Pay attention, you scruffy-looking nerf herders! Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our picks for the most brutal, hilarious, and/or impactful film insults.
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00:00 "What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?"
00:03 Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're counting down our picks for the most brutal, hilarious, and/or impactful film insults.
00:11 "Sai Onara."
00:13 "No!"
00:14 Number 30. A mouth like that.
00:17 "Caddyshack."
00:18 Rodney Dangerfield brings humor and chaos to every one of his scenes in "Caddyshack."
00:23 "Oh, this your wife? Oh, a lovely lady. Hey, baby, you must have been something before electricity."
00:28 At a dinner party, his character Al Chervik gets right to work, dishing out several unprompted quips to hilarious effect.
00:35 He even compares one person's mouth to a fish with this insult.
00:39 The target may be off-screen, but Chervik's delivery is so savage it stings.
00:44 After all, it's hard to sink lower than comparing someone to an aquatic creature.
00:48 Plus, Dangerfield's comedic timing is absolutely perfect, selling the moment like only he could here.
00:55 The result is one of his best quotes of the entire film.
00:58 "The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it."
01:01 Number 29. Stupid lessons.
01:03 "The Long Kiss Goodnight."
01:05 Walking down the street, Charlie Baltimore is minding her own business before a guy comes for her.
01:10 Her partner Mitch Hennessey shows up to help and ends up complicating things with another weapon.
01:15 "What the hell are you doing?"
01:16 "Saving your life. I would have been here sooner, but I was thinking up that ham on Ryland."
01:21 Charlie takes back control of the situation, while also criticizing Mitch's methods in a funny twist.
01:26 This all turns into a classic insult about Hennessey's street smarts.
01:30 Gina Davis sells the line well, while Samuel L. Jackson's reaction turns this into a truly hilarious sequence.
01:38 "You're always this stupid? Or did you take lessons?"
01:40 "I took lessons."
01:41 The chemistry between the actors lights up the screen,
01:44 with Shane Black's script elevating the whole affair.
01:46 To top it off, Baltimore then dispatches multiple men without missing a beat.
01:51 Number 28. Dressing up. Legally blonde.
01:55 "But it's a costume party. You probably wouldn't want to come."
01:57 "I love costume parties."
02:01 Brimming with confidence, Elle Woods shows up to a college soiree dressed as a bunny.
02:06 She then comes across her rival Vivian Kensington,
02:09 aka the person who made her believe this was a costume party.
02:12 Woods throws back a response that gives Kensington a dose of her own medicine,
02:16 making the word "frigid" sing.
02:19 "Nice outfit."
02:20 "Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid b*tch,
02:24 I try not to look so constipated."
02:26 The fact that she does it while rocking this outfit just proves that she can defend herself
02:30 no matter the situation.
02:32 Reese Witherspoon gives the performance of a lifetime in a sequence that reveals her character's wit and integrity.
02:38 Legally Blonde is remembered as a fun movie,
02:41 but it also has insults like this that will make you want to grab a pen and paper.
02:45 Number 27. The Chief's takedown. The Big Lebowski.
02:49 When Jeffrey Lebowski gets picked up by the Malibu police chief,
02:52 he's not dealing with an easygoing guy.
02:54 Indeed, the lawman doesn't like Lebowski at all and he lets him know it.
03:00 The tirade comes flying out of the chief's mouth like he's been preparing it all day.
03:04 "I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face.
03:08 I don't like your jerk-off behavior and I don't like you... jerk-off."
03:13 Filmmakers Joel and Ethan Coen make this absurd scene sing with funny dialogue,
03:17 letting the actors lean into the craziness of it all.
03:20 It's a hilarious moment that's capped off by a comeback and a flying mug.
03:24 We'll never tire of watching actor Leon Russum let loose on Jeff Bridges' character.
03:28 This is someone you'd never want to cross.
03:31 "Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski! Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat!"
03:36 Number 26. Goldilocks vs. Baby Bear.
03:39 Puss in Boots The Last Wish
03:41 Taking aim at classic characters, Puss in Boots The Last Wish turns the Goldilocks
03:46 we thought we knew into a completely different person.
03:49 Case in point, she gets into a verbal sparring match with Baby Bear that turns ugly.
03:54 "You're not even a bear!"
03:55 "Zing! I'm more of a bear than you are."
03:58 The villainous then dishes out a long series of insults,
04:01 criticizing the creature inside and out.
