth Road.
04:05 - Oh, that's what this is,
04:06 that is a ticket block, isn't it?
04:08 - You gotta go, it's like a pilgrimage,
04:10 it's like the Stonehenge of English football,
04:12 gonna go and pay my respects.
04:13 - Same age.
04:14 (laughing)
04:15 - Yeah.
04:16 But, come on, you know, the grandkids are gonna go,
04:19 there's no way you made Guardiola and Haaland
04:21 go and play in that stadium,
04:22 but it's happening and I can't wait to see it.
04:24 (bell dings)
04:26 - I predict that Tottenham Hotspur might get relegated.
04:30 (laughing)
04:32 - That's the best one, stop the team.
04:34 (laughing)
04:36 Let's hear it, come on.
04:37 (laughing)
04:39 - It was right here, it was here,
04:40 it was like three, went through.
04:41 - Harry Kane's gone, so that's like,
04:44 30 goals last season and the worst Spurs side ever,
04:48 is just, like 30 goals gone,
04:50 who's gonna score the goals for Charlottesville?
04:52 He got like one last season, he's awful.
04:54 And then, I'm not convinced of Puskacoglu anyway,
04:58 he's just, what is, like Celtic, yeah.
05:01 - It's bad luck now, isn't it?
05:02 - Yeah, it's bad luck.
05:03 He's got hair, he's got hair, exactly, he's not bald.
05:06 (laughing)
05:09 I just don't, I'm not saying they'll get relegated, but--
05:11 - You are saying they might.
05:12 - I said they might, I think they'll be
05:14 in a relegation scrap.
05:16 I think Kane was worth 24 points for them last season
05:18 with his winning goals.
05:20 It, take them away, they would've had 36,
05:22 which was level with Everton, so--
05:24 - What?
05:24 - What?
05:25 - Pretty poor.
05:26 - Stop that.
05:27 - And then their signings this season,
05:28 Manos Solomon, Dejan Kulisavski on a permanent.
05:33 I can't remember.
05:34 - Madison?
05:35 - Madison, what, he got relegated last season,
05:37 so like, what's different there, yeah.
05:41 - They're gone.
05:42 - I'm gonna avoid the Premier League,
05:44 go for something different.
05:44 - Okay, nice, yeah.
05:45 - So I'm gonna go for two things,
05:47 Kazakhstan qualifying for the Euros.
05:49 - Sorry, sorry.
05:50 - 'Cause why not, 'cause why not?
05:51 - Sorry, I'll just stop you there, I'll just stop you there.
05:52 - Nice.
05:53 (laughing)
05:54 - Kazakhstan qualifying for the Euros.
05:56 - Kazakhstan qualifying for the Euros.
05:58 - Why?
05:59 - Because they're actually doing quite well,
06:01 they've got a decent chance, actually.
06:02 - Okay.
06:03 - They've just beaten Denmark.
06:04 - Right.
06:05 - Denmark have a decent team.
06:06 - Yeah, can we have some Kazakhstan superstars?
06:08 - Not right now, I'll come back to that one.
06:11 (laughing)
06:13 - Not right now.
06:16 - But as soon as I've got those, I'll come back to you.
06:19 (laughing)
06:20 - Qualifying's already started, isn't it?
06:22 - Yeah, so they're currently vying
06:24 for the top two in their group.
06:25 - Okay.
06:26 - And also, even if they don't make that,
06:29 they'll be in the playoffs,
06:31 which they might well qualify from,
06:33 they might play someone like Georgia, so that's one.
06:36 My other prediction is that Sevilla
06:38 will not win the Europa League.
06:40 - Wow.
06:40 - That's crazy.
06:41 - That's crazy.
06:42 - Yeah, I know that seems hard to believe,
06:44 but basically UEFA have had a think about this
06:46 a few years ago, they thought,
06:47 well, this can't keep happening.
06:49 So they changed the rules and decided
06:52 that the Europa League winners
06:53 would go into the Champions League directly.
06:55 Now, this was the worst possible news for Sevilla,
06:57 because they do not want to be in the Champions League.
06:59 - No, definitely not.
07:00 - But they've ended up there again now,
07:02 and I predict that this year,
07:03 they will accidentally finish in the top two
07:05 of their Champions League group,
07:06 not finish third, as they always do.
07:07 - They want me?
07:08 - Yeah, and they will--
07:09 - They want me?
07:10 - They'll be finished second in their Champions League group
07:12 and they'll be devastated that they have to go
07:14 into the last 16 of the Champions League,
07:16 and they'll miss out on the Europa League,
07:17 and Liverpool will end up winning it instead.
07:19 - Wow.
07:20 - Wow.
07:20 - That's just, I mean, sorry, man.
07:22 You're the best of your own, man.
07:23 - Yeah, that's pretty good.
07:24 - So I didn't know what to go with.
07:26 I think Bournemouth are gonna get into the Europa League.
07:29 - All right.
07:30 - I think Margot Robbie is gonna wear the away shirt,
07:33 the Fulham shirt, the Barbie shirt.
07:35 But my craziest prediction,
07:38 I think that Harry Kane is not going to win the Bundesliga
07:42 with Bayern Munich, right?
07:44 Now, can I just caveat this,
07:47 that Harry Kane is probably the greatest English striker
07:51 of all time at this point.
07:53 - Sorry, that's a crazy--
07:54 - Okay, I'm just gonna be nice and say that,
07:58 because he's also cursed, right?
08:00 Tottenham last won a trophy 2008.
08:03 Shortly after that, he comes into the senior side,
08:06 goes to Norwich, but doesn't get promoted with Norwich,
08:09 who are like serial promotion hopefuls.
08:14 Goes to Leicester, but not when Leicester get promoted
08:17 or win the league.
08:17 - Calls them back, got it, yeah.
08:18 - Yeah.
08:20 He's at Tottenham for however many years it was
08:22 with Pochettino, didn't even win the League Cup.
08:26 He had Jose Mourinho, serial trophy winner,
08:28 looked like he was going to play in the final
08:30 under Jose Mourinho.
08:31 Mourinho gets sacked the week before,
08:33 and it's like Ryan Mason's second game in charge.
08:36 He's been the England captain for England's greatest team
08:40 for years and years, and England haven't won anything,
08:44 while the England youth teams have won the Euros,
08:47 the World Cup, just about everything.
08:49 I think he's cursed, because there's no way
08:52 that a player that good has not even won a League Cup,
08:55 a Community Shield.
08:56 So I think--
08:58 - You think the curse that that witch put on Tottenham
09:01 is actually put on Harry Kane?
09:02 - I think he's put on Harry Kane.
09:03 I think if Kane leaves Tottenham,
09:04 I think Posta Cogliu sweeps the quadruple.
09:07 Like maybe a League Cup or whatever, but yeah.
09:11 I think it's all on Kane.
09:12 I think that Dortmund will win the League, and Kane--
09:17 - Why are Kane wearing Skechers?
09:20 - I mean, they're comfy, they're comfy, so you know.
09:23 - Skechers are comfy.
09:24 - Skechers are comfy.
09:25 I think it's Kane, I think that Kane is the curse,
09:27 and as soon as Kane leaves the England team,
09:31 England will win the World Cup.
09:32 It's coming home, it's coming home.
09:34 - We'll revisit this, we'll revisit this.
09:36 - Don't shoot the messenger, I mean.
09:39 (upbeat music)
09:42 (upbeat music)
09:44 (upbeat music)
09:47 (upbeat music)
09:49 (upbeat music)
09:52 (upbeat music)
09:55 (upbeat music)