04:03 It's wildly entertaining stuff, to put it mildly.
04:06 Florence Pugh's take on the fairy tale icon becomes devilishly fun with each new word.
04:11 "You're a daft, fat, slow-thinking, no-reading,
04:15 Lyme-diseased, flea-ridden, dingleberry bear."
04:18 You might have expected this animated kids' movie to be tame,
04:21 but this moment shows there's something for everyone to enjoy.
04:24 Number 25. Barry Manilow's Wardrobe.
04:28 The Breakfast Club
04:29 After the high school students find themselves in detention,
04:32 they have to endure the wrath of the vice principal, Richard Vernon.
04:35 "Well, well, here we are."
04:38 John Bender, however, does not seem to care about the rules,
04:41 let alone about the essay he's supposed to write.
04:44 So he takes this as an opportunity to question authority,
04:47 and does so in a truly stylish way.
04:50 Dissing the older man's style,
04:52 Bender attacks Vernon from multiple angles,
04:54 cleverly taking the VP down a notch by invoking Barry Manilow.
04:58 "Yeah, I got a question.
05:01 Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"
05:04 Judd Nelson's snarling performance gives this line an added edge,
05:08 inspiring us all to dress a little more fashionable.
05:11 Number 24. Benjamin is No One's Friend.
05:15 Wayne's World
05:16 The main villain of this 1990s comedy is Rob Lowe's evil producer Benjamin Cain.
05:21 But in this scene, the jibe is aimed at his sidekick.
05:25 Garth and his friends confront Russell Finley
05:27 about his loyalty to Benjamin in a creative way.
05:29 "You're gonna be Benjamin's monkey boy the rest of your life, is that it?"
05:32 "Benjamin's my friend."
05:34 Dana Carvey's character questions Russell's life choices,
05:37 boldly going after the latter's fake friendship with the producer.
05:40 There's even a hilarious description involving a never-before-seen ice cream.
05:44 "If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and d***."
05:51 Garth may be more subdued from much of the film,
05:53 but he doesn't hold back here, putting his target firmly in his place.
05:58 We'll never think of dessert the same way again.
06:00 Number 23. Defeating Humperdinck, The Princess Bride
06:05 During his fantastical journey,
06:07 Wesley proves himself a clever hero who can work his way through anything.
06:11 He notably uses this wit to outsmart and insult Prince Humperdinck in this scene.
06:16 Questioning the royal's intelligence, Wesley also compares his adversary to a warthog.
06:21 "And I'll use small words that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon."
06:27 All of this and some brutal descriptions eventually lead Humperdinck to stand down.
06:32 Our protagonist defeats his opponent with words like it's nothing,
06:35 completely demeaning the man into surrendering.
06:38 The colorful choice dialogue only adds to the moment's appeal,
06:41 making it impossible to forget even after the credits have rolled.
06:45 Mixed with Cary Elwes' amazing acting, this moment inspires us to up our game.
06:51 [Music]
06:58 "Drop your sword."
07:02 Number 22. Have fun having a baby at your prom, Bridesmaids
07:06 Kristen Wiig's Annie is already having a bit of a rough day,
07:09 so when a teenage girl comes into her jewelry shop looking for a friendship necklace,
07:13 Annie can't help but chime in that sometimes friendship doesn't last forever.
07:16 "You're weird."
07:18 "I'm not weird."
07:20 "Okay."
07:20 "Yes you are."
07:22 "No I'm not and you started it."
07:23 "No you started it."
07:25 "Did you forget to take your Xanax this morning?"
07:27 The young girl responds by calling her weird,
07:29 which kicks off an unforgettable insult ridden back and forth.
07:32 "God I feel bad for your parents."
07:34 "I feel bad for your face."
07:36 "Okay well call me when your boobs come in."
07:38 "You call me when yours come in."
07:40 "What do you have four boyfriends?"
07:41 "Exactly."
07:42 "Yeah okay."
07:43 It's hard to choose a favorite line from this hysterical exchange,
07:46 but when Annie asks about the girl's boyfriends,
07:48 well let's just say things get pretty inappropriate from then on.
07:51 "Have fun having a baby at your prom."
07:53 "You look like an old mop."
07:55 "You know what?"
07:56 "You're not as popular as you think you are."
07:57 "I'm very popular."
07:58 This side-splitting argument may have gotten her fired,
08:01 but it kept the audience in stitches and gave us some very quotable moments.
08:05 If you take away nothing else from this Oscar-nominated political satire,
08:12 it's that folks in suits aren't exactly paragons of virtue.
08:16 "Why wasn't I told about this?"
08:17 "Why the f*** would I tell you about it?
08:19 I've told you to f*** off twice and yet you're still here."
08:21 The story follows the fevered activities of British and American political pundits
08:25 as they navigate a potential Middle East invasion.
08:28 One such figure, Malcolm Tucker,
08:30 is the director of communications for the British Prime Minister,
08:32 and boy does he communicate.
08:35 The bulk of his dialogue is profanity-laden,
08:37 even when he's seemingly not that upset.
08:39 And in one scene,
08:40 simply discussing departmental responsibilities with his colleague Judy
08:44 is enough to send him on a flowery tirade.
08:46 "Malcolm, allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your pub
08:49 you and ram out of the shitter with a lubricated horse."
08:51 Judy is not impressed though,
08:54 and almost outshines him with this effortless comeback.
08:58 "Your swearing does not impress me.
08:59 My husband works for Tower Hamlets and believe me,
09:02 those kids make you sound like Angela Lansbury."
09:06 "She's married."
09:07 Number 20.
09:08 A sad, strange little man.
09:10 Toy Story.
09:11 Throughout much of this animated classic,
09:13 Woody and Buzz Lightyear have a seemingly never-ending rivalry.
09:16 The two soon become unlikely travel buddies
09:19 and find themselves in a precarious position.
09:22 Let's just say they struggle to get along.
09:24 "And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command."
09:28 "You are a toy!"
09:33 After the cowboy goes on a rant about the Space Ranger being a toy,
09:36 the latter fires back with an elegant put-down of his own.
09:39 Lightyear's cold and calm demeanor makes the line extra funny.
09:43 "You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity."
09:47 Sure, he might be delusional at this point in the story,
09:49 not realizing he is actually a plaything,
09:52 but the line is comedy gold.
09:54 Tim Allen's performance further sells it,
09:57 creating an insult that's still quoted today.
09:59 Number 19.
10:01 Cherub-looking.
10:02 21 Jump Street.
10:04 In this film adaptation of the popular 80s TV show,
10:07 Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum play Schmidt and Jenko,
10:10 rookie cops who are recruited to infiltrate a high school and sniff out a drug ring.
10:14 But before they step foot onto the school's campus,
10:16 they have to get a briefing from their chief of police,
10:19 who also happens to be played by a delightfully angry ice cube.
10:22 When he tries to warn the undercover cops that getting romantically involved
10:25 with the students is off-limits,
10:27 he's obviously targeting Jenko, but Schmidt hilariously misunderstands.
10:31 "Sir, I know we come off as a couple of lady killers,
10:34 but I promise you we will be super professional on the job."
10:38 The captain savagely shuts him down and throws this classic burn his way.
10:42 "Clearly I wasn't talking to you, big b****.
10:45 You cherub-looking mother f****.
10:47 I was talking to your partner over here.
10:49 Fake-ass handsome McGee."
10:51 There's nothing quite like getting insulted by a former NWA member playing a cop.
10:55 "Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier."
10:59 "What if we find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers."
11:01 "Goddamn, infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier."
11:05 Number 18.
11:06 Your mom's chest hair.
11:07 Mean Girls
11:08 Mean Girls taught us a lot of things,
11:10 like how to properly catalog a burn book,
11:13 or like the rules of feminism.
11:15 "Ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends.
11:17 I mean, that's just like the rules of feminism."
11:19 But most importantly, it taught us how to expertly clap back at jerks,
11:24 thanks to the pure genius of Janice Ian.
11:26 The resident goth girl and former best friend of popular girl Regina George,
11:30 Janice is frequently the target of errant abuse from random students.
11:34 That doesn't mean she can't deliver in the insult department herself.
11:38 When one student throws a jab at her while she's having a conversation with Katie,
11:41 she does not miss a beat throwing one right back.
11:44 "Nice wig, Janice. What's it made of?"
11:46 "Your mom's chest hair."
11:47 The ease with which she absolutely destroys this loser is something we can't help but admire.
11:52 Number 17.
11:54 Take This Quarter.
11:55 Uncle Buck
11:56 "You so much as scowl at my niece,
11:58 or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it,
12:01 and I'm coming looking for you."
12:02 In this classic 80s comedy, John Candy plays Buck,
12:05 a man who's tasked with watching his niece's nephew in the midst of a family emergency.
12:10 As he adjusts to life as a temporary parental unit,
12:13 he hits a few bumps in the road.
12:15 "But I know a good kid when I see one.
12:16 Because they're all good kids.
12:19 Until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you
12:22 drag them down and convince them they're no good."
12:25 When he's called into a meeting with the assistant principal at his youngest niece's school,
12:28 their encounter seems doomed from the start,
12:30 as Buck cannot stop referencing the mole on her chin.
12:34 "I'm- I'm the wart.
12:35 She's my tumor.
12:37 My- my growth.
12:38 My uh, my pimple.
12:40 I'm Uncle Wart.
12:41 Just old Buck Wart Russell.
12:43 That's what they call me."
12:44 After she calls his six-year-old niece a bad egg,
12:46 Buck does not hold himself back in defending Maisie,
12:49 and makes a comment about the obvious growth protruding from the woman's face.
12:53 "Take this quarter."
12:55 "Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face."
12:59 The look of utter shock on her face is priceless and oh so satisfying.
13:04 Number 16.
13:06 Teeth on Fire in 'Cino Man'
13:08 A teen movie just isn't a teen movie without a resident jerk,
13:12 and this movie delivers.
13:13 "No, stop.
13:14 Stop it.
13:16 Why do you make me do this?"
13:18 While the story follows a recently defrosted caveman and his adventures in modern times,
13:23 it also focuses on the woes of the teenage boy Dave who befriends him.
13:27 Dave is painfully in love with Robin,
13:29 but she's dating the school jerk Matt.
13:31 Matt uses Dave's love for Robin as a constant source of ridicule,
13:35 and his insults are enough to send even the happiest of kids into an instant depression.
13:40 "Some of us pump,
13:41 and some of us slump.
13:44 You should try some pump, Morgan.
13:47 Might clear up your acne."
13:49 So when he sees Dave talking to Robin,
13:52 he doesn't hesitate to put him in his place.
13:54 "I know about your stupid Pump King bullshit.
13:57 Forget it.
13:58 Robin wouldn't piss on your gums if your teeth were on fire.
14:02 She would."
14:03 Number 15.
14:05 Michael Bolton - Office Space
14:07 It's gotta suck sharing a name with someone you loathe,
14:10 and probably worse if that person happens to be famous.
14:12 "Michael...
14:13 Bolton?"
14:16 "That's me."
14:17 This 90s hit centers on a group of disgruntled employees
14:20 and their desire for revenge on their employer.
14:23 While the plot focuses mainly on the story of Peter,
14:25 the emotionally numb protagonist,
14:27 there's also Michael Bolton,
14:29 who's got his own set of problems.
14:30 With a thankless job that's on the line at a company he hates,
14:34 being reminded that he also shares a name with a famous singer
14:37 is enough to give him some major resentment issues.
14:39 "Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton."
14:41 "You know, there's nothing wrong with that name."
14:44 "There was nothing wrong with it,
14:46 until I was about 12 years old,
14:48 and that no-talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys."
14:52 It also leads to some pretty hilarious insults,
14:54 especially when he discusses the issue with a co-worker.
14:57 "Why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?"
15:00 "No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."
15:03 Number 14.
15:04 Get Out of the Road - The 40-Year-Old Virgin
15:07 Sometimes when you've just chased your fleeing girlfriend across town
15:09 and crashed through a moving billboard in the middle of traffic,
15:12 you'd like a moment of privacy.
15:13 "I'm a virgin. I always have been."
15:18 "Uh-oh, Andy. Is that what all this was about?"
15:21 Unfortunately for Steve Carell's character Andy,
15:24 he's afforded no such courtesy.
15:26 After he and his girlfriend get into an argument that sees her bolt from his house,
15:29 Andy follows her on his bicycle,
15:31 and winds up flat on his back following a tumble through a two-sided sign
15:35 on the back of a truck.
15:36 He finally gains the courage to inform his girlfriend
15:38 that all of their troubles have been connected to his virginity.
15:41 "That's why I never tried to have sex with you. I was scared."
15:46 And just when you think they're approaching a moment of intimate honesty,
15:50 a random dude in a car hurls this unforgettable insult their way.
15:54 "Get the f*** out of the road, virgin!"
15:57 "Shut up, you f***ing jerk!"
16:01 "No, that's okay. It's alright. Sorry."
16:04 Number 13.
16:05 Really Thirsty - Con Air
16:07 When you're a convict who's done his time
16:13 and is just trying to get back to his wife and estranged daughter,
16:16 the last thing you want is to be caught up in some plane-bound criminal shenanigans.
16:20 Nick Cage's character Cameron Poe has boarded a plane
16:23 with the intention of reuniting with his family
16:25 after completing an eight-year stint in the clink.
16:28 But a few of the prisoners on board have other plans.
16:31 "Call me Johnny 600 if they knew the truth."
16:33 "Yeah, it doesn't have quite the same ring to it."
16:36 Case in point is Cyrus the Virus,
16:38 who doesn't appear particularly fond of one of the less savory prisoners
16:42 and makes absolutely no pretense about it,
16:44 describing him in the most unpleasant way possible.
16:48 "For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach
16:50 and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth
16:53 when you're really thirsty."
16:54 Hey, even criminals have to have standards.
16:56 Number 12.
16:58 The Epic Rent - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
17:01 "I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight."
17:04 When you've spent the bulk of your professional life
17:06 working for a boss you can't stand at a company that you can barely tolerate,
17:10 you might get a little disgruntled at a less-than-stellar Christmas bonus,
17:14 especially when you were planning on using it to put in a swimming pool.
17:16 "It's a one-year membership in the Jelly of the Month Club."
17:20 "Oh, good."
17:22 And this exact situation was precisely enough to send Chevy Chase's character
17:26 on an extended insult-filled tirade
17:29 aimed at his less-than-generous employer in this holiday comedy.
17:32 "I don't want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten,
17:35 four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating,
17:38 inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking..."
17:41 This rant seems to go on forever and we love every second of it.
17:46 "Dog-kissing, brainless, d***less, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass,
17:50 bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s*** he is!"
17:56 But what's most important is that he got it all off his chest
17:59 and we got to laugh heartily at his unhappiness.
18:02 Number 11. Bricks and Shelter - White Men Can't Jump
18:06 This top-class setup and perfect punchline really hit home.
18:09 No matter how good their competition is on the court,
18:12 no one stands a chance against Billy Hoyle's sharp tongue.
18:15 A trash-talking master, Woody Harrelson is the bad cop to Wesley Snipes' good
18:20 and this public put-down is jail-worthy.
18:22 "Hey, I'm doing two things." "What? What are you doing?"
18:25 "I'm making them mad. Most guys don't play good when they're mad."
18:28 "Look, you know you're embarrassing me, that's what you're doing."
18:30 "Yeah, well, that's the other thing I'm doing."
18:32 Trying to psych out the competition into making a mistake,
18:34 Billy accuses his opponents of throwing up bricks
18:37 and throws out a jab that hits way below the belt.
18:40 "Let's stop right now and let's just gather up all these bricks
18:44 and let's build a shelter for the homeless
18:46 so that maybe your mother has a place to live, alright?"
18:49 Word to the wise, if you really want to hit your opponent where it hurts,
18:52 drag his mother and sister into it.
18:54 "I want your mother and your sister out of my house immediately."
18:58 It is a priceless play and a savage slam dunk.
19:01 It's also one of many classic yo-mama jabs in this sports comedy.
19:04 "Now hold on, what was you talking about, mothers?
19:06 When your mother was so poor, I seen her kicking can down the street.
19:08 I said, 'What you doing?' She said, 'Moving.'"
19:10 Number 10, but that's in Ohio.
19:12 Revenge of the nerds.
19:14 When the nerd faces off against the jerky jock,
19:16 we gotta root for the underdog.
19:18 And when it comes to their classic exchange,
19:20 we're sure we picked the right side.
19:22 When big man on campus Stan Gable rolls up and yells at him from his motorcycle,
19:26 Dudley "Booger" Dawson casually delivers one of the greatest lines in insult history
19:30 to no one in particular.
19:32 "What are you looking at, nerd, huh?"
19:35 "I thought I was looking at my mother's old d*** bag, but that's in Ohio."
19:42 He comes up with this quip so fast, it gives us whiplash.
19:46 It's just a shame Stan didn't get to hear it.
19:48 Though maybe it's for the best because that surely would not have ended well for Booger.
19:52 Number 9, yes it's true, Ghostbusters.
19:55 This verbal low blow is heard loud and proud by the mayor of New York no less.
20:01 Okay, making the Environmental Protection Agency the bad guy in your movie is a bit of a hot take,
20:06 but in Ghostbusters, that villain is personified by a classic smug 80s jerk.
20:11 "Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by d*** here."
20:16 After Ray gives an irate Walter Peck an unflattering nickname,
20:19 Pete Venkman uses his dry wit to go straight for the jugular.
20:22 "Is this true?"
20:23 "Yes, it's true. This man has no d***."
20:27 What makes this line especially funny is how straight-faced Venkman is,
20:31 knowing that the mayor was most definitely not asking about that part of Ray's comment.
20:36 Nothing says screw you like mocking a guy's manhood,
20:38 and it gets an appropriate response from Mr. Pecker, the Peck, sorry.
20:42 If there's something strange in your neighborhood,
20:44 insulting its reproductive organs may be a good idea.
20:47 "Alright, alright, alright, well that's what I heard."
20:49 "This city hauls."
20:50 Number 8, if my dog was as ugly as you, The Sandlot.
20:54 Ah, the ugly joke, will it ever get old?
20:57 Not for us, and not for Ham Porter.
21:00 As we learned from "White Man Can't Jump",
21:02 there is no better way to psych out an opponent than to hit him right in the ego.
21:06 It helps that Porter's delivery is spot on as he lowers his voice
21:10 and heightens the hilarity with this classic quip.
21:12 "If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards."
21:19 A dog can be ugly, its butt even more so.
21:22 But if your face is worse than Fido's shorn derriere,
21:26 you are doing something seriously wrong.
21:28 Porter also goes for another tried and true tactic,
21:31 bringing up your opponent's sister to great results.
21:34 "Hey, is that your sister out there on left field, naked? She's naked."
21:39 "Shut up, Porter!"
21:41 Take note, batters, and take a look in the mirror,
21:45 but don't compare anyone to a girl.
21:47 Number 7, motivational insults, "Dodgeball", a true underdog story.
21:52 An insult spouting legend, Patches O'Houlihan strikes comic gold
21:56 during his terrific team pep talks.
21:58 The average Joes with their less than average performance are in need of motivation,
22:02 so this dodgeball legend rolls in to help.
22:05 "Are you sure that this is completely necessary?"
22:07 "Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? Probably not.
22:15 No, but I do it anyway."
22:17 However, Patches' motivational style involves breaking his team down
22:20 and then building them back up again.
22:22 Letting them know just how inadequate they really are.
22:25 "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat."
22:29 It also involves sending them out into oncoming traffic and throwing wrenches at them.
22:33 "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."
22:35 "What?"
22:36 Questionable as his techniques may be, they work.
22:43 One of Patches' more memorable comments
22:45 compares the team's running to what happens inside his shorts.
22:48 "Come on, I got better runs in my shorts."
22:52 "Hey, whatever works."
22:53 After Mrs. Broflavsky complains about the negative influence TV has on kids
23:02 and wages war on Terrence and Phillip's home country of Canada,
23:05 Eric Cartman has had enough.
23:08 When he can't hold it in anymore,
23:09 his rage bursts forth in the form of an unforgettable song and dance number
23:13 that crosses lines of decency with every verse.
23:16 It's so catchy,
23:20 Cartman even gets some backup from his schoolyard chums.
23:22 "Come on, you don't know the word."
23:24 Cartman's stand is hilariously rude,
23:27 a rise against parents and a teenage anthem.
23:30 To top it all off,
23:32 Kyle's mom arrives just in time to catch the end of the song.
23:35 We can't imagine she loved it.
23:37 "What?"
23:37 There's a ton of insults thrown every which way,
23:44 but Private Pyle receives the brunt of the attention.
23:47 This includes many jokes directed at his weight.
23:50 Which beat out other references to Private Cowboy's height.
23:53 "How tall are you, Private?"
23:54 "Sir, 5 foot 9, sir!"
23:56 "5 foot 9, I didn't know they stacked s*** that high."
23:58 While almost all of Hartman's rants are R-rated,
24:01 this one is especially soul-crushing,
24:04 giving gum a whole new life.
24:06 "Your ass looks like about 150 pounds of chewed bubblegum, Pyle."
24:09 It's a little hard to laugh when you remember the story's tragic ending.
24:13 But just looking at the jab itself,
24:15 there's no denying Hartman has a brutal way with words.
24:19 It's pretty amusing if you're not on the receiving end of it.
24:21 Ah, young love.
24:27 At one moment, it can burn as brightly as the sun.
24:30 The next moment, it can turn sour.
24:32 But rarely is that downward spiral expressed so eloquently
24:35 and with such pizzazz as in this film.
24:37 After Todd breaks Julie's heart,
24:41 he bursts through the door to apologize and declare his love.
24:44 "I thought I'd find you here."
24:45 "What does that make you, Sherlock Holmes? I live here."
24:49 However, he is quickly sent packing with a ringing in his ears.
24:52 Julie sums up her disdain for him in the harshest way possible.
24:55 "You live with me."
24:56 "I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss
25:00 and you lived in a tree."
25:02 Sharp and with sizzle, it is a very harsh prize put down.
25:06 And the fact that it's said to Keanu Reeves is just the icing on the cake.
25:10 #3 Smelly Pirate - Anchorman - The Legend of Ron Burgundy
25:14 Ron is furious after Veronica reads the news while he's trapped in a glass case of emotion.
25:19 And the two do not handle their mutual anger very well.
25:22 They can't seem to be near each other without verbally sparring.
25:25 When Veronica cuts in on Ron's TV time to watch a tape,
25:28 the two engage in a war of words that has us crying with laughter.
25:31 "Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby."
25:34 "I'm not a baby, I'm a man! I am an Anchorman!"
25:38 "You are not a man, you are a big fat joke!"
25:40 "I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal!"
25:45 Undeterred by the watching crowd,
25:46 the Anchorman confidently delivers his zingers with a steely eye and a stiff upper lip,
25:51 moustachioed as it may be.
25:53 "I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger
25:58 than you do in your entire body, sir!"
26:01 "You are a smelly pirate, Hooker!"
26:03 "You look like a blueberry!"
26:06 Ms. Corningstone gets some comebacks in there, but we barely heard them.
26:09 We were laughing too hard at the pirate thing.
26:11 Unfortunately, Ron did, and let's just say he didn't take it too well.
26:15 "Well, you have bad hair."
26:18 "What did you say?"
26:21 "I said, your hair looks stupid."
26:31 "Noooooooo!"
26:33 Fresh off a speech that leaves the crowd cheering comes a judicial jibe that cuts deep.
26:43 Billy, at his moment of triumph, is hit with a long and eloquent insult so hilariously hyperbolized,
26:49 it leaves us as shell-shocked as Sandler's character.
26:52 "Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard.
27:00 At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything
27:06 that could be considered a rational thought."
27:09 The combination of the harsh words and the ultra-cool delivery ensures that this sentiment
27:13 shall not be forgotten. The added touch of "may God have mercy on your soul" really pushes this
27:18 speech over the line, making it all the more comically harsh.
27:21 "Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.
27:27 I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
27:31 The laughs don't stop there though, as Billy's response makes us laugh even harder.
27:36 "Okay, a simple wrong would have done just fine, but uh…"
27:39 Way to cut a man down in his moment of glory.
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27:56 #1 French Taunter - Monty Python and the Holy Grail
28:02 "What are you doing in England?"
28:04 "Mind your own business!"
28:06 Monty Python's French taunter has heckled his way to the top, and deservedly so.
28:10 A warrior of words with a certain je ne sais quoi, he sits atop the castle wall
28:14 and awaits a time when he's able to give passing English monarchs what for.
28:18 "I'll blow my nose at you, so-called Ather King, you and all your silly English…
28:24 kniiiiiiiigits!"
28:26 But the cream of the crop when it comes to his verbal sparring?
28:30 It's a taunt from the turrets that will stand the test of time.
28:34 Every last word he says is endlessly quote-worthy.
28:37 "Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"
28:40 "No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"
28:44 Decades may have passed since this classic film came out,
28:48 but we still have yet to hear a better insult than…
28:51 "I fart in your gender direction! Your mother was a hamster,
28:56 and your father smelt of elderberries!"
28:59 Did we forget your favorite insult? Let us know in the comments below.
29:03 "I'll wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy-lutter,
29:08 second-hand electric donkey-bottom biters!"
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